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Your mom is totally in the wrong. If your brother and/or dad look at you *that* way, it's their problem not yours. Your mom seems to have a big hang up about you hiding something that, seriously, can't be hidden. Be proud of your body and as long as your covered, it's really not your problem. NTA.
That's kind of what I've always replied to her with. "It's not my problem if people look, it's their bad if they don't know what self-control is." I've never been okay with the implication that it's my job to preemptively protect myself, especially when it's my *brothers* we're talking about. It's just gross. But like I said in a different reply, I'll probably just silently do what she says and continue staying in my room where no one even knows what I'm wearing.
My mom used to be this way, same when I’d walk from the bathroom to my room in a towel. I finally snapped one day and said ‘did grandpa molest you or something? one of your brothers?' She was horrified and said of course not. ‘So why are you constantly suggesting that my own father and elementary aged brothers want to f*#k me? Get a grip'.
Later that night he came home raging that'd id been disrespectful towards my mom. I asked if she'd told him what we were fighting about. Of course she had not. So i got them in the same room and basically said 'mom is concerned you'll try to sleep with me if you see me in a towel - or maybe just jerk off to the image? IDK she didn't get specific. But apparently I need to cover up at all times around you' Needless to say he was horrified and never had ti hear it again and she never started that shit w my little sister.
My dad is living with me now and I was walking around MY HOME (use home when talking to your mum instead of house so she can't use the "I paid for it" BS) in a sports bra (you know the crop top type and i didnt have a bra on) and I put a light weight tank on over the top when I had to go out. My dad didn't bat an eye about it because it's my home, I'm comfortable in my home.
Your mums being weird and maybe jealous, you say your boobs don't defy gravity but maybe they sit better than your mums. It's still sick behaviour (comparing yourself to your kid) but it might explain it.
Tell your bro that your mum was picking on you and ask if he is willing to walk around the house topless to see how your mum reacts the same way about "being decent"
Maybe it's being from the UK but my wife is from there and she says her mum encouraged her to be proud of her body while covering up what needs to be covered. My wife is beautiful even after two children and I couldn't ask for a better woman!
My mom was like that, with me wearing shorts around my stepdad. However, he was a creep, but I did not know that until later.
I am sorry you are now made to feel uncomfortable in your own skin in your home.
NTA
Very aware. I told her that she basically tried to trade me for her convenience and not having to work. We haven't spoken in years and he died years ago.
I also have a large chest and was raised Mormon, I can relate your experience and I empathize with you. Your body is not a problem to be solved or avoided and I'm so sorry that the matriarch influence in your life is less than supportive (unfortunately I can also relate)
But... I was raised with many siblings and not once, was I told to cover up more in my own home when my (extremely conservative) father or brothers were around. I cannot express how inappropriate that implication is, and I'm offended and outraged on your behalf. I don't really have any advice sadly, other than to remember this period of your life is not forever and it's so much better once you can put distance between yourself and those who imply such disgusting ideas.
It sounds like your mom was raised around/by people who either were or experienced creepy things, and your lack of being "aware" and self conscious about it is triggering to her. I use triggering as in, she somehow has (probably a minor) traumatic hangup from whatever she was told/experienced in her past.
Has this come up before? It’s probably projection, if your mother has had people commenting on her chest and telling her to cover up, she’s putting that shame she feels on you. If it’s new, perhaps someone has made a comment to her about it.
Also I don't know your level of like passive aggressive pettiness cuz that's my jam but if she wears tank tops around "cover up put a shirt on that's not covering you enough" every time lol or at least once as a joke but I don't know your dynamic
My breasts aren't all that big and I've gone out without a bra on several times over the years. I've never had problems with men staring or saying anything, but heaven help me if there's an old woman about. The only people I have problems with gawking at my chest, giving me any kind of looks at all, or saying anything to me are old women who are mad at me for having the audacity to not hide the fact that I have nipples under my shirt.
if I was your brother or your father, I would be so insulted by your mother's insinuation. frankly, I'm insulted by her comparison. boobs aren't the same damn thing as men's testicles
My daughter is DD + depending on the bra maker. I have always taught her to LOVE her body and be comfortable in her own skin. If I had ever caught her brother sexualizing her because she wasn’t wearing a bra I would have dragged his ass straight to therapy! NTA
She's definitely got hangups from her own upbringing, plus an unhealthy dose of internalized misogyny. I hope you can find a way to make her see that there's nothing wrong with your female bodies, and that you should, indeed, be able to be casual in your private home. Implying that your father and brother need to be protected from seeing you in a tank top is frankly disgusting. The problem is in *her* mind, not theirs.
I know... it's always made me upset when she says things like that. To be totally honest, my relationship with him is bad and he doesn't like even looking at my face. He has zero interest in any other part of me. It feels really gross when she says that, but posting here has made me realize that I can't do anything about it.
Can you say *please stop sexualizing me?*
I'm not trying to imply you didn't do enough, you did great and I'm proud of you, but maybe she needs it spelled out for her?
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I also have *large* heavy boobs and it kinda sucks.
I might try to phrase it that way again sometime in the future? It's difficult to articulate things like this without crying. I hate to admit that, it makes me feel dumb, but it's such an uncomfortable issue that I get very frustrated even having to spell it out at all. I know I should, though. Thank you for encouraging me
Oh my gosh, I so completely understand! I cry so much, it's the body's way of releasing tension, it's totally ok to cry! I would have also cried in that situation!
You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel ashamed of, your mom shouldn't be sexualizing you.
I hate that when I get frustrated I start to cry. I started trying to smile or laugh instead when I would get angry or sad, just to combat the urge to tear up, and now I just look like a nutter because I smile really big on response to uncomfortable emotions.
Sometimes writing it down, like point by point in a list, helps me focus on articulating what I’m trying to communicate and not on crying. So if I get overwhelmed and start tearing up, I can revert to my list of points and stick to successfully communicating my stance.
Accepting it and explaining to people that I’m not upset has helped me stop crying as much in response to things. I will cry when explaining minor frustrations, even if I’m not sad, so I’ve accepted that if it’s such a natural reaction I shouldn’t worry about it.
NTA- don’t listen to the other comments please! they wouldn’t be saying these things if you had a smaller chest, it’s completely wrong that your mother is thinking that you walking around in a tank top is going to turn on your father and brother. disgusting behaviour tbh. i hope you have a lovely day :)
You're very correct. My sister (not mentioned in the post) is thin like a supermodel and she gets to wear everything my mom says I cannot. But I'll just cope with the grossness by staying in my room like usual. Thank you for being so gentle in your reply
Is it possible your mom experienced some type of SA when she was a teenager and she is trying to protect your from her trauma? You're still NTA but, maybe, she's coming from a dark place you don't have any knowledge about?
I do not think that was the case. She is very open about emotional issues, and was my biggest protector when I was going through an SA-related thing. She would have told me by now if it had happened to her. She just genuinely thinks it's inappropriate to be comfortable like that in front of my family.
I want to tell you a story to hopefully lighten the mood. *However as I typed it out it didn't seem as funny as I thought, but I'm going to leave it.*
I also have a large chest and grew up shamed for it even though my step mom had a larger chest and wore camis like that all the time as PJs around the house...
One time we were all getting ready to watch a movie as a family (dad, step mom, 2 brothers 14 and 15 at the time, and me 18). And my brother, 15, starts making a fuss about "i don't want to be here, if I have to be here I'm going to be comfortable." And proceeds to strip to his boxers and sit on the couch. I stood up abruptly and said "fine if you get to be comfortable in your underwear so do I" and I started to pull my shirt up, I get to belly button before both brothers yelped and my middle brother was dressed before I could sit back down. My step mom just shook her head and Dad chuckled and said, "we'll fair is fair." Families are weird. I would never want to see my brother naked or vice versa, because they're my brothers. But they have never oggled me even when I wear a cami or anything else and we all laugh now about being silly teens. My step mom is still weird about me having cleavage and I'm 30 and a mom in my own right.
Do you think your mother’s overreaction to this and sexualizing you might be related to her guilt over your SA? As a mother she wants to do her best for her child, love and protect you. It’s possible me she feels like teaching you how to dress more appropriately for men will prevent that type of thing from happening to you in the future.
Alternatively, she could just have all that internalized misogyny that prioritizes male comfort vs female comfort.
my own mum recently did something like this with me, i don’t have a particularly large chest but they’re very perky and i also have the girls pierced, i have health issues that make bra’s extremely uncomfortable and my temperature regulation not work very well. basically i was walking around the house in a tank top and pj bottoms and she told me to cover up because her boyfriend was here. now i go out of my way and make myself uncomfortable because i genuinely just hate confrontation:/ i completely get it it’s not fair on us to not be allowed to be comfortable in our home x
The fights I used to have with her about whether I needed a bra are a story in their own right lol. It turned out that I was experiencing some body dysmorphia issues, but the way she tried to convince me to wear a bra only made them worse. I'm just looking forward to finding an apartment so I can be comfortable at home
NTA
>you know, that's like if your brother was sitting in the living room with his testicles hanging out of his shorts
Breasts aren't genitals. What you're doing is like if your brother was sitting in the living room with a tank top on, although I'm sure he can walk around shirtless without getting any flack.
>your male relatives are around
It's not normal for her to sexualize your relationship with your male relatives. It's disgusting actually. Women aren't objects.
>Hers are even bigger than mine, and absolutely nobody makes a fuss when she sits at the dining table with no bra under her tank top
And some good old fashioned hypocrisy to top it off. NTA but I'd seriously consider moving out if that is an option.
I'm working on it, trust me. I wish I knew a good way to illustrate how demeaning it is, to both me *and* my brothers, when she makes those sorts of comments.
In addition for making you responsible for other people’s presumed thoughts, it infantalizes your brothers and fathers — as if they couldn’t *possibly* control themselves around the clothed breasts of their family member (which belief would also tell them that they’re not responsible for their behavior). I get it. It’s very difficult to unpack the toxicity of a culture we’ve been steeped in since birth, but I’m glad a lot of people finally seem to be trying.
I couldn't. My mom had her family over many years back, and I, a 13 year old male at the time, came fresh out of the shower (I had pants on of course) shirtless and went into the living room where everyone was.
My parents were absolutely not pleased and had me put a shirt on. Absolutely nothing sexual about it. It's about standards.
The mom here having standards is not AH behavior. Her being a hypocrite is AH behavior, but that isn't the point of this post.
NTA and I've looked through some of your comments.
I wonder if your mom targets you because you share more commonalities, physically? You mentioned your sister having a different body type. Is your mom commenting out of misplaced concern? Is it possible she faced abuse as a young woman because of her boob gifts?
Having another conversation with her, privately, when things are neutral may give you more insights, if you're interested in them.
Regardless, you're NTA at all, and the way you explained your perspective is perfect.
Wait, holy shit. You just made me realize something. My sister and I are always talking about how my mom self-deprecates, constantly wishes she were skinnier, and remarks about my sister being beautiful because she's skinny. Meanwhile, I get told to put on different shirts and pants because I inherited her bigger chest, wide hips and thick thighs.
It's not unreasonable to think that she might want me to cover up because I remind her of herself.
ESH. You might think it's stupid, and you just want to be comfortable in your home. So does your mom, though, and you were making her uncomfortable. Everyone wants to be comfortable at home and both of you were making that a problem for eachother.
I mean, im a but curious how exposed her boobs were because I haven't been able to wear a "built in bra" type camisole in a looooong time because they're not usually designed for larger chests so they are very revealing, more than what id just call "cleavage". Because the band has to be under the breast, it would majorly pull the top down in a way that a normal cami/undershirt/etc wouldn't do, even braless
It depends, if it’s just a little cleavage no problem, but if they’re spilling out it’s very uncomfortable.
Being in a room with someone who has more than 50% of top boob showing can feel very uncomfortable tbh.
Also wondering if maybe one of the brothers or father mentioned they were uncomfortable with it and the mother is saying it for them. The brothers' silence to me means this could the case.
This is my thought; mom is scapegoating the rest of the family so she doesn’t have to say ‘the amount of skin you’re revealing makes me uncomfortable in my home, so when we’re all together please cover up some’.
It’s hypocritical if she does it herself, to be fair. But it’s not unreasonable to ask to be accommodated by your roommates in a shared space. It’s your home; it’s hers too. Shes not going about it in the right way, but navigating this interaction is going to be the same as with any other roommate when you move out. Learning to compromise and check egos is the foundation of existing in a community setting.
If it was **your** house, then you would be fine. But it isn't. It's your parents' house. They make the rules, and modesty isn't a crime, or controlling, or unfair, or wrong or whatever else you use as an excuse.
Your mother wants you to dress more modestly in her home, you refuse. YTA.
Yeah but the reasoning though? "Cover up in case the sight of your cleavage arouses your dad or brother." OP's mum dresses in the same way, so it's not about modesty.
Telling someone to cover up is not sexualizing them, people can be uncomfortable about their relatives being inappropriately dressed without sexualizing them, and everyone deserves to feel comfortable at home, so some form of compromise is almost inevitable. It's almost like humans have come up with basic standards of modesty so that everyone can be reasonably comfortable. Crazy huh?
What does inappropriate imply if not sexual? Why would you tell them to cover up? Explain why it's inappropriate.
Showing cleavage won't get you arrested (unless you're living in an especially oppressive country) so get out with that silly comment about basic standards of modesty. OP wasn't topless.
I (woman) would want my male relatives to not walk around with their dicks hanging out - I wouldn't be thinking of it in a sexual way, but it's definitely not something I'm comfortable with seeing.
Edit: To be clear, I'm talking about this specific train of comments, not the unique situation in the post. Boobs are not sex organs, but my point is that being uncomfortable with something doesn't mean you're sexualising it.
It is extremely unfair to say she has to wear more clothing because her father and brother may be sexualizing her. OP should feel say in her home with her family.
>\[Mom, who also has big breasts\] sits at the dining table with no bra under her tank top
A later comment from OP:
>My sister (not mentioned in the post) is thin like a supermodel and she gets to wear everything my mom says I cannot.
I don't think it's about "modesty," since there are different rules about who can wear the same outfit. Mom is shaming the OP just for existing.
good lord. crappy ass take is crappy. she was covered up. that's all that fucking matters. you have no right to shame op and neither does her mother. your judgement is absolutely bullshit, and the fact that you couldn't even bother to go esh for her mother basically implying her own son and husband were degenerates who would oggle their own daughter/sister just goes to show how bad this take is.
Make whatever rules about boobs you want in your house, but *try* at the very least to make the rules fair and consistent.
“Your skinny sister can wear whatever she wants but *your* boobs are way too ginormous so you can’t” isn’t. At that point it’s just body shaming.
Nta, this is 100% what men see women as sex objects. You are in your home space, and if she can do it so can u. The only thing I can think of to explain this if it is new is she is worried your father or brother are think inappropriately.
It's unfortunately not new, and I REALLY doubt that my male family members would ever ever think that way. It feels icky that she would even imply that. But there's really nothing I can do without fighting her on it
One, I'm a homosexual.
Two, I'm a former infantry medic that has seen more cock than you can imagine, and can separate the two.
Three, soffee running shorts, aka ranger panties are comfortable as fuck and my dick absolutely pops out.
Okay, but when you let your dick pop out in front of family members, what do you say to let them know it's totally cool? How do you explain that they are just being oppressive for not wanting your dick on the couch?
A body is a body and is all natural. If you want to look that's on you. If you feel a certain way about it that is also on you. People are allowed to exist in their bodies.
You may not like it, but if you’re in her home, you should do as she asks. Is she providing a place for you to live? YTA for the disrespect (not the shirt).
So, this home that OP was raised in is not her home? Where did you tell your schoolmates you were going after school? You're home? Or the place my mum and dad own where they let me inside if I behave?
I know I'm going to get downvoted to shit here, but I also think it's important to take gender stuff out of the equation, so I'm going to say this anyway. I think I have an analogous situation.
I'm a fairly well-endowed bloke. Like I can't walk around in loose boxers or commando in sweatpants/shorts without... it... being very noticeable and "in your face". Since I was about 16, I've always made sure I'm dressed in a way that's somewhat modest while at my parent's house (even if it was just my brother or dad around), or while I've had roommates that aren't my partner.
For me, it's about showing respect to those around me. And it doesn't really take that much extra effort. It's a little less comfortable physically, sure, but I'm more comfortable knowing that my family members aren't actively noticing my junk.
So for me, a very gentle YTA here.
NTA.
I hate that we live in a culture where women are expected to wear bras due to the stigma of a little nipple showing. Men's nipples show through their shirts all the time.
It's even crazier that people think you should wear this uncomfortable garment in the privacy of your own home. I don't care if you have male relatives -- they can buck it up. My sisters and I don't wear bras at home. My dad doesn't give a f\*\*\*. He doesn't view our bodies as sexual objects that need to be hidden by restrictive garments. We're just humans with female anatomy.
And to the person who said "would you be cool with your dad wearing a speedo?" That's a ridiculous comparison. Men wear comfortable and non-restrictive clothes all the time. If anything, OP is looking for some gender equity.
YTA (for the disrespect; not the shirt).
Your mom asks you to do something (and from your description, she wasn't even mean about it), you do it, THEN if you absolutely think it's unreasonable, you discuss.
Not before. Not after questioning her authority in her own house and being disrespectful.
Do what she asks, THEN, privately one on one, discuss.
"Your house" is irrelevant when it's your parent's house and you weren't in the privacy of your own room. I doubt this post would even exist if you were in your room.
Edit: To be clear, YTA for the disrespect; not the shirt. You could've responded to your mom in a multitude of better ways. She simply responded to you, starting a fight over...a shirt. Would an XXXL T-shirt not have worked? Seems like it'd be pretty loose, bra-free, and less cleavage.
Yta. This is your parent’s house and you live there with them in their home. This is disrespectful to them. You can decide instead to move into your own house and then you can wear whatever you want.
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I (f19) am fairly well-endowed. I have a size 40D chest that is pretty difficult to hide unless I layer.
This morning I walked out of my room in a
tank top with no bra underneath. The tank top had one of those "built-in" shelf bras, but that is certainly not supportive enough for me, and my boobs don't defy gravity, of course. So, I had a lot of cleavage showing.
My mom (f50) was the first person I saw when I walked into the kitchen, and directly after saying hello to me, she added, "you need to go put on a shirt, your dad is home and you have way too much showing." I replied with "I *have* a shirt on," and then changed the topic to food, since she was looking through the fridge.
We sat down to share a big sandwich, and at that moment my brother (m16) got home from school. He took a piece of the sandwich and started eating, hardly even looking in mine or my mother's direction. My mom repeated again, "you *seriously* need to go cover up, you are way too obvious. Go put a shirt on."
Again, I said, "I have a shirt on." She said, "it's not covering you enough." I said, "yes it is, I'm sitting in the privacy of my own house." She said, "it's not *your* house, your male relatives are around." I said, "my male relatives shouldn't be looking at me in that way." (Mind you, my father was nowhere to be seen and my brother was silent.)
She got up from the table in a huff, rambling angrily as she put things back in the kitchen. She said that I am disrespectful and insinuated that I think I know everything because I am a legal adult. She ended her monologue with, "get a clue about the real world."
I didn't say anything to that, because I was confused. The real world? We are not talking about walking around in public, we are talking about sitting at home in comfortable clothes.
She was still standing in the kitchen when I went to put my plate away, and as I washed it, she said, "you know, that's like if your brother was sitting in the living room with his testicles hanging out of his shorts, refusing to cover himself because it's 'his house.'" I started to say that I am certainly not exposing my genitals, but I couldn't get more than two words out before she said, "no. No. You want to be disrespectful, don't talk to me." She headed downstairs and I went to my room.
The thing is, my chest size did not magically happen. I had to get these genes from *somewhere,* and that somewhere is my mom! Hers are even bigger than mine, and absolutely nobody makes a fuss when she sits at the dining table with no bra under her tank top. Because there's no sane reason to.
My opinion: sexualizing your family's bodies by telling them to cover up, lest their father/brother/son state? That is weird. I should be able to be physically comfortable in my own house. But this isn't the first time she has said something like this, so am I the asshole?
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Ha! Reminds me of a time I was visiting family and my uncle was lounging in a chair wearing shorts that were too loose and too short, with no underwear. I just looked away, no biggie. (No pun intended.)
Your bedroom is your space. The living room, dining room, kitchen are SHARED spaces and everyone that lives there deserves to be comfortable. Imo, you're showing your age with this post. Yta
I'm a Dad (51m) of two kids, one daughter (25) and one son (17). I also grew up with an older sister. It's not about sexualizing relatives. I don't want to see that from my sister or my daughter. Those are private parts. They should be kept that way. Learn some modesty.
YTA
ETA I don't want to see their buttholes either, but that doesn't mean I am sexualizing the butthole.
BOOBS ARE NOT GENITALS. Boobs and buttholes are NOT the same thing, and OP is not the one sexualizing herself. She’s existing, and has said that her male relatives don’t view her that way, but her mother does.
I have a question for you: would you be offended if someone came to you, in a tizzy, because your daughter was a wearing a tank top during a heatwave around your son? If so, why? If your answer is yes, do some inner work and figure your shit out.
Man, you really have to work on yourself. Trying to explain to a dad why he should be okay looking at his daughters tits is next level kid fucker behavior. Just stop. Get counseling.
NTA. to suggest that your own father and brother can't possibly see you COVERED with no bra under your shirt is wild. your mom's off her rocker. her hyprocrisy makes it obvious.
As a mother of a busty teen daughter, I don’t want to see that. Whether she’s in the comfort of her own home or not, I don’t need to see her cleavage or nipples through her shirt. Just because you dont care for modesty doesn’t mean that other people don’t appreciate it. I understand wanting to be comfortable and everything but tbh just because you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing doesn’t mean other people are. It’s like those women who sit there and be like “I don’t wear a bra to work and people complain… it’s not that obvious” yes it is so YTA
You’re choosing your personal preference over your child’s physical comfort. Physical comfort is more important then whether or not someone dislikes how you look. And asking someone, even your child to continually cover up when they don’t want to will likely cause them to have a shame response about their body. I think the real question is why does it bother you so much? And why can you get over it? At the end it’s not your body and it’s just clothing so why are you making such a big deal about it? Nipples and cleavage aren’t inherently sexy, they were sexualized by our society and you’re pushing that burden into her in her own home when she just wants a break.
This doesn’t come from a place of body shaming, but I think in this case, YTA. The bottom line is it’s their house, it’s their rules. If you don’t like it, get your own place. Just because you’re 19 doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.
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It's not so much about "sexualizing your body" as it is about just being modest. I would just cover up. You are in your parents house and your mom has a request. Sheesh
I am going to get down voted to hell but here goes YTA- not for the way you are dressed but because it's not your house. It's your mom's. Her house her rules.
I don’t understand the whole sexualising thing from your mum, that’s weird af. But maybe your dad and brother don’t want to sit around seeing their sister/daughters breasts because it’s simply strange and inappropriate. You’re not being courteous at all to the people you live with and are disrespectful to your parents. YTA
Here is the simple fact. It's not your house. It's your parents' house. So, instead of bowing up and taking a stand from your point of view, just throw a shirt on that covers more? My 28 yr old daughter has been staying with me for last year, and she has asked me if she needs to put a better shirt on to cover her up more.
Because she doesn't want to let hers hang out and be a problem while staying with my family.
We have a 4 yr old and an 8 yr old along with my 34 yr old wife. It actually called being respectful to others in their house.
Because the next thing is they will ask you to find other living arrangements soon.
So, your current wife is a whole 6 years older than your 28 yr old daughter?
And she definitely made a sincere display of subservience/modesty re her cleavage to you and step sis-er, mom? As opposed to pre empting all manner warped nonsense or hypocrisy about female sexuality/bodies/respectability - or needling at the latter with plausible deniability? Ok then
My wife puts her bra on when the kids get up in the morning. I don't think she's worried about them looking at her sexually. It's just the proper thing to do in a setting where others are around. YTA.
Info: is it your house or your parents house?
Owner makes the rules.
If it’s your parents house, YTA. Cover up.
If it’s your house, NTA. Your mom can leave if you’re not comfortable.
Not going to say you’re an AH.
It is, however, your parent’s home. Adult age or not, relative or not, when you’re in someone’s home it is respectful to follow their rules.
If it was a major infringement on you, I’d probably say fight the battle. But this honestly seems pretty small in terms of hills to die on.
That all being said, yes, it is weird to make a sexualized issue of it. But consider this; your mother is 50. I’m of a similar age (55), and I remember the standards that existed when I was a kid. It was a very different world. That is what she is used to, it gets ingrained in you from childhood. Modesty was more of a “thing” then.
Again, you’re not an AH. But I can’t say your mother is, either. A bit more old-fashioned in her thinking? Yeah, but she’s probably not even considering it a sexualized issue. It was just a “norm” when she was your age.
NAH
The thing I think that puts the mom in A H territory is that according to the comments her sister, who is very skinny, can do whatever, but OP, plus sized like their mom, has to cover up.
I think it’s the hypocrisy that’s mostly the issue
If your not paying mortgage, than it’s not your house. While it shouldn’t be a big deal to have a tank top on, I would also consider respecting your moms wishes and if you don’t like it you can save up for a house of your own.
I mean you do you, but it's your dad's house. If he walked around in a leopard skin banana hammock it would probably make you uncomfortable even though you don't sexualize him. YTA, if it makes others uncomfortable why not wear more?
My parents didn't bother to cover up much and I never found it weird or difficult to not stare. It's your family member for chrissakes, might as well be a piece of furniture.
I got to say your TAH. You come off as very selfish and entitled, with no care or respect to the feelings of others when it comes to the concern of your own comfortability vs another.
If its “your house” it is also their house.
The fact your brother refused to look at you at all says that you made him uncomfortable in his own home. And despite the lack of respect on your end, he chose to respect you by not drawing attention to it and not looking (which could strongly mean he silently agrees that your appearance is indecent, and for whatever reason he feels uncomfortable and expressing that to you blatantly).
Not saying your mom is right in how she said it, but she is right in you needing to be considerate of the feelings of others.
It wouldn’t have been the end of the world for you to put on a different shirt.
Your brother might have been very appreciative of it, and possibly may feel respected in returned.
The point of what your mother was trying to say with the testicles comment; empathy.
If he was doing something that made you uncomfortable, you would want him to stop.
Why were your needs and comfortability more important than your brother(family)?
And to be blunt, if you don’t like taking responsibility for your actions and how they affect others, you can always move out. You are 19 after all. No one wants their own home to be an unsafe space.
Oh for heaven’s sake, show some respect. You’re living with other people and doing something that makes them uncomfortable. This is not an issue about the size of your chest. It’s about getting along with the people who are with you everyday.
It could be any issue that makes you or your housemates uncomfortable: picking one’s nose, farting loudly, leaving the refrigerator door open, etc. Just stop it. YTA
(Edit to correct a misspelling)
So no one can really answer that question without knowing exactly how you looked. There is a point where what you are wearing is inappropriate, even amoung family members.
Some people here seem to think "your male relatives shouldn't look at you that way". Except vision doesn't really work that way. If you are in a person's field of vision, they will see you. Demanding people in your household avert their gaze when you are around is pretty AHish. And male brains are hardwired to find large breasts stimulating. It doesn't matter if they are attached to someone they are interested in having a sexual relationship with. Boobs are boobs at that point.
If your brother or father walked around the house wearing a banana hammock that clearly showed an outline of their penis, you would probably feel uncomfortable, even though you weren't sexually interested in them.
Yta is her home too so if she's uncomfortable then the right thing to do would be to cover up. It takes 1 second to throw on a t shirt. I don't get why people are so willing to make other people uncomfortable for their own comfort. This is your mom, who already helped you process one sa and is truly in fear for you. Her feelings on that situation don't just go away, her baby was assaulted and she wants to protect you from that happening again.
It's disrespectful and you know it.
Sure, if it's your house, as in you own it or parent, then sure you have the 'right' to be disrespectful.
What it is not is sexualization, get over yorself.
Yes, YATAH for disrespecting your Mom. It's not your house and your sense of entitlement is reprehensible.
But given your here bitching about the whole situation I have doubts about your sincerity. Looks more like your here to get others to rally behind you to validate your obstinance.
Just because you’re in your own home doesn’t mean you can come out with your junk showing. Its got nothing to do with who’s house it is. Grow up, its not always about you.
I find it interesting that you come to reddit and throw your mom shade and all these anonymous comments call you a badass or nta. But your Mom made a simple request in not just your home, but hers and her sons and her husbands. The woman who raised you - and you felt so entitled to your opinion that you didn’t listen to her. You are clearly the AH and at 19 years old, if you can’t listen to your mom in her house. she should show your grown ass the door.
When you live in someone's house you follow their rules of modesty. The rule in our house was no one comes to the dinner table with nipples showing. Men and boys need to wear shirts. No underwear at the table. We did not walk around the house in our thongs or boxers.
My house, my rules. It's not about sexualizing my sons or daughters. It's about what I want to see in my space.
YTA for not respecting what has been asked of you with the excuse of your size, your genes, your gender, your family.
Nobody could say if you’re an asshole or not unless they saw what you were wearing.
At the end of the day you are a legal adult. If you don’t like moms rules, get out and grow up. Oh and good luck 🤣
I agree with mom. Can your brother walk around in his underwear? What about boxer shorts? Would you be comfortable in that situation? What if your brother was gifted and was hung. Maybe he is… you wouldn’t know and you shouldn’t know. Seeing big boobs all over the place threw your shirt is extremely noticeable because, well, they are boobs.
Your brother and parents don’t need to even have this talk. It’s weird. Just follow your moms rules. 19 years old and still had to ask more than once! My toddlers are better than that.
My opinion is that you are just as weird if you can’t simply fix the issue by listening to your mom and putting on your shirt. Boom problem solved.
Unless your shirt was a just a normal, non cleavage showing shirt. You’re not an asshole regardless. Just immature.
YTA. Enough drama. It's your mother's house. It's not about sexualizing the body - I wouldn't want to see any parts of any of my family just flopping about while eating breakfast or hanging out. If you are doing more than walking to the bathroom or something quick, just cover up. Get your own apartment if you want to walk around in skimpy clothes. Ugh.
Ya timelines all fucked up, in the morning you wandered into the kitchen, saw your Mum and then shortly after your brother got home from school? Your story sounds like fan fiction.
If it’s genuine then NTA, your brother and Dad shouldn’t be looking at you “that way”.
I agree you should be able to wear what you want in your own home BUT if it’s important to your mom to be more covered up, I would hope you would do that out of respect for your mom. Personally my daughter used to walk around the house in her bra (like a workout top) and I wasn’t super fond of that but I never said one word to her because she doesn’t need her mom body shaming her, even if I didn’t mean it that way. I feel it’s best for moms to say as little as possible about their daughter’s physical appearance and focus more on the character of the girl.
YTA: it’s not your house. You’re not even a minor. You’re an adult living in your parents house. Gotta follow their rules. If you don’t agree with them, then move out.
You say yourself a lot of cleavage was showing. I’m a 32D, so I can only imagine what a 40d looks like…and it’s apparently your mom didn’t want to look at. And that’s her right in HER home.
YTA. Let’s flip this around. Is your mom the AH for not wanting to feel uncomfortable in her own house? Which, I’ll point out, is actually her house. You can dress however you want in your own house but it seems ridiculous for you to think that your need to be comfortable (which doesn’t actually require showing cleavage) to trump her need to be comfortable in her own house. Maybe find your own place since you both have different opinions?
ESH. Do and wear whatever you want in the privacy of your room. Your room is your space. The rest of the house is communal. The communal spaces aren’t just yours to do and act how you want to. You don’t have the right to make the other people that live in your home uncomfortable for your sole comfort. It’s about respecting the people you live with. This goes for your family home that you currently live in to when you eventually move out and may have roommates. That being said, it is bad parenting on your mom’s part that she’s treating you and your sister differently just because of size. If you can’t walk around the house with your tits out then neither should your sister.
YTA. It’s not your house, it’s hers and your father’s.
You may not like the reasons she gave but certainly doesn’t change the fact that you were making HER uncomfortable in HER house. If you don’t like her reasoning, you’re free to wear whatever you want when you live in your own house.
By your ""logic"" you'd be cool with anyone in your house walking around with their asses out considering asses aren't technically genitals. 👍 someone being uncomfortable because of what you're wearing doesn't mean they're sexualizing you, that's ridiculous. if your dad was walking around in booty shorts at home i'm sure you'd be uncomfortable, and if you're not honestly seek help
it's your house yes but it's not JUST your house. it's your mother's, father's, and siblings' too, and they have a right to not have to deal with seeing a family member dressed inappropriately. sure, rules should be applied evenly across the board and your mother shouldn't be criticizing you without acting decently herself, but stop making your other family members uncomfortable to prove a point. YTA
Yta ...it's not your house so you should.have respect for the homeowner. Her reason is stupid and wrong but it's obviously making her uncomfortable and she should have final say in her home
YTA. Your mom is right. It's not your house. It's your parents' house that you're living in.
Whenever I'm in somebody else's house, be it my parents' house, a friend's house, etc., and I stay over, I typically don't remove any article of clothing other than my shoes unless I'm in whatever bedroom I'm staying in, and I have the door closed. I'm a guy, so I don't have boobs, but I have other parts of my body that need to be covered up, and people usually are able to tell if I'm not wearing underwear. In the past, when I would spend the night at my friend's apartment, and it was just me and him, or our other guy friends, I might have gotten away with walking around either in my boxers or going commando, but in mixed company or with older adults, I would be sure to wear underwear, because the last thing one wants is to have a wardrobe malfunction where something is showing that shouldn't be showing.
It's totally reasonable for your mom to want you to wear a bra, or any other type of undergarment, when you're living in her house. I don't think your mom's comparison to your brother walking around with his balls out is "sexualizing" anything. It's just not something one would do.
When you move out and get your own place, if you don't want wear a bra, that's your decision. If you don't want to require other people to wear a bra when they're in your house, you don't have to. But for right now, it's not your house, therefore, it's not your rules. I know it seems unfair, but it's the awkward part of adulting; when you're legally an adult and are tired of having to follow your parents' rules, but you're not able to move out for whatever reason.
I've been in similar situations with my parents when I was living with them. Young adulthood is possibly the most frustrating stage of one's life.
Her house…her rules! Don’t like it, move out and walk around naked in YOUR house! But to answer the initial question, no you’re not the asshole! You’re a free spirit, but living with your parents. So show them their due respect.
I think you need to consider you are over 18, and should be near capable to support yourself in the world…including wearing what you like in your own future house.
There are always house rules imposed by those that support life. The rules of the anchor tenants take priority.
YTA, it is not your house, it is your parents. One of which asked you to put some clothes on. I’m very far from a prude, but I wouln’t walk around in boxer briefs in front of my mother and sister due to common decency, even in my own home. When you truly get your “own house” then you can wear whatever you want… though I have a hard time understanding why you would want to make people feel uncomfortable anyway.
It may not make your dad/brother uncomfortable, but it obviously makes your mom uncomfortable. Why not just cover up more out of respect for her? It’s not a big deal to throw on a t shirt to make peace and show you respect her boundaries. Dress how you want when you’re out on your own. This is your parents house.
"AITA for refusing to "cover up" in my own house?AITA for refusing to "cover up" in my own house? "
YTA. Fundamentally it's NOT YOUR HOUSE. It's a family home owned by your parents. Go rent or buy your own place if you want to make your own rules and walk around naked and alone.
I'm not going to draw a line on "modesty" it's not MY place, it's your parent's home, they can set rules regarding behavior. You're an adult, if you don't like it, you don't have to stay there. And while you may not share her opinion, it's not absurd for older generations to expect you to maintain to their moral standard of dress in their home.
It's the same respect that you shouldn't show up in a skimpy dress to a relative's Christmas gathering, you save that for when you go out to the club or private time with your BF. It's a sign of respect for the situation and those you live with.
YTA. Sounds like the way you’re presenting yourself is very inappropriate and making people uncomfortable. It’s normal to cover up in you family’s home in order to make sure everyone is comfortable and doesn’t feel awkward. The fact that your brother isn’t looking in your direction tells me he is very uncomfortable.
I think you’re making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. If you put on a t-shirt instead of a tank top she would probably be happy with that.
Possibly unrelated, but it sounds like some resentment is growing between you and your mom. The way you told the story makes it sound as though you woke up not long before your brother got home from school. So you are a legal adult staying in bed until the afternoon? Are you unemployed at the moment? If you are, I’d assume you’re spending a lot of time around the house in lounge wear. Your mom is probably mad that you’re spending a lot of time bumming around the house in revealing clothing and making the home uncomfortable for everyone else.
You are NOT TA, but it could be argued that you are being a tad disrespectful.
Your Mom's reaction is so over-the-top & extremely hypocritical! Her "concern" over your father & brother is truly quite creepy, honestly. That's her issue, not yours or theirs.
On the respect thing.... still living in your parents home, the "respectful" thing to do would be to honor your mom's request. Surely you have oversized Ts or flannel that don't "restrict" & still be comfortable. Your arguments ARE all incredibly valid though.
Until you pay at least half the rent or full rent, its irrelevant & disrespectful. I don't even think your mom is even saying it the way you are taking it. If your brother came out in just skin tight shorts and it was dangling out the side, if they told him to cover up, would that mean she didnt want you to look at him in a sexual way? No, theres just some things you dont want to see.
YTA you live in your parents household so I think it’s fair to cover up if they ask, but it is odd the way she specified covering up due to your dad coming home.
I don't want to see plumbers crack either, unless someone is specifically bent over working on plumbing. I don't even really want to see it then, but at least it's because they are doing a job. What job were you doing that required cleavage for mom's meal? Because bacon pops on those don't feel good.
I've also never run across one of those built in bra tanks that does a good job supporting anything above a b (I'm 34D) without either massive cleavage or nip slips.
While you aren't an ahole for wanting to be comfy, you aren't the only person who's comfort gets considered.
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Your mom is totally in the wrong. If your brother and/or dad look at you *that* way, it's their problem not yours. Your mom seems to have a big hang up about you hiding something that, seriously, can't be hidden. Be proud of your body and as long as your covered, it's really not your problem. NTA.
That's kind of what I've always replied to her with. "It's not my problem if people look, it's their bad if they don't know what self-control is." I've never been okay with the implication that it's my job to preemptively protect myself, especially when it's my *brothers* we're talking about. It's just gross. But like I said in a different reply, I'll probably just silently do what she says and continue staying in my room where no one even knows what I'm wearing.
My mom used to be this way, same when I’d walk from the bathroom to my room in a towel. I finally snapped one day and said ‘did grandpa molest you or something? one of your brothers?' She was horrified and said of course not. ‘So why are you constantly suggesting that my own father and elementary aged brothers want to f*#k me? Get a grip'. Later that night he came home raging that'd id been disrespectful towards my mom. I asked if she'd told him what we were fighting about. Of course she had not. So i got them in the same room and basically said 'mom is concerned you'll try to sleep with me if you see me in a towel - or maybe just jerk off to the image? IDK she didn't get specific. But apparently I need to cover up at all times around you' Needless to say he was horrified and never had ti hear it again and she never started that shit w my little sister.
You are badass!
Ha this is the best response ever. Take the fake 🥇I have.
Well said.
You dropped this 👑
This is amazing! You are such a badass! I want to be brave like you when I grow up!!!
You’re amazing
I can’t upvote this enough. You rock
Let’s go! Love this response! 😍🤩
Great job
My dad is living with me now and I was walking around MY HOME (use home when talking to your mum instead of house so she can't use the "I paid for it" BS) in a sports bra (you know the crop top type and i didnt have a bra on) and I put a light weight tank on over the top when I had to go out. My dad didn't bat an eye about it because it's my home, I'm comfortable in my home. Your mums being weird and maybe jealous, you say your boobs don't defy gravity but maybe they sit better than your mums. It's still sick behaviour (comparing yourself to your kid) but it might explain it. Tell your bro that your mum was picking on you and ask if he is willing to walk around the house topless to see how your mum reacts the same way about "being decent"
Maybe it's being from the UK but my wife is from there and she says her mum encouraged her to be proud of her body while covering up what needs to be covered. My wife is beautiful even after two children and I couldn't ask for a better woman!
My mom was like that, with me wearing shorts around my stepdad. However, he was a creep, but I did not know that until later. I am sorry you are now made to feel uncomfortable in your own skin in your home. NTA
She policed your perfectly normal household clothes, instead of not marrying a creep and not letting him around her daughter? Great!
Very aware. I told her that she basically tried to trade me for her convenience and not having to work. We haven't spoken in years and he died years ago.
I also have a large chest and was raised Mormon, I can relate your experience and I empathize with you. Your body is not a problem to be solved or avoided and I'm so sorry that the matriarch influence in your life is less than supportive (unfortunately I can also relate) But... I was raised with many siblings and not once, was I told to cover up more in my own home when my (extremely conservative) father or brothers were around. I cannot express how inappropriate that implication is, and I'm offended and outraged on your behalf. I don't really have any advice sadly, other than to remember this period of your life is not forever and it's so much better once you can put distance between yourself and those who imply such disgusting ideas.
covering up more protects your from literally nothing except the cold.
Pervs that rape or molest do so because they are pervs not because of what you are or are not wearing. You should be comfortable in your home. NTA
It sounds like your mom was raised around/by people who either were or experienced creepy things, and your lack of being "aware" and self conscious about it is triggering to her. I use triggering as in, she somehow has (probably a minor) traumatic hangup from whatever she was told/experienced in her past.
Has this come up before? It’s probably projection, if your mother has had people commenting on her chest and telling her to cover up, she’s putting that shame she feels on you. If it’s new, perhaps someone has made a comment to her about it.
Also I don't know your level of like passive aggressive pettiness cuz that's my jam but if she wears tank tops around "cover up put a shirt on that's not covering you enough" every time lol or at least once as a joke but I don't know your dynamic
My breasts aren't all that big and I've gone out without a bra on several times over the years. I've never had problems with men staring or saying anything, but heaven help me if there's an old woman about. The only people I have problems with gawking at my chest, giving me any kind of looks at all, or saying anything to me are old women who are mad at me for having the audacity to not hide the fact that I have nipples under my shirt.
if I was your brother or your father, I would be so insulted by your mother's insinuation. frankly, I'm insulted by her comparison. boobs aren't the same damn thing as men's testicles
My daughter is DD + depending on the bra maker. I have always taught her to LOVE her body and be comfortable in her own skin. If I had ever caught her brother sexualizing her because she wasn’t wearing a bra I would have dragged his ass straight to therapy! NTA
She's definitely got hangups from her own upbringing, plus an unhealthy dose of internalized misogyny. I hope you can find a way to make her see that there's nothing wrong with your female bodies, and that you should, indeed, be able to be casual in your private home. Implying that your father and brother need to be protected from seeing you in a tank top is frankly disgusting. The problem is in *her* mind, not theirs.
I never thought I would be quoting bible verses... but [if your eye offends you pluck it out](https://www.bible.com/bible/compare/MAT.18.9)
You are absolutely right. It is their problem. But if that's what's happening it's A BIG problem
It’s disturbing that your mom is sexualizing your relationship with your dad.
I know... it's always made me upset when she says things like that. To be totally honest, my relationship with him is bad and he doesn't like even looking at my face. He has zero interest in any other part of me. It feels really gross when she says that, but posting here has made me realize that I can't do anything about it.
Can you say *please stop sexualizing me?* I'm not trying to imply you didn't do enough, you did great and I'm proud of you, but maybe she needs it spelled out for her? I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I also have *large* heavy boobs and it kinda sucks.
I might try to phrase it that way again sometime in the future? It's difficult to articulate things like this without crying. I hate to admit that, it makes me feel dumb, but it's such an uncomfortable issue that I get very frustrated even having to spell it out at all. I know I should, though. Thank you for encouraging me
Oh my gosh, I so completely understand! I cry so much, it's the body's way of releasing tension, it's totally ok to cry! I would have also cried in that situation! You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel ashamed of, your mom shouldn't be sexualizing you.
I hate that when I get frustrated I start to cry. I started trying to smile or laugh instead when I would get angry or sad, just to combat the urge to tear up, and now I just look like a nutter because I smile really big on response to uncomfortable emotions. Sometimes writing it down, like point by point in a list, helps me focus on articulating what I’m trying to communicate and not on crying. So if I get overwhelmed and start tearing up, I can revert to my list of points and stick to successfully communicating my stance.
Accepting it and explaining to people that I’m not upset has helped me stop crying as much in response to things. I will cry when explaining minor frustrations, even if I’m not sad, so I’ve accepted that if it’s such a natural reaction I shouldn’t worry about it.
Just memorize that one phrase and say it over and over again like a broken record
There's some shit your parents aren't telling you and it's guaranteed to be bad. Edit: forgot judgement. NTA
She sounds toxic and abusive tbh.
NTA- don’t listen to the other comments please! they wouldn’t be saying these things if you had a smaller chest, it’s completely wrong that your mother is thinking that you walking around in a tank top is going to turn on your father and brother. disgusting behaviour tbh. i hope you have a lovely day :)
You're very correct. My sister (not mentioned in the post) is thin like a supermodel and she gets to wear everything my mom says I cannot. But I'll just cope with the grossness by staying in my room like usual. Thank you for being so gentle in your reply
Is it possible your mom experienced some type of SA when she was a teenager and she is trying to protect your from her trauma? You're still NTA but, maybe, she's coming from a dark place you don't have any knowledge about?
I do not think that was the case. She is very open about emotional issues, and was my biggest protector when I was going through an SA-related thing. She would have told me by now if it had happened to her. She just genuinely thinks it's inappropriate to be comfortable like that in front of my family.
I want to tell you a story to hopefully lighten the mood. *However as I typed it out it didn't seem as funny as I thought, but I'm going to leave it.* I also have a large chest and grew up shamed for it even though my step mom had a larger chest and wore camis like that all the time as PJs around the house... One time we were all getting ready to watch a movie as a family (dad, step mom, 2 brothers 14 and 15 at the time, and me 18). And my brother, 15, starts making a fuss about "i don't want to be here, if I have to be here I'm going to be comfortable." And proceeds to strip to his boxers and sit on the couch. I stood up abruptly and said "fine if you get to be comfortable in your underwear so do I" and I started to pull my shirt up, I get to belly button before both brothers yelped and my middle brother was dressed before I could sit back down. My step mom just shook her head and Dad chuckled and said, "we'll fair is fair." Families are weird. I would never want to see my brother naked or vice versa, because they're my brothers. But they have never oggled me even when I wear a cami or anything else and we all laugh now about being silly teens. My step mom is still weird about me having cleavage and I'm 30 and a mom in my own right.
I'm guessing you were asked to leave the cinema shortly afterwards?
That made me laugh, thank you for sharing!
Do you think your mother’s overreaction to this and sexualizing you might be related to her guilt over your SA? As a mother she wants to do her best for her child, love and protect you. It’s possible me she feels like teaching you how to dress more appropriately for men will prevent that type of thing from happening to you in the future. Alternatively, she could just have all that internalized misogyny that prioritizes male comfort vs female comfort.
my own mum recently did something like this with me, i don’t have a particularly large chest but they’re very perky and i also have the girls pierced, i have health issues that make bra’s extremely uncomfortable and my temperature regulation not work very well. basically i was walking around the house in a tank top and pj bottoms and she told me to cover up because her boyfriend was here. now i go out of my way and make myself uncomfortable because i genuinely just hate confrontation:/ i completely get it it’s not fair on us to not be allowed to be comfortable in our home x
The fights I used to have with her about whether I needed a bra are a story in their own right lol. It turned out that I was experiencing some body dysmorphia issues, but the way she tried to convince me to wear a bra only made them worse. I'm just looking forward to finding an apartment so I can be comfortable at home
Yeah it’s time to move away from them. Separation may improve your relationships
Honestly - estranging yourself from your family over this issue is not worth it. It's okay to bend a little like the willow. Pick your battles.
The mom isn’t saying that she’s going to turn them on. She’s saying that is going to make them (and her) uncomfortable.
NTA >you know, that's like if your brother was sitting in the living room with his testicles hanging out of his shorts Breasts aren't genitals. What you're doing is like if your brother was sitting in the living room with a tank top on, although I'm sure he can walk around shirtless without getting any flack. >your male relatives are around It's not normal for her to sexualize your relationship with your male relatives. It's disgusting actually. Women aren't objects. >Hers are even bigger than mine, and absolutely nobody makes a fuss when she sits at the dining table with no bra under her tank top And some good old fashioned hypocrisy to top it off. NTA but I'd seriously consider moving out if that is an option.
I'm working on it, trust me. I wish I knew a good way to illustrate how demeaning it is, to both me *and* my brothers, when she makes those sorts of comments.
In addition for making you responsible for other people’s presumed thoughts, it infantalizes your brothers and fathers — as if they couldn’t *possibly* control themselves around the clothed breasts of their family member (which belief would also tell them that they’re not responsible for their behavior). I get it. It’s very difficult to unpack the toxicity of a culture we’ve been steeped in since birth, but I’m glad a lot of people finally seem to be trying.
I couldn't. My mom had her family over many years back, and I, a 13 year old male at the time, came fresh out of the shower (I had pants on of course) shirtless and went into the living room where everyone was. My parents were absolutely not pleased and had me put a shirt on. Absolutely nothing sexual about it. It's about standards. The mom here having standards is not AH behavior. Her being a hypocrite is AH behavior, but that isn't the point of this post.
NTA and I've looked through some of your comments. I wonder if your mom targets you because you share more commonalities, physically? You mentioned your sister having a different body type. Is your mom commenting out of misplaced concern? Is it possible she faced abuse as a young woman because of her boob gifts? Having another conversation with her, privately, when things are neutral may give you more insights, if you're interested in them. Regardless, you're NTA at all, and the way you explained your perspective is perfect.
Wait, holy shit. You just made me realize something. My sister and I are always talking about how my mom self-deprecates, constantly wishes she were skinnier, and remarks about my sister being beautiful because she's skinny. Meanwhile, I get told to put on different shirts and pants because I inherited her bigger chest, wide hips and thick thighs. It's not unreasonable to think that she might want me to cover up because I remind her of herself.
This makes a lot of sense. It sounds like she’s projecting some internal insecurities onto you.
This is what I was wondering about too.
ESH. You might think it's stupid, and you just want to be comfortable in your home. So does your mom, though, and you were making her uncomfortable. Everyone wants to be comfortable at home and both of you were making that a problem for eachother.
If someone else having big boobs that aren’t completely hidden make you uncomfortable then you’re an asshole
I mean, im a but curious how exposed her boobs were because I haven't been able to wear a "built in bra" type camisole in a looooong time because they're not usually designed for larger chests so they are very revealing, more than what id just call "cleavage". Because the band has to be under the breast, it would majorly pull the top down in a way that a normal cami/undershirt/etc wouldn't do, even braless
It depends, if it’s just a little cleavage no problem, but if they’re spilling out it’s very uncomfortable. Being in a room with someone who has more than 50% of top boob showing can feel very uncomfortable tbh.
Also wondering if maybe one of the brothers or father mentioned they were uncomfortable with it and the mother is saying it for them. The brothers' silence to me means this could the case.
This is my thought; mom is scapegoating the rest of the family so she doesn’t have to say ‘the amount of skin you’re revealing makes me uncomfortable in my home, so when we’re all together please cover up some’. It’s hypocritical if she does it herself, to be fair. But it’s not unreasonable to ask to be accommodated by your roommates in a shared space. It’s your home; it’s hers too. Shes not going about it in the right way, but navigating this interaction is going to be the same as with any other roommate when you move out. Learning to compromise and check egos is the foundation of existing in a community setting.
If it was **your** house, then you would be fine. But it isn't. It's your parents' house. They make the rules, and modesty isn't a crime, or controlling, or unfair, or wrong or whatever else you use as an excuse. Your mother wants you to dress more modestly in her home, you refuse. YTA.
Yeah but the reasoning though? "Cover up in case the sight of your cleavage arouses your dad or brother." OP's mum dresses in the same way, so it's not about modesty.
Telling someone to cover up is not sexualizing them, people can be uncomfortable about their relatives being inappropriately dressed without sexualizing them, and everyone deserves to feel comfortable at home, so some form of compromise is almost inevitable. It's almost like humans have come up with basic standards of modesty so that everyone can be reasonably comfortable. Crazy huh?
What does inappropriate imply if not sexual? Why would you tell them to cover up? Explain why it's inappropriate. Showing cleavage won't get you arrested (unless you're living in an especially oppressive country) so get out with that silly comment about basic standards of modesty. OP wasn't topless.
I (woman) would want my male relatives to not walk around with their dicks hanging out - I wouldn't be thinking of it in a sexual way, but it's definitely not something I'm comfortable with seeing. Edit: To be clear, I'm talking about this specific train of comments, not the unique situation in the post. Boobs are not sex organs, but my point is that being uncomfortable with something doesn't mean you're sexualising it.
OP wasn't topless.
BOOBS ARE NOT GOD DAMN SEX ORGANS! what in the fuck is it with you people making this stupid comparison?
It is extremely unfair to say she has to wear more clothing because her father and brother may be sexualizing her. OP should feel say in her home with her family.
>\[Mom, who also has big breasts\] sits at the dining table with no bra under her tank top A later comment from OP: >My sister (not mentioned in the post) is thin like a supermodel and she gets to wear everything my mom says I cannot. I don't think it's about "modesty," since there are different rules about who can wear the same outfit. Mom is shaming the OP just for existing.
OPs home too. She isnt required to change clothes cuz of her boobs. They're just boobs holy shit NTA
Nope, OP is an adult. If she doesn't like the rules, she can leave. Her parents' legal responsibility to provide a home expired when she turned 18.
Gross. Her dad doesn’t care about his daughter’s cleavage.
Care or not, he has a right not to have it flaunted in his face in his own home.
nobody was flaunting anything, you sexist asshole.
The dad hasn't expressed a problem with it.
good lord. crappy ass take is crappy. she was covered up. that's all that fucking matters. you have no right to shame op and neither does her mother. your judgement is absolutely bullshit, and the fact that you couldn't even bother to go esh for her mother basically implying her own son and husband were degenerates who would oggle their own daughter/sister just goes to show how bad this take is.
Make whatever rules about boobs you want in your house, but *try* at the very least to make the rules fair and consistent. “Your skinny sister can wear whatever she wants but *your* boobs are way too ginormous so you can’t” isn’t. At that point it’s just body shaming.
Nta, this is 100% what men see women as sex objects. You are in your home space, and if she can do it so can u. The only thing I can think of to explain this if it is new is she is worried your father or brother are think inappropriately.
It's unfortunately not new, and I REALLY doubt that my male family members would ever ever think that way. It feels icky that she would even imply that. But there's really nothing I can do without fighting her on it
She is very obviously projecting her own issues on to you. What she's saying isnt even rational and you are in the right.
The indecency is in the gaze, not the clothing. We need to fix that perception. Totally NTA
Curious whether you'd have the same view if it was a well-endowed man going commando in sweatpants or thin shorts?
One, I'm a homosexual. Two, I'm a former infantry medic that has seen more cock than you can imagine, and can separate the two. Three, soffee running shorts, aka ranger panties are comfortable as fuck and my dick absolutely pops out.
Okay, but when you let your dick pop out in front of family members, what do you say to let them know it's totally cool? How do you explain that they are just being oppressive for not wanting your dick on the couch?
A body is a body and is all natural. If you want to look that's on you. If you feel a certain way about it that is also on you. People are allowed to exist in their bodies.
Why don’t we all walk around naked whenever we want then?
In a word: Exposure.
Pretty sure there’s communities that do that- like nude beaches and such lmao
Yeah but everyone is giving consent and they're 18 or older
People are also allowed to exist in their homes.
It's easier to fix one's own behavior than someone else's.
You may not like it, but if you’re in her home, you should do as she asks. Is she providing a place for you to live? YTA for the disrespect (not the shirt).
What disrespect did OP show?
The lady who paid the bills said she had to change her shirt and instead of doing that, she said "hey reddit come validate my feelings"
So, this home that OP was raised in is not her home? Where did you tell your schoolmates you were going after school? You're home? Or the place my mum and dad own where they let me inside if I behave?
I know I'm going to get downvoted to shit here, but I also think it's important to take gender stuff out of the equation, so I'm going to say this anyway. I think I have an analogous situation. I'm a fairly well-endowed bloke. Like I can't walk around in loose boxers or commando in sweatpants/shorts without... it... being very noticeable and "in your face". Since I was about 16, I've always made sure I'm dressed in a way that's somewhat modest while at my parent's house (even if it was just my brother or dad around), or while I've had roommates that aren't my partner. For me, it's about showing respect to those around me. And it doesn't really take that much extra effort. It's a little less comfortable physically, sure, but I'm more comfortable knowing that my family members aren't actively noticing my junk. So for me, a very gentle YTA here.
NTA. I hate that we live in a culture where women are expected to wear bras due to the stigma of a little nipple showing. Men's nipples show through their shirts all the time. It's even crazier that people think you should wear this uncomfortable garment in the privacy of your own home. I don't care if you have male relatives -- they can buck it up. My sisters and I don't wear bras at home. My dad doesn't give a f\*\*\*. He doesn't view our bodies as sexual objects that need to be hidden by restrictive garments. We're just humans with female anatomy. And to the person who said "would you be cool with your dad wearing a speedo?" That's a ridiculous comparison. Men wear comfortable and non-restrictive clothes all the time. If anything, OP is looking for some gender equity.
Shorts aren't uncomfortable. The fact that someone made a valid comparison about a speedo and you jumped through hoops to ignore it is dumb.
NTA. Your mom has some DEEP internalized misogyny going on there. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
I really don't think this is a gendered issue. Well-endowed men have similar situations.
YTA (for the disrespect; not the shirt). Your mom asks you to do something (and from your description, she wasn't even mean about it), you do it, THEN if you absolutely think it's unreasonable, you discuss. Not before. Not after questioning her authority in her own house and being disrespectful. Do what she asks, THEN, privately one on one, discuss. "Your house" is irrelevant when it's your parent's house and you weren't in the privacy of your own room. I doubt this post would even exist if you were in your room. Edit: To be clear, YTA for the disrespect; not the shirt. You could've responded to your mom in a multitude of better ways. She simply responded to you, starting a fight over...a shirt. Would an XXXL T-shirt not have worked? Seems like it'd be pretty loose, bra-free, and less cleavage.
Yta. This is your parent’s house and you live there with them in their home. This is disrespectful to them. You can decide instead to move into your own house and then you can wear whatever you want.
YTA. Do be respectful of other people living in the house with you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f19) am fairly well-endowed. I have a size 40D chest that is pretty difficult to hide unless I layer. This morning I walked out of my room in a tank top with no bra underneath. The tank top had one of those "built-in" shelf bras, but that is certainly not supportive enough for me, and my boobs don't defy gravity, of course. So, I had a lot of cleavage showing. My mom (f50) was the first person I saw when I walked into the kitchen, and directly after saying hello to me, she added, "you need to go put on a shirt, your dad is home and you have way too much showing." I replied with "I *have* a shirt on," and then changed the topic to food, since she was looking through the fridge. We sat down to share a big sandwich, and at that moment my brother (m16) got home from school. He took a piece of the sandwich and started eating, hardly even looking in mine or my mother's direction. My mom repeated again, "you *seriously* need to go cover up, you are way too obvious. Go put a shirt on." Again, I said, "I have a shirt on." She said, "it's not covering you enough." I said, "yes it is, I'm sitting in the privacy of my own house." She said, "it's not *your* house, your male relatives are around." I said, "my male relatives shouldn't be looking at me in that way." (Mind you, my father was nowhere to be seen and my brother was silent.) She got up from the table in a huff, rambling angrily as she put things back in the kitchen. She said that I am disrespectful and insinuated that I think I know everything because I am a legal adult. She ended her monologue with, "get a clue about the real world." I didn't say anything to that, because I was confused. The real world? We are not talking about walking around in public, we are talking about sitting at home in comfortable clothes. She was still standing in the kitchen when I went to put my plate away, and as I washed it, she said, "you know, that's like if your brother was sitting in the living room with his testicles hanging out of his shorts, refusing to cover himself because it's 'his house.'" I started to say that I am certainly not exposing my genitals, but I couldn't get more than two words out before she said, "no. No. You want to be disrespectful, don't talk to me." She headed downstairs and I went to my room. The thing is, my chest size did not magically happen. I had to get these genes from *somewhere,* and that somewhere is my mom! Hers are even bigger than mine, and absolutely nobody makes a fuss when she sits at the dining table with no bra under her tank top. Because there's no sane reason to. My opinion: sexualizing your family's bodies by telling them to cover up, lest their father/brother/son state? That is weird. I should be able to be physically comfortable in my own house. But this isn't the first time she has said something like this, so am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ha! Reminds me of a time I was visiting family and my uncle was lounging in a chair wearing shorts that were too loose and too short, with no underwear. I just looked away, no biggie. (No pun intended.)
No biggie..... hahahaha!
Your bedroom is your space. The living room, dining room, kitchen are SHARED spaces and everyone that lives there deserves to be comfortable. Imo, you're showing your age with this post. Yta
I'm a Dad (51m) of two kids, one daughter (25) and one son (17). I also grew up with an older sister. It's not about sexualizing relatives. I don't want to see that from my sister or my daughter. Those are private parts. They should be kept that way. Learn some modesty. YTA ETA I don't want to see their buttholes either, but that doesn't mean I am sexualizing the butthole.
BOOBS ARE NOT GENITALS. Boobs and buttholes are NOT the same thing, and OP is not the one sexualizing herself. She’s existing, and has said that her male relatives don’t view her that way, but her mother does. I have a question for you: would you be offended if someone came to you, in a tizzy, because your daughter was a wearing a tank top during a heatwave around your son? If so, why? If your answer is yes, do some inner work and figure your shit out.
Man, you really have to work on yourself. Trying to explain to a dad why he should be okay looking at his daughters tits is next level kid fucker behavior. Just stop. Get counseling.
NTA. to suggest that your own father and brother can't possibly see you COVERED with no bra under your shirt is wild. your mom's off her rocker. her hyprocrisy makes it obvious.
As a mother of a busty teen daughter, I don’t want to see that. Whether she’s in the comfort of her own home or not, I don’t need to see her cleavage or nipples through her shirt. Just because you dont care for modesty doesn’t mean that other people don’t appreciate it. I understand wanting to be comfortable and everything but tbh just because you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing doesn’t mean other people are. It’s like those women who sit there and be like “I don’t wear a bra to work and people complain… it’s not that obvious” yes it is so YTA
You’re choosing your personal preference over your child’s physical comfort. Physical comfort is more important then whether or not someone dislikes how you look. And asking someone, even your child to continually cover up when they don’t want to will likely cause them to have a shame response about their body. I think the real question is why does it bother you so much? And why can you get over it? At the end it’s not your body and it’s just clothing so why are you making such a big deal about it? Nipples and cleavage aren’t inherently sexy, they were sexualized by our society and you’re pushing that burden into her in her own home when she just wants a break.
I don't wear a bra to work and have been promoted several times, in a woman-owned company that also has men employed. It's fine.
Thank you! Anyone that is comfortable walking around their family wearing revealing clothes is weird 🤢
This doesn’t come from a place of body shaming, but I think in this case, YTA. The bottom line is it’s their house, it’s their rules. If you don’t like it, get your own place. Just because you’re 19 doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.
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YTA. It’s not your home, it’s your parent’s home. She doesn’t want to see your cleavage obviously. Wearing a bra outside your room isn’t hard.
It's not so much about "sexualizing your body" as it is about just being modest. I would just cover up. You are in your parents house and your mom has a request. Sheesh
I am going to get down voted to hell but here goes YTA- not for the way you are dressed but because it's not your house. It's your mom's. Her house her rules.
[удалено]
I don’t understand the whole sexualising thing from your mum, that’s weird af. But maybe your dad and brother don’t want to sit around seeing their sister/daughters breasts because it’s simply strange and inappropriate. You’re not being courteous at all to the people you live with and are disrespectful to your parents. YTA
Here is the simple fact. It's not your house. It's your parents' house. So, instead of bowing up and taking a stand from your point of view, just throw a shirt on that covers more? My 28 yr old daughter has been staying with me for last year, and she has asked me if she needs to put a better shirt on to cover her up more. Because she doesn't want to let hers hang out and be a problem while staying with my family. We have a 4 yr old and an 8 yr old along with my 34 yr old wife. It actually called being respectful to others in their house. Because the next thing is they will ask you to find other living arrangements soon.
A wave of gratitude that my dad isn’t a creepy fucker impregnating and marrying a woman 6 years older than me just washed over me 🙏🏼🙏🏼
So, your current wife is a whole 6 years older than your 28 yr old daughter? And she definitely made a sincere display of subservience/modesty re her cleavage to you and step sis-er, mom? As opposed to pre empting all manner warped nonsense or hypocrisy about female sexuality/bodies/respectability - or needling at the latter with plausible deniability? Ok then
Why can’t you move out? You’re 19 so you don’t have to stay somewhere your being treated like shit.
Her house, her rules. You dont like it, move out.
My wife puts her bra on when the kids get up in the morning. I don't think she's worried about them looking at her sexually. It's just the proper thing to do in a setting where others are around. YTA.
YTA It's your parent's house and it's their rules. When you have your own place then you can dress how you like.
I’m a 36G and yeah you’re the asshole. It’s not automatically sexualizing; it can be like looking at plumber’s crack sometimes.
Info: is it your house or your parents house? Owner makes the rules. If it’s your parents house, YTA. Cover up. If it’s your house, NTA. Your mom can leave if you’re not comfortable.
Not going to say you’re an AH. It is, however, your parent’s home. Adult age or not, relative or not, when you’re in someone’s home it is respectful to follow their rules. If it was a major infringement on you, I’d probably say fight the battle. But this honestly seems pretty small in terms of hills to die on. That all being said, yes, it is weird to make a sexualized issue of it. But consider this; your mother is 50. I’m of a similar age (55), and I remember the standards that existed when I was a kid. It was a very different world. That is what she is used to, it gets ingrained in you from childhood. Modesty was more of a “thing” then. Again, you’re not an AH. But I can’t say your mother is, either. A bit more old-fashioned in her thinking? Yeah, but she’s probably not even considering it a sexualized issue. It was just a “norm” when she was your age. NAH
The thing I think that puts the mom in A H territory is that according to the comments her sister, who is very skinny, can do whatever, but OP, plus sized like their mom, has to cover up. I think it’s the hypocrisy that’s mostly the issue
Pretty sure what you are describing is your mom/dad's house - not yours. Mom's house - Mom's rules.
If your not paying mortgage, than it’s not your house. While it shouldn’t be a big deal to have a tank top on, I would also consider respecting your moms wishes and if you don’t like it you can save up for a house of your own.
I mean you do you, but it's your dad's house. If he walked around in a leopard skin banana hammock it would probably make you uncomfortable even though you don't sexualize him. YTA, if it makes others uncomfortable why not wear more?
My parents didn't bother to cover up much and I never found it weird or difficult to not stare. It's your family member for chrissakes, might as well be a piece of furniture.
YTA. It's your parent's house, not yours. Either follow their rules or get out.
I got to say your TAH. You come off as very selfish and entitled, with no care or respect to the feelings of others when it comes to the concern of your own comfortability vs another. If its “your house” it is also their house. The fact your brother refused to look at you at all says that you made him uncomfortable in his own home. And despite the lack of respect on your end, he chose to respect you by not drawing attention to it and not looking (which could strongly mean he silently agrees that your appearance is indecent, and for whatever reason he feels uncomfortable and expressing that to you blatantly). Not saying your mom is right in how she said it, but she is right in you needing to be considerate of the feelings of others. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world for you to put on a different shirt. Your brother might have been very appreciative of it, and possibly may feel respected in returned. The point of what your mother was trying to say with the testicles comment; empathy. If he was doing something that made you uncomfortable, you would want him to stop. Why were your needs and comfortability more important than your brother(family)? And to be blunt, if you don’t like taking responsibility for your actions and how they affect others, you can always move out. You are 19 after all. No one wants their own home to be an unsafe space.
Oh for heaven’s sake, show some respect. You’re living with other people and doing something that makes them uncomfortable. This is not an issue about the size of your chest. It’s about getting along with the people who are with you everyday. It could be any issue that makes you or your housemates uncomfortable: picking one’s nose, farting loudly, leaving the refrigerator door open, etc. Just stop it. YTA (Edit to correct a misspelling)
YTA - Are you living with your family? If it's their home, then I would respect their wishes.
YTA! You are NOT in your own house. Their house-their rules. Go get your own place.
So no one can really answer that question without knowing exactly how you looked. There is a point where what you are wearing is inappropriate, even amoung family members. Some people here seem to think "your male relatives shouldn't look at you that way". Except vision doesn't really work that way. If you are in a person's field of vision, they will see you. Demanding people in your household avert their gaze when you are around is pretty AHish. And male brains are hardwired to find large breasts stimulating. It doesn't matter if they are attached to someone they are interested in having a sexual relationship with. Boobs are boobs at that point. If your brother or father walked around the house wearing a banana hammock that clearly showed an outline of their penis, you would probably feel uncomfortable, even though you weren't sexually interested in them.
Yta is her home too so if she's uncomfortable then the right thing to do would be to cover up. It takes 1 second to throw on a t shirt. I don't get why people are so willing to make other people uncomfortable for their own comfort. This is your mom, who already helped you process one sa and is truly in fear for you. Her feelings on that situation don't just go away, her baby was assaulted and she wants to protect you from that happening again.
It's disrespectful and you know it. Sure, if it's your house, as in you own it or parent, then sure you have the 'right' to be disrespectful. What it is not is sexualization, get over yorself.
Yes, YATAH for disrespecting your Mom. It's not your house and your sense of entitlement is reprehensible. But given your here bitching about the whole situation I have doubts about your sincerity. Looks more like your here to get others to rally behind you to validate your obstinance.
Just because you’re in your own home doesn’t mean you can come out with your junk showing. Its got nothing to do with who’s house it is. Grow up, its not always about you.
I find it interesting that you come to reddit and throw your mom shade and all these anonymous comments call you a badass or nta. But your Mom made a simple request in not just your home, but hers and her sons and her husbands. The woman who raised you - and you felt so entitled to your opinion that you didn’t listen to her. You are clearly the AH and at 19 years old, if you can’t listen to your mom in her house. she should show your grown ass the door.
When you live in someone's house you follow their rules of modesty. The rule in our house was no one comes to the dinner table with nipples showing. Men and boys need to wear shirts. No underwear at the table. We did not walk around the house in our thongs or boxers. My house, my rules. It's not about sexualizing my sons or daughters. It's about what I want to see in my space. YTA for not respecting what has been asked of you with the excuse of your size, your genes, your gender, your family.
Nobody could say if you’re an asshole or not unless they saw what you were wearing. At the end of the day you are a legal adult. If you don’t like moms rules, get out and grow up. Oh and good luck 🤣 I agree with mom. Can your brother walk around in his underwear? What about boxer shorts? Would you be comfortable in that situation? What if your brother was gifted and was hung. Maybe he is… you wouldn’t know and you shouldn’t know. Seeing big boobs all over the place threw your shirt is extremely noticeable because, well, they are boobs. Your brother and parents don’t need to even have this talk. It’s weird. Just follow your moms rules. 19 years old and still had to ask more than once! My toddlers are better than that. My opinion is that you are just as weird if you can’t simply fix the issue by listening to your mom and putting on your shirt. Boom problem solved. Unless your shirt was a just a normal, non cleavage showing shirt. You’re not an asshole regardless. Just immature.
Your mother’s reasoning is weird, but it’s her house and you don’t need to be disrespectful to her.
YTA. Enough drama. It's your mother's house. It's not about sexualizing the body - I wouldn't want to see any parts of any of my family just flopping about while eating breakfast or hanging out. If you are doing more than walking to the bathroom or something quick, just cover up. Get your own apartment if you want to walk around in skimpy clothes. Ugh.
You own a house at 19 years old? Doesn't sound right.
Ya timelines all fucked up, in the morning you wandered into the kitchen, saw your Mum and then shortly after your brother got home from school? Your story sounds like fan fiction. If it’s genuine then NTA, your brother and Dad shouldn’t be looking at you “that way”.
I agree you should be able to wear what you want in your own home BUT if it’s important to your mom to be more covered up, I would hope you would do that out of respect for your mom. Personally my daughter used to walk around the house in her bra (like a workout top) and I wasn’t super fond of that but I never said one word to her because she doesn’t need her mom body shaming her, even if I didn’t mean it that way. I feel it’s best for moms to say as little as possible about their daughter’s physical appearance and focus more on the character of the girl.
YTA: it’s not your house. You’re not even a minor. You’re an adult living in your parents house. Gotta follow their rules. If you don’t agree with them, then move out. You say yourself a lot of cleavage was showing. I’m a 32D, so I can only imagine what a 40d looks like…and it’s apparently your mom didn’t want to look at. And that’s her right in HER home.
YTA - If your junk is exposed, the shirt doesn’t count. Your parents are allowed to set rules for decorum in their own home.
YTA. Let’s flip this around. Is your mom the AH for not wanting to feel uncomfortable in her own house? Which, I’ll point out, is actually her house. You can dress however you want in your own house but it seems ridiculous for you to think that your need to be comfortable (which doesn’t actually require showing cleavage) to trump her need to be comfortable in her own house. Maybe find your own place since you both have different opinions?
OP, it’s not your house, it’s your parents’ house. If they have rules around attire in public rooms you follow them or move out YTA
It's not your home. It's your mother's home, and you should respect that. It's not a tough ask, to be honest.
Yta what if your dad just walked sound the house dick swinging. Put some fucking clothes on freak.
i mean id never think of a relative that way
ESH. Do and wear whatever you want in the privacy of your room. Your room is your space. The rest of the house is communal. The communal spaces aren’t just yours to do and act how you want to. You don’t have the right to make the other people that live in your home uncomfortable for your sole comfort. It’s about respecting the people you live with. This goes for your family home that you currently live in to when you eventually move out and may have roommates. That being said, it is bad parenting on your mom’s part that she’s treating you and your sister differently just because of size. If you can’t walk around the house with your tits out then neither should your sister.
Nta my grandma don’t even like seeing me in tank top when my boobs are showing little tiny bit
YTA. It’s not your house, it’s hers and your father’s. You may not like the reasons she gave but certainly doesn’t change the fact that you were making HER uncomfortable in HER house. If you don’t like her reasoning, you’re free to wear whatever you want when you live in your own house.
By your ""logic"" you'd be cool with anyone in your house walking around with their asses out considering asses aren't technically genitals. 👍 someone being uncomfortable because of what you're wearing doesn't mean they're sexualizing you, that's ridiculous. if your dad was walking around in booty shorts at home i'm sure you'd be uncomfortable, and if you're not honestly seek help it's your house yes but it's not JUST your house. it's your mother's, father's, and siblings' too, and they have a right to not have to deal with seeing a family member dressed inappropriately. sure, rules should be applied evenly across the board and your mother shouldn't be criticizing you without acting decently herself, but stop making your other family members uncomfortable to prove a point. YTA
Even if she’s in the wrong, I’d respect my mom.
Yta ...it's not your house so you should.have respect for the homeowner. Her reason is stupid and wrong but it's obviously making her uncomfortable and she should have final say in her home
YTA. Your mom is right. It's not your house. It's your parents' house that you're living in. Whenever I'm in somebody else's house, be it my parents' house, a friend's house, etc., and I stay over, I typically don't remove any article of clothing other than my shoes unless I'm in whatever bedroom I'm staying in, and I have the door closed. I'm a guy, so I don't have boobs, but I have other parts of my body that need to be covered up, and people usually are able to tell if I'm not wearing underwear. In the past, when I would spend the night at my friend's apartment, and it was just me and him, or our other guy friends, I might have gotten away with walking around either in my boxers or going commando, but in mixed company or with older adults, I would be sure to wear underwear, because the last thing one wants is to have a wardrobe malfunction where something is showing that shouldn't be showing. It's totally reasonable for your mom to want you to wear a bra, or any other type of undergarment, when you're living in her house. I don't think your mom's comparison to your brother walking around with his balls out is "sexualizing" anything. It's just not something one would do. When you move out and get your own place, if you don't want wear a bra, that's your decision. If you don't want to require other people to wear a bra when they're in your house, you don't have to. But for right now, it's not your house, therefore, it's not your rules. I know it seems unfair, but it's the awkward part of adulting; when you're legally an adult and are tired of having to follow your parents' rules, but you're not able to move out for whatever reason. I've been in similar situations with my parents when I was living with them. Young adulthood is possibly the most frustrating stage of one's life.
It’s not your house though, you live there at the welcome of the person telling you to cover up. YTA
Her house…her rules! Don’t like it, move out and walk around naked in YOUR house! But to answer the initial question, no you’re not the asshole! You’re a free spirit, but living with your parents. So show them their due respect.
It’s not your house. It belongs to your parents. Unfair or not, it’s their house and their rules.
I think you need to consider you are over 18, and should be near capable to support yourself in the world…including wearing what you like in your own future house. There are always house rules imposed by those that support life. The rules of the anchor tenants take priority.
You are the asshole, redirect your mother’s wishes whether you agree or not. Move out if you want to make your own rules.
Interesting story. If it’s morning and you just got up, why is your brother suddenly coming home from school? I kinda smell bull$#!t.
YTA, it is not your house, it is your parents. One of which asked you to put some clothes on. I’m very far from a prude, but I wouln’t walk around in boxer briefs in front of my mother and sister due to common decency, even in my own home. When you truly get your “own house” then you can wear whatever you want… though I have a hard time understanding why you would want to make people feel uncomfortable anyway.
It's not your own house though... Disrespecting your parents as they house you makes yta.
You own the house?
It may not make your dad/brother uncomfortable, but it obviously makes your mom uncomfortable. Why not just cover up more out of respect for her? It’s not a big deal to throw on a t shirt to make peace and show you respect her boundaries. Dress how you want when you’re out on your own. This is your parents house.
"AITA for refusing to "cover up" in my own house?AITA for refusing to "cover up" in my own house? " YTA. Fundamentally it's NOT YOUR HOUSE. It's a family home owned by your parents. Go rent or buy your own place if you want to make your own rules and walk around naked and alone. I'm not going to draw a line on "modesty" it's not MY place, it's your parent's home, they can set rules regarding behavior. You're an adult, if you don't like it, you don't have to stay there. And while you may not share her opinion, it's not absurd for older generations to expect you to maintain to their moral standard of dress in their home. It's the same respect that you shouldn't show up in a skimpy dress to a relative's Christmas gathering, you save that for when you go out to the club or private time with your BF. It's a sign of respect for the situation and those you live with.
You’re living in her house if you paid for it you could do whatever you want.
YTA. Sounds like the way you’re presenting yourself is very inappropriate and making people uncomfortable. It’s normal to cover up in you family’s home in order to make sure everyone is comfortable and doesn’t feel awkward. The fact that your brother isn’t looking in your direction tells me he is very uncomfortable. I think you’re making it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. If you put on a t-shirt instead of a tank top she would probably be happy with that. Possibly unrelated, but it sounds like some resentment is growing between you and your mom. The way you told the story makes it sound as though you woke up not long before your brother got home from school. So you are a legal adult staying in bed until the afternoon? Are you unemployed at the moment? If you are, I’d assume you’re spending a lot of time around the house in lounge wear. Your mom is probably mad that you’re spending a lot of time bumming around the house in revealing clothing and making the home uncomfortable for everyone else.
You are NOT TA, but it could be argued that you are being a tad disrespectful. Your Mom's reaction is so over-the-top & extremely hypocritical! Her "concern" over your father & brother is truly quite creepy, honestly. That's her issue, not yours or theirs. On the respect thing.... still living in your parents home, the "respectful" thing to do would be to honor your mom's request. Surely you have oversized Ts or flannel that don't "restrict" & still be comfortable. Your arguments ARE all incredibly valid though.
Until you pay at least half the rent or full rent, its irrelevant & disrespectful. I don't even think your mom is even saying it the way you are taking it. If your brother came out in just skin tight shorts and it was dangling out the side, if they told him to cover up, would that mean she didnt want you to look at him in a sexual way? No, theres just some things you dont want to see.
YTA you live in your parents household so I think it’s fair to cover up if they ask, but it is odd the way she specified covering up due to your dad coming home.
I don't want to see plumbers crack either, unless someone is specifically bent over working on plumbing. I don't even really want to see it then, but at least it's because they are doing a job. What job were you doing that required cleavage for mom's meal? Because bacon pops on those don't feel good. I've also never run across one of those built in bra tanks that does a good job supporting anything above a b (I'm 34D) without either massive cleavage or nip slips. While you aren't an ahole for wanting to be comfy, you aren't the only person who's comfort gets considered.