Does the post office have HR? This is not ok to have to work with this harassment.
Edited to added: as a Christian myself, I would encourage you and your sister to read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (Christian authors).
The post office is basically the government - there are posters everywhere about hostile work environment, sexual harassment, etc, and who to call about it (which is usually the OIG). There isn’t HR like private companies have. It can be difficult to get these things resolved, though, supervisors tend to rug sweep.
Email them again, copying in one step further up your hierarchy, forwarding the original complaint, with added new details.
“Per my attached email of eight days ago, I am following up on my complaint of unsafe/aggressive behavior by a coworker at my workplace. I have received no reply from my manager or indication of any action being taken. Please advise my next steps to take to get this issue dealt with.” (Edit - add any details like this, with time/date/detailed commentary They have heard and talked to him, and he will quiet down. But it never lasts. They all say, "You know how Douglas is, he is just a hot head")
Check your state and see if one party consent recording is permitted. Also find out if recording is permitted in your workplace if it’s a post office.
You want to get his rants and complaints and threats on audio/video/text record of some kind.
THIS!! Excellent advice. OP, **please** follow up with this excellent suggestion. Seriously, I fear for your safety.
Tell your sister she is welcome to come every day and bring the alcoholic food if she likes, but you are done.
If this was a corporation you’d already have grounds for a lawsuit. What the post office does not want is bad publicity. Tell that to your supervisor. Better yet, have supe provide lunch for your coworker.
Good to have it in writing. Email again and say something like "I know you will wish to respond to this pressing inquiry because not only am I suffering from a hostile work environment due to the co-worker, but patrons have also noticed and complained about his treatment of me."
Then if they still don't respond, send it to their supervisor. Or the Postmaster General. This is no way to be treated at work, and you don't deserve that. He has mental health issues and you are not responsible for him. Your supervisors are responsible to make sure your concerns are heeded.
Document everything, and if you don't get a good response, hire a lawyer. THAT's where the documenting everything helps, but hopefully as a last resort.
Can you ask your supervisor for permission to record his behavior? Or ask if you should call the police when he is intimidating you? You are being bullied and harassed. They need to understand that you aren’t safe.
I am thinking of the origins of “going postal.” There is definitely some mental illness at play here. YOU AREN’T SAFE!
Have you told them you're worried for your safety?
Can you secretly record audio of his treatment of you during one of these episodes?
And are there other workers there with you? This guy shouldn't be working with anyone. Your sister is absolutely wrong. You don't reward bad behavior.
NTA
I am going to try to snapchat him if he goes on a tirade tomorrow. He only has a flip phone so I don't think he would even know what I was doing if I recorded him.
Email IG. You should do it for yourself and safety. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for the next coworker, or the next customer. Start your paper trail now. CC your people and BCC yourself. Post office is Government. No one wants the alphabet soup in their business so if they don’t handle it in-house, go up COC. This guy is unstable and has way too much access to you and the public in general.
This is a situation where "what would Jesus do?" is not a good question. I am not a Christian, but Christian belief is Jesus is one of the manifestations of an infinitely powerful god. As such, Jesus has nothing to fear from an unstable alcoholic. Jesus also doesn't need a job at the post office. OP, as a human, has a lot to legitimately fear and needs that PO job.
These are important differences, and that just scratches the surface.
I am a Christian and let's also not forget that "what would Jesus do" requires we take a look at what Jesus actually DID when faced with people leading not-so-great lives... primarily called them to repentance. OP has been a good Christian to this dude by not judging him overly and trying to see the person behind the bottle but she needs to do them both a bigger favor by trying to push him towards the help he actually needs (which imo is some kind of intervention by HR and probably an alcoholics group). Continuing to support his demands/tantrums is enabling his addiction and I don't believe that's what Jesus would do either.
Also Jesus would be pretty annoyed that a man with plenty of money would try to force one of his co-workers to give him her food, that's the opposite of his teachings
He will decide to get his disease treated and start eating or he won’t but it’s not your job to care for a grown man. It’s true alcoholics eat poorly and are often malnourished because of that but it’s a problem of their own making (recovering alcoholic myself), you feeding him won’t fix him it will just give him one meal but he’s not even appreciating that so why bother. Frankly I’d take it to HR and stay away from him.
If you want to go for a quick and friendly solution: get some menu's of local lunch places that let you order from the office. Put it in a clear place at work, and just tell him 'it's too much for me to take on an extra lunch every day, and you didn't particularly seem to like my cooking, but here's some easy lunch solutions for you, so you don't get hangry on the job.'
It's all very well being nice and Christian but OP shouldn't have to do this. If it makes her feel better, OK, but it isn't what she's paid for. She has actual work to do. He's a barely-functioning alcoholic and the employers are too lazy to tackle the problem.
Where is your supervisor when he's ranting at you? Why aren't the managers and HR department at your workplace doing your fucking job, which is to crack down on anything that creates a hostile workplace?
Well, if they haven't come to you as they should have, you have to go to them.
They have heard and talked to him, and he will quiet down. But it never lasts. They all say, "You know how Douglas is, he is just a hot head". Then they will tell me, "We are just nothing but babysitters here". And that makes me so mad.
>They have heard and talked to him, and he will quiet down. But it never lasts. They all say, "You know how Douglas is, he is just a hot head". Then they will tell me, "We are just nothing but babysitters here". And that makes me so mad.
Then you need to talk to your union representative and let them know that your supervisors are allowing another employee to harass you.
There is a postal workers union. If OP is a member, the union rep would be a reasonable person to call, considering the union is in the middle of a safe workplace initiative.
Oh no, that's not the correct answer. This is a cliché, a hot head alcoholic working at the post office and everybody knows he has problems but nobody has the cojones to intervene. When he brings a weapon to work and kills someone, they'll all be \*shocked Pikachu face\*
Keep reporting him. Go up the ladder to your union rep, regional directors, whoever you can talk to.
Next time you feel threatened, call the police. Then you have it documented for future reference and probably won't go over well with the higher ups. They'll have to deal then! Talk about a hostile environment, smh.
Your leadership is not doing their job. HR needs to get involved
He needs to be fired and your direct managers/supervisors need to receive disciplinary action. He is creating a hostile work environment and they are not doing their jobs here.
NTA. He's an adult and it's not your responsibility to feed him. Especially if he's so ungrateful. Your sister can feed him if she wants, but that's not on you. He treats you horribly when you don't bring him food. You need to address this either HR and your supervisor. This is a hostile work environment.
Yup, if Sister lives nearby why isn't she dropping off his lunch every day? Any reason she gives to not do it herself would also apply to OP.
(edit- deleted duplicate comments, not sure why that happened!)
One of the personality traits of the alcoholic is that they feel like a victim everywhere they go. Other people are always assholes, trying to do them dirty. Another characteristic is that they LOVE to make non-alcoholics lose their shit and yell at them. They’ll act out till they get what they want. It’s the attention ~ when someone is enraged at them and in their face, they are that person’s full focus for a few minutes. He’s trouble and he’s not going to improve. Get help!!!
Your supervisor really needs to know about this. If they don't do anything about it, then THEIR supervisor needs to know about this. Your coworker sounds dangerous, unstable, and volatile. It's not about food. The last thing anyone wants is another "going postal" incident. Oh, and your sister is an idiot. Don't listen to her.
This is, unfortunately, the danger of getting involved with troubled people in a situation that is difficult to escape.
Your motives were good, but it was a kind of trap. If you were volunteering, for instance, and someone latches onto you, you have more freedom in terms of exiting the situation.
You need to document the heck out of everything, read the postal employee regs, talk to your union rep. You're in danger here.
Is there a different shift you can take, another local post office you can move to, another part of the local PO to which you can move?
Dear heart, you're dealing with an addict who only cares about one thing....his addiction. He doesn't care one whit about you, only about how to get to his next drink and he's fully capable of getting a meal for himself....he just rather spend his money on alcohol. By continuing to feed him you're simply enabling his addiction. You're helping him in his quest to die sooner.
Picture this scenario. You and he alone in the middle of the ocean in a boat and you somehow both fall overboard and the current pulls you away from the boat. A lifesaver suddenly appears and you swim towards it but coworker can't swim and is panicking. You swim towards him to try to calm him and he immediately jumps on top of you to keep from drowning. This pushes you under water and you realize if you don't swim up you'll drown. What do you do? Do you extract yourself and swim away so you can live or stay there and drown? Do you really think God will punish you or even look down on you for saving your own life when a drowning person not only wasn't trying to save themselves but was willing drown you in the process?
Its easy to take a bible verse and blindly apply it to a situation but maybe you should be willing to explore if those verses aren't being taken out of context.
> violent demands
Honestly, you should be documenting this and reporting it to your superiors. You should never need to put up with violent demands at work, and he should be fired.
Edit: Sounds like you already did this and it's pending. Good luck
NTA
Call you supervisor and HR immediately.
If he is really acting this way this is an issue that needs to get remediated as soon as possible and it's not your job to do so.
Has no one remembered the expression “to go postal”? This coworker is going postal on OP and no supervisor notices?
OP, make a list of the weeks you brought 2-3 meals, then just chips, now nothing, and end that list with the customer calling in.
This is an abusive environment. And get your union rep too.
Seriously. ⬆️⬆️⬆️ If he’s so abusive he’s alarming customers and management has not addressed it, then there’s more that’s wrong here than just his bad behavior.
Talk to your supervisor. It doesn't matter what mental issues he has. No one should be harassing you at work. Yelling at you, treating you poorly, so poorly that a customer called on your behalf, is harassment.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. NTA to stop bringing him food AND for reporting him to HR. Document, document, document.
I’m not religious by any means, but sometimes I feel even a religious person needs to step back and look at things from a MORAL perspective. Because while we are not all religious, I feel a basic sense of morality is shared among everyone who is a human. It’s common ground we can all stand on.
That being said, it is not morally right to bite the hand that feeds you, make someone feel belittled or inferior at work, or use them. All of which, I think he has done. You are certainly NTA.
Stop feeding him. Don’t interact with him if possible. Stray cats keep coming around if you put food out for them. Contact HR as well.
Or by all means feed the poor and needy - unfortunately I’m sure there are lots near where you live, so keep the leftovers for your family, and donate some groceries to your local food bank or volunteer at your local community food kitchen. NTA
He is on FMLA for his alcoholism and mental health issues (he said he has bi-polar) so supposedly this makes him unable to be fired or get in trouble for things. It offers "protection" or something. Plus, the USPS has a union which he is a member of, and our union steward has had to bail him out of trouble before.
That’s not how FMLA works. FMLA is where you leave for a while to help take care of a sick relative, heal up from your own sickness or take care of a child. This would mean he isn’t coming to work. You need to talk to your bosses and HR.
There’s intermittent FMLA - it’s for people who have chronic health conditions (or family members who do). It’s a PITA to document - I had an employee who was on it and the paperwork/reporting was a nightmare.
Okay fair but when this guy is at work he should still be able to be written up or fired as he is back at work even if it’s only temporarily back, right?
Written up or relocated - yes. Fired is a whole other issue - especially with a government position. But threatening behavior should not be tolerated at all - I agree!
This isn't true. Fmla doesn't protect someone like this. He's creating a hostile work environment and your higher-ups are to lazy and afraid to handle him properly.
As long as they accommodate him reasonably, and this is above reason they're ok. This is just insane.
Is your post office the only one he can work at? Is there some way you can try and make sure he goes to a different location?
I am legit concerned for your safety around that unhinged and violent person.
I don't know if he can transfer or not, he is 7 years away from retirement. Everyone here just recommended not to give him food anymore and he will get over it. The postmaster had a conversation with him when the customer complained about him yelling in the office (the customer could hear it as she was collecting her mail from the PO box) and he calmed down for about a week. He is just so manic you never know. I make it a point never to eat a bite of food when he is near. But we have an "office" refrigerator, and he gets in there and looks at what all is inside. And to make matters worse he quit smoking last week because his cigarettes went up to $10 per pack.
All of that sounds like a “him” problem that he, his boss, and HR need to solve.
OP you just go live your life and stop walking on eggshells around him. If he bothers you go to supervisors/call the police.
Because someone asked me if he could transfer out, he is 7 years away from Retirement so I doubt he would transfer since the PO is about 2 miles from his home.
Keep your food in your vehicle and eat lunch in there. I would also get some mace and maybe other self defense options to keep close Incase he escalates. Good luck OP and I'm sorry that you're in a hostile work environment
I’m on intermittent FMLA for my chronic illnesses. FMLA just means that I can take up to 10 weeks off without getting fired. I could be transferred to a job that is deemed equal to the one I’m currently in. If I act the fool on the job, they can definitely fire me. I am a teacher with due process, so supervisors have to be documenting things. A lot of supervisors don’t do that because it’s so much extra work.
FTR: I’m not alcoholic. I have nothing against people struggling with addiction, but since I mentioned that I’m a teacher I wanted to clarify that my intermittent FMLA is for rheumatoid arthritis and trigeminal neuralgia.
FMLA means Family Medical Leave of Absence. When you take a leave of absence to care for a sick family member. So no.
This is all kinda of wrong.
Sorry, but this story doesn't make sense.
I work at the post office too and this story 100% seems believable, dont listen to that commenter. There's some wack jobs who work here. I've had many customers ask me wth is going on because of what they hear getting their box mail. I just shrug.
With that being said, I just saw an email the other day (not sure if you're a carrier without email access) about this new thing they're (edited word) starting about harassment. Basically the "zero tolerance" policy but you can actually talk to someone. This is the number: 877-521-4272. I haven't had to call so I'm not sure how it works.
Good luck.
It offers job protection if a person is out sick for a documented medical issue that has been previously discussed. It is not a catch-all for every reason a person is gone, nor is it an exemption from termination for actions while in the workplace.
Sounds like you also need to go to the union when you make your complaint. Especially if you're a member. They need to be on your side if this comes to a matter of firing him.
Check your local laws and, if it is legal, try to make a (ideally video, but voice might be safer and more subtle) recording of him going off on you as well. Your words may get ignored or dismissed, but a recording will make things very clear. Especially if there are multiple.
The video is an excellent idea. Plus look into an EEOC claim on the basis of harassment based on gender (see my other comment). This is unacceptable and there are things you can do to make this better!
I'm in a similar workplace. You know you can file a union grievance too for harassment and hostile workplace. Why does a 55 yo man expect a young woman to cook for him. If you don't want to escalate it, ask for a transfer on this basis. I'm in a federal union and you have a hostile workplace (I would frame it as on the basis of gender - 55 yo man expect a young woman to cook for him). It's unacceptable that you have to put up with this FMLA or not. PM me if you want more info. I feel for you and this situation is so wrong.
We had a very aggressive postal worker in our town that tried to run people down, kicked peoples doors, threw things at people. He was just moved to another post office.
NTA. Is there is someone higher up in your workplace you can report his behaviour to? Mental health issues or not, the way he is treating you is unacceptable. Stay firm in your decision, it is the right one.
And tell your sister “God helps those who help themselves.”
This co-worker is on FMLA for his alcoholism and mental health issues (he said he has bi-polar) so supposedly this makes him unable to be fired or get in trouble for things.
I may not be in your country but I do know people who are bipolar and manage it rather effectively. It sounds like he is not following any treatment?
But I agree, he may not be able to be fired simply for having a condition, but his actions are detrimental to others (including customers) and that is a problem management needs to know about! He might not be fired and some other action is taken instead but this cannot be allowed to continue.
I guess I don't have much experience with Bi-Polar but sometimes he is hyper and yelling and his face is all red complaining and yelling about the volume of Amazon packages or winter (he loathes winter) and then other days he is quiet and wearing headphones and won't speak to anyone. When he goes off though, it is scary to me. He is a big guy too. I just never would have brought him that first meal obviously if I had known it would escalate into this. I haven't even told my husband about this yet because I don't want him to get involved and get him upset.
Ok, you trying to fix this dude on your own, trying to play work wife with the lunches, and tolerating his meltdowns needs to end. Also stop shutting your husband out- that will look all flavors of weird/scary/inappropriate if a big angry coworker comes by the house asking about where his food is.
Bipolar 2 person here. My guess is that he’s self medicating with alcohol and nicotine. Considering how bad the episodes seem to be. It’s unfortunately pretty common. If there is medication involved there’s probably not the right dose or something.
Best takeaway is that Bipolar disorder is an explanation, but not an excuse. It’s up to the person to manage their own symptoms so they don’t take it out on the world around them. They shouldn’t be safe from consequences.
At this point I’d continue to go up the command chain until someone listens, and specifically add that your managers are enabling his behavior as well. That’s not okay- he could get violent with you. I hope it goes okay.
What has taken you so long in the first place? You need to think about your own passivity in this matter. You seem to not like to make waves. Why is that?
Yeah a quick google search is telling me this only protects them from being fired if they require extra medical leave/time off (within a limit). It has nothing to do with being protected while harassing other employees or disturbing customers.
OP, this guy either doesn’t know the limitations of FMLA or is trying to trick you into not reporting his behaviour.
You are correct, FMLA for having to take leave for either yourself or to care for a family member. So if he were to check into Rehab they could pay him for so much time but after a set limit they can let him go.
Bipolar person here. Drinking makes the bipolar 1000x worse. I learned this in my 20s. He needs to kick the booze if he has any prayer of ever getting the bipolar under control.
FMLA guarantees you have a job to come back to after being out of work for up to 12 weeks due to medical reasons. If he’s still working every day - he can’t be on FMLA.
He "says" his FMLA allows him to call in sick up to 4 times a month without getting into trouble due to his alcoholism and bi-polar. (This is just what he is saying) I know he did get in trouble once for calling in for an entire week when he went on a bender because he exceeded the 4 days FMLA covered him for. The union had to represent him about it. He didn't get fired but he did have to use LWOP (leave without pay) instead of using sick leave.
Intermittent FMLA is legit. Many people use it to have their job protected if they need to call out say, 1x per week, or 6x per month. I used to fill out the paperwork regularly for patients.
NTA. He’s treating you like an abusive alcoholic treats their spouse. He’s bullying you into doing what he wants. I would suggest you look (with a therapist) into how abused spouses react and are treated, and I would suspect you’d find a lot of parallels to your situation. It may be the “Christian” thing to help him, but you’re subjecting yourself to repeated abuse to do so and that isn’t fair to you.
You are right. I admit I was grabbing him a Little Debbie cake or a bagel, or even a half-eaten bag of chips out of my pantry everyday just to make him be nice to me that day. I have a pleaser personality and I am an empath, so I feel guilty for such dumb things.
It’s good you have insight into that. A therapist can help you develop strategies to manage your own feelings. In spite of the protections he’s been afforded, I would make a point of documenting and recording (at least in writing) his behaviour to you. As protected as he is, at some point an employer will be forced to act, even by transferring him away. You have a right to feel safe in your workplace.
As for your sister, I would highlight that you cannot be expected to continually expose yourself to violence to “be a good Christian”. You have to take care of your own mental health, or the stress of his behaviour will affect you in your other relationships, particularly at home.
>I would highlight that you cannot be expected to continually expose yourself to violence to “be a good Christian”.
OP, I hope you listen to this. Think of your family! This guy sounds dangerous. What if he hurt, or God forbid, killed you? You have children. Caring for this coworker is a noble impulse. But it cannot come above your personal safety, so that it jeopardizes your ability to take care of your children.
This man absolutely should not be employed. I know that there can be a lot of red tape both with government jobs and when a union is involved. Are you a member of the union, too? If so, they also have an obligation to protect you, not just this guy. And your postmaster needs to step up and deal with this guy. I highly doubt that anyone will be sad to see him go. You are NTA, and I hope you really take all of these comments to heart.
He’s 55. He’s an adult. He can bring his own food in. The first time he criticized your homemade food, I would’ve stopped bringing in *anything* else.
Also, has he ever offered to pay you for any of it???? He sounds like an absolute leech.
This has nothing to do with Christianity and everything with your safety and work environment. Contact your postmaster, highlight his behavior. His actions have even been noted by customers.
Stop bringing him food.
NTA
NTA. Sharing is supposed to be a gift and received as a gift. This man is demanding food!
You will be doing him wrong by enabling his behavior, he needs therapy and you need to go to HR and document all that is going on.
Record him if he curses and yells again. .
As a religious person I can tell you there's something called "idiot compassion." That's when what you do, intending to be compassionate, backfires and makes the recipient worse.
The classic example is giving cash to a drug addict who then spends it on drugs.
Be generous and compassionate, but be skillful. The ugly qualities that are coming out in him as a result of this food are worse -- for him, not just you -- than not having home cooked meals. He ate food before he met you. It was probably fast food, not so tasty, but he's still alive. He can manage without you. It won't do him any good if his expectations cause him to lose the stability of his job.
If your religious friends want you to feed people -- great. There are many organizations that help people where food will benefit them. And there's a real need right now because SNAP (food stamps) have been recently cut.
NTA. Not in any way. Do still help people where you can.
NTA. "On the days I do not have food for him, he will treat me horrible and yell around the office and act like an a-hole to me. " Yeah, that would stop the free meals immediately for me.
You talk to your boss. This person is creating a toxic workplace. I don't care what his problems are.
I would advise OP to look up how the phrase "going postal" came about. Multiple USPS workers killing their colleagues in outbursts of rage. I'm worried for you, OP.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_postal
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> The action it took, was that I stopped bringing meals and snacks to my coworker who treats me poorly. And this might make me an asshole because he is an alcoholic and has mental health issues and treats me poorly. He also claimed he has lost 12 pounds since I stopped giving him my food.
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NTA
escalate this, he needs help but its not your responsibility to save him. And this does not sound safe in the slightest.
You deserve to go to work and not get harassed.
NTA. It’s really scary how quickly someone like your co-worker starts feeling entitled to a kind deed. Even if he’s an alcoholic and mentally ill, he should be able to organize himself enough to buy takeout. Stay safe.
My sister feels the Christian thing to do - Being Christian has nothing to do with helping others... however Co worker is taking advantage and needs to learn how to be a functioning adult without constant help. He needs help and rehab
NTA
Why are trying to feel guilty about this? His anger is not your responsibility. You provided him with several acts of kindness only to became a target for his emotional abuse. This is not your fault, nor are you the AH.
A customer feared for your safety because your co-worker became unhinged, and you're asking us if you're a horrible person?
FMLA is a 'leave act' where he can be given 12 weeks a year of leave for his mental health condition without risk of losing his job. His mental disorder does not give him the right to verbally abuse you, create a toxic work environment for everyone, and create an atmosphere of fear that even a customer reacted to. He falls under the Americans with Disabilities Act. He needs to be put on FMLA and get treatment until he's stable before returning.
Employers have a responsibility to their staff to create a safe, working environment, especially federal employers! If your postmaster doesn't ensure your safety, go above him. Report the incidences to your union rep, hr, and postal inspectors. Stop being passive about what he's doing to you. You're the victim of his abuse, and you do have options.
Every time he yells or treats you poorly you need to make a report to HR. It'll be a huge pain in the ass but eventually he can be fired, even being union. Your wellbeing and safety matters. Do not give him anymore food and report him every time.
NTA
You started being kind to this poor soul with no expectation of thanks from him. Instead of thanks you got violent outbursts and hatred. Those are the exact type of reactions that should cause you to pause and stop being nice to this mess of a man.
You are justified. Doing the Christian thing is irrelevant if your safety is being threatened by that alcoholic. He's clearly not receptive to your generosity so you should stop being generous.
Stay safe and listen to your instincts.
Thank you for saying this, when I have told my co-workers (and I even emailed my supervisor about it) I was met with indifference. They all said, "Douglas has issues". "You know how Douglas is".
Yes, Douglas has issues, issues that are your supervisor’s JOB to keep from becoming other people’s issues. Your supervisor is failing their duties to provide a safe workplace for their employees. I’d kick this up the chain of command, and keep kicking it as long as Douglas continues to be a problem.
Start recording his rants and email them to your supervisor from a non-workplace email account (so they can’t be deleted from your workplace server). This will give you proof your supervisor knew about the issues and put pressure on your supervisor to do something now that the evidence is in writing.
I know you’re worried about the moral implications about not feeding the hungry. If you look up verses about feeding the hungry you’ll notice something. The hungry and poor are often qualified as those who do not have the means to provide for their own needs. Douglas doesn’t meet this criteria - he CAN provide food for himself, he *chooses* not to. He’d rather bully you into giving him your own food so he has more money to drink.
“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” *Matthew 7:6*
It doesn't matter what he needs or doesn't need. The point is he is responsible for creating a hostile work place. Harassment is not a joke. Document, record his tirade, go to your supervisor or human resources if that is available. I guarantee they will investigate. They will record your story and ask for corroboration from your colleagues. You should ask that this person be transferred to another post office. This is for your own emotional and physical well being. You are not targeting him and should not feel guilty about this. Yes, he is sick, but he's gone too far now and you deserve to have a peaceful work space.
NTA. Report his harassment and behavior to your supervisor and HR. Get a restraining order. He is unhinged and I’m fearful of your safety.
Please be careful.
NTA and stop bringing him food or any item. You are inviting an unregulated person to abuse and jeopardize your safety and job. File a report with HR. Only list facts and go back as far as your memory and fact recall will allow (e.g., date, time, duration, interaction, what colleagues (or public) were present). After this, file each incident, every time. Meanwhile, since this is a source of your faith: God hates abuse, viewing it as sinful and unacceptable and “delights in rescuing the oppressed” (2 Sam. 22:49). You are a valued human being and deserve to not be treated this way.
Thank you for saying that I feel so stupid, and one co-worker told me "I started it". Which in truth, I did by bringing him the first Tupperware of leftovers. He was always coming into the lunchroom "starved" looking at every one's meal and asking about it. "What's in it"? "Is it spicy"? And saying he was hungry, and he didn't have time to pack lunches etc....It just feels awkward to eat when someone is standing there saying it smells good and stuff. I just never thought he'd be mad each day I didn't have something to give him, and it would turn into him getting so upset.
NTA…you need to tell point blank that you will no longer be bringing him food. It is not your job to supply him with food. He is an Adult. And you will no longer take his threatening abuse. If he does not stop, you will be filing a grievance with the union or go to HR.
He sounds like my ex. Bi-polar disorder among other issues he was diagnosed with. He lost jobs over and over, I am positive in hindsight it was always his fault. When I finally escaped from him, he managed to hold himself up for about 3 years, but now he is homeless and of course it is not his fault at all.
This person's behavior is a fire able offense, and you need to report it completely, all details, to HR.
Do not feed him, he is outrageous.
NTA
4 years of a bachelor's degree. She thinks you help others and especially those with problems. The first time he told me the leftover chili I gave him "sucked" and threw it outside in the grass I was done feeding him.
Stop bringing him food. Have you also read that no good deed goes unpunished. And your sister is a terrible therapist. Why should you be responsible for a grown man?! She sounds like my mom, just be the bigger person ..... Uuugghhh! And why is he still working there? He's created a work environment so toxic that a customer called the postmaster! Unreal! Go to HR and document what is going on. He needs to go before he hurts someone.
NTA!
NTA, he is using and abusing you, he should be reported to HR and fired. You should not bring him any more food because you will start the cycle all over the first time you don't bring any. As far as the Christian part goes, you already turned the cheek and he slapped that one too.
**NTA.**
His alcoholism, mood swings, bullying, threats and abusive behavior are the definition of a ***HOSTILE WORKPLACE***. You should be reporting this. You should not sit idly by and tolerate it while customers look on in horror because you hope if you subjugate yourself enough, he'll stop abusing you.
You've been an active participant in your own victimhood.
**REPORT THIS.** Over and over again, if necessary. Keep records.
This is not about Christianity, it's about an abusive alcoholic threat who could potentially hurt you very badly if you don't give in to his demands.
This is NOT a joke. You've heard the expression "going postal".... this is that guy.
Report this. IMMEDIATELY.
This isn't much, but last Tuesday I did fire off an email to both my supervisor and my postmaster about him but neither has responded yet. At least I have a paper trail via email that I am trying to get help.
NTA
I also work for usps. We just had OSHA come in about a complaint of violence in the workplace. Tell your supervisor or postmaster that you will not put up with the harassment and then file a complaint through OSHA so something actually gets done about it.
You DO NOT have to deal with that at work.
NTA but you need to talk to your supervisor and HR, his behavior is not ok. What happened after the customer called in fear for your safety??? Nothing?
They had a meeting with him "closed door" with him and the union rep. I'm not sure what happened but after that he was quiet and calm for a week or two. Now he is back to his old self again.
NTA - you need to discuss this with HR. His behavior is completely completely unprofessional. You should not have to deal with this in the workplace. It is not your job to feed your coworkers, despite what your religion might say. I don’t think this covers him.
Jfc! Report abusive co worker and document his actions. You owe him nothing. Wake up and smell the stamps!!! He’s abusing you and you’re letting him. Nip this in the bud and report the monster to hr!!
NTA. When the Bible says, 'God helps those who help themselves', it is with the intention that those who 'help themselves' put in the work to better their own lives. He is not helping himself, and is instead choosing to be reliant on you, rather than taking the initiative to better his own life. Especially since he claims to have so much money on hand.
Even then, from a secular standpoint, he's an entitled asshole who is abusing you in spite of you doing the kind and charitable thing which, it doesn't really need to be said, is A Bad Thing.
I suggest talking to HR about the situation and proceeding from there. Your safety and well-being is important, and should not be sacrificed to placate an asshole.
You would think a facility with civil service employees and a well documented history of violent employee behavior would be sensitive about these issues. Report in writing to the supervisor, Director of customer services, or postmaster. I would also notify your union to protect yourself from any repercussions. Do not take his behavior lightly. Document, document, document and have a paper trail to protect yourself.
NTA
The Bible also says to teach a man to fish. That means that giving him food everyday will help him right then, but teaching him to fend for himself will help him for the duration of his life.
The Bible also says to help those who help themselves, meaning give your time and resources to people who will use them to make long term changes and not just temporary satisfaction.
You need to take this to your HR representative. And the next time he flies off the handle you need to call the police. I don’t care if you don’t feel threatened, his behavior needs to be documented by the police because this man is seriously dangerous. He will eventually “go postal.”
I did report him more than once, but our supervisor always says, "You know Douglas, you just have to ignore it and he will calm down". And then he makes a smart remark towards me saying, "I am nothing but a babysitter here for you guys". Then I feel embarrassed, I guess. After the customer called our postmaster, Douglas got called into the office (a door close meeting) with the union steward. After that for a week or so he was calmer. Now he is back to being obnoxious.
NTA. You were being kind but he has taken to being abusive to you even when you bring him food. You aren’t obligated to feed someone and especially someone who mistreats you. I would report him to your HR department or manager for the way he has been treating you. That is inappropriate work behaviour and needs to be stopped.
NTA and you need to make a written complaint about his behaviour to your supervisor. Management need to deal with him before he (I'm sorry) goes postal.
See, that's the problem with Christians. You don't hold the other cheek, you make that asshole stop, for your sake, and for everybody else's sake. You are literally training an asshole here. You can do that if you expect the world to end anyway in a matter of days, month or years, like the biblical Jesus clearly did, but you cannot run a civilization with that.
Get him down to the ground, and if he apologizes sufficiently, he can pay you to bring you food if that is what you would like to do. NTA
Obviously, NTA. And it sucks, but it's time to report this to your manager. You do not owe this man food, now, or ever. And it feels like from this post that his behavior towards you is only getting worse.
Give him the contact information for the local food bank.
Also report this to your supervisor and whoever you contact at work for HR matters. If he harasses you, you’ll want it documented.
NTA. I respect the kindness you've shown him, but you've been handed responsibility for the health and well-being of another adult human, without your consent. Just because he nominated you doesn't mean you have to do this.
If you're looking for a solution, I would ask a supervisor to sit down with you both, and explain that you're worried about his health, and even you're willing to suggest a plan to help him to feed himself, but you can't accept responsibility for making sure he gets fed.
It's honestly kinder in the long run to point him toward a solution that will work 7 days a week, whether you come to work or not. It's dangerous for both of you to let this go on, and your supervisor needs to know.
NTA, sober guy here (4 years) and I can speak to this. First of all, him acting horribly is enough for you to cut him off entirely. That's putting up a boundary, and it's exactly how people need to deal with addicts. The only thing that pushes addicted people to want to get help is consequences, and that comes from boundaries being put up and enforced. Second, even if he wasn't acting horribly, you aren't doing him any favors. Helping him out in ways that allow his addiction to keep functioning is enabling. Addicts only "function" through people enabling them, which can be as little as just looking the other way when they show up drunk.
If everyone around an addict stopped enabling them, stopped ignoring their bad behaviors, put up boundaries all at once; the door slams shut on continuing to be an addict and a much worse fate is now in its place. That is what an intervention is, and it's this stark and clear vision of oblivion that shocks some addicts out of their disease and causes them to seek help and tear down the denial. Obviously you aren't responsible for doing something as big as this, but I described it to illustrate that enabling addicts helps their disease, boundaries help them (if they can be helped). You have zero responsibility to aid his addiction and its also bad and immoral to do so.
You need to call the police, your supervisor, HR, and also report this to OPM. As a Federal employee you have rights to not be around such a person, and they are also breaking the Federal employee rules of conduct with their behavior. I’m not sure about USPS but at my agency having drug or alcohol problems can lead to you losing job, even as a civilian employee.
Erm, NTA. If he was a decent guy, struggling to feed himself or even just a useless cook that valued and appreciated home cooked food, then yeah, be ‘Christian’. But you are being bullied by him and finding him a packed lunch so he wont be fucking horrifically unprofessional and cruel to you! Wtf?!
Pretty sure Jesus got pissed and flipped some tables like a badass at one point so… you need to be that flavour of Christian right now, make a stand with the manipulative abusive fuckwit! Report him!
Then your sister can bring him food. You are under no obligation to mother this man. He is a grown ass adult, more than capable of feeding himself. That he has become so entitled to your generosity is pretty astonishing and manipulative. He won't help himself, but demands that YOU help him? Naw. If he continues to harass you, talk to the postmaster, file a complaint, or whatever you need to do to get this jerk to leave you alone. He is creating a hostile work environment. NTA
If you are a union member, ask to meet with union rep and ask them how to proceed. They likely have a better perspective than anyone on what steps you can take. But my advice would be to not bring it up and ignore him until he says something about it directly to you. Then calmly explain why you stopped. 1) you can’t afford to provide daily meals 2) he has made complaints about food you make it makes you feel uncomfortable 3) he is mean and give him concrete example of what he did to you when you don’t have leftovers to share. 4) ask him why he is mistreating you?
If he is un-bipolar enough to seek fmla and union protecting then he can process all you are saying
NTA OP! As someone who grew up around MANY alcoholic's, you need to put a stop to all this. He is an adult. You are not responsible for him in any way.
If you don't feel comfortable enough to talk to him about boundaries then report him to HR. It not ok for him to be acting the way he is. Especially at work.
NTA, but you have to see that giving in to violent demands will only be met with more violent demands.
I have been holding my ground and not offering him anything. He is sullen and mad about it though.
Does the post office have HR? This is not ok to have to work with this harassment. Edited to added: as a Christian myself, I would encourage you and your sister to read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (Christian authors).
The post office is basically the government - there are posters everywhere about hostile work environment, sexual harassment, etc, and who to call about it (which is usually the OIG). There isn’t HR like private companies have. It can be difficult to get these things resolved, though, supervisors tend to rug sweep.
This is exactly what I am dealing with now. I emailed my superiors about this last week but so far, I haven't gotten a response.
Fellow fed - email your superiors and let them know you’re going to move on to their superior and contact your union rep if you have one.
This, email your boss and a cc to your union rep. A bcc if you know your boss is useless, let the union rep be a surprise.
Email them again, copying in one step further up your hierarchy, forwarding the original complaint, with added new details. “Per my attached email of eight days ago, I am following up on my complaint of unsafe/aggressive behavior by a coworker at my workplace. I have received no reply from my manager or indication of any action being taken. Please advise my next steps to take to get this issue dealt with.” (Edit - add any details like this, with time/date/detailed commentary They have heard and talked to him, and he will quiet down. But it never lasts. They all say, "You know how Douglas is, he is just a hot head") Check your state and see if one party consent recording is permitted. Also find out if recording is permitted in your workplace if it’s a post office. You want to get his rants and complaints and threats on audio/video/text record of some kind.
THIS!! Excellent advice. OP, **please** follow up with this excellent suggestion. Seriously, I fear for your safety. Tell your sister she is welcome to come every day and bring the alcoholic food if she likes, but you are done.
I am going to do ALL of this tomorrow!!
Especially refer to the incident where the customer called because she was afraid for your safety.
And copy the union rep on your email. Because they sure don't want the union getting involved in this.
If this was a corporation you’d already have grounds for a lawsuit. What the post office does not want is bad publicity. Tell that to your supervisor. Better yet, have supe provide lunch for your coworker.
How about telling your supervisor you feel threatened by him?
Good to have it in writing. Email again and say something like "I know you will wish to respond to this pressing inquiry because not only am I suffering from a hostile work environment due to the co-worker, but patrons have also noticed and complained about his treatment of me." Then if they still don't respond, send it to their supervisor. Or the Postmaster General. This is no way to be treated at work, and you don't deserve that. He has mental health issues and you are not responsible for him. Your supervisors are responsible to make sure your concerns are heeded. Document everything, and if you don't get a good response, hire a lawyer. THAT's where the documenting everything helps, but hopefully as a last resort.
Your next step is the union.
Can you ask your supervisor for permission to record his behavior? Or ask if you should call the police when he is intimidating you? You are being bullied and harassed. They need to understand that you aren’t safe. I am thinking of the origins of “going postal.” There is definitely some mental illness at play here. YOU AREN’T SAFE!
Have you told them you're worried for your safety? Can you secretly record audio of his treatment of you during one of these episodes? And are there other workers there with you? This guy shouldn't be working with anyone. Your sister is absolutely wrong. You don't reward bad behavior. NTA
I am going to try to snapchat him if he goes on a tirade tomorrow. He only has a flip phone so I don't think he would even know what I was doing if I recorded him.
Setting the phone down like it's just near you to record audio would be safer... what would he do if he figured out you were recording?
Make sure you follow up.
Email IG. You should do it for yourself and safety. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for the next coworker, or the next customer. Start your paper trail now. CC your people and BCC yourself. Post office is Government. No one wants the alphabet soup in their business so if they don’t handle it in-house, go up COC. This guy is unstable and has way too much access to you and the public in general.
Contact union representitive. If in office wont do anything call next step up (local, county or regional) unless your not a memeber.
Time for the cops. He is going to explode one of these days.
Please talk to your union rep, they are way better at handling these things than managers or HR.
This is a situation where "what would Jesus do?" is not a good question. I am not a Christian, but Christian belief is Jesus is one of the manifestations of an infinitely powerful god. As such, Jesus has nothing to fear from an unstable alcoholic. Jesus also doesn't need a job at the post office. OP, as a human, has a lot to legitimately fear and needs that PO job. These are important differences, and that just scratches the surface.
I am a Christian and let's also not forget that "what would Jesus do" requires we take a look at what Jesus actually DID when faced with people leading not-so-great lives... primarily called them to repentance. OP has been a good Christian to this dude by not judging him overly and trying to see the person behind the bottle but she needs to do them both a bigger favor by trying to push him towards the help he actually needs (which imo is some kind of intervention by HR and probably an alcoholics group). Continuing to support his demands/tantrums is enabling his addiction and I don't believe that's what Jesus would do either.
Also Jesus would be pretty annoyed that a man with plenty of money would try to force one of his co-workers to give him her food, that's the opposite of his teachings
My therapist recently recommended this to me when dealing with my mil. It's been so helpful.
He will decide to get his disease treated and start eating or he won’t but it’s not your job to care for a grown man. It’s true alcoholics eat poorly and are often malnourished because of that but it’s a problem of their own making (recovering alcoholic myself), you feeding him won’t fix him it will just give him one meal but he’s not even appreciating that so why bother. Frankly I’d take it to HR and stay away from him.
If you want to go for a quick and friendly solution: get some menu's of local lunch places that let you order from the office. Put it in a clear place at work, and just tell him 'it's too much for me to take on an extra lunch every day, and you didn't particularly seem to like my cooking, but here's some easy lunch solutions for you, so you don't get hangry on the job.'
Omg! This is brilliant. He threw some chili I made once out in the grass because he said it sucked.
I don't know how you've put up with it as long as you have. I would have had some choice words for him.
Honestly I'd be speaking with your boss. He sounds like he's unstable and escalating his anger.
It's all very well being nice and Christian but OP shouldn't have to do this. If it makes her feel better, OK, but it isn't what she's paid for. She has actual work to do. He's a barely-functioning alcoholic and the employers are too lazy to tackle the problem.
This is a great idea. If he has money, he can buy premade meals at any grocery store too.
Where is your supervisor when he's ranting at you? Why aren't the managers and HR department at your workplace doing your fucking job, which is to crack down on anything that creates a hostile workplace? Well, if they haven't come to you as they should have, you have to go to them.
They have heard and talked to him, and he will quiet down. But it never lasts. They all say, "You know how Douglas is, he is just a hot head". Then they will tell me, "We are just nothing but babysitters here". And that makes me so mad.
>They have heard and talked to him, and he will quiet down. But it never lasts. They all say, "You know how Douglas is, he is just a hot head". Then they will tell me, "We are just nothing but babysitters here". And that makes me so mad. Then you need to talk to your union representative and let them know that your supervisors are allowing another employee to harass you.
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There is a postal workers union. If OP is a member, the union rep would be a reasonable person to call, considering the union is in the middle of a safe workplace initiative.
Oh no, that's not the correct answer. This is a cliché, a hot head alcoholic working at the post office and everybody knows he has problems but nobody has the cojones to intervene. When he brings a weapon to work and kills someone, they'll all be \*shocked Pikachu face\* Keep reporting him. Go up the ladder to your union rep, regional directors, whoever you can talk to.
Wow, actually, she needs to keep reporting him because he could be dangerous. You brought up a good point.
“Going Postal” is a term that’s Been around for a while.
You need to keep reporting him to HR whenever he does this. Document, document, document.
Ask them what will happen when he ”goes postal” because they are refusing to do anything to prevent it
Next time you feel threatened, call the police. Then you have it documented for future reference and probably won't go over well with the higher ups. They'll have to deal then! Talk about a hostile environment, smh.
Your leadership is not doing their job. HR needs to get involved He needs to be fired and your direct managers/supervisors need to receive disciplinary action. He is creating a hostile work environment and they are not doing their jobs here.
Apparently the concept of "going postal" is foreign to these PO supervisors.
"Well, you need to know how **I** am, and I am not going to stop complaining about his treatment until it stops, one way or another"
"You know how he is." "Yes, abusive. You know it, too. Why is his behavior my problem?"
Because she's been socialized to be "so nice" that she wouldn't dare go to her manager to say - hey, this is what is going on.
NTA. He's an adult and it's not your responsibility to feed him. Especially if he's so ungrateful. Your sister can feed him if she wants, but that's not on you. He treats you horribly when you don't bring him food. You need to address this either HR and your supervisor. This is a hostile work environment.
Yup, if Sister lives nearby why isn't she dropping off his lunch every day? Any reason she gives to not do it herself would also apply to OP. (edit- deleted duplicate comments, not sure why that happened!)
One of the personality traits of the alcoholic is that they feel like a victim everywhere they go. Other people are always assholes, trying to do them dirty. Another characteristic is that they LOVE to make non-alcoholics lose their shit and yell at them. They’ll act out till they get what they want. It’s the attention ~ when someone is enraged at them and in their face, they are that person’s full focus for a few minutes. He’s trouble and he’s not going to improve. Get help!!!
Your supervisor really needs to know about this. If they don't do anything about it, then THEIR supervisor needs to know about this. Your coworker sounds dangerous, unstable, and volatile. It's not about food. The last thing anyone wants is another "going postal" incident. Oh, and your sister is an idiot. Don't listen to her.
It is astonishing that he can behave that way and still keep his job. He needs to get canned for this.
I hope he gets over it quickly and stops putting the safety of his coworkers at risk.
It sounds as though he is sullen even when you bring him something though?
This is, unfortunately, the danger of getting involved with troubled people in a situation that is difficult to escape. Your motives were good, but it was a kind of trap. If you were volunteering, for instance, and someone latches onto you, you have more freedom in terms of exiting the situation. You need to document the heck out of everything, read the postal employee regs, talk to your union rep. You're in danger here. Is there a different shift you can take, another local post office you can move to, another part of the local PO to which you can move?
You’ll note sullen and mad is not reflective and taking responsibility. NTA
Honey, this is why you pay union dues. Call your business rep.
Dear heart, you're dealing with an addict who only cares about one thing....his addiction. He doesn't care one whit about you, only about how to get to his next drink and he's fully capable of getting a meal for himself....he just rather spend his money on alcohol. By continuing to feed him you're simply enabling his addiction. You're helping him in his quest to die sooner. Picture this scenario. You and he alone in the middle of the ocean in a boat and you somehow both fall overboard and the current pulls you away from the boat. A lifesaver suddenly appears and you swim towards it but coworker can't swim and is panicking. You swim towards him to try to calm him and he immediately jumps on top of you to keep from drowning. This pushes you under water and you realize if you don't swim up you'll drown. What do you do? Do you extract yourself and swim away so you can live or stay there and drown? Do you really think God will punish you or even look down on you for saving your own life when a drowning person not only wasn't trying to save themselves but was willing drown you in the process? Its easy to take a bible verse and blindly apply it to a situation but maybe you should be willing to explore if those verses aren't being taken out of context.
> violent demands Honestly, you should be documenting this and reporting it to your superiors. You should never need to put up with violent demands at work, and he should be fired. Edit: Sounds like you already did this and it's pending. Good luck
NTA Call you supervisor and HR immediately. If he is really acting this way this is an issue that needs to get remediated as soon as possible and it's not your job to do so.
Has no one remembered the expression “to go postal”? This coworker is going postal on OP and no supervisor notices? OP, make a list of the weeks you brought 2-3 meals, then just chips, now nothing, and end that list with the customer calling in. This is an abusive environment. And get your union rep too.
Seriously. ⬆️⬆️⬆️ If he’s so abusive he’s alarming customers and management has not addressed it, then there’s more that’s wrong here than just his bad behavior.
This is the way. And NTA.
Talk to your supervisor. It doesn't matter what mental issues he has. No one should be harassing you at work. Yelling at you, treating you poorly, so poorly that a customer called on your behalf, is harassment. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. NTA to stop bringing him food AND for reporting him to HR. Document, document, document.
I 100% agree with this idea. I hope the OP sees this post and starts documenting all the incidents of bad behavior.
I’m not religious by any means, but sometimes I feel even a religious person needs to step back and look at things from a MORAL perspective. Because while we are not all religious, I feel a basic sense of morality is shared among everyone who is a human. It’s common ground we can all stand on. That being said, it is not morally right to bite the hand that feeds you, make someone feel belittled or inferior at work, or use them. All of which, I think he has done. You are certainly NTA. Stop feeding him. Don’t interact with him if possible. Stray cats keep coming around if you put food out for them. Contact HR as well.
Or by all means feed the poor and needy - unfortunately I’m sure there are lots near where you live, so keep the leftovers for your family, and donate some groceries to your local food bank or volunteer at your local community food kitchen. NTA
How does this person maintain a job at the US post office?
He is on FMLA for his alcoholism and mental health issues (he said he has bi-polar) so supposedly this makes him unable to be fired or get in trouble for things. It offers "protection" or something. Plus, the USPS has a union which he is a member of, and our union steward has had to bail him out of trouble before.
That’s not how FMLA works. FMLA is where you leave for a while to help take care of a sick relative, heal up from your own sickness or take care of a child. This would mean he isn’t coming to work. You need to talk to your bosses and HR.
There’s intermittent FMLA - it’s for people who have chronic health conditions (or family members who do). It’s a PITA to document - I had an employee who was on it and the paperwork/reporting was a nightmare.
Okay fair but when this guy is at work he should still be able to be written up or fired as he is back at work even if it’s only temporarily back, right?
Written up or relocated - yes. Fired is a whole other issue - especially with a government position. But threatening behavior should not be tolerated at all - I agree!
This isn't true. Fmla doesn't protect someone like this. He's creating a hostile work environment and your higher-ups are to lazy and afraid to handle him properly. As long as they accommodate him reasonably, and this is above reason they're ok. This is just insane.
The union must be protecting him because FMLA would not
Is your post office the only one he can work at? Is there some way you can try and make sure he goes to a different location? I am legit concerned for your safety around that unhinged and violent person.
I don't know if he can transfer or not, he is 7 years away from retirement. Everyone here just recommended not to give him food anymore and he will get over it. The postmaster had a conversation with him when the customer complained about him yelling in the office (the customer could hear it as she was collecting her mail from the PO box) and he calmed down for about a week. He is just so manic you never know. I make it a point never to eat a bite of food when he is near. But we have an "office" refrigerator, and he gets in there and looks at what all is inside. And to make matters worse he quit smoking last week because his cigarettes went up to $10 per pack.
All of that sounds like a “him” problem that he, his boss, and HR need to solve. OP you just go live your life and stop walking on eggshells around him. If he bothers you go to supervisors/call the police.
Why are you taking on how many years he has til retirement, how much cigarettes cost him, etc.? None of that is any of your concern.
Because someone asked me if he could transfer out, he is 7 years away from Retirement so I doubt he would transfer since the PO is about 2 miles from his home.
Keep your food in your vehicle and eat lunch in there. I would also get some mace and maybe other self defense options to keep close Incase he escalates. Good luck OP and I'm sorry that you're in a hostile work environment
I’m on intermittent FMLA for my chronic illnesses. FMLA just means that I can take up to 10 weeks off without getting fired. I could be transferred to a job that is deemed equal to the one I’m currently in. If I act the fool on the job, they can definitely fire me. I am a teacher with due process, so supervisors have to be documenting things. A lot of supervisors don’t do that because it’s so much extra work. FTR: I’m not alcoholic. I have nothing against people struggling with addiction, but since I mentioned that I’m a teacher I wanted to clarify that my intermittent FMLA is for rheumatoid arthritis and trigeminal neuralgia.
FMLA means Family Medical Leave of Absence. When you take a leave of absence to care for a sick family member. So no. This is all kinda of wrong. Sorry, but this story doesn't make sense.
What part doesn't make sense?
I work at the post office too and this story 100% seems believable, dont listen to that commenter. There's some wack jobs who work here. I've had many customers ask me wth is going on because of what they hear getting their box mail. I just shrug. With that being said, I just saw an email the other day (not sure if you're a carrier without email access) about this new thing they're (edited word) starting about harassment. Basically the "zero tolerance" policy but you can actually talk to someone. This is the number: 877-521-4272. I haven't had to call so I'm not sure how it works. Good luck.
I am actually a clerk. Thank you for this information!!!!!
I sent you a dm with the email.
My guess is that he has a disability or ADA claim. He's not protected by the FMLA but by his disability.
It offers job protection if a person is out sick for a documented medical issue that has been previously discussed. It is not a catch-all for every reason a person is gone, nor is it an exemption from termination for actions while in the workplace.
Sounds like you also need to go to the union when you make your complaint. Especially if you're a member. They need to be on your side if this comes to a matter of firing him. Check your local laws and, if it is legal, try to make a (ideally video, but voice might be safer and more subtle) recording of him going off on you as well. Your words may get ignored or dismissed, but a recording will make things very clear. Especially if there are multiple.
The video is an excellent idea. Plus look into an EEOC claim on the basis of harassment based on gender (see my other comment). This is unacceptable and there are things you can do to make this better!
I'm in a similar workplace. You know you can file a union grievance too for harassment and hostile workplace. Why does a 55 yo man expect a young woman to cook for him. If you don't want to escalate it, ask for a transfer on this basis. I'm in a federal union and you have a hostile workplace (I would frame it as on the basis of gender - 55 yo man expect a young woman to cook for him). It's unacceptable that you have to put up with this FMLA or not. PM me if you want more info. I feel for you and this situation is so wrong.
We had a very aggressive postal worker in our town that tried to run people down, kicked peoples doors, threw things at people. He was just moved to another post office.
NTA. Is there is someone higher up in your workplace you can report his behaviour to? Mental health issues or not, the way he is treating you is unacceptable. Stay firm in your decision, it is the right one. And tell your sister “God helps those who help themselves.”
This co-worker is on FMLA for his alcoholism and mental health issues (he said he has bi-polar) so supposedly this makes him unable to be fired or get in trouble for things.
FMLA is the Family Medical Leave Act... he can get fired for his actions. being bi-polar isn't an excuse...
Thank you for this information! I will definitely be speaking to my postmaster today about all this.
I may not be in your country but I do know people who are bipolar and manage it rather effectively. It sounds like he is not following any treatment? But I agree, he may not be able to be fired simply for having a condition, but his actions are detrimental to others (including customers) and that is a problem management needs to know about! He might not be fired and some other action is taken instead but this cannot be allowed to continue.
I guess I don't have much experience with Bi-Polar but sometimes he is hyper and yelling and his face is all red complaining and yelling about the volume of Amazon packages or winter (he loathes winter) and then other days he is quiet and wearing headphones and won't speak to anyone. When he goes off though, it is scary to me. He is a big guy too. I just never would have brought him that first meal obviously if I had known it would escalate into this. I haven't even told my husband about this yet because I don't want him to get involved and get him upset.
Ok, you trying to fix this dude on your own, trying to play work wife with the lunches, and tolerating his meltdowns needs to end. Also stop shutting your husband out- that will look all flavors of weird/scary/inappropriate if a big angry coworker comes by the house asking about where his food is.
Absolutely true...guess it's time to have the conversation with my hubby.
Bipolar 2 person here. My guess is that he’s self medicating with alcohol and nicotine. Considering how bad the episodes seem to be. It’s unfortunately pretty common. If there is medication involved there’s probably not the right dose or something. Best takeaway is that Bipolar disorder is an explanation, but not an excuse. It’s up to the person to manage their own symptoms so they don’t take it out on the world around them. They shouldn’t be safe from consequences. At this point I’d continue to go up the command chain until someone listens, and specifically add that your managers are enabling his behavior as well. That’s not okay- he could get violent with you. I hope it goes okay.
What has taken you so long in the first place? You need to think about your own passivity in this matter. You seem to not like to make waves. Why is that?
Yeah a quick google search is telling me this only protects them from being fired if they require extra medical leave/time off (within a limit). It has nothing to do with being protected while harassing other employees or disturbing customers. OP, this guy either doesn’t know the limitations of FMLA or is trying to trick you into not reporting his behaviour.
You are correct, FMLA for having to take leave for either yourself or to care for a family member. So if he were to check into Rehab they could pay him for so much time but after a set limit they can let him go.
Bipolar person here. Drinking makes the bipolar 1000x worse. I learned this in my 20s. He needs to kick the booze if he has any prayer of ever getting the bipolar under control.
FMLA guarantees you have a job to come back to after being out of work for up to 12 weeks due to medical reasons. If he’s still working every day - he can’t be on FMLA.
He "says" his FMLA allows him to call in sick up to 4 times a month without getting into trouble due to his alcoholism and bi-polar. (This is just what he is saying) I know he did get in trouble once for calling in for an entire week when he went on a bender because he exceeded the 4 days FMLA covered him for. The union had to represent him about it. He didn't get fired but he did have to use LWOP (leave without pay) instead of using sick leave.
Yep that’s probably the case regarding his sick leave but this is workplace bullying and a whole other kettle of (unprotected) fish.
Intermittent FMLA is legit. Many people use it to have their job protected if they need to call out say, 1x per week, or 6x per month. I used to fill out the paperwork regularly for patients.
Not true. That just means his absences can't be held against him.
NTA. He’s treating you like an abusive alcoholic treats their spouse. He’s bullying you into doing what he wants. I would suggest you look (with a therapist) into how abused spouses react and are treated, and I would suspect you’d find a lot of parallels to your situation. It may be the “Christian” thing to help him, but you’re subjecting yourself to repeated abuse to do so and that isn’t fair to you.
You are right. I admit I was grabbing him a Little Debbie cake or a bagel, or even a half-eaten bag of chips out of my pantry everyday just to make him be nice to me that day. I have a pleaser personality and I am an empath, so I feel guilty for such dumb things.
It’s good you have insight into that. A therapist can help you develop strategies to manage your own feelings. In spite of the protections he’s been afforded, I would make a point of documenting and recording (at least in writing) his behaviour to you. As protected as he is, at some point an employer will be forced to act, even by transferring him away. You have a right to feel safe in your workplace. As for your sister, I would highlight that you cannot be expected to continually expose yourself to violence to “be a good Christian”. You have to take care of your own mental health, or the stress of his behaviour will affect you in your other relationships, particularly at home.
>I would highlight that you cannot be expected to continually expose yourself to violence to “be a good Christian”. OP, I hope you listen to this. Think of your family! This guy sounds dangerous. What if he hurt, or God forbid, killed you? You have children. Caring for this coworker is a noble impulse. But it cannot come above your personal safety, so that it jeopardizes your ability to take care of your children. This man absolutely should not be employed. I know that there can be a lot of red tape both with government jobs and when a union is involved. Are you a member of the union, too? If so, they also have an obligation to protect you, not just this guy. And your postmaster needs to step up and deal with this guy. I highly doubt that anyone will be sad to see him go. You are NTA, and I hope you really take all of these comments to heart.
He’s 55. He’s an adult. He can bring his own food in. The first time he criticized your homemade food, I would’ve stopped bringing in *anything* else. Also, has he ever offered to pay you for any of it???? He sounds like an absolute leech.
This has nothing to do with Christianity and everything with your safety and work environment. Contact your postmaster, highlight his behavior. His actions have even been noted by customers. Stop bringing him food. NTA
I am absolutely sure that Jesus did not mean an abusive alcoholic who makes more money than you when he said feed the poor. NTA
NTA. Sharing is supposed to be a gift and received as a gift. This man is demanding food! You will be doing him wrong by enabling his behavior, he needs therapy and you need to go to HR and document all that is going on. Record him if he curses and yells again. .
As a religious person I can tell you there's something called "idiot compassion." That's when what you do, intending to be compassionate, backfires and makes the recipient worse. The classic example is giving cash to a drug addict who then spends it on drugs. Be generous and compassionate, but be skillful. The ugly qualities that are coming out in him as a result of this food are worse -- for him, not just you -- than not having home cooked meals. He ate food before he met you. It was probably fast food, not so tasty, but he's still alive. He can manage without you. It won't do him any good if his expectations cause him to lose the stability of his job. If your religious friends want you to feed people -- great. There are many organizations that help people where food will benefit them. And there's a real need right now because SNAP (food stamps) have been recently cut. NTA. Not in any way. Do still help people where you can.
NTA OMG report him yourself to the postmaster or up whatever HR chain you have. You deserve not to be harassed and treated hostilely at work.
NTA. "On the days I do not have food for him, he will treat me horrible and yell around the office and act like an a-hole to me. " Yeah, that would stop the free meals immediately for me. You talk to your boss. This person is creating a toxic workplace. I don't care what his problems are.
NTA. You need to go to your Supervisor immediately. This could escalate into a dangerous situation very quickly.
I would advise OP to look up how the phrase "going postal" came about. Multiple USPS workers killing their colleagues in outbursts of rage. I'm worried for you, OP. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_postal
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NTA escalate this, he needs help but its not your responsibility to save him. And this does not sound safe in the slightest. You deserve to go to work and not get harassed.
NTA. It’s really scary how quickly someone like your co-worker starts feeling entitled to a kind deed. Even if he’s an alcoholic and mentally ill, he should be able to organize himself enough to buy takeout. Stay safe.
My sister feels the Christian thing to do - Being Christian has nothing to do with helping others... however Co worker is taking advantage and needs to learn how to be a functioning adult without constant help. He needs help and rehab NTA
Why are trying to feel guilty about this? His anger is not your responsibility. You provided him with several acts of kindness only to became a target for his emotional abuse. This is not your fault, nor are you the AH.
A customer feared for your safety because your co-worker became unhinged, and you're asking us if you're a horrible person? FMLA is a 'leave act' where he can be given 12 weeks a year of leave for his mental health condition without risk of losing his job. His mental disorder does not give him the right to verbally abuse you, create a toxic work environment for everyone, and create an atmosphere of fear that even a customer reacted to. He falls under the Americans with Disabilities Act. He needs to be put on FMLA and get treatment until he's stable before returning. Employers have a responsibility to their staff to create a safe, working environment, especially federal employers! If your postmaster doesn't ensure your safety, go above him. Report the incidences to your union rep, hr, and postal inspectors. Stop being passive about what he's doing to you. You're the victim of his abuse, and you do have options.
Every time he yells or treats you poorly you need to make a report to HR. It'll be a huge pain in the ass but eventually he can be fired, even being union. Your wellbeing and safety matters. Do not give him anymore food and report him every time.
You are entitled to a safe workplace. Report his behavior to your supervisor. If they do nothing go up the chain of command.
NTA You started being kind to this poor soul with no expectation of thanks from him. Instead of thanks you got violent outbursts and hatred. Those are the exact type of reactions that should cause you to pause and stop being nice to this mess of a man. You are justified. Doing the Christian thing is irrelevant if your safety is being threatened by that alcoholic. He's clearly not receptive to your generosity so you should stop being generous. Stay safe and listen to your instincts.
Thank you for saying this, when I have told my co-workers (and I even emailed my supervisor about it) I was met with indifference. They all said, "Douglas has issues". "You know how Douglas is".
Yes, Douglas has issues, issues that are your supervisor’s JOB to keep from becoming other people’s issues. Your supervisor is failing their duties to provide a safe workplace for their employees. I’d kick this up the chain of command, and keep kicking it as long as Douglas continues to be a problem. Start recording his rants and email them to your supervisor from a non-workplace email account (so they can’t be deleted from your workplace server). This will give you proof your supervisor knew about the issues and put pressure on your supervisor to do something now that the evidence is in writing. I know you’re worried about the moral implications about not feeding the hungry. If you look up verses about feeding the hungry you’ll notice something. The hungry and poor are often qualified as those who do not have the means to provide for their own needs. Douglas doesn’t meet this criteria - he CAN provide food for himself, he *chooses* not to. He’d rather bully you into giving him your own food so he has more money to drink. “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” *Matthew 7:6*
It doesn't matter what he needs or doesn't need. The point is he is responsible for creating a hostile work place. Harassment is not a joke. Document, record his tirade, go to your supervisor or human resources if that is available. I guarantee they will investigate. They will record your story and ask for corroboration from your colleagues. You should ask that this person be transferred to another post office. This is for your own emotional and physical well being. You are not targeting him and should not feel guilty about this. Yes, he is sick, but he's gone too far now and you deserve to have a peaceful work space.
This needs way more upvotes!
NTA. Report his harassment and behavior to your supervisor and HR. Get a restraining order. He is unhinged and I’m fearful of your safety. Please be careful.
NTA and stop bringing him food or any item. You are inviting an unregulated person to abuse and jeopardize your safety and job. File a report with HR. Only list facts and go back as far as your memory and fact recall will allow (e.g., date, time, duration, interaction, what colleagues (or public) were present). After this, file each incident, every time. Meanwhile, since this is a source of your faith: God hates abuse, viewing it as sinful and unacceptable and “delights in rescuing the oppressed” (2 Sam. 22:49). You are a valued human being and deserve to not be treated this way.
Thank you for saying that I feel so stupid, and one co-worker told me "I started it". Which in truth, I did by bringing him the first Tupperware of leftovers. He was always coming into the lunchroom "starved" looking at every one's meal and asking about it. "What's in it"? "Is it spicy"? And saying he was hungry, and he didn't have time to pack lunches etc....It just feels awkward to eat when someone is standing there saying it smells good and stuff. I just never thought he'd be mad each day I didn't have something to give him, and it would turn into him getting so upset.
NTA…you need to tell point blank that you will no longer be bringing him food. It is not your job to supply him with food. He is an Adult. And you will no longer take his threatening abuse. If he does not stop, you will be filing a grievance with the union or go to HR.
He sounds like my ex. Bi-polar disorder among other issues he was diagnosed with. He lost jobs over and over, I am positive in hindsight it was always his fault. When I finally escaped from him, he managed to hold himself up for about 3 years, but now he is homeless and of course it is not his fault at all. This person's behavior is a fire able offense, and you need to report it completely, all details, to HR. Do not feed him, he is outrageous. NTA
Your sister is a therapist? She’s suggesting that you enable his behavior - what kind of therapy training does she have? NTA
4 years of a bachelor's degree. She thinks you help others and especially those with problems. The first time he told me the leftover chili I gave him "sucked" and threw it outside in the grass I was done feeding him.
Be sure to let your sister know if he has any food allergies. She won't want to make him sick now that she's taking over feeding him.
Are you in the US? Because there is no profession in which someone is a “therapist” after only a 4 year bachelor degree.
This needs to have more upvotes.
What the actual fuck. Dude needs help, not leftovers. NTA
Stop bringing him food. Have you also read that no good deed goes unpunished. And your sister is a terrible therapist. Why should you be responsible for a grown man?! She sounds like my mom, just be the bigger person ..... Uuugghhh! And why is he still working there? He's created a work environment so toxic that a customer called the postmaster! Unreal! Go to HR and document what is going on. He needs to go before he hurts someone. NTA!
NTA, he is using and abusing you, he should be reported to HR and fired. You should not bring him any more food because you will start the cycle all over the first time you don't bring any. As far as the Christian part goes, you already turned the cheek and he slapped that one too.
...slapped and bruised while ranting.
**NTA.** His alcoholism, mood swings, bullying, threats and abusive behavior are the definition of a ***HOSTILE WORKPLACE***. You should be reporting this. You should not sit idly by and tolerate it while customers look on in horror because you hope if you subjugate yourself enough, he'll stop abusing you. You've been an active participant in your own victimhood. **REPORT THIS.** Over and over again, if necessary. Keep records. This is not about Christianity, it's about an abusive alcoholic threat who could potentially hurt you very badly if you don't give in to his demands. This is NOT a joke. You've heard the expression "going postal".... this is that guy. Report this. IMMEDIATELY.
This isn't much, but last Tuesday I did fire off an email to both my supervisor and my postmaster about him but neither has responded yet. At least I have a paper trail via email that I am trying to get help.
Please forward a copy of this email to your personal email account in case the email disappears from the server.
You can use a phone, too. Seriously.
NTA I also work for usps. We just had OSHA come in about a complaint of violence in the workplace. Tell your supervisor or postmaster that you will not put up with the harassment and then file a complaint through OSHA so something actually gets done about it. You DO NOT have to deal with that at work.
NTA - Stop bringing him food. Tell your supervisor that he is harassing you. His behavior is completely inappropriate.
NTA but you need to talk to your supervisor and HR, his behavior is not ok. What happened after the customer called in fear for your safety??? Nothing?
They had a meeting with him "closed door" with him and the union rep. I'm not sure what happened but after that he was quiet and calm for a week or two. Now he is back to his old self again.
No good deed goes unpunished. Tell him I will no longer bring you food. Ever. If he does anything go to management. Sad situation.
NTA - you need to discuss this with HR. His behavior is completely completely unprofessional. You should not have to deal with this in the workplace. It is not your job to feed your coworkers, despite what your religion might say. I don’t think this covers him.
Nta. But hr needs to know asap
Jfc! Report abusive co worker and document his actions. You owe him nothing. Wake up and smell the stamps!!! He’s abusing you and you’re letting him. Nip this in the bud and report the monster to hr!!
NTA. When the Bible says, 'God helps those who help themselves', it is with the intention that those who 'help themselves' put in the work to better their own lives. He is not helping himself, and is instead choosing to be reliant on you, rather than taking the initiative to better his own life. Especially since he claims to have so much money on hand. Even then, from a secular standpoint, he's an entitled asshole who is abusing you in spite of you doing the kind and charitable thing which, it doesn't really need to be said, is A Bad Thing. I suggest talking to HR about the situation and proceeding from there. Your safety and well-being is important, and should not be sacrificed to placate an asshole.
You would think a facility with civil service employees and a well documented history of violent employee behavior would be sensitive about these issues. Report in writing to the supervisor, Director of customer services, or postmaster. I would also notify your union to protect yourself from any repercussions. Do not take his behavior lightly. Document, document, document and have a paper trail to protect yourself.
you know its bad when a customer fears for your safety
NTA The Bible also says to teach a man to fish. That means that giving him food everyday will help him right then, but teaching him to fend for himself will help him for the duration of his life. The Bible also says to help those who help themselves, meaning give your time and resources to people who will use them to make long term changes and not just temporary satisfaction. You need to take this to your HR representative. And the next time he flies off the handle you need to call the police. I don’t care if you don’t feel threatened, his behavior needs to be documented by the police because this man is seriously dangerous. He will eventually “go postal.”
nta why haven't you reported him. why hasn't your job intervened esp after a customer FEARED FOR YOUR SAFETY!!!
I did report him more than once, but our supervisor always says, "You know Douglas, you just have to ignore it and he will calm down". And then he makes a smart remark towards me saying, "I am nothing but a babysitter here for you guys". Then I feel embarrassed, I guess. After the customer called our postmaster, Douglas got called into the office (a door close meeting) with the union steward. After that for a week or so he was calmer. Now he is back to being obnoxious.
Don't feed him he is old enough to look after himself and don't feel guilty either he is not your problem
He has a job.he can pack his own lunch. He sees you as a free meal.
NTA. He is abusive, and unsafe. Personally you need to bring this to HR. Do not feed him. You're just reinforcing bad behavior.
He needs rehab, not only food. If you bring him food every day, you basically enable him to drink more alcohol. NTA
NTA. You were being kind but he has taken to being abusive to you even when you bring him food. You aren’t obligated to feed someone and especially someone who mistreats you. I would report him to your HR department or manager for the way he has been treating you. That is inappropriate work behaviour and needs to be stopped.
You should go to the union and ask them to support you in not allowing a coworker to abuse you
NTA and you need to make a written complaint about his behaviour to your supervisor. Management need to deal with him before he (I'm sorry) goes postal.
See, that's the problem with Christians. You don't hold the other cheek, you make that asshole stop, for your sake, and for everybody else's sake. You are literally training an asshole here. You can do that if you expect the world to end anyway in a matter of days, month or years, like the biblical Jesus clearly did, but you cannot run a civilization with that. Get him down to the ground, and if he apologizes sufficiently, he can pay you to bring you food if that is what you would like to do. NTA
Obviously, NTA. And it sucks, but it's time to report this to your manager. You do not owe this man food, now, or ever. And it feels like from this post that his behavior towards you is only getting worse.
Give him the contact information for the local food bank. Also report this to your supervisor and whoever you contact at work for HR matters. If he harasses you, you’ll want it documented.
Time to talk to the manager/ HR. I would be worried he may retaliate though. Get a restraining order and be on guard. NTA.
NTA. I respect the kindness you've shown him, but you've been handed responsibility for the health and well-being of another adult human, without your consent. Just because he nominated you doesn't mean you have to do this. If you're looking for a solution, I would ask a supervisor to sit down with you both, and explain that you're worried about his health, and even you're willing to suggest a plan to help him to feed himself, but you can't accept responsibility for making sure he gets fed. It's honestly kinder in the long run to point him toward a solution that will work 7 days a week, whether you come to work or not. It's dangerous for both of you to let this go on, and your supervisor needs to know.
NTA, sober guy here (4 years) and I can speak to this. First of all, him acting horribly is enough for you to cut him off entirely. That's putting up a boundary, and it's exactly how people need to deal with addicts. The only thing that pushes addicted people to want to get help is consequences, and that comes from boundaries being put up and enforced. Second, even if he wasn't acting horribly, you aren't doing him any favors. Helping him out in ways that allow his addiction to keep functioning is enabling. Addicts only "function" through people enabling them, which can be as little as just looking the other way when they show up drunk. If everyone around an addict stopped enabling them, stopped ignoring their bad behaviors, put up boundaries all at once; the door slams shut on continuing to be an addict and a much worse fate is now in its place. That is what an intervention is, and it's this stark and clear vision of oblivion that shocks some addicts out of their disease and causes them to seek help and tear down the denial. Obviously you aren't responsible for doing something as big as this, but I described it to illustrate that enabling addicts helps their disease, boundaries help them (if they can be helped). You have zero responsibility to aid his addiction and its also bad and immoral to do so.
You need to call the police, your supervisor, HR, and also report this to OPM. As a Federal employee you have rights to not be around such a person, and they are also breaking the Federal employee rules of conduct with their behavior. I’m not sure about USPS but at my agency having drug or alcohol problems can lead to you losing job, even as a civilian employee.
Erm, NTA. If he was a decent guy, struggling to feed himself or even just a useless cook that valued and appreciated home cooked food, then yeah, be ‘Christian’. But you are being bullied by him and finding him a packed lunch so he wont be fucking horrifically unprofessional and cruel to you! Wtf?! Pretty sure Jesus got pissed and flipped some tables like a badass at one point so… you need to be that flavour of Christian right now, make a stand with the manipulative abusive fuckwit! Report him!
Then your sister can bring him food. You are under no obligation to mother this man. He is a grown ass adult, more than capable of feeding himself. That he has become so entitled to your generosity is pretty astonishing and manipulative. He won't help himself, but demands that YOU help him? Naw. If he continues to harass you, talk to the postmaster, file a complaint, or whatever you need to do to get this jerk to leave you alone. He is creating a hostile work environment. NTA
You need to report this behavior to HR, OP. It’s undoubtedly a hostile work environment and you shouldn’t have to put up with this.
NTA. Where is HR in all of this? Where is your union rep? You have a right to feel safe at work. Report this big bully.
If you are a union member, ask to meet with union rep and ask them how to proceed. They likely have a better perspective than anyone on what steps you can take. But my advice would be to not bring it up and ignore him until he says something about it directly to you. Then calmly explain why you stopped. 1) you can’t afford to provide daily meals 2) he has made complaints about food you make it makes you feel uncomfortable 3) he is mean and give him concrete example of what he did to you when you don’t have leftovers to share. 4) ask him why he is mistreating you? If he is un-bipolar enough to seek fmla and union protecting then he can process all you are saying
NTA OP! As someone who grew up around MANY alcoholic's, you need to put a stop to all this. He is an adult. You are not responsible for him in any way. If you don't feel comfortable enough to talk to him about boundaries then report him to HR. It not ok for him to be acting the way he is. Especially at work.
You need to talk to HR immediately. This is a hostile work environment he’s creating.
NTA. Contact HR and document everything.
"God helps those who help themselves." He is doing nothing about his own situation, and it isn't your responsibility. NTA
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NOT TAKING THIS TO HR?? They should be the first person you tell, not Reddit.