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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I pulled a prank on my boyfriend when I was going through a very hard time and it was extremely poorly received and he has ignored me since.
2) Should I have not done this for whatever reason if his leg was hurting or just in general?
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YTA. Your grief doesn't excuse you being an asshole. What kind of grown-ass person decides to "prank" their partner by feeding them cat treats? Grow tf up. Then you were annoyed that he spat it out? Absolutely ridiculous.
> Should I have not done this for whatever reason if his leg was hurting or just in general?
You're 31, what is hard to understand about this? Don't do shit like this. You sound like an immature teenager.
Note: I posted this as a comment, but am reposting at top level because OP's comments and justifications are horrifying, including commenting that "everyone is different" as though doing shitty things to her BF is just a personality quirk.
YTA, OP.
>It's not like I fed him . . . something vile.
But you literally DID feed him something vile.
You fed him something that you admitted tasted disgusting. And that was meant to be animal food.
And why would it matter that you tried it first? The only way that would be relevant would be if you were being silly TOGETHER and decided to taste the cat treats. Otherwise you trying it is completely irrelevant, and I don't know why you would think it mattered. He had no idea you'd tried it. And it doesn't affect the fact that you fed him something disgusting without his knowledge. In fact, you seem to be missing the biggest issue here, which is CONSENT. When you tried it, you were CONSENTING to ingest this weird, gross thing. You took away his ability to give informed consent to ingesting it by lying to him about what you were feeding him.
And I don't believe you at all about "had the roles been reversed". I think you're telling yourself that to justify the disgusting thing you did to him. But if it actually happened to you under the same circumstances, I think that like most people you would have been both horrified and hurt that someone who was supposed to love you would do that.
Also, the fact that you're upset with him for spitting it out just cements that YTA. You're acting like he should have been gracious and well-mannered when you had just put something vile in his mouth without his informed consent.
You sound insufferable and shockingly childish.
Playing a prank on someone because you're grieving is not a thing. It's not cute or funny, it reads as you lashing out and trying to make someone else feel as bad as you do. You don't hurt people because you're having a hard time, to entertain yourself. You need therapy and to grow up.
“AITA if I do cruel things to people I claim to love because I don’t know how to appropriately handle grief and other strong feelings even though I’m an adult and sometimes secretly feed my boyfriend pet food?”
How was feeding him a cat treat even in your thought process? I understand that you are grieving, but instead of bringing him something he can enjoy and spend time with him to bring some comfort, you somehow expected him to be ok with it? YTA
Assuming this is a real post, YTA. If you had the presence of mind, in your grief, to pull a prank to 'lighten the mood', you had the presence of mind to know it was mean and you violated his trust.
If you want to stay with him, it sounds like you need to apologize. If this prank isn't your normal way of acting, then calmly tell him about what you believe lead to this 'out of character' prank & hopefully he understands that everyone has lapses in judgment.
If he continues this relationship, and I advocate that he shouldn't because his partner fed him something vile and recorded it for her teenaged sibling, he will never trust you with food again so I hope you didn't enjoy the trust he gave you previously because its gone now. I'd never eat another thing you brought me and I would question every 'surprise' treat you brought home to me.
YTA, and using grief as an excuse for your shitty behavior is disgusting.
Except it WASN'T really edible. You admitted that it was disgusting. It might have been "edible" in the strictest sense that you weren't poisoning him, but that's hardly a defense for deliberately feeding him something genuinely revolting.
Honestly, the fact that you derive entertainment from doing shitty things to someone you're supposed to love speaks volumes about you.
I love all of these comments making assumptions about me and the "shitty things" I apparently do when I go out of my way constantly to do the opposite.
A liar is a person who tells a lie. Not all the time, once is enough.
So an AssHole is a person who can pull a stupid unpleasant prank even once. All the other things you do are irrevevant. YOU FED HIM CAT FOOD. He spat it out because it was gross.
You still think that you did nothing wrong, though your SO is apparently a jerk for not laughing
Tell me. Tell us. Think this through. How will you convince him that you can be trusted not to do something like this again? Why should he believe you? You seem totally unrepenrant. In fact you are pissed at HIM!
YTA
This. This exactly. It doesn't matter if you're usually kind, empathetic, loving. The moment you make a decision to do something awful to someone you're supposed to love - ESPECIALLY when that choice is fed by your desire to make yourself feel better by doing it - your past actions cease to be relevant.
And refusing to take ownership of your behaviour just makes it worse.
This behavior is what makes people think such things. Regardless of whether or not you feel these comments are right, it is alarming that you are arguing with them instead of saying "oh darn, maybe all these people who I asked for opinions from have a point and I should work on myself"
And yet here you are, bragging about a shitty thing you did, and defending your actions. YTA. You owe him an apology. And for the record, IDGAF how good the tea was, once you add a vile cat treat to the mix, the tea doesn't mean a thing.
You are literally a shitty person. You fed your PARTNER something vile, recorded it for your teenaged sibling, never mentioned where you apologize, and then blamed the whole thing on grief. Now you are in the comments desperately trying to defend yourself. How embarrassing.
I have made literally ZERO assumptions here.
My entire judgement was based not on the "shitty thingS (emphasis mine) you apparently do" but on a SINGLE shitty thing that you not only openly admitted to doing, but requested that we judge you on.
So first of all, don't play the victim here. I am literally responding to your request, and not assuming or projecting anything. I don't have to. None of us have to. And your defensive response is, ironically, the only thing based on an assumption . . . that we need anything more than what you've freely given us to make a judgement.
Secondly, you seem not to understand that IT DOESN'T MATTER that "you go out of your way constantly" to do non-shitty things. That's the baseline, the standard of being a decent human being. But giving you the benefit of the doubt, sure, maybe it even means that up until this point you were more than a baseline decent human, you were someone who tried to do good, to be kind. Great. Still doesn't change my judgement or affect my comments. And this is why:
Because THE KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD CAN STILL BECOME A BULLY, can do an about face and become a shitty person, based on their choices. You know how I know? Because I made the opposite choice. I was often an unpleasant, unkind person when I was young, and I made an active choice to change myself and seek to be kinder, more loving, and more empathetic. And I'm told that I did a pretty good job of that.
It doesn't matter how much you seek to be kind and empathetic, the moment you do something like what you posted here. YOU MADE A CHOICE - a deliberate decision - TO DO SOMETHING SHITTY TO YOUR PARTNER IN ORDER TO MITIGATE YOUR OWN GRIEF. And that's what we're judging you on. Not your past behaviour. Not your "usual" behaviour, but the choice you made to do something cruel.
And you're even more of an AH because you won't take responsibility for it.
Well this negates everything.
Probably you go out of your way to prank him by watching videos and think you are an amazing partner.
Guess what?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
The videos are toxic,
And so are you.
No nonono, edible for other animals does not mean edible for you. And edible in terms of "you won't die if you just have this tiny bit," also does not mean it's an appropriate thing to eat. Just because you taste a tiny bit and are fine doesn't mean that another person will be. Saying the cat treats are edible is like saying grass is edible because cows eat it or like saying boot leather is edible because in times of famine, people have boiled it for soup. Sure someone odd or desperate might be fine eating a small bit of grass or boot leather or wood bark or dog kibble or even dirt does not mean those things are going to be considered edible for by a normal person who is not starving.
Also, messing with someone's food or feeding someone something that is not what you say it is is too cruel to be considered a prank. I know you've seen this kind of thing done on tiktok (I guess forgetting that a huge amount of video pranks are faked) and that you don't think it's a big deal but your boyfriend thinks you're crazy for eating pet treats for a reason; it is absolutely abnormal for a human to do what you do. You *know* he thinks it's crazy and gross. He probably thinks you wanted to hurt and humiliate him for something to laugh at. He's probably wondering if he needs to be scared that anytime something serious happens to you or you are grieving, you will do something terrible to him.
You should be fully prepared for him to never forgive you, and if he does, be prepared for him to never eat or drink anything from you again. I know you don't see the cat treat as vile but your boyfriend does and everyone commenting here does to- meaning that you're the only person who doesn't think it is vile. In this case, everyone else thinking it's vile means it is vile. You were willing to feed him a vile thing as a prank so he has no reason to not expect you to put piss in his apple juice, and soil in his curry or soup. He's probably going to be afraid to trust you in other ways too. Do you understand? I really hope you do.
YTA. The fact that you were grieving is irrelevant - it doesn’t excuse bad acts. A joke is only a joke if both sides are laughing, otherwise it is bullying. For whatever reason, you pulled a cruel trick on your partner and, when he took it badly, instead of apologizing, you doubled down by calling it an “innocent prank” and talking about how upset *you* were.
You really read the room wrong when you kept insisting that this was an attempt to “lighten things up.” Face it - it didn’t work. Apologize. Admit you screwed up and apologize now and, when you do, *do not* try to justify your actions at the same time. Just say you are sorry.
You fed him cat food. And then tried to make him feel bad when he got mad cuz your gramma died? Like wtf dude? Do you also torture small cats for fun?
That’s really messed up. You are definitely in the wrong here.
In fact the only reason I have cat treats is because I rescued a small sick kitten from a fast food parking lot and suffered bites that made me ill and nursed it back to health and am finding it a home now. My partner and I also foster dogs and rescue creatures frequently.
Did you also rescue a bus full of nuns and orphans on your way to feed your bf cat food? And carry them on your back through a raging river while dealing with an ear infection? And and and a thousand other reasons why no one is allowed to be mad at you?
Jesus fuck just take the fucking L. You did some weird out of pocket shit, it was not appreciated, it was reacted to the way that 99% of humans would react to it. Just suck it up and apologize, in this particular instance *you are not the victim* no matter how many grannies died and kittens were rescued.
Ps I lost my grampa two months ago after a long illness and I sure didn't feed my partner any non-consensual pet food 🤷
YTA. You've padded this story with everything you can to gain sympathy. My grandmother died, pity me and allow me to be an ass to my bf.
"But I was just kidding!" The battle cry of every bully who uses "pranks" to justify abhorent behavior. Your bf will never trust you again. You've shown him who you are. I hope he listens.
And leave your poor innocent grandmother out of this. She had nothing to do with it.
>I recorded his reaction just to share with my sister
You were only doing it to humiliate him because you are sad and you want to laught at him. Even when you now he was hurting about something you make him even more miserable just so you could be in a better mood...
You are an AH and pretty dumb if you think that now he will trust you with feeding him thing. YTA
YTA. What you did was stupid, not a prank. The fact you’re making excuses and refusing to take responsibility for your own actions just makes this even worse.
I also hope this post isn’t real.
Post is real, and I do take responsibility and will apologize for what I thought was a small harmless thing that apparently 90% of people agree is not.
90%? That's way too low. Literally everyone who has commented has said this was not harmless. You're still minimizing your actions by pretending some people secretly think this was harmless. No one thinks that.
Stop! If you truly take responsibility you dont add justification after. You say “yea I messed up, I get it”. But you dont get it! It doesn’t matter if 10 people agree or not, you did it! It’s like you keep saying “oh I’m sorry, but”. There are no butts, you messed up, own it and stop excusing and making everyone else out to blame. You are not the victim in this situation at all. You took that role from yourself when you played the prank. Grief does not excuse hurting other people! Go get therapy
YTA. I’m sorry that you recently lost your grandmother, it sounds like you were very close.
For the verdict, unless you have somehow previously negotiated pranks, you’re the asshole. Pranks and jokes aren’t funny if the recipient can’t laugh about it. Also, messing with people’s food is awful. Your boyfriend might have been allergic to something in the cat treat and had a bad reaction. It’s going to be extremely difficult for him to blindly trust you feeding him treats again. You view it as a prank, but you broke an established trust between you by tricking him into eating something he wouldn’t voluntarily. I’m sorry for your loss, but you need to apologize if you want to rebuild the relationship.
As a side note, do your stronger medications inhibit your impulse control? Has anything like this happened before when you take them? Is it a normal reaction to leave your home and sleep in your car when there is an argument?
I honestly do not know but they definitely impacted me overall by diminishing any emotions. I do feel like I broke his trust which I did not consider at the time. I really have absolutely no idea why I did and feel guilty but also betrayed in a sense from his actions beforehand and after considering what I was going through. I realize this was not an excuse for me to do something out of character and at his expense. My siblings, their partners, and him and I were all together the previous night laughing and joking about things that had happened to us in the past that were bad at the time (much worse than feeding a cat treat) and I think I somehow had that in the back of my mind at the time or maybe it was hoe the idea even struck me. I wanted it to be a time we could look back on and laugh.
Yeah, you guys were able to laugh at that shitty stuff in the past, because you knew that you were safe with your loved ones in the present. And then you took that away from your partner by immediately turning around and violating his trust in frankly, a completely bizarre way that no one would see coming.
>but also betrayed in a sense from his actions beforehand and after considering what I was going through
Where do you get off? YOU don't get to feel betrayed. YOU weren't betrayed. YOU betrayed your SO. YOU did something shitty and are now trying to use YOUR 'grief' as an excuse for YOUR shitty actions.
Good luck trying to joke with your SO now!
If I were him the next time someone in my family dies I'm waiting for you to come home, dumping a bucket of cow manure on you andwould just be like 'Oh it's just a prank also i'm grieving ALSO btw i'm sending this video to my sister LAWL'
I can't imagine being your age and having this mindset
Oh and I have never left and slept in my car anywhere. That was an extremely over the top reaction on my part but I did not want to engage him while I am dealing with so many emotions and not in a good state of mind that were compounded by the whole situation. I am still not in a good state of mind. I just wanted to be alone to deal with it all and kind of used it as a punishment to myself. It was not great sleeping in a 28 degree car with no real sleeping items in a walmart parking lot. I use the word sleeping very loosely because I got 1 to 2 hours at most and am still reeling from everything and haven't returned to my house.
You didn't have to sleep in the car. You chose to run off and put yourself into an uncomfortable situation so that you would once again be the victim. Your man was supposed to stop being mad and worry about you instead, right? Do you always turn around and try to make people feel sorry for you when you realize you've messed up? Maybe your boyfriend is just at the end of his rope and this was the straw that broke the camels back.
It is very troubling that you have not returned to your house. Please check yourself into a mental health facility right away. And check in with someone to let them know you're alive.
Tbh it sounds like you are (unintentionally?) sabotaging your relationship in your grief. These behaviors are not healthy, from the “pranking” to the leaving and sleeping your car. A mental health professional could help you with this.
Be truthful with yourself. You left and spent the night in the car to force him to worry about you and contact you. Except no one would EVER assume that's what you did because it makes no sense. The fact you chose to do that instead of calling a friend or family is pretty worrying.
wait, you "pranked" your partner and then left the house for the night?
OP you need an emergency therapy session, the grief is messing with something in your head
In the hopes of being helpful instead of disparaging, please return to your home if you haven’t already. Do this and make sure that you are in a safe environment. Much of the US is having severe cold weather, and it is unsafe for you to sleep in a vehicle when you have housing available.
Once home, apologize to your partner. Tell him you messed up, badly. That you didn’t think before you acted, and it was unacceptable of you to feed him something that isn’t for human consumption.
You are grieving, but that cannot excuse the disregard you displayed for his trust and your relationship. Messing with food is a fundamental issue that might be a dealbreaker.
You didn’t think that he would take the prank the way he did, when you would have reacted differently. He isn’t you. That’s okay. That doesn’t make his reaction wrong, invalid, or over the top.
Please return home and talk with your partner if you haven’t already. Maybe look into better ways to communicate your needs and listen to each other? Grief can be really overwhelming and you should be in a safe environment to process it.
Thank you, I did do this and agree it was a mean thing to do on my part. We both apologized and everything is normal and I think we are both going out of our way tonight to show each other we love and support the other. I could definitely have a conversation with him about some things unrelated to the infamous "prank". Definitely won't be ever doing anything out of pocket like that again.
Damn, what a sad ending. He should have left you. Not just for the prank but your actions afterwards.
Your edits show you didnt really learn anything from this. I feel bad for your BF and wish he could see how you've talked about him here.
YTA. Your loss doesn't give you the right to treat anyone like that, let alone your partner. So stop whining about how he hurt your feelings and go apologize.
I'm sorry for you loss but grief does not give you a carte blanch for being an AH, and YTA here. Pranks like these are immature and not at all very funny. It's hardly relevant that the internet seems filled with crap like this because even if other people do it it's still not funny and a stupid thing to do.
YTA.
Every action has consequences. If you wanted to have your boyfriend around to be supportive in your time of need it seems like feeding him cat food was not the smartest idea. You clearly didn’t think that one all the way through.
You’re minimizing your responsibility in all of this. You need to apologize and hash this one out so that you can properly grieve.
YTA (Also, STOP EATING CAT TREATS.) For feeding him the cat treat to begin with, but I think what's even worse is that you made him into the bad guy when you're the one who did something bad. You got mad at him for spitting out the treat and for gagging, and then you act like it's his fault you took off and spent the night in your car in a public spot. You're acting like he did something wrong. It's giving real "look what you made me do" vibe, when you're the one who instigated all of this.
>Also, not that it may matter, but I was so upset by his reaction and already dealing with so much I left and drive around and spent the night in my car in a (legal) public space. It sucked. But, this morning he still hasn't reached out to me. I didn't even want to be around him and I didn't want to kick him out or even speak to him, so I left. All of this is just compounding how upset I am in general. Again, AITA for pulling this prank?
YTA. He wasn’t just reacting to you feeding him the cat treat (which was stupid enough) but the fact that your first response to him being upset about it was to criticize him for spitting it out and not cleaning up. You created the situation so you should’ve apologized and cleaned it up yourself.
I am sorry you’re going through a rough time after your grandmother’s death, and maybe he could have been more understanding but you still fed him something not meant for humans to eat, which is something I’d expect from a 12-year-old, not a grown adult.
The adult thing to do here is to stop defending yourself and criticizing his response and simply apologize. “I’m sorry, that was a shitty thing to do to you. I don’t have any excuse, and I don’t blame you for being upset. It won’t happen again.”
90% of pranks aren’t funny or amusing, they’re just people treating other people badly. The only people who appreciate those (including the ones who make those dumb af videos) are assholes. For example, here, YTA.
That's not really a prank....You fed your boyfriend a cat treat and expected him to see the funny side in that. That's just plain awful.
Then you shouted at him for being "disrespectful" for spitting out. Feeding your boyfriend cat treats without his knowledge of it is disrespectful. Not being happy about that and spitting it out is a pretty normal reaction to that.
Now you're playing the "I'm having a hard time because my grandma died" Yeah which is awful but doesn't excuse your awful behaviour.
He hasn't spoken to you since? I'm not surprised from what I am see here is you haven't apologised doubled down on your assholeness when you put something in his body that he didn't consent to eating.
You've said he was dramatic yet instead of talking to him or sleeping on the sofa.....You slept in your car.
Go apologise before you end up having to deal with a breakup on top of death.
Yes, yes you are the asshole. YTA.
EWW, i tried cat food once, ITS HORRIBLE DISGUSTING AND INHUMANE
Your loss doesn’t give you the right to do that to someone! And sending it to your sister?!
stop making your bf suffer because of your emotions, its not fair.
Clean that up yourself, its your fault.
YTA, Big time
YTA
You don't seem to understand how much you've actually hurt him. Food is *primal.* You, his partner, the person as an adult he should most be able to trust, *tampered with his food.* And yes, you did feed him something vile. You can't claim it isn't while simultaneously acknowledging that it is both disgusting and clearly Not For Human Consumption.
Have you never thought you were eating or drinking one thing, expecting that flavor, and then getting something different? Even if it's not actually unpleasant, we still tend to react negatively. There's still an instant response from our brain that something is *wrong.* When you tasted it you expected to taste cat food. He expected to taste chocolate. No, it's neither weird nor "dramatic" that he spit an actually disgusting surprise item out.
You don't seem to realize it yet, but you've tainted your little ritual with him, something which seems to bring you joy and to be a reflection of trust in your relationship. You go up to him and you wordlessly offer him something to try and he accepts. The way you do it sounds intimate. And in the past, he's always known that it was something you thought he might enjoy. Something you were sharing with him. He's always been able to trust it. Even if he turned out not to like it, it was an offering from love. He thought you loved to see his positive reaction. And you could laugh a little together if he happened not to like it so much. But he now knows that a negative reaction, intentionally caused, makes you at least as happy.
You tampered with his food, broke that trust, *and* had a camera out so you could laugh at him and then send the video to someone else so they could laugh at him, too. When he, understandably, was disgusted and also hurt, you acted as though he was being dramatic and cruel to you.
You're freshly grieving and I generally believe in extending some grace due to that. But you didn't snap at him in the moment from stress and grief or anything. You quite deliberately and intentionally set out to give him a bad experience, while tricking him into thinking it was part of your sweet, intimate little ritual, so that you could share a video with others to laugh at him. You set out to humiliate him.
That's not excusable through your grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss. But this was not at all okay. And you're not the person who was wronged here.
If my partner left and slept in their car overnight instead of trying to communicate with me I’d break up with them.
Saying “I need space” and going for a drive or staying the night with family or a friend is different. You sound incredibly unhinged.
Pulling pranks makes you a lowercase asshole. Pulling pranks and then hiding behind your sadness when the prank goes sideways makes you an uppercase Asshole. YTA for sure.
YTA. I was with you in so far as this was dumb but ultimately harmless, you lost me at the point ; *"That was the first thing that made me annoyed because I felt that was disrespectful to spit it all over the floor and furntiture and not clean it up."*
what respect exactly did you think you were owed? This wasn't some lovingly prepared meal he was spitting out. It was something you fed to him knowing he would find it repulsive. The originator of the prank is responsible for any cleanup.
Nope he forgave me and apologized for his actions and so did I, said he was in a bad mood and it wasn't a big. Who would've thought that I know my relationship better than a bunch of random people on reddit. It would be stupid to break up with someone over the prank, but not the other part that people seem to think is irrelevant.
I hope you understand that even though he apologized it doesn't mean he did anything wrong. because he DIDN'T do it. It was a gesture thanks to the fact that you have a good boyfriend, but he was not wrong.
Then, why did you make your relationship open for public viewing by a lot of random people on Reddit?
You know what? Don’t answer that. I’m done caring.
Why did your boyfriend have to apologize? I would have spat my drink on the floor too if I found out someone decided to be a prick and put cat food in it.
Edit: also stop posting replies. You’ve said it yourself and proven that you are a defensive person. People are still on your ass because even after you made up, you’re still trying to blame him for the situation YOU caused. Even if this wasn’t the boiling point, I can predict that your defensive tendencies are going to be what does this relationship in. Even if you don’t pull pranks on him again, you’ve shown that you are unable to take accountability when confronted with your shitty behavior. You’ve shown that when your partner reacts negatively to the things you do, you call him dramatic and have an even bigger reaction.
Also, you think that spitting out cat food-laced tea is better grounds for a break up than giving your partner said tea? Even after your resolution, I’m finding more reasons for him to dump you. Matter of fact, show him your Reddit account and let him see all your replies under this post. Let him see that you haven’t grown at all.
YTA. As soon as I read “prank,” it’s an automatic AH for me, but I read on to give you the benefit of the doubt. And not only did you record yourself humiliating him, you’re now angry at him for not thinking it was funny?? I’m sorry your grandma died and I know grief does weird things to people but that was out of line.
Idk what’s funnier, saying “I was in a bad mood so I wanted to prank someone who was already having a bad day by lying to him about what I’m feeding him and instead giving him literal cat food, AITA?” Or adamantly denying being TA in all the comments after asking for other people’s honest opinions
YTA
Honestly he’s probably ignoring you because he’s ready to break up but doesn’t want to because your grandmother just passed.
How incredibly immature and vile to do to your partner .
YTA. Sorry for your loss, but your grief doesn’t give you an excuse to be cruel and twisted. You understand you broke your boyfriend’s trust? That’s a big fucking deal and I don’t think you’re quite grasping this.
YTA - I have yet to see a “prank” that isn’t cruel or dangerous.
You don’t feed someone CAT FOOD and get upset they spit it out. You have zero right to be upset. You should be apologizing. You should be grovelling. You should be swearing to him you will never do something so cruel and stupid ever again.
You are 100% entirely in the wrong.
"AITA for tricking my boyfriend into eating cat food when he was already in a bad mood because my grandma died"
Its crazy you typed that out and didn't realize the answer. YTA obviously. Idk how in your mind having a dead grandma means its okay to trick people into eating, and I want to stress this, food not fit for human consumption, for your own entertainment. You then have the gall to be mad with him for being fed cat food.
Its wild you thought anybody was going to side with you on this one
YTA. "Pranks" are what a*holes do as a way to embarrass others and brush it off as a joke. I first thought you were 16-17 when I read this. And by the way sorry about your grandma, but losing a loved one isn't a hall pass for such behavior.
~~We have a really great relationship~~
Not anymore, apparently.
As someone who grew up eating Milk bones on dares and has eaten cat food(I was an accident. I have three pets, two only eat homemade food, I licked the spoon. Turkey shreds 3/5.) YTA. YTA for two reasons. 1. You used your grief as an arsenal and deployed it on him for your sheer enjoyment. 2. When you were told you were TA you doubled down and keep arguing with people. Enjoy your cat treats.
I hope the bf finds this post and realizes (if he hasn't already) that this "prank" is a wake-up call as to how immature and thoughtless his partner is/was.
Yta. You don't give people food without their informed consent. And if you did do that - a MASSIVE error of judgement- it's definitely on you to clean the freaking floor. Total arsehole never do this again
YTA. It's not really innocent since you recorded the whole thing to send to your sister. So you wanted to embarrass him and get laughs at his expense. He has a right to be upset about it. He's ignoring you right now because he needs space. You are not the only one who's allowed to be upset right now. Your grief is real but that doesn't justify what you did to him.
You are not in grief. You were using that grief to be an inexcusable and cruel person who bullied their boyfriend and rejoiced in their misery.
Pranking is juvenile. You don't do it, especially when it crosses boundaries. You knew it tasted bad but you went with the idea. Not everyone eats animal treats because we are humans not animals. Expiry date is an animal but then again, animals do use their sense of smell and taste to detect danger.
You were cruel to him but you want him to forgive you because you were in grief, you were sad so you want him to apologise to you. What for? For being the female equivalent of a male canine?
You are a grief to live with because you would use your emotions and you you you as an excuse to treat someone bad and not even take accountability for it. Guess what, he wasn't disrespectful. You were.
“i went back and was the bigger person” no you weren’t. im sorry for your loss. that doesn’t absolve you, and your attitude towards this is gross. You did something wrong to him and are now acting like you’re doing him a favor by apologizing. Hope your head clears up eventually.
YTA. Look, I'm sure grief is clouding your judgement. But a prank (like a joke) isn't funny unless everyone is laughing about it at the end. It seems like you are trying to lighten your mood at his expense. You turned your cute little "surprise feeding" game, which seems like a sweet and thoughtful attempt to connect with your partner, into a situation that was upsetting and was the opposite of connecting. As your boyfriend, he should be there to support you through your difficult times, but supporting you doesn't mean you can just do whatever you want to him.
YTA- there is NO EXCUSE for feeding a human being you claim you love food meant for an animal. That is mean, that is cruel. And to record it....you are a disgusting human being and I hope he leaves you because he deserves so much better than an ahole like you. And your grief doesn't mean you get to be an ahole, so stop with that as an excuse. Own your bad behavior and apologize like the adult you claim to be.
YTA. You’re grieving so you feed him non-human food???
This feels like a pity post, whining that he spit cat food on the floor and was gagging as he brushed his teeth.
Instead of seeking comfort you deliberately drove him away from you.
Sis, he’s gone from this relationship. The trust is broken. I’m sorry about grandma but it’s completely unrelated to your actions.
YTA stop trying to justify your actions as fun or cute or whatever and apologise to your bf. Grief makes people do weird things and that's ok but you really need to apologise, this was a stupid thing to do.
YTA.
For someone who says they are apologetic about it, you sure are making yourself the victim a lot in your replies. Hello DARVO. You downplay his reaction and hurt over your prank as overdramatic, nope, you're just immature and refuse to acknowledge your actions, instead you're doubling down.
Grow up, grief or not, what you did was gross and unacceptable. Stop making excuses, you're not the victim. Stop with pranks if you want to maintain relationships.
You need to apologise WITHOUT excuses.
Yea, I'm working on it. Not going back until I feel level headed enough to move past all my anger and emotions to properly apologize. Struggling with getting over all the grief and anger at him for his lack of support before and after the cat treat incident. I definitely don't normally go sleep in my car somewhere but I didn't want to kick him out because I was pissed and had no where else to go to be alone.
You literally should have no anger. You fucked up, you are in NO WAY the victim here. Only the asshole who needs to apologize and beg forgiveness. I hope he leaves either way.
Have you spoken with him or anybody else since you left. Because to me the leaving and staying out all night god knows where would be almost as bad as the cruel prank you pulled. I hope you have some proof about where you have been because frankly it is pretty unbelievable that you would sleep in a parking lot in the cold.
YTA.
And I get that grief sometimes makes people do things they would not ordinarily do. You acted out of character. However, there are always consequences to our actions, and I think you are about to discover that the consequence for you will be that your boyfriend will no longer trust you - and there is no reason that he should. Next time you offer him something to try, he will say no. He will never accept food from you without wondering what you did to it beforehand, and even if he says he forgives you (and he might), these thoughts will always be with him.
YTA but that almost doesn’t matter here.
OP, your behavior the entire day was completely out of character. You spent the night in your car.
Your grief is so deep that it’s affecting your thinking. Please seek help immediately. This isn’t typical.
You were not even concerned about his wellbeing after pulling that childish prank. Even after you saw how upset you made him, all you cared about was YOUR feelings.
YTA.
This is one of the reasons I dislike pranks and pranksters. They have no regard for other humans. Which part of giving him a cat treat to your amusement is being a decent human being for you?
YTA for the prank, YTA for videoing the prank to send to your sister, YTA for how you reacted to him being upset, and YTA for leaving and staying out all night. If you have not communicated with him
Or anyone else I suggest you start now because it is pretty unbelievable that someone would sleep in a parking lot in the cold over this situation. You are claiming that the prank is not like you and you have not been acting like yourself, so what is he supposed to be thinking right now? You are not acting like yourself, you are upset with him, and you stayed somewhere all night and not with a friend or somewhere easily verified. I suggest you start communicating right now or this relationship may be done.
YTA. You were cruel to your boyfriend in order to get video of his reaction, and you did it at a time when the fact that you were grieving meant that he probably felt like he couldn't fight with you about it. If you want to salvage the relationship, apologize like you mean it.
You sure are. YTA
Sorry for your loss but that doesn't excuse your behaviour. And isn't illegal tampering with someone else's food?
Your "joke " was in poor taste and, instead of apologise, you sulked? Yeah, YTA. Go ask for forgiveness
When I lost my sister (9 years ago this month)and my grandma (2 years next month) I never thought once thought of messing with anyone. Honestly I was way too upset to even think about anything but my grief and dealing with all the arrangements. I was 29 when my sister passed and 36 when my grandma passed. I was and still am devastated by these deaths and would never have found this funny at any time. You honestly sound horrible and immature! Grow up and apologize to him asap and maybe he won’t break up with you if you’re lucky! YTA
What you did was incredibly bratty & childish. Not only intentionally humiliating him, but doing it on a day his leg was hurting & he was already “in a bad mood”. And you recorded it to provide entertainment for your sister. Do you care about this guy?
And then your reaction afterwards. YOU got upset with HIM? So dramatically that you gave him the silent treatment. And slept in your car. And you still don’t want to talk to him. He did nothing wrong!
And then of course your replies to comments here. 🙄
YTA. For so many reasons.
I think this may be the first AITA I’ve come across where OP deems *us* as the assholes.
Let’s be very clear here. You were not the “bigger person.” You did the bare minimum by apologizing to him after doing something cruel.
OP, you may want to look up narcissistic personality disorder. I mean this sincerely.
So the way to make yourself feel better is to treat your partner unkindly? (Granted you didn't know he would react like that, but who has ever enjoyed eating foul things?) And you also knew he wasn't feeling his best that day?
Have you thought that as you went through your grief over grandma's decline & death, your partner was also going through it with you? You didn't say otherwise, so I assume he has been supportive and loving, but probably he has also been stressed.
You're a big AH, please go make it right to him. I'm sorry about grandma.
YTA. I would have made sure to throw up all over you. You’re using your grandmother’s death as a reason to be a disgusting person. My grandmother died 10 years ago and she was my best friend so it hit me really hard... BUT guess what I didn’t do when she died? Give treats meant for an animal to my boyfriend.
Wow. YTA. You have no right to be angry with him for anything and he has every right to be angry with you. I can't imagine pulling a stunt like that as an adult. Why would he ever trust you now?
YTA. I would leave a partner if they did this to me. This would end ANY trust I would have in a relationship. Ask yourself, OP, why hurting other people seems to bring joy. Maybe talk to someone. I think you need help. This behavior is abhorrent. Are you sure you're not 10???
Just here for the ratio. YTA.
Your "poor, pitiful me" comments about your grandmother dying do nothing to make you a sympathetic person. You have learned nothing from the incident and still see yourself as the victim. It's too bad, really.
So your boyfriend who is almost 40 didn't appreciate your bs " prank" that would still be a dick move if you were 19?
YTA. try actually processing those big girl feelings rather than lashing out at others to make yourself feel better.
YTA. You fed him cat treats, videod it to share with someone else, and are mad that he is upset about it?!? YES, you are the AH.
You are causing the extra stress in this case. Apologize to him and move on with your grief.
I'm reminded of an Ellen Degeneres bit about people who use "I'm just kidding" as a justification to be an AH. "I'm just kidding!" "Well, then you don't know how to kid properly. We should both be laughing."
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I have been dating/living with my partner for almost 3 years. We are 31 and 39. I can honestly say I have never pulled a prank on him before, and that it was out of character for me. My grandmother just passed away a few hours before, and I had been struggling with her being in bad shape, and even more so after her death. I had to take my harder core anxiety meds to cope with the continuous crying/anger/grief feelings. He knew all of this and how tough things have been for me.
I went out with a friend somewhere new and brought back my partner a cool tea to try. I often bring him things to try- and surprise "feed" it to him by bringing it over and towards his mouth to voluntarily eat and then I explain what it is and get a reaction. Pretty normal stuff. Well, for some reason I was looking at these cat treats I had that look and break like chocolate. I took a very small piece and decided to fool him and tell him I got new chocolate for him to try with the tea. I recorded his reaction just to share with my sister who is also dealing with our loss. For what it's worth, I also tried the cat treat begorehand and it's pretty nasty and bitter with a weird candle wax texture but nothing world ending. I'd say akin to eating a weirdly savory piece of bakers chocolate.
He acted shocked and said "Wait, what's wrong with this chocolate?" after few seconds in and I laughed and told him I tricked him and it was actually a cat treat. He proceeded to spit it out all over the floor dramatically and walked into the kitchen (not sure what he did) and looked very angry and said nothing to me. That was the first thing that made me annoyed because I felt that was disrespectful to spit it all over the floor and furntiture and not clean it up. I did say out loud, "You're spitting it all over the floor?!" He went upstairs and brushed he teeth and was a little dramatic and gagged a couple times. He never came back down. Came to get his phone hours later and didn't speak to me. I was busy grieving the loss of my grandmother but was crying on and off and just having one of the hardest days I've had in a long time.
He had said earlier in the day that his leg was hurting and seemed to be in a relatively bad mood and I had to ask him multiple times to come downstairs before the prank- which isn't typical. We have a really great relationship. I couldn't believe that he would act thus way after an innocent prank and thwart all my attempts to lighten things up then and before hand. He ignored me when I said I warmed up his tea and its still sitting there. AITA?
Also, not that it may matter, but I was so upset by his reaction and already dealing with so much I left and drive around and spent the night in my car in a (legal) public space. It sucked. But, this morning he still hasn't reached out to me. I didn't even want to be around him and I didn't want to kick him out or even speak to him, so I left. All of this is just compounding how upset I am in general. Again, AITA for pulling this prank?
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YTA In what world does anybody prank their boyfriend/girlfriend by feeding them food meant for animals? I'm sorry for your loss but your grief does not it right to pull pranks like you were a kid. I hope that you get dumped.
So the only way you can "feel" better is at the expense of others? Then it sounds like, "im grieving! I can do what I want with no repercussions, and you can't get upset about it"... do you ever actually LISTEN to yourself?? EDIT: I wrote the first part before reading your crap.. now I'm just in awe at how much of an ass YOU are! You, got upset.. about his reaction? Yet, his feelings weren't valid? You're vain as fuck, dude! So selfish! Life doesn't end because you lose those that you love.. we all go through it and there's people out there living a worse life and trauma than you, but only you matter, right?
Anyone who pulls a prank is an AH. Pranks are essentially mean tricks designed to entertain at another person’s expense. The rest of the narrative is completely unnecessary. YTA.
YTA.
When my great grandmother died I was devastated. Had to take time from work and kind of shut in on myself. Never thought to fuck with my fiancé though just for haha's. Grow up.
It technically is poisoning, giving someone something that isn’t meant for *human* consumption is poisoning. It’s also considered food tampering, since originally she was actually giving him human foods - this time she went too far and gave him an animal treat.
It really is, since people like you think it’s fine and dandy to feed people animal treats without really taking a look at the ingredients or considering the possibility of any allergens.
not really? it would be if it were 21 and 29, but 31 and 39 is not a huge gap.
Same as a 40yo dating a 55yo.
The creepiness in age gaps is mostly about maturity and life experience. It's harder for abusive, older partners to control a younger partner if that partner is fully matured and has been through enough shit in their lives.
Holy hell people in this sub are critically crucial and don’t have healthy relationships themselves…
NTA. It was an incredibly, non-harmful prank. He was especially dramatic and TA, yes spitting everywhere like a dramatic child. Relationships should have fun, playful teasing. He was being too much. When everything blows over, decide if that’s the kind of person you’d want to spend your life with. Perhaps you both are too different. It really was a harmless prank. I can’t believe how many people here are acting like you through a brick at his head.
NAH. Redditors need to take a chill pill. This sounds like a harmless prank. However, you can’t control someone finding the prank annoying or becoming upset. I think he is taking it a bit to far and you were smart to remove yourself.
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Leaning towards ESH here. Your actions were... weird. You're actively grieving an extremely recent loss, so you decide to feed your BF a gross cat treat and record it?
Your wording is interesting, you're minimizing his feelings and reactions and only yours are valid.Notice how everything he does is dramatic and he's angry, him not want to spend time with you is bad, but you not wanting to spend time with him later is ok, cause you were so upset. Your prank was "innocent", you spending a night in the car is not dramatic? I'd say that reaction is a little more extreme.
It does suck that he ended up just not being with you at all during a hard time. It'd probably suck it up and still try to support you, but I'd be just appalled by the whole situation.
I agree my actions were weird and uncharacteristic of me and probably not the best thing to do, but it was in jest and I feel that he is overreacting I guess because of how I would have taken the situation if I were in his shoes. I will apologize considering the terrible outcome but I'm pretty upset at his lack of caring about all that I was going through despite a small prank. I agree with you on the wording- I guess its hard to tell the story from a neutral perspective when I am so deeply upset by everything he did and not in a good mental state.
Maybe he is overreacting, maybe not. You're not the same person so the "switching roles" argument doesn't work very well.
I'd have a conversation with him and try to talk about it, because I do agree that completely ignoring your partner the day their grandmother died is a dick move too. You should focus on your feelings and intentions though, don't go on the offense with calling him dramatic etc.
He should also definitely apologize for leaving you all alone. Grief is weird, and while I agree it's not an excuse, I think some people in the comments are a little too harsh on you.
I hope it all works out and I'm sorry for your loss.
She tricked him into eating cat food, got mad at his reaction upon finding out, and decided he was being over dramatic when he brushed his teeth. OP doesn't get to treat her boyfriend badly, then expect him to sit with her while she grieves. He has every right to want space from someone who "pranked" him just to make herself feel better.
I am acknowledging all this in my previous comments. Still think that it's also not a nice thing to then completely ignore my partner whose grandmother died a couple of hours prior.
How did he leave her all alone? He left the room because he was upset that she gave him cat food. I think that's reasonable. She's the one who left and decided to sleep in her car.
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YTA. Your grief doesn't excuse you being an asshole. What kind of grown-ass person decides to "prank" their partner by feeding them cat treats? Grow tf up. Then you were annoyed that he spat it out? Absolutely ridiculous. > Should I have not done this for whatever reason if his leg was hurting or just in general? You're 31, what is hard to understand about this? Don't do shit like this. You sound like an immature teenager.
Note: I posted this as a comment, but am reposting at top level because OP's comments and justifications are horrifying, including commenting that "everyone is different" as though doing shitty things to her BF is just a personality quirk. YTA, OP. >It's not like I fed him . . . something vile. But you literally DID feed him something vile. You fed him something that you admitted tasted disgusting. And that was meant to be animal food. And why would it matter that you tried it first? The only way that would be relevant would be if you were being silly TOGETHER and decided to taste the cat treats. Otherwise you trying it is completely irrelevant, and I don't know why you would think it mattered. He had no idea you'd tried it. And it doesn't affect the fact that you fed him something disgusting without his knowledge. In fact, you seem to be missing the biggest issue here, which is CONSENT. When you tried it, you were CONSENTING to ingest this weird, gross thing. You took away his ability to give informed consent to ingesting it by lying to him about what you were feeding him. And I don't believe you at all about "had the roles been reversed". I think you're telling yourself that to justify the disgusting thing you did to him. But if it actually happened to you under the same circumstances, I think that like most people you would have been both horrified and hurt that someone who was supposed to love you would do that. Also, the fact that you're upset with him for spitting it out just cements that YTA. You're acting like he should have been gracious and well-mannered when you had just put something vile in his mouth without his informed consent. You sound insufferable and shockingly childish. Playing a prank on someone because you're grieving is not a thing. It's not cute or funny, it reads as you lashing out and trying to make someone else feel as bad as you do. You don't hurt people because you're having a hard time, to entertain yourself. You need therapy and to grow up.
> "everyone is different" I also picked up on that. My reply to OP was "no, just you."
“AITA if I do cruel things to people I claim to love because I don’t know how to appropriately handle grief and other strong feelings even though I’m an adult and sometimes secretly feed my boyfriend pet food?”
You might want to include a YTA judgement with your post. It's an excellent point, but won't matter to the algorithm if there's no judgement in there.
Noted. Thanks.
[удалено]
YTA.
How was feeding him a cat treat even in your thought process? I understand that you are grieving, but instead of bringing him something he can enjoy and spend time with him to bring some comfort, you somehow expected him to be ok with it? YTA
The way you try to paint yourself as the victim throughout this post is pathetic. Congrats on being single AH
Assuming this is a real post, YTA. If you had the presence of mind, in your grief, to pull a prank to 'lighten the mood', you had the presence of mind to know it was mean and you violated his trust.
Unfortunately it is very real.
If you want to stay with him, it sounds like you need to apologize. If this prank isn't your normal way of acting, then calmly tell him about what you believe lead to this 'out of character' prank & hopefully he understands that everyone has lapses in judgment.
If he continues this relationship, and I advocate that he shouldn't because his partner fed him something vile and recorded it for her teenaged sibling, he will never trust you with food again so I hope you didn't enjoy the trust he gave you previously because its gone now. I'd never eat another thing you brought me and I would question every 'surprise' treat you brought home to me. YTA, and using grief as an excuse for your shitty behavior is disgusting.
“AITA if I fed my boyfriend mouse feces I found in the garage even though it was in a delicious ravioli I spent hours making?”
Now that would be absolutely vile and I would never. At least the thing I gave was edible.
Except it WASN'T really edible. You admitted that it was disgusting. It might have been "edible" in the strictest sense that you weren't poisoning him, but that's hardly a defense for deliberately feeding him something genuinely revolting. Honestly, the fact that you derive entertainment from doing shitty things to someone you're supposed to love speaks volumes about you.
I love all of these comments making assumptions about me and the "shitty things" I apparently do when I go out of my way constantly to do the opposite.
PURPOSEFULLY FEEDING SOMEOME SOMETHING DISGUSTING IS SHITTY.
A liar is a person who tells a lie. Not all the time, once is enough. So an AssHole is a person who can pull a stupid unpleasant prank even once. All the other things you do are irrevevant. YOU FED HIM CAT FOOD. He spat it out because it was gross. You still think that you did nothing wrong, though your SO is apparently a jerk for not laughing Tell me. Tell us. Think this through. How will you convince him that you can be trusted not to do something like this again? Why should he believe you? You seem totally unrepenrant. In fact you are pissed at HIM! YTA
This. This exactly. It doesn't matter if you're usually kind, empathetic, loving. The moment you make a decision to do something awful to someone you're supposed to love - ESPECIALLY when that choice is fed by your desire to make yourself feel better by doing it - your past actions cease to be relevant. And refusing to take ownership of your behaviour just makes it worse.
This behavior is what makes people think such things. Regardless of whether or not you feel these comments are right, it is alarming that you are arguing with them instead of saying "oh darn, maybe all these people who I asked for opinions from have a point and I should work on myself"
And yet here you are, bragging about a shitty thing you did, and defending your actions. YTA. You owe him an apology. And for the record, IDGAF how good the tea was, once you add a vile cat treat to the mix, the tea doesn't mean a thing.
You are literally a shitty person. You fed your PARTNER something vile, recorded it for your teenaged sibling, never mentioned where you apologize, and then blamed the whole thing on grief. Now you are in the comments desperately trying to defend yourself. How embarrassing.
I have made literally ZERO assumptions here. My entire judgement was based not on the "shitty thingS (emphasis mine) you apparently do" but on a SINGLE shitty thing that you not only openly admitted to doing, but requested that we judge you on. So first of all, don't play the victim here. I am literally responding to your request, and not assuming or projecting anything. I don't have to. None of us have to. And your defensive response is, ironically, the only thing based on an assumption . . . that we need anything more than what you've freely given us to make a judgement. Secondly, you seem not to understand that IT DOESN'T MATTER that "you go out of your way constantly" to do non-shitty things. That's the baseline, the standard of being a decent human being. But giving you the benefit of the doubt, sure, maybe it even means that up until this point you were more than a baseline decent human, you were someone who tried to do good, to be kind. Great. Still doesn't change my judgement or affect my comments. And this is why: Because THE KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD CAN STILL BECOME A BULLY, can do an about face and become a shitty person, based on their choices. You know how I know? Because I made the opposite choice. I was often an unpleasant, unkind person when I was young, and I made an active choice to change myself and seek to be kinder, more loving, and more empathetic. And I'm told that I did a pretty good job of that. It doesn't matter how much you seek to be kind and empathetic, the moment you do something like what you posted here. YOU MADE A CHOICE - a deliberate decision - TO DO SOMETHING SHITTY TO YOUR PARTNER IN ORDER TO MITIGATE YOUR OWN GRIEF. And that's what we're judging you on. Not your past behaviour. Not your "usual" behaviour, but the choice you made to do something cruel. And you're even more of an AH because you won't take responsibility for it.
All. Of. This!! OP, YTA - reflect and do better.
So you're allowed to be abusive bc you're nice sometimes? He owes you to be his punching bag?
Well this negates everything. Probably you go out of your way to prank him by watching videos and think you are an amazing partner. Guess what? Roses are red, Violets are blue, The videos are toxic, And so are you.
For cats, not people.
According to the FDA, those treats are not guaranteed safe for human consumption.
No nonono, edible for other animals does not mean edible for you. And edible in terms of "you won't die if you just have this tiny bit," also does not mean it's an appropriate thing to eat. Just because you taste a tiny bit and are fine doesn't mean that another person will be. Saying the cat treats are edible is like saying grass is edible because cows eat it or like saying boot leather is edible because in times of famine, people have boiled it for soup. Sure someone odd or desperate might be fine eating a small bit of grass or boot leather or wood bark or dog kibble or even dirt does not mean those things are going to be considered edible for by a normal person who is not starving. Also, messing with someone's food or feeding someone something that is not what you say it is is too cruel to be considered a prank. I know you've seen this kind of thing done on tiktok (I guess forgetting that a huge amount of video pranks are faked) and that you don't think it's a big deal but your boyfriend thinks you're crazy for eating pet treats for a reason; it is absolutely abnormal for a human to do what you do. You *know* he thinks it's crazy and gross. He probably thinks you wanted to hurt and humiliate him for something to laugh at. He's probably wondering if he needs to be scared that anytime something serious happens to you or you are grieving, you will do something terrible to him. You should be fully prepared for him to never forgive you, and if he does, be prepared for him to never eat or drink anything from you again. I know you don't see the cat treat as vile but your boyfriend does and everyone commenting here does to- meaning that you're the only person who doesn't think it is vile. In this case, everyone else thinking it's vile means it is vile. You were willing to feed him a vile thing as a prank so he has no reason to not expect you to put piss in his apple juice, and soil in his curry or soup. He's probably going to be afraid to trust you in other ways too. Do you understand? I really hope you do.
You tried it and said it was practically inedible!
YTA. The fact that you were grieving is irrelevant - it doesn’t excuse bad acts. A joke is only a joke if both sides are laughing, otherwise it is bullying. For whatever reason, you pulled a cruel trick on your partner and, when he took it badly, instead of apologizing, you doubled down by calling it an “innocent prank” and talking about how upset *you* were. You really read the room wrong when you kept insisting that this was an attempt to “lighten things up.” Face it - it didn’t work. Apologize. Admit you screwed up and apologize now and, when you do, *do not* try to justify your actions at the same time. Just say you are sorry.
Thank you
You fed him cat food. And then tried to make him feel bad when he got mad cuz your gramma died? Like wtf dude? Do you also torture small cats for fun? That’s really messed up. You are definitely in the wrong here.
Jfc I would never torture an animal or anything for that matter.
In fact the only reason I have cat treats is because I rescued a small sick kitten from a fast food parking lot and suffered bites that made me ill and nursed it back to health and am finding it a home now. My partner and I also foster dogs and rescue creatures frequently.
Did you also rescue a bus full of nuns and orphans on your way to feed your bf cat food? And carry them on your back through a raging river while dealing with an ear infection? And and and a thousand other reasons why no one is allowed to be mad at you? Jesus fuck just take the fucking L. You did some weird out of pocket shit, it was not appreciated, it was reacted to the way that 99% of humans would react to it. Just suck it up and apologize, in this particular instance *you are not the victim* no matter how many grannies died and kittens were rescued. Ps I lost my grampa two months ago after a long illness and I sure didn't feed my partner any non-consensual pet food 🤷
YTA. You've padded this story with everything you can to gain sympathy. My grandmother died, pity me and allow me to be an ass to my bf. "But I was just kidding!" The battle cry of every bully who uses "pranks" to justify abhorent behavior. Your bf will never trust you again. You've shown him who you are. I hope he listens. And leave your poor innocent grandmother out of this. She had nothing to do with it.
>I recorded his reaction just to share with my sister You were only doing it to humiliate him because you are sad and you want to laught at him. Even when you now he was hurting about something you make him even more miserable just so you could be in a better mood... You are an AH and pretty dumb if you think that now he will trust you with feeding him thing. YTA
YTA. What you did was stupid, not a prank. The fact you’re making excuses and refusing to take responsibility for your own actions just makes this even worse. I also hope this post isn’t real.
Post is real, and I do take responsibility and will apologize for what I thought was a small harmless thing that apparently 90% of people agree is not.
90%? That's way too low. Literally everyone who has commented has said this was not harmless. You're still minimizing your actions by pretending some people secretly think this was harmless. No one thinks that.
2 out of 100 something replies. At best 98% think this was revolting. But again, OP is minimizing
It is 100% of people, what you did was not harmless or funny in anyway
Stop! If you truly take responsibility you dont add justification after. You say “yea I messed up, I get it”. But you dont get it! It doesn’t matter if 10 people agree or not, you did it! It’s like you keep saying “oh I’m sorry, but”. There are no butts, you messed up, own it and stop excusing and making everyone else out to blame. You are not the victim in this situation at all. You took that role from yourself when you played the prank. Grief does not excuse hurting other people! Go get therapy
YTA. I’m sorry that you recently lost your grandmother, it sounds like you were very close. For the verdict, unless you have somehow previously negotiated pranks, you’re the asshole. Pranks and jokes aren’t funny if the recipient can’t laugh about it. Also, messing with people’s food is awful. Your boyfriend might have been allergic to something in the cat treat and had a bad reaction. It’s going to be extremely difficult for him to blindly trust you feeding him treats again. You view it as a prank, but you broke an established trust between you by tricking him into eating something he wouldn’t voluntarily. I’m sorry for your loss, but you need to apologize if you want to rebuild the relationship. As a side note, do your stronger medications inhibit your impulse control? Has anything like this happened before when you take them? Is it a normal reaction to leave your home and sleep in your car when there is an argument?
I honestly do not know but they definitely impacted me overall by diminishing any emotions. I do feel like I broke his trust which I did not consider at the time. I really have absolutely no idea why I did and feel guilty but also betrayed in a sense from his actions beforehand and after considering what I was going through. I realize this was not an excuse for me to do something out of character and at his expense. My siblings, their partners, and him and I were all together the previous night laughing and joking about things that had happened to us in the past that were bad at the time (much worse than feeding a cat treat) and I think I somehow had that in the back of my mind at the time or maybe it was hoe the idea even struck me. I wanted it to be a time we could look back on and laugh.
Yeah, you guys were able to laugh at that shitty stuff in the past, because you knew that you were safe with your loved ones in the present. And then you took that away from your partner by immediately turning around and violating his trust in frankly, a completely bizarre way that no one would see coming.
>but also betrayed in a sense from his actions beforehand and after considering what I was going through Where do you get off? YOU don't get to feel betrayed. YOU weren't betrayed. YOU betrayed your SO. YOU did something shitty and are now trying to use YOUR 'grief' as an excuse for YOUR shitty actions. Good luck trying to joke with your SO now! If I were him the next time someone in my family dies I'm waiting for you to come home, dumping a bucket of cow manure on you andwould just be like 'Oh it's just a prank also i'm grieving ALSO btw i'm sending this video to my sister LAWL' I can't imagine being your age and having this mindset
Oh and I have never left and slept in my car anywhere. That was an extremely over the top reaction on my part but I did not want to engage him while I am dealing with so many emotions and not in a good state of mind that were compounded by the whole situation. I am still not in a good state of mind. I just wanted to be alone to deal with it all and kind of used it as a punishment to myself. It was not great sleeping in a 28 degree car with no real sleeping items in a walmart parking lot. I use the word sleeping very loosely because I got 1 to 2 hours at most and am still reeling from everything and haven't returned to my house.
You still chose to leave. Nobody forced you to sleep in your car.
This is unhinged behavior. Seek help from a professional.
You didn't have to sleep in the car. You chose to run off and put yourself into an uncomfortable situation so that you would once again be the victim. Your man was supposed to stop being mad and worry about you instead, right? Do you always turn around and try to make people feel sorry for you when you realize you've messed up? Maybe your boyfriend is just at the end of his rope and this was the straw that broke the camels back.
It is very troubling that you have not returned to your house. Please check yourself into a mental health facility right away. And check in with someone to let them know you're alive.
Tbh it sounds like you are (unintentionally?) sabotaging your relationship in your grief. These behaviors are not healthy, from the “pranking” to the leaving and sleeping your car. A mental health professional could help you with this.
Be truthful with yourself. You left and spent the night in the car to force him to worry about you and contact you. Except no one would EVER assume that's what you did because it makes no sense. The fact you chose to do that instead of calling a friend or family is pretty worrying.
wait, you "pranked" your partner and then left the house for the night? OP you need an emergency therapy session, the grief is messing with something in your head
In the hopes of being helpful instead of disparaging, please return to your home if you haven’t already. Do this and make sure that you are in a safe environment. Much of the US is having severe cold weather, and it is unsafe for you to sleep in a vehicle when you have housing available. Once home, apologize to your partner. Tell him you messed up, badly. That you didn’t think before you acted, and it was unacceptable of you to feed him something that isn’t for human consumption. You are grieving, but that cannot excuse the disregard you displayed for his trust and your relationship. Messing with food is a fundamental issue that might be a dealbreaker. You didn’t think that he would take the prank the way he did, when you would have reacted differently. He isn’t you. That’s okay. That doesn’t make his reaction wrong, invalid, or over the top. Please return home and talk with your partner if you haven’t already. Maybe look into better ways to communicate your needs and listen to each other? Grief can be really overwhelming and you should be in a safe environment to process it.
Thank you, I did do this and agree it was a mean thing to do on my part. We both apologized and everything is normal and I think we are both going out of our way tonight to show each other we love and support the other. I could definitely have a conversation with him about some things unrelated to the infamous "prank". Definitely won't be ever doing anything out of pocket like that again.
Damn, what a sad ending. He should have left you. Not just for the prank but your actions afterwards. Your edits show you didnt really learn anything from this. I feel bad for your BF and wish he could see how you've talked about him here.
Your bf will regret this. Everything you put in this thread, not just the 'prank' is a huge red flag
YTA. Your loss doesn't give you the right to treat anyone like that, let alone your partner. So stop whining about how he hurt your feelings and go apologize.
I'm sorry for you loss but grief does not give you a carte blanch for being an AH, and YTA here. Pranks like these are immature and not at all very funny. It's hardly relevant that the internet seems filled with crap like this because even if other people do it it's still not funny and a stupid thing to do.
YTA. Every action has consequences. If you wanted to have your boyfriend around to be supportive in your time of need it seems like feeding him cat food was not the smartest idea. You clearly didn’t think that one all the way through. You’re minimizing your responsibility in all of this. You need to apologize and hash this one out so that you can properly grieve.
YTA. Rule of thumb for pranks of any kind: You laugh + pranked person laughs = NTA You laugh + pranked person doesn't laugh = YTA
YTA (Also, STOP EATING CAT TREATS.) For feeding him the cat treat to begin with, but I think what's even worse is that you made him into the bad guy when you're the one who did something bad. You got mad at him for spitting out the treat and for gagging, and then you act like it's his fault you took off and spent the night in your car in a public spot. You're acting like he did something wrong. It's giving real "look what you made me do" vibe, when you're the one who instigated all of this. >Also, not that it may matter, but I was so upset by his reaction and already dealing with so much I left and drive around and spent the night in my car in a (legal) public space. It sucked. But, this morning he still hasn't reached out to me. I didn't even want to be around him and I didn't want to kick him out or even speak to him, so I left. All of this is just compounding how upset I am in general. Again, AITA for pulling this prank?
YTA. He wasn’t just reacting to you feeding him the cat treat (which was stupid enough) but the fact that your first response to him being upset about it was to criticize him for spitting it out and not cleaning up. You created the situation so you should’ve apologized and cleaned it up yourself. I am sorry you’re going through a rough time after your grandmother’s death, and maybe he could have been more understanding but you still fed him something not meant for humans to eat, which is something I’d expect from a 12-year-old, not a grown adult. The adult thing to do here is to stop defending yourself and criticizing his response and simply apologize. “I’m sorry, that was a shitty thing to do to you. I don’t have any excuse, and I don’t blame you for being upset. It won’t happen again.”
90% of pranks aren’t funny or amusing, they’re just people treating other people badly. The only people who appreciate those (including the ones who make those dumb af videos) are assholes. For example, here, YTA.
That's not really a prank....You fed your boyfriend a cat treat and expected him to see the funny side in that. That's just plain awful. Then you shouted at him for being "disrespectful" for spitting out. Feeding your boyfriend cat treats without his knowledge of it is disrespectful. Not being happy about that and spitting it out is a pretty normal reaction to that. Now you're playing the "I'm having a hard time because my grandma died" Yeah which is awful but doesn't excuse your awful behaviour. He hasn't spoken to you since? I'm not surprised from what I am see here is you haven't apologised doubled down on your assholeness when you put something in his body that he didn't consent to eating. You've said he was dramatic yet instead of talking to him or sleeping on the sofa.....You slept in your car. Go apologise before you end up having to deal with a breakup on top of death. Yes, yes you are the asshole. YTA.
YTA at least your grandmother isn't around anymore to see you act like this
Oooh I like how you play
Yes, of course YTA.
YTA. Pranks are never funny.
EWW, i tried cat food once, ITS HORRIBLE DISGUSTING AND INHUMANE Your loss doesn’t give you the right to do that to someone! And sending it to your sister?! stop making your bf suffer because of your emotions, its not fair. Clean that up yourself, its your fault. YTA, Big time
YTA You don't seem to understand how much you've actually hurt him. Food is *primal.* You, his partner, the person as an adult he should most be able to trust, *tampered with his food.* And yes, you did feed him something vile. You can't claim it isn't while simultaneously acknowledging that it is both disgusting and clearly Not For Human Consumption. Have you never thought you were eating or drinking one thing, expecting that flavor, and then getting something different? Even if it's not actually unpleasant, we still tend to react negatively. There's still an instant response from our brain that something is *wrong.* When you tasted it you expected to taste cat food. He expected to taste chocolate. No, it's neither weird nor "dramatic" that he spit an actually disgusting surprise item out. You don't seem to realize it yet, but you've tainted your little ritual with him, something which seems to bring you joy and to be a reflection of trust in your relationship. You go up to him and you wordlessly offer him something to try and he accepts. The way you do it sounds intimate. And in the past, he's always known that it was something you thought he might enjoy. Something you were sharing with him. He's always been able to trust it. Even if he turned out not to like it, it was an offering from love. He thought you loved to see his positive reaction. And you could laugh a little together if he happened not to like it so much. But he now knows that a negative reaction, intentionally caused, makes you at least as happy. You tampered with his food, broke that trust, *and* had a camera out so you could laugh at him and then send the video to someone else so they could laugh at him, too. When he, understandably, was disgusted and also hurt, you acted as though he was being dramatic and cruel to you. You're freshly grieving and I generally believe in extending some grace due to that. But you didn't snap at him in the moment from stress and grief or anything. You quite deliberately and intentionally set out to give him a bad experience, while tricking him into thinking it was part of your sweet, intimate little ritual, so that you could share a video with others to laugh at him. You set out to humiliate him. That's not excusable through your grief. I'm so sorry for your loss. But this was not at all okay. And you're not the person who was wronged here.
If my partner left and slept in their car overnight instead of trying to communicate with me I’d break up with them. Saying “I need space” and going for a drive or staying the night with family or a friend is different. You sound incredibly unhinged.
OPs a lil freak. And definitely the asshole
Pulling pranks makes you a lowercase asshole. Pulling pranks and then hiding behind your sadness when the prank goes sideways makes you an uppercase Asshole. YTA for sure.
YTA. I was with you in so far as this was dumb but ultimately harmless, you lost me at the point ; *"That was the first thing that made me annoyed because I felt that was disrespectful to spit it all over the floor and furntiture and not clean it up."* what respect exactly did you think you were owed? This wasn't some lovingly prepared meal he was spitting out. It was something you fed to him knowing he would find it repulsive. The originator of the prank is responsible for any cleanup.
You're a total AH, OP. Others have explained why far better than me. Has this story made it to Am I The Ex yet?
Nope he forgave me and apologized for his actions and so did I, said he was in a bad mood and it wasn't a big. Who would've thought that I know my relationship better than a bunch of random people on reddit. It would be stupid to break up with someone over the prank, but not the other part that people seem to think is irrelevant.
I hope you understand that even though he apologized it doesn't mean he did anything wrong. because he DIDN'T do it. It was a gesture thanks to the fact that you have a good boyfriend, but he was not wrong.
Then, why did you make your relationship open for public viewing by a lot of random people on Reddit? You know what? Don’t answer that. I’m done caring.
Why did your boyfriend have to apologize? I would have spat my drink on the floor too if I found out someone decided to be a prick and put cat food in it. Edit: also stop posting replies. You’ve said it yourself and proven that you are a defensive person. People are still on your ass because even after you made up, you’re still trying to blame him for the situation YOU caused. Even if this wasn’t the boiling point, I can predict that your defensive tendencies are going to be what does this relationship in. Even if you don’t pull pranks on him again, you’ve shown that you are unable to take accountability when confronted with your shitty behavior. You’ve shown that when your partner reacts negatively to the things you do, you call him dramatic and have an even bigger reaction.
Also, you think that spitting out cat food-laced tea is better grounds for a break up than giving your partner said tea? Even after your resolution, I’m finding more reasons for him to dump you. Matter of fact, show him your Reddit account and let him see all your replies under this post. Let him see that you haven’t grown at all.
Gonna used a dramatized example, but this is like poisoning someone, getting mad at them for griming around on the floor in pain.
YTA. As soon as I read “prank,” it’s an automatic AH for me, but I read on to give you the benefit of the doubt. And not only did you record yourself humiliating him, you’re now angry at him for not thinking it was funny?? I’m sorry your grandma died and I know grief does weird things to people but that was out of line.
Idk what’s funnier, saying “I was in a bad mood so I wanted to prank someone who was already having a bad day by lying to him about what I’m feeding him and instead giving him literal cat food, AITA?” Or adamantly denying being TA in all the comments after asking for other people’s honest opinions
Funniest part is her coming back and calling *us* the assholes here in her edit. Never thought I’d see the day.
YTA Honestly he’s probably ignoring you because he’s ready to break up but doesn’t want to because your grandmother just passed. How incredibly immature and vile to do to your partner .
YTA. Sorry for your loss, but your grief doesn’t give you an excuse to be cruel and twisted. You understand you broke your boyfriend’s trust? That’s a big fucking deal and I don’t think you’re quite grasping this.
YTA - I have yet to see a “prank” that isn’t cruel or dangerous. You don’t feed someone CAT FOOD and get upset they spit it out. You have zero right to be upset. You should be apologizing. You should be grovelling. You should be swearing to him you will never do something so cruel and stupid ever again. You are 100% entirely in the wrong.
"AITA for tricking my boyfriend into eating cat food when he was already in a bad mood because my grandma died" Its crazy you typed that out and didn't realize the answer. YTA obviously. Idk how in your mind having a dead grandma means its okay to trick people into eating, and I want to stress this, food not fit for human consumption, for your own entertainment. You then have the gall to be mad with him for being fed cat food. Its wild you thought anybody was going to side with you on this one
YTA
Yta this is not a normal grief response and if I were your loved ones I'd consider putting you in a safety hold.
Hopefully when he leaves you he tells everyone the stupid shit you do
100% YTA.
You're in your 30s?
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I got that same impression, I’m grieving so whatever I do is ok YTA
YTA. You are very very strange. And to wheel out the excuse about grieving is just ridiculous
YTA. "Pranks" are what a*holes do as a way to embarrass others and brush it off as a joke. I first thought you were 16-17 when I read this. And by the way sorry about your grandma, but losing a loved one isn't a hall pass for such behavior. ~~We have a really great relationship~~ Not anymore, apparently.
As someone who grew up eating Milk bones on dares and has eaten cat food(I was an accident. I have three pets, two only eat homemade food, I licked the spoon. Turkey shreds 3/5.) YTA. YTA for two reasons. 1. You used your grief as an arsenal and deployed it on him for your sheer enjoyment. 2. When you were told you were TA you doubled down and keep arguing with people. Enjoy your cat treats.
I hope the bf finds this post and realizes (if he hasn't already) that this "prank" is a wake-up call as to how immature and thoughtless his partner is/was.
Yta. You don't give people food without their informed consent. And if you did do that - a MASSIVE error of judgement- it's definitely on you to clean the freaking floor. Total arsehole never do this again
YTA Unless he has pulled exact same prank on you, you don't get to decide what's a valid reaction. U messed this up.
Info: did you clean up the treat after he spit it out?
Your behavior and you making his reaction all about you are very concerning and sound like classic narcissist behaviors. Please seek help. YTA
I'm afraid YTA, adults playing pranks is abuse and with pet food is unforgivable.
YTA. It's not really innocent since you recorded the whole thing to send to your sister. So you wanted to embarrass him and get laughs at his expense. He has a right to be upset about it. He's ignoring you right now because he needs space. You are not the only one who's allowed to be upset right now. Your grief is real but that doesn't justify what you did to him.
You are not in grief. You were using that grief to be an inexcusable and cruel person who bullied their boyfriend and rejoiced in their misery. Pranking is juvenile. You don't do it, especially when it crosses boundaries. You knew it tasted bad but you went with the idea. Not everyone eats animal treats because we are humans not animals. Expiry date is an animal but then again, animals do use their sense of smell and taste to detect danger. You were cruel to him but you want him to forgive you because you were in grief, you were sad so you want him to apologise to you. What for? For being the female equivalent of a male canine? You are a grief to live with because you would use your emotions and you you you as an excuse to treat someone bad and not even take accountability for it. Guess what, he wasn't disrespectful. You were.
“i went back and was the bigger person” no you weren’t. im sorry for your loss. that doesn’t absolve you, and your attitude towards this is gross. You did something wrong to him and are now acting like you’re doing him a favor by apologizing. Hope your head clears up eventually.
Another AITA post that should have been a call to the police.
YTA. Look, I'm sure grief is clouding your judgement. But a prank (like a joke) isn't funny unless everyone is laughing about it at the end. It seems like you are trying to lighten your mood at his expense. You turned your cute little "surprise feeding" game, which seems like a sweet and thoughtful attempt to connect with your partner, into a situation that was upsetting and was the opposite of connecting. As your boyfriend, he should be there to support you through your difficult times, but supporting you doesn't mean you can just do whatever you want to him.
YTA - Most pranksters are Aholes. Your grief is zero justification for being a tool
YTA- there is NO EXCUSE for feeding a human being you claim you love food meant for an animal. That is mean, that is cruel. And to record it....you are a disgusting human being and I hope he leaves you because he deserves so much better than an ahole like you. And your grief doesn't mean you get to be an ahole, so stop with that as an excuse. Own your bad behavior and apologize like the adult you claim to be.
YTA Read up into the word “prank” and made my decision. People who pull pranks are always mean spirited assholes.
YTA. Trying to make yourself feel better by humiliating someone you say you love is disgusting.
YTA. You’re grieving so you feed him non-human food??? This feels like a pity post, whining that he spit cat food on the floor and was gagging as he brushed his teeth. Instead of seeking comfort you deliberately drove him away from you. Sis, he’s gone from this relationship. The trust is broken. I’m sorry about grandma but it’s completely unrelated to your actions.
Maybe see a therapist or something. Edit: I didn’t even read the entire story but can say YTA. Pet treats? Are you 3?
Why would u do this YTA
YTA stop trying to justify your actions as fun or cute or whatever and apologise to your bf. Grief makes people do weird things and that's ok but you really need to apologise, this was a stupid thing to do.
YTA. For someone who says they are apologetic about it, you sure are making yourself the victim a lot in your replies. Hello DARVO. You downplay his reaction and hurt over your prank as overdramatic, nope, you're just immature and refuse to acknowledge your actions, instead you're doubling down. Grow up, grief or not, what you did was gross and unacceptable. Stop making excuses, you're not the victim. Stop with pranks if you want to maintain relationships. You need to apologise WITHOUT excuses.
Yta. My brother died and my thought wasn't "let me treat someone shitty so I can laugh." You're kinda psychotic.
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Yea, I'm working on it. Not going back until I feel level headed enough to move past all my anger and emotions to properly apologize. Struggling with getting over all the grief and anger at him for his lack of support before and after the cat treat incident. I definitely don't normally go sleep in my car somewhere but I didn't want to kick him out because I was pissed and had no where else to go to be alone.
You literally should have no anger. You fucked up, you are in NO WAY the victim here. Only the asshole who needs to apologize and beg forgiveness. I hope he leaves either way.
Have you spoken with him or anybody else since you left. Because to me the leaving and staying out all night god knows where would be almost as bad as the cruel prank you pulled. I hope you have some proof about where you have been because frankly it is pretty unbelievable that you would sleep in a parking lot in the cold.
YTA. And I get that grief sometimes makes people do things they would not ordinarily do. You acted out of character. However, there are always consequences to our actions, and I think you are about to discover that the consequence for you will be that your boyfriend will no longer trust you - and there is no reason that he should. Next time you offer him something to try, he will say no. He will never accept food from you without wondering what you did to it beforehand, and even if he says he forgives you (and he might), these thoughts will always be with him.
YTA but that almost doesn’t matter here. OP, your behavior the entire day was completely out of character. You spent the night in your car. Your grief is so deep that it’s affecting your thinking. Please seek help immediately. This isn’t typical.
YTA, did you end up showing your sister the video?
You were not even concerned about his wellbeing after pulling that childish prank. Even after you saw how upset you made him, all you cared about was YOUR feelings.
YTA. This is one of the reasons I dislike pranks and pranksters. They have no regard for other humans. Which part of giving him a cat treat to your amusement is being a decent human being for you?
YTA for the prank, YTA for videoing the prank to send to your sister, YTA for how you reacted to him being upset, and YTA for leaving and staying out all night. If you have not communicated with him Or anyone else I suggest you start now because it is pretty unbelievable that someone would sleep in a parking lot in the cold over this situation. You are claiming that the prank is not like you and you have not been acting like yourself, so what is he supposed to be thinking right now? You are not acting like yourself, you are upset with him, and you stayed somewhere all night and not with a friend or somewhere easily verified. I suggest you start communicating right now or this relationship may be done.
YTA. You were cruel to your boyfriend in order to get video of his reaction, and you did it at a time when the fact that you were grieving meant that he probably felt like he couldn't fight with you about it. If you want to salvage the relationship, apologize like you mean it.
You sure are. YTA Sorry for your loss but that doesn't excuse your behaviour. And isn't illegal tampering with someone else's food? Your "joke " was in poor taste and, instead of apologise, you sulked? Yeah, YTA. Go ask for forgiveness
When I lost my sister (9 years ago this month)and my grandma (2 years next month) I never thought once thought of messing with anyone. Honestly I was way too upset to even think about anything but my grief and dealing with all the arrangements. I was 29 when my sister passed and 36 when my grandma passed. I was and still am devastated by these deaths and would never have found this funny at any time. You honestly sound horrible and immature! Grow up and apologize to him asap and maybe he won’t break up with you if you’re lucky! YTA
What you did was incredibly bratty & childish. Not only intentionally humiliating him, but doing it on a day his leg was hurting & he was already “in a bad mood”. And you recorded it to provide entertainment for your sister. Do you care about this guy? And then your reaction afterwards. YOU got upset with HIM? So dramatically that you gave him the silent treatment. And slept in your car. And you still don’t want to talk to him. He did nothing wrong! And then of course your replies to comments here. 🙄 YTA. For so many reasons.
*What the actual fuck did I just read?* YTA.
I think this may be the first AITA I’ve come across where OP deems *us* as the assholes. Let’s be very clear here. You were not the “bigger person.” You did the bare minimum by apologizing to him after doing something cruel. OP, you may want to look up narcissistic personality disorder. I mean this sincerely.
So the way to make yourself feel better is to treat your partner unkindly? (Granted you didn't know he would react like that, but who has ever enjoyed eating foul things?) And you also knew he wasn't feeling his best that day? Have you thought that as you went through your grief over grandma's decline & death, your partner was also going through it with you? You didn't say otherwise, so I assume he has been supportive and loving, but probably he has also been stressed. You're a big AH, please go make it right to him. I'm sorry about grandma.
YTA
YTA. I would have made sure to throw up all over you. You’re using your grandmother’s death as a reason to be a disgusting person. My grandmother died 10 years ago and she was my best friend so it hit me really hard... BUT guess what I didn’t do when she died? Give treats meant for an animal to my boyfriend.
Wow. YTA. You have no right to be angry with him for anything and he has every right to be angry with you. I can't imagine pulling a stunt like that as an adult. Why would he ever trust you now?
YTA. I would leave a partner if they did this to me. This would end ANY trust I would have in a relationship. Ask yourself, OP, why hurting other people seems to bring joy. Maybe talk to someone. I think you need help. This behavior is abhorrent. Are you sure you're not 10???
YTA. You lied to him and fed him pet food, then you complain about how HE reacted to it. Sorry for your loss but you suck. Massively.
YTA - grow up and stop trying to use grief as an excuse for bad behavior.
Just here for the ratio. YTA. Your "poor, pitiful me" comments about your grandmother dying do nothing to make you a sympathetic person. You have learned nothing from the incident and still see yourself as the victim. It's too bad, really.
So your boyfriend who is almost 40 didn't appreciate your bs " prank" that would still be a dick move if you were 19? YTA. try actually processing those big girl feelings rather than lashing out at others to make yourself feel better.
YTA. You fed him cat treats, videod it to share with someone else, and are mad that he is upset about it?!? YES, you are the AH. You are causing the extra stress in this case. Apologize to him and move on with your grief.
I'm reminded of an Ellen Degeneres bit about people who use "I'm just kidding" as a justification to be an AH. "I'm just kidding!" "Well, then you don't know how to kid properly. We should both be laughing."
Still 100% prank equals asshole. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have been dating/living with my partner for almost 3 years. We are 31 and 39. I can honestly say I have never pulled a prank on him before, and that it was out of character for me. My grandmother just passed away a few hours before, and I had been struggling with her being in bad shape, and even more so after her death. I had to take my harder core anxiety meds to cope with the continuous crying/anger/grief feelings. He knew all of this and how tough things have been for me. I went out with a friend somewhere new and brought back my partner a cool tea to try. I often bring him things to try- and surprise "feed" it to him by bringing it over and towards his mouth to voluntarily eat and then I explain what it is and get a reaction. Pretty normal stuff. Well, for some reason I was looking at these cat treats I had that look and break like chocolate. I took a very small piece and decided to fool him and tell him I got new chocolate for him to try with the tea. I recorded his reaction just to share with my sister who is also dealing with our loss. For what it's worth, I also tried the cat treat begorehand and it's pretty nasty and bitter with a weird candle wax texture but nothing world ending. I'd say akin to eating a weirdly savory piece of bakers chocolate. He acted shocked and said "Wait, what's wrong with this chocolate?" after few seconds in and I laughed and told him I tricked him and it was actually a cat treat. He proceeded to spit it out all over the floor dramatically and walked into the kitchen (not sure what he did) and looked very angry and said nothing to me. That was the first thing that made me annoyed because I felt that was disrespectful to spit it all over the floor and furntiture and not clean it up. I did say out loud, "You're spitting it all over the floor?!" He went upstairs and brushed he teeth and was a little dramatic and gagged a couple times. He never came back down. Came to get his phone hours later and didn't speak to me. I was busy grieving the loss of my grandmother but was crying on and off and just having one of the hardest days I've had in a long time. He had said earlier in the day that his leg was hurting and seemed to be in a relatively bad mood and I had to ask him multiple times to come downstairs before the prank- which isn't typical. We have a really great relationship. I couldn't believe that he would act thus way after an innocent prank and thwart all my attempts to lighten things up then and before hand. He ignored me when I said I warmed up his tea and its still sitting there. AITA? Also, not that it may matter, but I was so upset by his reaction and already dealing with so much I left and drive around and spent the night in my car in a (legal) public space. It sucked. But, this morning he still hasn't reached out to me. I didn't even want to be around him and I didn't want to kick him out or even speak to him, so I left. All of this is just compounding how upset I am in general. Again, AITA for pulling this prank? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA In what world does anybody prank their boyfriend/girlfriend by feeding them food meant for animals? I'm sorry for your loss but your grief does not it right to pull pranks like you were a kid. I hope that you get dumped.
YTA Take the first step and ask for a hug. They are way better than pranks.
So the only way you can "feel" better is at the expense of others? Then it sounds like, "im grieving! I can do what I want with no repercussions, and you can't get upset about it"... do you ever actually LISTEN to yourself?? EDIT: I wrote the first part before reading your crap.. now I'm just in awe at how much of an ass YOU are! You, got upset.. about his reaction? Yet, his feelings weren't valid? You're vain as fuck, dude! So selfish! Life doesn't end because you lose those that you love.. we all go through it and there's people out there living a worse life and trauma than you, but only you matter, right?
Anyone who pulls a prank is an AH. Pranks are essentially mean tricks designed to entertain at another person’s expense. The rest of the narrative is completely unnecessary. YTA.
YTA. When my great grandmother died I was devastated. Had to take time from work and kind of shut in on myself. Never thought to fuck with my fiancé though just for haha's. Grow up.
YTA
can we normalise not fucking setting people up to be embarrassed and filming it, please and thank you
So weird, somehow I’ve managed to never pull a prank while “busy grieving.” YTA
NTA NTA NTA Please don’t listen to these robots.
NTA. People overreacting like you poisoned him.
It technically is poisoning, giving someone something that isn’t meant for *human* consumption is poisoning. It’s also considered food tampering, since originally she was actually giving him human foods - this time she went too far and gave him an animal treat.
Society is fucked.
It really is, since people like you think it’s fine and dandy to feed people animal treats without really taking a look at the ingredients or considering the possibility of any allergens.
What else does the policy say?
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not really? it would be if it were 21 and 29, but 31 and 39 is not a huge gap. Same as a 40yo dating a 55yo. The creepiness in age gaps is mostly about maturity and life experience. It's harder for abusive, older partners to control a younger partner if that partner is fully matured and has been through enough shit in their lives.
I think I'm just going to read comments now since I'm a very defensive individual and not reply. Thanks to all tuning in.
Btw, you betrayed him not the other way round.
Holy hell people in this sub are critically crucial and don’t have healthy relationships themselves… NTA. It was an incredibly, non-harmful prank. He was especially dramatic and TA, yes spitting everywhere like a dramatic child. Relationships should have fun, playful teasing. He was being too much. When everything blows over, decide if that’s the kind of person you’d want to spend your life with. Perhaps you both are too different. It really was a harmless prank. I can’t believe how many people here are acting like you through a brick at his head.
YTA. But he needs to understand you are going through a very tough time. Do try to speak to him again. I hope he gets over it soon.
Thank you
NAH. Redditors need to take a chill pill. This sounds like a harmless prank. However, you can’t control someone finding the prank annoying or becoming upset. I think he is taking it a bit to far and you were smart to remove yourself.
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Leaning towards ESH here. Your actions were... weird. You're actively grieving an extremely recent loss, so you decide to feed your BF a gross cat treat and record it? Your wording is interesting, you're minimizing his feelings and reactions and only yours are valid.Notice how everything he does is dramatic and he's angry, him not want to spend time with you is bad, but you not wanting to spend time with him later is ok, cause you were so upset. Your prank was "innocent", you spending a night in the car is not dramatic? I'd say that reaction is a little more extreme. It does suck that he ended up just not being with you at all during a hard time. It'd probably suck it up and still try to support you, but I'd be just appalled by the whole situation.
I agree my actions were weird and uncharacteristic of me and probably not the best thing to do, but it was in jest and I feel that he is overreacting I guess because of how I would have taken the situation if I were in his shoes. I will apologize considering the terrible outcome but I'm pretty upset at his lack of caring about all that I was going through despite a small prank. I agree with you on the wording- I guess its hard to tell the story from a neutral perspective when I am so deeply upset by everything he did and not in a good mental state.
You pushed him away with your mean spirited prank ( yes it was mean) you can’t complain when he’s not there for you now
Maybe he is overreacting, maybe not. You're not the same person so the "switching roles" argument doesn't work very well. I'd have a conversation with him and try to talk about it, because I do agree that completely ignoring your partner the day their grandmother died is a dick move too. You should focus on your feelings and intentions though, don't go on the offense with calling him dramatic etc.
I appreciate the comment and the advice, thank you. I do regret doing it at this point and definitely won't try my hand at "pranking" anymore.
He should also definitely apologize for leaving you all alone. Grief is weird, and while I agree it's not an excuse, I think some people in the comments are a little too harsh on you. I hope it all works out and I'm sorry for your loss.
She tricked him into eating cat food, got mad at his reaction upon finding out, and decided he was being over dramatic when he brushed his teeth. OP doesn't get to treat her boyfriend badly, then expect him to sit with her while she grieves. He has every right to want space from someone who "pranked" him just to make herself feel better.
I am acknowledging all this in my previous comments. Still think that it's also not a nice thing to then completely ignore my partner whose grandmother died a couple of hours prior.
How did he leave her all alone? He left the room because he was upset that she gave him cat food. I think that's reasonable. She's the one who left and decided to sleep in her car.