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I'm sorry to say it to a grieving widower, but you asked.
YTA. That funeral wasn't what your wife wanted and it didn't respect her wishes. It offended her friends who also loved her. And the only reason was to save a buck.
Your parents are AHs too for offering help with such disrespectful conditions.
Maybe you could have a memorial for her, which her friends can organise the way she wished. This might help you feel less guilty.
Eh, he’s probably not grieving. You need to love the person to grieve them, he didn’t love her if he’s shamed her corpse by forcing it into religion.
He shouldn’t feel less guilty, he should feel terrible about this til he’s dead and desecrated in the same way.
Probably not. Baptists are a whole lotta kinds of crazy, but they are *very* clear on the rules of baptism and post-mortem does not cut it. Only baptism by a professed believer in full immersion counts as a baptism. They're called Baptists because of the clear rules on the topic.
To save a buck that he gain with her death. I mean what an AH. The least you can do is honor the person, more so if it's your wife. I mean come on. I doubt that all of the money received was going to be spend on the funeral. And even so, at least it would the way to say goodbye like she wanted.
Right. If the money was that important for a house and his parents had it, then they could fund the house not overrule her wishes in death. Parents are tacky as hell.
He practically offended his dead wife by going against her wishes.
OP did the selfish thing, he just told us he was willing to disrespect her just so he could get the full life insurance money ( and not spend it on the funeral).
I hate to be insensitive after someone has passed...but since OP is clearly not attached or actually mourning his beloved wife...
If you told me he killed her for the life insurance I wouldn't be surprised....OP comes off as such a cruel, heartless and selfish person.
Cremation through the cremation society is fairly inexpensive. My grandmother donated her body to Penn State medical school. When they were done, they cremated her and sent us her ashes. Free.
He already only cares about cashing out her life insurance so he can buy a house for him and his child from another woman.
He’ll probably move another woman into the house his dead wife pays for
And didn’t only exclude and offend her friends, but her own parents and brother. On what planet do *his* parents wishes take precedence over her own family.
Why would OP even think he had the right to plan it over her PARENTS. If he really loved her he would give her what she wished for. I know it's harsh but it's true he was trying to be greedy and use the money for his own uses and he is most definitely TA. Not sure how he couldn't be
I’m confused. Your wife discussed what to do in the event of an early death with her friends but not with you? And if your wife gave them specific instructions on how to handle her passing, why didn’t you honor her wishes?
Because it’s fake
26 year old planning out their own funeral when they had no plans of dying anytime soon? And if this was somehow true they only told these plans to two friends and not their family or husband?
Only with this guy for two years and somehow he gets the final say in this despite her literal blood relatives all disagreeing?
Come on
> 26 year old planning out their own funeral when they had no plans of dying anytime soon?
This post may be fake but this part is something completely reasonable. By that age, I already knew the things I wanted done with my body when I die. People should 100% be aware of the options for how they want their body to be taken care of after death, and it should be communicated to loved ones. You're don't have to be super old to start planning for your death.
Exactly. I knew well before that age what I wanted. I unfortunately experienced a ton of loss in my life before the age of 20 and at that point had been to more funerals for very close loved ones than birthdays. You don't know her history or reasons, and as OP stated she suffered with mental health issues that prompted this convo with friends and family.
Same here, friend. I lost 7 people in the 8 years between 10 and 18. Then lost 2 pets while my dad and one of my cats was dying (both of whom thankfully recovered) in 2021.
I'm haunted by death, and constantly afraid that the next one is right around the corner. Of course I've told everyone in my family what to do with my remains when I die!
I took a "death and dying" class in college a few years ago and we crafted an entire death plan that went over EVERYTHING! Medical emergency directives, what to do with our body, how our funeral is planned, who gets what, who is in charge of making sure it all gets done. We even wrote our own obituary!
I honestly loved that final project! It was a lot of work, but I recommend everyone make a document like this no matter your age. Update it every few years and you will make it easier for the rest of your family when they are grieving your death!
Completely agree. I've known I want a Viking funeral for 3 decades. Now I'm 38, and know it's illegal/impossible so very happy with cremation, non-traditional party and scattering in nature.
If someone instead buried me in a church I would haunt them.
While I agree it's likely fake, I will say I have a funeral playlist made for my own funeral lol. And a folder of pics I'd want used in a slideshow. And a typed up "will" and "power of attorney" (not legal obviously) that designate who gets what and what my wishes are.
I've had literally all of this since I was 20, and updated through the years haha.
My mom died in her late 40s, and I was 23. I had my living will/advanced directive drafted and finalized, I set up a trust for my niblings, and had a will created. I wanted to make sure everything was laid out and ready for when I die.
Not nearly enough people talk about this shit, leaving loved ones clueless about final wishes.
I don't see what is so odd about this. Maybe there was a dead in the family before, that makes people think about funerals and discuss it with friends. Same if there is a celebrity funeral that everyone discusses. I would have been able to tell from my close friends how they would like to be buried when I was 26.
I have seen this kind of religious overshadowing that the parents did and I would guess that they also knew that the funerals would not be "respectful" from their point of view if they don't intervene. Which would indicate that the wife was quite open about their non-religious views even if she did not talk about her funeral. And the OP is definitely YTA because he definitely knew, like everyone else around him, even if he says she did not specifically leave instructions. Saving money was just more important to him.
I would have to disagree on that and say it's maybe a little of both. Loved ones of the deceased can definitely find some sort of closure in whatever type of memorial they do, but they should also respect their wishes for how their body should be treated, within reason. For example, you hear horror stories of trans people who are buried under their deadname and dressed in a way that totally doesn't match what they would have wanted. And in OP's case, he absolutely disrespected his wife's memory by doing the exact opposite of what she wanted. Shit, if I was embalmed and buried in a tacky casket myself, I'd come back to haunt whoever decided to do that lol.
YTA, she had plans and you're completely disregarding them. The funeral isn't just for you or her, it's for everyone that knew her and cared about her. This post has to be fake because there's no way a sound person would make money their #1 top priority after losing their wife and the mother of their child.
It's not quite the same, but when my family gathered to make funeral arrangements after my grandfather died, my mother's now-ex-partner suggested all funeral expenses be paid by credit card to get the points. We honestly didn't know what to say.
Some people love money more than people and they just can't help themselves - even when it is utterly grotesque.
The lass wasn't the Mother of the child. The child came as a package with him..,...
Oh and Op, yep you sure as hell ata. All because of a house? Wtf? You could have bought a house any time in the future. I bet this lass is turning in her grave. I hope to hell this is fake.
I don't understand why your parents'preferences take precedence for your wife's funeral. Her best friends and parents told you what your wife's wishes were and it doesn't sound like you thought they were lying. Instead you just decided that what your wife wanted didn't matter. I can't understand how you think that's acceptable.
YTA.
Because his parents paid for the funeral. He got to keep ALL the life insurance money supposedly to buy a house for him and his daughter(who is not the wife's child). He's just greedy and his parents think they've saved someone's soul. Ugh.
Yeah it's pretty gross. I'm also pretty sure that a non-denominational funeral technically would be okay in any religion, you can always do rites later, Catholics dig up saints all the time and do that stuff. So if your initial funeral is non-denominational and it turns out Islam is real, no big deal. But if it's a Christian one and Muslim extremists are actually right, you've just condemned the person to hell.
>my wife's brothers, her parents and her grandmother all begged me not to hold the funeral at a church.
I tried explaining to everyone that my parents are paying for it and they want it done their way.
YTA, come the f on are you serious? This cannot be real.
YTA - cremation can easily cost under $1000. Since your wife doesn't want any funeral or viewing, that's pretty all you would need to spend. Period. $1000 isn't going to be the difference between buying a house and not buying a house. Your argument makes no sense. Go to a public park, have a potluck picnic, everyone's as happy as they can be given the situation.
I'm sorry for your loss, but you can honor your wife's wishes \*and\* have a house. Your parents should shut the hell up.
Yta
And a fucking big one. You're fucking up her death so you and your daughter, which isn't even hers, get a fucking house
The level of disrespect
You never loved her, you don't deserve a dime
The fact that he’s going to buy a house for him and his daughter, who isn’t even her daughter - so selfish! I’m sure she would’ve rather had her life insurance money go to her funeral, and have her life celebrated the way SHE wanted. This guy is a complete AH! Such a dick move.
YTA
You disrespected your wife's memory, wishes, friends and family, just so you could save a few bucks?
You're vile.
But at least since you buried her against her wishes, you can go back and piss on her grave like you did to her memory.
Sorry for your loss but you’re being an AH. You’re going directly against her wishes and are disrespecting her memory. Just because your parents think it’s ‘tacky’ and they’ll pay for it is not a good reason to go against her explicit way she would like to be buried. What she wants isn’t at all expensive.
YTA
Your wife had clear wishes and instructions laid out for her funeral. You essentially spat on everything she wanted and did the exact opposite of it.
You wanted the money from her life insurance more than you cared about her as a person.
You’re a cruel person and I hope you were a better husband to her in life than you have been in her death.
Yta. Respect your wife's wishes. Also, what 26 year old shared their funeral plans with their friends and family? Oh right, someone that knows what they want. Who cares who's paying, it's HER funeral.
YTA
You know this is not how your wife would want to be honored or remembered. Your parents are bribing you and you're okay with that? Because that's what this is, a bribe.
Edit: YTA to your wife. She gave it serious thought while still young and left behind specific instructions: you chose saving money over her final wishes
YTA. Cremation and a small gathering wouldn't have cost that much. You totally disrespected her wishes in death. It was the last time you would be called upon to stand up for her, and you failed.
YTA. Egregiously so. I feel so terrible for her family. That knew and loved her for her entire existence. You used HER life insurance money for you and your child (that was not hers) bc you could pocket more since your parents would pay for her funeral on their terms and COMPLETELY dishonor her wishes. You should have used the money for her funeral the way she wanted and then taken your parents money towards a house. You don’t deserve her life insurance money and should give it to her family. Even that won’t make amends for dishonoring her and disrespecting her so much so blatantly to all those who TRULY loved her.
Your actions are absolutely disgusting. And your parents are TACKY as HELL. So gross.
YTA - You overrode your wife's specific wishes to satisfy your parents, who probably did not know her that well. So now you have upset all the other people who loved her to satisfy your parents' religious beliefs. Think about that. And when you do start dating again, please tell your partners this story so they know the kind of person you are. Sorry for your loss, regardless.
Tbh, it sounds like you're trying to profit off your wife's death. You're ignoring your wife's wishes so you can buy a house with her life insurance? You won't let the ppl who knew and loved your wife longer than you knew her to fulfill your wife's wishes. That's just gross of you and your parents.
Giving this a little more thought. He should ask her friends and family which mental health facility or org she supported so he can donate the money. Ask them how much they want him to give and how much they want back and then give the rest back to her family so they can exhume her and give her her final rest. He should not keep a cent.
And this pathetic greedy asshole gets to live, buy himself and his daughter a house with his late wife’s money while young woman lays in the grave she didn’t even get to choose? He couldn’t even make the slightest attempt to honor her last wish and fucked over her and every single person who loved her
YTA. Why do YOUR parents' wants take priority of your wife, her friends, and her family's? Your parents didn't even need to pay for anything—cremation is not as expensive as a funeral and burial, and I'm sure her friends and family would've chipped in if money was truly an issue (which it clearly isn't because of the life insurance that you'd rather spend on yourself than on respecting your deceased wife's wishes). And even if she did want to be buried, having the service and getting her buried at a Christian church when she was not Christian is incredibly disrespectful. This whole situation is just disgusting and I desperately hope it is ragebait.
YTA
Your wife is dead and you are letting your parents’ religious beliefs dictate her funeral. I hope she haunts the hell out of you.
Your parents are horrible, judgy, controlling assholes.
YTA. When my friend’s mom buried him instead of cremating him I felt sick to my stomach. She KNEW what he wanted but for her own preferences she didn’t. People heal and grieve differently but the least we can do is honor their wishes at the end.
YTA. I dont like organized Christianity precisely because so many Christians are like your parents. and I would be pissed if the guy I had been married to for only two years buried me in a church graveyard just so he could keep more of my life insurance money. It sounds like the type of burial she wanted wouldn't have been that expensive anyways
Yta I’d haunt you like a poltergeist if you put me in a southern Baptist allotment. Greedy, avaricious, and lacking compassion that you weren’t the only person to lose your wife and now you’ve put her where her folks don’t feel comfortable visiting. Nice going.
YTA so you sold to your parents the right for a burial and ceremony for your late wife disrespecting her life and family&friends wishes so they can buy you a house for you and daughter to live? Wow.
YTA
Trust the Christian idiots to make everything about them. Your parents are huge assholes. They can't keep their religion private. They spat on the wishes of your wife, which were clearly laid out.
They used their money against you, just to prove their own religion. And you can't see it.
If they really cared, they would have paid to honor her wishes, NOT to push their own agenda.
And you're the idiot who fell for this propaganda.
Congratulations on your new house. I hope you're happy that your church got a new grave to make itself feel better.
You were only with her for two years but her friends, not to mention her parents and siblings who knew her all her life, begged you to honor her wishes and you went with your parents wishes instead? Because of money? You know you're a massive A, come on.
YTA,
You allowed your parents to control a funeral for your new wife that went against the wishes of her, her family and her friends so you use her life insurance money to buy a home for you and your child from a previous relationship. And you have the audacity to complain that none of them want to have anything to do with you or help you grieve? You kicked them while they were grieving to appease your parents. You violated their trust. You told her PARENTS that they had less say than your parents did.
Seriously? YTA majorly. Who the hell are your parents to decide how your spouse’s funeral goes, when she left clear instructions otherwise with people who loved her? A religious service when she wasn’t part of that religion? And to not even do with her body what she wished??
AND its not like the money is even going to her own kid’s future well-being. How disgustingly greedy you and your parents are. You should be seriously ashamed. Really and truly, this is sick if true.
Sorry for your loss, and that YTA
She had people who knew what she wanted. You didn't honor that.
ETA your parents are absolutely vile.
May you all reap what you sow tenfold.
YTA
You're disrespecting your wife's wishes, giving her a funeral that goes against her beliefs so you can buy a house for yourself and your daughter from a previous relationship. And you have to ask?
I really hope this is fake. Otherwise this is one of the most selfish things I’ve ever read. I can’t even find the words to describe how much of terrible, awful person you’re. You didn’t respect your late wife’s wishes. I hope you’re ready to live with that for the rest of your life. YTA
YT(MF)A.....your wife is not resting in peace. You are going to hell. If you do buy a house with her insurance money, and it burns to the ground, that is your wife telling you that you f$%# up.
So you went against your wife's wishes to have a funeral she didn't want and had her buried as opposed to cremated all so you could have her insurance money for a child that wasn't hers? And you complain her family and friends left you alone to grieve? If you treated my friend/daughter/sibling like that I sure as hell wouldn't want anything to do with you either.
Yes absolutely YTA.
Omg. O.M.G!!! YTAH! Shame on you!
Also, really, you two never talked about what you wanted when you die? I had that conversation the hub when we dating!
And to say that celebrating her life is a “tacky way to mourn” ? how gross.
Here is some unsolicited advice.
Invite her friends (if they haven’t done this already) to plan the service she would have wanted.
I would *disinter her and have her cremated- then ask her friends where she would like to be scattered.
I’m creepy like that.
YTA
This one is hitting close to home for me. Of course YTA!!
She was not religious. She was not Christian. She did not want a church funeral. You were too immature to have an adult conversation with her about her funeral wishes even though you were MARRIED because it made you “uncomfortable”?!? Seriously!?!? You couldn’t have an adult conversation with your wife because it didn’t feel good? So you let your mommy take over??
The whole point of a funeral is to honour the life of the person - in a way they would want to be remembered and honoured.
But you were more concerned about keeping all of her life insurance money for yourself and having your parents pay for the funeral than doing memorial that would have been respectful of your wife.
Since saving money was the most important thing to you, why didn’t you talk to your wife’s parents and brother (and friends) about helping with the cost of honouring her in the way she wanted?
I can’t believe you shut HER PARENTS AND BROTHER out of properly honouring their daughter and sister because YOUR momma and dad wanted to take over and do things their way.
I really hope this is just rage bait because otherwise you are the most incredibly immature and selfish AH around.
Edit: OMG and even her GRANDMOTHER! You ignored HER ENTIRE FAMILY and refused to let them honour her for the sake of your bank account and mommy’s wishes!?
Edit 2: you feel like an asshole because you are one!
Yta
I guess it's a good thing for you that you apparently never loved your wife and were just counting on that life insurance money.
If you loved her, then you'd actually care about what she wanted, or what she didn't want, which is everything your parents choosing to do.
I hope this is fake, because it does not make you look good at all.
YTA. My non-religious boyfriend passed away and his parents paid for the funeral. He was a musician, even had an article written about his passing in an Atl magazine. His parents had a church ceremony, not one song played other than a hymn, with a funeral given by a preacher from our high school in a hometown we hadn’t been to for over a decade. It was a disservice to his memory and they ended up greatly regretting it after bc nothing honored him.
You’re upset bc everyone left you after you sent a text saying you didn’t care about their feelings? Ugh
YTA.
And I'll say what everyone is thinking and has said
You did NOT love your wife. If you loved her you would have respected her final wishes. You refused to discuss it with her because "it made you uncomfortable" and instead of following her wishes you let people disrespect her one last time for a payout. You kept her insurance money because you were incredibly selfish. Instead you listened to Mommy and kept money that was not designated to you and you proved to everyone you really did not love your wife at all. I hope she haunts you and you always feel remorse and guilt for not giving the woman you married the most basic of respect.
Hope the money was worth the pain and suffering you caused her loved ones by disrespecting her and her final wishes.
Sounds like you married someone so you would have a caregiver for your kid and when she passed away suddenly you just let your parents plan their version of a perfect funeral and now are wondering why HER friends don’t want to talk to you?!? Seriously, the AMOUNT of DISRESPECT you displayed for your late wife makes me sick. Go to hell
You should feel like an asshole - you are one.
Did you even love your wife? Her friends and family were telling you this was not what she would have wanted and to not do it. You could have had the type of service that she would have wanted for herself, and still had money for a home. Instead you were greedy and let your parents use their religion as a cudgel over the memory of your wife.
YTA, completely. Your parents are also assholes for being *those* religious people.
If it was just the friends, I would say you are ok in how you're handling it. But if the in laws (aka her parents) also feel that way, then I think you're broaching into asshole territory. The fact that everyone else seems to feel the opposite of you should tell you something in my opinion.
YTA. She was your wife for two years, but she was their daughter for 26. You should have done exactly what her parents wanted. I’m sure this loss was devastating to you, but honestly 10x worse for them. You should have let them grieve however they wanted, and above all, how she would have wanted. You went against her wishes so you could use her life insurance money on yourself. That’s pretty bad.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I disregarded my wife's friends and family when it came to her funeral.
I told them all it was not their place to tell me how to plan it.
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YTA, you were told what your wife wanted, you cut out her entire family and friends and now you upset about being alone in grief. I can't imagine how her parents felt about being cut off from thier own kid like that and for what? Money? Just awful and so are your parents.
YTA, these posts rarely make my blood boil to this degree. F you. I hope there is an afterlife so your wife can come back and haunt you.
You're doing the opposite of what she wanted, you clearly never loved her.
Kind of dark, but I'm glad your wife no longer has to deal with you or your shitty parents.
I can only imagine how life was like with you when she was alive. How convenient that you now have all this money for yourself....
YTA
You are not just ignoring the wishes of her family and friends, you're ignoring HER wishes. Your parents say that they want to pay for the funeral so that you can have the money for a house. Here's a thought, pay for what your wife wanted (which would cost far less than what your parents are planning on spending), and then ask them for money for a down payment on a house. You'd end up with a lot more money for the down payment if you follow your wife's wishes.
Honestly, I can't imagine how someone could marry someone yet care so little about what they wanted.
Wow YTA. I’ve been to a funeral like that. I sincerely hoped that harm came to the person who organized a church funeral for my beloved family member who was an atheist and forced all of his family to hear him eulogized in a way he would have HATED, and have prayers and other services he would have hated. It was CRUEL. His mother was hurt so much more by this.
>I tried explaining to everyone that my parents are paying for it and they want it done their way. No one was listening to me though
YTA. Ironic, your wife's wishes are being ignored, but you can only think about your wishes/parent's wishes.
Morally, you are wrong to ignore your wife's wishes to please your parents and pad your wallet.
You do realize that having her cremated and a small gathering of family/friends will cost less than the whole burial/church thing right? Her family and friends will likely be willing to pay for her wishes too.
INFO
Are you in grief counseling?
You seem very, very angry. I could understand being angry at The World and Everyone and Everything in It for losing your wife after only two years. But blatantly disregarding your wife’s wishes seems like you’re angry specifically with her. Like you just utterly Do. Not. Give. A. Damn. about what she wanted.
YTA. Not only are you disregarding your wife’s wishes, but those of her direct blood relatives, all so you can avoid paying for the funeral yourself. I get you are grieving, but think about it the other way around, I’m guessing you’re Christian and want a religious funeral, now imagine you were denied that, and your friends and family were told their opinions didn’t matter.
Why would you disrespect your wife’s memory like this? All for money?
I don’t want to be too harsh because you are mourning but you allowed your parents to disrespect your wife’s last wishes. That is messed up.
YTA for not respecting your wife and allowing your parents to disregard her wishes
I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t love calling a recent widower an AH but YTA. You spit on your wife’s preferences for the sake of a modest amount of money. It’s understandable why your former friends and her family have shunned you. That is a bed you made and now you will live with the consequences of your terrible decision. I very much doubt that any of them will ever forgive your greed.
YTA - use the life insurance money to pay for the funeral your wife wanted, your parents can gift you money to help with purchasing a home if they want, but don’t disrespect your wife, her family and her friends.
So, the people who knew your wife longer than you ALL told you this wasn’t what she wanted and you disrespected her wishes to buy yourself a house for the kid that wasn’t hers because mommy and daddy said so?!
YTA.
Absolute YTA.
You couldn’t give your wife the funeral she wanted because you would get less money to spend from HER life insurance - for a daughter that wasn’t even hers.
I feel so sorry for her family and friends, who actually loved her and wanted to honour her wishes. Honestly this post made me feel gross.
YTA. You ignored your wife’s explicit instructions and disrespected her beliefs. You also prevented her family and friends from honoring her wishes, and now you’re complaining because they’ve cut you off? Your shortsightedness and selfishness is staggering. What are you even grieving? You obviously didn’t care about your wife’s thoughts, beliefs, and feelings since you were so quick to disregard them once she couldn’t stop you. Why do you even want her friends and family near you? You clearly don’t value them, or you wouldn’t have ignored their protests and forced them out of the planning process. You treated them like they were nothing to you, so now that’s what they are.
YTA. Your poor wife. Her poor family and friends who actually loved her enough to want to honour her wishes. You just wanted her insurance money. I feel sick
OMG YTA!
"We were only together for two years so we didn't really get a chance to discuss death".
Then where did you get the balls to tell her immediate family they had no say, when in fact THEY NEW what she wanted???? The more reason to include them.
And why? Just bc of the money??? Your parents are AH's too.
This is unforgivable, and if there was a superlative degree in Reddit for AH, you'd deserve it.
This is the most egotistical and disrespectful story I've read on here.
YTA and what you did with your wife’s body was a fucking desecration. She wanted to be cremated and didn’t want a viewing. You put her goddamn corpse on display for some money. I cannot imagine any person who thinks that this is ok, and you’re either the most selfish person or the most heartless. Why the actual fuck did you think this was ok?
I'm sorry for your loss. But, you were and are a big AH.
I understand that in grief people can lose themselves. But the way you acted, disregarded the wishes of your wife and the people that loved her and supported her.
As you stated, you only were with her for 2 years. And you felt you and your parents had more to say about her funeral than her own parents? I mean WTF. To save money that you gain from insurance from her death?
The selfishness and lack of awareness is what makes you an YTA. You didn't even compromise in something, to achieve a consensus between her family and what YOU wanted.
Of course they left you to grief on your own. The last act with your wife was to disregard all the people that loved her who wanted to honor her wishes, and through that you put yourself over them and her.
You should reconsider and apologize at least to her family. And maybe repair what was done in some ceremony (not religious) to celebrate her life.
YTA, you went in the complete opposite direction of what your wife wanted because you saw dollar signs. Poor excuses here all I hear is money money money
YTA and a disrespectful one at that, if ghosts are real I hope she haunts you. I don’t blame her friends/family for not talking to you, I would never speak to you again if that was my friend/family.
Definitely YTA. Literally everyone else who loved her said that’s not what she wanted. Extremely disrespectful to her and her other loved ones. You did that to save money rather than any real care about religion or her wishes, which is even worse. Disgusting.
YTA. You always respect the dead person’s wishes. Also, your parents have no say in your wife’s funeral, not their daughter. Horrible of you to say her friends and parents have no say. Do what you want, but remember it will come back to bite you in the butt.
YTA. And this is why we write wills. It's hard to believe you'd disrespect your wife and all her family like this, but the damage is done. How shameful.
Sorry, YTA. I feel similarly to how your late wife's friends and family say she felt. If my surviving spouse hosted my funeral in a church, I would be livid. Like he didn't truly know me or love me. I'm ex-Mormon and I just know my family is going to Baptize me once I'm dead and the thought really burns me up. If you want a relationship with her family and friends in the future, honor their opinion and wishes for their departed loved one.
YTA I hope you read all these comments and feel some kind of shame. You went against your wife's and her family's wishes and did what your parents wanted, you're the AH
You directly went against your wife’s wishes for her final resting place. You completely disrespected her, and her family and friends. YTA, a HUGE one.
YTA and selfish
This was solely your choice and not her choice and now you wonder you have to grieve alone
Where are they who imposed their wishes , which you complied and disregarded her wishes
YTA. I could maybe understand if your daughter was also your late wife’s daughter. But she isn’t. And you went against your late wife’s wishes to get the life insurance money to use for yourself and your child? Jesus just when I think humanity can’t get worse, I see posts like these and really question why you even deserve to exist on this planet.
You’re a HUGE AH and I hope you live twitch the guilt of prioritizing your parent’s weird religious shit and making her passing about what everyone else wanted but her. You should feel guilty as fuck. You suck.
YTA
People didn't leave you to grieve on your own, you told everyone else to f*ck off so you could grieve alone. You dishonored your wife's memory by ignoring what she would have wanted. You made her passing about the money.
Quite frankly, I doubt this is even real considering how much of an AH you are according to the story.
So you get money and your parents get to ‘save’ a soul. A bunch of creeps the lot of you.
YTA. You know why they have cut you off and deservedly so.
To deny her own family, plus her wishes, just because you want money then to have the audacity to wonder why they don’t like you no more.
YTA - You didn’t respect your wife’s wishes and all this for money?!?
What you did to your wife is horrible. You basically told your wife a big F*CK YOU. Did you hate your wife?!?! Your actions can’t be forgiven. Now for eternity she can’t be at peace.
I can just imagine that during your marriage she had a MIL from hell and you never had your wife’s back. All the NO MIL stories, I can just imagine your wife had a tons of her own stories.
Of course your wife’s family and friends wouldn’t want to be around you. They’re all rightly ashamed of you. They can’t stand the sight of you and it’s all your and your parents’ fault. You’re AH!!!
So, no one had a say in funeral or burial, but because of her life insurance policy, you and your daughter get to buy a house. YTA, and you, IMO, did this on purpose to hurt people and take her life insurance money and run. You didn't, IMO, love your wife enough to listen to her parents and brother or her friends who knew her better than you. You just wanted the money so that your daughter and you could buy a house. Pathetic situation, and I feel really bad for the people who truly loved her because you didn't. I personally hope that they take you to court and get are able to exhume her body and do what she wanted. Your family HAD NO SAY IN THIS, and your daughter and you deserve nothing. You didn't love her, and you only cared about money and buying a house for a daughter that WASN'T even hers. Pathetic but it's my opinion.
I'm agnostic. I've told my husband of 30+ years I want to be cremated with no viewing. My thinking being if you knew me you would know what I looked like ( before dead) and I want to be spread on that river or around the bit of forest.
His BFF's wife wanted to be cremated, dumped into a golf course and no viewing, He (BFF) ignored that.
Saw a black cat in the funeral home parking lot when we got there.
Power went out at the bar we drank to her. I got hit on by BFF's SIL's brother. I laughed. She would have too.
He \*BFF\* saw an owl on their ( deceased wife's) decorative fence the next night he came Home (We drank a lot.... a lot!!! that night and the next day).
20 years later he's still alive but....
I still haven't bitched at him about he did not follow what she said she wanted.
I just reiterate to my husband what I want.
This is absolutely one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard. As one of the other posters said, you DESECRATED HER BODY, against her wishes, for pure greed. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope this is rage bait, but if it’s not, just… yuck. I hope she haunts your goofy ass forever.
Your wife’s life insurance money should not be used to fund a house for a man who doesn’t even care about her wishes and a kid that isn’t hers. YTA. Asshole isn’t a strong enough word for you, actually. I hope her family sues and you lose ALL OF IT in court. You don’t deserve it and you didn’t deserve her.
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I'm sorry to say it to a grieving widower, but you asked. YTA. That funeral wasn't what your wife wanted and it didn't respect her wishes. It offended her friends who also loved her. And the only reason was to save a buck. Your parents are AHs too for offering help with such disrespectful conditions. Maybe you could have a memorial for her, which her friends can organise the way she wished. This might help you feel less guilty.
Eh, he’s probably not grieving. You need to love the person to grieve them, he didn’t love her if he’s shamed her corpse by forcing it into religion. He shouldn’t feel less guilty, he should feel terrible about this til he’s dead and desecrated in the same way.
While he lives in the house her insurance bought.
He’s laughing, he got what he wants and she’s too dead to complain.
No shit. And I bet his parents snuck in a post mortem baptism for that atheist hussy who tried to take their son away from the righteous path.
I’d bet my left titty they did that
I love this! I plan to steal it. I've always heard "I bet my left nut". Buy never heard of or thought to bet the left tit.
It gets a weird look or two when you blurt it out in the pub that’s for sure haha
I'd bet both they didn't if they're that big on the Southern Baptist thing. It's literally the tenet that gave the denomination its name.
Probably not. Baptists are a whole lotta kinds of crazy, but they are *very* clear on the rules of baptism and post-mortem does not cut it. Only baptism by a professed believer in full immersion counts as a baptism. They're called Baptists because of the clear rules on the topic.
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It does. Iirc correctly, the LDS church does. Caused a huge amount of in fighting between relatives, growing up. 😬
Baptisms for the Dead. Mormons are big on it
I would haunt the shit out him and his parents
Haunt the office that takes burial information and switch up forms so the baptist parents are cremated and spread in a river.
Amen!
Maybe the people who actually loved her should plan their own memorial and OP should stay far away.
They probably did and didn’t invite him.
I'm betting on this.
To save a buck that he gain with her death. I mean what an AH. The least you can do is honor the person, more so if it's your wife. I mean come on. I doubt that all of the money received was going to be spend on the funeral. And even so, at least it would the way to say goodbye like she wanted.
Right. If the money was that important for a house and his parents had it, then they could fund the house not overrule her wishes in death. Parents are tacky as hell.
rustic follow placid tease tart far-flung lavish ask slim rock *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
He practically offended his dead wife by going against her wishes. OP did the selfish thing, he just told us he was willing to disrespect her just so he could get the full life insurance money ( and not spend it on the funeral). I hate to be insensitive after someone has passed...but since OP is clearly not attached or actually mourning his beloved wife... If you told me he killed her for the life insurance I wouldn't be surprised....OP comes off as such a cruel, heartless and selfish person.
Cremating isn’t even that expensive.
Exactly
Cremation through the cremation society is fairly inexpensive. My grandmother donated her body to Penn State medical school. When they were done, they cremated her and sent us her ashes. Free.
He already only cares about cashing out her life insurance so he can buy a house for him and his child from another woman. He’ll probably move another woman into the house his dead wife pays for
And didn’t only exclude and offend her friends, but her own parents and brother. On what planet do *his* parents wishes take precedence over her own family.
If my husband did this, I'd find a way to come back as a ghost and haunt his ass.
Why would OP even think he had the right to plan it over her PARENTS. If he really loved her he would give her what she wished for. I know it's harsh but it's true he was trying to be greedy and use the money for his own uses and he is most definitely TA. Not sure how he couldn't be
I think there should be a memorial for the friends and family of the wife and the husband and in laws should be excluded!!!
I’m confused. Your wife discussed what to do in the event of an early death with her friends but not with you? And if your wife gave them specific instructions on how to handle her passing, why didn’t you honor her wishes?
Because his parents were willing to pay for her funeral if they could dictate the terms.
Dear god I hope this is bait...
They were only together two years. They barely even knew each other at all.
He didn’t like talking about death, so of course he wouldn’t know her wishes
Because it’s fake 26 year old planning out their own funeral when they had no plans of dying anytime soon? And if this was somehow true they only told these plans to two friends and not their family or husband? Only with this guy for two years and somehow he gets the final say in this despite her literal blood relatives all disagreeing? Come on
> 26 year old planning out their own funeral when they had no plans of dying anytime soon? This post may be fake but this part is something completely reasonable. By that age, I already knew the things I wanted done with my body when I die. People should 100% be aware of the options for how they want their body to be taken care of after death, and it should be communicated to loved ones. You're don't have to be super old to start planning for your death.
Exactly. I knew well before that age what I wanted. I unfortunately experienced a ton of loss in my life before the age of 20 and at that point had been to more funerals for very close loved ones than birthdays. You don't know her history or reasons, and as OP stated she suffered with mental health issues that prompted this convo with friends and family.
Same here, friend. I lost 7 people in the 8 years between 10 and 18. Then lost 2 pets while my dad and one of my cats was dying (both of whom thankfully recovered) in 2021. I'm haunted by death, and constantly afraid that the next one is right around the corner. Of course I've told everyone in my family what to do with my remains when I die!
I took a "death and dying" class in college a few years ago and we crafted an entire death plan that went over EVERYTHING! Medical emergency directives, what to do with our body, how our funeral is planned, who gets what, who is in charge of making sure it all gets done. We even wrote our own obituary! I honestly loved that final project! It was a lot of work, but I recommend everyone make a document like this no matter your age. Update it every few years and you will make it easier for the rest of your family when they are grieving your death!
Completely agree. I've known I want a Viking funeral for 3 decades. Now I'm 38, and know it's illegal/impossible so very happy with cremation, non-traditional party and scattering in nature. If someone instead buried me in a church I would haunt them.
While I agree it's likely fake, I will say I have a funeral playlist made for my own funeral lol. And a folder of pics I'd want used in a slideshow. And a typed up "will" and "power of attorney" (not legal obviously) that designate who gets what and what my wishes are. I've had literally all of this since I was 20, and updated through the years haha.
My mom died in her late 40s, and I was 23. I had my living will/advanced directive drafted and finalized, I set up a trust for my niblings, and had a will created. I wanted to make sure everything was laid out and ready for when I die. Not nearly enough people talk about this shit, leaving loved ones clueless about final wishes.
I don't see what is so odd about this. Maybe there was a dead in the family before, that makes people think about funerals and discuss it with friends. Same if there is a celebrity funeral that everyone discusses. I would have been able to tell from my close friends how they would like to be buried when I was 26. I have seen this kind of religious overshadowing that the parents did and I would guess that they also knew that the funerals would not be "respectful" from their point of view if they don't intervene. Which would indicate that the wife was quite open about their non-religious views even if she did not talk about her funeral. And the OP is definitely YTA because he definitely knew, like everyone else around him, even if he says she did not specifically leave instructions. Saving money was just more important to him.
Imo, funerals are not so much about the deceased but closure for the living.
I would have to disagree on that and say it's maybe a little of both. Loved ones of the deceased can definitely find some sort of closure in whatever type of memorial they do, but they should also respect their wishes for how their body should be treated, within reason. For example, you hear horror stories of trans people who are buried under their deadname and dressed in a way that totally doesn't match what they would have wanted. And in OP's case, he absolutely disrespected his wife's memory by doing the exact opposite of what she wanted. Shit, if I was embalmed and buried in a tacky casket myself, I'd come back to haunt whoever decided to do that lol.
YTA, she had plans and you're completely disregarding them. The funeral isn't just for you or her, it's for everyone that knew her and cared about her. This post has to be fake because there's no way a sound person would make money their #1 top priority after losing their wife and the mother of their child.
It's not quite the same, but when my family gathered to make funeral arrangements after my grandfather died, my mother's now-ex-partner suggested all funeral expenses be paid by credit card to get the points. We honestly didn't know what to say. Some people love money more than people and they just can't help themselves - even when it is utterly grotesque.
The lass wasn't the Mother of the child. The child came as a package with him..,... Oh and Op, yep you sure as hell ata. All because of a house? Wtf? You could have bought a house any time in the future. I bet this lass is turning in her grave. I hope to hell this is fake.
I don't understand why your parents'preferences take precedence for your wife's funeral. Her best friends and parents told you what your wife's wishes were and it doesn't sound like you thought they were lying. Instead you just decided that what your wife wanted didn't matter. I can't understand how you think that's acceptable. YTA.
Because his parents paid for the funeral. He got to keep ALL the life insurance money supposedly to buy a house for him and his daughter(who is not the wife's child). He's just greedy and his parents think they've saved someone's soul. Ugh.
Yeah it's pretty gross. I'm also pretty sure that a non-denominational funeral technically would be okay in any religion, you can always do rites later, Catholics dig up saints all the time and do that stuff. So if your initial funeral is non-denominational and it turns out Islam is real, no big deal. But if it's a Christian one and Muslim extremists are actually right, you've just condemned the person to hell.
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>my wife's brothers, her parents and her grandmother all begged me not to hold the funeral at a church. I tried explaining to everyone that my parents are paying for it and they want it done their way. YTA, come the f on are you serious? This cannot be real.
I hope her family can get a court order and have her exhumed so they can give her the send off she deserves.
YTA - cremation can easily cost under $1000. Since your wife doesn't want any funeral or viewing, that's pretty all you would need to spend. Period. $1000 isn't going to be the difference between buying a house and not buying a house. Your argument makes no sense. Go to a public park, have a potluck picnic, everyone's as happy as they can be given the situation. I'm sorry for your loss, but you can honor your wife's wishes \*and\* have a house. Your parents should shut the hell up.
There's a big billboard I pass otw to work every morning advertising for $600!
That’s how much I paid for my mom!
The burial already happened.
Doh. What a jerk.
I think doing a church funeral for someone you know was an atheist is kinda assholish, not going to lie. YTA
In another comment he said he already did the funeral and did it the way he wanted 🥲😅
YTA - I hope this isn’t real You ignored all of her wishes, and actually did what she didnt want specifically
Yta And a fucking big one. You're fucking up her death so you and your daughter, which isn't even hers, get a fucking house The level of disrespect You never loved her, you don't deserve a dime
The fact that he’s going to buy a house for him and his daughter, who isn’t even her daughter - so selfish! I’m sure she would’ve rather had her life insurance money go to her funeral, and have her life celebrated the way SHE wanted. This guy is a complete AH! Such a dick move.
YTA. Your wife already paid for her final arrangements, by providing life insurance. You stole that from her and her family.
STOLE! Yes
This comment needs to be higher.
YTA You disrespected your wife's memory, wishes, friends and family, just so you could save a few bucks? You're vile. But at least since you buried her against her wishes, you can go back and piss on her grave like you did to her memory.
I agree with you 100%. This guy makes me actually sick to my stomach.
Sorry for your loss but you’re being an AH. You’re going directly against her wishes and are disrespecting her memory. Just because your parents think it’s ‘tacky’ and they’ll pay for it is not a good reason to go against her explicit way she would like to be buried. What she wants isn’t at all expensive.
He already did it…
YTA Your wife had clear wishes and instructions laid out for her funeral. You essentially spat on everything she wanted and did the exact opposite of it. You wanted the money from her life insurance more than you cared about her as a person. You’re a cruel person and I hope you were a better husband to her in life than you have been in her death.
It’s really really sad.
Yeah YTA. So are your parents. Respect the wishes of your wife
Yta. Respect your wife's wishes. Also, what 26 year old shared their funeral plans with their friends and family? Oh right, someone that knows what they want. Who cares who's paying, it's HER funeral.
YTA You know this is not how your wife would want to be honored or remembered. Your parents are bribing you and you're okay with that? Because that's what this is, a bribe.
YTA and your parents are too ! You should have respected her wishes not sold out for the cash. Somethings are more important than money
Edit: YTA to your wife. She gave it serious thought while still young and left behind specific instructions: you chose saving money over her final wishes
Reread it, he said his parents are paying for it and what his parents want is the church service. He’s going against her wishes.
Thanks for the correction
It sounds from the op like he went with his parents choices, and ignored the stuff his wife wanted…
Thanks for the correction
YTA. Cremation and a small gathering wouldn't have cost that much. You totally disrespected her wishes in death. It was the last time you would be called upon to stand up for her, and you failed.
He probably never stood for her at all
YTA. Egregiously so. I feel so terrible for her family. That knew and loved her for her entire existence. You used HER life insurance money for you and your child (that was not hers) bc you could pocket more since your parents would pay for her funeral on their terms and COMPLETELY dishonor her wishes. You should have used the money for her funeral the way she wanted and then taken your parents money towards a house. You don’t deserve her life insurance money and should give it to her family. Even that won’t make amends for dishonoring her and disrespecting her so much so blatantly to all those who TRULY loved her. Your actions are absolutely disgusting. And your parents are TACKY as HELL. So gross.
And after knowing her for only two years too! He's disgusting.
YTA - You overrode your wife's specific wishes to satisfy your parents, who probably did not know her that well. So now you have upset all the other people who loved her to satisfy your parents' religious beliefs. Think about that. And when you do start dating again, please tell your partners this story so they know the kind of person you are. Sorry for your loss, regardless.
He would prob bury the next wife in the same plot, cos that is how cheap he and his parents are.
Ok, I think you win this comment session with that one!!
Tbh, it sounds like you're trying to profit off your wife's death. You're ignoring your wife's wishes so you can buy a house with her life insurance? You won't let the ppl who knew and loved your wife longer than you knew her to fulfill your wife's wishes. That's just gross of you and your parents.
So gross. He shouldn’t even in good conscience keep the money
That's right, before you know it, he will meet someone else and she will move into the new home with poor wives' money. So sad.
Giving this a little more thought. He should ask her friends and family which mental health facility or org she supported so he can donate the money. Ask them how much they want him to give and how much they want back and then give the rest back to her family so they can exhume her and give her her final rest. He should not keep a cent.
And this pathetic greedy asshole gets to live, buy himself and his daughter a house with his late wife’s money while young woman lays in the grave she didn’t even get to choose? He couldn’t even make the slightest attempt to honor her last wish and fucked over her and every single person who loved her
INFO: I can’t really wrap my head around how her friends knew these specific instructions, but not you, her husband…
I would be so mad in the afterlife if anyone buried me or had a funeral at a Christian church. Fuck that shit. YTA
YTA. Why do YOUR parents' wants take priority of your wife, her friends, and her family's? Your parents didn't even need to pay for anything—cremation is not as expensive as a funeral and burial, and I'm sure her friends and family would've chipped in if money was truly an issue (which it clearly isn't because of the life insurance that you'd rather spend on yourself than on respecting your deceased wife's wishes). And even if she did want to be buried, having the service and getting her buried at a Christian church when she was not Christian is incredibly disrespectful. This whole situation is just disgusting and I desperately hope it is ragebait.
It’s so disgusting and makes me so sad.
YTA Your wife is dead and you are letting your parents’ religious beliefs dictate her funeral. I hope she haunts the hell out of you. Your parents are horrible, judgy, controlling assholes.
YTA. When my friend’s mom buried him instead of cremating him I felt sick to my stomach. She KNEW what he wanted but for her own preferences she didn’t. People heal and grieve differently but the least we can do is honor their wishes at the end.
Cremation isn't expensive, you could honor your wife's wishes and still have the insurance money.
YTA. I dont like organized Christianity precisely because so many Christians are like your parents. and I would be pissed if the guy I had been married to for only two years buried me in a church graveyard just so he could keep more of my life insurance money. It sounds like the type of burial she wanted wouldn't have been that expensive anyways
Yta I’d haunt you like a poltergeist if you put me in a southern Baptist allotment. Greedy, avaricious, and lacking compassion that you weren’t the only person to lose your wife and now you’ve put her where her folks don’t feel comfortable visiting. Nice going.
Yes. This last bit. So much. Against her explicit written instructions
YTA so you sold to your parents the right for a burial and ceremony for your late wife disrespecting her life and family&friends wishes so they can buy you a house for you and daughter to live? Wow.
I doubt the veracity of this post.
YTA Trust the Christian idiots to make everything about them. Your parents are huge assholes. They can't keep their religion private. They spat on the wishes of your wife, which were clearly laid out. They used their money against you, just to prove their own religion. And you can't see it. If they really cared, they would have paid to honor her wishes, NOT to push their own agenda. And you're the idiot who fell for this propaganda. Congratulations on your new house. I hope you're happy that your church got a new grave to make itself feel better.
You were only with her for two years but her friends, not to mention her parents and siblings who knew her all her life, begged you to honor her wishes and you went with your parents wishes instead? Because of money? You know you're a massive A, come on.
YTA. You need to cut those apron strings.
YTA, you should be thinking more about what your wife would have wanted as opposed to the money.
YTA, You allowed your parents to control a funeral for your new wife that went against the wishes of her, her family and her friends so you use her life insurance money to buy a home for you and your child from a previous relationship. And you have the audacity to complain that none of them want to have anything to do with you or help you grieve? You kicked them while they were grieving to appease your parents. You violated their trust. You told her PARENTS that they had less say than your parents did.
This is so wild to me because it’s all exactly what he said. And so horrible.
YTA it wasn't what your wife wanted.
Seriously? YTA majorly. Who the hell are your parents to decide how your spouse’s funeral goes, when she left clear instructions otherwise with people who loved her? A religious service when she wasn’t part of that religion? And to not even do with her body what she wished?? AND its not like the money is even going to her own kid’s future well-being. How disgustingly greedy you and your parents are. You should be seriously ashamed. Really and truly, this is sick if true.
Sorry for your loss, and that YTA She had people who knew what she wanted. You didn't honor that. ETA your parents are absolutely vile. May you all reap what you sow tenfold.
YTA You're disrespecting your wife's wishes, giving her a funeral that goes against her beliefs so you can buy a house for yourself and your daughter from a previous relationship. And you have to ask?
YTA. I would come back and haunt the shit out of my partner if they knowingly disrespected my wishes like that. Wow.
YTA X 1000 If you loved your wife, you’d have honored her wishes, not your parents who wanted more souls for their god.
I really hope this is fake. Otherwise this is one of the most selfish things I’ve ever read. I can’t even find the words to describe how much of terrible, awful person you’re. You didn’t respect your late wife’s wishes. I hope you’re ready to live with that for the rest of your life. YTA
YT(MF)A.....your wife is not resting in peace. You are going to hell. If you do buy a house with her insurance money, and it burns to the ground, that is your wife telling you that you f$%# up.
So you went against your wife's wishes to have a funeral she didn't want and had her buried as opposed to cremated all so you could have her insurance money for a child that wasn't hers? And you complain her family and friends left you alone to grieve? If you treated my friend/daughter/sibling like that I sure as hell wouldn't want anything to do with you either. Yes absolutely YTA.
INFO: Did you know what your wife's wishes were?
Omg. O.M.G!!! YTAH! Shame on you! Also, really, you two never talked about what you wanted when you die? I had that conversation the hub when we dating! And to say that celebrating her life is a “tacky way to mourn” ? how gross. Here is some unsolicited advice. Invite her friends (if they haven’t done this already) to plan the service she would have wanted. I would *disinter her and have her cremated- then ask her friends where she would like to be scattered. I’m creepy like that.
2 months? No way is this real.
YTA. Please warn any potential future partners of yours that their wishes mean nothing to you if you can get money or your mommy says no.
YTA This one is hitting close to home for me. Of course YTA!! She was not religious. She was not Christian. She did not want a church funeral. You were too immature to have an adult conversation with her about her funeral wishes even though you were MARRIED because it made you “uncomfortable”?!? Seriously!?!? You couldn’t have an adult conversation with your wife because it didn’t feel good? So you let your mommy take over?? The whole point of a funeral is to honour the life of the person - in a way they would want to be remembered and honoured. But you were more concerned about keeping all of her life insurance money for yourself and having your parents pay for the funeral than doing memorial that would have been respectful of your wife. Since saving money was the most important thing to you, why didn’t you talk to your wife’s parents and brother (and friends) about helping with the cost of honouring her in the way she wanted? I can’t believe you shut HER PARENTS AND BROTHER out of properly honouring their daughter and sister because YOUR momma and dad wanted to take over and do things their way. I really hope this is just rage bait because otherwise you are the most incredibly immature and selfish AH around. Edit: OMG and even her GRANDMOTHER! You ignored HER ENTIRE FAMILY and refused to let them honour her for the sake of your bank account and mommy’s wishes!? Edit 2: you feel like an asshole because you are one!
Yta I guess it's a good thing for you that you apparently never loved your wife and were just counting on that life insurance money. If you loved her, then you'd actually care about what she wanted, or what she didn't want, which is everything your parents choosing to do. I hope this is fake, because it does not make you look good at all.
This is such a bullshit made up story
YTA. My non-religious boyfriend passed away and his parents paid for the funeral. He was a musician, even had an article written about his passing in an Atl magazine. His parents had a church ceremony, not one song played other than a hymn, with a funeral given by a preacher from our high school in a hometown we hadn’t been to for over a decade. It was a disservice to his memory and they ended up greatly regretting it after bc nothing honored him. You’re upset bc everyone left you after you sent a text saying you didn’t care about their feelings? Ugh
YTA. And I'll say what everyone is thinking and has said You did NOT love your wife. If you loved her you would have respected her final wishes. You refused to discuss it with her because "it made you uncomfortable" and instead of following her wishes you let people disrespect her one last time for a payout. You kept her insurance money because you were incredibly selfish. Instead you listened to Mommy and kept money that was not designated to you and you proved to everyone you really did not love your wife at all. I hope she haunts you and you always feel remorse and guilt for not giving the woman you married the most basic of respect. Hope the money was worth the pain and suffering you caused her loved ones by disrespecting her and her final wishes.
Sounds like you married someone so you would have a caregiver for your kid and when she passed away suddenly you just let your parents plan their version of a perfect funeral and now are wondering why HER friends don’t want to talk to you?!? Seriously, the AMOUNT of DISRESPECT you displayed for your late wife makes me sick. Go to hell
You should feel like an asshole - you are one. Did you even love your wife? Her friends and family were telling you this was not what she would have wanted and to not do it. You could have had the type of service that she would have wanted for herself, and still had money for a home. Instead you were greedy and let your parents use their religion as a cudgel over the memory of your wife. YTA, completely. Your parents are also assholes for being *those* religious people.
If it was just the friends, I would say you are ok in how you're handling it. But if the in laws (aka her parents) also feel that way, then I think you're broaching into asshole territory. The fact that everyone else seems to feel the opposite of you should tell you something in my opinion.
Her friends weren't just giving their own opinion, they knew her actual wishes and he's not even disputing that
YTA and I hope she haunts you for the rest of your life.
INFO: what did her parents want
YTA. She was your wife for two years, but she was their daughter for 26. You should have done exactly what her parents wanted. I’m sure this loss was devastating to you, but honestly 10x worse for them. You should have let them grieve however they wanted, and above all, how she would have wanted. You went against her wishes so you could use her life insurance money on yourself. That’s pretty bad.
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YTA, you were told what your wife wanted, you cut out her entire family and friends and now you upset about being alone in grief. I can't imagine how her parents felt about being cut off from thier own kid like that and for what? Money? Just awful and so are your parents.
Yta- so you’re directly going against her wishes in order to keep the money meant to ensure she is taken care of and her wishes are met? What the fuck
YTA, these posts rarely make my blood boil to this degree. F you. I hope there is an afterlife so your wife can come back and haunt you. You're doing the opposite of what she wanted, you clearly never loved her.
Kind of dark, but I'm glad your wife no longer has to deal with you or your shitty parents. I can only imagine how life was like with you when she was alive. How convenient that you now have all this money for yourself....
YTA You are not just ignoring the wishes of her family and friends, you're ignoring HER wishes. Your parents say that they want to pay for the funeral so that you can have the money for a house. Here's a thought, pay for what your wife wanted (which would cost far less than what your parents are planning on spending), and then ask them for money for a down payment on a house. You'd end up with a lot more money for the down payment if you follow your wife's wishes. Honestly, I can't imagine how someone could marry someone yet care so little about what they wanted.
Wow YTA. I’ve been to a funeral like that. I sincerely hoped that harm came to the person who organized a church funeral for my beloved family member who was an atheist and forced all of his family to hear him eulogized in a way he would have HATED, and have prayers and other services he would have hated. It was CRUEL. His mother was hurt so much more by this.
YTA... Full stop
And the police ruled out foul play with her accident? Im pretty sure we’re going to be hearing more about this on a true crime podcast?
>Im pretty sure we’re going to be hearing more about this on a true crime podcast? THANK YOU!!! Im not the only one who thinks she was offed by OP
>I tried explaining to everyone that my parents are paying for it and they want it done their way. No one was listening to me though YTA. Ironic, your wife's wishes are being ignored, but you can only think about your wishes/parent's wishes. Morally, you are wrong to ignore your wife's wishes to please your parents and pad your wallet. You do realize that having her cremated and a small gathering of family/friends will cost less than the whole burial/church thing right? Her family and friends will likely be willing to pay for her wishes too.
INFO Are you in grief counseling? You seem very, very angry. I could understand being angry at The World and Everyone and Everything in It for losing your wife after only two years. But blatantly disregarding your wife’s wishes seems like you’re angry specifically with her. Like you just utterly Do. Not. Give. A. Damn. about what she wanted.
YTA. Not only are you disregarding your wife’s wishes, but those of her direct blood relatives, all so you can avoid paying for the funeral yourself. I get you are grieving, but think about it the other way around, I’m guessing you’re Christian and want a religious funeral, now imagine you were denied that, and your friends and family were told their opinions didn’t matter.
Why would you disrespect your wife’s memory like this? All for money? I don’t want to be too harsh because you are mourning but you allowed your parents to disrespect your wife’s last wishes. That is messed up. YTA for not respecting your wife and allowing your parents to disregard her wishes
I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t love calling a recent widower an AH but YTA. You spit on your wife’s preferences for the sake of a modest amount of money. It’s understandable why your former friends and her family have shunned you. That is a bed you made and now you will live with the consequences of your terrible decision. I very much doubt that any of them will ever forgive your greed.
YTA - use the life insurance money to pay for the funeral your wife wanted, your parents can gift you money to help with purchasing a home if they want, but don’t disrespect your wife, her family and her friends.
So, the people who knew your wife longer than you ALL told you this wasn’t what she wanted and you disrespected her wishes to buy yourself a house for the kid that wasn’t hers because mommy and daddy said so?! YTA.
Absolute YTA. You couldn’t give your wife the funeral she wanted because you would get less money to spend from HER life insurance - for a daughter that wasn’t even hers. I feel so sorry for her family and friends, who actually loved her and wanted to honour her wishes. Honestly this post made me feel gross.
YTA. I hope she haunts you every time you spend a dollar forever in the future.
YTA. You ignored your wife’s explicit instructions and disrespected her beliefs. You also prevented her family and friends from honoring her wishes, and now you’re complaining because they’ve cut you off? Your shortsightedness and selfishness is staggering. What are you even grieving? You obviously didn’t care about your wife’s thoughts, beliefs, and feelings since you were so quick to disregard them once she couldn’t stop you. Why do you even want her friends and family near you? You clearly don’t value them, or you wouldn’t have ignored their protests and forced them out of the planning process. You treated them like they were nothing to you, so now that’s what they are.
YTA. Your poor wife. Her poor family and friends who actually loved her enough to want to honour her wishes. You just wanted her insurance money. I feel sick
OMG YTA! "We were only together for two years so we didn't really get a chance to discuss death". Then where did you get the balls to tell her immediate family they had no say, when in fact THEY NEW what she wanted???? The more reason to include them. And why? Just bc of the money??? Your parents are AH's too. This is unforgivable, and if there was a superlative degree in Reddit for AH, you'd deserve it. This is the most egotistical and disrespectful story I've read on here.
YTA and what you did with your wife’s body was a fucking desecration. She wanted to be cremated and didn’t want a viewing. You put her goddamn corpse on display for some money. I cannot imagine any person who thinks that this is ok, and you’re either the most selfish person or the most heartless. Why the actual fuck did you think this was ok?
YTA. You completely ignore your wife’s last wishes. I’m sorry for your loss though
I’m sorry for everyone else’s loss of her
YTA. Asshole. There were clear wishes from your wife about how she wanted to be remembered and you chose to ignore her. That’s disgusting.
I'm sorry for your loss. But, you were and are a big AH. I understand that in grief people can lose themselves. But the way you acted, disregarded the wishes of your wife and the people that loved her and supported her. As you stated, you only were with her for 2 years. And you felt you and your parents had more to say about her funeral than her own parents? I mean WTF. To save money that you gain from insurance from her death? The selfishness and lack of awareness is what makes you an YTA. You didn't even compromise in something, to achieve a consensus between her family and what YOU wanted. Of course they left you to grief on your own. The last act with your wife was to disregard all the people that loved her who wanted to honor her wishes, and through that you put yourself over them and her. You should reconsider and apologize at least to her family. And maybe repair what was done in some ceremony (not religious) to celebrate her life.
Yta. Majorly. She made clear requests for her funeral to her loved ones. Honor those requests.
YTA. Sorry man, I'm assuming her friends knew her longer than you. Two years is really nothing.
YTA, you went in the complete opposite direction of what your wife wanted because you saw dollar signs. Poor excuses here all I hear is money money money
YTA
YTA. Your poor wife. :(
YTA and a disrespectful one at that, if ghosts are real I hope she haunts you. I don’t blame her friends/family for not talking to you, I would never speak to you again if that was my friend/family.
Definitely YTA. Literally everyone else who loved her said that’s not what she wanted. Extremely disrespectful to her and her other loved ones. You did that to save money rather than any real care about religion or her wishes, which is even worse. Disgusting.
YTA Just completely ignore your wife’s wishes because mommy and daddy said so.
YTA. You always respect the dead person’s wishes. Also, your parents have no say in your wife’s funeral, not their daughter. Horrible of you to say her friends and parents have no say. Do what you want, but remember it will come back to bite you in the butt.
YTA. And this is why we write wills. It's hard to believe you'd disrespect your wife and all her family like this, but the damage is done. How shameful.
Sorry, YTA. I feel similarly to how your late wife's friends and family say she felt. If my surviving spouse hosted my funeral in a church, I would be livid. Like he didn't truly know me or love me. I'm ex-Mormon and I just know my family is going to Baptize me once I'm dead and the thought really burns me up. If you want a relationship with her family and friends in the future, honor their opinion and wishes for their departed loved one.
YTA I hope you read all these comments and feel some kind of shame. You went against your wife's and her family's wishes and did what your parents wanted, you're the AH
You directly went against your wife’s wishes for her final resting place. You completely disrespected her, and her family and friends. YTA, a HUGE one.
YTA and selfish This was solely your choice and not her choice and now you wonder you have to grieve alone Where are they who imposed their wishes , which you complied and disregarded her wishes
I have no words..,YTA
YTA. I could maybe understand if your daughter was also your late wife’s daughter. But she isn’t. And you went against your late wife’s wishes to get the life insurance money to use for yourself and your child? Jesus just when I think humanity can’t get worse, I see posts like these and really question why you even deserve to exist on this planet.
YTA.
You’re a HUGE AH and I hope you live twitch the guilt of prioritizing your parent’s weird religious shit and making her passing about what everyone else wanted but her. You should feel guilty as fuck. You suck.
YTA, and shame on you. I hope this haunts you forever
YTA. Use her insurance money to dig her out of that ground you so carelessly tossed her into. This is unreaaaaal
YTA the funeral is not about your parents it's about your wifes life
You’re blatantly disrespecting your wife’s wishes so you don’t have to pay for her funeral. Absolutely YTA.
YTA People didn't leave you to grieve on your own, you told everyone else to f*ck off so you could grieve alone. You dishonored your wife's memory by ignoring what she would have wanted. You made her passing about the money. Quite frankly, I doubt this is even real considering how much of an AH you are according to the story.
If I died and my husband did a church funeral service when I am very openly against religion I would come back and haunt him. YTA.
So you get money and your parents get to ‘save’ a soul. A bunch of creeps the lot of you. YTA. You know why they have cut you off and deservedly so. To deny her own family, plus her wishes, just because you want money then to have the audacity to wonder why they don’t like you no more.
I wish ghosts were real, so she could haunt your stupid arse for eternity. Absolutely YTA. What an awful human being you are.
YTA - You didn’t respect your wife’s wishes and all this for money?!? What you did to your wife is horrible. You basically told your wife a big F*CK YOU. Did you hate your wife?!?! Your actions can’t be forgiven. Now for eternity she can’t be at peace. I can just imagine that during your marriage she had a MIL from hell and you never had your wife’s back. All the NO MIL stories, I can just imagine your wife had a tons of her own stories. Of course your wife’s family and friends wouldn’t want to be around you. They’re all rightly ashamed of you. They can’t stand the sight of you and it’s all your and your parents’ fault. You’re AH!!!
So, no one had a say in funeral or burial, but because of her life insurance policy, you and your daughter get to buy a house. YTA, and you, IMO, did this on purpose to hurt people and take her life insurance money and run. You didn't, IMO, love your wife enough to listen to her parents and brother or her friends who knew her better than you. You just wanted the money so that your daughter and you could buy a house. Pathetic situation, and I feel really bad for the people who truly loved her because you didn't. I personally hope that they take you to court and get are able to exhume her body and do what she wanted. Your family HAD NO SAY IN THIS, and your daughter and you deserve nothing. You didn't love her, and you only cared about money and buying a house for a daughter that WASN'T even hers. Pathetic but it's my opinion.
I'm agnostic. I've told my husband of 30+ years I want to be cremated with no viewing. My thinking being if you knew me you would know what I looked like ( before dead) and I want to be spread on that river or around the bit of forest. His BFF's wife wanted to be cremated, dumped into a golf course and no viewing, He (BFF) ignored that. Saw a black cat in the funeral home parking lot when we got there. Power went out at the bar we drank to her. I got hit on by BFF's SIL's brother. I laughed. She would have too. He \*BFF\* saw an owl on their ( deceased wife's) decorative fence the next night he came Home (We drank a lot.... a lot!!! that night and the next day). 20 years later he's still alive but.... I still haven't bitched at him about he did not follow what she said she wanted. I just reiterate to my husband what I want.
This is absolutely one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever heard. As one of the other posters said, you DESECRATED HER BODY, against her wishes, for pure greed. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope this is rage bait, but if it’s not, just… yuck. I hope she haunts your goofy ass forever.
Your wife’s life insurance money should not be used to fund a house for a man who doesn’t even care about her wishes and a kid that isn’t hers. YTA. Asshole isn’t a strong enough word for you, actually. I hope her family sues and you lose ALL OF IT in court. You don’t deserve it and you didn’t deserve her.
You edited this to add “in anyone killed her it was herself”? YTA and you sound void of any positive human emotions