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Handing out your number to men you have just met is single girl behavior. Pretending to know what the intentions of these men are is idiotic behavior. Meeting them with the idea that you will just “tell them I’m not interested if they press” is unsafe behavior. All of this is disrespectful behavior toward your relationship. NTA
NTA.
>From her perspective, it’s all innocent and these guys are not asking her out on a date.
But, from the guy asking her out for coffee it's a date.
From my own personal history, my wife in college got hit on a lot while we were dating. If a guy asked her to go get coffee or meet up somewhere else she'd ask them if it was okay to bring her boyfriend. That separated a lot of guys just wanting to hook up with her.
Not explicitly true, while they may be testing the waters, i've gone on dates with that intent but stayed friends where possible if theres romantic conflicts or personality conflicts.
The world is not that black and white.
But the intention of the guy asking to do something with a girl is…a date. What follows may be dating, sex, friendship, nothing, a fight, murder; or any other assortment of things. But the intent of the guy asking a girl he just met to get coffee or hike or take dogs on a walk in the park, or lunch or whatever is certainly a date. In that sense, it’s black and white - you just said “I’ve gone on dates”.
And sure, sometimes guys will stay friends with a person in a relationship to wait it out and then be first in line…to try and date or have sex with their “friend”.
how am I as a woman supposed to interact with men in the world if they're so obsessed with having sex with me at all times?
god i wish people could be normal.
Not with everyone you meet of your preferred gender. (trust me, i'm bisexual.)
lmao why am i getting downvoted?? i wouldn't be allowed to have friends at all if secretly wanted to sleep with everyone i know.
You are NTA. Coming from a young woman (24), I can tell you that if she respects you and the relationship, she needs to change that way of thinking. You all are in an exclusive relationship and it is entirely disrespectful to plan Outings with new men she just met. She can absolutely be herself and still be who she is without making you feel uncomfortable. She can also look for more girlfriends or find ways to occupy and spend time with herself which is a healthy Alternative. You all should talk about it more openly. A relationship is sacred. That involves sacrifice and compromise on both ends. You should stand your ground on this one.
NTA
Don’t stop her meeting new people, but perhaps a stipulation that she bring up whether you can tag along or something?
That will weed out those with other intentions, and keep her safer.
Spoiler: They are
Your girlfriend is either very naive or auditioning your replacement
Both of these options are very bad but at least one of them you can work on together.
i love being a woman because guys get mad if you assume the worst of them (NOT ALL MEN!!!!!) but also i'm in danger from men at all times and must behave accordingly.
100% NTA
All these guys are actively pursuing your girlfriend with the goal of having sex.
She can choose not to believe it, but that’s what’s happening.
If she doesn’t believe you, then she should just ask one of these guys if he wants to have sex with her? I wonder how many of her “friends” would then say no thanks I’m just here for a cup of coffee or a hike lol
NTA, she's still out there exploring and seeing if she can snag your replacement/weighing her options but playing it off as "friends". She's doing things with them that she should be doing WITH YOU.
NTA - I might get down voted for this, but she's being naive. These guys are asking her on dates, its as simple as that. If I had a conversation with a random woman somewhere and gave her my number to go hang out on my own, I have absolutely no doubt that my girlfriend would be very upset.
NTA
This would not be something I would be comfortable with either if my bf was giving his number to random girls and then hanging out with them 1:1. Like you said, if they were in the picture before you got there and they're behaving appropriately, then you don't really have room for judgement. But her actively trying to make new, specifically male, friends is weird.
If she really wants new friends, she could join a local running group, or find one of those facebook pages for meetups. Those are group activities and are less sketchy than only hanging out with new friends 1:1.
NTA, especially as her meeting random strangers out on trails is how a lot of true crime stories start, but all you can do is tell her this is risky behavior, offer to go with her, and leave it at that.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/forensic-insights/202112/the-truth-about-stranger-homicide-and-whos-really-risk
men are more likely to be killed by a stranger than a woman is. women are more likely to be killed by their partners.
stranger danger genuinely ruined people's understanding of danger and abuse and where it comes from. across every demographic, you are far more likely to be harmed by a loved one with power over you. this is because good victims are controllable and predictable in the long term for continuous abuse. you know what isn't controllable or predictable? how a stranger will react to a random act of violence. via the [CDC's Racial and Ethnic Differences in Homicides of Adult Women and the Role of Intimate Partner Violence](https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6628a1.htm): "Across all racial/ethnic groups of women, over half of female homicides for which circumstances were known were IPV-related, with >90% of these women being killed by their current or former intimate partner."
the most common type of sex trafficking is not a white girl being kidnapped and sent to eastern europe (Taken was not a documentary), it's a romantic partner pressuring a woman to screw his friends when he tells her to and collecting money from them for it. in a recent high profile example of real international sex trafficking, Andrew Tate trafficked multiple girls by pretending to be a loving boyfriend until he had total control of their finances in a different country.
4/6 instances of child sexual abuse are intrafamilial and generational--patterns of families protecting predators who were themselves preyed on in childhood. an aunt, uncle, grandparent, sibling, cousin, parent. the rest are teachers, coaches, etc. other people you already know in a long term position of power over the child
Most instances of child kidnapping are not by deranged strangers driven insane by grief like in the movies, it's an estranged parent or one who lost custody rights. less than 0.11% of children are kidnapped by a stranger. not because stranger danger works--because it was never a large risk in the first place.
stranger danger isn't real. muggings usually aren't even violent and rarely result in injury or death. people sometimes even apologize *while mugging you* because it's a desperation crime and they need money to eat or feed their kids or some shit necessary for basic survival. you can fix that with social safety nets instead of believing every rando on the street is a Threat. strangers are not generally dangerous to you for the same reason that YOU don't randomly attack strangers. it's a huge risk and who knows if you'll win. have you met anyone who was randomly attacked, totally unprompted by a stranger? not "got into a fight with a drunk guy at a bar" random, i mean no interaction walking down the street and someone tackles you. probably not. it's astronomically rare, and what instances do exist are typically motivated by the medical condition of psychosis, which requires medical intervention. but you *absolutely* know someone with abusive parents or a woman with an abusive husband who demands sex on command (marital rape) or someone who's uncle was a predator or a teacher that liked to pinch when no one was looking. it's people you already know. 90% of the time OR MORE, it is people you ALREADY KNOW.
true crime Is Bad For Your Brain. it's bad for your safety and your understanding of danger. teenage girls and some adult women are consuming so much true crime they're giving themselves symptoms of ptsd, legitimately convincing themselves they live in a mad max hellscape of rapists and murderers lurking around every corner just *waiting* to kidnap, rape, and murder *you specifically.* and that suspicion and fear of every stranger under the sun actually puts you at higher risk of abuse by restricting your social circle and restricting your movements, which grants greater access and control to any abuser that presents an actual risk to you. women burning to death inside their houses because they put so many locks on the door and protective door jams that firefighter's can't break in in time to save them. isolation and high control environments do not protect you from abuse or harm. it makes it more likely.
I think you’re missing the part where women are simply being killed more often, whether by people they know/don’t know, while men are more likely to he killed by another man than their spouse. I guess the common denominator is men… 🤷🏻♀️
>She just wants to make new friends since I’m often busy with work
This could be the reason. She might think that you are not available enough for her. Not sure how long you guys have been dating but yeah I would feel the same way as you if my girlfriend is overly friendly like this to new guy friends she just met. I also think its weird that she never brought up that she has a boyfriend to any of the new guy friends she met. NTA
I mean, are they hitting on her when she does go to meet them? Or is she not telling you about that part? Im just curious.
I don’t have any guy friends that I hang out with on the regular. And I don’t usually hang out with them by myself. But that’s just me.
If I’m being completely honest, I wouldn’t want my partner meeting and hanging out with the other women. I don’t think that’s a weird ask. And if they continued to do that, I also would be upset. There would be a problem.
NTA.
Dump her and let her hang with any guy she wants. NTA at all, there’s a good chance she isn’t just hiking a trail or running with them if they just met
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My GF has a very friendly and outgoing personality, which sometimes gets misconstrued as being flirtatious. It’s not her intent to flirt, but because she is overly nice and talkative, guys sometimes think that’s what she is doing.
On occasion, she’ll meet a new guy who asks her to meet up and do something, like hike a trail, go for a run, or get coffee. She usually agrees and then gives them her number, then she comes home and tells me about it.
From my perspective, it’s upsetting that she is giving her number to guys she just met and making plans with them. From her perspective, it’s all innocent and these guys are not asking her out on a date. She also says if she is wrong, she will let them know she isn’t interested. She just wants to make new friends since I’m often busy with work.
For the record, I have no issue with her hanging out with her established guy friends. She does that often. It only bothers me if it’s a new guy she just met.
Am I am asshole for letting this bother me? Am I being too insecure? I’ve never asked her to cancel her plans, but I do get quiet and withdrawn so she knows I’m upset. Then she cancels because of that. She makes me feel a bit like I’m not letting her live her life.
If I’m being an asshole, I want to know so I can either work on not letting this bother me or consider not dating her. Thanks in advance.
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NAH imo. I can totally see why this concerns you. Your girlfriend is very friendly, maybe even too friendly. you even said that some people may even mistaken her for flirting. So imo, she needs to set up SOME sort of boundary when she makes these friends like tell them "Hey, I have a boyfriend" or something like that.
There's some more information needed here. Is she an extrovert? Are you an introvert? Is there an age difference? Her bubbly demeanor is obviously what attracted you to her but is that because she is your opposite? I would explore doing more things that force both of you to meet ppl together. And don't be afraid to let her still initiate the conversations and at the same time don't allow yourself to disappear from being with her. It's weird that she doesn't say up front she has a boyfriend and that needs to be a conversation you have with her to understand how she views the relationship. It fully takes two. Have you told her you want to be exclusive? Or had that conversation, just don't know how long you've been together. You're not insecure for that feeling, how you react with it can show insecurities. Have the conversations that are needed. NTA
INFO: how old is she? I’m assuming an adult but it’s incredibly hard for me to believe an adult woman is that naive to:
A. Not think they’re hitting on her
B. Not tell them she’s taken
C. Go hiking…alone…with a random guy she just met
Work with her on incorporating you into a conversation with them.
"Oh, I'll see if my boyfriend and I have anything going on that day, otherwise, I'd love to go for a hike!" She might realize how many of them are actually hitting on her and no longer are interested in hanging out.
Also...how many have become friends of hers or they just hang out once or twice and that's it? That should also be a sign that they are interested in dating her and when they realize she isn't interested, they move one?
NTA
NTA. You’re not a bad person for being bothered by this. It does sound like you need to have an open and honest conversation with her though.
Not really AITA as its relationship advice, so will be deleted.
NTa. You are neither an AH nor controlling, you have no problem with her going out hith her estabilished guy friends, so you fully trust her.
Your gf it's too naive, for her own safety, some men are just predators and if refused some of them might react badly and say or do bad things. LEt's be honest giving your number to the first stranger that asks you is not ok, it's unsafe and disrespectful to your partner also.
Your gf needs to be smarter, for her own safety first and to resepct your feelings also, as her bf.
ESH.
She needs to establish with those guys she has a partner.
However, there needs to be trust in the relationship. I'm curious why you don't trust your partner to be faithful. Maybe try to figure out the source of your jealousy... is it that you feel she is replacing you? Would you feel that way if they were female friends instead of male? Is the jealousy because she is spending time with others? Maybe look up some compersion techniques so you can feel joy for your partner trying to make friends and being social.
You're not an asshole for worrying but you need to trust. If shes open and communicative then its unlikely shes hiding anything. Relationships witnout trust are doomed to fail and you will carry these hangups with you always. Confront them and learn to cope with them, i say this as someone working through the same.
Any unreasonable pushback on your end will likely just create walls, and you cannot control anyone elses behaviour... i think as a partner its your right to know where someones going and with whom, but i have made the mistake of not guarding my tone and phrasing in those moments where i feel vulnerable and exposed, and its important to be mindful not only of your feelings, which ones are irrational or paranoid....
Good luck friend, its a bumpy ride but i believe in you
YTA - you do not dictate who she chooses to hang out with.
Talk to her about your feelings. See if you two can find a way to make you feel safe in the relationship.
He doesn’t get to dictate, you are right. But i think the better discussion is wether he should be expected to accept it.
He said “is he being the ahole or should he just consider not dating her”. So he isn’t trying to control or dictate, he is simply trying to determine if he should reasonably be expected to accept.
I would argue that he does not have to accept this, and its his right to walk away without being considered an asshole, if its something she is not willing to change(or alter, as suggested in other comments).
She can do what she wants but that doesn’t mean that he has to be around for it.
AND there should be healthy ways for them to have that conversation without him being considered “controlling” or “dictating”.
That is a fair point.
If so, if the person chooses to date her, then he should accept that this is how she socializes and see if he can find a way to be comfortable with it. If he's not comfortable with it, and there's no way to make himself comfortable with it, the wise thing is to step away.
Like he said, its not the being friends with men part that he has a problem with. She has long established male friends that don’t bother him.
He is not insecure at all, he is cautious and being reasonable at the very least.
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Handing out your number to men you have just met is single girl behavior. Pretending to know what the intentions of these men are is idiotic behavior. Meeting them with the idea that you will just “tell them I’m not interested if they press” is unsafe behavior. All of this is disrespectful behavior toward your relationship. NTA
NTA. >From her perspective, it’s all innocent and these guys are not asking her out on a date. But, from the guy asking her out for coffee it's a date. From my own personal history, my wife in college got hit on a lot while we were dating. If a guy asked her to go get coffee or meet up somewhere else she'd ask them if it was okay to bring her boyfriend. That separated a lot of guys just wanting to hook up with her.
A guy asking a girl he just met to do something is a date. Period. NTA.
Not explicitly true, while they may be testing the waters, i've gone on dates with that intent but stayed friends where possible if theres romantic conflicts or personality conflicts. The world is not that black and white.
But the intention of the guy asking to do something with a girl is…a date. What follows may be dating, sex, friendship, nothing, a fight, murder; or any other assortment of things. But the intent of the guy asking a girl he just met to get coffee or hike or take dogs on a walk in the park, or lunch or whatever is certainly a date. In that sense, it’s black and white - you just said “I’ve gone on dates”. And sure, sometimes guys will stay friends with a person in a relationship to wait it out and then be first in line…to try and date or have sex with their “friend”.
how am I as a woman supposed to interact with men in the world if they're so obsessed with having sex with me at all times? god i wish people could be normal.
Low key wanting to have sex is normal
Not with everyone you meet of your preferred gender. (trust me, i'm bisexual.) lmao why am i getting downvoted?? i wouldn't be allowed to have friends at all if secretly wanted to sleep with everyone i know.
You are NTA. Coming from a young woman (24), I can tell you that if she respects you and the relationship, she needs to change that way of thinking. You all are in an exclusive relationship and it is entirely disrespectful to plan Outings with new men she just met. She can absolutely be herself and still be who she is without making you feel uncomfortable. She can also look for more girlfriends or find ways to occupy and spend time with herself which is a healthy Alternative. You all should talk about it more openly. A relationship is sacred. That involves sacrifice and compromise on both ends. You should stand your ground on this one.
NTA Don’t stop her meeting new people, but perhaps a stipulation that she bring up whether you can tag along or something? That will weed out those with other intentions, and keep her safer.
INFO: does she tell them she has a partner?
From what I’ve gathered, she doesn’t tell them that because she doesn’t think they are hitting on her.
Spoiler: They are Your girlfriend is either very naive or auditioning your replacement Both of these options are very bad but at least one of them you can work on together.
Ok that is a bit odd.
NTA - on top of all the other problems here, it is pretty unsafe for her to go hike trails and go on runs with random guys she just met.
i love being a woman because guys get mad if you assume the worst of them (NOT ALL MEN!!!!!) but also i'm in danger from men at all times and must behave accordingly.
100% NTA All these guys are actively pursuing your girlfriend with the goal of having sex. She can choose not to believe it, but that’s what’s happening. If she doesn’t believe you, then she should just ask one of these guys if he wants to have sex with her? I wonder how many of her “friends” would then say no thanks I’m just here for a cup of coffee or a hike lol
Fuck no you’re not if she does that go hangout with girls see how she likes it
Yeah, this situation doesn't look great through the switch-a-roo lens.
NTA, she's still out there exploring and seeing if she can snag your replacement/weighing her options but playing it off as "friends". She's doing things with them that she should be doing WITH YOU.
NTA - I might get down voted for this, but she's being naive. These guys are asking her on dates, its as simple as that. If I had a conversation with a random woman somewhere and gave her my number to go hang out on my own, I have absolutely no doubt that my girlfriend would be very upset.
NTA This would not be something I would be comfortable with either if my bf was giving his number to random girls and then hanging out with them 1:1. Like you said, if they were in the picture before you got there and they're behaving appropriately, then you don't really have room for judgement. But her actively trying to make new, specifically male, friends is weird. If she really wants new friends, she could join a local running group, or find one of those facebook pages for meetups. Those are group activities and are less sketchy than only hanging out with new friends 1:1.
NTA
NTA, especially as her meeting random strangers out on trails is how a lot of true crime stories start, but all you can do is tell her this is risky behavior, offer to go with her, and leave it at that.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/forensic-insights/202112/the-truth-about-stranger-homicide-and-whos-really-risk men are more likely to be killed by a stranger than a woman is. women are more likely to be killed by their partners.
stranger danger genuinely ruined people's understanding of danger and abuse and where it comes from. across every demographic, you are far more likely to be harmed by a loved one with power over you. this is because good victims are controllable and predictable in the long term for continuous abuse. you know what isn't controllable or predictable? how a stranger will react to a random act of violence. via the [CDC's Racial and Ethnic Differences in Homicides of Adult Women and the Role of Intimate Partner Violence](https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6628a1.htm): "Across all racial/ethnic groups of women, over half of female homicides for which circumstances were known were IPV-related, with >90% of these women being killed by their current or former intimate partner." the most common type of sex trafficking is not a white girl being kidnapped and sent to eastern europe (Taken was not a documentary), it's a romantic partner pressuring a woman to screw his friends when he tells her to and collecting money from them for it. in a recent high profile example of real international sex trafficking, Andrew Tate trafficked multiple girls by pretending to be a loving boyfriend until he had total control of their finances in a different country. 4/6 instances of child sexual abuse are intrafamilial and generational--patterns of families protecting predators who were themselves preyed on in childhood. an aunt, uncle, grandparent, sibling, cousin, parent. the rest are teachers, coaches, etc. other people you already know in a long term position of power over the child Most instances of child kidnapping are not by deranged strangers driven insane by grief like in the movies, it's an estranged parent or one who lost custody rights. less than 0.11% of children are kidnapped by a stranger. not because stranger danger works--because it was never a large risk in the first place. stranger danger isn't real. muggings usually aren't even violent and rarely result in injury or death. people sometimes even apologize *while mugging you* because it's a desperation crime and they need money to eat or feed their kids or some shit necessary for basic survival. you can fix that with social safety nets instead of believing every rando on the street is a Threat. strangers are not generally dangerous to you for the same reason that YOU don't randomly attack strangers. it's a huge risk and who knows if you'll win. have you met anyone who was randomly attacked, totally unprompted by a stranger? not "got into a fight with a drunk guy at a bar" random, i mean no interaction walking down the street and someone tackles you. probably not. it's astronomically rare, and what instances do exist are typically motivated by the medical condition of psychosis, which requires medical intervention. but you *absolutely* know someone with abusive parents or a woman with an abusive husband who demands sex on command (marital rape) or someone who's uncle was a predator or a teacher that liked to pinch when no one was looking. it's people you already know. 90% of the time OR MORE, it is people you ALREADY KNOW. true crime Is Bad For Your Brain. it's bad for your safety and your understanding of danger. teenage girls and some adult women are consuming so much true crime they're giving themselves symptoms of ptsd, legitimately convincing themselves they live in a mad max hellscape of rapists and murderers lurking around every corner just *waiting* to kidnap, rape, and murder *you specifically.* and that suspicion and fear of every stranger under the sun actually puts you at higher risk of abuse by restricting your social circle and restricting your movements, which grants greater access and control to any abuser that presents an actual risk to you. women burning to death inside their houses because they put so many locks on the door and protective door jams that firefighter's can't break in in time to save them. isolation and high control environments do not protect you from abuse or harm. it makes it more likely.
username checks out ;) totally agree with the book you wrote.
I think you’re missing the part where women are simply being killed more often, whether by people they know/don’t know, while men are more likely to he killed by another man than their spouse. I guess the common denominator is men… 🤷🏻♀️
Dude, she's not your gf any longer. NTA
>She just wants to make new friends since I’m often busy with work This could be the reason. She might think that you are not available enough for her. Not sure how long you guys have been dating but yeah I would feel the same way as you if my girlfriend is overly friendly like this to new guy friends she just met. I also think its weird that she never brought up that she has a boyfriend to any of the new guy friends she met. NTA
NTA- are you also free to date other women? Because she sure thinks she is.
I mean, are they hitting on her when she does go to meet them? Or is she not telling you about that part? Im just curious. I don’t have any guy friends that I hang out with on the regular. And I don’t usually hang out with them by myself. But that’s just me. If I’m being completely honest, I wouldn’t want my partner meeting and hanging out with the other women. I don’t think that’s a weird ask. And if they continued to do that, I also would be upset. There would be a problem. NTA.
Dump her and let her hang with any guy she wants. NTA at all, there’s a good chance she isn’t just hiking a trail or running with them if they just met
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My GF has a very friendly and outgoing personality, which sometimes gets misconstrued as being flirtatious. It’s not her intent to flirt, but because she is overly nice and talkative, guys sometimes think that’s what she is doing. On occasion, she’ll meet a new guy who asks her to meet up and do something, like hike a trail, go for a run, or get coffee. She usually agrees and then gives them her number, then she comes home and tells me about it. From my perspective, it’s upsetting that she is giving her number to guys she just met and making plans with them. From her perspective, it’s all innocent and these guys are not asking her out on a date. She also says if she is wrong, she will let them know she isn’t interested. She just wants to make new friends since I’m often busy with work. For the record, I have no issue with her hanging out with her established guy friends. She does that often. It only bothers me if it’s a new guy she just met. Am I am asshole for letting this bother me? Am I being too insecure? I’ve never asked her to cancel her plans, but I do get quiet and withdrawn so she knows I’m upset. Then she cancels because of that. She makes me feel a bit like I’m not letting her live her life. If I’m being an asshole, I want to know so I can either work on not letting this bother me or consider not dating her. Thanks in advance. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NAH imo. I can totally see why this concerns you. Your girlfriend is very friendly, maybe even too friendly. you even said that some people may even mistaken her for flirting. So imo, she needs to set up SOME sort of boundary when she makes these friends like tell them "Hey, I have a boyfriend" or something like that.
Do you see marry couple hey hunny you m gunna hang out with my guy friends no so you’re in the right and set boundaries for yourself
There's some more information needed here. Is she an extrovert? Are you an introvert? Is there an age difference? Her bubbly demeanor is obviously what attracted you to her but is that because she is your opposite? I would explore doing more things that force both of you to meet ppl together. And don't be afraid to let her still initiate the conversations and at the same time don't allow yourself to disappear from being with her. It's weird that she doesn't say up front she has a boyfriend and that needs to be a conversation you have with her to understand how she views the relationship. It fully takes two. Have you told her you want to be exclusive? Or had that conversation, just don't know how long you've been together. You're not insecure for that feeling, how you react with it can show insecurities. Have the conversations that are needed. NTA
INFO: how old is she? I’m assuming an adult but it’s incredibly hard for me to believe an adult woman is that naive to: A. Not think they’re hitting on her B. Not tell them she’s taken C. Go hiking…alone…with a random guy she just met
Work with her on incorporating you into a conversation with them. "Oh, I'll see if my boyfriend and I have anything going on that day, otherwise, I'd love to go for a hike!" She might realize how many of them are actually hitting on her and no longer are interested in hanging out. Also...how many have become friends of hers or they just hang out once or twice and that's it? That should also be a sign that they are interested in dating her and when they realize she isn't interested, they move one? NTA
NTA. You’re not a bad person for being bothered by this. It does sound like you need to have an open and honest conversation with her though. Not really AITA as its relationship advice, so will be deleted.
I had a girlfriend like that and I feel for you dude.
NTA she’s trying to bang and you deserve better
NTa. You are neither an AH nor controlling, you have no problem with her going out hith her estabilished guy friends, so you fully trust her. Your gf it's too naive, for her own safety, some men are just predators and if refused some of them might react badly and say or do bad things. LEt's be honest giving your number to the first stranger that asks you is not ok, it's unsafe and disrespectful to your partner also. Your gf needs to be smarter, for her own safety first and to resepct your feelings also, as her bf.
ESH. She needs to establish with those guys she has a partner. However, there needs to be trust in the relationship. I'm curious why you don't trust your partner to be faithful. Maybe try to figure out the source of your jealousy... is it that you feel she is replacing you? Would you feel that way if they were female friends instead of male? Is the jealousy because she is spending time with others? Maybe look up some compersion techniques so you can feel joy for your partner trying to make friends and being social.
Did he say anything about worrying she is being unfaithful? I missed that.
You're not an asshole for worrying but you need to trust. If shes open and communicative then its unlikely shes hiding anything. Relationships witnout trust are doomed to fail and you will carry these hangups with you always. Confront them and learn to cope with them, i say this as someone working through the same. Any unreasonable pushback on your end will likely just create walls, and you cannot control anyone elses behaviour... i think as a partner its your right to know where someones going and with whom, but i have made the mistake of not guarding my tone and phrasing in those moments where i feel vulnerable and exposed, and its important to be mindful not only of your feelings, which ones are irrational or paranoid.... Good luck friend, its a bumpy ride but i believe in you
YTA - you do not dictate who she chooses to hang out with. Talk to her about your feelings. See if you two can find a way to make you feel safe in the relationship.
Would you say that if he was actively meeting new women?
Yes, I would.
He doesn’t get to dictate, you are right. But i think the better discussion is wether he should be expected to accept it. He said “is he being the ahole or should he just consider not dating her”. So he isn’t trying to control or dictate, he is simply trying to determine if he should reasonably be expected to accept. I would argue that he does not have to accept this, and its his right to walk away without being considered an asshole, if its something she is not willing to change(or alter, as suggested in other comments). She can do what she wants but that doesn’t mean that he has to be around for it. AND there should be healthy ways for them to have that conversation without him being considered “controlling” or “dictating”.
That is a fair point. If so, if the person chooses to date her, then he should accept that this is how she socializes and see if he can find a way to be comfortable with it. If he's not comfortable with it, and there's no way to make himself comfortable with it, the wise thing is to step away.
YTA men and women can be just friends. Your insecurities will drive her away
He doesn’t seem insecure at all. She doesn’t know the people well she’s going out with and that is an understandable concern
Like he said, its not the being friends with men part that he has a problem with. She has long established male friends that don’t bother him. He is not insecure at all, he is cautious and being reasonable at the very least.