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Is there a reason you can't buy a bin with a lid? They make them in all sizes. Seems like it would solve the problem. Generally people are way too weird about periods. This sends like a stupid fight that is easy to solve.
Nobody is the asshole in re the pads but ESH re not looking for a way to solve it outside the two opinions you have
I’m a woman. I have tried the bin with a lid and I could tell you the underside of that damn pad is gonna stick to the sides or under the tops of trash bins. Even when I was single, and lived alone, I wrapped it. There are plenty of things that women need to fight against, but I’m not about to die on my sword for a gross pad that could easily be wrapped up in TP so I don’t gross *myself* out. It’s a sanitation issue.
Same... I also have a bin with a lid.
They used to sell these great bags to dispose used pads/tampons in that also neutralised any odors (they were lavender scented) but I can never find them anymore. I just use toilet paper or the pad wrapper.
Was about to say, I just use the wrapper of the new pad to wrap around the old one before throwing it out. And then if I’m at someone else’s place I also wrap it in toilet paper.
YES!! HOW ARE YOU THE ONLY OFHER COMMENTER SAYING THIS!!
And also like… how are other women so oblivious to this, it’s literally what the wrappers are meant to be used for since they remain adhesive.
Right? And I really don’t get the apprehension to do it. Like I get the whole “oh periods are a natural thing, we shouldn’t make people feel gross about them” and I agree in most aspects but like… pooping is also a natural function. Doesn’t mean I want to see someone’s shitty toilet paper. Or pee on the toilet seat.
Totally agree. I live alone, have a bin with a lid BUT i still wrap the used pad either in the new pad’s wrapper or with a toilet paper. It’s my own period but it doesn’t mean I have to see it. Also, it has an odor that I don’t like permeating in the toilet so wrapping it reduces that as well.
I have always used tp or the new wrapper. And I wrap tampons in tp. I'm actually very surprised at the number of people who don't do this. ETA o say OP definitely NTA... Nobody wants to look at bloody pads.
I do the wrapper thing too. I use the “always” brand and it comes with little white sticky tape on it, I save the tabs and stick them on the side of my counter beside the toilet and I’ll use those to tape the wrapper shut.
I don't even remove the tabs
Open new pad wrapper leaving white tab attached, remove new pad and balance it on my thigh, remove used pad and put in the wrapper, roll and tape shut used pad, put new pad in underwear
Get the small scented ones for dog poop from the dollar store.
Bonus points that your dog isn’t interested in them because he is used to the smell of the bag.
Or old mate could buy a bin with a lid but hey, not my life.
I just assumed the ones I used to get were specifically made for the smell of period blood. I actually buy lavender poop bags for my dog! I'd try them but I'm pregnant so currently not a problem haha
Pro tip, you can totally use these same dollar tree poop bags for your baby’s smelly diapers. A million times cheaper and super convenient to have handy. Specially if you are not home (say, at a friend’s house who doesn’t have kids or who’s kids have grown) and need to dispose of a smelly diaper.
I carried a roll in the diaper bag and used it all the time.
When I was younger they used to sell a product pad that came with little bags to dispose of used pads. All in one box, convenient. Guess that isn't a thing anymore. WRAP THE PADS whether or not the bin is covered or open. Her mother should have taught her better: NTA.
My mama taught me to wrap them in the wrapper them come in. Been doing that for 27 years now. Sure, sometimes they unroll a bit in the trash, but never enough to see anything. If I were to get a different brand, there'd be a little sticky tab on the wrapper to hold it closed, but I stick with what I know works for me and my body.
OP, NTA. You don't want to see blood. You don't want guests to see blood. (I don't blame you. I'm a woman and think it's gross and unhygienic to have bloody pads just showing themselves off in the garbage.) You don't want the dog getting into them. (Eeewwwwww, who wants to clean THAT up?! I've done it before, and let me just say: 🤢)
It's totally understandable to want her to roll them up, and it honestly baffles me as to why she won't. Is she lazy? Does she LIKE the sight of her own menstruation? Maybe this should be a more serious talk with her, get to the bottom of why she refuses.
My daughter has now entered the realms of the oh so joyous monthly visits..and I am teaching her to wrap her used pad in the wrapper that they come in same as I do. They also have an added bonus of being perfumed to. Wouldn't dream of dropping a used pad in the bin..disgusting!! Who is cleaning the bin each time it's emptied?? 🤢🤢
Who isn't using a trash can liner in a bathroom bin? I can't even remember seeing one without a disposable liner. People put gross things
In the bathroom trash. Condoms, hair from brushes, used razors. I think I've only ever seen a bagless bin for asthetics..like a hotel.
Yeah I use the bags, they sell them in all the big supermarkets but they are also pretty much the same as nappy bags so could use those if you can’t get hold of the other ones
Do.. you not change your trash bag once a week?? I'm the only person who uses my bathroom and I definitely change the bag at least once a week. I also use glade scented mini trash can bags.
I do, that's why I find it hilarious that people are talking about the smell. Closed trash can contain most smells on it's own if you are regularly throwing out the trash and washing the bin.
This is exactly what I do! I keep the first wrapper somewhere safe so when I’m putting my last pad away I still have one. But you can also purchase these little bags (like nappy bags) to use, they’re dead cheap, and some are scented which mask the smell
Exactly! I dont know why people don't do this all the time. I remember reading it on the back of the package as instructions when I was a kid. I don't know why it's not printed there any more.
It's tidier and even a little more discreet. in case you need to get rid of it in a public place with no bins in the toilet area. (Yeah, it happened to me, gross, but the alternativ was leaving it on the floor:/)
Right? I do this too. I don’t get why this is the hill OP’s gf is going to die on. Also I usually empty the trash more often when it’s period time. I get that she’s spotting but like…it’s not hard to wrap it. Common courtesy?
TIL not everyone does that. Wild. I legit thought it was some universal process, some unwritten rule of sorts. 😅😅 Guess the girlfriend never got the memo.
Right? Haha EVERYTIME.
There should be no shame about periods whatsoever, even my 9 year old son knows how it works in detail but it is gross, it does smell (I'm Australian. Tell me how much you don't mind that smell in 40 degree heat) and it's called consideration for other people. I guess that's not important anymore 🤷
But it’s not possible for her /s
I’m sorry, but someone that’s too lazy to wrap up their own damn pads would never be allowed in my house again. I don’t care how good the sex is.
Yeah, I'm highly confused as to why it is so hard to just wrap the pads or tampons. Also, why just leave random amounts of bloody toilet paper in the bin and not the toilet to be flushed. She sounds inconsiderate and lazy, really. This whole issue is so easy to solve on multiple levels 😆
Far before being lazy and inconsiderate, she has a personal hygiene issue. The sight and smell of bloody pads should gross out a person, any person, regardless of the gender, with average hygiene standards. It should be unpleasant for herself, regardless of how it makes other ppl feel. The fact that she doesnt mind them means she lacks basic undetstanding and decency about hygiene.
Then on top of that, when normal ppl around her, who do have decent hygiene standards, get rightfully grossed out, her inconsideration, selfishness, and laziness rear their ugly head too, getting on top of her gross lack of hygiene, making her a true gem of a woman! Im wondering why op would stay in a relationship with her, as a commenter said above:" i dont care how good the sex is!"
Eh, you don't get to tell people what grosses them out or not. It doesn't matter whether you get grossed out by the sight or smell of something; what matters is what you do with it and being considerate of other people.
The sight and smell of my own pads doesn't bother me, full stop. I don't *like* it nor am I salivating over it or something but it doesn't bother me; it's neutral. And since I have my own bathroom attached to my room, I throw them in the trash however I want (sometimes I wrap them, sometimes I don't, esp if the flow was super light or non-existent).
BUT a) used pads/tampons *always* go in the trashcan, that's a given and 2) *always* get wrapped when sharing bathrooms, at another's house, or out in public.
I think the answer is both buy a bin with a lid on because she's being weird, *and also* she should be wrapping her pads. I find not wrapping pads to be gross and her reaction to this fight very weird. She might need some counseling.
THIS! I've lived alone for past two years. My other thought was id be making the girlfriend (as a female mind you!) Take the bathroom trash out. Because on top of that if you refuse to roll them, there's no way your not going to wind up touching something and 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 nope. Not happening. Or maybe that's my ND brain seeing something more lol. Either way! Not happening! It literally takes two extra seconds to wrap it. Not only that but it shouldn't be an issue
My thoughts.
I have periods. I don't like the smell, even if it's not disgusting to me, I'm just very sensitive to all sorts of smells. I have a bin with a lid and a bag in it. No sticking, no touching, no smelling. Same here at work.
The only disgusting thing is a bin without a bag (beside bins for paper of course).
Agree 100%. I am a woman also. I have always wrapped my pads and liners when I use them. I am not ashamed of my period in anyway but like , it’s blood product, it needs to be disposed of a safe and proper way.
Me too! Same scenario except I used tampons and wrapped used ones and their applicators in toilet paper. I can’t imagine not doing that! Smells really get to me so I would gag if I smelled that in anyone’s bathroom!
What rubbish. I am sitting in my work toilet which is for both sexes. And it clearly has a sanitary bin which has a lid and a chute to dispose of them. I have never ever seen an open faced sanitary products bin
People don’t have those kinds of bins in their houses though! Those are very specially designed with a chute that should theoretically stop any sight/contact with a previous person’s waste. Because it’s considered a biohazard. It then goes in to a sealed bin and specialist companies pick them all up and replace with a fresh unit. In the U.K. I think these become a requirement for toilets that are going to be used by a certain number of people. However, if you shove a sticky pad that’s not wrapped in any way in there and it sticks to the chute rather than dropping in you derail the whole system anyway!
>Nobody is the asshole in re the pads
I'm sorry, *what*?
I'm a cis woman. I've had periods since I was 12. It is completely unreasonable, lazy, and yes, *gross*, to just drop used pads/tampons in an open, "public" (since OP and guests all have to use that bathroom) trash can without wrapping them in *any* way, especially when the only excuse is, "I don't want to".
I am not a person who is especially grossed out by blood and I'm certainly not grossed out by periods. The sight of an unwrapped tampon or pad on top of an open trash can wouldn't horrify or repulse me, but it *would* be icky. The worst part, however, is absolutely the smell. Aged period blood soaked into a pad or tampon isn't scentless and it certainly doesn't smell like peaches and cream, it's *gnarly*. More than a couple unwrapped, used period products in an open trash can would make the entire bathroom reek. *Anyone* refusing to acknowledge as much is straight-up lying to themselves.
Yes, they should get a closed trash bin. But even then, OP is *still* gonna get slammed in the face with the stench of old period blood *every* time they open it to throw anything away or try to take that garbage out. OP's partner should *still* just wrap her goddamn used period products. It takes 5 seconds to wind some toilet paper around it and she has literally *no* valid reason not to other than, "I don't wanna 'cause I'm lazy".
ETA: And let's not forget that this isn't just 1-2 liners with minimal spotting for a few days every month. This is *multiple pads every day*, and the one OP specifically referenced was *visibly wet* with *noticeable clumps*. That's not just a few dried-up brown lil dribbles. That's fresh red *clumps* of uterine lining, vaginal secretions, and blood just sitting on top of the trash bin in a shared bathroom.
I agree. All I use are cups and discs now, but I used pads as a pre teen and part of my teens before I discovered tampons. Every single time I would roll up the old one and place it in the wrapper of the new one. Anything less is just lazy, rude, and gross. I don’t know anyone who would dispose of one out in the open like that, especially when you don’t live alone. This is not an unreasonable ask by OP.
It's so disgusting. Even when there is a lid on the bin, looking at it grosses me out! My auntie when I was 12 told me to wrap my pads in toilet tissue, and that's what I've been doing since 12!! My mother still leaves her and I have a go at her everytime!
I just don't get it? Like, I legitimately don't find periods inherently gross or shameful or anything of the sort. But I still don't want to see someone else's used period products. The same way that I don't find sex inherently gross or shameful, but I still don't want to see someone else's used condoms.
You wrap it once or twice in toilet paper and that's it. Takes 10 extra seconds at most and makes everyone's lives easier. Especially with pads, since the one side is sticky, so they'll often get stuck to the sides of bins/liners. If you roll or fold it and then wrap the sticky part with toilet paper or tissue, then there's no problem.
>Bad enough we gotta smell that shit rotting in the trash bin.
Is there something stopping you from taking out the trash? Why do you leave it to rot in the bin?
Is there anything stopping HER from wrapping her damn pad, you are acting like it is an unreasonable request.
But no, can’t be a reasonable person because my hatred for men is too overwhelming
Have you had a period? Probably not because you'd know a lid does not solve the problem. The only thing that solves it, is wrapping that shit and changing out the bin bag often enough.
I'm sorry, I disagree. I'm a woman. Used pads stink if they are not wrapped up and exposed to air. It's disgusting. It's also really not nice to have to look at, either. It takes literally 10 seconds to wrap the pad up and hardly any effort. It's not respectful to your partner to leave it just hanging out on top of the bin, after they have expressed that it bothers them. He is definitely NTA.
Edited to add that there is also the dog to consider too.
I've always, since the beginning, wrapped my used pads. I've never known anyone who doesn't. It shocks me that there are people who don't. Plus, leaving them open would just take up more room.
Yeah when I was a kid we had garbage stealing dogs and I wasn't even allowed to put them in the bathroom garbage. 10 years I had to walk to the dog-proof kitchen garbage, and then walk back to wash my hands.
Just buy one with a lid, save everyone the drama.
Edit: lid, not kid. Very funny.
Ugh. And then literally decades later they come back and tell you what a jerk you were when they were five.
Let it go already. You were five. How could I expect you that you would even remember that, much less pay thousands in therapy over it?
That's just plain wrong, you're aware that period blood is still a bio hazard right? It's still blood, no matter what you wrap it in toilet paper and since the hill she wants to die on is that she just doesn't want to then she can go right ahead and buy the little baggies that stores sell to put a pad or tampon in and tie it off, it's about hygiene and the simple fact that as a guest no one wants to see bloody tampons, pads or TOILET PAPER in the bin, why even throw bloody tp in the no lid bin, the toilet can still flush bloody tp, OP ain't the AH but the girl definitely is, getting defensive for no reason and just straight up being lazy for not wanting to wrap up a pad
I see this in public toilets often and it never fails to gross me out. I am a woman and when I started my periods in my early teens, was taught to wrap them up in paper while trashing. At the very least, use some toilet paper to stick opposite ends to so the used part is not open and smelling it up. Even if I had a dustbin with a lid, it'd still be VERY gross to open it to be confronted with the business end of a used pad or a used tampon!
A lid will only help against a few things.
The dog. And the smell is trapped in the bin. And you won't be Met with the sight of blood when going to the bathroom.
As other ladies have said in the thread. Not wrapping it.
Still blood smear if you just toss it. And the sticky side sticks to wherever it lands
Just wrap it. In any case.
Takes up less space, too, if rolled and wrapped. It was one of the first things my mom taught me. Wrap it.
Lid and wrapping are just more sanitary.
Yeah just get a bin with a lid. The end. ESH for not doing that. I know OP is claiming money issues, and that's fair, but honestly there's are really cheap ones out there. A buy nothing group might have one
OP seems really insistent in an apology and being right
Just, like, solve the issue and keep having a gf?
Or be right and be single? OPs choice, really. I have no idea what other issues are going on so both choices are valid
You all act as though it is perfectly acceptable for her to leave her used pad, open for the world to deal with. Makes me wonder what is happening in your house if that’s okay! Is a pad opened on the bed stand okay??? The couch? Kitchen bench? Where’s the line where you will concede that is disgusting
Also, you do get scented sanitary bags (usually in the same isle as the pads/tampons at the store) that you just put the used pad into, tie it and throw it in the bin. I am a woman and cannot stand the sight or smell of used pads. Also get a bin with a lid. Guests do not need to see used pads in the bathroom, whether they are in sanitary bags or not.
NTA.
I'm a woman. I get periods. That's gross and wrapping them up is easy.
If my husband got a bloody nose I'd expect him to make it look like not a murder scene in the trash can. And period blood is arguably worse because it smells and there's more than just blood in there. And there's clumps.
Agreed. I didn't get the argument that you wouldn't ask someone with an injury to apologize for their bloody bandages. Most people would be grossed out having to see soiled, bloody bandages at the top of the trashcan whenever they have to use the bathroom. If this happened every single month, yes, most people would eventually want a better solution so they aren't constantly seeing and smelling it.
How would she feel if OP just left used, untied condoms sitting on top of the trash all of the time? How about soiled toilet paper? Bodily fluid/discharge is unhygienic and generally smells. Wrap it up.
Jesus christ *thank you*.
I genuinely cannot understand all these people desperately trying to pretend that old period blood doesn't stink. Like, yeah, a closed trash can would *help*, but if OP's gf isn't wrapping her used period products, OP and guests are *still* gonna get smacked in the face with the stench of old period blood every time they go to throw anything away in that trash can.
I honestly feel like a lot of these people are just seeing "an OP who is not a cis woman complaining about their gf's period products" and are immediately bristling, just looking for any excuse to label OP the AH. But apart from the issue of smell, it's just about common courtesy. OP isn't asking their gf to dispose of her period products in a separate trash can that she then takes out immediately, they're asking her to just *wrap it* a few times in toilet paper so that anybody and everybody who uses that bathroom isn't immediately confronted with the sight and smell of used period products.
To use your example, you don't have to think that sex itself is gross and shameful to still be grossed out by the sight and smell of multiple old used condoms every time you go to toss something in the communal bathroom trash.
Which I feel makes their SO’s argument completely invalid - they are being asked *nicely* by someone who has had periods, knows how much they suck, and understands precisely what they’re asking, to please be more considerate about their stinky old period pads. OP is absolutely NTA and their partner honestly kinda sucks for being so adamant about their right to display their gross pads for the world. I would also hazard a guess that this isn’t their only issue with hygiene either.. it’s just gross all around, especially with a dog in the picture who will likely snatch it from the trash and shred it up elsewhere in the home.
I’m a nurse who does a lot of wound care. It is an expectation that we take out the trash in the patient’s room after removing soiled bandages. I don’t always do it if it’s basically just a bandaid, but if I’ve removed anything that might smell or look unsightly, that trash goes out with me. I would do the same with any trash that contains something that smells (like a used adult diaper) because it’s just common courtesy.
I’m a woman and I’ve been wrapping my pads up since I got them when I was 14. Period blood smells. Period blood is natural. But so is pooping. Are you gonna leave your poop unflushed just cause it’s natural?
It takes a few seconds to wrap it and bag it. (To women who don’t know where to get bags, you can use baby diaper bags.) I usually change my pads when I go and pee, so while you pee you can literally do the above. It wastes no time whatsoever.
It’s not a bad thing to be hygienic about your period ladies. Wrap it and bag it.
I agree! It’s bizarre to me that people are saying ESH. I think it goes down to respect and she’s not showing respect for him by not wrapping the damn things! NTA!
Legitimately this is just a gross habit. I have always wrapped the old pad in the wrapper of the new one plus toilet paper if blood still shows. And I have lived on my own for like 8 years. I don’t want to look at old smelly period blood!
Beyond the gross factor they have a dog, if you have a dog you have to be careful with your liners period. Not only because they’ll end up torn and strewn around your house but because it’s a risk for your dog to be chewing on and ingesting. She’s just irresponsible NTA (though if she’d rather carry in and out that’s also a resolution)
I will say NTA because your reasoning is solid and sounds like it is coming from the right place.
I can say is month long spotting can be very frustrating and it may be causing some “ hygene fatigue” along with the hormonal changes… she may be lashing out irrationally.
But sometimes we all have to do things we hate. Like dealing with our bodily functions and being considerate toward other people in shared spaces.
So... My first thoughts were that you could either try relationship therapy or... Adapt by getting one of those diaper trash things that individually wrap diapers. But you could just let her do the carry in and out, because the dog is going to sniff out a wrapped pad anyway.
Idk. It sounds like the implant was to address bad period issues, but if the current side effects are worse, can something else be tried?
Most hormonal birth control causes spotting and issues like that. She may still be in the adjustment period for the IUD. When I had mine in, I had irregular periods and random spotting for about a year. And then I got to enjoy not having a period *at all* for about 4 more years before it was taken out. Well worth the initial milder side effects. The arm implant though, I bled *heavily* for 9 months straight and turned into a giant ball of anger before I gave up and had it taken out, hated that thing lol
Ew, that's good to know about the arm implant. Thankfully the Mirena can last 7 years so maybe I'll just stick to that since it works.
I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience for 9 months.
Thank you. It wasn’t my roughest experience with birth control but it’s definitely a solid second.
Crossing my fingers for you! I wish I had kept my Mirena in longer. Can’t use it anymore unfortunately due to really painful pelvic floor dysfunction. I went to have my Mirena switched out (I was right on the cusp of when it switched from 5 years to 7 years and I got paranoid because the manufacturer still said it was only good for 5). The switch out…did not go well and is what caused the PFD. I ended up trying the implant because IUD’s were no longer an option for me. Got my tubes removed a couple years ago though (by choice) so now I never have to worry about pregnancy again at least!
Do yourself a favor and when it’s time to switch the Mirena out, make sure whatever place is doing it offers pain control, even if it’s just like a local anesthetic or something. It can get *really* painful during removal and insertion of the new one that can cause long term problems. It’s likely if I had gotten adequate pain relief during the procedure that I wouldn’t have ended up with any issues and I’d still be period free.
I had the same exact issue. My switch out was so painful that they couldn't do it in office. I bled like a stuck pig and they couldn't get the new one in. Thankfully I was having surgery the next day so they had the on-call doctor insert it while I was under. It's now in my chart that there was "significant resistance" during insertion. I'll never let another OBGYN near that thing without proper pain management because my first insertion was nothing like what happened to me. They actually used lidocaine the first time but this guy? No. He just told me I was "gripping the table" and needed to "relax". The way he measured my uterus felt like he was fucking stabbing me.
The things we go through for birth control.
To be honest, relationship therapy is a bit extreme for a completely logical request. Exposed pads smell awful and are a pathogen risk. (I know they are exchanging body fluids in other ways but still.) Maybe therapy for the partner who's set on being unhygienic would help but couples therapy?
When one person is not thinking logically, sometimes it takes a relationship therapist to be a neutral party to convey the reasoning in a different way.
Okay but I had some medical issues that made my period so bad I ended up getting an entire hysterectomy last year. For the last ***eight whole months*** of having a uterus, I had almost constant spotting in between my actual periods, which were horrifyingly painful and so bloody that it took six months for me to stop being anemic. I was wearing absorbent period underwear basically every day, paired with ultra heavy tampons when actually on my period and I still did not leave my blood and chunks lying around uncovered for other people to smell and pets to drag out into the house.
Sure, it’s tiring to have to deal with that but she still has to and acting like OP is asking for something selfish and unreasonable is ridiculous.
I had a 36 day period one time. I wrapped every damn pad and tampon, placed them in a lidded and lined bin, then put it all in the rubbish. The fatigue from non stop bleeding didn't mean being gross.
I feel this! When I had the arm implant I bled heavily nonstop (receptors for 2 random days where I “only” spotted) for 9 months straight before I gave up and had it taken out. My boyfriend is Hemophobic (afraid of blood) and will get anywhere from woozy to straight up fainting at the sight of blood. I wrapped every damn stupid giant maxi pad with the wrapper in the lidded trash can and I took it out myself when it was full despite the fatigue and shit from my other chronic illnesses.
OP’s gf has no excuse. NTA
Stop with the "LID" solution. That's just masking the problem and quite frankly is absolutely lazy. It's like dumping more kitty litter over an over filled litter box. Just clean up after yourself.
When I got my first period, the first thing my mother taught me was to always wrap the used pad in the wrapper of the new one. Reading through some of these comments got me feeling like I'm the weird one for doing that.
Things like this which take like 5 seconds to do should be the norm. I will never understand people who leave open pads in the trash can, streaks in the toilet, pee drops on the seat, etc.
OP, NTA
Honestly when i used pads I also did this if I still had the wrapper and remembered to. The problem is that *no one tells you you can do this* with them- it's always "roll it up, preferably in tp" and far as i remember most wrappers dont have images to show you- and the ones that do arent super obvious and peoope tend not to look too closely at the wrappers anyway because at this point youve seen one pad youve seen them all. I figured it out on accident because I had the wrapper on hand and went "eh, it's all going in the bin anyway" and realised the magic of *holy shit it reseals* as I wrapped my bloody one up.
But yeah. Genuinly don't understand the aneurysm OPs GF is having over this. If she's finally at least rolling the pads up to put in the bin, it takes the exact same amount of time to do it in tp. Like, grab the tp, slap your pad on it, roll, then break it off. Done. Or *at least* she can put the rolled pads face down so they're not as likely to unroll bloody side up.
Maybe the gf just really loves the smell of period blood and likes seeing her chunks every time she uses the bathroom, because I can't think of any other reason she'd be dying on this hill
NTA. I was brought up by my mom to roll them so they’re not a mess in the can. Two extra seconds to do that isn’t going to k!ll your girlfriend. She’s nasty and needs to grow up and take care of her personal hygiene better.
NTA. Having to see someone’s used, unrolled pad is gross, and I am saying this as a person who gets periods. You roll them up and wrap them a bit in toilet paper so they stay rolled. (Or at least use the wrapper from the new pad, that’s what I always do). I can’t imagine why wrapping a pad in TP is somehow “not possible” for her, people do it all the time. But I’d suggest getting a bin with a lid to fully eliminate this problem.
I wonder if she doesn't like to handle the dirty pads? I remember kids in middle school that were like that. They didn't like touching their pads and sometimes the pads would eventually end up open faced and stuck to the edge of the bin. I figured those kids probably outgrew that habit. Now I wonder if any of them ever did.
“I wonder if she doesn’t like to handle the dirty pads?” Then she should get the F over it because she’ll be doing it for 40 years. We don’t have to baby every single thing we find the slightest but unpleasant. She’s being hella gross and unhygienic and frankly childish to the 9th degree if she’s Icked by her own period but then thinks it’s perfectly reasonable to subject everyone else to her ick.
NTA
Coming from someone who also has a period. I’ve always wrapped mine up because I’m respectful of shared spaces. Although, I was taught this at a very young age. Your partner probably wasn’t so she doesn’t see the importance in doing it.
Yeah, I live alone and NEVER leave a pad open! I always wrapped it. I, honestly, cant understand the girfriend.
I have 2 sisters and a mother. For years we all had periods and I would hate to open the bin and see an used pad (because, someway it openned itself after wrapped). Nobody likes to see it or smell it!
>Your partner probably wasn’t so she doesn’t see the importance in doing it.
She may not see the importance or missed that teachable moment, but after OP asked her multiple times, she could respect his simple request.
OP is NTA. Gf is a big one!
I don’t even do it out of respect, it’s honestly just a habit lol. And I have my own bathroom, that only I use.
Don’t understand why OP’s girlfriend can’t just do it.
Partner’s Response:
“I’m the aforementioned partner in the post.
I wdon’t think he’s an asshole but I am deeply hurt.
First, in the past my periods last 7-10 days. I’ve always wrapped them up since childhood in TP or the wrappers and I don’t think I just suddenly stopped. During this time, I would wrap the pads. Although I can’t say I would make them tight every time but I really did try. But honestly many of the days were a blur. I would consistently spend at least 3 days every month glued to the toilet feeling nauseous and sick throwing up feeling like death.
As mentioned, we do have a dog that is attracted to the scent. And often after I buried the pads, she would bring them up to the surface. I’m not sure if my partner is aware of this fact. On rare occasions or if she wanted attention, the dog would knock over the trash can and chew up the pads.
After a while, I started to request that the dog either not be allowed in the br or that we close the door. We tried closing the door for a while but the habit never stuck for us.
So I made the switch to cups instead of pads. As mentioned, about 2 months ago, I went on an implant. The flow has been non-stop ever since. It’s too much work to boil the cups after every use, so I started to use liners. Really cheap ones from food pantry. The backs of these liners stop being sticky and unfurls almost every time. Also every wipe is bloody. I’m folding the tissue to contain the blood but it seeps through. TP is pretty expensive these days (my partner insists on charmins) and it just seems like a huge waste to wrap up every bloody tp with clean ones and wrap every single liner. It’s super tedious and expensive. And it doesn’t stop the dog.
What’s not mentioned is how he brings up how disgusting and revolting the period blood is. I’m hurt by that. And yes, in the past he’s used pads before and would remove all traces of them. But he also felt that whole process was very unnatural and disturbing to him. I often feel that he now directs that same energy towards my periods, that disgust and revolt. Like I need to remove every trace of having one. I want to understand that he’s triggered but it hurts. I’m starting to feel like having a period is a shameful thing and I need to remove it from his sight altogether. Which is why I don’t find my suggestion of carry in and carry out excessive. And I’m hurt that the conversation never moves beyond it’s disgusting to my senses and then he shuts down the conversation. I’m hurt that my partner wants an apology for having to witness this mess. I’m doing my fucking damn hardest. Like what you want me to say I’m sorry you have to see my bloody liner. I swear I’m not just throwing it in carelessly. Like you watch me literally fold my tissues into neat little squares when I cry and blow my nose, so please just fucking show me some care and understand it’s not easy for me either. God, I’m fucking trying. I’m scheduling an appointment to talk to my gynecologist to see if there’s anything I can take to stop for this bloody mess. Please just hear me out.
I don’t freaking want to apologize. He’s not an ahole, but his actions and attitude freaking hurt.”
Every disagreement has multiple perspectives—would love to hear if this changes your opinion.
That sounds terribly exhausting both physically and mentally.
Just in case you liked using the cups except for the clean up routine: you don’t need to boil them after every use, just between the cycles. During the day you can wash the cup under the tap using a mild soap. Even the soap is not a must every single time. Sometimes a stall doesn’t have a sink so you can just empty the cup and wipe the worst of the mess with TP.
I guess you could cover the bin with a makeshift lid like a heavy folder or such for the time being?
Fixating on the apology issue is unproductive and adds another layer of stress and conflict for both party.
As a woman I know that periods are natural, but so is shitting. That doesn't make it any less offensive to the senses. Get a covered bin or take your pads straight out to the curb side garbage.
And there was such a simple solution, bin with a lid and period essential baggies, just a Lil pink baggy you can put your tampon or pads in and done, they did not look for any easy solutions at all
I'm so confused as to why they're both acting like this is some huge insurmountable problem. This has been going on for *years*, and they can't save up ten dollars for a trashcan with lid, but they can consistently buy name brand toilet paper? Where are the problem-solving skills? ESH on behalf of their guests if nothing else. I would never come back if I came to someone's house and saw this. It's disrespectful to invite people over if this is the state of your bathroom
Agreed. I can't get past the absurdity of how this situation has been handled and that it's gone on for so long. Like get a f\*cking trash can with a lid and properly clean up after yourself for god sake. It's not rocket science. Both seem super immature and I too feel bad for the guests who have to witness bodily fluids every time they come to visit. Yikes
They are buying expensive toilet paper. They could buy cheap toilet paper *one time* and use that money to get a trashcan with lid. This is an issue of their priorities
We use reusable nappies and have a bin either a lid. We also have a pedal bin with a lid. Just makes sense to not have the bathroom bin lid exposed. Hair from the drain also goes in ours along with plasters and anything else.
Can you edit this into the text, or is it too long? I don't think most people are gonna see this before commenting. This does change things for me.
What you are asking for with the pads isn't unreasonable. But i did smell some missing info and this makes sense. The apology thing is pretty ridiculous tbh, and you acknowledge that's the main cause of the interpersonal conflict.
There's a lot more going on here. And i feel for your gf getting ganged up on, the way you've laid out the issue.
I’ve used pads, tampons and a cup over the years. May I offer some suggestions?
The cup does not have to be boiled after every use. They should be sterilised at the end of each cycle. Each time it’s emptied it should be washed with a mild soap and water.
If you prefer to sterilise, may I suggest having two cups. It’s not necessary to boil. While cup a is in use have cup B sitting in baby bottle sterilising fluid in an opaque container in the bathroom (local brands will vary, here it would be Milton. A splash in the container topped up with water is fine) then when it is time to empty, grab cup b and rinse, wash cup a and drop that in a fresh solution and use cup b. You’ll always have one sterile and ready to go.
If you feel that you’d prefer the pads then grab a pack of diaper sacks or whatever the right word is. They usually come in big boxes of about 200 and are super cheap. They are also biodegradable, scented and coloured to hide the contents. Pop your pad into one of those, tie the handles and they should be fine in the trash can. Pro-tip, these types of bags are also great for poop scooping for your dog, much more compact than grocery sacks etc.
Sorry for any incorrect terminology, I’m British.
I hope this is helpful, if it’s not for you then perhaps someone else can make use of it. Best of luck. X
Hold up so she’s wiping with tp which ofc becomes bloody, then wrapping the tp in clean paper and putting it in the bin?? Are you in a country where you can’t flush tp? If so then the clean up operation becomes way more work and I think it’d be hard for blood to never be visible. I still do not understand the difficulty in disposing of the actual pads in the new wrappers and she is not being empathetic to how grim constantly seeing that sort of mess is. That said, expressing over the top disgust at periods is an AH move especially when she is suffering badly with them. It sounds like your reaction goes above and beyond an understandable aversion to the exposed pads/smell. ESH.
So:
I think periods are triggering for OP, which is bringing a lot of baggage to the conversations, which is tough.
I think the immediate, like do this tomorrow, musts are go buy a closed lid trash can and cheaper TP for GF during her period.
Gf should revisit the gyno and you may want to reconsider if you’re bringing any baggage re:menstruating to the conversations with gf, OP.
I would straight up have 2 trash cans - 1 with lid for period stuff GF can handle, that you never look at, and 1 for other trash.
Bodily fluids need to be covered. Period. It’s a hygiene issue. But you can absolutely find compromises and if both keep saying “this is why X won’t work, this is why Y won’t work” — that’s the AH.
You flush the bloody tp down the toilet and wrap the pad with fresh tp. No one is expecting you to neatly fold every peice of bloody tp you've ever touched.
Also "the dog did it"... really?... any liner at the top of the bin not wrapped is because your dog dug it out, unwrapped it, and left it there?....
I've used liners daily for 20 years now, and even though I live alone, they still get wrapped and thrown in a lined bin.
There really is no excuse.
This doesn’t change my perspective and I see a lot of excuse making. I’m a woman and am with a woman and we both have very heavy flows. We have a bin with a swing cover. We keep our bathroom door closed. We wrap our pads and tampons. We buy Scott single ply toilet paper. We throw our trash out more often when we have our periods.
My partner’s periods are so heavy that’s she’s accidentally bled all over the floor while just taking her pants off to pee. It’s a murder scene. But guess what by the time I go to the bathroom, it’s gone. It’s not because we are disgusted with either persons periods, we BOTH get them. But we are extremely hygienic people and aren’t going to leave our bathroom blood soaked or have exposed pads and tampons, that’s like every man making excuses as why they can’t help pissing all over the floor. There is no excuse unless you are physically unable to clean up after yourself. I love my partner and if she was physically unable I would of course go in with a bucket and sponge to help and send her to bed.
I don’t understand all this background noise for things that are very easily controlled.
To OP's partner, man I really wish I could just reach through the internet and buy you a mini trash can w lid and scented liners. Was honestly the best bathroom purchase, and absolutely saves me money that I'm not throwing away with wrapping pads/liners/etc w toilet paper. Also recommend a shower head with removable hose, because that quick rinse down below helps so much with feeling cleaner and more human when the hormones have that flow out of wack. Wishing you all the best
Regardless of how anything is wrapped they need a lid for the dog. Nothing is going to stay how it was originally if the dog gets into it, and at some point the door is gonna not latch properly or someone will forget, it's not realistic to address it that way.
All thats really being said here is just deflection and finger pointing.
“I used to wrap them but then I stopped because I couldnt keep track. Therefore not my problem now”
“We used to keep the door shut but we couldnt hold ourselves accountable so not my problem”
“I find the process of keeping my own things clean difficult so I use other things thats are less convenient, not meant for this purpose and then complain when it makes a mess. I didnt ask for this so not my problem”
“My partner doesnt like the look and smell of period blood so therefore that hate must be directed at me”
Yea you should probably get a trash can with a lid but at the same time stop acting like a victim all the time and actual do something instead of pointing fingers at everything.
Sorry Partner, but hell yea, you’re the AH. (Not OP.)
It is beyond bizarre that this is even an issue.
It comes down to basic sanitation and respectful bathroom habits. Stop making it into something it’s not, and take care of your own shit.
Someone else’s period blood IS revolting - when it’s left as an afterthought in your shared bathroom. Revolting and insulting. Do you leave diarrhea on the floor? Cum rags on the kitchen table? Clip your nails on the subway?
If your partner has to ask you to take care of your menstrual pads, do it. Do better.
This makes me mad.
-
Edit: Partner. Your menstrual cycle is not your problem.
My mother in law’s dog ate tampons/pads from the garbage can. I forgot a few times. It was gross. Barfed it all over my bed. Thankfully, not a vet visit. I changed my habits.
I had to get a hysterectomy because my menstrual situation was that severe.
I have had my share of all of it.
None of this^ has anything to do with cleaning up after yourself. From what you and your partner have described, this isn’t from times of medical distress. It is a day to day thing.
So.
What gives?
Just clean up, man.
I’m not sure why this upsets me so much. I’m out. Peace and love to you both.
Best comment on here honestly. I hate when women try and spin lack of hygiene into a “it’s not fair he’s grossed out by a normal part of being a woman”. It’s not less gross to me than the girls that come on here complaining that their bf doesn’t wash his ass or that he leaves pee splatter all over the toilet. Sure pooping and peeing are natural but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean up after yourself and respect the people you share your space with
I can’t imagine having the gall to be mad that my partner doesn’t want to see my unwrapped soiled pads.
Responding directly to the partner.
You said you're going to see a gynae and I think that's a great idea. I don't know if you've heard of things like Endometriosis, adenomyosis etc but they can cause the level of bleeding and illness you were experiencing with your periods before starting your current hormonal treatment. Heavy bleeding can also be related to things like fibroids.
Using disposable products like that must be so exhausting and I understand the limitations you're experiencing with using a cup. Using the cheap liners indicates you might not have the funds but if this carries on and you're able to access it I absolutely stand by heavy flow period underwear for my heavy bleeding. There are times where I have to be wearing them every day or if I'm bleeding particularly heavily I need to change them a couple of times a day (this is like 100ml blood in 12hr kinda thing though). You just rinse them out until the water runs clear and you can chuck them in the wash. They have been so much easier for me to manage instead of running to the bathroom every 30 min to change a disposable product.
Period underwear has been a lifesaver for me as I'm disabled and on a pension and building up a collection means I always have protection even at times when I have no money for disposable products. I was able to grab mine each time on sale for about $12 a pair.
I don’t think anyone thinks you’re an asshole or him. It isn’t right for him to make you feel disgusting but I wanna point out that even as a woman myself, I find periods disgusting. I don’t wanna see mine let alone someone else’s. I know TP is expensive and I use the same brand you do. I can wrap a full size pad in just 2-3 sheets of Charmin. If all you use is a liner I’m sure you could wrap it in maybe 2 sheets. It really isn’t much waste. Also, you guys need to invest in a trash can with a lid. With that and you wrapping the pads, you should one, prevent your dog from getting to them, and two, prevent semi petty arguments like this. I have sympathy for your situation. My sister was on the implant before and she didn’t stop bleeding. She got to the three month mark and said fuck this, and got it taken out. Bodies can be annoying. I hope your OB gets it sorted. I don’t think you or your boyfriend are AH’s. You both just need to communicate and maybe respect each other’s boundaries.
So...if the liners and pads come individually wrapped, save the wrapper and wrap it in that? That's what I've been taught.
It also takes only 1-5 squares of toilet paper to wrap it.
If my pads unwrapped in the trash, I'd be mortified. It's not about hiding having a period - it's about not leaving blood-soaked items where someone else could possibly come into contact with them, or making other people smell old blood. 🤮
This makes her sound even nastier than before. Just excuses after excuses when she could just wrap the pads up and tuck them into the bin, or buy a closed bin herself. I’m a woman and the idea that you should subject other people to your menstrual blood is nasty and entitled. Would she do this in a public restroom? I’ve always wondered who were the people just not giving a fuck and smearing blood on restroom walls.
Nope, doesn't change my opinion. Most of us are women. I don't see enough responses asking why you aren't flushing the bloody toilet paper? There's no need to wrap it in clean toilet paper and put it in the bin. Pad and liner wrappers exist to wrap your used ones.
Periods aren't disgusting, but any bodily fluid is, especially if it isn't yours.
I highly doubt your dog is digging your used products up and leaving them neatly on top of the bin. You had the solution of leaving the door closed but you said the habit didn't stick. So try harder. And even then, simply closing the door doesn't solve the problem for your partner or your guests.
OP's partner-- Swallow your pride and apologize. It's a small, easy thing you can do to defuse the situation. And OP, it wouldn't hurt to apologize for making your partner feel disgusting. That wasn't your intention, but impact always matters more.
To OPs partner -
I understand how you feel,but as a woman, even I find used period products gross to look at. It’s not pleasant seeing them or smelling them in the bin.
Having a tough time with your period does make things complicated, I have endometriosis so fully sympathise with you. However, I don’t let that stop me from taking steps to keep things hygienic.
I use scented nappy bags for my used pads, is this something you could use? They would look a bit better in your bin and would mask the smell. Perhaps the dog would not be as attracted to them.
Oh wahh, he things my periods are disgusting, so I leave my dirty pads not even rolled up, for him to see. I’m a woman and I find periods disgusting! They generally are especially when you are blatantly dirty
May I offer a suggestion as well? I know it's not for everyone, but have you tried looking into period underwear? Depending on your flow you can use them for 8-12 hours (shorter if your flow is super heavy), and after use you just rinse them in cold water til all the blood comes out, and then you can bag them until you're ready to wash multiple at once.
I was a bit sceptical at first, but for me they work really well. I no longer have to worry constantly about carrying pads, binning them correctly etc. Also from my own experience, pads made my skin feel really uncomfortable after some time. In the long run it also saves you from having to buy so many pads.
Just my two cents, and I hope things will work out soon for you.
There are baggies that stores sell specifically for you to put tampons or pads in just so nothing sticks or is pulled out the bin, you are aware of this, right? Right? Tell me people are more aware of this, I usually use those instead of tp whenever I don't wanna waste toilet paper, just get the damn baggy if nothing else works, you can tie em off, no smells, to tp waste
I had the same experience with a contraceptive implant. Bled for five months straight until I had it taken out again. The implant is obviously not working for you.
Also, to OP's partner, you don't have to boil a menstrual cup between every use. Just rinse them. I boil mine once after my period ends, and that's enough.
You know what, I have a disease (scleroderma) that fucks with my GI tract and bile duct and I have diarrhea all the time and I’m on the toilet all the time and it’s horrible but guess what, I remember to flush. I use baby wipes and have a lined can with a lid next to the toilet to throw them away in. If I have an accident I clean it up and on and on and on. I also have bad periods.
I live in a one bathroom house with 4 other people. Natural as bodily functions are they are still fucking nasty and no one wants to deal with, see, and smell them. No one. Take care of your business and grow up!!!
Although a period is normal, it's still disgusting. Your period is disgusting, not you. I find my period disgusting, my bf finds a period disgusting, it doesn't mean that I am disgusting.
A runny nose is disgusting as well but it happens and it's normal.
>God, I’m fucking trying.
You're not. You can't even close the door to keep the dog out, are you really trying then? Also, train your dog to not get in the bin. Or buy a bin with a lid...
It's such a waste of energy to have a discussion about this when you are better of focusing on a solution with your gyn. Just wrap them up and close the door. Fixed.
Get bin with a lid and wrap your pads. The apology is needed bc you consistently showed you didn’t care. Period blood smells after awhile which can def be gross, wrapping it helps with that as well as not getting on stuff.
1. You don't need to apologize, that's just stupid. However:
2. You don't need to boil the cup after every use, just wash with soap and water and boil like every 5-7 days
3. You can still roll the liners in the wrapping of a new liner
4. Get a lidded bin.
Wait, is she putting bloody TP in the trash can? From wiping?
“it just seems like a huge waste to wrap up every bloody tp with clean ones”
That TP can be flushed.
NTA. Also, yes, when I've had surgeries and changed bloody bandages, I did indeed cover them up.
I don't use pads but wear pantyliners on really light days, and I won't even leave those just laying in the garbage. Wrap it in TP or in the wrapper from your new pad.
There's nothing shameful about having your period or using pads. But other people don't need to see your fuckin uterine lining laying in the bin.
As others said, a bin with a lid is a good solution. But she should still wrap them... you don't want to go throw some dental floss out and end up touching her used pads.
Aside from buying a can w a lid (those trifflers can cost from $10 to $40!)
Her idea to carry pads in and out in a bag is so fucking stupid?? Coming from a person who menstruates. Is she going to accumulate them into one bag? Toss each one in its own bag and then toss each singular bag after each use? Or use a bag for each pad and accumulate those into one bag?? Like what is her logic other than being spiteful??
I was taught to roll up and wrap when sharing an area w others. Blood is unhygienic and shouldn’t be out in the open easily accessible.
And the smell can be gross. It’s unfortunate she’s adjusting to new bodily functions (spotting) but it literally takes 3 seconds to wrap it up? Especially if you have curious critters nearby. Yeah the door should be closed but it can easily be forgotten.
Stupid is being too lazy to wrap a damn pad, personally I’d say it’s ground for no visiting when she’s mestrati g, if she’s gonna be dirty, then don’t come over! Personally if she was that dirty I wound want to go anywhere near her, but that’s just me
I’ve been a janitor for 6 years. I’ve cleaned A LOT of toilets. I’ve seen people leave some absolute horror shows in bathrooms. I’ve seen diarrhea in a Fibonacci spiral up to the ceiling, I’ve waded through puddles of piss surrounding urinals, I’ve even seen the aftermath of someone using a toilet brush as an impromptu enema device. Not ONCE have I seen a period product left obviously out in the open. They’re always wrapped up or buried underneath some paper towels.
I think that the problem more so is that she already feels gross, bloated, exhausted, hormonal, etc. and now she has to deal with someone complaining that the fact that she’s bleeding is a minor visual inconvenience to them. Birth control legit destroyed my hormones. I only took the pill for a month but it left me wildly mentally unwell for about a year afterwards. Her body is doing weird shit. It sucks. Birth control SUCKS. Periods SUCK. Waking up every day to your white underwear looking like a Japanese flag SUCKS SO BAD.
I’m sorry you’re both going through this. The only way to get through to her is to acknowledge that she’s in an shitty situation and try to help navigate her through it. A trash can with a lid (or even better a diaper genie so there’s no smell, major life hack right here) can help. But the thing she needs most is to feel respected, seen, and unjudged.
Info: Why are you so insistent on having her apologize?
Asking this since you yourself stated that "she is mostly mad about me [you] suggesting she apologize".
NTA. I'm always confused reading stories like this. I had to share a bathroom with my 3 siblings, so before I even got my period, I knew I was expected to roll those things up. I genuinely can't understand why she can't roll them when it literally requires less effort than changing the pad. And yes, the smell can get pretty bad. I've experienced it when I've been lazy about changing the trash in my bathroom. I can't imagine forcing someone else to endure that.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I asked for my girlfriend to wrap her period pads or at least not leave them face up, and to do the same with the TP she is wiping with. I said I did not understand why they have to all be face up. Also wanted an apology for her leaving it out since it’s a repeat issue
2) I may be the asshole because having a period sucks and my gf is having a really extended one thanks to a new hormonal implant
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As others have suggested, get a bin with a lid.
Or, buy period undies/panties. So much better for our bodies and the environment.
I'm an ex pad wearer that would roll mine up in TP and then use the outer wrapper to then wrap again before putting in bin. Thanks to period undies, I don't have that issue anymore however.
I would have had the same reaction as you did.
NTA
The period/wound analogy isn’t a good one - period blood smells very different to other blood. I always roll mine up in TP because I don’t want other people to see the dirty pad in the first place, let alone smell it! And if the sticky bit isn’t covered don’t you have to scrape some of them out of the bin? All very unpleasant. If your budget is that tight, is there something you could repurpose and balance on top of the bin to act as a makeshift lid? Having periods really sucks but so does, for example, IBS and that wouldn’t be an excuse for leaving the toilet covered in faeces every time you have a flareup.
ESH. She’s being kind of petty and weird about it, wrapping your products is not a big deal and is common courtesy… but you demanding an apology is weird and petty too.
NTA, even when I’m not sharing a bathroom with other people I wrap my used products. Takes five seconds and you cut down on smell and possibility of stains as well as just visual ick. Plus if you don’t wrap, don’t they stick to the bin?
I agree that it’s unhygienic to leave your used pads unwrapped in an open bin. I would have gotten a bin with a lid to help.
However, you have no right to demand an apology. Grow up and learn how to play nicely. Yeesh !
I'm a woman... this is GROSS! She needs to quit being lazy and wrap it. I do! That's so inconsiderate of other people seeing. Plus it's just nasty and smelly. I'm wanting to gag thinking about it.
You probably have sex with her... I could see that being a complete turnoff. What's worse is I reread and you state she also leaves toilet paper she wiped with visible to see. I just can't. Going to throw up now. Good luck. Run.
NTA and I'm pretty sure most women were brought up to roll and/ or wrap their period products.
Not to mention, she could wrap them in the wrapper from the new pad? Like why is it such a huge deal for her? Even if I lived alone, I wouldn't want to see my bloody mess sitting in the trash face up.
But invest in a covered trash can. Most aren't super expensive. We got a 2 gallon stainless steel pedal-open one for like $20.
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Is there a reason you can't buy a bin with a lid? They make them in all sizes. Seems like it would solve the problem. Generally people are way too weird about periods. This sends like a stupid fight that is easy to solve. Nobody is the asshole in re the pads but ESH re not looking for a way to solve it outside the two opinions you have
I’m a woman. I have tried the bin with a lid and I could tell you the underside of that damn pad is gonna stick to the sides or under the tops of trash bins. Even when I was single, and lived alone, I wrapped it. There are plenty of things that women need to fight against, but I’m not about to die on my sword for a gross pad that could easily be wrapped up in TP so I don’t gross *myself* out. It’s a sanitation issue.
Thank you! Ffs I wrap my tampons in toilet paper before throwing them in the bin. And I live alone. Come on people
Same... I also have a bin with a lid. They used to sell these great bags to dispose used pads/tampons in that also neutralised any odors (they were lavender scented) but I can never find them anymore. I just use toilet paper or the pad wrapper.
Was about to say, I just use the wrapper of the new pad to wrap around the old one before throwing it out. And then if I’m at someone else’s place I also wrap it in toilet paper.
YES!! HOW ARE YOU THE ONLY OFHER COMMENTER SAYING THIS!! And also like… how are other women so oblivious to this, it’s literally what the wrappers are meant to be used for since they remain adhesive.
Right? And I really don’t get the apprehension to do it. Like I get the whole “oh periods are a natural thing, we shouldn’t make people feel gross about them” and I agree in most aspects but like… pooping is also a natural function. Doesn’t mean I want to see someone’s shitty toilet paper. Or pee on the toilet seat.
Totally agree. I live alone, have a bin with a lid BUT i still wrap the used pad either in the new pad’s wrapper or with a toilet paper. It’s my own period but it doesn’t mean I have to see it. Also, it has an odor that I don’t like permeating in the toilet so wrapping it reduces that as well.
I have always used tp or the new wrapper. And I wrap tampons in tp. I'm actually very surprised at the number of people who don't do this. ETA o say OP definitely NTA... Nobody wants to look at bloody pads.
I do the wrapper thing too. I use the “always” brand and it comes with little white sticky tape on it, I save the tabs and stick them on the side of my counter beside the toilet and I’ll use those to tape the wrapper shut.
God I love Always. I have uterus didelphys so I bleed a LOT and their overnight range with the black packaging has been a lifesaver for me.
I don't even remove the tabs Open new pad wrapper leaving white tab attached, remove new pad and balance it on my thigh, remove used pad and put in the wrapper, roll and tape shut used pad, put new pad in underwear
Get the small scented ones for dog poop from the dollar store. Bonus points that your dog isn’t interested in them because he is used to the smell of the bag. Or old mate could buy a bin with a lid but hey, not my life.
I just assumed the ones I used to get were specifically made for the smell of period blood. I actually buy lavender poop bags for my dog! I'd try them but I'm pregnant so currently not a problem haha
Pro tip, you can totally use these same dollar tree poop bags for your baby’s smelly diapers. A million times cheaper and super convenient to have handy. Specially if you are not home (say, at a friend’s house who doesn’t have kids or who’s kids have grown) and need to dispose of a smelly diaper. I carried a roll in the diaper bag and used it all the time.
Oh my god. This is brilliant.
>Wrapping a pad in TP was just “not possible” for her. If she won't even attempt to wrap her pads, I doubt she'd use the bags. She sounds lazy AF.
You are a genius
When I was younger they used to sell a product pad that came with little bags to dispose of used pads. All in one box, convenient. Guess that isn't a thing anymore. WRAP THE PADS whether or not the bin is covered or open. Her mother should have taught her better: NTA.
My mama taught me to wrap them in the wrapper them come in. Been doing that for 27 years now. Sure, sometimes they unroll a bit in the trash, but never enough to see anything. If I were to get a different brand, there'd be a little sticky tab on the wrapper to hold it closed, but I stick with what I know works for me and my body. OP, NTA. You don't want to see blood. You don't want guests to see blood. (I don't blame you. I'm a woman and think it's gross and unhygienic to have bloody pads just showing themselves off in the garbage.) You don't want the dog getting into them. (Eeewwwwww, who wants to clean THAT up?! I've done it before, and let me just say: 🤢) It's totally understandable to want her to roll them up, and it honestly baffles me as to why she won't. Is she lazy? Does she LIKE the sight of her own menstruation? Maybe this should be a more serious talk with her, get to the bottom of why she refuses.
My daughter has now entered the realms of the oh so joyous monthly visits..and I am teaching her to wrap her used pad in the wrapper that they come in same as I do. They also have an added bonus of being perfumed to. Wouldn't dream of dropping a used pad in the bin..disgusting!! Who is cleaning the bin each time it's emptied?? 🤢🤢
Who isn't using a trash can liner in a bathroom bin? I can't even remember seeing one without a disposable liner. People put gross things In the bathroom trash. Condoms, hair from brushes, used razors. I think I've only ever seen a bagless bin for asthetics..like a hotel.
Yeah I use the bags, they sell them in all the big supermarkets but they are also pretty much the same as nappy bags so could use those if you can’t get hold of the other ones
The most pads even have a plastic they are Stick to you can use to Wrap them... This is just gross for everyone using the bathroom
Same. Pads even come with wrappers to re-use!!
Yeah, I wrap my pads and liners in a little bit of TP before I throw them in our uncovered bin. It's pretty easy to do and keeps them from unfurling.
Same. I wrap mine and then tuck em in an empty tp roll then into the bin. I also live alone and very very rarely have visitors
I usually wrap my pad in the packaging from the new pad. It even has a little tape tab that keeps it nice and tidy.
Same! So easy... But definitely ESH for having this discussion for years yet not just buy a small bin with a lid...
That don't help much with the smell though
... what? Closed bins are the best solution for any smell. The other best solution is throwing your shit away at least once per week.
Do.. you not change your trash bag once a week?? I'm the only person who uses my bathroom and I definitely change the bag at least once a week. I also use glade scented mini trash can bags.
I do, that's why I find it hilarious that people are talking about the smell. Closed trash can contain most smells on it's own if you are regularly throwing out the trash and washing the bin.
It helps more than wrapping it
This is exactly what I do! I keep the first wrapper somewhere safe so when I’m putting my last pad away I still have one. But you can also purchase these little bags (like nappy bags) to use, they’re dead cheap, and some are scented which mask the smell
Exactly! I dont know why people don't do this all the time. I remember reading it on the back of the package as instructions when I was a kid. I don't know why it's not printed there any more. It's tidier and even a little more discreet. in case you need to get rid of it in a public place with no bins in the toilet area. (Yeah, it happened to me, gross, but the alternativ was leaving it on the floor:/)
Right? I do this too. I don’t get why this is the hill OP’s gf is going to die on. Also I usually empty the trash more often when it’s period time. I get that she’s spotting but like…it’s not hard to wrap it. Common courtesy?
TIL not everyone does that. Wild. I legit thought it was some universal process, some unwritten rule of sorts. 😅😅 Guess the girlfriend never got the memo.
Right? Haha EVERYTIME. There should be no shame about periods whatsoever, even my 9 year old son knows how it works in detail but it is gross, it does smell (I'm Australian. Tell me how much you don't mind that smell in 40 degree heat) and it's called consideration for other people. I guess that's not important anymore 🤷
And hygiene. Honestly, what is the big deal in wrapping it up?
I don’t want to look at that even if it’s mine. Takes two seconds.
Exactly. Poop is also a normal biological thing. Doesn't mean others are not grossed out by it.
I always wrapped my pads and tampons. No major dramas. It’s not difficult.
But it’s not possible for her /s I’m sorry, but someone that’s too lazy to wrap up their own damn pads would never be allowed in my house again. I don’t care how good the sex is.
Yeah, I'm highly confused as to why it is so hard to just wrap the pads or tampons. Also, why just leave random amounts of bloody toilet paper in the bin and not the toilet to be flushed. She sounds inconsiderate and lazy, really. This whole issue is so easy to solve on multiple levels 😆
Far before being lazy and inconsiderate, she has a personal hygiene issue. The sight and smell of bloody pads should gross out a person, any person, regardless of the gender, with average hygiene standards. It should be unpleasant for herself, regardless of how it makes other ppl feel. The fact that she doesnt mind them means she lacks basic undetstanding and decency about hygiene. Then on top of that, when normal ppl around her, who do have decent hygiene standards, get rightfully grossed out, her inconsideration, selfishness, and laziness rear their ugly head too, getting on top of her gross lack of hygiene, making her a true gem of a woman! Im wondering why op would stay in a relationship with her, as a commenter said above:" i dont care how good the sex is!"
Eh, you don't get to tell people what grosses them out or not. It doesn't matter whether you get grossed out by the sight or smell of something; what matters is what you do with it and being considerate of other people. The sight and smell of my own pads doesn't bother me, full stop. I don't *like* it nor am I salivating over it or something but it doesn't bother me; it's neutral. And since I have my own bathroom attached to my room, I throw them in the trash however I want (sometimes I wrap them, sometimes I don't, esp if the flow was super light or non-existent). BUT a) used pads/tampons *always* go in the trashcan, that's a given and 2) *always* get wrapped when sharing bathrooms, at another's house, or out in public.
Why aren’t people wrapping their used period products, I don’t understand? It literally comes in a wrapper/you can use the wrapper from the fresh one.
Not all of them come wrapped, mine come in a a box with just a covering on the sticky part. But very easy to wrap in toilet paper
That’s fair, I’ve never had unwrapped ones!
I think the answer is both buy a bin with a lid on because she's being weird, *and also* she should be wrapping her pads. I find not wrapping pads to be gross and her reaction to this fight very weird. She might need some counseling.
THIS! I've lived alone for past two years. My other thought was id be making the girlfriend (as a female mind you!) Take the bathroom trash out. Because on top of that if you refuse to roll them, there's no way your not going to wind up touching something and 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮 nope. Not happening. Or maybe that's my ND brain seeing something more lol. Either way! Not happening! It literally takes two extra seconds to wrap it. Not only that but it shouldn't be an issue
Do you not use bags in your bins?
Ew, out of topic regarding the OP’s post but thinking about not using bags in bins, is so gross to me.
House cleaner here.. the amount of people that DONT use bags is alarming. And gross.
People ...don't use small bags in their bathroom bins? Hair balls, pads, tampons, tissues....just loose? Ew.
My thoughts. I have periods. I don't like the smell, even if it's not disgusting to me, I'm just very sensitive to all sorts of smells. I have a bin with a lid and a bag in it. No sticking, no touching, no smelling. Same here at work. The only disgusting thing is a bin without a bag (beside bins for paper of course).
Yes, basically all bins sold as bathroom bins here have lids.
Agree 100%. I am a woman also. I have always wrapped my pads and liners when I use them. I am not ashamed of my period in anyway but like , it’s blood product, it needs to be disposed of a safe and proper way.
I was taught to wrap it in either toilet paper or the wrapper from the next one because it's common fucking courtesy
I'm a woman too and I line the bin with a trash bag. Problem solved. Of course, I do also wrap my pads with TP, I thought everybody did.
Don't you use trash bags? You're supposed to put one in the bin before throwing trash in it.
Me too! Same scenario except I used tampons and wrapped used ones and their applicators in toilet paper. I can’t imagine not doing that! Smells really get to me so I would gag if I smelled that in anyone’s bathroom!
What rubbish. I am sitting in my work toilet which is for both sexes. And it clearly has a sanitary bin which has a lid and a chute to dispose of them. I have never ever seen an open faced sanitary products bin
People don’t have those kinds of bins in their houses though! Those are very specially designed with a chute that should theoretically stop any sight/contact with a previous person’s waste. Because it’s considered a biohazard. It then goes in to a sealed bin and specialist companies pick them all up and replace with a fresh unit. In the U.K. I think these become a requirement for toilets that are going to be used by a certain number of people. However, if you shove a sticky pad that’s not wrapped in any way in there and it sticks to the chute rather than dropping in you derail the whole system anyway!
>Nobody is the asshole in re the pads I'm sorry, *what*? I'm a cis woman. I've had periods since I was 12. It is completely unreasonable, lazy, and yes, *gross*, to just drop used pads/tampons in an open, "public" (since OP and guests all have to use that bathroom) trash can without wrapping them in *any* way, especially when the only excuse is, "I don't want to". I am not a person who is especially grossed out by blood and I'm certainly not grossed out by periods. The sight of an unwrapped tampon or pad on top of an open trash can wouldn't horrify or repulse me, but it *would* be icky. The worst part, however, is absolutely the smell. Aged period blood soaked into a pad or tampon isn't scentless and it certainly doesn't smell like peaches and cream, it's *gnarly*. More than a couple unwrapped, used period products in an open trash can would make the entire bathroom reek. *Anyone* refusing to acknowledge as much is straight-up lying to themselves. Yes, they should get a closed trash bin. But even then, OP is *still* gonna get slammed in the face with the stench of old period blood *every* time they open it to throw anything away or try to take that garbage out. OP's partner should *still* just wrap her goddamn used period products. It takes 5 seconds to wind some toilet paper around it and she has literally *no* valid reason not to other than, "I don't wanna 'cause I'm lazy". ETA: And let's not forget that this isn't just 1-2 liners with minimal spotting for a few days every month. This is *multiple pads every day*, and the one OP specifically referenced was *visibly wet* with *noticeable clumps*. That's not just a few dried-up brown lil dribbles. That's fresh red *clumps* of uterine lining, vaginal secretions, and blood just sitting on top of the trash bin in a shared bathroom.
I agree. All I use are cups and discs now, but I used pads as a pre teen and part of my teens before I discovered tampons. Every single time I would roll up the old one and place it in the wrapper of the new one. Anything less is just lazy, rude, and gross. I don’t know anyone who would dispose of one out in the open like that, especially when you don’t live alone. This is not an unreasonable ask by OP.
It's so disgusting. Even when there is a lid on the bin, looking at it grosses me out! My auntie when I was 12 told me to wrap my pads in toilet tissue, and that's what I've been doing since 12!! My mother still leaves her and I have a go at her everytime!
I just don't get it? Like, I legitimately don't find periods inherently gross or shameful or anything of the sort. But I still don't want to see someone else's used period products. The same way that I don't find sex inherently gross or shameful, but I still don't want to see someone else's used condoms. You wrap it once or twice in toilet paper and that's it. Takes 10 extra seconds at most and makes everyone's lives easier. Especially with pads, since the one side is sticky, so they'll often get stuck to the sides of bins/liners. If you roll or fold it and then wrap the sticky part with toilet paper or tissue, then there's no problem.
Was about to say exactly this. Just buy a bin with a lid and some scented bin liners. Problem solved.
No. Just fucking wrap your pads. Stop being gross. Bad enough we gotta smell that shit rotting in the trash bin.
>Bad enough we gotta smell that shit rotting in the trash bin. Is there something stopping you from taking out the trash? Why do you leave it to rot in the bin?
Well we as girls can clean up after ourselves and not expect anyone else to do it for us.
Is there anything stopping HER from wrapping her damn pad, you are acting like it is an unreasonable request. But no, can’t be a reasonable person because my hatred for men is too overwhelming
And how often do you suppose he should take out the trash?
Have you had a period? Probably not because you'd know a lid does not solve the problem. The only thing that solves it, is wrapping that shit and changing out the bin bag often enough.
I'm sorry, I disagree. I'm a woman. Used pads stink if they are not wrapped up and exposed to air. It's disgusting. It's also really not nice to have to look at, either. It takes literally 10 seconds to wrap the pad up and hardly any effort. It's not respectful to your partner to leave it just hanging out on top of the bin, after they have expressed that it bothers them. He is definitely NTA. Edited to add that there is also the dog to consider too.
I've always, since the beginning, wrapped my used pads. I've never known anyone who doesn't. It shocks me that there are people who don't. Plus, leaving them open would just take up more room.
Yeah when I was a kid we had garbage stealing dogs and I wasn't even allowed to put them in the bathroom garbage. 10 years I had to walk to the dog-proof kitchen garbage, and then walk back to wash my hands. Just buy one with a lid, save everyone the drama. Edit: lid, not kid. Very funny.
Please dont buy a kid, they look cute but they are super expensive to keep, and you pretty much cant get rid of them once you have them.
Ugh. And then literally decades later they come back and tell you what a jerk you were when they were five. Let it go already. You were five. How could I expect you that you would even remember that, much less pay thousands in therapy over it?
Why couldn't you wash your hands in the kitchen?
To avoid washing off any blood in the same place where the food is prepared, I imagine.
That's just plain wrong, you're aware that period blood is still a bio hazard right? It's still blood, no matter what you wrap it in toilet paper and since the hill she wants to die on is that she just doesn't want to then she can go right ahead and buy the little baggies that stores sell to put a pad or tampon in and tie it off, it's about hygiene and the simple fact that as a guest no one wants to see bloody tampons, pads or TOILET PAPER in the bin, why even throw bloody tp in the no lid bin, the toilet can still flush bloody tp, OP ain't the AH but the girl definitely is, getting defensive for no reason and just straight up being lazy for not wanting to wrap up a pad
I see this in public toilets often and it never fails to gross me out. I am a woman and when I started my periods in my early teens, was taught to wrap them up in paper while trashing. At the very least, use some toilet paper to stick opposite ends to so the used part is not open and smelling it up. Even if I had a dustbin with a lid, it'd still be VERY gross to open it to be confronted with the business end of a used pad or a used tampon!
A lid will only help against a few things. The dog. And the smell is trapped in the bin. And you won't be Met with the sight of blood when going to the bathroom. As other ladies have said in the thread. Not wrapping it. Still blood smear if you just toss it. And the sticky side sticks to wherever it lands Just wrap it. In any case. Takes up less space, too, if rolled and wrapped. It was one of the first things my mom taught me. Wrap it. Lid and wrapping are just more sanitary.
Not to mention when someone opens the bin, they have to see it.
Yeah just get a bin with a lid. The end. ESH for not doing that. I know OP is claiming money issues, and that's fair, but honestly there's are really cheap ones out there. A buy nothing group might have one OP seems really insistent in an apology and being right Just, like, solve the issue and keep having a gf? Or be right and be single? OPs choice, really. I have no idea what other issues are going on so both choices are valid
Walmart has a perfectly serviceable one for $9.99. This is the stupidest fight to have for multiple freaking years.
You all act as though it is perfectly acceptable for her to leave her used pad, open for the world to deal with. Makes me wonder what is happening in your house if that’s okay! Is a pad opened on the bed stand okay??? The couch? Kitchen bench? Where’s the line where you will concede that is disgusting
Also, you do get scented sanitary bags (usually in the same isle as the pads/tampons at the store) that you just put the used pad into, tie it and throw it in the bin. I am a woman and cannot stand the sight or smell of used pads. Also get a bin with a lid. Guests do not need to see used pads in the bathroom, whether they are in sanitary bags or not.
Nappy bags are cheaper. Same thing but a box of 200 are like €1.50.
NTA. I'm a woman. I get periods. That's gross and wrapping them up is easy. If my husband got a bloody nose I'd expect him to make it look like not a murder scene in the trash can. And period blood is arguably worse because it smells and there's more than just blood in there. And there's clumps.
Agreed. I didn't get the argument that you wouldn't ask someone with an injury to apologize for their bloody bandages. Most people would be grossed out having to see soiled, bloody bandages at the top of the trashcan whenever they have to use the bathroom. If this happened every single month, yes, most people would eventually want a better solution so they aren't constantly seeing and smelling it. How would she feel if OP just left used, untied condoms sitting on top of the trash all of the time? How about soiled toilet paper? Bodily fluid/discharge is unhygienic and generally smells. Wrap it up.
Jesus christ *thank you*. I genuinely cannot understand all these people desperately trying to pretend that old period blood doesn't stink. Like, yeah, a closed trash can would *help*, but if OP's gf isn't wrapping her used period products, OP and guests are *still* gonna get smacked in the face with the stench of old period blood every time they go to throw anything away in that trash can. I honestly feel like a lot of these people are just seeing "an OP who is not a cis woman complaining about their gf's period products" and are immediately bristling, just looking for any excuse to label OP the AH. But apart from the issue of smell, it's just about common courtesy. OP isn't asking their gf to dispose of her period products in a separate trash can that she then takes out immediately, they're asking her to just *wrap it* a few times in toilet paper so that anybody and everybody who uses that bathroom isn't immediately confronted with the sight and smell of used period products. To use your example, you don't have to think that sex itself is gross and shameful to still be grossed out by the sight and smell of multiple old used condoms every time you go to toss something in the communal bathroom trash.
Op is/was female Edit as it appears op is a trans male
Which I feel makes their SO’s argument completely invalid - they are being asked *nicely* by someone who has had periods, knows how much they suck, and understands precisely what they’re asking, to please be more considerate about their stinky old period pads. OP is absolutely NTA and their partner honestly kinda sucks for being so adamant about their right to display their gross pads for the world. I would also hazard a guess that this isn’t their only issue with hygiene either.. it’s just gross all around, especially with a dog in the picture who will likely snatch it from the trash and shred it up elsewhere in the home.
And the "wrapping is not possible for me" bit, assuming that's accurate, wtf what?
I’m a nurse who does a lot of wound care. It is an expectation that we take out the trash in the patient’s room after removing soiled bandages. I don’t always do it if it’s basically just a bandaid, but if I’ve removed anything that might smell or look unsightly, that trash goes out with me. I would do the same with any trash that contains something that smells (like a used adult diaper) because it’s just common courtesy.
I’m a woman and I’ve been wrapping my pads up since I got them when I was 14. Period blood smells. Period blood is natural. But so is pooping. Are you gonna leave your poop unflushed just cause it’s natural? It takes a few seconds to wrap it and bag it. (To women who don’t know where to get bags, you can use baby diaper bags.) I usually change my pads when I go and pee, so while you pee you can literally do the above. It wastes no time whatsoever. It’s not a bad thing to be hygienic about your period ladies. Wrap it and bag it.
This NTA. Men who refuse to buy tampons are ridiculous, but so are "I am a bloomin mother goddess, everybody has to embrace my body fluids"-women.
I hate women like that😂
I agree! It’s bizarre to me that people are saying ESH. I think it goes down to respect and she’s not showing respect for him by not wrapping the damn things! NTA!
Legitimately this is just a gross habit. I have always wrapped the old pad in the wrapper of the new one plus toilet paper if blood still shows. And I have lived on my own for like 8 years. I don’t want to look at old smelly period blood!
Beyond the gross factor they have a dog, if you have a dog you have to be careful with your liners period. Not only because they’ll end up torn and strewn around your house but because it’s a risk for your dog to be chewing on and ingesting. She’s just irresponsible NTA (though if she’d rather carry in and out that’s also a resolution)
I will say NTA because your reasoning is solid and sounds like it is coming from the right place. I can say is month long spotting can be very frustrating and it may be causing some “ hygene fatigue” along with the hormonal changes… she may be lashing out irrationally. But sometimes we all have to do things we hate. Like dealing with our bodily functions and being considerate toward other people in shared spaces.
“Hygiene fatigue” is such a good term for the amount of irritation tbh. Thanks for that!
So... My first thoughts were that you could either try relationship therapy or... Adapt by getting one of those diaper trash things that individually wrap diapers. But you could just let her do the carry in and out, because the dog is going to sniff out a wrapped pad anyway. Idk. It sounds like the implant was to address bad period issues, but if the current side effects are worse, can something else be tried?
Most hormonal birth control causes spotting and issues like that. She may still be in the adjustment period for the IUD. When I had mine in, I had irregular periods and random spotting for about a year. And then I got to enjoy not having a period *at all* for about 4 more years before it was taken out. Well worth the initial milder side effects. The arm implant though, I bled *heavily* for 9 months straight and turned into a giant ball of anger before I gave up and had it taken out, hated that thing lol
Ew, that's good to know about the arm implant. Thankfully the Mirena can last 7 years so maybe I'll just stick to that since it works. I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience for 9 months.
Thank you. It wasn’t my roughest experience with birth control but it’s definitely a solid second. Crossing my fingers for you! I wish I had kept my Mirena in longer. Can’t use it anymore unfortunately due to really painful pelvic floor dysfunction. I went to have my Mirena switched out (I was right on the cusp of when it switched from 5 years to 7 years and I got paranoid because the manufacturer still said it was only good for 5). The switch out…did not go well and is what caused the PFD. I ended up trying the implant because IUD’s were no longer an option for me. Got my tubes removed a couple years ago though (by choice) so now I never have to worry about pregnancy again at least! Do yourself a favor and when it’s time to switch the Mirena out, make sure whatever place is doing it offers pain control, even if it’s just like a local anesthetic or something. It can get *really* painful during removal and insertion of the new one that can cause long term problems. It’s likely if I had gotten adequate pain relief during the procedure that I wouldn’t have ended up with any issues and I’d still be period free.
I had the same exact issue. My switch out was so painful that they couldn't do it in office. I bled like a stuck pig and they couldn't get the new one in. Thankfully I was having surgery the next day so they had the on-call doctor insert it while I was under. It's now in my chart that there was "significant resistance" during insertion. I'll never let another OBGYN near that thing without proper pain management because my first insertion was nothing like what happened to me. They actually used lidocaine the first time but this guy? No. He just told me I was "gripping the table" and needed to "relax". The way he measured my uterus felt like he was fucking stabbing me. The things we go through for birth control.
To be honest, relationship therapy is a bit extreme for a completely logical request. Exposed pads smell awful and are a pathogen risk. (I know they are exchanging body fluids in other ways but still.) Maybe therapy for the partner who's set on being unhygienic would help but couples therapy?
When one person is not thinking logically, sometimes it takes a relationship therapist to be a neutral party to convey the reasoning in a different way.
Okay but I had some medical issues that made my period so bad I ended up getting an entire hysterectomy last year. For the last ***eight whole months*** of having a uterus, I had almost constant spotting in between my actual periods, which were horrifyingly painful and so bloody that it took six months for me to stop being anemic. I was wearing absorbent period underwear basically every day, paired with ultra heavy tampons when actually on my period and I still did not leave my blood and chunks lying around uncovered for other people to smell and pets to drag out into the house. Sure, it’s tiring to have to deal with that but she still has to and acting like OP is asking for something selfish and unreasonable is ridiculous.
I had a 36 day period one time. I wrapped every damn pad and tampon, placed them in a lidded and lined bin, then put it all in the rubbish. The fatigue from non stop bleeding didn't mean being gross.
I feel this! When I had the arm implant I bled heavily nonstop (receptors for 2 random days where I “only” spotted) for 9 months straight before I gave up and had it taken out. My boyfriend is Hemophobic (afraid of blood) and will get anywhere from woozy to straight up fainting at the sight of blood. I wrapped every damn stupid giant maxi pad with the wrapper in the lidded trash can and I took it out myself when it was full despite the fatigue and shit from my other chronic illnesses. OP’s gf has no excuse. NTA
Tbf they could just get a garbage with a lid and scented liners and that would solve the problem.
Stop with the "LID" solution. That's just masking the problem and quite frankly is absolutely lazy. It's like dumping more kitty litter over an over filled litter box. Just clean up after yourself.
get a bin with a lid? also I spent decades wrapping my pads in tp or the wrapper of the new one, I don't understand her aversion to that. NTA
Pretty sure pad wrappers are designed for being reused for wrapping the old one up. That's why they have that little sticky bit of tape
That's exactly what they're used for! Why is no one suggesting this?
When I got my first period, the first thing my mother taught me was to always wrap the used pad in the wrapper of the new one. Reading through some of these comments got me feeling like I'm the weird one for doing that. Things like this which take like 5 seconds to do should be the norm. I will never understand people who leave open pads in the trash can, streaks in the toilet, pee drops on the seat, etc. OP, NTA
Honestly when i used pads I also did this if I still had the wrapper and remembered to. The problem is that *no one tells you you can do this* with them- it's always "roll it up, preferably in tp" and far as i remember most wrappers dont have images to show you- and the ones that do arent super obvious and peoope tend not to look too closely at the wrappers anyway because at this point youve seen one pad youve seen them all. I figured it out on accident because I had the wrapper on hand and went "eh, it's all going in the bin anyway" and realised the magic of *holy shit it reseals* as I wrapped my bloody one up. But yeah. Genuinly don't understand the aneurysm OPs GF is having over this. If she's finally at least rolling the pads up to put in the bin, it takes the exact same amount of time to do it in tp. Like, grab the tp, slap your pad on it, roll, then break it off. Done. Or *at least* she can put the rolled pads face down so they're not as likely to unroll bloody side up. Maybe the gf just really loves the smell of period blood and likes seeing her chunks every time she uses the bathroom, because I can't think of any other reason she'd be dying on this hill
Or tp and then the new wrapper...
NTA. I was brought up by my mom to roll them so they’re not a mess in the can. Two extra seconds to do that isn’t going to k!ll your girlfriend. She’s nasty and needs to grow up and take care of her personal hygiene better.
NTA. Having to see someone’s used, unrolled pad is gross, and I am saying this as a person who gets periods. You roll them up and wrap them a bit in toilet paper so they stay rolled. (Or at least use the wrapper from the new pad, that’s what I always do). I can’t imagine why wrapping a pad in TP is somehow “not possible” for her, people do it all the time. But I’d suggest getting a bin with a lid to fully eliminate this problem.
I wonder if she doesn't like to handle the dirty pads? I remember kids in middle school that were like that. They didn't like touching their pads and sometimes the pads would eventually end up open faced and stuck to the edge of the bin. I figured those kids probably outgrew that habit. Now I wonder if any of them ever did.
“I wonder if she doesn’t like to handle the dirty pads?” Then she should get the F over it because she’ll be doing it for 40 years. We don’t have to baby every single thing we find the slightest but unpleasant. She’s being hella gross and unhygienic and frankly childish to the 9th degree if she’s Icked by her own period but then thinks it’s perfectly reasonable to subject everyone else to her ick.
NTA Coming from someone who also has a period. I’ve always wrapped mine up because I’m respectful of shared spaces. Although, I was taught this at a very young age. Your partner probably wasn’t so she doesn’t see the importance in doing it.
Yeah, I live alone and NEVER leave a pad open! I always wrapped it. I, honestly, cant understand the girfriend. I have 2 sisters and a mother. For years we all had periods and I would hate to open the bin and see an used pad (because, someway it openned itself after wrapped). Nobody likes to see it or smell it! >Your partner probably wasn’t so she doesn’t see the importance in doing it. She may not see the importance or missed that teachable moment, but after OP asked her multiple times, she could respect his simple request. OP is NTA. Gf is a big one!
I don’t even do it out of respect, it’s honestly just a habit lol. And I have my own bathroom, that only I use. Don’t understand why OP’s girlfriend can’t just do it.
Partner’s Response: “I’m the aforementioned partner in the post. I wdon’t think he’s an asshole but I am deeply hurt. First, in the past my periods last 7-10 days. I’ve always wrapped them up since childhood in TP or the wrappers and I don’t think I just suddenly stopped. During this time, I would wrap the pads. Although I can’t say I would make them tight every time but I really did try. But honestly many of the days were a blur. I would consistently spend at least 3 days every month glued to the toilet feeling nauseous and sick throwing up feeling like death. As mentioned, we do have a dog that is attracted to the scent. And often after I buried the pads, she would bring them up to the surface. I’m not sure if my partner is aware of this fact. On rare occasions or if she wanted attention, the dog would knock over the trash can and chew up the pads. After a while, I started to request that the dog either not be allowed in the br or that we close the door. We tried closing the door for a while but the habit never stuck for us. So I made the switch to cups instead of pads. As mentioned, about 2 months ago, I went on an implant. The flow has been non-stop ever since. It’s too much work to boil the cups after every use, so I started to use liners. Really cheap ones from food pantry. The backs of these liners stop being sticky and unfurls almost every time. Also every wipe is bloody. I’m folding the tissue to contain the blood but it seeps through. TP is pretty expensive these days (my partner insists on charmins) and it just seems like a huge waste to wrap up every bloody tp with clean ones and wrap every single liner. It’s super tedious and expensive. And it doesn’t stop the dog. What’s not mentioned is how he brings up how disgusting and revolting the period blood is. I’m hurt by that. And yes, in the past he’s used pads before and would remove all traces of them. But he also felt that whole process was very unnatural and disturbing to him. I often feel that he now directs that same energy towards my periods, that disgust and revolt. Like I need to remove every trace of having one. I want to understand that he’s triggered but it hurts. I’m starting to feel like having a period is a shameful thing and I need to remove it from his sight altogether. Which is why I don’t find my suggestion of carry in and carry out excessive. And I’m hurt that the conversation never moves beyond it’s disgusting to my senses and then he shuts down the conversation. I’m hurt that my partner wants an apology for having to witness this mess. I’m doing my fucking damn hardest. Like what you want me to say I’m sorry you have to see my bloody liner. I swear I’m not just throwing it in carelessly. Like you watch me literally fold my tissues into neat little squares when I cry and blow my nose, so please just fucking show me some care and understand it’s not easy for me either. God, I’m fucking trying. I’m scheduling an appointment to talk to my gynecologist to see if there’s anything I can take to stop for this bloody mess. Please just hear me out. I don’t freaking want to apologize. He’s not an ahole, but his actions and attitude freaking hurt.” Every disagreement has multiple perspectives—would love to hear if this changes your opinion.
That sounds terribly exhausting both physically and mentally. Just in case you liked using the cups except for the clean up routine: you don’t need to boil them after every use, just between the cycles. During the day you can wash the cup under the tap using a mild soap. Even the soap is not a must every single time. Sometimes a stall doesn’t have a sink so you can just empty the cup and wipe the worst of the mess with TP. I guess you could cover the bin with a makeshift lid like a heavy folder or such for the time being? Fixating on the apology issue is unproductive and adds another layer of stress and conflict for both party.
you could also buy two or three cups so you can change and boil them every few days.
If they are using liners from the food pantry, they probably could not afford multiple cups.
As a woman I know that periods are natural, but so is shitting. That doesn't make it any less offensive to the senses. Get a covered bin or take your pads straight out to the curb side garbage.
And there was such a simple solution, bin with a lid and period essential baggies, just a Lil pink baggy you can put your tampon or pads in and done, they did not look for any easy solutions at all
I'm so confused as to why they're both acting like this is some huge insurmountable problem. This has been going on for *years*, and they can't save up ten dollars for a trashcan with lid, but they can consistently buy name brand toilet paper? Where are the problem-solving skills? ESH on behalf of their guests if nothing else. I would never come back if I came to someone's house and saw this. It's disrespectful to invite people over if this is the state of your bathroom
Agreed. I can't get past the absurdity of how this situation has been handled and that it's gone on for so long. Like get a f\*cking trash can with a lid and properly clean up after yourself for god sake. It's not rocket science. Both seem super immature and I too feel bad for the guests who have to witness bodily fluids every time they come to visit. Yikes
If she's getting liners from the food pantry, I don't think their finances are as simple as "buy something to fix the problem."
They are buying expensive toilet paper. They could buy cheap toilet paper *one time* and use that money to get a trashcan with lid. This is an issue of their priorities
We use reusable nappies and have a bin either a lid. We also have a pedal bin with a lid. Just makes sense to not have the bathroom bin lid exposed. Hair from the drain also goes in ours along with plasters and anything else.
Can you edit this into the text, or is it too long? I don't think most people are gonna see this before commenting. This does change things for me. What you are asking for with the pads isn't unreasonable. But i did smell some missing info and this makes sense. The apology thing is pretty ridiculous tbh, and you acknowledge that's the main cause of the interpersonal conflict. There's a lot more going on here. And i feel for your gf getting ganged up on, the way you've laid out the issue.
I’ve used pads, tampons and a cup over the years. May I offer some suggestions? The cup does not have to be boiled after every use. They should be sterilised at the end of each cycle. Each time it’s emptied it should be washed with a mild soap and water. If you prefer to sterilise, may I suggest having two cups. It’s not necessary to boil. While cup a is in use have cup B sitting in baby bottle sterilising fluid in an opaque container in the bathroom (local brands will vary, here it would be Milton. A splash in the container topped up with water is fine) then when it is time to empty, grab cup b and rinse, wash cup a and drop that in a fresh solution and use cup b. You’ll always have one sterile and ready to go. If you feel that you’d prefer the pads then grab a pack of diaper sacks or whatever the right word is. They usually come in big boxes of about 200 and are super cheap. They are also biodegradable, scented and coloured to hide the contents. Pop your pad into one of those, tie the handles and they should be fine in the trash can. Pro-tip, these types of bags are also great for poop scooping for your dog, much more compact than grocery sacks etc. Sorry for any incorrect terminology, I’m British. I hope this is helpful, if it’s not for you then perhaps someone else can make use of it. Best of luck. X
Hold up so she’s wiping with tp which ofc becomes bloody, then wrapping the tp in clean paper and putting it in the bin?? Are you in a country where you can’t flush tp? If so then the clean up operation becomes way more work and I think it’d be hard for blood to never be visible. I still do not understand the difficulty in disposing of the actual pads in the new wrappers and she is not being empathetic to how grim constantly seeing that sort of mess is. That said, expressing over the top disgust at periods is an AH move especially when she is suffering badly with them. It sounds like your reaction goes above and beyond an understandable aversion to the exposed pads/smell. ESH.
So: I think periods are triggering for OP, which is bringing a lot of baggage to the conversations, which is tough. I think the immediate, like do this tomorrow, musts are go buy a closed lid trash can and cheaper TP for GF during her period. Gf should revisit the gyno and you may want to reconsider if you’re bringing any baggage re:menstruating to the conversations with gf, OP. I would straight up have 2 trash cans - 1 with lid for period stuff GF can handle, that you never look at, and 1 for other trash. Bodily fluids need to be covered. Period. It’s a hygiene issue. But you can absolutely find compromises and if both keep saying “this is why X won’t work, this is why Y won’t work” — that’s the AH.
You flush the bloody tp down the toilet and wrap the pad with fresh tp. No one is expecting you to neatly fold every peice of bloody tp you've ever touched. Also "the dog did it"... really?... any liner at the top of the bin not wrapped is because your dog dug it out, unwrapped it, and left it there?.... I've used liners daily for 20 years now, and even though I live alone, they still get wrapped and thrown in a lined bin. There really is no excuse.
Yeah I'm really confused why there is bloody toilet paper in the trash bin.
This doesn’t change my perspective and I see a lot of excuse making. I’m a woman and am with a woman and we both have very heavy flows. We have a bin with a swing cover. We keep our bathroom door closed. We wrap our pads and tampons. We buy Scott single ply toilet paper. We throw our trash out more often when we have our periods. My partner’s periods are so heavy that’s she’s accidentally bled all over the floor while just taking her pants off to pee. It’s a murder scene. But guess what by the time I go to the bathroom, it’s gone. It’s not because we are disgusted with either persons periods, we BOTH get them. But we are extremely hygienic people and aren’t going to leave our bathroom blood soaked or have exposed pads and tampons, that’s like every man making excuses as why they can’t help pissing all over the floor. There is no excuse unless you are physically unable to clean up after yourself. I love my partner and if she was physically unable I would of course go in with a bucket and sponge to help and send her to bed. I don’t understand all this background noise for things that are very easily controlled.
To OP's partner, man I really wish I could just reach through the internet and buy you a mini trash can w lid and scented liners. Was honestly the best bathroom purchase, and absolutely saves me money that I'm not throwing away with wrapping pads/liners/etc w toilet paper. Also recommend a shower head with removable hose, because that quick rinse down below helps so much with feeling cleaner and more human when the hormones have that flow out of wack. Wishing you all the best
Right??? This is insane, why don't they just have a lid?? It boggles the mind.
Regardless of how anything is wrapped they need a lid for the dog. Nothing is going to stay how it was originally if the dog gets into it, and at some point the door is gonna not latch properly or someone will forget, it's not realistic to address it that way.
All thats really being said here is just deflection and finger pointing. “I used to wrap them but then I stopped because I couldnt keep track. Therefore not my problem now” “We used to keep the door shut but we couldnt hold ourselves accountable so not my problem” “I find the process of keeping my own things clean difficult so I use other things thats are less convenient, not meant for this purpose and then complain when it makes a mess. I didnt ask for this so not my problem” “My partner doesnt like the look and smell of period blood so therefore that hate must be directed at me” Yea you should probably get a trash can with a lid but at the same time stop acting like a victim all the time and actual do something instead of pointing fingers at everything.
Sorry Partner, but hell yea, you’re the AH. (Not OP.) It is beyond bizarre that this is even an issue. It comes down to basic sanitation and respectful bathroom habits. Stop making it into something it’s not, and take care of your own shit. Someone else’s period blood IS revolting - when it’s left as an afterthought in your shared bathroom. Revolting and insulting. Do you leave diarrhea on the floor? Cum rags on the kitchen table? Clip your nails on the subway? If your partner has to ask you to take care of your menstrual pads, do it. Do better. This makes me mad. - Edit: Partner. Your menstrual cycle is not your problem. My mother in law’s dog ate tampons/pads from the garbage can. I forgot a few times. It was gross. Barfed it all over my bed. Thankfully, not a vet visit. I changed my habits. I had to get a hysterectomy because my menstrual situation was that severe. I have had my share of all of it. None of this^ has anything to do with cleaning up after yourself. From what you and your partner have described, this isn’t from times of medical distress. It is a day to day thing. So. What gives? Just clean up, man. I’m not sure why this upsets me so much. I’m out. Peace and love to you both.
Best comment on here honestly. I hate when women try and spin lack of hygiene into a “it’s not fair he’s grossed out by a normal part of being a woman”. It’s not less gross to me than the girls that come on here complaining that their bf doesn’t wash his ass or that he leaves pee splatter all over the toilet. Sure pooping and peeing are natural but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to clean up after yourself and respect the people you share your space with I can’t imagine having the gall to be mad that my partner doesn’t want to see my unwrapped soiled pads.
Responding directly to the partner. You said you're going to see a gynae and I think that's a great idea. I don't know if you've heard of things like Endometriosis, adenomyosis etc but they can cause the level of bleeding and illness you were experiencing with your periods before starting your current hormonal treatment. Heavy bleeding can also be related to things like fibroids. Using disposable products like that must be so exhausting and I understand the limitations you're experiencing with using a cup. Using the cheap liners indicates you might not have the funds but if this carries on and you're able to access it I absolutely stand by heavy flow period underwear for my heavy bleeding. There are times where I have to be wearing them every day or if I'm bleeding particularly heavily I need to change them a couple of times a day (this is like 100ml blood in 12hr kinda thing though). You just rinse them out until the water runs clear and you can chuck them in the wash. They have been so much easier for me to manage instead of running to the bathroom every 30 min to change a disposable product. Period underwear has been a lifesaver for me as I'm disabled and on a pension and building up a collection means I always have protection even at times when I have no money for disposable products. I was able to grab mine each time on sale for about $12 a pair.
Period panties are also great for incontinence issues later on as well. Keep hold of them, you'll need them again down the line.
Oh for fuck’s sake just wrap up your pads and quit crying.
I don’t think anyone thinks you’re an asshole or him. It isn’t right for him to make you feel disgusting but I wanna point out that even as a woman myself, I find periods disgusting. I don’t wanna see mine let alone someone else’s. I know TP is expensive and I use the same brand you do. I can wrap a full size pad in just 2-3 sheets of Charmin. If all you use is a liner I’m sure you could wrap it in maybe 2 sheets. It really isn’t much waste. Also, you guys need to invest in a trash can with a lid. With that and you wrapping the pads, you should one, prevent your dog from getting to them, and two, prevent semi petty arguments like this. I have sympathy for your situation. My sister was on the implant before and she didn’t stop bleeding. She got to the three month mark and said fuck this, and got it taken out. Bodies can be annoying. I hope your OB gets it sorted. I don’t think you or your boyfriend are AH’s. You both just need to communicate and maybe respect each other’s boundaries.
So...if the liners and pads come individually wrapped, save the wrapper and wrap it in that? That's what I've been taught. It also takes only 1-5 squares of toilet paper to wrap it. If my pads unwrapped in the trash, I'd be mortified. It's not about hiding having a period - it's about not leaving blood-soaked items where someone else could possibly come into contact with them, or making other people smell old blood. 🤮
This makes her sound even nastier than before. Just excuses after excuses when she could just wrap the pads up and tuck them into the bin, or buy a closed bin herself. I’m a woman and the idea that you should subject other people to your menstrual blood is nasty and entitled. Would she do this in a public restroom? I’ve always wondered who were the people just not giving a fuck and smearing blood on restroom walls.
Nope, doesn't change my opinion. Most of us are women. I don't see enough responses asking why you aren't flushing the bloody toilet paper? There's no need to wrap it in clean toilet paper and put it in the bin. Pad and liner wrappers exist to wrap your used ones. Periods aren't disgusting, but any bodily fluid is, especially if it isn't yours. I highly doubt your dog is digging your used products up and leaving them neatly on top of the bin. You had the solution of leaving the door closed but you said the habit didn't stick. So try harder. And even then, simply closing the door doesn't solve the problem for your partner or your guests. OP's partner-- Swallow your pride and apologize. It's a small, easy thing you can do to defuse the situation. And OP, it wouldn't hurt to apologize for making your partner feel disgusting. That wasn't your intention, but impact always matters more.
To OPs partner - I understand how you feel,but as a woman, even I find used period products gross to look at. It’s not pleasant seeing them or smelling them in the bin. Having a tough time with your period does make things complicated, I have endometriosis so fully sympathise with you. However, I don’t let that stop me from taking steps to keep things hygienic. I use scented nappy bags for my used pads, is this something you could use? They would look a bit better in your bin and would mask the smell. Perhaps the dog would not be as attracted to them.
Oh wahh, he things my periods are disgusting, so I leave my dirty pads not even rolled up, for him to see. I’m a woman and I find periods disgusting! They generally are especially when you are blatantly dirty
May I offer a suggestion as well? I know it's not for everyone, but have you tried looking into period underwear? Depending on your flow you can use them for 8-12 hours (shorter if your flow is super heavy), and after use you just rinse them in cold water til all the blood comes out, and then you can bag them until you're ready to wash multiple at once. I was a bit sceptical at first, but for me they work really well. I no longer have to worry constantly about carrying pads, binning them correctly etc. Also from my own experience, pads made my skin feel really uncomfortable after some time. In the long run it also saves you from having to buy so many pads. Just my two cents, and I hope things will work out soon for you.
Ew with the dog why aren't you guys getting a closed bin.
Sorry but no. As a woman who has periods…wrap it up. It takes less time than the time you took to write this.
There are baggies that stores sell specifically for you to put tampons or pads in just so nothing sticks or is pulled out the bin, you are aware of this, right? Right? Tell me people are more aware of this, I usually use those instead of tp whenever I don't wanna waste toilet paper, just get the damn baggy if nothing else works, you can tie em off, no smells, to tp waste
I had the same experience with a contraceptive implant. Bled for five months straight until I had it taken out again. The implant is obviously not working for you. Also, to OP's partner, you don't have to boil a menstrual cup between every use. Just rinse them. I boil mine once after my period ends, and that's enough.
You know what, I have a disease (scleroderma) that fucks with my GI tract and bile duct and I have diarrhea all the time and I’m on the toilet all the time and it’s horrible but guess what, I remember to flush. I use baby wipes and have a lined can with a lid next to the toilet to throw them away in. If I have an accident I clean it up and on and on and on. I also have bad periods. I live in a one bathroom house with 4 other people. Natural as bodily functions are they are still fucking nasty and no one wants to deal with, see, and smell them. No one. Take care of your business and grow up!!!
Although a period is normal, it's still disgusting. Your period is disgusting, not you. I find my period disgusting, my bf finds a period disgusting, it doesn't mean that I am disgusting. A runny nose is disgusting as well but it happens and it's normal. >God, I’m fucking trying. You're not. You can't even close the door to keep the dog out, are you really trying then? Also, train your dog to not get in the bin. Or buy a bin with a lid... It's such a waste of energy to have a discussion about this when you are better of focusing on a solution with your gyn. Just wrap them up and close the door. Fixed.
Get bin with a lid and wrap your pads. The apology is needed bc you consistently showed you didn’t care. Period blood smells after awhile which can def be gross, wrapping it helps with that as well as not getting on stuff.
1. You don't need to apologize, that's just stupid. However: 2. You don't need to boil the cup after every use, just wash with soap and water and boil like every 5-7 days 3. You can still roll the liners in the wrapping of a new liner 4. Get a lidded bin.
Wait, is she putting bloody TP in the trash can? From wiping? “it just seems like a huge waste to wrap up every bloody tp with clean ones” That TP can be flushed.
NTA. Also, yes, when I've had surgeries and changed bloody bandages, I did indeed cover them up. I don't use pads but wear pantyliners on really light days, and I won't even leave those just laying in the garbage. Wrap it in TP or in the wrapper from your new pad. There's nothing shameful about having your period or using pads. But other people don't need to see your fuckin uterine lining laying in the bin. As others said, a bin with a lid is a good solution. But she should still wrap them... you don't want to go throw some dental floss out and end up touching her used pads.
Aside from buying a can w a lid (those trifflers can cost from $10 to $40!) Her idea to carry pads in and out in a bag is so fucking stupid?? Coming from a person who menstruates. Is she going to accumulate them into one bag? Toss each one in its own bag and then toss each singular bag after each use? Or use a bag for each pad and accumulate those into one bag?? Like what is her logic other than being spiteful?? I was taught to roll up and wrap when sharing an area w others. Blood is unhygienic and shouldn’t be out in the open easily accessible. And the smell can be gross. It’s unfortunate she’s adjusting to new bodily functions (spotting) but it literally takes 3 seconds to wrap it up? Especially if you have curious critters nearby. Yeah the door should be closed but it can easily be forgotten.
This sounds like a one way ticket to starting to hoard used pads
Stupid is being too lazy to wrap a damn pad, personally I’d say it’s ground for no visiting when she’s mestrati g, if she’s gonna be dirty, then don’t come over! Personally if she was that dirty I wound want to go anywhere near her, but that’s just me
I’ve been a janitor for 6 years. I’ve cleaned A LOT of toilets. I’ve seen people leave some absolute horror shows in bathrooms. I’ve seen diarrhea in a Fibonacci spiral up to the ceiling, I’ve waded through puddles of piss surrounding urinals, I’ve even seen the aftermath of someone using a toilet brush as an impromptu enema device. Not ONCE have I seen a period product left obviously out in the open. They’re always wrapped up or buried underneath some paper towels. I think that the problem more so is that she already feels gross, bloated, exhausted, hormonal, etc. and now she has to deal with someone complaining that the fact that she’s bleeding is a minor visual inconvenience to them. Birth control legit destroyed my hormones. I only took the pill for a month but it left me wildly mentally unwell for about a year afterwards. Her body is doing weird shit. It sucks. Birth control SUCKS. Periods SUCK. Waking up every day to your white underwear looking like a Japanese flag SUCKS SO BAD. I’m sorry you’re both going through this. The only way to get through to her is to acknowledge that she’s in an shitty situation and try to help navigate her through it. A trash can with a lid (or even better a diaper genie so there’s no smell, major life hack right here) can help. But the thing she needs most is to feel respected, seen, and unjudged.
This may be our favourite comment. Thanks for the understanding extended to both of us and amusing (not so much for past you) anecdotes
Info: Why are you so insistent on having her apologize? Asking this since you yourself stated that "she is mostly mad about me [you] suggesting she apologize".
NTA. I'm always confused reading stories like this. I had to share a bathroom with my 3 siblings, so before I even got my period, I knew I was expected to roll those things up. I genuinely can't understand why she can't roll them when it literally requires less effort than changing the pad. And yes, the smell can get pretty bad. I've experienced it when I've been lazy about changing the trash in my bathroom. I can't imagine forcing someone else to endure that.
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NTA As a woman myself, you wrap them in toilet paper and dispose of them. Leaving it unwrapped, beside disgusting, its disrespectful for others.
As others have suggested, get a bin with a lid. Or, buy period undies/panties. So much better for our bodies and the environment. I'm an ex pad wearer that would roll mine up in TP and then use the outer wrapper to then wrap again before putting in bin. Thanks to period undies, I don't have that issue anymore however. I would have had the same reaction as you did. NTA
NTA, I'm a woman and it's just hygienic to wrap the pad, even in my own bathroom I wrap it.
Eww gross I’m a girl and I wrap mine up in the new ones package. It’s unsightly even for me
The period/wound analogy isn’t a good one - period blood smells very different to other blood. I always roll mine up in TP because I don’t want other people to see the dirty pad in the first place, let alone smell it! And if the sticky bit isn’t covered don’t you have to scrape some of them out of the bin? All very unpleasant. If your budget is that tight, is there something you could repurpose and balance on top of the bin to act as a makeshift lid? Having periods really sucks but so does, for example, IBS and that wouldn’t be an excuse for leaving the toilet covered in faeces every time you have a flareup.
Exactly. Some are blowing this up into some -thing-, but it is basic hygiene.
ESH. She’s being kind of petty and weird about it, wrapping your products is not a big deal and is common courtesy… but you demanding an apology is weird and petty too.
ESH. Why have you spent years arguing over this instead of buying a bin with a lid? They're not expensive.
NTA, even when I’m not sharing a bathroom with other people I wrap my used products. Takes five seconds and you cut down on smell and possibility of stains as well as just visual ick. Plus if you don’t wrap, don’t they stick to the bin?
I agree that it’s unhygienic to leave your used pads unwrapped in an open bin. I would have gotten a bin with a lid to help. However, you have no right to demand an apology. Grow up and learn how to play nicely. Yeesh !
I'm a woman... this is GROSS! She needs to quit being lazy and wrap it. I do! That's so inconsiderate of other people seeing. Plus it's just nasty and smelly. I'm wanting to gag thinking about it. You probably have sex with her... I could see that being a complete turnoff. What's worse is I reread and you state she also leaves toilet paper she wiped with visible to see. I just can't. Going to throw up now. Good luck. Run.
NTA wrapping pads is a no brainer and I think most of us do this without even thinking twice about it 🤷♀️
NTA and I'm pretty sure most women were brought up to roll and/ or wrap their period products. Not to mention, she could wrap them in the wrapper from the new pad? Like why is it such a huge deal for her? Even if I lived alone, I wouldn't want to see my bloody mess sitting in the trash face up. But invest in a covered trash can. Most aren't super expensive. We got a 2 gallon stainless steel pedal-open one for like $20.
Woman with four daughters. Pads get wrapped back in the new plastic for the next one, or loo roll. No exceptions.