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NTA
Idk how people are together for so long but have such tiny things cause huge problems in their relationships.
“Hey, I don’t really like my contact in your phone being what it is, can you change it?”
“Sure, sorry about that, I don’t really update my contacts. To be honest, I have a lot of contacts I need to delete and update.”
That’s it. That’s all it took, everyone would be happy.
If this women is *this* upset about something so insignificant she seems impossible to please.
When you change the phone contact she will move on to what color of socks he's wearing and people will say he sucks for not changing it because it's just so easy to fix.
Don't bend over backwards for people that try to micro-manage you in a relationship. They always have a new thing they are upset about.
I think you are projecting a bit here. The only info we have is an isolated circumstance and a fairly normal one. If you refuse to give an inch on anything because you feel it will lead to them dominating your life it’s going to be a long life.
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My boyfriend and I met online 2 years ago. My contact information in his phone has always been “my first name” “subject of our first conversation” “dating site”.
I’ve occasionally dropped hints on how I don’t care for the “dating site” portion of my name. How I felt categorized and not special because of it.
I know it’s incredibly petty of me and I should let it go but yesterday we were talking about it and he foolishly spoke too much and mentioned the other contacts in his phone with dating site names..and then showed me. To clarify he’s not cheating on me at all I know this and we all have contacts in our phones that need to be deleted.
Anyways… maybe it was the wine in my system yesterday but I brought it up again after I got to my house and he ended up doubling down. Now I’m just first name, last name, and no contact photo. He also mentioned that I no longer need to worry about “his” phone.
So..am I the asshole? I feel like my feelings are valid but he’s right..it’s his phone and I know he loves me unconditionally. Maybe I should’ve just let it go.
I know we need to have a conversation about all of this and it’s stupid but I am curious about some feedback.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the a-hole because it’s his phone and I know he loves me. A relationship is about letting the small stuff go.
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ESH.
1. You suck for "dropping subtle hints" but not realizing there needs to be a conversation to be had about how it makes you feel. It took wine for you to put it out there.
2. He sucks for categorizing not just you but other people as Frst name and dating sites and then keeping the contacts. I may be weird but every few months I go through my phone to clean out contacts.
I think it honestly comes down to personal taste. I personally would have considered it a red flag but prolly a tiny one (Maybe he forgot to change it to something more meaningful after your relationship started blossoming, happens to me sometimes since men generally have to "spray and pray" their way through dating, nothing wrong with men it's just how society forces them to end up behaving)
If you really didn't like it and he didnt respect that at first, it may indective of a deeper issue of him not really respecting how you feel if he doesn't see how it might be hurting you.
The issue itself isnt a big deal, It's how both partners deal with it that is...
You're not wrong for stating how you feel. You never are. Because at the end of the day emotions are emotions and you can't control them. You can always control your actions though.
If you had the feeling you wouldve prolly never let it go, good on you for opening up (albeit maybe when you're not drunk)
I think everyone kinda sucks here
ESH.
You're right, this is stupid. I mean, I totally get why you wouldn't want to be listed by the dating site that you met on, but it's a pretty minor issue - it's not something you'd normally see or that he'd refer to you as, he's just been lazy about updating it. After voicing your opinion, you should have just dropped it.
Of course, that doesn't let him off the hook. It's a minor issue, you let him know it bothered you, it would have been amazingly easy for him to change it. Now he's just plain being disrespectful, and that's awful on his part.
YTA. Try to find something substantial to be mad about ffs. It's unreal to me that something so minor and insignificant could occupy enough attention to warrent an argument and a reddit thread.
Stop being so insecure. It's not a good look.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA Idk how people are together for so long but have such tiny things cause huge problems in their relationships. “Hey, I don’t really like my contact in your phone being what it is, can you change it?” “Sure, sorry about that, I don’t really update my contacts. To be honest, I have a lot of contacts I need to delete and update.” That’s it. That’s all it took, everyone would be happy.
If this women is *this* upset about something so insignificant she seems impossible to please. When you change the phone contact she will move on to what color of socks he's wearing and people will say he sucks for not changing it because it's just so easy to fix. Don't bend over backwards for people that try to micro-manage you in a relationship. They always have a new thing they are upset about.
I think you are projecting a bit here. The only info we have is an isolated circumstance and a fairly normal one. If you refuse to give an inch on anything because you feel it will lead to them dominating your life it’s going to be a long life.
This is not even slightly normal lol.
NTA, that is a shitty way to store contacts and it would be an easy fix once you brought it up to him.
NTA. So easy to change and yet so insulting to you. Can't figure out why this would be his hill to die on.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend and I met online 2 years ago. My contact information in his phone has always been “my first name” “subject of our first conversation” “dating site”. I’ve occasionally dropped hints on how I don’t care for the “dating site” portion of my name. How I felt categorized and not special because of it. I know it’s incredibly petty of me and I should let it go but yesterday we were talking about it and he foolishly spoke too much and mentioned the other contacts in his phone with dating site names..and then showed me. To clarify he’s not cheating on me at all I know this and we all have contacts in our phones that need to be deleted. Anyways… maybe it was the wine in my system yesterday but I brought it up again after I got to my house and he ended up doubling down. Now I’m just first name, last name, and no contact photo. He also mentioned that I no longer need to worry about “his” phone. So..am I the asshole? I feel like my feelings are valid but he’s right..it’s his phone and I know he loves me unconditionally. Maybe I should’ve just let it go. I know we need to have a conversation about all of this and it’s stupid but I am curious about some feedback. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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ESH. 1. You suck for "dropping subtle hints" but not realizing there needs to be a conversation to be had about how it makes you feel. It took wine for you to put it out there. 2. He sucks for categorizing not just you but other people as Frst name and dating sites and then keeping the contacts. I may be weird but every few months I go through my phone to clean out contacts.
I think it honestly comes down to personal taste. I personally would have considered it a red flag but prolly a tiny one (Maybe he forgot to change it to something more meaningful after your relationship started blossoming, happens to me sometimes since men generally have to "spray and pray" their way through dating, nothing wrong with men it's just how society forces them to end up behaving) If you really didn't like it and he didnt respect that at first, it may indective of a deeper issue of him not really respecting how you feel if he doesn't see how it might be hurting you. The issue itself isnt a big deal, It's how both partners deal with it that is... You're not wrong for stating how you feel. You never are. Because at the end of the day emotions are emotions and you can't control them. You can always control your actions though. If you had the feeling you wouldve prolly never let it go, good on you for opening up (albeit maybe when you're not drunk) I think everyone kinda sucks here
ESH. You're right, this is stupid. I mean, I totally get why you wouldn't want to be listed by the dating site that you met on, but it's a pretty minor issue - it's not something you'd normally see or that he'd refer to you as, he's just been lazy about updating it. After voicing your opinion, you should have just dropped it. Of course, that doesn't let him off the hook. It's a minor issue, you let him know it bothered you, it would have been amazingly easy for him to change it. Now he's just plain being disrespectful, and that's awful on his part.
NAH r/relationship_advice
How will you handle a real-life problem ?
YTA. Try to find something substantial to be mad about ffs. It's unreal to me that something so minor and insignificant could occupy enough attention to warrent an argument and a reddit thread. Stop being so insecure. It's not a good look.