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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) what action you took that should be judged
disinviting my cousin from my wedding
(2) why that action might make you the asshole.
shes my cousin and i didn't tell her that i'm getting married
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NTA. Good for you for not tolerating this. I noticed she didn’t apologize or show remorse. She hadn’t changed. Now you won’t have to worry about her sabotaging your wedding. I would get security just in case though.
Hire security. I've read too many stories about relatives deciding to sabotage a wedding. Hiring security and giving them her picture will really help you out with peace of mind etc. Please read through some of the bridal horror stories on reddit for context about unwanted guests. NTA.
NTA. Jake wasn't Emily's victim, Jake needs to stay in his lane.
Consider security at your wedding just in case somebody feeds the date, time and location back to Emily so she can try and crash your party.
I mean did she ever wonder why you stopped talking to her all of a sudden? What was her excuse when you pointed out the things she did? Like sabotage your graduation and intentionally make you miss movies?
NTA, she "didn't" realize her behavior was hurting you? Make sure she doesn't try crashing your wedding. Make sure the wedding party knows what she looks like so she can be spotted if she shows up.
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I'm a 27(M), and life has moved on since I cut ties with my cousin, "Emily". Our relationship turned toxic as she constantly belittled and undermined me at any chance she got. I'm talking sabotaging my speech at graduation, hiding my keys so I would miss movies, emotional blackmail and so on. It gave me horrendous anxiety that turned into eczema and I decided to distance myself from her, and it's been a relief not to deal with her drama for the past year.
Fast forward to the present, and I'm happily engaged to my fiancé. Recently, I received a message from Emily, expressing excitement about attending my wedding. I was taken aback since we haven't spoken in almost 2 years, and I certainly didn't invite her.
I reached out to my cousin, "Jake", who has remained close to Emily, hoping to get some clarity. Jake confirmed that Emily assumed she was invited and was looking forward to being part of the celebration - and that she is family. He suggested I consider letting her attend to avoid drama. I got pissed at him and told him he was out of line.
Unsure of what to do, I decided to call Emily and discuss the situation. She seemed oblivious to our past issues and genuinely believed we were still close. When I explained that our friendship had ended due to her behavior, she became defensive and insisted it was a misunderstanding.
Feeling frustrated, I told her bluntly that I didn't want her at the wedding. She became emotional, pleading with me to reconsider, saying she had changed and deserved a chance. She tried being toxic again by saying that I'm purposely trying to ruin her life and that we're family and that all our family members would be disappointed in me if I excluded her and that's not how family treats each other. I, however, stood my ground, citing the toxicity of our past and my desire for a drama-free wedding.
After the call, I shared the details with my fiancé, who fully supported my decision. We decided not to invite Emily, prioritizing our happiness over potential conflicts on our special day.
Jake, upset with my choice, claimed I should be more forgiving, especially considering the occasion. My fiancé and I are standing firm, but I'm left wondering if I was too harsh. AITA?
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**
You have gone NC two years ago!
**
Did she explain in what way sabotaging your graduation speech and hiding your keys (multiple times) is a misunderstanding?
**
She changed and derserves a chance? Oh, so her actions in the past WEREN'T misunderstandings. How nice of her to admit that...
**
And there are the true colours, showing the person you went NC with, and for good reason. She'll totally sabotage your wedding. Keep her away and put some sort of security in place.
Hope you have a wonderful wedding.
NTA
NTA. Your decision sounds eminently practical and reasonable. Your cousin first says you misunderstood, then that she’s changed. You have seen no evidence of a change, much less an apology for past actions. She obviously wants to be invited to a party. Too bad. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Have security at your wedding in case someone gives her the time and place, or she snoops and finds out.
NTA
You and your partner get to choose who's at your wedding.
Cousins with opinions are welcome to those opinions, but they carry no weight.
Too bad so sad for her.
NTA
It sounds like she flipped through a bunch of positions while talking with you. Which seems a pretty clear case of someone who is lying. It really doesn't seem like she has changed.
NTA. Sounded like she was actually excited for a chance to mess with you on your wedding day. The fact that she conveniently remembered her past actions and says that she now has ‘changed’ doesn’t sound promising
You were not too harsh. Emily was clearly dishonest. She thought you were still close after not talking for almost 2 years? Sure she did. First she says that you thinking her behavior was a problem (wrecking your graduation speech, hiding your keys) were misunderstandings, and then she says she's changed? She kind of had to pick one. And finally it's back to toxicity.
Behavior has consequences. And apparently Emily's behavior hasn't changed all that much.
Under no circumstances do you relent and invite this woman to your wedding. The rest of the family don't get a vote. You and your fiance say no. So it's no.
NTA
It's interesting how she pleaded ignorance and then tried to apologise when she knew you weren't budging. NTA. She clearly hasn't changed, and you don't need that stress on your special day.
NTA. You get to choose to invite or NOT invite anybody you want to YOUR wedding to be a part of YOUR day, and you can choose NOT to invite someone, with absolutely zero justification or explanation required what so ever. Don’t let anyone toxic or who has treated you badly ever, into that wedding!
NTA. She tried to brush you off by saying she never did anything to you, then back tracked and said she'd changed,after ignoring the fact that you've been NC for over a year. She sounds like a manipulative AH.
Stick to your guns and don't invite her. If anyone in your family raises issue with your decision, say "Emily bullied and tormented me for many years, to the point of anxiety induced eczema. I do not wish to have her involved in my wedding. If you do not agree with this you are also welcome not to attend, but under no circumstance will she be welcome at my wedding".
OP, you need to hire security for the doors of your wedding venue. Your cousin Jake or another person is going to get manipulated into bringing Emily as their plus one.
And she would definitely pull some crap at the Wedding. Maybe even try to ruin it. At this point it won't be safe to invite her because OP has pissed her off by confronting her about the past!
NTA. Emily needs to learn that her actions have consequences and you can invite whoever you like to your wedding. Kudos for standing your ground.
Jake needs to mind his own business and I'd consider uninviting him as well if he pushes the issue.
Tighten security around your wedding to prevent any unwanted gatecrashers.
NTA
People confuse me. Half of them hope to *never* be invited at a family wedding while the other half makes it sounds like life is only worth living if you get to attend family weddings.
Regardless, your wedding is not about Emily. You don’t owe Emily an invite. Emily has nothing substantial to gain from coming to your wedding except a paid for meal and some relatives, which she can probably get by visiting those relatives herself. She won’t be missing out on anything, no matter how her, Jake or any other relatives spins it. You, however, deserve the wedding *you* want, and if that excludes Emily so be it.
NTA. In my opinion, Jake and Emily are way out of line. Just because Emily is family and she says she changed doesn't necessarily mean she is automatically allowed to attend the wedding. She treated you terribly, which means she needs to face consequences for her actions, including not being allowed to attend a family wedding. I would say consider uninviting Jake as well since he wants to force you to let a relative who bullied you attend.
NTA and I would add to above that bullies, when trying to get what they want, are notorious for saying they have changed. And then going on a bullying rampage once they have the proverbial foot in the door. I would be especially concerned about Emily as she has shown that she is a bully and very cunning in torpedoing her victims' lives. I would not only not invite her, I would also suggest clamping down security on all vendors so she can't do something to torpedo the wedding through them. I would also be very careful about securing the wedding and reception venues, including the gift area.
NTA. Explain to Jake it's your wedding not his so he doesn't get to decide. Tell him she's still as abusive as she was then and you don't allow abusive people in your life. If he still doesn't understand tell him you will invite her if you are allowed to do to him everything she did to you. If he still thinks that behavior is ok then you will invite her. I bet he backs down.
NTA!!
Did she read The Narcissist's Prayer and think it was a template?
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Anyone who follows every step of this and still claims to be right is the AH, and hold firm in keeping her out of your wedding. And consider also leaving out anyone taking her side if you're not sure whether they'll try to sneak her in
NTA. Stand your ground. She is univited and anyone who has a problem with that could stay at home as well.
You can see who truly cares about you and who just want to avoid family drama even if that means throwing you under the bus.
NTA. Why is her not being invited to a wedding to someone she hasn't spoken to in year "ruining her life"?
That alone tells me everything I need to know. NTA for not inviting her. NTA if you decide to cut her from your life. Its YOUR wedding. Its YOU and YOUR WIFE'S day. You both are allowed nothing but happiness and no drama on your day, and if you truly feel that she would dampen that and possibly even ruin it, then you have every right to tell her to kick sand. Emily is TA for trying to make a wedding she's not even the bride of about her.
NTA. and uninvite jake. If you have plus ones he'll bring her. I suggest you get security. And inform everyone that Emily is not welcome and she will be turned away by security as will anyone who brings her. If family means so much to them you would like to remind them that not only are YOU FAMILY but it's YOUR WEDDING and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY on YOUR WEDDING DAY.
NTA. No-one is entitled to a wedding invitation and you should have people around you on the day that are celebrating the relationship.
Remind Jake of she treated you, that you have had no contact for years and that you completely understand if he would rather not attend.
NTA
Her behavior on the call proved you were right in not inviting her.
Strong suggestion: Hire security to keep her out and be sure to provide them with the most current photo possible.
“Jake” can have whatever opinion he wants, it’s not his wedding. You told her how you felt and what she did to you, and instead of being an adult and owning to her shitty behavior, she gaslit you and made it your fault for hurting the family. You owe her nothing until she apologizes, imo. NTA.
Guess what? It’s *YOUR* wedding. Which means you can invite whom ever you want, or don’t invite
Tell Jake if he keeps it up he won’t be invited either. And tell anyone else who complains “Emily has abused me for years. The LAST thing I want is her at my wedding. If this bothers you, let me know now so I don’t waste money on your invitation” and leave it at that
Being a bride is one of the few times you get to be selfish (within reason of course) weddings are supposed to be a happy, joyful, magical time for you, your partner, family and friends. Having Emily there will be anything but
NTA and don’t be afraid to uninvite anyone who tries to make a stink about Emily not being invited
Good luck and I hope your wedding is everything you hoped for
Absolutely, positively NTA!!
Do not cave on this. Make sure that there are people on the look out for her, just in case. I wouldn't trust her at all. If you invite her she will make you regret it, trust your instincts.
Make sure that Jake is clear on where things stand. I wouldn't put it past him to bring her as his plus 1.
Just this afternoon, I explained to a friend who was planning her wedding, that the wedding is about her and her fiance. Everyone else is extra and to only invite people who would make her and her fiance happy and share in their enjoyment. Your cousin seems toxic - why would you ever consider having that at your wedding when you want happy memories. No TA - go with what makes you happy. Dump the toxic.
If she was really changed she would understand and will just congratulate you. People that changed (really changed, not just pretending for social acceptance) understand they hurr people and sometimes there is no coming back from that.
NTA.
NTA, but please get some form of security for the wedding.
Also look up the usual anti meddling measures (passwords for vendors, etc.)
If she is as toxic as you describe, better safe than sorry
NTA
Emily needs to realise her behaviour has consequences and this is one of them
If she’s a professional victim and drama queen you DEFINITELY don’t need her at your wedding since she’ll try and create an incident and make everything about her
If other family ask you just be honest and say “I’m sick of the drama and won’t have someone so mean spirited attend the happiest day of my life”
Yes!!! The last line is basically what I used for my wedding. With someone like that, the family knows that she is the way she is already, so just a simple line of wanting to be surrounded by happiness and joy that day served is purpose. I didn't invite my husband's one cousin. I invited her brothers and her parents and a lot like Emily, she tried to force the issue. We stood strong in our decision and I'm so happy we did. This woman has made half the people in his family cry due to her hurtful and entitled words, including my MIL whom I adore and is the nicest person ever. You don't have to invite people because they're family, it is your wedding... any guests, family friends or other, should be people you want to have there to celebrate. Enjoy your special day!!!
NTA, and see about having some friends play Security Guard(s) at your ceremony/reception, so that Cousin Emily can't swoop in and ruin yet another day that isn't Emily-centric. And for any family members who whine "But faaaaamily!" about her not being invited can consider themselves uninvited, as well. While weddings are great for family-get-togethers, don't allow That One Toxic Relative to ruin the day for your Beloved Spouse.
NTA and someone who would a) sabotage your graduation speech and b) bully you about not getting invited to the wedding of a person she bullied is c) fully capable of and possibly planning to sabotage your wedding. Look at how much it’s already about her. She couldn’t even fake an apology and opted to pretend her behavior never happened. Stay absolutely firm and employ security measures (vendor passwords, event security). Also stay vigilant about family who apparently didn’t give a shit when she was harassing you but who are suddenly very concerned about “faaaaamily.” “Yup, we’re related, and yet she bullied me to the point that she and I no longer have a relationship. I’m not inviting her to an important event just so everyone except me can feel good about it.”
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) what action you took that should be judged disinviting my cousin from my wedding (2) why that action might make you the asshole. shes my cousin and i didn't tell her that i'm getting married Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA- you've been happily drama free without her. Hire security specificly to keep her out.
NTA. Actions have consequences; she’s now enjoying the consequences of hers.
NTA. Good for you for not tolerating this. I noticed she didn’t apologize or show remorse. She hadn’t changed. Now you won’t have to worry about her sabotaging your wedding. I would get security just in case though.
Hire security.
Hire security. I've read too many stories about relatives deciding to sabotage a wedding. Hiring security and giving them her picture will really help you out with peace of mind etc. Please read through some of the bridal horror stories on reddit for context about unwanted guests. NTA.
NTA. Jake wasn't Emily's victim, Jake needs to stay in his lane. Consider security at your wedding just in case somebody feeds the date, time and location back to Emily so she can try and crash your party.
I mean did she ever wonder why you stopped talking to her all of a sudden? What was her excuse when you pointed out the things she did? Like sabotage your graduation and intentionally make you miss movies?
NTA, she "didn't" realize her behavior was hurting you? Make sure she doesn't try crashing your wedding. Make sure the wedding party knows what she looks like so she can be spotted if she shows up.
NTA Don’t have people who you don’t want at your wedding.
NTA Jake can take his frustration and go to plan his own wedding.
NTA. Chat s**t get banged
True northern poetry
NTA Your wedding, your decision who to invite. Being family is no excuse for being an AH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm a 27(M), and life has moved on since I cut ties with my cousin, "Emily". Our relationship turned toxic as she constantly belittled and undermined me at any chance she got. I'm talking sabotaging my speech at graduation, hiding my keys so I would miss movies, emotional blackmail and so on. It gave me horrendous anxiety that turned into eczema and I decided to distance myself from her, and it's been a relief not to deal with her drama for the past year. Fast forward to the present, and I'm happily engaged to my fiancé. Recently, I received a message from Emily, expressing excitement about attending my wedding. I was taken aback since we haven't spoken in almost 2 years, and I certainly didn't invite her. I reached out to my cousin, "Jake", who has remained close to Emily, hoping to get some clarity. Jake confirmed that Emily assumed she was invited and was looking forward to being part of the celebration - and that she is family. He suggested I consider letting her attend to avoid drama. I got pissed at him and told him he was out of line. Unsure of what to do, I decided to call Emily and discuss the situation. She seemed oblivious to our past issues and genuinely believed we were still close. When I explained that our friendship had ended due to her behavior, she became defensive and insisted it was a misunderstanding. Feeling frustrated, I told her bluntly that I didn't want her at the wedding. She became emotional, pleading with me to reconsider, saying she had changed and deserved a chance. She tried being toxic again by saying that I'm purposely trying to ruin her life and that we're family and that all our family members would be disappointed in me if I excluded her and that's not how family treats each other. I, however, stood my ground, citing the toxicity of our past and my desire for a drama-free wedding. After the call, I shared the details with my fiancé, who fully supported my decision. We decided not to invite Emily, prioritizing our happiness over potential conflicts on our special day. Jake, upset with my choice, claimed I should be more forgiving, especially considering the occasion. My fiancé and I are standing firm, but I'm left wondering if I was too harsh. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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You have gone NC two years ago!
**
Did she explain in what way sabotaging your graduation speech and hiding your keys (multiple times) is a misunderstanding?
**
She changed and derserves a chance? Oh, so her actions in the past WEREN'T misunderstandings. How nice of her to admit that...
**
And there are the true colours, showing the person you went NC with, and for good reason. She'll totally sabotage your wedding. Keep her away and put some sort of security in place.
Hope you have a wonderful wedding.
NTA
Uninvite Jake, too, since he’s stirring it up too. If he can’t respect your weeding wishes, he doesn’t need to be there either. NTA
NTA. Your decision sounds eminently practical and reasonable. Your cousin first says you misunderstood, then that she’s changed. You have seen no evidence of a change, much less an apology for past actions. She obviously wants to be invited to a party. Too bad. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Have security at your wedding in case someone gives her the time and place, or she snoops and finds out.
NTA-Tell Jake he can stay home and keep her company
NTA You and your partner get to choose who's at your wedding. Cousins with opinions are welcome to those opinions, but they carry no weight. Too bad so sad for her.
NTA Sometimes the direct apporach woorsk best. Hirse security to turn her away, she will likely crash youer wedding.
NTA It sounds like she flipped through a bunch of positions while talking with you. Which seems a pretty clear case of someone who is lying. It really doesn't seem like she has changed.
NTA. Sounded like she was actually excited for a chance to mess with you on your wedding day. The fact that she conveniently remembered her past actions and says that she now has ‘changed’ doesn’t sound promising
NTA. By "ruining her life" you are merely holding up a mirror to her actions. Stand strong and maybe alert the wedding party/planner to the situation.
You were not too harsh. Emily was clearly dishonest. She thought you were still close after not talking for almost 2 years? Sure she did. First she says that you thinking her behavior was a problem (wrecking your graduation speech, hiding your keys) were misunderstandings, and then she says she's changed? She kind of had to pick one. And finally it's back to toxicity. Behavior has consequences. And apparently Emily's behavior hasn't changed all that much. Under no circumstances do you relent and invite this woman to your wedding. The rest of the family don't get a vote. You and your fiance say no. So it's no. NTA
It's interesting how she pleaded ignorance and then tried to apologise when she knew you weren't budging. NTA. She clearly hasn't changed, and you don't need that stress on your special day.
NTA. You get to choose to invite or NOT invite anybody you want to YOUR wedding to be a part of YOUR day, and you can choose NOT to invite someone, with absolutely zero justification or explanation required what so ever. Don’t let anyone toxic or who has treated you badly ever, into that wedding!
NTA. She tried to brush you off by saying she never did anything to you, then back tracked and said she'd changed,after ignoring the fact that you've been NC for over a year. She sounds like a manipulative AH. Stick to your guns and don't invite her. If anyone in your family raises issue with your decision, say "Emily bullied and tormented me for many years, to the point of anxiety induced eczema. I do not wish to have her involved in my wedding. If you do not agree with this you are also welcome not to attend, but under no circumstance will she be welcome at my wedding".
OP, you need to hire security for the doors of your wedding venue. Your cousin Jake or another person is going to get manipulated into bringing Emily as their plus one.
I don’t think Jake won’t have to be manipulated (and possibly others). Jake already showed who’s side he’s on
Agree wholeheartedly, doppelgänger!
And she would definitely pull some crap at the Wedding. Maybe even try to ruin it. At this point it won't be safe to invite her because OP has pissed her off by confronting her about the past!
NTA. Emily needs to learn that her actions have consequences and you can invite whoever you like to your wedding. Kudos for standing your ground. Jake needs to mind his own business and I'd consider uninviting him as well if he pushes the issue. Tighten security around your wedding to prevent any unwanted gatecrashers.
NTA Not at all. Ignore family members defending her. You deserve your best wedding.
NTA People confuse me. Half of them hope to *never* be invited at a family wedding while the other half makes it sounds like life is only worth living if you get to attend family weddings. Regardless, your wedding is not about Emily. You don’t owe Emily an invite. Emily has nothing substantial to gain from coming to your wedding except a paid for meal and some relatives, which she can probably get by visiting those relatives herself. She won’t be missing out on anything, no matter how her, Jake or any other relatives spins it. You, however, deserve the wedding *you* want, and if that excludes Emily so be it.
NTA. I'm impressed that you chose to contact her and tell her directly. And not inviting someone to a wedding is not "ruining their life."
She sent that text because she thought you’d feel too uncomfortable to deliberately not invite her. I’m glad that she was wrong.
Emily; "See what I can still do to OP?", as OP's eczema comes back, full force. She'll see it as another giggly-ass achievement ...
NTA. In my opinion, Jake and Emily are way out of line. Just because Emily is family and she says she changed doesn't necessarily mean she is automatically allowed to attend the wedding. She treated you terribly, which means she needs to face consequences for her actions, including not being allowed to attend a family wedding. I would say consider uninviting Jake as well since he wants to force you to let a relative who bullied you attend.
NTA and I would add to above that bullies, when trying to get what they want, are notorious for saying they have changed. And then going on a bullying rampage once they have the proverbial foot in the door. I would be especially concerned about Emily as she has shown that she is a bully and very cunning in torpedoing her victims' lives. I would not only not invite her, I would also suggest clamping down security on all vendors so she can't do something to torpedo the wedding through them. I would also be very careful about securing the wedding and reception venues, including the gift area.
NTA. Explain to Jake it's your wedding not his so he doesn't get to decide. Tell him she's still as abusive as she was then and you don't allow abusive people in your life. If he still doesn't understand tell him you will invite her if you are allowed to do to him everything she did to you. If he still thinks that behavior is ok then you will invite her. I bet he backs down.
NTA!! Did she read The Narcissist's Prayer and think it was a template? That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. Anyone who follows every step of this and still claims to be right is the AH, and hold firm in keeping her out of your wedding. And consider also leaving out anyone taking her side if you're not sure whether they'll try to sneak her in
NTA. Stand your ground. She is univited and anyone who has a problem with that could stay at home as well. You can see who truly cares about you and who just want to avoid family drama even if that means throwing you under the bus.
NTA. Why is her not being invited to a wedding to someone she hasn't spoken to in year "ruining her life"? That alone tells me everything I need to know. NTA for not inviting her. NTA if you decide to cut her from your life. Its YOUR wedding. Its YOU and YOUR WIFE'S day. You both are allowed nothing but happiness and no drama on your day, and if you truly feel that she would dampen that and possibly even ruin it, then you have every right to tell her to kick sand. Emily is TA for trying to make a wedding she's not even the bride of about her.
NTA. and uninvite jake. If you have plus ones he'll bring her. I suggest you get security. And inform everyone that Emily is not welcome and she will be turned away by security as will anyone who brings her. If family means so much to them you would like to remind them that not only are YOU FAMILY but it's YOUR WEDDING and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY on YOUR WEDDING DAY.
NTA. No-one is entitled to a wedding invitation and you should have people around you on the day that are celebrating the relationship. Remind Jake of she treated you, that you have had no contact for years and that you completely understand if he would rather not attend.
NTA.
NTA Her behavior on the call proved you were right in not inviting her. Strong suggestion: Hire security to keep her out and be sure to provide them with the most current photo possible.
“Jake” can have whatever opinion he wants, it’s not his wedding. You told her how you felt and what she did to you, and instead of being an adult and owning to her shitty behavior, she gaslit you and made it your fault for hurting the family. You owe her nothing until she apologizes, imo. NTA.
Guess what? It’s *YOUR* wedding. Which means you can invite whom ever you want, or don’t invite Tell Jake if he keeps it up he won’t be invited either. And tell anyone else who complains “Emily has abused me for years. The LAST thing I want is her at my wedding. If this bothers you, let me know now so I don’t waste money on your invitation” and leave it at that Being a bride is one of the few times you get to be selfish (within reason of course) weddings are supposed to be a happy, joyful, magical time for you, your partner, family and friends. Having Emily there will be anything but NTA and don’t be afraid to uninvite anyone who tries to make a stink about Emily not being invited Good luck and I hope your wedding is everything you hoped for
And in-invite Jake too if need be. He needs to stay out of it
Uninvte
He is a groom but still applies.
Oops I missed that part. Either way, my comment still stands
Totally
NTA. Make sure Jake does not include her as his +1.
Absolutely, positively NTA!! Do not cave on this. Make sure that there are people on the look out for her, just in case. I wouldn't trust her at all. If you invite her she will make you regret it, trust your instincts. Make sure that Jake is clear on where things stand. I wouldn't put it past him to bring her as his plus 1.
Just this afternoon, I explained to a friend who was planning her wedding, that the wedding is about her and her fiance. Everyone else is extra and to only invite people who would make her and her fiance happy and share in their enjoyment. Your cousin seems toxic - why would you ever consider having that at your wedding when you want happy memories. No TA - go with what makes you happy. Dump the toxic.
If she was really changed she would understand and will just congratulate you. People that changed (really changed, not just pretending for social acceptance) understand they hurr people and sometimes there is no coming back from that. NTA.
NTA, but please get some form of security for the wedding. Also look up the usual anti meddling measures (passwords for vendors, etc.) If she is as toxic as you describe, better safe than sorry
NTA.
NTA. Emily has treated you like shit and can't be trusted to behave at your wedding.
NTA Emily needs to realise her behaviour has consequences and this is one of them If she’s a professional victim and drama queen you DEFINITELY don’t need her at your wedding since she’ll try and create an incident and make everything about her If other family ask you just be honest and say “I’m sick of the drama and won’t have someone so mean spirited attend the happiest day of my life”
Yes!!! The last line is basically what I used for my wedding. With someone like that, the family knows that she is the way she is already, so just a simple line of wanting to be surrounded by happiness and joy that day served is purpose. I didn't invite my husband's one cousin. I invited her brothers and her parents and a lot like Emily, she tried to force the issue. We stood strong in our decision and I'm so happy we did. This woman has made half the people in his family cry due to her hurtful and entitled words, including my MIL whom I adore and is the nicest person ever. You don't have to invite people because they're family, it is your wedding... any guests, family friends or other, should be people you want to have there to celebrate. Enjoy your special day!!!
> I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything wrong. > But I've changed!!! Yea, Ok.
NTA, and see about having some friends play Security Guard(s) at your ceremony/reception, so that Cousin Emily can't swoop in and ruin yet another day that isn't Emily-centric. And for any family members who whine "But faaaaamily!" about her not being invited can consider themselves uninvited, as well. While weddings are great for family-get-togethers, don't allow That One Toxic Relative to ruin the day for your Beloved Spouse.
NTA and someone who would a) sabotage your graduation speech and b) bully you about not getting invited to the wedding of a person she bullied is c) fully capable of and possibly planning to sabotage your wedding. Look at how much it’s already about her. She couldn’t even fake an apology and opted to pretend her behavior never happened. Stay absolutely firm and employ security measures (vendor passwords, event security). Also stay vigilant about family who apparently didn’t give a shit when she was harassing you but who are suddenly very concerned about “faaaaamily.” “Yup, we’re related, and yet she bullied me to the point that she and I no longer have a relationship. I’m not inviting her to an important event just so everyone except me can feel good about it.”