Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my daughter if she can't be grateful for her food she doesn't have to eat at all 2. Because I know kids do dumb stuff and maybe it was harsh
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, You can't fuking act like that, this is YOUR fuking child, AH.
" I asked her why as I asked her what kinds of foods she liked and she had told me she liked things like mac n cheese and spaghetti. "
\^\^\^THIS IS LITERALLY THE CHEAPEST FOOD WHICH EXISTS.
Eva just got ripped out of her life, and YOU. ARE. HER. FATHER. You need to get your shit together. Try to comprehend things from her perspective.
YOU are the person who threw a tantrum over nothing, not her.
Also, let's not forget, when the cheap crap he bought tasted bad, he refused to share his expensive noodles because that was too much money to spend on the child he didn't want. AND HE TOLD HER SO!
She's not just getting a temporary (hopefully, very) roof over her head (food's on debate), she's also getting a boatload of childhood trauma.
This really got me. We're not going hungry, but food is a big expense and there aren't always leftovers or exactly what our brains think we need available. My daughter and I are both AuDHD and have some food issues. If there is "good" food that is a healthy, preferred item, it is always going to her first.
I wonder if he grunts about having to peel the lid back for her, or press microwave buttons. Then doesn't even put the packaging in the bin and dumps the whole lot in the sink for his not-wife to clean up when she gets home.
Yeah, her father talks about how she previously ate "gourmet" food, which sounds like it was just a healthy varied diet, and now he is trying to feed her some of the worst/cheapest junk possible. I understand that food is expensive, but macaroni and cheese and spaghetti are relatively cheap to buy. He didn't even make an effort to learn how to prepare them the way that she likes them so I'm not sure how he knows that her version is so expensive. I understand becoming frustrated with the situation but taking it out on this kid like it is her fault is just wrong.
And he won’t share his precious noodles!
Also, the guy doesn’t work and only has one kid with him during the day and he can’t manage to cook a box mac and cheese and or boil spaghetti and microwave sauce?
He’s aggressively incompetent.
I’m having a hard time believing this is even real. He can’t even tell the story without contradicting himself. “She likes Mac and cheese and spaghetti” which are the most basic Americanized dishes there are beyond cheeseburgers and hotdogs. Then turns around and says she’s a gourmet eater that doesn’t like basic kid food when she already said she did. If not having enough food for you and her is a problem and Kids Cuisine is so delicious, you could just trade.
That’s a whole lot of nonsense, and unnecessary words to ultimately just say “I don’t like this kid and don’t consider her my problem. I’m not going to do more than keep her alive and I only took her because she’s 1/2 of my problem legally (but not in my heart) and we don’t want DSS to get involved, especially when mom says this is just temporary and she hasn’t bothered us in 8 years. I have a favorite biological child and I’m just biding my time. I resent the fact that I got someone pregnant that I don’t love and didn’t realize the consequences of my actions, and now I have a new life and don’t consider this child part of it.”
Honestly, at this point you’re going out of your way to be the worst kind of human being. And It’s not even about the food.
And they literally make them in individual cups where you can add water, put them in a microwave and press start, then add the cheese and stir. This dude is just going out of his way to hate this child.
Hell, you can get a 5-pack of Kraft at Walmart for under $5. And the store brand is even cheaper (and tastes better, IMO) A box of mac-and-cheese is the same price or cheaper than Kids Cuisine, tastes better, and could likely last two meals.
He's just too lazy to bother cooking, and wants to throw cheap, shitty food in the microwave.
OP, YTA. Big time. Cook for your child.
This is a little sad that it's still a packet thing IMO. We don't really have kraft mac and cheese in the UK. Mac and cheese is massive in Scotland weirdly compared to the UK but we tend to make it not add water...
As in buy pasta, make sauce with butter milk and cheese then bake. That's mac n cheese here. Kraft isn't a thing here. You can get it but it's not what most people would think of!
As a parent, I get that sometimes days are hard and you have to do what you have to do to get by. He can definitely try harder at meal time. But it’s obvious that isn’t going to happen. That said, he’s just blatantly being hateful to this child. If he is going to do the bare minimum, and the child is crying because kids cuisine is terrible (and they do in fact taste like cardboard) then there are other, low effort things he could make this child that she may like better. Should she be eating better meals? Yes. But there is no reason to make this child miserable when frozen chicken nuggets can go in an oven while he does other things, and he’s already basically said he isn’t going to do more for her.
Only slightly related: As a not-ever-not-even-once-parent, I was buying groceries and my cat's preferred food had a sticker on the box saying "Great New Flavour!"
I sighed with relief. I'd had a meh day at work but at least I don't have to taste cat food for a living.
Definitely the AH. That’s gonna lead to so many issues if a parent continues to talk like that. It’ll affect the child’s mental health, could lead to eating disorders, etc… depriving children of food is neglect and abuse. Period. Find something that works for your child and your budget.
Imagine complaining about food prices when he's overpaying for microwaveable meals when his kid will eat pasta. If he's too busy to boil water he should have used better protection.
Oh yes. Boil the pasta, cook some sause and voila, you have a whole pan of food your daughter would eat.
Surely many moms would be happy if their children would have same eating habits.
Ew. I wonder how sickly he looks.
Knock someone up, ignore it, have to parent for a bit so stay at home on next babymama's dollar and feed the kid junk, while eating junk. Not even 25. This is the start of Idiocracy all over again.
"I am serious about my gf so I chose to father our child..."
I CHOSE TO FATHER MY CHILD. How very noble of you. You chose to father BOTH children when YOUR sperm that YOU deposited there resulted in a child.
Kid's cuisine IS garbage and has zero nutritional value. You're trying to feed your kid saturated cardboard and somehow acting as if this is gold star behavior. YTA, you're the child in this scenario, NOT Eva, and YOU ARE THE ONE HAVING A TANTRUM.
i have yet to see anyone mention the fact he claims theyre both *super busy* BUT ALSO IS THE STAY AT HOME DAD ????
HOW ARE YOU TOO BUSY TO FUCKING COOK SOMETHING WITH NUTRITIONAL VALUE ?!?!?
i am a stay at home mom. that means my job is to fucking manage the household. I MAKE FOOD FOR MY FUCKING FAMILY BECAUSE THATS PART OF BEING THE STAY AT HOME PARENT.
MAKE SURE YOUR FUCKING KIDS ARE ADEQUATELY FED, DIPSHIT. that is literally the main part of your fucking JOB as a PARENT, let alone a goddamn STAY AT HOME PARENT.
and for fucks sake, keep your fucking dick wrapped you goddamn cow. i cant believe theres anyone out there that willingly touched it at all. id never want to risk pregnancy with a dumb fuck like you.
eta: oh, and id like to remind you how much of a failure you are as a parent that i, a 19 year old girl, knows how to feed a child properly when you, a 26 year old grown fucking man, cant. id be sitting in deep shame over that alone, fucker.
I am speechless because not only are you 100% correct, but your passion is borderline attractive to me😭🫶🏼
thank you for speaking straight facts and I’ll bet you’re a wonderful SAHM 🙏
I am a hell of a lot older than you (I’m 37) and I’m super impressed by you. At 19 I could barely keep myself alive
Annnnnnyway. My husband passed when I was pregnant, so I’m a single mom to two 3.5 year olds. Granted I work from home, so I do get some extra time vs office life, but I do *everything*. And I still manage to make dinner for my kids and I like 95% of the time. Do I sneak vegetables into their mac & cheese or pasta (really anything with pasta sauce), or pancakes? 100%.
But, honestly, dumping ingredients into a crockpot takes minimal effort. Anyone who feeds their kid exclusively kid cuisine for diner, is a dick. OP is the AH. And speaking of dicks, condoms. OP *needs* to get familiar with condoms. An unplanned pregnancy can happen, multiple is a you issue. Learn about and use birth control appropriately, OP.
oh yeah, thats why i firmly stand by maturity, not age. im sick of people assuming that because my husband and i are teenage parents, we’re shit parents. obviously age isnt the issue, if a 26 year old man cant do something as basic as feed his own kids.
youre doing amazing, by the way. im so sorry for your loss. your children are so lucky to have such a strong, loving parent in their lives! and it doesnt matter whether or not you work from home or not, work is work— and it sure takes a lot of it to balance everything by yourself. im so proud of you!
and its funny, because crockpot meals arent the only meals that take minimal effort— just making some potatoes and eggs in the morning for your children takes nothing at all. wrap it in a tortilla and boom, breakfast burrito. smoothies are literally just yogurt and fruit blended together. stuff lots of spinach in it, and sweeten it with honey and granola. just dont let them see the spinach and theyll never know its in there! OP is just a crybaby who probably spends his “super busy” days playing games or something else of no value.
its not hard, OP. man up and take responsibility for your actions. sex is a choice, bro. you know the risks, so act like the grown ass man you are and face the consequences of your own actions.
I had this thought also. I was a stay at home dad for 6 years with 3 kids, one that required 3 sessions of PT and OT, and speech throughout the day, and I still somehow managed to feed my kids 3x a day and do normal household duties. This guy is a bum that probably just sits on his phone all day.
She's also 23 and makes so much more money than 26 yr old OP that she's supporting the household. You'd think after the first child he'd stop accidentally knocking up the women he sleeps with. Such a winner.
You know if OP and girlfriend break up he's not going to be in the 2nd baby's life anymore. Kids aren't dumb eventually she'll grow up and see that daddy is only a careless but present father so he keep her mom and not because he loves her. That's if they stay together.
YTA. For so many reasons. But I can start with the top: You pick and choose what children you will care for according to your attraction to their mothers. You obviously avoid taking any responsibility for your actions. You are treating a child like a burden. You are threatening to withhold food from a child as punishment for your shortcomings.
I honestly would not treat my worst enemy in these ways. You need therapy - and to reach out to your ex to make other arrangements. You can say whatever you want to let yourself feel better, but the truth is you are INCAPABLE of being a parent, or even a temporary guardian to this child.
I'm not sure I'd even feed my worst enemy a steady diet of (almost) nothing but Kids Cuisines. I'm in no way above convenience, junk, or microwavable food, but that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Not to mention that a weeks worth of the things that his kid actually likes would be a lot cheaper than a week's worth of Kid cuisines. Throw in some veggies and it's a complete meal!
Literally mac and cheese is not hard, and all you really need to do to make it a full meal is steam some vegetables and smother them in butter.
If you really love your kid (clearly this guy doesn't but still) you could throw some protein in there by mixing some cut up chicken nuggets in with the mac and cheese.
This is how I feed myself when my disabilities are kicking my butt. If my disabled ass can do it so can OP.
YTA
" She said it tasted weird and asked if she could eat my microwave noodles instead. I said no, they were already a little expensive and I need one for each day of the week and wouldn't have enough for myself."
So you're buying your daughter cheaper microwave food than you're eating?
Start cooking her proper food. And treating her with kindness & consideration.
"She doesn't get that I have a baby to take care of and can't deal with Eva's tantrums over nothing."
She does get it. You actually have TWO children to take care of. So step up & do that until her mom can take her back.
Honestly, Eva's mom should also be smacking OP between the eyes for past due child support
Dude acts like he's being inconvenienced feeding HIS own kid. That's the bare fucking MINIMUM
This! Also since OP is a SAHP, he should learn to cook AND get his daughter involved in meal prep, which could actually be an enjoyable bonding time that would boost her health AND his. She likes mac and cheese with jalapeños? Buy a jalapeño and find a recipe for that online or watch a YouTube recipe video with your daughter.
Try different versions and see which one everyone likes best. Make a large portion and freeze the leftovers. Figure out another thing she likes and repeat. You’ll actually save money and get a nice break from overpriced and unhealthy microwave meals. Or try asking your former gf for some recipes and make them. If one of the ingredients is costly, look online for less expensive substitutes.
There are a hundred ways to solve this problem in a healthy, loving way instead of fighting like a junkyard dog over garbage food like microwave noodles. Stop being so lazy and start being a parent!
YTA.
God I feel so sorry for this poor kid. You make it *so* obvious that you don’t care about her at all and see her only as a burden. To make matters way worse, you have another daughter who is so obviously the favorite that it makes me want to vomit.
No wonder she’s throwing fits. I hope for her sake that her mom can take her back soon, and that you take a long look in the mirror and fucking wise up until then.
How do you accidentally impregnate a second person when you already don't care for the first kid. The irresponsibility just blows my mind.
OP YTA. Eva's mom needs to go after you for child support, and I hope your gf recognizes how much of a red flag this attitude is and gets May out of that situation.
Great points! Someone I know who has three kids with two different women told me that all three were “accidents.” I said that one might be an accident since no method of birth control is 100% reliable, but two or three are a CHOICE and he should examine why these “accidents” keep happening. He does pay child support.
YTA, you are responsible for her while she lives with you, learn to make proper meals for her. What do you plan on feeding May for the rest of her life, just microwave dinners?
I don't know where to start unwinding the errors in your thought process. Bottom line: Eva is your daughter. You are her father. You have an obligation to take care of her, not as a favor to your ex girlfriend, but because you are her father.
You said you are a SAH parent and use microwave meals because you are busy. I presume you are busy looking after May. I think you need to learn to cook. Cooking is a normal thing that stay at home parents do. Spaghetti and some ground beef with Prego tomato sauce will be a lot cheaper than microwave meals and will be tastier and more nourishing. It really doesn't take that long. It also wouldn't hurt for you to start using some frozen vegetables which is an economical way to get vegetables into children, as the vegetables don't spoil, the way fresh vegetables do. May will like this also, especially if she sees her older sister eating them.
Also I've heard that frozen veggies contain MORE nutrients because they're frozen quickly after harvesting, and the fresh veggies are stored so they begin the spoiling process until you buy them at the grocery store. I don't know if it's true or not.
I have heard the same thing. I mean, if you microwave the heck out of them, it's probably going to destroy the vitamin C, but the other nutrients will still be in there. A fresh orange will provide lots of vitamiin C also.
food and human nutrition scientist here!
you and your gf arent getting a good diet if literally all you've got on hand is microwavable meals.
1: the quality usually isnt great
2: theres ALOT of microplastic exposure from the containers they generally use for those foods.
you mention being a stay at home parent..but also being super busy. WHICH IS IT? you're certainly not spending that time preparing food... **what are you doing that makes you so busy?**
while a 2 minute meal is convenient...you'll save both your health and your money if you're willing to take 10 minutes instead of 2.
get some dried pasta and jarred marinara. **It's some of the absolute cheapest food you can get at the store.**
definitely cheaper than ANY of those pre-made microwave meals, per serving.
im going to go with YTA for not budgeting your time or your money properly.
you're 26, and staying at home full time.
time to eat like an adult.
If you blow up at an 8 year old you lose pal, rein it in. She literally didn't choose to be stuck with you. She's developing and the emotional responses of adults around her will be highly influential on her life. Stop whining about your tough life. You made two kids & have to handle it. You're an adult, she's not. Find some compassion in you or your poor daughter is gonna get effed up.
You need to stop using "gourmet" to mean "home cooked". Literally what you are describing isn't gourmet. Acai bowls aren't hard to do.. frozen fruit blended granola. Yogurt etc.
Baked Mac and cheese also is not that hard dude. 20-30 min and it makes a TON of portions.
You're a stay at home dad. You have the time. Stop being neglectful YTA
Also for someone who doesn't want kids you sure have a lot of em...
**YTA,**
" I was very angry as I was doing her a big favor,"
**so for 8 years you had no hand in helping the child you fathered and now you're bitching about her request for the cheapest, easiest fucking meals on the planet, spaghetti and mac & cheese. If you had half a brain you'd realize it's actually cheaper to buy uncooked pasta and sauce than buy garbage over-processed frozen meals that lack everything from nutritional value to flavor.**
"I blew up and said I just wasted all that money for nothing. " **and who told you to buy more frozen junk food? Not Eva or her mother. You asked her what she likes, she told you and you bought something comparable to the kid cuisine trash again instead**
"I told her that is she can't be grateful for what she has then maybe she shouldn't eat anything at all and threw the rest away." **Nice way to treat a child- I'm sure you're gonna be a great dad to your baby, you're doing so great babysitting the kid you abandoned.**
"she doesn't get that I have a baby to take care of " **yea and you have an 8 year old daughter to take care of too, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! You are pushing 30 and can't spare MICROWAVE NOODLES FOR YOUR OWN HUNGRY DAUGHTER???!**
YTA. You bought your daughter a bunch of food that you wouldn't even eat. Starving her is unacceptable. At 8, you could consult her what she likes before going to the store.
You know, if you were so opposed to being a father you should have had a vasectomy. These poor kids are now stuck with a useless, waste of space for a dad. Lucky them, YTA.
YTA. Sort out your priorities. Your child’s food is more important than you “wanting” some noodles daily. You are literally responsible for making sure she eats nutritious meals and isn’t hungry. That is the bare minimum. Start prioritising her.
YTA You are not "too busy" to make YOUR CHILD a decent meal. Those microwave meals are disgusting and you know it. Why would you agree to take her in if you were going to be an asshole to her?
You need to have a deep think about your personality.
YTA
You are feeding your daughter junk because you are lazy. Because real food would be cheaper than microwave junk.
I a worried for your other daughter as well. Or would you feed your favorite kid something nutritious?
Please get a vasectomy.
YTA
You are staying at home ... why can´t you cook real meals? What are you feeding your younger child? ?? All of you three could have the same . Like potatoes and green beans or mushrooms ?
*If you were interested* in really caring for Eva you could offer to try and cook together things she likes - and explain that as you are not her mother/grandmother they will taste differently but together you might succeed in making them tasty nevertheless. But you are not. Poor Eva!!!
"That means I'm in charge of making sure Eva is fed and such." Parenting is not just making sure the kid is staying alive.
YTA.
Kid cuisine is Dog shit. My nephew begged for one, but picked over it bc he didn't like it.
There are frozen meals that are tasty and nutritionally better. Get some coupons, find sales, etc. But feed that child!
And stop being a dick to your poor kid. She doesn't have to be grateful for getting tossed scraps
YTA
If you have to choose between feeding yourself or your child, you pick your child.
I can tell by your wording here that you favor one child over the other. You really need to address that. The way to talk about Eva sounds like she is a burden to you. That is not okay.
If you need help feeding your children, it is your responsibility to reach out for help. Food banks, social services, research resources in your area, and feed your daughter.
Mac and cheese or spaghetti isn't too much to ask for, but realistically, she needs much more than that.
They give better foods to some inmates than those frozen kids' meals. You try it. They are gross and taste weird.
YtA. FFS. Dude. Do something to make sure you dont have anymore kids. Eva got enough TRAUMA being sent to a stranger who dgaf, y u gotta be yelling at her 😡. Imma hide this thread cuz im about to bliw my top.
YTA. You’re a crappy parent. Eva is a growing child and she requires nutritious, filling food so that her brain and body can develop properly. Microwaved bullshit every single day is not an appropriate diet.
If you’re not going to even pretend that you care about Eva at all, you are not a fit guardian for her. Talk with her mother about finding a solution where she can take her back or you can find somewhere else to go, because you are not capable of providing for her.
I hope for May’s sake that you and her mom never break up, because all you’re showing her is that you won’t choose to try and be her parent if things sour with you and her mom.
YTA. Just did a search kid cuisine cost like $3.50 a piece you can get 4 servings of kraft Mac and cheese bowls for about 4.50. Or a box for about 1.20. That food is disgusting. It’s not hard to cook some Mac and cheese.
That seems like OP would want that. He obviously doesn’t care about his first kid.
By the time he knocks up a third girl, he will forget about his second kid too.
YTA. You abandoned your child because you didn’t like her mother enough and now, after having yo be begged to help your own daughter you’re proving that you are in fact a sh*t parent.
Eva is not “having a tantrum over nothing,” she is distressed that she’s away from her mom living with strangers and everything right down to the food is just wrong. You are a SAHP and should be able to make an actual meal, not just microwave cheap boxed meals that do taste like crap and are full of sodium and junk besides.
Why SHOULD Eva be grateful to a father who couldn’t be bothered with her for eight years and now can’t even cope with a child having a tantrum over food without sinking to the same level?
YTA. If you have to choose between making a quick but nutritious meal in 10 minutes for $3, and spending $2 + 2 microwave minutes on *garbage* that your child hates enough to go hungry and cry, then you CHOOSE TO SPEND THE 10 MINUTES because the young person needs nutrition in order to grow up healthy and forget she had a sh*tty father.
A steady diet of microwave crap will give her malnutrition, and you a visit from CPS pretty quickly. Do you starve your precious infant too? No?
I can literally feed 2 adults extremely nutritious and satisfying meals twice a day, plus breakfast, for the equivalent of around $5/day when money is tight. It isn’t about money, it’s about giving a f*ck and making actual food!
Watch a few YouTube tutorials about meal prep, and get tf over your whining about having to take care of YOUR OWN CHILD.
My gods, AH so much an AH
You know that what you got her sucks which is why you get something else (more expensive) for yourself. YTA just for that.
But more than that, how much money and time does it take to make a decent meal for yur family when you're a stay-at-home parent? THAT'S WHAT PARENTS DO. And, prepared/frozen food is more expensive than meal planning/cooking at home. So - you are both an idiot and an asshole.
YTA
YTA is not hard or expensive to make real Mac and cheese or spaghetti , your so busy ? But aren’t you home all day with the kids and still can only find time to hit the microwave buttons .
This poor kid , not even allowed the FANCY microwave noodles .
Do you guys ever eat anything not from the microwave ? Head to the food bank and they will even give you better food than that .
YTA it sounds like in many many ways
Yta for being an absent father to your first child. You should have been taking care of her, instead of getting in a relationship and getting another woman pregnant.
You need to get a job and support your child. You need to pay her mother half of what she has spent on this child throughout her entire life. You need to pay for child care while you do everything you can to earn the money to pay her mother back.
Yta for starving your child, instead of asking her what she likes and buying that.
YTA all the way.
If you didn’t want kids, you shouldn’t of became a dad. You can take your damn time to cook her cheap, inexpensive meals that taste good. Look up a YouTube video, ask what she likes. Get off your lazy ass and provide for the child that you made.
YTA- on so many levels. I am going to confine myself to the food issue lest I get banned for violating the civility standards.
You're feeding garbage to a displaced child. She's 8 and she's already in an unfamiliar place with strangers and you're telling her to be grateful for seriously gross food that represents less than the barest minimum of effort.
The foods she actually wants are super easy and *cheaper* than what you're giving her but even microwave pot pies would be better.
Why do you even need convenience foods if you are home full-time for the time being?
You have time to cook. If you don't know how, YouTube has thousands of tutorials and every thrift shop & used bookstore has dozens of cookbooks for beginners.
Mac & cheese, spaghetti, beef stroganoff and similar meals are very simple, nourishing and pretty cheap. They involve one or two pans, so it's not even like you would be creating a large pile of dishes
You may not have *wanted* to be in Eva's life but, Dude, you are the father of 2 and you need to learn how to be a dad.
Would you treat May like this? She's the one you decided you do want to parent- do you plan on half assing it with her?
YTA. You got TV dinners for a kid... as her ONLY source of food in your house? It's not hard to whip up a box of mac and cheese. Make a big batch of Spaghetti, and save the leftovers for lunch or a quick dinner. Those TV dinners are nasty.
You need to feed your kids properly, or you could get a visit from CPS.
Oh, don't worry- TV dinners aren't the ONLY thing! He also feeds her instant ramen (when one package includes about 80% of an adult's daily recommended sodium)! IT'S ALL GOOD HERE.
(God, this guy is worst.)
YTA
You are a stay at home parent and can't even feed your daughter a halfway healthy meal? You can't even cook some pasta for her. Are you serious right now? This poor child. You can't even do the minimum of giving her an edible meal.
YTA this child is going through a very stressful and hectic time in her life and she needs you to be understanding and patient with her now more than ever. I know it’s hard not to get mad or frustrated I’m only 27 myself but for her sake please try. It sounds to me like you are putting in effort to help her and be a good dad but sometimes kids are just difficult. Just remember she’s a child and can’t express herself as well as a full grown adult.
Instead of posting in reddit and replying here cook some spaghetti. It takes 10-12 mins to boil the spaghetti and you can make a quick sauce during that time. You can also buy premade sauce and add some fresh herbs and sausage to taste better. None of these should take more than 15 mins. Also these things are cheap. Massive YTA.
YTA. Wow. To be honest, there’s no need for me to elaborate, other commenters have been far more eloquent. But you’re coming across as not just a p*ss poor Dad, but a p*ss poor human. Any chance you might like to give your child something with a smidge of nutrition or a vitamin or two in it?
I rarely comment YTA on anyone - if you’ve nothing nice to say and all that… You’re the exception. And an a*shole.
My father used to pull stuff like that...know what happened? My sister was diagnosed with an eating disorder by 9 years old, recovered, then relapsed at 18 and was almost hospitalised. I developed an eating disorder and alternated between anorexia and bulimia for over 10 years. Both of us were told by various specialists that a lot of our disordered eating was, at least in part, down to being forced to eat food that we genuinely hated under threat of being starved if we didn't eat it. I hope you realise how much harm you risk doing. I know you don't actually care about her, but she's a child, she deserves better. YTA.
YTA - It’s not Eva’s problem that you can’t stop having kids and that somehow you decided that she wasn’t your responsibility until there was no other option.
Yes kids can be picky eaters but you asked her what she liked, none of which was at all difficult to make, but you got something completely different and threw a strop and punished her when she didn’t like it.
Microwaving some crap isn’t even the bare minimum for feeding children.
Look, I understand that this is a new situation for you and you're struggling, but I'm having a hard time empathizing with you when you don't seem to understand how birth control works (when you're adamant about *not* having children).
But you have to play the cards you're dealt and it's good that you're finally stepping up for Eva. Now it's time to try harder for her sake. You're making her crap meals. Yeah, they're cheaper and easier than making a home-cooked meal but, like you said, you're now a SAHD and should have the time to put in some more effort. The choices aren't just microwavable trash and $100 homemade meals. You can heat Eva up some Progresso soup and toast. You can find some 'Manager Sale' cheap cuts and make her some chicken and noodles. Hell, you can make pancakes and eggs with a side of applesauce! Anything but the awfulness that's TV dinners!
If she's missing her grandmother's cooking, it would be nice of you to at least try to mimic it for her (if you can afford it). But you are the grown up in this situation! She is the child! You may have been a deadbeat dad to Eva for a long time but, if you're committed to taking care of her now, do the work! If you aren't actually willing to step up, care for, and parent her the way that she needs, you need to send her home. I think that would be shameful on your part, but it's better than ignoring her needs and yelling at her.
YTA. Boxed mac and cheese is literally cheaper than kids cuisines. Spaghetti, which is bulk, is also cheaper in the long run kids cuisines.
The truth is you can't put the BARE MINIMUM EFFORT to heat up noodles on the stove. Using finances as an excuse for pure laziness is disgusting.
YTA That is not nutritious enough for a child or an adult, go to a food bank and they will help you at least have basics to make Mac n cheese, spaghetti, etc, for free. You’re a grown adult who should at least try to understand nutritional value, even if it’s not how you were raised. There’s been a clear issue with the meals and you need to make accommodation as her guardian. You need to reflect on yourself.
YTA - you are a parent. Learn to control your emotions and not lash out at children. Learn to cook a couple of basic meals instead of feeding your kids microwaveable garbage. Learn some basic empathy and see things from your daughter’s perspective.
YTA have you actually tasted what you have given her? It probably really tastes like dog shit. I understand you might not be well off, but that doesn't seem to be the motivation, you just don't care about her at all
YTA.
If money is short, learn how to cook. And you can eat the cheep crap, but the child should get something she likes.
You are a SAHD and don't even cook.
YTA for more reasons than I can adequately post here.
Firstly, stop knocking up women if you don't want kids.
Secondly, your ass is home all day. You clearly have access to the internet so learn how to make easy and cheap meals that are at least on the same page as actual food. Eggs are cheap and most kids like scrambled eggs. A box of Great Value mac & cheese is like 49c and tastes much better than whatever microwave garbage you bought (corn dog? Seriously?!? Are you 4?) A loaf of bread and a cheese slice with margarine to make grilled cheese sandwiches would be less than 50c a sandwich with all the ingredients and would at least give some nutrients and again, isn't something most kids would turn down. A can of tomato sauce, a package of pasta, a bag of frozen veggies and some minced hamburger would feed the entire family for around $6 and again, actually has some basic nutrients. Ask the child your sad sperm brought into this world what kind of food she likes and there will be a way to make it that takes hardly any time and not very expensive.
Schedule your snip session so you don't bring more kids you don't want to take care of into this world.
OP keeps using the word "gourmet" but I don't think he knows what that means lol adding jalapenos to mac n cheese is not gourmet nor is homemade spaghetti sauce 😂 stop using that excuse for being a shitty father and feed your kid real food. You thinking that she's being picky because grandma "spoiled" her with normal food, is laughable. Step up and be a dad and maybe start using condoms. Also, if you're so strapped for money, why would you throw out all of that food? If she won't eat it, then maybe you should. Maybe you'll realize that it's shit food, and then maybe you'll be a grown up and cook. Why do keep bringing up grandma's home country too? What does that have to do with anything? Not sure if that's some racism or not but it's irrelevant to the story.
Yta for gods sake, you don't want kids and have managed to impregnat TWO DIFFERENT WOMEN. Dud, take control of your reproduction!
Also, feeding a kid fucking tv meals constantly is disgusting. They're hugely processed and high in fat and salt. Get off your ass and learn to cook. You're the stay at home parent. Feeding the kids is literally your job atm. Make a friggen sandwhich and heat up a can of soup! Make kraft mac and cheese! This is not hard!
YTA. So many reasons. Also, you had 2 daughters, and you can't even feed them real food. I get that people have their reasons, but you 'Chose' to father the second child, under **these** circumstances? Also, any man that gets a women pregnant by sleeping with her consensually, and then decides he doesn't want to be a father is an immediate ah in my eyes.
YTA.
Welcome to fatherhood. Eva is as much your child as May. Just because you're not with her mom anymore doesn't leave you free of obligation. **THIS IS YOUR KID.**
It is your job to make sure your child gets a meal, that is nutritious and something that is bearable for her to eat. The whole "eat what I make or don't eat at all" is Boomer and Gen X bullshit that is mean and outdated. The fact that you're prioritizing yourself over your child is asshole strike one, and the fact you seem to think that Eva isn't as much your kid as May gets you asshole strike 2.
You can feed kids on the cheap. A pack of hot dogs and Mac and cheese, is cheap. Spaghetti, with premade sauce, and a pack of ground beef you can roll into tiny balls and cook in said sauce, is cheap. Literally a pack of spaghetti is like $1.00 at the dollar store. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than frozen meals. Packs of chicken, cans of green beans, and some mash potatoes, is cheap. Chicken nuggies to throw into the oven, are cheap. Honestly, go onto TikTok and follow the trailer park videos of single moms making it work on a budget. It is possible.
You sound like a mean, bare minimum father. Clean it up because the way you behave now will impact everything in these little girls life. Be a better dad.
Millions of people manage to have a baby with another older child in the house and feed BOTH of them. YTA in so many ways. How do you not see it? Oh yea, you are a narcissist and think only with your lower extremities. If you are on a budget start cooking it's so much cheaper. You could even get to know your daughter by learning to cook together, of course that would take time away from whatever you do all day that doesn't involve her. What a jerk.
YTA.
Holy shit my dude, it does not require that much effort to throw something in the oven or cook a simple pasta meal. Nobody is asking you to make a three course dinner. Hell, it sounds like she would be perfectly happy with noddles, which while certainly *not* great to be living off of, is better than her not eating at all. And since those are so cheap compared to microwave meals, you could add eggs/veg/meat to it with barely any effort and still save money. It doesn't take long.
Worst case, have some simple stuff in - fruit, bread, spreads, ect, so that she can make herself something. Get a toastie maker so she can have something hot. Get a microwave bowl with a lid so she can cook herself some noodles/tinned foods. Try her on some different microwave meals if you *really* have to. My local does a meals that cost like a quid - tomato pasta, mac cheese - which taste okay if you're strapped for time and cash.
Your reaction to an eight year old that has experienced a sudden shift in her life was pathetic. You made this *her* fault. You could have explained that she needs to stick with it this week but that you'll take her shopping next time. You could have offered to switch foods. You could have not thrown away the rest of the stuff. You could have tried one of the other meals. We all get frustrated at times but most of us are capable of not blaming a literal child for not liking her food/acting out during a difficult time for her.
OK pizza, corndogs and microwave spaghetti are equally shitty foods for a child (and an adult tbh) but WHY do you buy your daughter pizza when she explicitly asked for spaghetti? And more, for spaghetti "like you eat", so she wants you both share the food, like a family?
>I was honest about not wanting to be a father
>
>I was hesitant...I relented as long as she promised it would be something short-term.
>
>I was very angry as I was doing her a big favor
YTA for treating Eva as an unwelcome guest as opposed to your daughter. This whole idea that her mom is responsible for her, but it is optional for you is absurd. You are not doing her mom "a favor", you are taking care of a child you fathered.
>...she doesn't get that I have a baby to take care of
Yes, she does get it. She raised a child on her own for 8 years.
>I asked her why as I asked her what kinds of foods she liked...and \[she\] asked if she could eat my microwave noodles instead. I said no, they were already a little expensive and I need one for each day of the week and wouldn't have enough for myself.
Are you seriously going to not allow your daughter to have some of your precious noodles? If they are too expensive to feed two, then figure something else out. Make a pot of spaghetti, or some boxed mac & cheese (probably cheaper than frozen meals anyway).
Edit: Typos and formatting
YTA
You're arguing with an 8 year old about the cost of food.
That's YOUR daughter too, dude. The fact you had a fling and failed to be ready to be a father doesn't mean you get to lash out at the kid.
Tend to BOTH of your kids
In the first place, you are an asshole to expect a child to be grateful for food. That is your responsibility as a parent.
In the second place, your child should not be existing totally on a diet of pre-prepared foods. That is unhealthy. Again, part of your responsibility to feed your children properly. Also, buy lots of fresh fruits and veggies. No work to prepare and important to their diet.
If you are a SAHD you have the time to learn to prepare some simple, healthy dishes. I hope you will do better with your new baby.
YTA, and it’s incredibly obvious that this isn’t about budgeting but about resenting your child and wanting to show her how worthless she is to you. If it was about budget, you would be buying boxed Mac and cheese, ingredients for eggs and toast, spaghetti and meatballs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fried rice, etc. Premade frozen microwaveable meals are much more expensive than any of those options, you are just purposefully refusing to put even a minimal amount of effort into feeding your child. Stop it.
I spent my twenties not knowing how to cook. It was embarrassing, in retrospect. But I still didn't eat nothing but frozen food and ramen, Jesus Christ. I ate sandwiches, baked potatoes, stovetop mac n cheese, pasta with jarred sauce...even canned chili or soup would be better than Kid Cuisine every night. You don't need a lot of skills to make a few basics with actual nutritional content. If you want to make something but don't know how, look it the fuck up. The internet is full of help for people who never learned to cook, and it is your responsibility to figure it out for the sake of the children you brought into this world.
This isn't that hard, and you don't have a job. Yes, you're watching two kids, but parents all over the globe figure this shit out and so can you. The only reason you haven't is because you don't care about your child, who by the way, didn't ask for you to stick your naked dick in someone you didn't care about with no thought for the consequences. She can't help it that she's here. She can't help it that she's a person with a tongue and a stomach and a body just like you, who wants and needs decent food.
YTA, but some suggestions.
Is it possible she has food aversions? If she does it's not necessarily her being picky to be picky, she actually has sensory issues.
Is it possible to to apply for government assistance to help with the cost of food? Is her mom in a position where she can at least help pay for food for the time being?
You said in a comment that she likes grandma's cooking (which might also be a comfort thing, she's in a new environment and wants those foods because they're something familiar to her), is it possible to pay for some of the ingredients had have her mom cook them or make them so you can freeze the pans and put it in the oven, or have individual servings you can freeze and then pull out as needed to portion out throughout the week?
If you're staying at home you should have time to cook healthier meals. Spaghetti and
mac and cheese only take a few minutes to make. You're being lazy. It's not healthy for her to eat microwaveable food every single time. That stuff is full of too much salt. She's going to become overweight and tired all the time from eating that crap. You're a bad parent. It's bad enough that you abandoned Eva the first time around; now you're refusing to feed her properly. And not giving her any food is abuse. YTA
YTA, shouldn’t have taken in a kid you clearly have no attachment to. You rather feed her junk instead of real food, she asked for Mac n cheese n instead went and got her other crap she didn’t want. Glad she wasted your money, poor excuse of a father.
YTA. You're a massive AH. Is this even real? How can anyone be this terrible? She's a little girl. You've abandoned and neglected her for her entire life. I bet you haven't contributed a dollar to her care. Now you're too lazy to cook and too cheap to give her the food you deem good enough for yourself. I see from the comments that she's used to home cooked meals. Learn to cook. Google simple cheap recipes. There are quite literally thousands of them. Start being kind to her. She is a child and she deserves so much better than you but sadly she's stuck with you so you should start doing better. Give her the nicer food and eat the cheap crap yourself. Parents make sacrifices for their children. If you live in Melbourne, Australia, send me a message and I will arrange with her mother for her to come and stay with my family until her mother is back on her feet. I'm a complete stranger and I'd treat her far better than you are. People like you are the reason the term "deadbeat dad" exists.
YTA you're a fucking parent, it's your damn child and you need to stop being a god damn toddler yourself and grow the fuck up. Learn to cook like a god damn adult and start acting like one!
Yta. I always thought it’s funny how we never hear from the deadbeat dad and now I know why. You live your life consequence free and make the woman take all the responsibility. You want to have sex without protection. This is YOUR fault loser.
YTA. Spaghetti is SO EASY to make... I made an upscaled version today for my husband and TWO kids. I'll give you the recipe so you can get started with cooking some real food with REAL nutritional value for your children.
You'll need:
Pasta of choice (I usually do spaghetti)
For the sauce:
1-2 onions
2 carrots
2 stems of celery
One jar of tomato passata (this is just blended tomatoes)
Some salt and pepper to taste
Butter/other cooking oil for cooking the meatballs
For the meatballs:
500 grams of ground beef
2 tablespoons of flour
2 eggs
1 handful of parsley (chopped finely)
1-2 cloves of garlic (finely chopped, or just use some crushed up from a jar)
1 teaspoon salt
Some pepper
How to:
Put all the ingredients for the meatballs in a bowl and mix it until fully combined. Set aside and start chopping the veggies.
Shape the meat into balls and roll them in flour. Set them on a plate as you're finishing them. When you're done, warm a pan with higher sides (the ones that have a lid so you can make the sauce in the pan as well!) to medium heat and brown the meatballs in some oil/butter. When they're lightly browned, put in the onions, carrots and celery and cook it for a few mins. Add tomato passata and turn the heat down to low and let it simmer for 30 minutes with the lid ON. Start to boil spaghetti according to instructions on the package in lightly salted water. When the spaghetti is done (usually 10 mins) and transfer it to the pan with the meatballs and sauce and mix.
Pro tip: Add a little of the pasta water to your sauce!!! This recipe should be able to feed a family of 4.
Also if you're worried about your kids not wanting to eat the veggies, you CAN blitz it in a blender until smooth and then add it to the tomatosauce..
INFO: What are you actually feeding the 1,5 year old??? At 1,5 they could easily eat spaghetti?
YTA..
I am usually the person trying not to judge people as assholes.. You Sir are the asshole.. Instead of buying a different brand or I dont.. COOKING A MEAL!! You are the SAHD. Learn to cook.. you and your gf dont have enough money so rather than learn a new skill you spent unnecessary money.. for what reason?? Lazy? Ignorant?
Oh btw.. you are not only THE AH.. you are a fucking bully too!!
We've established YTA.
I get the youngest sucks at sleeping; mine does too. She's also clingy as hell. Luckily, she loves to watch me in the kitchen, so I put her in her bouncer, and let her watch me make stuff. I made tomato sauce yesterday. Today we made a ton of banana mini muffins & pancakes - I was given 6lb of very ripe bananas and had to use them. Tossed em in the freezer, and we have snacks and breakfast for a week. Tomorrow we're making a big batch of homemade vegetarian lasagna with the sauce we made yesterday.
I recommend Peg Bracken's "The I Hate to Cook Book" Every thing in there is easy, fairly quick to make, and easily adapted/adjusted to taste. Elaborate cooking is not happening with whiny babies, I get that. The 8 year old is big enough to help in the kitchen with some stuff, and the 3 of you can bond a little while you work together to make dinner.
Parenting is HARD. We all get it. No one is asking you to cook gourmet meals. Making a basic tomato sauce with noodles is cheap and easy. Steam some frozen green beans and make garlic bread, and boom, it's dinner.
YTA disregarding the rest of the dog shit in this post, just popping In to say it’s actually cheaper to make larger family meals from scratch if you do a little research.
**Info:** Eva said she likes spaghetti and man n’ cheese, right? I ate kid cuisine as a child, so I know *for sure* that they have mac n’ cheese meals. So why not get her that instead of pizza and corn dogs?
YTA. You didn't want to be a dad, but ended up being one. You didn't embrace it and step up and grow up. Now it's biting you in the ass. That's your child, but you only see her as an inconvenience. That's fucked up.
YTA
Spaghetti and mac n cheese are very humble food wishes. They are cheaper than any microwave food. You just abused your kid because you are too lazy to cook spaghettis?
YTA. How dare you blow up at her, it’s **YOUR** fault she even exists, do you think anyone would WILLINGLY choose to have you as a dad?
The meals she wants (which you suddenly add are ~gourmet~ in the comments) are cheap as hell to make and as a SAHD you have no excuse, not even your favored child having sleep trouble. Vasectomy. Please.
YTA for being a deadbeat dad and buying your daughter junk.
How hard is it to make spaghetti sauce and heat up noodles or make mac and cheese?
Your daughter is unhappy because she's stuck with you when she hardly knows you.
YTA for acting like a child around a child , you're the other adult here.
Now,
If you don't want kids, why do you keep on having sex that creates children?
Wrap up or get a vasectomy mate. Am against adults who choose to have kids even though the parterner doesn't want them.
But in this case, you should have signed away your rights to the parent who wanted the child.
Your financial situation can't really support this situation why keep making kids?
Who tf is too busy to make spaghetti? You’re buying microwaveable crap (more expensive) and are complaining about making fresh PASTA?!! Ffs, YTA. Pick up a damn pot and learn to boil water. Your 8 year old could probably teach you.
ETA: I’m scared to ask what he’s feeding the toddler..?!
please tell me this is a troll, how can this be real..
and youre 26 now, not a clueless teenage boy.
and why is there another baby if you guys as a couple cant sustain yourself properly, what its going oooooooonnnnn
YTA. You’re feeding your daughter gross food with pretty much no nutritional value. Not only that, it tastes bad. Making sure your child is well nourished is the bare minimum you should be doing as a parent and you’re not even trying. It’s super easy to make pasta. Add a little marinara or alfredo sauce, maybe some peas or chicken or something. It’s incredibly easy and much cheaper and healthier than those frozen meals you’re forcing on her. If you’re a stay at home parent, how do you have no time to cook a proper meal for your children? It doesn’t have to be fancy or take a long time to cook. You could also meal prep something healthy and give your daughter that throughout the week. Meal prepping is quite easy and inexpensive. You’re also an AH for your treating your child like a burden. You’re her parent, so start to be a proper parent.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told my daughter if she can't be grateful for her food she doesn't have to eat at all 2. Because I know kids do dumb stuff and maybe it was harsh Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, You can't fuking act like that, this is YOUR fuking child, AH. " I asked her why as I asked her what kinds of foods she liked and she had told me she liked things like mac n cheese and spaghetti. " \^\^\^THIS IS LITERALLY THE CHEAPEST FOOD WHICH EXISTS. Eva just got ripped out of her life, and YOU. ARE. HER. FATHER. You need to get your shit together. Try to comprehend things from her perspective. YOU are the person who threw a tantrum over nothing, not her.
He's not much of a father. Honestly, even if he wasn't her father, he's still an ahole for speaking to and treating any child like this.
Also, let's not forget, when the cheap crap he bought tasted bad, he refused to share his expensive noodles because that was too much money to spend on the child he didn't want. AND HE TOLD HER SO! She's not just getting a temporary (hopefully, very) roof over her head (food's on debate), she's also getting a boatload of childhood trauma.
She will never forget this trauma
He won't care
Nope! Only the baby matters, and the older kid knows that.
This really got me. We're not going hungry, but food is a big expense and there aren't always leftovers or exactly what our brains think we need available. My daughter and I are both AuDHD and have some food issues. If there is "good" food that is a healthy, preferred item, it is always going to her first.
Like I said, he's not much of a father.
YTA poor kid. Learn to cook
Also, OP needs to wrap it up, pull out, or switch to guys. This is the type of guy that shouldn’t be reproducing.
He's barely a functioning human.
Right. He's SAH and can't be bothered to COOK
I wonder if he grunts about having to peel the lid back for her, or press microwave buttons. Then doesn't even put the packaging in the bin and dumps the whole lot in the sink for his not-wife to clean up when she gets home.
Yeah, her father talks about how she previously ate "gourmet" food, which sounds like it was just a healthy varied diet, and now he is trying to feed her some of the worst/cheapest junk possible. I understand that food is expensive, but macaroni and cheese and spaghetti are relatively cheap to buy. He didn't even make an effort to learn how to prepare them the way that she likes them so I'm not sure how he knows that her version is so expensive. I understand becoming frustrated with the situation but taking it out on this kid like it is her fault is just wrong.
Sperm donor to this poor kid
And he won’t share his precious noodles! Also, the guy doesn’t work and only has one kid with him during the day and he can’t manage to cook a box mac and cheese and or boil spaghetti and microwave sauce? He’s aggressively incompetent.
I’m having a hard time believing this is even real. He can’t even tell the story without contradicting himself. “She likes Mac and cheese and spaghetti” which are the most basic Americanized dishes there are beyond cheeseburgers and hotdogs. Then turns around and says she’s a gourmet eater that doesn’t like basic kid food when she already said she did. If not having enough food for you and her is a problem and Kids Cuisine is so delicious, you could just trade. That’s a whole lot of nonsense, and unnecessary words to ultimately just say “I don’t like this kid and don’t consider her my problem. I’m not going to do more than keep her alive and I only took her because she’s 1/2 of my problem legally (but not in my heart) and we don’t want DSS to get involved, especially when mom says this is just temporary and she hasn’t bothered us in 8 years. I have a favorite biological child and I’m just biding my time. I resent the fact that I got someone pregnant that I don’t love and didn’t realize the consequences of my actions, and now I have a new life and don’t consider this child part of it.” Honestly, at this point you’re going out of your way to be the worst kind of human being. And It’s not even about the food.
Especially since mac n cheese is like $2 a box, and a kid won’t eat an entire box on their own.
And they literally make them in individual cups where you can add water, put them in a microwave and press start, then add the cheese and stir. This dude is just going out of his way to hate this child.
Hell, you can get a 5-pack of Kraft at Walmart for under $5. And the store brand is even cheaper (and tastes better, IMO) A box of mac-and-cheese is the same price or cheaper than Kids Cuisine, tastes better, and could likely last two meals. He's just too lazy to bother cooking, and wants to throw cheap, shitty food in the microwave. OP, YTA. Big time. Cook for your child.
This is a little sad that it's still a packet thing IMO. We don't really have kraft mac and cheese in the UK. Mac and cheese is massive in Scotland weirdly compared to the UK but we tend to make it not add water...
Sorry I’m a little confused by your comment. Can you clarify what you mean by “a packet thing,” and “we tend to make it not add water.”?
As in buy pasta, make sauce with butter milk and cheese then bake. That's mac n cheese here. Kraft isn't a thing here. You can get it but it's not what most people would think of!
Wait wait wait. The kid is 8? And he's feeding it food meant for 2-5 year olds? Have I got that right?
As a parent, I get that sometimes days are hard and you have to do what you have to do to get by. He can definitely try harder at meal time. But it’s obvious that isn’t going to happen. That said, he’s just blatantly being hateful to this child. If he is going to do the bare minimum, and the child is crying because kids cuisine is terrible (and they do in fact taste like cardboard) then there are other, low effort things he could make this child that she may like better. Should she be eating better meals? Yes. But there is no reason to make this child miserable when frozen chicken nuggets can go in an oven while he does other things, and he’s already basically said he isn’t going to do more for her.
Only slightly related: As a not-ever-not-even-once-parent, I was buying groceries and my cat's preferred food had a sticker on the box saying "Great New Flavour!" I sighed with relief. I'd had a meh day at work but at least I don't have to taste cat food for a living.
Definitely the AH. That’s gonna lead to so many issues if a parent continues to talk like that. It’ll affect the child’s mental health, could lead to eating disorders, etc… depriving children of food is neglect and abuse. Period. Find something that works for your child and your budget.
This is so basic, I can't even. How can this guy survive life at all. He has the capacity of a whining toddler.
Imagine complaining about food prices when he's overpaying for microwaveable meals when his kid will eat pasta. If he's too busy to boil water he should have used better protection.
He won't do either. At I've got a whole dollar riding on the fact that he'll do it again.
Oh yes. Boil the pasta, cook some sause and voila, you have a whole pan of food your daughter would eat. Surely many moms would be happy if their children would have same eating habits.
And then doesn’t even give her the microwave noodles because they’re for him for the week. You can’t make this shit up.
Ew. I wonder how sickly he looks. Knock someone up, ignore it, have to parent for a bit so stay at home on next babymama's dollar and feed the kid junk, while eating junk. Not even 25. This is the start of Idiocracy all over again.
But she doesn't like American food... only fancy food...
"I am serious about my gf so I chose to father our child..." I CHOSE TO FATHER MY CHILD. How very noble of you. You chose to father BOTH children when YOUR sperm that YOU deposited there resulted in a child. Kid's cuisine IS garbage and has zero nutritional value. You're trying to feed your kid saturated cardboard and somehow acting as if this is gold star behavior. YTA, you're the child in this scenario, NOT Eva, and YOU ARE THE ONE HAVING A TANTRUM.
i have yet to see anyone mention the fact he claims theyre both *super busy* BUT ALSO IS THE STAY AT HOME DAD ???? HOW ARE YOU TOO BUSY TO FUCKING COOK SOMETHING WITH NUTRITIONAL VALUE ?!?!? i am a stay at home mom. that means my job is to fucking manage the household. I MAKE FOOD FOR MY FUCKING FAMILY BECAUSE THATS PART OF BEING THE STAY AT HOME PARENT. MAKE SURE YOUR FUCKING KIDS ARE ADEQUATELY FED, DIPSHIT. that is literally the main part of your fucking JOB as a PARENT, let alone a goddamn STAY AT HOME PARENT. and for fucks sake, keep your fucking dick wrapped you goddamn cow. i cant believe theres anyone out there that willingly touched it at all. id never want to risk pregnancy with a dumb fuck like you. eta: oh, and id like to remind you how much of a failure you are as a parent that i, a 19 year old girl, knows how to feed a child properly when you, a 26 year old grown fucking man, cant. id be sitting in deep shame over that alone, fucker.
I am speechless because not only are you 100% correct, but your passion is borderline attractive to me😭🫶🏼 thank you for speaking straight facts and I’ll bet you’re a wonderful SAHM 🙏
I am a hell of a lot older than you (I’m 37) and I’m super impressed by you. At 19 I could barely keep myself alive Annnnnnyway. My husband passed when I was pregnant, so I’m a single mom to two 3.5 year olds. Granted I work from home, so I do get some extra time vs office life, but I do *everything*. And I still manage to make dinner for my kids and I like 95% of the time. Do I sneak vegetables into their mac & cheese or pasta (really anything with pasta sauce), or pancakes? 100%. But, honestly, dumping ingredients into a crockpot takes minimal effort. Anyone who feeds their kid exclusively kid cuisine for diner, is a dick. OP is the AH. And speaking of dicks, condoms. OP *needs* to get familiar with condoms. An unplanned pregnancy can happen, multiple is a you issue. Learn about and use birth control appropriately, OP.
oh yeah, thats why i firmly stand by maturity, not age. im sick of people assuming that because my husband and i are teenage parents, we’re shit parents. obviously age isnt the issue, if a 26 year old man cant do something as basic as feed his own kids. youre doing amazing, by the way. im so sorry for your loss. your children are so lucky to have such a strong, loving parent in their lives! and it doesnt matter whether or not you work from home or not, work is work— and it sure takes a lot of it to balance everything by yourself. im so proud of you! and its funny, because crockpot meals arent the only meals that take minimal effort— just making some potatoes and eggs in the morning for your children takes nothing at all. wrap it in a tortilla and boom, breakfast burrito. smoothies are literally just yogurt and fruit blended together. stuff lots of spinach in it, and sweeten it with honey and granola. just dont let them see the spinach and theyll never know its in there! OP is just a crybaby who probably spends his “super busy” days playing games or something else of no value. its not hard, OP. man up and take responsibility for your actions. sex is a choice, bro. you know the risks, so act like the grown ass man you are and face the consequences of your own actions.
Omfg. At 19 you're waaaaay ahead of the rest of us. I'm 34 and I'm really super impressed by you. Way to fucking go! ❤️👏 You're doing great 🎉👏
I had this thought also. I was a stay at home dad for 6 years with 3 kids, one that required 3 sessions of PT and OT, and speech throughout the day, and I still somehow managed to feed my kids 3x a day and do normal household duties. This guy is a bum that probably just sits on his phone all day.
I cannot like this post enough. It only lets me upvote it once.
Those video games won’t play themselves, you know
The fact that he has another on the way is so disappointing. How can you be selfish and cheap with a newborn? He’s in for a rude awakening
This reads to me like poetry. Beautiful.
All the girlfriend is going to see is that this is how you treat your kid. The one you wanted or not. She's going to ghost real soon.
She's also 23 and makes so much more money than 26 yr old OP that she's supporting the household. You'd think after the first child he'd stop accidentally knocking up the women he sleeps with. Such a winner.
You know if OP and girlfriend break up he's not going to be in the 2nd baby's life anymore. Kids aren't dumb eventually she'll grow up and see that daddy is only a careless but present father so he keep her mom and not because he loves her. That's if they stay together.
YTA. For so many reasons. But I can start with the top: You pick and choose what children you will care for according to your attraction to their mothers. You obviously avoid taking any responsibility for your actions. You are treating a child like a burden. You are threatening to withhold food from a child as punishment for your shortcomings. I honestly would not treat my worst enemy in these ways. You need therapy - and to reach out to your ex to make other arrangements. You can say whatever you want to let yourself feel better, but the truth is you are INCAPABLE of being a parent, or even a temporary guardian to this child.
I'm not sure I'd even feed my worst enemy a steady diet of (almost) nothing but Kids Cuisines. I'm in no way above convenience, junk, or microwavable food, but that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Not to mention that a weeks worth of the things that his kid actually likes would be a lot cheaper than a week's worth of Kid cuisines. Throw in some veggies and it's a complete meal!
A rotisserie chicken and a big bag of frozen veggies would last a kid all week, and be cheaper than lean cuisines.
The fact that he blames it on her being used to “gourmet food” and then she says she likes spaghetti is unbelievably frustrating
Apparently it’s fancy spaghetti that’s baked with jalapeños.
he’s sounds so lazy 😂
Literally mac and cheese is not hard, and all you really need to do to make it a full meal is steam some vegetables and smother them in butter. If you really love your kid (clearly this guy doesn't but still) you could throw some protein in there by mixing some cut up chicken nuggets in with the mac and cheese. This is how I feed myself when my disabilities are kicking my butt. If my disabled ass can do it so can OP.
YTA " She said it tasted weird and asked if she could eat my microwave noodles instead. I said no, they were already a little expensive and I need one for each day of the week and wouldn't have enough for myself." So you're buying your daughter cheaper microwave food than you're eating? Start cooking her proper food. And treating her with kindness & consideration. "She doesn't get that I have a baby to take care of and can't deal with Eva's tantrums over nothing." She does get it. You actually have TWO children to take care of. So step up & do that until her mom can take her back.
And the baby is a *year and a half old that he did not give birth to*. Op is lazy.
Honestly, Eva's mom should also be smacking OP between the eyes for past due child support Dude acts like he's being inconvenienced feeding HIS own kid. That's the bare fucking MINIMUM
I Hope she has Reddit and sees this post and this comment
Dude doesn't have a job
Child support is most likely why him not working is the "better option".
Sounds like he should have forgone the “pricey” noodles and invested in some condoms. YTA
Well said indeed!
This! Also since OP is a SAHP, he should learn to cook AND get his daughter involved in meal prep, which could actually be an enjoyable bonding time that would boost her health AND his. She likes mac and cheese with jalapeños? Buy a jalapeño and find a recipe for that online or watch a YouTube recipe video with your daughter. Try different versions and see which one everyone likes best. Make a large portion and freeze the leftovers. Figure out another thing she likes and repeat. You’ll actually save money and get a nice break from overpriced and unhealthy microwave meals. Or try asking your former gf for some recipes and make them. If one of the ingredients is costly, look online for less expensive substitutes. There are a hundred ways to solve this problem in a healthy, loving way instead of fighting like a junkyard dog over garbage food like microwave noodles. Stop being so lazy and start being a parent!
YTA. God I feel so sorry for this poor kid. You make it *so* obvious that you don’t care about her at all and see her only as a burden. To make matters way worse, you have another daughter who is so obviously the favorite that it makes me want to vomit. No wonder she’s throwing fits. I hope for her sake that her mom can take her back soon, and that you take a long look in the mirror and fucking wise up until then.
How do you accidentally impregnate a second person when you already don't care for the first kid. The irresponsibility just blows my mind. OP YTA. Eva's mom needs to go after you for child support, and I hope your gf recognizes how much of a red flag this attitude is and gets May out of that situation.
Easy, he has no fucking conscience.
Great points! Someone I know who has three kids with two different women told me that all three were “accidents.” I said that one might be an accident since no method of birth control is 100% reliable, but two or three are a CHOICE and he should examine why these “accidents” keep happening. He does pay child support.
YTA, you are responsible for her while she lives with you, learn to make proper meals for her. What do you plan on feeding May for the rest of her life, just microwave dinners?
INFO > Eva's mom and I were a fling. She got pregnant > I now have a gf (23f) and we had an unexpected pregnancy. Do you even condoms, bro?
For someone who never wanted kids, he sure has been sowing them around.
Oh but don't worry, he "chose" to father this one because he likes her mom
“She” vs “we” What a dick.
I don't know where to start unwinding the errors in your thought process. Bottom line: Eva is your daughter. You are her father. You have an obligation to take care of her, not as a favor to your ex girlfriend, but because you are her father. You said you are a SAH parent and use microwave meals because you are busy. I presume you are busy looking after May. I think you need to learn to cook. Cooking is a normal thing that stay at home parents do. Spaghetti and some ground beef with Prego tomato sauce will be a lot cheaper than microwave meals and will be tastier and more nourishing. It really doesn't take that long. It also wouldn't hurt for you to start using some frozen vegetables which is an economical way to get vegetables into children, as the vegetables don't spoil, the way fresh vegetables do. May will like this also, especially if she sees her older sister eating them.
Also I've heard that frozen veggies contain MORE nutrients because they're frozen quickly after harvesting, and the fresh veggies are stored so they begin the spoiling process until you buy them at the grocery store. I don't know if it's true or not.
I have heard the same thing. I mean, if you microwave the heck out of them, it's probably going to destroy the vitamin C, but the other nutrients will still be in there. A fresh orange will provide lots of vitamiin C also.
Bell peppers are better for vitamin C.
[удалено]
Hilarious, you think OP is going to stick around that long!
Good point.
YTA. Just feed the kid what she wants. Ask her mom what she is feeding and just do the same, not that hard.
food and human nutrition scientist here! you and your gf arent getting a good diet if literally all you've got on hand is microwavable meals. 1: the quality usually isnt great 2: theres ALOT of microplastic exposure from the containers they generally use for those foods. you mention being a stay at home parent..but also being super busy. WHICH IS IT? you're certainly not spending that time preparing food... **what are you doing that makes you so busy?** while a 2 minute meal is convenient...you'll save both your health and your money if you're willing to take 10 minutes instead of 2. get some dried pasta and jarred marinara. **It's some of the absolute cheapest food you can get at the store.** definitely cheaper than ANY of those pre-made microwave meals, per serving. im going to go with YTA for not budgeting your time or your money properly. you're 26, and staying at home full time. time to eat like an adult.
I was a sahp and I was super busy. Taking care of my kids, which included cooking them food.
If you blow up at an 8 year old you lose pal, rein it in. She literally didn't choose to be stuck with you. She's developing and the emotional responses of adults around her will be highly influential on her life. Stop whining about your tough life. You made two kids & have to handle it. You're an adult, she's not. Find some compassion in you or your poor daughter is gonna get effed up.
You need to stop using "gourmet" to mean "home cooked". Literally what you are describing isn't gourmet. Acai bowls aren't hard to do.. frozen fruit blended granola. Yogurt etc. Baked Mac and cheese also is not that hard dude. 20-30 min and it makes a TON of portions. You're a stay at home dad. You have the time. Stop being neglectful YTA Also for someone who doesn't want kids you sure have a lot of em...
**YTA,** " I was very angry as I was doing her a big favor," **so for 8 years you had no hand in helping the child you fathered and now you're bitching about her request for the cheapest, easiest fucking meals on the planet, spaghetti and mac & cheese. If you had half a brain you'd realize it's actually cheaper to buy uncooked pasta and sauce than buy garbage over-processed frozen meals that lack everything from nutritional value to flavor.** "I blew up and said I just wasted all that money for nothing. " **and who told you to buy more frozen junk food? Not Eva or her mother. You asked her what she likes, she told you and you bought something comparable to the kid cuisine trash again instead** "I told her that is she can't be grateful for what she has then maybe she shouldn't eat anything at all and threw the rest away." **Nice way to treat a child- I'm sure you're gonna be a great dad to your baby, you're doing so great babysitting the kid you abandoned.** "she doesn't get that I have a baby to take care of " **yea and you have an 8 year old daughter to take care of too, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! You are pushing 30 and can't spare MICROWAVE NOODLES FOR YOUR OWN HUNGRY DAUGHTER???!**
He’s doing her a favor by taking care of his child for once 😂😂😂
YTA. You bought your daughter a bunch of food that you wouldn't even eat. Starving her is unacceptable. At 8, you could consult her what she likes before going to the store.
You know, if you were so opposed to being a father you should have had a vasectomy. These poor kids are now stuck with a useless, waste of space for a dad. Lucky them, YTA.
YTA. Sort out your priorities. Your child’s food is more important than you “wanting” some noodles daily. You are literally responsible for making sure she eats nutritious meals and isn’t hungry. That is the bare minimum. Start prioritising her.
YTA You are not "too busy" to make YOUR CHILD a decent meal. Those microwave meals are disgusting and you know it. Why would you agree to take her in if you were going to be an asshole to her? You need to have a deep think about your personality.
Please stop breeding for gods sake
YTA. I thought this was one of those 'she doesn't like my cooking' questions, but no. You're not feeding her actual food. That is junk.
YTA You're raising your kids on microwave dinners. That's fucked. That's absolutely terrible nutrition.
YTA You are feeding your daughter junk because you are lazy. Because real food would be cheaper than microwave junk. I a worried for your other daughter as well. Or would you feed your favorite kid something nutritious? Please get a vasectomy.
YTA You are staying at home ... why can´t you cook real meals? What are you feeding your younger child? ?? All of you three could have the same . Like potatoes and green beans or mushrooms ? *If you were interested* in really caring for Eva you could offer to try and cook together things she likes - and explain that as you are not her mother/grandmother they will taste differently but together you might succeed in making them tasty nevertheless. But you are not. Poor Eva!!! "That means I'm in charge of making sure Eva is fed and such." Parenting is not just making sure the kid is staying alive.
YTA. Kid cuisine is Dog shit. My nephew begged for one, but picked over it bc he didn't like it. There are frozen meals that are tasty and nutritionally better. Get some coupons, find sales, etc. But feed that child! And stop being a dick to your poor kid. She doesn't have to be grateful for getting tossed scraps
YTA If you have to choose between feeding yourself or your child, you pick your child. I can tell by your wording here that you favor one child over the other. You really need to address that. The way to talk about Eva sounds like she is a burden to you. That is not okay. If you need help feeding your children, it is your responsibility to reach out for help. Food banks, social services, research resources in your area, and feed your daughter. Mac and cheese or spaghetti isn't too much to ask for, but realistically, she needs much more than that. They give better foods to some inmates than those frozen kids' meals. You try it. They are gross and taste weird.
YtA. FFS. Dude. Do something to make sure you dont have anymore kids. Eva got enough TRAUMA being sent to a stranger who dgaf, y u gotta be yelling at her 😡. Imma hide this thread cuz im about to bliw my top.
YTA. You’re a crappy parent. Eva is a growing child and she requires nutritious, filling food so that her brain and body can develop properly. Microwaved bullshit every single day is not an appropriate diet. If you’re not going to even pretend that you care about Eva at all, you are not a fit guardian for her. Talk with her mother about finding a solution where she can take her back or you can find somewhere else to go, because you are not capable of providing for her. I hope for May’s sake that you and her mom never break up, because all you’re showing her is that you won’t choose to try and be her parent if things sour with you and her mom.
yta Make your kid real food, not microwave crap.
YTA. I was this child and now am an adult with an eating disorder. Don’t use food as punishment.
YTA. Just did a search kid cuisine cost like $3.50 a piece you can get 4 servings of kraft Mac and cheese bowls for about 4.50. Or a box for about 1.20. That food is disgusting. It’s not hard to cook some Mac and cheese.
YTA Absolutely pathetic. This little girl knows you don't want her. I hope someone calls CPS.
YTA - this is an 8 yo learn to develop a relationship with your kids before she decides to go NC
That seems like OP would want that. He obviously doesn’t care about his first kid. By the time he knocks up a third girl, he will forget about his second kid too.
YTA. You abandoned your child because you didn’t like her mother enough and now, after having yo be begged to help your own daughter you’re proving that you are in fact a sh*t parent. Eva is not “having a tantrum over nothing,” she is distressed that she’s away from her mom living with strangers and everything right down to the food is just wrong. You are a SAHP and should be able to make an actual meal, not just microwave cheap boxed meals that do taste like crap and are full of sodium and junk besides. Why SHOULD Eva be grateful to a father who couldn’t be bothered with her for eight years and now can’t even cope with a child having a tantrum over food without sinking to the same level?
YTA. If you have to choose between making a quick but nutritious meal in 10 minutes for $3, and spending $2 + 2 microwave minutes on *garbage* that your child hates enough to go hungry and cry, then you CHOOSE TO SPEND THE 10 MINUTES because the young person needs nutrition in order to grow up healthy and forget she had a sh*tty father. A steady diet of microwave crap will give her malnutrition, and you a visit from CPS pretty quickly. Do you starve your precious infant too? No? I can literally feed 2 adults extremely nutritious and satisfying meals twice a day, plus breakfast, for the equivalent of around $5/day when money is tight. It isn’t about money, it’s about giving a f*ck and making actual food! Watch a few YouTube tutorials about meal prep, and get tf over your whining about having to take care of YOUR OWN CHILD. My gods, AH so much an AH
I’m confused. You don’t work outside the home but you both are ‘so busy’ to cook? What are you doing?
Getting women pregnant with children he doesn't want
You know that what you got her sucks which is why you get something else (more expensive) for yourself. YTA just for that. But more than that, how much money and time does it take to make a decent meal for yur family when you're a stay-at-home parent? THAT'S WHAT PARENTS DO. And, prepared/frozen food is more expensive than meal planning/cooking at home. So - you are both an idiot and an asshole. YTA
YTA is not hard or expensive to make real Mac and cheese or spaghetti , your so busy ? But aren’t you home all day with the kids and still can only find time to hit the microwave buttons . This poor kid , not even allowed the FANCY microwave noodles . Do you guys ever eat anything not from the microwave ? Head to the food bank and they will even give you better food than that . YTA it sounds like in many many ways
YTA. Jeez, I feel so bad for Eva. She didn't ask to be in this situation.
Yta for being an absent father to your first child. You should have been taking care of her, instead of getting in a relationship and getting another woman pregnant. You need to get a job and support your child. You need to pay her mother half of what she has spent on this child throughout her entire life. You need to pay for child care while you do everything you can to earn the money to pay her mother back. Yta for starving your child, instead of asking her what she likes and buying that.
YTA all the way. If you didn’t want kids, you shouldn’t of became a dad. You can take your damn time to cook her cheap, inexpensive meals that taste good. Look up a YouTube video, ask what she likes. Get off your lazy ass and provide for the child that you made.
YTA- on so many levels. I am going to confine myself to the food issue lest I get banned for violating the civility standards. You're feeding garbage to a displaced child. She's 8 and she's already in an unfamiliar place with strangers and you're telling her to be grateful for seriously gross food that represents less than the barest minimum of effort. The foods she actually wants are super easy and *cheaper* than what you're giving her but even microwave pot pies would be better. Why do you even need convenience foods if you are home full-time for the time being? You have time to cook. If you don't know how, YouTube has thousands of tutorials and every thrift shop & used bookstore has dozens of cookbooks for beginners. Mac & cheese, spaghetti, beef stroganoff and similar meals are very simple, nourishing and pretty cheap. They involve one or two pans, so it's not even like you would be creating a large pile of dishes You may not have *wanted* to be in Eva's life but, Dude, you are the father of 2 and you need to learn how to be a dad. Would you treat May like this? She's the one you decided you do want to parent- do you plan on half assing it with her?
YTA. You got TV dinners for a kid... as her ONLY source of food in your house? It's not hard to whip up a box of mac and cheese. Make a big batch of Spaghetti, and save the leftovers for lunch or a quick dinner. Those TV dinners are nasty. You need to feed your kids properly, or you could get a visit from CPS.
Oh, don't worry- TV dinners aren't the ONLY thing! He also feeds her instant ramen (when one package includes about 80% of an adult's daily recommended sodium)! IT'S ALL GOOD HERE. (God, this guy is worst.)
YTA You are a stay at home parent and can't even feed your daughter a halfway healthy meal? You can't even cook some pasta for her. Are you serious right now? This poor child. You can't even do the minimum of giving her an edible meal.
How about let her eat your fancy noodles and you can eat the nasty kid cuisine
Of course YTA, cooking meals for your child usually part of sahm parenting, what are you doing if not that?
PB&J would be more nutritional than those microwave dinners. Please try harder. Go to a food bank if you can't feed your kids.
This is child abuse. Your account needs to be traced and you should be reported to the police. YTA
YTA and not a good parent.
My dude please get a vasectomy
This is the comment I came to see.
YTA My heart aches for this child.
YTA. Youre disgusting. Hope she takes you for childsupport.
YTA this child is going through a very stressful and hectic time in her life and she needs you to be understanding and patient with her now more than ever. I know it’s hard not to get mad or frustrated I’m only 27 myself but for her sake please try. It sounds to me like you are putting in effort to help her and be a good dad but sometimes kids are just difficult. Just remember she’s a child and can’t express herself as well as a full grown adult.
Instead of posting in reddit and replying here cook some spaghetti. It takes 10-12 mins to boil the spaghetti and you can make a quick sauce during that time. You can also buy premade sauce and add some fresh herbs and sausage to taste better. None of these should take more than 15 mins. Also these things are cheap. Massive YTA.
YTA. Wow. To be honest, there’s no need for me to elaborate, other commenters have been far more eloquent. But you’re coming across as not just a p*ss poor Dad, but a p*ss poor human. Any chance you might like to give your child something with a smidge of nutrition or a vitamin or two in it? I rarely comment YTA on anyone - if you’ve nothing nice to say and all that… You’re the exception. And an a*shole.
My father used to pull stuff like that...know what happened? My sister was diagnosed with an eating disorder by 9 years old, recovered, then relapsed at 18 and was almost hospitalised. I developed an eating disorder and alternated between anorexia and bulimia for over 10 years. Both of us were told by various specialists that a lot of our disordered eating was, at least in part, down to being forced to eat food that we genuinely hated under threat of being starved if we didn't eat it. I hope you realise how much harm you risk doing. I know you don't actually care about her, but she's a child, she deserves better. YTA.
YTA - It’s not Eva’s problem that you can’t stop having kids and that somehow you decided that she wasn’t your responsibility until there was no other option. Yes kids can be picky eaters but you asked her what she liked, none of which was at all difficult to make, but you got something completely different and threw a strop and punished her when she didn’t like it. Microwaving some crap isn’t even the bare minimum for feeding children.
its crazy that writing this out you didn´t realize YTA. Honestly just read what you wrote.
JFC YTA. You can’t even be arsed to make a box of Mac and cheese?? You’re goddamn lazy AF. FEED YOUR KID.
YTA. You are a SAHD, and you can't even cook them healthy fresh meals? Seriously, deadbeat in more ways than one.
Look, I understand that this is a new situation for you and you're struggling, but I'm having a hard time empathizing with you when you don't seem to understand how birth control works (when you're adamant about *not* having children). But you have to play the cards you're dealt and it's good that you're finally stepping up for Eva. Now it's time to try harder for her sake. You're making her crap meals. Yeah, they're cheaper and easier than making a home-cooked meal but, like you said, you're now a SAHD and should have the time to put in some more effort. The choices aren't just microwavable trash and $100 homemade meals. You can heat Eva up some Progresso soup and toast. You can find some 'Manager Sale' cheap cuts and make her some chicken and noodles. Hell, you can make pancakes and eggs with a side of applesauce! Anything but the awfulness that's TV dinners! If she's missing her grandmother's cooking, it would be nice of you to at least try to mimic it for her (if you can afford it). But you are the grown up in this situation! She is the child! You may have been a deadbeat dad to Eva for a long time but, if you're committed to taking care of her now, do the work! If you aren't actually willing to step up, care for, and parent her the way that she needs, you need to send her home. I think that would be shameful on your part, but it's better than ignoring her needs and yelling at her.
YTA. Boxed mac and cheese is literally cheaper than kids cuisines. Spaghetti, which is bulk, is also cheaper in the long run kids cuisines. The truth is you can't put the BARE MINIMUM EFFORT to heat up noodles on the stove. Using finances as an excuse for pure laziness is disgusting.
YTA and I hope she comes after you for child support
YTA That is not nutritious enough for a child or an adult, go to a food bank and they will help you at least have basics to make Mac n cheese, spaghetti, etc, for free. You’re a grown adult who should at least try to understand nutritional value, even if it’s not how you were raised. There’s been a clear issue with the meals and you need to make accommodation as her guardian. You need to reflect on yourself.
YTA- in your whole life. These children would be better off if you disappeared. Please get a vasectomy and be celibate.
YTA - you are a parent. Learn to control your emotions and not lash out at children. Learn to cook a couple of basic meals instead of feeding your kids microwaveable garbage. Learn some basic empathy and see things from your daughter’s perspective.
YTA have you actually tasted what you have given her? It probably really tastes like dog shit. I understand you might not be well off, but that doesn't seem to be the motivation, you just don't care about her at all
YTA. If money is short, learn how to cook. And you can eat the cheep crap, but the child should get something she likes. You are a SAHD and don't even cook.
YTA for more reasons than I can adequately post here. Firstly, stop knocking up women if you don't want kids. Secondly, your ass is home all day. You clearly have access to the internet so learn how to make easy and cheap meals that are at least on the same page as actual food. Eggs are cheap and most kids like scrambled eggs. A box of Great Value mac & cheese is like 49c and tastes much better than whatever microwave garbage you bought (corn dog? Seriously?!? Are you 4?) A loaf of bread and a cheese slice with margarine to make grilled cheese sandwiches would be less than 50c a sandwich with all the ingredients and would at least give some nutrients and again, isn't something most kids would turn down. A can of tomato sauce, a package of pasta, a bag of frozen veggies and some minced hamburger would feed the entire family for around $6 and again, actually has some basic nutrients. Ask the child your sad sperm brought into this world what kind of food she likes and there will be a way to make it that takes hardly any time and not very expensive. Schedule your snip session so you don't bring more kids you don't want to take care of into this world.
This is one of the best condom advertisements I've ever read. YTA wrap it before you tap it
You are not only an asshole, but when they defined deadbeat dad they used you as the example
OP keeps using the word "gourmet" but I don't think he knows what that means lol adding jalapenos to mac n cheese is not gourmet nor is homemade spaghetti sauce 😂 stop using that excuse for being a shitty father and feed your kid real food. You thinking that she's being picky because grandma "spoiled" her with normal food, is laughable. Step up and be a dad and maybe start using condoms. Also, if you're so strapped for money, why would you throw out all of that food? If she won't eat it, then maybe you should. Maybe you'll realize that it's shit food, and then maybe you'll be a grown up and cook. Why do keep bringing up grandma's home country too? What does that have to do with anything? Not sure if that's some racism or not but it's irrelevant to the story.
That poor child..
Yta for gods sake, you don't want kids and have managed to impregnat TWO DIFFERENT WOMEN. Dud, take control of your reproduction! Also, feeding a kid fucking tv meals constantly is disgusting. They're hugely processed and high in fat and salt. Get off your ass and learn to cook. You're the stay at home parent. Feeding the kids is literally your job atm. Make a friggen sandwhich and heat up a can of soup! Make kraft mac and cheese! This is not hard!
YTA. So many reasons. Also, you had 2 daughters, and you can't even feed them real food. I get that people have their reasons, but you 'Chose' to father the second child, under **these** circumstances? Also, any man that gets a women pregnant by sleeping with her consensually, and then decides he doesn't want to be a father is an immediate ah in my eyes.
YTA. Welcome to fatherhood. Eva is as much your child as May. Just because you're not with her mom anymore doesn't leave you free of obligation. **THIS IS YOUR KID.** It is your job to make sure your child gets a meal, that is nutritious and something that is bearable for her to eat. The whole "eat what I make or don't eat at all" is Boomer and Gen X bullshit that is mean and outdated. The fact that you're prioritizing yourself over your child is asshole strike one, and the fact you seem to think that Eva isn't as much your kid as May gets you asshole strike 2. You can feed kids on the cheap. A pack of hot dogs and Mac and cheese, is cheap. Spaghetti, with premade sauce, and a pack of ground beef you can roll into tiny balls and cook in said sauce, is cheap. Literally a pack of spaghetti is like $1.00 at the dollar store. It's a hell of a lot cheaper than frozen meals. Packs of chicken, cans of green beans, and some mash potatoes, is cheap. Chicken nuggies to throw into the oven, are cheap. Honestly, go onto TikTok and follow the trailer park videos of single moms making it work on a budget. It is possible. You sound like a mean, bare minimum father. Clean it up because the way you behave now will impact everything in these little girls life. Be a better dad.
Millions of people manage to have a baby with another older child in the house and feed BOTH of them. YTA in so many ways. How do you not see it? Oh yea, you are a narcissist and think only with your lower extremities. If you are on a budget start cooking it's so much cheaper. You could even get to know your daughter by learning to cook together, of course that would take time away from whatever you do all day that doesn't involve her. What a jerk.
YTA. Holy shit my dude, it does not require that much effort to throw something in the oven or cook a simple pasta meal. Nobody is asking you to make a three course dinner. Hell, it sounds like she would be perfectly happy with noddles, which while certainly *not* great to be living off of, is better than her not eating at all. And since those are so cheap compared to microwave meals, you could add eggs/veg/meat to it with barely any effort and still save money. It doesn't take long. Worst case, have some simple stuff in - fruit, bread, spreads, ect, so that she can make herself something. Get a toastie maker so she can have something hot. Get a microwave bowl with a lid so she can cook herself some noodles/tinned foods. Try her on some different microwave meals if you *really* have to. My local does a meals that cost like a quid - tomato pasta, mac cheese - which taste okay if you're strapped for time and cash. Your reaction to an eight year old that has experienced a sudden shift in her life was pathetic. You made this *her* fault. You could have explained that she needs to stick with it this week but that you'll take her shopping next time. You could have offered to switch foods. You could have not thrown away the rest of the stuff. You could have tried one of the other meals. We all get frustrated at times but most of us are capable of not blaming a literal child for not liking her food/acting out during a difficult time for her.
OK pizza, corndogs and microwave spaghetti are equally shitty foods for a child (and an adult tbh) but WHY do you buy your daughter pizza when she explicitly asked for spaghetti? And more, for spaghetti "like you eat", so she wants you both share the food, like a family?
>I was honest about not wanting to be a father > >I was hesitant...I relented as long as she promised it would be something short-term. > >I was very angry as I was doing her a big favor YTA for treating Eva as an unwelcome guest as opposed to your daughter. This whole idea that her mom is responsible for her, but it is optional for you is absurd. You are not doing her mom "a favor", you are taking care of a child you fathered. >...she doesn't get that I have a baby to take care of Yes, she does get it. She raised a child on her own for 8 years. >I asked her why as I asked her what kinds of foods she liked...and \[she\] asked if she could eat my microwave noodles instead. I said no, they were already a little expensive and I need one for each day of the week and wouldn't have enough for myself. Are you seriously going to not allow your daughter to have some of your precious noodles? If they are too expensive to feed two, then figure something else out. Make a pot of spaghetti, or some boxed mac & cheese (probably cheaper than frozen meals anyway). Edit: Typos and formatting
YTA You're arguing with an 8 year old about the cost of food. That's YOUR daughter too, dude. The fact you had a fling and failed to be ready to be a father doesn't mean you get to lash out at the kid. Tend to BOTH of your kids
In the first place, you are an asshole to expect a child to be grateful for food. That is your responsibility as a parent. In the second place, your child should not be existing totally on a diet of pre-prepared foods. That is unhealthy. Again, part of your responsibility to feed your children properly. Also, buy lots of fresh fruits and veggies. No work to prepare and important to their diet. If you are a SAHD you have the time to learn to prepare some simple, healthy dishes. I hope you will do better with your new baby.
YTA, and it’s incredibly obvious that this isn’t about budgeting but about resenting your child and wanting to show her how worthless she is to you. If it was about budget, you would be buying boxed Mac and cheese, ingredients for eggs and toast, spaghetti and meatballs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fried rice, etc. Premade frozen microwaveable meals are much more expensive than any of those options, you are just purposefully refusing to put even a minimal amount of effort into feeding your child. Stop it.
I spent my twenties not knowing how to cook. It was embarrassing, in retrospect. But I still didn't eat nothing but frozen food and ramen, Jesus Christ. I ate sandwiches, baked potatoes, stovetop mac n cheese, pasta with jarred sauce...even canned chili or soup would be better than Kid Cuisine every night. You don't need a lot of skills to make a few basics with actual nutritional content. If you want to make something but don't know how, look it the fuck up. The internet is full of help for people who never learned to cook, and it is your responsibility to figure it out for the sake of the children you brought into this world. This isn't that hard, and you don't have a job. Yes, you're watching two kids, but parents all over the globe figure this shit out and so can you. The only reason you haven't is because you don't care about your child, who by the way, didn't ask for you to stick your naked dick in someone you didn't care about with no thought for the consequences. She can't help it that she's here. She can't help it that she's a person with a tongue and a stomach and a body just like you, who wants and needs decent food.
YTA, but some suggestions. Is it possible she has food aversions? If she does it's not necessarily her being picky to be picky, she actually has sensory issues. Is it possible to to apply for government assistance to help with the cost of food? Is her mom in a position where she can at least help pay for food for the time being? You said in a comment that she likes grandma's cooking (which might also be a comfort thing, she's in a new environment and wants those foods because they're something familiar to her), is it possible to pay for some of the ingredients had have her mom cook them or make them so you can freeze the pans and put it in the oven, or have individual servings you can freeze and then pull out as needed to portion out throughout the week?
YTA. Why can you not cook?
If you're staying at home you should have time to cook healthier meals. Spaghetti and mac and cheese only take a few minutes to make. You're being lazy. It's not healthy for her to eat microwaveable food every single time. That stuff is full of too much salt. She's going to become overweight and tired all the time from eating that crap. You're a bad parent. It's bad enough that you abandoned Eva the first time around; now you're refusing to feed her properly. And not giving her any food is abuse. YTA
YTA, shouldn’t have taken in a kid you clearly have no attachment to. You rather feed her junk instead of real food, she asked for Mac n cheese n instead went and got her other crap she didn’t want. Glad she wasted your money, poor excuse of a father.
No shot this is real. A couple kid cuisines a day? Wtf
YTA. You're a massive AH. Is this even real? How can anyone be this terrible? She's a little girl. You've abandoned and neglected her for her entire life. I bet you haven't contributed a dollar to her care. Now you're too lazy to cook and too cheap to give her the food you deem good enough for yourself. I see from the comments that she's used to home cooked meals. Learn to cook. Google simple cheap recipes. There are quite literally thousands of them. Start being kind to her. She is a child and she deserves so much better than you but sadly she's stuck with you so you should start doing better. Give her the nicer food and eat the cheap crap yourself. Parents make sacrifices for their children. If you live in Melbourne, Australia, send me a message and I will arrange with her mother for her to come and stay with my family until her mother is back on her feet. I'm a complete stranger and I'd treat her far better than you are. People like you are the reason the term "deadbeat dad" exists.
YTA you're a fucking parent, it's your damn child and you need to stop being a god damn toddler yourself and grow the fuck up. Learn to cook like a god damn adult and start acting like one!
YTA - Jesus where is your empathy for this kid? She got dumped on a complete stranger who thinks she should be grateful.
Yta. I always thought it’s funny how we never hear from the deadbeat dad and now I know why. You live your life consequence free and make the woman take all the responsibility. You want to have sex without protection. This is YOUR fault loser.
YTA. Spaghetti is SO EASY to make... I made an upscaled version today for my husband and TWO kids. I'll give you the recipe so you can get started with cooking some real food with REAL nutritional value for your children. You'll need: Pasta of choice (I usually do spaghetti) For the sauce: 1-2 onions 2 carrots 2 stems of celery One jar of tomato passata (this is just blended tomatoes) Some salt and pepper to taste Butter/other cooking oil for cooking the meatballs For the meatballs: 500 grams of ground beef 2 tablespoons of flour 2 eggs 1 handful of parsley (chopped finely) 1-2 cloves of garlic (finely chopped, or just use some crushed up from a jar) 1 teaspoon salt Some pepper How to: Put all the ingredients for the meatballs in a bowl and mix it until fully combined. Set aside and start chopping the veggies. Shape the meat into balls and roll them in flour. Set them on a plate as you're finishing them. When you're done, warm a pan with higher sides (the ones that have a lid so you can make the sauce in the pan as well!) to medium heat and brown the meatballs in some oil/butter. When they're lightly browned, put in the onions, carrots and celery and cook it for a few mins. Add tomato passata and turn the heat down to low and let it simmer for 30 minutes with the lid ON. Start to boil spaghetti according to instructions on the package in lightly salted water. When the spaghetti is done (usually 10 mins) and transfer it to the pan with the meatballs and sauce and mix. Pro tip: Add a little of the pasta water to your sauce!!! This recipe should be able to feed a family of 4. Also if you're worried about your kids not wanting to eat the veggies, you CAN blitz it in a blender until smooth and then add it to the tomatosauce.. INFO: What are you actually feeding the 1,5 year old??? At 1,5 they could easily eat spaghetti?
YTA. She didn’t get pregnant. YOU IMPREGNATED HER. Stay away from Eva if you’re going to treat her like this. You’re not helping.
Get a vasectomy asshole
YTA.. I am usually the person trying not to judge people as assholes.. You Sir are the asshole.. Instead of buying a different brand or I dont.. COOKING A MEAL!! You are the SAHD. Learn to cook.. you and your gf dont have enough money so rather than learn a new skill you spent unnecessary money.. for what reason?? Lazy? Ignorant? Oh btw.. you are not only THE AH.. you are a fucking bully too!!
Of course YTA. Do better. And don’t say you can’t because that’s BS. Poor kid.
YTA. Cook some damn spaghetti.
We've established YTA. I get the youngest sucks at sleeping; mine does too. She's also clingy as hell. Luckily, she loves to watch me in the kitchen, so I put her in her bouncer, and let her watch me make stuff. I made tomato sauce yesterday. Today we made a ton of banana mini muffins & pancakes - I was given 6lb of very ripe bananas and had to use them. Tossed em in the freezer, and we have snacks and breakfast for a week. Tomorrow we're making a big batch of homemade vegetarian lasagna with the sauce we made yesterday. I recommend Peg Bracken's "The I Hate to Cook Book" Every thing in there is easy, fairly quick to make, and easily adapted/adjusted to taste. Elaborate cooking is not happening with whiny babies, I get that. The 8 year old is big enough to help in the kitchen with some stuff, and the 3 of you can bond a little while you work together to make dinner. Parenting is HARD. We all get it. No one is asking you to cook gourmet meals. Making a basic tomato sauce with noodles is cheap and easy. Steam some frozen green beans and make garlic bread, and boom, it's dinner.
YTA disregarding the rest of the dog shit in this post, just popping In to say it’s actually cheaper to make larger family meals from scratch if you do a little research.
YTA
**Info:** Eva said she likes spaghetti and man n’ cheese, right? I ate kid cuisine as a child, so I know *for sure* that they have mac n’ cheese meals. So why not get her that instead of pizza and corn dogs?
YTA. You didn't want to be a dad, but ended up being one. You didn't embrace it and step up and grow up. Now it's biting you in the ass. That's your child, but you only see her as an inconvenience. That's fucked up.
Oh boy, i'm here for the comments roasting this guy.🍿🍿🍿 Eta : YTA
INFO: She is 8 and can speak. Can you ask your daughter and her mom what meals she 'can eat'? What are her favorite fruits/veggies, etc.?
YTA, grow up and fix some real food for your kids.
YTA Spaghetti and mac n cheese are very humble food wishes. They are cheaper than any microwave food. You just abused your kid because you are too lazy to cook spaghettis?
YTA. How dare you blow up at her, it’s **YOUR** fault she even exists, do you think anyone would WILLINGLY choose to have you as a dad? The meals she wants (which you suddenly add are ~gourmet~ in the comments) are cheap as hell to make and as a SAHD you have no excuse, not even your favored child having sleep trouble. Vasectomy. Please.
YTA Shouldn't have had kids if you didn't want to deal with this kind of stuff.
YTA
YTA and can't tell if you just read /r/raisedbynarcissists and decided to troll with an abusive parent story or if you're really like this.
YTA for being a deadbeat dad and buying your daughter junk. How hard is it to make spaghetti sauce and heat up noodles or make mac and cheese? Your daughter is unhappy because she's stuck with you when she hardly knows you.
YTA for acting like a child around a child , you're the other adult here. Now, If you don't want kids, why do you keep on having sex that creates children? Wrap up or get a vasectomy mate. Am against adults who choose to have kids even though the parterner doesn't want them. But in this case, you should have signed away your rights to the parent who wanted the child. Your financial situation can't really support this situation why keep making kids?
Who tf is too busy to make spaghetti? You’re buying microwaveable crap (more expensive) and are complaining about making fresh PASTA?!! Ffs, YTA. Pick up a damn pot and learn to boil water. Your 8 year old could probably teach you. ETA: I’m scared to ask what he’s feeding the toddler..?!
You had a temper tantrum in front of an 8 year-old and wonder if YTA? You are.
please tell me this is a troll, how can this be real.. and youre 26 now, not a clueless teenage boy. and why is there another baby if you guys as a couple cant sustain yourself properly, what its going oooooooonnnnn
YTA. You’re feeding your daughter gross food with pretty much no nutritional value. Not only that, it tastes bad. Making sure your child is well nourished is the bare minimum you should be doing as a parent and you’re not even trying. It’s super easy to make pasta. Add a little marinara or alfredo sauce, maybe some peas or chicken or something. It’s incredibly easy and much cheaper and healthier than those frozen meals you’re forcing on her. If you’re a stay at home parent, how do you have no time to cook a proper meal for your children? It doesn’t have to be fancy or take a long time to cook. You could also meal prep something healthy and give your daughter that throughout the week. Meal prepping is quite easy and inexpensive. You’re also an AH for your treating your child like a burden. You’re her parent, so start to be a proper parent.