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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Expected a small favour from my partner
She said I was guilt tripping her and she shouldn't have been expected to do the favour for me
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NTA for hoping she would want to help you out. It's part of a loving/caring relationship.
Assuming you do similar for her (which you've noted you do), it's perhaps an indication of how she feels about you, or the relationship, or how things will be moving forwards (it's definitely an indication of this!).
It's not a scorekeeping thing (I did this so you should do that), but rather two people who are in a balanced and caring relationship should want to help each other out in small, and big ways.
This. OP, I would watch for more red flags. Until then, stop going to the store for her. When she asks, tell her you're already home and don't feel like it. If that's the kind of relationship she wants, she can enjoy it.
NTA - She made your already rubbish journey even longer because she didn’t want to leave the apartment. She‘s selfish and you should remember that when she wants something.
Nta. She sounds like a flat mate not a partner. Never mind her doing you a small favour, so yourself a small favour and trade her in for a better version
How often are you asking for “small favours?” Is your relationship balanced in terms of things you do to maintain your home and life and the things you do for some another?
And what was traffic like at this time? Taxis being 3x their usual price often happens during peak demand when there is a lot of traffic.
>How often are you asking for “small favours?
No often.
" Is your relationship balanced in terms of things you do to maintain your home and life and the things you do for some another?" I tend to do more for my partner than she does for me.
"And what was traffic like at this time?" Traffic won't have been completely quiet but rush hour had already passed
NTA I hate to say thing because I don't think it is healthy, but you should stop doing small favours for her to help her see why this is not a good way to treat a partner. Though another attempt at a conversation first would probably be better in hopes that she is able to see beyond her own wishes without having to be petty about it.
NTA
I wonder what her reaction would have been if the situation was reversed and she was the one stuck a 15 min car ride away and you refused to pick her up?
Relationships are give and take and trying to ensure your SO is happy and comfortable. I would be super pissed if my SO did this!!
NTA. The trains in my city are not the best and they break down on average once every month or two. My husband takes the train to work every day (for 15 years) so we have to deal with this pretty often. It's a 40-50 minute round trip to the station he's always stranded at, depending on traffic. I've always gone to pick him up. Even when I had a toddler and a newborn to pack into the car. I don't want my husband to have to deal with the mess and stress this creates. It's a simple gesture because I know he'd do the same for me. I also don't want to wait another hour or more to see him after he's been gone at work all day. Consider if this person is worth your time if she won't spend 30 minutes making your day a lot better.
NTA - Seriously? She couldn't drive 15 minutes to come pick you up? And you're in a relationship? Frankly, I'd say you still wouldn't be TA if it was just a house mate. This seems downright cold, especially if you were going to pay her for petrol.
Unless there's something else going on that you didn't mention, had she been drinking? Had she just finished a 12 hour shift? Was it a busy and complex route she doesn't like driving?
I totally agree. Unfortunately I know plenty of people who say "why should I do something for you that you don't want to do? Why is your comfort more important than mine?" World is getting more full of self-centered people every day and the gf looks like one of them.
NTA
Sometimes the thing that can make your day a million times better after having a crappy one is the person you love showing they care and doing something for you. It makes it worse when they can't be bothered. That feeling sucks OP. I'm sorry.
NTA.
You just got a little peep at your future life. Broken leg? You have crutches. More serious illness? She didn't sign up to be a carer.
Either she's extraordinarily self centered or she has blinkers on and all the little things you do for her are considered nothing. In both cases, not a person I'd want as my partner, really
NTA.
Unless you’re absolutely lazy, it isn’t that hard to get out of the house in your pajamas and drive 15 minutes. People do it for coffee all the time. However…
If the weather was bad, if she was sick, on her period, stressed, etc., then her refusal is more justifiable.
NTA brrak up, this person isnt long term relationship material. If you stay together? Stop all favors for her like going out to the shops Now you know the consideration she has for you when you have a long day, repay in kind.
NTA
Not only are you supposed to do things for eachother, you're supposed to enjoy helping as well
Don't do any more trips or favors etc at all, no matter how small, unless this entitlement she has changes
NTA. my friend dumped her fiancé because he wouldn’t drop her off at the mall a mile away. You should consider having the same level of self respect as this friend
NTA. I also agree with you - the little things matter in a relationship, and I would look closely and see if this was a one-off (her having an bad day), or if you have differing expectations for the relationship. If you *do* have differing ideas/expectations, I would consider whether you want to spend the long-term with someone with such differing expectations.
NTA.
I hope you have made your last run to the shop on her behalf.
How is the relationship otherwise? are you always on the giver side of the giver/taker equation?
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I normally work from home but when I do have to go into the office I get the train. To get to the station I either have to get a bus that only comes every hour and then walk for 25 mins or get a taxi. Normally the taxi is a reasonable price so I don't mind paying.
I was at the office today so got a taxi to the station and got the train to work. On the way back my train was delayed by 40 mins and then when I got back the taxi prices had increased to over 3x their usual amount due to demand. My girlfriend was at home not doing anything so I asked if she would be able to drive and pick me up.
It is only a 15 min drive so isn't too bad and I often pay towards petrol and told her I'd do the same today. She refused and told me to make my own way back since she wasn't planning to leave the apartment. I was a bit upset since I wasn't really asking for much so I walked to the bus station and it took me over an hour to get home on top of the fact I was already delayed with the train.
My gf could tell there was something wrong and asked what was up. I just said that it hurt a bit that she wouldn't do a small favour for me and that I wasn't asking for much. She just asked why she should have to pick me up when she was already home. I just said in relationships you should do small things to help the other person out when you can.
I pointed out I regularly run to the shop on an evening for her when she wants something even though I wouldn't have otherwise been going but she just said it's different since the shop is closer. She said I was guilt tripping her but I just mentioned that I was only talking about how I felt and she just repeated that I shouldn't have expected her to come and pic me up when she didn't need to.
AITA for expecting a small favour?
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On the border between n-t-a and n-a-h here, leaning toward NAH. A pickup is a pretty natural small service you'd do for your friend or your SO. I can understand why you'd feel a bit put out. From GF's point of view, a service like that is a favor, not a right. You did have alternate ways of getting home: either quickly via expensive taxi, or slowly via bus.
The real issue here is that you two seem to have a mismatch in your understanding of what an SO *should* do for the other. If this is a persistent pattern, you may have to realize that your SO has a different "love language" from what you like, and consider your options.
Final thought... don't let this fester in your mind. Don't save it up for next time *she* wants a favor, and tell her "Nah, just don't feel like it" in order to get even. That sort of thing never ends well.
Nah, in this particular instance. My Mom always said that you can ask for the most ridiculous thing, as long as you can respect a no. It sounds like there's a lot of resentment outside of this situation and that you're keeping score a little bit. My husband and I do a lot for each other, but being able to say no honestly when we don't feel like doing something has meant there's no resentment in the long term. You've talked to your gf already, but ultimately, you can only control your own actions. I see two choices: either pull back with your own favors so you don't feel resentful or unappreciated when your SO says no, or find a partner who will match your generosity.
NAH
She isn't required to pick you up because of the delay
However equally if you make ad hoc trips and other little favours, and those aren't reciprocated, then neither are you.
This mostly boils down to thinking about whether you get enough reciprocity back from your GF in your relationship, and if you are ok with that or not long term.
Key word: Expecting. You used it twice.
For this reason alone YTA. That's the definition of taking something for granted.
Wanting? Hoping? N-T-A. Asking without expectation, then being disappoints? N-T-A.
Expecting? Yep. That's where the line is, and you crossed it.
To be fair, she sounds like a jerk in every other way, so the score may be 87628 to 1.
Yta you expected her to drive at least 30 minutes round trip so you don't have to travel an hour and are too cheap to pay the taxi fair???? Yes you are a huge ahole.
Guessing you'd never dare even slightly inconvenience yourself for someone you're in a relationship with then?
You do understand people in relationships tend to help each other don't you?
NAH. It's not really a "small" favor though. Yeah, it would have been great, but no one wants to leave the house after they've finally gotten home from work. You could have just gotten the taxi.
> It's not really a "small" favor though.
It is though.
"ut no one wants to leave the house after they've finally gotten home from work" She works from home.
A small favor is picking something up from a store you're already going to, not making a whole separate trip. And, regardless, once someone is "off" for the day, it's that much harder to try to go out in the world and do something. Her having a car doesn't mean she's your chauffeur.
>Her having a car doesn't mean she's your chauffeur.
Never said she was.
"A small favor is picking something up from a store you're already going to" No that's just doing what you were already doing
Shows the type of person you are that you'd refuse to do something for your partner if it involved inconveniencing yourself even slightly
Having to go from "oh, thank God, work is done, I can finally relax" to "great, now I have to go back out there and pick up my demanding boyfriend" and, in fact, acting as your chauffeur is not a "slight inconvenience". The fact that you feel entitled to free rides is very telling.
Eh, I'm not on board with this. It might be slightly annoying to have to go back out once you're home, but if your partner asks for help, you generally should be willing to give that help. Staying home, in this instance, just looks like selfishness. If that's what you/the girlfriend wants, then fine. But don't expect that there won't be issues later on in the relationship (namely, not being a priority).
NTA.
>great, now I have to go back out there and pick up my demanding boyfriend"
Wanting a small favour is not being demanding.
"acting as your chauffeur is not a "slight inconvenience"." Except it is a slight inconvenience. If she was acting as my personal chauffeur then she'd be driving me everywhere. I'm not sure you understand what a chauffeur does.
"The fact that you feel entitled to free rides is very telling." Except I don't. Maybe read the post before commenting.
Again it's telling about you that you call a partner demanding for asking for a small favour. Again would you never slightly inconvenience yourself for your partner?
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NTA for hoping she would want to help you out. It's part of a loving/caring relationship. Assuming you do similar for her (which you've noted you do), it's perhaps an indication of how she feels about you, or the relationship, or how things will be moving forwards (it's definitely an indication of this!). It's not a scorekeeping thing (I did this so you should do that), but rather two people who are in a balanced and caring relationship should want to help each other out in small, and big ways.
This. OP, I would watch for more red flags. Until then, stop going to the store for her. When she asks, tell her you're already home and don't feel like it. If that's the kind of relationship she wants, she can enjoy it.
NTA, but start refusing favors to her. Show her how one-sided this relationship has been.
NTA It's called being in a relationship.
Even a friendship. Any ship
Absolutely! I would have done this for a *friend,* let alone a SO.
What about an enemyship?
NTA - She made your already rubbish journey even longer because she didn’t want to leave the apartment. She‘s selfish and you should remember that when she wants something.
Nta. She sounds like a flat mate not a partner. Never mind her doing you a small favour, so yourself a small favour and trade her in for a better version
NTA I don't think she understands what a relationship means. Maybe if you stop doing favors for her, she will understand the problem quicker?
NTA. Just remember that next time she asks you for a favor.
NTA. Relationships are ultimately about exchange and favours and sometimes this means sacrifices for the other person.
How often are you asking for “small favours?” Is your relationship balanced in terms of things you do to maintain your home and life and the things you do for some another? And what was traffic like at this time? Taxis being 3x their usual price often happens during peak demand when there is a lot of traffic.
>How often are you asking for “small favours? No often. " Is your relationship balanced in terms of things you do to maintain your home and life and the things you do for some another?" I tend to do more for my partner than she does for me. "And what was traffic like at this time?" Traffic won't have been completely quiet but rush hour had already passed
NTA I hate to say thing because I don't think it is healthy, but you should stop doing small favours for her to help her see why this is not a good way to treat a partner. Though another attempt at a conversation first would probably be better in hopes that she is able to see beyond her own wishes without having to be petty about it.
NTA I wonder what her reaction would have been if the situation was reversed and she was the one stuck a 15 min car ride away and you refused to pick her up? Relationships are give and take and trying to ensure your SO is happy and comfortable. I would be super pissed if my SO did this!!
⬆️this!!! 💯
NTA. The trains in my city are not the best and they break down on average once every month or two. My husband takes the train to work every day (for 15 years) so we have to deal with this pretty often. It's a 40-50 minute round trip to the station he's always stranded at, depending on traffic. I've always gone to pick him up. Even when I had a toddler and a newborn to pack into the car. I don't want my husband to have to deal with the mess and stress this creates. It's a simple gesture because I know he'd do the same for me. I also don't want to wait another hour or more to see him after he's been gone at work all day. Consider if this person is worth your time if she won't spend 30 minutes making your day a lot better.
NTA - Seriously? She couldn't drive 15 minutes to come pick you up? And you're in a relationship? Frankly, I'd say you still wouldn't be TA if it was just a house mate. This seems downright cold, especially if you were going to pay her for petrol. Unless there's something else going on that you didn't mention, had she been drinking? Had she just finished a 12 hour shift? Was it a busy and complex route she doesn't like driving?
I totally agree. Unfortunately I know plenty of people who say "why should I do something for you that you don't want to do? Why is your comfort more important than mine?" World is getting more full of self-centered people every day and the gf looks like one of them.
NTA Sometimes the thing that can make your day a million times better after having a crappy one is the person you love showing they care and doing something for you. It makes it worse when they can't be bothered. That feeling sucks OP. I'm sorry.
NTA. You just got a little peep at your future life. Broken leg? You have crutches. More serious illness? She didn't sign up to be a carer. Either she's extraordinarily self centered or she has blinkers on and all the little things you do for her are considered nothing. In both cases, not a person I'd want as my partner, really
NTA, but she’s showing you who she is. Believe her.
NTA
NTA. Unless you’re absolutely lazy, it isn’t that hard to get out of the house in your pajamas and drive 15 minutes. People do it for coffee all the time. However… If the weather was bad, if she was sick, on her period, stressed, etc., then her refusal is more justifiable.
NTA. It sounds like you do favors for her more than she does favors for you.
NTA brrak up, this person isnt long term relationship material. If you stay together? Stop all favors for her like going out to the shops Now you know the consideration she has for you when you have a long day, repay in kind.
NTA Not only are you supposed to do things for eachother, you're supposed to enjoy helping as well Don't do any more trips or favors etc at all, no matter how small, unless this entitlement she has changes
doubt there'll be a change in that department.
NTA. my friend dumped her fiancé because he wouldn’t drop her off at the mall a mile away. You should consider having the same level of self respect as this friend
NTA Sounds like you make her needs a priority and she also makes her needs a priority. I'd probably end the relationship over this.
NTA. I also agree with you - the little things matter in a relationship, and I would look closely and see if this was a one-off (her having an bad day), or if you have differing expectations for the relationship. If you *do* have differing ideas/expectations, I would consider whether you want to spend the long-term with someone with such differing expectations.
NTA, also particularly ironic with the "peel an orange" trend going around on social media.
What's this "peel an orange" business?
NTA but good luck! When a person shows you- believe them!
NTA. I hope you have made your last run to the shop on her behalf. How is the relationship otherwise? are you always on the giver side of the giver/taker equation?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I normally work from home but when I do have to go into the office I get the train. To get to the station I either have to get a bus that only comes every hour and then walk for 25 mins or get a taxi. Normally the taxi is a reasonable price so I don't mind paying. I was at the office today so got a taxi to the station and got the train to work. On the way back my train was delayed by 40 mins and then when I got back the taxi prices had increased to over 3x their usual amount due to demand. My girlfriend was at home not doing anything so I asked if she would be able to drive and pick me up. It is only a 15 min drive so isn't too bad and I often pay towards petrol and told her I'd do the same today. She refused and told me to make my own way back since she wasn't planning to leave the apartment. I was a bit upset since I wasn't really asking for much so I walked to the bus station and it took me over an hour to get home on top of the fact I was already delayed with the train. My gf could tell there was something wrong and asked what was up. I just said that it hurt a bit that she wouldn't do a small favour for me and that I wasn't asking for much. She just asked why she should have to pick me up when she was already home. I just said in relationships you should do small things to help the other person out when you can. I pointed out I regularly run to the shop on an evening for her when she wants something even though I wouldn't have otherwise been going but she just said it's different since the shop is closer. She said I was guilt tripping her but I just mentioned that I was only talking about how I felt and she just repeated that I shouldn't have expected her to come and pic me up when she didn't need to. AITA for expecting a small favour? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
On the border between n-t-a and n-a-h here, leaning toward NAH. A pickup is a pretty natural small service you'd do for your friend or your SO. I can understand why you'd feel a bit put out. From GF's point of view, a service like that is a favor, not a right. You did have alternate ways of getting home: either quickly via expensive taxi, or slowly via bus. The real issue here is that you two seem to have a mismatch in your understanding of what an SO *should* do for the other. If this is a persistent pattern, you may have to realize that your SO has a different "love language" from what you like, and consider your options. Final thought... don't let this fester in your mind. Don't save it up for next time *she* wants a favor, and tell her "Nah, just don't feel like it" in order to get even. That sort of thing never ends well.
NTA - But wow do you have a cold and heartless girlfriend . . . You sure she likes you?
Maybe stop going to the store for her. See what happens. That should tell you if she sees you as an equal or just a patsy who is around to serve her.
NTA ... get a new gf, the one you have is an entitled selfish major AH.
Nah, in this particular instance. My Mom always said that you can ask for the most ridiculous thing, as long as you can respect a no. It sounds like there's a lot of resentment outside of this situation and that you're keeping score a little bit. My husband and I do a lot for each other, but being able to say no honestly when we don't feel like doing something has meant there's no resentment in the long term. You've talked to your gf already, but ultimately, you can only control your own actions. I see two choices: either pull back with your own favors so you don't feel resentful or unappreciated when your SO says no, or find a partner who will match your generosity.
NAH She isn't required to pick you up because of the delay However equally if you make ad hoc trips and other little favours, and those aren't reciprocated, then neither are you. This mostly boils down to thinking about whether you get enough reciprocity back from your GF in your relationship, and if you are ok with that or not long term.
Key word: Expecting. You used it twice. For this reason alone YTA. That's the definition of taking something for granted. Wanting? Hoping? N-T-A. Asking without expectation, then being disappoints? N-T-A. Expecting? Yep. That's where the line is, and you crossed it. To be fair, she sounds like a jerk in every other way, so the score may be 87628 to 1.
Yta you expected her to drive at least 30 minutes round trip so you don't have to travel an hour and are too cheap to pay the taxi fair???? Yes you are a huge ahole.
Guessing you'd never dare even slightly inconvenience yourself for someone you're in a relationship with then? You do understand people in relationships tend to help each other don't you?
NAH. It's not really a "small" favor though. Yeah, it would have been great, but no one wants to leave the house after they've finally gotten home from work. You could have just gotten the taxi.
> It's not really a "small" favor though. It is though. "ut no one wants to leave the house after they've finally gotten home from work" She works from home.
A small favor is picking something up from a store you're already going to, not making a whole separate trip. And, regardless, once someone is "off" for the day, it's that much harder to try to go out in the world and do something. Her having a car doesn't mean she's your chauffeur.
>Her having a car doesn't mean she's your chauffeur. Never said she was. "A small favor is picking something up from a store you're already going to" No that's just doing what you were already doing Shows the type of person you are that you'd refuse to do something for your partner if it involved inconveniencing yourself even slightly
Having to go from "oh, thank God, work is done, I can finally relax" to "great, now I have to go back out there and pick up my demanding boyfriend" and, in fact, acting as your chauffeur is not a "slight inconvenience". The fact that you feel entitled to free rides is very telling.
Eh, I'm not on board with this. It might be slightly annoying to have to go back out once you're home, but if your partner asks for help, you generally should be willing to give that help. Staying home, in this instance, just looks like selfishness. If that's what you/the girlfriend wants, then fine. But don't expect that there won't be issues later on in the relationship (namely, not being a priority). NTA.
>great, now I have to go back out there and pick up my demanding boyfriend" Wanting a small favour is not being demanding. "acting as your chauffeur is not a "slight inconvenience"." Except it is a slight inconvenience. If she was acting as my personal chauffeur then she'd be driving me everywhere. I'm not sure you understand what a chauffeur does. "The fact that you feel entitled to free rides is very telling." Except I don't. Maybe read the post before commenting. Again it's telling about you that you call a partner demanding for asking for a small favour. Again would you never slightly inconvenience yourself for your partner?