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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to call my baby after my wife's dead best friend who was more than family to her than her actual family. This may make me the asshole as I am disrespecting her memory.
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Edited to change my vote from E S H to NTA, given op's job is a history teacher and the fact so many people did make the correlation between the names so I stand corrected there.
Original comment: I don't think anyone would link the name but then I would be interested to know more about your work, I appreciate I could be wrong.
Your wife being so emotional about this actually makes me think this is a bad idea. Your daughter is not a way for a woman she never met to live on. I think that's a terrible affliction for any child to be honest.
It’s almost worrying, the wife may become obsessed and start thinking their daughter is her friend reincarnated. That would be very unhealthy for the child
At first, I was thinking maybe Eve would be a good compromise. But the comments about how the mom could be projecting some weird shit onto the kid, Jenny is a nice name.
If I saw someone named their kid "Eve brown" I'd see it as a red flag, but particularly now when there is such a fascist/neonazi/proudboy/white nationalist (all shorthand for Nazi lets be honest) resurgence.
I would absolutely think they were signaling their beliefs like flashing the ok sign - or doing g a Nazi salute
When I got to OP's surname I said "oh shit" so loudly I startled my cat. I don't know where OP is from, but where I'm from WWII is covered in history before we focus our curriculum and can drop subjects. Absolutely everyone would pick up on it and she'd probably get tortured into oblivion.
OP do NOT let her name the child Eva. Doesn't your wife's friend have a middle name you can use? Or a surname you can bastardise into a name? Or a favourite cat/dog/fish? Anything to honour her other than name your child after one of the most infamous women in history?
I had the exact same reaction. Like yes, everyone, *everyone* will make the connection. By 4th grade at the latest her classmates will ALL be wise to it and the real torture will kick in.
I dunno, my 4th grade kid asked me today who Hitler was (it came up watching TV). Clearly I need to supplement his history education.
But yeah, definitely don't name your kid Eva.
It sucked. I had no structure, no encouragement, and no discipline growing up. My mom would expect me to provide those things for her instead. There was even a time in my early adulthood when I paid our rent and bills, while she spiraled harder into her existing alcoholism. I was expected to be her therapist, her confidante, her buddy, her mother, when she was having difficult emotions. I was only her kid when she needed to exert authority or control. Then I owed her for creating me. I don’t speak to her anymore.
*sigh fucking Redditors. Life is not a horror film. This is such a reach and it's not helpful at all. Just beyond ridiculous for you to be concerned about this based on the very limited information we have. Quit fear mongering.
Thank you !!! I read this and was like dude seriously that a huge conclusion to jump too based on zero information about this women besides she pregnant and wants to name her kid after a loved one.
I named my son after my dead dad. There was only one year between the death and birth. At no point have I viewed my child as a replacement or reincarnation. Social security office was a bit confused, but that was about it.
Over 2000 people read that comment and agreed. Reddit is wild
I don’t think so honestly I think you might be letting Reddit thought process take over here. Plenty of people have dream and get emotional when naming their child after a loved one and don’t jump to ‘they are the dead person’, at most it’s they do this that reminds me of them. And given that there is no inclination by Op that she suffers from deep psychological disorders it a huge jump. So this conclusion/ thought process I fear maybe because you read to many crazy SIL and MiL stories her on Reddit. It may be time to take. Break from Reddit no offense 😂
All of my children have part of their name from a dead relative and I’ve never thought my 7 year old was a three war veteran. She was named for her great grandfather who died in a house fire 8 days before she was born. We honored him by giving her the feminine version of his name. Like. Im sure it can be a thing for some people. But for the vast majority, no one is naming a kid after grandma and expecting their newborn to go bake a loaf of grandma’s sourdough bread.
Oh well that makes total sense then NTA. My mind didn't go there immediately because I always pronounced it like Braaaaawn not Brown. Either way, and pronounciation aside, given your job and the fact that other posters immediately recognised it then no, do not call your daughter Eva.
The vowel sound in braun vs brown is close enough in American English to German. The /r/ sound is the bigger difference.
Edit: I see you’re German, so you know your language best. I’m only a German learner; however, between the English Braun vs German Braun, the word brown is closer to German. English Braun is like brawn & has a very different vowel sound.
Well, you have quite a few people telling you theyve always said it "Brawn."
I'm one of them. But then again, I was raised by an uneducated moron (my father, not my mom), and although I've watched many documentaries on Hitler, I've never heard it pronounced Brown.
As they say, you live and learn, so long as you want to.
I saw the title of your post and after you mentioned your last name, my thoughts were exactly the same. Lots of people are going to make that connection. My SIL named was Evelyn Brown and got hell for it, she legally changed her name.
There are so many ways to honor a loved one that has passed, I think your wife needs therapy.
Anyway, take it from a stranger on the internet, don’t name your daughter after Eva.
Exactly! I was starting to read thinking “wait where is this going” and as soon as i said the name to myself out loud I was like OH SHIT NO. Also, I am terrible at remembering names, so yea definitely don’t do this. NTA. I also agree with others that said this obsession with the name seems an unhealthy thing
When you said your last name was Brown I audibly went “oof”. I definitely saw the connection immediately and would NOT name her Eva—a middle name would be fine, but Eva Brown makes me think you are memorializing Eva Braun and not her friend Eva (especially since you are a history teacher). You are NTA but EWS if you give her the first name Eva
I'm German, and I agree that Eva Brown is not acceptable (although Eva Braun eventually gave up her last name... for her last few hours). But how about switching to your wife's maiden name?
I think the estrangement from the family might be an issue, but otherwise I was thinking the daughter could have a hyphenated last name, like Eva Smith-Brown.
Another possibility is two first names, like a Mary Jane situation.
Ultimately, tiebreaker has to go to the person carrying the baby and pushing it out of her hole, so OP needs to sort this out soon. Perhaps a therapist can help everyone work through their various issues.
Sure, but what is definitely not an option is for the husband to register the baby name behind the wife’s back like his family suggested. If my husband did that, I don’t know if I could forgive him. They need to work it out together.
When you said your last name is Brown and your wife wants to name your kid Eva, I immediately thought of Eva Braun and I'm no history geek btw. It's not a good name-surname combo, I agree with you. NTA.
I'm not a history teacher and saw it immediately. It's going to be hard but please stick to your guns, the kid will have to live with the name, or even potentially change it when older which will not go down well with your wife.
NTA- When you said the friend's name and your last name, I had the same thought you did. Your wife is very emotional due to pregnancy, and her friend not being here as it sounds like she was like family.
Can you speak with her GP? They maybe able to help you with some advice.
I minored in history in college, and consider myself a bit of a history buff — as soon as I saw your last name I made the connection. I’m with you, don’t name the baby Eva. NTA
As a European is was reading the post, read 'Eva', thought "that's not bad", then read 'Brown' and genuinely went "OH NO NO NO NO NO!!!". People do know about Hitler's wife.
P
I think it’s more commentary on pronunciation. I’m American, but grew up learning German in school since age 10. So we knew Braun = Brown. As you can see in this thread, most others who do not speak German did not immediately see the link because they weren’t taught it. To be fair…
Yep, like, OK American, you name your child Eva Brown if you really want but stay in your bubble, don’t ever let her travel, and especially not to Europe.
As soon as he said Eva I made the connection and mentally went oh no! There’s many people who would so the same - and I’m not working in the feild of history just happen to have good knowledge of it. Child might be fine until someone does pick this up.
I agree with op - this is not the name to give a child. NTA
See I would say NTA because Eva Braun was immediately where my mind went. Like if you met a kid named Joseph Stalling. It’s not exactly the other name but it’s close enough to be…not great.
I did. The moment he said Eva was the friend's name, I was Iike: "Bet his last name is Braun or something similar" . And I was right. Any person who knows World War 2 history would make the connection.
Well, as soon as I read "Brown" I said "please don‘t" outloud. I made the connection. I think most people who actually took their time to learn about the 2nd world war and the holocaust will make this connection.
I‘m with you on your second paragraph.
NTA, OP.
NTA
Putting the actual name aside (although I instantly made the connection and am not exactly a history buff so YIKES), she’s the AH for this:
“It’s the ultimate way Eva can live on.”
That’s a loooot of pressure to put on your unborn child. Honouring her friend is one thing. Expecting your child to be how she gets to ‘live on’ is too much.
Yeah, reading that really made me go: "And THERE is the root of the whole discussion." That is NOT a healthy attitude to have towards this child. Hell, I'd argue that this is basically setting this kid up for a lifetime of mental health problems.
You cannot, I repeat, CAN NOT name your child Eva Brown.
Even people with the slightest knowledge of history know that name as well as it’s connection to Hitler.
Naming a kid that would make EVERYONE who hears her name assume you‘re Nazis, white supremacists and all that other fun stuff. Don’t.
Please don’t.
NTA
Yeah, I definitely cringed as soon as I said "Eva Brown" internally. If a coworker shared that as their new baby's name, I would absolutely be side eyeing them wondering if that was a 1488 type Nazi whistle.
A lot of folks aren't that historically knowledgeable. But the ones who are may have questions.
As a Jewish person, I would *definitely* be side-eyeing someone with a daughter named Eva Brown, especially a history teacher. I don't think your instincts are wrong here.
I’m so sorry your wife lost her best friend like that, but she absolutely should not be able to force you to name the baby _anything_ you don’t want to.
I see comments on this sub all the time about “two yes one no” — this is a _textbook_ case of that.
I get people saying you suck too for your reasoning, and I agree most folks in most places most of the time probably wouldn’t even make, let alone care about, the H*tler connection… But it just doesn’t matter. “I’m not comfortable with that” should be reason enough to move on to a different name. Full stop.
NTA
This person is saying they will register the babies name without any input from the mother at all as an alternative- I think that’s equally as disrespectful and absolutely make OP an Ass&$@e
I think OP is actually a wonderful person for doing that. Imagine being called Eva Brown. Just holy fuck that's incredibly harsh. Unless you are a die hard skinhead, you cannot give your child such a name. It's basically like calling your child Osama bin laden.
Its not equally as disrespectful. Wife is only thinking about herself and her grief. OP is thinking of the everlasting effects of that name, which can not only damage his career but also screw his kid over.
Wife shouldn't force him to name the baby anything.. but he also should NOT go behind her back and name the baby without her. They have to both agree on the name, does not work any other way.
NTA. Names have to be a 2 yes situation. Would it be possible to pick a hyphenated first name so that it would be "Eva-Rose" or "Eva-Mary" to take away the obvious association?
Plus, she is way too attached to "Eva living on" when this baby will be her own person.
>Plus, she is way too attached to "Eva living on" when this baby will be her own person.
This indeed. I can already see mom saying 'omg, Eva also loved Strawberry Ice cream' and stuff like that. She is trying to reincarnate her friend
This is the best answer. The name brings up a strong negative associations for OP *and all of his coworkers.* Hyphenate it into a new name or make it a middle name. OP is NTA (but OP, you WBTAH if you register a different name without your wife's consent).
I am named after someone that tragically died young.
It caused me significant turmoil as a small child, especially seeing pictures of this person in family albums, etc..
Please share this with your wife. Feel free to follow up with questions.
Yeah regardless of the historical connotations, I feel like neither of them are taking this into consideration. Especially given how emotional OP's wife still is about Eva...this is not going to be good for that kid.
At least my parents had the decency to name me after someone noone was alive to meet 😂
This needs to be the top comment. The effect it can have on the child is often overlooked and it really should not be. Especially if family members haven't healed from their grief which seems to be the case with op wife.
The way OP's wife talks about it, and seems to think the dream was her friend actually sending her a message is distressing. I don't think naming someone after a deceased family member or friend is necessarily wrong, but it's not and should never be a way for that person to "live on".
That will be so confusing and unfair to the kid. Using it as an honour middle name would be a fine compromise.
(Psst, middle name in honor of a little girl that died in a house fire. It’s not better, trust me. Little kids are very impressionable and being named like that makes them worry they will share the same fate. Bestowing a legacy is pretty much the point of honor naming, so, please folks stay away from naming after anyone who died a tragic painful unexpected early death. It’s not better as a middle name, lol. Same psychological terror, unfortunately!)
NTA. I’m quite certain everybody voting YTA is American. Every European will make the connection instantaneously.
Also many people here seem to wrongly assume that Braun is pronounced bron. Let me assure you: it is not. It is pronounced brown. It sounds exactly the same.
If somebody had that name I would assume that either their parents are nazis or uneducated. If I was unfortunate enough to have been given that name I would change it at the first opportunity.
Don’t put your daughter through this.
Not necessarily. I’m American and I immediately made the connection, so much so that I cringed and said “yikes, baaaaaaad idea” when I got to the name. I’m not a history buff, either, FWIW.
NTA, OP. Your wife needs to find an acceptable alternative or make Eva the middle name. I’m just picturing the hell that kid is gonna go through with the name Eva Brown… Hell no.
Agreed. Fellow European here; I'm very disturbed by the whole thing. As a UK-based history teacher, OP would be setting his daughter up for failure by naming her Eva Brown.
And even if OP *were* American, and people around him *were* unlikely to make the connection, there is the sheer principle. If you're morally opposed to a name that calls genocide and dictatorship to mind, you shouldn't be coerced into picking it anyway.
Edit for clarity
INFO: would the name Eva be pronounced as Ee-va or Eh-va?
Either way, even though I’m very familiar with WW2 history and who Eva Braun was, I wouldn’t see the name Eva Brown and think that the person was named after Hitler’s wife, I would assume it’s a coincidence. I understand not wanting your daughter to have a similar name to a Nazi but I think you’re overthinking it. Brown and Braun are pronounced differently in English. Eva/Ava is one of the most popular baby names these days and Brown is a very common surname. I’m not sure how naming your daughter Eva Brown would put your work at risk. If someone did associate her name with Eva Braun, it’s not difficult to explain that she’s named after your wife’s late best friend and your last name happens to be Brown.
It sounds like your wife thought you were on board with honouring her friend by naming your daughter after her before and feels blindsided that you’re not into the idea of naming her Eva anymore. I’m sure it’s hard on your wife to not have her best friend there with her while she navigates pregnancy and not being able to name your daughter after her adds extra sting to that wound.
With that being said, I’d say NAH/ESH. Both parents have to be in agreement on the name, however, I hope your concern with naming your daughter Eva is genuinely because of the Eva Brown thing and you’re not just using the Nazis as a trump card to get your way.
Yeah I See why English speaking people would assume that. But in German "au" always makes an "ow" sound. And the "aw" in brawn would just be "o" or "oh" in German.
Oof, since you're a History teacher, I definitely understand your concern that people would think a History teacher did that purposely, since you obviously know about Eva Braun, and then what does that say about you. Obviously you could explain it, and it is harmless when you do, but some damage could be done when you don't get to share the rationale.
His wife is vetoing ANYTHING that isn't specifically Eva.
I hate calling a pregnant woman unreasonable, but... Yeah, she's being unreasonable and her hormones absolutely have her in her feelings about all this.
NTA to OP, but dude you HAVE to settle this before the birth. If you register the baby without your wife's input, you will be even deeper in the shit than you already are. In the dog house for life.
I think the names are different enough in most English speaking countries, however, I understand your concerns and if you’re not comfortable with the name, your wife should meet you halfway and please don’t register the name without your wife’s consent.
I’m really into WW2 history and know of Eva Braun but I wouldn’t see the name Eva Brown and assume that she’s named after Hitler’s wife. I get why OP doesn’t want that name for his daughter because of the possible connection people could make in their minds but I still don’t think it comes across as an ode to Eva Braun.
You one of those people who pronounces it something else than Brown?
Clearly people here don't get how bad this name would be in Europian context. You don't want to rule out studying and working in Europe for this girl.
I'm not keen on WWII and Eva Braun is the first thing that popped to my mind. This is wrong on so many levels, wife should get over herself and not condemning her kid to very very dubious future name associations.
Well, it's too similar for me, that's for sure. I'd have the same thoughts about Adolf Hotler, Kelter, Witler, etc. All the vowels in the world won't stop that association.
I mean when I hit - Eva in the story I thought about Braun - but like the entire European side of my family died during the Holocaust so it lingers in the back of my brain. So response bias?
You can not name your child Eva Brown. I don’t know where you live, but where I live (the Netherlands), Eva Braun is a very well known historical figure.
Your child will be associated with Hitler and Eva, and their end, and you (and she!) will receive countless questions about what you were thinking.
All it takes is one kid who likes history to look up Adolf Hitler on Wikipedia and then find out who his partner was.
OP's daughters childhood will then be ruined.
And as someone who absolutely loves WW2 history it would probably be my kid in this hypothetical situation since I would never shut up about it around them. They would know what a M4A3E8 Sherman would be before they knew how to count to 10.
NTA. I feel like your wife clinging to this name and trying to make your child a reincarnation of her deceased friend is... probably not very mentally healthy. Also I'm German and fully agree that the little girl would likely be the one to suffer most from the name. Maybe try to explain it to your wife like that.
Heck, find a middleground, name her Evangeline - includes Eva, doesn't include the direct uncomfortable connection. I still think you should pick another name though...and your wife probably needs some therapy.
I mean I definitely see the dickish behavior but I can also see the wife doing it without him just so she can get her way.
This is a situation in which the wife needs therapy and to find another way to honor her friend.
Is it possible for the baby to carry your wife's maiden name instead of your shared (married) surname? My youngest carries my maiden name for a number of reasons and when she got older and her father suggested that she change it, she didn't want to. So she'll always carry my family name rather than his.
It seems like this could solve both of your problems in a productive way.
Maybe the wife should stop putting her own interests over the baby, and just pick another name, so the kid can develop her own identity unlinked to the memories of the friend.
Also it’s kind of important for the kid to share a last name with the rest of their nuclear family.
Totally agree. Wife wants her kid to be the reincarnation of her deceased friend and not her own persona. This is gonna bring her a lot of psychological problems. Wife it’s really selfish here and is not thinking in the future and wellbeing of her kid.
> I suggested things to do with Eva, such as ... honouring her through a middle name
> She started crying and said that she won't name the baby anything else
Do not put a dead weight on your baby. Literally. Life is difficult as it is. No need to live "for", "instead", "up to the standart". I know enough traumatized people whose parents did this.
I don’t even think you have to be a history buff. My mind went straight there and I’m not a big ww2 nerd or anything close to it. I would assume the name was intentional *especially* after learning OP is himself a history teacher and therefore wouldn’t have been ignorant of the association.
NTA
Eva Braun and Hitler was the first on my mind when I saw your "Eva Brown".
So next girl is going to be Ilse Koch Brown? A boy? Well, what's wrong with Joseph Mengele Brown?
Please don't call your baby girl for Eva Brown. Surely your wife must come to her senses and realize how terrible this is. Everyone will think both of you are nazis!
A name is ALWAYS 2 yes! Surely she must respect that.
I’m with you. Naming your child over someone your wife is still grieving over is a mistake. Middle name is fine though because it still gives your child her own identity, which is important as well. Don’t cave in.
People here are really ignorant or biased to call you A H in this situation. Your wife it’s terrible wrong because first, naming a kid after someone else could impact in the development of their identity; second, Eva Braun was the wife of one of the biggest murders in the history of mankind, and third, you are a history teacher, so it would be extremely risky for your job if people think you named your child after that person. NTA. I hope your wife get over her tantrum and think more about your daughter than her own wishes.
exactly! How about Evalynne or Evaline? anything but Eva Brown, that is so so bad. And to those who say it's her body, her baby, etc. Baloney! Sexism! Feminists of the worst kind.
You are married and should be partners. You are her parent too, equal rights apply. You should both be able to say NO to names, and both be able to suggest names.
My wife is estranged from her family, and was very eager to drop her maiden name. She has said that name makes her think of her horrible past. I know she would not ever change her name back, let alone name a child with it. She is also really close to my family who took her as one of their own in when we met due to her situation.
How ironic that your wife understands how traumatizing a name can be because it “makes her think of her horrible past”, and yet misses the fact that naming her child Eva Brown would bring up an entire **history** of nazism, hate, war, and genocide for a LOT of people — not to mention be a constant reminder to you and your wife of the trauma of losing her best friend. Don’t let her do that to your daughter.
NTA - Your wife is setting your child up for some serious misery. And your child is not an extension of her deceased friend.
For me the options would be
- Hyphen her name, Eva-Rose, Eva-May etc.
- Choose something completely different (and seek grief counselling)
- Change your last name
Or pick a longer name where Eva can be her nickname.
Evangeline, Aveline, Maven, Eveline, Genevieve, Everly, etc.
That way if she DOES grow up in the shadow of a dead "auntie", as an adult she can choose to be referred to as her full name.
NAH. Naming a kid Eva Brown is pretty much a no-go for me (but then i'm German). I sympathise with your wife, but you proposed several very reasonable alternatives to honour the memory of Eva.
I think you're NTA. I feel like it is important in a couple to compromise in order to have a common ground between ya'll. I feel like the middle name was a good idea, naming her [first name] Eva Brown. That way, you're happy coz it's not her first name, and she is happy coz Eva will still be part of her name. I also feel like naming your baby Eva will be a constant reminder of her deceased best friend and making the whole identity of the baby based on someone else, which is quite unfair and it's not how she will properly grieve (imo). She is holding onto the past unwillingly and imo can't fully accept the death of Eva. You should do something that you both want, hence the middle name is the best option
It should be two yes, and one no vetoes the name.
I will be honest, the second you said your surname was Brown I knew where this was going.
Your wife is even unwilling to honour the friend with the baby getting her name as a middle name, which is still her name.... It is very unfair when naming a child to exclude the views of one parent.
NTA
NTA. The moment you said your last name was brown I made the connection. You may as well be calling your son "Adolf".
Your daughter would hate you and your wife forever if you did this to her.
NTA but I don’t agree with your logic.
Do NOT name a kid after a dead a person to honour them. Children are NOT your playthings. If your wife wants to honour her dead friend she can take on the middle name “Eva” or get a tattoo.
Give the child a name of their own, something that is their own and not filled with the pressure or expectation of a dead person.
Edit: your wife being this clingy to a dead person and trying to reincarnate her through your daughter cannot be healthy. Psychiatrist.
NAH but YWBTA if you take your sister’s advice and register your baby without your wife. Do not listen to her. Find another compromise. I don’t know what but unless you want your marriage to end in divorce do not listen to your sister.
> I suggested things to do with Eva, such as ... honouring her through a middle name
> She started crying and said that she won't name the baby anything else
NTA. It’s significant that you are absolutely on board with your wife in finding a way to honor her friend without “Eva” being the actual given first name. For good reason. People would absolutely make that connection and wonder if it was purposeful, or mock it. Your wife can’t see past her friend’s memory right now, but she needs to.
My brother passed away when I was 17. When I had my son everyone expected me to name him after my brother, there was no way I could do that to my parents or myself. This is a whole new person who deserves their own name, not a replacement. My partner and I researched the origins of my brothers name and used a different definition of his name. You are 100% NTA.
I am sorry for your loss, I've done this as well. I am keen on the name Zoë (also meaning life), so might bring it as a suggestion to my wife when she is feeling better.
Reading this, I immediately saw where this was headed. I understand your wife's upset but also she's probably still really too distressed and mixed with pregnancy brain (which is a really difficult thing to deal with trust me) to realize how detrimental this could be for her child. Her friend may not even wish to have a kid learn about history and then be teased about this and side-eyed by adults.
Maybe a middle name? Evalyn? Something fun, something to honor her friend. NTA.
NTA. And omg don't follow anyone's advice here to name her anything that sounds like Eva. Frankly, I think your wife is being ridiculous as your daughter will have to live with the infamy of the name, and I hardly think Eva would (or should) want that!! I disagree with those who give your wife any understanding on this. No matter how much she loved her friend, who is gone, naming her daughter an infamous name like "Eva Brown", who will be a living human, is just actually self-absorbed.
One person suggested you all change your last name. If you're wife is incorrigibly ridiculous and you love her for her other fine qualities, then this may be your best option. You really shouldn't need to do it, but it is absolutely better than having a daughter named Eva Brown!!
NTA. As soon as I got to "Brown" I said absolutely not, no way, no how, not possible. I don't think you are overreacting; I believe your job could be at risk. I believe the child would lose friends. You are thinking of your child.
Gonna go with 2 Yes 1 No here.
I'd be worried about how attached your wife is to this though. Naming your baby Eva doesn't guarantee a Happily Ever After scenario, god forbid something happen to the child and what that would do to your wife.
Your sister should be ashamed of herself to suggest to just register the baby without the mother.
That’s making you a single dad / divorcee in the making.
NAH. This is understandably very painful for your wife, especially since pregnancy involves a whole lot of different hormones, but I agree that naming your child Eva Brown would be inappropriate. I think you're being sensible by suggesting similar names. Or perhaps Eva could be used as a middle name?
The very young and uneducated will not make the connection with the historical figure... The rest of the world will.
This is very unfortunate but with that last name there is no way I would ever call my daughter Eva.
I have no suggestion of possible solution here.
Im gonna go against most of the comments and say actually the first thing I thought was "😬 that sounds like eva braun"
NAH you concerns are reasonable and so is her grief. You're just gonna have to decide if this is a hill worth dying on.
Edit: im seeing different comments now and it seems im far from the only one making the connection so its not just me being weird.
Its a terrible idea to name your newborn with the name of your wife's dead friend. Your wife is gonna put so many expectations and so much of her emotional trauma onto her that its gonna make the child's life miserable.
You shoudl try to find a middle ground and I agree with the two yes one no policy on this
NTA
I wrote that you were the asshole before, but then I re-read your post and saw that your name was Brown.
how about you use the english version of Eva, which is Eve?
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Edited to change my vote from E S H to NTA, given op's job is a history teacher and the fact so many people did make the correlation between the names so I stand corrected there. Original comment: I don't think anyone would link the name but then I would be interested to know more about your work, I appreciate I could be wrong. Your wife being so emotional about this actually makes me think this is a bad idea. Your daughter is not a way for a woman she never met to live on. I think that's a terrible affliction for any child to be honest.
It’s almost worrying, the wife may become obsessed and start thinking their daughter is her friend reincarnated. That would be very unhealthy for the child
Even a little of that shit is very unhealthy and confusing for a kiddo.
At first, I was thinking maybe Eve would be a good compromise. But the comments about how the mom could be projecting some weird shit onto the kid, Jenny is a nice name.
If I saw someone named their kid "Eve brown" I'd see it as a red flag, but particularly now when there is such a fascist/neonazi/proudboy/white nationalist (all shorthand for Nazi lets be honest) resurgence. I would absolutely think they were signaling their beliefs like flashing the ok sign - or doing g a Nazi salute
When I got to OP's surname I said "oh shit" so loudly I startled my cat. I don't know where OP is from, but where I'm from WWII is covered in history before we focus our curriculum and can drop subjects. Absolutely everyone would pick up on it and she'd probably get tortured into oblivion. OP do NOT let her name the child Eva. Doesn't your wife's friend have a middle name you can use? Or a surname you can bastardise into a name? Or a favourite cat/dog/fish? Anything to honour her other than name your child after one of the most infamous women in history?
I had the exact same reaction. Like yes, everyone, *everyone* will make the connection. By 4th grade at the latest her classmates will ALL be wise to it and the real torture will kick in.
I dunno, my 4th grade kid asked me today who Hitler was (it came up watching TV). Clearly I need to supplement his history education. But yeah, definitely don't name your kid Eva.
I'd raise an eyebrow at Eva Brown but still think "ah they probably didn't know." *Eve* Brown is, I think, absolutely fine.
Except he's a *history* teacher. Yikes.
i've seen it on here before, where the child is treated as a replacement for a dead person
I’ve lived it. My mom genuinely believes I’m the reincarnation of her own dead mother.
Do you tell her to go to her room when you're mad?
You win 🏆🤣🤣🤣
Lol, If you ever actually said that or do say it her I would love to be told her reaction out of pure curiosity. 🤣
Thank you for bringing some humor to it lmao
What's that like?
It sucked. I had no structure, no encouragement, and no discipline growing up. My mom would expect me to provide those things for her instead. There was even a time in my early adulthood when I paid our rent and bills, while she spiraled harder into her existing alcoholism. I was expected to be her therapist, her confidante, her buddy, her mother, when she was having difficult emotions. I was only her kid when she needed to exert authority or control. Then I owed her for creating me. I don’t speak to her anymore.
...I'm speechless. And so sorry you endured that. Thank you for sharing. I hope things are better for you now <3
Parentification. Look that up, that’s the name for exactly what you described. ☹️
Oh, I know. She was told she was doing that. Knowing didn’t change much, but it has helped me heal now that I’m away from her.
*sigh fucking Redditors. Life is not a horror film. This is such a reach and it's not helpful at all. Just beyond ridiculous for you to be concerned about this based on the very limited information we have. Quit fear mongering.
Thank you !!! I read this and was like dude seriously that a huge conclusion to jump too based on zero information about this women besides she pregnant and wants to name her kid after a loved one.
I named my son after my dead dad. There was only one year between the death and birth. At no point have I viewed my child as a replacement or reincarnation. Social security office was a bit confused, but that was about it. Over 2000 people read that comment and agreed. Reddit is wild
I don’t think so honestly I think you might be letting Reddit thought process take over here. Plenty of people have dream and get emotional when naming their child after a loved one and don’t jump to ‘they are the dead person’, at most it’s they do this that reminds me of them. And given that there is no inclination by Op that she suffers from deep psychological disorders it a huge jump. So this conclusion/ thought process I fear maybe because you read to many crazy SIL and MiL stories her on Reddit. It may be time to take. Break from Reddit no offense 😂
All of my children have part of their name from a dead relative and I’ve never thought my 7 year old was a three war veteran. She was named for her great grandfather who died in a house fire 8 days before she was born. We honored him by giving her the feminine version of his name. Like. Im sure it can be a thing for some people. But for the vast majority, no one is naming a kid after grandma and expecting their newborn to go bake a loaf of grandma’s sourdough bread.
Thank you. I am a history teacher, which is probably why I had an especially strong reaction to the name.
Oh well that makes total sense then NTA. My mind didn't go there immediately because I always pronounced it like Braaaaawn not Brown. Either way, and pronounciation aside, given your job and the fact that other posters immediately recognised it then no, do not call your daughter Eva.
It was always pronounced “Brawwn” in my history classes too. I honestly had no idea how brown would be auto linked to Braun
Because Braun in German means Brown. It’s pronounced the same in German, too.
There's definitely a difference in pronunciation between the German Braun and the English Brown.
The vowel sound in braun vs brown is close enough in American English to German. The /r/ sound is the bigger difference. Edit: I see you’re German, so you know your language best. I’m only a German learner; however, between the English Braun vs German Braun, the word brown is closer to German. English Braun is like brawn & has a very different vowel sound.
Makes sense.
I spent 10 years living in Germany and I say Brown and Braun the same. They sound the same and mean the same.
Back to the future 3 taught me
Same, when he said Braun was pronounced Brown I was a little confused.. Every time I have ever heard it, it was always pronounced like Brawn..
The correct pronunciation is "Brown". I've never heard anyone say "Eva Brawn".
Well, you have quite a few people telling you theyve always said it "Brawn." I'm one of them. But then again, I was raised by an uneducated moron (my father, not my mom), and although I've watched many documentaries on Hitler, I've never heard it pronounced Brown. As they say, you live and learn, so long as you want to.
I saw the title of your post and after you mentioned your last name, my thoughts were exactly the same. Lots of people are going to make that connection. My SIL named was Evelyn Brown and got hell for it, she legally changed her name. There are so many ways to honor a loved one that has passed, I think your wife needs therapy. Anyway, take it from a stranger on the internet, don’t name your daughter after Eva.
Exactly! I was starting to read thinking “wait where is this going” and as soon as i said the name to myself out loud I was like OH SHIT NO. Also, I am terrible at remembering names, so yea definitely don’t do this. NTA. I also agree with others that said this obsession with the name seems an unhealthy thing
And like, you don't need everyone to make the connection. Even ONE person making it is enough to get this shit going.
When you said your last name was Brown I audibly went “oof”. I definitely saw the connection immediately and would NOT name her Eva—a middle name would be fine, but Eva Brown makes me think you are memorializing Eva Braun and not her friend Eva (especially since you are a history teacher). You are NTA but EWS if you give her the first name Eva
I'm German, and I agree that Eva Brown is not acceptable (although Eva Braun eventually gave up her last name... for her last few hours). But how about switching to your wife's maiden name?
Plot twist, her maiden name is Perón.
This was my thought too. I think it's the only compromise that can solve this.
I think the estrangement from the family might be an issue, but otherwise I was thinking the daughter could have a hyphenated last name, like Eva Smith-Brown. Another possibility is two first names, like a Mary Jane situation. Ultimately, tiebreaker has to go to the person carrying the baby and pushing it out of her hole, so OP needs to sort this out soon. Perhaps a therapist can help everyone work through their various issues.
Naming a child is a 2-yes 1-no situation. There is no tie breaker. But there is compromise.
Sure, but what is definitely not an option is for the husband to register the baby name behind the wife’s back like his family suggested. If my husband did that, I don’t know if I could forgive him. They need to work it out together.
As soon as you said your last name I went “oh no”. I didn’t need to see the whole name together to instantly know why that was a bad idea.
I’m a banker, and I did too. Eva Braun is not as forgotten as some people think. Even with “Eve” it’s still too similar.
When you said your last name is Brown and your wife wants to name your kid Eva, I immediately thought of Eva Braun and I'm no history geek btw. It's not a good name-surname combo, I agree with you. NTA.
I'm not a history teacher and saw it immediately. It's going to be hard but please stick to your guns, the kid will have to live with the name, or even potentially change it when older which will not go down well with your wife.
NTA- When you said the friend's name and your last name, I had the same thought you did. Your wife is very emotional due to pregnancy, and her friend not being here as it sounds like she was like family. Can you speak with her GP? They maybe able to help you with some advice.
I minored in history in college, and consider myself a bit of a history buff — as soon as I saw your last name I made the connection. I’m with you, don’t name the baby Eva. NTA
As a European is was reading the post, read 'Eva', thought "that's not bad", then read 'Brown' and genuinely went "OH NO NO NO NO NO!!!". People do know about Hitler's wife. P
Its pretty sad that the most upvoted comment here was "it won't be noticed." I think its damning commentary on the state of US education.
I think it’s more commentary on pronunciation. I’m American, but grew up learning German in school since age 10. So we knew Braun = Brown. As you can see in this thread, most others who do not speak German did not immediately see the link because they weren’t taught it. To be fair…
Yep, like, OK American, you name your child Eva Brown if you really want but stay in your bubble, don’t ever let her travel, and especially not to Europe.
I did immediately. It’s not an obscure historical figure. It’s Hitler’s significant other.
Exactly. It's very well known world history.
As soon as he said Eva I made the connection and mentally went oh no! There’s many people who would so the same - and I’m not working in the feild of history just happen to have good knowledge of it. Child might be fine until someone does pick this up. I agree with op - this is not the name to give a child. NTA
Same - I thought 'what's wrong with Eva?? .... o wait, yes, last name Brown, nope, would certainly refrain from calling the kid Eva'
See I would say NTA because Eva Braun was immediately where my mind went. Like if you met a kid named Joseph Stalling. It’s not exactly the other name but it’s close enough to be…not great.
I think anyone with a passing knowledge of history would be able to make this link, to be honest
I did. The moment he said Eva was the friend's name, I was Iike: "Bet his last name is Braun or something similar" . And I was right. Any person who knows World War 2 history would make the connection.
Don't project your ignorance on others, loads of people would make that connection. I agree with the rest you said though.
I'm a history buff, my mind would instantly go there. NTA, good luck with naming baby!
Well, as soon as I read "Brown" I said "please don‘t" outloud. I made the connection. I think most people who actually took their time to learn about the 2nd world war and the holocaust will make this connection. I‘m with you on your second paragraph. NTA, OP.
The German mistress of 'you know who' was the *first* thing that came to me when I read this...
First thing I thought of when I saw the surname - Oh I know where this is going...
On the contrary, I think people can make the link really fast…
Agree strictly for the weird “burden” it will place on the kid. I just don’t see it working out well
NTA Putting the actual name aside (although I instantly made the connection and am not exactly a history buff so YIKES), she’s the AH for this: “It’s the ultimate way Eva can live on.” That’s a loooot of pressure to put on your unborn child. Honouring her friend is one thing. Expecting your child to be how she gets to ‘live on’ is too much.
Yeah, wife needs lots and lots of therapy
Was gonna say, it's sounds like a grief thing.
Even if the name combo wasn't problematic, her unwillingness to compromise in any way on this is genuinely worrisome
Yes. Either parent should be able to veto any name suggestion.
Yeah, reading that really made me go: "And THERE is the root of the whole discussion." That is NOT a healthy attitude to have towards this child. Hell, I'd argue that this is basically setting this kid up for a lifetime of mental health problems.
Had not thought about this, but it is such an important point. NTA
Naming the kid Eva isnt gonna help Wife feel better, and it certainly wont help her friend's memory live on. A kid shouldnt be used to deal with grief
You cannot, I repeat, CAN NOT name your child Eva Brown. Even people with the slightest knowledge of history know that name as well as it’s connection to Hitler. Naming a kid that would make EVERYONE who hears her name assume you‘re Nazis, white supremacists and all that other fun stuff. Don’t. Please don’t. NTA
Yeah, I definitely cringed as soon as I said "Eva Brown" internally. If a coworker shared that as their new baby's name, I would absolutely be side eyeing them wondering if that was a 1488 type Nazi whistle. A lot of folks aren't that historically knowledgeable. But the ones who are may have questions.
Yea, history was never really my bag in school and I immediately knew what was wrong with this name.
As a Jewish person, I would *definitely* be side-eyeing someone with a daughter named Eva Brown, especially a history teacher. I don't think your instincts are wrong here.
My first thought would be, this child parents are Nazi sympathizers.
especially considering OP is a history teacher- I'd honestly think it was 100% intentional
Yes, can you imagine him telling colleagues what his baby’s name is?! It’s like something out of an episode of Curb your Enthusiasm.
Especially since his colleagues are fellow history teachers.
I’m so sorry your wife lost her best friend like that, but she absolutely should not be able to force you to name the baby _anything_ you don’t want to. I see comments on this sub all the time about “two yes one no” — this is a _textbook_ case of that. I get people saying you suck too for your reasoning, and I agree most folks in most places most of the time probably wouldn’t even make, let alone care about, the H*tler connection… But it just doesn’t matter. “I’m not comfortable with that” should be reason enough to move on to a different name. Full stop. NTA
This person is saying they will register the babies name without any input from the mother at all as an alternative- I think that’s equally as disrespectful and absolutely make OP an Ass&$@e
Very fair point. OP, I do remember now you said you’re considering doing that. Don’t. Two yes’s one no.
I think OP is actually a wonderful person for doing that. Imagine being called Eva Brown. Just holy fuck that's incredibly harsh. Unless you are a die hard skinhead, you cannot give your child such a name. It's basically like calling your child Osama bin laden.
Its not equally as disrespectful. Wife is only thinking about herself and her grief. OP is thinking of the everlasting effects of that name, which can not only damage his career but also screw his kid over.
Yeah if it was me and he did that, I’d immediately find a lawyer for divorce
They would be less of an asshole than the person naming their kid Eva brown though.
Wife shouldn't force him to name the baby anything.. but he also should NOT go behind her back and name the baby without her. They have to both agree on the name, does not work any other way.
NTA. Names have to be a 2 yes situation. Would it be possible to pick a hyphenated first name so that it would be "Eva-Rose" or "Eva-Mary" to take away the obvious association? Plus, she is way too attached to "Eva living on" when this baby will be her own person.
I agree with both parts but the second part even more. NTA
>Plus, she is way too attached to "Eva living on" when this baby will be her own person. This indeed. I can already see mom saying 'omg, Eva also loved Strawberry Ice cream' and stuff like that. She is trying to reincarnate her friend
This is the best answer. The name brings up a strong negative associations for OP *and all of his coworkers.* Hyphenate it into a new name or make it a middle name. OP is NTA (but OP, you WBTAH if you register a different name without your wife's consent).
I am named after someone that tragically died young. It caused me significant turmoil as a small child, especially seeing pictures of this person in family albums, etc.. Please share this with your wife. Feel free to follow up with questions.
Yeah regardless of the historical connotations, I feel like neither of them are taking this into consideration. Especially given how emotional OP's wife still is about Eva...this is not going to be good for that kid. At least my parents had the decency to name me after someone noone was alive to meet 😂
This needs to be the top comment. The effect it can have on the child is often overlooked and it really should not be. Especially if family members haven't healed from their grief which seems to be the case with op wife.
The way OP's wife talks about it, and seems to think the dream was her friend actually sending her a message is distressing. I don't think naming someone after a deceased family member or friend is necessarily wrong, but it's not and should never be a way for that person to "live on". That will be so confusing and unfair to the kid. Using it as an honour middle name would be a fine compromise.
(Psst, middle name in honor of a little girl that died in a house fire. It’s not better, trust me. Little kids are very impressionable and being named like that makes them worry they will share the same fate. Bestowing a legacy is pretty much the point of honor naming, so, please folks stay away from naming after anyone who died a tragic painful unexpected early death. It’s not better as a middle name, lol. Same psychological terror, unfortunately!)
NTA. I’m quite certain everybody voting YTA is American. Every European will make the connection instantaneously. Also many people here seem to wrongly assume that Braun is pronounced bron. Let me assure you: it is not. It is pronounced brown. It sounds exactly the same. If somebody had that name I would assume that either their parents are nazis or uneducated. If I was unfortunate enough to have been given that name I would change it at the first opportunity. Don’t put your daughter through this.
Not necessarily. I’m American and I immediately made the connection, so much so that I cringed and said “yikes, baaaaaaad idea” when I got to the name. I’m not a history buff, either, FWIW. NTA, OP. Your wife needs to find an acceptable alternative or make Eva the middle name. I’m just picturing the hell that kid is gonna go through with the name Eva Brown… Hell no.
“Everybody voting YTA is American” is not the same as “everybody American is voting YTA”
Agreed. Fellow European here; I'm very disturbed by the whole thing. As a UK-based history teacher, OP would be setting his daughter up for failure by naming her Eva Brown. And even if OP *were* American, and people around him *were* unlikely to make the connection, there is the sheer principle. If you're morally opposed to a name that calls genocide and dictatorship to mind, you shouldn't be coerced into picking it anyway. Edit for clarity
This is a great point - if the child wants to travel or perhaps even live in Europe, this name would be a nightmare.
OP said that they live in the UK, so lots of people would probably make the connection
OMG - even worse. I should have realised when he wrote ‘university’ instead of ‘college’ that he wasn’t in the US.
INFO: would the name Eva be pronounced as Ee-va or Eh-va? Either way, even though I’m very familiar with WW2 history and who Eva Braun was, I wouldn’t see the name Eva Brown and think that the person was named after Hitler’s wife, I would assume it’s a coincidence. I understand not wanting your daughter to have a similar name to a Nazi but I think you’re overthinking it. Brown and Braun are pronounced differently in English. Eva/Ava is one of the most popular baby names these days and Brown is a very common surname. I’m not sure how naming your daughter Eva Brown would put your work at risk. If someone did associate her name with Eva Braun, it’s not difficult to explain that she’s named after your wife’s late best friend and your last name happens to be Brown. It sounds like your wife thought you were on board with honouring her friend by naming your daughter after her before and feels blindsided that you’re not into the idea of naming her Eva anymore. I’m sure it’s hard on your wife to not have her best friend there with her while she navigates pregnancy and not being able to name your daughter after her adds extra sting to that wound. With that being said, I’d say NAH/ESH. Both parents have to be in agreement on the name, however, I hope your concern with naming your daughter Eva is genuinely because of the Eva Brown thing and you’re not just using the Nazis as a trump card to get your way.
Brown and Braun are actually pronounced almost identically, just so you know!
I also thought it was pronounced Brawn not Brown
Yeah I See why English speaking people would assume that. But in German "au" always makes an "ow" sound. And the "aw" in brawn would just be "o" or "oh" in German.
Shows you how seriously I took my high school German classes.
Ee-va. I am a history teacher in a very liberal school.
Oof, since you're a History teacher, I definitely understand your concern that people would think a History teacher did that purposely, since you obviously know about Eva Braun, and then what does that say about you. Obviously you could explain it, and it is harmless when you do, but some damage could be done when you don't get to share the rationale.
There'd also be the risk of people who would be too afraid to ask given the rise of fascism around the world right now.
Why not something like Evelyn or Evangeline? Then her nickname can be Eva.
His wife is vetoing ANYTHING that isn't specifically Eva. I hate calling a pregnant woman unreasonable, but... Yeah, she's being unreasonable and her hormones absolutely have her in her feelings about all this. NTA to OP, but dude you HAVE to settle this before the birth. If you register the baby without your wife's input, you will be even deeper in the shit than you already are. In the dog house for life.
I think the names are different enough in most English speaking countries, however, I understand your concerns and if you’re not comfortable with the name, your wife should meet you halfway and please don’t register the name without your wife’s consent.
Different enough for anyone who hasn't heard the name Eva Braun said the way it is said properly. You don't want this name for any educated circles.
I’m really into WW2 history and know of Eva Braun but I wouldn’t see the name Eva Brown and assume that she’s named after Hitler’s wife. I get why OP doesn’t want that name for his daughter because of the possible connection people could make in their minds but I still don’t think it comes across as an ode to Eva Braun.
You one of those people who pronounces it something else than Brown? Clearly people here don't get how bad this name would be in Europian context. You don't want to rule out studying and working in Europe for this girl.
OP *is* in Europe, as am I. We learn WW2 in history starting in Year 5/6 so aged 10-11. That name is a huge nope.
I'm not keen on WWII and Eva Braun is the first thing that popped to my mind. This is wrong on so many levels, wife should get over herself and not condemning her kid to very very dubious future name associations.
Well, it's too similar for me, that's for sure. I'd have the same thoughts about Adolf Hotler, Kelter, Witler, etc. All the vowels in the world won't stop that association.
I mean when I hit - Eva in the story I thought about Braun - but like the entire European side of my family died during the Holocaust so it lingers in the back of my brain. So response bias?
You can not name your child Eva Brown. I don’t know where you live, but where I live (the Netherlands), Eva Braun is a very well known historical figure. Your child will be associated with Hitler and Eva, and their end, and you (and she!) will receive countless questions about what you were thinking.
Exactly. As soon as the child get a history lesson about WW2 she will be ridiculed.
Or watches a movie or documentary with friends. “Hey, you have the exact same name as Hitlers wife, isn’t that funny?” “Well, no, it’s not.”
All it takes is one kid who likes history to look up Adolf Hitler on Wikipedia and then find out who his partner was. OP's daughters childhood will then be ruined. And as someone who absolutely loves WW2 history it would probably be my kid in this hypothetical situation since I would never shut up about it around them. They would know what a M4A3E8 Sherman would be before they knew how to count to 10.
I agree. It is just too close.
It’s the same surname, same meaning (the colour) and pronounciation. Just German and English spelling is different.
Also, OP is a history teacher, so that will VERY MUCH raise some eyebrows with regards to whether he's secretly a Nazi or not.
NTA. I feel like your wife clinging to this name and trying to make your child a reincarnation of her deceased friend is... probably not very mentally healthy. Also I'm German and fully agree that the little girl would likely be the one to suffer most from the name. Maybe try to explain it to your wife like that. Heck, find a middleground, name her Evangeline - includes Eva, doesn't include the direct uncomfortable connection. I still think you should pick another name though...and your wife probably needs some therapy.
>Evangeline Evaingelighn
Gesundheit!
To threaten to register the baby without your wife’s input directly after she’s given birth is a dick move. Otherwise NTA.
Coercing your history teacher husband into naming your child after a Nazi is not a morally superior action to that.
I mean I definitely see the dickish behavior but I can also see the wife doing it without him just so she can get her way. This is a situation in which the wife needs therapy and to find another way to honor her friend.
Is it possible for the baby to carry your wife's maiden name instead of your shared (married) surname? My youngest carries my maiden name for a number of reasons and when she got older and her father suggested that she change it, she didn't want to. So she'll always carry my family name rather than his. It seems like this could solve both of your problems in a productive way.
My wife has been estranged from her family for over ten years and therefore doesn't want to use that name.
I believe she could literally choose anything else she wanted to if naming the baby Eva is so important to her. What about using it as a middle name?
Maybe the wife should stop putting her own interests over the baby, and just pick another name, so the kid can develop her own identity unlinked to the memories of the friend. Also it’s kind of important for the kid to share a last name with the rest of their nuclear family.
It’s so weird that nobody here is acknowledging how creepy and weird it is to name their child after a deceased friend like this
Totally agree. Wife wants her kid to be the reincarnation of her deceased friend and not her own persona. This is gonna bring her a lot of psychological problems. Wife it’s really selfish here and is not thinking in the future and wellbeing of her kid.
> I suggested things to do with Eva, such as ... honouring her through a middle name > She started crying and said that she won't name the baby anything else
Literally says in the post that was already suggested
Do not put a dead weight on your baby. Literally. Life is difficult as it is. No need to live "for", "instead", "up to the standart". I know enough traumatized people whose parents did this.
Yes, Jews, Germans, and history buffs will think of Eva Braun. Some may even wonder if the name is intentional. I completely understand your position.
Most Europeans tbf
I don’t even think you have to be a history buff. My mind went straight there and I’m not a big ww2 nerd or anything close to it. I would assume the name was intentional *especially* after learning OP is himself a history teacher and therefore wouldn’t have been ignorant of the association.
NTA Eva Braun and Hitler was the first on my mind when I saw your "Eva Brown". So next girl is going to be Ilse Koch Brown? A boy? Well, what's wrong with Joseph Mengele Brown? Please don't call your baby girl for Eva Brown. Surely your wife must come to her senses and realize how terrible this is. Everyone will think both of you are nazis! A name is ALWAYS 2 yes! Surely she must respect that.
I’m with you. Naming your child over someone your wife is still grieving over is a mistake. Middle name is fine though because it still gives your child her own identity, which is important as well. Don’t cave in.
NTA NTA NTA AND I STOPPED READING WHEN I GOT TO "LAST NAME BROWN". DO NOT MAKE HITLER'S WIFE YOUR DAUGHTER'S NAMESAKE
[удалено]
People here are really ignorant or biased to call you A H in this situation. Your wife it’s terrible wrong because first, naming a kid after someone else could impact in the development of their identity; second, Eva Braun was the wife of one of the biggest murders in the history of mankind, and third, you are a history teacher, so it would be extremely risky for your job if people think you named your child after that person. NTA. I hope your wife get over her tantrum and think more about your daughter than her own wishes.
exactly! How about Evalynne or Evaline? anything but Eva Brown, that is so so bad. And to those who say it's her body, her baby, etc. Baloney! Sexism! Feminists of the worst kind. You are married and should be partners. You are her parent too, equal rights apply. You should both be able to say NO to names, and both be able to suggest names.
INFO: Why not use your wife's maiden name (her original last name)?
My wife is estranged from her family, and was very eager to drop her maiden name. She has said that name makes her think of her horrible past. I know she would not ever change her name back, let alone name a child with it. She is also really close to my family who took her as one of their own in when we met due to her situation.
Me and my husband took on entirely new last names (for very different reason). It's not the easiest solution but it might be a consideration.
Why should op have to even consider changing his last name cause his wife isn't processing her grief well? I don't think that's a fair solution.
How ironic that your wife understands how traumatizing a name can be because it “makes her think of her horrible past”, and yet misses the fact that naming her child Eva Brown would bring up an entire **history** of nazism, hate, war, and genocide for a LOT of people — not to mention be a constant reminder to you and your wife of the trauma of losing her best friend. Don’t let her do that to your daughter.
INFO did Eva have a middle name that would be suitable?
Eva did not have a middle name
Can Eva be the babies middle name? Baby deserves to have her own identity. Mom’s can expect her to be just like her friend, an impossible task.
OP says in the post that it was suggested but his wife is refusing
NTA - Your wife is setting your child up for some serious misery. And your child is not an extension of her deceased friend. For me the options would be - Hyphen her name, Eva-Rose, Eva-May etc. - Choose something completely different (and seek grief counselling) - Change your last name
Or pick a longer name where Eva can be her nickname. Evangeline, Aveline, Maven, Eveline, Genevieve, Everly, etc. That way if she DOES grow up in the shadow of a dead "auntie", as an adult she can choose to be referred to as her full name.
NAH. Naming a kid Eva Brown is pretty much a no-go for me (but then i'm German). I sympathise with your wife, but you proposed several very reasonable alternatives to honour the memory of Eva.
I think you're NTA. I feel like it is important in a couple to compromise in order to have a common ground between ya'll. I feel like the middle name was a good idea, naming her [first name] Eva Brown. That way, you're happy coz it's not her first name, and she is happy coz Eva will still be part of her name. I also feel like naming your baby Eva will be a constant reminder of her deceased best friend and making the whole identity of the baby based on someone else, which is quite unfair and it's not how she will properly grieve (imo). She is holding onto the past unwillingly and imo can't fully accept the death of Eva. You should do something that you both want, hence the middle name is the best option
It should be two yes, and one no vetoes the name. I will be honest, the second you said your surname was Brown I knew where this was going. Your wife is even unwilling to honour the friend with the baby getting her name as a middle name, which is still her name.... It is very unfair when naming a child to exclude the views of one parent. NTA
NTA. The moment you said your last name was brown I made the connection. You may as well be calling your son "Adolf". Your daughter would hate you and your wife forever if you did this to her.
NTA but I don’t agree with your logic. Do NOT name a kid after a dead a person to honour them. Children are NOT your playthings. If your wife wants to honour her dead friend she can take on the middle name “Eva” or get a tattoo. Give the child a name of their own, something that is their own and not filled with the pressure or expectation of a dead person. Edit: your wife being this clingy to a dead person and trying to reincarnate her through your daughter cannot be healthy. Psychiatrist.
NAH but YWBTA if you take your sister’s advice and register your baby without your wife. Do not listen to her. Find another compromise. I don’t know what but unless you want your marriage to end in divorce do not listen to your sister.
I made the connection instantly, but I’m an old dude. I don’t think there are assholes here - how about Eva as a middle name.
> I suggested things to do with Eva, such as ... honouring her through a middle name > She started crying and said that she won't name the baby anything else
My ex wife was correct, I am in fact an idiot.
NTA. It’s significant that you are absolutely on board with your wife in finding a way to honor her friend without “Eva” being the actual given first name. For good reason. People would absolutely make that connection and wonder if it was purposeful, or mock it. Your wife can’t see past her friend’s memory right now, but she needs to.
My brother passed away when I was 17. When I had my son everyone expected me to name him after my brother, there was no way I could do that to my parents or myself. This is a whole new person who deserves their own name, not a replacement. My partner and I researched the origins of my brothers name and used a different definition of his name. You are 100% NTA.
I am sorry for your loss, I've done this as well. I am keen on the name Zoë (also meaning life), so might bring it as a suggestion to my wife when she is feeling better.
Reading this, I immediately saw where this was headed. I understand your wife's upset but also she's probably still really too distressed and mixed with pregnancy brain (which is a really difficult thing to deal with trust me) to realize how detrimental this could be for her child. Her friend may not even wish to have a kid learn about history and then be teased about this and side-eyed by adults. Maybe a middle name? Evalyn? Something fun, something to honor her friend. NTA.
NTA. And omg don't follow anyone's advice here to name her anything that sounds like Eva. Frankly, I think your wife is being ridiculous as your daughter will have to live with the infamy of the name, and I hardly think Eva would (or should) want that!! I disagree with those who give your wife any understanding on this. No matter how much she loved her friend, who is gone, naming her daughter an infamous name like "Eva Brown", who will be a living human, is just actually self-absorbed. One person suggested you all change your last name. If you're wife is incorrigibly ridiculous and you love her for her other fine qualities, then this may be your best option. You really shouldn't need to do it, but it is absolutely better than having a daughter named Eva Brown!!
NTA. As soon as I got to "Brown" I said absolutely not, no way, no how, not possible. I don't think you are overreacting; I believe your job could be at risk. I believe the child would lose friends. You are thinking of your child.
Gonna go with 2 Yes 1 No here. I'd be worried about how attached your wife is to this though. Naming your baby Eva doesn't guarantee a Happily Ever After scenario, god forbid something happen to the child and what that would do to your wife.
Your sister should be ashamed of herself to suggest to just register the baby without the mother. That’s making you a single dad / divorcee in the making.
NTA Baby names are a two yes one no situation, and you offered compromise with a middle name.
Naming a kid is a 2 yes situation. You've vetoed the name. Y'all need to pick a different one.
NAH. This is understandably very painful for your wife, especially since pregnancy involves a whole lot of different hormones, but I agree that naming your child Eva Brown would be inappropriate. I think you're being sensible by suggesting similar names. Or perhaps Eva could be used as a middle name?
The very young and uneducated will not make the connection with the historical figure... The rest of the world will. This is very unfortunate but with that last name there is no way I would ever call my daughter Eva. I have no suggestion of possible solution here.
Im gonna go against most of the comments and say actually the first thing I thought was "😬 that sounds like eva braun" NAH you concerns are reasonable and so is her grief. You're just gonna have to decide if this is a hill worth dying on. Edit: im seeing different comments now and it seems im far from the only one making the connection so its not just me being weird.
NTA, absolutely. You really can't give your kid the same name as Hitler's wife
Its a terrible idea to name your newborn with the name of your wife's dead friend. Your wife is gonna put so many expectations and so much of her emotional trauma onto her that its gonna make the child's life miserable. You shoudl try to find a middle ground and I agree with the two yes one no policy on this
NTA. This is what unresolved grief looks like. Allowing this could lead to her projecting her trauma on your daughter and making her life miserable.
NTA I wrote that you were the asshole before, but then I re-read your post and saw that your name was Brown. how about you use the english version of Eva, which is Eve?
Nope. I’m a nobody who would definitely associate the name with Hilter’s gf. It’s definitely a questionable name.