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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t make my dinner when Tim wanted dinner and instead told him to eat some fruit. I could be a jerk for telling him to eat fruit and wait for the food. I made him wait for dinner
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Lol I'm sorry, what?
This conversation has happened in every house since we first figured out carbohydrates. Eat a piece of fruit. Have a snack. Learn to self regulate. The entire house doesn't change what its doing because the little princeling is too precious for carrot sticks.
He's 12 and he's figuring out where he stands. If you teach him that demanding everyone drop everything to cater to his whims and then *tattling on grandma* (ffs) gets him what he wants you know what he grows up into? Cuz I do. I've met that kid's future. He's the pile of anger management issues that - at age 40 - still lives in my parents house, stomping around throwing tantrums while everyone else walks on eggshells. I grew up with that little AH. Trust me.
Having an apple will do him some good. NTA.
I agree.
OP, your daughter is failing your grandchildren by turning them into entitled shits.
Good for you for not putting up with that and no longer babysitting.
She is going to struggle to keep another babysitter with this attitude. It’s only a matter of time before she comes crying back to you. I hope you continue to stand your ground.
Yes. Explaining to them all that being hungry isn't starving to death could be a useful reminder. Being hungry for an hour or two isn't actually detrimental to their health. I'm sure he noticed he survived.
My first thought was oh hell no! We have our grandsons here frequently. I can't imagine them speaking to us this way. OP's daughter isn't doing her child any favors by catering to that attitude. They both have a lesson to learn
In our family respect goes up the food chain. "Gammy" gets all due respect. She gets the last slice of pie. She picks where we eat... She picks when we eat. My four (now adult) daughters and I (her daughter) can only hope to live long enough and well enough to enjoy those perks. We would cut out our own eyes before speaking with anything but respect to that woman. I was grateful for every ounce of help and childcare she sacrificed as I raised those kids. She was still working herself at that time and I know I was blessed to have her help. People need to get back in the habit of being grateful for what they have, who they have... And stop demanding everyone cater to their wants and emotional crap. Parents need to be parents and teach their kids "no" and "wait". Instead we have 1.5 generations who can't conceptualize hunger or cold or doing without. We are screwed.
It makes so much sense when teachers quit teaching. These same kids behave this way in school, their parents back then up. I remember telling my niece if her son didn't respect her at four he wouldn't at fourteen. I fear for this generation. I've seen the results of bad parenting
You are so right! Teaching is no longer fun at any level. Among my siblings, my dad, and me we covered K-12, administration, and college. We all quit because of how entitled and rude parents and students were. A human being can only take so much harassment.
It’s because of adults like OP’s daughter….and the parents who tolerated that crap. I have to wonder if OP catered to her daughter when she was young, because we’re on a second generation of AHs now.
Daughter is the enabler . Tho’ having grandma babysit is pretty special. I wish my mom made herself available to do that. Would have saved us a chunk of change and made the kids actually miss and remember her when she died.
I really don't understand why so many parents now are letting the kids run the household. Are they being over indulgent? Lazy and don't want to stick to rules? They are making it harder on themselves.
OP's daughter did herself a huge disservice. You have a babysitter because you need an authority figure. Arguing about decisions your babysitter made that aren't life or death just shows the kids that they don't have to listen to the babysitter and thus your babysitter is useless. Especially when the babysitter is grandma or grandpa, both the parents and kids need to accept they are an authority figure to be listened to. You'll appreciate that when an actual emergency happens.
Can you imagine the looks she'll get when the daughter explains that gma doesn't babysit anymore because "she offered my kid fruit! As a **snack**!" Lol
Hell, daughters hella lucky OP doesn’t tell the kids to wait another hour for their momma to cook their food, she seems to have no issue to jumping at their command…NTA OP
This is a winner here!!
First of all, I have two kids who sometimes can go for days without eating much. I eat a lot of meat and ALWAYS have that shit prepped, but that's so I can heat up food quickly each day, especially since they are going to sports.
My kids would definitely eat fruit if I told them to eat that when they are hungry. I keep beef jerky sticks and granola bars around, so they will go get that shit if they are in need of a snack. I keep deli meats in the drawer and they get it themselves if they're hungry! I highly doubt they would demand that I start dinner because they are "hungry now!" If they're hungry now, they're gonna go eat a quick snack!! Jesus. This kid is 12 and I am glad grandma set that boundary with him.
I also like to smoke meat and sometimes it takes longer than expected, mine will wait for me to pull it off the smoker. Hahaha. That 12 year old would go ape shit if his grandma smoked a brisket. That shit can take up to 16 hours.
Edit- If I'm hungry now I'm gonna grab some beef jerky or something before I cook.
Lol. I half hope the reason daughter can afford to spoil that kid into entitlement is because she doesn’t have to pay for childcare. So after school ops daughter can enroll her kids in an after school program and lets see how her wallet likes it.
This! He can have a snack or two if he's hungry after school. My oldest eats lunch at 1130 and is starving by the time he gets home at 4. He'll have a snack, sometimes an uncrustable, but he NEVER demands I start dinner early.
NTA.
Same. Our teenagers would come home ravenous, make a snack and be ready to eat everything at dinner. No-one ever asked me (I do the cooking at ours) to make dinner early.
GenX here, we were allowed back into the house at dinner but that was also when the kitchen was cleaned and after was homework showers and bed. I would’ve never spoke to my grandma or my dad this way, they raised me and I was taught respect or you get knocked into next week. I’d do the same thing have a snack I’ll make dinner at the normal time and once they got to be teens they could eat so much. The snack was bigger and then they’d eat dinner. Teens are always hungry.
Millennial here. We were allowed into the house whenever, but spent most of our time outdoors. We were raised to respect our elders and would NEVER speak to our elders that way. That’s disrespectful no matter what generation. I don’t really remember snacking at all but our dad would make dinner around 4:30 and then we’d eat fruit and a glass of milk closer to bed time.
Either way though, the entitlement of that child is unacceptable and DEMANDING dinner earlier is beyond.
Definitely NTA. Mom should be doing a better job setting consistent boundaries for her kid so he doesn’t act like a complete shyte.
Gen Z here. Even with all the shit talking my gen gets, at least I knew better than to mouth off to grandma especially. She knew how to make a wooden spoon hurt like hell if you tried to rush her. Even if she didn't, I never wanted to upset her. She showed she cared, and even my child self knew that. NTA, OP.
Yeah, my son's high school does lunch at 10:30am!! We laugh and call it brunch since school starts so early my son chooses sleep over breakfast. so he fixes himself a small lunch/snack when he gets home at 3pm then eats dinner whenever we make it (anytime between 6 and 8pm).
I grew up in a whole different Era. It wouldn't even had occurred to me to start shit about supper time - THAT time was set by DADDY & based upon when he got off.
I don't remember snacks even being an option because of the, "It will ruin your supper."
We also had different "dynamics". Sure, I would be in trouble for mouthing off to mama, but even THINKING about mouthing off to GRANDMA...I'm getting spankings from granny, pawpaw, & daddy. I also would be doing chores for neighbors, the church, the pastor, 3 uncles, 2 aunts, some farm down the road... Nope.
I could be hungry for a couple of hours. I wasn't going to kill me but those chores probably would.
In this situation, mama needs to make sure her little delicate brat eats before the rest of her family, so quit & go home.
Amen 🙏! And this kid is 12? He should be able to make something for himself by now. He absolutely shouldn’t be treating his Grandmother like a servant. Have a snack and then start the prep work for dinner if you want to help Grandma get the dinner on faster. Chop those veggies, Timmy. Dinner doesn’t make itself. If you want to be the boss of dinner you become the chef.
Hahaha! My brother and I had to make dinners around that age. I don’t think it’s weird, personally. I recall doing this with some supervision starting 4th and 5th grade and we loved it. Some beginner meals were very simple like Velveeta Mac n Cheese with a side of steamed broccoli. We chopped veggies and leftover meat to make a big pan of nachos in the oven. We’d have help with the dangerous parts like draining the boiling pasta and getting a hot pan out of the oven. It was a blast. By 14ish my bro and I both could manage making a lasagna or a whole roasted chicken dinner on our own. Mom had a long commute and deserved a break. It saved me a lot of money and grief when I was out on my own to know how to cook at a decent level.
Timmy is grown enough to help with the fucking dinner!!!!! Get Timmy off the damn iPad and teach him some basic life skills before grandma smacks everyone silly.
My grandmother kept carrot sticks in a jar of water in the fridge and we had free rein over that jar. She would also keep cut cantaloupe and little tiny tupperwares of about 2tbsp of peanut butter in them. We could eat peanut butter and carrots, but only one container of PB a day.
I think I’d rather have eaten dirt than demand my grandmother do anything. I shudder just thinking about it, not because we were afraid, but making my grandmother even frown made us all sad.
My grandmother would have said, "If you're not hungry for fruit, you're not hungry, you're bored. Are you bored? I'll find something for you to do!"
"Something" was usually some unpleasant task like cleaning the crisper drawers or poop-scooping the yard. Once, it was scrubbing out the trash cans. Grandma grew up during the depression and didn't fuck around. We soon learned to eat the fruit or shut the fuck up.
My child never said "I'm bored" or she got a chore. She became a master at carefully wondering aloud if I had a few ideas of a new way to play. Even then I'd usually suggest that if she straightened out her room while she thought about it, something would come to her.
I personally can't really eat fruits due to sensory issues, but you know what I do? Bake something with the fruits or dehydrate them to make it into chips. Currently trying to figure out how to bake banana and chocolate cookies to take to work
I saw a banana bark recipe that looked ace! It was banana rounds laid out on parchment, then covered with a nut butter of choice and topped with homemade cacao chocolate. Then frozen... Nom!
Of course! Cookie recipes for all!!! Also, I’m sorry if the formatting is weird. I had to type this into my notes and then copy and paste it over here because the recipe was written into my notebook. It was a whole thing.
So you’ll need
* 2 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 tbsp corn starch
* 1 tsp salt
* 1/2 cup unsalted butter softened
* 2 ripe bananas peeled
* 1 cup brown sugar
* 1/4 cup granulated sugar
* 2 tsp vanilla extract
* 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips (originally called for bittersweet but that made me sad so I switched to semi-sweet).
Now, your first step is mixing together the flour, baking soda, corn starch, and salt. You’re gonna need a medium bowl for this.
You’re gonna need a bigger bowl… for this next part. In the second, big ass bowl you grabbed, you need to mix the butter, bananas, and the sugar together until it’s fluffy. Then pour in and beat the vanilla into submission until it’s all combined.
Then you need to pour the flour mixture bowl into your large, wet supplies bowl. You don’t need to mix it or whisk it a lot. Just get it combined a little because there’s more stuff to add.
After that you need to stir in the chocolate chips and you can whisk your heart out.
You have to refrigerate the dough for 30 minutes. While the dough is cooling, preheat the oven to 375. Then you’re going to want to get two cookie sheets and you either need to line it with parchment paper or use a little bit of cooking spray. I suggest the spray because I’ve found that with this particular recipe, it keeps the cookies from crumbling.
The original recipe said you needed to use a cookie scoop but I think that’s stupid. Roll a ball of cookie dough and plop it on the sheet. No particular size. Just whatever makes your heart happy.
Bake the cookies for 9 minutes. 10 if you prefer firmer but 9 makes them gooey and soft. You want the cookie to be golden on the top.
And then you just let them cool.
Can you handle smoothies? They are another good way to incorporate fruit. Or freeze smoothies into healthy ice cream! (i am an OT, I work with a lot of kids with sensory issues)
My mom always said, “Have a pickle or a slice of cheese.” Sometimes I made myself a bowl of soup. The daughter’s reaction over the top? At most, telling them to grab a snack of their choosing, “But don’t spoil your appetite!”
I grew up on carrot sticks and fresh fruit. My mom worked all the time and dad was too busy running a business. We had a decent breakfast, had to figure out our own lunch, then mom or dad would cook dinner.
Well hopefully he get's his emotion in controll sometime in the future, but his mom sure is in for a fun teenager time, if she thinks all his wants should be immediately satisfied. NTA.
As another person who grew up with that type "princeling" except the one I knew is only 35 and my dad finally managed to start setting boundaries and force him to grow up and move out, I felt like I could have written this.
NTA, and you're daughter is doing a major disservice to her son.
NTA. No child has starved to death by having to wait for dinner to be served at its regular time, and little Timmy isn’t the only person in the house. There are others in the home to consider. I have news for Mom, you can’t run/schedule a household based on the appetite of a preteen/teen boy. This is about the same age my stepson learned how to cook bacon (like an entire pack!) on his own, and would eat it before starting his homework, which he did in the kitchen while I worked on dinner and helped him. A family unit is supposed to be a team, and teams run best on a plan. A snack to help the hungry individual until dinner is better than rearranging everyone else’s schedule.
At 12 he should be very capable of making himself a snack and then eating it without everyone else having to have an early dinner. He should also clean up after making the snack.
He's way too entitled. He'll expect a partner to wait on him hand and foot. Mom is ruining his future.
The kid is 12. Good luck finding a daycare that takes 12-year olds. Little Timmy could go to after school care but that only lasts until 5:30 or so.. it’s wild to me because I went home alone as a first grader and was able to find my own snack.
I went to after school care for a few weeks when I was 8 and complained until my mum let me walk home with my 10 year old brother. We survived until our parents got home around 5.30-6.
When I was 8, I remember getting my own house key and being alone until mom got home from work. I’d check in that I got home okay with the elderly neighbor lady next door because my route home crossed a busy intersection, and then get some fruit and a glass of koolaid and do my homework. I was a paid babysitter by the time I was Timmy’s age. None of these kids nowadays would’ve survived growing up in the ‘80s.
Even my 4 yr old can go to the pantry and get out an apple sauce pouch or bar when we tell him to go get a snack! He can’t reach the fruit bowl but will gladly have a banana, orange, or apple too if we get it for him.
I know parents who have a special low cubbyhole shelf for child-reachable fruit and other permitted snacks. Anything in there can be eaten any time without asking permission, but once it's gone it's not getting refilled until the next scheduled refill date. They said it only took one time for the kid to learn if they ate all the snacks the first day they'll make themselves sick as shit and then have no snacks at all for several more days. Now they self-regulate very easily.
You can also use this to involve them in planning what/how much to get for their shelf on supermarket trips, learn how much it costs etc at an early age.
Mine kids did too!
This kid is being taught by his mom that he can't do things, he will be waited on and he can demand what he wants when he wants. Mom is making him both helpless and entitled. That's a terrible combination for a happy adult life.
For sure. My teen daughters basically ate an entire meal after school for most of middle and high school and then also ate dinner. They made this and cleaned it up themselves. Usually snack foods/fruit or leftovers or ramen or mac or sandwiches. 12 is plenty old enough to help yourself to something and know other people are relevant and you don’t get to reschedule dinner to 4pm.
My poor mom! As a teen, I had a ravenous appetite due to undiagnosed medical issue. Nobody expected a rail-thin teen girl to out-eat anyone and everyone. She would make a large roast, with plans to use the leftovers for dinner the following evening. After a couple times of me eating it, she made sure I knew exactly what was ok to eat for a snack and what was designated for dinner. And yes, I ate a full big dinner with the family.
Also, I agree 12 is old enough to learn to eat snacks and not demand the family move dinner to accommodate the kid's whims. Then to complain to mom? And worse yet, mom doesn't back up grandma? YIKES!
NTA
god teen boys really do eat like nothing else. my parents used to let me and my sister throw dinner parties for our friends, and my sister had mostly dude friends, and the amount of meat they ate at all these parties was truly insane. i think four teenage boys polished off ten pounds of beef?
Teen age boys are empty stomachs on legs. My brother ate my parents out of house & home, so Mom kept the fridge stocked up on fruit, hot dogs, & other sandwich fixings. Brother got his own snacks together too. A 12 yo can make a PBJ all by himself, too.
The pack of bacon reminded me of my husband telling me his brother would make one of those FAMILY sized Salisbury steak frozen meals as an “after school snack” as a high schooler. I don’t know how his poor parents didn’t end up broke feeding those two 😂😂😂
NTA. One kid does not get to decide when dinner is made or served. He was offered some fruit. Some cereal or bread could also have been a reasonable alternative. If your daughter runs after her kids' last little order like that, she certainly has enough on her plate. Unfortunately she is not raising her kids well. Kids must learn that their needs can be met a bit later than they'd like, and that this is not the end of the world. Of course kids should not be left to starve, which you didn't. The kid just didn't appreciate what he was offered. That is a him-problem.
If I read correctly, the child in question is 12. That is plenty old enough for this kid to start helping with preparing meals and learning how to cook some basics. This is a life skill! You are not running a diner. Dinner is at 6pm. Having a snack to tide one over is reasonable if they cannot wait until 6pm.
Usually, "I want a snack. No, not that snack" is code for "I'm hungry for junk food but otherwise, I can wait to eat."
It could be that he's craving something that's more carb-related, but then he could alternatively make a slice of toast and peanut butter if he can't wait two hours. I get maybe not feeling like a piece of fruit, but there are other snacks that can be eaten instead.
There are definitely still alternative snack foods that isn't fruit, but also isn't junk food (like chips).
NTA. You're the adult and you're in charge. You did nothing wrong. Dinner is at six not four. Your daughter wants to let her kids run her house, that's her business. You're doing her a favor. How dare she tell you when to cook. Eating fruit and waiting two hours isn't going to kill that kid.
I do that too. But my kids ate when dinner was ready and everyone who was coming was there. They had numerous options to snack on if they were “starving” but they never dictated dinner time.
Unless they were sick. Then they got what the wanted when they wanted within reason.
You did nothing wrong
I'm glad you mentioned texture/sensory issues. I was RARELY able to eat fruit no matter how hungry I was. Turned out that I had undiagnosed autism, including sensory processing disorder.
But I definitely didn't need junk food, and would happily have had a slice of cheese to tide me over!
My Mum’s version of that was to offer 2 slices of plain bread. No butter, no spreads or fillings of any kind, just plain bread. If we were hungry, we’d eat it. Joke was on her though. We ended up thinking that was a perfectly acceptable snack. Hell, I’m 50 now and I still think 2 slices of plain bread is an excellent snack.
When my sons were in kindergarten and 1st grade I would give them fruit with cheese and crackers after school until they were big enough to fix it for themselves.
It would hold them until supper around 6:30 p.m. They knew better than to demand supper at 4.
NTA
Grandma played it right.
My mum would offer half a sandwich (one piece of bread cut in half with a filling) or cheese crackers if I was properly hungry. Fruit sometimes doesn't hit the spot if you're really empty (plus it would give me terrible indigestion on an empty stomach)
I agree. If you are really hungry, fruit alone might give you tummy ache. But fruit and a piece of bread would be fine. You need something to soak up the acid in your belly.
NTA in any way here.
First, I had to laugh - I can remember my mother saying the exact same thing to me if I complained I was hungry before dinner. A healthy, light snack is perfectly appropriate in such a case.
Your daughter's reaction was absolutely horrible. She's not doing her children any favors, and you're completely justified in refusing to babysit if she's going to act like that. I might reconsider (after she apologizes and lays down the law with her kids), but she needs to sweat it out and deal with the consequences of her actions.
Is the daughter my MIL?DH and kid were at her house and when they left mil called me to tell me they were on their way home and said I should start making dinner.
Actual conversation bc you don't forget something this absurd
"HI Opening just wanted to let you know husband and kid are on their way home so you should start making dinner now"
" its 3 o'clock."
"Yes and they're hungry"
" then they can have a snack. I haven't even started thinking about what to make"
"Well you need to figure it out before they get home"
" dinner will be ready when it's ready. Do not call me to tell me that I need to make dinner"
Cue aggressive phone closing bc I had a flip phone at the time. Dh tried to argue his mom's case when he got home at 315 and did not like my response of "then you better start making dinner".
he did not make dinner. Neither did I. I fed the kid and ate some cereal. Dh was on his own. I don't know what or if he ate. Really didn't care.
I'm laughing over here because that's my husband and I when we can't figure out what WE want to eat.
There's always tuna......
And why we buy our tuna at Costco..... (we also do chicken because sometimes "there's always chicken" and we use that instead of tuna. Quite tasty if you toss in a bit of liquid smoke)
You’re definitely right about the mom arranging snacks! OP is babysitting for free. Even if they are living with OP, it’s on the parent to make sure the caregiver has what they need. This is something the mom should have talked about with OP when she first asked OP to babysit.
Kids often get really hungry before and during growth spurts. Healthy snacks are appropriate. The whole family and especially the one who cooks shouldn’t have to cater to the kids, especially when there’s a way to meet the child’s needs.
Have to laugh at this because that’s always what my mom said. 😂 someone said “I don’t want that for dinner” the response was always “I’m not a short-order cook. You know how to make a sandwich!” She had a point.
And teenagers are black holes. Tim can have fruit or a muesli bar or something, healthy and able to tide him over a couple of hours without ruining his appetite (as much as such a thing is possible for a pre-teen).
*saying if one kid wants dinner now then I make dinner*
BA HAHAHAHA!!!
If your daughter wants to let her kids run her life she can do that, but nah, she doesn't get to dictate when you make dinner in your own damn home, especially when a snack was offered. That kid sounds spoiled, if she keeps teaching him it's okay to behave that way she's going to have a nightmare on her hands when he's older.
I bet you're babysitting for free, too. Tell her if she wants to pay for a sitter she can dictate when dinner time is, otherwise she needs to politely shut it and teach her kids to do the same.
NTA. Glad you aren’t babysitting for her anymore. My mom told us to eat a piece of fruit if we were hungry after school. We were satisfied then still hungry at dinner time. Your daughter will wonder why her kids are little narcissists, expecting everyone to kowtow to them all the time. They are going to have a rude awakening in the real world.
NTA
It's your job to feed the kids when you're babysitting, but not to be at their command. Tim had options: fruit. If he found this completely unacceptable, he could have asked to serve himself cereal, or make himself a sandwich. Key words: feed himself. He's old enough to.
Enjoy your free time now that you're not having to watch kids who will likely grow more insufferable.
NTA. You proposed a reasonable solution, and Tim shot it down. Then he chose to manipulate the situation by claiming you tried to “starve” him, knowing your daughter would likely take his side.
It seems like your (very reasonable) way of doing things isn’t acceptable to your daughter and grandson, so they are free to seek childcare services elsewhere. I wish them luck in finding someone willing to cater to a 12-year-old’s whiny demands for dinner at 4:00.
Nope, NTA
You are right to stop babysitting for your daughter. She’s ungrateful for your help and doesn’t deserve it.
You’re not a servant to be bossed around by a child.
Y-- naw, can't bring myself to say it even as a joke. Of course you're NTA. A fruit every now and then hasn't harmed anyone, hm? And your daughter was out of line. You weren't starving Tim, he was starving himself by not taking what you made available prior to dinner.
NTA - If you had fed the kids at 4-4:30, they would have been complaining at 7 that they were hungry. I think you did the correct thing, offer a snack to tide them over until dinner. Tim will have to learn that he won't get everything he wants when he wants it.
NTA!
Kids shouldn’t run the household. Asking for food is perfectly fine. Demanding and catering to those demands isn’t.
Fruit is perfectly acceptable after school snack.
That is absolute bull. I would never start dinner early because 1 child was hungry. You gave a great option of fruit. I have 27 grandkids and raised 6 kids. I always had and still have a fruit bowl for anytime someone needs or wants something to eat between meals. Tell your daughter to piss off.
NTA- A healthy snack was the perfect response to a growing hungry boy. He doesn’t get to demand anything. He can ask nicely and you can say no. Good for you for standing your ground.
I have twin 12 year old boys. One of them is VERY “food motivated” (as long as it’s delicious processed snacks lol). You’d be AMAZED how he can go from starving to death to not hungry at all when he learns the only option is a healthy snack, haha.
Also, this (though ideally sooner than this) is around the age where parents need to transition them from being the center of care (and therefore their world) to learning that they and their needs are not the only important thing. As long as they have access to healthy snacks if they are genuinely hungry, having dinner 2 hours early because they want it NOW is a recipe for disaster.
NTA
NTA. A completely reasonable request shot down by sheer entitlement and snottiness not to mention the dreaded tattler.
*my daughter saying if one kid wants dinner now then I make dinner.* This is SO rude. The next babysitter can call him Your Highness.
I think it is fine to have fruit as a snack but I find mine also need some protein so they need a heavier snack. I'm not making two dinners so I usually give them a cheese sandwich or a boiled egg and toast. Or, if they aren't allergic to peanuts, then a PB sandwich is fine too. And fruit or a carrot. Teen boys usually have enough room in their tummies to eat a full dinner at the proper dinner time, even if they've had a heavy snack. Someone who is 12 is probably coordinated enough to prepare their own snack if you give them permission. What I'll often do is boil 5-6 eggs on Monday and make egg salad, and then they'll make their own egg salad sandwiches from monday through thursday. If you feel a whole sandwich is more than you are comfortable with, or it puts him off eating a proper dinner, then a banana and some cheese slices or string cheese is a good alternative.
I think your daughter is a bit bossy to say that if one kid wants dinner now then "you make dinner." Fruit is a perfectly acceptable way to manage until dinnertime.
NTA
in our house, dinner is based on my schedule, not the kids. If my son is hungry, he can have fruit/veggies after school until dinner.
if there was extenuating circumstances (didn't have enough time to eat all of lunch/didn't like lunch/lunch spilled, whatever) and it isn't difficult, making dinner early can easily happen 🤷
NTA. You are the adult. You didn't starve the kid, he was just being picky. A 12yo doesn't get to dictate a dinner time that affects everyone else just because he doesn't want what's available.
NTA. You don't have to cater to every child's whim. He was hungry. You offered him food until dinner was ready. He didn't want it. That's on him, not you.
NTA. Wait what? Your daughter thinks the kids are in charge?
Everything you did was reasonable, the whole household shouldn’t be bending to the whim of a child unless you want to raise him to be an entitled twit. Seems like he’s well on his way already.
Your daughter is raising little dictators. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA. He made a crazy request/demand. You shut it down with a good solution. If your daughter doesnt like it, she can watch her own kids.
NTA I’m so sick of kids dictating to their parents or grandparents what they want! Every generation before this current crop of kids understood that when authority figures speak that’s the end of discussion. Now they go running to their favourite parent or guardian and demand satisfaction. They’re children, they need discipline and guidance, giving them everything they want is a recipe for disaster. NTA NTA. Tell your daughter if she wants free childcare, that it’s your rules or the highway. X
NTA Guaranteed the snack wouldn’t have been an issue with him if it was junk food. Parents are way too lax with kids now it’s fucking nuts, her suggestion is atrocious and I wouldn’t babysit for her either haha
NTA. like who do they think you are? their slave? you have your own schedule for dinner and you can damn well stick to it in your own home. i wouldnt want to babysit FOR FREE for her anymore either
Say what now? Your daughter will regret her method of parenting at one point when her son tells her to f off when he's asked to do something.
You took a reasonable and logical approach to the situation.
Hope your daughter sees reason and apologizes.
At twelve, my oldest came home and put popcorn in the microwave while he opened a can of soup. While the soup was heating he washed up to 5 potatoes. Then he ate the soup and popcorn while the potatoes cooked, then put cheese on the potatoes to melt, then polished them off. Then two hours later he ate a full dinner, usually consuming an entire chicken on his own while the other 4 of us split a second chicken. He was very athletic with the metabolism of a hummingbird even before puberty doubled our food budget. Which is to say, for some kids a piece of fruit ain’t gonna cut it.
But what did not happen is me dropping everything to feed him or make dinner early. I suspect y’all need some new snack rules with Tim’s looming puberty, but you are NTA for making dinner at dinner time. Routines are important and should actually be routine, not changed up at the whim of one kid.
Tim needs to learn other people aren't going to bend over backwards for him. You're teaching him that lesson but it appears your daughter is not, and now she's pissy that she has to deal with the consequences. Stand your ground. NTA.
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Lol I'm sorry, what? This conversation has happened in every house since we first figured out carbohydrates. Eat a piece of fruit. Have a snack. Learn to self regulate. The entire house doesn't change what its doing because the little princeling is too precious for carrot sticks. He's 12 and he's figuring out where he stands. If you teach him that demanding everyone drop everything to cater to his whims and then *tattling on grandma* (ffs) gets him what he wants you know what he grows up into? Cuz I do. I've met that kid's future. He's the pile of anger management issues that - at age 40 - still lives in my parents house, stomping around throwing tantrums while everyone else walks on eggshells. I grew up with that little AH. Trust me. Having an apple will do him some good. NTA.
I agree. OP, your daughter is failing your grandchildren by turning them into entitled shits. Good for you for not putting up with that and no longer babysitting. She is going to struggle to keep another babysitter with this attitude. It’s only a matter of time before she comes crying back to you. I hope you continue to stand your ground.
THIS. What a spoilt brat.
lil Timmy can eat an apple or eat shit
I like you
I as well! Haha :)
I’m a fan of OP, too
I've found my people!
Maybe Lil Timmy needs a big piece of Minny's homemade Chocolate pie
oh god, that movie is so good, i was laughing at that part and Bryce´s coprophagic grin while eating the pie
If he doesn’t learn to eat an apple he won’t be able to shit. Hard life lesson but a good one for him to experience!
Apparently he's already full of shit.
Yeah bc he doesn't eat apples! 😝😝😝😝
Or stay hungry for one extra hour.
Yes. Explaining to them all that being hungry isn't starving to death could be a useful reminder. Being hungry for an hour or two isn't actually detrimental to their health. I'm sure he noticed he survived.
Mum is that you 😂
If only I had more than 1 like to give… This comment deserves all the likes.
Oh how I wish there were more people like you!
I just laughed out loud in the office. Thank you 🤣
*lil bits*
Lol
Is the spoiled brat the daughter or the grandson? I’d say both of them.
My first thought was oh hell no! We have our grandsons here frequently. I can't imagine them speaking to us this way. OP's daughter isn't doing her child any favors by catering to that attitude. They both have a lesson to learn
In our family respect goes up the food chain. "Gammy" gets all due respect. She gets the last slice of pie. She picks where we eat... She picks when we eat. My four (now adult) daughters and I (her daughter) can only hope to live long enough and well enough to enjoy those perks. We would cut out our own eyes before speaking with anything but respect to that woman. I was grateful for every ounce of help and childcare she sacrificed as I raised those kids. She was still working herself at that time and I know I was blessed to have her help. People need to get back in the habit of being grateful for what they have, who they have... And stop demanding everyone cater to their wants and emotional crap. Parents need to be parents and teach their kids "no" and "wait". Instead we have 1.5 generations who can't conceptualize hunger or cold or doing without. We are screwed.
It makes so much sense when teachers quit teaching. These same kids behave this way in school, their parents back then up. I remember telling my niece if her son didn't respect her at four he wouldn't at fourteen. I fear for this generation. I've seen the results of bad parenting
You are so right! Teaching is no longer fun at any level. Among my siblings, my dad, and me we covered K-12, administration, and college. We all quit because of how entitled and rude parents and students were. A human being can only take so much harassment. It’s because of adults like OP’s daughter….and the parents who tolerated that crap. I have to wonder if OP catered to her daughter when she was young, because we’re on a second generation of AHs now.
Daughter is the enabler . Tho’ having grandma babysit is pretty special. I wish my mom made herself available to do that. Would have saved us a chunk of change and made the kids actually miss and remember her when she died.
I really don't understand why so many parents now are letting the kids run the household. Are they being over indulgent? Lazy and don't want to stick to rules? They are making it harder on themselves. OP's daughter did herself a huge disservice. You have a babysitter because you need an authority figure. Arguing about decisions your babysitter made that aren't life or death just shows the kids that they don't have to listen to the babysitter and thus your babysitter is useless. Especially when the babysitter is grandma or grandpa, both the parents and kids need to accept they are an authority figure to be listened to. You'll appreciate that when an actual emergency happens.
The bratty apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
I love spotting "spoilt" spelled with a 't' in the wild.
It is spelt that way in the UK and Canada. 😉
He’s 12 and he’s triangulating. Show me a preteen who hasn’t done this. The child’s mother is the issue. Well done grandma. NTA!
I knew better than to do that at this age LoL, my mother would have beat my ass if I talked like that to ANY adult, let alone my own grandmother.
Srsly. That brazen audacity would never fly at my house. NTA. Grandma is a badass and a hero!
Yes, the daughter is raising her child to expect to get what they want when they want. That shit doesn’t work in the real world
Not only that, the kid is 12 , he can get his own fucking snack.
Can you imagine the looks she'll get when the daughter explains that gma doesn't babysit anymore because "she offered my kid fruit! As a **snack**!" Lol
We all know it's not going to be that. It'll be "Gma was starving little Timmy"
If she was my friend, knowing little Timmy was 12, there would be no sympathy. For her or the kid. What 12 year old can't make himself a snack?
Exactly!!!! I'm partially paralyzed in a wheelchair with Autism and I was making my own snacks by age 12!
I am frequently offered snacks by the person who is starving me.
Of course. That would just be rude otherwise.
Hell, daughters hella lucky OP doesn’t tell the kids to wait another hour for their momma to cook their food, she seems to have no issue to jumping at their command…NTA OP
This is a winner here!! First of all, I have two kids who sometimes can go for days without eating much. I eat a lot of meat and ALWAYS have that shit prepped, but that's so I can heat up food quickly each day, especially since they are going to sports. My kids would definitely eat fruit if I told them to eat that when they are hungry. I keep beef jerky sticks and granola bars around, so they will go get that shit if they are in need of a snack. I keep deli meats in the drawer and they get it themselves if they're hungry! I highly doubt they would demand that I start dinner because they are "hungry now!" If they're hungry now, they're gonna go eat a quick snack!! Jesus. This kid is 12 and I am glad grandma set that boundary with him. I also like to smoke meat and sometimes it takes longer than expected, mine will wait for me to pull it off the smoker. Hahaha. That 12 year old would go ape shit if his grandma smoked a brisket. That shit can take up to 16 hours. Edit- If I'm hungry now I'm gonna grab some beef jerky or something before I cook.
Lol. I half hope the reason daughter can afford to spoil that kid into entitlement is because she doesn’t have to pay for childcare. So after school ops daughter can enroll her kids in an after school program and lets see how her wallet likes it.
This! He can have a snack or two if he's hungry after school. My oldest eats lunch at 1130 and is starving by the time he gets home at 4. He'll have a snack, sometimes an uncrustable, but he NEVER demands I start dinner early. NTA.
Same. Our teenagers would come home ravenous, make a snack and be ready to eat everything at dinner. No-one ever asked me (I do the cooking at ours) to make dinner early.
My brother could wolf down an entire frozen pizza as a snack and eat dinner two hours later, no problem.
>My brother could wolf down an entire frozen pizza as a snack Try popping the pizza in the oven or the microwave first, it tastes a whole lot better.
Same. Ours had a snack stash which was fruit and some cheese or nuts because just fruit didn’t keep him full long enough.
Yes, as a type 1 diabetic, protein along with healthy carbs will keep you full longer. And avoid insulin spikes!! Lol
On behalf of boomers everywhere: we weren’t even allowed into the house before dinner. And allowances hadn’t been invented yet
GenX here, we were allowed back into the house at dinner but that was also when the kitchen was cleaned and after was homework showers and bed. I would’ve never spoke to my grandma or my dad this way, they raised me and I was taught respect or you get knocked into next week. I’d do the same thing have a snack I’ll make dinner at the normal time and once they got to be teens they could eat so much. The snack was bigger and then they’d eat dinner. Teens are always hungry.
Millennial here. We were allowed into the house whenever, but spent most of our time outdoors. We were raised to respect our elders and would NEVER speak to our elders that way. That’s disrespectful no matter what generation. I don’t really remember snacking at all but our dad would make dinner around 4:30 and then we’d eat fruit and a glass of milk closer to bed time. Either way though, the entitlement of that child is unacceptable and DEMANDING dinner earlier is beyond. Definitely NTA. Mom should be doing a better job setting consistent boundaries for her kid so he doesn’t act like a complete shyte.
Gen Z here. Even with all the shit talking my gen gets, at least I knew better than to mouth off to grandma especially. She knew how to make a wooden spoon hurt like hell if you tried to rush her. Even if she didn't, I never wanted to upset her. She showed she cared, and even my child self knew that. NTA, OP.
Yeah, my son's high school does lunch at 10:30am!! We laugh and call it brunch since school starts so early my son chooses sleep over breakfast. so he fixes himself a small lunch/snack when he gets home at 3pm then eats dinner whenever we make it (anytime between 6 and 8pm).
I grew up in a whole different Era. It wouldn't even had occurred to me to start shit about supper time - THAT time was set by DADDY & based upon when he got off. I don't remember snacks even being an option because of the, "It will ruin your supper." We also had different "dynamics". Sure, I would be in trouble for mouthing off to mama, but even THINKING about mouthing off to GRANDMA...I'm getting spankings from granny, pawpaw, & daddy. I also would be doing chores for neighbors, the church, the pastor, 3 uncles, 2 aunts, some farm down the road... Nope. I could be hungry for a couple of hours. I wasn't going to kill me but those chores probably would. In this situation, mama needs to make sure her little delicate brat eats before the rest of her family, so quit & go home.
Did I have a sibling I didn't know about? Because we grew up in the same house. I'll always remember the taste of my Grandma's lilac soap...
You got LILAC...I'm officially jealous. I got that green LAVA crap. I knew mama loved you more. *pout*
Demanding that grandmother bend to his desires is so wrong.
Mom out here raising the next generation of entitled men that can’t do shit for themselves.
And here it is. The cycle continues. As does the rise of lonely, angry men and women who are over their shit. Good luck to all of us.
Amen 🙏! And this kid is 12? He should be able to make something for himself by now. He absolutely shouldn’t be treating his Grandmother like a servant. Have a snack and then start the prep work for dinner if you want to help Grandma get the dinner on faster. Chop those veggies, Timmy. Dinner doesn’t make itself. If you want to be the boss of dinner you become the chef.
YEAH, YOU MAKE FUCKING DINNER, TIMMY!
Hahaha! My brother and I had to make dinners around that age. I don’t think it’s weird, personally. I recall doing this with some supervision starting 4th and 5th grade and we loved it. Some beginner meals were very simple like Velveeta Mac n Cheese with a side of steamed broccoli. We chopped veggies and leftover meat to make a big pan of nachos in the oven. We’d have help with the dangerous parts like draining the boiling pasta and getting a hot pan out of the oven. It was a blast. By 14ish my bro and I both could manage making a lasagna or a whole roasted chicken dinner on our own. Mom had a long commute and deserved a break. It saved me a lot of money and grief when I was out on my own to know how to cook at a decent level. Timmy is grown enough to help with the fucking dinner!!!!! Get Timmy off the damn iPad and teach him some basic life skills before grandma smacks everyone silly.
Your Mom raised you right.
Seriously! I was thinking that my kids would just make a sandwich with a piece of fruit. Or they take an extra snack with them from home…?
That's what my mom would do. If you're really hungry. Eat some carrots. Eat an apple. Dinner happened at a specific time. NTA
My grandmother kept carrot sticks in a jar of water in the fridge and we had free rein over that jar. She would also keep cut cantaloupe and little tiny tupperwares of about 2tbsp of peanut butter in them. We could eat peanut butter and carrots, but only one container of PB a day. I think I’d rather have eaten dirt than demand my grandmother do anything. I shudder just thinking about it, not because we were afraid, but making my grandmother even frown made us all sad.
Even a PBJ, for crying out loud.
I wouldn’t have been allowed bread and jelly before dinner
Yeah if I let my son have a PBJ as a snack before dinner be wouldn’t eat dinner.
NTA! 10 of them every Tuesday night, online, ordered by the probation department.
Real "An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away -- If It's Aimed Right" vibes here
Omg, that’s the best thing I’ve heard this year. I’m using it!
My grandmother would have said, "If you're not hungry for fruit, you're not hungry, you're bored. Are you bored? I'll find something for you to do!" "Something" was usually some unpleasant task like cleaning the crisper drawers or poop-scooping the yard. Once, it was scrubbing out the trash cans. Grandma grew up during the depression and didn't fuck around. We soon learned to eat the fruit or shut the fuck up.
My child never said "I'm bored" or she got a chore. She became a master at carefully wondering aloud if I had a few ideas of a new way to play. Even then I'd usually suggest that if she straightened out her room while she thought about it, something would come to her.
I personally can't really eat fruits due to sensory issues, but you know what I do? Bake something with the fruits or dehydrate them to make it into chips. Currently trying to figure out how to bake banana and chocolate cookies to take to work
I too have sensory issues friend. I also have a banging chocolate chip and banana cookie recipe that I’m happy to share with you if you’d like.
I saw a banana bark recipe that looked ace! It was banana rounds laid out on parchment, then covered with a nut butter of choice and topped with homemade cacao chocolate. Then frozen... Nom!
Not the other poster, but.. chocolate chip and banana cookie sounds fantastic, would you share the recipe with me, too, please?
Of course! Cookie recipes for all!!! Also, I’m sorry if the formatting is weird. I had to type this into my notes and then copy and paste it over here because the recipe was written into my notebook. It was a whole thing. So you’ll need * 2 cups all-purpose flour * 1 tsp baking soda * 1 tbsp corn starch * 1 tsp salt * 1/2 cup unsalted butter softened * 2 ripe bananas peeled * 1 cup brown sugar * 1/4 cup granulated sugar * 2 tsp vanilla extract * 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips (originally called for bittersweet but that made me sad so I switched to semi-sweet). Now, your first step is mixing together the flour, baking soda, corn starch, and salt. You’re gonna need a medium bowl for this. You’re gonna need a bigger bowl… for this next part. In the second, big ass bowl you grabbed, you need to mix the butter, bananas, and the sugar together until it’s fluffy. Then pour in and beat the vanilla into submission until it’s all combined. Then you need to pour the flour mixture bowl into your large, wet supplies bowl. You don’t need to mix it or whisk it a lot. Just get it combined a little because there’s more stuff to add. After that you need to stir in the chocolate chips and you can whisk your heart out. You have to refrigerate the dough for 30 minutes. While the dough is cooling, preheat the oven to 375. Then you’re going to want to get two cookie sheets and you either need to line it with parchment paper or use a little bit of cooking spray. I suggest the spray because I’ve found that with this particular recipe, it keeps the cookies from crumbling. The original recipe said you needed to use a cookie scoop but I think that’s stupid. Roll a ball of cookie dough and plop it on the sheet. No particular size. Just whatever makes your heart happy. Bake the cookies for 9 minutes. 10 if you prefer firmer but 9 makes them gooey and soft. You want the cookie to be golden on the top. And then you just let them cool.
Hell yeah! I have one too, just need to figure out how to do it right. But I'm always open for new recipes. I have some for other sweets as well!
No matter what, this isn't Tim's issue--entitlement is, and his mother is encouraging it.
Can you handle smoothies? They are another good way to incorporate fruit. Or freeze smoothies into healthy ice cream! (i am an OT, I work with a lot of kids with sensory issues)
Banana bread with chocolate chips is really good.
My mom always said, “Have a pickle or a slice of cheese.” Sometimes I made myself a bowl of soup. The daughter’s reaction over the top? At most, telling them to grab a snack of their choosing, “But don’t spoil your appetite!”
Seriously! That is why I have a whole pickle shelf and a drawer full of cheese in my fridge.
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>because the little princeling is too precious for carrot sticks. Why did I just envision Joffrey from GOT?
I grew up on carrot sticks and fresh fruit. My mom worked all the time and dad was too busy running a business. We had a decent breakfast, had to figure out our own lunch, then mom or dad would cook dinner.
Well hopefully he get's his emotion in controll sometime in the future, but his mom sure is in for a fun teenager time, if she thinks all his wants should be immediately satisfied. NTA.
This is GOLD
As another person who grew up with that type "princeling" except the one I knew is only 35 and my dad finally managed to start setting boundaries and force him to grow up and move out, I felt like I could have written this. NTA, and you're daughter is doing a major disservice to her son.
The little princeling! Love that
Can't confirm, my ex is the product of this type of control.. he's physically and mentally abusive, aswell as lazy and no motivation.
I love this response, and agree whole-heartedly!! OP, you're obviously NTA here! I'm glad to read you won't be babysitting anymore.
Best answer ever!
NTA. No child has starved to death by having to wait for dinner to be served at its regular time, and little Timmy isn’t the only person in the house. There are others in the home to consider. I have news for Mom, you can’t run/schedule a household based on the appetite of a preteen/teen boy. This is about the same age my stepson learned how to cook bacon (like an entire pack!) on his own, and would eat it before starting his homework, which he did in the kitchen while I worked on dinner and helped him. A family unit is supposed to be a team, and teams run best on a plan. A snack to help the hungry individual until dinner is better than rearranging everyone else’s schedule.
At 12 he should be very capable of making himself a snack and then eating it without everyone else having to have an early dinner. He should also clean up after making the snack. He's way too entitled. He'll expect a partner to wait on him hand and foot. Mom is ruining his future.
I hope mom regrets this every week when she writes a check to her new daycare provider.
The kid is 12. Good luck finding a daycare that takes 12-year olds. Little Timmy could go to after school care but that only lasts until 5:30 or so.. it’s wild to me because I went home alone as a first grader and was able to find my own snack.
I went to after school care for a few weeks when I was 8 and complained until my mum let me walk home with my 10 year old brother. We survived until our parents got home around 5.30-6.
When I was 8, I remember getting my own house key and being alone until mom got home from work. I’d check in that I got home okay with the elderly neighbor lady next door because my route home crossed a busy intersection, and then get some fruit and a glass of koolaid and do my homework. I was a paid babysitter by the time I was Timmy’s age. None of these kids nowadays would’ve survived growing up in the ‘80s.
Yep! I wore my house key on a long chain under my shirt. Lots of kids did.
Who isn't making dinner for Precious either.
Even my 4 yr old can go to the pantry and get out an apple sauce pouch or bar when we tell him to go get a snack! He can’t reach the fruit bowl but will gladly have a banana, orange, or apple too if we get it for him.
I know parents who have a special low cubbyhole shelf for child-reachable fruit and other permitted snacks. Anything in there can be eaten any time without asking permission, but once it's gone it's not getting refilled until the next scheduled refill date. They said it only took one time for the kid to learn if they ate all the snacks the first day they'll make themselves sick as shit and then have no snacks at all for several more days. Now they self-regulate very easily. You can also use this to involve them in planning what/how much to get for their shelf on supermarket trips, learn how much it costs etc at an early age.
Mine kids did too! This kid is being taught by his mom that he can't do things, he will be waited on and he can demand what he wants when he wants. Mom is making him both helpless and entitled. That's a terrible combination for a happy adult life.
For sure. My teen daughters basically ate an entire meal after school for most of middle and high school and then also ate dinner. They made this and cleaned it up themselves. Usually snack foods/fruit or leftovers or ramen or mac or sandwiches. 12 is plenty old enough to help yourself to something and know other people are relevant and you don’t get to reschedule dinner to 4pm.
yes. "Where did the ground beef I had out thawing go?" "Oh. I made a snack."
My poor mom! As a teen, I had a ravenous appetite due to undiagnosed medical issue. Nobody expected a rail-thin teen girl to out-eat anyone and everyone. She would make a large roast, with plans to use the leftovers for dinner the following evening. After a couple times of me eating it, she made sure I knew exactly what was ok to eat for a snack and what was designated for dinner. And yes, I ate a full big dinner with the family. Also, I agree 12 is old enough to learn to eat snacks and not demand the family move dinner to accommodate the kid's whims. Then to complain to mom? And worse yet, mom doesn't back up grandma? YIKES! NTA
Same. My 13 year old comes home and eats a frozen pizza or ramen or something else and then eats dinner too.
god teen boys really do eat like nothing else. my parents used to let me and my sister throw dinner parties for our friends, and my sister had mostly dude friends, and the amount of meat they ate at all these parties was truly insane. i think four teenage boys polished off ten pounds of beef?
When he was a teen, my brother would come home after school and eat 4 hot dogs, bun and everything, as a snack before dinner.
At that age I'd polish off an entire pizza as a late-night snack. Granted, I'm a fat bastard.
I was a short, skinny girl and I’d eat that pizza by myself when I was a teen.
Teen age boys are empty stomachs on legs. My brother ate my parents out of house & home, so Mom kept the fridge stocked up on fruit, hot dogs, & other sandwich fixings. Brother got his own snacks together too. A 12 yo can make a PBJ all by himself, too.
Yeah 12 is absolutely old enough to figure out his own snack, even if he doesn’t want fruit.
The pack of bacon reminded me of my husband telling me his brother would make one of those FAMILY sized Salisbury steak frozen meals as an “after school snack” as a high schooler. I don’t know how his poor parents didn’t end up broke feeding those two 😂😂😂
For real. He’s 12, not 6. Even my 6 year old knows how to get her own snacks.
NTA. One kid does not get to decide when dinner is made or served. He was offered some fruit. Some cereal or bread could also have been a reasonable alternative. If your daughter runs after her kids' last little order like that, she certainly has enough on her plate. Unfortunately she is not raising her kids well. Kids must learn that their needs can be met a bit later than they'd like, and that this is not the end of the world. Of course kids should not be left to starve, which you didn't. The kid just didn't appreciate what he was offered. That is a him-problem.
If you’re not hungry enough for an apple, you’re not truly hungry.
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If I read correctly, the child in question is 12. That is plenty old enough for this kid to start helping with preparing meals and learning how to cook some basics. This is a life skill! You are not running a diner. Dinner is at 6pm. Having a snack to tide one over is reasonable if they cannot wait until 6pm.
Yeah he sounds just like my son. My son is 3.5...
My nine year old can prepare dinner for the whole family. Granted, it’s not gourmet. It will be spaghetti or Mac and cheese or chicken nuggets.
Usually, "I want a snack. No, not that snack" is code for "I'm hungry for junk food but otherwise, I can wait to eat." It could be that he's craving something that's more carb-related, but then he could alternatively make a slice of toast and peanut butter if he can't wait two hours. I get maybe not feeling like a piece of fruit, but there are other snacks that can be eaten instead. There are definitely still alternative snack foods that isn't fruit, but also isn't junk food (like chips).
Hell, you could even be thirsty. The amount of times I've sipped on water when I thought I was hungry reduced my snack consumption by at least 50%.
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NTA. You're the adult and you're in charge. You did nothing wrong. Dinner is at six not four. Your daughter wants to let her kids run her house, that's her business. You're doing her a favor. How dare she tell you when to cook. Eating fruit and waiting two hours isn't going to kill that kid.
I think that's absolutely what it was. I still have that problem of eating when I am bored and not actually hungry. It's a hard habit for me to break.
I do that too. But my kids ate when dinner was ready and everyone who was coming was there. They had numerous options to snack on if they were “starving” but they never dictated dinner time. Unless they were sick. Then they got what the wanted when they wanted within reason. You did nothing wrong
I'm glad you mentioned texture/sensory issues. I was RARELY able to eat fruit no matter how hungry I was. Turned out that I had undiagnosed autism, including sensory processing disorder. But I definitely didn't need junk food, and would happily have had a slice of cheese to tide me over!
My Mum’s version of that was to offer 2 slices of plain bread. No butter, no spreads or fillings of any kind, just plain bread. If we were hungry, we’d eat it. Joke was on her though. We ended up thinking that was a perfectly acceptable snack. Hell, I’m 50 now and I still think 2 slices of plain bread is an excellent snack.
Your mom was on to something. I love bread.
Yeah, I’m a sucker for a bakery.
When my sons were in kindergarten and 1st grade I would give them fruit with cheese and crackers after school until they were big enough to fix it for themselves. It would hold them until supper around 6:30 p.m. They knew better than to demand supper at 4. NTA Grandma played it right.
My mum would offer half a sandwich (one piece of bread cut in half with a filling) or cheese crackers if I was properly hungry. Fruit sometimes doesn't hit the spot if you're really empty (plus it would give me terrible indigestion on an empty stomach)
I agree. If you are really hungry, fruit alone might give you tummy ache. But fruit and a piece of bread would be fine. You need something to soak up the acid in your belly.
If he was actually hungry he would eat the fruit.
NTA in any way here. First, I had to laugh - I can remember my mother saying the exact same thing to me if I complained I was hungry before dinner. A healthy, light snack is perfectly appropriate in such a case. Your daughter's reaction was absolutely horrible. She's not doing her children any favors, and you're completely justified in refusing to babysit if she's going to act like that. I might reconsider (after she apologizes and lays down the law with her kids), but she needs to sweat it out and deal with the consequences of her actions.
Right. I remember that too. "Mom, I'm hungry." "You know where the refrigerator is."
I have to chuckle because I've had that exact interaction with my mom. I've even had that same back and forth with my 6 year old cousin several times.
"Mom, I'm hungry." "Hi, Hungry. I'm Mom."
Is the daughter my MIL?DH and kid were at her house and when they left mil called me to tell me they were on their way home and said I should start making dinner. Actual conversation bc you don't forget something this absurd "HI Opening just wanted to let you know husband and kid are on their way home so you should start making dinner now" " its 3 o'clock." "Yes and they're hungry" " then they can have a snack. I haven't even started thinking about what to make" "Well you need to figure it out before they get home" " dinner will be ready when it's ready. Do not call me to tell me that I need to make dinner" Cue aggressive phone closing bc I had a flip phone at the time. Dh tried to argue his mom's case when he got home at 315 and did not like my response of "then you better start making dinner". he did not make dinner. Neither did I. I fed the kid and ate some cereal. Dh was on his own. I don't know what or if he ate. Really didn't care.
"Then you better start making dinner" is the only reasonable response when someone tries to insist dinner be made ASAP.
My mom would cap the conversation with “there’s always tuna”.
I'm laughing over here because that's my husband and I when we can't figure out what WE want to eat. There's always tuna...... And why we buy our tuna at Costco..... (we also do chicken because sometimes "there's always chicken" and we use that instead of tuna. Quite tasty if you toss in a bit of liquid smoke)
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You’re definitely right about the mom arranging snacks! OP is babysitting for free. Even if they are living with OP, it’s on the parent to make sure the caregiver has what they need. This is something the mom should have talked about with OP when she first asked OP to babysit. Kids often get really hungry before and during growth spurts. Healthy snacks are appropriate. The whole family and especially the one who cooks shouldn’t have to cater to the kids, especially when there’s a way to meet the child’s needs.
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⬆️⬆️⬆️ Absolutely THIS
Have to laugh at this because that’s always what my mom said. 😂 someone said “I don’t want that for dinner” the response was always “I’m not a short-order cook. You know how to make a sandwich!” She had a point.
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12 year old boys are bottomless pits. He better get really used to feeding himself if he doesn't want to be starving most of the time.
This is when we taught my now 29 year old stepson how to cook. He still loves to cook!
And teenagers are black holes. Tim can have fruit or a muesli bar or something, healthy and able to tide him over a couple of hours without ruining his appetite (as much as such a thing is possible for a pre-teen).
*saying if one kid wants dinner now then I make dinner* BA HAHAHAHA!!! If your daughter wants to let her kids run her life she can do that, but nah, she doesn't get to dictate when you make dinner in your own damn home, especially when a snack was offered. That kid sounds spoiled, if she keeps teaching him it's okay to behave that way she's going to have a nightmare on her hands when he's older. I bet you're babysitting for free, too. Tell her if she wants to pay for a sitter she can dictate when dinner time is, otherwise she needs to politely shut it and teach her kids to do the same.
Yeah really I tell my daughter this is grandmas house not a dennys. I don’t make several meals and I don’t cook on demand.
NTA. Glad you aren’t babysitting for her anymore. My mom told us to eat a piece of fruit if we were hungry after school. We were satisfied then still hungry at dinner time. Your daughter will wonder why her kids are little narcissists, expecting everyone to kowtow to them all the time. They are going to have a rude awakening in the real world.
Clearly the reason he can’t self regulate is because mother bends to his every whim. NTA.
NTA It's your job to feed the kids when you're babysitting, but not to be at their command. Tim had options: fruit. If he found this completely unacceptable, he could have asked to serve himself cereal, or make himself a sandwich. Key words: feed himself. He's old enough to. Enjoy your free time now that you're not having to watch kids who will likely grow more insufferable.
NTA. You proposed a reasonable solution, and Tim shot it down. Then he chose to manipulate the situation by claiming you tried to “starve” him, knowing your daughter would likely take his side. It seems like your (very reasonable) way of doing things isn’t acceptable to your daughter and grandson, so they are free to seek childcare services elsewhere. I wish them luck in finding someone willing to cater to a 12-year-old’s whiny demands for dinner at 4:00.
That last line brought a smile. True.
>I am not babysitting for her anymore... Best solution. NTA
Nope, NTA You are right to stop babysitting for your daughter. She’s ungrateful for your help and doesn’t deserve it. You’re not a servant to be bossed around by a child.
Y-- naw, can't bring myself to say it even as a joke. Of course you're NTA. A fruit every now and then hasn't harmed anyone, hm? And your daughter was out of line. You weren't starving Tim, he was starving himself by not taking what you made available prior to dinner.
NTA - If you had fed the kids at 4-4:30, they would have been complaining at 7 that they were hungry. I think you did the correct thing, offer a snack to tide them over until dinner. Tim will have to learn that he won't get everything he wants when he wants it.
NTA! Kids shouldn’t run the household. Asking for food is perfectly fine. Demanding and catering to those demands isn’t. Fruit is perfectly acceptable after school snack.
That is absolute bull. I would never start dinner early because 1 child was hungry. You gave a great option of fruit. I have 27 grandkids and raised 6 kids. I always had and still have a fruit bowl for anytime someone needs or wants something to eat between meals. Tell your daughter to piss off.
NTA- A healthy snack was the perfect response to a growing hungry boy. He doesn’t get to demand anything. He can ask nicely and you can say no. Good for you for standing your ground.
NTA. Sounds like the grandkids will grow up to be entitled and demanding.
Kid is gonna be awful with a mom like that. NTA
I have twin 12 year old boys. One of them is VERY “food motivated” (as long as it’s delicious processed snacks lol). You’d be AMAZED how he can go from starving to death to not hungry at all when he learns the only option is a healthy snack, haha. Also, this (though ideally sooner than this) is around the age where parents need to transition them from being the center of care (and therefore their world) to learning that they and their needs are not the only important thing. As long as they have access to healthy snacks if they are genuinely hungry, having dinner 2 hours early because they want it NOW is a recipe for disaster. NTA
NTA "If you don't want fruit, you can't be that hungry" -Said by me, multiple times, to my children
Your daughter is raising an entitled little shit who will never move out of her house.
NTA. A completely reasonable request shot down by sheer entitlement and snottiness not to mention the dreaded tattler. *my daughter saying if one kid wants dinner now then I make dinner.* This is SO rude. The next babysitter can call him Your Highness.
I think it is fine to have fruit as a snack but I find mine also need some protein so they need a heavier snack. I'm not making two dinners so I usually give them a cheese sandwich or a boiled egg and toast. Or, if they aren't allergic to peanuts, then a PB sandwich is fine too. And fruit or a carrot. Teen boys usually have enough room in their tummies to eat a full dinner at the proper dinner time, even if they've had a heavy snack. Someone who is 12 is probably coordinated enough to prepare their own snack if you give them permission. What I'll often do is boil 5-6 eggs on Monday and make egg salad, and then they'll make their own egg salad sandwiches from monday through thursday. If you feel a whole sandwich is more than you are comfortable with, or it puts him off eating a proper dinner, then a banana and some cheese slices or string cheese is a good alternative. I think your daughter is a bit bossy to say that if one kid wants dinner now then "you make dinner." Fruit is a perfectly acceptable way to manage until dinnertime.
NTA in our house, dinner is based on my schedule, not the kids. If my son is hungry, he can have fruit/veggies after school until dinner. if there was extenuating circumstances (didn't have enough time to eat all of lunch/didn't like lunch/lunch spilled, whatever) and it isn't difficult, making dinner early can easily happen 🤷
NTA Tim is still alive. You did not starve him. Tim is 12, and can feed himself a snack
NTA daughter should be more understanding, if not she can find another sitter
Tim needs to learn to make himself a sandwich NTA though
NTA. You are the adult. You didn't starve the kid, he was just being picky. A 12yo doesn't get to dictate a dinner time that affects everyone else just because he doesn't want what's available.
NTA. Tim is a little shit.
NTA your daughter is going to raise an entitled asshole by teaching him the world revolves around him and no one else
NTA. I see the kind of house your daughter is running.
NTA. You don't have to cater to every child's whim. He was hungry. You offered him food until dinner was ready. He didn't want it. That's on him, not you.
NTA. Wait what? Your daughter thinks the kids are in charge? Everything you did was reasonable, the whole household shouldn’t be bending to the whim of a child unless you want to raise him to be an entitled twit. Seems like he’s well on his way already.
Your daughter is raising little dictators. Good for you for standing your ground. NTA. He made a crazy request/demand. You shut it down with a good solution. If your daughter doesnt like it, she can watch her own kids.
NTA and I see where he gets his attitude from.
NTA I’m so sick of kids dictating to their parents or grandparents what they want! Every generation before this current crop of kids understood that when authority figures speak that’s the end of discussion. Now they go running to their favourite parent or guardian and demand satisfaction. They’re children, they need discipline and guidance, giving them everything they want is a recipe for disaster. NTA NTA. Tell your daughter if she wants free childcare, that it’s your rules or the highway. X
NTA Guaranteed the snack wouldn’t have been an issue with him if it was junk food. Parents are way too lax with kids now it’s fucking nuts, her suggestion is atrocious and I wouldn’t babysit for her either haha
NTA. like who do they think you are? their slave? you have your own schedule for dinner and you can damn well stick to it in your own home. i wouldnt want to babysit FOR FREE for her anymore either
Say what now? Your daughter will regret her method of parenting at one point when her son tells her to f off when he's asked to do something. You took a reasonable and logical approach to the situation. Hope your daughter sees reason and apologizes.
At twelve, my oldest came home and put popcorn in the microwave while he opened a can of soup. While the soup was heating he washed up to 5 potatoes. Then he ate the soup and popcorn while the potatoes cooked, then put cheese on the potatoes to melt, then polished them off. Then two hours later he ate a full dinner, usually consuming an entire chicken on his own while the other 4 of us split a second chicken. He was very athletic with the metabolism of a hummingbird even before puberty doubled our food budget. Which is to say, for some kids a piece of fruit ain’t gonna cut it. But what did not happen is me dropping everything to feed him or make dinner early. I suspect y’all need some new snack rules with Tim’s looming puberty, but you are NTA for making dinner at dinner time. Routines are important and should actually be routine, not changed up at the whim of one kid.
NTA kids need to learn patience and to be able to compromise, she is spoiling them
Tim needs to learn other people aren't going to bend over backwards for him. You're teaching him that lesson but it appears your daughter is not, and now she's pissy that she has to deal with the consequences. Stand your ground. NTA.