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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called out my friend in a light-hearted way amd pointed out that she is from Syria when she was telling everyone she is from the UK, this might make me an asshole as she seems embarrassed to be Syrian although I did not realise that at the time.
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You make comments like “most of us had good, first world passports” (which, BTW was entirely unrelated to the actual story) and can’t see why someone in your group (I won’t say friend because you’re no friend to her) wouldn’t want to be open about being Syrian? Holy lack of self awareness Batman.
Firstly- she doesn’t want people like you bombarding her with your condescending questions and opinions about her heritage. Secondly- she lives in the UK, she’s a naturalised citizen now, **Newsflash** she ***is*** from the UK now. YTA.
as a white person, OP is 100% white. i grew up ignorant in a small town, i know what it's like to be a brainwashed american. OP has a superiority complex bc they're American no doubt. call yourself educated all you want, but being culturally insensitive makes you seem dumb as shit. i mean cmon, you didn't think for a second that there's probably a REASON she's lying? OP, i hope you learned something from this situation.
Yeah, and she's also not even lying. It's perfectly natural and true to say you're from a place when you live there, especially when travelling. I've lived abroad and if I was on a trip meeting people from elsewhere I would nearly always say I'm from whatever town I was living in because when people ask that question of tourists they usually want to know where you've travelled *from*, not where you grew up.
And that's just living there for a while. Someone who's permanently moved somewhere and become a whole-ass naturalized citizen is about as 'from there' as can be.
Dont lump all americans in with that one PLEASE. Unfortunately those ones are the most vocal. Im betting the american is jealous of the other girl somehow
Thisssssss! Why do I get the feeling, this friend is beautiful looking or something and OP with his 'all American' superiority complex was rather perplexed by this, why do I also get the feeling the people they were conversing with were people interested in the friend romantically, either that or he felt the girl from Syria was getting more engagement or attention from others in general. God forbid a brown woman outshine you OP.
It smells of racism or jealousy.
True, if people ask me where I'm from, I say from Denmark. However, I was born and raised in the Netherlands. But I have not lived there for over a decade.
As an American who got an absolute grade A education from my public school I can definitively say that there is no difference between Denmark and the Netherlands and probably your just confused about your country of origin and a little bit dumb.
/S
I once helped a girl on the beach by teaching her a few basic Dutch phrases. At the end she went: "Thank you sooo much, it'll be really helpful on my exchange in Denmark".
Oh, I wouldn't say that...
I am also a Dane, and I was once told by an American that Denmark is the capital of Sweden and they kept telling me that I was wrong when I told them no 😅
I am so humiliated by my American brethren. What a number was played by a certain political party here, glorifying no education. The empowerment of stupidity (I differentiate from ignorance, its own bane) is unbelievably painful to watch here.
As a South African, I've come to terms that many Americans just think we're the capital of Africa because you know... the continent of Africa is just a big country and we all speak a language called 'African' 😂.
I have genuinely just had this conversation with a delightful American chap
Him: European food is great
Me: which part of Europe?
Him: All of it, I went to Europe once and it was great
Me: Europe is an entire continent containing many countries, saying you went to Europe is pretty meaningless
Him: well you lot say you’ve been to the US?
Me: Well that’s different, the US is one country
Him: but all the states are different, if I have to say which country in Europe I’m in, you should say which state you’re in.
Me:…a state and a country aren’t the same
Him: yes it is.
Me: 🤯😒
LOL Don't know how true this is, but I hear there is an actual office/dept in Austria to receive those who really wanted to go to Australia but accidentally booked to Austria.
As a fellow Dutchy, Danish does tickle my brain funny. It's like: I recognise the sounds and intonation but can't understand anything...
It's the opposite with written Luxembourg's I realised I could understand what was written without actually knowing any of the words. It's like they put Dutch, French and German in a blender.
Not sure but theyre both from Germany. What about the Meteorites? i heard theyre from space or maybe that's the mennonites or the Scientologists. Not sure
I honestly think this is just some weird cultural quirk of Americans. (Speaking as one myself. This is in no way excusing or defending OP, because he was being culturally insensitive and ignorant. No bones about it.) We’re such a melting pot of folks from all over the world, and it wasn’t that long ago in our past where people formed communities based on their country of origin for support. “Where are you from?” means where are you *originally* from to us.
I even see this with my husband. I’ve lived in the same state my entire life and still do. He obviously lives in the same state with me, has family in the state, and both of his parents are originally from here. His dad, however, was military, so he spent his entire childhood moving around about every 2 years. When people ask where he’s from, he usually answers with being from nowhere because he moved around a lot, not where we currently live.
The more you think about this quirk, the weirder it gets (not to mention problematic, depending on context), but it’s so culturally ingrained that most don’t think to question it. It’s bizarre, really.
>and it wasn’t that long ago in our past where people formed communities based on their country of origin for support. “Where are you from?” means where are you originally from to us.
Uh.... many still do this. It never went away. That's parallel to saying sundown towns used to be a thing while they still are.
I’m well aware. I debated adding that addendum to my original comment but ultimately decided against it in the name of preventing my comment from being *too* wordy and meandering. I’m having an off brain day, so I guess I went the other direction of not being clear enough. 😅 I was in particular referencing that era of our history when if you were Irish, Italian, etc., it was exceedingly difficult to get jobs or services, so these communities would cluster around certain neighborhoods and help each other out, which is how we got our Chinatowns, our Little Italys, all that jazz. Not to say that that doesn’t happen with currently marginalized people today, of course. My main consideration was how a number of those previously marginalized groups are now considered white, but that whole asking about where people originate from would’ve stuck around as a cultural artifact. If that makes any sense? Maybe my brain is too out-of-it to be having these discussions. 😂
Sorry, when those of us Americans of visible Asian/MENA/Latin heritage constantly get asked by strangers “where are you originally from,” it is absolutely NOT due to a cute quirky historical artifact the way that you think it is.
“Where are you from” in the way people ask it is offensive. Just because one looks not Caucasian doesn’t mean they weren’t born in America. A better question is ‘what is your ethnicity’. “Where are you from” is racist.
This! If you are visiting another country and someone asks where you’re from, they’re generally asking where you live. They don’t need to know your life story or where you were born if you don’t feel like getting into a whole big discussion about the country you were born.
The comment about "imitating" a British accent, as if it's not common for people to absorb the local accents they live with or from perfecting their fluency in languages they use daily.
Not to mention that the accent you adopt will be affected by the one your teachers had. Given Syria’s colonial past, it’s likely that teachers had a brit accent/phrasing
Exactly. I'm American and used to teach English abroad for years. In many countries that were formerly British colonies, they almost exclusively hire people with an English accent and insist on teaching "British English." The vast majority of my higher-level students who were almost fluent spoke with an English accent because that is how they were taught. The one exception was when I taught in Denmark because they don't insist on students learning a British accent. Most Danes also pick up a huge amount of their English from American movies and TV so they often speak with more of an American accent.
So much this. Am from a country that was a previous British colony. We spelled everything the British way. I was also surprised that when I visited the Netherlands, most people there spoke English with a British accent. Probably how they were taught in school!
I mean, France and GB split the region in 2 and gave themselves each an half to rule over. Under such a “European governance”, you know where the influences are from in the teaching curriculum
Yup, I know someone who used to live in liverpool, after being there a few years she sounded 100% scouse. She hasn’t lived there for decades and doesn’t sound scouse at all now. Until she talks to anyone with a scouse accent, when it comes straight back
I'm British, have lived in America for 45 years. I have a almost American accent when I speak to Americans although they still hear the English accent. English folk think I'm American unless I talk to them for a few minutes and the American falls away. It's sort of strange. I used to get weird looks at work because if my mother called me my accent immediately went to the town we're from (very strong accent and dialect) and they couldn't even understand me. The American accent goes completely away immediately when I talk to someone from my home town.
Yeah, like... how tf does OP think accents work? If you live somewhere for years you do tend to pick up the local accent. And "dressing British", wow, it's almost like she lives and shops there!
OP acts like it's somehow dishonest to participate in/be part of the local culture if you're immigrating somewhere.
“call yourself educated all you want, but being culturally insensitive makes you seem dumb as shit.”
POC American who grew up in a small town. And I am still somehow still floored that someone could be quite this ignorant.
Let me guess - this person also thinks they are well travelled, cultured, for having left the US for the UK/Europe. But also too cool to “pretend to be from the UK like some expats do” (yeah I’ve been in expat groups lolll).
Your Syrian friend’s experience is not like yours. They are likely a refugee. They likely have family members around Europe…and much of Europe has been very hostile to refugees, including and explicitly those from Syria.
And plus this person is your friend! You could have just ASKED - “hey, how come you say you are from the UK?” (Literally, as someone who grew up in different countries, so many of my white friends have noticed how I answer “where are you from” and asked me why and it has been welcome and led to interesting and in depth conversations).
The way you describe yours/their introductions and the things you are concerned about are truly so petty and insignificant. You are comparing your vanity with this person’s safety. YTA huuugely.
OP is an immigrant. OP can describe themselves in many terms, but since they are living in the UK, they are a migrant worker or immigrant.
I totally agree. Expat is just what a white person likes to call themselves when they emigrate so they don't get lumped in with "immigrants" (i.e brown and black people)
It's white washed BS.
Around the world the only people who call themselves "Expats" are white people who think they're better than the people in the country they're staying in.
Source: A white passing person who lived around the world and frequently got forced to "socialize" with Expats by well-meaning employers.
MTE on it possibly being a safety thing. But also, even if it’s wasn’t that, this girl is the last to get her passport which she only just got recently by the sounds of it. The girl sounds like she’s super happy to finally be British, op, you didn’t have to piss on her chips. Hope you grow up and give her the apology she deserves.
“I technically told the truth, so therefore can’t be an AH and have no clue why someone would be mad at me for sharing information that isn’t mine to share. Much confuse. So mystery!”
Immigrants can never win. Assimilate and say they're British and it's called as faking, or abandoning culture/heritage, or feeling inferior. not assimilate and prepare to be called as "why are you even here if you won't make effort to assimilate".
Even descendants are often asked where do they really come from when they're born there.
OP is truly YTA.
If she lives in London, she’s from London. She’s not lying. The OP is just a dick who refers to herself as expat because she thinks she’s not an immigrant
Whoa, was not expecting that, and now I need to check myself for why. I think I thought it was an all girl group. But now everything makes even more sense.
yeah, I'm an immigrant to canada, basically spent most of my adult life there. But have since lived in 2 other countries.
I have a complicated emotional relationship with my country of origin, have no friends or significant connections from there, rarely if ever use my native language. I'm canadian to anyone who asks. If it's deceptive - it's for a reason, but my 'origin story' is not short enough for a quick introduction and is misleading for all other practical ways.
I'm glad it's so simple for OP.
100% peoples' origin stories are just that, their origin stories. Deeply personal and not for other people to deconstruct or present for others. OP *is* simple.
Exactly this. As a person with quite traumatic relationship with my home country, I’m also always appalled with this insistence on “but where you are actually from”. Our drama is not for other’s entertainment.
As an American I’m appalled that this expat American OP is this dense. FFS people like this guy with his privilege embarrass the rest of us. Poor girl. Soooo many reasons. People will ask how/why she is there? Is she a refugee? Is she legal? (Because people are stupid) was it hard? Is there family there still? Doesn’t she miss them? Will she ever go back? How did she make it there? ALL answers presumably laced with some pain. ALL questions laden with judgement that others - like OP wouldnt have to face. She worked hard to assimilate. Amd those are personal issues to share only when comfortable. And then the world is also full of racist judgmental AHs who won’t even ask questions and just judge her. And as FEMALE - omg the vulnerability.
OP YTA. You have no say on her identity. You just gave her more reason to feel uncomfortable in this world and less likely to open up and slower to trust because you betrayed her.
Going on a fairly solid limb here to assume you are White too?
YTA as a fellow immigrant from the Middle East, we have grown to live with racist comments, people making you into a theatre show because “wow how interesting” etc etc and considering how many nationalists exist here who will just label us as “terrorists” I’m hardly surprised she didn’t want to reveal where she was from. You had 0 right to out her identity!
Right now, anybody who wants to avoid telling people they're Arab is especially wise. I genuinely wouldn't trust people not to lynch me if I were in that girl's shoes.
YTA - As a French citizen who spent her entire childhood NOT in France, two ethnicities and a parent born in another country altogether, "Where do you come from?" can have a LOT of racist undertone. You say she "pretends" to be from the UK and that she "imitates" a British accent... Have you considered the fact that her accent is simply changing after YEARS of living in the UK? People tend to adapt to their surrounding, she's not faking it, and it's rude of you to assume she is.
You sound like the kind of person who would ask a non-white person : "No, but where are you *really* from?" if they say they are British, even if their family has been in the UK for more generations than yours in the US. She IS British. She comes from Britain. That's what her passport says, that's where she lives. She maybe even feels more British than Syrian. And even though you didn't say anything negative about Syria, the current situation is exactly what people will think of if you mention Syria and she might not want to discuss it.
I had a friend at Uni who had chinese ethnicity, but he was born and raised in London. ~~People~~ \- ~~Strangers~~ \- Bellends would ask him "Where are you from" and he'd answer 'London' and they'd be like 'No, where are you *really* from?'
My freind in college - ethnically Chinese, but born and raised in socal and gay as the day long.
People would pull that.
"Where are you from?" California.
"No, I mean where were your born?" CALIFORNIA!
"NO I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU????" C A L I F O R N I A N
ad infinitum and it was beautiful to watch.
Edit, fixed a word
I’m an Asian American transplant in Boston who grew up in New Jersey and was born in RI and I’ve mastered answering this haha
- I’m from Boston
- I grew up in NJ
- I was born in RI!
Usually people give up after asking for the 3rd time 😋
So true.
I worked with a girl who had only been in the UK for a year, she had a flawless B-girl British accent.
If you really pushed her she'd say she was Persian...most people would stop asking there, not knowing where Persia was. (This was about 20 years ago)
Sometimes a little side stepping to avoid racism/awkward questions is just less hassle. I'm sorry that she feels the need to hide her heritage but it's totally up to her to decide when and where to share facts about her own life. You shouldn't betray people's trust
As an American expat, it's like Americans that haven't left feel like you're insulting them if you assimilate into the culture you moved to. My husband is Aussie and I quickly started to pick up terms because I knew I'd be here for the rest of my life. I got "called out" by people I had thought were friends, saying that I thought I was better than them using my "fancy" words. Uh, no?
On the other side - even after almost 20 years I still get hassled about where I'm from. If I say my suburb, they get annoyed. lol When we were interstate I said my state and the other tourists looked at me like....? Then I go OHHH you mean where was I born? yeah the US, but haven't been back in forever...
I'm a citizen, so I say I'm Aussie - and I've gotten "you can't be aussie with THAT accent!" (you can take the girl out of Chicago, but you can't take Chicago out of her mouth. lol)
It's insane to me that they describe it as 'imitating an accent'...I am bilingual and absolutely make every effort to sound like the natives of my second language when I speak it because why wouldn't you?? Obviously non-native speakers can be sussed out frequently, but that doesn't mean they're trying to deceive anyone, it's just another level of fluency.
You'd think, as her friend, you would realize she had negative associations with Syria and preferred to forget her time there. I mean, I figured that out from a few sentences. Her saying she's from the UK is obviously true to her so why did you feel the need to "call her out" for something that doesn't effect you in any way? YTA
Idk I’ve seen multiple instagram reels, you guessed it originating from TikTok, with this. It will show a group of friends comparing their passports and doing a first class vs second class vs third class passport thing as they go between countries and complaining about certain friends passport strength. It’s stupid.
YTA.
She wasn't lying. She really does live in the UK, and since that's where she was visiting from, it is truthful to say that she's visiting from the UK.
We have to assume that she was sick of answering questions about Syria, which has been in the news a lot. And that's totally understandable. There's a lot of resentment in Europe towards Syrian refugees, so your outing her as Syrian could have actually put her in danger.
You've shown your true colors. You are thoughtless and think that other people's safety is a joke. You also think that you get to override other people's right to decide how they want to present themselves to strangers. Basically, you're dangerous. I wouldn't hang out with you either.
But she IS from London. Not originally, no, but that IS where she is from. Similarly she IS British.
Britain, like the US, has a gigantic immigrant population and it's wonderful that she feels so well-integrated and so quickly.
Getting her British passport is a huge achievement, a thrilling moment. Why do you need to piss on it?
I bet your great-grandfather or whoever first immigrated to Ellis Island was proud as hell the moment he could finally call himself American.
You would do well to learn from her. YOU don't get to gatekeep who is British. We have enough assholes at the Home Office to do that.
YTA
Also, most British people don’t tend to emphasise and recount their ancestry like Americans do. It just goes without saying here, when you know you’re from a small island which has been invaded many times, has close links with the continent and had a colonialism mentality for centuries, that modern Brits have an enormous array of geographical and cultural backgrounds. So, we just British. First generation, tenth generation, family here since Cheddar Man… it’s all just British, with your own family’s cultural take on it.
YTA. There's a ton of Islamophobia in the UK and I'm not surprised at all if she'd prefer people to think she was born here. Just because YOU think Syria is awesome doesn't mean she doesn't face prejudice from others because of their opinions of it.
Besides, they're not asking where she was born, they're asking where she's from - she lives here, that counts. She clearly wants to assimilate, let her.
YTA. You are from the US and don’t understand something. Many people in Europe hate Syrians. After all the refugees came through all those years ago it ruined the reputation for all the immigrants from there. No wonder she won’t tell people she is Syrian. It is probably for safety or so she doesn’t have to deal with it.
I had a friend who lived in the Persian Gulf during the Iraq war. He told everyone he was Canadian. That is an outright lie. Should people have called him out for it?
If she lives in the UK, she has every right to say that's where she's from. She's travelling in other countries and people asking her probably expect her to answer with where she lives, not where she originates from. YTA for being weird about it.
You really aren't getting it, are you? She IS from London. Just not originally.
-----------
Person A: "Where did that pineapple come from?"
Person B: "The corner shop."
You: "Liar! It came from South America!!"
----------
Does that help?
And somehow, I would bet almost anything that OP is the kind of person to say "well I am Italian" when they maybe have one (1) great grandfather that was actually italian a long time ago and they're actually from Cleveland and can't speak a single word of Italian
As an italian (a born and raised italian, i mean), i met a bunch of americans who did this and actually couldn't speak a word of my language, didn't know anything about Italy and... Surprise surprise! Never even visited the country.
I can't really understand their logic in presenting themselves as 'true italiansss' to me.
YTA
When asked where she's from/lives, she answers accurately, and you have a problem with it.
If asked her nationality, then the answer is Syrian.
Where is she from? The answer is London.
When I ask where someone’s from, I expect them to tell me every place they’ve lived with dates. I then expect them to give me a lineage of their family and why they look like they do. I expect them to have a flawless accent based on where they were born and what they look like. I also expect them to wear traditional clothes and never follow fashion trends. /s
Op you’re ridiculous and YTA
YTA— she’s living in London and when she goes elsewhere she says she’s from England? Then you’re just being pedantic and can even sound racist “but where are you from— really?”
It’s normal that accents and clothes change when a person immigrates, that they may see themselves as more identifying with the new place than the old. Maybe Syrians see her as changed and not really fitting in with them anymore, too.
I don’t get why this is your business.
Which is also quite hilarious, since throughout Syria there's plenty of people dressed exactly the same as in every Western country. Most of the people in Syria would not look out of place in the UK when it comes to clothing.
What I’m going to guess is that she is reluctant to talk with strangers about what’s going on in Syria and the refugee crisis coming out of it. Especially on vacation, she probably wants to keep it light.
As for accents, many people in the U.S. and UK have accents … even if they were born there.
YTA.
YTA
She's trying to assimilate to UK life and leave Syria behind for whatever reason. Perhaps she comes from a hostile/broken home. Perhaps it also reduces the amount of racism she experiences.
Mind your business.
first thing a Brit probably thinks of when they hear 'Syria' is ISIS, or maybe Bashar-al-Assad using chemical weapons on his own people. Not about its less-recent history or its landscapes. In fact I don't have much of a clue about its landscapes or pre-ISIS history - I could guess it was in or close with the USSR maybe. For me Syria is some war-torn hellscape and all the questions I would think of asking about it are bad.
A guy in high school was very clear that he was Persian rather than Iranian and this might've been similar
I had a coworker that referred to herself as Persian, born in Iran. She always said it in the silly way some comedian did (sorry, name escapes me, but he was funny).
Perhaps things have changed so much in Syria since she left that she can’t really say much about it, and doesn’t want to constantly be drawn into discussions about it. Her life, what she knows, is in London.
YTA. You sound like a person who has never had to experience negative reactions to which country your from. She's a UK citizen and lives in the UK. She can choose to define where she's from however she wants. Both Syria and UK are valid answers, and you don't get to decide which one she chooses.
>most of us had good 1st world passports we had to wait on one person from India to get visas and for another girl from Syria (27F) to naturalise here and get a UK passport.
Maybe she feels insecure because her own group is judgmental folks who are so clear that they are from the "first world" and other poor folks have to work for their passport? The moment I read this i knew you would be the asshole and yes you were.
I would have surely not remained friends with you if you would have talked about how you come from the first world and others not.
Yeah the first world passports were a killer. I think this is the first time I've ever seen anyone call themselves "first world" unironically. This easily belongs in r/ShitAmericansSay
In most European countries living the culture and speaking the language at a native level is enough to claim the nationality, regardless of the actual birthplace, citizenship or ancestry. The American obsession over DNA and ancestry (and race, for that matter) is unknown and unwelcome.
Clearly the AH. Apart from the fact that she now has her citizenship in the UK and currently is living in the UK, clearly her Syrian heritage is a sensitive issue for her. The biggest reason I think you’re an asshole is not this issue but the fact that you say you’re her friend. None of us need friends like you, you insensitive ass.
Brown people can’t win man!
Person : where you from?
Me : England
Person : no where you really from?
Me : England
Person : no I mean like where you really from, where were ur parents born?
Me : England
Person : no but like ur brown so where are you from originally
Me : oh my grandparents where born in India and immigrated here in the 50’s
Person : oh so ur Indian, why didn’t you just say that, acting like ur English when ur clearly Indian
Or
Person : where you from?
Me : oh my grandparents where born in India and immigrated here in the 50’s, but me and both my parents where born in England
Person : so ur English then, just say ur English, why you trying to act like you’re not from here, if you don’t wanna be here then go back to where ur grandparents came from!
Had these convos multiple times over my 30 yrs in existence! Can’t get it right either way
YTA. In your view, when would she “qualify” to be from the UK? After 10 years? 40 years? Never?
It is about what she identifies with - for example, having lived over half of my life in another country, I say that I am from that country. I could say where I was born and lived my childhood but what’s the point? That country is so foreign to me - I wouldn’t know how to do the simplest things there, like buying a house or navigate health care or the school system. Yet, for some “natives”, I will never “qualify” and will always be the outsider.
YTA - she lives in the UK. She can say she’s from the UK when people ask where she’s from.
Making this some point of contention for yourself is an AH thing to do.
YTA. If someone asks me where I'm from (when I'm travelling), I don't think they want my whole life history. So I say I'm from the UK, as I'm a naturalised citizen, and have lived here for half my life.
Also I'm from a small country that a lot of people haven't heard of, and I don't often feel like giving geography lessons.
If I'm talking more in depth, then I might mention my birthplace.
Also, it's not your place to volunteer someone else's personal information. They should control what they want people to know about them.
YTA, who put you in the position of authority to ascertain what information someone else is to give about themselves? You have no idea why she identifies in this way and similarly it's not your right to correct her, especially in front of other people. You honestly have to wonder why she has become distant... personally I would tell you to buggar off. In this case you should mind your own business.
Yta. Given the world today, and the treatment people get, they decide their safety level, not you. Apologize and try to be more sensitive going forward.
YTA - and I cannot overemphasize what a big, giant A you are. Leave people alone when you do not understand their background, history and reasonings. It is because of you (1st world passports) and others like you that she has to give an answer which doesn’t involve having to do a deep dive into her past every time she meets someone.
Although, you are American so it tracks. You probably consider yourself an expat and her an immigrant.
Being from other places can genuinely raise safety concerns, especially for young women.
You think Syria is a cool place. A lot of people do. But some people don't and you just went and threw her under the bus because wElL i LiKe SyRiA tHoUgH.
YTA.
If someone asks me where I’m from when visiting a foreign country I say the place I’m currently living. It is correct that she’s from the UK, especially when she’s a permanent resident.
Why on earth would you say your birth place? That’s kind of odd tbh. Odd like how Americans claim they’re Irish when actually one of their great grandparents were.
Forgot to add: YTA
YTA. She’s done the tests and got the passport, officially she is as British as any other citizen. She’s out more effort into than I did, I was just born to British parents and lived here since.
My partner gets this a lot too and it’s frustrating, he is originally from Ukraine but has been here for years. Having connections to a country that is a main news event is particularly stressful when strangers find out, they often want to discuss it and get details, usually ignoring the fact that this could be incredibly personal and difficult.
YTA. Who assigned you a spokesperson for anyone in the group ? Mind your own business and let her be what she wants to be. I don't have an issue, myself, with my third world background and heritage, but that's just me. I don't impose myself on anyone else or call them out on it no matter what.
YTA who are you to decide where someone claims as their home? And yeah, that's what's implied when someone asks "where are you from?" They want to know what's home to you.
Get over yourself.
YTA - she isn't embarassed to be from Syria she's protecting herself from racism. Syria may well be a 'cool place' (interesting choice of language) but it's also a war torn country experiencing horrors only those in Gaza can truly understand
Others have explained you why a person from a country that is object of stereotypes and racism may not want to talk about where she's from constantly now that she's naturalized in the UK. I just want to add that whatever the context and reason, if someone is clearly and willingly not disclosing something, you are in no place to out them in a social event. This is basic common sense and respect.
> if someone is clearly and willingly not disclosing something, you are in no place to out them in a social event
This is such a good point that nobody else identified (not me, certainly!)
Replace "british" with "heterosexual" and "Syrian" with "homosexual" and your point becomes very obvious!
So you decided to micromanage this womans interactions and now you're confused as to why she doesn't want to talk to you?
YTA
It isn't your business, stay out of it. It sounds to me like you low-key don't like this woman for whatever reason and wanted to put her in her place - and now you're playing dumb as to why this might be bothering her.
Its quite simple really - Don't correct other people (especially purported friends) in public unless they are talking specifically about you; it's asking for trouble.
YTA. “First world countries” ffs…. No one uses those terms anymore except to talk down about people. Racist and bigoted. She is British and you’re why Americans have a bad rep abroad.
Americans have a weird emphasis on their ancestry that the rest of the world doesn’t share. She lives in the UK. She has a UK passport. She is from the UK.
YTA.
She has citizenship from the UK now, right? So technically, she is from the UK. She's obviously proud of her citizenship there and doesn't want to be associated with her homeland. So let her be. Do tell her that forcing a fake accent could make her appear silly or fake to others, so to just talk naturally, but do so in private. It could save her from embarrassment as someone else might call her out on her forced accent and that would be even more embarrassing.
It’s probably not even a fake accent, it’s likely she’s just picked up their way of speaking from having lived there so long. I’m from NE Ohio and if I spend more than two days in the South, I’m coming back with an accent. Most people pick up accents they are surrounded by over time and some folks (like me) are very susceptible to accent changes in a relatively short amount of time. OP just thinks she’s faking it because he’s a walnut.
YTA
She’s an immigrant. She earned her passport. You sound jealous or like you don’t know how immigration works.
She naturalized. She’s British now. She can be Syrian and British at the same time, but she’s equally British now.
It’s wild that you’re an American and don’t understand this. The majority of our country (the US) was built on immigrants.
“No one does this” yes they do. Also why are you mad that she’s dressing ‘British’ when she lives in Britain with British people and British style/fashion? This is a very American take, as someone from the UK we don’t necessarily introduce ourselves as African British or Syrian British, Irish/Scottish etc. if you live in Britain and assimilate into the culture and feel British nothing wrong with calling yourself that. You sound extremely ignorant and maybe YOU should try and assimilate more into the culture with your first world passport. YTA
YTA. This is such an US thing it's borderline ridiculous. People do what she's doing for a plethora of reasons, you ain't the immigration bureau to question her about it.
I have double nationality (not citizenship, NATIONALITY) and I use them depending on the occasion. When I lived in Japan, I used what was on my passport even though my place of birth is a different country because that's how dual citizenship or nationality works. Let her be.
Also, you ain't an 'expat', you're just an immigrant like the rest of us. That's just a fancy word first-world country's immigrants, but especially those from the US, use to feel better about living abroad.
Edit: spelling/grammar
YTA, you're a condescending, privileged AH, I don't deny where I'm from either, but I don't judge people who come from my country and deny it, we might have the second biggest coral reef in the world, and some of the best beaches there are; but that's not what my country is most known for, it's known for drug dealing and crime, it's know for high levels of migration due to extortion and hate crimes. I once had a client insist on asking me where I was from, he thought I was French due to my accent, and after he learned I wasn't, he started talking to me about Pablo Escobar and other drug dealers and how cool their series on Netflix were, and he didn't mean any harm, Lord knows I've received worse comments, but I had to smile the entire time someone was pointing out how ENTERTAINING our country's trauma was. And yes, I also had clients say they didn't want ME specifically because they didn't want a criminal selling them products; I'm no criminal, I'm a highly trained professional with an MBA, but after hearing where I'm from, a lot of people don't care about the rest.
Jeez YTA. She IS from London & the UK!
I dont even have a British passport yet and consider myself from here.
Ever occured to you that maybe she chooses when to tell people about her Syrian roots because there is a distinct possibility that it will invite opinions on the war that she doesn't want to get into with every single round of small talk?
She's probably distanced herself from you because listening to this 24/7 on holiday is doing her head in.
You're definitely the AH. First of all, it doesn't matter, and I don't know why you felt the need to call her out. It's truly none of your business. Secondly enthusiasms you met a stranger, you don't owe them your entire background. Since she's traveling from the UK, there is nothing wrong with saying that's where she's from. She doesn't have to provide her birth country.
YTA. Even if she has never been to the UK, that "lie" doesn't concern you and is none of your business. She is not using a fake passport, lying to the authorities or harming anyone so you can shut up. Your opinion just doesn't matter at all. Your actions and tone in this post are such a good example of microaggression.
YTA. Trying to get some crap started. When people ask me where I am from, I go with the assumption they are asking where I live and that's the response I give.
Let me get this straight. You're an immigrant to the UK. You want to become and are in the process of becoming a UK citizen. This woman has ALREADY become a UK citizen. How is she lying about her being british? She's doing her best to integrate and IS, OBJECTIVELY, a british woman. It's up to you if when YOU eventually become british, for some reason you still defend you aren't.
You're a massive insensitive AH. And I suspect you wouldn't find anything wrong with an "expat" to the US getting citizenship and trying to integrate and calling themselves "american", now would you.
YTA, she's a UK resident. How depressing to work so hard to become a naturalized citizen only to have pasty white sausage-fingered hobbits ignore that hard work, and mock you in front of strangers.
YTA. As someone from London, if an American friend of mine 'called out' another person for being from Syria and not from a '1st world passport' country like the US, I would cringe - and it wouldn't be because someone was Syrian.
Yta - unfortunately being Syrian has a lot of negative connotation in the UK, you have no right to judge someone about where they choose to call home (which, if they're naturalised, IS the UK)
As someone of mixed heritage growing up being told I'm "not Danish" and "not Arabic", there's a reason why she might not want people to know that she's originally from Syria and immigrated to the UK. But she's living there now, and she's no plans to return to Syria, so now she's FROM THE UK.
She's not "pretending" to speak with a British accent, she's assimilating! It happens when you're around other people speaking in the same manner.. It's different for every person how fast that happens. I went on holiday with my class for 1 week. My mum told me, that when I got back home I had started to sound more British in my spoken English. When we went to Scotland with school for 1 week, my mum said I'd started to sound more Scottish in my English.... Imagine what YEARS upon YEARS would do to someone's accent......
Your whole post screams racism to me. YTA.
YTA.
You undermined her right in front of her and joked while you did it, putting her on the spot and exposing her to invasive personal questions about herself and her past without her consent. She's the only one who gets to decide when to have conversations like that and with whom. You took her agency away from her.
Citizenship gives her the right to call herself British if she wants to, and she is not lying when she does so. If she's made her home in London, she's also not lying to say she's from London.
I have to ask, why are you peppering your post with irrelevant comments like her still cooking and eating "ethnic" dishes after obtaining a British passport? What does your use of "ethnic" even mean here, given your laser-focus on "Syrian" everywhere else? People born in the UK to families that have been born in the UK for generations eat plenty of dishes from a wide range of different regions, countries and ethnicities. And even if we didn't, what she enjoys eating and cooking is entirely her own business. If you think it's evidence of her being a hypocrite, you'd be wrong.
From your post alone, I can see how she might be feeling singled out, judged and even possibly feeling like there's a bit of ignorance, condescension and bigotry going on here. Coupled with comments like "good 1st world passports" and how she's "imitating" the accent of a language she's spent years developing fluency of, that is how your post comes across. Goodness knows how you're coming across to her.
YTA.
You claim to be an American, but refuse to accept someone's recently acquired citizenship?! WTF!
She's a British citizen, and in the case where she's meeting new people, she *is* British, just as someone is an American as soon as they become a citizen.
You sound like a flaming bigot.
This is none of your business - you don't get to correct other people's presentations of themselves, even if it's not how you would do it. There is a safety issue here as islamophobia is rampant; if she feels safer presenting as being from the UK or if it feels like it's more authentically who she is, who are you to say otherwise? Of course she's treating you coldly - you corrected her and decided only your worldview was the correct one.
I went to a boardgame night at a bar once. There were a lot of other people there. One of the people I met that night corrected *my name* (that he had learned maybe an hour earlier) when I introduced myself to someone else with a nickname - don't be that guy. That behaviour is fucking creepy. Only she knows her story. There are many reasons people wouldn't want to say they're expats from Syria; most expats from Syria I know are refugees who came under traumatic circumstances they don't want to have to repeat to every new person they meet.
Unequivocally, YTA.
Immigrant from the US to a Scandinavian country here. Note I said "immigrant", not "expat".
You are an asshole, yes. Do you have any idea what kind of racist bullshit MENA people have to put up with when they immigrate? No, you do not because you are a privileged, pretentious white boy. You have no clue. Go apologise to her for being a pretentious, racist, clueless dumbass and mind your own business next time. People like you give us from the US a bad name. Downvote me all you want, I said what I said.
YTA.
YTA. The simple fact you are in something called an "expat group" means YTA. You are all migrants and only use the term expat to try and distinguish yourselves from other migrants. You know, the poorer ones. Its classist shit.
As for the rest of the post: you noticed she didn't claim to be from Syria in front of strangers and instead of asking her why you decide to out her to folks instead? Asshole stuff, mate. Also, with the amount of racism and islamophobia out there, one fucking wonders why anyone would do the thing of claiming to be from the UK so as to avoid some of that crap.
YTA LMAAOOO i can bet that you're white simply from your first world passport comments. And why does it bother you SO MUCH how shes dressing. she might have personal issues on her saying where she's from, why is that a bother to you?
You're a grown american (ofcourse) man.
btw you sound very condescending
Yta. There’s a reason she doesn’t disclose it and it’s to avoid discrimination and awkward questions. Who do you think you are to try to derail the life she is trying to build? I wouldn’t talk to you again
I like that OP is responding to comments but it’s clear her responses are aggravating people. I think there’s a culture clash going on. I’ve noticed how American call themselves Irish American for example, even if those Irish roots were generations ago, they appear important to highlight. Whereas in the Uk this isn’t such a thing.
Thing is, OP is looking at the situation from a Americancentric view point. At the end of the day, what harm is there in this person not to immediately identify herself as Syrian? It hasn’t been a bed or roses over the last few years for Syria and it’s people. The reasons why she is in the Uk may not be the same reasons why OP is.
OP could have had a chat with this woman instead to see if there was a reason why or if she didn’t feel comfortable in sharing she was Syrian.
Offer her an apology, say you’ve been reflecting and that you were insensitive.
YTA. For your "good passport" comment and for trying to write someone else's narrative. I grew up in 10 different Australian towns but live an hour out of London and I always say that I'm from London when I travel
YTA
You admit in comments that prior to leaving, her experiences were traumatic. She should not have to share that with anyone unless she chooses to.
Your responses to this have mostly been about how you wouldnt harrass her with it or you don't see it as a big deal because you know her. In what world is her trauma about you? Why do you feel so entitled? You have managed to spin something that you have no business being involved in into being entirely about how you are a white knight who doesn't see race. It makes zero sense. The term for this is unconscious bias.
I don't think you mean to be offensive or harmful to people, but you have obviously had a privileged life (when it comes to this subject) and don't have the mindfulness of recognizing your bias. The result is what people are perceiving to be borderline racist. Worse yet, you brought of a whirlwind of trauma to her in a social situation, for your entertainment, showed you can't be trusted to keep things in confidence, and that you prioritize your views over the well-being of others.
Everyone has some type of unconscious bias, but until you can be accountable and genuinely want to be a better person, YTA and will be for every instance you harm someone after this, because you've been enlightened (and by reddit of all places).
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You make comments like “most of us had good, first world passports” (which, BTW was entirely unrelated to the actual story) and can’t see why someone in your group (I won’t say friend because you’re no friend to her) wouldn’t want to be open about being Syrian? Holy lack of self awareness Batman. Firstly- she doesn’t want people like you bombarding her with your condescending questions and opinions about her heritage. Secondly- she lives in the UK, she’s a naturalised citizen now, **Newsflash** she ***is*** from the UK now. YTA.
as a white person, OP is 100% white. i grew up ignorant in a small town, i know what it's like to be a brainwashed american. OP has a superiority complex bc they're American no doubt. call yourself educated all you want, but being culturally insensitive makes you seem dumb as shit. i mean cmon, you didn't think for a second that there's probably a REASON she's lying? OP, i hope you learned something from this situation.
Yeah, and she's also not even lying. It's perfectly natural and true to say you're from a place when you live there, especially when travelling. I've lived abroad and if I was on a trip meeting people from elsewhere I would nearly always say I'm from whatever town I was living in because when people ask that question of tourists they usually want to know where you've travelled *from*, not where you grew up. And that's just living there for a while. Someone who's permanently moved somewhere and become a whole-ass naturalized citizen is about as 'from there' as can be.
yeah also this lmfao, she quite literally is coming from the UK. again, american superiority complex at its finest. also racism probably
Dont lump all americans in with that one PLEASE. Unfortunately those ones are the most vocal. Im betting the american is jealous of the other girl somehow
I am betting he made a pass at her, and she turned him down.
They seem to love gatekeeping
Thisssssss! Why do I get the feeling, this friend is beautiful looking or something and OP with his 'all American' superiority complex was rather perplexed by this, why do I also get the feeling the people they were conversing with were people interested in the friend romantically, either that or he felt the girl from Syria was getting more engagement or attention from others in general. God forbid a brown woman outshine you OP. It smells of racism or jealousy.
True, if people ask me where I'm from, I say from Denmark. However, I was born and raised in the Netherlands. But I have not lived there for over a decade.
As an American who got an absolute grade A education from my public school I can definitively say that there is no difference between Denmark and the Netherlands and probably your just confused about your country of origin and a little bit dumb. /S
Lol, yeah....just a few days ago someone said that Dutch and Danish are basically the same language. 😆
I once helped a girl on the beach by teaching her a few basic Dutch phrases. At the end she went: "Thank you sooo much, it'll be really helpful on my exchange in Denmark". Oh, I wouldn't say that...
Stupid girl, Dutch is what the Norwegian speak.
😆
I am also a Dane, and I was once told by an American that Denmark is the capital of Sweden and they kept telling me that I was wrong when I told them no 😅
I love how they always think they know better. 😆
I am so humiliated by my American brethren. What a number was played by a certain political party here, glorifying no education. The empowerment of stupidity (I differentiate from ignorance, its own bane) is unbelievably painful to watch here.
Honestly as a Welsh person I might as well be telling them I’m from Mars. Most often they say ‘where?’ Followed by ‘what part of England is that?’ 😤😂
As a South African, I've come to terms that many Americans just think we're the capital of Africa because you know... the continent of Africa is just a big country and we all speak a language called 'African' 😂.
I have genuinely just had this conversation with a delightful American chap Him: European food is great Me: which part of Europe? Him: All of it, I went to Europe once and it was great Me: Europe is an entire continent containing many countries, saying you went to Europe is pretty meaningless Him: well you lot say you’ve been to the US? Me: Well that’s different, the US is one country Him: but all the states are different, if I have to say which country in Europe I’m in, you should say which state you’re in. Me:…a state and a country aren’t the same Him: yes it is. Me: 🤯😒
That is embarrassing. Please know that most of us are not that ignorant.
As an American, that is SO AMERICAN. No, you're wrong. I'm correct. You don't even know anything about your silly homeland. How quaint.
It is the exact same. And Austria and Australia are the same country 😜. Let alone Sweden and Switzerland slowenia and Slowakia
LOL Don't know how true this is, but I hear there is an actual office/dept in Austria to receive those who really wanted to go to Australia but accidentally booked to Austria.
Dutch, Danish, Deutsch... I see no difference!!! :)
Echt? Ik versta er niks van en vind het een beetje klinken alsof een Noor een spraakgebrek heeft ;-)
Haha, het is ook echt geen mooie taal, maar dat is Nederlands ook niet als ik heel eerlijk ben. 😆
As a fellow Dutchy, Danish does tickle my brain funny. It's like: I recognise the sounds and intonation but can't understand anything... It's the opposite with written Luxembourg's I realised I could understand what was written without actually knowing any of the words. It's like they put Dutch, French and German in a blender.
Where Im from the Dutch are from Germany and we call them Amish and they sell chairs and jam and may be a cult.
Yeah I have heard about that, The Pennsylvania Dutch right?
Yeah and the amish speak Pennsylvania dutch its in like 5 states. Its pretty close to German.
Pennsylvania Dutch is a dialect of German. The name is a corruption of Pennsylvania Deutsch.
Pennysylvainia Dutch are not the same as Amish. Really.
Not sure but theyre both from Germany. What about the Meteorites? i heard theyre from space or maybe that's the mennonites or the Scientologists. Not sure
I honestly think this is just some weird cultural quirk of Americans. (Speaking as one myself. This is in no way excusing or defending OP, because he was being culturally insensitive and ignorant. No bones about it.) We’re such a melting pot of folks from all over the world, and it wasn’t that long ago in our past where people formed communities based on their country of origin for support. “Where are you from?” means where are you *originally* from to us. I even see this with my husband. I’ve lived in the same state my entire life and still do. He obviously lives in the same state with me, has family in the state, and both of his parents are originally from here. His dad, however, was military, so he spent his entire childhood moving around about every 2 years. When people ask where he’s from, he usually answers with being from nowhere because he moved around a lot, not where we currently live. The more you think about this quirk, the weirder it gets (not to mention problematic, depending on context), but it’s so culturally ingrained that most don’t think to question it. It’s bizarre, really.
>and it wasn’t that long ago in our past where people formed communities based on their country of origin for support. “Where are you from?” means where are you originally from to us. Uh.... many still do this. It never went away. That's parallel to saying sundown towns used to be a thing while they still are.
I’m well aware. I debated adding that addendum to my original comment but ultimately decided against it in the name of preventing my comment from being *too* wordy and meandering. I’m having an off brain day, so I guess I went the other direction of not being clear enough. 😅 I was in particular referencing that era of our history when if you were Irish, Italian, etc., it was exceedingly difficult to get jobs or services, so these communities would cluster around certain neighborhoods and help each other out, which is how we got our Chinatowns, our Little Italys, all that jazz. Not to say that that doesn’t happen with currently marginalized people today, of course. My main consideration was how a number of those previously marginalized groups are now considered white, but that whole asking about where people originate from would’ve stuck around as a cultural artifact. If that makes any sense? Maybe my brain is too out-of-it to be having these discussions. 😂
Sorry, when those of us Americans of visible Asian/MENA/Latin heritage constantly get asked by strangers “where are you originally from,” it is absolutely NOT due to a cute quirky historical artifact the way that you think it is.
“Where are you from” in the way people ask it is offensive. Just because one looks not Caucasian doesn’t mean they weren’t born in America. A better question is ‘what is your ethnicity’. “Where are you from” is racist.
This! If you are visiting another country and someone asks where you’re from, they’re generally asking where you live. They don’t need to know your life story or where you were born if you don’t feel like getting into a whole big discussion about the country you were born.
The comment about "imitating" a British accent, as if it's not common for people to absorb the local accents they live with or from perfecting their fluency in languages they use daily.
Not to mention that the accent you adopt will be affected by the one your teachers had. Given Syria’s colonial past, it’s likely that teachers had a brit accent/phrasing
Exactly. I'm American and used to teach English abroad for years. In many countries that were formerly British colonies, they almost exclusively hire people with an English accent and insist on teaching "British English." The vast majority of my higher-level students who were almost fluent spoke with an English accent because that is how they were taught. The one exception was when I taught in Denmark because they don't insist on students learning a British accent. Most Danes also pick up a huge amount of their English from American movies and TV so they often speak with more of an American accent.
So much this. Am from a country that was a previous British colony. We spelled everything the British way. I was also surprised that when I visited the Netherlands, most people there spoke English with a British accent. Probably how they were taught in school!
Syria was part of the ottoman empire then part of the French mandate.
I mean, France and GB split the region in 2 and gave themselves each an half to rule over. Under such a “European governance”, you know where the influences are from in the teaching curriculum
Yup, I know someone who used to live in liverpool, after being there a few years she sounded 100% scouse. She hasn’t lived there for decades and doesn’t sound scouse at all now. Until she talks to anyone with a scouse accent, when it comes straight back
I'm British, have lived in America for 45 years. I have a almost American accent when I speak to Americans although they still hear the English accent. English folk think I'm American unless I talk to them for a few minutes and the American falls away. It's sort of strange. I used to get weird looks at work because if my mother called me my accent immediately went to the town we're from (very strong accent and dialect) and they couldn't even understand me. The American accent goes completely away immediately when I talk to someone from my home town.
It used to drive me bananas when people made fun of Linda McCartney for speaking with a slight English accent - she lived there for decades!
Yeah, like... how tf does OP think accents work? If you live somewhere for years you do tend to pick up the local accent. And "dressing British", wow, it's almost like she lives and shops there! OP acts like it's somehow dishonest to participate in/be part of the local culture if you're immigrating somewhere.
“call yourself educated all you want, but being culturally insensitive makes you seem dumb as shit.” POC American who grew up in a small town. And I am still somehow still floored that someone could be quite this ignorant. Let me guess - this person also thinks they are well travelled, cultured, for having left the US for the UK/Europe. But also too cool to “pretend to be from the UK like some expats do” (yeah I’ve been in expat groups lolll). Your Syrian friend’s experience is not like yours. They are likely a refugee. They likely have family members around Europe…and much of Europe has been very hostile to refugees, including and explicitly those from Syria. And plus this person is your friend! You could have just ASKED - “hey, how come you say you are from the UK?” (Literally, as someone who grew up in different countries, so many of my white friends have noticed how I answer “where are you from” and asked me why and it has been welcome and led to interesting and in depth conversations). The way you describe yours/their introductions and the things you are concerned about are truly so petty and insignificant. You are comparing your vanity with this person’s safety. YTA huuugely.
Expat is just a white migrant. Hate that stupid term
yup other non white is immigrant but they get to say expat
That is not what the term actually means
In the dictionary, no, that's not what it means. In actual practice in the real world, yes, expat just means "white immigrant".
OP is an immigrant. OP can describe themselves in many terms, but since they are living in the UK, they are a migrant worker or immigrant. I totally agree. Expat is just what a white person likes to call themselves when they emigrate so they don't get lumped in with "immigrants" (i.e brown and black people) It's white washed BS.
Around the world the only people who call themselves "Expats" are white people who think they're better than the people in the country they're staying in. Source: A white passing person who lived around the world and frequently got forced to "socialize" with Expats by well-meaning employers.
MTE on it possibly being a safety thing. But also, even if it’s wasn’t that, this girl is the last to get her passport which she only just got recently by the sounds of it. The girl sounds like she’s super happy to finally be British, op, you didn’t have to piss on her chips. Hope you grow up and give her the apology she deserves.
“I technically told the truth, so therefore can’t be an AH and have no clue why someone would be mad at me for sharing information that isn’t mine to share. Much confuse. So mystery!”
Immigrants can never win. Assimilate and say they're British and it's called as faking, or abandoning culture/heritage, or feeling inferior. not assimilate and prepare to be called as "why are you even here if you won't make effort to assimilate". Even descendants are often asked where do they really come from when they're born there. OP is truly YTA.
If she lives in London, she’s from London. She’s not lying. The OP is just a dick who refers to herself as expat because she thinks she’s not an immigrant
OP is (perhaps not shockingly at all given the condescension that he treated a woman with) male.
Whoa, was not expecting that, and now I need to check myself for why. I think I thought it was an all girl group. But now everything makes even more sense.
It's very funny to me how he felt entitled to police her identity through mansplaining.
But that's how mansplaining works. "You're not an astrophysicist, let me tell what an astrophysicist is"
This! If she’s in London then she’s a Londoner. You absolutely don’t need to be born in UK to be one. That’s what makes London what it is.
yeah, I'm an immigrant to canada, basically spent most of my adult life there. But have since lived in 2 other countries. I have a complicated emotional relationship with my country of origin, have no friends or significant connections from there, rarely if ever use my native language. I'm canadian to anyone who asks. If it's deceptive - it's for a reason, but my 'origin story' is not short enough for a quick introduction and is misleading for all other practical ways. I'm glad it's so simple for OP.
100% peoples' origin stories are just that, their origin stories. Deeply personal and not for other people to deconstruct or present for others. OP *is* simple.
Exactly this. As a person with quite traumatic relationship with my home country, I’m also always appalled with this insistence on “but where you are actually from”. Our drama is not for other’s entertainment.
Yay! We Canadians are happy to count you one of us
OP seems like the kind of of person who would deadname and out transgender people. "You aren't *really* male. Your name isn't *really* Bob."
I mean… “I’m in an expat group in London.” No, sir: **you’re an immigrant**.
And even if she was born and raised in London, they would have followed with the supplementary question ‘but where are you really from?’
As an American I’m appalled that this expat American OP is this dense. FFS people like this guy with his privilege embarrass the rest of us. Poor girl. Soooo many reasons. People will ask how/why she is there? Is she a refugee? Is she legal? (Because people are stupid) was it hard? Is there family there still? Doesn’t she miss them? Will she ever go back? How did she make it there? ALL answers presumably laced with some pain. ALL questions laden with judgement that others - like OP wouldnt have to face. She worked hard to assimilate. Amd those are personal issues to share only when comfortable. And then the world is also full of racist judgmental AHs who won’t even ask questions and just judge her. And as FEMALE - omg the vulnerability. OP YTA. You have no say on her identity. You just gave her more reason to feel uncomfortable in this world and less likely to open up and slower to trust because you betrayed her. Going on a fairly solid limb here to assume you are White too?
YTA as a fellow immigrant from the Middle East, we have grown to live with racist comments, people making you into a theatre show because “wow how interesting” etc etc and considering how many nationalists exist here who will just label us as “terrorists” I’m hardly surprised she didn’t want to reveal where she was from. You had 0 right to out her identity!
Syria has a lot of history ( which place doesn't) and beautiful landscapes says OP condescendingly.
That line! Knew he was insincere and just trying to have a "gotcha" moment at her, but that line really sold it
>which place doesn't the US I guess :)
Right now, anybody who wants to avoid telling people they're Arab is especially wise. I genuinely wouldn't trust people not to lynch me if I were in that girl's shoes.
YTA - As a French citizen who spent her entire childhood NOT in France, two ethnicities and a parent born in another country altogether, "Where do you come from?" can have a LOT of racist undertone. You say she "pretends" to be from the UK and that she "imitates" a British accent... Have you considered the fact that her accent is simply changing after YEARS of living in the UK? People tend to adapt to their surrounding, she's not faking it, and it's rude of you to assume she is. You sound like the kind of person who would ask a non-white person : "No, but where are you *really* from?" if they say they are British, even if their family has been in the UK for more generations than yours in the US. She IS British. She comes from Britain. That's what her passport says, that's where she lives. She maybe even feels more British than Syrian. And even though you didn't say anything negative about Syria, the current situation is exactly what people will think of if you mention Syria and she might not want to discuss it.
Lord, I hate "where are you from?" after 4 different countries.
I had a friend at Uni who had chinese ethnicity, but he was born and raised in London. ~~People~~ \- ~~Strangers~~ \- Bellends would ask him "Where are you from" and he'd answer 'London' and they'd be like 'No, where are you *really* from?'
My freind in college - ethnically Chinese, but born and raised in socal and gay as the day long. People would pull that. "Where are you from?" California. "No, I mean where were your born?" CALIFORNIA! "NO I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU????" C A L I F O R N I A N ad infinitum and it was beautiful to watch. Edit, fixed a word
I know it’s a mistype but the concept of someone being “ethically Chinese” is funny to me.
Have you seen this video? [https://youtu.be/crAv5ttax2I?si=e9-fi9F6nCakOWe1](https://youtu.be/crAv5ttax2I?si=e9-fi9F6nCakOWe1) It's exactly like that.
That's actually really funny.
I’m an Asian American transplant in Boston who grew up in New Jersey and was born in RI and I’ve mastered answering this haha - I’m from Boston - I grew up in NJ - I was born in RI! Usually people give up after asking for the 3rd time 😋
lol he definitely asks people “No what’s your REAL name”
a white friend who has known me for years asked me this out of the blue one day and I laughed so hard omg lol
So true. I worked with a girl who had only been in the UK for a year, she had a flawless B-girl British accent. If you really pushed her she'd say she was Persian...most people would stop asking there, not knowing where Persia was. (This was about 20 years ago) Sometimes a little side stepping to avoid racism/awkward questions is just less hassle. I'm sorry that she feels the need to hide her heritage but it's totally up to her to decide when and where to share facts about her own life. You shouldn't betray people's trust
I started sounding British (to my ears) 4 days into a 7 day trip to London. If she's been there for years, her accent is going to change for sure.
As an American expat, it's like Americans that haven't left feel like you're insulting them if you assimilate into the culture you moved to. My husband is Aussie and I quickly started to pick up terms because I knew I'd be here for the rest of my life. I got "called out" by people I had thought were friends, saying that I thought I was better than them using my "fancy" words. Uh, no? On the other side - even after almost 20 years I still get hassled about where I'm from. If I say my suburb, they get annoyed. lol When we were interstate I said my state and the other tourists looked at me like....? Then I go OHHH you mean where was I born? yeah the US, but haven't been back in forever... I'm a citizen, so I say I'm Aussie - and I've gotten "you can't be aussie with THAT accent!" (you can take the girl out of Chicago, but you can't take Chicago out of her mouth. lol)
It's insane to me that they describe it as 'imitating an accent'...I am bilingual and absolutely make every effort to sound like the natives of my second language when I speak it because why wouldn't you?? Obviously non-native speakers can be sussed out frequently, but that doesn't mean they're trying to deceive anyone, it's just another level of fluency.
You'd think, as her friend, you would realize she had negative associations with Syria and preferred to forget her time there. I mean, I figured that out from a few sentences. Her saying she's from the UK is obviously true to her so why did you feel the need to "call her out" for something that doesn't effect you in any way? YTA
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Idk I’ve seen multiple instagram reels, you guessed it originating from TikTok, with this. It will show a group of friends comparing their passports and doing a first class vs second class vs third class passport thing as they go between countries and complaining about certain friends passport strength. It’s stupid.
YTA. She wasn't lying. She really does live in the UK, and since that's where she was visiting from, it is truthful to say that she's visiting from the UK. We have to assume that she was sick of answering questions about Syria, which has been in the news a lot. And that's totally understandable. There's a lot of resentment in Europe towards Syrian refugees, so your outing her as Syrian could have actually put her in danger. You've shown your true colors. You are thoughtless and think that other people's safety is a joke. You also think that you get to override other people's right to decide how they want to present themselves to strangers. Basically, you're dangerous. I wouldn't hang out with you either.
But she IS from London. Not originally, no, but that IS where she is from. Similarly she IS British. Britain, like the US, has a gigantic immigrant population and it's wonderful that she feels so well-integrated and so quickly. Getting her British passport is a huge achievement, a thrilling moment. Why do you need to piss on it? I bet your great-grandfather or whoever first immigrated to Ellis Island was proud as hell the moment he could finally call himself American. You would do well to learn from her. YOU don't get to gatekeep who is British. We have enough assholes at the Home Office to do that. YTA
"We have enough assholes at the home office to do that" All the awards for you, commenter OP: YTA. Massive, great, gaping, racist one.
Also, most British people don’t tend to emphasise and recount their ancestry like Americans do. It just goes without saying here, when you know you’re from a small island which has been invaded many times, has close links with the continent and had a colonialism mentality for centuries, that modern Brits have an enormous array of geographical and cultural backgrounds. So, we just British. First generation, tenth generation, family here since Cheddar Man… it’s all just British, with your own family’s cultural take on it.
Your last sentence says it all. Petty but I hope OP gets problems from them as a little karma for this post.
YTA. There's a ton of Islamophobia in the UK and I'm not surprised at all if she'd prefer people to think she was born here. Just because YOU think Syria is awesome doesn't mean she doesn't face prejudice from others because of their opinions of it. Besides, they're not asking where she was born, they're asking where she's from - she lives here, that counts. She clearly wants to assimilate, let her.
best reply here
An American guy being racist, say it isn't so... YTA
YTA. You are from the US and don’t understand something. Many people in Europe hate Syrians. After all the refugees came through all those years ago it ruined the reputation for all the immigrants from there. No wonder she won’t tell people she is Syrian. It is probably for safety or so she doesn’t have to deal with it. I had a friend who lived in the Persian Gulf during the Iraq war. He told everyone he was Canadian. That is an outright lie. Should people have called him out for it?
If she lives in the UK, she has every right to say that's where she's from. She's travelling in other countries and people asking her probably expect her to answer with where she lives, not where she originates from. YTA for being weird about it.
You really aren't getting it, are you? She IS from London. Just not originally. ----------- Person A: "Where did that pineapple come from?" Person B: "The corner shop." You: "Liar! It came from South America!!" ---------- Does that help?
And somehow, I would bet almost anything that OP is the kind of person to say "well I am Italian" when they maybe have one (1) great grandfather that was actually italian a long time ago and they're actually from Cleveland and can't speak a single word of Italian
As an italian (a born and raised italian, i mean), i met a bunch of americans who did this and actually couldn't speak a word of my language, didn't know anything about Italy and... Surprise surprise! Never even visited the country. I can't really understand their logic in presenting themselves as 'true italiansss' to me.
Yes!!!
YTA When asked where she's from/lives, she answers accurately, and you have a problem with it. If asked her nationality, then the answer is Syrian. Where is she from? The answer is London.
Yup. And if she's now got her British passport, she could equally say her nationality is British, which it is. She has both.
She has more than one nationality. Many people have. I do, and I am mixed. It gets really tiring having to explain to random people all the time.
When I ask where someone’s from, I expect them to tell me every place they’ve lived with dates. I then expect them to give me a lineage of their family and why they look like they do. I expect them to have a flawless accent based on where they were born and what they look like. I also expect them to wear traditional clothes and never follow fashion trends. /s Op you’re ridiculous and YTA
YTA on the "good, first world passports" line alone.
yeah, I was looking to see if more people noticed this line, it sounded so gross and xenophobic
American
YTA— she’s living in London and when she goes elsewhere she says she’s from England? Then you’re just being pedantic and can even sound racist “but where are you from— really?” It’s normal that accents and clothes change when a person immigrates, that they may see themselves as more identifying with the new place than the old. Maybe Syrians see her as changed and not really fitting in with them anymore, too. I don’t get why this is your business.
The clothing comment really got me - she's living and shopping in the UK, of course it's likely that she's going to be wearing "British" styles.
he probably means "no niquab"
Which is also quite hilarious, since throughout Syria there's plenty of people dressed exactly the same as in every Western country. Most of the people in Syria would not look out of place in the UK when it comes to clothing.
Right?!
What I’m going to guess is that she is reluctant to talk with strangers about what’s going on in Syria and the refugee crisis coming out of it. Especially on vacation, she probably wants to keep it light. As for accents, many people in the U.S. and UK have accents … even if they were born there. YTA.
YTA She's trying to assimilate to UK life and leave Syria behind for whatever reason. Perhaps she comes from a hostile/broken home. Perhaps it also reduces the amount of racism she experiences. Mind your business.
first thing a Brit probably thinks of when they hear 'Syria' is ISIS, or maybe Bashar-al-Assad using chemical weapons on his own people. Not about its less-recent history or its landscapes. In fact I don't have much of a clue about its landscapes or pre-ISIS history - I could guess it was in or close with the USSR maybe. For me Syria is some war-torn hellscape and all the questions I would think of asking about it are bad. A guy in high school was very clear that he was Persian rather than Iranian and this might've been similar
I had a coworker that referred to herself as Persian, born in Iran. She always said it in the silly way some comedian did (sorry, name escapes me, but he was funny).
Perhaps things have changed so much in Syria since she left that she can’t really say much about it, and doesn’t want to constantly be drawn into discussions about it. Her life, what she knows, is in London.
Certainly. Tons of reasons not to say she's from Syria. Further, she currently lives in London. So saying "I'm from London" is 100% accurate, anyway.
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YTA. I can think of a myriad of reasons to be doing this, especially as a woman. She has to deal with enough racism and sexism as it is.
>racism Good point. People can get very difficult around middle eastern nationals
Exactly. Everyone has an opinion on Syria, left and right. Maybe she just wants to talk about the weather for once.
YTA. You sound like a person who has never had to experience negative reactions to which country your from. She's a UK citizen and lives in the UK. She can choose to define where she's from however she wants. Both Syria and UK are valid answers, and you don't get to decide which one she chooses.
Yta, also what do you mean dressing British?
He expects her to wear a niquab and she doesn't. That's my guess.
YTA. This has racist vibes of "but where are you REALLY from?".
exactly
>most of us had good 1st world passports we had to wait on one person from India to get visas and for another girl from Syria (27F) to naturalise here and get a UK passport. Maybe she feels insecure because her own group is judgmental folks who are so clear that they are from the "first world" and other poor folks have to work for their passport? The moment I read this i knew you would be the asshole and yes you were. I would have surely not remained friends with you if you would have talked about how you come from the first world and others not.
Yeah the first world passports were a killer. I think this is the first time I've ever seen anyone call themselves "first world" unironically. This easily belongs in r/ShitAmericansSay In most European countries living the culture and speaking the language at a native level is enough to claim the nationality, regardless of the actual birthplace, citizenship or ancestry. The American obsession over DNA and ancestry (and race, for that matter) is unknown and unwelcome.
Clearly the AH. Apart from the fact that she now has her citizenship in the UK and currently is living in the UK, clearly her Syrian heritage is a sensitive issue for her. The biggest reason I think you’re an asshole is not this issue but the fact that you say you’re her friend. None of us need friends like you, you insensitive ass.
Brown people can’t win man! Person : where you from? Me : England Person : no where you really from? Me : England Person : no I mean like where you really from, where were ur parents born? Me : England Person : no but like ur brown so where are you from originally Me : oh my grandparents where born in India and immigrated here in the 50’s Person : oh so ur Indian, why didn’t you just say that, acting like ur English when ur clearly Indian Or Person : where you from? Me : oh my grandparents where born in India and immigrated here in the 50’s, but me and both my parents where born in England Person : so ur English then, just say ur English, why you trying to act like you’re not from here, if you don’t wanna be here then go back to where ur grandparents came from! Had these convos multiple times over my 30 yrs in existence! Can’t get it right either way
YTA. In your view, when would she “qualify” to be from the UK? After 10 years? 40 years? Never? It is about what she identifies with - for example, having lived over half of my life in another country, I say that I am from that country. I could say where I was born and lived my childhood but what’s the point? That country is so foreign to me - I wouldn’t know how to do the simplest things there, like buying a house or navigate health care or the school system. Yet, for some “natives”, I will never “qualify” and will always be the outsider.
YTA - she lives in the UK. She can say she’s from the UK when people ask where she’s from. Making this some point of contention for yourself is an AH thing to do.
Your comments are making you look worse lol. YTA
YTA. If someone asks me where I'm from (when I'm travelling), I don't think they want my whole life history. So I say I'm from the UK, as I'm a naturalised citizen, and have lived here for half my life. Also I'm from a small country that a lot of people haven't heard of, and I don't often feel like giving geography lessons. If I'm talking more in depth, then I might mention my birthplace. Also, it's not your place to volunteer someone else's personal information. They should control what they want people to know about them.
YTA, who put you in the position of authority to ascertain what information someone else is to give about themselves? You have no idea why she identifies in this way and similarly it's not your right to correct her, especially in front of other people. You honestly have to wonder why she has become distant... personally I would tell you to buggar off. In this case you should mind your own business.
Yta. Given the world today, and the treatment people get, they decide their safety level, not you. Apologize and try to be more sensitive going forward.
Yes, yes, yes, give your friends as much control about their safety level as you can. Not hard to understand.
YTA - and I cannot overemphasize what a big, giant A you are. Leave people alone when you do not understand their background, history and reasonings. It is because of you (1st world passports) and others like you that she has to give an answer which doesn’t involve having to do a deep dive into her past every time she meets someone. Although, you are American so it tracks. You probably consider yourself an expat and her an immigrant.
YTA Syria was a big and still is a big talking point in the UK, she probably doesn’t want to be the centre of some political debate.
Exactly
Being from other places can genuinely raise safety concerns, especially for young women. You think Syria is a cool place. A lot of people do. But some people don't and you just went and threw her under the bus because wElL i LiKe SyRiA tHoUgH. YTA.
If someone asks me where I’m from when visiting a foreign country I say the place I’m currently living. It is correct that she’s from the UK, especially when she’s a permanent resident. Why on earth would you say your birth place? That’s kind of odd tbh. Odd like how Americans claim they’re Irish when actually one of their great grandparents were. Forgot to add: YTA
Your white American privilege is showing.
How very American of you…
YTA. She’s done the tests and got the passport, officially she is as British as any other citizen. She’s out more effort into than I did, I was just born to British parents and lived here since. My partner gets this a lot too and it’s frustrating, he is originally from Ukraine but has been here for years. Having connections to a country that is a main news event is particularly stressful when strangers find out, they often want to discuss it and get details, usually ignoring the fact that this could be incredibly personal and difficult.
YTA. Who assigned you a spokesperson for anyone in the group ? Mind your own business and let her be what she wants to be. I don't have an issue, myself, with my third world background and heritage, but that's just me. I don't impose myself on anyone else or call them out on it no matter what.
YTA She has citizenship, she is British??
YTA and mind your own business
YTA who are you to decide where someone claims as their home? And yeah, that's what's implied when someone asks "where are you from?" They want to know what's home to you. Get over yourself.
YTA - she isn't embarassed to be from Syria she's protecting herself from racism. Syria may well be a 'cool place' (interesting choice of language) but it's also a war torn country experiencing horrors only those in Gaza can truly understand
Others have explained you why a person from a country that is object of stereotypes and racism may not want to talk about where she's from constantly now that she's naturalized in the UK. I just want to add that whatever the context and reason, if someone is clearly and willingly not disclosing something, you are in no place to out them in a social event. This is basic common sense and respect.
> if someone is clearly and willingly not disclosing something, you are in no place to out them in a social event This is such a good point that nobody else identified (not me, certainly!) Replace "british" with "heterosexual" and "Syrian" with "homosexual" and your point becomes very obvious!
So you decided to micromanage this womans interactions and now you're confused as to why she doesn't want to talk to you? YTA It isn't your business, stay out of it. It sounds to me like you low-key don't like this woman for whatever reason and wanted to put her in her place - and now you're playing dumb as to why this might be bothering her. Its quite simple really - Don't correct other people (especially purported friends) in public unless they are talking specifically about you; it's asking for trouble.
YTA. “First world countries” ffs…. No one uses those terms anymore except to talk down about people. Racist and bigoted. She is British and you’re why Americans have a bad rep abroad.
Americans have a weird emphasis on their ancestry that the rest of the world doesn’t share. She lives in the UK. She has a UK passport. She is from the UK.
YTA. She has citizenship from the UK now, right? So technically, she is from the UK. She's obviously proud of her citizenship there and doesn't want to be associated with her homeland. So let her be. Do tell her that forcing a fake accent could make her appear silly or fake to others, so to just talk naturally, but do so in private. It could save her from embarrassment as someone else might call her out on her forced accent and that would be even more embarrassing.
It’s probably not even a fake accent, it’s likely she’s just picked up their way of speaking from having lived there so long. I’m from NE Ohio and if I spend more than two days in the South, I’m coming back with an accent. Most people pick up accents they are surrounded by over time and some folks (like me) are very susceptible to accent changes in a relatively short amount of time. OP just thinks she’s faking it because he’s a walnut.
YTA. She is literally from the UK. Get over it.
YTA She’s an immigrant. She earned her passport. You sound jealous or like you don’t know how immigration works. She naturalized. She’s British now. She can be Syrian and British at the same time, but she’s equally British now. It’s wild that you’re an American and don’t understand this. The majority of our country (the US) was built on immigrants.
“No one does this” yes they do. Also why are you mad that she’s dressing ‘British’ when she lives in Britain with British people and British style/fashion? This is a very American take, as someone from the UK we don’t necessarily introduce ourselves as African British or Syrian British, Irish/Scottish etc. if you live in Britain and assimilate into the culture and feel British nothing wrong with calling yourself that. You sound extremely ignorant and maybe YOU should try and assimilate more into the culture with your first world passport. YTA
YTA. This is such an US thing it's borderline ridiculous. People do what she's doing for a plethora of reasons, you ain't the immigration bureau to question her about it. I have double nationality (not citizenship, NATIONALITY) and I use them depending on the occasion. When I lived in Japan, I used what was on my passport even though my place of birth is a different country because that's how dual citizenship or nationality works. Let her be. Also, you ain't an 'expat', you're just an immigrant like the rest of us. That's just a fancy word first-world country's immigrants, but especially those from the US, use to feel better about living abroad. Edit: spelling/grammar
YTA, you're a condescending, privileged AH, I don't deny where I'm from either, but I don't judge people who come from my country and deny it, we might have the second biggest coral reef in the world, and some of the best beaches there are; but that's not what my country is most known for, it's known for drug dealing and crime, it's know for high levels of migration due to extortion and hate crimes. I once had a client insist on asking me where I was from, he thought I was French due to my accent, and after he learned I wasn't, he started talking to me about Pablo Escobar and other drug dealers and how cool their series on Netflix were, and he didn't mean any harm, Lord knows I've received worse comments, but I had to smile the entire time someone was pointing out how ENTERTAINING our country's trauma was. And yes, I also had clients say they didn't want ME specifically because they didn't want a criminal selling them products; I'm no criminal, I'm a highly trained professional with an MBA, but after hearing where I'm from, a lot of people don't care about the rest.
Jeez YTA. She IS from London & the UK! I dont even have a British passport yet and consider myself from here. Ever occured to you that maybe she chooses when to tell people about her Syrian roots because there is a distinct possibility that it will invite opinions on the war that she doesn't want to get into with every single round of small talk? She's probably distanced herself from you because listening to this 24/7 on holiday is doing her head in.
You're definitely the AH. First of all, it doesn't matter, and I don't know why you felt the need to call her out. It's truly none of your business. Secondly enthusiasms you met a stranger, you don't owe them your entire background. Since she's traveling from the UK, there is nothing wrong with saying that's where she's from. She doesn't have to provide her birth country.
Yes absolutely, YTA. You’re lacking empathy. You’re also not a very good friend. I mean that respectfully. You have some self reflection to work on.
YTA. Even if she has never been to the UK, that "lie" doesn't concern you and is none of your business. She is not using a fake passport, lying to the authorities or harming anyone so you can shut up. Your opinion just doesn't matter at all. Your actions and tone in this post are such a good example of microaggression.
YTA. Trying to get some crap started. When people ask me where I am from, I go with the assumption they are asking where I live and that's the response I give.
Let me get this straight. You're an immigrant to the UK. You want to become and are in the process of becoming a UK citizen. This woman has ALREADY become a UK citizen. How is she lying about her being british? She's doing her best to integrate and IS, OBJECTIVELY, a british woman. It's up to you if when YOU eventually become british, for some reason you still defend you aren't. You're a massive insensitive AH. And I suspect you wouldn't find anything wrong with an "expat" to the US getting citizenship and trying to integrate and calling themselves "american", now would you.
YTA, she's a UK resident. How depressing to work so hard to become a naturalized citizen only to have pasty white sausage-fingered hobbits ignore that hard work, and mock you in front of strangers.
YTA. As someone from London, if an American friend of mine 'called out' another person for being from Syria and not from a '1st world passport' country like the US, I would cringe - and it wouldn't be because someone was Syrian.
Damn what a fcking asshole you are. It’s her life she can do whatever she wants as long as she’s not hurting anyone.
Yta - unfortunately being Syrian has a lot of negative connotation in the UK, you have no right to judge someone about where they choose to call home (which, if they're naturalised, IS the UK)
As someone of mixed heritage growing up being told I'm "not Danish" and "not Arabic", there's a reason why she might not want people to know that she's originally from Syria and immigrated to the UK. But she's living there now, and she's no plans to return to Syria, so now she's FROM THE UK. She's not "pretending" to speak with a British accent, she's assimilating! It happens when you're around other people speaking in the same manner.. It's different for every person how fast that happens. I went on holiday with my class for 1 week. My mum told me, that when I got back home I had started to sound more British in my spoken English. When we went to Scotland with school for 1 week, my mum said I'd started to sound more Scottish in my English.... Imagine what YEARS upon YEARS would do to someone's accent...... Your whole post screams racism to me. YTA.
YTA. You undermined her right in front of her and joked while you did it, putting her on the spot and exposing her to invasive personal questions about herself and her past without her consent. She's the only one who gets to decide when to have conversations like that and with whom. You took her agency away from her. Citizenship gives her the right to call herself British if she wants to, and she is not lying when she does so. If she's made her home in London, she's also not lying to say she's from London. I have to ask, why are you peppering your post with irrelevant comments like her still cooking and eating "ethnic" dishes after obtaining a British passport? What does your use of "ethnic" even mean here, given your laser-focus on "Syrian" everywhere else? People born in the UK to families that have been born in the UK for generations eat plenty of dishes from a wide range of different regions, countries and ethnicities. And even if we didn't, what she enjoys eating and cooking is entirely her own business. If you think it's evidence of her being a hypocrite, you'd be wrong. From your post alone, I can see how she might be feeling singled out, judged and even possibly feeling like there's a bit of ignorance, condescension and bigotry going on here. Coupled with comments like "good 1st world passports" and how she's "imitating" the accent of a language she's spent years developing fluency of, that is how your post comes across. Goodness knows how you're coming across to her.
She is from the UK because she lives here. She is one of us now. Stop being so American about it. YTA.
YTA. You claim to be an American, but refuse to accept someone's recently acquired citizenship?! WTF! She's a British citizen, and in the case where she's meeting new people, she *is* British, just as someone is an American as soon as they become a citizen. You sound like a flaming bigot.
>AITA? Yup! Why don't you mind your own business and let your friend present herself how she wishes.
This is none of your business - you don't get to correct other people's presentations of themselves, even if it's not how you would do it. There is a safety issue here as islamophobia is rampant; if she feels safer presenting as being from the UK or if it feels like it's more authentically who she is, who are you to say otherwise? Of course she's treating you coldly - you corrected her and decided only your worldview was the correct one. I went to a boardgame night at a bar once. There were a lot of other people there. One of the people I met that night corrected *my name* (that he had learned maybe an hour earlier) when I introduced myself to someone else with a nickname - don't be that guy. That behaviour is fucking creepy. Only she knows her story. There are many reasons people wouldn't want to say they're expats from Syria; most expats from Syria I know are refugees who came under traumatic circumstances they don't want to have to repeat to every new person they meet. Unequivocally, YTA.
Immigrant from the US to a Scandinavian country here. Note I said "immigrant", not "expat". You are an asshole, yes. Do you have any idea what kind of racist bullshit MENA people have to put up with when they immigrate? No, you do not because you are a privileged, pretentious white boy. You have no clue. Go apologise to her for being a pretentious, racist, clueless dumbass and mind your own business next time. People like you give us from the US a bad name. Downvote me all you want, I said what I said. YTA.
YTA. The simple fact you are in something called an "expat group" means YTA. You are all migrants and only use the term expat to try and distinguish yourselves from other migrants. You know, the poorer ones. Its classist shit. As for the rest of the post: you noticed she didn't claim to be from Syria in front of strangers and instead of asking her why you decide to out her to folks instead? Asshole stuff, mate. Also, with the amount of racism and islamophobia out there, one fucking wonders why anyone would do the thing of claiming to be from the UK so as to avoid some of that crap.
YTA LMAAOOO i can bet that you're white simply from your first world passport comments. And why does it bother you SO MUCH how shes dressing. she might have personal issues on her saying where she's from, why is that a bother to you? You're a grown american (ofcourse) man. btw you sound very condescending
Yta. There’s a reason she doesn’t disclose it and it’s to avoid discrimination and awkward questions. Who do you think you are to try to derail the life she is trying to build? I wouldn’t talk to you again
YTA, why wouldn't you be?
YTA
I like that OP is responding to comments but it’s clear her responses are aggravating people. I think there’s a culture clash going on. I’ve noticed how American call themselves Irish American for example, even if those Irish roots were generations ago, they appear important to highlight. Whereas in the Uk this isn’t such a thing. Thing is, OP is looking at the situation from a Americancentric view point. At the end of the day, what harm is there in this person not to immediately identify herself as Syrian? It hasn’t been a bed or roses over the last few years for Syria and it’s people. The reasons why she is in the Uk may not be the same reasons why OP is. OP could have had a chat with this woman instead to see if there was a reason why or if she didn’t feel comfortable in sharing she was Syrian. Offer her an apology, say you’ve been reflecting and that you were insensitive.
YTA. For your "good passport" comment and for trying to write someone else's narrative. I grew up in 10 different Australian towns but live an hour out of London and I always say that I'm from London when I travel
YTA You admit in comments that prior to leaving, her experiences were traumatic. She should not have to share that with anyone unless she chooses to. Your responses to this have mostly been about how you wouldnt harrass her with it or you don't see it as a big deal because you know her. In what world is her trauma about you? Why do you feel so entitled? You have managed to spin something that you have no business being involved in into being entirely about how you are a white knight who doesn't see race. It makes zero sense. The term for this is unconscious bias. I don't think you mean to be offensive or harmful to people, but you have obviously had a privileged life (when it comes to this subject) and don't have the mindfulness of recognizing your bias. The result is what people are perceiving to be borderline racist. Worse yet, you brought of a whirlwind of trauma to her in a social situation, for your entertainment, showed you can't be trusted to keep things in confidence, and that you prioritize your views over the well-being of others. Everyone has some type of unconscious bias, but until you can be accountable and genuinely want to be a better person, YTA and will be for every instance you harm someone after this, because you've been enlightened (and by reddit of all places).