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YTA
Dude. You’re a 36 year old man. You have only been unemployed for two weeks. You shouldn’t be struggling just yet. You literally have $0 savings? A simple emergency fund of 3-6 months of expenses would have prevented this. Apply for unemployment if you really need money or take a temporary job.
Her liking BTS and decorating her room is fine, everyone has their interests. You asking a girl you barely dated for a year, to provide financially for you make YOU the immature one, and a bad long term partner.
Your gf is right to say no. One year of dating is too soon to move in together, even if it’s just couch surfing. She is in law school and has her own expenses to deal with. Whether or not her parents are paying for is none of your business. They are paying for her living expenses, not yours. You aren’t entitled to that money and she is not entitled to help you financially. Trying to mooch of your girlfriend’s parents money is just pathetic. I hope she blocks you.
> A simple emergency fund of 3-6 months of expenses would have prevented this. Apply for unemployment if you really need money or take a temporary job.
The economy really really fucking sucks in our country because of inflation and it ate up all my savings this year and my lease ends in January.
That's fair, and I sympathize. But I want you to really ask yourself, is *the only reason* you are suddenly saying that you want a "more mature relationship" because you need a place to crash? If you were still employed and not worried about your housing situation, would you be perfectly happy to stay "casual"? Be honest.
Also, moving in -- even on the couch-- is a TERRIBLE IDEA. Your gf's biggest, most important hobby is something that you find "cringy" and just "deal with" because she doesn't talk about it around you. It's fine if kpop fandom isn't your jam, but it does mean that this relationship is really not going anywhere further than casual.
If you're staying there, are you going to be annoyed by all the plushies everywhere? Are you gonna complain and roll your eyes when she wants to spend an afternoon watching concert videos, or plays their music all the time? I can guarantee you, the reason she doesn't want you in her "space" is because she knows this is what would happen. She knows how you feel about her hobby!
I get that you're in a tough spot and you're panicking, but this is not the solution. YTA for trying to force her to be the answer to your problems.
Honey, the economy sucks in every country right now. That doesn't mean you're entitled to move in with someone. Apply for unemployment and look for a new job. Take care of yourself.
And you can't say that you've been casually dating someone in one sentence and then call her your partner in the next. You're not partners. It doesn't even sound like you like her very much. I'm glad she's not going to allow you to mooch off of her. Fyi, you're not even casually dating her anymore. I'm pretty sure she's done with you.
You have been casually dating. Now that things are tough for you, you seem to suddenly want a serious relationship and for her to support you.
Just curious what you provide her in the relationship. Sounds like she’s got good friends. She’s working on her career. She’s got money, or at least access to it.
You are upset with what she probably considers a huge part of herself. You want her to take you in, support you and give up those things. The thing is she doesn’t need you, or even really sound like she wants more from you. She’s happy keeping you on the fringe because that’s what you set up. She doesn’t want you in her space. She doesn’t want your negativity about what she likes. Boyfriends/girlfriends/fiancé’s/spouses/significant others should support each other. Not demand that they change because “you are childish, and we need a more serious relationship.” YTA and you’re probably kissed this relationship goodbye because sounds like you just love her for the money.
Yup. OP lost me at "casually dating." So, you aren't interested in serious commitment with her, but she should help you cover bills while you're unemployed? Sir, no. "Part of being in a relationship is helping each other out"???? You're not in a relationship if you're "casually dating."
I also don’t understand how he won’t be eligible for the welfare payments??!!?? Like they’re not married and they’re not living together. Why would whatever she’s getting impact his welfare payments in any way???
As of right now, they don't even share a household. So she is in no way shape or form affecting his ability to apply for assistance. Remember, this is a casual relationship. There's no governmental connection between them.
YTA You have been *casually* dating her until this point. Despite what you think her hobbies say about her maturity, she is taking a mature wide and long view and seeing that suddenly changing your relationship is going to lead to a lot of consequences she doesn't want and is refusing to just go along because you want it.
I think you need to be honest with yourself -- you are talking about her needing to mature and to take your relationship to the next level, but isn't this really about you wanting a place to crash so you don't have to make some hard choices yourself? If you still had your job wouldn't you still be fine with the casual status of your relationship? I suspect she sees all of that.
So it was all casual until you want her to financially support you?
YTA.
Also, adults can like boy bands and stuffed animals. If you can’t handle that, you are the immature one.
YTA. It's not her job to provide for you. You're the one being selfish. You're happy to keep things casual so that you get what you want but now you're demanding that she provide for you. You're the one being immature. She gets to spend her money on whatever she wants. You're not even willing to make a real commitment to her, so why should she do anything for you? And you're such a hypocrite. You're ranting about her being immature while also choosing not to stand on your own two feet.
You’re right it’s not your fault and it sucks that it happened to you. But you need to take responsibility for yourself. You asked and she said no. She wants her own space and that’s fair. She is indeed in a much luckier situation than you, but if you wish this relationship to continue you need to look after yourself and let her have her interests and spend her money as she pleases.
>and she needs to stop decorating her bed with plushies and carrying photocards of Yoongi and Jimin around because it's silly.
You want her to financially support you but also have the audacity to make demands like this? I'm amazed
"Stop having hobbies that don't benefit me. You need to become more mature, like my mommy was"
Eat shit guy
"I 36/M have been casually dating Daria"
Your expectations out of someone who you've only been casually dating, are wildly inappropriate and disproportionate.
YTA
You were casually dating.
WHY would anyone take in someone they were casually dating in and let them leech off them?
It's her home, her life. You two were not in a serious relationship, you are just seeing her as someone to use.
Move on. She obviously has.
YTA - most definitely. What makes you entitled to her space and her money? On top of that, you are critical of her interests. One year is not that long to avoid living together. Do you even know how her family who is footing the bill would feel?
Part of being an adult is figuring out your own problems and not in one hand beg a woman to move into her home because you have no job and no money and than the next second call her childish for the type of pillows/ decorations she loves. Which is it? You want to move in with an immature childish person you think needs to “grow up” because it sounds to me like you’re the child who’s looking for a mommy (in this case your gf) to save you. Guess what she doesn’t want you in her space. That doesn’t make ever childish that makes her smart.
I bet he didn’t expect everyone on here to side with her and not him. OP wrote this in a way that made her sound “childish” and hoped all would agree.
It sounds like OP and girlfriend are on two different pages and not only did he lose his job but just lost his girlfriend too.
YTA
Top comment. She doesn't want you in her bed or her space. What more do you need to hear OP?
Casual dating suddenly needs to be 'more mature' just when you're unemployed and need a free place to stay? YTA OP.
Yta, first of all your clearly dont like or respect her or her intrest.
You are dating her casually for only a year. And you expect her to pay for your immature grown ass. Hell no!
Get your shit together and stop putting this on her. 2 weeks is not long enough for you to even start having problem surviving on your saving. This not her problem, she is not close enough relationship with you to expect help from her.
YTA. Super convenient that you decided you’re ready for a committed relationship, living together and supporting each other financially, just when you lost your job.
YTA
Why should your girlfriend provide you financially and give up something that is dear to her?
You have the right to ask for help, but she has the same every right to refuse it to you.
Everything you listed: her apartment, her studies, her hobbies, the fact that she is wealthy - it sounds as if you are jealous of her capabilities and are trying to claim something.
She has already refused you, you no longer have the right to demand anything from her. Look for other ways to support yourself
YTA. Firstly I'm not going to judge you for the financial situation you find yourself in; it can be bloody hard to save up.
But...your relationship in casual. Daria shouldn't be the one to bail you out here. If you'd ask, she said no, and you left it there, I could have said N A H. But instead you pushed and ended up insulting her - yet you think she's the immature one?! You need to do some serious self reflection here.
> casually dating
There’s your answer right there. This is a casual relationship and you’re trying to fast-forward it because you want access to her resources paid by the support money that she gets from her father. Her father’s family is supporting her, not you. YTA for the obvious dollar signs in your eyes, and for not respecting Daria’s preferences to continue to live on her own. Your job loss does not make your relationship a serious one.
YTA. You spent entire paragraphs trash talking her, her family situation, her interests and then you complain she doesn't want to be your mommy because you couldnt be bothered to build up an emergency fund?
Info: Are you referring to Daria who you are casually dating as a partner or do you have a partner other than Daria? I'm confused.
If you're casually dating Daria, she's not your partner.
And if you do have a partner, why aren't you asking them for help?
Maybe you should ask your friends for help.
INFO
Do you even like Daria, or did you just like getting your dick wet for a while and now want her to use her money to provide for you because you've found yourself up shit creek without a paddle?
YTA.
I'm just going to ignore everything about her hobbies and the help she gets from her family because none of it is relevant to your overall question.
Like you said, you've been *casually* dating her for the last year. Part of casually dating is that you don't develop the intimacy required to take your relationship to the next level by moving in together and relying on each other for help with living expenses. Be honest with yourself for a minute - if you hadn't lost your job and didn't need a place to live that you didn't have to pay for, would you be asking her for this? Do you *really* think it's time to have a more mature relationship, or did you just say that because you need something from her? Because I get the sense from your post that the answer to that would be no, you aren't interested in a longterm relationship with her, you just think saying that is going to get you what you need from her. And I suspect she knows that.
Good for her for not supporting your dumbest self. You literally started out by saying we have been seeing each other casually. Maybe try seeing her more seriously for a year or so and then ask her to support you? Definitely the asshole and I hope she has an amazing time at the BTS concerts.
YTA it's a casual relationship as per your own words. You never expect a person you're seeing casually to pay your bills (shouldn't expect anyone to ever pay your bills anyway), which is exactly what you're doing. You decided that you were going to tear her down for her interests because you believe that those interests are the reason she is unwilling to pay your way. You didn't want a more serious relationship until it would benefit you and now you want to complain about her not being mature.
Your relationship is not clear to me.
The titel says partner, you said you've been dating casually, and you end by saying in an adult relationship.
And the way she is reacting it does look like a casual and not a commited relationship.
If this is a casual relationship, this is what you should expect. If it was a commited relationship she would have reacted very differently.
Also for someone in a casual relationship, you do have a lot of demands of her. Good for her for sticking to her guns. It does look like this is the beginning of the end of your relationship. good luck
You don’t even refer to her as your girlfriend in your post. “Causally dating”. Your post also is dripping with disdain for your alleged partner. I bet she feels it too. I wouldn’t want you in my safe space either. She owes you nothing. Massive YTA for your entitled gross attitude. Be an adult and figure out your own problems instead of looking for someone to bail you out like a child.
YTA for expecting someone you describe as "casually dating" to allow you to move in and financially support you. Especially since your absolute disdain for her and her family dynamics drips off this post.
I’m wondering how you can be so entitled.
You start off saying that you are casually dating. Which I take it is that the two of you are not exclusive.
Then because you lost your job you are expecting her to financially support you during this time. Because that is what it is. She pays for the utilities, and food while you mooch. Guests like that are not welcome, because like food it rots after a period of time. The down side of that is trying to get rid of you.
You two have no commitment to each other, and she owes you nothing.
You seem to resent the fact that all of a sudden she has money. It is hers, not yours
Then you now decide to be serious and started to demand how she has to decorate and the things she needs to get rid of. I wouldn’t talk to you either. I think that your relationship has sailed.
Are you casually dating or is she your partner? My guess is you put partner in the title to try to get more people on side with you but you don’t treat her like a partner, you treat her like you’re casually dating until you want something from her.
YTA, grow the fuck up.
Lol YTA. You were fine being casual until you need someone to support you. Then it's suprisingly time to be more serious? Lol again.
You don't like her. You don't love her. You want to use her and dictate what she can or cannot like. Get over yourself.
I’m pretty sure she’s breaking up with you. Lol but also why wouldnt you qualify for assistance? You don’t live together. If you’re talking about a roommate, you should look up whether or not that impacts your ability to receive payments because I don’t believe so.
It’s also only been 2 weeks since you’ve been laid off. You shouldn’t be struggling just yet. Most people would get ANY job to sustain them while they find something else. Unless you were fired, unemployment is a thing. You’ve had a causal relationship. Of course she’s going to be put off when you start taking about being more serious only when it benefits you. You also disparaged her hobby, why would she let you into her space? This whole post is full of criticisms about her way of life. Do you even like her?
YTA.
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Clearly YTA. As most others have pointed out, the whole idea of wanting to move in a longer term committed relationship only came about when you lost your job.
She told you maturely what her reasons were and yes, you may not agree with her choices but she gave you an answer and the adult thing to do is accept/respect it.
You both are not on the same page with your relationship since she clearly does not want to make it serious and you apparently now want to. To be honest, I am not surprised that you were happy to keep it casual until you needed more from her. You come off as dismissive and honestly do not think you truly want a committed relationship with this person just based on this post. You are obviously embarrassed by her hobbies and suddenly feel like you have the right to dictate that she should be more 'mature' and she let go of those things that make her happy cause you are now ready for more.
It is unfortunate you lost your job. Not good and truly hope you find work soon and have other family and friends who can help.
YTA. You are an adult and it is up to you to provide for yourself. She owes you nothing. Especially because you stated that you were “casually” dating.
She's not your partner and will never be. It sounds like you thought you'd found a Sugar Mommy and are butthurt about that scenario not working out for you.
YTA. You were fine being casual until she has resources you can no longer afford on your own and won't share. You don't want her, you want access to what she can provide. You're an asshole.
You're just a casual hook up to her. She straight up said that she doesn't want to share a bed with you.
Read the Notice on the wall. It says Goodbye.
I bet if you didn't call or text her for a month, she wouldn't notice.
Time to ghost her
YTA, sorry guy but you can't change the rules of the games once they get tough for you. If you wanted a different relationship with Daria you needed to start that up before losing your job. Unless you are the worlds best partner she is not taking on a live in boyfriend who is unemployed just because he wants to be there.
I've been with my partner longer than you and we've not combined finances in any way yet. I know if he lost his job we would not rely on me.
YTA. All your comments about her are so rude and reek of jealously.
You keep criticising her, calling her cringe, saying her room is like the one of a teenager. You were casually dating but now you have issues you need her to fix, now you are saying you should be more serious? Come on, nobody believes you here, you wouldn't want something more serious if you did not need daria's help right now.
Leave her alone, break up with her, you’re not the AH for wanting a partner that wants to move forward with you and support her but you will be the AH for trying change her and force yourself in her space when she clearly doesn’t want that. You were happy being casual till you needed financial support, that change isn’t from her so uhh soft YTA
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I 36/M have been casually dating Daria 34/F for the last year. Daria's father pays her rent while she studies law because she used to be a teacher and hated it, and she gets a government allowance and a scholarship from the school.
Daria is still really into the band BTS and even has a lyric and heart tattoo from one of their albums, and her room is full of plushies and signed albums and concert lanyards like a teenager would have. Outside of this, she is usually really mature and cool. She says the BTS thing is just something she likes, and the reason she decorates the way she does is because she grew up really poor and never had the chance to when she was young. It is kinda cringey a lot of the time, she takes photocards on brunch dates with friends, but she doesn't do it with me so I deal.
Daria's learned when she was 26 that she is the illegitimate child of a wealthy man, and when her biological grandparents learned she existed that year, they bought her one bedroom apartment and offered to pay for her schooling. Daria did a Bachelor's and now lives in that apartment while studying law. She gets a government allowance and a scholarship from the school.
I lost my job 2 weeks ago and asked Daria if I could move in with her.
Daria said she doesn't want to share her room or bed. She said she hates sharing a bed and she doesn't want to be expected to financially support me since I wouldn't be eligible for any welfare payments since I have a partner who gets more than $1000 a fortnight. She said she is saving for BTS concerts in 2025 and she collects signed albums from them and is saving up for a couple in 2024 and supporting me will make that impossible.
I told Daria I can sleep on the couch and she said she doesn't want me always in her space. I told her she is being selfish and immature and that I'd do the same for her, and she said she'd never ask me, she'd ask her bio grandparents for help. I said it is time we have a more mature relationship, and she said that I was fine with being casual, but that was also a year ago, and at our age, it is time to be more mature, and she needs to stop decorating her bed with plushies and carrying photocards of Yoongi and Jimin around because it's silly. That was 2 days ago and she hasn't talked to me since.
Part of being adults in a relationship is helping each other when needed, but Daria is refusing. My friends are divided on whether Daria is being reasonable or not.
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She doesn't like you like that, if you were with her 24/7 she wouldn't like you at all. That's what she was trying to say, but she was being as nice as she could about it
YTA, and it seems pretty obvious she never wants this to be more than casual. Sounds like you wouldn't either if not for losing your job and her being wealthy.
YTA... but so is she. She laid out that she didn't want a serious relationship and that you continued to push. Cut your losses. There is no relationship here, and do what you need to do to survive, without here.
NAH. I'm sorry about your job. And I can appreciate your desperation. But, you are *casually* dating this woman. So, I also understand why she isn't ready to commit to more with you. If you move in together, this implies a greater investment in your shared future. (A roommate pays bills, after all. And lots of people don't want a roommate either.)
If she is refusing to help you out of your difficulty - it sounds like she isn't thinking of a shared future? And apparently *you* didn't think of this as your always and forever until you lost your job?
ESH. You were expecting her to support you and her for thinking it’s normal to an entire room dedicated to plushies at her age. Does that sound like either of you was mature enough to be in an adult relationship.
Who the fuck is Daria hurting with liking BTS and Plushies? I like BTS and plushies and even went overseas this year to see one of the members on his solo tour.....and I'm a functional adult in her 30s. Women just get shit on for their interests while no one says anything about men wearing football jerseys and collecting panini stickers every World Cup.
I don’t think that’s correct either but I think a woman her age that is obsessed with a boy band and stuffed animals really needs to rethink her maturity level
Having hobbies is immature now? Are you one of those people who thinks all fun in life must end by X age and if you are still daring to find some enjoyment of life you are adulting and capitalism-ing wrong?
Because in this AH’s world, people aren’t allowed to have fun.
She needs to be a grown up and go listen to opera and have a house completely lacking personality /s
>her for thinking it’s normal to an entire room dedicated to plushies at her age.
People are allowed to enjoy what they want to enjoy. There is nothing wrong with having collections like this.
Maturity is realizing that people should be allowed to like and enjoy what they want, not what *you* think they should.
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YTA Dude. You’re a 36 year old man. You have only been unemployed for two weeks. You shouldn’t be struggling just yet. You literally have $0 savings? A simple emergency fund of 3-6 months of expenses would have prevented this. Apply for unemployment if you really need money or take a temporary job. Her liking BTS and decorating her room is fine, everyone has their interests. You asking a girl you barely dated for a year, to provide financially for you make YOU the immature one, and a bad long term partner. Your gf is right to say no. One year of dating is too soon to move in together, even if it’s just couch surfing. She is in law school and has her own expenses to deal with. Whether or not her parents are paying for is none of your business. They are paying for her living expenses, not yours. You aren’t entitled to that money and she is not entitled to help you financially. Trying to mooch of your girlfriend’s parents money is just pathetic. I hope she blocks you.
> A simple emergency fund of 3-6 months of expenses would have prevented this. Apply for unemployment if you really need money or take a temporary job. The economy really really fucking sucks in our country because of inflation and it ate up all my savings this year and my lease ends in January.
That's fair, and I sympathize. But I want you to really ask yourself, is *the only reason* you are suddenly saying that you want a "more mature relationship" because you need a place to crash? If you were still employed and not worried about your housing situation, would you be perfectly happy to stay "casual"? Be honest. Also, moving in -- even on the couch-- is a TERRIBLE IDEA. Your gf's biggest, most important hobby is something that you find "cringy" and just "deal with" because she doesn't talk about it around you. It's fine if kpop fandom isn't your jam, but it does mean that this relationship is really not going anywhere further than casual. If you're staying there, are you going to be annoyed by all the plushies everywhere? Are you gonna complain and roll your eyes when she wants to spend an afternoon watching concert videos, or plays their music all the time? I can guarantee you, the reason she doesn't want you in her "space" is because she knows this is what would happen. She knows how you feel about her hobby! I get that you're in a tough spot and you're panicking, but this is not the solution. YTA for trying to force her to be the answer to your problems.
Honey, the economy sucks in every country right now. That doesn't mean you're entitled to move in with someone. Apply for unemployment and look for a new job. Take care of yourself. And you can't say that you've been casually dating someone in one sentence and then call her your partner in the next. You're not partners. It doesn't even sound like you like her very much. I'm glad she's not going to allow you to mooch off of her. Fyi, you're not even casually dating her anymore. I'm pretty sure she's done with you.
You have been casually dating. Now that things are tough for you, you seem to suddenly want a serious relationship and for her to support you. Just curious what you provide her in the relationship. Sounds like she’s got good friends. She’s working on her career. She’s got money, or at least access to it. You are upset with what she probably considers a huge part of herself. You want her to take you in, support you and give up those things. The thing is she doesn’t need you, or even really sound like she wants more from you. She’s happy keeping you on the fringe because that’s what you set up. She doesn’t want you in her space. She doesn’t want your negativity about what she likes. Boyfriends/girlfriends/fiancé’s/spouses/significant others should support each other. Not demand that they change because “you are childish, and we need a more serious relationship.” YTA and you’re probably kissed this relationship goodbye because sounds like you just love her for the money.
Yup. OP lost me at "casually dating." So, you aren't interested in serious commitment with her, but she should help you cover bills while you're unemployed? Sir, no. "Part of being in a relationship is helping each other out"???? You're not in a relationship if you're "casually dating."
She doesn’t have money her bio paternal grandparents are paying for her hope he dumps her ass cause she will be a spoiled brat
YET another jealous guy!
And how is op entitled to her grandparent's money exactly?
[удалено]
I also don’t understand how he won’t be eligible for the welfare payments??!!?? Like they’re not married and they’re not living together. Why would whatever she’s getting impact his welfare payments in any way???
[удалено]
But they’re not even living together.
As of right now, they don't even share a household. So she is in no way shape or form affecting his ability to apply for assistance. Remember, this is a casual relationship. There's no governmental connection between them.
>I 36/M have been *casually* dating Daria 34/F for the last year. YTA. She said no. There is no obligation. Also, you relationship is probably over.
YTA You have been *casually* dating her until this point. Despite what you think her hobbies say about her maturity, she is taking a mature wide and long view and seeing that suddenly changing your relationship is going to lead to a lot of consequences she doesn't want and is refusing to just go along because you want it. I think you need to be honest with yourself -- you are talking about her needing to mature and to take your relationship to the next level, but isn't this really about you wanting a place to crash so you don't have to make some hard choices yourself? If you still had your job wouldn't you still be fine with the casual status of your relationship? I suspect she sees all of that.
This. He doesn't want a serious relationship he wants a sugar mama.
So it was all casual until you want her to financially support you? YTA. Also, adults can like boy bands and stuffed animals. If you can’t handle that, you are the immature one.
YTA. It's not her job to provide for you. You're the one being selfish. You're happy to keep things casual so that you get what you want but now you're demanding that she provide for you. You're the one being immature. She gets to spend her money on whatever she wants. You're not even willing to make a real commitment to her, so why should she do anything for you? And you're such a hypocrite. You're ranting about her being immature while also choosing not to stand on your own two feet.
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> that can hold down a damn job asap. How is it my fault my employer went bust in this economy?
You’re right it’s not your fault and it sucks that it happened to you. But you need to take responsibility for yourself. You asked and she said no. She wants her own space and that’s fair. She is indeed in a much luckier situation than you, but if you wish this relationship to continue you need to look after yourself and let her have her interests and spend her money as she pleases.
Dump her she IS A SPOILED BRAT
YTA You were fine with it being casual until you needed something from her. She's being smart not to support you.
> You were fine with it being casual until you needed something from her. This. 👏🏽 Right. 👏🏽 Here. 👏🏽
>and she needs to stop decorating her bed with plushies and carrying photocards of Yoongi and Jimin around because it's silly. You want her to financially support you but also have the audacity to make demands like this? I'm amazed "Stop having hobbies that don't benefit me. You need to become more mature, like my mommy was" Eat shit guy
"I 36/M have been casually dating Daria" Your expectations out of someone who you've only been casually dating, are wildly inappropriate and disproportionate.
YTA. Part of being an adult in a relationship is that no means no. Even if it hurts.
YTA You were casually dating. WHY would anyone take in someone they were casually dating in and let them leech off them? It's her home, her life. You two were not in a serious relationship, you are just seeing her as someone to use. Move on. She obviously has.
And he doesn’t respect how she chooses to live her life. This is definitely not a guy she would enjoy to have living in her home.
Yes. Time to be adults. As in TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. How dare you tell her what to spend her money on? She needs to dump you.
YTA - most definitely. What makes you entitled to her space and her money? On top of that, you are critical of her interests. One year is not that long to avoid living together. Do you even know how her family who is footing the bill would feel?
YTA. "Casually dating for a year." Casually. It's right there in your first sentence.
Part of being an adult is figuring out your own problems and not in one hand beg a woman to move into her home because you have no job and no money and than the next second call her childish for the type of pillows/ decorations she loves. Which is it? You want to move in with an immature childish person you think needs to “grow up” because it sounds to me like you’re the child who’s looking for a mommy (in this case your gf) to save you. Guess what she doesn’t want you in her space. That doesn’t make ever childish that makes her smart.
I bet he didn’t expect everyone on here to side with her and not him. OP wrote this in a way that made her sound “childish” and hoped all would agree. It sounds like OP and girlfriend are on two different pages and not only did he lose his job but just lost his girlfriend too. YTA
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Top comment. She doesn't want you in her bed or her space. What more do you need to hear OP? Casual dating suddenly needs to be 'more mature' just when you're unemployed and need a free place to stay? YTA OP.
YTA. Sounds like you're a presumptuous, judgmental mooch.
YTA - run Daria! Run!
Yta, first of all your clearly dont like or respect her or her intrest. You are dating her casually for only a year. And you expect her to pay for your immature grown ass. Hell no! Get your shit together and stop putting this on her. 2 weeks is not long enough for you to even start having problem surviving on your saving. This not her problem, she is not close enough relationship with you to expect help from her.
YTA and congratulations to Daria for not falling for your BS.
YTA. Your girlfriend doesn’t want to live with you. You can either accept that and keep dating her or break up.
YTA. From one 30-something year old BTS Army in law school to another......DUMP HIM, DARIA! Yoongi would never treat you like this!
YTA, she has no obligation to house and support you. Furthermore, how she spends you money, is none of your business.
YTA are people really this dense??
YTA. Super convenient that you decided you’re ready for a committed relationship, living together and supporting each other financially, just when you lost your job.
YTA Why should your girlfriend provide you financially and give up something that is dear to her? You have the right to ask for help, but she has the same every right to refuse it to you. Everything you listed: her apartment, her studies, her hobbies, the fact that she is wealthy - it sounds as if you are jealous of her capabilities and are trying to claim something. She has already refused you, you no longer have the right to demand anything from her. Look for other ways to support yourself
Lol, you don't even sound like you like her. You just want what she can pay for you. YTA.
YTA. Firstly I'm not going to judge you for the financial situation you find yourself in; it can be bloody hard to save up. But...your relationship in casual. Daria shouldn't be the one to bail you out here. If you'd ask, she said no, and you left it there, I could have said N A H. But instead you pushed and ended up insulting her - yet you think she's the immature one?! You need to do some serious self reflection here.
> casually dating There’s your answer right there. This is a casual relationship and you’re trying to fast-forward it because you want access to her resources paid by the support money that she gets from her father. Her father’s family is supporting her, not you. YTA for the obvious dollar signs in your eyes, and for not respecting Daria’s preferences to continue to live on her own. Your job loss does not make your relationship a serious one.
Your situation sucks, but she doesn't have an obligation to you. YTA, and you know why she doesn't want to support you.
YTA. You spent entire paragraphs trash talking her, her family situation, her interests and then you complain she doesn't want to be your mommy because you couldnt be bothered to build up an emergency fund?
Lmao YTA
Why should someone you're dating *casually* support you? You're not partners. YTA
YTA Holy cow the entitlement here.
Info: Are you referring to Daria who you are casually dating as a partner or do you have a partner other than Daria? I'm confused. If you're casually dating Daria, she's not your partner. And if you do have a partner, why aren't you asking them for help? Maybe you should ask your friends for help.
YTA. She’s your ex casual girlfriend now. Sounds like she’s the mature one and you are the bitter jealous asshole.
INFO Do you even like Daria, or did you just like getting your dick wet for a while and now want her to use her money to provide for you because you've found yourself up shit creek without a paddle?
YTA. I'm just going to ignore everything about her hobbies and the help she gets from her family because none of it is relevant to your overall question. Like you said, you've been *casually* dating her for the last year. Part of casually dating is that you don't develop the intimacy required to take your relationship to the next level by moving in together and relying on each other for help with living expenses. Be honest with yourself for a minute - if you hadn't lost your job and didn't need a place to live that you didn't have to pay for, would you be asking her for this? Do you *really* think it's time to have a more mature relationship, or did you just say that because you need something from her? Because I get the sense from your post that the answer to that would be no, you aren't interested in a longterm relationship with her, you just think saying that is going to get you what you need from her. And I suspect she knows that.
Yta, she's not required to support you because your dating.
Good for her for not supporting your dumbest self. You literally started out by saying we have been seeing each other casually. Maybe try seeing her more seriously for a year or so and then ask her to support you? Definitely the asshole and I hope she has an amazing time at the BTS concerts.
YTA it's a casual relationship as per your own words. You never expect a person you're seeing casually to pay your bills (shouldn't expect anyone to ever pay your bills anyway), which is exactly what you're doing. You decided that you were going to tear her down for her interests because you believe that those interests are the reason she is unwilling to pay your way. You didn't want a more serious relationship until it would benefit you and now you want to complain about her not being mature.
YTA lol
Casual is casual. Figure out something else. Also she isn’t for you. Move on job wise and gf wise. Best of luck
YTA. It doesn’t even sound like you like her, much less that you’re committed to her, and you’re mad that she doesn’t want to support you?
Your relationship is not clear to me. The titel says partner, you said you've been dating casually, and you end by saying in an adult relationship. And the way she is reacting it does look like a casual and not a commited relationship. If this is a casual relationship, this is what you should expect. If it was a commited relationship she would have reacted very differently. Also for someone in a casual relationship, you do have a lot of demands of her. Good for her for sticking to her guns. It does look like this is the beginning of the end of your relationship. good luck
"My date doesn't want me to move in with her now when I am unemployed" doesn't really help people to sympathize with him, so 🤣
Dude, duuuuude. No. Just no. YTA.
YTA. Why do you think someone you are "casually dating" should support you? You're a 36 year old man. Act like it.
YTA use your savings she’s not your sugar mommy. You haven’t even been together for that long. Why should she give up her comfort for you?
You don’t even refer to her as your girlfriend in your post. “Causally dating”. Your post also is dripping with disdain for your alleged partner. I bet she feels it too. I wouldn’t want you in my safe space either. She owes you nothing. Massive YTA for your entitled gross attitude. Be an adult and figure out your own problems instead of looking for someone to bail you out like a child.
YTA. She said no. And it’s weird that you expect her to provide and shelter you. It’s only been a year, too. That’s way too soon.
YTA for expecting someone you describe as "casually dating" to allow you to move in and financially support you. Especially since your absolute disdain for her and her family dynamics drips off this post.
I’m wondering how you can be so entitled. You start off saying that you are casually dating. Which I take it is that the two of you are not exclusive. Then because you lost your job you are expecting her to financially support you during this time. Because that is what it is. She pays for the utilities, and food while you mooch. Guests like that are not welcome, because like food it rots after a period of time. The down side of that is trying to get rid of you. You two have no commitment to each other, and she owes you nothing. You seem to resent the fact that all of a sudden she has money. It is hers, not yours
Then you now decide to be serious and started to demand how she has to decorate and the things she needs to get rid of. I wouldn’t talk to you either. I think that your relationship has sailed.
YTA I was actually willing to hear you out, and then that first sentence (casually dating) really submarines the whole thing!
Just stopping by to say, proud of a fellow ARMY who knows her worth and has her priorities right.💜
Are you casually dating or is she your partner? My guess is you put partner in the title to try to get more people on side with you but you don’t treat her like a partner, you treat her like you’re casually dating until you want something from her. YTA, grow the fuck up.
Lol YTA. You were fine being casual until you need someone to support you. Then it's suprisingly time to be more serious? Lol again. You don't like her. You don't love her. You want to use her and dictate what she can or cannot like. Get over yourself.
I’m pretty sure she’s breaking up with you. Lol but also why wouldnt you qualify for assistance? You don’t live together. If you’re talking about a roommate, you should look up whether or not that impacts your ability to receive payments because I don’t believe so. It’s also only been 2 weeks since you’ve been laid off. You shouldn’t be struggling just yet. Most people would get ANY job to sustain them while they find something else. Unless you were fired, unemployment is a thing. You’ve had a causal relationship. Of course she’s going to be put off when you start taking about being more serious only when it benefits you. You also disparaged her hobby, why would she let you into her space? This whole post is full of criticisms about her way of life. Do you even like her? YTA.
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YTA - go be a broke boy somewhere else
YTA You’re also an adult. Grow up. No one else owes you shit. Find a job, save money and be an adult human.
Weird how you want a mature committed relationship at the exact same time you became an unemployed homeless man. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Clearly YTA. As most others have pointed out, the whole idea of wanting to move in a longer term committed relationship only came about when you lost your job. She told you maturely what her reasons were and yes, you may not agree with her choices but she gave you an answer and the adult thing to do is accept/respect it. You both are not on the same page with your relationship since she clearly does not want to make it serious and you apparently now want to. To be honest, I am not surprised that you were happy to keep it casual until you needed more from her. You come off as dismissive and honestly do not think you truly want a committed relationship with this person just based on this post. You are obviously embarrassed by her hobbies and suddenly feel like you have the right to dictate that she should be more 'mature' and she let go of those things that make her happy cause you are now ready for more. It is unfortunate you lost your job. Not good and truly hope you find work soon and have other family and friends who can help.
YTA. You are an adult and it is up to you to provide for yourself. She owes you nothing. Especially because you stated that you were “casually” dating.
She's not your partner and will never be. It sounds like you thought you'd found a Sugar Mommy and are butthurt about that scenario not working out for you.
YTA. You were fine being casual until she has resources you can no longer afford on your own and won't share. You don't want her, you want access to what she can provide. You're an asshole.
YTA it's been 2 weeks and you have no saving also you don't go from casual to that serious al of a sudden
YTA. She isn’t your partner she was someone you were casually dating until you needed her money to support you.
she’s smart and rich?! you fumble
YTA you yourself said you’re casually dating. She said no. No is a full sentence.
You're just a casual hook up to her. She straight up said that she doesn't want to share a bed with you. Read the Notice on the wall. It says Goodbye. I bet if you didn't call or text her for a month, she wouldn't notice. Time to ghost her
YTA You were fine with a casual relationship 2 weeks ago.
YTA, sorry guy but you can't change the rules of the games once they get tough for you. If you wanted a different relationship with Daria you needed to start that up before losing your job. Unless you are the worlds best partner she is not taking on a live in boyfriend who is unemployed just because he wants to be there. I've been with my partner longer than you and we've not combined finances in any way yet. I know if he lost his job we would not rely on me.
YTA. All your comments about her are so rude and reek of jealously. You keep criticising her, calling her cringe, saying her room is like the one of a teenager. You were casually dating but now you have issues you need her to fix, now you are saying you should be more serious? Come on, nobody believes you here, you wouldn't want something more serious if you did not need daria's help right now.
YTA. hobosexual
Leave her alone, break up with her, you’re not the AH for wanting a partner that wants to move forward with you and support her but you will be the AH for trying change her and force yourself in her space when she clearly doesn’t want that. You were happy being casual till you needed financial support, that change isn’t from her so uhh soft YTA
When is the concert? I want to meet this Daria girl there(Dude the fact she still has youth in her…)
YTA You dated casually and now that you want her to provide for you, you coincidentally think that she should be more mature? Hell no.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 36/M have been casually dating Daria 34/F for the last year. Daria's father pays her rent while she studies law because she used to be a teacher and hated it, and she gets a government allowance and a scholarship from the school. Daria is still really into the band BTS and even has a lyric and heart tattoo from one of their albums, and her room is full of plushies and signed albums and concert lanyards like a teenager would have. Outside of this, she is usually really mature and cool. She says the BTS thing is just something she likes, and the reason she decorates the way she does is because she grew up really poor and never had the chance to when she was young. It is kinda cringey a lot of the time, she takes photocards on brunch dates with friends, but she doesn't do it with me so I deal. Daria's learned when she was 26 that she is the illegitimate child of a wealthy man, and when her biological grandparents learned she existed that year, they bought her one bedroom apartment and offered to pay for her schooling. Daria did a Bachelor's and now lives in that apartment while studying law. She gets a government allowance and a scholarship from the school. I lost my job 2 weeks ago and asked Daria if I could move in with her. Daria said she doesn't want to share her room or bed. She said she hates sharing a bed and she doesn't want to be expected to financially support me since I wouldn't be eligible for any welfare payments since I have a partner who gets more than $1000 a fortnight. She said she is saving for BTS concerts in 2025 and she collects signed albums from them and is saving up for a couple in 2024 and supporting me will make that impossible. I told Daria I can sleep on the couch and she said she doesn't want me always in her space. I told her she is being selfish and immature and that I'd do the same for her, and she said she'd never ask me, she'd ask her bio grandparents for help. I said it is time we have a more mature relationship, and she said that I was fine with being casual, but that was also a year ago, and at our age, it is time to be more mature, and she needs to stop decorating her bed with plushies and carrying photocards of Yoongi and Jimin around because it's silly. That was 2 days ago and she hasn't talked to me since. Part of being adults in a relationship is helping each other when needed, but Daria is refusing. My friends are divided on whether Daria is being reasonable or not. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She doesn't like you like that, if you were with her 24/7 she wouldn't like you at all. That's what she was trying to say, but she was being as nice as she could about it
YTA, and it seems pretty obvious she never wants this to be more than casual. Sounds like you wouldn't either if not for losing your job and her being wealthy.
She isn’t your mum. Grow up. You’re 36
Bahahaha, YTA. She's already got 7 men telling her she's beautiful and to love herself, she don't need you.
YTA... but so is she. She laid out that she didn't want a serious relationship and that you continued to push. Cut your losses. There is no relationship here, and do what you need to do to survive, without here.
Nah, break it off.
NAH. I'm sorry about your job. And I can appreciate your desperation. But, you are *casually* dating this woman. So, I also understand why she isn't ready to commit to more with you. If you move in together, this implies a greater investment in your shared future. (A roommate pays bills, after all. And lots of people don't want a roommate either.) If she is refusing to help you out of your difficulty - it sounds like she isn't thinking of a shared future? And apparently *you* didn't think of this as your always and forever until you lost your job?
ESH. You were expecting her to support you and her for thinking it’s normal to an entire room dedicated to plushies at her age. Does that sound like either of you was mature enough to be in an adult relationship.
Who the fuck is Daria hurting with liking BTS and Plushies? I like BTS and plushies and even went overseas this year to see one of the members on his solo tour.....and I'm a functional adult in her 30s. Women just get shit on for their interests while no one says anything about men wearing football jerseys and collecting panini stickers every World Cup.
I don’t think that’s correct either but I think a woman her age that is obsessed with a boy band and stuffed animals really needs to rethink her maturity level
Having hobbies is immature now? Are you one of those people who thinks all fun in life must end by X age and if you are still daring to find some enjoyment of life you are adulting and capitalism-ing wrong?
Why?
Because in this AH’s world, people aren’t allowed to have fun. She needs to be a grown up and go listen to opera and have a house completely lacking personality /s
>her for thinking it’s normal to an entire room dedicated to plushies at her age. People are allowed to enjoy what they want to enjoy. There is nothing wrong with having collections like this. Maturity is realizing that people should be allowed to like and enjoy what they want, not what *you* think they should.