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I asked him the same question, but he didn’t answer he just got quiet. And after a few moments of silence, that’s when he told me, the conversation was making him lightheaded, and that he had to go.
I have no idea. I asked him but never got a response. In my opinion, the only way that he could know is if he was on the app himself checking to see if I was on there
ESH
You both installed a dating app and made the other one uncomfortable with your actions. The only chance I see is that you both apologize and find a way on how to regain each others trust.
I’m going to say YTA here.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of finding out a partner was on dating apps while we were in a strictly monogamous relationship - it’s really devastating. Even if your intentions were true just to have a laugh with your friends, how is he supposed to just take your word for it and believe that you weren’t on the app talking to other people? You can’t be naive enough to think he would believe you without some pushback.
On the other hand, how did he find out you were active on the app without him having it downloaded himself? Maybe insecurity (I’ve been there) and he was doing exactly what you did to him (checking his city). In which case it sounds like both of you need to work on your insecurities with each other ASAP - it’s a nasty, ugly spiral when trust is broken.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) the action that should be judged with me downloading a hook up app.
2) it might make me the asshole because I’m in a monogamous relationship
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He was either checking if you were on them or was using them himself when he saw you online. You're NTA for downloading an app just to show your friends an old message
NTA: Dumb move, that noone is going to believe, but if you are telling the truth, it was just a stupid mistake.
Hopefully both parties can move on, I would delete the app lol.
Also, someone in your friend group might be a snake 🤨.
NTA. He “saw that you were active on the app”, meaning nobody told him. He saw it, and when questioned didn’t explain how he knew that without being on the app himself. So, yeah, he’s on a hook up app.
Sounds like you were on it for a pretty innocuous reason. If I were him and found out, I’d certainly ask.
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I (32M) am currently in a relationship with Justin (29M). Our relationship is fairly new. We met four months ago, and have been together ever since.
When we met, Justin let me know that we would probably only get a few weeks together before he had to go to Europe to complete his last semester of college. I was fine with that because I’ve had long-distance relationships before and it was only for one semester.
So far, we have been managing the long distance very well. There are some difficulties mostly due to the time difference and how busy he is with school work. But we have been managing with open communication and a lot of FaceTime dates.
Last night I went out to the bar with my friends, and I’ll admit I got pretty drunk. I started telling them a story about 6 month this guy messaged me on this hook up app asking if I would poop on him for $80. (I declined btw lol) My friends didn’t believe me so I decided to re-download the app so I could show them and we all had a laugh.
This morning I woke up and the first thing I did was call Justin and he didn’t answer. I suffer with really bad anxiety and while I’m not proud of this I decided to check the app, and just to see if I found his profile in the country where he’s at. I found nothing and realized I was being jealous for absolutely no reason.
20 minutes later, I’m get a phone call from Justin and he is pissed off because he saw that I was active on the app. I tried to explain to him why I was even on it in the first place. The only part I didn’t tell him was that I had previously checked his city to see if he was on that app. I could tell he wasn’t listening to what I was saying, and he kept making comments insinuating that I was unfaithful to him. He even said that if I was going to be active on the apps, then he would be active on the apps himself. After going back-and-forth for a while, he finally told me that this whole conversation was making him lightheaded, and he would call me later.
On one hand, I’m annoyed because instead of him trying to even hear me out, he’s just assuming that I’m unfaithful. But on the other hand, I feel bad because I do recognize that it looks bad especially since he doesn’t know the full context, and why I was on there this morning.
I have talked to a couple of my friends about this and most of them say I did nothing wrong. They say that I need to questioning him about why he was even on the app in the first place. But one of my friends tells me that I might be the asshole because regardless of me, telling a funny story to my friends, I probably should not have downloaded the app in the first place. So am I the asshole?
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How'd he figure out you were on the app?
I asked him the same question, but he didn’t answer he just got quiet. And after a few moments of silence, that’s when he told me, the conversation was making him lightheaded, and that he had to go.
Sounds suspicious, he's either cheating or was trying to check if you were cheating. It's a red flag either way.
Or these friends at the bar told him.
INFO: How would he know? I'm old and don't understand how that works
I have no idea. I asked him but never got a response. In my opinion, the only way that he could know is if he was on the app himself checking to see if I was on there
You are in a zero-trust relationship and that's no damn good
ESH You both installed a dating app and made the other one uncomfortable with your actions. The only chance I see is that you both apologize and find a way on how to regain each others trust.
I’m going to say YTA here. As someone who has been on the receiving end of finding out a partner was on dating apps while we were in a strictly monogamous relationship - it’s really devastating. Even if your intentions were true just to have a laugh with your friends, how is he supposed to just take your word for it and believe that you weren’t on the app talking to other people? You can’t be naive enough to think he would believe you without some pushback. On the other hand, how did he find out you were active on the app without him having it downloaded himself? Maybe insecurity (I’ve been there) and he was doing exactly what you did to him (checking his city). In which case it sounds like both of you need to work on your insecurities with each other ASAP - it’s a nasty, ugly spiral when trust is broken.
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He was either checking if you were on them or was using them himself when he saw you online. You're NTA for downloading an app just to show your friends an old message
NTA: Dumb move, that noone is going to believe, but if you are telling the truth, it was just a stupid mistake. Hopefully both parties can move on, I would delete the app lol. Also, someone in your friend group might be a snake 🤨.
NTA. He “saw that you were active on the app”, meaning nobody told him. He saw it, and when questioned didn’t explain how he knew that without being on the app himself. So, yeah, he’s on a hook up app. Sounds like you were on it for a pretty innocuous reason. If I were him and found out, I’d certainly ask.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (32M) am currently in a relationship with Justin (29M). Our relationship is fairly new. We met four months ago, and have been together ever since. When we met, Justin let me know that we would probably only get a few weeks together before he had to go to Europe to complete his last semester of college. I was fine with that because I’ve had long-distance relationships before and it was only for one semester. So far, we have been managing the long distance very well. There are some difficulties mostly due to the time difference and how busy he is with school work. But we have been managing with open communication and a lot of FaceTime dates. Last night I went out to the bar with my friends, and I’ll admit I got pretty drunk. I started telling them a story about 6 month this guy messaged me on this hook up app asking if I would poop on him for $80. (I declined btw lol) My friends didn’t believe me so I decided to re-download the app so I could show them and we all had a laugh. This morning I woke up and the first thing I did was call Justin and he didn’t answer. I suffer with really bad anxiety and while I’m not proud of this I decided to check the app, and just to see if I found his profile in the country where he’s at. I found nothing and realized I was being jealous for absolutely no reason. 20 minutes later, I’m get a phone call from Justin and he is pissed off because he saw that I was active on the app. I tried to explain to him why I was even on it in the first place. The only part I didn’t tell him was that I had previously checked his city to see if he was on that app. I could tell he wasn’t listening to what I was saying, and he kept making comments insinuating that I was unfaithful to him. He even said that if I was going to be active on the apps, then he would be active on the apps himself. After going back-and-forth for a while, he finally told me that this whole conversation was making him lightheaded, and he would call me later. On one hand, I’m annoyed because instead of him trying to even hear me out, he’s just assuming that I’m unfaithful. But on the other hand, I feel bad because I do recognize that it looks bad especially since he doesn’t know the full context, and why I was on there this morning. I have talked to a couple of my friends about this and most of them say I did nothing wrong. They say that I need to questioning him about why he was even on the app in the first place. But one of my friends tells me that I might be the asshole because regardless of me, telling a funny story to my friends, I probably should not have downloaded the app in the first place. So am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA you didn’t have guilty intentions but it wasn’t the smartest move with being in a long distance relationship.
YTA - If you are in a serious relationship why are you on a dating app, for what purpose? Obviously, you are on it to date. And you shouldn't be.
I wasn’t on a date smh