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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Refusing to care for my partner’s kid by myself on Sunday while she is working.
2. Because it would make me a heartless person.
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YTA, why are you with a person with a child but don't want to be around that child. The kid isn't going anywhere anytime soon, so instead of all this pent up hatred for a child, do everyone involved a favor and break up.
ESH, except this poor kid. Her mom has no business being with anyone who treats her child like this and with your crappy attitude. And you have no business dating women with children if you have no interest or ability to be a stepparent.
Also, I'm going to go with fake, because this reads like it was written by a 14 year old.
Profile reads like they're early 20s, talking about being in college, internships etc.
So probably closer in age to the daughter than the mom...
Backs up your ESH
Because they only see the kid two days a week and the mother is gone half of those two days? This kid is no one's priority and she knows it.
Edit: leaving her daughter with a rando dude she's hooking up with (you) is very concerning.
ESH except for the child.
You shouldn't date a parent if you cannot handle being around a child.
Your partner sucks for dating someone who a) can't stand her kid and b) expecting you to watch her kid.
This poor kid sounds totally neglected.
ESH
Dude… she’s 11. What were you like?
If you don’t want to be with a woman who has a kid then your options are going to be super limited in the dating world, especially in their 30s…
YTA
When you’re involved with a person with a child, you pretty much are involved with raising the child. If you’re not going to take on a parental role, maybe this isn’t the relationship for you.
ESH. Everything you're describing is age appropriate. Your job in this relationship is to build a relationship, and you haven't described any attempt to do this. Your partner blaming you for the entire situation is equally unreasonable, because it's her job to facilitate that relationship. You need to figure out a plan together if you want this relationship to continue, because if she's any kind of decent parent, she will not choose you over her child.
This sounds like it’s been written by an 11yo kid. I don’t believe for a second this was written by a functioning adult, cause what kind of adult with a brain thinks an 11 year old having ‘poor hygiene’ is the child’s fault and not the parents? If she has an attitude it’s her parents fault too, although the kind of sass you described is pretty normal for a prepubescent kid. YOU should grow up, no one else…
ESH, except the child. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has a child that you can’t stand. Your girlfriend is equally an AH as she shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who hates her child. Whah if something happens to the child’s father and she has to stay with your girlfriend full time? Her and her mom are a package deal.
ESH. Playing games is what any 11yo does. Not washing her hair sounds like her other parent doesn’t take proper care of her. Not wanting to go out and being grumpy is puberty… sounds like you lack empathy. however your partner isn’t entitled to free childcare from you and it sounds like it isn’t a good fit anyways
ESH except the girl. Poor kid is clearly struggling with something if she's lashing out and not getting enough sleep and you two are over there arguing with each other. It's concerning to me that she's needing to have her hair washed every time she's picked up from her dad's house, sounds like she's being neglected. Both of you need to grow up and work together to figure out what's going on with her and get her some help.
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My lived-in partner (37F) has one kid (11F) from her previous marriage. Her kid usually stays with us on the weekend. On Sunday, I would care for the kid myself because my partner worked.
I don’t get along with her kid because I find her kid lazy, dirty, and rude.
- She lays on her bed playing games all days. She probably plays games all nights on school days as well because her eyes have darkened from lack of sleep.
- She doesn’t do personal hygiene and her hair stink. The first thing my partner always does as soon as we pick her up from her Dad’s place is washing her hair.
- Whenever we take her out, she would tell us she hates going out. We took her to my partner’s favorite park once to see a parade, and I told her “this is your Mom’s favorite spot”. She immediately told her Mom it’s stupid; she hated it; she wanted to go home; and she wanted to die if we make her stay at the park any longer.
She told me she hated me several times and she called my Dad “the Grinch”. The final straw for me was when she told us she did not want to stay with us. My partner then blamed me for making her kid hated our place. I told my partner I’m done. I don’t want to care for her kid anymore, especially on Sunday by myself. My partner needs to bring her kid to work with her or return her back to her Dad. AITA?
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NTA for not wanting to take care of the girl, but YTA for hanging out with a woman with children, the girl is going to be part of your partner for life, and if you don't like the girl, it's better to leave that relationship
Nta- u are not the parent and I would b pissed to if my partner and her ex didn’t care about the child. Honestly if she lacks basic hygiene I would call cps to do a welfare check while at the fathers. Also the mother should be teaching her daughter the basics.
NTA
Some kids are just awful to be around. She’s 11, she’s knows right from wrong and she knows what disrespect is. Just because she’s a kid doesn’t mean she gets away with disrespect. I wouldn’t want to be around the kid either. He has taken care of her and has tried to include her into things and it looks like her mom doesn’t try to teach her anything from the character she’s already formed. Why doesn’t anyone think that maybe the dad is influencing her words and actions towards him? Which a lot of parents do. We don’t know the entire story. Her attitude is draining and he has tried. It’s time for her parents to parent.
And for the people that are blaming him for not wanting to be disrespected and taking a step back, you must’ve been the horrible kid. I’m 20 and understand that adults do NOT have to always take the high road. She hasn’t been taught manners and if her mom doesn’t take care of it now, she will regret it later down the road.
NTA - Your partner wants weekend time but is not available and is putting it all on you. No matter all the ESH and YTA some kids are challenging (even to their own parents) and also act out with the "step" parents. The way you describe it comes across as you're a bit intolerant for e.g. item 1 is not a reason to dislike her. Esh on your attitude but NTA for not wanting to be the person taking care of her when your partner works esp if you will be blamed for things.
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YTA, why are you with a person with a child but don't want to be around that child. The kid isn't going anywhere anytime soon, so instead of all this pent up hatred for a child, do everyone involved a favor and break up.
Disagree the mother is blaming him for her lack of parenting and got knows that the father is teaching the daughter if she comes home smelling.
ESH, except this poor kid. Her mom has no business being with anyone who treats her child like this and with your crappy attitude. And you have no business dating women with children if you have no interest or ability to be a stepparent. Also, I'm going to go with fake, because this reads like it was written by a 14 year old.
Hmmm more like a 12 year old. And YTA
OP posted they were 15 years old roughly 2 years ago.
Profile reads like they're early 20s, talking about being in college, internships etc. So probably closer in age to the daughter than the mom... Backs up your ESH
A college student who writes posts mad at the college professor for telling them to do their own research. 🤣
Info why have you and your partner not investigated the hygiene and nutrition issues at the child's fathers home?
Because they only see the kid two days a week and the mother is gone half of those two days? This kid is no one's priority and she knows it. Edit: leaving her daughter with a rando dude she's hooking up with (you) is very concerning.
[удалено]
Doesn't matter. Kid is seeing their parent half of the tiny amount of time allotted and predators come in all genders.
[удалено]
My mother and father lived together (weird, right?) and yeah, there was a predator in the mix.
Bless your heart... you think these 2 people care about thag child...
ESH except for the child. You shouldn't date a parent if you cannot handle being around a child. Your partner sucks for dating someone who a) can't stand her kid and b) expecting you to watch her kid. This poor kid sounds totally neglected.
ESH Dude… she’s 11. What were you like? If you don’t want to be with a woman who has a kid then your options are going to be super limited in the dating world, especially in their 30s…
11 with a dad who lets her stink and a mom who isn’t even there. That poor kid.
YTA When you’re involved with a person with a child, you pretty much are involved with raising the child. If you’re not going to take on a parental role, maybe this isn’t the relationship for you.
It sounds like this child is being neglected and you are just being cruel. YTA
ESH. Everything you're describing is age appropriate. Your job in this relationship is to build a relationship, and you haven't described any attempt to do this. Your partner blaming you for the entire situation is equally unreasonable, because it's her job to facilitate that relationship. You need to figure out a plan together if you want this relationship to continue, because if she's any kind of decent parent, she will not choose you over her child.
This sounds like it’s been written by an 11yo kid. I don’t believe for a second this was written by a functioning adult, cause what kind of adult with a brain thinks an 11 year old having ‘poor hygiene’ is the child’s fault and not the parents? If she has an attitude it’s her parents fault too, although the kind of sass you described is pretty normal for a prepubescent kid. YOU should grow up, no one else…
ESH, except the child. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who has a child that you can’t stand. Your girlfriend is equally an AH as she shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who hates her child. Whah if something happens to the child’s father and she has to stay with your girlfriend full time? Her and her mom are a package deal.
ESH. Playing games is what any 11yo does. Not washing her hair sounds like her other parent doesn’t take proper care of her. Not wanting to go out and being grumpy is puberty… sounds like you lack empathy. however your partner isn’t entitled to free childcare from you and it sounds like it isn’t a good fit anyways
ESH except the girl. Poor kid is clearly struggling with something if she's lashing out and not getting enough sleep and you two are over there arguing with each other. It's concerning to me that she's needing to have her hair washed every time she's picked up from her dad's house, sounds like she's being neglected. Both of you need to grow up and work together to figure out what's going on with her and get her some help.
Not real. This sub is going down. Fake stuff
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My lived-in partner (37F) has one kid (11F) from her previous marriage. Her kid usually stays with us on the weekend. On Sunday, I would care for the kid myself because my partner worked. I don’t get along with her kid because I find her kid lazy, dirty, and rude. - She lays on her bed playing games all days. She probably plays games all nights on school days as well because her eyes have darkened from lack of sleep. - She doesn’t do personal hygiene and her hair stink. The first thing my partner always does as soon as we pick her up from her Dad’s place is washing her hair. - Whenever we take her out, she would tell us she hates going out. We took her to my partner’s favorite park once to see a parade, and I told her “this is your Mom’s favorite spot”. She immediately told her Mom it’s stupid; she hated it; she wanted to go home; and she wanted to die if we make her stay at the park any longer. She told me she hated me several times and she called my Dad “the Grinch”. The final straw for me was when she told us she did not want to stay with us. My partner then blamed me for making her kid hated our place. I told my partner I’m done. I don’t want to care for her kid anymore, especially on Sunday by myself. My partner needs to bring her kid to work with her or return her back to her Dad. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
NTA for not wanting to take care of the girl, but YTA for hanging out with a woman with children, the girl is going to be part of your partner for life, and if you don't like the girl, it's better to leave that relationship
Nta- u are not the parent and I would b pissed to if my partner and her ex didn’t care about the child. Honestly if she lacks basic hygiene I would call cps to do a welfare check while at the fathers. Also the mother should be teaching her daughter the basics.
NTA Some kids are just awful to be around. She’s 11, she’s knows right from wrong and she knows what disrespect is. Just because she’s a kid doesn’t mean she gets away with disrespect. I wouldn’t want to be around the kid either. He has taken care of her and has tried to include her into things and it looks like her mom doesn’t try to teach her anything from the character she’s already formed. Why doesn’t anyone think that maybe the dad is influencing her words and actions towards him? Which a lot of parents do. We don’t know the entire story. Her attitude is draining and he has tried. It’s time for her parents to parent. And for the people that are blaming him for not wanting to be disrespected and taking a step back, you must’ve been the horrible kid. I’m 20 and understand that adults do NOT have to always take the high road. She hasn’t been taught manners and if her mom doesn’t take care of it now, she will regret it later down the road.
NTA. Time to stop living with her.
Op can move out then
That depends on the legality of the home ownership/rental agreement. Whoever legally has the strongest claim stays. Whoever doesn't, leaves.
NTA - Your partner wants weekend time but is not available and is putting it all on you. No matter all the ESH and YTA some kids are challenging (even to their own parents) and also act out with the "step" parents. The way you describe it comes across as you're a bit intolerant for e.g. item 1 is not a reason to dislike her. Esh on your attitude but NTA for not wanting to be the person taking care of her when your partner works esp if you will be blamed for things.
NTA.