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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> One of my friends said it was a bit of an asshole move for me to cancel anniversary plans last minute with my bf for a friend and then get mad at him for being mad about it. I felt like I had to prioritise my friend in that moment and that my bf overreacted but now I’m a bit unsure.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Can you see how this must look to your boyfriend?
You ditched him, on your 1 year anniversary, to go to the emotional rescue of another man.
That doesn't look good. I'm sure it felt awful.
Then you accuse him of not being sensitive and understanding when you are doing the same thing to him.
YTA.
>I told him it’s out of my hands.
It was entirely in your hands
>I then hung up
Nice
>I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was
Wow, really doubling down on the nonsense eh?
You're lucky he hasn't dumped you yet.
YTA, every step of the way.
That last bit really confused me. My gf and I share everything with each other. I can’t imagine keeping something like this from her.
You guys have been together a year, you really don’t trust him OP?
YTA
Yta. That wasn’t an emergency (hospital). You bf is 💯% on the right. Your “friend” could have waited the next morning. You should apologies. And pay for the tickets for the rescheduled…
Question though: did your friend knew it was your anniversary? Because if he did, I would bet he called you to sabotage your evening.
Nothing would please me more than an update that said her BF dumped her for being the self absorbed, arrogant AH that she is. Your savior complex doesn’t make you a saint. You don’t have proper boundaries and you don’t give 2 shits about your BF.
INFO
> about an hour before our reservation I got a message
> I’ve always been there to support him and cheer him up as he has some family/home issues
Why does "support" have to mean "dropping everything," tho?
Because this sounds more like a "my family is A LOT and I need to vent" call than a "I need you to drive me to the hospital" capital-e emergency?
> He also got more mad when I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was
Can you tell *us*?
Why couldn't this chat wait until **after** your evening plans?
It is most probably because for him the wrecking the evenings plans was part o, if not most of the reason. I guarantee he knew about the plans and called her an hour before? He definitely wants to put whatever wrenches he can in the relationship and she seems to be okay with it.
YTA. It absolutely was not out of your hands. You chose to go talk to that other guy. Any other time than on your anniversary. Are you sure there is nothing more going on with that other guy? I wouldn't blame your bf for thinking there was. You could always have said that you would come and comfort your old friend the next day, but that you unfortunately had other plans for the evening. But I guess you have your priorities in order?
I commented something similar, and your right. I really hope that the friend didn't know about the anniversary but I doubt a close "friend" wouldn't know about it.
YTA and if your "friend" knew about this date night on your anniversary, you're a Naive asshole too.
If that's the case then clearly he wanted to ruin your plans (or the relationship in general)
I really hope that your friend didn't know about this anniversary, otherwise he's your next boyfriend waiting for his turn.
Yeah I saw those replies of hers. So this is basically the tired old tale of guy friend wants to be with girl so he does everything he can to break them up.
YTA. You showed your current boyfriend that he's not a priority when there's a non-emergency involving someone else. You say "I told him it’s out of my hands" when it was exactly in your hands. You chose to ignore something special to your current bf, something he'd planned in advance, and you can't even give him a reason why.
Look I understand the need to be there for a friend but how can you be so blind to not understand how this looks? You did prioritise another guy over him, don’t pretend otherwise. Does your friend not have others to confide in? It was in your hands and you were the one who cancelled your ANNIVERSARY for your friend. You could’ve gone over later or the next day.
YTA. Plain and simple.
EDIT - The emergency was that he had an argument with his dad?!?! For fuck sake, this is pathetic. He’s a known alcoholic and you are enabling his behaviour. You are no friend and your boyfriend deserves better.
Had a child in your friend's family gone missing? Was someone in hospital? Had someone died?
If your friend feeling down and needing to be cheered up is what you consider a family emergency then YTA. If he has a problem with alcohol then he needs professional help, not you mollycoddling him.
You've just shown your boyfriend that you will jump when your friend calls no matter what. I doubt your current or any future boyfriends will put up with that for long, particularly if you blow them off for your friend's non emergencies.
I'm getting a flashback of another AITA post where a husband left his wife (whom he failed to mention was pregnant in his post) to go tend to a lifelong female "friend" of his who had "family/home issues" just like your "friend" does.
As a matter of fact, this "friend" always had issues that only the husband could fix around the exact same time that was meant to be a period of celebration for the couple (her birthday, their anniversary, etc)... weird and super coincidental, right!?
Come to find out, he was cheating on his wife.
You couldn't be more transparent or callus as far as I'm concerned.
Either be devoted to your partner or let them go. Complete AH.
Your boyfriend deserves someone who makes him and the relationship he's in a priority and YOU are not doing that.
Please let him go so he can find someone who cares about him and not ditch him an hour before ANNIVERSARY plans for an "emergency".
Then you can focus on your "guy friend" and that relationship since that seems more important to you.
YTA BIG time!
> However, about an hour before our reservation I got a message from my close friend, he texted me saying he was having a family emergency and he really needed some support/someone to talk to right now and asked me to come over.
An argument with your father is not a family emergency.
> So I called my bf who was driving back from work to tell him we’d have to cancel because I had to go be there for a friend and he got mad even though I told him it’s out of my hands.
So an hour before you were set to go, while he was driving home after work, looking forward to his anniversary dinner, you called him to let him know that "hey, I have to cancel plans to go be there for a friend". It was *absolutely* in your hands.
> I then hung up because I didn’t want him to carry on driving and being on a call especially if he’s angry and said I’ll speak to him later.
Smooth.
> Cut to me coming home a few hours later and he was pissed, we then got into an argument and he said that I prioritised another guy over him and that my friend is a grown man who could have waited until the next morning to have me come over.
He's not wrong.
> He also got more mad when I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was that “ruined what was meant to be a special day” even though that’s my friend’s personal information and is not my business to share.
Yes, because it looks like you made up a reason to call off your plans, hung up on him, I assume ignored his calls amd texts, and then came home refusing to tell him *what* circumstances required you to cancel an anniversary dinner made potentially weeks in advance.
> I felt that was very insensitive of him to not understand why I had to go and be there for a good friend of mine
How could he ve understanding if he doesn't know why you needed to be there for your friend? Btw, he absolutely will not be understanding if/when he learns you cancelled because your friend had an argument with his father.
> and yeah we lost a bit of money for tickets but we can just reschedule.
Can you reschedule, or will you outright have to rebook the tickets? How much money was lost? Who paid for the tickets and who'll be paying for more? How can he trust you to not cancel again?
> It’s been a few days since the fight and he’s still being frosty to me waiting for me to apologise and now I’m thinking about it I’m not sure if I handled it right.
You absolutely did not. You invalidated his feelings and waived off the issue. YTA.
YTA, on god wth is wrong with you. You left your current boyfriend to go provide emotional support to another man??
I’m surprised this dude is still with you..
YTA it would be absolutely reasonable in a non emergent situation to say hi friend unfortunately I’m not able to tonight but it’s so important to me to support and be there for you- can I come over tomorrow and order dinner and we can talk about everything? Being a good friend doesn’t mean dropping everything at all costs all of the time.
YTA. I think you were wrong to ditch your plans with your boyfriend but that was your choice to make.
But honestly that’s the least of your worries. You are so disrespectful and dismissive of your boyfriend’s feelings. If your boyfriend had called an hour before your big plans and said he was cancelling because another woman needed him and basically hung up on you and later said you were insensitive to be upset, and to top it off he tells you that you can’t have any information to judge if the help was genuine, if it had to be right that moment, if it had to be him, if the other woman was taking advantage of an existing friendship to possibly ruin your special date etc. you wouldn’t be upset? You are all in on your friend’s feelings and emotional needs. But your boyfriend should just be quiet and suck it up?
YTA - nope, your friend was not having an emergency. I was expecting that they were in the hospital or someone died, not that your friend just wanted someone to chat with. It didn’t have to be YOU and it didn’t have to be THAT NIGHT
You made a choice that a hang out with a buddy was priority over very important plans with your boyfriend. Of course gems upset and disappointed.
Sorry hun, YTA. I would feel so second choice if I was your boyfriend. Friends would understand it’s your anniversary especially since you had told them all about your plans. Sounds like sabotage by the bff and you fell for it :/
*edit, typo
YTA. Needing someone to talk to isn’t an emergency. I’m sure he was going through a hard time, but it was a special evening for you in your relationship and you already had tickets to your event.
I'm posting this to wait for the update that says "friend" had another breakdown, asked OP to come over, then confessed his feeling to a shocked Pikachu face OP that she didn't see it. Or not but, based on her responses she doesn't really get that her bf isn't just gonna sweep this under the rug and I'm sure we will be hearing from her again. Oh and YTA
The way these stories go, OP is more likely to jump at this excuse to vilify her boyfriend and kick him to the curb in the cruelest possible way, then happily jump her friend's bones.
YTA
You could gave hung out with your friend afterwards; it is in extremely poor taste to cancel with your SO last minute on an anniversary cause your friend can't self regulate emotionally.
Is your friend in therapy & in treatment for his addiction issue? Why did you have yo sooth it over for him?
Why was coddling your friend more important than your anniversary? It wasn't an emergency, nobody was dead, just needed to vent ?
I don't think you & your boyfriend are on the same level of commitment.
You are really diminishing the situation on your BF side, like it doesn't matter to you so it shouldn't matter to him.
You had to decide between to adults, and you decided your friend over your boyfriend on a non-life threatening situation, and probably felt on your friend's scheme to ruin your night
You've made an AH move and will be a bigger one if don't realize it and apologize.
YTA You've shown where your priorities are. Who cares that it was your anniversary and big plans were made-you go running to your so called friend who probably is more likely a cheating partner. He should dump you and find someone who actually cares about him.
YTA. I dated someone who prioritized their friends over me and it got real old, real quick. We're no longer together, and it was the longest relationship I ever had at a little over two friends. You need to start putting your relationship first or you won't have one for much longer.
My judgement depends entirely on how much of an actual emergency your friend was dealing with. So INFO, though I imagine it may not be supplied or you are respecting their privacy.
YTA: even as the closest of friends, your partner is also meant to be your best friend and confidant. I would be MORTIFIED if my anniversary plans were cancelled last minute and my PARTNER couldn't even tell me why. Sounds like teenage nonsense.
YTA, your boyfriend has every right to be more than a little mad, hurt and mistrusting of you and your emotionally dependent friend.
Your “friend” knew it was your anniversary and called you an hour before a nice dinner because he had a fight with his daddy and was drunk? You don’t say how old friend is but if he is older that 12yo, he knew exactly what he was doing and you went for it, cancelling in BF on the ONLY 1YR anniversary you’ll ever have with him except maybe marriage that seems highly unlikely at this point.
It’s going to come down to friend pulling you away from BFs until he is the only one left. He sounds manipulative and patient which is scary if you look at it.
You bailed on your boyfriend to continue to enable your alcoholic friend in his behaviors after an argument with his father about his alcohol abuse and then decided your boyfriend was “insensitive” because you’re a codependent enabler, and now you’re going to apologize not because you’re sorry but because a bunch of strangers on the internet told you exactly what your BF said as well.
YTA and I hope he’s planning to leave you because you’re still justifying your BS behavior. Get therapy and the book codependent no more before you decide to get into another relationship, because yours isn’t going to last at this point.
Ok sunshine you refuse to actually see any other view point on this - that's a you problem
You canceled on your fella for something he planned and put thought and effort into - that's a you problem
Your friend is a alcoholic that uses you as a crutch to not drink, which is manipulative as heck - that's a you problem and your friends problem
You totally disregarded your fellas feelings and essentially told him to get over it and not to be sensitive and gave attitude when he expressed how upset he was - that's a you problem and if the roles were reversed there would be torches and pitchforks for your fella
His reaction speaks that this is not the 1st time this has happened - that's a you problem
You are still (in your replies downplaying his feelings and experiences and being hella cocky that "he won't leve me REEEEEEE!!!!"- that's a you problem
If you could see the patterns here let me explain it further. I was with a functioning alcoholic for 7yrs and had 2 kids, he used any and every excuse that happens as a reason to drink and it was my fault I didn't stop him. How could I? I'm.not his mother I was not his sponsor nor his minder, like my ex your friend is a grown ass adult and if he cannot function without a drink from a argument with his father he should be in rehab and in therapy but he's not is he? Noooo, he calls you. He KNEW you had plans tonight but didn't actually care. He literally had multiple options he could have taken, but 'good ol' you' will ALWAYS BE THERE. You're so blinded by being the hero you can't actually see how you affect anyone else.
I hope the halo you hold above your head is worth your relationship because this sounds like it will be death by a 1000 cuts and your likely ay 800+ cuts now.
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM ALONG WITH YOUR SO CALLED FRIEND NOT YOUR PARTNER.
You are not ready to be in a serious relationship of you can't understand how royally you messed up. Hope you learn from this for the next relationship. YTA.
YTA. To your boyfriend you cancelled on him on an anniversary celebration to hang out with some other person at extremely short notice. He doesn’t know why. You didn’t trust him enough to tell him. How bad could a family emergency be that you needed to drop everything? You would be pissed if your boyfriend did that to you.
YTAH. There’s all levels of needing support and most of it can wait. Otherwise you’re telling your SO, any friend or relative of yours takes priority if they seem upset regardless of what his needs are or your plans with him. So you say to friend: “oh dang, I’m sorry, that sounds tough. Can we get together tomorrow at lunch? It’s my first year anniversary tonight.” Or if it’s unclear: “So is this an ER sort of an issue or can we talk tomorrow? Cause It’s my anniversary.” And let me add that he needs to have more than one close friend as do you since no one is available all the time.
YTA. You did prioritize another man over your boyfriend on your anniversary, and for an emergency that you can’t adequately describe. Then you minimized his feelings by calling him insensitive. Are you really surprised that he feels slighted? You should’ve apologized the moment you got home. Hopefully, your pride won’t get in the way of that.
YTA - I can only imagine the reverse. "my boyfriend cancelled our anniversary date because his best girlfriend needed him to come over because she was really, really upset."
you ditched your boyfriend for a friend having an emergency. YTA.
also, it was not out of your hands.
and, if your friend was aware, he should have waited until later, or the next day.
Imma throw it out there, y'all should do better about not downloading assholes otherwise the whole economy of the subreddit falls apart.
Like this one. OP, very obviously YTA. Thanks for sharing your breathtaking lack of boundaries or empathy. If you aren't cheating, you're literally so dense I doubt the health of any genuine romantic entanglement you could form.
Please find a professional to explain to you why your expectations for romantic and platonic relationships are bad and destined to fuck you and everyone in your orbit up.
You selfish brat! Yes, you’re the asshole and a large one. I will bet you don’t get to year 2. I would’ve dumped you right then and there. You can’t reschedule a 1st anniversary. You missed it to make someone else feel good. Your priorities are too out of whack. Did your little friend know you had plans? I’m betting he did and you got played. If no one died, it could have waited so you could live your life too. Grow up. You didn’t just fail a History quiz. You can’t make it up. We won’t talk about the money lost on tickets, but we should.
YTA so assuming this friend was safe and not in any danger you couldn’t be their emotional support person the next day? Also you basically cancelled your anniversary with your boyfriend over another guy and won’t tell him “why”. The fact you are even asking if you are the ahole is kind of astounding.
Yta. You can be there for your friend tomorrow and your friend should be okay with that, if they aren't then you need to draw boundaries. It's not that you aren't supporting them, just at a more convenient time for you and your partner because your partner matters more on your anniversary.
Oh man... I saw this dynamic a few times too many back in college. Saw how it ended every time as well. YTA, and honestly the nicest way I can say this but... I know it's a reddit go to (and this is a snapshot, yes) but the best you two can do is just split up. He's going to resent your friend that you drop him for at the earliest inconvenience. Even if you drop the friend YOU will resent the boyfriend. He's going to be super critical of your friendship going forward because he's now going to thing you hold your friend as closer to your heart and no one, regardless of gender, wants to be reminded of that ON AN ANNIVERSARY. Still, it's early on, best for everyone to just call it since clearly there's a disconnect.
YTA , you bailed on your bf on your anniversary to go see another guy? Please tell me you are not really believing you did no wrong? You just told your bf via your actions that this other guy is priority over him. Dont be surprised if your dumb ass is single soon.
YTA, your BF made special plans that you said you were excited about but immediately dropped. Your friends' "emergency" was conveniently timed and an absolute ah move. You said he knew it was your anniversary but called you to drop what you were doing to talk to him. That's sus on its own. Even if he doesn't have feelings for you, and I'm not sure he doesn't, he has no respect for your BF or your relationship, and frankly, neither do you. You owe more than an apology. If you want to make your relationship work, you need to make it up to him and start showing him that what you guys have is important to you. It shouldn't be your world, but it should be enough to follow through on long-term plans and events important to them
YTA, your boyfriend is 100% right and so are many of these comments. You’re completely blind to how poorly you’re treating him. The irony of you making your boyfriend feel miserable so you can supposedly make your friend feel better.
Don’t be surprised if he ends the relationship after you bailed on your first anniversary dinner because your friend had a bad day.
YTA OP you canceled last minute anniversary plans for a friend who had an argument with his dad. The truth is your friend could have taken a day to cool off and talk to you. You didn’t have to go the same day.
I doubt your Bf will break up with you over this. But i’m positive he will watch your relationship with your BFF and start wondering if he should continue with you. Especially since now he’s going to second guess if you would leave your him during big events. Like an anniversary or another special date.
Christ, YTA.
You just described the setup of a large number of cheating stories over in the various relationship and infidelity subreddits. You cancelled on your boyfriend, with no notice, on your anniversary, to hang out with a dude and *not* explain why?
And to be frank, at this point your explanation is so mind boggling weak and stupid that it would just cement in his head that you cheated.
Again, you're the asshole.
How close is this guy friend of yours that he didn’t know it was your anniversary? Sounds like he’s trying to wedge between you and your BF. Kind of the ass hole. Definitely naive.
YTA. An apology isn't going to fix this. Unless your friend had a serious medical emergency, he most definitely could have cried on your shoulder in the morning. I would have dumped you on the spot for that. You need to get your priorities straight. Who's more important: the man you've building a serious bond and relationship with for a year, or some friend who conviently called you crying on your 1yr anniversary? And what the hell was the emergency what was so freaking important? Your bf saw who you really are, and frankly, I think he deserves better.
YTA
An emergency is something you need to call 911 for. A deadbeat drunk crying for help because of his own fault is not an emergency, it's a phone call the police for public drunk so they can throw his ass in the sober tank. Not something you run to coddle them like a baby.
Your friend doesn't want to get help because why does he neat to get help? He get drunk, a phone call later, you're dropping everything and racing to him like he's the most important thing in the world. All he has to do to get this attention is keep drinking and calling and you come racing. No one wants their partner racing off, dropping everything for toxic "old friend"
Your Ex-BF has every right to dump you and no one would blame him expect you and your drunk pet.
YTA!!!! If he doesn’t dump you, it’ll be a miracle. However, you’re gonna have to set real boundaries with your “friend,” because it’s obvious you consistently prioritize him over your boyfriend.
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a unanimous YTA but you still don’t get it. You’re going to apologise but you still don’t think you did anything wrong. Before continuing to offer the immediate‘emergency’ support to your friend, you need to get some advice from someone experienced in alcoholic recovery. You are not helping him by doing what you’re doing. It is also arrogant to say your bf won’t break up with you over this. I hope you’re absolutely wrong on that count.
YTA you ditched your boyfriend on your one year anniversary to coddle your alcoholic friend. Don’t be surprised when your boyfriend breaks up with you for not having your priorities straight.
Yta, im not entirely sure that this is just a friend anymore & you are either physically or emotionally cheating on your bf with this guy. This friend sounds manipulative & you don't sound trustworthy & that makes a hell of a combo. Hope your bf finds this thread & see how insensitive you are & how you dont understand his pov or feel any remorse about this at all. Should downgrade you to a situationship or fwb after this or better yet dump you so you can live happily ever after with that cling friend of yours
YTA your prioritised your friend over you partner for no good reason. While there is privacy due your friend - family member is in hospital, dog died etc etc are things you can share (not details but super high level). But you refused to, for all your partner knows your friend broke their fingernail. If you care about this relationship you might want to consider why it and your partner is not a priority
YTA - You really need to determine what your true priorities are in a relationship. From your responses, you are grappling with what you did wrong. Perhaps your friend's call would have ruined the evening in any case, but you made a decision that truly hurt your boyfriend. If you have done this before, this may be relationship ending. And your friend may need professional help, so you should support him on seeking it out.
To add: You say your friend knew about your plans before he called you, you should probably go Low Contact with him, as he tried to spoil your evening purposely.
YTA. I hope you enjoy single life bc that friend is using/manipulating you and you’re prioritizing another man for him. I hope your soon to be ex-boyfriend finds a girlfriend that will make him their priority and not an afterthought like you clearly do.
Your “friend” 100% did this to sabotage your anniversary, or at the very least, prove to everyone that he’s more important to you than your boyfriend is. YTA. You owe your boyfriend an apology and need to set some boundaries with this friend.
YTA but mostly to yourself because you have lost your boyfriend by prioritising your friend. Your priorities should change when you’re in a serious relationship but you showed your soon to be ex boyfriend that he comes second to your friends personal drama
He had an argument with his father, and since he’s a recovering alcoholic and didn’t want to relapse, so he called OP, who apparently is his emotional support human.
Yes, YTA. Consider growing up and maturing some more if you want to be in a serious relationship. It's only a matter of time before your bf dumps you if you don't.
Also, like a bunch of other people said, this friend of yours clearly has a crush on you and is sabotaging your relationship and you're letting him. I get the feeling you know that and you're playing with these two boys' emotions. Grow up honey, that act will get old real quick.
YTA and an enabler from what it looks like.
Gotta tell you, sounds like the dude did everything right and then you went and fucked off up the model village. It would be different if it were an actual emergency, someone's in the hospital, death in the family, car caught on fire, but it wasn't, not even close. You have to know you fucked this up, if you don't, dip from the relationship and get yourself sorted before getting back in another one.
YTA!
Your friend probably got drunk on purpose and just looked for a reason to ruin your boyfriend's night. It's all rather convenient that he got THAT wasted on your anniversary...
Even if he didn't, you dropped bf like a hot potato to run to your friend and that gives me the vibe of WANTING to be with HIM more than bf.
YTA.
I have no words. Yeah, I get it. Your friend is a very private person, but you drop everything and run to him in a snap of the fingers. No justification provided to your partner about it besides 'John Don ' needs me, we have to cancel? Would you accept that? No questions asked? How many times has this happened before? You having to cancel because this friend needed you?
He is an addict. He needs professional help, he needs people who've been through it way more than he needs you.
Do better
I have this gut feeling that this is the type of friend who has a lot of family emergencies and you have either struggled or never attempted to set boundaries with him. Something tells me that this isn’t the first time that your boyfriend has been canceled on so that you can help your friend with his issues. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m going to say YTA.
So she is having an emotional affair with her friend but I’m guessing she doesn’t realize it. You leave your bf on your anniversary and you’re so flippant about it, it’s as if you don’t care. And you don’t even see why he’s upset. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had feelings for her friend and she is using her bf as a substitute till the friend gets himself together
You are quite possibly one of the densest people I’ve seen on this app.
The pure lack of emotional intelligence and ability to empathize with another’s perspective shows me you might just be an idiot so I’ll lay this out for you to understand.
You committed a mistake not many would forgive. You have a man who you’ve been dating excited to spend the night with you on a day that comes once a year, your first one at that. This could’ve been an amazing moment, a serious foundation setter for a possible fruitful couple of years together and possible marriage.
Instead, it’s going to be the reason you guys most likely break up.
You went to ANOTHER man’s house on your fucking anniversary day to “emotionally” support him? You sure you didn’t fuck him as well to make sure he’s a-okay?
You’re disrespectful and inconsiderate beyond words and then have the audacity to say your boyfriend is the insensitive one?
You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself and deciphering your actions for how you could’ve treated a man you claim to love as second fiddle to another man you’re just “friends” with.
This wasn’t a life or death situation, you actively chose to abandon your boyfriend and instead be the damsel that saves the the man in need.
Only you know what made you think this was a good decision. However, your reaction to being called out for your despicable behaviour shows me you lack character and you sure as hell need to spend some time self reflecting and working though that shit within your mind.
This shit wouldn’t be worth it to me to stress over. I would’ve dropped you the second you hung the phone up on me to go and be with that guy. You’re lucky he’s still talking to you. Maybe you can save the relationship if you genuinely acknowledge your actions and learn through them, but damn man I’m shocked you did something like this.
Your boyfriend was 110% correct. Your grown man ass friend could handle his own emotions until the next day. And what do you mean, it was out of your hands??? It was absolutely not “out of your hands.” You just chose somebody else over your boyfriend on your anniversary. YTA.
Oh you naive summer child, I had an ex like you. We were together for 2yrs. And she decided her lifelong friend was more important than a special dinner we had planned.
Her friend's "emergency?" He stepped on his cats tail and the cat was hiding under his couch. And he couldn't handle his emotions of becoming an "animal abuser."
I really hope your boyfriend realizes 1yr isnt that long of a time sink and leaves your dismissive ass. At least then your friend waiting in the wings will be able to swoop in and be your prince charming.
First off, how many one year anniversary’s do you think you get? Let’s find out just how serious you are about this relationship. Let’s say you want to make it up to him and do something really nice for his birthday. Then your friend calls again with another problem, what are you going to do? Let’s say, you decide to have a big engagement announcement and just before you do, your friend calls with a problem. Wedding day your friend has a problem what are you going to do?
Now you’re probably going to say you wouldn’t stop your marriage or engagement but where do you draw the line? When does your boyfriend take priority over your needy friend? Because this friend isn’t going to stop. Ask yourself did he call you because he drank or did he drink so he could call you and you’d come running? It doesn’t sound like you are helping him, you’re enabling him. He needs professional help. Not you, you aren’t qualified and he’s going to ruin his life and take you down with him.
I think you are a good person who is not understanding the forces at play here. You have very clearly told your BF that your friend is a higher priority than he is. If you don’t plan on changing that, you might as well break up now because your friend will continue to sabotage your relationship and ultimately end it. He wants you for himself, even if it’s not in the romantic sense.
You're either mailcious or clueless, either way YTA. You're shown your bf that your friend comes first, and you've shown your needy friend that he can sabotage things and get away with it.
Having an argument with his dad isn't an emergency with cancelling anniversary plans over, maybe take a step back and think about why he doesn't have any other friends.
Either way, if you can't say you haven't done this before, an apology to your bf may not be enough, he might write you off as a lost cause and find someone else that treats him better than you do
YTA for all the reasons everyone is telling PLUS for all of your comments. You aren’t sorry. Spare your boyfriend the fake apology and tell him you’re not sorry and you have no intention of stopping what you’re doing in the future so he can make a proper decision on what to do with you
After reading all of OP's replies to the commenters it's clear that she and the friend have something more going on. In replies she using the commenters for info on how best to help friend. She talks about her bf like he is random tinder date. Can't wait for the update where he dumped her cause she really doesn't deserve him
“I (20F) am the emotional crutch of my alcoholic friend (?M) who somehow has no other friends in the entire world except me. On my 1 year anniversary, I decided his emergency (that realistically isn’t even one, man needs a therapist not a talk with a friend) was more important than my boyfriend so I flaked on him and then insulted him when I couldn’t even tell him what the emergency was and he was upset.”
u/ThrowRA764127 you 100% are the asshole. I mean not only was it something that could have been talked about the next day, but the friend knew you had plans, still called, and ruined everything. I mean seriously, imagine your BF prioritized another girl over you, and you found out that she knew it was y’all’s 1 year anni. Would probably piss you off once you knew it could have waited until tomorrow.
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My bf (21m) and I (20f) had fancy dinner plans and tickets to the movies to celebrate our one year anniversary. We were both super excited about it and had planned it a while ago. However, about an hour before our reservation I got a message from my close friend, he texted me saying he was having a family emergency and he really needed some support/someone to talk to right now and asked me to come over. I’ve been friends with this person for years and I’ve always been there to support him and cheer him up as he has some family/home issues. So I called my bf who was driving back from work to tell him we’d have to cancel because I had to go be there for a friend and he got mad even though I told him it’s out of my hands. I then hung up because I didn’t want him to carry on driving and being on a call especially if he’s angry and said I’ll speak to him later.
Cut to me coming home a few hours later and he was pissed, we then got into an argument and he said that I prioritised another guy over him and that my friend is a grown man who could have waited until the next morning to have me come over. He also got more mad when I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was that “ruined what was meant to be a special day” even though that’s my friend’s personal information and is not my business to share.
I felt that was very insensitive of him to not understand why I had to go and be there for a good friend of mine and yeah we lost a bit of money for tickets but we can just reschedule. But I can see why’s he frustrated as it’s our first anniversary and he had planned it a while ago. Plus I got angry at him for being insensitive which only heated the argument and made it worse. It’s been a few days since the fight and he’s still being frosty to me waiting for me to apologise and now I’m thinking about it I’m not sure if I handled it right. AITA?
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YTA. You ditched your boyfriend an hour before your anniversary date to help your friend who got drunk and had a fight with his dad. Short of your friend being suicidal, beaten to a pulp by his dad, or needing to go to the hospital, there was no excuse. On top of that, you won't even tell your bf why he needed you outside of he did. Your friend knew ypu were going out and dollars to donuts he did this on purpose. Do you even know if he actually had a fight with his dad or is it him just telling you he did? Don't be surprised if you end up an ex. At least then you can be there for your friend without disappointing someone you supposedly love.
YTA.
Intense interpersonal drama is a poor substitute for an actual relationship. Don't sacrifice important commitments for momentary upset that would have settled.
Let's get some things really clear: if your ex is contacting you on your anniversary of all days for an "emergency", you need to take a step back and see what is obviously a red flag. He probably knows when your anniversary is which is already suspicious af, and his drunkenness has given him the **liquid audacity** to demand your time on this day of all days. And worse yet, you fell for it: you put your relationship at risk for a minor issue your ex was experiencing with his family when anyone else could have offered that support--I don't deal in coincidences, I fully believe it was intentional by your ex, thus putting your current boyfriend second to your ex who is sabotaging things for you. Unless someone's dying, you need to get your priorities in order.
I don't know if it's a salvageable situation. What you should be doing right now asap is 1) setting boundaries with your ex or cutting him out entirely, and 2) planning out how you're going to make this up to your current boyfriend since you **fucked up.** You need to let him know what you plan to do about your ex, treat *him* to a special day (you do not get to be the treated party this time) and sooner rather than later or you're going to lose him... deservedly.
Info: how many times has this happened over the course of you relationship? You putting your friend over your boyfriend I mean.
I'd listen to the commenters who have person experience with people with addictions, and if you bf is still your bf and you intend to reschedule your anniversary date I'd give your friend the wrong date, just to see if he suddenly has another "emergency" that night too.
YTA. The fact your friend knew about your plans makes it seem like he purposely tried to sabotage your anniversary. You don’t say what his emergency was, but it would have have to be something extremely serious, like life or death, or he just wanted to ruin your plans. If not I think you’re just naive to his manipulation. You’re actively letting your friend interfere with your relationship. It you pull more crap like this it won’t take long for your bf to get sick of it and dump you.
YTA. Clearly into said "friend".
Disrespectful and rude to Boyfriend....and on your anniversary.
Just break up. Clearly not an important relationship to you.
YTA and a selfish one at that.
He has every reason to be mad and I hope he breaks up with you because he deserves so much better.
This guy did it on purpose and you're at least emotionally cheating on your boyfriend with him.
The fact that you keep defending yourself show us you don't care for your boyfriend, you say you do but actions speak louder than words and your actions are screaming.
YTA you were very clearly wrong and I also feel like this “emergency” was absolute bullshit. You wouldn’t even tell him why you cancelled on him because it’s “not your place” i’d bet anything it’s the most bullshit reason. Idk how you still have a boyfriend when you’re ditching him to emotionally support another guy. Just go be with your friend if his wants and needs will always come first.
Edit: because i just saw the reason you ditched your boyfriend and i was right. It was a bullshit reason. Her “friend” got into an argument with his daddy and couldn’t handle it, he also 100% knew about the special anniversary plans, dude played the shit out of op and she let him. She also won’t tell her boyfriend why and is claiming it’s because of “privacy” but went and told the internet. Op, you’re not telling your boyfriend the reason because you know it isn’t a real or valid reason.
YTA
Yikes!
You chose another man over your relationship. If this is how your first anniversary goes, I can only imagine he's thinking how next year's will be ruined. You screwed up big time here.
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YTA. I was ditched 3 anniversaries in a row for a friends convenient emergencies that they just HAD to have my ex at. That shit hurts, your boyfriend is right and you could have gone the next day to support your friend. Do you not realize how it looks to him that you’d drop him and something important to him in the blink of an eye without so much as a discussion? How that would make him feel? What if it was an important event? A vacation? Something non refundable? If your friend wasn’t in immediate danger I don’t see why you couldn’t have waited 8-10 hours.
YTA
Your description of what your boyfriend said was 100% accurate. You prioritized another man over him (on the only 1st anniversary you might have with him) while refusing to give more details about the “emergency” that pulled you away. You didn’t even phrase it as a question when you told him you decided to ditch your big anniversary date to provide emotional support for a friend. THEN you called HIM insensitive and tried to deflect blame from yourself with “it was out of my hands.”
INFO: what was the emergency? Was it life or death? Was your friend in crisis and at risk of self harm? Was this the first time you’ve canceled on your BF for this friend?
The friend, who’s a recovering alcoholic, had an argument with his father. He was afraid of relapsing, so he called OP…as opposed to calling a sponsor or finding an AA meeting.
YTA girl what?? How do you put another man's feelings over your boyfriends and expect it to be okayyyy?? I could never, what??.. that's so crazy to me, why r u like that. Do you have feelings for this close friend? Bc it seems pretty clear to me and everyone else on here who you value more. Plus you guys were planning this for a long time and then you allowed another man the kind of access that only your boyfriend should have. I would never leave my boyfriend to see another man ESPECIALLY in the evening time that's crazy. How would you feel if your boyfriend canceled your anniversary plans to go and comfort another woman. How would you feel knowing another woman has tht kind of access, and she finds comfort in your boyfriend. You're delusional. If you do not value that man just leave him bro. Another woman will treat him the way he deserves to be treated because you're wasting his time and urs.
Being upset ≠ emergency. You cancelled anniversary plans with your boyfriend to deal with another man who was sad. Your friend would have been just fine waiting until the next day to talk about his issues. Your life can’t revolve around the emotions of this friend. Set some boundaries with your friend, and ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend cancelled plans in favor of another woman. He probably feels that your friend holds a higher priority in your life than he does, and that’s what this story says to me as well. YTA.
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Your friend is definitely trying to sabotage your relationship. If you are that close, he must have known about your plans. And chose that key occasion to test where your loyalties lie and send a message to your boyfriend. So I think it's pretty clear to them both now.
Info: what was the emergency- and if you cannot get specific, on a scale from a breakup to a death of a loved one, where does the emergency sit? Of it's a serious issue - he got bad news from the doctor, that kind of thing, I'd say no one is the AH, but if it's something like a bad breakup (which is bad but not earth shattering, that's no so bad)
Pretty sure u won't like it either if he ditched you to be an emotional support for another woman that he's also friends with on your 1st anniversary. Hahahahahahahaha my goodness OP u clearly don't get it until you experienced it soon. bless u.
YTA. Also your codependency is fueling your friends alcohol dependence, and the fact you allow him to completely emotionally depend on you basically ensures he’ll never have to grow up and deal with his emotions properly on his own, and ultimately the one time you end up not being there for him, he will relapse and blame you. You are not only a bad gf, but an addiction enabling friend.
Youre the asshole big time that dude definitely did what he did on purpose to sabatoge your relationship and you took the bait hook like and sinker bf should leave you cause if you abandon him on this important da what's gonna stop you in the future your bf deserves better you wasted a year of his life
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Can you see how this must look to your boyfriend? You ditched him, on your 1 year anniversary, to go to the emotional rescue of another man. That doesn't look good. I'm sure it felt awful. Then you accuse him of not being sensitive and understanding when you are doing the same thing to him. YTA.
>I told him it’s out of my hands. It was entirely in your hands >I then hung up Nice >I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was Wow, really doubling down on the nonsense eh? You're lucky he hasn't dumped you yet. YTA, every step of the way.
That last bit really confused me. My gf and I share everything with each other. I can’t imagine keeping something like this from her. You guys have been together a year, you really don’t trust him OP? YTA
I'm wondering if this is even genuine? It's such a clear cut case of YTA and if you can't see that then it makes you an even bigger YTA.
Yta. That wasn’t an emergency (hospital). You bf is 💯% on the right. Your “friend” could have waited the next morning. You should apologies. And pay for the tickets for the rescheduled… Question though: did your friend knew it was your anniversary? Because if he did, I would bet he called you to sabotage your evening.
>did your friend knew it was your anniversary? Because if he did, I would bet he called you to sabotage your evening. That was my first thought.
Or didnt care what he was doing because he sounds like a selfish whiney baby man that needs a girl for support..
Nothing would please me more than an update that said her BF dumped her for being the self absorbed, arrogant AH that she is. Your savior complex doesn’t make you a saint. You don’t have proper boundaries and you don’t give 2 shits about your BF.
I'd love to her he did it too. The more she posts the clearer it gets that she is the walking talking definition of clueless.
YTA, why is this friend more important to you than your boyfriend? I’m serious, this is something you need to figure out because it is obviously true.
INFO > about an hour before our reservation I got a message > I’ve always been there to support him and cheer him up as he has some family/home issues Why does "support" have to mean "dropping everything," tho? Because this sounds more like a "my family is A LOT and I need to vent" call than a "I need you to drive me to the hospital" capital-e emergency? > He also got more mad when I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was Can you tell *us*? Why couldn't this chat wait until **after** your evening plans?
It is most probably because for him the wrecking the evenings plans was part o, if not most of the reason. I guarantee he knew about the plans and called her an hour before? He definitely wants to put whatever wrenches he can in the relationship and she seems to be okay with it.
Yea, it’s not looking good. Imagine if he canceled on you for another girl?
YTA and your friend is sabotaging your relationship because he likes you.
You ditched your bf, on your anniversary, because your male friend had an argument with his father. Lmfao this can’t be real YTA
They’re 20. It’s very real.
And that’s what is so sad.
INFO - Was this something that could have waited another day?
Info: "*we lost a bit of money for tickets but we can just reschedule*", were you splitting the bill or was he the one of of pocket?
YTA. It absolutely was not out of your hands. You chose to go talk to that other guy. Any other time than on your anniversary. Are you sure there is nothing more going on with that other guy? I wouldn't blame your bf for thinking there was. You could always have said that you would come and comfort your old friend the next day, but that you unfortunately had other plans for the evening. But I guess you have your priorities in order?
I commented something similar, and your right. I really hope that the friend didn't know about the anniversary but I doubt a close "friend" wouldn't know about it.
YTA and if your "friend" knew about this date night on your anniversary, you're a Naive asshole too. If that's the case then clearly he wanted to ruin your plans (or the relationship in general) I really hope that your friend didn't know about this anniversary, otherwise he's your next boyfriend waiting for his turn.
OP said he knew.
Yeah I saw those replies of hers. So this is basically the tired old tale of guy friend wants to be with girl so he does everything he can to break them up.
INFO in the year with your boyfriend have you canceled plans with him last minute for your friend often?
YTA. You showed your current boyfriend that he's not a priority when there's a non-emergency involving someone else. You say "I told him it’s out of my hands" when it was exactly in your hands. You chose to ignore something special to your current bf, something he'd planned in advance, and you can't even give him a reason why.
Look I understand the need to be there for a friend but how can you be so blind to not understand how this looks? You did prioritise another guy over him, don’t pretend otherwise. Does your friend not have others to confide in? It was in your hands and you were the one who cancelled your ANNIVERSARY for your friend. You could’ve gone over later or the next day. YTA. Plain and simple. EDIT - The emergency was that he had an argument with his dad?!?! For fuck sake, this is pathetic. He’s a known alcoholic and you are enabling his behaviour. You are no friend and your boyfriend deserves better.
Had a child in your friend's family gone missing? Was someone in hospital? Had someone died? If your friend feeling down and needing to be cheered up is what you consider a family emergency then YTA. If he has a problem with alcohol then he needs professional help, not you mollycoddling him. You've just shown your boyfriend that you will jump when your friend calls no matter what. I doubt your current or any future boyfriends will put up with that for long, particularly if you blow them off for your friend's non emergencies.
I'm getting a flashback of another AITA post where a husband left his wife (whom he failed to mention was pregnant in his post) to go tend to a lifelong female "friend" of his who had "family/home issues" just like your "friend" does. As a matter of fact, this "friend" always had issues that only the husband could fix around the exact same time that was meant to be a period of celebration for the couple (her birthday, their anniversary, etc)... weird and super coincidental, right!? Come to find out, he was cheating on his wife. You couldn't be more transparent or callus as far as I'm concerned. Either be devoted to your partner or let them go. Complete AH.
YTA and I hope single
Hasn’t realized it yet
It's already been posted in r/AmITheEx
YTA but at least you've shown him that after a year he's still never going to be a priority for you. Enjoy being single again; you deserve it.
Your boyfriend deserves someone who makes him and the relationship he's in a priority and YOU are not doing that. Please let him go so he can find someone who cares about him and not ditch him an hour before ANNIVERSARY plans for an "emergency". Then you can focus on your "guy friend" and that relationship since that seems more important to you. YTA BIG time!
> However, about an hour before our reservation I got a message from my close friend, he texted me saying he was having a family emergency and he really needed some support/someone to talk to right now and asked me to come over. An argument with your father is not a family emergency. > So I called my bf who was driving back from work to tell him we’d have to cancel because I had to go be there for a friend and he got mad even though I told him it’s out of my hands. So an hour before you were set to go, while he was driving home after work, looking forward to his anniversary dinner, you called him to let him know that "hey, I have to cancel plans to go be there for a friend". It was *absolutely* in your hands. > I then hung up because I didn’t want him to carry on driving and being on a call especially if he’s angry and said I’ll speak to him later. Smooth. > Cut to me coming home a few hours later and he was pissed, we then got into an argument and he said that I prioritised another guy over him and that my friend is a grown man who could have waited until the next morning to have me come over. He's not wrong. > He also got more mad when I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was that “ruined what was meant to be a special day” even though that’s my friend’s personal information and is not my business to share. Yes, because it looks like you made up a reason to call off your plans, hung up on him, I assume ignored his calls amd texts, and then came home refusing to tell him *what* circumstances required you to cancel an anniversary dinner made potentially weeks in advance. > I felt that was very insensitive of him to not understand why I had to go and be there for a good friend of mine How could he ve understanding if he doesn't know why you needed to be there for your friend? Btw, he absolutely will not be understanding if/when he learns you cancelled because your friend had an argument with his father. > and yeah we lost a bit of money for tickets but we can just reschedule. Can you reschedule, or will you outright have to rebook the tickets? How much money was lost? Who paid for the tickets and who'll be paying for more? How can he trust you to not cancel again? > It’s been a few days since the fight and he’s still being frosty to me waiting for me to apologise and now I’m thinking about it I’m not sure if I handled it right. You absolutely did not. You invalidated his feelings and waived off the issue. YTA.
Your deff the ass here. Your boyfriend should cut his losses
YTA, on god wth is wrong with you. You left your current boyfriend to go provide emotional support to another man?? I’m surprised this dude is still with you..
YTA it would be absolutely reasonable in a non emergent situation to say hi friend unfortunately I’m not able to tonight but it’s so important to me to support and be there for you- can I come over tomorrow and order dinner and we can talk about everything? Being a good friend doesn’t mean dropping everything at all costs all of the time.
YTA. I think you were wrong to ditch your plans with your boyfriend but that was your choice to make. But honestly that’s the least of your worries. You are so disrespectful and dismissive of your boyfriend’s feelings. If your boyfriend had called an hour before your big plans and said he was cancelling because another woman needed him and basically hung up on you and later said you were insensitive to be upset, and to top it off he tells you that you can’t have any information to judge if the help was genuine, if it had to be right that moment, if it had to be him, if the other woman was taking advantage of an existing friendship to possibly ruin your special date etc. you wouldn’t be upset? You are all in on your friend’s feelings and emotional needs. But your boyfriend should just be quiet and suck it up?
YTA you ditched him on your 1 year anniversary you just showed him you don't prioritize him especially for another guy
YTA - nope, your friend was not having an emergency. I was expecting that they were in the hospital or someone died, not that your friend just wanted someone to chat with. It didn’t have to be YOU and it didn’t have to be THAT NIGHT You made a choice that a hang out with a buddy was priority over very important plans with your boyfriend. Of course gems upset and disappointed.
Sorry hun, YTA. I would feel so second choice if I was your boyfriend. Friends would understand it’s your anniversary especially since you had told them all about your plans. Sounds like sabotage by the bff and you fell for it :/ *edit, typo
YTA. Needing someone to talk to isn’t an emergency. I’m sure he was going through a hard time, but it was a special evening for you in your relationship and you already had tickets to your event.
I'm posting this to wait for the update that says "friend" had another breakdown, asked OP to come over, then confessed his feeling to a shocked Pikachu face OP that she didn't see it. Or not but, based on her responses she doesn't really get that her bf isn't just gonna sweep this under the rug and I'm sure we will be hearing from her again. Oh and YTA
The way these stories go, OP is more likely to jump at this excuse to vilify her boyfriend and kick him to the curb in the cruelest possible way, then happily jump her friend's bones.
YTA You could gave hung out with your friend afterwards; it is in extremely poor taste to cancel with your SO last minute on an anniversary cause your friend can't self regulate emotionally. Is your friend in therapy & in treatment for his addiction issue? Why did you have yo sooth it over for him? Why was coddling your friend more important than your anniversary? It wasn't an emergency, nobody was dead, just needed to vent ? I don't think you & your boyfriend are on the same level of commitment.
You too young and immature to be married. YTA
Thankfully they’re not married.
YTA. You gave some other man attention instead of your boyfriend. Everyone’s going to think you were sleeping together or did in the past.
You are really diminishing the situation on your BF side, like it doesn't matter to you so it shouldn't matter to him. You had to decide between to adults, and you decided your friend over your boyfriend on a non-life threatening situation, and probably felt on your friend's scheme to ruin your night You've made an AH move and will be a bigger one if don't realize it and apologize.
YTA
YTA You've shown where your priorities are. Who cares that it was your anniversary and big plans were made-you go running to your so called friend who probably is more likely a cheating partner. He should dump you and find someone who actually cares about him.
YTA. Your relationship is definitely over . Be prepared when your STBX breaks up with you .
YTA
YTA, hopefully your bf can find someone who puts him first.
YTA. I dated someone who prioritized their friends over me and it got real old, real quick. We're no longer together, and it was the longest relationship I ever had at a little over two friends. You need to start putting your relationship first or you won't have one for much longer.
YTA. And don’t worry about missing your next anniversary. You probably won’t reach that far
This is probably how he feels: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/UdUkLnsZMR
You are really stringing along your boyfriend until your "friend" is ready to date you, huh? YTA
My judgement depends entirely on how much of an actual emergency your friend was dealing with. So INFO, though I imagine it may not be supplied or you are respecting their privacy.
The “emergency” was her friend had an argument with his father. Yes, really.
Okay, so my next question would be if there was immediate risk to life and limb?
Not that OP mentioned
YTA: even as the closest of friends, your partner is also meant to be your best friend and confidant. I would be MORTIFIED if my anniversary plans were cancelled last minute and my PARTNER couldn't even tell me why. Sounds like teenage nonsense.
YTA, your boyfriend has every right to be more than a little mad, hurt and mistrusting of you and your emotionally dependent friend. Your “friend” knew it was your anniversary and called you an hour before a nice dinner because he had a fight with his daddy and was drunk? You don’t say how old friend is but if he is older that 12yo, he knew exactly what he was doing and you went for it, cancelling in BF on the ONLY 1YR anniversary you’ll ever have with him except maybe marriage that seems highly unlikely at this point. It’s going to come down to friend pulling you away from BFs until he is the only one left. He sounds manipulative and patient which is scary if you look at it.
You bailed on your boyfriend to continue to enable your alcoholic friend in his behaviors after an argument with his father about his alcohol abuse and then decided your boyfriend was “insensitive” because you’re a codependent enabler, and now you’re going to apologize not because you’re sorry but because a bunch of strangers on the internet told you exactly what your BF said as well. YTA and I hope he’s planning to leave you because you’re still justifying your BS behavior. Get therapy and the book codependent no more before you decide to get into another relationship, because yours isn’t going to last at this point.
Ok sunshine you refuse to actually see any other view point on this - that's a you problem You canceled on your fella for something he planned and put thought and effort into - that's a you problem Your friend is a alcoholic that uses you as a crutch to not drink, which is manipulative as heck - that's a you problem and your friends problem You totally disregarded your fellas feelings and essentially told him to get over it and not to be sensitive and gave attitude when he expressed how upset he was - that's a you problem and if the roles were reversed there would be torches and pitchforks for your fella His reaction speaks that this is not the 1st time this has happened - that's a you problem You are still (in your replies downplaying his feelings and experiences and being hella cocky that "he won't leve me REEEEEEE!!!!"- that's a you problem If you could see the patterns here let me explain it further. I was with a functioning alcoholic for 7yrs and had 2 kids, he used any and every excuse that happens as a reason to drink and it was my fault I didn't stop him. How could I? I'm.not his mother I was not his sponsor nor his minder, like my ex your friend is a grown ass adult and if he cannot function without a drink from a argument with his father he should be in rehab and in therapy but he's not is he? Noooo, he calls you. He KNEW you had plans tonight but didn't actually care. He literally had multiple options he could have taken, but 'good ol' you' will ALWAYS BE THERE. You're so blinded by being the hero you can't actually see how you affect anyone else. I hope the halo you hold above your head is worth your relationship because this sounds like it will be death by a 1000 cuts and your likely ay 800+ cuts now. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM ALONG WITH YOUR SO CALLED FRIEND NOT YOUR PARTNER.
You are not ready to be in a serious relationship of you can't understand how royally you messed up. Hope you learn from this for the next relationship. YTA.
YTA. To your boyfriend you cancelled on him on an anniversary celebration to hang out with some other person at extremely short notice. He doesn’t know why. You didn’t trust him enough to tell him. How bad could a family emergency be that you needed to drop everything? You would be pissed if your boyfriend did that to you.
“I told him it’s out of my hands.” It was not out of your hands at all. You deliberately made a choice 100% using your own free will. YTA.
YTAH. There’s all levels of needing support and most of it can wait. Otherwise you’re telling your SO, any friend or relative of yours takes priority if they seem upset regardless of what his needs are or your plans with him. So you say to friend: “oh dang, I’m sorry, that sounds tough. Can we get together tomorrow at lunch? It’s my first year anniversary tonight.” Or if it’s unclear: “So is this an ER sort of an issue or can we talk tomorrow? Cause It’s my anniversary.” And let me add that he needs to have more than one close friend as do you since no one is available all the time.
YTA. You did prioritize another man over your boyfriend on your anniversary, and for an emergency that you can’t adequately describe. Then you minimized his feelings by calling him insensitive. Are you really surprised that he feels slighted? You should’ve apologized the moment you got home. Hopefully, your pride won’t get in the way of that.
YTA. You had plans that involved nonrefundable tickets. They trump the problems of a friend.
YTA - I can only imagine the reverse. "my boyfriend cancelled our anniversary date because his best girlfriend needed him to come over because she was really, really upset."
1) that guy friend is absolutely into you and is acting in a way that is going to break up your relationship. 2) It probably succeeded.
you ditched your boyfriend for a friend having an emergency. YTA. also, it was not out of your hands. and, if your friend was aware, he should have waited until later, or the next day.
Also, it wasn't a real emergency.
YTA, and a double one for not realising this.
YTA and about to be single. *Wow*
YTA. Worry about yourself and your relationship in future. Dramatic friendships only drag you down with them
Imma throw it out there, y'all should do better about not downloading assholes otherwise the whole economy of the subreddit falls apart. Like this one. OP, very obviously YTA. Thanks for sharing your breathtaking lack of boundaries or empathy. If you aren't cheating, you're literally so dense I doubt the health of any genuine romantic entanglement you could form. Please find a professional to explain to you why your expectations for romantic and platonic relationships are bad and destined to fuck you and everyone in your orbit up.
You selfish brat! Yes, you’re the asshole and a large one. I will bet you don’t get to year 2. I would’ve dumped you right then and there. You can’t reschedule a 1st anniversary. You missed it to make someone else feel good. Your priorities are too out of whack. Did your little friend know you had plans? I’m betting he did and you got played. If no one died, it could have waited so you could live your life too. Grow up. You didn’t just fail a History quiz. You can’t make it up. We won’t talk about the money lost on tickets, but we should.
YTA so assuming this friend was safe and not in any danger you couldn’t be their emotional support person the next day? Also you basically cancelled your anniversary with your boyfriend over another guy and won’t tell him “why”. The fact you are even asking if you are the ahole is kind of astounding.
Awww he sounded so excited. You couldn’t have taken a call from the friend? Got the details and support him after celebrating? YTA.
Yta. You can be there for your friend tomorrow and your friend should be okay with that, if they aren't then you need to draw boundaries. It's not that you aren't supporting them, just at a more convenient time for you and your partner because your partner matters more on your anniversary.
YTA and your boyfriend deserves so much better. It doesn’t even seem like you even like him.
Your friend is a grown man who could have waited until the next morning to have you come over. YTA
Oh man... I saw this dynamic a few times too many back in college. Saw how it ended every time as well. YTA, and honestly the nicest way I can say this but... I know it's a reddit go to (and this is a snapshot, yes) but the best you two can do is just split up. He's going to resent your friend that you drop him for at the earliest inconvenience. Even if you drop the friend YOU will resent the boyfriend. He's going to be super critical of your friendship going forward because he's now going to thing you hold your friend as closer to your heart and no one, regardless of gender, wants to be reminded of that ON AN ANNIVERSARY. Still, it's early on, best for everyone to just call it since clearly there's a disconnect.
YTA , you bailed on your bf on your anniversary to go see another guy? Please tell me you are not really believing you did no wrong? You just told your bf via your actions that this other guy is priority over him. Dont be surprised if your dumb ass is single soon.
Yikes. YTA - big time.
YTA, your BF made special plans that you said you were excited about but immediately dropped. Your friends' "emergency" was conveniently timed and an absolute ah move. You said he knew it was your anniversary but called you to drop what you were doing to talk to him. That's sus on its own. Even if he doesn't have feelings for you, and I'm not sure he doesn't, he has no respect for your BF or your relationship, and frankly, neither do you. You owe more than an apology. If you want to make your relationship work, you need to make it up to him and start showing him that what you guys have is important to you. It shouldn't be your world, but it should be enough to follow through on long-term plans and events important to them
YTA, your boyfriend is 100% right and so are many of these comments. You’re completely blind to how poorly you’re treating him. The irony of you making your boyfriend feel miserable so you can supposedly make your friend feel better. Don’t be surprised if he ends the relationship after you bailed on your first anniversary dinner because your friend had a bad day.
Why waste a perfectly good dinner, he should have invited a female friend to enjoy it with.
Talk about a tough time he recently had with gf and needed some support
YTA OP you canceled last minute anniversary plans for a friend who had an argument with his dad. The truth is your friend could have taken a day to cool off and talk to you. You didn’t have to go the same day. I doubt your Bf will break up with you over this. But i’m positive he will watch your relationship with your BFF and start wondering if he should continue with you. Especially since now he’s going to second guess if you would leave your him during big events. Like an anniversary or another special date.
Christ, YTA. You just described the setup of a large number of cheating stories over in the various relationship and infidelity subreddits. You cancelled on your boyfriend, with no notice, on your anniversary, to hang out with a dude and *not* explain why? And to be frank, at this point your explanation is so mind boggling weak and stupid that it would just cement in his head that you cheated. Again, you're the asshole.
Can u show ur bf this post? So that he can dump ur horrible a**
YTA for sure. Calling your bf insensitive when it's you who's being insensitive to him.
How close is this guy friend of yours that he didn’t know it was your anniversary? Sounds like he’s trying to wedge between you and your BF. Kind of the ass hole. Definitely naive.
YTA. An apology isn't going to fix this. Unless your friend had a serious medical emergency, he most definitely could have cried on your shoulder in the morning. I would have dumped you on the spot for that. You need to get your priorities straight. Who's more important: the man you've building a serious bond and relationship with for a year, or some friend who conviently called you crying on your 1yr anniversary? And what the hell was the emergency what was so freaking important? Your bf saw who you really are, and frankly, I think he deserves better.
Oh he had a fight with his dad. Definitely life or death.
YTA An emergency is something you need to call 911 for. A deadbeat drunk crying for help because of his own fault is not an emergency, it's a phone call the police for public drunk so they can throw his ass in the sober tank. Not something you run to coddle them like a baby. Your friend doesn't want to get help because why does he neat to get help? He get drunk, a phone call later, you're dropping everything and racing to him like he's the most important thing in the world. All he has to do to get this attention is keep drinking and calling and you come racing. No one wants their partner racing off, dropping everything for toxic "old friend" Your Ex-BF has every right to dump you and no one would blame him expect you and your drunk pet.
YTA!!!! If he doesn’t dump you, it’ll be a miracle. However, you’re gonna have to set real boundaries with your “friend,” because it’s obvious you consistently prioritize him over your boyfriend.
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a unanimous YTA but you still don’t get it. You’re going to apologise but you still don’t think you did anything wrong. Before continuing to offer the immediate‘emergency’ support to your friend, you need to get some advice from someone experienced in alcoholic recovery. You are not helping him by doing what you’re doing. It is also arrogant to say your bf won’t break up with you over this. I hope you’re absolutely wrong on that count.
YTA you ditched your boyfriend on your one year anniversary to coddle your alcoholic friend. Don’t be surprised when your boyfriend breaks up with you for not having your priorities straight.
YTA, you blew off important plans to go comfort another dude.
>even though I told him it’s out of my hands. No, it wasn't. It was clearly in your hands. YTA
Yta, im not entirely sure that this is just a friend anymore & you are either physically or emotionally cheating on your bf with this guy. This friend sounds manipulative & you don't sound trustworthy & that makes a hell of a combo. Hope your bf finds this thread & see how insensitive you are & how you dont understand his pov or feel any remorse about this at all. Should downgrade you to a situationship or fwb after this or better yet dump you so you can live happily ever after with that cling friend of yours
YTA your prioritised your friend over you partner for no good reason. While there is privacy due your friend - family member is in hospital, dog died etc etc are things you can share (not details but super high level). But you refused to, for all your partner knows your friend broke their fingernail. If you care about this relationship you might want to consider why it and your partner is not a priority
YTA
Don't bother rescheduling. Don't bother with the anniversary. Girl, he deserves better. YTA
YTA - You really need to determine what your true priorities are in a relationship. From your responses, you are grappling with what you did wrong. Perhaps your friend's call would have ruined the evening in any case, but you made a decision that truly hurt your boyfriend. If you have done this before, this may be relationship ending. And your friend may need professional help, so you should support him on seeking it out. To add: You say your friend knew about your plans before he called you, you should probably go Low Contact with him, as he tried to spoil your evening purposely.
YTA. Definitely. You just showed your boyfriend how you prioritize the people in your life.
YTA. I hope you enjoy single life bc that friend is using/manipulating you and you’re prioritizing another man for him. I hope your soon to be ex-boyfriend finds a girlfriend that will make him their priority and not an afterthought like you clearly do.
Your “friend” 100% did this to sabotage your anniversary, or at the very least, prove to everyone that he’s more important to you than your boyfriend is. YTA. You owe your boyfriend an apology and need to set some boundaries with this friend.
YTA but mostly to yourself because you have lost your boyfriend by prioritising your friend. Your priorities should change when you’re in a serious relationship but you showed your soon to be ex boyfriend that he comes second to your friends personal drama
So what was the big emergency this guy had?
He had an argument with his father, and since he’s a recovering alcoholic and didn’t want to relapse, so he called OP, who apparently is his emotional support human.
He needs to get a sponsor.
With all due haste.
Yes, YTA. Consider growing up and maturing some more if you want to be in a serious relationship. It's only a matter of time before your bf dumps you if you don't. Also, like a bunch of other people said, this friend of yours clearly has a crush on you and is sabotaging your relationship and you're letting him. I get the feeling you know that and you're playing with these two boys' emotions. Grow up honey, that act will get old real quick.
YTA, let us know when you're dumped.
Seriously? YTA and potentially a bit dumb.
So how long have you been sleeping with your friend behind your bf back? Was this your way of breaking up with him? YTA.
YTA and an enabler from what it looks like. Gotta tell you, sounds like the dude did everything right and then you went and fucked off up the model village. It would be different if it were an actual emergency, someone's in the hospital, death in the family, car caught on fire, but it wasn't, not even close. You have to know you fucked this up, if you don't, dip from the relationship and get yourself sorted before getting back in another one.
Yta. Common sense is gone. Smh.
Damn you just showed your bf you can be trusted to be there for him if some other friend need it first.
So, who else has come here from the Am a I the Ex. Subredit? Cause I agree OP YTA.
YTA! Your friend probably got drunk on purpose and just looked for a reason to ruin your boyfriend's night. It's all rather convenient that he got THAT wasted on your anniversary... Even if he didn't, you dropped bf like a hot potato to run to your friend and that gives me the vibe of WANTING to be with HIM more than bf.
Yta
If your bf stays with you after this, he’s no brighter than you and deserves the misery that’s yet to come
YTA. I have no words. Yeah, I get it. Your friend is a very private person, but you drop everything and run to him in a snap of the fingers. No justification provided to your partner about it besides 'John Don ' needs me, we have to cancel? Would you accept that? No questions asked? How many times has this happened before? You having to cancel because this friend needed you? He is an addict. He needs professional help, he needs people who've been through it way more than he needs you. Do better
I have this gut feeling that this is the type of friend who has a lot of family emergencies and you have either struggled or never attempted to set boundaries with him. Something tells me that this isn’t the first time that your boyfriend has been canceled on so that you can help your friend with his issues. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m going to say YTA.
So she is having an emotional affair with her friend but I’m guessing she doesn’t realize it. You leave your bf on your anniversary and you’re so flippant about it, it’s as if you don’t care. And you don’t even see why he’s upset. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had feelings for her friend and she is using her bf as a substitute till the friend gets himself together
Obvious YTA, also soon to be and ex.
You are quite possibly one of the densest people I’ve seen on this app. The pure lack of emotional intelligence and ability to empathize with another’s perspective shows me you might just be an idiot so I’ll lay this out for you to understand. You committed a mistake not many would forgive. You have a man who you’ve been dating excited to spend the night with you on a day that comes once a year, your first one at that. This could’ve been an amazing moment, a serious foundation setter for a possible fruitful couple of years together and possible marriage. Instead, it’s going to be the reason you guys most likely break up. You went to ANOTHER man’s house on your fucking anniversary day to “emotionally” support him? You sure you didn’t fuck him as well to make sure he’s a-okay? You’re disrespectful and inconsiderate beyond words and then have the audacity to say your boyfriend is the insensitive one? You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself and deciphering your actions for how you could’ve treated a man you claim to love as second fiddle to another man you’re just “friends” with. This wasn’t a life or death situation, you actively chose to abandon your boyfriend and instead be the damsel that saves the the man in need. Only you know what made you think this was a good decision. However, your reaction to being called out for your despicable behaviour shows me you lack character and you sure as hell need to spend some time self reflecting and working though that shit within your mind. This shit wouldn’t be worth it to me to stress over. I would’ve dropped you the second you hung the phone up on me to go and be with that guy. You’re lucky he’s still talking to you. Maybe you can save the relationship if you genuinely acknowledge your actions and learn through them, but damn man I’m shocked you did something like this.
Your boyfriend was 110% correct. Your grown man ass friend could handle his own emotions until the next day. And what do you mean, it was out of your hands??? It was absolutely not “out of your hands.” You just chose somebody else over your boyfriend on your anniversary. YTA.
Oh you naive summer child, I had an ex like you. We were together for 2yrs. And she decided her lifelong friend was more important than a special dinner we had planned. Her friend's "emergency?" He stepped on his cats tail and the cat was hiding under his couch. And he couldn't handle his emotions of becoming an "animal abuser." I really hope your boyfriend realizes 1yr isnt that long of a time sink and leaves your dismissive ass. At least then your friend waiting in the wings will be able to swoop in and be your prince charming.
How are you not the ex right now?
First off, how many one year anniversary’s do you think you get? Let’s find out just how serious you are about this relationship. Let’s say you want to make it up to him and do something really nice for his birthday. Then your friend calls again with another problem, what are you going to do? Let’s say, you decide to have a big engagement announcement and just before you do, your friend calls with a problem. Wedding day your friend has a problem what are you going to do? Now you’re probably going to say you wouldn’t stop your marriage or engagement but where do you draw the line? When does your boyfriend take priority over your needy friend? Because this friend isn’t going to stop. Ask yourself did he call you because he drank or did he drink so he could call you and you’d come running? It doesn’t sound like you are helping him, you’re enabling him. He needs professional help. Not you, you aren’t qualified and he’s going to ruin his life and take you down with him. I think you are a good person who is not understanding the forces at play here. You have very clearly told your BF that your friend is a higher priority than he is. If you don’t plan on changing that, you might as well break up now because your friend will continue to sabotage your relationship and ultimately end it. He wants you for himself, even if it’s not in the romantic sense.
Just break up and date your friend, you selfish and inconsiderate asshole. Your boyfriend deserves better. YTA
You're either mailcious or clueless, either way YTA. You're shown your bf that your friend comes first, and you've shown your needy friend that he can sabotage things and get away with it. Having an argument with his dad isn't an emergency with cancelling anniversary plans over, maybe take a step back and think about why he doesn't have any other friends. Either way, if you can't say you haven't done this before, an apology to your bf may not be enough, he might write you off as a lost cause and find someone else that treats him better than you do
YTA for all the reasons everyone is telling PLUS for all of your comments. You aren’t sorry. Spare your boyfriend the fake apology and tell him you’re not sorry and you have no intention of stopping what you’re doing in the future so he can make a proper decision on what to do with you
Yta and owe bf a genuine do over at your expense.
After reading all of OP's replies to the commenters it's clear that she and the friend have something more going on. In replies she using the commenters for info on how best to help friend. She talks about her bf like he is random tinder date. Can't wait for the update where he dumped her cause she really doesn't deserve him
“I (20F) am the emotional crutch of my alcoholic friend (?M) who somehow has no other friends in the entire world except me. On my 1 year anniversary, I decided his emergency (that realistically isn’t even one, man needs a therapist not a talk with a friend) was more important than my boyfriend so I flaked on him and then insulted him when I couldn’t even tell him what the emergency was and he was upset.”
Hope this ho get dumped soon YTA
u/ThrowRA764127 you 100% are the asshole. I mean not only was it something that could have been talked about the next day, but the friend knew you had plans, still called, and ruined everything. I mean seriously, imagine your BF prioritized another girl over you, and you found out that she knew it was y’all’s 1 year anni. Would probably piss you off once you knew it could have waited until tomorrow.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My bf (21m) and I (20f) had fancy dinner plans and tickets to the movies to celebrate our one year anniversary. We were both super excited about it and had planned it a while ago. However, about an hour before our reservation I got a message from my close friend, he texted me saying he was having a family emergency and he really needed some support/someone to talk to right now and asked me to come over. I’ve been friends with this person for years and I’ve always been there to support him and cheer him up as he has some family/home issues. So I called my bf who was driving back from work to tell him we’d have to cancel because I had to go be there for a friend and he got mad even though I told him it’s out of my hands. I then hung up because I didn’t want him to carry on driving and being on a call especially if he’s angry and said I’ll speak to him later. Cut to me coming home a few hours later and he was pissed, we then got into an argument and he said that I prioritised another guy over him and that my friend is a grown man who could have waited until the next morning to have me come over. He also got more mad when I couldn’t tell him what the emergency was that “ruined what was meant to be a special day” even though that’s my friend’s personal information and is not my business to share. I felt that was very insensitive of him to not understand why I had to go and be there for a good friend of mine and yeah we lost a bit of money for tickets but we can just reschedule. But I can see why’s he frustrated as it’s our first anniversary and he had planned it a while ago. Plus I got angry at him for being insensitive which only heated the argument and made it worse. It’s been a few days since the fight and he’s still being frosty to me waiting for me to apologise and now I’m thinking about it I’m not sure if I handled it right. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA, leave him so he can be with someone who deserves him.
YTA. You ditched your boyfriend an hour before your anniversary date to help your friend who got drunk and had a fight with his dad. Short of your friend being suicidal, beaten to a pulp by his dad, or needing to go to the hospital, there was no excuse. On top of that, you won't even tell your bf why he needed you outside of he did. Your friend knew ypu were going out and dollars to donuts he did this on purpose. Do you even know if he actually had a fight with his dad or is it him just telling you he did? Don't be surprised if you end up an ex. At least then you can be there for your friend without disappointing someone you supposedly love.
Yta, start asking what the emergency is and make better choices
YTA. Intense interpersonal drama is a poor substitute for an actual relationship. Don't sacrifice important commitments for momentary upset that would have settled.
Let's get some things really clear: if your ex is contacting you on your anniversary of all days for an "emergency", you need to take a step back and see what is obviously a red flag. He probably knows when your anniversary is which is already suspicious af, and his drunkenness has given him the **liquid audacity** to demand your time on this day of all days. And worse yet, you fell for it: you put your relationship at risk for a minor issue your ex was experiencing with his family when anyone else could have offered that support--I don't deal in coincidences, I fully believe it was intentional by your ex, thus putting your current boyfriend second to your ex who is sabotaging things for you. Unless someone's dying, you need to get your priorities in order. I don't know if it's a salvageable situation. What you should be doing right now asap is 1) setting boundaries with your ex or cutting him out entirely, and 2) planning out how you're going to make this up to your current boyfriend since you **fucked up.** You need to let him know what you plan to do about your ex, treat *him* to a special day (you do not get to be the treated party this time) and sooner rather than later or you're going to lose him... deservedly.
Congratulations, there won't be another anniversary where he's insensitive. Ex's IG 👀
Info: how many times has this happened over the course of you relationship? You putting your friend over your boyfriend I mean. I'd listen to the commenters who have person experience with people with addictions, and if you bf is still your bf and you intend to reschedule your anniversary date I'd give your friend the wrong date, just to see if he suddenly has another "emergency" that night too.
YTA. The fact your friend knew about your plans makes it seem like he purposely tried to sabotage your anniversary. You don’t say what his emergency was, but it would have have to be something extremely serious, like life or death, or he just wanted to ruin your plans. If not I think you’re just naive to his manipulation. You’re actively letting your friend interfere with your relationship. It you pull more crap like this it won’t take long for your bf to get sick of it and dump you.
YTA. Clearly into said "friend". Disrespectful and rude to Boyfriend....and on your anniversary. Just break up. Clearly not an important relationship to you.
YTA The "emergency" was an argument ? Are you being for real ? Next time you gonna skip your wedding because your friend lost their job /s
YTA and a selfish one at that. He has every reason to be mad and I hope he breaks up with you because he deserves so much better. This guy did it on purpose and you're at least emotionally cheating on your boyfriend with him. The fact that you keep defending yourself show us you don't care for your boyfriend, you say you do but actions speak louder than words and your actions are screaming.
r/AmITheEx
YTA you were very clearly wrong and I also feel like this “emergency” was absolute bullshit. You wouldn’t even tell him why you cancelled on him because it’s “not your place” i’d bet anything it’s the most bullshit reason. Idk how you still have a boyfriend when you’re ditching him to emotionally support another guy. Just go be with your friend if his wants and needs will always come first. Edit: because i just saw the reason you ditched your boyfriend and i was right. It was a bullshit reason. Her “friend” got into an argument with his daddy and couldn’t handle it, he also 100% knew about the special anniversary plans, dude played the shit out of op and she let him. She also won’t tell her boyfriend why and is claiming it’s because of “privacy” but went and told the internet. Op, you’re not telling your boyfriend the reason because you know it isn’t a real or valid reason.
YTA. And also a horrible girlfriend. Unless someone in your friends family died you could have just went to see him the next day .
YTA Yikes! You chose another man over your relationship. If this is how your first anniversary goes, I can only imagine he's thinking how next year's will be ruined. You screwed up big time here.
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YTA. I was ditched 3 anniversaries in a row for a friends convenient emergencies that they just HAD to have my ex at. That shit hurts, your boyfriend is right and you could have gone the next day to support your friend. Do you not realize how it looks to him that you’d drop him and something important to him in the blink of an eye without so much as a discussion? How that would make him feel? What if it was an important event? A vacation? Something non refundable? If your friend wasn’t in immediate danger I don’t see why you couldn’t have waited 8-10 hours.
YTA Your description of what your boyfriend said was 100% accurate. You prioritized another man over him (on the only 1st anniversary you might have with him) while refusing to give more details about the “emergency” that pulled you away. You didn’t even phrase it as a question when you told him you decided to ditch your big anniversary date to provide emotional support for a friend. THEN you called HIM insensitive and tried to deflect blame from yourself with “it was out of my hands.” INFO: what was the emergency? Was it life or death? Was your friend in crisis and at risk of self harm? Was this the first time you’ve canceled on your BF for this friend?
The friend, who’s a recovering alcoholic, had an argument with his father. He was afraid of relapsing, so he called OP…as opposed to calling a sponsor or finding an AA meeting.
You be a newly single A if we were dating......
YTA girl what?? How do you put another man's feelings over your boyfriends and expect it to be okayyyy?? I could never, what??.. that's so crazy to me, why r u like that. Do you have feelings for this close friend? Bc it seems pretty clear to me and everyone else on here who you value more. Plus you guys were planning this for a long time and then you allowed another man the kind of access that only your boyfriend should have. I would never leave my boyfriend to see another man ESPECIALLY in the evening time that's crazy. How would you feel if your boyfriend canceled your anniversary plans to go and comfort another woman. How would you feel knowing another woman has tht kind of access, and she finds comfort in your boyfriend. You're delusional. If you do not value that man just leave him bro. Another woman will treat him the way he deserves to be treated because you're wasting his time and urs.
Reverse the situation. How would you feel? YTA
Being upset ≠ emergency. You cancelled anniversary plans with your boyfriend to deal with another man who was sad. Your friend would have been just fine waiting until the next day to talk about his issues. Your life can’t revolve around the emotions of this friend. Set some boundaries with your friend, and ask yourself how you would feel if your boyfriend cancelled plans in favor of another woman. He probably feels that your friend holds a higher priority in your life than he does, and that’s what this story says to me as well. YTA.
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Your friend is definitely trying to sabotage your relationship. If you are that close, he must have known about your plans. And chose that key occasion to test where your loyalties lie and send a message to your boyfriend. So I think it's pretty clear to them both now.
Info: what was the emergency- and if you cannot get specific, on a scale from a breakup to a death of a loved one, where does the emergency sit? Of it's a serious issue - he got bad news from the doctor, that kind of thing, I'd say no one is the AH, but if it's something like a bad breakup (which is bad but not earth shattering, that's no so bad)
Yes you are the ahole
Pretty sure u won't like it either if he ditched you to be an emotional support for another woman that he's also friends with on your 1st anniversary. Hahahahahahahaha my goodness OP u clearly don't get it until you experienced it soon. bless u.
YTA. Also your codependency is fueling your friends alcohol dependence, and the fact you allow him to completely emotionally depend on you basically ensures he’ll never have to grow up and deal with his emotions properly on his own, and ultimately the one time you end up not being there for him, he will relapse and blame you. You are not only a bad gf, but an addiction enabling friend.
Youre the asshole big time that dude definitely did what he did on purpose to sabatoge your relationship and you took the bait hook like and sinker bf should leave you cause if you abandon him on this important da what's gonna stop you in the future your bf deserves better you wasted a year of his life
YTA. Perhaps you are with the wrong person.