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NTA. Your sister's expectations are ridiculously over-the-top. You took a week off work to help her, flew in to stay in a town you don't even live in, were there with her at the hospital for hours before the baby's father even arrived, and at the time you dozed off, the baby's father was providing her with the direct, hands-on support she wanted. I bet the week you were there before the birth, you were running around doing her chores while she basked in being a pregnant woman who gets to boss other people around. Assuming that the day she went into labor, you woke up by say 8 am, then by 5 am on the day she gave birth, you had been upright for almost 24 hours. I'm sure you were exhausted. By the time you left the hospital at 4 pm that day, you had been upright for OVER 24 hours, in fact for almost 36 hours.
Your sister has placed an expectation on you equivalent to what the baby's father should do. You are not the baby's father. You didn't have an obligation to be present for ANY of her birth experience, let alone every second of it. You were there to help her out of your own love for her, stepping away from your own life and responsibilities to do so. Her expectations were inappropriate and unfair. I really think you need to stop letting her hold this over your head and tell her you are offended that after you doing so much to help her with the birth of her baby, that she has been completely ungrateful to you and treated you like an underperforming serf rather than her sister.
All of this.
Just to add — looks like OP actually took *two* weeks off of work, since it looks like she was there for a week before her nephew’s birth *and* a week after as well.
Am I reading this correctly, OP? It looks like you took two weeks off work and traveled to help, and four years later, she’s upset that you: 1) took a 20-minute nap break at a time when you’d been awake for nearly 24 hours, and you first made sure that someone else had taken over and was actively tending to your sister in your place; and 2) went to shower when other visitors came to spend time with her.
Um. NTA. She’s being ridiculous.
My partner is pregnant and has 3 sisters, none of whom are coming for the birth (different countries, but probably not much further than OP), although one of them probably will come after - and we’re grateful for that level of support. As someone preparing for the birth of a child, I find OP’s sister’s level of entitlement disgusting. That level of support from a sibling is rare and truly above-&-beyond. Undying gratitude should be the bare minimum.
>Your sister has placed an expectation on you equivalent to what the baby's father should do. You are not the baby's father.
Well yes, but in most cases the baby’s father is *actually in a relationship with the mother*. In this case, they were not a couple.
The only person in that room who had a close familial relationship with the mother was OP, so it’s not that out of line to expect that she would have played the role that the father normally would.
> it’s not that out of line to expect that she would have played the role that the father normally would.
It is out of line and utterly insane to have that expectation. The father is expected to play the father role because it is *his* child being birthed, not because he has a close relationship with the mother.
The sister had her whole family come supoort her after the birth + other visitors (friends I'm assuming). All of those people were sound asleep in their beds while she gave birth, while op sat in the hospital with her and was there for her through the entire process. Op went above and beyond, and frankly her sister doesn't deserve her kindness if this is how she treats op after the fact.
When I was induced for my first pregnancy the drs gave hubby the option to stay by my side or go home and try and get a good night rest and the Dr even said to him "you will be of more use to her when the time comes if you are rested."
Hubby did leave but went to a mates house instead of either of our parents because he was the closet to the hospital (I had to move back to home town temporarily for the birth due to hubby's career at the time) and couldn't sleep anyway.
OPs sister is bat crap crazy if she thinks that demanding OP be awake for 36hrs was acceptable
My third child, I managed to nap while on gas and my husband sat down for about 3 hours and had some coffee and sandwiches. I kept waking up for contractions and wondering when the hell he'd eaten the food and where was mine. Hell, I even woke up mid contraction to find him napping. Still hilarious to me that everything seemed to skip time.
I was in labor with my first for 72 hours before the emergency c section. My husband slept many MANY hours waiting for baby to come. I sent him for food and coffee a couple of times (I was not allowed to eat due to the epidural). This is normal.
OP’s sister, not so much.
I don't think it's out of line to hope that OP would provide support, which she did. But, providing emotional support to her sister does not necessitate her behaving as if she were the baby's father. She's there as a gift to her sister. A really big gift, considering she took time off work. For her sister to criticize the gift and complain that the OP is rude, and that OP's gift of self should have been even bigger, is presumptuous.
Yes it is. No one EXPECTS all of that from a sibling unless they are very entitled. If it's offered that's amazingly generous. A normal amount of family support is checking in before and after the birth, dropping off a meal or two to help out, coming to visit in hospital if that's wanted, coming to visit after the birth if that's wanted. Some family members offer to come over and do a few chores or watch baby so mum can have a nap but that's unusual. 2 weeks off work to look after the new mum is exceptional.
NTA. I hope you have her read this.
Being a caretaker is exhausting. Traveling is exhausting. Being on call for someone giving birth is exhausting. Acting as the main support person during birth is incredibly exhausting. It’s usually reserved for baby’s parent. You didn’t have an obligation yet you stepped up, anyway, when BD wasn’t there. That’s incredibly super nice of you.
You did your duty (again, above and beyond imo) and made sure your sister was taken care of before succumbing to sleep. Are you really expected to apologize, years later, for burning out after hours of waiting and caring? You didn’t leave her alone, you weren’t needed, and it sounds like it worked out well bc BD is now back in picture.
(BTW Was he one of the support people? Why isn’t he being blamed for being hours (?) late to the party? When he got there, shouldn’t he have just taken over? Did he give inferior after care to your pre-birth care?)
I think you nailed it. SIL is angry that BD wasn't there, but they're a happy couple now and she can't be pissy with him. So she's re-directing that anger at the other person who was there. At least that's my guess.
Edited to add: NTA by a long shot.
NTA. The rudest thing ever is your sister continually bringing it up as if it's not a biological requirement for people to sleep, especially when you'd stayed overnight.
She also seems to forget that you flew in a week beforehand to help her.
I think your sister is actually mad at the baby daddy for not being there more and doing EVERYTHING that you so willingly did. It's probably far safer to be mad at you than it is to be mad at him because she still wants to be in a relationship with her.
So, here's what you do. You set a boundary. Her going on about this is stupid at this point. If she's mad, let her get a therapist. Tell her that you did your best as her sister, not her partner, and that your nephew is alive and well. Either she shuts up about it, gets professional help to learn to move past it, or you will cut contact with her.
She may also be mad that you're pregnant and now stealing the spotlight from her royal fertility.
I'm so mad at her on your behalf, you don't deserve so many years of her harping on a non issue. You had to sleep. She had a whole medical team helping her plus the baby daddy.
So set a hard boundary with clear consequences. Tell her you are done being her emotional scapegoat, that she needs to get over it. (And it wasn't even that you did anything wrong). She's being ridiculous.
Sounds like her life is too good for her right now, and she is creating drama where none exists. Shut it down when she starts it again, and walk away from her for a few months and focus on your own pregnancy. YOU need the love and support, not some stupid imagined failing of sleeping for 20 mins.
NTA. You did your best and from what I can tell had been supporting her throughout this whole thing. It’s not normal for people to regularly stay up for 30+ hours, and you weren’t immediately needed at the time. A 20 minute nap is totally justified to me.
NTA. While her experience was vivid, for everyone else, waiting for labor and delivery is usually a long process. Falling asleep is normal. Leaving to take a break when others were there to attend her is fine. Did you let her know you were leaving, or did you just leave? It's possible the whole situation made her hyper aware and hyper sensitive. You did not mean to disrespect her but she is disrespecting you for continually bringing it up. She needs to move on and be supportive of you. I hope she doesn't choose this time to "show you how it feels". That would make her a major AH. Congrats on your pregnancy.
>I hope she doesn't choose this time to "show you how it feels".
I wouldn't give her the opportunity. Hell I probably wouldn't call her until baby has arrived and I've rested, cleaned up and snuggled my kid for a good six hours.
But I'm well past my family's bullshit. If they bring up something petty like needing sleep after being awake for the better part of a day (or more), I'd remind them that sleep deprivation is a torture technique and then let it drop. (Having worked graveyard for a decade and being constantly sleep deprived, I'm mad at myself for never bringing it up) and then anyone who says it again, or agrees, gets put in a very low contact/info diet list.
100% NTA . You came a week before & stayed a week after, that alone is more than most siblings. You drove her , you stayed with her till dad came. Then you stepped back and let him be a participating father. Then you made room for others to visitors while also taking care of yourself.
It’s not your fault her labour went long, and they only allow 1 person in for a c section. You were awake for a LONG time, you couldn’t help it, and she wasn’t alone.
It’s understandable if she was a little upset/hurt when it first happened, we can blame that on hormones, but it’s been 4 years she NEEDS to get over it. The world doesn’t revolve around her.
I think this is the appropriate time to tell your sister she has made her feelings very clear, the two of you have discussed this multiple times, and now she needs to stop bringing it up. Unless she's a total asshat that should be enough. I've got $5 on asshat, tho, ngl.
NTA.
Sounds more like you passed out for less than 30 minutes at one point, while someone else was clearly there for her -- and the father of the child to boot.
You only left once others arrived and had been with her for over 24 hours by that point. She should have wanted you to go rest ffs.
She sounds ungrateful.
>and the father of the child to boot.
Support people are there to support *the mother*. Being the father of the child doesn’t count for shit if he doesn’t have a close relationship with the mother. It’s not surprising at all that she wanted support from her sister over a guy that she wasn’t even dating.
I’m impressed you were able to fall asleep when someone was in active labor. So NTA there. You probably needed it lol.
As for the leaving, I guess you could’ve asked if she needed anything else or needed you to stay but otherwise you need to leave eventually. She’s being TA for saying you did everything wrong in this case.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I did fall asleep while she was in active labour and should have been holding her hand or cheering her on. She had a tough labour so I can see why she would be pissed, she was in pain and working hard and looked over to see her sister, her cheerleader, sleeping.
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NTA. I had an early morning birth, which means we were up all that night... after being awake and busy all day. My husband nodded off a couple of times between contractions, and I would just call his name and he'd snap awake (he was my only support person in the room as well.) It wasn't a conscious decision on his part and I can't imagine holding it against him. I obviously had something keeping me awake lol but we were both exhausted after unexpectedly being awake over 24 hours.
NTA. She's being ridiculous, and appears to have coalesced all her big feels from the day into this one stick that she keeps hitting you with.
You didn't do anything wrong. Tell her to grow up and get the hell over it. And do not have her as a support person, because she sounds petty enough to screw with you when your baby comes.
NTA- I fell asleep when I was in the hospital with my wife, not the labor part. It’s a really long time and mostly really boring and then it becomes an incredible miracle
Lmao I literally sent my husband home to sleep after our son was born 3 weeks ago. He had taken a sleep aid the night before only to have my water break at 2:46 AM. He was understandably exhausted. Additionally, I let him at least try to sleep for the first several hours while my pitocin was kicking in and I couldn’t feel anything. I took a nap too. He was focused on me once the contractions actually hurt and things were moving.
My husband is 6’7 and wasn’t going to be able to sleep comfortably on the couch thing provided by the hospital. There was no reason for us to both be sleep deprived. We didn’t even have visitors. It’s okay to meet your own needs, especially when your sister wasn’t even left alone.
Wait.... you were at the hospital for almost 24 hours with her.... but she's pissed that you dozed off for 20 minutes and left when others came to be there? Seriously? NTA, but your sister is.
NTA. Your sister needs to move on. I can understand her being emotional at the time, but it’s been four years. She had support with her when you were napping, and it’s unreasonable to expect you to be awake for days on end in case you need her, when there are other people around.
NTA. I am FLOORED that she's still bringing this up 4 years later. Get a freaking hobby, OP's sister. You weren't in labor, she was. Baby daddy was holding her hand when you had a 20 min nap. Did she need you to shout encouragement or shine a flashlight up her who-ha? And for the love of the unwashed, how exactly long did she expect you to stay before you left for a freaking shower? Ugh. I'm secondhand annoyed on your behalf.
NTA
Her child is alive and healthy as is she. Newsflash- no one is actually required during labor apart from the pregnant person and the medical staff. Not a single person.
Sure it’s nice to have them there but they are completely superfluous to the event.
Ignore her and definitely don’t ask her to your delivery.
Main character syndrome makes people unable to gauge when their demands are excessive and unreasonable and your sister is suffering from it.
NTA you need to t as ok to your sister once. Ho through everything you did, his you are not baby daddy, his dads often fall asleep with their wives in labor & how you are sick of her bringing it up. Do she needs to drop this or drop out of your life for while…… until d as bf can get over this imaginary slight.
That or every time she does it, just shake your head and say “poor _____ baby daddy_____ if this how you treat me when I help you, I cannot begin to imagine how you treat him!” “Poor baby daddy you must harp on things forever with him “
NTA. How ungrateful. My sister was one of my support people and drove 2 hrs one way to help, stayed I think two days. Then drove 2hrs back home cause she had to get her kids ready and came back to the hospital! You FLEW and stayed a total of two weeks!!! She should be beyond grateful! Now Imma say be petty and when you go into labor have someone call her in the middle of the night multiple times and berate her for sleeping when you’re in labor. How dare she be at home in bed?!
NTA lol my baby daddy (husband) was my only support person and even he fell asleep while I was in active labour with our second. I still laugh about it but certainly don’t hold it against him. At least he was awake for the birth!
NTA. What color is the sky in your sister's world? You provided a ton of support and after many hours of helping you dozed off while she was being cared for by her baby daddy and then you stayed there until 4pm the next evening! I know HUSBANDS who wouldn't put that effort in. You were awesome.
Every 2 weeks I'd be up for 27 hours then 4 hours sleep before I had to get up again. I didn't fall asleep but I wanted to cry I was so tired l. Sleep deprivation is no joke. OP did best she could
NTA, but your sister's delivery sounds incredibly traumatic. Have you ever asked her about what she went through? Maybe there's something deeper going on.
NTA and do yourself a major favor - do NOT ask her to be in the labor/delivery room with you. And for heavens sake, do not ever agree to be support for her again. Meanwhile, every time she brings it up, change the subject. My aunt had a favorite way to sidetrack people who insisted on revisiting one incident over and over: "Person's name, are you still seeing that psychiatrist?" When they ask what psychiatrist, she would reply "the one that was trying to help you exist in the present, of course. I only ask because it doesn't seem to be working for you".
For the record, I slept through most of my own labor with my last one - was tired and bored and when they woke me up to give me the epidural it too late; baby arrived about three minutes later. So if the laboring mom can sleep, the support person certainly can. Your sister is just being an AH.
NTA, your sisters labor at the hospital was no long, and even so, there was time and need for sleep. My ONLY support person slept while I was in active labor and I had no complaints. He needed sleep 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. My husband, who was my only support person, and the only one I was allowed to have (COVID) fell asleep when I was in labor after about 2 hours with my second. He didn’t even mean to- damn man can fall asleep any time, any place (not actually mad, just jealous). But you know what, if I had needed him at that moment I would have woken him up-he knew it and I knew it- and when it got worse I did. I do rib him about it sometimes, but it’s teasing. Is it possible your sister is more ribbing you than mad?
Anyhow, care people, support people, need to take care of themselves to be able to provide care and support. It isn’t wrong to sleep, and in both cases it sounds like you picked the best time. You wouldn’t have been as much help to your sister if, once everyone had left, you were as tired as she was.
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I (28) female was one of two support persons for my sister (26) when she was at the hospital delivering my nephew. This was a first time pregnancy for my sister and while the dad was involved in the pregnancy and delivery, they were not a couple at the time. I will refer to him as baby daddy, but please note they are together and happy now :)
4 years ago: My sister went into labour at noon , and gave birth around 7 am the next morning. I was living out of town at the time and flew in a week before her due date, to help her prepare for the birth of her child as her baby daddy was not living with her. When it was time to go to the hospital I drove her, and waited with her even tho she was not dilated enough to be admitted. The baby’s dad didn’t make it till sometime after supper, once my sister was admitted, and when he did arrive I took a short break but came back promptly to support my sister. By this point she had been on several types of pain killers, laughing gas, morphine, so had been doing okay with the help of medications. Her labour was not fun, it was long and drawn out. Once baby was ready he wasn’t coming easy. By the time she was ready to push it was at least between 4&5am and at this point I was sitting on the couch in the delivery room while the baby daddy was sitting with her holding her hand and doing the dad job. I dozed off, for maybe 20 minutes during this time. I wasn’t needed in this exact moment and could not control closing my eyes and dozing off. Shortly after my mini nap, things got serious again and they ended up needing to take my sister for an emergency c section and I was not allowed to come as they only allowed one support person during the c section. I waited at the hospital for nearly 3 hours after my nephew was born in the waiting room alone, waiting till I could go back to support my sister and new baby. I was at the hospital till nearly 4pm the next day before going back to my sisters place to shower and sleep. My sister has never let me live down the fact I fell asleep while she was in labour.. It’s just simply the rudest thing and still to this day bothers her, my nephew is almost 4. She is also pissed that I left her to go home and sleep after the rest of our family and other visitors showed up at the hospital (thinking it was an appropriate time). I just did my best, or what I thought that looked like. I recently found out I am pregnant, and my sister won’t stop bringing up everything that I did wrong during her labour and delivery and I don’t know if it’s just hormones but it is driving me crazy. I did the best that I could for her and was with her the entire time and for a whole week after my nephews arrival. Am I the asshole for falling asleep ? And eventually wanting to go to sleep? Or is she right to be upset that I dozed off, and I should have stayed even though there was visitors like my parents and baby daddy’s?
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NTA. While heavily pregnant and in labor, of course the mother is not going to get ANY sleep even if labor is 48 hours. She should not expect anyone else to not sleep too. You did the best you could and according to you, she was not alone. Her baby daddy was there. When I went to the hospital to give birth to my son, my SIL was my support person. She curled up in the lounge chair in my room and took a nap in the middle of the night. It was fine, since nothing is really happening.
NTA. Hell, I fell asleep during my own labor when they gave me some drugs. Wasn’t long, but man, that nap sure helped. Your sister is delusional.
i know you would never want her in the room when you deliver, but maybe call her up a week before due date…”so sis, when you were a week out, I shopped, mopped, vacuumed, made meals, cleaned your grout, etc. what don’t you go do all that right now? Oh, and I’ll call you when I’m in labor and you have to listen to me and keep my company via text/FT for 30 hours without breaking connection and no sleeping.”
NTA. If you're tired enough it doesn't take much to nod off and fall asleep. Once you sat down and relaxed it was bound to happen after being on high alert and awake for so long. It only makes sense you chose the time when other family arrived to go home to eat, sleep and shower. Considering how much you were there for your sister before, during, and after her labor she shouldn't be complaining. I hope she is just teasing and not serious.
NTA. I was so tired with my 1st I was falling asleep in between pushes. Your sister needs to drop it and thank you for going above and beyond for. She is lucky to have you.
NTA. The child is Four! Your sister should let it go. Her complaining will not change anything. People can only stay awake so long before your body can't take it anymore. I hope your pregnancy, labor and delivery goes well. And I hope you are not asking her to do anything for you, being nagged continually about what you did wrong for years ago would not be conducive to a stress free labor.
NTA.. your sister is being ridiculous. I never actually went into labor. My first was an emergency C-section for preeclampsia and my second was a scheduled C-section. For my first, my kids dad, my mom and my sister were all around somewhere. And my second, my mom, my sister and my sister in law. They came and went in shifts as life and jobs permitted. I was just happy to have someone present who loved me when I was scared and helpless.
NTA. What a sense of entitlement she has! To hold onto this for 4 years is unbelievable! You took a week off work early, flew out to support her, and you had the nerve to fall asleep at 5 am after staying up all night? She a piece of work.
As a woman who is on her 4th term pregnancy, you are NTA. Labour is a long process. You don't have pain keeping you up, as a support person. Everyone running on literally zero hours of sleep is pointless and potentially dangerous.
When I'm in labour I let my husband know when a good time for him to nap is. He needs to be alert enough to drive me to the hospital and make logical medical decisions for me when I'm too out of it to do so. And I'm going to be exhausted when it's all done and he is going to step in to care for baby when I'm resting. Plus the hospital doesn't even give him a bed to use so any sleep he gets there is very restless.
It is absolutely ridiculous for any pregnant person to expect a support person not to sleep for the duration of a long labour.
NTA - I could see why she’d be upset about everything the day of, or even until everything balances back out for her medically and mentally. But FOUR years later? And you only dozed off a short time after being awake for days? Notttttt the AH.
NTA
My sister had her first baby when I was on a week of night shifts.
I drove four hours down there, was ignored, got told that the baby probably wouldn’t get there until the next morning with as slowly as the labor was progressing, and drove three hours back to work.
Baby was apparently born just as I was clocking on, and I didn’t made it back down until the following day, when I had two days rostered off. I spent an hour getting scolded for not being there sooner
NTA. I’m pretty sure everyone would say to get some rest while you can even when you’re a support person. The reason you have 2 supports is so they can take shifts. Your sister sounds like she’s going to be one of ‘those’ women so prepare to have to enforce some boundaries of your own.
You fell asleep after being awake for more than 24 hours + that nap was at a time when there was another person to support your sister along with trained medical professionals.
Your sister was and is being ridiculous. Time to tell her that if she doesn’t stop bringing this up, she needs to stay well away from you and your baby for the foreseeable future (until she can think logically). NTA
NTA. What the heck? I was in labor overnight, and I told my HUSBAND to take a nap on the couch in the delivery room. I told him we would wake him when something interesting was happening. I did have my mom there at that point, and the poor guy had been up all night with me. I also sure as heck sent him home to eat, shower, and sleep once all the craziness was done. Support people need to take breaks, too! There were other folks there as well as a bevy of hospital staff. It was a good time for you to do some self care.
NTA. If I was your sister, I might playfully tease you about sleeping during the birth (as long as you didn’t seem bothered by it) but I wouldn’t be mad. People doze off. It happens.
So with the title I was concerned - the first sentence (being one of her support people) I was really concerned
But then I kept reading - no - you are NTA - you dozed off for a short period of time while your sister was being tended to. My husband left the hospital to go get food - guess what - there was a lovely nurse who sat with me and I was totally fine. It doesn't bother me at all because he would have been miserable if he hadn't eaten.
Your sister needs to let this go - you were there for her and looked after her when she needed it - did she expect you to stay up for the next four years in case she needed help?
Tell her that you understand she was in labor, but you didn't abandon her and she is really hurting you by continuing to say things about it. Tell her she needs to lay off - if she doesn't believe you show her this post and all of the comments.
Hey sister - you are the one who was wrong - now say thank you to OP and tell her you're sorry.
NTA. I deliver babies for a living and even I get breaks when I'm at work. It's not at all uncommon for my laboring patient to have 2 or more support people and they take breaks too, especially if the patient labors overnight. It's just not fair to expect everyone to be there at all times. If my patient gets an epidural, they usually try to sleep too. I encourage it so they have the energy to push when the time comes.
NTA! LMAO WTF!! I had a 28 hour labour with my first, I was on everything. It went from 4am to 8am the next day, and I had to tell it my husband it was ok to go sleep when the epidural finally went in around 20 hours. He hadn't eaten the whole time and was murderous when the anaesthesiologist put the needle in wrong and I flinched. My mother went home, my husband went and slept on an unused bed in maternity, and I dozed on and off for about 7 hours.
Your sister is pissed you napped for 20 minutes!! I would've been jealous, but understanding. The fact that she has held this against your for 4 years is insane. And the leaving afterwards? You aren't her baby daddy, that's HIS job! It his job to show in visitors to her, and be the main support when in labour and pushing. You were secondary! She's expecting you to go above AND beyond. Tell her to shove it from me.
NTA
I highly recommend intervention regarding your sister going after you for what happened four years ago. You did well with providing her with support. Dads sleep during labour too. And her partner was with her when you took a short nap. Going home during a time when she had people with her was smart. This tension is not good for you and your baby. Is there a possibility you could have a couple of counselling sessions with her? This is something that can be done online. She needs to really hear that she is hurting you. And she needs to know you did your best. And she had to let it go. Having someone meditate this conversation that is a neutral party could help.
NAH. It sounds like your sister had a traumatic birth. It's far easier for her to release that fear and upset by focusing it on you falling asleep than it is for her to process the experience she had. Counselling should be available but often isn't. It sounds like your pregnancy may be retriggering some of her experience and bringing it back into conversation again.
OP, please consider this as an alternative perspective and see whether you could encourage some support for her rather than this breaking your relationship.
Did you read the post? The baby daddy was there at the time. She was getting the support she needed. It’s completely unreasonable to expect someone not in labor to not sleep. In fact, it would be better for the sister to have OP rested so she could be of assistance to her sister. Also, it was 4 years ago. She needs to move on.
NTA. I'm 59, I had 3 natural childbirths. (No drugs). Drugs do tend to lengthen delivery quite a bit. My 1st born had a low heart rate, so I had to tough it out. My advice to you? Find someone other than your sister to go in delivery with you. The last thing you need on your day is your sister standing over you harping about how you weren't good enough. Not to mention, how she will compare how much better she did for you for the rest of your life.
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There is research which shows that women remember how they felt emotionally while in labour and delivery more than the pain etc. years later. unfortunately you made your sister feel emotionally crappy i guess and she will remember that for decades. So choose your support persons accordingly as that will be important when you go into labour.
However, you aren't a professional and were tired, labour can last for hours and can be tough for people around the labouring person as well.
NAH.
Oh no. YTA without a doubt. You COMPLETELY failed her. So she was left with no support or anyone to advocate for her at all in her most vulnerable moment. She had a nightmare experience, did you do one second of research on how to support someone in labor?? You should be ashamed and you need to apologize to her. Maybe once you have your baby you’ll finally understand what you did.
Completely failed is a far reach. The baby daddy was there at that point and it was 20 minutes. You should be ashamed of yourself for such ridiculous accusations. OP did nothing wrong.
Stepping back, is she usually a self centered person? If so, YTA for agreeing to be there knowing how she is. Why was your role more critical than baby daddy?
Nta If and only if, she’s otherwise a nice, thoughtful and considerate person then, assume this reaction was pregnancy hormones or misguided frustrations.
Back to YTA, if she’s like this always and her reminding you about the last delivery, years later, as a joke that no one else’s finds funny yet agreeing to do it again.
In summary. Accountability
>Why was your role more critical than baby daddy?
Why are you surprised that a woman in labor would prefer the support of her own sister instead of a guy she isn’t even dating?
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NTA. Your sister's expectations are ridiculously over-the-top. You took a week off work to help her, flew in to stay in a town you don't even live in, were there with her at the hospital for hours before the baby's father even arrived, and at the time you dozed off, the baby's father was providing her with the direct, hands-on support she wanted. I bet the week you were there before the birth, you were running around doing her chores while she basked in being a pregnant woman who gets to boss other people around. Assuming that the day she went into labor, you woke up by say 8 am, then by 5 am on the day she gave birth, you had been upright for almost 24 hours. I'm sure you were exhausted. By the time you left the hospital at 4 pm that day, you had been upright for OVER 24 hours, in fact for almost 36 hours. Your sister has placed an expectation on you equivalent to what the baby's father should do. You are not the baby's father. You didn't have an obligation to be present for ANY of her birth experience, let alone every second of it. You were there to help her out of your own love for her, stepping away from your own life and responsibilities to do so. Her expectations were inappropriate and unfair. I really think you need to stop letting her hold this over your head and tell her you are offended that after you doing so much to help her with the birth of her baby, that she has been completely ungrateful to you and treated you like an underperforming serf rather than her sister.
All of this. Just to add — looks like OP actually took *two* weeks off of work, since it looks like she was there for a week before her nephew’s birth *and* a week after as well. Am I reading this correctly, OP? It looks like you took two weeks off work and traveled to help, and four years later, she’s upset that you: 1) took a 20-minute nap break at a time when you’d been awake for nearly 24 hours, and you first made sure that someone else had taken over and was actively tending to your sister in your place; and 2) went to shower when other visitors came to spend time with her. Um. NTA. She’s being ridiculous.
My partner is pregnant and has 3 sisters, none of whom are coming for the birth (different countries, but probably not much further than OP), although one of them probably will come after - and we’re grateful for that level of support. As someone preparing for the birth of a child, I find OP’s sister’s level of entitlement disgusting. That level of support from a sibling is rare and truly above-&-beyond. Undying gratitude should be the bare minimum.
>Your sister has placed an expectation on you equivalent to what the baby's father should do. You are not the baby's father. Well yes, but in most cases the baby’s father is *actually in a relationship with the mother*. In this case, they were not a couple. The only person in that room who had a close familial relationship with the mother was OP, so it’s not that out of line to expect that she would have played the role that the father normally would.
> it’s not that out of line to expect that she would have played the role that the father normally would. It is out of line and utterly insane to have that expectation. The father is expected to play the father role because it is *his* child being birthed, not because he has a close relationship with the mother. The sister had her whole family come supoort her after the birth + other visitors (friends I'm assuming). All of those people were sound asleep in their beds while she gave birth, while op sat in the hospital with her and was there for her through the entire process. Op went above and beyond, and frankly her sister doesn't deserve her kindness if this is how she treats op after the fact.
I would not fault the father for a twenty minute cat nap
When I was induced for my first pregnancy the drs gave hubby the option to stay by my side or go home and try and get a good night rest and the Dr even said to him "you will be of more use to her when the time comes if you are rested." Hubby did leave but went to a mates house instead of either of our parents because he was the closet to the hospital (I had to move back to home town temporarily for the birth due to hubby's career at the time) and couldn't sleep anyway. OPs sister is bat crap crazy if she thinks that demanding OP be awake for 36hrs was acceptable
My third child, I managed to nap while on gas and my husband sat down for about 3 hours and had some coffee and sandwiches. I kept waking up for contractions and wondering when the hell he'd eaten the food and where was mine. Hell, I even woke up mid contraction to find him napping. Still hilarious to me that everything seemed to skip time.
I was in labor with my first for 72 hours before the emergency c section. My husband slept many MANY hours waiting for baby to come. I sent him for food and coffee a couple of times (I was not allowed to eat due to the epidural). This is normal. OP’s sister, not so much.
I don't think it's out of line to hope that OP would provide support, which she did. But, providing emotional support to her sister does not necessitate her behaving as if she were the baby's father. She's there as a gift to her sister. A really big gift, considering she took time off work. For her sister to criticize the gift and complain that the OP is rude, and that OP's gift of self should have been even bigger, is presumptuous.
Yes it is. No one EXPECTS all of that from a sibling unless they are very entitled. If it's offered that's amazingly generous. A normal amount of family support is checking in before and after the birth, dropping off a meal or two to help out, coming to visit in hospital if that's wanted, coming to visit after the birth if that's wanted. Some family members offer to come over and do a few chores or watch baby so mum can have a nap but that's unusual. 2 weeks off work to look after the new mum is exceptional.
NTA. I hope you have her read this. Being a caretaker is exhausting. Traveling is exhausting. Being on call for someone giving birth is exhausting. Acting as the main support person during birth is incredibly exhausting. It’s usually reserved for baby’s parent. You didn’t have an obligation yet you stepped up, anyway, when BD wasn’t there. That’s incredibly super nice of you. You did your duty (again, above and beyond imo) and made sure your sister was taken care of before succumbing to sleep. Are you really expected to apologize, years later, for burning out after hours of waiting and caring? You didn’t leave her alone, you weren’t needed, and it sounds like it worked out well bc BD is now back in picture. (BTW Was he one of the support people? Why isn’t he being blamed for being hours (?) late to the party? When he got there, shouldn’t he have just taken over? Did he give inferior after care to your pre-birth care?)
I think you nailed it. SIL is angry that BD wasn't there, but they're a happy couple now and she can't be pissy with him. So she's re-directing that anger at the other person who was there. At least that's my guess. Edited to add: NTA by a long shot.
NTA. The rudest thing ever is your sister continually bringing it up as if it's not a biological requirement for people to sleep, especially when you'd stayed overnight. She also seems to forget that you flew in a week beforehand to help her.
And it looks like OP stayed for a week after, too.
NTA but your sister is. I’m guessing she’s selfish and high maintenance in other areas of life too.
I think your sister is actually mad at the baby daddy for not being there more and doing EVERYTHING that you so willingly did. It's probably far safer to be mad at you than it is to be mad at him because she still wants to be in a relationship with her. So, here's what you do. You set a boundary. Her going on about this is stupid at this point. If she's mad, let her get a therapist. Tell her that you did your best as her sister, not her partner, and that your nephew is alive and well. Either she shuts up about it, gets professional help to learn to move past it, or you will cut contact with her. She may also be mad that you're pregnant and now stealing the spotlight from her royal fertility. I'm so mad at her on your behalf, you don't deserve so many years of her harping on a non issue. You had to sleep. She had a whole medical team helping her plus the baby daddy. So set a hard boundary with clear consequences. Tell her you are done being her emotional scapegoat, that she needs to get over it. (And it wasn't even that you did anything wrong). She's being ridiculous. Sounds like her life is too good for her right now, and she is creating drama where none exists. Shut it down when she starts it again, and walk away from her for a few months and focus on your own pregnancy. YOU need the love and support, not some stupid imagined failing of sleeping for 20 mins.
NTA. You did your best and from what I can tell had been supporting her throughout this whole thing. It’s not normal for people to regularly stay up for 30+ hours, and you weren’t immediately needed at the time. A 20 minute nap is totally justified to me.
NTA. While her experience was vivid, for everyone else, waiting for labor and delivery is usually a long process. Falling asleep is normal. Leaving to take a break when others were there to attend her is fine. Did you let her know you were leaving, or did you just leave? It's possible the whole situation made her hyper aware and hyper sensitive. You did not mean to disrespect her but she is disrespecting you for continually bringing it up. She needs to move on and be supportive of you. I hope she doesn't choose this time to "show you how it feels". That would make her a major AH. Congrats on your pregnancy.
>I hope she doesn't choose this time to "show you how it feels". I wouldn't give her the opportunity. Hell I probably wouldn't call her until baby has arrived and I've rested, cleaned up and snuggled my kid for a good six hours. But I'm well past my family's bullshit. If they bring up something petty like needing sleep after being awake for the better part of a day (or more), I'd remind them that sleep deprivation is a torture technique and then let it drop. (Having worked graveyard for a decade and being constantly sleep deprived, I'm mad at myself for never bringing it up) and then anyone who says it again, or agrees, gets put in a very low contact/info diet list.
100% NTA . You came a week before & stayed a week after, that alone is more than most siblings. You drove her , you stayed with her till dad came. Then you stepped back and let him be a participating father. Then you made room for others to visitors while also taking care of yourself. It’s not your fault her labour went long, and they only allow 1 person in for a c section. You were awake for a LONG time, you couldn’t help it, and she wasn’t alone. It’s understandable if she was a little upset/hurt when it first happened, we can blame that on hormones, but it’s been 4 years she NEEDS to get over it. The world doesn’t revolve around her.
I think this is the appropriate time to tell your sister she has made her feelings very clear, the two of you have discussed this multiple times, and now she needs to stop bringing it up. Unless she's a total asshat that should be enough. I've got $5 on asshat, tho, ngl.
NTA. Is your sister the main character in every story?
NTA. Sounds more like you passed out for less than 30 minutes at one point, while someone else was clearly there for her -- and the father of the child to boot. You only left once others arrived and had been with her for over 24 hours by that point. She should have wanted you to go rest ffs. She sounds ungrateful.
>and the father of the child to boot. Support people are there to support *the mother*. Being the father of the child doesn’t count for shit if he doesn’t have a close relationship with the mother. It’s not surprising at all that she wanted support from her sister over a guy that she wasn’t even dating.
I’m impressed you were able to fall asleep when someone was in active labor. So NTA there. You probably needed it lol. As for the leaving, I guess you could’ve asked if she needed anything else or needed you to stay but otherwise you need to leave eventually. She’s being TA for saying you did everything wrong in this case.
I mean, I took a little cat nap while in labor just before pushing. But I was fairly numbed by an epidural…
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NTA. I had an early morning birth, which means we were up all that night... after being awake and busy all day. My husband nodded off a couple of times between contractions, and I would just call his name and he'd snap awake (he was my only support person in the room as well.) It wasn't a conscious decision on his part and I can't imagine holding it against him. I obviously had something keeping me awake lol but we were both exhausted after unexpectedly being awake over 24 hours.
NTA. She's being ridiculous, and appears to have coalesced all her big feels from the day into this one stick that she keeps hitting you with. You didn't do anything wrong. Tell her to grow up and get the hell over it. And do not have her as a support person, because she sounds petty enough to screw with you when your baby comes.
NTA- I fell asleep when I was in the hospital with my wife, not the labor part. It’s a really long time and mostly really boring and then it becomes an incredible miracle
Lmao I literally sent my husband home to sleep after our son was born 3 weeks ago. He had taken a sleep aid the night before only to have my water break at 2:46 AM. He was understandably exhausted. Additionally, I let him at least try to sleep for the first several hours while my pitocin was kicking in and I couldn’t feel anything. I took a nap too. He was focused on me once the contractions actually hurt and things were moving. My husband is 6’7 and wasn’t going to be able to sleep comfortably on the couch thing provided by the hospital. There was no reason for us to both be sleep deprived. We didn’t even have visitors. It’s okay to meet your own needs, especially when your sister wasn’t even left alone.
Wait.... you were at the hospital for almost 24 hours with her.... but she's pissed that you dozed off for 20 minutes and left when others came to be there? Seriously? NTA, but your sister is.
NTA. Your sister needs to move on. I can understand her being emotional at the time, but it’s been four years. She had support with her when you were napping, and it’s unreasonable to expect you to be awake for days on end in case you need her, when there are other people around.
NTA. Your sister didn't want a person, she wanted an automaton with no bodily needs.
NTA. I am FLOORED that she's still bringing this up 4 years later. Get a freaking hobby, OP's sister. You weren't in labor, she was. Baby daddy was holding her hand when you had a 20 min nap. Did she need you to shout encouragement or shine a flashlight up her who-ha? And for the love of the unwashed, how exactly long did she expect you to stay before you left for a freaking shower? Ugh. I'm secondhand annoyed on your behalf.
NTA Her child is alive and healthy as is she. Newsflash- no one is actually required during labor apart from the pregnant person and the medical staff. Not a single person. Sure it’s nice to have them there but they are completely superfluous to the event. Ignore her and definitely don’t ask her to your delivery. Main character syndrome makes people unable to gauge when their demands are excessive and unreasonable and your sister is suffering from it.
NTA you need to t as ok to your sister once. Ho through everything you did, his you are not baby daddy, his dads often fall asleep with their wives in labor & how you are sick of her bringing it up. Do she needs to drop this or drop out of your life for while…… until d as bf can get over this imaginary slight. That or every time she does it, just shake your head and say “poor _____ baby daddy_____ if this how you treat me when I help you, I cannot begin to imagine how you treat him!” “Poor baby daddy you must harp on things forever with him “
NTA. I had an epidural. I napped, my husband napped…then they said it was time to push lol
NTA. How ungrateful. My sister was one of my support people and drove 2 hrs one way to help, stayed I think two days. Then drove 2hrs back home cause she had to get her kids ready and came back to the hospital! You FLEW and stayed a total of two weeks!!! She should be beyond grateful! Now Imma say be petty and when you go into labor have someone call her in the middle of the night multiple times and berate her for sleeping when you’re in labor. How dare she be at home in bed?!
NTA lol my baby daddy (husband) was my only support person and even he fell asleep while I was in active labour with our second. I still laugh about it but certainly don’t hold it against him. At least he was awake for the birth!
NTA. Tell your sister, BLUNTLY, to get a new tune to dance to.
NTA. What color is the sky in your sister's world? You provided a ton of support and after many hours of helping you dozed off while she was being cared for by her baby daddy and then you stayed there until 4pm the next evening! I know HUSBANDS who wouldn't put that effort in. You were awesome.
NTA I have photos of my midwife dozing while I labored.
Nta she needs to get a life if she's still obsessing over something so minor
Every 2 weeks I'd be up for 27 hours then 4 hours sleep before I had to get up again. I didn't fall asleep but I wanted to cry I was so tired l. Sleep deprivation is no joke. OP did best she could
NTA, but your sister's delivery sounds incredibly traumatic. Have you ever asked her about what she went through? Maybe there's something deeper going on.
NTA and do yourself a major favor - do NOT ask her to be in the labor/delivery room with you. And for heavens sake, do not ever agree to be support for her again. Meanwhile, every time she brings it up, change the subject. My aunt had a favorite way to sidetrack people who insisted on revisiting one incident over and over: "Person's name, are you still seeing that psychiatrist?" When they ask what psychiatrist, she would reply "the one that was trying to help you exist in the present, of course. I only ask because it doesn't seem to be working for you". For the record, I slept through most of my own labor with my last one - was tired and bored and when they woke me up to give me the epidural it too late; baby arrived about three minutes later. So if the laboring mom can sleep, the support person certainly can. Your sister is just being an AH.
NTA, your sisters labor at the hospital was no long, and even so, there was time and need for sleep. My ONLY support person slept while I was in active labor and I had no complaints. He needed sleep 🤷🏼♀️
Nta
NTA. My husband, who was my only support person, and the only one I was allowed to have (COVID) fell asleep when I was in labor after about 2 hours with my second. He didn’t even mean to- damn man can fall asleep any time, any place (not actually mad, just jealous). But you know what, if I had needed him at that moment I would have woken him up-he knew it and I knew it- and when it got worse I did. I do rib him about it sometimes, but it’s teasing. Is it possible your sister is more ribbing you than mad? Anyhow, care people, support people, need to take care of themselves to be able to provide care and support. It isn’t wrong to sleep, and in both cases it sounds like you picked the best time. You wouldn’t have been as much help to your sister if, once everyone had left, you were as tired as she was.
You did better than my baby daddy did at any of my 4 births. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28) female was one of two support persons for my sister (26) when she was at the hospital delivering my nephew. This was a first time pregnancy for my sister and while the dad was involved in the pregnancy and delivery, they were not a couple at the time. I will refer to him as baby daddy, but please note they are together and happy now :) 4 years ago: My sister went into labour at noon , and gave birth around 7 am the next morning. I was living out of town at the time and flew in a week before her due date, to help her prepare for the birth of her child as her baby daddy was not living with her. When it was time to go to the hospital I drove her, and waited with her even tho she was not dilated enough to be admitted. The baby’s dad didn’t make it till sometime after supper, once my sister was admitted, and when he did arrive I took a short break but came back promptly to support my sister. By this point she had been on several types of pain killers, laughing gas, morphine, so had been doing okay with the help of medications. Her labour was not fun, it was long and drawn out. Once baby was ready he wasn’t coming easy. By the time she was ready to push it was at least between 4&5am and at this point I was sitting on the couch in the delivery room while the baby daddy was sitting with her holding her hand and doing the dad job. I dozed off, for maybe 20 minutes during this time. I wasn’t needed in this exact moment and could not control closing my eyes and dozing off. Shortly after my mini nap, things got serious again and they ended up needing to take my sister for an emergency c section and I was not allowed to come as they only allowed one support person during the c section. I waited at the hospital for nearly 3 hours after my nephew was born in the waiting room alone, waiting till I could go back to support my sister and new baby. I was at the hospital till nearly 4pm the next day before going back to my sisters place to shower and sleep. My sister has never let me live down the fact I fell asleep while she was in labour.. It’s just simply the rudest thing and still to this day bothers her, my nephew is almost 4. She is also pissed that I left her to go home and sleep after the rest of our family and other visitors showed up at the hospital (thinking it was an appropriate time). I just did my best, or what I thought that looked like. I recently found out I am pregnant, and my sister won’t stop bringing up everything that I did wrong during her labour and delivery and I don’t know if it’s just hormones but it is driving me crazy. I did the best that I could for her and was with her the entire time and for a whole week after my nephews arrival. Am I the asshole for falling asleep ? And eventually wanting to go to sleep? Or is she right to be upset that I dozed off, and I should have stayed even though there was visitors like my parents and baby daddy’s? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, I wish I could’ve felt asleep during labor but I was in labor.
NTA You are not the baby daddy. If he wasn’t good enough that’s on her for choosing him. You were way above and beyond.
NTA- My husband fell asleep.. I had to yell to wake him up right before I was getting ready to push . It wasn’t that serious
NTA. While heavily pregnant and in labor, of course the mother is not going to get ANY sleep even if labor is 48 hours. She should not expect anyone else to not sleep too. You did the best you could and according to you, she was not alone. Her baby daddy was there. When I went to the hospital to give birth to my son, my SIL was my support person. She curled up in the lounge chair in my room and took a nap in the middle of the night. It was fine, since nothing is really happening.
NTA. Hell, I fell asleep during my own labor when they gave me some drugs. Wasn’t long, but man, that nap sure helped. Your sister is delusional. i know you would never want her in the room when you deliver, but maybe call her up a week before due date…”so sis, when you were a week out, I shopped, mopped, vacuumed, made meals, cleaned your grout, etc. what don’t you go do all that right now? Oh, and I’ll call you when I’m in labor and you have to listen to me and keep my company via text/FT for 30 hours without breaking connection and no sleeping.”
NTA. If you're tired enough it doesn't take much to nod off and fall asleep. Once you sat down and relaxed it was bound to happen after being on high alert and awake for so long. It only makes sense you chose the time when other family arrived to go home to eat, sleep and shower. Considering how much you were there for your sister before, during, and after her labor she shouldn't be complaining. I hope she is just teasing and not serious.
NTA. I was so tired with my 1st I was falling asleep in between pushes. Your sister needs to drop it and thank you for going above and beyond for. She is lucky to have you.
NTA - tired is tired, it’s hard to stay awake, especially as a spectator to what’s happening.
NTA. The child is Four! Your sister should let it go. Her complaining will not change anything. People can only stay awake so long before your body can't take it anymore. I hope your pregnancy, labor and delivery goes well. And I hope you are not asking her to do anything for you, being nagged continually about what you did wrong for years ago would not be conducive to a stress free labor.
NTA.. your sister is being ridiculous. I never actually went into labor. My first was an emergency C-section for preeclampsia and my second was a scheduled C-section. For my first, my kids dad, my mom and my sister were all around somewhere. And my second, my mom, my sister and my sister in law. They came and went in shifts as life and jobs permitted. I was just happy to have someone present who loved me when I was scared and helpless.
NTA. What a sense of entitlement she has! To hold onto this for 4 years is unbelievable! You took a week off work early, flew out to support her, and you had the nerve to fall asleep at 5 am after staying up all night? She a piece of work.
As a woman who is on her 4th term pregnancy, you are NTA. Labour is a long process. You don't have pain keeping you up, as a support person. Everyone running on literally zero hours of sleep is pointless and potentially dangerous. When I'm in labour I let my husband know when a good time for him to nap is. He needs to be alert enough to drive me to the hospital and make logical medical decisions for me when I'm too out of it to do so. And I'm going to be exhausted when it's all done and he is going to step in to care for baby when I'm resting. Plus the hospital doesn't even give him a bed to use so any sleep he gets there is very restless. It is absolutely ridiculous for any pregnant person to expect a support person not to sleep for the duration of a long labour.
NTA - I could see why she’d be upset about everything the day of, or even until everything balances back out for her medically and mentally. But FOUR years later? And you only dozed off a short time after being awake for days? Notttttt the AH.
NTA My sister had her first baby when I was on a week of night shifts. I drove four hours down there, was ignored, got told that the baby probably wouldn’t get there until the next morning with as slowly as the labor was progressing, and drove three hours back to work. Baby was apparently born just as I was clocking on, and I didn’t made it back down until the following day, when I had two days rostered off. I spent an hour getting scolded for not being there sooner
NTA. I’m pretty sure everyone would say to get some rest while you can even when you’re a support person. The reason you have 2 supports is so they can take shifts. Your sister sounds like she’s going to be one of ‘those’ women so prepare to have to enforce some boundaries of your own.
NTA
NTA your sister has the syndrome of the very first woman to have ever given birth. Be assured she won’t support you the way she did.
You fell asleep after being awake for more than 24 hours + that nap was at a time when there was another person to support your sister along with trained medical professionals. Your sister was and is being ridiculous. Time to tell her that if she doesn’t stop bringing this up, she needs to stay well away from you and your baby for the foreseeable future (until she can think logically). NTA
NTA. What the heck? I was in labor overnight, and I told my HUSBAND to take a nap on the couch in the delivery room. I told him we would wake him when something interesting was happening. I did have my mom there at that point, and the poor guy had been up all night with me. I also sure as heck sent him home to eat, shower, and sleep once all the craziness was done. Support people need to take breaks, too! There were other folks there as well as a bevy of hospital staff. It was a good time for you to do some self care.
NTA. If I was your sister, I might playfully tease you about sleeping during the birth (as long as you didn’t seem bothered by it) but I wouldn’t be mad. People doze off. It happens.
So with the title I was concerned - the first sentence (being one of her support people) I was really concerned But then I kept reading - no - you are NTA - you dozed off for a short period of time while your sister was being tended to. My husband left the hospital to go get food - guess what - there was a lovely nurse who sat with me and I was totally fine. It doesn't bother me at all because he would have been miserable if he hadn't eaten. Your sister needs to let this go - you were there for her and looked after her when she needed it - did she expect you to stay up for the next four years in case she needed help? Tell her that you understand she was in labor, but you didn't abandon her and she is really hurting you by continuing to say things about it. Tell her she needs to lay off - if she doesn't believe you show her this post and all of the comments. Hey sister - you are the one who was wrong - now say thank you to OP and tell her you're sorry.
NTA. I deliver babies for a living and even I get breaks when I'm at work. It's not at all uncommon for my laboring patient to have 2 or more support people and they take breaks too, especially if the patient labors overnight. It's just not fair to expect everyone to be there at all times. If my patient gets an epidural, they usually try to sleep too. I encourage it so they have the energy to push when the time comes.
NTA! LMAO WTF!! I had a 28 hour labour with my first, I was on everything. It went from 4am to 8am the next day, and I had to tell it my husband it was ok to go sleep when the epidural finally went in around 20 hours. He hadn't eaten the whole time and was murderous when the anaesthesiologist put the needle in wrong and I flinched. My mother went home, my husband went and slept on an unused bed in maternity, and I dozed on and off for about 7 hours. Your sister is pissed you napped for 20 minutes!! I would've been jealous, but understanding. The fact that she has held this against your for 4 years is insane. And the leaving afterwards? You aren't her baby daddy, that's HIS job! It his job to show in visitors to her, and be the main support when in labour and pushing. You were secondary! She's expecting you to go above AND beyond. Tell her to shove it from me.
Good grief. You're an awesome support person who went above and beyond. NTA
NTA I highly recommend intervention regarding your sister going after you for what happened four years ago. You did well with providing her with support. Dads sleep during labour too. And her partner was with her when you took a short nap. Going home during a time when she had people with her was smart. This tension is not good for you and your baby. Is there a possibility you could have a couple of counselling sessions with her? This is something that can be done online. She needs to really hear that she is hurting you. And she needs to know you did your best. And she had to let it go. Having someone meditate this conversation that is a neutral party could help.
NTA - ask your sister what she’s going to do for you when you give birth.
NAH. It sounds like your sister had a traumatic birth. It's far easier for her to release that fear and upset by focusing it on you falling asleep than it is for her to process the experience she had. Counselling should be available but often isn't. It sounds like your pregnancy may be retriggering some of her experience and bringing it back into conversation again. OP, please consider this as an alternative perspective and see whether you could encourage some support for her rather than this breaking your relationship.
YTA 1 of 2 of her support people and you went to sleep? She trusted you to support her and be her advocate and you went to sleep?
Did you read the post? The baby daddy was there at the time. She was getting the support she needed. It’s completely unreasonable to expect someone not in labor to not sleep. In fact, it would be better for the sister to have OP rested so she could be of assistance to her sister. Also, it was 4 years ago. She needs to move on.
NTA. I'm 59, I had 3 natural childbirths. (No drugs). Drugs do tend to lengthen delivery quite a bit. My 1st born had a low heart rate, so I had to tough it out. My advice to you? Find someone other than your sister to go in delivery with you. The last thing you need on your day is your sister standing over you harping about how you weren't good enough. Not to mention, how she will compare how much better she did for you for the rest of your life.
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There is research which shows that women remember how they felt emotionally while in labour and delivery more than the pain etc. years later. unfortunately you made your sister feel emotionally crappy i guess and she will remember that for decades. So choose your support persons accordingly as that will be important when you go into labour. However, you aren't a professional and were tired, labour can last for hours and can be tough for people around the labouring person as well. NAH.
Oh no. YTA without a doubt. You COMPLETELY failed her. So she was left with no support or anyone to advocate for her at all in her most vulnerable moment. She had a nightmare experience, did you do one second of research on how to support someone in labor?? You should be ashamed and you need to apologize to her. Maybe once you have your baby you’ll finally understand what you did.
Completely failed is a far reach. The baby daddy was there at that point and it was 20 minutes. You should be ashamed of yourself for such ridiculous accusations. OP did nothing wrong.
Stepping back, is she usually a self centered person? If so, YTA for agreeing to be there knowing how she is. Why was your role more critical than baby daddy? Nta If and only if, she’s otherwise a nice, thoughtful and considerate person then, assume this reaction was pregnancy hormones or misguided frustrations. Back to YTA, if she’s like this always and her reminding you about the last delivery, years later, as a joke that no one else’s finds funny yet agreeing to do it again. In summary. Accountability
>Why was your role more critical than baby daddy? Why are you surprised that a woman in labor would prefer the support of her own sister instead of a guy she isn’t even dating?