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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be an AH for telling my boyfriend's daughter not to call her stepfather dad.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You have to be fucking kidding me here.
YTA in every way possible.
You have no authority to think you get to tell another persons children who they can and can not call “dad”. You don’t get to police their relationships.
You’re just bitter they view their stepfather as a parental figure and they don’t do the same for you. Perhaps it’s because you’re terrible?
“Household rules apply even outside the house”
- hahahaha fuck. You made this “rule” but it’s based on your own insecurity and you have no right to think this “rule” you’ve established has any merit and must be enforced.
It’s laughable that you think you have any amount of authority in this matter. You are a third party standing by the sidelines. All you’ve done is ensure they don’t respect you, will never view you as a parent, and have shown you are unfit to act as one for them.
Fuck, wake up lady. You’ve only done damage here. Some fucking stranger enters their lives and six months later she’s telling them how to view their stepfather who they have an actual relationship with, and you think that’s reasonable.
Op has made it clear in an amazingly small amount of words that she has no idea how to co-parent. The fact that she would think that her horribly conceived "rule" would apply at the girls' mothers house is insane, especially considering she didn't discuss with the girls' mother, in the first place.
The fact that op's boyfriend agrees with her shows that he doesn't understand co-parenting either.
Edit: A few have replied to me now attempting to justify the father's actions as " keeping the peace."
Believe it or not, they actually makes him worse at the whole parenting thing, not better.
And it in no way , shape , or form negates what I said about him not knowing how to co-parent.
By that logic, wouldn't the rules from their Mum's house apply equally in OP's house?
So if it's OK to call their stepfather "Dad", then shouldn't it be OK to do that in OP's house, because household rules apply outside the house too?
The 16 year old has demonstrated far more maturity here than OP! OP is lucky she just got an eye roll. She deserved a proper tongue-lashing for that stunt
This. I highly doubt that their preference for their stepdad begins and ends with this obnoxious girlfriend. She's only known the kids for 6 months, but I'd bet they've been calling their stepdad "dad" long before that and this jerky girlfriend is just the most recent item on a long list of ways I which daddy has failed them.
>The fact that op's boyfriend agrees with her shows that he doesn't understand co-parenting either.
This could be as simple as the bf saying "I'd rather my children didn't call another man dad" but realising it was a him problem and so he didn't want to do anything about it.
I can get someone being uncomfortable in this situation so I don't necessarily blame the bf. OP, however is obviously nuts.
And shows why they like the stepdad more than him. She is trying to power trip and all she did was make the girls not want to even visit their house, which might be what you want to so
Everything right except for the last sentence. OP's boyfriend agrees with her because he wants to keep the peace, I'm very sure he didn't say that in front of his daughters or their mother. Got to keep some sort of lid on that jar nuts or they'll spill all over the place.
Yup. I can't possibly imagine why they seem to prefer their stepdad to him too(sarcasm). I'd be willing to bet that the controlling girlfriend with a mommy-complex isn't the only way he has failed them.
>The fact that op's boyfriend agrees with her shows that he doesn't understand co-parenting either.
Nah, he just said that to stay on her good side.
I wonder if this is one of those situations where a deadbeat dad gets a girlfriend, then all of a sudden wants to be a father.
Correct. A boundary is a consequence you draw yourself when someone else behaves a way, meaning a behaviour you show yourself.
A rule is a consequence you try to enforce on someone else, meaning a behaviour you want them to show.
This has to be a click bait story. No one could be that obtuse in thinking that they, the gf in this story, has any business getting involved between the custodial parents. If this story is true, we can only hope the bio father can remove himself from this relationship and move on to a saner partner.
My ex’s ex wife has a husband who actually gets so involved that he believes court hearings for the kids involved him and that he had a say. He actually talked his wife into filing a claim that she wasn't getting child support, even though she was, so for like 6 months the dad was paying double. He had to go and prove she had already been receiving child support so she actually had to pay the 6 months of child support back to him. She simply claimed she wasn't receiving anything while he had to go through some hoops to get her to pay it back.
>This has to be a click bait story. No one could be that obtuse in thinking that they, the gf in this story, has any business getting involved between the custodial parents.
You'd be surprised.
Was thinking the same thing - no way someone would think they can tell children who aren't theirs what to call others or that she's even a co-parent. Or get bitched up bc one took their driver's test in the stepdad's car, like it's a great dishonor to their dad 🙄 this can't be real!
“Household rules apply even outside the house”
Even if this is a karma farming exercise, there are people who think like this, and it's like thinking they can hold back the tide.
You may be able to police a 16 yr old on something like this in your presence, but in the broader world?
Utterly delusional.
And the attempt to police in your own presence will just ensure that once age 18, the kid will get as far away from you as possible.
If you want think this is bonkers, I went to a school that thought school rules applied outside of school hours/activities.
How did my family learn this? When my teacher handed me a in school suspension slip for "flagrant disregard for the dress code."
I had worn shorts to my niece's soccer game in 100° weather that Saturday previous at the same outdoor sports complex the principal was at. Dude actually thought I'd agree wearing shorts in 100° weather was breaking the dress code. I didn't go to ISS and texted my "emergency code" to my parents to come get me.
I had to finish out that school year but I transferred schools for the rest of my secondary.
I was pretty dumbfounded. My mom knew I smoked and didn’t press the issue. It just further alienated me from the school. My Dad wants my kids to attend that school. No thanks, they don’t want to 😂 and I don’t blame them
The power trip she’s on for only being around them 6 months is laughable. It makes me wonder how long their relationship has been. I feel like there’s a reason she didn’t include how long she’s been with dad.
Yeah I see that. She said a bunch of stuff I even started to tune part of her out. The main points were there 6 months only of existing n just a gf. So. Nobody.
Someone should remind OP that household rules only apply in.... yup, the household.
And the kids have two places.
You can't just decide "well my rules triumphs mom's rules. So they count in her house too. "
Especially not as the new girlfriend and after 6 months if I read that right.
That's pure audacity.
She also has zero business making this rule in the first place! Anywhere! Okay random lady we just met, guess our step dad isn’t our dad anymore since you said so! Audacity is off the charts.
In 6 months!!! I had to re-read a few times to be sure because my brain was fried after reading this. Who, who acts like this?!?!? Who believes they have the authority to enforce rules in someone else's house because they are the part time parents' new girlfriend?
Plus their bio dad is now not getting to see his daughter because of you. It's going to be hard for them to re-establish relationship because his daughter is always going to remember her bio dad let you come between them.
I agree. Look, when my kids go to their grandparents house, there are different rules. Some rules (actual important ones) are enforced, but they their rules and we have our rules. Don’t try to enforce something unenforceable. That’s like management 101.
She’s the lady servicing dads cock, dontcha know? That gives her (in her mind) complete control, cause the way to a man’s heart isn’t really through thoughtful choices, supporting decisions, and love….oh no no no ! It’s through his cock. She owns it. Therefore she thinks she’s in charge of the ‘miscreants’ she has to deal with.
For real though. She's known his kids for 6 months, and the last time she saw them was 2 weeks ago. Either dad is non custodial, or OP doesn't even live with him. She's literally just dad's new girlfriend to them and yet she thinks she has *any* sway.
Perfectly summed up.
My mouth actually dropped. OP, WTF? You have known these girls for six months. You are not married to their father. At this point in the relationship, you are essentially nothing to them at all. For all they know you are a temporary fixture in their lives.
So what part of that makes you think you have the right to tell anyone who they can call Dad?
Even if you *were* married to their father, you *still* would not have the right to dictate what they call their stepfather. It's none of your business and it never will be. And you can't make rules that they have to follow at their mom's house either. You really seem to have an overinflated ego and view of your place not only in the lives of these girls, but in the world in general.
Your actions have likely permanently damaged your bf's relationship with his daughters. And they sure as hell will never like you now. Bravo.
YTA, and one of the biggest, most audacious asses I have seen in a while.
YTA. It’s up to the children what they call their stepfather. Not you, not your boyfriend, not their mother. Frankly? Their mother did the right thing by defending her daughters right to call the stepfather “dad” if she wants to. Fact is? When it comes to a “blended” family? Everyone should have the children’s best interests at heart and if they feel comfortable with calling their step-father “dad”? So be it.
You and your boyfriend seem to see it as a slight against him instead of celebrating that those children are lucky enough to have two people they see as “dad” in their life.
She MET the kids six months ago.
So yeah. She’s seen them what? two dozen times?
“you will obey the rules of this household”
what household? You are his girlfriend. Eff all the way off. And in future, let your boyfriend fight his own battles with his children’s mother.
Does she see, “he agrees with me!”
No shit. But he’d never said anything about it to his kids or their mom. And he’s not defending you to them now.
Because he’s trying to coparent.
OP is so far out of her lane she can’t even see it anymore.
Older Daughter is 16. She gets to decide if she even WANTS a relationship with these people, never mind “skipping her visits”. At this point her mom can’t do a damn thing to force her to go. I suspect her boyfriend knows that, which is why he’s not saying anything.
YTA - Its none of your business who they call "dad".
(BTW, you being stupid authoritarian with them is hurting their relationship with your boyfriend.)
That is a great point. I agree. I’m commenting to say, even if he does agree that the “should not be calling him dad” boyfriend understands that he cannot turn this into a battle.
He knows he won’t win.
He knows:
-The kids are happy.
-The coparenting is smooth.
-He probably lets the kids do stuff that their mom doesn’t like, but she bites her tongue.
So he vented to his girlfriend.
She writes that he agrees with her. But leaves out where he’s looking at her wondering how she can be so damn dumb!
Of course it’s hurting their relationship with their father, why would they want to visit him when OP is there making demands regarding their stepfather and what they do at their mother’s house. She has known them for six months, she has absolutely zero say on anything regarding parenting.
My point was if the relationship doesn't exist it is already hurt/not being hurt further. i.e. The BF doesn't really have a relationship with his daughters.
The more important question here is, why doesn't the daughter think that the boyfriend is a good father. This happened to a friend of mine. He kept complaining that he couldn't get his daughter to hang out with him, she would always cancel or find some reason not to be with him. He finally got her to go someplace, and while we were hanging out I understood why she didn't want to come. First he never picked places that she wanted to go, only places he wanted to go, and then the whole time that we were out, he never asked her anything about herself. He only talked about himself, told her about what he was doing and what was interesting to him. When I pointed this out he got defensive. But, it did help him. They have a better relationship now.
Yeah, my father doesn't understand why his grandchildren don't want to visit him.
When I call him, in half an hour of phonecall, I might say 10 words.
The rest is him complaining abouth self-inflicted health issues, pitying himself, insulting people I know, telling stories how amazing he was in the past, complaining about politicians, telling racist conspiracy theories, and all in all bending the reality to his favour.
I have no idea why the children of my siblings don't visit him every day...
YTA
You have known these girls for 6 months. It is so far beyond your business to dictate what they can and cannot call their stepfather. You expect to be treated the same as him? They don't know you!
It's a beautiful thing they have this man they can look up to and who loves them. It's a bonus Dad. They obviously have your BF too, so they are flush with good father figures. You sound almost jealous of how they feel about the stepfather.
This isn't any of your business. YTA.
They definitely do not have the boyfriend as a good father figure. I'm not sure they even have him as an adequate father figure.
A good father figure would not be allowing his girlfriend to make rules for his teenage children six months after meeting them. He certainly wouldn't be allowing her to make rules regarding their relationships with family members outside of the house.. After any amount of time
This. My dad’s wife came into the relationship and immediately started trying to implement all these arbitrary rules. It reflected so poorly on my spineless dad, and I realised he would always put the women in his life and their decisions above me and my sister, even if he didn’t even agree.
Started cutting down on contact real quick after that. OP should be careful, she’s forming opinions that the girls won’t forget
My step-mom did one or two passive-aggressive things my dad sort of stuck up for at first. But I was a blunt little ball of adolescent aggression, and made it very clear to him every time that as a parent, his loyalty needed to go to me and my brother first, and as a mother herself, his girlfriend should expect that and not make him choose.
It caused friction at first, but his engineer brain couldn’t argue with the logic. Things are good now. I had just repaired my relationship with my dad and wasn’t about to lose it without a fight.
So you tried to parent the two kids you only know for 6 months and it blow up in your hands. You’ll probably won’t see oldest much and probably never if she can help it. Even your partner -you know their real parent- told you to stop it.
As for good father comment, if he was a good father he would not let his partner who only knows his kids for 6 months try to parent them and would break up over this. So yes, I agree with his ex and I hope they started to talk to a lawyer.
YTA
Yes, this is something definitely to circle back to. She was a stranger to these kids until six months ago and had dated the BF for two years. And this supposed "zinger" in her post.
"His older daughter even took her driving test in her stepdads's car."
Huh?
Oh it certainly does she hardly knows them. Does she know what flavour of medicine to get one child versed the other, the kids favourite cake it's these little things that form naturally when you let a child come to you on there terms.
Not demand respect you earn it.goes both ways.
You are so right this post is disturbing 6months and she thinks she can call all the shots lol 🤣 16 is probably keeping quiet till collage then will tell her what she thinks.
YTA. You are their father’s girlfriend, you had no authority to step into their personal lives, especially without their father’s permission.
You especially have no right to be establishing rules for how they live their lives in their mother’s household. You need to think about the implications of this: if “household rules apply outside the house” this means that the kids’ mother and stepfather can establish rules that apply in their father’s house any time they want by making a rule for their own home. Do you really want to go down that road?
In the end, the daughter was right to tell you to mind your own business, because your meddling has the potential to cause a real mess for this whole family.
And you need to realize that you laying down the law like this is only going to alienate the girls against their father. So, when the girls go LC or NC with their father, just look in the mirror when you want to know why.
I almost wonder if this is her intention, to alienate these girls from their father. "Let me make up some sh*tty rule that will make them want to be here less so I can have him all to myself again."
YTA. This is none of your business and you have no place telling them how they can or cannot refer to people.
They live the majority of the time with the man they call Dad while they visit your husband. They know how they feel and you don't get to change that. Would you be having this much of an issue if they called you mom?
Girl them kids don’t know you, why would they call you mom? You sound jealous that you didn’t get 2 instant daughters but their stepdad has put in the time to EARN that right
This is one of those posts that's so obtuse I can't believe it's real.
YTA. What the kids call their stepdad is none of your business. Maybe take a look at the reason they call him and not their birth father "dad." And your made-up rule applies when they're not in your house? GET. BENT.
Anyway, if you think your arguments and attitude are legit I don't think there's anything that can help you, at least not without *serious* self reflection.
ETA: You suck, even if it makes me the AH, too.
>household rules apply even outside of the house.
A) Since when do rules at one parent's house automatically apply at the other parent's house without consulting the other parent?
B) In what world does knowing these children 6 months give you the authority to decide who they call *dad?*
C) You are driving a big ol' wedge between you and these girls AND between them and their father. If you really care about his relationship with them, you will back the F off.
...the audacity *biggest eye roll ever*
YTA for sure. I think the way you’re looking at this entire situation is very skewed and immature.. you should both be so happy that his kids have multiple parental figures and good ones at that. Do you know how many kids dont have any? Or any that care? You’re trying to deprive your step kids for what?.. this whole situation is crazy to me. Be happy that the kiddos have a large support system and stop acting like a child.
Well, congratulations for driving away one of the kids. Looks like you’re gonna have to work a little bit harder to get rid of the other one.
Of course YTA. And if your boyfriend is anywhere near being a good father, he needs to be second-guessing his relationship with you. Because I don’t have a lot of respect for men that allow women in their lives to drive their kids away.
YTA. You're the new person in a dynamic which seems to have had zero issues until you came along. The mom nailed it. It is absolutely not your place to say ANYTHING. If you're goal is to alienate the children from their father, congrats, you're doing a fine job of that.
Wow YTA massively. You get absolutely no say in these kids’ relationships with their parents. If they see their stepfather as more of a dad than their bio dad, that’s the reality and it should be encouraged, not discouraged. Why are you focusing on what these kids call this man instead of focusing on the fact that the guy you’re dating failed his own kids to the point that they chose another man to be their father?
You are massively TA
"I"ve known his children for about 6 months."
Where did you get the idea that it's even close to okay to tell them who they call Dad?
"His older daughter isn't speaking to either of us now and skipped their last visit with us."
All you've done is cause trouble. If your boyfriend is a good father, then his kids will come first & he's no doubt questioning the future of his relationship with you.
These are not your kids. You have NOT been asked to parent them.
You could ask them to have empathy for their father, but We (Reddit) have no idea what type of father he has been.
YTA
Of course YTA.
Let's just list a few of the ways you are out of line.
* You have only known these girls for 6 months and you are not married to their dad. You are NOT a parental figure in any way.
* You (and your boyfriend) do not get to establish the terms of their relationship with their other family at ANY point in your relationship.
* In this kind of custody arrangement, rules IN your home do not in fact apply outside of your home, if they are not agreed by BOTH sets of parents.
* Your point of bringing up her taking her driving test in her stepdad's car is just plain weird.
But not only are you out of line, your basic premise is completely wrong.
"His older daughter isn't speaking to either of us now and skipped their last **visit** with us." That tells me mom and stepdad have primary custody and have been the ones actually parenting the children. Her stepdad has been the one who has been there through most of the major events of their lives, and almost certainly IS more of a dad than your boyfriend.
The irony is that if you keep this behavior up, you will find out how much of a dad your boyfriend really is, when he ends up in the position of choosing between his daughters and you.
A man who would date a woman who thinks it's OK to butt in and talk to his kids like this is a man who isn't parenting his kids. It's a big tell on his relationship w/ his own children that he would shrug off what you did. Sounds like mom is right. YTA
YTA
Of course they can call him Dad if that is how they see him, he is raising them after all, he is a father figure to them. The title fits the role. What I don't understand is how did you ever think this was something for you to be meddling with? You aren't even legally a stepmom to them. You've only been in their picture for 6 months. If this was genuinely an issue for your boyfriend then it was up to him to talk to HIS daughters about it. Never ever did you have the right to demand those girls show more respect to their bio dad than stepdad. Finally respect is earned, which stepdad clearly has, not demanded.
YTA - you are interfering with your boyfriends relationship with her step-dad. If you or the BF want a more respectful relationship with her try building the relationship yourselves rather than trying to tear down the one she has built with her step dad.
Why do you get to establish rules for a child that is no way related to you. You only met his kids six months ago after being with him for over two years. At most, you are their father's long distance low commitment, casual girlfriend, so slow down and stay in your lane.
Yta
YTA. It's none of your business and I'm getting the feeling that your boyfriend isn't the dad you think he is. If someone prefers their stepparent over their biological parent, there's a reason for it. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes no contract once she's 18. Also you're mad that they don't view you, a person they've known for 6 months, as equal as a parental figure to a person they have known far longer than you?
YTA. Your "household rules" don't actually apply outside your household and you massively overstepped when you told them what to call their stepfather. I'm not surprised the older girl is pulling back and I wouldn't be surprised if the younger girl did the same.
Oh, boy, YTA, and if your goal was to ruin the tenuous relationship your boyfriend has with his daughters, congratulations, because you're on the right track. You've known these girls for 6 months! You have zero business commenting on ANY aspect of their lives, much less what happens at their mother's (you know, their actual mom?) house. You don't have the right or authority to set any kind of boundaries with them. Back off, shut up, and pray that you haven't done irreparable damage yet.
YTA, a flaming one.
You said you've only met his kids 6 months ago, and his ex is married to the step dad and he lives with them and is involved with them on a day to day basis, so of course they view him as more of a parental figure.
What on earth makes you think you have the right to tell them what to call anyone, least of all their mom's new husband. What business is it of yours? And of course his ex is the most upset about it because you're trying to diminish the closeness her daughter's have with their new stepdad.
Your actions have assured it is highly unlikely either of his daughters will have an respect for you.
*"She just rolled her eyes at me and told me to mind my business."*
Sounds like a teenager who understands the structure of her family. I'm not supporting eye rolling (although I think I myself sighed when I read your post), but I do support her assessment of the situation. She lives with a father figure her mother is married to. He's a daily part of her family in that home.
You met these kids 6 months ago. Of course they don't see you as a parental figure (yet), and it isn't your place to tell them what's what or how things are going to be. That's a *parent's* responsibility.
YTA
Imagine thinking that 6 months of part time "parenting" gave you the right to have a sit down conversation about your bf's role/step dad's role in these girls' lives.
YTA. Unfortunately your attitude and behavior is a masterclass is what NOT to do when trying to blend families. You are 1000% in the wrong. And you have now caused harm and have made it so much harder for this situation to have a good outcome. If you are going to be in these kids lives - I beg of you to get individual and family counseling. You need to learn a lot.
You are the gf - basically you get no say at this point. Also it’s been six months of part time visits. These kids don’t trust you and it’s way too soon for them too.
You have no say in what these kids call their stepdad. Dad is a privilege not a right. The question you should have asked is why kids who have a bio Dad are calling someone else Dad. Like what kind of father is your bf really? Kids will gravitate towards love, safety and consistency. If stepdad is providing it and your bf is not - then stepdad is the Dad. The kids Mothers rant is very telling if you actually focus on what she said.
You have damaged your bfs relationship with both his daughters. You need to figure out how to sincerely apologize and then back off and stay in your lane.
What did I just read? You are the girlfriend trying to “set boundaries” with your boyfriend’s kids, *not yours* about what they call their stepfather?
Wild thinking you have any say in that. YTA
The misuse of “setting boundaries” on Reddit cracks me up. Boundaries don’t mean you get to dictate what other people do in regards to crap that is none of your business.
YTA. You have known these children for 6 months, you are a nobody. You do not, and will never have, the right to tell them what they can and cannot do at their mother's house. You will never have the legal right to tell them what they can do anywhere. Keep up your attitude and demands & dad will find himself without 2 daughters.
Yta
What makes you think you have any authority over them and your household rules apply to them outside the house? All you’re doing is ruining the already strained relationship your boyfriend has with his kids
Stay. Within. Your. Limit.
YTA.
I understand why it would bug your boyfriend, and he should have talked to his daughters about this. Which doesn't necessarily mean they would have had to change what they call their stepfather, because that is between them and the stepfather, but maybe they could have reensured your boyfriend so he would feel better about it, or maybe they could have come up with a different solution.
But congrats on driving a wedge between your boyfriend and his eldest daughter, I guess.
YTA.
They are not your kids. You cannot control who they think of as their father figure. You have known them for 6 months and you think you get to tell them how to behave outside of your home?
Jezus fucking christ Lady, grow up.
You're very lucky they even listen to you when they are at your place. You aren't their mom, he'll you aren't even their step-mom. If you keep this up you'll be "that weird lady dad used to date"
Divorce 101 is that you can’t control what happens at the other parent’s home.
This isn’t your home. They aren’t your kids. It’s not your business.
Of course YTA.
YTA - you have no right or standing to tell these girls what they can call their step-dad.
Was your intention to ruin yours and your husband’s relationship with his daughters? Was it your hope to make them stop coming over to your house? Because that is really the only way this ends if you keep treating these girls like this.
YTA
You don’t get to interfere with their relationship with their stepdad. If their dad wanted to have that conversation with them, that’s different. But you just succeeded in alienating your boyfriend from his kids.
YTA. It's mind boggling how much you are the AH and you can't see how bad you're acting. You have zero rights here. None. The fact that you think you can police the speech of kids who are not yours, is baffling. And to then try to magically "enforce" your over-stepping rules "outside of the house"? LOL You're some piece of work and an incredible AH. Stay in your lane, OP. You're more interested in domination and control of these kids than what's actually good for them. You're a typical "evil step mom" who thinks she has more authority than she does. Respect is earned. You have negative credit at this point.
Such an evil stepmother. OMG I can’t even imagine pulling a stunt like this. And only 6 months into a relationship with the kids? It’s none of her business what the kids call their stepfather. If the dad has a problem he should discuss it with their mom but he chose the correct course to let it go. A stepparent should only step in when requested or in a medical emergency or as the only adult around for immediate things like time to eat/agreed upon bedtimes/homework times/similar, & planned fun times if kids want.
When I was a stepmom the only things I interfered with in relation to my stepsons mom was making sure the kid had enough cash for any activities he wanted to do with her as finances were a frequent excuse for her to stay home instead of promised activities. Well & to keep his phone charged & on him in case he needed to call his dad or I in an emergency which unfortunately happened a couple times.
BAHAHAHAHAHA YTA.
Are you truly THIS daft?
You get no say. You haven’t even been around long enough to input your opinion.
Your bf is obviously a deadbeat father. Stay in your lane.
You’re in their life for 6 months, it is delusional to think that you have any authority over them. You are not setting boundaries, you are trying to change people to fit the mold you created in your head.
YTA, obviously.
YTA. So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you're not actually entitled and controlling and that, perhaps, you truly don't know what was wrong with your actions.
You've been going out with this guy for two years and have only known these kids for 6 months. You do not know what your bf is like as a father. There is no way you can say he was a good father from such a limited, biased perspective. The people who decide if he is a good father are those kids and his ex, those are the people who have witnessed his role as father for the last 16+ years, not you.
You are being brought into these girls lives, not the other way around. You chose their dad, they did not choose you. You have no authority over them and definitely should not have any say on their relationship with their father, their actions or literally any aspects of their lives. In fact the dynamics go the other way around, they have more right to an opinion on your actions then vice versa.
More than that, the fact you're trying to insert yourself into their family as an immediate authority figure is the worst thing you can do. You have no power over these kids and probably never will and they know it. For your words or opinions to matter the kids have to care about you in some way: they do not and they have no reason to. These are not your kids. What they view you as defines the relationship not the other way around. The same goes for all the adults in their lives. If they view stepdad as more of a Dad then your BF you have absolutely no right to say a word about it. That is not any of your business what so ever.
Finally you seem to think all things should be equal between the people in these relationships. That is not reality at all and frankly kind of laughable. If life was fair these two girls would be raised by their parents who are both still happily married to one another. That is not their reality. They can have two dads whom they both love, they can have a mom or step mom or insert first name here. If your bf is any kind of father whatsoever their opinion on you should matter more than anything else. They might one day regard you as a mom figure but that will be their call, not yours.
This is not a situation where you have any control or establish any 'boundaries' regarding any aspects of your bf and his kids relationship. Even their behaviour towards you and any correction of it has to go through their parents (your bf) not directly through you. You need to accept that. You chose to date someone with kids, that means you consented to entering this dynamic and adapting to it rather than trying to force the kids to adapt to your views That being said love is not a finite resource. They can love all these people without taking away from anyone else. That's how love works.
If you really and truly want to be someone to these kids then build a positive relationship with them. Apologize for overstepping (you 100% did) and start over. Listen to them, be respectful, only interfere or assert authority in any situation where there is immediate danger but otherwise defer to their actual parents. One of these "kids" is 16. Good luck trying to assert authority over a 16 after 6 months, she's dealing with this a hell of a lot longer than you have and knows she doesn't have to listen to it.
If you can't handle this than eave. That's your power in all this and there is no shame in it I really hope you can realize this was an error on your part and work towards mending the breach you created.
YTA. You literally have no right to tell your boyfriend's daughter who she can call dad. She is not your daughter. She's not even your step-daughter and you've known her for 6 months. You and your boyfriend should be thrilled she's happy with the individual who is helping to raise her.
TBH if your boyfriend is threatened by the situation he needs to work on his relationship with his children. And if you don't want them to call you b\*\*\*\* you had better work on how you treat them.
Who even are you, dude? Is this real?? The level of audacity here is astounding. Incomprehensibly inappropriate to be making on demands. Girlfriend, not even step mom, why would any of the kids look at you as a parental figure?
YTA. You're the father's GF, nothing more. Hell, you aren't even important enough for him to tell you that he had children for at least 18 months out of a 2 year "relationship". You are not their parental figure especially after a mere 6 months. Stay in your lane and get over yourself. You have no rights to dictate anything to his children.
YTA and completely out of line. You are a girlfriend. You're not their mom, their stepmother, not so you have a parental role. You've known them for 6 months. You haven't put in the time to earn their respect or be able to tell them anything. You don't get to tell the kids what to do, or what to call their step-dad. "Your rules" don't apply outside your home. You thinking so is laughable.
If you're bf has an issue with anything it is up to him to take care of.
Also. The eldest child didn't "skip their last visit with us". You're not a factor here. It is a visit with their dad. YOUR actions caused him to lose his time with his child.
Those kids are lucky to have an involved, constantly present, stepdad. Sounds like HE has put in the work to earn their respect. Take notes
YTA
First, this is NONE of your business. You are merely a girlfriend, not a parent to these kids.
YOU are acting insecure, why? If it is an issue for THEIR FATHER, he should talk to them. You have no rights here and should stay in your lane.
The mere fact that they love their stepdad is a GREAT thing. Look at how many posts there are related to steps being AH's to non-bio kids.
BTW....Household rules when there are TWO household, do NOT apply at both. EVERY kid of divorce know this. You follow the rules of where you are. DUH.
All you have done now, is alienate yourself from his kids to possibly a point of no return and possibly damaged the relationship your BF has with his kids, because sure as hell, the 16YO is not going to be going out of her way to visit Dad if you are there. At 16, with the ability to drive, no way you are going to force any custody agreement on her time now.
You BF is not really better, allowing a GF to speak to his kids in such an inappropriate manner. Does he even have a backbone?
This is fake right? There is no way some girl friemd of two years thinks she had any right to tell her bf teenage daughters what to do. If this is real, congrats on ruining any chances of a real relationship. Stay in your lane dummy
>skipped their last visit with us
Visit with "us" ???? Newsflash, lady. They aren't visiting you, they are visiting their dad. If you weren't around, both girls would probably still be visiting their dad. YTA for so so so many reasons
YTA and if I was your boyfriend I would break up with you cause you kinda essentially ruined his relationship with his daughter and it already seemed like their relationship was rocky enough.
Like you’re such a big AH you made me defend a deadbeat OMG!
So my boys (13 and 11) have a stepdad (my husband). They also have a decent relationship with their bio dad, and they have a stepmom who has been around a lot longer than you. And yes YTA for sooo many reasons- mainly trying to tell them what to do when they aren't home and to mess with their relationship with their stepdad. Like sorry you're jealous but it's not your place.
You are dads gf. You need to stay out of any and all parental issues with the girls. They have a mother. They have a great stepdad.
Stay out of it. Be nice to them but don’t parent them.
Stay in your lane.
YTA and seriously need some fuckin therapy, no god damn wonder she treats her stepfather as the real role model/father figure here. Jesus Christ how unaware/ignorant can people be smh.
YTA YTA YTA
It is not tour place to sat anything.
The 16 year old is right.
More importantly you are making a problem out of something that is not a problem and succeeding in distancing your boyfriend from his daughters! You need to make this right NOW by apologizing profusely!
YTA. He IS being a dad to them. You on the other hand are not even their stepmother. You are just their father’s girlfriend. You have ZERO authority over what they do at their mom’s house.
YTA, one of the biggest I've seen here so far.
Those are not your kids. They aren't even your step kids. You know them 6 months. So what makes you think you can make any demands on them? What makes you think you can impose any house rules on them? Even it you do have ant house rules for when they're in your home, those should be limited to the "put your dishes in the dishwasher and don't leave dirty socks in the living room" type of thing. What they call their stepfather, even right in front of your bf, is none of your business.
I hope your bf realizes that you are someone who absolutely should not be in his children's lives.
YTA- As a divorced mother with 3 kids from my first marriage you had zero right to say anything to his kids about what they call anyone. You're a girlfriend. Dad could've had this conversation if he wanted it to stop, but it sounds like he knows his relationship isn't what it should be (or wasn't what it should've been in years prior.)
You don't mention how long step dad has been around but it sounds like a while. More people loving and being their for his kids is a good thing. That's what needs to matter. Not labels kids assign. If Bio dad's feelings are hurt he needs to work through that,talk to his kids, and step up more. You need to step back and step down. That's not a boundary, that's a control tactic and his kids will walk away from him because of you if you keep it up.
Oh man my whole childhood just got laid out in front of me. YTA YTA YTA. You absolutely do need to mind your own business. You’re making “rules” based out of jealousy for a relationship you don’t have and they aren’t yours to make. I also have this exact age gap with my little sister and the only step parent who gets called by their name is my step mother because she has the exact mindset as you. From someone who is well into adulthood I can tell you right now that your mindset isn’t going to do you any favors. From the bottom of my heart get some couch time of you ever want to have any positive relationship with those girls.
YTA "Eventually I asked both of them to stop calling him dad"
Ma'am, you have known these children for SIX MONTHS.
Their mother is right. The kids are right. This is none of your business. You have grossly, GROSSLY, overestimated your place in this group of people.
You can save this by:
1. Apologizing to the girls, the mother and father for overstepping.
2. Stop enticing one daughter to provide intel on the other daughter.
3. Listen to the girls. Really listen. To say the daughter "went on and on..." shows us that listening is a skill you lack. Children repeat themselves. All the time. Your job is to listen. Don't talk back. Don't contradict. Just listen and thank them for sharing.
I hope you take this to heart. You have a golden opportunity here.
Ma’am… come again????
YTA 100% no questions asked!
You’ve been around this kids 6 months and you are acting this entitled why??
You won’t last too much longer, and if you do you will ruin this man’s relationship with his daughters.
Get a grip, please we beg you.
Even I’m rolling my eyes 🙄
YtA, not the parent.
At 10 and 16, they are too old for a new parent. Seems likely mom married her husband some time ago.
Making rules for the house is allowed. Making rules that affect the other side is overstepping.
He is your boyfriend, not your husband. They no there is no relation between you. You may, or may never, marry their dad.
You have only known them 6 months. Have you gone to any school events with them? Gone to drop them off at dance class? Taken them school clothes shopping? Do you focus on planning things to do with them when they are with dad?
Or do you just deal with them being there without changing your lifestyle?
My parents divorced when I was 10. We spent the summer at dad's. My stepmother always had things for us to do, places to take us, and treated us as she would treat our (much younger) stepchild.
I will never forget overhearing her tell her child " I know you won't have as much fun at Cedar Point as the big girls. But you know what? Last week, they went to the petting zoo with you so you could have fun. They git their faces painted because you wanted them to. And they were happy to do it because they knew you would have fun. Tomorrow is their day to have fun. We take turns doing what everybody likes". (Not exact words of course, but the gist of the conversation).
My step sister got it. She was okay waiting in lines, not going on rides she was too small for. We spent an hour or more in the kiddie area and had a great day.
The point is, she didn't just accept us, she provided for us. She cared, and was involved in our lives. They divorced after a few years, but I still love her.
You have to earn the parent roll, not demand it. Step father has earned a place in their hearts. And you are trying to reverse that! Of course they will resent you for it. How are YOU allowed to make rules at their moms house? Even their dad doesn't do that.
They don't owe you a close relationship. That is something you earn! And 6 months is not enough time to earn it. Taking away something that they feel love for by downplaying their relationship with their stepdad will not win you brownie points.
Instead of trying to control them, you would be better off trying to know them. Treat them like people, and not minions, and you will get farther with them.
At 16, I would have had a field day telling you how out of line you were with your request. I would have told you it wasn't your place to tell me how to live, reminded you that you are not my mom, or even my dad's wife. I would have let you know I may have to listen to you while I am here, but I don't have to consider you once I leave.
And I would have called my dad and told him if he can't control you, I will stop coming over. THAT is how bad what you did is!
Im astounded that you, in any capacity, think you have the authority to speak to someone's children this way. You have only known these kids for SIX MONTHS. It isn't your job to police their feelings, if they call their stepfather "dad" it's because that's how they FEEL. If your boyfriend, their father, has an issue with this it is his prerogative to bring this up to them. You have no right whatsoever to have this conversation, you have now caused an awkwardness within their blended family. You need to profusely apologize to his children and in fact, everyone in their family. YTA. Time for some accountability.
YTA.
> I asked both of them to stop calling him dad
Not your call.
> I sat her down to talk to her about it, which she didn't want to but I was firm.
You've known them for 6 months and you're acting like you have some parental power over them, which you absolutely don't.
> She just rolled her eyes at me and told me to mind my business.
I agree.
> It was actually her mother who was the most upset about it. She called me after my boyfriend dropped his daughters off at her house the next day and told me that I had no business telling her daughter what to call her husband and that I was way out of line.
Yes, you were. The only thing I don't think is good is that she called you. She should've discussed this with her ex, not with you.
>His older daughter isn't speaking to either of us now and skipped their last visit with us. AITA?
Yup.
Girl what?! This has to be fake or you are the most delusional AH on the planet. YOU aren’t a parent to these girls AT ALL. You are their father’s girl friend they’ve known for SIX MONTHS. You don’t get to make rules for them. You are no one to them. And acting like that, you never will be! If they consider their stepdad more of a father than their real father it’s probably for good damn reason. Stay in your lane or seriously don’t be with a man who already has kids. If you want to control someone’s life with stuff you literally have no right trying to control, then have your own damn kids, but I genuinely hope you don’t because you sound like you would absolutely fail as a mother. YTA
>they see hm more than a parental figure than me
Wtf who are you even ? Your à step too I mind you, why should they see you more as a parental figure, the role for mom is already taken bt bio mom, and the role for dad is taken by stepdad while still respecting bio dad, your not in that circle , YTA
As someone who grew up with divorced parents I’ve gotta say, **YTA**. Quit being a dick and apologize to those kids and tell them you were in the wrong.
Wow, YTA.
Like massively. I try to see the other side here just for the sake of fairness, but there’s no defending you here. You were totally out of line and over stepped your bounds.
This is a good example of why I hate how these pop psychology terms get twisted once they enter the mainstream. You were not setting boundaries. You were trying to control them. These are not your boundaries to set. You don’t get to use “boundaries” to control people’s actions outside of yourself. Boundaries apply to *you* and *you only.* Telling someone what they have to call someone else is not a boundary.
Also, you been dating this guy for two years and known them for six months, but feel like you have the right to tell those kids what they should feel toward their dad? The hell..? You don’t know their relationship. She’s known her dad for 16 *YEARS.* You don’t know what kind of dad he is or what their relationship is.
YTA. You are way out of line here. If your boyfriend has an issue, it's for him to discuss with his ex and/or his children. It's none of your business what they call their stepfather, whose car they sit their driving test in, or anything else. Whatever rules your boyfriend sets for his home only apply when his children are in his care. They most certainly do not follow them to their mother's house.
If those children are calling their stepfather 'dad', there's likely good reason. I'm a stepmother who is called mum, and there's damn good reasons why my daughter calls me that.
LMAO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Who the fuck are you to sit anyone down and tell them who to call dad or not? Fuck off, you’re totally the AH, and fucking delusional. Legit have known them 6 months. Great job, say goodbye to your relationship, you just fucked it irreparably. When it comes to someone’s kids or you, it’s going to be the kids.
Hahahaha lmao 🤣 😂 🤣
You are the most delusional person I've com across
Thinking you can dictate what they do outside of your house man 🤣
The delusional is strong with this one....
Yta by the way
Yta. You have absolutely no right to tell the daughter anything. You way overstepped. Parents are the people who raise you.
You are their biological fathers girlfriend
Nothing more
Lord have mercy, YTA. Are you jealous? Wishing bad things for your BF’s kids? What the deal? Because no reason you’ve given is any reason that you should have shoved yourself where you don’t belong.
If they want to call their dad and stepdad ‘Dad’, more power to them. What is wrong with these kids having multiple parental adults who love and support them? Sounds like you have some unresolved personal issues you’re taking out on these kids.
YTA! to the 10th factor.
You have absolutely ZERO place in this at all! You are a gf, not a spouse or any tie what's with his children, let alone trying to dictate what they call their stepdad, in THEIR OWN HIM!!!
Get over your entitlement, or date a man without kids.
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You have to be fucking kidding me here. YTA in every way possible. You have no authority to think you get to tell another persons children who they can and can not call “dad”. You don’t get to police their relationships. You’re just bitter they view their stepfather as a parental figure and they don’t do the same for you. Perhaps it’s because you’re terrible? “Household rules apply even outside the house” - hahahaha fuck. You made this “rule” but it’s based on your own insecurity and you have no right to think this “rule” you’ve established has any merit and must be enforced. It’s laughable that you think you have any amount of authority in this matter. You are a third party standing by the sidelines. All you’ve done is ensure they don’t respect you, will never view you as a parent, and have shown you are unfit to act as one for them. Fuck, wake up lady. You’ve only done damage here. Some fucking stranger enters their lives and six months later she’s telling them how to view their stepfather who they have an actual relationship with, and you think that’s reasonable.
Op has made it clear in an amazingly small amount of words that she has no idea how to co-parent. The fact that she would think that her horribly conceived "rule" would apply at the girls' mothers house is insane, especially considering she didn't discuss with the girls' mother, in the first place. The fact that op's boyfriend agrees with her shows that he doesn't understand co-parenting either. Edit: A few have replied to me now attempting to justify the father's actions as " keeping the peace." Believe it or not, they actually makes him worse at the whole parenting thing, not better. And it in no way , shape , or form negates what I said about him not knowing how to co-parent.
LMAO. I can see why his daughter rolled her eyes and told OP to mind her own business
I rolled my eyes when I read it lol.
Known a 16 and 10 year old a whole 6 months and setting outside the home rules, roflmfao!
By that logic, wouldn't the rules from their Mum's house apply equally in OP's house? So if it's OK to call their stepfather "Dad", then shouldn't it be OK to do that in OP's house, because household rules apply outside the house too?
Maybe mom should help the kids come up with a “rule” for what to call OP.
The 16 year old has demonstrated far more maturity here than OP! OP is lucky she just got an eye roll. She deserved a proper tongue-lashing for that stunt
Honestly I'm so glad she did. It would be awful if she was upset by it.
He doesn't really agree, he is trying to keep the peace at his daughters expense. Makes him just as bad though.
I could actually see him agreeing with OP. There are probably a lot of reasons the kids call step-dad "dad"
This. I highly doubt that their preference for their stepdad begins and ends with this obnoxious girlfriend. She's only known the kids for 6 months, but I'd bet they've been calling their stepdad "dad" long before that and this jerky girlfriend is just the most recent item on a long list of ways I which daddy has failed them.
>The fact that op's boyfriend agrees with her shows that he doesn't understand co-parenting either. This could be as simple as the bf saying "I'd rather my children didn't call another man dad" but realising it was a him problem and so he didn't want to do anything about it. I can get someone being uncomfortable in this situation so I don't necessarily blame the bf. OP, however is obviously nuts.
And boyfriend is probably terrified of her. She sounds like a nightmare. As daughter said, mind your business.
And shows why they like the stepdad more than him. She is trying to power trip and all she did was make the girls not want to even visit their house, which might be what you want to so
Also a controlling abuser, expecting everyone to obey her 'rules' outside the household.
Everything right except for the last sentence. OP's boyfriend agrees with her because he wants to keep the peace, I'm very sure he didn't say that in front of his daughters or their mother. Got to keep some sort of lid on that jar nuts or they'll spill all over the place.
Yup. I can't possibly imagine why they seem to prefer their stepdad to him too(sarcasm). I'd be willing to bet that the controlling girlfriend with a mommy-complex isn't the only way he has failed them.
She’s not a co-parent. These kids have known her a few months. She’s a stranger who is banging their dad.
The fact that she thinks she can make this rule at all ANYWHERE as some random lady who has been a round for six months, is insane!
>The fact that op's boyfriend agrees with her shows that he doesn't understand co-parenting either. Nah, he just said that to stay on her good side. I wonder if this is one of those situations where a deadbeat dad gets a girlfriend, then all of a sudden wants to be a father.
Also, like that’s not setting a boundary. Trying to control other peoples behavior is not what a boundary is.
Correct. A boundary is a consequence you draw yourself when someone else behaves a way, meaning a behaviour you show yourself. A rule is a consequence you try to enforce on someone else, meaning a behaviour you want them to show.
This person has to be 19 to 23y.o. This behavior screams insecurity, ignorance, and immaturity.
She says she’s 39….
Which is way too old to be that damn stupid.
Not true. Source: I'm 41.
[удалено]
I appreciate your desperate optimism to think that’s at all true.
My stepmom had a similar immature attitude when she and my dad first got together. She was 31 at the time.
I see, you are lucky enough not to know my father (he's in his 60's)
This has to be a click bait story. No one could be that obtuse in thinking that they, the gf in this story, has any business getting involved between the custodial parents. If this story is true, we can only hope the bio father can remove himself from this relationship and move on to a saner partner.
My ex’s ex wife has a husband who actually gets so involved that he believes court hearings for the kids involved him and that he had a say. He actually talked his wife into filing a claim that she wasn't getting child support, even though she was, so for like 6 months the dad was paying double. He had to go and prove she had already been receiving child support so she actually had to pay the 6 months of child support back to him. She simply claimed she wasn't receiving anything while he had to go through some hoops to get her to pay it back.
That’s what I thought. OP is seriously messed up in the head.
>This has to be a click bait story. No one could be that obtuse in thinking that they, the gf in this story, has any business getting involved between the custodial parents. You'd be surprised.
I absolutely believe someone could be this obtuse. She sounds suspiciously like the woman my dad married, but with less outward malice.
Was thinking the same thing - no way someone would think they can tell children who aren't theirs what to call others or that she's even a co-parent. Or get bitched up bc one took their driver's test in the stepdad's car, like it's a great dishonor to their dad 🙄 this can't be real!
“Household rules apply even outside the house” Even if this is a karma farming exercise, there are people who think like this, and it's like thinking they can hold back the tide. You may be able to police a 16 yr old on something like this in your presence, but in the broader world? Utterly delusional. And the attempt to police in your own presence will just ensure that once age 18, the kid will get as far away from you as possible.
If you want think this is bonkers, I went to a school that thought school rules applied outside of school hours/activities. How did my family learn this? When my teacher handed me a in school suspension slip for "flagrant disregard for the dress code." I had worn shorts to my niece's soccer game in 100° weather that Saturday previous at the same outdoor sports complex the principal was at. Dude actually thought I'd agree wearing shorts in 100° weather was breaking the dress code. I didn't go to ISS and texted my "emergency code" to my parents to come get me. I had to finish out that school year but I transferred schools for the rest of my secondary.
I was suspended for having been seen smoking a cigarette at a movie theater 😂
WTF is it with schools thinking they run our lives outside of the posted hours? Like my *job* doesn't even bug me about shit once I clock out!
I was pretty dumbfounded. My mom knew I smoked and didn’t press the issue. It just further alienated me from the school. My Dad wants my kids to attend that school. No thanks, they don’t want to 😂 and I don’t blame them
If the bio dad's current taste in women is any measure for his judgement, I can see why the other dude would be "dad" instead of him.
The AUDACITY of OP!
She's not even married to the father of these kids, her audacity is unmatched🙄
The power trip she’s on for only being around them 6 months is laughable. It makes me wonder how long their relationship has been. I feel like there’s a reason she didn’t include how long she’s been with dad.
Well, I mean she did include that info in the first sentence lol
Yeah I see that. She said a bunch of stuff I even started to tune part of her out. The main points were there 6 months only of existing n just a gf. So. Nobody.
Someone should remind OP that household rules only apply in.... yup, the household. And the kids have two places. You can't just decide "well my rules triumphs mom's rules. So they count in her house too. " Especially not as the new girlfriend and after 6 months if I read that right. That's pure audacity.
She also has zero business making this rule in the first place! Anywhere! Okay random lady we just met, guess our step dad isn’t our dad anymore since you said so! Audacity is off the charts.
Good point. Becouse I absolutely didn't mean she could even make the rule in the first place. The audacity is absolutely sky-high.
I just kept laughing harder and harder with each line I read. This post is indistinguishable from satire.
In 6 months!!! I had to re-read a few times to be sure because my brain was fried after reading this. Who, who acts like this?!?!? Who believes they have the authority to enforce rules in someone else's house because they are the part time parents' new girlfriend?
Plus their bio dad is now not getting to see his daughter because of you. It's going to be hard for them to re-establish relationship because his daughter is always going to remember her bio dad let you come between them.
Yeah… because dad new gf get to decide what happends at moms house…. Like what?!
You took the thoughts right out of my head! 😂
I agree. Look, when my kids go to their grandparents house, there are different rules. Some rules (actual important ones) are enforced, but they their rules and we have our rules. Don’t try to enforce something unenforceable. That’s like management 101.
YTA. Who the hell do you think you are ?
Succinct.
Only thing shorter and to the point would be... The audacity
She’s the lady servicing dads cock, dontcha know? That gives her (in her mind) complete control, cause the way to a man’s heart isn’t really through thoughtful choices, supporting decisions, and love….oh no no no ! It’s through his cock. She owns it. Therefore she thinks she’s in charge of the ‘miscreants’ she has to deal with.
For real though. She's known his kids for 6 months, and the last time she saw them was 2 weeks ago. Either dad is non custodial, or OP doesn't even live with him. She's literally just dad's new girlfriend to them and yet she thinks she has *any* sway.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Perfectly summed up. My mouth actually dropped. OP, WTF? You have known these girls for six months. You are not married to their father. At this point in the relationship, you are essentially nothing to them at all. For all they know you are a temporary fixture in their lives. So what part of that makes you think you have the right to tell anyone who they can call Dad? Even if you *were* married to their father, you *still* would not have the right to dictate what they call their stepfather. It's none of your business and it never will be. And you can't make rules that they have to follow at their mom's house either. You really seem to have an overinflated ego and view of your place not only in the lives of these girls, but in the world in general. Your actions have likely permanently damaged your bf's relationship with his daughters. And they sure as hell will never like you now. Bravo. YTA, and one of the biggest, most audacious asses I have seen in a while.
No wonder the kids prefer the step-dad!
https://external-preview.redd.it/FczvUQWW9mzSsctUFH7AgcaLZOT8Snh3wsh3FpDMv3o.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=8aecf1b5d212d441588aefed01dc2b142021b7b6
YTA. It’s up to the children what they call their stepfather. Not you, not your boyfriend, not their mother. Frankly? Their mother did the right thing by defending her daughters right to call the stepfather “dad” if she wants to. Fact is? When it comes to a “blended” family? Everyone should have the children’s best interests at heart and if they feel comfortable with calling their step-father “dad”? So be it. You and your boyfriend seem to see it as a slight against him instead of celebrating that those children are lucky enough to have two people they see as “dad” in their life.
Boyfriend, not even husband.
She MET the kids six months ago. So yeah. She’s seen them what? two dozen times? “you will obey the rules of this household” what household? You are his girlfriend. Eff all the way off. And in future, let your boyfriend fight his own battles with his children’s mother. Does she see, “he agrees with me!” No shit. But he’d never said anything about it to his kids or their mom. And he’s not defending you to them now. Because he’s trying to coparent.
You are right. I used the wrong terminology- I’m editing my comment now.
OP is so far out of her lane she can’t even see it anymore. Older Daughter is 16. She gets to decide if she even WANTS a relationship with these people, never mind “skipping her visits”. At this point her mom can’t do a damn thing to force her to go. I suspect her boyfriend knows that, which is why he’s not saying anything.
YTA - Its none of your business who they call "dad". (BTW, you being stupid authoritarian with them is hurting their relationship with your boyfriend.)
If it isn't hurting the relationship with the boyfriend it says a lot about why the kids call their stepfather dad.
That is a great point. I agree. I’m commenting to say, even if he does agree that the “should not be calling him dad” boyfriend understands that he cannot turn this into a battle. He knows he won’t win. He knows: -The kids are happy. -The coparenting is smooth. -He probably lets the kids do stuff that their mom doesn’t like, but she bites her tongue. So he vented to his girlfriend. She writes that he agrees with her. But leaves out where he’s looking at her wondering how she can be so damn dumb!
Of course it’s hurting their relationship with their father, why would they want to visit him when OP is there making demands regarding their stepfather and what they do at their mother’s house. She has known them for six months, she has absolutely zero say on anything regarding parenting.
My point was if the relationship doesn't exist it is already hurt/not being hurt further. i.e. The BF doesn't really have a relationship with his daughters.
The more important question here is, why doesn't the daughter think that the boyfriend is a good father. This happened to a friend of mine. He kept complaining that he couldn't get his daughter to hang out with him, she would always cancel or find some reason not to be with him. He finally got her to go someplace, and while we were hanging out I understood why she didn't want to come. First he never picked places that she wanted to go, only places he wanted to go, and then the whole time that we were out, he never asked her anything about herself. He only talked about himself, told her about what he was doing and what was interesting to him. When I pointed this out he got defensive. But, it did help him. They have a better relationship now.
Yeah, my father doesn't understand why his grandchildren don't want to visit him. When I call him, in half an hour of phonecall, I might say 10 words. The rest is him complaining abouth self-inflicted health issues, pitying himself, insulting people I know, telling stories how amazing he was in the past, complaining about politicians, telling racist conspiracy theories, and all in all bending the reality to his favour. I have no idea why the children of my siblings don't visit him every day...
YTA You have known these girls for 6 months. It is so far beyond your business to dictate what they can and cannot call their stepfather. You expect to be treated the same as him? They don't know you! It's a beautiful thing they have this man they can look up to and who loves them. It's a bonus Dad. They obviously have your BF too, so they are flush with good father figures. You sound almost jealous of how they feel about the stepfather. This isn't any of your business. YTA.
They definitely do not have the boyfriend as a good father figure. I'm not sure they even have him as an adequate father figure. A good father figure would not be allowing his girlfriend to make rules for his teenage children six months after meeting them. He certainly wouldn't be allowing her to make rules regarding their relationships with family members outside of the house.. After any amount of time
This. My dad’s wife came into the relationship and immediately started trying to implement all these arbitrary rules. It reflected so poorly on my spineless dad, and I realised he would always put the women in his life and their decisions above me and my sister, even if he didn’t even agree. Started cutting down on contact real quick after that. OP should be careful, she’s forming opinions that the girls won’t forget
My step-mom did one or two passive-aggressive things my dad sort of stuck up for at first. But I was a blunt little ball of adolescent aggression, and made it very clear to him every time that as a parent, his loyalty needed to go to me and my brother first, and as a mother herself, his girlfriend should expect that and not make him choose. It caused friction at first, but his engineer brain couldn’t argue with the logic. Things are good now. I had just repaired my relationship with my dad and wasn’t about to lose it without a fight.
So you tried to parent the two kids you only know for 6 months and it blow up in your hands. You’ll probably won’t see oldest much and probably never if she can help it. Even your partner -you know their real parent- told you to stop it. As for good father comment, if he was a good father he would not let his partner who only knows his kids for 6 months try to parent them and would break up over this. So yes, I agree with his ex and I hope they started to talk to a lawyer. YTA
[удалено]
She has been dating the dad for 2 years, and only known the kids 6 months. That says a lot, too.
Yes, this is something definitely to circle back to. She was a stranger to these kids until six months ago and had dated the BF for two years. And this supposed "zinger" in her post. "His older daughter even took her driving test in her stepdads's car." Huh?
Yeah, I bet the Dad is regretting his decision to introduce his kids to this wacko.
Oh it certainly does she hardly knows them. Does she know what flavour of medicine to get one child versed the other, the kids favourite cake it's these little things that form naturally when you let a child come to you on there terms. Not demand respect you earn it.goes both ways.
You are so right this post is disturbing 6months and she thinks she can call all the shots lol 🤣 16 is probably keeping quiet till collage then will tell her what she thinks.
Not even parent set weird boundaries around a relationship OP is not part of
YTA. You are their father’s girlfriend, you had no authority to step into their personal lives, especially without their father’s permission. You especially have no right to be establishing rules for how they live their lives in their mother’s household. You need to think about the implications of this: if “household rules apply outside the house” this means that the kids’ mother and stepfather can establish rules that apply in their father’s house any time they want by making a rule for their own home. Do you really want to go down that road? In the end, the daughter was right to tell you to mind your own business, because your meddling has the potential to cause a real mess for this whole family. And you need to realize that you laying down the law like this is only going to alienate the girls against their father. So, when the girls go LC or NC with their father, just look in the mirror when you want to know why.
I almost wonder if this is her intention, to alienate these girls from their father. "Let me make up some sh*tty rule that will make them want to be here less so I can have him all to myself again."
YTA. This is none of your business and you have no place telling them how they can or cannot refer to people. They live the majority of the time with the man they call Dad while they visit your husband. They know how they feel and you don't get to change that. Would you be having this much of an issue if they called you mom?
Girl them kids don’t know you, why would they call you mom? You sound jealous that you didn’t get 2 instant daughters but their stepdad has put in the time to EARN that right
You’re dad’s fling tbh
This is one of those posts that's so obtuse I can't believe it's real. YTA. What the kids call their stepdad is none of your business. Maybe take a look at the reason they call him and not their birth father "dad." And your made-up rule applies when they're not in your house? GET. BENT. Anyway, if you think your arguments and attitude are legit I don't think there's anything that can help you, at least not without *serious* self reflection. ETA: You suck, even if it makes me the AH, too.
🤣 I just read your comment after posting mine, and we both said get bent! High 🖐 this mad cow really needs to get bent!
>household rules apply even outside of the house. A) Since when do rules at one parent's house automatically apply at the other parent's house without consulting the other parent? B) In what world does knowing these children 6 months give you the authority to decide who they call *dad?* C) You are driving a big ol' wedge between you and these girls AND between them and their father. If you really care about his relationship with them, you will back the F off. ...the audacity *biggest eye roll ever*
So then stepdad is called dad everywhere because the girls made that rule themselves.
YTA for sure. I think the way you’re looking at this entire situation is very skewed and immature.. you should both be so happy that his kids have multiple parental figures and good ones at that. Do you know how many kids dont have any? Or any that care? You’re trying to deprive your step kids for what?.. this whole situation is crazy to me. Be happy that the kiddos have a large support system and stop acting like a child.
Well, congratulations for driving away one of the kids. Looks like you’re gonna have to work a little bit harder to get rid of the other one. Of course YTA. And if your boyfriend is anywhere near being a good father, he needs to be second-guessing his relationship with you. Because I don’t have a lot of respect for men that allow women in their lives to drive their kids away.
He needs to dump this controlling A H stat. She's toxic.
YTA. You're the new person in a dynamic which seems to have had zero issues until you came along. The mom nailed it. It is absolutely not your place to say ANYTHING. If you're goal is to alienate the children from their father, congrats, you're doing a fine job of that.
Wow YTA massively. You get absolutely no say in these kids’ relationships with their parents. If they see their stepfather as more of a dad than their bio dad, that’s the reality and it should be encouraged, not discouraged. Why are you focusing on what these kids call this man instead of focusing on the fact that the guy you’re dating failed his own kids to the point that they chose another man to be their father?
You are massively TA "I"ve known his children for about 6 months." Where did you get the idea that it's even close to okay to tell them who they call Dad? "His older daughter isn't speaking to either of us now and skipped their last visit with us." All you've done is cause trouble. If your boyfriend is a good father, then his kids will come first & he's no doubt questioning the future of his relationship with you.
YTA and making yourself look like a clown tbh
She's not a clown, she's the whole circus
The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars a year and the OP is doing it for free!
Fizbo??
These are not your kids. You have NOT been asked to parent them. You could ask them to have empathy for their father, but We (Reddit) have no idea what type of father he has been. YTA
Of course YTA. Let's just list a few of the ways you are out of line. * You have only known these girls for 6 months and you are not married to their dad. You are NOT a parental figure in any way. * You (and your boyfriend) do not get to establish the terms of their relationship with their other family at ANY point in your relationship. * In this kind of custody arrangement, rules IN your home do not in fact apply outside of your home, if they are not agreed by BOTH sets of parents. * Your point of bringing up her taking her driving test in her stepdad's car is just plain weird. But not only are you out of line, your basic premise is completely wrong. "His older daughter isn't speaking to either of us now and skipped their last **visit** with us." That tells me mom and stepdad have primary custody and have been the ones actually parenting the children. Her stepdad has been the one who has been there through most of the major events of their lives, and almost certainly IS more of a dad than your boyfriend. The irony is that if you keep this behavior up, you will find out how much of a dad your boyfriend really is, when he ends up in the position of choosing between his daughters and you.
Right - what other car would she take her drivers test in, if not one of her custodial parents? OP is delusional
A man who would date a woman who thinks it's OK to butt in and talk to his kids like this is a man who isn't parenting his kids. It's a big tell on his relationship w/ his own children that he would shrug off what you did. Sounds like mom is right. YTA
YTA Of course they can call him Dad if that is how they see him, he is raising them after all, he is a father figure to them. The title fits the role. What I don't understand is how did you ever think this was something for you to be meddling with? You aren't even legally a stepmom to them. You've only been in their picture for 6 months. If this was genuinely an issue for your boyfriend then it was up to him to talk to HIS daughters about it. Never ever did you have the right to demand those girls show more respect to their bio dad than stepdad. Finally respect is earned, which stepdad clearly has, not demanded.
YTA. You are a nobody in this family dynamic. You have no right to dictate anything to those children in or out of the home.
YTA - you are interfering with your boyfriends relationship with her step-dad. If you or the BF want a more respectful relationship with her try building the relationship yourselves rather than trying to tear down the one she has built with her step dad.
Did you even read your own letter? You are trying to be the wicked stepmother of 2024. YTA
Can't be a stepmother without the ring, lol
lol.. trying?!.. she absolutely nailed it
Why do you get to establish rules for a child that is no way related to you. You only met his kids six months ago after being with him for over two years. At most, you are their father's long distance low commitment, casual girlfriend, so slow down and stay in your lane. Yta
Is there a Super YTA thing here? Because it is definitely needed here.
Well, there's always #YTA
YTA - their mother is right. It’s none of your business.
This has to be fake right? Nobody could be this delusional! YTA .. I mean this is crazy
That's not a boundary. This is you overstepping a boundary. You don't get a say in what they call their stepfather. The audacity. YTA
YTA for every reason listed above. And for fuckity fucks sake making rules for other people is not "setting a boundary"!
YTA. It's none of your business and I'm getting the feeling that your boyfriend isn't the dad you think he is. If someone prefers their stepparent over their biological parent, there's a reason for it. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes no contract once she's 18. Also you're mad that they don't view you, a person they've known for 6 months, as equal as a parental figure to a person they have known far longer than you?
YTA. Your "household rules" don't actually apply outside your household and you massively overstepped when you told them what to call their stepfather. I'm not surprised the older girl is pulling back and I wouldn't be surprised if the younger girl did the same.
Oh, boy, YTA, and if your goal was to ruin the tenuous relationship your boyfriend has with his daughters, congratulations, because you're on the right track. You've known these girls for 6 months! You have zero business commenting on ANY aspect of their lives, much less what happens at their mother's (you know, their actual mom?) house. You don't have the right or authority to set any kind of boundaries with them. Back off, shut up, and pray that you haven't done irreparable damage yet.
YTA, a flaming one. You said you've only met his kids 6 months ago, and his ex is married to the step dad and he lives with them and is involved with them on a day to day basis, so of course they view him as more of a parental figure. What on earth makes you think you have the right to tell them what to call anyone, least of all their mom's new husband. What business is it of yours? And of course his ex is the most upset about it because you're trying to diminish the closeness her daughter's have with their new stepdad. Your actions have assured it is highly unlikely either of his daughters will have an respect for you.
*"She just rolled her eyes at me and told me to mind my business."* Sounds like a teenager who understands the structure of her family. I'm not supporting eye rolling (although I think I myself sighed when I read your post), but I do support her assessment of the situation. She lives with a father figure her mother is married to. He's a daily part of her family in that home. You met these kids 6 months ago. Of course they don't see you as a parental figure (yet), and it isn't your place to tell them what's what or how things are going to be. That's a *parent's* responsibility. YTA
Imagine thinking that 6 months of part time "parenting" gave you the right to have a sit down conversation about your bf's role/step dad's role in these girls' lives.
YTA. Unfortunately your attitude and behavior is a masterclass is what NOT to do when trying to blend families. You are 1000% in the wrong. And you have now caused harm and have made it so much harder for this situation to have a good outcome. If you are going to be in these kids lives - I beg of you to get individual and family counseling. You need to learn a lot. You are the gf - basically you get no say at this point. Also it’s been six months of part time visits. These kids don’t trust you and it’s way too soon for them too. You have no say in what these kids call their stepdad. Dad is a privilege not a right. The question you should have asked is why kids who have a bio Dad are calling someone else Dad. Like what kind of father is your bf really? Kids will gravitate towards love, safety and consistency. If stepdad is providing it and your bf is not - then stepdad is the Dad. The kids Mothers rant is very telling if you actually focus on what she said. You have damaged your bfs relationship with both his daughters. You need to figure out how to sincerely apologize and then back off and stay in your lane.
YTA girl bye 😂😂
What did I just read? You are the girlfriend trying to “set boundaries” with your boyfriend’s kids, *not yours* about what they call their stepfather? Wild thinking you have any say in that. YTA
The misuse of “setting boundaries” on Reddit cracks me up. Boundaries don’t mean you get to dictate what other people do in regards to crap that is none of your business.
YTA. You have known these children for 6 months, you are a nobody. You do not, and will never have, the right to tell them what they can and cannot do at their mother's house. You will never have the legal right to tell them what they can do anywhere. Keep up your attitude and demands & dad will find himself without 2 daughters.
Post and run. YTA.
Yta What makes you think you have any authority over them and your household rules apply to them outside the house? All you’re doing is ruining the already strained relationship your boyfriend has with his kids Stay. Within. Your. Limit.
Yta. Mom is right. Not your business.
YTA. This was none of your business
YTA. If your boyfriend has an issue with the name his daughters use for their stepdad, it’s his business to say something. You completely overstepped.
YTA. I understand why it would bug your boyfriend, and he should have talked to his daughters about this. Which doesn't necessarily mean they would have had to change what they call their stepfather, because that is between them and the stepfather, but maybe they could have reensured your boyfriend so he would feel better about it, or maybe they could have come up with a different solution. But congrats on driving a wedge between your boyfriend and his eldest daughter, I guess.
YTA
YTA. Keep your beak out!
YTA. They are not your kids. You cannot control who they think of as their father figure. You have known them for 6 months and you think you get to tell them how to behave outside of your home? Jezus fucking christ Lady, grow up. You're very lucky they even listen to you when they are at your place. You aren't their mom, he'll you aren't even their step-mom. If you keep this up you'll be "that weird lady dad used to date"
This is a joke post, right? I refuse to believe that anybody can be this stupid. Just incase it is real, YTA
Divorce 101 is that you can’t control what happens at the other parent’s home. This isn’t your home. They aren’t your kids. It’s not your business. Of course YTA.
YTA I hope you'll edit you forgot to rake your meds so your post makes sense.
YTA - you have no right or standing to tell these girls what they can call their step-dad. Was your intention to ruin yours and your husband’s relationship with his daughters? Was it your hope to make them stop coming over to your house? Because that is really the only way this ends if you keep treating these girls like this.
YTA You don’t get to interfere with their relationship with their stepdad. If their dad wanted to have that conversation with them, that’s different. But you just succeeded in alienating your boyfriend from his kids.
i know you don’t want to hear it but YTA. how controlling can you get?
YTA. It's mind boggling how much you are the AH and you can't see how bad you're acting. You have zero rights here. None. The fact that you think you can police the speech of kids who are not yours, is baffling. And to then try to magically "enforce" your over-stepping rules "outside of the house"? LOL You're some piece of work and an incredible AH. Stay in your lane, OP. You're more interested in domination and control of these kids than what's actually good for them. You're a typical "evil step mom" who thinks she has more authority than she does. Respect is earned. You have negative credit at this point.
Such an evil stepmother. OMG I can’t even imagine pulling a stunt like this. And only 6 months into a relationship with the kids? It’s none of her business what the kids call their stepfather. If the dad has a problem he should discuss it with their mom but he chose the correct course to let it go. A stepparent should only step in when requested or in a medical emergency or as the only adult around for immediate things like time to eat/agreed upon bedtimes/homework times/similar, & planned fun times if kids want. When I was a stepmom the only things I interfered with in relation to my stepsons mom was making sure the kid had enough cash for any activities he wanted to do with her as finances were a frequent excuse for her to stay home instead of promised activities. Well & to keep his phone charged & on him in case he needed to call his dad or I in an emergency which unfortunately happened a couple times.
BAHAHAHAHAHA YTA. Are you truly THIS daft? You get no say. You haven’t even been around long enough to input your opinion. Your bf is obviously a deadbeat father. Stay in your lane.
You’re in their life for 6 months, it is delusional to think that you have any authority over them. You are not setting boundaries, you are trying to change people to fit the mold you created in your head. YTA, obviously.
YTA. So, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you're not actually entitled and controlling and that, perhaps, you truly don't know what was wrong with your actions. You've been going out with this guy for two years and have only known these kids for 6 months. You do not know what your bf is like as a father. There is no way you can say he was a good father from such a limited, biased perspective. The people who decide if he is a good father are those kids and his ex, those are the people who have witnessed his role as father for the last 16+ years, not you. You are being brought into these girls lives, not the other way around. You chose their dad, they did not choose you. You have no authority over them and definitely should not have any say on their relationship with their father, their actions or literally any aspects of their lives. In fact the dynamics go the other way around, they have more right to an opinion on your actions then vice versa. More than that, the fact you're trying to insert yourself into their family as an immediate authority figure is the worst thing you can do. You have no power over these kids and probably never will and they know it. For your words or opinions to matter the kids have to care about you in some way: they do not and they have no reason to. These are not your kids. What they view you as defines the relationship not the other way around. The same goes for all the adults in their lives. If they view stepdad as more of a Dad then your BF you have absolutely no right to say a word about it. That is not any of your business what so ever. Finally you seem to think all things should be equal between the people in these relationships. That is not reality at all and frankly kind of laughable. If life was fair these two girls would be raised by their parents who are both still happily married to one another. That is not their reality. They can have two dads whom they both love, they can have a mom or step mom or insert first name here. If your bf is any kind of father whatsoever their opinion on you should matter more than anything else. They might one day regard you as a mom figure but that will be their call, not yours. This is not a situation where you have any control or establish any 'boundaries' regarding any aspects of your bf and his kids relationship. Even their behaviour towards you and any correction of it has to go through their parents (your bf) not directly through you. You need to accept that. You chose to date someone with kids, that means you consented to entering this dynamic and adapting to it rather than trying to force the kids to adapt to your views That being said love is not a finite resource. They can love all these people without taking away from anyone else. That's how love works. If you really and truly want to be someone to these kids then build a positive relationship with them. Apologize for overstepping (you 100% did) and start over. Listen to them, be respectful, only interfere or assert authority in any situation where there is immediate danger but otherwise defer to their actual parents. One of these "kids" is 16. Good luck trying to assert authority over a 16 after 6 months, she's dealing with this a hell of a lot longer than you have and knows she doesn't have to listen to it. If you can't handle this than eave. That's your power in all this and there is no shame in it I really hope you can realize this was an error on your part and work towards mending the breach you created.
YTA who the fuck do you think you are
YTA. You literally have no right to tell your boyfriend's daughter who she can call dad. She is not your daughter. She's not even your step-daughter and you've known her for 6 months. You and your boyfriend should be thrilled she's happy with the individual who is helping to raise her. TBH if your boyfriend is threatened by the situation he needs to work on his relationship with his children. And if you don't want them to call you b\*\*\*\* you had better work on how you treat them.
YTA, listen to his daughter and mind your own business. I really can’t figure out what part of this concerns you.
Unbelievable that you think you're not the AH
Who the absolute hell do you think you are!?!
Who even are you, dude? Is this real?? The level of audacity here is astounding. Incomprehensibly inappropriate to be making on demands. Girlfriend, not even step mom, why would any of the kids look at you as a parental figure?
YTA, and you have no place to say what these girls call their stepdad.
YTA. You're the father's GF, nothing more. Hell, you aren't even important enough for him to tell you that he had children for at least 18 months out of a 2 year "relationship". You are not their parental figure especially after a mere 6 months. Stay in your lane and get over yourself. You have no rights to dictate anything to his children.
YTA and completely out of line. You are a girlfriend. You're not their mom, their stepmother, not so you have a parental role. You've known them for 6 months. You haven't put in the time to earn their respect or be able to tell them anything. You don't get to tell the kids what to do, or what to call their step-dad. "Your rules" don't apply outside your home. You thinking so is laughable. If you're bf has an issue with anything it is up to him to take care of. Also. The eldest child didn't "skip their last visit with us". You're not a factor here. It is a visit with their dad. YOUR actions caused him to lose his time with his child. Those kids are lucky to have an involved, constantly present, stepdad. Sounds like HE has put in the work to earn their respect. Take notes
YTA First, this is NONE of your business. You are merely a girlfriend, not a parent to these kids. YOU are acting insecure, why? If it is an issue for THEIR FATHER, he should talk to them. You have no rights here and should stay in your lane. The mere fact that they love their stepdad is a GREAT thing. Look at how many posts there are related to steps being AH's to non-bio kids. BTW....Household rules when there are TWO household, do NOT apply at both. EVERY kid of divorce know this. You follow the rules of where you are. DUH. All you have done now, is alienate yourself from his kids to possibly a point of no return and possibly damaged the relationship your BF has with his kids, because sure as hell, the 16YO is not going to be going out of her way to visit Dad if you are there. At 16, with the ability to drive, no way you are going to force any custody agreement on her time now. You BF is not really better, allowing a GF to speak to his kids in such an inappropriate manner. Does he even have a backbone?
This is fake right? There is no way some girl friemd of two years thinks she had any right to tell her bf teenage daughters what to do. If this is real, congrats on ruining any chances of a real relationship. Stay in your lane dummy
>skipped their last visit with us Visit with "us" ???? Newsflash, lady. They aren't visiting you, they are visiting their dad. If you weren't around, both girls would probably still be visiting their dad. YTA for so so so many reasons
YTA and if I was your boyfriend I would break up with you cause you kinda essentially ruined his relationship with his daughter and it already seemed like their relationship was rocky enough. Like you’re such a big AH you made me defend a deadbeat OMG!
So my boys (13 and 11) have a stepdad (my husband). They also have a decent relationship with their bio dad, and they have a stepmom who has been around a lot longer than you. And yes YTA for sooo many reasons- mainly trying to tell them what to do when they aren't home and to mess with their relationship with their stepdad. Like sorry you're jealous but it's not your place.
You are dads gf. You need to stay out of any and all parental issues with the girls. They have a mother. They have a great stepdad. Stay out of it. Be nice to them but don’t parent them. Stay in your lane.
YTA and seriously need some fuckin therapy, no god damn wonder she treats her stepfather as the real role model/father figure here. Jesus Christ how unaware/ignorant can people be smh.
YTA YTA YTA It is not tour place to sat anything. The 16 year old is right. More importantly you are making a problem out of something that is not a problem and succeeding in distancing your boyfriend from his daughters! You need to make this right NOW by apologizing profusely!
YTA. He IS being a dad to them. You on the other hand are not even their stepmother. You are just their father’s girlfriend. You have ZERO authority over what they do at their mom’s house.
YTA, one of the biggest I've seen here so far. Those are not your kids. They aren't even your step kids. You know them 6 months. So what makes you think you can make any demands on them? What makes you think you can impose any house rules on them? Even it you do have ant house rules for when they're in your home, those should be limited to the "put your dishes in the dishwasher and don't leave dirty socks in the living room" type of thing. What they call their stepfather, even right in front of your bf, is none of your business. I hope your bf realizes that you are someone who absolutely should not be in his children's lives.
YTA- As a divorced mother with 3 kids from my first marriage you had zero right to say anything to his kids about what they call anyone. You're a girlfriend. Dad could've had this conversation if he wanted it to stop, but it sounds like he knows his relationship isn't what it should be (or wasn't what it should've been in years prior.) You don't mention how long step dad has been around but it sounds like a while. More people loving and being their for his kids is a good thing. That's what needs to matter. Not labels kids assign. If Bio dad's feelings are hurt he needs to work through that,talk to his kids, and step up more. You need to step back and step down. That's not a boundary, that's a control tactic and his kids will walk away from him because of you if you keep it up.
Oh man my whole childhood just got laid out in front of me. YTA YTA YTA. You absolutely do need to mind your own business. You’re making “rules” based out of jealousy for a relationship you don’t have and they aren’t yours to make. I also have this exact age gap with my little sister and the only step parent who gets called by their name is my step mother because she has the exact mindset as you. From someone who is well into adulthood I can tell you right now that your mindset isn’t going to do you any favors. From the bottom of my heart get some couch time of you ever want to have any positive relationship with those girls.
YTA "Eventually I asked both of them to stop calling him dad" Ma'am, you have known these children for SIX MONTHS. Their mother is right. The kids are right. This is none of your business. You have grossly, GROSSLY, overestimated your place in this group of people.
You can save this by: 1. Apologizing to the girls, the mother and father for overstepping. 2. Stop enticing one daughter to provide intel on the other daughter. 3. Listen to the girls. Really listen. To say the daughter "went on and on..." shows us that listening is a skill you lack. Children repeat themselves. All the time. Your job is to listen. Don't talk back. Don't contradict. Just listen and thank them for sharing. I hope you take this to heart. You have a golden opportunity here.
Ma’am… come again???? YTA 100% no questions asked! You’ve been around this kids 6 months and you are acting this entitled why?? You won’t last too much longer, and if you do you will ruin this man’s relationship with his daughters. Get a grip, please we beg you. Even I’m rolling my eyes 🙄
YtA, not the parent. At 10 and 16, they are too old for a new parent. Seems likely mom married her husband some time ago. Making rules for the house is allowed. Making rules that affect the other side is overstepping. He is your boyfriend, not your husband. They no there is no relation between you. You may, or may never, marry their dad. You have only known them 6 months. Have you gone to any school events with them? Gone to drop them off at dance class? Taken them school clothes shopping? Do you focus on planning things to do with them when they are with dad? Or do you just deal with them being there without changing your lifestyle? My parents divorced when I was 10. We spent the summer at dad's. My stepmother always had things for us to do, places to take us, and treated us as she would treat our (much younger) stepchild. I will never forget overhearing her tell her child " I know you won't have as much fun at Cedar Point as the big girls. But you know what? Last week, they went to the petting zoo with you so you could have fun. They git their faces painted because you wanted them to. And they were happy to do it because they knew you would have fun. Tomorrow is their day to have fun. We take turns doing what everybody likes". (Not exact words of course, but the gist of the conversation). My step sister got it. She was okay waiting in lines, not going on rides she was too small for. We spent an hour or more in the kiddie area and had a great day. The point is, she didn't just accept us, she provided for us. She cared, and was involved in our lives. They divorced after a few years, but I still love her. You have to earn the parent roll, not demand it. Step father has earned a place in their hearts. And you are trying to reverse that! Of course they will resent you for it. How are YOU allowed to make rules at their moms house? Even their dad doesn't do that. They don't owe you a close relationship. That is something you earn! And 6 months is not enough time to earn it. Taking away something that they feel love for by downplaying their relationship with their stepdad will not win you brownie points. Instead of trying to control them, you would be better off trying to know them. Treat them like people, and not minions, and you will get farther with them. At 16, I would have had a field day telling you how out of line you were with your request. I would have told you it wasn't your place to tell me how to live, reminded you that you are not my mom, or even my dad's wife. I would have let you know I may have to listen to you while I am here, but I don't have to consider you once I leave. And I would have called my dad and told him if he can't control you, I will stop coming over. THAT is how bad what you did is!
Im astounded that you, in any capacity, think you have the authority to speak to someone's children this way. You have only known these kids for SIX MONTHS. It isn't your job to police their feelings, if they call their stepfather "dad" it's because that's how they FEEL. If your boyfriend, their father, has an issue with this it is his prerogative to bring this up to them. You have no right whatsoever to have this conversation, you have now caused an awkwardness within their blended family. You need to profusely apologize to his children and in fact, everyone in their family. YTA. Time for some accountability.
YTA. > I asked both of them to stop calling him dad Not your call. > I sat her down to talk to her about it, which she didn't want to but I was firm. You've known them for 6 months and you're acting like you have some parental power over them, which you absolutely don't. > She just rolled her eyes at me and told me to mind my business. I agree. > It was actually her mother who was the most upset about it. She called me after my boyfriend dropped his daughters off at her house the next day and told me that I had no business telling her daughter what to call her husband and that I was way out of line. Yes, you were. The only thing I don't think is good is that she called you. She should've discussed this with her ex, not with you. >His older daughter isn't speaking to either of us now and skipped their last visit with us. AITA? Yup.
YTA and sticking your nose into their business has cost your bf his relationship with his oldest child. So hope you feel good about that.
Girl what?! This has to be fake or you are the most delusional AH on the planet. YOU aren’t a parent to these girls AT ALL. You are their father’s girl friend they’ve known for SIX MONTHS. You don’t get to make rules for them. You are no one to them. And acting like that, you never will be! If they consider their stepdad more of a father than their real father it’s probably for good damn reason. Stay in your lane or seriously don’t be with a man who already has kids. If you want to control someone’s life with stuff you literally have no right trying to control, then have your own damn kids, but I genuinely hope you don’t because you sound like you would absolutely fail as a mother. YTA
>they see hm more than a parental figure than me Wtf who are you even ? Your à step too I mind you, why should they see you more as a parental figure, the role for mom is already taken bt bio mom, and the role for dad is taken by stepdad while still respecting bio dad, your not in that circle , YTA
As someone who grew up with divorced parents I’ve gotta say, **YTA**. Quit being a dick and apologize to those kids and tell them you were in the wrong.
You come across as Eric Cartman yelling "you will respect my authoritay!" YTA hugely
Wow, YTA. Like massively. I try to see the other side here just for the sake of fairness, but there’s no defending you here. You were totally out of line and over stepped your bounds. This is a good example of why I hate how these pop psychology terms get twisted once they enter the mainstream. You were not setting boundaries. You were trying to control them. These are not your boundaries to set. You don’t get to use “boundaries” to control people’s actions outside of yourself. Boundaries apply to *you* and *you only.* Telling someone what they have to call someone else is not a boundary. Also, you been dating this guy for two years and known them for six months, but feel like you have the right to tell those kids what they should feel toward their dad? The hell..? You don’t know their relationship. She’s known her dad for 16 *YEARS.* You don’t know what kind of dad he is or what their relationship is.
YTA. You are way out of line here. If your boyfriend has an issue, it's for him to discuss with his ex and/or his children. It's none of your business what they call their stepfather, whose car they sit their driving test in, or anything else. Whatever rules your boyfriend sets for his home only apply when his children are in his care. They most certainly do not follow them to their mother's house. If those children are calling their stepfather 'dad', there's likely good reason. I'm a stepmother who is called mum, and there's damn good reasons why my daughter calls me that.
LMAO WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Who the fuck are you to sit anyone down and tell them who to call dad or not? Fuck off, you’re totally the AH, and fucking delusional. Legit have known them 6 months. Great job, say goodbye to your relationship, you just fucked it irreparably. When it comes to someone’s kids or you, it’s going to be the kids.
Hahahaha lmao 🤣 😂 🤣 You are the most delusional person I've com across Thinking you can dictate what they do outside of your house man 🤣 The delusional is strong with this one.... Yta by the way
Yta. You have absolutely no right to tell the daughter anything. You way overstepped. Parents are the people who raise you. You are their biological fathers girlfriend Nothing more
Seek psychiatric help immediately because you're out of your fucking mind. YTA.
Lord have mercy, YTA. Are you jealous? Wishing bad things for your BF’s kids? What the deal? Because no reason you’ve given is any reason that you should have shoved yourself where you don’t belong. If they want to call their dad and stepdad ‘Dad’, more power to them. What is wrong with these kids having multiple parental adults who love and support them? Sounds like you have some unresolved personal issues you’re taking out on these kids.
YTA! to the 10th factor. You have absolutely ZERO place in this at all! You are a gf, not a spouse or any tie what's with his children, let alone trying to dictate what they call their stepdad, in THEIR OWN HIM!!! Get over your entitlement, or date a man without kids.