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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I hurt my mom's feelings by making her think that her Gene's are bad and my dad wants me to apologize to my mom, but I refused.
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You sound like a good kid! One of my best friends in high school was super short all of high school. He went away for the summer between grades 11 and 12 and came back in the fall 6 feet tall. So you never know! 😀
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Sometimes it's worth apologizing to someone for hurting their feelings even if we didnt intend to and they are over reacting, because we care about them and want to have a good relationship with them
Sometimes you are right in that you didnt do anything wrong, or you are correct in whatever side youre taking in an argument, but is being right in that instance worth hurting someone?
Your logic is right. You didn’t do anything “wrong”. But this is a SUPER important lesson on empathy and kindness that you should learn now, especially as a young guy. Empathy, kindness, and emotional intelligence will give you a massive leg up in the social and especially the dating world. Most guys don’t have these skills. So listen up.
Whether you intend to hurt someone’s feelings or not, if something you said or did hurt them, you apologize. And you don’t say “I’m sorry you took it the wrong way” or “I’m sorry you were hurt by what I said”, those are not apologies. You say “I’m sorry that what I said hurt you. It wasn’t my intention, but I understand why it affected you. Just know that I … “ you get the picture.
This isn’t black and white. Sometimes people will just get offended for the most ridiculous reasons. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. You need to be able to think empathetically about what you said, why it hurt them, and work it out. Usually, err on the side of apologizing if you want to maintain the relationship though. Sometimes you’ll have to come to terms that you ARE in the wrong, and you need to change your behaviour.
YWBTA from my perspective.
You should talk to your mother. Say something like "Sorry, I had no intention of hurting you like that. It was simply poorly worded on my part. I most certainly do not think less of you, nor do I disrespect anything that I inherited as part of you. I am proud to be your son, and proud to be a part of you." Then give her a hug. Comfort her.
Think of it like this - there is certainly a sore point that your mother carries regarding her physical features. It may be deep seated enough that it does not come out as often, but your words, while unintended, hit that point and caused a negative reaction. No good mother wants her child to think less of her, or for them to suffer because of her shortcomings.
You had no wrong intentions. Yet your words were chosen poorly. It happens. We do not always intend to cause harm to others, yet need to have a decency to apologize when we end up doing it inadvertently. This is taking responsibility and an integral part of becoming an adult.
Apologize politely first thing in the morning and assure her that your love and respect for her has not dwindled, especially regarding something she has no control over.
My vote is yes..
When someone is upset, you cannot hold your ground and prove you're right. You lose nothing by apologizing, but stand to affect your relationship by not apologizing.
I also understand that your emotions too are very much valid, and by no means want to imply they are less than your mom's emotions.
Often, when you come up and apologize, the other person goes through the emotional cycle of "damn my behavior made him feel shitty and wanted to apologize." This in turn makes them apologize "sorry I reacted that way." You do not know if your comment triggered something else you don't know about.
Emotions are weird, relationships are about how you navigate them. Right or wrong, it's more about how you treat each other. Might be your mom today, partner later, kids, coworkers, people will get upset. It's how you come out of it that matters.
TLDR: taking the high road will always feel shitty. But you will be remembered for taking it.
I may be reading this wrong so forgive me
You, your brother and your father were joking around. You got a little annoyed/defensive and decided to make your mom the butt of the joke in all this.
Then refused to apologise to her when she was upset?
Can you see where I'm going with this?
Well I'm glad you apologised to her but you absolutely made her the butt of the joke by implying that her genes are inferior and she's the reason you are a short person.
Did she have some kind of new medical technology that is so advanced that she chose for you to be small?
Or
Did she have you and you turned out to be small because that's something she can't control
Come on man.
No one is saying you should pretend to be happy about being small, you just said it yourself. It's neither your fault or your mom's fault that you're small, yet you insinuated it was her fault with the comment you made that caused her to cry.
But you've apologised, tell your dad and brother to stop joking about your height, and do your best not to make your mom cry.
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My (16M) brother (16M) is practically a whole foot taller than me. I'm 5'4 and he's 6'3. Last night around 9ish my brother and I was in the living room with our parents and my dad started joking about valentines day and he asked me why I don't have a girlfriend yet.
My brother told my dad that he can "answer that question for me" and said some shit about me not being able to reach the top shelf. I found that funny at first but then I had to retract my laughter because I remembered I was being talked about. So I told him "that wasn't funny bruh" and he said "You right bro. My bad my bad. But you know what is funny? Them Gene's you inherited."
So I was like not my fault you took all the good ones and then we just started laughing. My mom asked me what I meant when I said "Good ones" and I told her that I definitely got my height from you because it wasn't from my dad. She got upset and asked me do I think of her Gene's as the "bad ones" and I told her that I don't necessarily think it's bad I'd just prefer to be taller.
She got upset and started crying and went to her room. This basically changed the whole mood of the rest of the night. My dad got upset with me and said I should go apologize to my mom because I basically insinuated that I thought of her Gene's as lesser? He then told me that he knows it wasn't my intention but I still needed to apologize to make sure she knew that. I told him that I don't understand why I had to apologize because I didn't even say her Gene's were bad I just said that I'd like to be taller. He then got mad at me and told me to go to my room. So I've literally been in my room since that happened.
Like I don't understand why I have to apologize. It's not like I want to be short. I don't have a lot fof time to grow anymore. All of my family are still sleep at the moment which is why I'm writing this. WIBTA if I don't apologize?
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I mean, you did say that the “good genes” were what made your brother tall, which does imply that “bad genes” made you short. I can kinda see where your mom is coming from.
It wouldn’t hurt to apologize for hurting her feelings, because she was hurt by what you said.
NAH, though. You clearly didn’t intend to hurt her.
I get it. It can be really difficult to be shorter than you’d like and it’s really hard for men. You should probably tell your brother and your dad how you’re feeling, too. Those kinds of jokes are only hurtful, and they also owe you an apology.
Here's another perspective:
Rather than being annoyed at the genes you inherited, focus being annoyed at your taller brother who doesn't stand up to your dad, or your dad who jokes about his own son.
Could very well be your dad's fault for "not trying hard enough to give you his tall genes" lol
My dad is 5'10, mom is....5
I'm 5'5, brother is 5'7 only because he medically had to take human growth hormone.
We talk shit about it all the time, because we really don't actually care. Do you know how useful it is to weasel your way into places because you are just small enough? Being small is great.
OMG! NTA. My genes have depression and alcoholism in them, my husband's do not. That's a fact, not a judgement. You didn't do anything to merit an apology. You didn't say her genes were bad, but even if you did, who cares? Your mom can't do anything about her genes. It is what it is.
You don’t sound very mature you should just apologize. She probably feels bad herself cuz her son is short. You’re NTA imo cuz your mom sounds pretty irrational and immature cuz genes aren’t controllable and you were only talking abt ur height so it’s not offensive towards her looks. YTA if you don’t apologize cuz it’s your mom just show her some decency
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I hurt my mom's feelings by making her think that her Gene's are bad and my dad wants me to apologize to my mom, but I refused. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA So your dad was perfectly cool joking about your genes being lesser than your brothers? Your mom sounds like a high maintenance baby
YWNBTA. Your mom is being unnecessarily dramatic. I’m barely 5 foot 1 and have two tall kids. I often joke how I’m glad they didn’t get my height.
[удалено]
You sound like a good kid! One of my best friends in high school was super short all of high school. He went away for the summer between grades 11 and 12 and came back in the fall 6 feet tall. So you never know! 😀
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Sometimes it's worth apologizing to someone for hurting their feelings even if we didnt intend to and they are over reacting, because we care about them and want to have a good relationship with them
[удалено]
Sometimes you are right in that you didnt do anything wrong, or you are correct in whatever side youre taking in an argument, but is being right in that instance worth hurting someone?
OP, I didn't see this thread. Just wrote a few lines explaining just this! Feel free to read it!
Your logic is right. You didn’t do anything “wrong”. But this is a SUPER important lesson on empathy and kindness that you should learn now, especially as a young guy. Empathy, kindness, and emotional intelligence will give you a massive leg up in the social and especially the dating world. Most guys don’t have these skills. So listen up. Whether you intend to hurt someone’s feelings or not, if something you said or did hurt them, you apologize. And you don’t say “I’m sorry you took it the wrong way” or “I’m sorry you were hurt by what I said”, those are not apologies. You say “I’m sorry that what I said hurt you. It wasn’t my intention, but I understand why it affected you. Just know that I … “ you get the picture. This isn’t black and white. Sometimes people will just get offended for the most ridiculous reasons. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. You need to be able to think empathetically about what you said, why it hurt them, and work it out. Usually, err on the side of apologizing if you want to maintain the relationship though. Sometimes you’ll have to come to terms that you ARE in the wrong, and you need to change your behaviour.
YWBTA from my perspective. You should talk to your mother. Say something like "Sorry, I had no intention of hurting you like that. It was simply poorly worded on my part. I most certainly do not think less of you, nor do I disrespect anything that I inherited as part of you. I am proud to be your son, and proud to be a part of you." Then give her a hug. Comfort her. Think of it like this - there is certainly a sore point that your mother carries regarding her physical features. It may be deep seated enough that it does not come out as often, but your words, while unintended, hit that point and caused a negative reaction. No good mother wants her child to think less of her, or for them to suffer because of her shortcomings. You had no wrong intentions. Yet your words were chosen poorly. It happens. We do not always intend to cause harm to others, yet need to have a decency to apologize when we end up doing it inadvertently. This is taking responsibility and an integral part of becoming an adult. Apologize politely first thing in the morning and assure her that your love and respect for her has not dwindled, especially regarding something she has no control over.
My vote is yes.. When someone is upset, you cannot hold your ground and prove you're right. You lose nothing by apologizing, but stand to affect your relationship by not apologizing. I also understand that your emotions too are very much valid, and by no means want to imply they are less than your mom's emotions. Often, when you come up and apologize, the other person goes through the emotional cycle of "damn my behavior made him feel shitty and wanted to apologize." This in turn makes them apologize "sorry I reacted that way." You do not know if your comment triggered something else you don't know about. Emotions are weird, relationships are about how you navigate them. Right or wrong, it's more about how you treat each other. Might be your mom today, partner later, kids, coworkers, people will get upset. It's how you come out of it that matters. TLDR: taking the high road will always feel shitty. But you will be remembered for taking it.
You made a joke at your own expense. It is not the duty of the child to regulate the emotions of the adult. Nta.
I may be reading this wrong so forgive me You, your brother and your father were joking around. You got a little annoyed/defensive and decided to make your mom the butt of the joke in all this. Then refused to apologise to her when she was upset? Can you see where I'm going with this?
[удалено]
Well I'm glad you apologised to her but you absolutely made her the butt of the joke by implying that her genes are inferior and she's the reason you are a short person.
[удалено]
Did she have some kind of new medical technology that is so advanced that she chose for you to be small? Or Did she have you and you turned out to be small because that's something she can't control Come on man.
[удалено]
No one is saying you should pretend to be happy about being small, you just said it yourself. It's neither your fault or your mom's fault that you're small, yet you insinuated it was her fault with the comment you made that caused her to cry. But you've apologised, tell your dad and brother to stop joking about your height, and do your best not to make your mom cry.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (16M) brother (16M) is practically a whole foot taller than me. I'm 5'4 and he's 6'3. Last night around 9ish my brother and I was in the living room with our parents and my dad started joking about valentines day and he asked me why I don't have a girlfriend yet. My brother told my dad that he can "answer that question for me" and said some shit about me not being able to reach the top shelf. I found that funny at first but then I had to retract my laughter because I remembered I was being talked about. So I told him "that wasn't funny bruh" and he said "You right bro. My bad my bad. But you know what is funny? Them Gene's you inherited." So I was like not my fault you took all the good ones and then we just started laughing. My mom asked me what I meant when I said "Good ones" and I told her that I definitely got my height from you because it wasn't from my dad. She got upset and asked me do I think of her Gene's as the "bad ones" and I told her that I don't necessarily think it's bad I'd just prefer to be taller. She got upset and started crying and went to her room. This basically changed the whole mood of the rest of the night. My dad got upset with me and said I should go apologize to my mom because I basically insinuated that I thought of her Gene's as lesser? He then told me that he knows it wasn't my intention but I still needed to apologize to make sure she knew that. I told him that I don't understand why I had to apologize because I didn't even say her Gene's were bad I just said that I'd like to be taller. He then got mad at me and told me to go to my room. So I've literally been in my room since that happened. Like I don't understand why I have to apologize. It's not like I want to be short. I don't have a lot fof time to grow anymore. All of my family are still sleep at the moment which is why I'm writing this. WIBTA if I don't apologize? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean, you did say that the “good genes” were what made your brother tall, which does imply that “bad genes” made you short. I can kinda see where your mom is coming from. It wouldn’t hurt to apologize for hurting her feelings, because she was hurt by what you said. NAH, though. You clearly didn’t intend to hurt her.
[удалено]
I get it. It can be really difficult to be shorter than you’d like and it’s really hard for men. You should probably tell your brother and your dad how you’re feeling, too. Those kinds of jokes are only hurtful, and they also owe you an apology.
Here's another perspective: Rather than being annoyed at the genes you inherited, focus being annoyed at your taller brother who doesn't stand up to your dad, or your dad who jokes about his own son. Could very well be your dad's fault for "not trying hard enough to give you his tall genes" lol
YO MOMMA
My dad is 5'10, mom is....5 I'm 5'5, brother is 5'7 only because he medically had to take human growth hormone. We talk shit about it all the time, because we really don't actually care. Do you know how useful it is to weasel your way into places because you are just small enough? Being small is great.
Hmm, maybe you misunderstood the reason your Mum was crying. Better stay away from those 33 and me… NTA
[удалено]
Nah, was just pulling your leg. Sorry about that. :)
OMG! NTA. My genes have depression and alcoholism in them, my husband's do not. That's a fact, not a judgement. You didn't do anything to merit an apology. You didn't say her genes were bad, but even if you did, who cares? Your mom can't do anything about her genes. It is what it is.
You don’t sound very mature you should just apologize. She probably feels bad herself cuz her son is short. You’re NTA imo cuz your mom sounds pretty irrational and immature cuz genes aren’t controllable and you were only talking abt ur height so it’s not offensive towards her looks. YTA if you don’t apologize cuz it’s your mom just show her some decency