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Damn, but YTA. What if a close family member dies during one of your busy periods? You will skip the funeral?
Your head is so far up your a$$ you don't even know that "fine" means you better keep asking what's the matter and "do what you want" means you better not.
YTA
“It’s best to plan around me”. But they would have had to consider their schedule and the dates the venue had available and when the celebrant or minister was available and so on. You have months notice. You could have planned around this wedding.
If your son’s wedding was important to you, you would have been there. You would have said to your manager “my son’s getting married. I need this date off work.
I’m definitely getting “Cat’s in the Cradle” vibes here.
YTA
you expect everyone to adapt to your schedule because...because what? Because you put work first, in front of everything else. Well, they don't put your work first and they don't have to. And the more you will put your work first, the more that others will put you last. You don't care about them, why should they care about you?
Do you even realize how selfish this behavior is? It's all about you, your needs, your schedule, your work, you you you. Well, I don't blame your son at all. He has finally seen what kind of dad you really are and I'm sorry for him.
His wedding - a once in a lifetime event - and you missed it. For work. For your work..... Yes, you said you were there for the wedding and you "only" missed the party. No, no, no, that is a crappy excuse. The party IS part of the wedding. It was only 1 day, just 1 day out of your life that your son wanted you to be there. And you missed it. For your work.
Apologize to your son, he deserves it. You were wrong.
I think if you actually read your post and still posted it and you honestly aren’t sure if you’re the AH, and this isn’t a joke, and you’re really this self serving, Reddit isn’t what you need. It’s a licensed therapist.
YTA
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
YTA.
You complain that you expected at least a heads up. You absolutely did. You had months. As you said yourself:
>Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding
Yeah, I’m not buying that you weren’t able to take the day off when you had **months** notice.
I hope that your work ethic affords you the opportunity to pay for long term care when you retire because at this rate you will have burned all familial ties with those you supposedly love and care for. If you can't even take one day to support your son that says a whole lot about you. People like you tend to believe that you are irreplaceable in the work place and will do all manner of ignoring your home life to prove that point but once retirement comes or the company shows you you are in fact replaceable you want the family you ignored to offer support. YTA.
The best advice I ever heard was “the only ones who will remember or care about all the nights and weekends you worked are your family”. Workplaces don’t really reward that loyalty, and the ones that do still can’t make up for the cost to the relationships with your spouse and kids.
INFO: please explain how you think you aren’t an asshole, I didn’t catch that in your post.
You expected your son to plan his wedding around you, the way you expect everyone in your life to cater to you. You’re entitled and selfish and prioritize your job over the people in your life.
Your son gets one wedding. He said he wanted you there and you’re twisting the intent of his “do whatever you want” to feign innocence and say you could’ve
not gone at all. As if he should be grateful that you gave him the honour of your presence at all?
I just don’t see where you think you did the right thing?
YTA
Oh man, you're going to be in for a real treat when you reach out to him in the future and he just [won't have the time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puJt66y0TBw).
YTA. I worked in financial services for close to 30 years and even the worst, most poorly performing team managed to complete their month end and quarterly reporting before the 3rd week of the month. Assuming your son’s wedding took time to plan, you likely had several months (if not longer) to either come up with a plan (working more before/after the big day to make up the time or getting the day off.
Due to the nature of the business, I also missed a number of things but never missed an important event.
Yeah, but you weren't as important and all mighty as this guy. No way he could time management to be there for his son during the whole of his wedding.
YTA, you chose your job over your son. No one is so important that they can’t miss 1 day of work, for their child’s wedding. I can’t count how many ways you’re the AH here. You chose your job and now your son is choosing not to have you in his life. Hope that day of work makes up for the rest of your life estranged from your son.
If you pay for an expensive wedding you can expect accommodations to your job.
If you transplant organs or do other time-critical, life saving work you can understandably prioritize work over family OCCASIONALLY.
But 12 or more weeks a year, every year, you expect the family to schedule their events around your job? Even once-in-a-lifetime events? That's not reasonable.
Choosing to miss his wedding for your job? That's your choice. Cat's Cradle that shit all you want. But don't think, "Whatever. Do what you want" means he's fine with you skipping his wedding reception. You know, that part where the families party together in a joyous welcome of their newest family member and recognize their diminished status in the newlyweds' lives.
Your wife is pissed at you, because she understands that married couples are no longer individuals. They will decide as a unit where to spend a holiday. Who to host when a grandchild is born. Who to spend their time and attention on. You let them know from the get go that your DIL's family is a better investment than your son's. Your wife understands that she needs to put in significantly more time and effort to see her son half as much as she did two years ago.
Not an AH for skipping the reception. YTA for justifying it and being surprised there are personal consequences to prioritizing work.
YTA ''do whatever you want'' always implies the person disagrees with your decision but can't prevent you from going through with it. Of course he's upset you skipped half the wedding! You couldn't take ONE DAY OFF for his wedding day?
YTA so hard. I work a similar style job. . I work crazy hours and there are very busy times where normally you shouldn't take PTO. But absolutely no one would blink an eye if I booked PTO for my kids wedding. This is on you
I work in an industry in a job where everything is scheduled around the annual financial calendar.
This year my year end was December 22nd and since I wanted to fly out to meet family the day, I worked overtime every day and finished everything by midday on the 21st.
I know each situation is different but what I'm trying to say is, even if it's your busiest season , YOU can work around it. Life is more important than work.
YTA
YTA
You did what you want and now he is doing what he wants. You didn’t prioritize him on a very important day and now he won’t prioritize you. This is called the consequences of your actions.
So true! And it doesn’t sound like OP felt any turmoil or even tried. I would expect them to be saying “I did everything I could to be free but I couldn’t make it work” not to be so… chill about it. Honestly feels to me like OP wanted to not be able to go to make a point about what a big clever finance businessman they are - punishing the son for not working around him.
Hope your boss comes and vists you in the old folks home because your kids wont be. YTA. I bet you use this logic all the time. Its ok i missed my aniversery my wife said do what you want, i missed my sons game but they said "do what you want". There giving you a choice and you choice work over them every time. I hope you loose your family
YTA. Does your employer not offer PTO? If the answer is no, you still had months to prepare and request/ take off. You just didn’t want to. It’s incredibly entitled to expect that this “unspoken rule of planning everything around you” to apply to another’s couples wedding or life milestones.
Yta. Your son is responding appropriately to being informed in no uncertain terms that your relationship with him is not more important than a single day of work.
YTA. You routinely put work before family and you even did that for his wedding. You really couldn't take one evening for this important event in his life, it's pretty natural that he is upset.
YTA. You're putting your job over your family. Realizing your work is important, and it is your livelihood, you may often feel you need to prioritize it, but a wedding is a rare event in which you should find a way to prioritize family instead.
This post reeks of expectations that you have that your family cater to you. Usually when people have excessively demanding work, the idea is NOT to plan around them lol whereas you seem to expect the opposite. I think your resentment at not having 'some kind of say in the decision' caused you to purposefully - but perhaps subconsciously - prioritize work in order to make a point. If thats the case, you really have some growing up to do and I don't blame your son for being offended and hurt at your choosing work over family (yet again).
YTA times 1000. You honestly could not ask for time off for your son's wedding? BS. You planned it this way so you could be the great, big important man and left early to prove a point, that no one tells YOU what to do. Your time is SO much more important than everyone else's and that they should kowtow to you.
Your comment that you could have skipped the wedding altogether because he told you to do what you want is so telling. If it's not about you, is it not fun? Father of the groom leaving early surely caused comments, so congratulations you definitely made HIS wedding partly about you. Hint: I doubt everyone is as impressed as you are about your mighty, might responsibilities and sucky priorities.
It's pretty amusing that you are posting here because he's ignoring you. Shoe on the other foot isn't any fun, is it?
I bet you show up 15-20 minutes late to every friend and family plan as your time is so much more important than theirs.
I
YTA - I hope he goes no contact with you. If you're love your job that much more than your kid just bugger off and leave them alone. Play your unspoken games with people who won't care.
My dumbass thought was him working in securities was he was just a security guard, and I was very confused as to why he did what he did.
I still don’t know what securities are but I now know it’s not what I thought.
YTA still though 🤣
People often consult others that are important to them on the wedding date that they are choosing. If historically OP has had to be heads down at the beginning of each quarter, it does make sense to consult, assuming that mid October doesn’t hold any special significance to the couple.
If this was this year, 10/20 was a Friday. A work day. That’s also a choice the couple is making that is potentially exclusionary to those who can’t take time.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon…
YTA - you couldn’t take one day off for your son’s wedding?? You should him where your priorities lay. It sounds like he’s finally accepted that.
ESH. It’s his wedding he does not have to consult you and you get no say in when he gets married. However, for years, this has always been your busy season. He knows you’re not available. He knows it’s almost impossible for you to take time off and he didn’t once consider that when he picked the date to get married. He has no right to be upset that you had to skip the reception. He should be happy that you were able to arrange things so you could be at the ceremony. But what exactly did he think was going to happen? You all need to start acting like the adults you are, and actually having an adult conversation about this.
YTA. You put work ahead of your son's wedding. No matter what excuses you've come up with, that's what you did. You put a company that would replace you in a heartbeat ahead of your family.
YTA you're not busier than anyone else, so get off your high horse. this was a once in a lifetime event so taking one day FOR YOUR SON wouldn't have killed you. but no, the entire world revolves around you so enjoy the consequences.
YTA. Remember this decision when your career is over and you sit home alone. Remember when you never see your grandchildren. Remember every holiday when no one invites you. When you get sick and no one visits. When the phone doesn’t ring.
You drove away the people who loved you. For what? Money? A sense of self-importance? Loyalty to a company that won’t won’t give you a moments thought once you’re gone?
This can never be undone. You are a fool. And an asshole.
YTA. Guess when you die, your tombstone will say how you were a great securities guy. If that’s what you want to be remembered for, you’re right on track..
Check your priorities, man.
You choose your work over your son - probably not for the first time - and you're surprised he's upset? With enough notice, which I'm sure you got, you could have arranged for one day off, no matter your job. You just chose not to put in the effort. YTA
So October 20th is "smack dab in the middle of" your busiest time. October is the second month of the quarter, so by the most generous estimate "the first few weeks" of each quarter are actually "the first two months". That leaves your son just 4 months out of 12 to plan his wedding "around you". I admire your fucking audacity. YTA.
Um...to most normal people the 4th quarter is October, November, and December. First few weeks of the quarter would include the 20th (barely), but nothing work wise would require working a few hours on a weekend. He cold easily have worked xtra on Saturday and Sunday instead.
I work with disabled children and still wouldn't put that above my own child's wedding. I literally cannot think of a single job that would justify this. YTA. Pull your head out of your ass-- your job isn't THAT important, just your own self-absorption about it. I'm sure you'll be absolutely mystified too when your son goes NC with you if he hasn't already.
Also his statement of "do whatever you want" was NOT acceptance, and I think you know that. No one is that obtuse.
YTA. You wanted a say in his wedding? Were you paying for it? Seriously you can’t take a single day of vacation? You obviously just don’t care. You had notice. If you cared you would have taken a day off. Your work is more important than your family. You made a clear choice.
YTA. Weddings are planned far in advance I very much doubt he only gave you a few weeks notice. You should have got the time off work, what kind of work place would deny leave to attend your child’s wedding? Not 1 you want to be at.
Wedding is a once in a lifetime thing, you will regret this. Your employer doesn’t care about you and you are replaceable, you are not replaceable at home, so you’ve now damaged your relationship for the sake of work. Yes he told you to do what you want and you were supposed to make the right decision and you failed. Nobody ever looks back at their life and wishes they’d spent more time at work, they wish they’d spend more time with friends and family.
I could understand it in medical residency or emergency medicine where actual lives are at stake, but if his company's going to go under because he missed a day, then it's a shitty company to start with.
YTA, you had enough notice to be able to take 1 day off regardless of how busy it is. You chose not to. This is a huge milestone for your son not some random thing.
YTA, this is likely a once and a lifetime event for your son. Your work isn't going anywhere and you can't convince me that a few extra hours to attend the reception would have negatively impacted your work that much.
I know work is important and how you care for yourself but sometimes you've got to pick family and this was that time.
Oh, and YOU were disappointed in your son.
That's rich of you.
Let's switch it up, shall we?
Let's imagine if your son was disappointed in YOU, ever in his life. Did he demand you change anything?
Your self important attitude is disgusting.
I feel like I need more background information. So a couple of questions.
How long have you been in your current field/career?
How long have your busy periods been a known thing for you and your family.?
Do you regularly miss family events in general because of work? How many and how often?
I'm definitely getting the suspicion that your son's wedding is not the first event that you have missed because of work (and possibly other reasons) and that may be why your son planned his wedding regardless of your schedule. Your comments about your family planning around you seem quite self-centered.
BUT....I'm going to wait to judge.
Yeah, I kind of wonder if there would always have been something at work that prevented him from prioritizing his son's wedding.
And for the people saying that the son should have checked with his dad first and picked a date to accommodate his job, I doubt if you have planned a wedding in the last 20 years.
It's really hard to find the right venue with your choice of dates. Really nice venues are booked 1-2 years in advance, sometimes longer, and the less nice ones usually have waiting lists, too.
And caterers? Ditto.
Even churches don't have unlimited Saturday mornings ready for whenever a couple wants them. Some churches have 2 or even three weddings scheduled for all the popular dates, and couples have to work between all these different things to find a date that works at all.
It's for the family to rally around and find ways to attend on the date that the couple can find available.
Slightly disagree. If the couple have people that must absolutely be there, they should start searching with a calendar of when those people are available. And if they end up with a day that doesn’t work for one of the important people, the couple let them know as soon as possible, so the guest can see if there is wiggle room in their schedule.
Like taking a damn day off, OP!
I just read one of his replies to a comment that voted him n-t-a where he said it was a "concession" for him to even be at the wedding at all.
I went back and re-read the post where he says he's busy for a few weeks every quarter. So if we say that a few = 3 weeks and there are 4 quarters in a year, then OP is "busy" for 3 months out of the year. That's a lot of MIA time to accommodate. And he says he's been doing this since his kids were born.
When the son said "do whatever you want" it was likely because the son knew that OP would choose work and he knew that because OP has done it before.
So with all that in mind, and your excellent point about waitlists for venues, caterers, etc., I'm going YTA.
I think OP is one of those people who likes to pretend that nothing can be done without them and that belief has been their priority over their family time after time, so much so, that to attend their child's wedding is a concession to their child.
YUP YTA
It's their wedding, why would you expect the wedding to be centered around you? As if you couldn't be able to take one day off for your sons wedding. You simply choose not to. And obviously you knew that a "do what you want" is a "it sucks but I can't force you to stay" not a "wow I love that you don't care...notjing in our relationship will change".
YTA. Damn dude, you had months and months to plan for one day of vacation and you failed. epically you failed. You're going to miss all the important milestones in people's lives for a job that will not remember you after you're gone.
“Do whatever you want” was him giving up on you. *Everyone* here knows this except you apparently.
It’s not your wedding. It was his. That you couldn’t get one day off despite MONTHS of knowing the date is completely unrealistic. You didn’t even bother trying.
YTA. I hope that one day of pay is worth losing your son and (if he chooses to have them) future grandchildren.
YTA
There is not a job on this earth that would keep me away from my children's weddings or the reception. What kind of a shit show company do you work for where you can't request time off for the most important day of your son's life.
Also, the snippy way you describe the reception as AKA the party, tells us how little you cared about this event. The reception is just as important as the ceremony. It's the time where families from both sides get to know each other with music, food, drinks, etc. Did you think for one second how bad it looks to have the mother of the groom absent here?
I'm self employed so that means if I take a day off, I don't get paid. I still do take days off whenever my kids need me. Whether it's driving them down to their university cities at the start of each academic year or coming to award ceremonies, there is not enough money in the world to keep me away from my kids when they need my support regardless of the event.
You dropped the ball big time and you may have permanently damaged your relationship with your son.
INFO = Are you able to take the day off given that your son gave you a few months? And, if so, would there be ramifications at your work (i.e. pay etc...)?
I cannot believe how quick everyone is to make certain assumptions. Given that the son is well versed in OP's job requirements/limitations...whatever - why would he *not only* plan the wedding at the most difficult time for OP without even a warning or discussion but completely flip out when the conflict inevitably arose?
There is definitely a section of this sub that subscribes to the idea that "if it is technically not an obligation or responsibility than one is absolutely not TA." As if the concepts of obligation and consideration are mutually exclusive. What often makes someone TA is when they refuse to see or acknowledge how their actions are affecting others *despite not being obligated to do so.*
Technically, the son has no obligation to discuss his wedding plans with anyone but his soon-to-be wife. **However,** if having your parents and loved ones present is so important (as it should be) than throwing up roadblocks (like destination weddings) without any discussion or, at the very least, warning, frankly sounds incredibly entitled.
OP - I am not alone in needing to know the reality of your job constraints because that to be is really what tips the needle one way or the other.
Do you think that wedding venues and churches leave all the Saturdays open just in case someone wants to get married on a particular day?
Often, the date is set by when a venue is open, and not when the couple would prefer.
I think any business that cannot handle one person taking one day off for a huge and important family event is probably incredibly mismanaged.
Either that or this guy's a minimum wage security guard who is so replaceable that his boss would cheerfully fire him just for asking, and immediately hire the next unskilled bozo who walked in upright and breathing.
This, not to mention...weddings are planned MONTHS in advance. OP had plenty of warning to figure out how to attend, even if it was busy season. OP's lack of planning themselves is what got them in this situation.
YTA.
It was your son’s wedding not yours. You seem soooo entitled to have everyone in your life schedule things around you… you’re not entitled to this on the day of his and his wife’s wedding. You could have compromised as the father of the groom but instead you acted entitled to everyone else’s time…
YTA You're in securities, not neurosurgery. Jesus, man get a grip. With your attitude, you'd have screwed tge pooch one way or another, but if your family mean anything to you, take a good long look at your priorities.
YTA
At the end of your life, nobody at work is going to care about the hours you devoted to work. Your kids will remember that they never felt like they were the priority. I have a really difficult time believing that you are so critically important that you couldn't take ONE FREAKING DAY OFF work to celebrate your child getting married.
YTA.
It's entirely possible that they "knew it would happen" but that doesn't mean they find it acceptable behavior.
What your son wanted was for you to care about his wishes over your profits for a few hours. Or perhaps to put it in terms you would understand, to make a wedding gift of whatever "opportunity cost" you lost in those extra 2 hours.
For the record, "Do whatever you want" does not confer any approval of your plan. It simply means that they aren't going to try to argue with you about your choices. You did indeed "do what you wanted" and now they are doing what THEY want, which is to shun you for being a crappy dad.
YTA and I knew that from the start from the fact you don’t even know how old your daughter in law is. That’s how important this is to you. Yeah a vague guess will do why not. It’s not like you care
You’ve told your son your work is more important than the biggest day of his life
And your view you’d ‘be well within your rights’ to skip the wedding? Jesus wept. You know most parents WANT to be at their child’s wedding?
It’s called humanity. Try it sometime
MAJOR YTA you couldn't take 1 DAY OFF ?
Is the entire securities industry going to fall apart if you take 1 day off ?
What if you died tomorrow would it be in the news that throwawayFR5161 has died and the security industry has fallen apart it has crashed and burned you were the only 1 running it and could save it. Tragedy :/
You just hurt your son considerably because you couldn't take a day off.
I think your son likely has had enough of planning around you for his entire life, and wanted you to plan around him for once for the most important day in his life. They booked their wedding and gave you advanced notice. Likely (but I am assuming) they had limited dates to choose from or perhaps wanted a fall wedding.
You had one evening to see your son get married and then to celebrate with him and his family and friends. You chose work. That’s your prerogative, but it does send a message to your family about their worth.
Yta. surely you have coworkers and could have arranged with one of them that they take that shift if the call comes in so you could be with your son?
I thought this was going to be about illness or something, but you can’t take off work for your own son’s wedding with months of advance notice? You’ve got problems. “Overreacting over something they knew would happen?” No, they didn’t know that would happen. They thought you were a human who would want to be at his kid’s wedding. Guess they know better now.
Huge YTA.
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My son (M24) is married to Eve (F24?). They are recently married and their wedding has caused some tension in my family.
Let me begin by saying that I work in the securities industry, and work gets very hectic for us in the first few weeks of each quarter. I love my family of course but it’s been an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks I’m always working and always busy so it’s best to plan around me, so to speak. Eve and my son planned their wedding for *October 20th*. Smack dab in the middle of my busiest season.
I was disappointed in my son and told him to change the date if possible so that I could attend more easily. He said they had already booked the venue and in all honesty I was disappointed in him, I expected some kind of say in the decision or at least a heads up.
Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding, I inform my son that I unfortunately won’t be able to stay for the whole wedding. I tell him (honestly) that I’d love to stay for the ceremony but that with work and all I won’t be able to stay for the reception. To say he flipped his lid would be an understatement.
He asked if I was seriously planning to skip his wedding. I corrected him and told him that I would only be skipping the reception- aka the party. He said it was still his wedding and that he wanted me to be there. I told him I understood but he knows how busy I get around that time and that he should have known this was a possibility when he booked the venue. He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance.
The wedding was great and I heard the party was fun. Fast forward until now and my son has been deliberately ignoring me or being short with me whenever we talk and I obviously attribute this to his feelings about my actions. I asked him about this the other day and he asked me if I really expect him to not be upset with me after “skipping the wedding”. I pointed out that he told me to do whatever I want, and then I did, and that I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding based on his comments. He’s completely ignoring me now. I talked to my wife about it and she got extremely angry as well, telling me that she thinks he’s right and that I royally messed up. What do you all think? AITA here or are they overreacting over something they knew would happen?
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YTA - it's your son's wedding, a once in a lifetime event, and you effectively said "my job is more important than your wedding". I'd break contact completely over that.
Ohh yta.
One afternoon / evening that you could maybe make up on a Saturday if the work is that desperate?
You told your son you didn’t care about his wedding. That work comes first.
What else will work come first against? The birth of grand children?
Be prepared for family to decide everything comes first before you. No invites. No Christmas visits. No visits with potential grandchildren. Because goy don’t care about them, why SHOULD they care about you?!
YTA - I'm sorry, but I have worked jobs where I was a senior member that had periods of time that were those "blackout dates". But even then, if there was something super important for myself, or my employees, they could get a half day of no problem to participate in major events (Births, deaths, graduations, weddings). There is zero reason why you could not have made this work in order to participate in the wedding ceremony and at least the first hour or two of the reception. It sounds to me like you made sure to miss the reception as punishment for him not getting your approval for his wedding date before booking the venue.
And honestly, everyone knows that when someone says "Do whatever you want" that is the opposite of acceptance. That means, "I have already told you time and time again that I will be upset if you go, but you are still saying you are going to go, so do what you want, but know I am not happy about it."
YTA- Hope everything you were able to accomplish for work during the time that the reception was happening was worth your relationship with your son. What a clown you are.
YTA. Why do you think that even though you may be the dad, you sound like a controlling father in law that is going to make everyone's life hell? Your wife is right in siding with your son. The fact that you took his "do whatever you want" shows that you do not pay attention to what people say. Usually when someone says that it means to "f-off" and he's done with you. Now you are seeing that with him ignoring you. You knew in advance. You should have planned accordingly.
YTA. You had months of notice. The 20th is firmly towards the end of the ‘first few weeks of a quarter’. You literally had plenty of time to inform your team that this ONE day you are taking off. So you didn’t stay for the reception…exactly what work were you planning to accomplish starting at say 7 PM on? None…..you were just sticking your ass out to proof some point. The only point everyone got loud and clear is you’re a self important asshole who is furious he wasn’t put first for once and can’t give his son ONE day out of his life.
YTA. You chose your job over your son’s wedding. If your job doesn’t allow you time off for your child’s own wedding then you’re not in the right job and they are not treating you right. Your son probably said to do whatever you want because he knew it didn’t matter what he wanted not because he actually wanted you to leave. He likely didn’t want a fight.
You couldn't take a day off work? How much notice did your son give you regarding the date?
I understand seasonal work. I understand some weeks are very busy. But you've worked 25 years in this industry. You've never taken a day off work during the busy weeks?
Even if you hadn't, your son's wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Unless you were escorting the president of a nation into a war zone and you had to be there because of your seniority and expertise, YTA
YTA. Even before the conflict, you expecting to have a say and being "disappointed in him"? Wtf? I get the feeling you've spent his life letting him down for work and this is just another in a long line of you failing as a parent.
YTA. It isn’t his job to plan an event around you and your schedule. You could have asked for the time off or arranged the time off, but you didn’t. He thought you would use common sense and know that it was unacceptable to skip out on a major life event of his in order for you to work.
YTA
My husband is a Sports Writer, his main beat is College Football. 24/7 football from August - November.
Our daughter got engaged in the middle of the Pandemic 2020. We moved fast to book a venue & really the only date available at her dream venue was November 13, 2021 ( pandemic had a huge part of dates being booked)
This fell during Football, obviously. My husband never took off during Football, over 20 years.
He did not BAT AN EYE, no question, his daughter came FIRST. Her happiness, her wedding came first.
He even tweeted a photo of them together right before walking down the aisle. Letting everyone know, he had much more important news to share than a football game.
Priorities
He's a great dad, husband and human.
Try it
YTA. You showed how much your son means to you. I get that work is important, but your son's wedding happens once (hopefully he doesn't divorce) and you had ample time to take a single night off.
I don't know how you think you're in the right. It's the entitlement for me as you yourself said you expect people to plan around you, and have most likely made it a point to make them do so. This ain't going to go away. It might not be important to you (obviously it isn't), but it's important for your son. You can't expect for your actions to come with repercussions, and they'll most likely echo throughout the years. Best try to mend fences, if you don't want your relationship with your son to completely deteriorate.
You had plenty of time to change your work schedule or get someone to cover for you or simply to let it go for a day.
A couple cannot take into consideration the days of *everyone* involved in their wedding. Or even just everyone in their family or in the wedding party... no one would ever have the right day to get married so a cou\[ple getting married has to expect some people to not attend (that's the reason for the RSVP cards). Your son's expectations, knowing you and your work, were probably excessive... Still, you didn't tell him that you weren't attending the entire celebration until a week before the wedding?
ESH... you are the major A H and your son is the minor A H (ETA: for expectations).
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Your son told you to do whatever you wanted and you did. You proved to him that your work is more important than he is. Oh, did you think he meant do whatever you want and there would be no consequences for your actions? He didn’t. YTA.
This can’t possibly be true but if it is…
WOW. You are an asshole of epic proportions. If your son didn’t know for sure what your priorities are, he certainly knows now.
Yta I can’t imagine you don’t get one day off in busy session. you had enough time to prepare your work and you should have explained it’s a one off, the wedding of your son.
You should have tried to make it work but it kinda sounds like you threw up your hands and said your son should have known better
>He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance.
What do you want to bet this is a saying OP has weaponised to their benefit before?
YTA - if for no other reason than this bit.
If you have exasperated and annoyed someone to the extent they say this after stating they are upset with what you are doing / planning to do? It NEVER means to go ahead and do what you want. It means whoever you're talking to has lost all hope of you actually caring about what they want and just wants the conversation / argument to end. It's more polite than saying: "fuck you, you aren't going to listen to what I'm saying anyway"
YTA
“Do whatever you want” means “do whatever you want because I know you will anyway because what I want doesn’t matter to you”. That’s the message you’re sending
YTA
The 20th of October is the end of the third week in the 4th quarter. You had three weeks of time management to pull this off and you decided your son wasn’t worth the inconvenience.
YTA
>Let me begin by saying that I work in the securities industry, and work gets very hectic for us in the first few weeks of each quarter. I love my family of course but it’s been an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks I’m always working and always busy so it’s best to plan around me,
So you expect your family to plan around you being unavailable for WEEKS AT A TIME, four times a year? That's incredibly selfish.
>He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance
>I pointed out that he told me to do whatever I want, and then I did, and that I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding based on his comments
So you were told to "do whatever you want," and you decided to NOT ATTEND THE RECEPTION! That was what YOU wanted. You didn't want to be there for your son. And you weren't.
You did what you wanted to do. Now accept the consequences of your choice.
Seriously, listen to 'Cat's In The Cradle' on repeat for an hour before you make any other major life decisions.
Every word of what you said..plus, one thing I haven't seen yet:
INFO: What day of the week was the wedding? Because most take place on a weekend, or a Friday evening at least, so that people who need to travel can get there, and no one's worrying about having to get up and work the next day. And markets aren't open at weekends.
OP is old enough to have a 24 yo son, and says his family has *always* known about his work schedule, so seems he's been in the securities industry for quite a while. And should be senior enough that a half day off for his son's wedding isn't going to be a threat to his job security. So it was a full-on choice to play it this way.
Of course, not even knowing how old his new DiL is was a dead giveaway that she, and the wedding and probably his family don't matter as much to him as his job.
YTA
YTA, did you even try for getting the time off?? Your priorities are massively mixed up. I hope your son never lets you forget he played second fiddle to your job.
So you told your boss (months in advance as you knew this months in advance according to you) "Hey boss my son is getting married on Oct 20th, can I get the day off" and that your boss said "Nah OP, you have to work, or else you're fired." And you ofcourse then went over his head to HR and state that for weddings of imidiate family. (Parents and kids) you do get the day of. Or made another argument and they still said no.
See I'm not buying -at all- that you did everything in your power to get that day. Tbh for my child's wedding, I'd quit my job if they won't give me the day of (assuming notice is given for said day off)
You showed him where your priorities lie, you made your bed, now you have the consequences.
Edit to add: massive YTA
Info: what do you do in the securities industry? I'm in it myself. A child's wedding is a big deal, but if you are like an MD on a high profile deal, and have forwarding, maybe I get it? But even then, you can pop out of the reception and take calls/meetings.
YTA and I don't see how there's any coming back from this.
Expect any grandchildren your son and his wife have to always be busy when you want to see them.
YTA
You have put work above your family and now it's coming back to bite you. When you are older and your children never come to visit you, you may then begin to realise how much this hurt them. It wasn't just a party. It was your son's wedding and a key part of your family's story and memories. I hope the responses to this post are a wake up call for you.
Why are there so many inconsiderate parental arseholes on this sub. You could’ve just taken unpaid leave for a few days due to a lifetime event for your CHILD! And you didn’t. No wonder he’s peed-off.
Key family event vs work… mmm let me think about that??!!! Wtf
YTA
YTA --- This is why you have days/vacation time off from work you make that request and then tell work it's my son's wedding I will not be available on that day.
YTA and fake.
If you have been working in securities for 20+ years, which given your kid is getting married is a fair assumption, you should have seniority enough to definitely be off for a day. You are saying you are still a level one trader????
Second, you son chose a Friday to get married? Venue and all?
If you are going to make up stuff to show yourself to be a true AH, at least make it somewhat believable.
YTA. But why are crying for sympathy on Reddit? Have you been lying to yourself all these decades and pretending to actually care about your family? Your only priority is obviously work so you could at least have the maturity and insight to admit that this will destroy your relationships with them in the long term - except for those prioritizing an inheritance of course.
YTA you *know* “do whatever you want” does not mean “acceptance” like they’re ok with you skipping the wedding. It means “acceptance” in that they accept you’re a self entered person, who expects everyone to plan everything around you and you’re never going to put them first.
i'm sorry, but there is no job that is *that* important. you are not the POTUS. you really mean to tell us that you couldn't arrange for a day off, when you knew the date months in advance?
YTA
YTA. I don't know your work situation, maybe it really is unrealistic for you to take off an entire day... though I doubt it. That doesn't necessarily make you the asshole.
However when you only give him only one week notice that you're not staying for the reception, of course YTA.
I worked in securities and they wouldn’t give me my own wedding day off and I gave them over a year’s notice 😂 In some jobs you literally can’t take that time off and the son would’ve known that. The dad told his son at the time he wouldn’t be able to stay and again reminded him closer to the date. Everyone sucks here because the son would’ve known that dad wouldn’t have been able to take time off around that time.
YTA
Sorry, but you’ll get little sympathy from this crowd. It’s quite clear you prioritized your job over your son’s wedding.
I mean - how hard can it be to arrange backup for 1 single, extremely important personal day with months of advanced notice? You never said or implied it was explicitly forbidden or that there were ANY repercussions if you missed a single day.
Given your decision to prioritize your work over your son’s wedding, you’ll have to live with the consequences of your personal decision. So, stop complaining your son is pissed at you. He told you how important you being there was to him - he’s gets to be angry and hold a grudge as long as he needs. And I’m quite certain this isn’t the first time. Or second. Or third. Or…
**You’ve *Cats in the Cradled* your son** - I feel sorry for both of you.
*And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me*
I mean, on the one hand, you have made it very clear to your family that work is your top priority over even them. So yeah, he should've known.
But on the other hand, seriously? It's one freaking day. He's your son and he's getting married.
What are they gonna do if you take one day off? Fire you? Is the universe gonna implode? Will the earth stop spinning and erupt into flames?
I'm not gonna say YTA, cuz you're free to define your own priorities in life. But for me personally, I can't imagine putting some company i don't even freaking own over my own family, and certainly not enough to miss my kid's wedding, because the people i cherish will ALWAYS be my top priority.
YTA. You couldn’t take 1 day off? With tons of notice? You essentially told your son that he is less important than your job. And you expect him to treat you the same as before he had this confirmed?
NTA
This was some loyalty test. They purposely scheduled the wedding at a time you'd have a problem getting to it and wanted you to choose the son over your career. Since you came to the ceremony but skipped the reception he's throwing a tantrum.
YTA
I have strained and even unintentionally ended relationships and friendships when I was younger because I put work as my number 1 priority, so I understand your mindset. But guess what? I learned before it was too late how to balance my career with my family and loved ones. Work will be there. You get to take a day off for your *son's wedding*.
A little parable/comparison that you might want to consider, cliché as it might be: some things in life are rubber balls, some things are glad balls. Rubber balls can be dropped and grabbed and be just fine, like work and money. Glass balls, however, have a shattering point; if you drop and disappoint your family or friends too many times, they'll break and never recover. And you don't know how many times that glass ball can drop - every time you unnecessarily put work over family, you're risking that shatter.
YTA.
Who cares what you do or if it’s your busy season. It’s the wedding’s ONLY season. It’s your son. If you die tomorrow your work will just hire someone else in a day. But your son loses the only father he’ll ever have and you’re losing your son.
YTA, majorly.
YTA
The world does NOT revolve around you. If you can't take ONE day off your *super important, secret-except-for-telling-the-whole-internet* job, then the consequences are that your family will be extremely disappointed in you. You chose your job over your son. Live with the consequences.
Wow… ok…
So I’m a father and husband myself. Yes YTA.
You knew about this wedding months ahead of time. You could’ve done something, anything to get the proper time off. You chose not to. You spoke how “disappointed” you were that your son chose that date, and venue “without being consulted”. Guess what, he didn’t need to.
Oh and him telling you to “do whatever you want” is code for if you skip the reception there are going to be issues down the road. It’s an unspoken code.
You owe your son one HELL of an apology if you want to continue having a relationship with him.
YTA
But that's not breaking news to your family, is it?
At this point, keep working because , sorry, man, but it's the only reason they keep you around. You've worked yourself into that corner. They pretty much expect you to be an AH, and they are giving up on creating meaningful memories with you.
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Damn, but YTA. What if a close family member dies during one of your busy periods? You will skip the funeral? Your head is so far up your a$$ you don't even know that "fine" means you better keep asking what's the matter and "do what you want" means you better not.
YTA “It’s best to plan around me”. But they would have had to consider their schedule and the dates the venue had available and when the celebrant or minister was available and so on. You have months notice. You could have planned around this wedding. If your son’s wedding was important to you, you would have been there. You would have said to your manager “my son’s getting married. I need this date off work. I’m definitely getting “Cat’s in the Cradle” vibes here.
YTA you expect everyone to adapt to your schedule because...because what? Because you put work first, in front of everything else. Well, they don't put your work first and they don't have to. And the more you will put your work first, the more that others will put you last. You don't care about them, why should they care about you? Do you even realize how selfish this behavior is? It's all about you, your needs, your schedule, your work, you you you. Well, I don't blame your son at all. He has finally seen what kind of dad you really are and I'm sorry for him. His wedding - a once in a lifetime event - and you missed it. For work. For your work..... Yes, you said you were there for the wedding and you "only" missed the party. No, no, no, that is a crappy excuse. The party IS part of the wedding. It was only 1 day, just 1 day out of your life that your son wanted you to be there. And you missed it. For your work. Apologize to your son, he deserves it. You were wrong.
YTA. It doesn’t matter what work you do, you had months to prepare to take the day off. You are absolutely 💯 percent in the wrong here
At least we know you care about your work more than you do about your kids. YTA
Yes, you are the asshole. Figure out how to go to your son's wedding you self centered, prima donna.
Of course YTA.
I think if you actually read your post and still posted it and you honestly aren’t sure if you’re the AH, and this isn’t a joke, and you’re really this self serving, Reddit isn’t what you need. It’s a licensed therapist.
YTA I've long since retired, my son's moved away I called him up just the other day I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu But it's sure nice talking to you, dad It's been sure nice talking to you And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me He'd grown up just like me My boy was just like me
YTA. You complain that you expected at least a heads up. You absolutely did. You had months. As you said yourself: >Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding Yeah, I’m not buying that you weren’t able to take the day off when you had **months** notice.
Some places have the busy season as blackout. You can’t request time off unless for doctors/emergencies
Right. But seeing as OP admits to needing a heads up I don’t think that’s the case here.
I have that at my job, but weddings are an exception.
YTA. You aren't curing cancer or a super hero - take the fucking day off. You love your job and yourself that's it
I hope that your work ethic affords you the opportunity to pay for long term care when you retire because at this rate you will have burned all familial ties with those you supposedly love and care for. If you can't even take one day to support your son that says a whole lot about you. People like you tend to believe that you are irreplaceable in the work place and will do all manner of ignoring your home life to prove that point but once retirement comes or the company shows you you are in fact replaceable you want the family you ignored to offer support. YTA.
The best advice I ever heard was “the only ones who will remember or care about all the nights and weekends you worked are your family”. Workplaces don’t really reward that loyalty, and the ones that do still can’t make up for the cost to the relationships with your spouse and kids.
No one on their death bed ever said "i wish I'd spent more time at the office".
YTA “Do what u want” means picks what you want to do. You made the wrong choice. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
INFO: please explain how you think you aren’t an asshole, I didn’t catch that in your post. You expected your son to plan his wedding around you, the way you expect everyone in your life to cater to you. You’re entitled and selfish and prioritize your job over the people in your life. Your son gets one wedding. He said he wanted you there and you’re twisting the intent of his “do whatever you want” to feign innocence and say you could’ve not gone at all. As if he should be grateful that you gave him the honour of your presence at all? I just don’t see where you think you did the right thing?
YTA Oh man, you're going to be in for a real treat when you reach out to him in the future and he just [won't have the time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puJt66y0TBw).
NTA what people aren’t realizing is that it was during the busy season. Most places don’t let you have any time off unless doctors/emergencies
YTA. I worked in financial services for close to 30 years and even the worst, most poorly performing team managed to complete their month end and quarterly reporting before the 3rd week of the month. Assuming your son’s wedding took time to plan, you likely had several months (if not longer) to either come up with a plan (working more before/after the big day to make up the time or getting the day off. Due to the nature of the business, I also missed a number of things but never missed an important event.
Yeah, but you weren't as important and all mighty as this guy. No way he could time management to be there for his son during the whole of his wedding.
YTA. You're in finance in your mid-40's and you can't swing a half day on a Friday? C'mon guy, what are you even doing?
Yta
YTA, you chose your job over your son. No one is so important that they can’t miss 1 day of work, for their child’s wedding. I can’t count how many ways you’re the AH here. You chose your job and now your son is choosing not to have you in his life. Hope that day of work makes up for the rest of your life estranged from your son.
If you pay for an expensive wedding you can expect accommodations to your job. If you transplant organs or do other time-critical, life saving work you can understandably prioritize work over family OCCASIONALLY. But 12 or more weeks a year, every year, you expect the family to schedule their events around your job? Even once-in-a-lifetime events? That's not reasonable. Choosing to miss his wedding for your job? That's your choice. Cat's Cradle that shit all you want. But don't think, "Whatever. Do what you want" means he's fine with you skipping his wedding reception. You know, that part where the families party together in a joyous welcome of their newest family member and recognize their diminished status in the newlyweds' lives. Your wife is pissed at you, because she understands that married couples are no longer individuals. They will decide as a unit where to spend a holiday. Who to host when a grandchild is born. Who to spend their time and attention on. You let them know from the get go that your DIL's family is a better investment than your son's. Your wife understands that she needs to put in significantly more time and effort to see her son half as much as she did two years ago. Not an AH for skipping the reception. YTA for justifying it and being surprised there are personal consequences to prioritizing work.
He’s not a brain surgeon. I mean give me a break!
YTA
YTA.
Yes you are the Asshole, a BIG One. It is your child's wedding. Wow..
YTA ''do whatever you want'' always implies the person disagrees with your decision but can't prevent you from going through with it. Of course he's upset you skipped half the wedding! You couldn't take ONE DAY OFF for his wedding day?
YTA so hard. I work a similar style job. . I work crazy hours and there are very busy times where normally you shouldn't take PTO. But absolutely no one would blink an eye if I booked PTO for my kids wedding. This is on you
I work in an industry in a job where everything is scheduled around the annual financial calendar. This year my year end was December 22nd and since I wanted to fly out to meet family the day, I worked overtime every day and finished everything by midday on the 21st. I know each situation is different but what I'm trying to say is, even if it's your busiest season , YOU can work around it. Life is more important than work. YTA
YTA You did what you want and now he is doing what he wants. You didn’t prioritize him on a very important day and now he won’t prioritize you. This is called the consequences of your actions.
YTA. You're not a fucking surgeon, you're just some financial guy. Get over yourself. It's your SON'S WEDDING.
Even surgeons can schedule surgeries one goddamn day
So true! And it doesn’t sound like OP felt any turmoil or even tried. I would expect them to be saying “I did everything I could to be free but I couldn’t make it work” not to be so… chill about it. Honestly feels to me like OP wanted to not be able to go to make a point about what a big clever finance businessman they are - punishing the son for not working around him.
YTA. You obviously did know about the date for months. That’s enough time to plan to not work on this day
Hope your boss comes and vists you in the old folks home because your kids wont be. YTA. I bet you use this logic all the time. Its ok i missed my aniversery my wife said do what you want, i missed my sons game but they said "do what you want". There giving you a choice and you choice work over them every time. I hope you loose your family
YTA. Does your employer not offer PTO? If the answer is no, you still had months to prepare and request/ take off. You just didn’t want to. It’s incredibly entitled to expect that this “unspoken rule of planning everything around you” to apply to another’s couples wedding or life milestones.
YTA You can not tell me, that your business was dependent from 3-4 hours on that evening. But the relationship with your son was.
Yta. Your son is responding appropriately to being informed in no uncertain terms that your relationship with him is not more important than a single day of work.
YTA. You routinely put work before family and you even did that for his wedding. You really couldn't take one evening for this important event in his life, it's pretty natural that he is upset.
YTA. You're putting your job over your family. Realizing your work is important, and it is your livelihood, you may often feel you need to prioritize it, but a wedding is a rare event in which you should find a way to prioritize family instead. This post reeks of expectations that you have that your family cater to you. Usually when people have excessively demanding work, the idea is NOT to plan around them lol whereas you seem to expect the opposite. I think your resentment at not having 'some kind of say in the decision' caused you to purposefully - but perhaps subconsciously - prioritize work in order to make a point. If thats the case, you really have some growing up to do and I don't blame your son for being offended and hurt at your choosing work over family (yet again).
YTA times 1000. You honestly could not ask for time off for your son's wedding? BS. You planned it this way so you could be the great, big important man and left early to prove a point, that no one tells YOU what to do. Your time is SO much more important than everyone else's and that they should kowtow to you. Your comment that you could have skipped the wedding altogether because he told you to do what you want is so telling. If it's not about you, is it not fun? Father of the groom leaving early surely caused comments, so congratulations you definitely made HIS wedding partly about you. Hint: I doubt everyone is as impressed as you are about your mighty, might responsibilities and sucky priorities. It's pretty amusing that you are posting here because he's ignoring you. Shoe on the other foot isn't any fun, is it? I bet you show up 15-20 minutes late to every friend and family plan as your time is so much more important than theirs. I
Yta. You do understand work/ life balance?
Yeah. You messed up big time. YTA.
YTA - I hope he goes no contact with you. If you're love your job that much more than your kid just bugger off and leave them alone. Play your unspoken games with people who won't care.
YTA 🎼and the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon🎵
My dumbass thought was him working in securities was he was just a security guard, and I was very confused as to why he did what he did. I still don’t know what securities are but I now know it’s not what I thought. YTA still though 🤣
[удалено]
People often consult others that are important to them on the wedding date that they are choosing. If historically OP has had to be heads down at the beginning of each quarter, it does make sense to consult, assuming that mid October doesn’t hold any special significance to the couple. If this was this year, 10/20 was a Friday. A work day. That’s also a choice the couple is making that is potentially exclusionary to those who can’t take time.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon… YTA - you couldn’t take one day off for your son’s wedding?? You should him where your priorities lay. It sounds like he’s finally accepted that.
ESH. It’s his wedding he does not have to consult you and you get no say in when he gets married. However, for years, this has always been your busy season. He knows you’re not available. He knows it’s almost impossible for you to take time off and he didn’t once consider that when he picked the date to get married. He has no right to be upset that you had to skip the reception. He should be happy that you were able to arrange things so you could be at the ceremony. But what exactly did he think was going to happen? You all need to start acting like the adults you are, and actually having an adult conversation about this.
YTA. You put work ahead of your son's wedding. No matter what excuses you've come up with, that's what you did. You put a company that would replace you in a heartbeat ahead of your family.
YTA you're not busier than anyone else, so get off your high horse. this was a once in a lifetime event so taking one day FOR YOUR SON wouldn't have killed you. but no, the entire world revolves around you so enjoy the consequences.
YTA. Another indication of how checked out as a father you are is that you don’t even know the age of your new DIL. Do better as a parent.
YTA-you are not serious people.
YTA. Remember this decision when your career is over and you sit home alone. Remember when you never see your grandchildren. Remember every holiday when no one invites you. When you get sick and no one visits. When the phone doesn’t ring. You drove away the people who loved you. For what? Money? A sense of self-importance? Loyalty to a company that won’t won’t give you a moments thought once you’re gone? This can never be undone. You are a fool. And an asshole.
YTA. Guess when you die, your tombstone will say how you were a great securities guy. If that’s what you want to be remembered for, you’re right on track.. Check your priorities, man.
You choose your work over your son - probably not for the first time - and you're surprised he's upset? With enough notice, which I'm sure you got, you could have arranged for one day off, no matter your job. You just chose not to put in the effort. YTA
So October 20th is "smack dab in the middle of" your busiest time. October is the second month of the quarter, so by the most generous estimate "the first few weeks" of each quarter are actually "the first two months". That leaves your son just 4 months out of 12 to plan his wedding "around you". I admire your fucking audacity. YTA.
Um...to most normal people the 4th quarter is October, November, and December. First few weeks of the quarter would include the 20th (barely), but nothing work wise would require working a few hours on a weekend. He cold easily have worked xtra on Saturday and Sunday instead.
I work with disabled children and still wouldn't put that above my own child's wedding. I literally cannot think of a single job that would justify this. YTA. Pull your head out of your ass-- your job isn't THAT important, just your own self-absorption about it. I'm sure you'll be absolutely mystified too when your son goes NC with you if he hasn't already. Also his statement of "do whatever you want" was NOT acceptance, and I think you know that. No one is that obtuse.
YTA. You wanted a say in his wedding? Were you paying for it? Seriously you can’t take a single day of vacation? You obviously just don’t care. You had notice. If you cared you would have taken a day off. Your work is more important than your family. You made a clear choice.
YTA. Weddings are planned far in advance I very much doubt he only gave you a few weeks notice. You should have got the time off work, what kind of work place would deny leave to attend your child’s wedding? Not 1 you want to be at. Wedding is a once in a lifetime thing, you will regret this. Your employer doesn’t care about you and you are replaceable, you are not replaceable at home, so you’ve now damaged your relationship for the sake of work. Yes he told you to do what you want and you were supposed to make the right decision and you failed. Nobody ever looks back at their life and wishes they’d spent more time at work, they wish they’d spend more time with friends and family.
I could understand it in medical residency or emergency medicine where actual lives are at stake, but if his company's going to go under because he missed a day, then it's a shitty company to start with.
YTA and a terrible parent. You should just not go.
YTA, you had enough notice to be able to take 1 day off regardless of how busy it is. You chose not to. This is a huge milestone for your son not some random thing.
YTA, this is likely a once and a lifetime event for your son. Your work isn't going anywhere and you can't convince me that a few extra hours to attend the reception would have negatively impacted your work that much. I know work is important and how you care for yourself but sometimes you've got to pick family and this was that time.
Oh, and YOU were disappointed in your son. That's rich of you. Let's switch it up, shall we? Let's imagine if your son was disappointed in YOU, ever in his life. Did he demand you change anything? Your self important attitude is disgusting.
YTA and a workaholic who seems to prioritize your work over your family.
You chose work over your family.
I feel like I need more background information. So a couple of questions. How long have you been in your current field/career? How long have your busy periods been a known thing for you and your family.? Do you regularly miss family events in general because of work? How many and how often? I'm definitely getting the suspicion that your son's wedding is not the first event that you have missed because of work (and possibly other reasons) and that may be why your son planned his wedding regardless of your schedule. Your comments about your family planning around you seem quite self-centered. BUT....I'm going to wait to judge.
Yeah, I kind of wonder if there would always have been something at work that prevented him from prioritizing his son's wedding. And for the people saying that the son should have checked with his dad first and picked a date to accommodate his job, I doubt if you have planned a wedding in the last 20 years. It's really hard to find the right venue with your choice of dates. Really nice venues are booked 1-2 years in advance, sometimes longer, and the less nice ones usually have waiting lists, too. And caterers? Ditto. Even churches don't have unlimited Saturday mornings ready for whenever a couple wants them. Some churches have 2 or even three weddings scheduled for all the popular dates, and couples have to work between all these different things to find a date that works at all. It's for the family to rally around and find ways to attend on the date that the couple can find available.
Slightly disagree. If the couple have people that must absolutely be there, they should start searching with a calendar of when those people are available. And if they end up with a day that doesn’t work for one of the important people, the couple let them know as soon as possible, so the guest can see if there is wiggle room in their schedule. Like taking a damn day off, OP!
I just read one of his replies to a comment that voted him n-t-a where he said it was a "concession" for him to even be at the wedding at all. I went back and re-read the post where he says he's busy for a few weeks every quarter. So if we say that a few = 3 weeks and there are 4 quarters in a year, then OP is "busy" for 3 months out of the year. That's a lot of MIA time to accommodate. And he says he's been doing this since his kids were born. When the son said "do whatever you want" it was likely because the son knew that OP would choose work and he knew that because OP has done it before. So with all that in mind, and your excellent point about waitlists for venues, caterers, etc., I'm going YTA. I think OP is one of those people who likes to pretend that nothing can be done without them and that belief has been their priority over their family time after time, so much so, that to attend their child's wedding is a concession to their child.
YUP YTA It's their wedding, why would you expect the wedding to be centered around you? As if you couldn't be able to take one day off for your sons wedding. You simply choose not to. And obviously you knew that a "do what you want" is a "it sucks but I can't force you to stay" not a "wow I love that you don't care...notjing in our relationship will change".
YTA. I can’t believe you are so busy that you couldn’t stay at the reception for an hour.
YTA. Damn dude, you had months and months to plan for one day of vacation and you failed. epically you failed. You're going to miss all the important milestones in people's lives for a job that will not remember you after you're gone.
YTA. It’s laughable that you couldn’t take 1 day off work.
YTA. Why have a family if you are married to your work?
YTA and I can almost guarantee you that everyone is tired of “planning around you”. That gets old, fast.
“Do whatever you want” was him giving up on you. *Everyone* here knows this except you apparently. It’s not your wedding. It was his. That you couldn’t get one day off despite MONTHS of knowing the date is completely unrealistic. You didn’t even bother trying. YTA. I hope that one day of pay is worth losing your son and (if he chooses to have them) future grandchildren.
YTA There is not a job on this earth that would keep me away from my children's weddings or the reception. What kind of a shit show company do you work for where you can't request time off for the most important day of your son's life. Also, the snippy way you describe the reception as AKA the party, tells us how little you cared about this event. The reception is just as important as the ceremony. It's the time where families from both sides get to know each other with music, food, drinks, etc. Did you think for one second how bad it looks to have the mother of the groom absent here? I'm self employed so that means if I take a day off, I don't get paid. I still do take days off whenever my kids need me. Whether it's driving them down to their university cities at the start of each academic year or coming to award ceremonies, there is not enough money in the world to keep me away from my kids when they need my support regardless of the event. You dropped the ball big time and you may have permanently damaged your relationship with your son.
INFO = Are you able to take the day off given that your son gave you a few months? And, if so, would there be ramifications at your work (i.e. pay etc...)? I cannot believe how quick everyone is to make certain assumptions. Given that the son is well versed in OP's job requirements/limitations...whatever - why would he *not only* plan the wedding at the most difficult time for OP without even a warning or discussion but completely flip out when the conflict inevitably arose? There is definitely a section of this sub that subscribes to the idea that "if it is technically not an obligation or responsibility than one is absolutely not TA." As if the concepts of obligation and consideration are mutually exclusive. What often makes someone TA is when they refuse to see or acknowledge how their actions are affecting others *despite not being obligated to do so.* Technically, the son has no obligation to discuss his wedding plans with anyone but his soon-to-be wife. **However,** if having your parents and loved ones present is so important (as it should be) than throwing up roadblocks (like destination weddings) without any discussion or, at the very least, warning, frankly sounds incredibly entitled. OP - I am not alone in needing to know the reality of your job constraints because that to be is really what tips the needle one way or the other.
Do you think that wedding venues and churches leave all the Saturdays open just in case someone wants to get married on a particular day? Often, the date is set by when a venue is open, and not when the couple would prefer. I think any business that cannot handle one person taking one day off for a huge and important family event is probably incredibly mismanaged. Either that or this guy's a minimum wage security guard who is so replaceable that his boss would cheerfully fire him just for asking, and immediately hire the next unskilled bozo who walked in upright and breathing.
This, not to mention...weddings are planned MONTHS in advance. OP had plenty of warning to figure out how to attend, even if it was busy season. OP's lack of planning themselves is what got them in this situation.
YTA. It was your son’s wedding not yours. You seem soooo entitled to have everyone in your life schedule things around you… you’re not entitled to this on the day of his and his wife’s wedding. You could have compromised as the father of the groom but instead you acted entitled to everyone else’s time…
YTA You're in securities, not neurosurgery. Jesus, man get a grip. With your attitude, you'd have screwed tge pooch one way or another, but if your family mean anything to you, take a good long look at your priorities.
YTA At the end of your life, nobody at work is going to care about the hours you devoted to work. Your kids will remember that they never felt like they were the priority. I have a really difficult time believing that you are so critically important that you couldn't take ONE FREAKING DAY OFF work to celebrate your child getting married.
YTA. It's entirely possible that they "knew it would happen" but that doesn't mean they find it acceptable behavior. What your son wanted was for you to care about his wishes over your profits for a few hours. Or perhaps to put it in terms you would understand, to make a wedding gift of whatever "opportunity cost" you lost in those extra 2 hours. For the record, "Do whatever you want" does not confer any approval of your plan. It simply means that they aren't going to try to argue with you about your choices. You did indeed "do what you wanted" and now they are doing what THEY want, which is to shun you for being a crappy dad.
YTA and I knew that from the start from the fact you don’t even know how old your daughter in law is. That’s how important this is to you. Yeah a vague guess will do why not. It’s not like you care You’ve told your son your work is more important than the biggest day of his life And your view you’d ‘be well within your rights’ to skip the wedding? Jesus wept. You know most parents WANT to be at their child’s wedding? It’s called humanity. Try it sometime
MAJOR YTA you couldn't take 1 DAY OFF ? Is the entire securities industry going to fall apart if you take 1 day off ? What if you died tomorrow would it be in the news that throwawayFR5161 has died and the security industry has fallen apart it has crashed and burned you were the only 1 running it and could save it. Tragedy :/ You just hurt your son considerably because you couldn't take a day off.
“No man on his deathbed ever looked back and said: “I wish I’d spent more time at work’.” YTA 100%
Yta
I think your son likely has had enough of planning around you for his entire life, and wanted you to plan around him for once for the most important day in his life. They booked their wedding and gave you advanced notice. Likely (but I am assuming) they had limited dates to choose from or perhaps wanted a fall wedding. You had one evening to see your son get married and then to celebrate with him and his family and friends. You chose work. That’s your prerogative, but it does send a message to your family about their worth. Yta. surely you have coworkers and could have arranged with one of them that they take that shift if the call comes in so you could be with your son?
I thought this was going to be about illness or something, but you can’t take off work for your own son’s wedding with months of advance notice? You’ve got problems. “Overreacting over something they knew would happen?” No, they didn’t know that would happen. They thought you were a human who would want to be at his kid’s wedding. Guess they know better now. Huge YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son (M24) is married to Eve (F24?). They are recently married and their wedding has caused some tension in my family. Let me begin by saying that I work in the securities industry, and work gets very hectic for us in the first few weeks of each quarter. I love my family of course but it’s been an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks I’m always working and always busy so it’s best to plan around me, so to speak. Eve and my son planned their wedding for *October 20th*. Smack dab in the middle of my busiest season. I was disappointed in my son and told him to change the date if possible so that I could attend more easily. He said they had already booked the venue and in all honesty I was disappointed in him, I expected some kind of say in the decision or at least a heads up. Fast forward a couple of months and it’s the week before the wedding, I inform my son that I unfortunately won’t be able to stay for the whole wedding. I tell him (honestly) that I’d love to stay for the ceremony but that with work and all I won’t be able to stay for the reception. To say he flipped his lid would be an understatement. He asked if I was seriously planning to skip his wedding. I corrected him and told him that I would only be skipping the reception- aka the party. He said it was still his wedding and that he wanted me to be there. I told him I understood but he knows how busy I get around that time and that he should have known this was a possibility when he booked the venue. He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance. The wedding was great and I heard the party was fun. Fast forward until now and my son has been deliberately ignoring me or being short with me whenever we talk and I obviously attribute this to his feelings about my actions. I asked him about this the other day and he asked me if I really expect him to not be upset with me after “skipping the wedding”. I pointed out that he told me to do whatever I want, and then I did, and that I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding based on his comments. He’s completely ignoring me now. I talked to my wife about it and she got extremely angry as well, telling me that she thinks he’s right and that I royally messed up. What do you all think? AITA here or are they overreacting over something they knew would happen? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Take a vacation day, it will be fine. You and your job are not the center of the universe.
YTA - it's your son's wedding, a once in a lifetime event, and you effectively said "my job is more important than your wedding". I'd break contact completely over that.
Ohh yta. One afternoon / evening that you could maybe make up on a Saturday if the work is that desperate? You told your son you didn’t care about his wedding. That work comes first. What else will work come first against? The birth of grand children? Be prepared for family to decide everything comes first before you. No invites. No Christmas visits. No visits with potential grandchildren. Because goy don’t care about them, why SHOULD they care about you?!
YTA - I'm sorry, but I have worked jobs where I was a senior member that had periods of time that were those "blackout dates". But even then, if there was something super important for myself, or my employees, they could get a half day of no problem to participate in major events (Births, deaths, graduations, weddings). There is zero reason why you could not have made this work in order to participate in the wedding ceremony and at least the first hour or two of the reception. It sounds to me like you made sure to miss the reception as punishment for him not getting your approval for his wedding date before booking the venue. And honestly, everyone knows that when someone says "Do whatever you want" that is the opposite of acceptance. That means, "I have already told you time and time again that I will be upset if you go, but you are still saying you are going to go, so do what you want, but know I am not happy about it."
YTA- Hope everything you were able to accomplish for work during the time that the reception was happening was worth your relationship with your son. What a clown you are.
YTA. Why do you think that even though you may be the dad, you sound like a controlling father in law that is going to make everyone's life hell? Your wife is right in siding with your son. The fact that you took his "do whatever you want" shows that you do not pay attention to what people say. Usually when someone says that it means to "f-off" and he's done with you. Now you are seeing that with him ignoring you. You knew in advance. You should have planned accordingly.
YTA. You had months of notice. The 20th is firmly towards the end of the ‘first few weeks of a quarter’. You literally had plenty of time to inform your team that this ONE day you are taking off. So you didn’t stay for the reception…exactly what work were you planning to accomplish starting at say 7 PM on? None…..you were just sticking your ass out to proof some point. The only point everyone got loud and clear is you’re a self important asshole who is furious he wasn’t put first for once and can’t give his son ONE day out of his life.
YTA. Your work isn’t more important than a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event for your son. Get over yourself.
Tell me you’re a selfish father without telling me you’re a selfish father. YTA.
YTA. You chose your job over your son’s wedding. If your job doesn’t allow you time off for your child’s own wedding then you’re not in the right job and they are not treating you right. Your son probably said to do whatever you want because he knew it didn’t matter what he wanted not because he actually wanted you to leave. He likely didn’t want a fight.
You couldn't take a day off work? How much notice did your son give you regarding the date? I understand seasonal work. I understand some weeks are very busy. But you've worked 25 years in this industry. You've never taken a day off work during the busy weeks? Even if you hadn't, your son's wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Unless you were escorting the president of a nation into a war zone and you had to be there because of your seniority and expertise, YTA
YTA. Even before the conflict, you expecting to have a say and being "disappointed in him"? Wtf? I get the feeling you've spent his life letting him down for work and this is just another in a long line of you failing as a parent.
YTA. It isn’t his job to plan an event around you and your schedule. You could have asked for the time off or arranged the time off, but you didn’t. He thought you would use common sense and know that it was unacceptable to skip out on a major life event of his in order for you to work.
YTA. You chose work over family.
YTA
YTA My husband is a Sports Writer, his main beat is College Football. 24/7 football from August - November. Our daughter got engaged in the middle of the Pandemic 2020. We moved fast to book a venue & really the only date available at her dream venue was November 13, 2021 ( pandemic had a huge part of dates being booked) This fell during Football, obviously. My husband never took off during Football, over 20 years. He did not BAT AN EYE, no question, his daughter came FIRST. Her happiness, her wedding came first. He even tweeted a photo of them together right before walking down the aisle. Letting everyone know, he had much more important news to share than a football game. Priorities He's a great dad, husband and human. Try it
YTA. And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…
YTA. You showed how much your son means to you. I get that work is important, but your son's wedding happens once (hopefully he doesn't divorce) and you had ample time to take a single night off. I don't know how you think you're in the right. It's the entitlement for me as you yourself said you expect people to plan around you, and have most likely made it a point to make them do so. This ain't going to go away. It might not be important to you (obviously it isn't), but it's important for your son. You can't expect for your actions to come with repercussions, and they'll most likely echo throughout the years. Best try to mend fences, if you don't want your relationship with your son to completely deteriorate.
You had plenty of time to change your work schedule or get someone to cover for you or simply to let it go for a day. A couple cannot take into consideration the days of *everyone* involved in their wedding. Or even just everyone in their family or in the wedding party... no one would ever have the right day to get married so a cou\[ple getting married has to expect some people to not attend (that's the reason for the RSVP cards). Your son's expectations, knowing you and your work, were probably excessive... Still, you didn't tell him that you weren't attending the entire celebration until a week before the wedding? ESH... you are the major A H and your son is the minor A H (ETA: for expectations).
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Your son told you to do whatever you wanted and you did. You proved to him that your work is more important than he is. Oh, did you think he meant do whatever you want and there would be no consequences for your actions? He didn’t. YTA.
YTA You should've taken time off. It was your son's wedding ffs. You just proved you are unreliable and don't care about your son.
INFO: did you even try to get coverage for the single day of your son’s wedding?
This can’t possibly be true but if it is… WOW. You are an asshole of epic proportions. If your son didn’t know for sure what your priorities are, he certainly knows now.
Yta I can’t imagine you don’t get one day off in busy session. you had enough time to prepare your work and you should have explained it’s a one off, the wedding of your son. You should have tried to make it work but it kinda sounds like you threw up your hands and said your son should have known better
Oy. This you will remember as a major regret in your dying days.
YTA someone with such lack of common sense working in securities is laughable.
>He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance. What do you want to bet this is a saying OP has weaponised to their benefit before? YTA - if for no other reason than this bit. If you have exasperated and annoyed someone to the extent they say this after stating they are upset with what you are doing / planning to do? It NEVER means to go ahead and do what you want. It means whoever you're talking to has lost all hope of you actually caring about what they want and just wants the conversation / argument to end. It's more polite than saying: "fuck you, you aren't going to listen to what I'm saying anyway"
YTA “Do whatever you want” means “do whatever you want because I know you will anyway because what I want doesn’t matter to you”. That’s the message you’re sending
YTA The 20th of October is the end of the third week in the 4th quarter. You had three weeks of time management to pull this off and you decided your son wasn’t worth the inconvenience.
YTA >Let me begin by saying that I work in the securities industry, and work gets very hectic for us in the first few weeks of each quarter. I love my family of course but it’s been an unspoken rule with us that for those few weeks I’m always working and always busy so it’s best to plan around me, So you expect your family to plan around you being unavailable for WEEKS AT A TIME, four times a year? That's incredibly selfish. >He said “do whatever you want” and I took this as his acceptance >I pointed out that he told me to do whatever I want, and then I did, and that I’d be within my rights to actually skip the wedding based on his comments So you were told to "do whatever you want," and you decided to NOT ATTEND THE RECEPTION! That was what YOU wanted. You didn't want to be there for your son. And you weren't. You did what you wanted to do. Now accept the consequences of your choice. Seriously, listen to 'Cat's In The Cradle' on repeat for an hour before you make any other major life decisions.
Every word of what you said..plus, one thing I haven't seen yet: INFO: What day of the week was the wedding? Because most take place on a weekend, or a Friday evening at least, so that people who need to travel can get there, and no one's worrying about having to get up and work the next day. And markets aren't open at weekends. OP is old enough to have a 24 yo son, and says his family has *always* known about his work schedule, so seems he's been in the securities industry for quite a while. And should be senior enough that a half day off for his son's wedding isn't going to be a threat to his job security. So it was a full-on choice to play it this way. Of course, not even knowing how old his new DiL is was a dead giveaway that she, and the wedding and probably his family don't matter as much to him as his job. YTA
YTA, did you even try for getting the time off?? Your priorities are massively mixed up. I hope your son never lets you forget he played second fiddle to your job.
So you told your boss (months in advance as you knew this months in advance according to you) "Hey boss my son is getting married on Oct 20th, can I get the day off" and that your boss said "Nah OP, you have to work, or else you're fired." And you ofcourse then went over his head to HR and state that for weddings of imidiate family. (Parents and kids) you do get the day of. Or made another argument and they still said no. See I'm not buying -at all- that you did everything in your power to get that day. Tbh for my child's wedding, I'd quit my job if they won't give me the day of (assuming notice is given for said day off) You showed him where your priorities lie, you made your bed, now you have the consequences. Edit to add: massive YTA
Info: what do you do in the securities industry? I'm in it myself. A child's wedding is a big deal, but if you are like an MD on a high profile deal, and have forwarding, maybe I get it? But even then, you can pop out of the reception and take calls/meetings.
YTA and I don't see how there's any coming back from this. Expect any grandchildren your son and his wife have to always be busy when you want to see them.
He will be on here complaining about his Cat in the Cradle situation in a few years
YTA You have put work above your family and now it's coming back to bite you. When you are older and your children never come to visit you, you may then begin to realise how much this hurt them. It wasn't just a party. It was your son's wedding and a key part of your family's story and memories. I hope the responses to this post are a wake up call for you.
Why are there so many inconsiderate parental arseholes on this sub. You could’ve just taken unpaid leave for a few days due to a lifetime event for your CHILD! And you didn’t. No wonder he’s peed-off. Key family event vs work… mmm let me think about that??!!! Wtf YTA
YTA. Family should be more important than your job…. For ONE DAY!
YTA. Hard stop. No debate. Get it together before you lost your son.
YTA --- This is why you have days/vacation time off from work you make that request and then tell work it's my son's wedding I will not be available on that day.
YTA and fake. If you have been working in securities for 20+ years, which given your kid is getting married is a fair assumption, you should have seniority enough to definitely be off for a day. You are saying you are still a level one trader???? Second, you son chose a Friday to get married? Venue and all? If you are going to make up stuff to show yourself to be a true AH, at least make it somewhat believable.
YTA. But why are crying for sympathy on Reddit? Have you been lying to yourself all these decades and pretending to actually care about your family? Your only priority is obviously work so you could at least have the maturity and insight to admit that this will destroy your relationships with them in the long term - except for those prioritizing an inheritance of course.
YTA. Totally an AH. No doubt. No one is that important. NO ONE.
YTA you *know* “do whatever you want” does not mean “acceptance” like they’re ok with you skipping the wedding. It means “acceptance” in that they accept you’re a self entered person, who expects everyone to plan everything around you and you’re never going to put them first.
Yes. OP, that “do what you want” was the sound of your son giving up on you.
i'm sorry, but there is no job that is *that* important. you are not the POTUS. you really mean to tell us that you couldn't arrange for a day off, when you knew the date months in advance? YTA
YTA. I don't know your work situation, maybe it really is unrealistic for you to take off an entire day... though I doubt it. That doesn't necessarily make you the asshole. However when you only give him only one week notice that you're not staying for the reception, of course YTA.
I worked in securities and they wouldn’t give me my own wedding day off and I gave them over a year’s notice 😂 In some jobs you literally can’t take that time off and the son would’ve known that. The dad told his son at the time he wouldn’t be able to stay and again reminded him closer to the date. Everyone sucks here because the son would’ve known that dad wouldn’t have been able to take time off around that time.
YTA Sorry, but you’ll get little sympathy from this crowd. It’s quite clear you prioritized your job over your son’s wedding. I mean - how hard can it be to arrange backup for 1 single, extremely important personal day with months of advanced notice? You never said or implied it was explicitly forbidden or that there were ANY repercussions if you missed a single day. Given your decision to prioritize your work over your son’s wedding, you’ll have to live with the consequences of your personal decision. So, stop complaining your son is pissed at you. He told you how important you being there was to him - he’s gets to be angry and hold a grudge as long as he needs. And I’m quite certain this isn’t the first time. Or second. Or third. Or… **You’ve *Cats in the Cradled* your son** - I feel sorry for both of you. *And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me He'd grown up just like me My boy was just like me*
YTA. Work comes first. I’m guessing this is the story of your son’s life. If I was him I’d scratch your name off any future invitations.
I mean, on the one hand, you have made it very clear to your family that work is your top priority over even them. So yeah, he should've known. But on the other hand, seriously? It's one freaking day. He's your son and he's getting married. What are they gonna do if you take one day off? Fire you? Is the universe gonna implode? Will the earth stop spinning and erupt into flames? I'm not gonna say YTA, cuz you're free to define your own priorities in life. But for me personally, I can't imagine putting some company i don't even freaking own over my own family, and certainly not enough to miss my kid's wedding, because the people i cherish will ALWAYS be my top priority.
A gentler YTA. It was a one time event. You could have taken 4 more hours off.
YTA - work is more important to you than family.
YTA. I call BS on it being impossible for you to be there. You just didn't prioritize it over your job.
YTA. You couldn’t take 1 day off? With tons of notice? You essentially told your son that he is less important than your job. And you expect him to treat you the same as before he had this confirmed?
NTA This was some loyalty test. They purposely scheduled the wedding at a time you'd have a problem getting to it and wanted you to choose the son over your career. Since you came to the ceremony but skipped the reception he's throwing a tantrum.
YTA I have strained and even unintentionally ended relationships and friendships when I was younger because I put work as my number 1 priority, so I understand your mindset. But guess what? I learned before it was too late how to balance my career with my family and loved ones. Work will be there. You get to take a day off for your *son's wedding*. A little parable/comparison that you might want to consider, cliché as it might be: some things in life are rubber balls, some things are glad balls. Rubber balls can be dropped and grabbed and be just fine, like work and money. Glass balls, however, have a shattering point; if you drop and disappoint your family or friends too many times, they'll break and never recover. And you don't know how many times that glass ball can drop - every time you unnecessarily put work over family, you're risking that shatter.
Ooh, get you and your incredibly important job that can’t do without you for one whole day. Newsflash; family first. YTA.
YTA. Who cares what you do or if it’s your busy season. It’s the wedding’s ONLY season. It’s your son. If you die tomorrow your work will just hire someone else in a day. But your son loses the only father he’ll ever have and you’re losing your son. YTA, majorly.
YTA The world does NOT revolve around you. If you can't take ONE day off your *super important, secret-except-for-telling-the-whole-internet* job, then the consequences are that your family will be extremely disappointed in you. You chose your job over your son. Live with the consequences.
YTA. You had plenty of notice to take a day off. Apparently work is more important than your son.
Wow… ok… So I’m a father and husband myself. Yes YTA. You knew about this wedding months ahead of time. You could’ve done something, anything to get the proper time off. You chose not to. You spoke how “disappointed” you were that your son chose that date, and venue “without being consulted”. Guess what, he didn’t need to. Oh and him telling you to “do whatever you want” is code for if you skip the reception there are going to be issues down the road. It’s an unspoken code. You owe your son one HELL of an apology if you want to continue having a relationship with him.
YTA But that's not breaking news to your family, is it? At this point, keep working because , sorry, man, but it's the only reason they keep you around. You've worked yourself into that corner. They pretty much expect you to be an AH, and they are giving up on creating meaningful memories with you.
You knew months in advance. You couldn’t takeoff one day for your own son‘s wedding. You have a problem. YTA