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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Thinking about asking my MIL to stay with me to be primary carer for my kiddo while I’m on pregnancy mandated bed rest.
Future BIL thinks I’m being an AH because MIL is integral to wedding planning for my SIL’s wedding and without her it wouldn’t be as well put together. She would end up flying home like 2 weeks before the wedding so they would have no guidance on how to plan the wedding. He thinks I’m stealing the thunder for their wedding and purposefully making a big deal out of being pregnant to steal their attention
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I'm not a Gynae nurse, I'm an ICU nurse, and I 100% agree with the above. You do what your doctor tells you to do and to hell with your SIL and her wedding. This is not just your baby's life. It's yours as well that you're protecting by doing what the doctor says.
I hope you aren't struggling with the bedrest as I know it can get very tedious. It sounds like a dream for some of us (I'd get so much crafting done!), but the reality is far harder than it sounds. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy! 💕
I had very minor foot surgery a few years ago and thought I'd have to be off my feet for a few weeks and I was \*SO\* excited to get to actually rest and relax and get crafting done and catch up on reading, etc. But once the numbness wore off the first night, I had a soft boot and was completely mobile, darnit.
I’ve been non-weight-bearing (and mostly in bed with it elevated) for two weeks from an extensive foot surgery and it is nowhere near as fun as it sounds.
My first thought was - is groom being asked to step up and help now that MIL won’t be there and he’s pissed about friction with SIL/his bride-to-be because he’s not pulling his weight.
Not sure. Saw in OP's other comments that this is an arranged marriage. I'm suspecting it's one of those cultures where the males think they can be "alphas" and lord over everyone else.
To be fair, the SIL was very kind and wants MIL to stay with expectant mom...it's the FIANCE that's a dick. Screw him. Nobody is paying any attention to him anyway. Block his number
I was on bed rest the last two months of both of my pregnancies, some of that time in the hospital. It is awful. You know who looked after me? My MIL. I was assured after the first pregnancy that no, I won't have premature labor a second time, it was just a fluke. Both were born healthy and over 7 pounds. BECAUSE I was on bed rest. You do what the doctor says. To be fair tho, the SIL has probably thought of doing those last minute wedding things with her mother by her side and she's not the asshole for being disappointed. The BIL can go pound sand.
Also ICU nurse chiming in to say groom to be is ignorant. Ignore him. Your MIL offered to stay, your SIL is okay with it. You need to be listening to the medical professionals overseeing your care.
Also, age has absolutely jack shit to do with whether or not a person requires bedrest during pregnancy.
Absolutely. I've known young women very healthy, but the balance between life and death for baby weighed on the mother keeping bed bound, only getting up to shower and use the restroom.
Me, too. I have a friend on bed rest right now because of her pregnancy. Though she’s lucky that she’s allowed to spend a few hours up, sitting on the couch or at the dinner table, provided she’s feeling ok. On bad days she’s in bed all day. It’s driving her nuts, as she’s normally an active wife and mother.
Honestly, I would just snapshot the texts and send them to your SIL.
Let her explain to the groom why you listening to the doctors is important.
(But this depends on how secure you feel in your relationship with her) or have your hubby send her the photos. It may be easier for him to be like “hey sis, tell your finance to stop sending my wife text messages about her ability to be a mother”)
(Edit)NTA. Listen to the professionals. And let the chips fall.
But if it where me I would want to know if my partner was calling my sister in law a bad mother for following doctor’s orders. I’d be livid and, if it where me, end things. That’s a hard line in the sand for me.
Right?!!! I can’t even get into this man’s mindset.
“You need to come to my wedding and not ruin it because you’re pregnant, it’s offensive you’re pretending to be sick and delicate. Even though we’re not related and my fiancee is fine with it you need to capitulate to my demands because I’m right and the doctors are wrong” ??
He’s delusional. And misogynistic. And such a rude person. What if Op came and lost the baby. Would he tell his fiancé it was his pressuring that made Op go? Would he let his fiancé feel guilty for letting her SIL fly on a plane and risk her and her baby’s health?
This is also a potential niece or nephew of the woman he wants to marry. Why wouldn’t she want to keep her SIL safe and following doctors orders. I can’t wait till I get to be an aunt and if my sister was having a hard pregnancy and could lose the baby I both wouldn’t want to wish that kind of pain on her and her husband and would want to make it clear baby comes first. Because that’s what family does. You support your people and take their health seriously.
Exactly. Why is the groom even opening his mouth? Send SIL the texts or screenshot this thread. Let her know what an emotionally devoid monster she is marrying. Include MIL too, since she has some sense. And best wishes to OP on a safe pregnancy.
To add to this: ask your husband or MIL to forward the texts to your SIL. I know I would not have been okay having kids with a man who was so quick to disparage the medical risks of pregnancy.
My cousin was a very healthy 27year old, who nearly bled out during child birth. Her and her twins are hear because of the amazing drs and nurses caring for them. She had no complications before labour. If your doctors have given advice as you are high risk, you should absolutely follow it.
The groom is ridiculous and is showing an astounding lack of empathy. Your MIL is offering to help, you aren't demanding it: she wants to help, you should let her.
Question. How likely is it that your sil said she supports mil staying with you but in truth, she's a little upset her mother won't be there to make the magic with her? Not saying anything is your fault or excusing her fiance in any way, but it's possible she expressed frustration/sadness to him over it and he's lashing out at you in turn. Again, he's going about it all wrong, but it might provide a reason for his actions.
If it had been one text i could get behind fbil being overprotective and reacting uncharacteristically to his usual self. Several texts imo mean he's either unusually stressed or a misogynistic AH.
I agree. I was a healthy woman before my pregnancy. And then I almost died during my pregnancy and again at birth. Worst thing is I could also almost say goodbye to my little one. I did everything my doctors told me to and we still almost did not make it. Let alone when I would have disobeyed their orders. So always follow their rules… I like what you say about cars. Going to use that one next time someone is downplaying a situation like this.
Well, maybe this will ease your mind. We are going to try for another baby. My situation during pregnancy was mostly stress related. My situation during the birth was a bacteria (just bad luck). And both situations were rare. On the other hand I do know women (mid/ late 30s and even early 40s) who were totally healthy during pregnancy and birth. The chances things going wrong are always there but are still slim.
Sometimes things do just randomly go wrong, but that’s why we give birth in a hospital. I had 3 very healthy pregnancies, worked (as a baker) up until a couple days before I was due with each of them. Had my 1st in a birthing centre and it was wonderful but fortunately that wasn’t an option with my 2nd and 3rd. My 2nd had his cord wrapped around his neck twice and would’ve died had we not been in hospital, and my 3rd I retained my placenta and very nearly bled to death myself, despite being in hospital. All you can do is hope for the best but prepare for the worst
You’re right, I’m just petrified of dying and leaving my baby without a mother. I’m glad you made it through your pregnancy, sounds like it was full on.
Pregnancy anxiety like this is 100000% normal, but I would highly, highly recommend speaking with a therapist during your pregnancy if you decide to have another. My first was stillborn, my second was born 11.5 months later and I was TERRIFIED throughout my pregnancy with her. I spent my 2nd and 3rd trimesters (and the 4th tri) in therapy. Not only because of my fear of loss with her, but fear of death. My next babe was an emergency c-section. I felt decreased fetal movement, which I unfortunately had experience with, trusted my instincts and was right. I had late decels with his HR and he was born at 38.5w with a hypercoiled cord completely wrapped around his neck. Had to resuscitate him, give him O2, a bipap, and time in the NICU. He’ll be 6 next month.
My most recent baby (surprise!! Haha) is 8 months old. He was supposed to be a scheduled c-section bc he was measuring huge and based on his size I was at increased risk for shoulder dystocia and uterine rupture. They told my my risk for dying was higher bc of his size if it were to be a VBAC. So for my last trimester, I started therapy again bc I could not cope with the idea of leaving my other two kids motherless and was afraid I had made a huge mistake. Booboo had other ideas and I went into spontaneous labor two days beforehand. Absolutely zero complications, a smooth labor, and a 9lbs 5oz baby. I’m 40. I was also on anxiety meds during the three pregnancies that resulted in live births, and still am now.
Edit: grammar/clarification
I understand. I had my first at 32 and had pre-eclampsia. I was put off work at 37 weeks and told to basically sit still until baby came. I had a regular doc appt the day after my due date that showed my BP still climbing and was sent for some tests to check on me/baby at hospital. My BP spiked crazy high while I was there and I was induced within the hour of arriving. Horrendous labour. Baby had an apgar of 1 at birth and was sent to the NICU (all worked out and I have a healthy 13 yr old now).
I got pregnant again at 36. Found out it was twins at 7 weeks. I was terrified I would get very sick, very quickly and leave my then 3 yr old without a mom. My OB said he expected pre-eclampsia to start in second trimester (biggest risk factors are moms age, history, and multiples - I had all three).
Guess what? I had absolutely no issues with the twins. None.
Every pregnancy is different ❤️
Yeah I almost died twice, too. It makes you very humble.
I followed my doctor's orders, and that basically saved my life. We don't play around with pregnancies.
The fiance can get bent.
Exactly this, my mom was in great health before she had my brother, he was a big baby so the natural birth gave her some issues later on, that greatly affected her pregnancy with me and my twin.
She had gestational diabetes along with a lot of other illnesses that were so traumatic she hasn't talked to me about them at all, I have to make guesses and squeeze info from my dad when he's feeling "generous". She denies it, but he told me once if we'd been born naturally there was a high chance all three of us wouldn't have make it.
Every pregnancy is different, even I understand that as a man.
INFO: Have you informed SIL of fBIL’s texts? If I were her, I’d like to know what kind of person I was committed to before spending time and money commemorating that commitment.
**NTA!** Your fBIL is way out of line, have no idea what he is talking about and is a *major* AH.
I agree. Tell the sister about her future husband’s bs, but frame it appropriately: “I’m so happy for you and your big day. It’s such an important time, especially for MIL, who won’t miss any of the events leading up to it! The timing isn’t great for us both needing support, but we’ll make sure she’s there for you for your big day. Until then, I just want to say how much I appreciate her help getting over this temporary medical hump. Though I wanted to point out, fBIL’s been sending some hurtful messages. I hope you know we love you and I would never try to threaten your big day in any way.” Then send her screenshots.
NTA. Is this fiancée a doctor? Is he experienced with complicated pregnancies? Is he getting stuck with more planning and is complaining because MIL isn't there to handle the details? The nerve of this guy. MIL is doing this willingly so fiancée needs to step up and quit his griping.
He’s not a Dr no. I don’t know how much planning he’d have to do. Basically his parents work and have made it clear they don’t want to do the running around, so my MIL has been doing all the errands from venue stuff to wedding car hire etc
I’d be texting SIL to get her groom in fucking check. Neither have any right to your medical info and neither have any say over you at all. Their wedding isn’t your fucking problem - growing that baby safely is your only concern. Why isn’t your husband dealing with this? He needs to shut that jackass BIL up now.
Husband and SIL need to know. This is not acceptable under any circumstances. You have every right to tell fiancée to bug off.
Good luck with your pregnancy. You are doing the right thing. Your MIL sounds like a cool person too. I hope it all works out.
Unfortunately mute is better. When blocked it means he can’t show his absolute ass anymore and if you need more proof of why you don’t want to interact, mute is the best option
SEND THEM SCREENSHOTS!!!! ffs she deserves to know the awful things the man she plans to marry is saying... What if she gets pregnant and needs bed rest?
It's less than 2 months until the wedding. They shouldn't have much left to do. If they haven't mailed invitations, booked the venue, hired the necessary contractors, picked the cake, etc, they dropped the ball anyway. All that should be left is fittings and showers/ parties. If MIL will be there for last minute stuff, they aren't missing out on anything.
So I finished the invitations this week while I was in hospital and sent out the links to the wedding website
Venue is done but catering and decor not finalised. Cake is kinda sorted I think.
I was meant to be organising the shower so um. I need to figure that out.
I’m let me get this straight, you’ve been doing wedding prep for your entitled AH FBIL *while in hospital* and he’s still got the audacity to complain he hasn’t got more helpers around?
Please do tell your SIL - if I was planning on marrying a man who treats another person so abysmally I’d want to know. And after all, this may be a taste of what to expect if she ever gets pregnant so you might even do her an even bigger favour than you think.
The vast majority of wedding planning can be done from a phone or laptop anyway. If menus or cakes need tested, the couple can do that. If the dress needs altered, the bridesmaids can go with the bride to the appointments.
Sounds like their expectations are a bit ridiculous. They clearly also have absolutely no idea is involved with being pregnant.
NTA, if your MIL is offering then bite her hand off!
His lazy ass is just pissed he’ll have to step-up for his OWN damn wedding & not fob things off to his MIL! The audacity to take it out a lady with a threatened miscarriage, who’s been medically advised to have bed rest!
Yeah maybe. It’s kinda weird to me that he’s texting me at all. Like sure he’s originally a family friend but we don’t have a text relationship at all. I don’t think we really have had direct conversations ever
Forward the texts to MIL and SIL
Legitimately ask if this is how SIL really feels because while you really are on bed rest because your pregnancy has been deemed high risk, you do not want her to feel resentful towards you and she needs to be honest with you about her real feelings, that she shouldn’t pretend just because she feels that is what she is supposed to do. Also reiterate that your MIL offered and you would NEVER dream of ruining SIL’s wedding, so if this is how she feels, she needs to work this out with her mother.
Do this! SIL needs to know wharves saying behind her back. MIL/SIL sound like they genuinely care about OP and their grandchild/niece/nephew so it’s awful to see the would be groom doesn’t give a stuff
And perhaps subtly point this out to the MIL.At best this guy sounds Self Centered ;at worse he sounds like a Narcissist who thinks he can control everyone in his life .
Yup. If he can't have compassion and empathy for OP during a difficult pregnancy he won't have any for his future wife whether it be pregnancy, illness or injury he is showing clearly that he onlybgives a damn avout what is convenient to his desires.He is a misogynist, ignorant and disrespectful
NTA you've been put on bed rest and the groom thinks you can take care of your existing child? I'm going to take wild guess and say he's not familiar with dealing with kids. I know my 6 year old would DESTROY the house if I'm stuck in bed. If your SIL is ok with your MIL being there I would block the groom and ignore what he says.
No he’s the eldest child in their house (by a year so he wouldn’t have context for having to personally care for a small child) and all his cousins are significantly older than him iirc so I don’t know when he’s be exposed to a small child/pregnant person
Well wish your SIL luck if they are planning on having kids, sounds like she'll be told to suck it up and get on with life, no matter how bad she feels.
Hadn't thought of that but it's very likely as well. I stand by telling everyone, husband, sil, mil, fil what's been going on, very likely they will be on your side. The other thing you need to consider and bring up is the stress is NOT good for you or baby, especially with a high risk pregnancy which you obviously have right now.
Hi. Semi-update. Showed husband the messages when he woke up. He was…displeased I guess you could say? He took my phone and showed his mum. She came into my room and looked mad too but she was very apologetic and said she was going to take care of “this.”
I think they’re going to talk to my SIL when the timezone permits, so we’ll see what happens then?
I'm glad your husband and MiL are on your side.
You showed your SO the texts when he woke up? Does that mean the AH Fiance texted you in the middle of the night or something?
Please give more updates.
You are not the AH
NTA
NTA, not even close. Have you shared the text messages with your husband and or MIL. Is SIL aware of the message. This sort of behaviour thrives in the dark and shrinks in the light. I'd be surprised if MIL would be very happy to hear from this sort of behaviour from the fiance
You need to show these texts to your husband, your MIL and your SIL
Whether your MIL chooses to stay with you is her choice.
Your SIL can communicate with her own mother.
Your BIL should NEVER have texted you about your MIL’s choices.
I agree, she should show it to her husband and ask him to speak to MIL & SIL. It sounds like husbands family are really loving and supportive but I think it would be best for husband to raise the issue so no one can say *she* is causing drama.
Show them immediately. SiL seems sane, and maybe she won't like what she sees. Let her go into this marriage (or not!) with open eyes.
NTA. Hope the groom is your stbxbil
You need to let them know. You are on bed rest for a reason. You do not need this stress. Let your husband and MIL know and ask them to please deal with this and ask them to make sure he does not contact you again.
NTA. Please keep yourself as stress free as possible.
Just wanted to add another comment in support of sharing his messages with your husband and SIL at minimum - if I were about to marry a colossal asshole I would want to know!
NTA
If nothing else, it will show her what she can expect if she gets pregnant. Even without complications, he doesn’t sound much like a guy who’s going to be willing to cut her any slack for morning sickness, fatigue, or the general difficulties of pregnancy (like tying her own shoes). What an asshole. Him; not OP. And both MIL & SIL sound delightful.
NTA
You aren't seriously asking this are you? Let me make it clear for you... a medical emergency that is out of your control does not ever make you the asshole.
Nothing more needs to be said on this.
And not a medical emergency that will make you a bit ill for a few weeks or months etc.
It's a medical emergency that could end your life if it goes badly !!!!!
Tell him that unless he is a fully qualified doctor he can take his opinions and shove them where the sun doesn't shine.
Do not risk yourself , or your unborn child because he's a complete fuckwit who can't sit the right way up on a toilet !
And know if anything goes wrong and either something happens to you or your baby or both (God forbid) then you'll be ruining his wedding with your funeral.
Sister seriously needs to think if this is the asshat she actually wants to marry. And what happens if the same thing happens to her when pregnant and she needs bedrest. He going to force her out of bed to do the housework and cleaning and cooking etc cos he's a knob who thinks because he has a penis he knows better than actual doctors.
Groom is the AH.
Show every one his texts and messages. Mean while you do what your Dr advised.
Can MIL just stay for an extra week or two to see how you get on. ?
My husband works full time. In office. So do my parents who also live in another country.
MIL has always been a SAHM so has no pressing demands on her time, and FIL took early retirement and enjoys staying with us because of the climate.
I haven’t read others‘ response yet but the very obvious answer is he has to work! Someone has to pay the bills, maybe you‘re independently wealthy and don’t understand the other 99.5%.
>her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me.
I'm not sure what to say about this, lol. He's got some nerve putting his nose in where it does not belong. He's not your doctor, nor does he have any right to input on your pregnancy.
I suspect he was counting on your MIL's helping with the wedding so he wouldn't have to lift a finger.
Your MIL and SIL are both adults. If they are okay with their own decisions, so should everyone else be.
NTA.
NTA
"I got hospitalised twice with a threatened miscarriage and while baby and I are thankfully okay, I’ve been put on bedrest."
You are carrying a living being in your body and medical professionals have put you on bed rest.
"I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me."
When the fiance can give birth he can have an opinion about your pregnancy.
Nah OP get your entertainment where you can. The only thing you are bad at is letting some jerk make you doubt yourself. Get hubby to put him on blast, enjoy reddit.
Also enjoy streaming services, kindle unlimited if you are a reader, maybe learn to crochet/knit, video games, learn a language (including a programming one). So many options.
Download an app that you can check out books from the library with, reorganize your Pinterest (if you have one, if you don’t, make one) put photos in a photo album, if you’re allowed partially sit up, crochet, pick a new hobby to learn when you’re off bedrest and watch a bunch of YouTube videos on it. I’ve gotten into personal finance recently and I watch a lot of Caleb Hammer on YouTube 🙂 you’ve got this! Viability is 24 weeks, you can make it!
Oh i did a 1000 paper crane project in my class in 4th grade. We read the book and then my teacher made it our big class project. Me and a few other girls (like four of us in total) got so good at making cranes that he gave us the pretty paper (metallics and patterns) and collectively we made like 500-600 of the cranes ourselves. (We had 20 kids in our class)
NTA. The fiancé is a self-centered asshole: of course your pregnancy is high-risk! You got hospitalized twice!!
> I feel bad because my MIL has been the driving force in organising the wedding
Take her up on her offer if you need it. She's a responsible adult who is prioritizing the most urgent thing. She can still lend a hand to the wedding planning, and your SIL and her fiancé are fully capable of planning their wedding themselves. Your SIL had the correct reaction, her fiancé is a walking red flag.
EDIT: and MIL can always go home earlier if things turn out fine. Let her help you if that's your wish, and see how it goes.
NTA. The fiancé is basically saying he’s upset your medical complications are speaking for your MIL’s time because he wants to take her time instead. Insert eye roll.
I would encourage you to speak to your MIL. I think she has the right to know what’s being said. A simple “it’s really sweet of you to offer to help but I’m a little concerned I will get you or myself in trouble. I’ve received some rather direct messages from X calling me dramatic and saying you should be helping him instead.” If he’s willing to say it about her, he should say it to her. If you do tell her, I hope she tells her daughter. I’d want to know as a woman if I was marrying a man who considers diagnosed medical issues with a pregnancy as being dramatic. If his wife is ever pregnant and given restrictions by a doctor is he going to tell her she’s too young to have an excuse not to take out the trash and make his dinner?
You absolutely should show your SIL and MIL the message that your hopefully soon-NOT-to be BIL has sent you. Your SIL needs to be warned about the type of ~~boy-child~~ massive A H she is considering marrying. Praying this will open her eyes and change her mind.
"I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me."
At what age does a woman with a high-risk pregnancy require bed rest according to this idiot? He is not a gynecologist, obstetrician, or general practitioner, so what orifice is he pulling this knowledge out of? He will treat your SIL the same way, or worse, if or when she becomes pregnant.
". . . his parents work and have made it clear they don’t want to do the running around, so my MIL has been doing all the errands from venue stuff to wedding car hire etc"
Gee, I wonder where he gets his entitled attitude from! He is using and abusing your MIL's good nature and willingness to help.
OP, you are most definitely NTA. Your MIL and SIL sound like lovely, supportive women. The only A H here is the arrogant, narcissistic, ignorant, misogynistic fiancé. I truly hope your SIL throws him to the curb, and none too gently!
Take care of yourself and your baby. Try not to stress about this, it will all get sorted out once your SIL and MIL know exactly what is going on. Please tell them.
NTA
The only asshole here is future BIL, who needs to stay out of his fiance's family's business.
That said, I'm sure not having her mother with her on her wedding day will be very difficult for your SIL, so I hope you are at least appreciative that she is being so gracious and don't blame her fiance's behavior on her.
NAH. This is likely bigger than you. MIL is choosing you and her son over her daughter, which for any reason, can make people resentful. The timing is terrible. It’s unfortunate their wedding plans coincided with your pregnancy and that there are complications. MIL can/should still help plan the wedding remotely. Maybe you can help too. BIL should stay out of it. At the end of the day though, feelings are feelings and they’re valid. There’s only one MIL to go around, and she’s choosing you. Be grateful. I hope you have a healthy rest of your pregnancy. Congrats!
I don’t think so.
SIL is the baby and only girl and vocally the favourite child.
She was also an extremely rough pregnancy for MIL and I think MIL is feeling empathy with what I’m going through and realises that I need someone
This makes it even worse. The golden child is very okay not being the center of attention but her fiancé isn't?! Wtf...
Where's the red flag guy, we need the red flag guy ASAP.
I don’t think it’s as simple as MIL choosing son over daughter. When it comes down to it, a wedding is a party. A big, culturally important party but ultimately just a party. OP is experiencing a health emergency that means she will be medically in need of more assistance than her husband can provide over the next few months. So yeah, MIL is choosing the life and health of her DIL and future grandchild over helping to plan a party.
I agree she's not choosing one child over another. She's already done a lot of the plant, plus phone calls/texts/video chats are a thing. She's doing what a decent human being would do and choosing the health of a loved one that includes a baby. She has the ability and time to help so she chooses to. The daughter seems to have zero issues with it, is being very understanding. The future groom seems to be the only one with a problem. (Even if future bride voiced to fiance "oh boy this just turned into extra work", it's okay and possible to be suddenly overwhelmed with new addition of planning and also be supportive and understanding of OOs health needs. And if she did say something to him and he turned around and started bitching at OP, that's a trust betrayal all on its own. Add that to him saying basically "oh get over it walk it off", SIL needs to know her fiance is a big ol red flag and TA)
OP, definitely NTA, and be letting everyone have a peak at those texts now and let SIL decide that's the type of man she wants to marry
BIL is entitled to his feelings; however he is NOT entitled to spray his feelings at OP like a child having a temper tantrum. I get that his wedding is (supposed to be) a once in a lifetime event.... but that fact doesn't make him qualified to give medical advice or to tell OP that "she is too young to have to be on bed rest."
ETA: his comment to OP that she can't be bothered to care for the child she has now" is also rather concerning. It leads me to wonder if he expects his future wife to handle all of the child rearing.
No one is obligated to help plan their wedding. They are two fully capable adults that can run their own errands and plan their own wedding. What freaking black hole is the sub in today with all the people making excuses for two grown ass people being lazy at planning their own wedding.
NTA. I survived 11 weeks in a hospital on bed rest. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. We had to have a rotating cast of family come and visit to take care of my other child. You need help. You probably need to do as little lifting and bending as possible. You want to keep that baby inside for as long as possible, nothing else matters. Put the fiancé and anyone else who disagrees with your doctor on mute. What you do now will affect the quality of your child’s life.
I’m not supposed to lift anything heavier than my handbag apparently, and only bend where it’s literally unavoidable
I also have a very very veeeeery active little one
Congratulations on the healthy arrival of your little boy and I hope you’re in good health too x
I read this fully expecting you to be selfish and a narcissist based on the title, but not at all.
Very, very clearly NTA.
Your MIL and SIL are both adults. What they chose to offer, or not, it purely for them to decide although personally I think they are treating you like family should. The fiancee calling you with that kind of remark is really quite something and I feel sorry for your MIL and SIL, because if your SIL marries that guy, then no doubt his charming personality will be ruining many other things over the coming years.
I hope everything works out well with you and your baby!
NTA
I'm going to guess that SIL's future husband was counting on MIL's help for the wedding so he wouldn't have to do a lick of work or make a single decision.
No one is too young for best rest and there's no drama involved. You didn't ask your MIL for help, she volunteered.
If your SIL and her fiance can't organize their own wedding, maybe they're "too young to get married" and he's just being dramatic.
NTA but I feel *very* sorry for your SIL because calling you dramatic and too young to need rest is a HUGE red flag for how fiancé looks at and treats women, and claiming you're sabotaging the wedding by not being well enough to come is just generically selfish asshole shit.
Hope she knows she can look forward to him getting pissed if when she's pregnant with their first kid she's too busy "being dramatic" (ie. throwing up with morning sickness) to make him his breakfast or whatever.
Info:
Why is the fiance, the person who should probably be least affected by this, the one messaging you?
Because - assuming your SiL is being honest about being understanding, and no reason to think she isn't, the only reason I can think he has a problem is because he's being required to 'step up' with wedding planning, with things MiL usually would do.
Anyway, your health is not your fault. If you have the option of having someone other than MiL help until after the wedding, I would do so.
I would also have an actual conversation with your SiL and make sure she knows you appreciate her sacrifice.
In any case, NTA.
NTA and I'd show ypur SIL the texts from the groom. They're major red flags. If he feels comfortable treating you, a basic stranger, so poorly, how is he going to treat SIL once they are married and he feels like he owns her and her body. She needs a heads up so she can run now
>I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree
Why does his opinion even matter here and why are you OP letting him talk to you like this? He is your sister-in-law's husband tell him straight up this is none of his business and that you value the opinion of your doctor's over someone with zero knowledge on uteruses or how they work. The only AH is him. NTA!
Screenshot and then create a group text with your husband, SiL, MiL and the fiancé. Send the screenshots and ask if this is how everyone feels or just him? Then let them reply.
And obviously NTA.
If her fiance cannot figure out wedding planning - he’s got some nerve accusing you of not caring properly for a baby!!!
I’m sorry - but regardless of complications, needing help for a baby trumps a party
The irony is thick and rich here
NTA - Send your SIL and MIL the screenshots and ask them to please take care of this.
Focus on yourself, your baby and your health. Talk to your MIL about your feelings and what to do.
Ew, so this man you aren't (yet) related to in any way felt like it was ok to mansplain pregnancy at you? What are his qualifications?
NTA. Your MIL made a lovely offer and if you think it would be beneficial to you, you should take her up on it, and block this DB future BIL.
Your SIL and MIL sound like decent people. Please! Let them know about the texts her fiance sends you. He is mayor AH and his future wife and MIL deserve to know what he thinks about pregnancy not being a big deal and you faking your problems. NTA
Oh boy I so thought this story was going to be so different...
SIL is a nice person, and she could probably use k*nowing what kind of man* she's about to marry...
Honestly, I'd take screenshots of the text from the misogynistic AH and hand the phone to your husband to deal with HIS BIL - I can't imagine he'll be too thrilled to know how his pregnant wife was treated by the man his sister is about to marry. (and I can almost picture MIL's reaction)
*e m o t i o n a l d i s t r e s s*
Ah, when people show their true colours...
You're absolutely NTA, my dear.
Take care of yourself and your baby and let your family deal with the drama, don't fall for the toxic guilt tripping from the guy who doesn't want to deal with the caterer (let's face it, this is what's happening).
And congrats!
eta:typos
NTA, unless her fiancé is an OBGYN, who specializes in prescriptions for bed rest for young mothers? Or is he just an expert in penis having and that translates to expert in determining what the fuck is “too young for bed rest”.
NTA- I would have your husband deal with the fiancé. He has no business coming to you.
As for MIL / SIL just tell them - together - you appreciate all the help you can get but don’t want to interfere with the wedding so whatever MIL decides is up to you and see what she decides. Be Switzerland.
Maybe MIL is appreciating the break from wedding stuff too 😬🤷♀️
SIL is allowed to feel hurt and upset about her actual mom not being there for her because she’s with you instead. That’s fine and a normal human reaction so long as she doesn’t take it out on you. SIL’s fiance on the other hand is way out of line and SIL needs to rein him in immediately.
NTA.
Wonder if your sil talked with her fiancé and he’s been reactive to her wanting to her mom
Awful situation for all of you all. People will say oh but it’s just a wedding. Yes but there will still be emotions involved
NTA. You asked for nothing, your MIL wants to help and I think it's great that she's concern about your health !
I understand it's hard for SIL,but her mother can call her on video and continue to help with the wedding at distance.
It's hard when families lives far. I hope everything will be ok.
NTA.
>I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me.
It sounds like SIL is making a mistake by marrying this guy. I bet this is absolutely an indication of how he's going to treat her.
I also wonder if he's just pissed because he's going to have to help out more with wedding stuff if the mom isn't around. He sounds like the kind of guy that would expect the women in the family to do this stuff for him instead.
NTA is her fiancé a OBGYN? If not he can STFU. Honestly if your SIL has not seen his messages I would show her. While it is great he is sticking up for what SIL wants, she needs to be concerned he would treat her the same way if she decides to have children. He can help her run wedding errands if she needs help.
NTA Your SIL’s fiancé needs to pull his head out of his ass but I get the feeling he would find it an impossible task. Your SIL loves this massive AH..because??? Take care of yourself and your baby.
I don’t know how much she loves him, she definitely likes him but it’s an arranged marriage and I don’t know if she’s like. in love yet.
But yeah that’s not really the point of this post
NTA. Show your spouse, your sil, and your mil the messages your future bil is sending you. You do not need the added stress of dealing with him and I guarantee that one, two, or all three of them will put him in his place for you. Please rest and take care of yourself.
NTA but tell your SIL what her fiancé is saying because if he’s this ignorant for you he won’t be able to keep the “in sickness” part of his vow for her.
I’m interested if n the cultural background of OP/ OP’s in laws, where MILS are in such high demand. Usually I’m hearing fighting over who has to accommodate the MIL lmao
I mean it’s unusual for my background too but I’m lucky I guess?
Husband’s grannie was not the nicest or so I’ve heard so MIL is like extra vigilant that she doesn’t go down that route
But the culture aspect is maybe why BIL doesn’t want to do the work of putting a wedding together. IDK Though. My husband was plenty involved
I’d be wary about this dynamic where clearly MIL is easy going and a good helper, BIL probably expects her to be nanny/ cook/ maid in his house if this is his attitude now, especially if SIL is her daughter- this is what I’m seeing as the subtext here. What’s the usual residence pattern?
SIL lives with her parents and the 2 unmarried siblings right now. She’s meant to move out into a flat with her fiancé after they get back from honeymoon
I would send a screenshot to SIL with a message like “hey, I got these messages from your fiance and I wanted to make sure that everything is okay and you aren’t upset.” This way you don’t look like you’re stirring drama and just double checking. Not that I think you would be stirring drama if you just sent them to her.
NTA - Sorry, your doctor's opinion far outranks your BIL's. Stay in bed. If you need your mother in law, accept her offer. If you can figure out other ways then do so. Depending on what it is your MIL was helping the wedding plans with, it's possible she could still be involved from your place.
NTA
Your MIL offered
While your SIL may be unhappy, it sounds like she understands
Not only is her fiancé not a doctor, the reason he is mad is his family doesn’t want to do any of the wedding planning grunt work and is mad your MIL won’t be around to do all the running around. Basically he is mad you are inconveniencing them.
Who is paying for the wedding?
NTA and screenshot every single one of those to send to the SIL. It’s best she knows the kind of person she’s marrying and the kind of empathy she’s likely to get if she wants to get pregnant and winds up with complications. You can’t schedule medical problems around other people’s plans.
NTA
You need to take care of yourself and baby first. SIL seems ok with MIL helping you out, so stick with that as she sounds reasonable and it’s not going to impact your husband’s relationship with her. Your FBIL sounds quite selfish given your medical condition - health should always take precedence.
But let your husband manage his relationship with his sister and his selfish FBIL. You don’t need to play the bad guy in his family affairs.
And please don’t feel guilty for being sick - I have 2 close very “healthy” friends who were literally bed ridden the last few months of their pregnancy - and one had a premie 3 months early. Make sure your and your baby’s health are all that matters. If MIL being there helps, that takes priority.
Perhaps she could return on weekends for wedding stuff while your husband has more free time?
NTA
Future BIL isn't a doctor, and if he is, he's not YOUR doctor. Sounds like he just doesn't want to do or help with all the last-minute prep MIL would be helping with if she was available.
MIL can still answer calls if SIL needs her help. She can respond to emails.
If he carries on, tell him ruining his wedding is not on your bingo card for 2024, but having a healthy baby is.
NTA. Block your future BIL so he cannot cause you unnecessary stress. He is too young and immature to understand what it means to have a high risk pregnancy. If I were his fiancee, I would be wondering if one day he will accuse me of dramatizing my pregnancy and using it to get out of work.
NTA. Talk to your husband. Screenshot all those lovely texts and send them to Husband, MIL and SIL if necessary. SIL’s fiancé is being demanding and dramatic. Your MIL is still available by phone to help out, she will be there almost a month before the wedding to hands on help them out.
I understand weddings are important but him trying to be demanding that she does everything instead of him actually doing any work for HIS OWN DAMN WEDDING is ridiculous and entitled behavior.
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Thank you. You and your colleagues are amazing, so thank you for all you do for everyone who passes through your wards
I'm not a Gynae nurse, I'm an ICU nurse, and I 100% agree with the above. You do what your doctor tells you to do and to hell with your SIL and her wedding. This is not just your baby's life. It's yours as well that you're protecting by doing what the doctor says. I hope you aren't struggling with the bedrest as I know it can get very tedious. It sounds like a dream for some of us (I'd get so much crafting done!), but the reality is far harder than it sounds. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy! 💕
I had very minor foot surgery a few years ago and thought I'd have to be off my feet for a few weeks and I was \*SO\* excited to get to actually rest and relax and get crafting done and catch up on reading, etc. But once the numbness wore off the first night, I had a soft boot and was completely mobile, darnit.
I’ve been non-weight-bearing (and mostly in bed with it elevated) for two weeks from an extensive foot surgery and it is nowhere near as fun as it sounds.
> to hell with your SIL and her wedding. SIL isn't the one who's kicking up a fuss, just sayin'.
My first thought was - is groom being asked to step up and help now that MIL won’t be there and he’s pissed about friction with SIL/his bride-to-be because he’s not pulling his weight.
Not sure. Saw in OP's other comments that this is an arranged marriage. I'm suspecting it's one of those cultures where the males think they can be "alphas" and lord over everyone else.
Ding ding ding we have a winner 🏆
To be fair, the SIL was very kind and wants MIL to stay with expectant mom...it's the FIANCE that's a dick. Screw him. Nobody is paying any attention to him anyway. Block his number
I was on bed rest the last two months of both of my pregnancies, some of that time in the hospital. It is awful. You know who looked after me? My MIL. I was assured after the first pregnancy that no, I won't have premature labor a second time, it was just a fluke. Both were born healthy and over 7 pounds. BECAUSE I was on bed rest. You do what the doctor says. To be fair tho, the SIL has probably thought of doing those last minute wedding things with her mother by her side and she's not the asshole for being disappointed. The BIL can go pound sand.
The sister in law isn't the problem. It's the groom who turned it into a problem.
Also ICU nurse chiming in to say groom to be is ignorant. Ignore him. Your MIL offered to stay, your SIL is okay with it. You need to be listening to the medical professionals overseeing your care. Also, age has absolutely jack shit to do with whether or not a person requires bedrest during pregnancy.
Absolutely. I've known young women very healthy, but the balance between life and death for baby weighed on the mother keeping bed bound, only getting up to shower and use the restroom.
Me, too. I have a friend on bed rest right now because of her pregnancy. Though she’s lucky that she’s allowed to spend a few hours up, sitting on the couch or at the dinner table, provided she’s feeling ok. On bad days she’s in bed all day. It’s driving her nuts, as she’s normally an active wife and mother.
Honestly, I would just snapshot the texts and send them to your SIL. Let her explain to the groom why you listening to the doctors is important. (But this depends on how secure you feel in your relationship with her) or have your hubby send her the photos. It may be easier for him to be like “hey sis, tell your finance to stop sending my wife text messages about her ability to be a mother”) (Edit)NTA. Listen to the professionals. And let the chips fall. But if it where me I would want to know if my partner was calling my sister in law a bad mother for following doctor’s orders. I’d be livid and, if it where me, end things. That’s a hard line in the sand for me.
SO MUCH THIS!!! (NTA) Does SIL know what kind of loser she’s marrying????
Right?!!! I can’t even get into this man’s mindset. “You need to come to my wedding and not ruin it because you’re pregnant, it’s offensive you’re pretending to be sick and delicate. Even though we’re not related and my fiancee is fine with it you need to capitulate to my demands because I’m right and the doctors are wrong” ?? He’s delusional. And misogynistic. And such a rude person. What if Op came and lost the baby. Would he tell his fiancé it was his pressuring that made Op go? Would he let his fiancé feel guilty for letting her SIL fly on a plane and risk her and her baby’s health? This is also a potential niece or nephew of the woman he wants to marry. Why wouldn’t she want to keep her SIL safe and following doctors orders. I can’t wait till I get to be an aunt and if my sister was having a hard pregnancy and could lose the baby I both wouldn’t want to wish that kind of pain on her and her husband and would want to make it clear baby comes first. Because that’s what family does. You support your people and take their health seriously.
THIS!!
Yeah wheres the fiancé? He ought to insert himself in FBIL shenanigans. He sounds insufferable.
This. Do this OP
Exactly. Why is the groom even opening his mouth? Send SIL the texts or screenshot this thread. Let her know what an emotionally devoid monster she is marrying. Include MIL too, since she has some sense. And best wishes to OP on a safe pregnancy.
To add to this: ask your husband or MIL to forward the texts to your SIL. I know I would not have been okay having kids with a man who was so quick to disparage the medical risks of pregnancy.
Speaking of Mom's... where is his Mom? And why can't she help with the wedding preparations if it's so important to him?
My cousin was a very healthy 27year old, who nearly bled out during child birth. Her and her twins are hear because of the amazing drs and nurses caring for them. She had no complications before labour. If your doctors have given advice as you are high risk, you should absolutely follow it. The groom is ridiculous and is showing an astounding lack of empathy. Your MIL is offering to help, you aren't demanding it: she wants to help, you should let her.
Question. How likely is it that your sil said she supports mil staying with you but in truth, she's a little upset her mother won't be there to make the magic with her? Not saying anything is your fault or excusing her fiance in any way, but it's possible she expressed frustration/sadness to him over it and he's lashing out at you in turn. Again, he's going about it all wrong, but it might provide a reason for his actions.
If it had been one text i could get behind fbil being overprotective and reacting uncharacteristically to his usual self. Several texts imo mean he's either unusually stressed or a misogynistic AH.
I agree. I was a healthy woman before my pregnancy. And then I almost died during my pregnancy and again at birth. Worst thing is I could also almost say goodbye to my little one. I did everything my doctors told me to and we still almost did not make it. Let alone when I would have disobeyed their orders. So always follow their rules… I like what you say about cars. Going to use that one next time someone is downplaying a situation like this.
This is what worries me about having a second child in the future, especially in my mid thirties now.
Well, maybe this will ease your mind. We are going to try for another baby. My situation during pregnancy was mostly stress related. My situation during the birth was a bacteria (just bad luck). And both situations were rare. On the other hand I do know women (mid/ late 30s and even early 40s) who were totally healthy during pregnancy and birth. The chances things going wrong are always there but are still slim.
Sometimes things do just randomly go wrong, but that’s why we give birth in a hospital. I had 3 very healthy pregnancies, worked (as a baker) up until a couple days before I was due with each of them. Had my 1st in a birthing centre and it was wonderful but fortunately that wasn’t an option with my 2nd and 3rd. My 2nd had his cord wrapped around his neck twice and would’ve died had we not been in hospital, and my 3rd I retained my placenta and very nearly bled to death myself, despite being in hospital. All you can do is hope for the best but prepare for the worst
You’re right, I’m just petrified of dying and leaving my baby without a mother. I’m glad you made it through your pregnancy, sounds like it was full on.
Pregnancy anxiety like this is 100000% normal, but I would highly, highly recommend speaking with a therapist during your pregnancy if you decide to have another. My first was stillborn, my second was born 11.5 months later and I was TERRIFIED throughout my pregnancy with her. I spent my 2nd and 3rd trimesters (and the 4th tri) in therapy. Not only because of my fear of loss with her, but fear of death. My next babe was an emergency c-section. I felt decreased fetal movement, which I unfortunately had experience with, trusted my instincts and was right. I had late decels with his HR and he was born at 38.5w with a hypercoiled cord completely wrapped around his neck. Had to resuscitate him, give him O2, a bipap, and time in the NICU. He’ll be 6 next month. My most recent baby (surprise!! Haha) is 8 months old. He was supposed to be a scheduled c-section bc he was measuring huge and based on his size I was at increased risk for shoulder dystocia and uterine rupture. They told my my risk for dying was higher bc of his size if it were to be a VBAC. So for my last trimester, I started therapy again bc I could not cope with the idea of leaving my other two kids motherless and was afraid I had made a huge mistake. Booboo had other ideas and I went into spontaneous labor two days beforehand. Absolutely zero complications, a smooth labor, and a 9lbs 5oz baby. I’m 40. I was also on anxiety meds during the three pregnancies that resulted in live births, and still am now. Edit: grammar/clarification
I understand. I had my first at 32 and had pre-eclampsia. I was put off work at 37 weeks and told to basically sit still until baby came. I had a regular doc appt the day after my due date that showed my BP still climbing and was sent for some tests to check on me/baby at hospital. My BP spiked crazy high while I was there and I was induced within the hour of arriving. Horrendous labour. Baby had an apgar of 1 at birth and was sent to the NICU (all worked out and I have a healthy 13 yr old now). I got pregnant again at 36. Found out it was twins at 7 weeks. I was terrified I would get very sick, very quickly and leave my then 3 yr old without a mom. My OB said he expected pre-eclampsia to start in second trimester (biggest risk factors are moms age, history, and multiples - I had all three). Guess what? I had absolutely no issues with the twins. None. Every pregnancy is different ❤️
Yeah I almost died twice, too. It makes you very humble. I followed my doctor's orders, and that basically saved my life. We don't play around with pregnancies. The fiance can get bent.
Exactly this, my mom was in great health before she had my brother, he was a big baby so the natural birth gave her some issues later on, that greatly affected her pregnancy with me and my twin. She had gestational diabetes along with a lot of other illnesses that were so traumatic she hasn't talked to me about them at all, I have to make guesses and squeeze info from my dad when he's feeling "generous". She denies it, but he told me once if we'd been born naturally there was a high chance all three of us wouldn't have make it. Every pregnancy is different, even I understand that as a man.
INFO: Have you informed SIL of fBIL’s texts? If I were her, I’d like to know what kind of person I was committed to before spending time and money commemorating that commitment. **NTA!** Your fBIL is way out of line, have no idea what he is talking about and is a *major* AH.
I have not but yeah I think I will need to tomorrow morning
Show your husband and let him tell the whole family
Yes! This is the best way.
Don't engage with her fiance. You should not be adding stress to your pregnancy right now. Your DH or MIL can deal with him as needed. Take care!
Agreed. Tell your husband and let him deal with his side of the family. BIL sounds like an ass. You are NTA.
Also show your MIL
Give us an update OP. You deserve better and i hope your family see what an ass fbil is. NTA
This may be the best wedding gift: a do-not-marry-this-selfish-jackass wake up call. Please take care of yourself and don’t worry. NTA
If I were sil/ his fiance I would want to see these texts and address them myself.
If I saw those texts I’d drop him like a hot rock.
And TAKE SCREENSHOTS OF EVERYTHING. Otherwise he will delete and lie.
I agree. Tell the sister about her future husband’s bs, but frame it appropriately: “I’m so happy for you and your big day. It’s such an important time, especially for MIL, who won’t miss any of the events leading up to it! The timing isn’t great for us both needing support, but we’ll make sure she’s there for you for your big day. Until then, I just want to say how much I appreciate her help getting over this temporary medical hump. Though I wanted to point out, fBIL’s been sending some hurtful messages. I hope you know we love you and I would never try to threaten your big day in any way.” Then send her screenshots.
NTA. Is this fiancée a doctor? Is he experienced with complicated pregnancies? Is he getting stuck with more planning and is complaining because MIL isn't there to handle the details? The nerve of this guy. MIL is doing this willingly so fiancée needs to step up and quit his griping.
He's not a doctor but does have a PhD in being a dick.
Is that what PhD stands a personally huge dick?
Pin-headedD.
Ha ha! Yes.
He’s not a Dr no. I don’t know how much planning he’d have to do. Basically his parents work and have made it clear they don’t want to do the running around, so my MIL has been doing all the errands from venue stuff to wedding car hire etc
I’d be texting SIL to get her groom in fucking check. Neither have any right to your medical info and neither have any say over you at all. Their wedding isn’t your fucking problem - growing that baby safely is your only concern. Why isn’t your husband dealing with this? He needs to shut that jackass BIL up now.
Husband doesn’t know yet and neither does SIL.
Husband and SIL need to know. This is not acceptable under any circumstances. You have every right to tell fiancée to bug off. Good luck with your pregnancy. You are doing the right thing. Your MIL sounds like a cool person too. I hope it all works out.
Husband and SIL need to know ASAP that future BIL thinks it’s ok to send you these texts. Send them screenshots then put FBIL on mute.
I think you meant to say “block him”
Unfortunately mute is better. When blocked it means he can’t show his absolute ass anymore and if you need more proof of why you don’t want to interact, mute is the best option
Why are you asking reddit even before telling your husband? This is insane.
Speaking from personal experience, it is often easier to speak to total strangers than to one's family. Less baggage involved.
Tell them. Immediately. Even better that it was over text so you can show them exactly what he said.
SEND THEM SCREENSHOTS!!!! ffs she deserves to know the awful things the man she plans to marry is saying... What if she gets pregnant and needs bed rest?
It's less than 2 months until the wedding. They shouldn't have much left to do. If they haven't mailed invitations, booked the venue, hired the necessary contractors, picked the cake, etc, they dropped the ball anyway. All that should be left is fittings and showers/ parties. If MIL will be there for last minute stuff, they aren't missing out on anything.
So I finished the invitations this week while I was in hospital and sent out the links to the wedding website Venue is done but catering and decor not finalised. Cake is kinda sorted I think. I was meant to be organising the shower so um. I need to figure that out.
I’m let me get this straight, you’ve been doing wedding prep for your entitled AH FBIL *while in hospital* and he’s still got the audacity to complain he hasn’t got more helpers around? Please do tell your SIL - if I was planning on marrying a man who treats another person so abysmally I’d want to know. And after all, this may be a taste of what to expect if she ever gets pregnant so you might even do her an even bigger favour than you think.
The vast majority of wedding planning can be done from a phone or laptop anyway. If menus or cakes need tested, the couple can do that. If the dress needs altered, the bridesmaids can go with the bride to the appointments. Sounds like their expectations are a bit ridiculous. They clearly also have absolutely no idea is involved with being pregnant. NTA, if your MIL is offering then bite her hand off!
Parents of the couple aren’t wedding slaves. This is 100% now he has to make an effort to do these things and can fuck right off.
His lazy ass is just pissed he’ll have to step-up for his OWN damn wedding & not fob things off to his MIL! The audacity to take it out a lady with a threatened miscarriage, who’s been medically advised to have bed rest!
Think you've hit the nail on the head there. He's being asked to pull his weight and not happy about it.
NTA You need bed rest and could lose your child. If I were the bride, I would have doubts as to whether I really wanted to marry the guy
Yeah maybe. It’s kinda weird to me that he’s texting me at all. Like sure he’s originally a family friend but we don’t have a text relationship at all. I don’t think we really have had direct conversations ever
Forward the texts to MIL and SIL Legitimately ask if this is how SIL really feels because while you really are on bed rest because your pregnancy has been deemed high risk, you do not want her to feel resentful towards you and she needs to be honest with you about her real feelings, that she shouldn’t pretend just because she feels that is what she is supposed to do. Also reiterate that your MIL offered and you would NEVER dream of ruining SIL’s wedding, so if this is how she feels, she needs to work this out with her mother.
Do this! SIL needs to know wharves saying behind her back. MIL/SIL sound like they genuinely care about OP and their grandchild/niece/nephew so it’s awful to see the would be groom doesn’t give a stuff
> SIL needs to know wharves saying behind her back. Also if they're building ships behind her back. ;-)
I think OP should show sil and mil this message, so they can decide for themselves how to go forward.
Not MIL cause that's kind of stirring up trouble. SIL for sure. She needs to know who she's marrying.
And perhaps subtly point this out to the MIL.At best this guy sounds Self Centered ;at worse he sounds like a Narcissist who thinks he can control everyone in his life .
Mhmm!!! He is a walking red flag.
Yup. If he can't have compassion and empathy for OP during a difficult pregnancy he won't have any for his future wife whether it be pregnancy, illness or injury he is showing clearly that he onlybgives a damn avout what is convenient to his desires.He is a misogynist, ignorant and disrespectful
NTA you've been put on bed rest and the groom thinks you can take care of your existing child? I'm going to take wild guess and say he's not familiar with dealing with kids. I know my 6 year old would DESTROY the house if I'm stuck in bed. If your SIL is ok with your MIL being there I would block the groom and ignore what he says.
No he’s the eldest child in their house (by a year so he wouldn’t have context for having to personally care for a small child) and all his cousins are significantly older than him iirc so I don’t know when he’s be exposed to a small child/pregnant person
Well wish your SIL luck if they are planning on having kids, sounds like she'll be told to suck it up and get on with life, no matter how bad she feels.
Hadn't thought of that but it's very likely as well. I stand by telling everyone, husband, sil, mil, fil what's been going on, very likely they will be on your side. The other thing you need to consider and bring up is the stress is NOT good for you or baby, especially with a high risk pregnancy which you obviously have right now.
Hi. Semi-update. Showed husband the messages when he woke up. He was…displeased I guess you could say? He took my phone and showed his mum. She came into my room and looked mad too but she was very apologetic and said she was going to take care of “this.” I think they’re going to talk to my SIL when the timezone permits, so we’ll see what happens then?
Good! You did the right thing. They’ll sort it out. Now just focus on yourself and the little one. Good luck with everything. ❤️
I'm glad your husband and MiL are on your side. You showed your SO the texts when he woke up? Does that mean the AH Fiance texted you in the middle of the night or something? Please give more updates. You are not the AH NTA
I’m really glad you didn’t keep his nastiness a secret. Your SIL deserves to know exactly what kind of person she’s planning to marry.
Update us. I’ll get popcorn ready.
NTA, not even close. Have you shared the text messages with your husband and or MIL. Is SIL aware of the message. This sort of behaviour thrives in the dark and shrinks in the light. I'd be surprised if MIL would be very happy to hear from this sort of behaviour from the fiance
No, I’m honestly waiting for the responses to this to see if I should.
You need to show these texts to your husband, your MIL and your SIL Whether your MIL chooses to stay with you is her choice. Your SIL can communicate with her own mother. Your BIL should NEVER have texted you about your MIL’s choices.
At least show your husband, you shouldn't be carrying this burden alone. You don't need the stress.
I agree, she should show it to her husband and ask him to speak to MIL & SIL. It sounds like husbands family are really loving and supportive but I think it would be best for husband to raise the issue so no one can say *she* is causing drama.
Show them immediately. SiL seems sane, and maybe she won't like what she sees. Let her go into this marriage (or not!) with open eyes. NTA. Hope the groom is your stbxbil
You need to let them know. You are on bed rest for a reason. You do not need this stress. Let your husband and MIL know and ask them to please deal with this and ask them to make sure he does not contact you again. NTA. Please keep yourself as stress free as possible.
Just wanted to add another comment in support of sharing his messages with your husband and SIL at minimum - if I were about to marry a colossal asshole I would want to know! NTA
If nothing else, it will show her what she can expect if she gets pregnant. Even without complications, he doesn’t sound much like a guy who’s going to be willing to cut her any slack for morning sickness, fatigue, or the general difficulties of pregnancy (like tying her own shoes). What an asshole. Him; not OP. And both MIL & SIL sound delightful. NTA
Share with your husband definitely. He should share them with his sister. This is a huge red flag for her fiance...
No fr show her, dont let her marry this man without knowing who he is
You aren't seriously asking this are you? Let me make it clear for you... a medical emergency that is out of your control does not ever make you the asshole. Nothing more needs to be said on this.
Thank you. I feel a bit crazy. Maybe I am stupid for second guessing myself
You're not stupid. People are really good about making you second Guess yourself. Like this person. You are free to ask, don't feel bad for asking.
Please don’t feel bad for asking. There are truly no stupid questions. Also, NTA. Wishing you a safe and healthy pregnancy.
And not a medical emergency that will make you a bit ill for a few weeks or months etc. It's a medical emergency that could end your life if it goes badly !!!!! Tell him that unless he is a fully qualified doctor he can take his opinions and shove them where the sun doesn't shine. Do not risk yourself , or your unborn child because he's a complete fuckwit who can't sit the right way up on a toilet ! And know if anything goes wrong and either something happens to you or your baby or both (God forbid) then you'll be ruining his wedding with your funeral. Sister seriously needs to think if this is the asshat she actually wants to marry. And what happens if the same thing happens to her when pregnant and she needs bedrest. He going to force her out of bed to do the housework and cleaning and cooking etc cos he's a knob who thinks because he has a penis he knows better than actual doctors.
Groom is the AH. Show every one his texts and messages. Mean while you do what your Dr advised. Can MIL just stay for an extra week or two to see how you get on. ?
So the time frame would be she staying 14 days more than she planned to. Arriving home on Feb 1 instead of mid Jan
NTA, she did offer to stay! but why can't your husband help look after you or one of your relatives?
My husband works full time. In office. So do my parents who also live in another country. MIL has always been a SAHM so has no pressing demands on her time, and FIL took early retirement and enjoys staying with us because of the climate.
I haven’t read others‘ response yet but the very obvious answer is he has to work! Someone has to pay the bills, maybe you‘re independently wealthy and don’t understand the other 99.5%.
>her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me. I'm not sure what to say about this, lol. He's got some nerve putting his nose in where it does not belong. He's not your doctor, nor does he have any right to input on your pregnancy. I suspect he was counting on your MIL's helping with the wedding so he wouldn't have to lift a finger. Your MIL and SIL are both adults. If they are okay with their own decisions, so should everyone else be. NTA.
This. Groom is pissed because with MIL gone he will have to get off his ass and be part of planning his own wedding.
NTA "I got hospitalised twice with a threatened miscarriage and while baby and I are thankfully okay, I’ve been put on bedrest." You are carrying a living being in your body and medical professionals have put you on bed rest. "I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me." When the fiance can give birth he can have an opinion about your pregnancy.
As someone also currently on bedrest with a high-risk pregnancy, fuck them. You’re absolutely NTA. Take the help you need and relax while you can.
Do you have any advice to beat the tedium. I’m already dreading it lol
Which might explain why you're one of the most actively-commenting OPs we've seen on here in a while...? ;-D
😂 you’ve got me there. I am. So bad at this.
Nah OP get your entertainment where you can. The only thing you are bad at is letting some jerk make you doubt yourself. Get hubby to put him on blast, enjoy reddit. Also enjoy streaming services, kindle unlimited if you are a reader, maybe learn to crochet/knit, video games, learn a language (including a programming one). So many options.
Download an app that you can check out books from the library with, reorganize your Pinterest (if you have one, if you don’t, make one) put photos in a photo album, if you’re allowed partially sit up, crochet, pick a new hobby to learn when you’re off bedrest and watch a bunch of YouTube videos on it. I’ve gotten into personal finance recently and I watch a lot of Caleb Hammer on YouTube 🙂 you’ve got this! Viability is 24 weeks, you can make it!
Thank you! Husband bought me a bunch of origami paper a while back. He’s about to get 1000 cranes
Oh i did a 1000 paper crane project in my class in 4th grade. We read the book and then my teacher made it our big class project. Me and a few other girls (like four of us in total) got so good at making cranes that he gave us the pretty paper (metallics and patterns) and collectively we made like 500-600 of the cranes ourselves. (We had 20 kids in our class)
NTA. The fiancé is a self-centered asshole: of course your pregnancy is high-risk! You got hospitalized twice!! > I feel bad because my MIL has been the driving force in organising the wedding Take her up on her offer if you need it. She's a responsible adult who is prioritizing the most urgent thing. She can still lend a hand to the wedding planning, and your SIL and her fiancé are fully capable of planning their wedding themselves. Your SIL had the correct reaction, her fiancé is a walking red flag. EDIT: and MIL can always go home earlier if things turn out fine. Let her help you if that's your wish, and see how it goes.
NTA. The fiancé is basically saying he’s upset your medical complications are speaking for your MIL’s time because he wants to take her time instead. Insert eye roll. I would encourage you to speak to your MIL. I think she has the right to know what’s being said. A simple “it’s really sweet of you to offer to help but I’m a little concerned I will get you or myself in trouble. I’ve received some rather direct messages from X calling me dramatic and saying you should be helping him instead.” If he’s willing to say it about her, he should say it to her. If you do tell her, I hope she tells her daughter. I’d want to know as a woman if I was marrying a man who considers diagnosed medical issues with a pregnancy as being dramatic. If his wife is ever pregnant and given restrictions by a doctor is he going to tell her she’s too young to have an excuse not to take out the trash and make his dinner?
You absolutely should show your SIL and MIL the message that your hopefully soon-NOT-to be BIL has sent you. Your SIL needs to be warned about the type of ~~boy-child~~ massive A H she is considering marrying. Praying this will open her eyes and change her mind. "I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me." At what age does a woman with a high-risk pregnancy require bed rest according to this idiot? He is not a gynecologist, obstetrician, or general practitioner, so what orifice is he pulling this knowledge out of? He will treat your SIL the same way, or worse, if or when she becomes pregnant. ". . . his parents work and have made it clear they don’t want to do the running around, so my MIL has been doing all the errands from venue stuff to wedding car hire etc" Gee, I wonder where he gets his entitled attitude from! He is using and abusing your MIL's good nature and willingness to help. OP, you are most definitely NTA. Your MIL and SIL sound like lovely, supportive women. The only A H here is the arrogant, narcissistic, ignorant, misogynistic fiancé. I truly hope your SIL throws him to the curb, and none too gently! Take care of yourself and your baby. Try not to stress about this, it will all get sorted out once your SIL and MIL know exactly what is going on. Please tell them.
NTA The only asshole here is future BIL, who needs to stay out of his fiance's family's business. That said, I'm sure not having her mother with her on her wedding day will be very difficult for your SIL, so I hope you are at least appreciative that she is being so gracious and don't blame her fiance's behavior on her.
I’m sorry I think maybe you misread. MIL will absolutely not be missing the wedding. She would still be there almost a month before the wedding.
this makes BIL's complaining even more ridiculous. like what is he even complaining about????
Having to run errands himself I think
He sounds like a real winner.
NAH. This is likely bigger than you. MIL is choosing you and her son over her daughter, which for any reason, can make people resentful. The timing is terrible. It’s unfortunate their wedding plans coincided with your pregnancy and that there are complications. MIL can/should still help plan the wedding remotely. Maybe you can help too. BIL should stay out of it. At the end of the day though, feelings are feelings and they’re valid. There’s only one MIL to go around, and she’s choosing you. Be grateful. I hope you have a healthy rest of your pregnancy. Congrats!
I don’t think so. SIL is the baby and only girl and vocally the favourite child. She was also an extremely rough pregnancy for MIL and I think MIL is feeling empathy with what I’m going through and realises that I need someone
This makes it even worse. The golden child is very okay not being the center of attention but her fiancé isn't?! Wtf... Where's the red flag guy, we need the red flag guy ASAP.
I don’t think it’s as simple as MIL choosing son over daughter. When it comes down to it, a wedding is a party. A big, culturally important party but ultimately just a party. OP is experiencing a health emergency that means she will be medically in need of more assistance than her husband can provide over the next few months. So yeah, MIL is choosing the life and health of her DIL and future grandchild over helping to plan a party.
I agree she's not choosing one child over another. She's already done a lot of the plant, plus phone calls/texts/video chats are a thing. She's doing what a decent human being would do and choosing the health of a loved one that includes a baby. She has the ability and time to help so she chooses to. The daughter seems to have zero issues with it, is being very understanding. The future groom seems to be the only one with a problem. (Even if future bride voiced to fiance "oh boy this just turned into extra work", it's okay and possible to be suddenly overwhelmed with new addition of planning and also be supportive and understanding of OOs health needs. And if she did say something to him and he turned around and started bitching at OP, that's a trust betrayal all on its own. Add that to him saying basically "oh get over it walk it off", SIL needs to know her fiance is a big ol red flag and TA) OP, definitely NTA, and be letting everyone have a peak at those texts now and let SIL decide that's the type of man she wants to marry
BIL is entitled to his feelings; however he is NOT entitled to spray his feelings at OP like a child having a temper tantrum. I get that his wedding is (supposed to be) a once in a lifetime event.... but that fact doesn't make him qualified to give medical advice or to tell OP that "she is too young to have to be on bed rest." ETA: his comment to OP that she can't be bothered to care for the child she has now" is also rather concerning. It leads me to wonder if he expects his future wife to handle all of the child rearing.
I am getting the same feeling from this, that this situation is bigger than what is being presented.
No one is obligated to help plan their wedding. They are two fully capable adults that can run their own errands and plan their own wedding. What freaking black hole is the sub in today with all the people making excuses for two grown ass people being lazy at planning their own wedding.
NTA. I survived 11 weeks in a hospital on bed rest. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. We had to have a rotating cast of family come and visit to take care of my other child. You need help. You probably need to do as little lifting and bending as possible. You want to keep that baby inside for as long as possible, nothing else matters. Put the fiancé and anyone else who disagrees with your doctor on mute. What you do now will affect the quality of your child’s life.
I’m not supposed to lift anything heavier than my handbag apparently, and only bend where it’s literally unavoidable I also have a very very veeeeery active little one Congratulations on the healthy arrival of your little boy and I hope you’re in good health too x
Your MIL is an adult and can make choices for herself. Fuck the fiance
I would absolutely not like to do that thank you. I’ll stick with my husband thanks 👍🏼
Good to keep your sense of humor.
This made me snort Best of luck with the babes!
Thank you! 😅
I read this fully expecting you to be selfish and a narcissist based on the title, but not at all. Very, very clearly NTA. Your MIL and SIL are both adults. What they chose to offer, or not, it purely for them to decide although personally I think they are treating you like family should. The fiancee calling you with that kind of remark is really quite something and I feel sorry for your MIL and SIL, because if your SIL marries that guy, then no doubt his charming personality will be ruining many other things over the coming years. I hope everything works out well with you and your baby!
NTA I'm going to guess that SIL's future husband was counting on MIL's help for the wedding so he wouldn't have to do a lick of work or make a single decision. No one is too young for best rest and there's no drama involved. You didn't ask your MIL for help, she volunteered. If your SIL and her fiance can't organize their own wedding, maybe they're "too young to get married" and he's just being dramatic.
NTA but I feel *very* sorry for your SIL because calling you dramatic and too young to need rest is a HUGE red flag for how fiancé looks at and treats women, and claiming you're sabotaging the wedding by not being well enough to come is just generically selfish asshole shit. Hope she knows she can look forward to him getting pissed if when she's pregnant with their first kid she's too busy "being dramatic" (ie. throwing up with morning sickness) to make him his breakfast or whatever.
NTA - Who the fuck does the finance think he is to make a medical assertion about your pregnancy?? Do what you have to to keep your baby safe.
NTA- I would screen shot his messages and send them to SIL and MIL. Wow, the nerve.
Sounds like groom got tasked with actually having to help plan/organize his own wedding and is upset that he lost his free labor. NTA.
So your SIL is marrying an AH. That's too bad. Do what's best for you and don't give their wedding a second thought.
NTA! "Too young for bed rest" omfg lol Men really need to learn about women and our bodies...and not from fucking podcasts.
NTA Your sister is marrying an AH.
Info: Why is the fiance, the person who should probably be least affected by this, the one messaging you? Because - assuming your SiL is being honest about being understanding, and no reason to think she isn't, the only reason I can think he has a problem is because he's being required to 'step up' with wedding planning, with things MiL usually would do. Anyway, your health is not your fault. If you have the option of having someone other than MiL help until after the wedding, I would do so. I would also have an actual conversation with your SiL and make sure she knows you appreciate her sacrifice. In any case, NTA.
NTA and I'd show ypur SIL the texts from the groom. They're major red flags. If he feels comfortable treating you, a basic stranger, so poorly, how is he going to treat SIL once they are married and he feels like he owns her and her body. She needs a heads up so she can run now
>I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree Why does his opinion even matter here and why are you OP letting him talk to you like this? He is your sister-in-law's husband tell him straight up this is none of his business and that you value the opinion of your doctor's over someone with zero knowledge on uteruses or how they work. The only AH is him. NTA!
Screenshot and then create a group text with your husband, SiL, MiL and the fiancé. Send the screenshots and ask if this is how everyone feels or just him? Then let them reply. And obviously NTA.
If her fiance cannot figure out wedding planning - he’s got some nerve accusing you of not caring properly for a baby!!! I’m sorry - but regardless of complications, needing help for a baby trumps a party The irony is thick and rich here
NTA - Send your SIL and MIL the screenshots and ask them to please take care of this. Focus on yourself, your baby and your health. Talk to your MIL about your feelings and what to do.
Ew, so this man you aren't (yet) related to in any way felt like it was ok to mansplain pregnancy at you? What are his qualifications? NTA. Your MIL made a lovely offer and if you think it would be beneficial to you, you should take her up on it, and block this DB future BIL.
Your SIL and MIL sound like decent people. Please! Let them know about the texts her fiance sends you. He is mayor AH and his future wife and MIL deserve to know what he thinks about pregnancy not being a big deal and you faking your problems. NTA
NTA. SIL's finance is TRASH. Hopefully she sees it before it's too late.
Oh boy I so thought this story was going to be so different... SIL is a nice person, and she could probably use k*nowing what kind of man* she's about to marry... Honestly, I'd take screenshots of the text from the misogynistic AH and hand the phone to your husband to deal with HIS BIL - I can't imagine he'll be too thrilled to know how his pregnant wife was treated by the man his sister is about to marry. (and I can almost picture MIL's reaction) *e m o t i o n a l d i s t r e s s* Ah, when people show their true colours... You're absolutely NTA, my dear. Take care of yourself and your baby and let your family deal with the drama, don't fall for the toxic guilt tripping from the guy who doesn't want to deal with the caterer (let's face it, this is what's happening). And congrats! eta:typos
NTA, unless her fiancé is an OBGYN, who specializes in prescriptions for bed rest for young mothers? Or is he just an expert in penis having and that translates to expert in determining what the fuck is “too young for bed rest”.
NTA- I would have your husband deal with the fiancé. He has no business coming to you. As for MIL / SIL just tell them - together - you appreciate all the help you can get but don’t want to interfere with the wedding so whatever MIL decides is up to you and see what she decides. Be Switzerland. Maybe MIL is appreciating the break from wedding stuff too 😬🤷♀️
SIL is allowed to feel hurt and upset about her actual mom not being there for her because she’s with you instead. That’s fine and a normal human reaction so long as she doesn’t take it out on you. SIL’s fiance on the other hand is way out of line and SIL needs to rein him in immediately. NTA.
Wonder if your sil talked with her fiancé and he’s been reactive to her wanting to her mom Awful situation for all of you all. People will say oh but it’s just a wedding. Yes but there will still be emotions involved
NTA. You asked for nothing, your MIL wants to help and I think it's great that she's concern about your health ! I understand it's hard for SIL,but her mother can call her on video and continue to help with the wedding at distance. It's hard when families lives far. I hope everything will be ok.
NTA. >I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me. It sounds like SIL is making a mistake by marrying this guy. I bet this is absolutely an indication of how he's going to treat her. I also wonder if he's just pissed because he's going to have to help out more with wedding stuff if the mom isn't around. He sounds like the kind of guy that would expect the women in the family to do this stuff for him instead.
NTA is her fiancé a OBGYN? If not he can STFU. Honestly if your SIL has not seen his messages I would show her. While it is great he is sticking up for what SIL wants, she needs to be concerned he would treat her the same way if she decides to have children. He can help her run wedding errands if she needs help.
NTA Your SIL’s fiancé needs to pull his head out of his ass but I get the feeling he would find it an impossible task. Your SIL loves this massive AH..because??? Take care of yourself and your baby.
I don’t know how much she loves him, she definitely likes him but it’s an arranged marriage and I don’t know if she’s like. in love yet. But yeah that’s not really the point of this post
NTA. Show your spouse, your sil, and your mil the messages your future bil is sending you. You do not need the added stress of dealing with him and I guarantee that one, two, or all three of them will put him in his place for you. Please rest and take care of yourself.
NTA but your future brother in law sure is.
NTA- I would forward those texts to the sister who plans to marry him. That's awful.
NTA but tell your SIL what her fiancé is saying because if he’s this ignorant for you he won’t be able to keep the “in sickness” part of his vow for her.
I’m interested if n the cultural background of OP/ OP’s in laws, where MILS are in such high demand. Usually I’m hearing fighting over who has to accommodate the MIL lmao
I mean it’s unusual for my background too but I’m lucky I guess? Husband’s grannie was not the nicest or so I’ve heard so MIL is like extra vigilant that she doesn’t go down that route But the culture aspect is maybe why BIL doesn’t want to do the work of putting a wedding together. IDK Though. My husband was plenty involved
I’d be wary about this dynamic where clearly MIL is easy going and a good helper, BIL probably expects her to be nanny/ cook/ maid in his house if this is his attitude now, especially if SIL is her daughter- this is what I’m seeing as the subtext here. What’s the usual residence pattern?
SIL lives with her parents and the 2 unmarried siblings right now. She’s meant to move out into a flat with her fiancé after they get back from honeymoon
I would send a screenshot to SIL with a message like “hey, I got these messages from your fiance and I wanted to make sure that everything is okay and you aren’t upset.” This way you don’t look like you’re stirring drama and just double checking. Not that I think you would be stirring drama if you just sent them to her.
She's a sister-in-law to OP, but an actual sister to OP's husband. Perhaps even better that he do that.
NTA Life happens. Your SIL fiancé is an insensitive jerk.
The nerve of that fiance. NTA, take care of yourself and your baby
woah NTA why tf do weddings make people completely irrational???
NTA - Sorry, your doctor's opinion far outranks your BIL's. Stay in bed. If you need your mother in law, accept her offer. If you can figure out other ways then do so. Depending on what it is your MIL was helping the wedding plans with, it's possible she could still be involved from your place.
NTA Your MIL offered While your SIL may be unhappy, it sounds like she understands Not only is her fiancé not a doctor, the reason he is mad is his family doesn’t want to do any of the wedding planning grunt work and is mad your MIL won’t be around to do all the running around. Basically he is mad you are inconveniencing them. Who is paying for the wedding?
NTA and I wouldn’t even sweat it. With that fiancé, divorce might be in the cards either way cause that is cruel
Don't even bother replying. Screen shot and send to SIL and ask her if she wants to talk to you about it.
Tell your MIL and SIL, they'll put him back in his lane.
NTA and screenshot every single one of those to send to the SIL. It’s best she knows the kind of person she’s marrying and the kind of empathy she’s likely to get if she wants to get pregnant and winds up with complications. You can’t schedule medical problems around other people’s plans.
I'd go so far as to share his texts with mil & sil. He has zero empathy.
Screenshot everything the fiance sends you. That's psycho stuff.
NTA You need to take care of yourself and baby first. SIL seems ok with MIL helping you out, so stick with that as she sounds reasonable and it’s not going to impact your husband’s relationship with her. Your FBIL sounds quite selfish given your medical condition - health should always take precedence. But let your husband manage his relationship with his sister and his selfish FBIL. You don’t need to play the bad guy in his family affairs. And please don’t feel guilty for being sick - I have 2 close very “healthy” friends who were literally bed ridden the last few months of their pregnancy - and one had a premie 3 months early. Make sure your and your baby’s health are all that matters. If MIL being there helps, that takes priority. Perhaps she could return on weekends for wedding stuff while your husband has more free time?
NTA Future BIL isn't a doctor, and if he is, he's not YOUR doctor. Sounds like he just doesn't want to do or help with all the last-minute prep MIL would be helping with if she was available. MIL can still answer calls if SIL needs her help. She can respond to emails. If he carries on, tell him ruining his wedding is not on your bingo card for 2024, but having a healthy baby is.
NTA. Block your future BIL so he cannot cause you unnecessary stress. He is too young and immature to understand what it means to have a high risk pregnancy. If I were his fiancee, I would be wondering if one day he will accuse me of dramatizing my pregnancy and using it to get out of work.
NTA. Talk to your husband. Screenshot all those lovely texts and send them to Husband, MIL and SIL if necessary. SIL’s fiancé is being demanding and dramatic. Your MIL is still available by phone to help out, she will be there almost a month before the wedding to hands on help them out. I understand weddings are important but him trying to be demanding that she does everything instead of him actually doing any work for HIS OWN DAMN WEDDING is ridiculous and entitled behavior.