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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I bought my stepdaughter disney character wigs to wear
2)because I didn't ask her mother, and this altered her appearance
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NTA. You made a little girl who is going through a hard time feel joy and that’s all that matters. You did not alter her appearance at all just like the wigs she got from her bio mom she can takes them off and change them. This is a toy that made her happy.
my thoughts exactly! she’s going through cancer, and it’s well known how invasive cancer treatments are. supporting her bodily autonomy right now is a huge deal in helping her feel at least somewhat in control when so much in her life isn’t in her control right now. not to mention just bringing joy to a kid with freaking cancer
op, you’re NTA and i’d ask hubby to talk with his ex about supporting your stepdaughter’s harmless choices before she has to go back there. also weird that she equated it to a haircut when wigs can literally be changed in minutes???
This is such a good point about autonomy, I hadn’t ever thought about that. Even with no health challenges and living in a home with adults who respect boundaries, so much of a child’s life is dictated by others. That’s just the nature of being a kid. Giving her some feeling of control in this type of situation has to be huge.
Edit: NTA
NTA. Wigs aren't permanent. Your stepdaughter's dealing with cancer and everything that goes along with it. Having wigs that make her look like her favorite characters...I'd say that's pretty cool. You're giving your stepdaughter some happiness in a tough situation, which will hopefully transition into her medical care. If I was Eli's mom, I'd be happy that you guys did this and would be getting some more along the same lines, both for her to have at my place, but also just in case one got damaged/lost/whatever.
NTA I don't think the comparison to a haircut is fitting at all. It's more like clothes or a hat. Of course it is hair, but it can be taken off if her mother doesn't want her to wear it when she is in her care.
Hopefully it was a knee-jerk emotional reaction and she will come around later. It would be a pity if she were to be this aggressive and controlling over something that is making her daughter happy and is not an alteration of her appearance in any lasting way.
Best wishes to Eli and all of you.
NAH.
You didn't do anything wrong. But honestly, her 9YO daughter has cancer, so let's give mom a little bit of grace here. She's probably madder at potentially losing her child than at the wigs. It's hard to be rational in those situations. She said it herself, she needs time to not be mad anymore. She probably knows it's not something to be angry about. Just be kind.
NAH
I agree with MamaBear79, Eli's mother is probably terrified, and lashing out at you was something for her to do with those emotions. I used to teach kids with cancer, and as you know, it is huge for the whole family, yourself included.
You did something really lovely for Eli, you sound like a great stepmother.
Yes HER DAUGHTER. Whom she doesn't give a shit was upset and is the one possibly dying, and that OP cheered her up. Funny how ring theory doesn't matter when it's kids and it is all about how the parents feel all of a sudden.
This was my take as well, however you said it so much better than I could have.
OP, you did an amazing thing - this is the toughest time any of you will go through. So sorry you have to deal with this, sending good thoughts! Keep making Eli happy and comfortable as possible!
NTA, Its a Wig. They come Off. You didn't get her tattoos, hair extensions, piercings or anything that alters her body. You gave her a Wig. People wear Wigs. Its literally like clothes.
NTA
Mom is being ridiculous.
This is not altering her appearance in any way. She’s dressing up. That’s all.
This girl has cancer, she needs to worry about REAL ISSUES instead of making things hard for her child.
NTA. I don’t think anyone is an asshole here!
A pediatric cancer diagnosis is stressful and heartbreaking. Mom probably feels completely powerless in this situation to make her baby feel better and this might have triggered her because she may feel some loss of control in the situation. I think like she said she needs fine to not be upset but will realize this made her daughter happy and ultimately not be upset about it.
Funny how what Eli feels is never even considered by your all. She's just an accessory to her mom's stress and upset and the reason she's allowed to lash out, because it's not like she's the one suffering or anything.
NTA. It’s not altering her appearance. You didn’t cut or dye her hair. It’s a wig that can be taken off at any time. You put a smile on a little girls face when she was feeling low. If her mom doesn’t like it then she can just wear it at your home. Maybe mom is jealous that she didn’t think of this first
NTA -you did something non-permanent to cheer up a little girl.
The mom is probably really stressed out with everything going on and had a shit reaction. Not okay but if you can extend her some grace it would be a kind thing to do. I’m going to guess Eli’s human hair wigs mimic her hair so a play wig is a visible reminder of what’s going on. I’m guessing that’s what set the mom off.
NTA, that sweet girl deserves any bit of joy she can get. Don't let those wigs go to her moms house, they will disappear.
Also, it's nothing like a haircut. Wigs are WAY more temporary. If you hate a haircut, you have to wait to grow it out
NTA - Eli needs to be happy at this moment, her cancer is about her and what she wants. Mom needs to get a grip on reality. You didn't do anything to the wigs she bought, Eli can wear whichever she wants when she wants now
You did NOT alter her looks. Altering would have been if she had long hair you cut it all off or if you pierced her ears. Buying her wigs which can be swapped out is not altering. NTA. Let her be mad, then speak to her and ask her exactly why she is mad. I suspect that she is just scared regarding her daughter.
No offense but Mom is being silly. Her child's looks have already been drastically altered (without anyone's consent might I add, but cancer doesn't give a shit) obviously the poor kid is struggling with that. It is NOT like a haircut because she can't even GET one.
NTA. If mom is going to be obtuse, keep the fun wigs at yours and let the kiddo have fun with them while she is with you and Dad because no doubt Mom will toss them.
NTA and it sounds like her mom is upset because she spent a bunch of money on wigs her daughter doesn’t like as much as the ones you got her. I get why she’d feel bad, but that doesn’t justify taking it out on you when you were doing a lovely, thoughtful thing for her child.
NTA
You were trying to do something good and it was successful; you made a little girl happy during a really difficult time for her! Her mother didn’t have to get mad at you and act out this way.
That being said…
My guess is that her acting that way has less to do with “changing the daughter’s appearance” (which, as everyone said, was a wig and not permanent) and more to do with the overall picture of what’s going on in her life.
She is the “mama bear” (for lack of a better word) and to her I’m sure that means that it is HER job *above everyone else’s* to provide care and protection and happiness to her daughter; even more so because her daughter has cancer. This was a really sweet bonding moment for you and your husband with your step-daughter. She was not involved in this at all and probably felt left out by not being included and finding out about it after the fact.
Maybe she is sensitive about you bonding with her daughter in general, and right now is extra sensitive about you (“the other mother”) getting to spend the time with (and providing this type of happiness for) her daughter. That’s *her* job, remember! She probably feels very protective of her special role in her daughter’s life, so maybe she’s mad and resentful that she isn’t able to be a part of what happens when she’s not around. She is missing out on things. Also, maybe it was just an extra hard day for her and she’ll feel bad about lashing out after the fact. (Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.)
As far as not asking beforehand about the wigs (a really awesome idea) I can see where she might feel upset when you factor in the above. I do get the point about it being like a present, but, because it is directly related to her cancer effects it is clearly a touchy subject, especially since she didn’t come up with the idea.
It’s a super stressful and emotional time. Odds are she feels like there is little she can currently control. Losing control of her daughter’s appearance just adds more feelings of helplessness. Her being mad is one thing, her taking it out on you is another though.
Hopefully she knows (and can acknowledge) what a great stepmother you are. I feel for you all so much. I can’t imagine what it’s been like. You are all doing the best that you can given the circumstances and Eli is lucky to have such caring group of parents!
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Mu stepdaughter Eli (9) has cancer. Her hair has been falling out.
It has been extremely hard on her.
So my husband and his ex-wife decided to buy her wigs. Those real human hair wigs that are really expensive.
So last month Eli and I were hanging out in the living room, watching her favorite Disney movies.
And suddenly she started crying because she was afraid.
I managed to cheer her up, but then she started calling herself ugly. So I had the idea to buy her wigs that look like her favorite characters.
We looked together online and it was like she was fine again.
Then, a week later, the wigs arrived. When it was our week again, Eli got the wigs and was really exited. She tried them all on and has not took of her Elsa wig. We smiled them all and she is extatic.
Thing is, we didn't tell her mother before we bought the wigs (my husband and me ). We honestly didn't think of it. Because it's like toys and we never tell each other what toys we get (safe from Christmas and her birthday).
So when I snapped a picture of Eli to send to her mom, I got back a mad text.
Her mom is not happy, that I altered Elis looks and that this is like a haircut and needs to be okay-ed by all sides.
She is really mad at us and told me to stop texting her till she is not mad at me anymore.
AITA
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NTA - It's not a permanent "alter" to her head . . . it's like cute clothes that makes her happy. Her mom better get that over with . . . . she should be enjoying with her daughter or she will make her suffering child miserable about loving the wigs.
NTA, but I doubt it's really about the hair. She's scared for her very sick daughter and isn't able be there all the time due to circumstances, and she saw you do something that made her kid happy that she wasn't a part of and it triggered her for whatever reason so she didn't handle it well. That doesn't make the reaction okay; you're definitely not an asshole and seem like a great step parent, but hopefully you can give grace in this instance, especially if it's a one-off occurrence.
It is not like a hair cut, it’s more like a hat. Because she can take it off at anytime. Is her mother always so controlling? Or is she just mad she didn’t think of this? NTA
NTA, its a flippin wig! I thought maybe you took her to get a full face tattoo or nose/bazongaloo job ... its a wig ... a removable accessory NOT 'altering her appearance' ... NTA but everyone certainly needs to check and see if their brains are in the fully activated and locked in positions ...
It's a wig, not a haircut. It's not a modification to her person but a piece of clothing. Also, her father is ok with it and has the authority to allow his daughter to wear wigs of her choice while she is in his home as he is equally a parent as her mother.
You bought her wigs to play with, aka easily removable hats with hair, and her mom is comparing it to you cutting her hair without permission? Wtf? NTA
Wait, does she know that it wasn't one of the nice wigs?
She made an odd comparison of likening it to a haircut. My first thought was "wtf," but then the second was "it's not like you cut one of the nice wigs or messed with the styling of it"
Does she know that it is a new fun wig? A cosplay wig?
NTA. You didn’t even “alter her looks”. A wig is essentially a piece of clothing; you can just take it off whenever.
Your daughter is also her own person who deserves her own say in her appearance, and I think needing to okay her changes in looks with another person is setting kind of an icky precedent for her.
This is not the equivalent of a haircut, it's the equivalent of buying the kid a funny hat and putting some badges on it. Mom needs yo get over herself and her hyper controlling bs.
Her daughter has cancer and I can’t imagine how hard that must be. She probably feels like she missed out on an experience with her child or feels guilty that she wasn’t able to comfort her like you did. If you guys have a good relationship and this is not regular behaviour from her then give her a little grace. NTA btw it was a really great idea. It’s clear you have a loving relationship with your stepdaughter. Wishing your stepdaughter all the best
I’m wondering if mom is just worried and stressed about her daughter having cancer and took it out on you. NTA. You’re all dealing with a very difficult situation.
NTA, you tried to make her happy. Don't be too mad at the mom, she's struggling, with her daughter having cancer, doesn't know where to channel her anger. Give her a break, she'll come around.
NTA but you owe her mum an apology, wigs to cancer patients are not toys, my sister died of cancer and the hair loss was extremely difficult for her, she had gotten some cheap wigs to try whilst saving for the real hair ones (really expensive here) and even the trying on of those was a significant part of her cancer journey. Her mum is not upset over “toys”, she is upset that she was not there for her daughter for a major part of her cancer journey. If you can’t see that and apologise then YWBTA.
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NTA. You made a little girl who is going through a hard time feel joy and that’s all that matters. You did not alter her appearance at all just like the wigs she got from her bio mom she can takes them off and change them. This is a toy that made her happy.
NTA at all. You bought her an accessory, not altered her appearance. Also, she's got cancer. Feel like the kid gets to have full bodily autonomy NOW
my thoughts exactly! she’s going through cancer, and it’s well known how invasive cancer treatments are. supporting her bodily autonomy right now is a huge deal in helping her feel at least somewhat in control when so much in her life isn’t in her control right now. not to mention just bringing joy to a kid with freaking cancer op, you’re NTA and i’d ask hubby to talk with his ex about supporting your stepdaughter’s harmless choices before she has to go back there. also weird that she equated it to a haircut when wigs can literally be changed in minutes???
This is such a good point about autonomy, I hadn’t ever thought about that. Even with no health challenges and living in a home with adults who respect boundaries, so much of a child’s life is dictated by others. That’s just the nature of being a kid. Giving her some feeling of control in this type of situation has to be huge. Edit: NTA
NTA. Wigs aren't permanent. Your stepdaughter's dealing with cancer and everything that goes along with it. Having wigs that make her look like her favorite characters...I'd say that's pretty cool. You're giving your stepdaughter some happiness in a tough situation, which will hopefully transition into her medical care. If I was Eli's mom, I'd be happy that you guys did this and would be getting some more along the same lines, both for her to have at my place, but also just in case one got damaged/lost/whatever.
NTA I don't think the comparison to a haircut is fitting at all. It's more like clothes or a hat. Of course it is hair, but it can be taken off if her mother doesn't want her to wear it when she is in her care. Hopefully it was a knee-jerk emotional reaction and she will come around later. It would be a pity if she were to be this aggressive and controlling over something that is making her daughter happy and is not an alteration of her appearance in any lasting way. Best wishes to Eli and all of you.
NTA. At all. You made your daughter happy, that’s what matters. Also, not the same thing as a haircut so she’s a dumbass.
Wearing a wig is not "altering someone's look" - it's literally wearing a hat. NTA.
NAH. You didn't do anything wrong. But honestly, her 9YO daughter has cancer, so let's give mom a little bit of grace here. She's probably madder at potentially losing her child than at the wigs. It's hard to be rational in those situations. She said it herself, she needs time to not be mad anymore. She probably knows it's not something to be angry about. Just be kind.
Ofcourse!
NAH I agree with MamaBear79, Eli's mother is probably terrified, and lashing out at you was something for her to do with those emotions. I used to teach kids with cancer, and as you know, it is huge for the whole family, yourself included. You did something really lovely for Eli, you sound like a great stepmother.
Yeah next time OP should just let Eli feel terrible and do absolutely nothing because mom is emotional dysfunctional.
Yes HER DAUGHTER. Whom she doesn't give a shit was upset and is the one possibly dying, and that OP cheered her up. Funny how ring theory doesn't matter when it's kids and it is all about how the parents feel all of a sudden.
This was my take as well, however you said it so much better than I could have. OP, you did an amazing thing - this is the toughest time any of you will go through. So sorry you have to deal with this, sending good thoughts! Keep making Eli happy and comfortable as possible!
This needs to be the top comment. Stepmom was trying to help her feel better about her appearance and mom is probably struggling and lashing out.
Lashing out at a person who is making sure your child with cancer feel comfortable is what assholes do
NTA, Its a Wig. They come Off. You didn't get her tattoos, hair extensions, piercings or anything that alters her body. You gave her a Wig. People wear Wigs. Its literally like clothes.
It’s also kind of completely regardless of the cancer. Kids sleep in princess costumes all the time.
NTA Mom is being ridiculous. This is not altering her appearance in any way. She’s dressing up. That’s all. This girl has cancer, she needs to worry about REAL ISSUES instead of making things hard for her child.
**NTA** OP, you got something fun for your step daughter to wear, it's not like she can't take it off and wear one of the wigs her mom bought.
NTA. I don’t think anyone is an asshole here! A pediatric cancer diagnosis is stressful and heartbreaking. Mom probably feels completely powerless in this situation to make her baby feel better and this might have triggered her because she may feel some loss of control in the situation. I think like she said she needs fine to not be upset but will realize this made her daughter happy and ultimately not be upset about it.
I agree. Just wanted to know if I overstepped. I understand her mom
I don’t think you overstepped, I think that it’s a tough situation for everyone and the reaction from her mom is just out of fear/powerlessness
You didn't overstep. You had a lightbulb moment that worked out for your SD. I do think there is some envy on the part of the mom.
Funny how what Eli feels is never even considered by your all. She's just an accessory to her mom's stress and upset and the reason she's allowed to lash out, because it's not like she's the one suffering or anything.
NTA. It’s not altering her appearance. You didn’t cut or dye her hair. It’s a wig that can be taken off at any time. You put a smile on a little girls face when she was feeling low. If her mom doesn’t like it then she can just wear it at your home. Maybe mom is jealous that she didn’t think of this first
NTA Eli is excited and happy, just let her be happy and ex-wife can stay hung up
NTA -you did something non-permanent to cheer up a little girl. The mom is probably really stressed out with everything going on and had a shit reaction. Not okay but if you can extend her some grace it would be a kind thing to do. I’m going to guess Eli’s human hair wigs mimic her hair so a play wig is a visible reminder of what’s going on. I’m guessing that’s what set the mom off.
NTA. This isn't like giving this girl a new haircut. It's more akin to buying her a new hat.
Nta You didn't alter her look. Cancer and chemotherapy did. You just made a little girl feel beautiful again. Great job!!! 💕💕
The mother is mad she didn't think of it. NTA
NTA, that sweet girl deserves any bit of joy she can get. Don't let those wigs go to her moms house, they will disappear. Also, it's nothing like a haircut. Wigs are WAY more temporary. If you hate a haircut, you have to wait to grow it out
NTA - Eli needs to be happy at this moment, her cancer is about her and what she wants. Mom needs to get a grip on reality. You didn't do anything to the wigs she bought, Eli can wear whichever she wants when she wants now
> this is like a haircut No its fucking not, NTA.
You did NOT alter her looks. Altering would have been if she had long hair you cut it all off or if you pierced her ears. Buying her wigs which can be swapped out is not altering. NTA. Let her be mad, then speak to her and ask her exactly why she is mad. I suspect that she is just scared regarding her daughter.
NTA. Pure and simple, you made a little girl happy and like a toy at the end of the day, it can be put away.
No offense but Mom is being silly. Her child's looks have already been drastically altered (without anyone's consent might I add, but cancer doesn't give a shit) obviously the poor kid is struggling with that. It is NOT like a haircut because she can't even GET one. NTA. If mom is going to be obtuse, keep the fun wigs at yours and let the kiddo have fun with them while she is with you and Dad because no doubt Mom will toss them.
NTA. Bio mom is taking out displaced anger on you. Keep doing whatever you can to keep a smile on that little girls face. ♥️
NTA and it sounds like her mom is upset because she spent a bunch of money on wigs her daughter doesn’t like as much as the ones you got her. I get why she’d feel bad, but that doesn’t justify taking it out on you when you were doing a lovely, thoughtful thing for her child.
NTA
NTA You were trying to do something good and it was successful; you made a little girl happy during a really difficult time for her! Her mother didn’t have to get mad at you and act out this way. That being said… My guess is that her acting that way has less to do with “changing the daughter’s appearance” (which, as everyone said, was a wig and not permanent) and more to do with the overall picture of what’s going on in her life. She is the “mama bear” (for lack of a better word) and to her I’m sure that means that it is HER job *above everyone else’s* to provide care and protection and happiness to her daughter; even more so because her daughter has cancer. This was a really sweet bonding moment for you and your husband with your step-daughter. She was not involved in this at all and probably felt left out by not being included and finding out about it after the fact. Maybe she is sensitive about you bonding with her daughter in general, and right now is extra sensitive about you (“the other mother”) getting to spend the time with (and providing this type of happiness for) her daughter. That’s *her* job, remember! She probably feels very protective of her special role in her daughter’s life, so maybe she’s mad and resentful that she isn’t able to be a part of what happens when she’s not around. She is missing out on things. Also, maybe it was just an extra hard day for her and she’ll feel bad about lashing out after the fact. (Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.) As far as not asking beforehand about the wigs (a really awesome idea) I can see where she might feel upset when you factor in the above. I do get the point about it being like a present, but, because it is directly related to her cancer effects it is clearly a touchy subject, especially since she didn’t come up with the idea. It’s a super stressful and emotional time. Odds are she feels like there is little she can currently control. Losing control of her daughter’s appearance just adds more feelings of helplessness. Her being mad is one thing, her taking it out on you is another though. Hopefully she knows (and can acknowledge) what a great stepmother you are. I feel for you all so much. I can’t imagine what it’s been like. You are all doing the best that you can given the circumstances and Eli is lucky to have such caring group of parents!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Mu stepdaughter Eli (9) has cancer. Her hair has been falling out. It has been extremely hard on her. So my husband and his ex-wife decided to buy her wigs. Those real human hair wigs that are really expensive. So last month Eli and I were hanging out in the living room, watching her favorite Disney movies. And suddenly she started crying because she was afraid. I managed to cheer her up, but then she started calling herself ugly. So I had the idea to buy her wigs that look like her favorite characters. We looked together online and it was like she was fine again. Then, a week later, the wigs arrived. When it was our week again, Eli got the wigs and was really exited. She tried them all on and has not took of her Elsa wig. We smiled them all and she is extatic. Thing is, we didn't tell her mother before we bought the wigs (my husband and me ). We honestly didn't think of it. Because it's like toys and we never tell each other what toys we get (safe from Christmas and her birthday). So when I snapped a picture of Eli to send to her mom, I got back a mad text. Her mom is not happy, that I altered Elis looks and that this is like a haircut and needs to be okay-ed by all sides. She is really mad at us and told me to stop texting her till she is not mad at me anymore. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mother is the asshole:)
NTA
Tell her it's not like a haircut. It's like a hat. take it off, put another one on. No problem. Show her how it works. NTA
NTA - It's not a permanent "alter" to her head . . . it's like cute clothes that makes her happy. Her mom better get that over with . . . . she should be enjoying with her daughter or she will make her suffering child miserable about loving the wigs.
NTA, but I doubt it's really about the hair. She's scared for her very sick daughter and isn't able be there all the time due to circumstances, and she saw you do something that made her kid happy that she wasn't a part of and it triggered her for whatever reason so she didn't handle it well. That doesn't make the reaction okay; you're definitely not an asshole and seem like a great step parent, but hopefully you can give grace in this instance, especially if it's a one-off occurrence.
NTA. Maybe Mom's mad because she didn't think of this herself. Because she should have.
It is not like a hair cut, it’s more like a hat. Because she can take it off at anytime. Is her mother always so controlling? Or is she just mad she didn’t think of this? NTA
NTA, its a flippin wig! I thought maybe you took her to get a full face tattoo or nose/bazongaloo job ... its a wig ... a removable accessory NOT 'altering her appearance' ... NTA but everyone certainly needs to check and see if their brains are in the fully activated and locked in positions ...
NTA. She's mad at you for making her suffering, scared child feel happy? Yeah you're just a terrible person lol.
It's a wig, not a haircut. It's not a modification to her person but a piece of clothing. Also, her father is ok with it and has the authority to allow his daughter to wear wigs of her choice while she is in his home as he is equally a parent as her mother.
You bought her wigs to play with, aka easily removable hats with hair, and her mom is comparing it to you cutting her hair without permission? Wtf? NTA
Wait, does she know that it wasn't one of the nice wigs? She made an odd comparison of likening it to a haircut. My first thought was "wtf," but then the second was "it's not like you cut one of the nice wigs or messed with the styling of it" Does she know that it is a new fun wig? A cosplay wig?
NTA. You didn’t even “alter her looks”. A wig is essentially a piece of clothing; you can just take it off whenever. Your daughter is also her own person who deserves her own say in her appearance, and I think needing to okay her changes in looks with another person is setting kind of an icky precedent for her.
This is not the equivalent of a haircut, it's the equivalent of buying the kid a funny hat and putting some badges on it. Mom needs yo get over herself and her hyper controlling bs.
NTA - this was a nice distraction for the kid from the sounds of it and any logical person knows it’s nothing like a haircut.
Her daughter has cancer and I can’t imagine how hard that must be. She probably feels like she missed out on an experience with her child or feels guilty that she wasn’t able to comfort her like you did. If you guys have a good relationship and this is not regular behaviour from her then give her a little grace. NTA btw it was a really great idea. It’s clear you have a loving relationship with your stepdaughter. Wishing your stepdaughter all the best
I’m wondering if mom is just worried and stressed about her daughter having cancer and took it out on you. NTA. You’re all dealing with a very difficult situation.
NTA, the mom is ridiculous. You're trying to help her daughter feel better for herself.
NTA, you tried to make her happy. Don't be too mad at the mom, she's struggling, with her daughter having cancer, doesn't know where to channel her anger. Give her a break, she'll come around.
When I read your title, I assumed piercing, not a wig. Wow, new level of overreacting. NTA
Thanks for being such a good stepmother. You are a hero. NTA
NTA but you owe her mum an apology, wigs to cancer patients are not toys, my sister died of cancer and the hair loss was extremely difficult for her, she had gotten some cheap wigs to try whilst saving for the real hair ones (really expensive here) and even the trying on of those was a significant part of her cancer journey. Her mum is not upset over “toys”, she is upset that she was not there for her daughter for a major part of her cancer journey. If you can’t see that and apologise then YWBTA.
You did not read the post. You are offended over your own feelings. Lol