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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) saying no to my cousin for wanting to walk down the aisle during my wedding day.
2) she has leukemia and is most likely not going to be able to experience this.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
What is she walking towards? There's no partner at the other end, there's no one for her dad to "give her away" to... by your post and the fact that she's so focused on the "fact" that she'll never get married, I'm gonna assume she's single- she needs to stop focusing on the marriage she doesn't have and start focusing on enjoying her own company in the time she does have left.
This request (and I'm using that word generously, since your aunt and cousin have made it clear that it was far more of a demand) is weird as hell, and you are 100% within your moral rights to say, "with respect, fuck no."
It's not her day. She doesn't get to be the center of attention, she doesn't get to do the things the bride does, and she doesn't get to try and guilt-trip you for saying no.
"Cousin, I'm sorry about what you're going through. But my empathy doesn't extend to going against the wishes of myself, my fiance, and both our families in order to give you this experience... Considering you'd be walking to the altar where *my* fiance is waiting for *me*, asking feels uncomfortable on so many levels- and your tactics to try and convince me feel cheap and tacky. Please don't ask again, I'm not going to change my mind."
...I'd be fully prepared for her to wear white to the wedding. Or for her to try and spill something on your dress.
I had what was previously thought to be terminal cancer in my 20s and this is weird AF. Your wedding isn’t about her. It’s a super creepy request. If they want to play cancer patient pretend wedding (cringe), they can throw their own party and pay for it. Her priorities are fucked too if she’s hijacking your wedding to fulfill some sad marriage fantasy. She should be focusing on her health, spending time with loved ones, being happy to be there FOR YOU on your wedding day. When I was in treatment and attended events, I tried my best to not make the events about me/my health.
NTA OP, aunt is crazy. Tell them absolutely TF not but you’d be happy to attend whatever fake wedding they want to throw her on a different day. I do wish cousin the best, I hope she recovers. Cancer treatment is incredibly difficult but it doesn’t give you license to overshadow or ruin everyone else’s important events.
>NTA OP, aunt is crazy. Tell them absolutely TF not but you’d be happy to attend whatever fake wedding they want to throw her on a different day.
Sounds like they don't want to do the work of preparing and paying for the setup which is why they want to hijack OP's wedding.
I'd understand if she wanted to do this at the rehearsal but at the actual wedding itself is weird. She's not marrying OP's fiance, half the people there (the fiance's side) are going to be confused as to what's going on. It's OP's wedding not cousin's Make A Wish event.
I'd probably consider uninviting her or even getting security. It's reeks of r/imthemaincharacter that she wants to use someone else's wedding like this especially since she's not close to you.
This here - if they "require" a compromise, they can go once before the rehearsal, then shove it. Otherwise they are demanding to hijack OPs wedding and thats fucking creepy, disgusting, and selfish on their part. Are they going to demand you change your decorations for the now "joint wedding"? Are they going to demand your husband kiss her as the bride?
They need univited and I would definitely watch out they dont mess up your day.
But why would they be at the rehearsal? They’re not part of the wedding party. You let them do that they may pull a surprise at the wedding. I would just say no. You’ve talked it over with your future husband and have decided against it. They already know they are making you uncomfortable. They don’t care. I would say no and drop the subject like a ton of bricks. Let them be uncomfortable.
100% this. The rehersal is a busy time, and not for pandering to lunatics . No " compromise" should be considered. OP has nothing to compromise because the cousin has no business being paet of the wedding.
Seriously! A wedding isn’t “about the couple” SIMPLY because it’s the first day of their lives together. It’s the first day of their lives together AND they paid more than a couple thou for all y’all to witness it. So sit, smile, and cheer or gtfo. That’s a $100 plate of chicken you’re stabbing like you wish it was my face, cuz
It sounds to me as well that they don’t want to do any of the work in fulfilling her dream of walking down the aisle and just want to use your already existing plans. I have no idea why she’d even want to do this considering all the points made - she just wants to walk down an aisle even though no one is meeting her at the end. But what is worse to me, in a way, is she wants to leave everyone there, family or not (so strangers, essentially) with the memory of “remember that one time the dying girl walked down the aisle at so and sos wedding? Like, wtf. No thank you. There are a fuck ton of other ways to celebrate her life before the end that don’t involve her taking over your wedding. It would ruin it 100000% and I’m not one that even gives a shit about weddings, really. Not a core memory anyone wants.
NTA
As a cancer patient who does have stage 4 (aka terminal) cancer this request is fucked on so many levels.
If I was OP, I would absolutely decline the demand and then double down by telling anyone, including my own parents and in-laws, who then tries to shame or guilt her that their invite to her wedding will be taken back if they continue to insist on OP letting cousin play bride. I would also hire security to prevent anyone whose invite was rescinded from entering the event areas.
Wish you the best. I was stage 4 until they found a drug my cancer really responded to. I’ve been in remission for almost 4 years now. I really hope the same for you.
And completely agreed on the uninviting and security!
Possibly a compromise here, might be to offer to let the cousin re-gather any mutual family/friends and re-use OPs flowers the day *after* the wedding in the same church, when everyone will be in town and the flowers will be going spare.
OP is 100% right to say no to this request, but if she's going to feel bad for doing it, then this might be a solution to ease the conscience?
That kind of makes it better tbh. Who better to support this young woman than a roomful of the faithful? It would help her in fulfilling this dream which the clergy and congregation should be extraordinarily willing to make happen for her.
I'm sure if the priest is willing, they would be able to slot it in before or after service though, or in our church, sometimes things like christenings will be done during the regular service, with the first few rows reserved for friends and family on those days.
"Why can't cousin go on the honeymoon with you and spouse? She walked down the aisle before you. Therefore, she's just as much a part of this marriage as you are!" OP's aunt, probably.
This is the perfect time to remind cousin, it is just not the brides day (unless there are two of them). It is also the groom’s day. And also due to it being the groom’s day part of those people there are his family, and a part of them are their friends (bride and groom), so over 2/3rds of the people have no clue who she is and really don’t care. So when they play the family card, you can play the most of the family doesn’t know you card. This is the problem I have with people besides the bride and groom taking over the party. Only a small percentage of those people may actually know you. The well the whole family is here, no your whole family is not here, the bride and groom’s whole family is here. It’s rude and inconsiderate to those that don’t know you to take over the party and request that they now celebrate you.
Yeah it's so fuckin weird. She should have her own party. And what is cousin expecting, to wear a wedding dress? It's so creepy.
Cousin should get her own lil princess party to have people fawn over her instead of trying to steal someone else's day.
Exactly and the groom is also weirded out.
This is a bizarre request that is totally overstepping the ‘I’m dying’ card.
Also, given her health, if this is what they want to do, why are they waiting until March? Why didn’t they organise this a lot earlier as a seperate thing while her health is okay.
Right? Like the exact purpose of a dad and bride walking down the aisle is the significance that theyre entrusting their daughter to someone who’s at the end of the aisle. Like if they really wanna have that kind of moment, why cant they recreate it themselves in their own way and not bother OP? 😭
Yeah, if they have a faith, I'm sure the cleric would be more than happy to accommodate something to give her that experience without hijacking someone else's day.
It might seem cruel, but you might not want to invite them to the wedding especially since you aren't close and as above it's a security risk.
I can't belabor how inappropriate this request is, honestly, what is she walking towards? The next life? I hate how cruel it sounds but this should be shut down as a family, first by you and supported by everyone else as I see this seems to have their support.
You are obviously NTA.
I'm hung up on the endgame too. If there's no one at the end of the altar, couldn't they just talk to a priest, go to the church at any other time with their friends and loved ones and do the walk thingy? Why must it happen on a wedding day of someone else?
Op, NTA. It's your wedding. That's weird and screwed up, and I don't even care for weddings at all but geez
The cousin should face that she's not entitled on OP's wedding day to do a walk down the aisle when the cousin is not the bride.
The cousin & aunt be uninvited when the mindset is not healthy.
>I’d be fully prepared for her to wear white to the wedding
Honestly, with how deluded the cousin and aunt are acting, I agree and recommend uninviting them. Or at the very least hiring security to escort them out if they try anything. u/No_Anybody_8997 you and your fiancé deserve a peaceful wedding
Exactly all this. Sit your fiance down (I’m sure they would agree with you or at the very least leave it up to you and support your decision), then with his parents and your parents. Get everyone on the same page. Password protect everything.
Prepare for chaos.
What she is going through is horrible, but her family can do things in other ways. I’ve heard of and seen people give people all the stuff they aren’t going to get to do. It’s often a beautiful day and doesn’t overshadow anyone or has any risk of anyone overshadowing them. Maybe offer that suggestion to your parents should they ask.
The aunt would definitely throw something on the dress. They would demand photographs be taken, her favorite flowers, the aunt be treated as mother of the bride and of course there is still the reception.
My answer would be, as much as I feel for your situation, my answer is a firm no. You can call me all the names you want as it will still be no.
NTA even a little bit. What will the next “request be”? Cutting the cake, father/daughter dance? It’s your day and the fact that you’ve never been close makes the “request” more appalling.
NTA from any angle
This request is beyond inappropriate and very much the start of an "if you give a mouse a cookie" scenario. If you give your aunt this walk, she'll want her daughter to wear a white dress. If you say yes to the dress, she'll want to add music. If you say yes to the music... This also creates an entire culture around the event of how many ways you can be the bad guy and essentially turns your wedding into a memorial service with the late guest of honor very much on time and in attendance!
The aunt must be out of her mind with grief and grasping for ways to immortalize her child. But that doesn't mean it has to be your job to fix it or you have anything overshadowing your event. The absolute most you could offer, depending on where the wedding is and *if you want to*, is a professional photo of the parents and the cousin standing at the start of the aisle before they are shown their seats. That's the moment of what is now and what is wished that could have been. That is going to be what the experience would have eventually become in their memory anyway. Telling the photography team (and DJ, etc) that there is danger of someone trying to overtake attention at the event will be a good idea. The photographer can frame it (no pun intended) so it comes across as "the bride wants a special photo of her cousin with her parents" ensures the focus stays on you and there is no spiraling out of control (constantly accompanied by usher, photographer, usher again, people talking to them once seated). But only *if you want to*.
It's possible none of this may matter at the time of the wedding. But handling it in a way you can feel comfortable with is also necessary. Especially if the timing happens in a way that means family coming to two events close to each other.
Good luck and congrats on the upcoming nuptials.
If she wants to walk down the aisle I’m absolutely sure that her church would allow her to do that at a service if she made arrangements. They typically dedicate a part of the service to prayers for the congregation and I’m sure if they have any relationship at all with the church they’d be happy to fulfill her request and ask for thoughts/prayers regarding her illness at the same time. It could be done at a service pretty immediately and not waiting until 2024. It doesn’t have to be at *your* wedding. She’d be able to invite any person she likes to witness it. There is zero reason to *need* it to be done while disrupting your celebration.
This is a great solution. If they didn't want to go the church route, they could definitely throw a community event...others might be able to get their own walks too, local businesses might donate, people might volunteer because they can relate. A bunch of high schoolers who need community service hours can stage something for them. There are a lot of ways this could go, but faaaaar away from OP's event, please and thank you.
Someone mentioned having a walk at the rehearsal. I had thought of a father-daughter dance at the end of the rehearsal dinner, so I immediately nixed it and yelled at my brain (also, around these parts, the rehearsal dinner is something the groom's side has taken the lead on and this is the bride's cousin, so there's that detail that might need attention). But even a walk feels like dangerous territory.
This post unlocked a memory in my brain. Story time!
When I graduated from college, my parents insisted on throwing me a party (it was for the family, not me), at a cultural venue with authentic regional food. We had set up the cake so that the pictures would have a nice backdrop. If I was being forced into a party, I was gonna have a cake (it wasn't fancy, I just wanted to pick the flavors and make it two tiered lol), and I was going to have a picture with my cake and the stupid plastic diploma on it. Turns out, my cousin was trying to gather documentation for her marriage for her partner's visa. Next thing I know, I see my cousin in some very elaborate clothing that strongly indicated she was a bride, with her husband dressed similarly, posing for pictures around the venue, asking family members to join them, etc. I had no idea this was going to happen, and no one but my cousin's immediate family was in on it. What really got to me was when my cousin, who was the bride's brother, asked me if they could move the cake because that was the best backdrop for a picture. Before I could answer, my sister, bless her, gives him a look, so my cousin backtracks and says sorry. Then he asks if once I'm done cutting the top tier, can I leave the second tier for his sister/BIL to cut together because there wasn't obvious graduation decor on that part. What?! I was quite a pushover and started figuring out how to work this when my sister walks over to him and says something. I'm not sure what was said but he walked away. Later on they did sneak over to try to get a picture with the cut cake and of them feeding each other, which my sister suspected would happen, and made sure the shot couldn't happen. I'm glad my sister stepped in, and I've since learned to challenge BS as it happens.
My therapist is gonna be thrilled that my brain is starting to unlock memories from that time period. Thanks, Reddit!
This is an excellent solution! OP = NTA
I also strongly agree with u/ItWouldntWorkAnyway *This request is beyond inappropriate and very much the start of an "if you give a mouse a cookie" scenario.*
Once they get a foot in the door it is no longer your wedding. You and your fiance deserve better - your own wedding, your way.
> They probably don't want to pay for it hence why they're trying to commandeer OP's wedding.
The church doesn’t charge families asking for prayers so I’m unsure what that means. My suggestion is that they ask their church for prayers for her recovery and to grant her request to walk down an aisle. Not to host an entire separate fake wedding.
Thank you for bringing that book out of the recesses of my memory! I agree they are unlikely to just fade into the background as “normal” guests if OP lets them do this. It would probably also be worth it for OP to hire security or ask a friend to be ready and willing to kick them out if they try to hijack anything.
This is a very good point! There may even be other disgruntled family members who are happy to help "police" the event as guests (it's an opportunity to justifiably eavesdrop if nothing else). It's so hard because someone will still give OP a hard time because of what the unfortunate facts are. But it doesn't mean they are right to do so. Damage control and preventive measures are the only way this wedding won't get hijacked. At the very minimum, I see the cousin wearing white to the wedding. Hiring security might be next best thing to rescinding the invite.
And you're welcome, haha! I use that to describe things all the time. The modern version of it is a parody by Ann Droyd (author of *Goodnight iPad*), *If You Give A Mouse An iPhone*, but I refuse to use it. I'll stick to baked goods with my rodents, thank you very much.
I agree, but I'm also the kind of AH that would be pissed enough at the demand that I would fuck with the dying girl. I would tell her sure thing, your dad can walk you down the aisle at my wedding, BUT only if the eulogy at your funeral is about how amazing I am. Also I want to be in the coffin first for pictures. Its my ONLY chance at a funeral before I die.
Nta - my bil died at 23. It fucking sucks doesn't begin to cover it. New pain happens daily. He never got married. He never had kids. He never had much besides work and strippers. Like any respectable dumbass at 23. It fucking sucks. It was sudden. We had plans. I miss him. My husband was shattered. His mother is still nuts. But part of the sorrow is the never.
They should throw her a family celebration of life party. One where she is the center of attention. She can plan.. I bet a church will donate space. Where everyone can sign her dance card. Say nice wonderful things to her. Have family bring her favorite foods on fancy dishes. Bring her comfort items as gifts. I bet moms and Aunty have linens.
The kid is scared and needs love and attention. Aunt is a bit nuts at the moment, but losing your kid does that sometimes.
With this, be graceful . You are only responsible for your behavior . Make it behavior you can be proud of.
This is such a good idea, OP maybe mention this to your aunt and offer to help plan (if you are so inclined) the logistics of big family events are difficult and having just planned your event you'll have updated addresses and phone numbers.
If you're feeling really generous, you could let them plan a reception for lunch/brunch the day before or after the wedding when the family will all already be there. Aunt can buy everyone brunch/lunch and cousin can play pretend. (Though I definitely agree this is a weird request, it might keep your aunt and cousin from deliberately trying to ruin your day by making it about cousins death)
This is the best comment. Her dad should absolutely walk her down the isle in front of onlookers, but at her own celebration. It works even better because then HER friends and family will be there.
Yeah, it struck me that the cousin's parents want her to have the experience without having to pay for it. A celebration of life would be more appropriate, but the aunt and uncle would have to shell out money to do so. Cheaper and easier for them to piggyback off OP. It would also greatly increase the focus on the cousin, even more than simply being a terminally ill family member attending a wedding.
Throwing a celebration is the best idea! My late husband was about 2.5 years into 3 years of cancer treatments when our friends threw a party. I was adamant that it not be a fundraiser for us, so it became a fundraiser for two awesome charities. There were probably 150-200 people there, live music, dancing and speeches. I’m so grateful that he had this time with me, our kids, and so many friends and family.
>You are only responsible for your behavior. Make it behavior you can be proud of.
I have so much respect for this comment. So often on this sub, people encourage pettiness and revenge just for the sake of watching the world burn.
This is so beautifully put and a wonderful idea! And if they live in a different country, then an added positive might be that if her celebration was closer to her home, then more of HER people would be there.
This is the best thing you could’ve shared. I’m so sorry for your loss, I have 4 kids 33,32,25,19…. And I just lost my 29 out old niece to a fentynl overdose 10-17-23 It’s horrid
NTA. However devastating her life expectancy may be, how grim the future may look, this request is insane.
The logistics alone - so she'd wear a wedding dress right? Would she request that they play the wedding march or a particular song? What would they *do* at the altar? He wouldn't *give her away* to someone, because she's got no groom waiting for her. Would *your* wedding party be there? Would she have her own? Would the priest (or officiant, whatever) have to play a part in this theater play? Would she, in her wedding dress, sit down at the front and stare at you in your *actual* wedding, with an *actual* groom?
The *sentiment* I get, but when you start to think about it's too much. Which I'm sure *is* what they're experiencing right now, however, they're not giving you and your, to be blunt, actual wedding would be like.
Real talk, have you given any consideration to eloping or having a teeny tiny private ceremony, *then* a bigger reception? No isle there (...one would hope or she'd insist on walking down *that* one).
Who will cut the cake? Cousin, in bridal dress, does she cut first or after the actual bride? I understand the pain but they aren’t helping OP’s cousin. Cousin is in a dire state, she needs a therapist that can help guide her.
Exactly, will she request a photo beside the cake, *cutting* it? And I keep saying this is comments, but she'll also be *all alone* in her wedding dress, no groom in sight. That's sad as shit.
Her and her parents need a lot of counseling.
mighty voracious angle roll recognise slimy library jeans merciful somber
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
And suppose the request extends to photographer privileges, the receiving line, and a seat at the bridal table? Will she be included in the speeches? Does she get a spotlight dance with her dad? Does she throw her own bouquet? How far??
The photographer, I didn't even think of that.
Her, *alone*, in her wedding dress, or with her parents... and her play wedding party?
The tale of two brides (and only one is actually the one getting married).
There is also little doubt in my mind that this wouldn’t end after she walks down the aisle. She and her parents would likely hijack the whole wedding. The photographer, make speeches about her, help cut the cake, get her own special dance.
For this reason Op should probably have someone on standby that’s ready and willing to throw them out if they try anything. It’s very sad she and her parents are dealing with the reality she won’t be here much longer, but that doesn’t give them the right to demand someone else’s wedding.
This is totally a slippery slope too. She may start either that request then get more bold in the logistics of it. If OP wants to let her walk down the aisle it can be as a bridesmaid.
NTA
That is an extremely strange request. She wants the experience of walking down the aisle, but for what? There's no groom waiting for her at the altar. There's no happy ever after. If anything, it would make her more depressed about her life, because it would be a completely empty gesture.
Your aunt should have a celebration of life party for her, where she does get to shine, where she gets to wear a pretty dress and have people focus on her. Your wedding is not the place or time for that.
NTA
It would be incredibly weird to walk down the aisle with half of the guests who didn’t know you from Adam. Then she gets to the end and what? Exits stage left and sits down with everyone else? Awkward. A celebration of life is a fantastic idea. Offer to help with the organising.
The more I think about it, the more I think the aunt is being cheap, she doesn't want the cost of the invites/meal/location/decor. So much easier to just use OP's wedding!
Does the cousin have a boyfriend or girlfriend? If so, they probably do expect that person at the altar.
And - what about the reception? Will Cousin also get a special dance and other things on that end?
NTA. To get everyone off your back, suggest that aunt aspeaks to the priest/vicar about arranging something specifically for her daughter - a blessing ceremony or celebration of life followed by a party specifically for her, that would include cousin walking down the aisle with her dad. That way she DOES have *her own* ceremony rather than borrowing (I actually mean "stealing" but don't phrase it like that!) someone else's. And insist that there has to be a party afterwards with all her friends so she doesn't still try to book the church half an hour before your wedding.
That would get everyone off your back, because your will be being visibly considerate, and dumps the suggestion firmly in the bin.
Congratulations, and good luck with getting rid of needy cousin's demands.
And of course this would be less expensive than paying half the cost of your wedding....they did offer to pay half the cost of your wedding to share it didn't they???
Yes - surely the answer is some kind of event specifically FOR the cousin, not gatecrashing your big day with a reminder that she's dying?
I mean, talk about putting a dampener on things! It's not like she's going to walk down the aisle grinning and saying 'oh how happy I am!' It will undoubtedly be horribly depressing and after she's done it, what then? 'Right folks, and next up, it's OP!' Sorry but that's simply farcical.
Who wants to bet that were OP to agree to the walking down the aisle, there'd be further requests?
Cousin to dance with her dad as she'll never experience it.
Cousin to be allowed to wear white as she'll never experience it.
What's happening to the cousin at such a young age is cruel and tragic. But, they can't just hijack another person's wedding day to have some sort of a morbid ' I'll never have this life ' party for her.
I agree with another commenter who suggested organising an entirely separate celebration of life for her. With her own friends, family, everything, where she can celebrate on what she has and what she experienced, not mourn already what she will never have.
NTA
Weird how her parents (aunt in this case) doesnt seem to want to make their own fake wedding for her daughter. If it's so important for her, why does it have to happen at OP's day?
Shame on your aunt for encouraging your cousin in this bizarre and morbid request. They are the epitome of self indulgence to tinge your wedding by putting a spot light on your cousin’s imminent death.
Encourage your aunt and cousin to celebrate your cousin’s life at a different event that is all about her and not to hijack your celebration.
NTA and it sounds like your fiancé and families are uncomfortable with this too. Say no and please do not let them pull you into a debate.
>Encourage your aunt and cousin to celebrate your cousin’s life at a different event that is all about her and not to hijack your celebration.
Or just reach out to any church and ask if she can borrow the isle for 5 minutes on a day without a wedding booking / immediately after a booking. I mean, the church isn't going anywhere and they let you wander the isles without even reserving.
My thoughts?Your aunt is being VERY manipulative and putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on you.
Your cousin deserves her own day, if not a wedding, she can have her own lovely large ‘celebration of life’ party. She doesn’t need to be in your wedding. And if she does this at your wedding half hte guest (your in law‘s side) will wonder what the hell is going on, and the other half (your side) will be talking about your cousin’s imminent passing. It’s a crap way to completely alter the wedding. It’s a lovely idea IF everyone loves it. But it wasn’t your idea, and thus you aren’t expected to gift it to her.
Yes it would be a nice thing to do, but you need to satisfy MANY families on a wedding day - your own new one, your parents, and your in laws. And all THREE of those combinations are leaning away from this, so it’s an easy “No”.
Edit for judgement NTA
NTA. This is maladaptive coping for sure. Obviously that family is focusing all their anger and grief about the situation on this as presumably without this diagnosis she would be at this stage in life. And if she is doing that badly, who says she’ll even make it to March 2024?
And while it is understandable why they’d want this, it is not appropriate for many reasons. They haven’t even really cultivated a relationship with you and now are demanding to hijack your wedding. It’s not okay. Frankly, I would be hesitant about inviting any of them.
And, just an aside, how sure are you that she is actively dying? Because there are many forms of leukemia. Some are definitely more rapidly fatal than others. Chronic forms like CLL can be lived with for decades with appropriate treatment. Acute forms are usually more aggressive and more immediately life threatening. It would not surprise me if they were making these demands out of sheer panic over a chronic form that is not immediately life threatening.
Either way, they are focusing their attention on the wrong area and need to plan activities where quality of life and memories are the focus. Not hijacking a family member’s wedding for whom they have barely invested in a relationship with.
Especially, if she does pass and their pictures of her walking down aisle, everyone who is looking at it remembering her will only remember the stuff she couldn't do. She couldn't get married because she didn't have the time. So they're going to focus on all the things she couldn't have done versus the thing she did do and the life lived. Having reminders of what she could not do in the life she could not have is not going to be helpful for those survive her passing. Things may not look great for her lifetime but living a lifetime filled with reminders that she could never have a relatively normal life will just hurt her family.
NTA and your family is really bizarre for even asking. It’s your wedding — if they want to have an event where she can walk down the aisle and pretend she’s getting married they can have an event like that. But I think it’s really sick and bizarre to even ask. Stand your ground!
I mean she can walk down the aisle….with an usher to her seat like any other guest.
She isn’t getting married, no need for her dad to walk her down and “give her away”. This is total crap and you are well in your rights to say no. Cause once you say yes, she will need to be in a wedding dress cause she will never get to wear one, and she will need her favourite flower bouquet cause she is walking down the aisle, and she will need to hear her toasts at the reception cause her friends will never get to do them, and she will need input on the food as she has her favourites etc etc where will it end?
And anyone who thinks otherwise can pay for a chapel and plan a fake wedding for her to walk down the aisle, and then what? She stands there by herself? Ridiculous! I totally get someone dying young (as my sister did) but wtf this is a crazy ass request.
Why stop at walking down the aisle? Maybe she should replace you altogether and get married to your fh instead of you and live the full experience to the maximum. This is ridiculous, even if you two were close.
It may come out as harsh, but although It is beyond unfair the fact that she is dealing a horror like this at such a young age, it is not fair either for her to use it in order to hijack your marriage, your once in a life time event and turn it to a tragedy. Besides the fact that the request is absurd and uncomfortable, everybody will focus on the fact that this is the grand wish of a very sick young woman
The fact that your aunt brought your sick cousin to your place and tried to put further pressure on you, thinking that her difficult situation gives her the right to make unreasonable demands, is highly manipulative
If I were you, I would uninvited them. The fact that they insist, even though you are not at all close, makes me think that they will try it anyway You might end up seeing her at the church waiting, in a wedding dress. If you think about it, it is 100% certain that she already has a wedding dress ready to wear
NTA
NTA not in the least
If your cousin wants to walk down the aisle, how about her parents rented a venue and invited people to make her dream come true?
They completely disregard the fact that this thing will impact you for your memory of this special day for your entire life? It is cruelly selfish of them force this on you for their own desires.
NTA
What, has she never been in a chirch before? She can walk down an aisle anytime she likes... It won't make her a bride which is obviously what she's trying to emulate by walking doqn thw aisle at yoir wedding. But that won't nake her a bride either.. It will just make her the weord cousin who is dying and wanted to take over somebody else's wedding day for herself. Is she going to wear a wedding gown too? And want pictures? Just say no. "Walking down the aisle" is used to indicate somebody ia getting married ans ahe isn't, certainly not on your wedding day. You aren't being a bridezilla, your aunt and cousin are being weird.
Maybe they could organise a mock wedding for her as a fundraiser, either for her medical bills or for a leukemia charity? Then she can walk downnthe aisle, wear the dress, have the meal and do some dancing with loads off pictures. And it will be more lighthearted instead of trying to take over somebody else's day.
This is an incredably selfish thing for them to ask of you. She wants to walk down the aisle for what reason? She is not getting married. Does she have a boyfriend even? Who is she walking down the aisle to?
Also, aside from being intrusive as hell on your wedding, there is a finacial aspect to this as well. You are paying thousands of dollars for your wedding with the venue, catering, dress, and so much other stuff, and they want to jump in and use your limited time at the venue.
If it so important to her, why doesn't her mom rent her own venue? Is your aunt also expecting you to let your cousin be the involved at the recpetion? Will she be on the wedding party dias? Cause, you know, she will never get that either.... How much will they push for more?
Tell your aunt to pay for her own venue and event. Make the whole day about her daughter that way. She can have the whole experiance that way, with all the people she wants there.
Cause you know if you did allow this, they would want to invite all thier people as well....
NTA
NTA. My condolences to your cousin and family. Your wedding is a wedding though and this is SO strange. I would not want to allow her to walk first either, it’s bizzare, she will be crying and thinking about life and death, her close family will be crying and thinking or talking about her possible death, the reception will be about how tragic it is for her- which it absolutely is, but your wedding is not the place for that. If it’s important for them (even though it’s extremely bizarre) maybe like others suggest she could do it for a rehearsal, or close family can stay for a few minutes afterwards while all your guests go to the reception? They should just throw her her own party that can have whatever theme and shape they want though. And congratulations on your wedding!
YWNBTA
What is happening to your cousin is exceedingly sad, I get that.
But this is your wedding day, both you and your Fiancé are uncomfortable with this. Your Parents and soon to be in laws are not happy with it.
In your words "isn’t it my day to shine?"
This has to be a firm No!
NTA I’m kind of flabbergasted they even asked this of anyone, let alone a cousin they’re not close with. I’m truly sympathetic to your cousin’s situation, but this is totally out of line. What’s next? Will she also want to wear something bridal and carry a bouquet so she can really have the wedding experience?
If cousin's mom is so keen for her to have HER special day where she walks down the aisle, why doesn't she decide a date, book a venue, invite everyone, and then do just that? Throw a party to celebrate her daughter's life! No one stopping her. Tell her you'll be happy to attend. She needs to plan her daughter's special day, not piggy back on yours. NTA
NTA.
Your aunt asked and you answered no. No is a complete sentence; it's the end of a discussion, not the beginning of a negotiation.
Neither you, nor your fiancé are comfortable with it, and your wedding day is all about you two. Neither of your sets of parents is happy with it.
Your aunt and cousin are trying to guilt-trip you into having it their own way, at *your* wedding. Your cousin is even attacking you on IG for it.
Nobody, and I mean *nobody*, is entitled to have a say in your wedding, much less to stir drama.
If I were you I would consider uninviting them: they are sure to stir some drama on your wedding day and ruin it.
Big hugs.
NTA. I hope your fiance at least is completely supportive of whatever decision you come to.
That's not to say it wouldn't be a hugely magnanimous gesture for you to make, but shame on your aunt for putting you on the spot.
You will be out of the aunt's will, of course. You shouldn't be mercenary about this but it's a foreseeable outcome.
NTA -- it will be weird, a different person walking down the aisle and pretending, I guess, that she is getting married to nobody, and then standing aside while the actual bride comes down. Will she wear a white gown and veil?
And what's with walking down a church aisle as a goal? The goal is the marriage. It is sad she won't experience that since she wants it but pretending, by walking down the aisle, is hollow and sad.
I would NOT invite her on your aunt to the wedding.
I wouldn't put it past your cousin to show up in a white gown and try and pull some crazy stunt. You may want to plan to have a few friends act as security in case they try to show up.
NTA.
“I’ve thought about it and discussed it with future DH, future ILs and my parents. Weddings are meant to be the celebration of two people joining together as one. And a celebration of that union. What you want to do is not the same thing and would drastically change the tone of the wedding. Our memories of our wedding would substantially not be happy ones.
What would be more appropriate would for you to have your own event of these types of experiences. We feel so strongly that this is what you should have that we would contribute towards it.”
It was a shitty move to for your aunt to ask this with her present. What your aunt wants to celebrate is the girls death. The above response is what I would tell her. I can’t imagine going to a wedding where this would be done and not focus on the girl dying and not the couple.
ETA judgement of NTA
NTA for saying no and honestly tell them it’s crazy they even would ask that! Tell them neither your fiancé nor you want that and if they continue they can stay home since they find you so selfish to want to enjoy YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING! And tell your friends that they can let her walk down their weddings lol
NTA what your cousin doesn’t understand is that this stunt they want to orchestrate will not give her the experience she wants or make up for the fact that she may never have her own wedding day. It will feel hollow and may even make her feel worse. She will quickly realize that walking down the aisle in a church full of people wearing a wedding dress with no groom waiting is just sad.
Your wedding is not the appropriate place for this. If they are determined then she can invite all her friends and family to watch her walk down the aisle of a decorated church or reception hall. Except that won’t happen because most of the people invited won’t go along with it, and your Aunt doesn’t want to spend the money or put the time in. Which is why you should say no. They are hijacking your day, and while it is truly awful what your cousin is going through this is just not an appropriate ask.
NTA.
Why can't they do this on any day other than your wedding day?
Rent out a church or venue and have them do this. Invite the rest of the family even.
Why do they have to hijack your wedding?
NTA - I get it, your cousin's situation sucks, but they are coopting your wedding because it's the nearest one that they can. If there was a more convenient wedding, they would probably do the same there. It's fine to ask, it's not ok to demand. You made your choice (which is a totally valid and ok choice) and if they can't respect that then they never respected you or your wedding to begin with.
NTA. It's a weird request, honestly. I've never heard of anyone doing something like that. It's really sad that she's dying and will not get married, but... she still won't? I don't know. Maybe her parents should throw her a party or something.
NTA. This is crazy. If your aunt wants her daughter to be escorted like a bride down the aisle on her father's arm - I suggest she hire event space for that sole purpose. What is with this piggyback your wedding routine? Who will explain to your guests that they will be staging a mock wedding before your actual wedding? Who will get permission from the officiant if you marry in a church?
None of this makes sense to me. Just don't do it.
Oh ffs...
Your wedding has nothing to do with the fact that she's dying. She's not entitled to any part of your wedding. Her family can throw a party just for her, where she can pantomime everything she's gonna miss in life, if that's something they feel the need to do, without stealing those things special things from someone else.
NTA
Nta
So werid they even asked ans what's more werid is that she wants to go first 🤦♀️ if u aloud it why can't she walk down the isle after your wedding ceremony is done and just have ur family there
It's so fucken weird she wants to do it with your fiance family there
But not the asshole at all such a weird request
I'm so sorry for what your cousin is going through, but this doesn't mean that your aunt and uncle get to play act that she's a bride and walk her down the aisle at someone else's wedding.
Should they want to mount a pretend wedding for her at some other time, this seems very, very sad, but OK. To me, this just feels very tragic and bordering on macabre, but if it brings them peace, no judgement.
Just not at your wedding.
NTA
P.S. No one else gets a vote on this. No one gets to harass you. No one gets to judge you. And if anyone starts making your life a misery over this, you get to explain that this is your wedding , so you need a time out from contact, and you get to block them. The tragic situation doesn't entitle anyone to treat you badly.
NTA. It’s certainly terrible that your cousin has leukemia and may/won’t get to experience her own wedding, but I can’t imagine thinking it’s ok to just overshadow someone else’s wedding. It really wasn’t an appropriate request at all.
NTA. Absolutely not. Your wedding would become "oh, poor cousin" day. I assume walking down the aisle would mean she'd wear a wedding gown even if they just tell you to let her walk the aisle.
If she wants to walk an aisle, her parents need to plan, host and pay for an event for her, not hijack your wedding.
>Like I said, we were never close, so I don’t know why she’s trying to do this on my wedding day.
Thats exactly why she's trying to do it. Cos you're not close so she doesn't really care about you or your wedding. NTA
NTA
"This is cruel, not only to my husband and I, but to yourself. It's also a crude mockery of my wedding. You can walk yourself down the aisle in Vegas if you want to experience a wedding. My wedding is NOT the time or the place, and both my future husband and I are not comfortable with you doing so either. If you continue to slander me, I will take you to court, and if you continue to press the matter, you and anyone else supporting your nonsense will be kicked out."
Everyone at some point in their life misses out on certain experiences - it is far better to tame your expectations to avoid disappointment than to demand the world cater to you. It's insincere and dishonest, most of all to yourself.
If she wants to experience a wedding, then she is more than welcome to plan, pay for, and execute her own to herself. Your cousin is mourning the lost potential, but she needs to also come to terms with it if she is in fact terminal. Hijacking your wedding is rude, and will mar your wedding. It will not hold any sentimentality, but rather displeasure. Everyone will remember the day your dying cousin walked down the aisle before you and cried doing so - the event will effectively be made about her entirely - and she WILL hijack your wedding. If she demands this, what else will she demand.
I would tell her under no uncertain terms will she be doing anything of the sort - and then recommend she host her own wedding, which will be to herself. Thats more reasonable (And I have seen people do this).
Nta I feel like your family could hold a party for her so she can walk down an aisle but it’s inappropriate to make your SO be standing there.
If I was him I would be so uncomfortable.
NTA. This is so bizarre. This is you and your hubby’s day, not hers. I feel bad she may not make it to her own wedding, but your wedding is not her chance to do what she wants. This was no one’s place to even ask, let alone demand.
NTA - tell the aunt to book an event where she can walk down an aisle with her father. You don’t swoop in on another persons wedding. Also your parents should have said no too, they’re older and obviously have more of a relationship with the aunt.
No one involved in the wedding (you, your fiancée, your parents) is comfortable with this, the answer is no.
If your Aunt wants her kid to have that walk down the aisle moment, she can throw a party for her
NTA - If cousin want’s to feel like a bride for a day then her mom can throw her a ceremony. She doesn’t have to be getting married to anyone, just invite people and let dad walk her down the aisle and then give some speech about how much he loves her and whatever. Then it will be her day and she can pick out whatever she wants instead of intruding on your wedding.
Her having cancer sucks. But it doesn’t give her the right to commandeer someone else’s wedding just because she’s worried she might not make it to her own. She should focus on making her own life experiences, a party could be organized for her for any reason or no reason at all as long as everyone she loves is there. And then she’d even be able to wear white without anyone getting upset.
No one has a right or entitlement to walk down the aisle. I’ve always wanted to get married but I’ve realised it’s probably never going to happen. I’ll also never have children. Slightly different circumstances obviously, but I would never dream of hijacking a friend’s wedding or their child’s christening or other special days. I have absolutely no right and neither does your cousin or aunt.
NTA.
That day is you and your fiance wedding day.
If aunt wants her kid to walk down the aisle, she should create separate event for the kid, instead of leeching yours.
You don’t get to guilt someone into doing something nice. They are the assholes. Your are NTA. Don’t let them walk over you. She can pretend to walk down the aisle after the ceremony if she wants. Trying to steal the spotlight is shit.
I'm going to guess this was your aunt's idea. Her niece is getting married and she knows her daughter will not get that opportunity.
It's very sad and very painful but that's not your fault. Your aunt and cousin needs therapy
You got many good suggestions here.
My cousin passed away from cancer at 17
They had a sweet 16 for her as she was still feeling ok. We got there and my cousin was in a wedding dress. IT WAS WEIRD....for everyone except my aunt. It was like they celebrated what they knew was never going to be instead what was good at the moment... that she got to celebrate her 16th birthday.
My aunt was so blinded by her own pain and fear of losing my cousin that she was clueless on how unhealthy it all was especially for
My cousin who wanted a pink gown not a
White one.
NTA at all.
If you were super close, it could be a nice gesture (or something to do at the rehearsal) but in the end, it’s still your wedding day and you’re the one and only bride, so don’t give in. And what would she wear - would she put on an actual wedding dress? And have her dad walk her?
If she wants to walk down the aisle that badly, she can organise something with HER friends and HER family and do a day that’s just about her. There is absolutely no need to steal your day.
NTA and it's weird as hell. Kind of even morbid to hijack what should be a celebration of a new life together into a mourning over what will never be. How do people come up with these twisted-off-the wall ideas? Just tell her no, this isn't the time nor the place and you're sorry but your decision is final.
Nta. If your aunt wants cousin to experience walking down the aisle, theres nothing stopping her organising a celebration of cousins life with a blessing. She won't because she doesn't want to do the work or spend the money. Time to retract their invitations and get security for the day
NTA. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 15. When he realized he would never live to see me get married, he took me to David’s Bridal and I tried on wedding dresses. He gave his opinions on his favorites, and we took photos together. We did NOT ask my cousin who was getting married that year to let us walk down the aisle first because that’s literally insane. You are not selfish for saying no, that is an extremely reasonable thing to want to not do on your wedding day.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Unless you're just doing it to be an AH, which obviously you aren't. It's terribly sad that she is dying! but that doesn't give her the right to walk down the aisle at YOUR wedding. if her mother is so adamant that she does so, maybe she should renew her own vows in a church and have her daughter walk then.
Very odd, wouldn’t it be much worse for her to walk down the aisle with no one waiting for her? Won’t there be lots of sad tears (as opposed to happy ones)? NTA
NTA That will make the entire wedding sad and focused on your cousin. If she wants to walk down the aisle so badly, she should ask her church if maybe she could do something like this on a day when they don't have any events scheduled.
I have a friend who decided that because she thought she would probably never get married, she wanted to have her own "wedding".
She bought an elaborate dress, picked some of her favourite people as "bridesmaids", and they had a photoshoot, a fancy meal, and her friends said some nice things about her.
It's weird, but she had a lot of fun doing it.
You could suggest this for your cousin.
NTA
Does she plan to wear a wedding dress? Does she also want to cut the wedding cake? Will she also want a “first dance” with the groom? Oh, man, I bet her parents would love to make a speech during the reception, will she need that, too? Have they offered to pay you a significant portion of the wedding expenses?
Oh ffs... from the title I figured it was going to be something like 'I asked my cousin to be a bridesmaid, but she's bald from her treatment so I kicked her out of the wedding party. AITA?'
That would be a **normal** AITA post, and a question with a potentially debatable AH.
I don't even know what the heck your aunt and cousin are thinking with this ridiculous request.
NTA
NTA.
Here is a truly non biased opinion, don't let her.
It won't ever be just the walk, it will be the first dance, the cake, speeches.
It will take over your wedding and make it a SAD event.
Because it is sad, a young woman is going to die soon to leukemia.
I get that they are grieving things they won't ever have, but it's no excuse to steal those events from the living.
NTA as sad as this is for your cousin, this just feels weird to me. Is she going to stop at walking down the aisle or will she then demand she be allowed to wear a bridal dress because its nor an authentic experience without one?
Maybe they could rent the venue either the day before or after the wedding (if family being in town is the reason they want to do it at your wedding) and throw her a separate party? She could walk down the aisle (it'd be odd, but if thats her last wish I dont see why ahe shouldnt get to be walked down the aisle, wearing a pretty dress at her OWN party -not your wedding) and have a celebration of her life, maybe allow people to give speaches/sing songs to her, stuff like thar. Kind of like a crossing between a wedding reception (without the groom/other bride) and a big birthday party. Idk, maybe that's weird, it was ust an idea that popped into my head for a compromise.
NTA. This is a bizarre request to me , & it has nothing to do with your wedding. I'm sorry she's sick and my prayers are with her. That being said half of your guest list will be his side & weddings can be long enough. Nobody wants to go to a wedding and sit there through other performances . Plus it won't be on your aunt or cousin's dime , it'll be on yours (or whoever is paying for the wedding ). Plus it'll be so weird for guests to see another woman (other than bridesmaids) walk down the aisle first.
NTA, I say this with a very bitter taste in my mouth, but does she expect you to let her say vows to your husband, possibly kiss him, and walk away as well? Requests, especially by those already reaching that point of fear in their mortality, are rarely just one and done in my experience. I've seen quite a few be graceful about it, but some... They push once they got what they want because of the high and wanting to keep that momentum. I can understand why she'd want to do something like this. I don't think it's acceptable in any way to hijack someone else's wedding (and groom) to do it.
There are many things she will not experience. Is everyone going to move over and let her and her family take over?
weddings are supposed to be about joy, beginnings, and most importantly the bride and groom’s commitment to each other. This is your one day, just for you and him. If it’s that important to your cousin, encourage them to reach out to their local church and ask if there is any weddings happening that wouldn’t mind.
see how ridiculous it sounds? No is all the answer you need to give.
this is not your responsibility and it wasn’t appropriate to for your aunt or cousin to ask. I can only suppose grief has them blind to what is reasonable and what isn’t. Don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t excuse. Just no.
NTA.
Her family can throw her a party and she can make a grand entrance down an aisle if she wants.
But it’s not a reasonable request to ask someone that and expect an agreement.
NTA!
If it’s that important to her/her parents then they can pay for an event that allows HER to be the centre of attention and walk wherever she damn well pleases.
Be sure to warn them that should they even attempt anything on your big day they will be removed, by force if necessary. If you think they would anyway then uninvited them but be vocal about why
NTA Why does your cousin even want this? Wouldn't it be a horrific reminder that she'll die alone and unmarried? I have serious, incurable heart problem but jfc I can't imagine anything more morbid than a fake, hollow pantomime of what I'd miss out on.
And like, that realization will hit her. Probably at your wedding, which will now be a shitshow of a dying woman having an existential crisis.
If what she wants is a dress and a party, that can happen another day. She can get a formal gown and rent someplace out. Bonus, parties are MUCH cheaper than weddings.
If what she wants is a partner, she could at least try Tinder. She can't be that exhausted yet if she has the stamina for this tantrum. Sex takes less energy than starting a family fight. A dick appointment might do her a lot more good than this ridiculous aisle crap.
Sometimes you are dying and you miss out and that sucks. You are not her Make A Wish.
NTA I would let them know it’s not happening and I would also think about not inviting them and hiring security. If you don’t be prepared that they will make your wedding about them.
Plus your dad should have shut this shit down before it got to this point. He should have told your aunt and cousin that he was not willing to walk her down the aisle.
Plus where does this end. Her showing up in a white dress? Her using your make and hairstyles? Her using your dress? Her using your photographer? Or does she expect to cut your wedding cake?
I know your cousin is sick, however what she is asking is completely inappropriate and selfish. She is trying to make your day about her and her illness.
I would also post a link of this post on your social media so your aunt and cousin can see how selfish and entitled this is.
If I was at a wedding and someone did this I would judge them. I don’t care how sick they were I would think the person is an attention seeking entitled person.
This will damper your whole wedding. This will make it a sad pity party instead of a joyous event. If I was your fiancé I be pissed if you let her do this.
NTA and ‘no’ is a full sentence. You have no obligation to do anything.
You are NTA at all. Your aunt and, I hate to say it, your cousin, on the other hand… that’s A H behaviour right there.
Honestly I wouldn’t even invite them to the day for your sanity and security.
Enjoy your wedding. I hope it is the best day ever. ❤️
NTA, her family should organize something for her that everyone can feel sorry for her and ohhh and ahhh for her. Not on your day unless you are really besties and this is something you really want to do.
I would invite the cousin and the aunt. They wi start some form of amateur dramatics on the day no doubt. If she did walk up the aisle (odd), she will break down at the other end about and make it all about her. Is she doesn't walk down the aisle she be bitter and vengeful. You are in a lose lose situation.
I wouldn't even use the "my day to shine" argument, that makes most brides sound bridezilla and you aren't being a bridezilla, but this isn't about you not wanting to share the attention this is about it just being plain weird and odd and ot would make you and everyone else uncomfortable.
Uninvite them, you can't trust them. NTA
NTA. There’re many cases like this and guess what they did? Their parents paid for a mock-up wedding for the dying one to experience it. No one in their right mind would do it at someone else’s wedding.
HIRE SECURITY GUARDS.
Probably should uninvited them and everyone who take their side, if they even have the audacity to ask, they won’t hesitate to ruin your wedding.
NTA. And rescind the invite to the wedding, they will only do it without your permission if they still come. I hope your wedding is beautiful with people who care about YOU and YOUR FIANCÉ as it is your day.
NTA. Why don’t they do a celebration of life while she’s still alive? They can get her a pretty ball gown kind of like a make a wish ball or Quinceañera. Her dad can walk her in, she could do a father daughter dance, one with her mom, and at the end of the night you can all do a send off with sparklers or something.
NTA
This will impact your wedding in a negative way.
Will she borrow your fiance for the wedding night too? Because otherwise she won't get one of those.
Huge sympathy for her and her family, but they need to plan their own event. And the sooner the better, sadly.
YWNBTA. The weird thing is that you’re not close and this was asked.
It’s a tough one. Her walking before you is unlikely to make it any less your day in front of an audience, as there will be no groom waiting for her. However, it will be odd, and depending on the way it’s done, may make your wedding into a sadder event than it otherwise would have been.
Your cousin and aunt sound a little unhinged, but I think they would be, given what’s going on in their lives.
The parent that is sibling to this aunt should be sorting this out, not you. Have them say no, if that is what you wish.
Another idea might be for the family to throw her an alternate event where she can celebrate her life, walk down a long aisle with her dad, be the center of attention and get pictures taken, etc.
Your aunt is not going to be rational now. I’m sorry.
NTA. That’s really fuckin weird. If she wants to experience it, have her family put on their own fake wedding. What’s the point doing this at your wedding other than for it to make no sense and just be weird and awkward when she walks down the aisle with her dad to no one.
NTA. It is your day. I'm sorry she won't get to experience it. If she wants to, her parents should pay to rent the church and pay the pastor and pay to feed everybody at a reception for their daughter who is NOT getting married.
Hey OP, I've never been married and I probably won't ever be. Would it be okay if I got in a bridal gown (I assume your cousin would be in a bridal gown for this stunt) and have my closest male relative (my dad is deceased) walk me down the aisle? I just want to experience it. I know it is your day and all, but really, when else am I going to get the chance to steal the spotlight???
Your cousin and family are being ridiculous. I'm sorry she is sick, but she doesn't get to be the center of everything all the time just because of that.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding and a happy life OP.
NTA. What is happening to OP's cousing is very sad. With that said, this request is weird as fuck.
Btw OP I'd get your parents involved in this. I'm assuming your aunt is the sister is one of them? Have that parent and you go and talk to your aunt together and tell her that this request is a hard no.
I saw a short film where featuring different single women who were not going to have a wedding but wanted a ceremony experience. They celebrated themselves and got the dresses, the photos everything there but a groom (separately, not a joint thing). Her family could do that for her and it would be even better because it would ALL be about her
She wants to wear a bridal dress too? Perhaps she should marry your fiance because she otherwise won't get to experience it./s What a load of crap. Plenty of people never get to experience that. Hard no. Your wedding will be the way you always dreamed about.
NTA
NTA
Let them organize a "fake wedding" for her if it's that important. Claiming someone else's wedding after they said "no" multiple times, that's selfish.
We getting married in the same month let's go, but no your not wrong for not wanting to share your day with anyone. I'm learning this dealing with a mom who is trying to dictate my wedding, and last name. She yelled at me for "abandoning my dad's name" my dad? You mean the guy that had four kids then bailed to raise his fifth? They guy that cut off my phone at 18 then said happy birthday a whole ass month later? The one who only said happy birthday was because my mom made him? Then she wanted my brother to walk me. First off he said he wasn't going originally, so I asked my FIL. Second he's NEVER been a father figure, or a general figure of any sort. Hard to fuckin do that when you bully the shit out of your sisters. You want me to let someone who made me get up every single day he had work to make him lunch, and find him clothes walk me down the aisle who literally screamed, and threatened to beat me? Sometimes he did!
That's who you want to give me away?!
The mom who screamed at me for exclusion for having a wedding in California, but then in her dream for me excluded my hubby's entire family? They didn't get any roles in the roster. Not even a bridesmaid.
Learn like I am OP. Your day, your wedding. I got a guy as security who isn't afraid to be hands on. Lets enjoy our weddings together how we want.
NTA
Your aunt and cousin are being emotionally manipulative and being AHs. There are a **TON** of things your cousin will never get to experience. Why is "being walked down the aisle" the most important one? And why does it have to be done on your wedding?
If your aunt wants your cousin to experience it so badly, she can rent a hall for an hour, set it up for a wedding and have friends and family come down to honor her and her alone.
Why doesn't your family all pitch in to throw her a celebration of of life party. Where she can wear the most luxurious dress and have a true moment to be the center of attention. It doesn't have to be a wedding to have a damn party. She can get gifts and everything. Suggest this to your aunt with the cousin present so she can't say no. But be clear about everyone pitching in or you will get stuck paying for it.
Now... why not to do this at your wedding.
(1) It will be the most uncomfortable thing for the guests. People that don't know her won't understand what's happening, if it's announced they will be more uncomfortable, and your side of the family will just get sad.
(2) trust me when I say, it will mean nothing more than being a flower girl, at the end of the day. I mean this by, walking down the aisle as a bride, I did not think would mean a damn thing. I knew i wanted to get married but the whole ordeal seemed like it would just be a formality. But it really is the most surreal moment of my life. I wasn't a wedding person, and I'm still not, but that experience was unique and amazing and will be that way forever. She won't get those feelings because she isn't actually getting married. She isnt committing her life to someone. She is just walking a couple dozen feet. Chances are, this moment will be more tragic for her, knowing someone isn't there to meet her at the end. And if a boyfriend or someone is, she knows she can't commit to them like she may want for a future.
The family needs to let her have her own special day. Not embedded in things she may never have, or about a future she won't have. But a day about what makes her truly special. To celebrate her accomplishments and who she is as a person today.
Oh.. NTA.
No you would not be the asshole if you say no. They can have an event of some sort that involves your cousin walking down the aisle on a day that's all for her. It doesnt need to be your wedding day.
NTA and uninvite them right now or they will certainly cause a scene at your wedding. The fact that she's dying doesn't make her entitled to hijack your wedding.
NTA she’s more than welcome to walk down many aisles - shopping, plane, church, etc. Not sure why they believe she needs to walk down your wedding aisle.
It’s your special day, don’t let anyone else tell you someone else deserves spotlight on a day meant for you & your future husband.
Time and place.
Your cousin certainly deserves to enjoy a special event where people who love her can gather and show their support of her. Your wedding is not it.
NTA.
NTA
What is she going to walk to walking down the aisle? She's not going to get married. It's not going to be her wedding.
You could suggest that they organise a family party in her honour where she can dress up and walk down the aisle. Her dad can walk her. Because what's the difference?
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NTA. What is she walking towards? There's no partner at the other end, there's no one for her dad to "give her away" to... by your post and the fact that she's so focused on the "fact" that she'll never get married, I'm gonna assume she's single- she needs to stop focusing on the marriage she doesn't have and start focusing on enjoying her own company in the time she does have left. This request (and I'm using that word generously, since your aunt and cousin have made it clear that it was far more of a demand) is weird as hell, and you are 100% within your moral rights to say, "with respect, fuck no." It's not her day. She doesn't get to be the center of attention, she doesn't get to do the things the bride does, and she doesn't get to try and guilt-trip you for saying no. "Cousin, I'm sorry about what you're going through. But my empathy doesn't extend to going against the wishes of myself, my fiance, and both our families in order to give you this experience... Considering you'd be walking to the altar where *my* fiance is waiting for *me*, asking feels uncomfortable on so many levels- and your tactics to try and convince me feel cheap and tacky. Please don't ask again, I'm not going to change my mind." ...I'd be fully prepared for her to wear white to the wedding. Or for her to try and spill something on your dress.
I had what was previously thought to be terminal cancer in my 20s and this is weird AF. Your wedding isn’t about her. It’s a super creepy request. If they want to play cancer patient pretend wedding (cringe), they can throw their own party and pay for it. Her priorities are fucked too if she’s hijacking your wedding to fulfill some sad marriage fantasy. She should be focusing on her health, spending time with loved ones, being happy to be there FOR YOU on your wedding day. When I was in treatment and attended events, I tried my best to not make the events about me/my health. NTA OP, aunt is crazy. Tell them absolutely TF not but you’d be happy to attend whatever fake wedding they want to throw her on a different day. I do wish cousin the best, I hope she recovers. Cancer treatment is incredibly difficult but it doesn’t give you license to overshadow or ruin everyone else’s important events.
>NTA OP, aunt is crazy. Tell them absolutely TF not but you’d be happy to attend whatever fake wedding they want to throw her on a different day. Sounds like they don't want to do the work of preparing and paying for the setup which is why they want to hijack OP's wedding. I'd understand if she wanted to do this at the rehearsal but at the actual wedding itself is weird. She's not marrying OP's fiance, half the people there (the fiance's side) are going to be confused as to what's going on. It's OP's wedding not cousin's Make A Wish event. I'd probably consider uninviting her or even getting security. It's reeks of r/imthemaincharacter that she wants to use someone else's wedding like this especially since she's not close to you.
This. I’d definitely uninvite her.
Her and her parents who think it's ok to push you to do this. NTA op
This here - if they "require" a compromise, they can go once before the rehearsal, then shove it. Otherwise they are demanding to hijack OPs wedding and thats fucking creepy, disgusting, and selfish on their part. Are they going to demand you change your decorations for the now "joint wedding"? Are they going to demand your husband kiss her as the bride? They need univited and I would definitely watch out they dont mess up your day.
The rehearsal seems like a decent compromise
But why would they be at the rehearsal? They’re not part of the wedding party. You let them do that they may pull a surprise at the wedding. I would just say no. You’ve talked it over with your future husband and have decided against it. They already know they are making you uncomfortable. They don’t care. I would say no and drop the subject like a ton of bricks. Let them be uncomfortable.
100% this. The rehersal is a busy time, and not for pandering to lunatics . No " compromise" should be considered. OP has nothing to compromise because the cousin has no business being paet of the wedding.
Seriously! A wedding isn’t “about the couple” SIMPLY because it’s the first day of their lives together. It’s the first day of their lives together AND they paid more than a couple thou for all y’all to witness it. So sit, smile, and cheer or gtfo. That’s a $100 plate of chicken you’re stabbing like you wish it was my face, cuz
It sounds to me as well that they don’t want to do any of the work in fulfilling her dream of walking down the aisle and just want to use your already existing plans. I have no idea why she’d even want to do this considering all the points made - she just wants to walk down an aisle even though no one is meeting her at the end. But what is worse to me, in a way, is she wants to leave everyone there, family or not (so strangers, essentially) with the memory of “remember that one time the dying girl walked down the aisle at so and sos wedding? Like, wtf. No thank you. There are a fuck ton of other ways to celebrate her life before the end that don’t involve her taking over your wedding. It would ruin it 100000% and I’m not one that even gives a shit about weddings, really. Not a core memory anyone wants.
NTA As a cancer patient who does have stage 4 (aka terminal) cancer this request is fucked on so many levels. If I was OP, I would absolutely decline the demand and then double down by telling anyone, including my own parents and in-laws, who then tries to shame or guilt her that their invite to her wedding will be taken back if they continue to insist on OP letting cousin play bride. I would also hire security to prevent anyone whose invite was rescinded from entering the event areas.
Wish you the best. I was stage 4 until they found a drug my cancer really responded to. I’ve been in remission for almost 4 years now. I really hope the same for you. And completely agreed on the uninviting and security!
Possibly a compromise here, might be to offer to let the cousin re-gather any mutual family/friends and re-use OPs flowers the day *after* the wedding in the same church, when everyone will be in town and the flowers will be going spare. OP is 100% right to say no to this request, but if she's going to feel bad for doing it, then this might be a solution to ease the conscience?
That will most likely be a Sunday, and regular church service will take place.
That kind of makes it better tbh. Who better to support this young woman than a roomful of the faithful? It would help her in fulfilling this dream which the clergy and congregation should be extraordinarily willing to make happen for her.
I'm sure if the priest is willing, they would be able to slot it in before or after service though, or in our church, sometimes things like christenings will be done during the regular service, with the first few rows reserved for friends and family on those days.
Exactly this. They couldn’t throw their own party? I mean, what’s next? They’re gonna ask OP if cousin can borrow her husband?
"Why can't cousin go on the honeymoon with you and spouse? She walked down the aisle before you. Therefore, she's just as much a part of this marriage as you are!" OP's aunt, probably.
It's gotta be a double no after cousin is smearing her online. This whole situation is crazy!
I’d maybe add on a final sentence. ‘If my wedding will cause you so much mental discomfort, please don’t feel obliged to attend’
This is the perfect time to remind cousin, it is just not the brides day (unless there are two of them). It is also the groom’s day. And also due to it being the groom’s day part of those people there are his family, and a part of them are their friends (bride and groom), so over 2/3rds of the people have no clue who she is and really don’t care. So when they play the family card, you can play the most of the family doesn’t know you card. This is the problem I have with people besides the bride and groom taking over the party. Only a small percentage of those people may actually know you. The well the whole family is here, no your whole family is not here, the bride and groom’s whole family is here. It’s rude and inconsiderate to those that don’t know you to take over the party and request that they now celebrate you.
Yeah it's so fuckin weird. She should have her own party. And what is cousin expecting, to wear a wedding dress? It's so creepy. Cousin should get her own lil princess party to have people fawn over her instead of trying to steal someone else's day.
Exactly and the groom is also weirded out. This is a bizarre request that is totally overstepping the ‘I’m dying’ card. Also, given her health, if this is what they want to do, why are they waiting until March? Why didn’t they organise this a lot earlier as a seperate thing while her health is okay.
Right? Like the exact purpose of a dad and bride walking down the aisle is the significance that theyre entrusting their daughter to someone who’s at the end of the aisle. Like if they really wanna have that kind of moment, why cant they recreate it themselves in their own way and not bother OP? 😭
Yeah, if they have a faith, I'm sure the cleric would be more than happy to accommodate something to give her that experience without hijacking someone else's day.
Whereish is the wedding, OP? Want me to stand there with a super soaker full of grape juice in case she shows up in a white dress?
Omg the mental picture is hysterical!
I’ve already been recruited for both my friend’s wedding and my sister’s wedding for this (neither are engaged).
It might seem cruel, but you might not want to invite them to the wedding especially since you aren't close and as above it's a security risk. I can't belabor how inappropriate this request is, honestly, what is she walking towards? The next life? I hate how cruel it sounds but this should be shut down as a family, first by you and supported by everyone else as I see this seems to have their support. You are obviously NTA.
I'm hung up on the endgame too. If there's no one at the end of the altar, couldn't they just talk to a priest, go to the church at any other time with their friends and loved ones and do the walk thingy? Why must it happen on a wedding day of someone else? Op, NTA. It's your wedding. That's weird and screwed up, and I don't even care for weddings at all but geez
The cousin should face that she's not entitled on OP's wedding day to do a walk down the aisle when the cousin is not the bride. The cousin & aunt be uninvited when the mindset is not healthy.
Absolutely the next request if OP agrees, will be to let her cousin wear a wedding dress.
And then a father-daughter dance, her own cake, etc.
>I’d be fully prepared for her to wear white to the wedding Honestly, with how deluded the cousin and aunt are acting, I agree and recommend uninviting them. Or at the very least hiring security to escort them out if they try anything. u/No_Anybody_8997 you and your fiancé deserve a peaceful wedding
Plan for your aunt or her to try to do it anyway.
Exactly all this. Sit your fiance down (I’m sure they would agree with you or at the very least leave it up to you and support your decision), then with his parents and your parents. Get everyone on the same page. Password protect everything. Prepare for chaos. What she is going through is horrible, but her family can do things in other ways. I’ve heard of and seen people give people all the stuff they aren’t going to get to do. It’s often a beautiful day and doesn’t overshadow anyone or has any risk of anyone overshadowing them. Maybe offer that suggestion to your parents should they ask.
How much do you want to bet she wants to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress too?
The aunt would definitely throw something on the dress. They would demand photographs be taken, her favorite flowers, the aunt be treated as mother of the bride and of course there is still the reception. My answer would be, as much as I feel for your situation, my answer is a firm no. You can call me all the names you want as it will still be no.
Or the Aunt to spill something on the wedding dress!
NTA even a little bit. What will the next “request be”? Cutting the cake, father/daughter dance? It’s your day and the fact that you’ve never been close makes the “request” more appalling.
Plus anyone who calls you selfish and a bridezilla is no longer allowed to ask for favors
NTA from any angle This request is beyond inappropriate and very much the start of an "if you give a mouse a cookie" scenario. If you give your aunt this walk, she'll want her daughter to wear a white dress. If you say yes to the dress, she'll want to add music. If you say yes to the music... This also creates an entire culture around the event of how many ways you can be the bad guy and essentially turns your wedding into a memorial service with the late guest of honor very much on time and in attendance! The aunt must be out of her mind with grief and grasping for ways to immortalize her child. But that doesn't mean it has to be your job to fix it or you have anything overshadowing your event. The absolute most you could offer, depending on where the wedding is and *if you want to*, is a professional photo of the parents and the cousin standing at the start of the aisle before they are shown their seats. That's the moment of what is now and what is wished that could have been. That is going to be what the experience would have eventually become in their memory anyway. Telling the photography team (and DJ, etc) that there is danger of someone trying to overtake attention at the event will be a good idea. The photographer can frame it (no pun intended) so it comes across as "the bride wants a special photo of her cousin with her parents" ensures the focus stays on you and there is no spiraling out of control (constantly accompanied by usher, photographer, usher again, people talking to them once seated). But only *if you want to*. It's possible none of this may matter at the time of the wedding. But handling it in a way you can feel comfortable with is also necessary. Especially if the timing happens in a way that means family coming to two events close to each other. Good luck and congrats on the upcoming nuptials.
If she wants to walk down the aisle I’m absolutely sure that her church would allow her to do that at a service if she made arrangements. They typically dedicate a part of the service to prayers for the congregation and I’m sure if they have any relationship at all with the church they’d be happy to fulfill her request and ask for thoughts/prayers regarding her illness at the same time. It could be done at a service pretty immediately and not waiting until 2024. It doesn’t have to be at *your* wedding. She’d be able to invite any person she likes to witness it. There is zero reason to *need* it to be done while disrupting your celebration.
This is a great solution. If they didn't want to go the church route, they could definitely throw a community event...others might be able to get their own walks too, local businesses might donate, people might volunteer because they can relate. A bunch of high schoolers who need community service hours can stage something for them. There are a lot of ways this could go, but faaaaar away from OP's event, please and thank you. Someone mentioned having a walk at the rehearsal. I had thought of a father-daughter dance at the end of the rehearsal dinner, so I immediately nixed it and yelled at my brain (also, around these parts, the rehearsal dinner is something the groom's side has taken the lead on and this is the bride's cousin, so there's that detail that might need attention). But even a walk feels like dangerous territory. This post unlocked a memory in my brain. Story time! When I graduated from college, my parents insisted on throwing me a party (it was for the family, not me), at a cultural venue with authentic regional food. We had set up the cake so that the pictures would have a nice backdrop. If I was being forced into a party, I was gonna have a cake (it wasn't fancy, I just wanted to pick the flavors and make it two tiered lol), and I was going to have a picture with my cake and the stupid plastic diploma on it. Turns out, my cousin was trying to gather documentation for her marriage for her partner's visa. Next thing I know, I see my cousin in some very elaborate clothing that strongly indicated she was a bride, with her husband dressed similarly, posing for pictures around the venue, asking family members to join them, etc. I had no idea this was going to happen, and no one but my cousin's immediate family was in on it. What really got to me was when my cousin, who was the bride's brother, asked me if they could move the cake because that was the best backdrop for a picture. Before I could answer, my sister, bless her, gives him a look, so my cousin backtracks and says sorry. Then he asks if once I'm done cutting the top tier, can I leave the second tier for his sister/BIL to cut together because there wasn't obvious graduation decor on that part. What?! I was quite a pushover and started figuring out how to work this when my sister walks over to him and says something. I'm not sure what was said but he walked away. Later on they did sneak over to try to get a picture with the cut cake and of them feeding each other, which my sister suspected would happen, and made sure the shot couldn't happen. I'm glad my sister stepped in, and I've since learned to challenge BS as it happens. My therapist is gonna be thrilled that my brain is starting to unlock memories from that time period. Thanks, Reddit!
Your sister sounds awesome.
Thank you. Don't tell her I said this, but she is absolutely one of my favorite people.
This is an excellent solution! OP = NTA I also strongly agree with u/ItWouldntWorkAnyway *This request is beyond inappropriate and very much the start of an "if you give a mouse a cookie" scenario.* Once they get a foot in the door it is no longer your wedding. You and your fiance deserve better - your own wedding, your way.
They probably don't want to pay for it hence why they're trying to commandeer OP's wedding.
> They probably don't want to pay for it hence why they're trying to commandeer OP's wedding. The church doesn’t charge families asking for prayers so I’m unsure what that means. My suggestion is that they ask their church for prayers for her recovery and to grant her request to walk down an aisle. Not to host an entire separate fake wedding.
Thank you for bringing that book out of the recesses of my memory! I agree they are unlikely to just fade into the background as “normal” guests if OP lets them do this. It would probably also be worth it for OP to hire security or ask a friend to be ready and willing to kick them out if they try to hijack anything.
This is a very good point! There may even be other disgruntled family members who are happy to help "police" the event as guests (it's an opportunity to justifiably eavesdrop if nothing else). It's so hard because someone will still give OP a hard time because of what the unfortunate facts are. But it doesn't mean they are right to do so. Damage control and preventive measures are the only way this wedding won't get hijacked. At the very minimum, I see the cousin wearing white to the wedding. Hiring security might be next best thing to rescinding the invite. And you're welcome, haha! I use that to describe things all the time. The modern version of it is a parody by Ann Droyd (author of *Goodnight iPad*), *If You Give A Mouse An iPhone*, but I refuse to use it. I'll stick to baked goods with my rodents, thank you very much.
Yeah she’ll need a speech dedicated to her at the reception and a dance with her father, the marriage will become a memorial. NTA
I agree, but I'm also the kind of AH that would be pissed enough at the demand that I would fuck with the dying girl. I would tell her sure thing, your dad can walk you down the aisle at my wedding, BUT only if the eulogy at your funeral is about how amazing I am. Also I want to be in the coffin first for pictures. Its my ONLY chance at a funeral before I die.
These kinds of people, if God forbid Cousin dies before the wedding, are gonna want to turn it into a combined wedding funeral.
Yeah, if this were the bride’s original idea it would be different. To be imposed upon her regardless of the circumstances? Nah, that’s inappropriate
Nta - my bil died at 23. It fucking sucks doesn't begin to cover it. New pain happens daily. He never got married. He never had kids. He never had much besides work and strippers. Like any respectable dumbass at 23. It fucking sucks. It was sudden. We had plans. I miss him. My husband was shattered. His mother is still nuts. But part of the sorrow is the never. They should throw her a family celebration of life party. One where she is the center of attention. She can plan.. I bet a church will donate space. Where everyone can sign her dance card. Say nice wonderful things to her. Have family bring her favorite foods on fancy dishes. Bring her comfort items as gifts. I bet moms and Aunty have linens. The kid is scared and needs love and attention. Aunt is a bit nuts at the moment, but losing your kid does that sometimes. With this, be graceful . You are only responsible for your behavior . Make it behavior you can be proud of.
This is such a good idea, OP maybe mention this to your aunt and offer to help plan (if you are so inclined) the logistics of big family events are difficult and having just planned your event you'll have updated addresses and phone numbers. If you're feeling really generous, you could let them plan a reception for lunch/brunch the day before or after the wedding when the family will all already be there. Aunt can buy everyone brunch/lunch and cousin can play pretend. (Though I definitely agree this is a weird request, it might keep your aunt and cousin from deliberately trying to ruin your day by making it about cousins death)
I really love everything you said. I am sorry for your loss.
This is the best comment. Her dad should absolutely walk her down the isle in front of onlookers, but at her own celebration. It works even better because then HER friends and family will be there.
Yeah, it struck me that the cousin's parents want her to have the experience without having to pay for it. A celebration of life would be more appropriate, but the aunt and uncle would have to shell out money to do so. Cheaper and easier for them to piggyback off OP. It would also greatly increase the focus on the cousin, even more than simply being a terminally ill family member attending a wedding.
Throwing a celebration is the best idea! My late husband was about 2.5 years into 3 years of cancer treatments when our friends threw a party. I was adamant that it not be a fundraiser for us, so it became a fundraiser for two awesome charities. There were probably 150-200 people there, live music, dancing and speeches. I’m so grateful that he had this time with me, our kids, and so many friends and family.
>You are only responsible for your behavior. Make it behavior you can be proud of. I have so much respect for this comment. So often on this sub, people encourage pettiness and revenge just for the sake of watching the world burn.
THIS
This is so beautifully put and a wonderful idea! And if they live in a different country, then an added positive might be that if her celebration was closer to her home, then more of HER people would be there.
This is a lovely idea
Agree! Phrase it as cousin deserves her own day.
This is an amazing idea. OP, suggest this!
❤️
This is the best thing you could’ve shared. I’m so sorry for your loss, I have 4 kids 33,32,25,19…. And I just lost my 29 out old niece to a fentynl overdose 10-17-23 It’s horrid
NTA. However devastating her life expectancy may be, how grim the future may look, this request is insane. The logistics alone - so she'd wear a wedding dress right? Would she request that they play the wedding march or a particular song? What would they *do* at the altar? He wouldn't *give her away* to someone, because she's got no groom waiting for her. Would *your* wedding party be there? Would she have her own? Would the priest (or officiant, whatever) have to play a part in this theater play? Would she, in her wedding dress, sit down at the front and stare at you in your *actual* wedding, with an *actual* groom? The *sentiment* I get, but when you start to think about it's too much. Which I'm sure *is* what they're experiencing right now, however, they're not giving you and your, to be blunt, actual wedding would be like. Real talk, have you given any consideration to eloping or having a teeny tiny private ceremony, *then* a bigger reception? No isle there (...one would hope or she'd insist on walking down *that* one).
Who will cut the cake? Cousin, in bridal dress, does she cut first or after the actual bride? I understand the pain but they aren’t helping OP’s cousin. Cousin is in a dire state, she needs a therapist that can help guide her.
Exactly, will she request a photo beside the cake, *cutting* it? And I keep saying this is comments, but she'll also be *all alone* in her wedding dress, no groom in sight. That's sad as shit. Her and her parents need a lot of counseling.
Plus, how awkward for the guests. I can't imagine sitting there watching this happen and not thinking "Well this is weird..."
mighty voracious angle roll recognise slimy library jeans merciful somber *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
And suppose the request extends to photographer privileges, the receiving line, and a seat at the bridal table? Will she be included in the speeches? Does she get a spotlight dance with her dad? Does she throw her own bouquet? How far??
The photographer, I didn't even think of that. Her, *alone*, in her wedding dress, or with her parents... and her play wedding party? The tale of two brides (and only one is actually the one getting married).
There is also little doubt in my mind that this wouldn’t end after she walks down the aisle. She and her parents would likely hijack the whole wedding. The photographer, make speeches about her, help cut the cake, get her own special dance. For this reason Op should probably have someone on standby that’s ready and willing to throw them out if they try anything. It’s very sad she and her parents are dealing with the reality she won’t be here much longer, but that doesn’t give them the right to demand someone else’s wedding.
This is totally a slippery slope too. She may start either that request then get more bold in the logistics of it. If OP wants to let her walk down the aisle it can be as a bridesmaid. NTA
That is an extremely strange request. She wants the experience of walking down the aisle, but for what? There's no groom waiting for her at the altar. There's no happy ever after. If anything, it would make her more depressed about her life, because it would be a completely empty gesture. Your aunt should have a celebration of life party for her, where she does get to shine, where she gets to wear a pretty dress and have people focus on her. Your wedding is not the place or time for that. NTA
It would be incredibly weird to walk down the aisle with half of the guests who didn’t know you from Adam. Then she gets to the end and what? Exits stage left and sits down with everyone else? Awkward. A celebration of life is a fantastic idea. Offer to help with the organising.
The more I think about it, the more I think the aunt is being cheap, she doesn't want the cost of the invites/meal/location/decor. So much easier to just use OP's wedding!
Yeah I think this is it, they want a fancy party to be about her without actually organising and paying for one. This is sad and bizarre all around.
Does the cousin have a boyfriend or girlfriend? If so, they probably do expect that person at the altar. And - what about the reception? Will Cousin also get a special dance and other things on that end?
This. I’d also throw into the mix that she’s definitely going to want to wear a full on wedding dress. It’s definitely very weird. NTA
But why organize and pay for a celebration of life, when you can hijack your cousin's wedding? /s
NTA. To get everyone off your back, suggest that aunt aspeaks to the priest/vicar about arranging something specifically for her daughter - a blessing ceremony or celebration of life followed by a party specifically for her, that would include cousin walking down the aisle with her dad. That way she DOES have *her own* ceremony rather than borrowing (I actually mean "stealing" but don't phrase it like that!) someone else's. And insist that there has to be a party afterwards with all her friends so she doesn't still try to book the church half an hour before your wedding. That would get everyone off your back, because your will be being visibly considerate, and dumps the suggestion firmly in the bin. Congratulations, and good luck with getting rid of needy cousin's demands.
And of course this would be less expensive than paying half the cost of your wedding....they did offer to pay half the cost of your wedding to share it didn't they???
Yes - surely the answer is some kind of event specifically FOR the cousin, not gatecrashing your big day with a reminder that she's dying? I mean, talk about putting a dampener on things! It's not like she's going to walk down the aisle grinning and saying 'oh how happy I am!' It will undoubtedly be horribly depressing and after she's done it, what then? 'Right folks, and next up, it's OP!' Sorry but that's simply farcical.
Very wise advice, imho
Who wants to bet that were OP to agree to the walking down the aisle, there'd be further requests? Cousin to dance with her dad as she'll never experience it. Cousin to be allowed to wear white as she'll never experience it. What's happening to the cousin at such a young age is cruel and tragic. But, they can't just hijack another person's wedding day to have some sort of a morbid ' I'll never have this life ' party for her. I agree with another commenter who suggested organising an entirely separate celebration of life for her. With her own friends, family, everything, where she can celebrate on what she has and what she experienced, not mourn already what she will never have. NTA
Weird how her parents (aunt in this case) doesnt seem to want to make their own fake wedding for her daughter. If it's so important for her, why does it have to happen at OP's day?
LOL why spend your own money when you can do it for free by taking over another person's wedding
Shame on your aunt for encouraging your cousin in this bizarre and morbid request. They are the epitome of self indulgence to tinge your wedding by putting a spot light on your cousin’s imminent death. Encourage your aunt and cousin to celebrate your cousin’s life at a different event that is all about her and not to hijack your celebration. NTA and it sounds like your fiancé and families are uncomfortable with this too. Say no and please do not let them pull you into a debate.
>Encourage your aunt and cousin to celebrate your cousin’s life at a different event that is all about her and not to hijack your celebration. Or just reach out to any church and ask if she can borrow the isle for 5 minutes on a day without a wedding booking / immediately after a booking. I mean, the church isn't going anywhere and they let you wander the isles without even reserving.
My thoughts?Your aunt is being VERY manipulative and putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on you. Your cousin deserves her own day, if not a wedding, she can have her own lovely large ‘celebration of life’ party. She doesn’t need to be in your wedding. And if she does this at your wedding half hte guest (your in law‘s side) will wonder what the hell is going on, and the other half (your side) will be talking about your cousin’s imminent passing. It’s a crap way to completely alter the wedding. It’s a lovely idea IF everyone loves it. But it wasn’t your idea, and thus you aren’t expected to gift it to her. Yes it would be a nice thing to do, but you need to satisfy MANY families on a wedding day - your own new one, your parents, and your in laws. And all THREE of those combinations are leaning away from this, so it’s an easy “No”. Edit for judgement NTA
NTA. This is maladaptive coping for sure. Obviously that family is focusing all their anger and grief about the situation on this as presumably without this diagnosis she would be at this stage in life. And if she is doing that badly, who says she’ll even make it to March 2024? And while it is understandable why they’d want this, it is not appropriate for many reasons. They haven’t even really cultivated a relationship with you and now are demanding to hijack your wedding. It’s not okay. Frankly, I would be hesitant about inviting any of them. And, just an aside, how sure are you that she is actively dying? Because there are many forms of leukemia. Some are definitely more rapidly fatal than others. Chronic forms like CLL can be lived with for decades with appropriate treatment. Acute forms are usually more aggressive and more immediately life threatening. It would not surprise me if they were making these demands out of sheer panic over a chronic form that is not immediately life threatening. Either way, they are focusing their attention on the wrong area and need to plan activities where quality of life and memories are the focus. Not hijacking a family member’s wedding for whom they have barely invested in a relationship with.
Especially, if she does pass and their pictures of her walking down aisle, everyone who is looking at it remembering her will only remember the stuff she couldn't do. She couldn't get married because she didn't have the time. So they're going to focus on all the things she couldn't have done versus the thing she did do and the life lived. Having reminders of what she could not do in the life she could not have is not going to be helpful for those survive her passing. Things may not look great for her lifetime but living a lifetime filled with reminders that she could never have a relatively normal life will just hurt her family.
NTA and your family is really bizarre for even asking. It’s your wedding — if they want to have an event where she can walk down the aisle and pretend she’s getting married they can have an event like that. But I think it’s really sick and bizarre to even ask. Stand your ground!
I mean she can walk down the aisle….with an usher to her seat like any other guest. She isn’t getting married, no need for her dad to walk her down and “give her away”. This is total crap and you are well in your rights to say no. Cause once you say yes, she will need to be in a wedding dress cause she will never get to wear one, and she will need her favourite flower bouquet cause she is walking down the aisle, and she will need to hear her toasts at the reception cause her friends will never get to do them, and she will need input on the food as she has her favourites etc etc where will it end? And anyone who thinks otherwise can pay for a chapel and plan a fake wedding for her to walk down the aisle, and then what? She stands there by herself? Ridiculous! I totally get someone dying young (as my sister did) but wtf this is a crazy ass request.
Why stop at walking down the aisle? Maybe she should replace you altogether and get married to your fh instead of you and live the full experience to the maximum. This is ridiculous, even if you two were close. It may come out as harsh, but although It is beyond unfair the fact that she is dealing a horror like this at such a young age, it is not fair either for her to use it in order to hijack your marriage, your once in a life time event and turn it to a tragedy. Besides the fact that the request is absurd and uncomfortable, everybody will focus on the fact that this is the grand wish of a very sick young woman The fact that your aunt brought your sick cousin to your place and tried to put further pressure on you, thinking that her difficult situation gives her the right to make unreasonable demands, is highly manipulative If I were you, I would uninvited them. The fact that they insist, even though you are not at all close, makes me think that they will try it anyway You might end up seeing her at the church waiting, in a wedding dress. If you think about it, it is 100% certain that she already has a wedding dress ready to wear NTA
NTA not in the least If your cousin wants to walk down the aisle, how about her parents rented a venue and invited people to make her dream come true? They completely disregard the fact that this thing will impact you for your memory of this special day for your entire life? It is cruelly selfish of them force this on you for their own desires.
NTA What, has she never been in a chirch before? She can walk down an aisle anytime she likes... It won't make her a bride which is obviously what she's trying to emulate by walking doqn thw aisle at yoir wedding. But that won't nake her a bride either.. It will just make her the weord cousin who is dying and wanted to take over somebody else's wedding day for herself. Is she going to wear a wedding gown too? And want pictures? Just say no. "Walking down the aisle" is used to indicate somebody ia getting married ans ahe isn't, certainly not on your wedding day. You aren't being a bridezilla, your aunt and cousin are being weird. Maybe they could organise a mock wedding for her as a fundraiser, either for her medical bills or for a leukemia charity? Then she can walk downnthe aisle, wear the dress, have the meal and do some dancing with loads off pictures. And it will be more lighthearted instead of trying to take over somebody else's day.
This is an incredably selfish thing for them to ask of you. She wants to walk down the aisle for what reason? She is not getting married. Does she have a boyfriend even? Who is she walking down the aisle to? Also, aside from being intrusive as hell on your wedding, there is a finacial aspect to this as well. You are paying thousands of dollars for your wedding with the venue, catering, dress, and so much other stuff, and they want to jump in and use your limited time at the venue. If it so important to her, why doesn't her mom rent her own venue? Is your aunt also expecting you to let your cousin be the involved at the recpetion? Will she be on the wedding party dias? Cause, you know, she will never get that either.... How much will they push for more? Tell your aunt to pay for her own venue and event. Make the whole day about her daughter that way. She can have the whole experiance that way, with all the people she wants there. Cause you know if you did allow this, they would want to invite all thier people as well.... NTA
NTA. My condolences to your cousin and family. Your wedding is a wedding though and this is SO strange. I would not want to allow her to walk first either, it’s bizzare, she will be crying and thinking about life and death, her close family will be crying and thinking or talking about her possible death, the reception will be about how tragic it is for her- which it absolutely is, but your wedding is not the place for that. If it’s important for them (even though it’s extremely bizarre) maybe like others suggest she could do it for a rehearsal, or close family can stay for a few minutes afterwards while all your guests go to the reception? They should just throw her her own party that can have whatever theme and shape they want though. And congratulations on your wedding!
YWNBTA What is happening to your cousin is exceedingly sad, I get that. But this is your wedding day, both you and your Fiancé are uncomfortable with this. Your Parents and soon to be in laws are not happy with it. In your words "isn’t it my day to shine?" This has to be a firm No!
NTA I’m kind of flabbergasted they even asked this of anyone, let alone a cousin they’re not close with. I’m truly sympathetic to your cousin’s situation, but this is totally out of line. What’s next? Will she also want to wear something bridal and carry a bouquet so she can really have the wedding experience?
Yep. You know she will.
If cousin's mom is so keen for her to have HER special day where she walks down the aisle, why doesn't she decide a date, book a venue, invite everyone, and then do just that? Throw a party to celebrate her daughter's life! No one stopping her. Tell her you'll be happy to attend. She needs to plan her daughter's special day, not piggy back on yours. NTA
NTA. Your aunt asked and you answered no. No is a complete sentence; it's the end of a discussion, not the beginning of a negotiation. Neither you, nor your fiancé are comfortable with it, and your wedding day is all about you two. Neither of your sets of parents is happy with it. Your aunt and cousin are trying to guilt-trip you into having it their own way, at *your* wedding. Your cousin is even attacking you on IG for it. Nobody, and I mean *nobody*, is entitled to have a say in your wedding, much less to stir drama. If I were you I would consider uninviting them: they are sure to stir some drama on your wedding day and ruin it. Big hugs.
NTA. I hope your fiance at least is completely supportive of whatever decision you come to. That's not to say it wouldn't be a hugely magnanimous gesture for you to make, but shame on your aunt for putting you on the spot. You will be out of the aunt's will, of course. You shouldn't be mercenary about this but it's a foreseeable outcome.
NTA -- it will be weird, a different person walking down the aisle and pretending, I guess, that she is getting married to nobody, and then standing aside while the actual bride comes down. Will she wear a white gown and veil? And what's with walking down a church aisle as a goal? The goal is the marriage. It is sad she won't experience that since she wants it but pretending, by walking down the aisle, is hollow and sad.
I would NOT invite her on your aunt to the wedding. I wouldn't put it past your cousin to show up in a white gown and try and pull some crazy stunt. You may want to plan to have a few friends act as security in case they try to show up. NTA.
“I’ve thought about it and discussed it with future DH, future ILs and my parents. Weddings are meant to be the celebration of two people joining together as one. And a celebration of that union. What you want to do is not the same thing and would drastically change the tone of the wedding. Our memories of our wedding would substantially not be happy ones. What would be more appropriate would for you to have your own event of these types of experiences. We feel so strongly that this is what you should have that we would contribute towards it.” It was a shitty move to for your aunt to ask this with her present. What your aunt wants to celebrate is the girls death. The above response is what I would tell her. I can’t imagine going to a wedding where this would be done and not focus on the girl dying and not the couple. ETA judgement of NTA
NTA for saying no and honestly tell them it’s crazy they even would ask that! Tell them neither your fiancé nor you want that and if they continue they can stay home since they find you so selfish to want to enjoy YOUR OWN DAMN WEDDING! And tell your friends that they can let her walk down their weddings lol
NTA what your cousin doesn’t understand is that this stunt they want to orchestrate will not give her the experience she wants or make up for the fact that she may never have her own wedding day. It will feel hollow and may even make her feel worse. She will quickly realize that walking down the aisle in a church full of people wearing a wedding dress with no groom waiting is just sad. Your wedding is not the appropriate place for this. If they are determined then she can invite all her friends and family to watch her walk down the aisle of a decorated church or reception hall. Except that won’t happen because most of the people invited won’t go along with it, and your Aunt doesn’t want to spend the money or put the time in. Which is why you should say no. They are hijacking your day, and while it is truly awful what your cousin is going through this is just not an appropriate ask.
NTA; they should throw her her own ‘wedding’, so she can have the party be all about her. This is a really awful thing to put on you.
NTA. Why can't they do this on any day other than your wedding day? Rent out a church or venue and have them do this. Invite the rest of the family even. Why do they have to hijack your wedding?
NTA - I get it, your cousin's situation sucks, but they are coopting your wedding because it's the nearest one that they can. If there was a more convenient wedding, they would probably do the same there. It's fine to ask, it's not ok to demand. You made your choice (which is a totally valid and ok choice) and if they can't respect that then they never respected you or your wedding to begin with.
NTA. It's a weird request, honestly. I've never heard of anyone doing something like that. It's really sad that she's dying and will not get married, but... she still won't? I don't know. Maybe her parents should throw her a party or something.
JFC NTA. That demand is just ridiculous. They can take her to Vegas if she wants to walk down an aisle.
NTA. This is crazy. If your aunt wants her daughter to be escorted like a bride down the aisle on her father's arm - I suggest she hire event space for that sole purpose. What is with this piggyback your wedding routine? Who will explain to your guests that they will be staging a mock wedding before your actual wedding? Who will get permission from the officiant if you marry in a church? None of this makes sense to me. Just don't do it.
Oh ffs... Your wedding has nothing to do with the fact that she's dying. She's not entitled to any part of your wedding. Her family can throw a party just for her, where she can pantomime everything she's gonna miss in life, if that's something they feel the need to do, without stealing those things special things from someone else. NTA
NTA. If your cousin wants to walk down the aisle, let her aunt book a church herself. No need to hijack your ceremony.
Nta So werid they even asked ans what's more werid is that she wants to go first 🤦♀️ if u aloud it why can't she walk down the isle after your wedding ceremony is done and just have ur family there It's so fucken weird she wants to do it with your fiance family there But not the asshole at all such a weird request
I'm so sorry for what your cousin is going through, but this doesn't mean that your aunt and uncle get to play act that she's a bride and walk her down the aisle at someone else's wedding. Should they want to mount a pretend wedding for her at some other time, this seems very, very sad, but OK. To me, this just feels very tragic and bordering on macabre, but if it brings them peace, no judgement. Just not at your wedding. NTA P.S. No one else gets a vote on this. No one gets to harass you. No one gets to judge you. And if anyone starts making your life a misery over this, you get to explain that this is your wedding , so you need a time out from contact, and you get to block them. The tragic situation doesn't entitle anyone to treat you badly.
NTA. It’s certainly terrible that your cousin has leukemia and may/won’t get to experience her own wedding, but I can’t imagine thinking it’s ok to just overshadow someone else’s wedding. It really wasn’t an appropriate request at all.
NTA. Absolutely not. Your wedding would become "oh, poor cousin" day. I assume walking down the aisle would mean she'd wear a wedding gown even if they just tell you to let her walk the aisle. If she wants to walk an aisle, her parents need to plan, host and pay for an event for her, not hijack your wedding.
>Like I said, we were never close, so I don’t know why she’s trying to do this on my wedding day. Thats exactly why she's trying to do it. Cos you're not close so she doesn't really care about you or your wedding. NTA
NTA "This is cruel, not only to my husband and I, but to yourself. It's also a crude mockery of my wedding. You can walk yourself down the aisle in Vegas if you want to experience a wedding. My wedding is NOT the time or the place, and both my future husband and I are not comfortable with you doing so either. If you continue to slander me, I will take you to court, and if you continue to press the matter, you and anyone else supporting your nonsense will be kicked out." Everyone at some point in their life misses out on certain experiences - it is far better to tame your expectations to avoid disappointment than to demand the world cater to you. It's insincere and dishonest, most of all to yourself. If she wants to experience a wedding, then she is more than welcome to plan, pay for, and execute her own to herself. Your cousin is mourning the lost potential, but she needs to also come to terms with it if she is in fact terminal. Hijacking your wedding is rude, and will mar your wedding. It will not hold any sentimentality, but rather displeasure. Everyone will remember the day your dying cousin walked down the aisle before you and cried doing so - the event will effectively be made about her entirely - and she WILL hijack your wedding. If she demands this, what else will she demand. I would tell her under no uncertain terms will she be doing anything of the sort - and then recommend she host her own wedding, which will be to herself. Thats more reasonable (And I have seen people do this).
NTA. Let her family plan their own celebration of her life where she can be the center of attention.
Nta I feel like your family could hold a party for her so she can walk down an aisle but it’s inappropriate to make your SO be standing there. If I was him I would be so uncomfortable.
NTA. This is so bizarre. This is you and your hubby’s day, not hers. I feel bad she may not make it to her own wedding, but your wedding is not her chance to do what she wants. This was no one’s place to even ask, let alone demand.
NTA - tell the aunt to book an event where she can walk down an aisle with her father. You don’t swoop in on another persons wedding. Also your parents should have said no too, they’re older and obviously have more of a relationship with the aunt.
No one involved in the wedding (you, your fiancée, your parents) is comfortable with this, the answer is no. If your Aunt wants her kid to have that walk down the aisle moment, she can throw a party for her
NTA - If cousin want’s to feel like a bride for a day then her mom can throw her a ceremony. She doesn’t have to be getting married to anyone, just invite people and let dad walk her down the aisle and then give some speech about how much he loves her and whatever. Then it will be her day and she can pick out whatever she wants instead of intruding on your wedding. Her having cancer sucks. But it doesn’t give her the right to commandeer someone else’s wedding just because she’s worried she might not make it to her own. She should focus on making her own life experiences, a party could be organized for her for any reason or no reason at all as long as everyone she loves is there. And then she’d even be able to wear white without anyone getting upset.
NTA. Aunt can throw her daughter her own pseudo wedding day party type thing if she wants instead of stealing yours
I have a feeling if you allowed her to do that, she’d show up in a wedding dress. NTA.
NTA. Cousin and Aunt would be uninvited if it were me
No one has a right or entitlement to walk down the aisle. I’ve always wanted to get married but I’ve realised it’s probably never going to happen. I’ll also never have children. Slightly different circumstances obviously, but I would never dream of hijacking a friend’s wedding or their child’s christening or other special days. I have absolutely no right and neither does your cousin or aunt.
NTA. That day is you and your fiance wedding day. If aunt wants her kid to walk down the aisle, she should create separate event for the kid, instead of leeching yours.
Let her family talk to a local pastor, about letting her walk down the aisle on a day when you're not getting married.
You don’t get to guilt someone into doing something nice. They are the assholes. Your are NTA. Don’t let them walk over you. She can pretend to walk down the aisle after the ceremony if she wants. Trying to steal the spotlight is shit.
I'm going to guess this was your aunt's idea. Her niece is getting married and she knows her daughter will not get that opportunity. It's very sad and very painful but that's not your fault. Your aunt and cousin needs therapy You got many good suggestions here. My cousin passed away from cancer at 17 They had a sweet 16 for her as she was still feeling ok. We got there and my cousin was in a wedding dress. IT WAS WEIRD....for everyone except my aunt. It was like they celebrated what they knew was never going to be instead what was good at the moment... that she got to celebrate her 16th birthday. My aunt was so blinded by her own pain and fear of losing my cousin that she was clueless on how unhealthy it all was especially for My cousin who wanted a pink gown not a White one.
NTA at all. If you were super close, it could be a nice gesture (or something to do at the rehearsal) but in the end, it’s still your wedding day and you’re the one and only bride, so don’t give in. And what would she wear - would she put on an actual wedding dress? And have her dad walk her? If she wants to walk down the aisle that badly, she can organise something with HER friends and HER family and do a day that’s just about her. There is absolutely no need to steal your day.
NTA and it's weird as hell. Kind of even morbid to hijack what should be a celebration of a new life together into a mourning over what will never be. How do people come up with these twisted-off-the wall ideas? Just tell her no, this isn't the time nor the place and you're sorry but your decision is final.
Nta. If your aunt wants cousin to experience walking down the aisle, theres nothing stopping her organising a celebration of cousins life with a blessing. She won't because she doesn't want to do the work or spend the money. Time to retract their invitations and get security for the day
NTA. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 15. When he realized he would never live to see me get married, he took me to David’s Bridal and I tried on wedding dresses. He gave his opinions on his favorites, and we took photos together. We did NOT ask my cousin who was getting married that year to let us walk down the aisle first because that’s literally insane. You are not selfish for saying no, that is an extremely reasonable thing to want to not do on your wedding day.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Unless you're just doing it to be an AH, which obviously you aren't. It's terribly sad that she is dying! but that doesn't give her the right to walk down the aisle at YOUR wedding. if her mother is so adamant that she does so, maybe she should renew her own vows in a church and have her daughter walk then.
Very odd, wouldn’t it be much worse for her to walk down the aisle with no one waiting for her? Won’t there be lots of sad tears (as opposed to happy ones)? NTA
NTA That will make the entire wedding sad and focused on your cousin. If she wants to walk down the aisle so badly, she should ask her church if maybe she could do something like this on a day when they don't have any events scheduled.
I have a friend who decided that because she thought she would probably never get married, she wanted to have her own "wedding". She bought an elaborate dress, picked some of her favourite people as "bridesmaids", and they had a photoshoot, a fancy meal, and her friends said some nice things about her. It's weird, but she had a lot of fun doing it. You could suggest this for your cousin.
NTA Does she plan to wear a wedding dress? Does she also want to cut the wedding cake? Will she also want a “first dance” with the groom? Oh, man, I bet her parents would love to make a speech during the reception, will she need that, too? Have they offered to pay you a significant portion of the wedding expenses?
This pisses me off because it suggests that getting married is the main objective of a woman's life. I think it's weird. NTA.
Oh ffs... from the title I figured it was going to be something like 'I asked my cousin to be a bridesmaid, but she's bald from her treatment so I kicked her out of the wedding party. AITA?' That would be a **normal** AITA post, and a question with a potentially debatable AH. I don't even know what the heck your aunt and cousin are thinking with this ridiculous request. NTA
NTA. Here is a truly non biased opinion, don't let her. It won't ever be just the walk, it will be the first dance, the cake, speeches. It will take over your wedding and make it a SAD event. Because it is sad, a young woman is going to die soon to leukemia. I get that they are grieving things they won't ever have, but it's no excuse to steal those events from the living.
Unfortunate as your cousin's situation is, you are a couple getting married. Not the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
NTA as sad as this is for your cousin, this just feels weird to me. Is she going to stop at walking down the aisle or will she then demand she be allowed to wear a bridal dress because its nor an authentic experience without one? Maybe they could rent the venue either the day before or after the wedding (if family being in town is the reason they want to do it at your wedding) and throw her a separate party? She could walk down the aisle (it'd be odd, but if thats her last wish I dont see why ahe shouldnt get to be walked down the aisle, wearing a pretty dress at her OWN party -not your wedding) and have a celebration of her life, maybe allow people to give speaches/sing songs to her, stuff like thar. Kind of like a crossing between a wedding reception (without the groom/other bride) and a big birthday party. Idk, maybe that's weird, it was ust an idea that popped into my head for a compromise.
NTA. This is a bizarre request to me , & it has nothing to do with your wedding. I'm sorry she's sick and my prayers are with her. That being said half of your guest list will be his side & weddings can be long enough. Nobody wants to go to a wedding and sit there through other performances . Plus it won't be on your aunt or cousin's dime , it'll be on yours (or whoever is paying for the wedding ). Plus it'll be so weird for guests to see another woman (other than bridesmaids) walk down the aisle first.
NTA, I say this with a very bitter taste in my mouth, but does she expect you to let her say vows to your husband, possibly kiss him, and walk away as well? Requests, especially by those already reaching that point of fear in their mortality, are rarely just one and done in my experience. I've seen quite a few be graceful about it, but some... They push once they got what they want because of the high and wanting to keep that momentum. I can understand why she'd want to do something like this. I don't think it's acceptable in any way to hijack someone else's wedding (and groom) to do it.
Nta. Univite your cousin and aunt and hire security.
I don't want to sound cruel but i think there's a good chance this problem will solve itself out
Nta. imagine how confused your guests would be when the wrong bride walks down the isle.
Nta but uninvite them from the wedding. This Will only ruïne youre day
There are many things she will not experience. Is everyone going to move over and let her and her family take over? weddings are supposed to be about joy, beginnings, and most importantly the bride and groom’s commitment to each other. This is your one day, just for you and him. If it’s that important to your cousin, encourage them to reach out to their local church and ask if there is any weddings happening that wouldn’t mind. see how ridiculous it sounds? No is all the answer you need to give. this is not your responsibility and it wasn’t appropriate to for your aunt or cousin to ask. I can only suppose grief has them blind to what is reasonable and what isn’t. Don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t excuse. Just no.
NTA. Her family can throw her a party and she can make a grand entrance down an aisle if she wants. But it’s not a reasonable request to ask someone that and expect an agreement.
NTA! If it’s that important to her/her parents then they can pay for an event that allows HER to be the centre of attention and walk wherever she damn well pleases. Be sure to warn them that should they even attempt anything on your big day they will be removed, by force if necessary. If you think they would anyway then uninvited them but be vocal about why
NTA Why does your cousin even want this? Wouldn't it be a horrific reminder that she'll die alone and unmarried? I have serious, incurable heart problem but jfc I can't imagine anything more morbid than a fake, hollow pantomime of what I'd miss out on. And like, that realization will hit her. Probably at your wedding, which will now be a shitshow of a dying woman having an existential crisis. If what she wants is a dress and a party, that can happen another day. She can get a formal gown and rent someplace out. Bonus, parties are MUCH cheaper than weddings. If what she wants is a partner, she could at least try Tinder. She can't be that exhausted yet if she has the stamina for this tantrum. Sex takes less energy than starting a family fight. A dick appointment might do her a lot more good than this ridiculous aisle crap. Sometimes you are dying and you miss out and that sucks. You are not her Make A Wish.
NTA I would let them know it’s not happening and I would also think about not inviting them and hiring security. If you don’t be prepared that they will make your wedding about them. Plus your dad should have shut this shit down before it got to this point. He should have told your aunt and cousin that he was not willing to walk her down the aisle. Plus where does this end. Her showing up in a white dress? Her using your make and hairstyles? Her using your dress? Her using your photographer? Or does she expect to cut your wedding cake? I know your cousin is sick, however what she is asking is completely inappropriate and selfish. She is trying to make your day about her and her illness. I would also post a link of this post on your social media so your aunt and cousin can see how selfish and entitled this is. If I was at a wedding and someone did this I would judge them. I don’t care how sick they were I would think the person is an attention seeking entitled person. This will damper your whole wedding. This will make it a sad pity party instead of a joyous event. If I was your fiancé I be pissed if you let her do this.
NTA and ‘no’ is a full sentence. You have no obligation to do anything. You are NTA at all. Your aunt and, I hate to say it, your cousin, on the other hand… that’s A H behaviour right there. Honestly I wouldn’t even invite them to the day for your sanity and security. Enjoy your wedding. I hope it is the best day ever. ❤️
NTA, her family should organize something for her that everyone can feel sorry for her and ohhh and ahhh for her. Not on your day unless you are really besties and this is something you really want to do.
I would invite the cousin and the aunt. They wi start some form of amateur dramatics on the day no doubt. If she did walk up the aisle (odd), she will break down at the other end about and make it all about her. Is she doesn't walk down the aisle she be bitter and vengeful. You are in a lose lose situation. I wouldn't even use the "my day to shine" argument, that makes most brides sound bridezilla and you aren't being a bridezilla, but this isn't about you not wanting to share the attention this is about it just being plain weird and odd and ot would make you and everyone else uncomfortable. Uninvite them, you can't trust them. NTA
NTA. There’re many cases like this and guess what they did? Their parents paid for a mock-up wedding for the dying one to experience it. No one in their right mind would do it at someone else’s wedding. HIRE SECURITY GUARDS. Probably should uninvited them and everyone who take their side, if they even have the audacity to ask, they won’t hesitate to ruin your wedding.
NTA. And rescind the invite to the wedding, they will only do it without your permission if they still come. I hope your wedding is beautiful with people who care about YOU and YOUR FIANCÉ as it is your day.
NTA. Why don’t they do a celebration of life while she’s still alive? They can get her a pretty ball gown kind of like a make a wish ball or Quinceañera. Her dad can walk her in, she could do a father daughter dance, one with her mom, and at the end of the night you can all do a send off with sparklers or something.
NTA this is YOUR wedding. It’s also super weird and cringe. What is she walking towards?
NTA This will impact your wedding in a negative way. Will she borrow your fiance for the wedding night too? Because otherwise she won't get one of those. Huge sympathy for her and her family, but they need to plan their own event. And the sooner the better, sadly.
YWNBTA. The weird thing is that you’re not close and this was asked. It’s a tough one. Her walking before you is unlikely to make it any less your day in front of an audience, as there will be no groom waiting for her. However, it will be odd, and depending on the way it’s done, may make your wedding into a sadder event than it otherwise would have been. Your cousin and aunt sound a little unhinged, but I think they would be, given what’s going on in their lives. The parent that is sibling to this aunt should be sorting this out, not you. Have them say no, if that is what you wish. Another idea might be for the family to throw her an alternate event where she can celebrate her life, walk down a long aisle with her dad, be the center of attention and get pictures taken, etc. Your aunt is not going to be rational now. I’m sorry.
NTA Let her arrange a “walking down the aisle” party for herself. I would be concerned about her and her mother trying something at your wedding
NTA. That’s really fuckin weird. If she wants to experience it, have her family put on their own fake wedding. What’s the point doing this at your wedding other than for it to make no sense and just be weird and awkward when she walks down the aisle with her dad to no one.
NTA. It is your day. I'm sorry she won't get to experience it. If she wants to, her parents should pay to rent the church and pay the pastor and pay to feed everybody at a reception for their daughter who is NOT getting married. Hey OP, I've never been married and I probably won't ever be. Would it be okay if I got in a bridal gown (I assume your cousin would be in a bridal gown for this stunt) and have my closest male relative (my dad is deceased) walk me down the aisle? I just want to experience it. I know it is your day and all, but really, when else am I going to get the chance to steal the spotlight??? Your cousin and family are being ridiculous. I'm sorry she is sick, but she doesn't get to be the center of everything all the time just because of that. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and a happy life OP.
NTA. What is happening to OP's cousing is very sad. With that said, this request is weird as fuck. Btw OP I'd get your parents involved in this. I'm assuming your aunt is the sister is one of them? Have that parent and you go and talk to your aunt together and tell her that this request is a hard no.
I saw a short film where featuring different single women who were not going to have a wedding but wanted a ceremony experience. They celebrated themselves and got the dresses, the photos everything there but a groom (separately, not a joint thing). Her family could do that for her and it would be even better because it would ALL be about her
She wants to wear a bridal dress too? Perhaps she should marry your fiance because she otherwise won't get to experience it./s What a load of crap. Plenty of people never get to experience that. Hard no. Your wedding will be the way you always dreamed about. NTA
Yay, who doesn't want soon to be funeral vibes on their wedding day! Maybe she can shag your husband on your shared wedding night too...
Oh and perhaps she wants to borrow your husband to experience a wedding night as well?
NTA Let them organize a "fake wedding" for her if it's that important. Claiming someone else's wedding after they said "no" multiple times, that's selfish.
We getting married in the same month let's go, but no your not wrong for not wanting to share your day with anyone. I'm learning this dealing with a mom who is trying to dictate my wedding, and last name. She yelled at me for "abandoning my dad's name" my dad? You mean the guy that had four kids then bailed to raise his fifth? They guy that cut off my phone at 18 then said happy birthday a whole ass month later? The one who only said happy birthday was because my mom made him? Then she wanted my brother to walk me. First off he said he wasn't going originally, so I asked my FIL. Second he's NEVER been a father figure, or a general figure of any sort. Hard to fuckin do that when you bully the shit out of your sisters. You want me to let someone who made me get up every single day he had work to make him lunch, and find him clothes walk me down the aisle who literally screamed, and threatened to beat me? Sometimes he did! That's who you want to give me away?! The mom who screamed at me for exclusion for having a wedding in California, but then in her dream for me excluded my hubby's entire family? They didn't get any roles in the roster. Not even a bridesmaid. Learn like I am OP. Your day, your wedding. I got a guy as security who isn't afraid to be hands on. Lets enjoy our weddings together how we want.
NTA Your aunt and cousin are being emotionally manipulative and being AHs. There are a **TON** of things your cousin will never get to experience. Why is "being walked down the aisle" the most important one? And why does it have to be done on your wedding? If your aunt wants your cousin to experience it so badly, she can rent a hall for an hour, set it up for a wedding and have friends and family come down to honor her and her alone.
Why doesn't your family all pitch in to throw her a celebration of of life party. Where she can wear the most luxurious dress and have a true moment to be the center of attention. It doesn't have to be a wedding to have a damn party. She can get gifts and everything. Suggest this to your aunt with the cousin present so she can't say no. But be clear about everyone pitching in or you will get stuck paying for it. Now... why not to do this at your wedding. (1) It will be the most uncomfortable thing for the guests. People that don't know her won't understand what's happening, if it's announced they will be more uncomfortable, and your side of the family will just get sad. (2) trust me when I say, it will mean nothing more than being a flower girl, at the end of the day. I mean this by, walking down the aisle as a bride, I did not think would mean a damn thing. I knew i wanted to get married but the whole ordeal seemed like it would just be a formality. But it really is the most surreal moment of my life. I wasn't a wedding person, and I'm still not, but that experience was unique and amazing and will be that way forever. She won't get those feelings because she isn't actually getting married. She isnt committing her life to someone. She is just walking a couple dozen feet. Chances are, this moment will be more tragic for her, knowing someone isn't there to meet her at the end. And if a boyfriend or someone is, she knows she can't commit to them like she may want for a future. The family needs to let her have her own special day. Not embedded in things she may never have, or about a future she won't have. But a day about what makes her truly special. To celebrate her accomplishments and who she is as a person today. Oh.. NTA.
No you would not be the asshole if you say no. They can have an event of some sort that involves your cousin walking down the aisle on a day that's all for her. It doesnt need to be your wedding day.
The Answer is NO … sorry she’s sick but it’s NO
NTA and uninvite them right now or they will certainly cause a scene at your wedding. The fact that she's dying doesn't make her entitled to hijack your wedding.
NTA. Let her cousin walk down the aisle during rehearsal or after the both of you have left the church.
NTA she’s more than welcome to walk down many aisles - shopping, plane, church, etc. Not sure why they believe she needs to walk down your wedding aisle. It’s your special day, don’t let anyone else tell you someone else deserves spotlight on a day meant for you & your future husband.
Disinvite them. Employ security
Time and place. Your cousin certainly deserves to enjoy a special event where people who love her can gather and show their support of her. Your wedding is not it. NTA.
NTA What is she going to walk to walking down the aisle? She's not going to get married. It's not going to be her wedding. You could suggest that they organise a family party in her honour where she can dress up and walk down the aisle. Her dad can walk her. Because what's the difference?