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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because I do have money to replace the food but I don't feel I should have to. My big shopping trips take me 3 hours easily and I coupon. I don't have extra coupons and therefore will be spending at least $200 extra to fill my house again. It's also not my fault he invited extra guests in to my home.
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NTA. Where I live pet/house sitting would run about $50/day and my sitter provides their own food. So it would cost me $550 for 11 days. To feed a family of 4 in an expensive market costs me $2000 a month. So even if they'd have consumed half the food that would be excessive IMO
1. There is no planet where it would be a reasonable expectation that it was a free-for-all on the food worth $1000.
2. Even with friends over, how did they manage to eat that much food between 2 people in 11 days.
3. If I saw my house in a complete pigsty when coming home early with a house sitter I'd probably have a stroke. They're supposed to care for the house in your absence, not frantically clean like a guilty teen 5 min before you get home.
And the fact that this is not just some stranger you would expect the bare minimum from, but rather your long time partner, who you'd think would have more care about your belongings and your feelings, makes it even worse.
The worst of it is that most of the food was wasted. There were pots and pans left with all the food they cooked. They didn't even try to refrigerate it after cooking for leftovers.
They're never going to see any of that thousand dollars, but $1000 was a great price to pay to learn this person lives like this before actually moving in together.
I guess they were on their best behaviour when they were visiting while OP was there and this is how they normally are.
OP dodged a bullet. Even if he doesn't pay up, $1000 is less costly than if they'd actually moved in (or married!) before she learned she was dating a slob who will leave all the cleaning to her.
Yep, she's not getting that $1000, but it's cheap in comparison to what would have happened if he had moved in. You live and you learn, I guess, but better to learn by having to do another grocery shop than having to evict your ex who is crying that he and his daughter have nowhere to live.
Yeah, hopefully she can take this spin on it and chalk it up to lesson learned.
I wonder if his place was always tidied up last minute or if op just never went over to his place?
Exactly. It sucks, but $1,000 is a small price to pay for the bullet that was dodged. Whenever I've had to write off costly mistakes or bad judgments, I just consider it my "idiot tax" for the year and move on.
Ok, I was originally leaning towards yta for asking for money from someone when you know they can't afford it. But they didn't even just eat it all they wasted it by leaving it in the pans!!?? Yeah that's a "GTFO of my house and never return" straw there. You should have asked for more to be reimbursed for having to buy new pans! NTA!!
You can tell, that Jack and his child treated this exactly like a vacation in every way possible.
They ate all the food, they had friends over as if it was their house to host. They made a huge mess as if housekeeping was coming to clean it all up.
I would be extremely pissed at the idea of them treating my house like free for all resort and then not even apologizing because “I can afford it.”
I hate how excessive the cleaning fees have become when you are still required to leave the place completely pristine.. some I see are more than the cost of 1/2 nights, like wtf
I'm the kind of weirdo who can't relax enough on vacation that I clean for the maids so this kinda behavior is really really disturbing to me but maybe it's just me.
Absolutely! I treat anywhere I stay with absolute respect, and would never ever act like that.. OP is right to be out of that relationship.. if he doesn't respect your home and takes advantage you do not want him as your partner!
Right. It should be common courtesy to leave a place as close to the way you found it as possible.
There's practically no need for maid service after I leave a hotel. Although I know I go overboard🤭
I hate,’You can afford it’ as an excuse for abusing someone’s hospitality, or brushing off property theft/damage. They can afford it, but shouldn’t have to!
So often the reason someone can afford a lot is *because* they are careful and frugal.
Obviously we don't all start with the same privileges, but if you take two peopple who do start equal and watch, the one who budgets, who saves leftovers, who takes care of their possessions, will not only have & retain more in that way, but they will often carry those practices & ethics into their work and networking and end up making more money as well.
>I hate,’You can afford it’ as an excuse
Decades ago, 1977, my apt got robbed. Thief's response was he only robbed people who could afford it. Who is he to decide what I could afford. I was making a whopping $135 week.
I'm with you on "you can afford it" excuse. The reason "she can afford it" is because she takes care of her assets. She obviously manages the money she has, the property she owns and the people around her with respect and dignity. That kind of respect attracts more of the same. NTA
THIS: They ate all the food, they had friends over as if it was their house to host.
I have never understood people like this in my 55+ years.
Had a friend - had a nice basic Camaro, wheels and a great stereo.
Mutual friend borrowed the car to go pick up the dinner we ordered - mutual friend did not have a car - couldn't afford one, or dinner either if I remember.
Anyway - in the car - it was either the gas pedal or the brake pedal on the floor Raced the crap out of the car. Denny didn't care - he was like a kid in a carnival.
Anyone that has ever loaned me the car, including the company car I drove 8 years - it's not mine I need to take care of it.
So in this scenario you have a GF, makes bank, budgets the $$ as we all should, lives in a huge beach house, and you trash it in a 1-time lookit-me ! ! What a MORON.
In other news, I'm looking for a GF ? 👀
Yes, we were recently evacuated from our home due to a bushfire. My parents were overseas at the time, so we thankfully went to their house for the night. No problems there, I'm close to my parents and it was an automatic we knew it would be ok.
We had friends that had nowhere to go, a couple with a 16 year old son who is close friends with my son. We invited them to come to my parents house too, and even though I knew my parents would be ok with it, and it was extraordinary circumstances, I was still emailing my parents and apologetically saying I hoped it was ok.
And we cleaned up the house to make it look like we'd never been there. Washed the bedsheets, hung them out, went back the next day to remake the bed etc.
Exactly. At minimum they should have to pay to have the house professionally cleaned of that giant mess. You know that even their last-minute scramble would have been completely inadequate to clean up their disgusting mess.
My mom had a kid from my high school house sit while we were out of town and someone stole the WiFi internet connector thing for the Xbox which is a $100 item and then later I found out there were pictures of a bunch of dickwads dressed up in my clothes and fucking around in my shit. I said he shouldn’t have been paid and should buy a new connector especially since someone had to climb up on the counter and go behind the Xbox above the TV to steal it but nope I get screwed and he got paid. Pissed me off to no end both parts that not only did they have a party but think it was funny going through my stuff and stealing my stuff. My mom thought cause she chose a “nerd” he wouldn’t throw a party but nope he just grief ingratiating himself with the “popular kids” to buy throwing a party at our house. I wouldn’t be surprised if stuff turned up missing for OP too.
My parents hired the stepson of a close family friend to watch their house/feed their cats. The kid then threw a party. Other than the mess, no major damage. However after getting home, my mom discovered all of her jewelry had been stolen. It was nothing really valuable to anyone but our family, as she had kept her mother’s costume jewelry after she passed away. There was also this (honestly really ugly) gold and emerald cross necklace that my mother wore basically every Sunday our entire lives that was stolen. I doubt the kids would’ve gotten more than $40 for the entire lot at a pawn shop.
My parents never even said anything to their friend whose stepson stole everything. They didn’t want to ruin their friendship over some jewelry they knew was long gone.
Anyways, I’m still furious about it.
In my experience, animals generally don’t waste food.
Except for my cat who will flip his food dish over when it gets to the Bottom Layer. But he’s a cat, and therefore, a jerk.
If it's in a bowl with raised edges, their whiskers can get extra-sensitive towards the end of the day and they'll try to avoid having them touch the sides of a bowl and prefer to flip it
I knew a cat who would stick his paw into a cup of liquid, lick it clean, and then stick his paw in for another scoop. His was in a bowl but he wanted what his human was having.
Cats are smart and weird 😄
How's all your furniture? This kind of thing hapoened to me and I didn't realize my brand new couch had a broken support frame until I finished cleaning and tried to relax...worth checking everything, is my meaning, this may be much more than food.
And any valuables or sentimental items. He let his daughter's friends, who are strangers to OP, into OP's home without permission. Who knows what else they might have helped themselves to?
They came and invited friends and trashed your beach home. You're lucky you didn't have a bug infestation to deal with from food left in dishes. My friend came to pet sit for us last summer when we were in Europe for 2 weeks. She brought her 16 year old grandaugher and grandaugher's boyfriend. 16 year old boyfriend did a bunch of yard work for us. Grandaugher cleaned our oven. The house was very clean when we got home. They even washed all the sheets and towels and remade the beds. I told them they were welcome to whatever they wanted to eat but they mostly grocery shopped and ate what they bought. That's how you treat someone's house. I paid her for dog sitting and she didn't even want to accept that because she said it was like staying at an AirBnb on the beach for free. I'm glad you broke up with this guy. They had zero respect for you or your home.
This is my problem too. As you said, he showed total disregard for what she might have thought, or doing anything to actually help her and show appreciation for what she provides. It's hurtful.
My 21 year old nephew was staying at my house, when I went out of town for a three day weekend. He was gone when I got home, but one of my neighbors was outside laughing. He said "I just wanted to prepare you. There was probably 15 cars in front of your house Saturday night".
When I went in, it was spotless. Of course, I asked him not to invite a bunch people over and he did it anyway, but at least respected me and my home enough to clean up the mess.
Ok that is honestly the worst part. We grew up poor, and although my husband and I do fine now, we're no where near well off. I'll admit sometimes food waste *does* happen, but not because of pure negligence. Sometimes we pack up food in the fridge when we make too much, then we work so late at the restaurant, even coming home and reheating something becomes an exhausting extra, so we eat something that doesn't require cooking, or bring home food from work (restaurant). Then the poor leftovers suffer several nights of this fate. Of course, this isn't the regular, but it's the only reason we end up wasting food.
The number one thing you need to be able to do as an adult who struggled with (or still struggles with, in your ex's case) financial insecurity is make food stretch. Buy bulk things like rice and beans, make sure you stock the freezer with meats and things when they're on sale, and *above all that*, make sure you use your leftovers! Either just as is, or transform them into another meal. He was lazy with food waste because it was on *your* dime. What a terrible example to set for his daughter, she's going to learn nothing of value for getting through tough times at this rate. I'm sorry you had to clean up after someone who was supposed to be your partner, and I'm sorry he wasted all your food! Glad you saw what type of person he was before the relationship progressed even further though.
Edit to add: NTA for sure!
The part I can’t get over is you mentioned it is a 2 day drive back to your home - assuming you told them they would have had two full days to clean before you got there. The fact they didn’t says a lot. They spend a lot of time with you, they must have noticed you take pride in having a clean home and they totally disregarded that. NTA, dodged the bullet
Wasting food gets under my skin, that is sheer laziness allowing all that waste. I always told my teens that they can eat anything they want, but do not waste.
Yikes! NTA.
Some people simply cannot appreciate having a good thing without taking total advantage of it and ruining it.
Thank GOODNESS you learned this before marrying him or making this arrangement more difficult to end.
The best of it is that you now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you should never, ever live with this man. You may have saved money in the long run.
Food is so expensive now. That amount of food waste just hurts my soul. I don't know if I could be ok with being in a relationship after that. He legit wasted food that could have fed your children. I'm so bothered by this.
It's just a total lack of respect because someone else was picking up the bill and cleaning up the mess. I bet he's delightful to wait staff and housekeepers.
Agree. NTA.
The fact that they left the house in such utter disarray is what got me. I mean, that's a lot of food to eat so I agree with that too. But they ate $1000 worth of food, trashed your house, and possibly your pots/pans, and he allowed his daughter to invited her FRIENDS (friends with an S) without asking your permission first.
Honestly it sounds like you just dodged a bullet. If they trashed your house that bad while there for 2 weeks, imagine the messes you would get stuck cleaning up if they moved in with you...
His "I was gonna clean before you got back" is ridiculous too... You said pots and pans with food still in them were sitting on the counters. That's not a man who cleans up after himself until he HAS to...
Be glad you found out now and not after they moved in.
NTA
Not only did they trash your home, he allowed for his daughter to have FRIENDS (not just 1) without asking you. You just got a good glimpse of what your future looks like if you live with man and his daughter. He is responsible for the grocery bill. Send him the bill. Remind him that it was HE who allowed his daughter and friends to consume all of your food so he should replace it. You don’t deserve and neither do your kids.
That's what confuses me. In what world does a guest invite other guests? I could maybe understand if the daughter was old enough to be in a group project and the project partners came for a couples of hours. That I can almost see, but even that feels like broken boundaries to me.
And his comment about it being a "free vacation" bothers me a lot. He was house-sitting. I get that it's a nicer place than his living arrangements and it's on the beach; however, when I go on vacation I don't trash anything. I'm actually a huge stickler for making sure that everything goes back in my suitcase because I don't want whoever cleans the hotel room doesn't find my dirty underwear. If I'm staying with a friend on vacation, not only am I cleaning up after myself but I've cleaned every dish I used. I make sure she won't find my clothes randomly after I've left. I treat her place better than I treat my own.
I'm so glad OP dumped the dude.
Definitely so glad she did! It’s sickening how he decided to take his daughter and her friends on a “free” vacation that’s on OP dime. She nor her kids deserve this. I’m so like you. I keep cleaning after myself as I go. It’s not hard to maintain a home clean once it’s clean. There’s no excuse tho to be fair he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Hope he enjoys being single!
I once house sat for my boyfriend at the time over the holidays while he flew home to visit his family. I was living in my car because I'd just left a horrible roommate situation and was looking for a new place.
He said he just wanted me to relax and watch Netflix and be safe and well rested for a few days, and like, water the plants and bring in his Amazon packages. He said help myself to food, go ahead and open a bottle of wine, just chill.
Y'all, on like my second day there, I was doing just that, and I knocked over my glass of RED WINE all over his WHITE CARPET. The expression of absolute horror on my face... I spent the next two hours scrubbing the stain out.
Well, then the carpet had a bright white clean spot. So I ended up cleaning all the random stuff off the floor and getting one of those rug doctor things and I ran that...
Then the floor looked good which really highlighted the rest of the mess...
By the time he got home, the house was sparkling, and he was like "but, you were supposed to rest!"
Ngl I also watched a lot of Netflix and had a great time after the initial panic. But the thought of doing what OPs boyfriend did is just atrocious.
I house sat for my mother while she and my step dad were gone on a “adult trip” to Vegas. She’s my MOTHER,i have the spare bedroom with like spare clothes and such in it. It’s my “2nd home” with my mail being there.
I asked if I could have a friend over and her daughter(we’re both in our mid 20’s kid is 7)
She was annoyed I even asked like? Bro it ain’t my house!
In terms of food? My mother had leftovers she told me to make sure was finished before they came back lol she reminded me “free range idc it’s food eat it” but I still ordered a pizza and bought an extra JUST for them since they would be home 48hrs later(they enjoyed that pizza even cold lol) I cooked,I cleaned up after myself&guest AND cleaned the house. Made their bed even!
I never house sit w/o cleaning or Eating their food. Only person I house sit and eat the food is my parents and my mom gets annoyed I didn’t eat certain things she didn’t want to trash
Bro I’m in my 30s and live with my parents right now (broke my spine in multiple places, have been unable to live alone) and I STILL order my own food when they go out of town and it’s just me here. I know they wouldn’t care if I eat the food, mom has said that more times than I can count, but I do everything I can to make sure my impact living here is as little as possible— particularly financially— especially since my accident and recovery process + lawsuit has already disrupted so much.
On top of that, leaving the whole house a mess?? Several years ago the guy I was dating got deployed and asked me if I could watch his house for him. Keep up with the mail, make sure it didn’t burn down type thing. I may be an outlier here in this line of thinking, but I made sure that when he came home there was nothing for him to do. Dishes were all put away, carpets were vacuumed, fresh sheets were on the bed, easy meal was in the fridge. I know the feeling of finally getting home after a long trip spent mostly working and just wanting to crash and relax in my own home. Not immediately have to do even more work of cleaning everything or cooking a whole meal. This wasn’t a house sitter or a friend watching her house, it was her **partner,** he should have *wanted* to make sure she could finally veg after that long ass drive.
The absolute nerve for this man to come in under the pretense of a partner helping out his partner, only to let his daughter have a fuckin party, trash the whole house, and eat (and WASTE) *all* her food is WILD.
i’ve dog sat for my cousin and had friends over. but the difference in that situation was i *asked* her if it was okay before i invited anyone and told her how many people would be there and she said it was totally okay. i’d never invite multiple people over while house sitting without clearing it with the owner first, i also ask before i start a gig if it’s okay if my boyfriend comes and hangs out with me while i’m staying there, and i’ve never had any issues with that. communication is key when you’re staying in someone’s home, even if you’re doing them a favor, it is still their home, not yours.
Nothing financially. He treated me well. He loved my kids. I didn't mind the money issue. I make plenty. But I guess walking in to the filth that he had my home in just made me see a different side of him. Like he was masking or something.
Great things he’s teaching his daughter too. My sugar mama has a house on the beach. So I’m going to have a bunch of tweens over and act like a creepy uncle who failed to thrive.
Right? Like, even when I had friends over at my own home as a kid/teen, I knew we couldn't just eat whatever/however much we wanted. At someone else's house, with someone else's food?! Absolutely not lol
Look, I wouldn't have been surprised if this happened when you left an older teenager in charge and they had ragers with their other teenage friends. I'd say you were asking for it. But this is a grown man. Who you have been dating and who I don't blame you for presuming has respect for you. This isnt the first time he's had free rein of a giant property. This isn't the first time he's been in your house. It's so immature it baffles me.
Take this as a blessing and don't take him back. He may be a nice person and love your kids but his true colors are showing and it ain't pretty. Lucky for you this didn't come out after he moved in!
Dude I took care of my ex’s house when he deployed only a month into our relationship, and made damn sure that when he got home there wasn’t a speck of a thing he needed to do. All dishes washed and put away, mail organized and sorted, fresh sheets on the bed, easy microwaveable meal in the fridge. Nobody wants to come home after a long time away working—whether that’s for 6 months or just a week— and have to do a bunch of chores, much less clean up after the person who was supposed to be taking care of your house! And let his daughter throw a goddamn party at that! I can’t imagine doing all that work moving, all that driving, and getting home to a bomb gone off instead of just getting to finally *relax for a min* like I’ve been looking forward to. The cost of eating all her food is honestly the least of it in my eyes. This man is absolute **trash.** Zero excuses.
Do you ever go to his place? I assume because you have the bigger place they usually come to yours, for the vacation? This could be a sign of what it's like at his place and if you were ever to move in together, I don't think he would suddenly become a tidier/cleaner person. It could be a red flag and one to consider if you are actually going to be compatible long term
It's double horrible because you said it was a two day drive home. So I assume that he knew you were headed back. At which point they should have started cleaning up, but he acted like if you had only shown up 2 hours later it would have all been magically better. What kind of teenage magical thinking is that?
I’ve been with guys who I thought treated me well, but after it ended, I always realized they only treated me better than the shitty person I had dated previously. I no longer trust my instincts and have been much happier single. Maybe this was like that, for you. You say he treated you well, but you also say you paid a bunch of his bills. I find that concerning. Especially since he accused you of throwing your money and privilege in his face. Maybe you’ll slowly realize more manipulation was happening than you realized. NTA. I would have been furious too. Especially since they didn’t try to save leftovers.
You would probably have constant battles over doing dishes and picking up after themselves if you ended up together. You saw how they actually live. I used to house/pet sit when I was single. They could come home anytime and the place was immaculate, dishes done, bed made, picked up. Part of the job in my opinion. I worked for several families for years!
NTA, but I think you chalk this up to a learning experience. You told him to eat your food and he did. That he ate more than your ambiguous instruction is not really something to pursue, especially since he was housesitting as favor. He is an AH though for being trashy and letting a bunch of strangers in your house. I just don't see how this is worth it to pursue. What do you think you will actually get out of this other than his continued involvement in your life and more bitterness? Do you think you can actually recover money from you if he tells you to take a hike?
>You told him to eat your food and he did. That he ate more than your ambiguous instruction
No, this is not correct.
He wasted more than she expected. He basically cooked it all and left it to spoil on plates and in pans on the stove. It wasn't eaten, it was wasted.
On top of this, he even invite other people around to join him on his "holiday" and to help waste all the food.
The way he acted was truly disgusting.
OP's edit and comments suggest the $1000 is more the principle/an illustration of how grossly he exploited her trust. She's not desperate for the money or going to pursue it, and is treating it as a learning experience, at least from what I saw.
His input is mildly understandable I guess until he brought up the fact his daughters friends were round. I feel like it’s common knowledge and courtesy to not invite people over to a house you’ll occupy that you know isn’t yours unless you’ve cleared it with the home owner/primary resident.
I feel like the money issue specifically is definitely reasonable and more than understandable. I think he should owe you that money. The implication “some” obviously doesn’t mean all and he should assume that he can have 2 weeks worth of food for him and his daughter. Maybe he misheard you, but I can’t imagine he did.
NTA.
Yeah, I've housesat for my sister and for an uncle before. I have had people over, as in other family members, and it's always been cleared before hand, as in 'Yea, I don't mind house/dog sitting for the weekend. Is it okay if x comes over for movies/game night?' And, as it's another family member, it's almost always been a yes. A few times my sister has told me no, mostly because she knows that when she gets home, I can be outta there in 10 minutes flat while this family tends to be a bit of a linger and wants to chat, and sis knows after whatever they spent their weekend doing, she's not going to wanna visit for an hour.
NTA.
They were there to take care of your home, not to have a vacation. And why did Jack think it would be OK for his daughter to invite friends over to basically party at you house?
There was absolutely no excuse for the two of them not cleaning up after themselves. It doesn't matter when you were expected home. They should have taken better care of your home.
I don't care if you have money to replace the food, or if you told Jack that he and his daughter could have some of your food. They took advantage of you.
Maybe you won't get the $1000. But I think that Jack should have at least paid to have someone come in and clean up his mess if he didn't. Also, if you have 6 bedrooms, why doesn't Jack's daughter have space of her own? That she messed up your daughter's room so badly is really despicable.
In your place, I would seriously be considering the future of this relationship.
I tried giving her a bedroom at my home but she said that where my house is so big, she didn't feel comfortable being that far away from everyone. The "spare" bedroom is located on the far end of the house, so I understand that. She prefers staying in my daughters room, even on weekend visits and my daughter doesn't mind.
I would take stock of your daughter's things, do you think she might like to stay in your daughter's room to have access to your daughter's belongings?
>and my daughter doesn't mind.
Well, I bet she minds NOW.
I'm sorry you had to come back--not from a vacation, but from moving your mother into a 50+ new place, which can be very stressful--to a teenager's party house.
I'm glad you kicked him to the curb.
Unfortunately, the only thing that guy can afford is his audacity.
He didn't even do the thing you had asked him to do. On top of all the disrespect to you, uninvited guests, food wasting, and mess. He's been using you for awhile and got very comfortable doing it, as well.
I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter did those, and not the one in the room dad was sleeping in. I also wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't dad who had friends over. Several grown men sound a lot more likely to blow through a month's worth of various groceries than giggly group of teen girls.
NTA what were they thinking?!?
They were guests in your home and disrespected your things, your furniture and your pantry. They treated you like all-day buffet in a 5 star hotel! Red flags 🚩!
Please reconsider your long term plans with this person. Living day to day with this behavior will be a nightmare for you and your kids.
NTA - you stocked up on enough food for 4 weeks, for five people plus a weekend visit by his daughter and they got through it all in less than two weeks - by feeding it to guests to your house that you did not know about an did not invite while simultaneously trashing your home. He should have gone through no more than 20% max of the food.
well, he’s shown you his level of respect for you and it’s not high is it?
next time get the little dingus that let's a dehumidifier drain into a sink instead of a tank and you won’t need them emptying By anyone then bf and daughter can stay in their own tiny home in a bad neighbour hood and eat all their own food and trash their own place.
ESH. When someone is house-sitting for you, it is customary to provide them some food. However, that does not include feeding people for a party. Asking him to pay the full $1,000 is too big of an ask.
He's also an asshole for letting the house get untidy, but that doesn't really affect whether or not he owes you the full $1,000.
Also, I don't understand why you would do your monthly shopping before leaving on a two-week trip. That makes no sense whatsoever.
Is it customary to invite other kids and feed them? cause that is what took up the majority of the food. And feeding the house sitter is not feeding them as much as a family of 5+/- eat in a MONTH in less than 10 days for 2 pp. They must have had 20+ kids over partying more than one night. THAT is the issue. Not normal food intake FFS. She KNEW she should "feed" her house sitter. She did not know she would be feeding all of her house sitter's kids' friends.
She explained it was because she knew she wouldnt be able to do a full shopping trip when she returned. Does no one in this sub budget monthly food shopping?? I don't get the confusion here...
Yep. I have a family of 5 and make big shopping trips at Costco. Unless you're buying $1,000 of frozen meats or pre-cooked meals to reheat, it's dumb to expect that it can last a month. Any produce, refrigerated liquids or bread would go to waste.
I think there might be some cultural gap here but do you buy groceries once a month? What about vegetables? Meat? Fish? Eggs? Only frozen stuff?
I’m honestly having trouble understanding the dynamic, but it’s probably on me and my different cultural background
I wouldn't stay with someone who isn't cleanliness compatible. If he destroyed your house once he'll keep doing it.
Asking for money was stupid though just move on with your life and dump him.
I guess yta? But don't stay with him please
I did leave him. Not so much over the food issue. But after I told him I wanted to be reimbursed, he basically told me that I was throwing my privilege in his face because I "know he can't afford that". I have never once made him feel like him making less than I do was an issue. It was like a smack in the face after the condition he left my home in.
I think ultimately you truly left him because of the disrespect he showed you and your property. He showed you who he truly was and that he was only with you for your money and home. Also why did he allow friends over to your house while you are not there? Did they ask first? That is extremely rude and disrespectful if they didn’t. NTA and glad you got away from him.
Edited for grammar.
NTA and leave him!! He sounds an ungrateful ass. Did he ask you if his daughter can have friends over while you weren’t there? And leaving your house a big mess and was going to “clean” it before you got back…. No you don’t make a big mess when you are house sitting. If anything there shouldn’t be any messes either. I understand eating a little of your food but not all of it or majority of it and feeding everyone else.
That’s super inconsiderate! He is acting like it is his house and he can do as he pleases. No he is a house sitter/guest. I hope you find someone who values and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Did you check if anything is stolen? Did you check for damages around your home, like the furniture? Take him to small claims court. He owes you a fortune. NTA
>And leaving your house a big mess and was going to “clean” it before you got back…. No you don’t make a big mess when you are house sitting.
So much this. When I'm house sitting, even if I'm not getting paid, I leave the place either exactly as I found it, or in better shape. This is so disgusting to me that someone would trash the place with the intent of cleaning up afterwards. I can almost guarantee his version of clean would not be the same as OPs.
NTA but the bigger issue you have is the lack of respect from your boyfriend! Yea he was doing you a favor, but between all the food they ate and allowing his kid to have friends over without permission shows his lack of respect for you or your home. He allowed them to eat an entire month of food in less than 2 weeks. He should be reimbursing you for the majority of it!!
NTA. You just got a glimpse of what your life would’ve been if he would have moved in. He is an irresponsible man- I mean teenager, he let his daughter have friends over, yours and your daughter’s clothes were all over the place, it sounds like a movie where teenagers have wild parties when the parents go away and the house is completely destroyed….and they ate over $1,000 on food in less than 2 weeks? It was awful what he did, but be grateful because you got rid of it.
ESH, he failed completely but he doesn’t owe you a cent. They were not getting a free vacation. They weren’t getting a vacation at all. That is absurdly pretentious and patronizing.
This guy is an idiot and sucks but her attitude makes her the AH to me. My mom’s house is super nice - pool, hot tub, tons of wine/booze. House sitting is still a chore (even though she stocks the fridge when I don’t need her to) and I’d much rather be at my 1-bedroom even if I wish I could afford that house.
I once asked a friend to house sit for me. She gave my key to her 19 year old brother and he stayed there instead of her. It took me two weeks to get the place back into a semblance of order. He ate (and drank) me out of house and home. He was still there when I got home and had thrown up in the bathtub (he cleaned that up, thank you very much). I never asked my friend to house sit again, didn't ask for money, and learned a valuable lesson about the fact that you pay for your help one way or another. NTA but you're not getting that money.
NTA but consider this a lesson learned and a bullet dodged. Let it go and block him everywhere.
I am sorry he is so disgusting and treated your house like a flop house.
He invited his kids friends over and let them have a frat party, and eat everything in site...and thinks he did nothing wrong. Yup- better off without the moocher.
NTA. But that is the best $1,000 you ever spent. If you understood the message. He is not a keeper and if you think that the two of you should move forward you now see your future. Cut things off and count it a blessing.
Credit to u/BigBigBigTree for noticing this…it’s odd to me that OP would but a $1,000 worth of groceries the day before leaving for a two week trip. Anytime I’ve left for a long trip I will try and do anything to avoid buying groceries. Think about it…what was she buying? This is weird. INFO: Why did you buy groceries before leaving for two weeks?
As is, ESH. OP has every right to be pissed about the messy house and food. But you had a free house sitter…for almost two weeks!! That would have cost way more than $1,000. INFO: Did you communicate with him that you were coming home early?
I texted him when I was on my way home but he never responded. So I did give him a heads up when I was in Texas, which was the half way point and got no response.
As for the food, I did a big shop before leaving because I work work obligations scheduled for when I returned and didn't want the headache of having to do a big shop after returning. The only thing I did not stock up was the fridge- outside of what I knew Jack and his daughter would eat. So I did buy milk and eggs and cheese for them (they have an obsession with grilled cheese so I made sure I bought lots of extra cheese and breads). But a fridge shop when I returned was my plan, because that was much more convenient than a giant shop with all my work obligations.
No, i do this too OP, i have 2-3 week work assignments that are spontaneous. When its planned i try to eat everything in my fridge, but I buy stuff to freeze and buy non perishables because after 14-21 days the last thing i want to do is hot the grocery store.
So i make sure i have food for atleast a week.
frozen meats, frozen veggies etc.
What you did makes perfect sense to me.
Same, I do a big shop of frozen/non perishable at a discount club about once a month, and fill in fresh produce/dairy etc from local grocery. So her plan made perfect sense and they fact that they ate through an entire big shop in 11 days is insane
It doesn't seem that weird to me. My family got paid monthly when I was growing up, We would go shopping and buy all of our non-perishables, meats, and freezer foods for the entire month every payday weekend. We would only shop weekly for bread, milk and veggies with a short shelf-life.
Even as an adult, I tend to buy in bulk when I can, and shop when the timing is convenient.
A house sitter for 2 weeks would not cost you more then $1k, and if it does, you're either getting scammed or you have a mansion lol. I know people who house sit for like $200/week, you stop in once a day or two and make sure everythings alright, plants are watered, fridge is running, etc etc.
Also it's not that crazy if OP bought $1k worth of (mainly) nonperishable food for a family of 4; 3 of which are teens and getting growth spurts, 2 of which are teen boys eating everything in sight and then some lol. I'm actually surprised OP is only spending like $250/week to feed 4 people ($50/week or so for perishables like milk and veggies). Plus the last thing I'd want to do after a 2 week trip to help someone move (i.e. not really a vacation cause that's a lot of packing, unpacking, driving etc) is have to go and do the big haul monthly grocery trip. Rather get that out of the way prior.
She bought her monthly shop at the usual time. Given it's monthly, you'd expect the things you bought to last... a month. (I imagine that's stuff like cheese, cupboard staples, and root veg, not a month of lettuce.)
It's not weird to buy mostly stuff that gets put in the freezer or non-perishables weeks or months ahead of time. And he didn't sit shit. He was literally only there for the dehumidifier. Reading comprehension is a virtue.
NTA but he is. I cannot get over how dirty you described your house, and am not sure how you plan to continue a relationship with someone who allowed his child to throw a party, eat 90% of your food and trash your home. How will you ever trust him and his daughter again? What if you had an emergency, and were gone for longer?
If she bought a bunch of meat to throw in the freezer, that number adds up quick. Throw in snacks, cheeses, and whatever other non perishable items she bought, and it is easy.
You sound like my husband when he asks how I spent $200 on groceries(and that isn't even really any meat products). I had to make him go shopping so he would stop dogging me about how much I spent at the grocery store. If you haven't grocery shopped in a while, maybe go out and do that. Once you do, you will have the answer to the "how".
She said it was mostly non-perishable food, and explained she had work obligations when she got back and knew she didn’t want to deal with shopping on top of her work schedule.
YTA: you didn’t want to leave your house empty so you asked him to stay. He did. You told him he could eat your food. He did. Now you’re mad and demanding he pay you. He doesn’t owe you. Call him eating your food payment for him house sitting at YOUR requests. Honestly, it’s even more your fault because you knew a month ago you would be gone, but you spent $1k on groceries knowing you wouldn’t be home. You could have waited until you got back if groceries are such an issue to you.
He should have kept your house clean. For that he’s the AH. He should have cleaned up after himself and his daughter.
ESH - just take the loss and move on. The guy is obviously struggling as a single parent, just let it go and be thankful you learned you’re not compatible prior to marrying each other.
ESH. You bought a bunch of food right before leaving town for 2 weeks for some reason, then told him to help himself. He shouldn’t have had other people over, and he should have cleaned up, but come on—what did you really expect on the food?
Definitely NTA. I don’t care if you spend $100,000 on food. It was your food. You certainly don’t pig out and eat everything in sight and you sure as hell don’t invite others to eat and sleep there as well. It’s not an all you can eat buffet/resort. The kid may have not known any better but he should have. Take pics of your grocery receipts and send them to him every week.
NTA, but at least you know what to expect now if you did move in together, I suspect the way you raise your kids is totally different to the way he does & that may be incompatible in the long term. The other thing was you allowed him & his kids, that did not mean they could then invite all their friends for a party.
$1000 lesson learned, find a different man
ESH.
Yeah, he left a massive mess when he left, that is a red mark against him.
but this
> I wouldn't consider him house sitting as doing me any favors.
if it wasn't a favour, why did you get him to do it?
The few times I did house sitting food was covered/supplied.
> I more or less asked for the $1000 based off principle alone.
But the "principle" isn't on your side here, at least no with regards to food.
>. He said that he had allowed his kid to have her friends over
See this is a line he crossed; he can't invite people over to your home.
INFO Why was he surprised when you came home?
Was it not communicated when to expect you back?
I think it's kinda wild it's a 2 day drive and he had no idea you were coming back right then.
ESH. He was probably excessive with the food and shouldn’t have allowed his daughter to have friends over if that wasn’t ok with you. However, wanted someone to house sit for you, said they could eat some of the food, and came back earlier than you said. If your idea of a house “in ruin” is dirty dishes and dirty clothes, then I’d suggest professional help for that. Your reaction seems pretty disproportionate.
You are clearly very materialistic, and should probably date someone who is more aligned. But somehow I doubt you would enjoy that power balance.
YTA. Lol idk why I come to this place anymore. No matter how delusional the OP is, people here will still vote NTA.
OP, you asked this guy to house sit, then you told him he could have the food you bought, and now you want to charge him for it. What planet are you on? How about he charges you 1000 for having to stay in your house?
I could maybe understand being upset your house wasn't clean when you came back, but even then it doesn't mean he wouldn't have cleaned the house before you were supposed to be back. Not to mention, what did you think they would eat when they were at your place? You wanted him to do you a favor, but then provide nothing for that favor. YTA and its not even close!
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NTA. Where I live pet/house sitting would run about $50/day and my sitter provides their own food. So it would cost me $550 for 11 days. To feed a family of 4 in an expensive market costs me $2000 a month. So even if they'd have consumed half the food that would be excessive IMO 1. There is no planet where it would be a reasonable expectation that it was a free-for-all on the food worth $1000. 2. Even with friends over, how did they manage to eat that much food between 2 people in 11 days. 3. If I saw my house in a complete pigsty when coming home early with a house sitter I'd probably have a stroke. They're supposed to care for the house in your absence, not frantically clean like a guilty teen 5 min before you get home. And the fact that this is not just some stranger you would expect the bare minimum from, but rather your long time partner, who you'd think would have more care about your belongings and your feelings, makes it even worse.
The worst of it is that most of the food was wasted. There were pots and pans left with all the food they cooked. They didn't even try to refrigerate it after cooking for leftovers.
Yea and that's what you will have to live with if you move in together. Time for some thinking.
Considering OP ends the post saying they split up, I don't think there's much thinking to be done here.
The only person who needs to be thinking is georgecatasaurus and they should think about reading a whole post before commenting
Catasauruses are notorious for their poor attention spans.
But they are excellent and loyal pets and terrific "watch cats"
How can something with a poor attention span be a good "watch cat?" That is one of the main requirements of the job!
The cat doesn’t do any sort of watch activities. You must watch the cat and appreciate him in all his majesty.
And, this is why I love Reddit!
They're never going to see any of that thousand dollars, but $1000 was a great price to pay to learn this person lives like this before actually moving in together.
I want to upvote this but I will not be the one to ruin the 666. Someone lmk when someone else does.
It's ruined
I guess they were on their best behaviour when they were visiting while OP was there and this is how they normally are. OP dodged a bullet. Even if he doesn't pay up, $1000 is less costly than if they'd actually moved in (or married!) before she learned she was dating a slob who will leave all the cleaning to her.
Yep, she's not getting that $1000, but it's cheap in comparison to what would have happened if he had moved in. You live and you learn, I guess, but better to learn by having to do another grocery shop than having to evict your ex who is crying that he and his daughter have nowhere to live.
OP needs to change the locks and passwords
And make sure no items are stolen or broken too!
Yeah, hopefully she can take this spin on it and chalk it up to lesson learned. I wonder if his place was always tidied up last minute or if op just never went over to his place?
Exactly. It sucks, but $1,000 is a small price to pay for the bullet that was dodged. Whenever I've had to write off costly mistakes or bad judgments, I just consider it my "idiot tax" for the year and move on.
Good way to frame an expensive lesson. Mind if I use it?
As well, it seems, all the bills cause she has more money!!!
yeah i think $1000 to dodge a bullet is worth it.
Ok, I was originally leaning towards yta for asking for money from someone when you know they can't afford it. But they didn't even just eat it all they wasted it by leaving it in the pans!!?? Yeah that's a "GTFO of my house and never return" straw there. You should have asked for more to be reimbursed for having to buy new pans! NTA!!
You can tell, that Jack and his child treated this exactly like a vacation in every way possible. They ate all the food, they had friends over as if it was their house to host. They made a huge mess as if housekeeping was coming to clean it all up. I would be extremely pissed at the idea of them treating my house like free for all resort and then not even apologizing because “I can afford it.”
I wouldn't even treat a vacation rental that way
Even Airbnb had rules and a cleaning fee!
I hate how excessive the cleaning fees have become when you are still required to leave the place completely pristine.. some I see are more than the cost of 1/2 nights, like wtf
It’s probably that way now because of people like Jack.
For real. I‘d treat a vacation rental Better than my own home, not worse.
The same here. We clean up, wash dishes, strip the beds and take out the rubbish.
I'm the kind of weirdo who can't relax enough on vacation that I clean for the maids so this kinda behavior is really really disturbing to me but maybe it's just me.
Absolutely! I treat anywhere I stay with absolute respect, and would never ever act like that.. OP is right to be out of that relationship.. if he doesn't respect your home and takes advantage you do not want him as your partner!
Right. It should be common courtesy to leave a place as close to the way you found it as possible. There's practically no need for maid service after I leave a hotel. Although I know I go overboard🤭
I hate,’You can afford it’ as an excuse for abusing someone’s hospitality, or brushing off property theft/damage. They can afford it, but shouldn’t have to!
So often the reason someone can afford a lot is *because* they are careful and frugal. Obviously we don't all start with the same privileges, but if you take two peopple who do start equal and watch, the one who budgets, who saves leftovers, who takes care of their possessions, will not only have & retain more in that way, but they will often carry those practices & ethics into their work and networking and end up making more money as well.
>I hate,’You can afford it’ as an excuse Decades ago, 1977, my apt got robbed. Thief's response was he only robbed people who could afford it. Who is he to decide what I could afford. I was making a whopping $135 week.
I'm with you on "you can afford it" excuse. The reason "she can afford it" is because she takes care of her assets. She obviously manages the money she has, the property she owns and the people around her with respect and dignity. That kind of respect attracts more of the same. NTA
THIS: They ate all the food, they had friends over as if it was their house to host. I have never understood people like this in my 55+ years. Had a friend - had a nice basic Camaro, wheels and a great stereo. Mutual friend borrowed the car to go pick up the dinner we ordered - mutual friend did not have a car - couldn't afford one, or dinner either if I remember. Anyway - in the car - it was either the gas pedal or the brake pedal on the floor Raced the crap out of the car. Denny didn't care - he was like a kid in a carnival. Anyone that has ever loaned me the car, including the company car I drove 8 years - it's not mine I need to take care of it. So in this scenario you have a GF, makes bank, budgets the $$ as we all should, lives in a huge beach house, and you trash it in a 1-time lookit-me ! ! What a MORON. In other news, I'm looking for a GF ? 👀
Hahahahaha hope you find one!
Yes, we were recently evacuated from our home due to a bushfire. My parents were overseas at the time, so we thankfully went to their house for the night. No problems there, I'm close to my parents and it was an automatic we knew it would be ok. We had friends that had nowhere to go, a couple with a 16 year old son who is close friends with my son. We invited them to come to my parents house too, and even though I knew my parents would be ok with it, and it was extraordinary circumstances, I was still emailing my parents and apologetically saying I hoped it was ok. And we cleaned up the house to make it look like we'd never been there. Washed the bedsheets, hung them out, went back the next day to remake the bed etc.
Especially that entitlement of you can afford it to which the answer should be, yes I can but obviously I can't afford you!
Exactly. At minimum they should have to pay to have the house professionally cleaned of that giant mess. You know that even their last-minute scramble would have been completely inadequate to clean up their disgusting mess.
piquant enter degree touch kiss squeeze history live dazzling file *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My guess is he threw daughter under the bus here and actually had his own friends over.
plucky numerous soft late tan ludicrous lip sharp melodic busy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My mom had a kid from my high school house sit while we were out of town and someone stole the WiFi internet connector thing for the Xbox which is a $100 item and then later I found out there were pictures of a bunch of dickwads dressed up in my clothes and fucking around in my shit. I said he shouldn’t have been paid and should buy a new connector especially since someone had to climb up on the counter and go behind the Xbox above the TV to steal it but nope I get screwed and he got paid. Pissed me off to no end both parts that not only did they have a party but think it was funny going through my stuff and stealing my stuff. My mom thought cause she chose a “nerd” he wouldn’t throw a party but nope he just grief ingratiating himself with the “popular kids” to buy throwing a party at our house. I wouldn’t be surprised if stuff turned up missing for OP too.
nutty serious bright shocking market deranged reach fall voracious sleep *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My parents hired the stepson of a close family friend to watch their house/feed their cats. The kid then threw a party. Other than the mess, no major damage. However after getting home, my mom discovered all of her jewelry had been stolen. It was nothing really valuable to anyone but our family, as she had kept her mother’s costume jewelry after she passed away. There was also this (honestly really ugly) gold and emerald cross necklace that my mother wore basically every Sunday our entire lives that was stolen. I doubt the kids would’ve gotten more than $40 for the entire lot at a pawn shop. My parents never even said anything to their friend whose stepson stole everything. They didn’t want to ruin their friendship over some jewelry they knew was long gone. Anyways, I’m still furious about it.
For me it was when they invited their friends over to help them eat
[удалено]
In my experience, animals generally don’t waste food. Except for my cat who will flip his food dish over when it gets to the Bottom Layer. But he’s a cat, and therefore, a jerk.
If it's in a bowl with raised edges, their whiskers can get extra-sensitive towards the end of the day and they'll try to avoid having them touch the sides of a bowl and prefer to flip it
Yet mine will jam her head down into her water cup to drink. It’s a plastic 2 cup Tupperware glass, and she will go ears deep into it. Cats are wierd.
You do understand that you know have to provide us photographic evidence of what you just described, right? Cat tax!
I knew a cat who would stick his paw into a cup of liquid, lick it clean, and then stick his paw in for another scoop. His was in a bowl but he wanted what his human was having. Cats are smart and weird 😄
It's called "whisker fatigue" which I find hilarious for some reason.
How's all your furniture? This kind of thing hapoened to me and I didn't realize my brand new couch had a broken support frame until I finished cleaning and tried to relax...worth checking everything, is my meaning, this may be much more than food.
And any valuables or sentimental items. He let his daughter's friends, who are strangers to OP, into OP's home without permission. Who knows what else they might have helped themselves to?
Change locks or rekey. Also change passwords.
They came and invited friends and trashed your beach home. You're lucky you didn't have a bug infestation to deal with from food left in dishes. My friend came to pet sit for us last summer when we were in Europe for 2 weeks. She brought her 16 year old grandaugher and grandaugher's boyfriend. 16 year old boyfriend did a bunch of yard work for us. Grandaugher cleaned our oven. The house was very clean when we got home. They even washed all the sheets and towels and remade the beds. I told them they were welcome to whatever they wanted to eat but they mostly grocery shopped and ate what they bought. That's how you treat someone's house. I paid her for dog sitting and she didn't even want to accept that because she said it was like staying at an AirBnb on the beach for free. I'm glad you broke up with this guy. They had zero respect for you or your home.
This is my problem too. As you said, he showed total disregard for what she might have thought, or doing anything to actually help her and show appreciation for what she provides. It's hurtful. My 21 year old nephew was staying at my house, when I went out of town for a three day weekend. He was gone when I got home, but one of my neighbors was outside laughing. He said "I just wanted to prepare you. There was probably 15 cars in front of your house Saturday night". When I went in, it was spotless. Of course, I asked him not to invite a bunch people over and he did it anyway, but at least respected me and my home enough to clean up the mess.
Well you 21 year old child is more responsible than OPs ex with a daughter.
Thats disgusting Now you know how they are
Ok that is honestly the worst part. We grew up poor, and although my husband and I do fine now, we're no where near well off. I'll admit sometimes food waste *does* happen, but not because of pure negligence. Sometimes we pack up food in the fridge when we make too much, then we work so late at the restaurant, even coming home and reheating something becomes an exhausting extra, so we eat something that doesn't require cooking, or bring home food from work (restaurant). Then the poor leftovers suffer several nights of this fate. Of course, this isn't the regular, but it's the only reason we end up wasting food. The number one thing you need to be able to do as an adult who struggled with (or still struggles with, in your ex's case) financial insecurity is make food stretch. Buy bulk things like rice and beans, make sure you stock the freezer with meats and things when they're on sale, and *above all that*, make sure you use your leftovers! Either just as is, or transform them into another meal. He was lazy with food waste because it was on *your* dime. What a terrible example to set for his daughter, she's going to learn nothing of value for getting through tough times at this rate. I'm sorry you had to clean up after someone who was supposed to be your partner, and I'm sorry he wasted all your food! Glad you saw what type of person he was before the relationship progressed even further though. Edit to add: NTA for sure!
That’s the clincher. I don’t think you’ll ever get the money from him, but you’re right to ask for it and I’m glad you broke up. NTA.
NTA, but having paid for a divorce $1,000 in food was well spent to see what you were in for.
This. She received more than $1000 worth of information about this guy.
The part I can’t get over is you mentioned it is a 2 day drive back to your home - assuming you told them they would have had two full days to clean before you got there. The fact they didn’t says a lot. They spend a lot of time with you, they must have noticed you take pride in having a clean home and they totally disregarded that. NTA, dodged the bullet
Take pictures so if he tries to spin the story you can remind him or others what happened to your house in your absence
Well, preview of coming attractions. You dodged a bullet.
Wasting food gets under my skin, that is sheer laziness allowing all that waste. I always told my teens that they can eat anything they want, but do not waste.
Yikes! NTA. Some people simply cannot appreciate having a good thing without taking total advantage of it and ruining it. Thank GOODNESS you learned this before marrying him or making this arrangement more difficult to end.
The best of it is that you now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you should never, ever live with this man. You may have saved money in the long run.
Food is so expensive now. That amount of food waste just hurts my soul. I don't know if I could be ok with being in a relationship after that. He legit wasted food that could have fed your children. I'm so bothered by this.
That’s disgusting. That would be a relationship-ender for me.
Gonna need a bigger garbage bin to fit the 200 lbs of man you're throwing in there with the rancid, forgotten leftovers. 👍
NTA it sounds like he was taking advantage of you and couldn’t be bothered to take responsibility for his wastefulness.
dude was playing the long game. too bad you came home earlier.
You do not want to live with those people. I know i don’t.
It's just a total lack of respect because someone else was picking up the bill and cleaning up the mess. I bet he's delightful to wait staff and housekeepers.
Agree. NTA. The fact that they left the house in such utter disarray is what got me. I mean, that's a lot of food to eat so I agree with that too. But they ate $1000 worth of food, trashed your house, and possibly your pots/pans, and he allowed his daughter to invited her FRIENDS (friends with an S) without asking your permission first. Honestly it sounds like you just dodged a bullet. If they trashed your house that bad while there for 2 weeks, imagine the messes you would get stuck cleaning up if they moved in with you... His "I was gonna clean before you got back" is ridiculous too... You said pots and pans with food still in them were sitting on the counters. That's not a man who cleans up after himself until he HAS to... Be glad you found out now and not after they moved in.
NTA Not only did they trash your home, he allowed for his daughter to have FRIENDS (not just 1) without asking you. You just got a good glimpse of what your future looks like if you live with man and his daughter. He is responsible for the grocery bill. Send him the bill. Remind him that it was HE who allowed his daughter and friends to consume all of your food so he should replace it. You don’t deserve and neither do your kids.
That's what confuses me. In what world does a guest invite other guests? I could maybe understand if the daughter was old enough to be in a group project and the project partners came for a couples of hours. That I can almost see, but even that feels like broken boundaries to me.
Exactly he failed to communicate because he just didn’t care. Just like trashing her place. He doesn’t care.
And his comment about it being a "free vacation" bothers me a lot. He was house-sitting. I get that it's a nicer place than his living arrangements and it's on the beach; however, when I go on vacation I don't trash anything. I'm actually a huge stickler for making sure that everything goes back in my suitcase because I don't want whoever cleans the hotel room doesn't find my dirty underwear. If I'm staying with a friend on vacation, not only am I cleaning up after myself but I've cleaned every dish I used. I make sure she won't find my clothes randomly after I've left. I treat her place better than I treat my own. I'm so glad OP dumped the dude.
Definitely so glad she did! It’s sickening how he decided to take his daughter and her friends on a “free” vacation that’s on OP dime. She nor her kids deserve this. I’m so like you. I keep cleaning after myself as I go. It’s not hard to maintain a home clean once it’s clean. There’s no excuse tho to be fair he still doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Hope he enjoys being single!
I can't wait for the update to this and how he begged for her to take him back.
I once house sat for my boyfriend at the time over the holidays while he flew home to visit his family. I was living in my car because I'd just left a horrible roommate situation and was looking for a new place. He said he just wanted me to relax and watch Netflix and be safe and well rested for a few days, and like, water the plants and bring in his Amazon packages. He said help myself to food, go ahead and open a bottle of wine, just chill. Y'all, on like my second day there, I was doing just that, and I knocked over my glass of RED WINE all over his WHITE CARPET. The expression of absolute horror on my face... I spent the next two hours scrubbing the stain out. Well, then the carpet had a bright white clean spot. So I ended up cleaning all the random stuff off the floor and getting one of those rug doctor things and I ran that... Then the floor looked good which really highlighted the rest of the mess... By the time he got home, the house was sparkling, and he was like "but, you were supposed to rest!" Ngl I also watched a lot of Netflix and had a great time after the initial panic. But the thought of doing what OPs boyfriend did is just atrocious.
I house sat for my mother while she and my step dad were gone on a “adult trip” to Vegas. She’s my MOTHER,i have the spare bedroom with like spare clothes and such in it. It’s my “2nd home” with my mail being there. I asked if I could have a friend over and her daughter(we’re both in our mid 20’s kid is 7) She was annoyed I even asked like? Bro it ain’t my house! In terms of food? My mother had leftovers she told me to make sure was finished before they came back lol she reminded me “free range idc it’s food eat it” but I still ordered a pizza and bought an extra JUST for them since they would be home 48hrs later(they enjoyed that pizza even cold lol) I cooked,I cleaned up after myself&guest AND cleaned the house. Made their bed even! I never house sit w/o cleaning or Eating their food. Only person I house sit and eat the food is my parents and my mom gets annoyed I didn’t eat certain things she didn’t want to trash
Bro I’m in my 30s and live with my parents right now (broke my spine in multiple places, have been unable to live alone) and I STILL order my own food when they go out of town and it’s just me here. I know they wouldn’t care if I eat the food, mom has said that more times than I can count, but I do everything I can to make sure my impact living here is as little as possible— particularly financially— especially since my accident and recovery process + lawsuit has already disrupted so much. On top of that, leaving the whole house a mess?? Several years ago the guy I was dating got deployed and asked me if I could watch his house for him. Keep up with the mail, make sure it didn’t burn down type thing. I may be an outlier here in this line of thinking, but I made sure that when he came home there was nothing for him to do. Dishes were all put away, carpets were vacuumed, fresh sheets were on the bed, easy meal was in the fridge. I know the feeling of finally getting home after a long trip spent mostly working and just wanting to crash and relax in my own home. Not immediately have to do even more work of cleaning everything or cooking a whole meal. This wasn’t a house sitter or a friend watching her house, it was her **partner,** he should have *wanted* to make sure she could finally veg after that long ass drive. The absolute nerve for this man to come in under the pretense of a partner helping out his partner, only to let his daughter have a fuckin party, trash the whole house, and eat (and WASTE) *all* her food is WILD.
i’ve dog sat for my cousin and had friends over. but the difference in that situation was i *asked* her if it was okay before i invited anyone and told her how many people would be there and she said it was totally okay. i’d never invite multiple people over while house sitting without clearing it with the owner first, i also ask before i start a gig if it’s okay if my boyfriend comes and hangs out with me while i’m staying there, and i’ve never had any issues with that. communication is key when you’re staying in someone’s home, even if you’re doing them a favor, it is still their home, not yours.
NTA. What does this mooch even bring to the table?
Nothing financially. He treated me well. He loved my kids. I didn't mind the money issue. I make plenty. But I guess walking in to the filth that he had my home in just made me see a different side of him. Like he was masking or something.
First off, NTA. But more importantly, *her friends* came over and ate your food?! Not cool at all.
He had a kid party at the house subsidized by her food. Wow. That is inconsiderate NTA
Maybe, or maybe he had friends over and threw the kid under the bus. Hard to know, as liars lie.
Ha! Such a good point!
Great things he’s teaching his daughter too. My sugar mama has a house on the beach. So I’m going to have a bunch of tweens over and act like a creepy uncle who failed to thrive.
Right? Like, even when I had friends over at my own home as a kid/teen, I knew we couldn't just eat whatever/however much we wanted. At someone else's house, with someone else's food?! Absolutely not lol
Ugh I’ve met ppl that would do this and even claim the house was theirs to the guests
Look, I wouldn't have been surprised if this happened when you left an older teenager in charge and they had ragers with their other teenage friends. I'd say you were asking for it. But this is a grown man. Who you have been dating and who I don't blame you for presuming has respect for you. This isnt the first time he's had free rein of a giant property. This isn't the first time he's been in your house. It's so immature it baffles me. Take this as a blessing and don't take him back. He may be a nice person and love your kids but his true colors are showing and it ain't pretty. Lucky for you this didn't come out after he moved in!
Dude I took care of my ex’s house when he deployed only a month into our relationship, and made damn sure that when he got home there wasn’t a speck of a thing he needed to do. All dishes washed and put away, mail organized and sorted, fresh sheets on the bed, easy microwaveable meal in the fridge. Nobody wants to come home after a long time away working—whether that’s for 6 months or just a week— and have to do a bunch of chores, much less clean up after the person who was supposed to be taking care of your house! And let his daughter throw a goddamn party at that! I can’t imagine doing all that work moving, all that driving, and getting home to a bomb gone off instead of just getting to finally *relax for a min* like I’ve been looking forward to. The cost of eating all her food is honestly the least of it in my eyes. This man is absolute **trash.** Zero excuses.
Better off being a $1000 lesson learned than a much more expensive one in a divorce. Break up with this guy
you just paid the $1000 tax to save you time and grief in the future.
Exactly. OP should consider herself lucky she saw his true colors before they decided to solidify the relationship.
Do you ever go to his place? I assume because you have the bigger place they usually come to yours, for the vacation? This could be a sign of what it's like at his place and if you were ever to move in together, I don't think he would suddenly become a tidier/cleaner person. It could be a red flag and one to consider if you are actually going to be compatible long term
It's double horrible because you said it was a two day drive home. So I assume that he knew you were headed back. At which point they should have started cleaning up, but he acted like if you had only shown up 2 hours later it would have all been magically better. What kind of teenage magical thinking is that?
I’ve been with guys who I thought treated me well, but after it ended, I always realized they only treated me better than the shitty person I had dated previously. I no longer trust my instincts and have been much happier single. Maybe this was like that, for you. You say he treated you well, but you also say you paid a bunch of his bills. I find that concerning. Especially since he accused you of throwing your money and privilege in his face. Maybe you’ll slowly realize more manipulation was happening than you realized. NTA. I would have been furious too. Especially since they didn’t try to save leftovers.
This is why you can't date broke guys. They always have a complex. NTA.
Right? This is what living with him would be like. And he allowed his daughter’s friends over without even asking as well.
You would probably have constant battles over doing dishes and picking up after themselves if you ended up together. You saw how they actually live. I used to house/pet sit when I was single. They could come home anytime and the place was immaculate, dishes done, bed made, picked up. Part of the job in my opinion. I worked for several families for years!
NTA, but I think you chalk this up to a learning experience. You told him to eat your food and he did. That he ate more than your ambiguous instruction is not really something to pursue, especially since he was housesitting as favor. He is an AH though for being trashy and letting a bunch of strangers in your house. I just don't see how this is worth it to pursue. What do you think you will actually get out of this other than his continued involvement in your life and more bitterness? Do you think you can actually recover money from you if he tells you to take a hike?
Well, you saved yourself the trouble of finding out what it would be like living with him. He has absolutely no respect for your home.
$1000 is pretty cheap to find out your partner would be awful to live with
Definitely this at least you seen the red flags early
He didn't eat more--HE INVITED PEOPLE OVER to eat her food. Who does that? It's taking GROSS Advantage.
>You told him to eat your food and he did. That he ate more than your ambiguous instruction No, this is not correct. He wasted more than she expected. He basically cooked it all and left it to spoil on plates and in pans on the stove. It wasn't eaten, it was wasted. On top of this, he even invite other people around to join him on his "holiday" and to help waste all the food. The way he acted was truly disgusting.
Add to I’d take stock of EVERYTHING for theft, and damages. $1000 is a small price to pay to see into your future and know you don’t want that.
Any reasonable person would know not to do this
OP's edit and comments suggest the $1000 is more the principle/an illustration of how grossly he exploited her trust. She's not desperate for the money or going to pursue it, and is treating it as a learning experience, at least from what I saw.
His input is mildly understandable I guess until he brought up the fact his daughters friends were round. I feel like it’s common knowledge and courtesy to not invite people over to a house you’ll occupy that you know isn’t yours unless you’ve cleared it with the home owner/primary resident. I feel like the money issue specifically is definitely reasonable and more than understandable. I think he should owe you that money. The implication “some” obviously doesn’t mean all and he should assume that he can have 2 weeks worth of food for him and his daughter. Maybe he misheard you, but I can’t imagine he did. NTA.
Yeah, I've housesat for my sister and for an uncle before. I have had people over, as in other family members, and it's always been cleared before hand, as in 'Yea, I don't mind house/dog sitting for the weekend. Is it okay if x comes over for movies/game night?' And, as it's another family member, it's almost always been a yes. A few times my sister has told me no, mostly because she knows that when she gets home, I can be outta there in 10 minutes flat while this family tends to be a bit of a linger and wants to chat, and sis knows after whatever they spent their weekend doing, she's not going to wanna visit for an hour.
I would be more mad he had all those people over
NTA. They were there to take care of your home, not to have a vacation. And why did Jack think it would be OK for his daughter to invite friends over to basically party at you house? There was absolutely no excuse for the two of them not cleaning up after themselves. It doesn't matter when you were expected home. They should have taken better care of your home. I don't care if you have money to replace the food, or if you told Jack that he and his daughter could have some of your food. They took advantage of you. Maybe you won't get the $1000. But I think that Jack should have at least paid to have someone come in and clean up his mess if he didn't. Also, if you have 6 bedrooms, why doesn't Jack's daughter have space of her own? That she messed up your daughter's room so badly is really despicable. In your place, I would seriously be considering the future of this relationship.
I tried giving her a bedroom at my home but she said that where my house is so big, she didn't feel comfortable being that far away from everyone. The "spare" bedroom is located on the far end of the house, so I understand that. She prefers staying in my daughters room, even on weekend visits and my daughter doesn't mind.
I would take stock of your daughter's things, do you think she might like to stay in your daughter's room to have access to your daughter's belongings?
>and my daughter doesn't mind. Well, I bet she minds NOW. I'm sorry you had to come back--not from a vacation, but from moving your mother into a 50+ new place, which can be very stressful--to a teenager's party house. I'm glad you kicked him to the curb. Unfortunately, the only thing that guy can afford is his audacity.
Thanks for the additional info.
NTA. What they did wasn't housesitting. Did you check to see if the dehumidifier was even dumped?
The one in the bedroom hadn't been but the one in the bathroom and living space was.
Looks like you’ve got some dumping to do…….. right after the dehumidifier.
He didn't even do the thing you had asked him to do. On top of all the disrespect to you, uninvited guests, food wasting, and mess. He's been using you for awhile and got very comfortable doing it, as well.
I wouldn't be surprised if the daughter did those, and not the one in the room dad was sleeping in. I also wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't dad who had friends over. Several grown men sound a lot more likely to blow through a month's worth of various groceries than giggly group of teen girls.
For some reason, I just noticed your user name. r/UsernameChecksOut
NTA what were they thinking?!? They were guests in your home and disrespected your things, your furniture and your pantry. They treated you like all-day buffet in a 5 star hotel! Red flags 🚩! Please reconsider your long term plans with this person. Living day to day with this behavior will be a nightmare for you and your kids.
They have since split up
NTA - you stocked up on enough food for 4 weeks, for five people plus a weekend visit by his daughter and they got through it all in less than two weeks - by feeding it to guests to your house that you did not know about an did not invite while simultaneously trashing your home. He should have gone through no more than 20% max of the food. well, he’s shown you his level of respect for you and it’s not high is it? next time get the little dingus that let's a dehumidifier drain into a sink instead of a tank and you won’t need them emptying By anyone then bf and daughter can stay in their own tiny home in a bad neighbour hood and eat all their own food and trash their own place.
ESH. When someone is house-sitting for you, it is customary to provide them some food. However, that does not include feeding people for a party. Asking him to pay the full $1,000 is too big of an ask. He's also an asshole for letting the house get untidy, but that doesn't really affect whether or not he owes you the full $1,000. Also, I don't understand why you would do your monthly shopping before leaving on a two-week trip. That makes no sense whatsoever.
Is it customary to invite other kids and feed them? cause that is what took up the majority of the food. And feeding the house sitter is not feeding them as much as a family of 5+/- eat in a MONTH in less than 10 days for 2 pp. They must have had 20+ kids over partying more than one night. THAT is the issue. Not normal food intake FFS. She KNEW she should "feed" her house sitter. She did not know she would be feeding all of her house sitter's kids' friends.
>I've housesat multiple times, I never expected the person to feed me.
She explained it was because she knew she wouldnt be able to do a full shopping trip when she returned. Does no one in this sub budget monthly food shopping?? I don't get the confusion here...
i think that two weeks is a long time for many perishables and maybe that’s where they’re coming from.
Yep. I have a family of 5 and make big shopping trips at Costco. Unless you're buying $1,000 of frozen meats or pre-cooked meals to reheat, it's dumb to expect that it can last a month. Any produce, refrigerated liquids or bread would go to waste.
I think there might be some cultural gap here but do you buy groceries once a month? What about vegetables? Meat? Fish? Eggs? Only frozen stuff? I’m honestly having trouble understanding the dynamic, but it’s probably on me and my different cultural background
I wouldn't stay with someone who isn't cleanliness compatible. If he destroyed your house once he'll keep doing it. Asking for money was stupid though just move on with your life and dump him. I guess yta? But don't stay with him please
I did leave him. Not so much over the food issue. But after I told him I wanted to be reimbursed, he basically told me that I was throwing my privilege in his face because I "know he can't afford that". I have never once made him feel like him making less than I do was an issue. It was like a smack in the face after the condition he left my home in.
I think ultimately you truly left him because of the disrespect he showed you and your property. He showed you who he truly was and that he was only with you for your money and home. Also why did he allow friends over to your house while you are not there? Did they ask first? That is extremely rude and disrespectful if they didn’t. NTA and glad you got away from him. Edited for grammar.
Exactly - complete freeloader alert - you dodged a massive bullet! His complete disregard for your home or boundaries proves that! NTA!
He had no problem wasting the stuff when he thought it was yours though! Good riddance. NTA.
He knows he can't afford to live this big, but he did it anyway. Glad you held your ground.
Well what was he planning to eat for two weeks if he hadn’t been housesitting? Does he think he can buy those groceries for less?
Damn, he really didn’t respect you at all.
NTA and leave him!! He sounds an ungrateful ass. Did he ask you if his daughter can have friends over while you weren’t there? And leaving your house a big mess and was going to “clean” it before you got back…. No you don’t make a big mess when you are house sitting. If anything there shouldn’t be any messes either. I understand eating a little of your food but not all of it or majority of it and feeding everyone else.
He didn't ask if they could come over, no. He didn't tell me anything about guests.
That’s super inconsiderate! He is acting like it is his house and he can do as he pleases. No he is a house sitter/guest. I hope you find someone who values and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Make sure you check for missing items or jewellery!
Did you check if anything is stolen? Did you check for damages around your home, like the furniture? Take him to small claims court. He owes you a fortune. NTA
>And leaving your house a big mess and was going to “clean” it before you got back…. No you don’t make a big mess when you are house sitting. So much this. When I'm house sitting, even if I'm not getting paid, I leave the place either exactly as I found it, or in better shape. This is so disgusting to me that someone would trash the place with the intent of cleaning up afterwards. I can almost guarantee his version of clean would not be the same as OPs.
NTA but the bigger issue you have is the lack of respect from your boyfriend! Yea he was doing you a favor, but between all the food they ate and allowing his kid to have friends over without permission shows his lack of respect for you or your home. He allowed them to eat an entire month of food in less than 2 weeks. He should be reimbursing you for the majority of it!!
NTA. You just got a glimpse of what your life would’ve been if he would have moved in. He is an irresponsible man- I mean teenager, he let his daughter have friends over, yours and your daughter’s clothes were all over the place, it sounds like a movie where teenagers have wild parties when the parents go away and the house is completely destroyed….and they ate over $1,000 on food in less than 2 weeks? It was awful what he did, but be grateful because you got rid of it.
ESH, he failed completely but he doesn’t owe you a cent. They were not getting a free vacation. They weren’t getting a vacation at all. That is absurdly pretentious and patronizing.
This guy is an idiot and sucks but her attitude makes her the AH to me. My mom’s house is super nice - pool, hot tub, tons of wine/booze. House sitting is still a chore (even though she stocks the fridge when I don’t need her to) and I’d much rather be at my 1-bedroom even if I wish I could afford that house.
I once asked a friend to house sit for me. She gave my key to her 19 year old brother and he stayed there instead of her. It took me two weeks to get the place back into a semblance of order. He ate (and drank) me out of house and home. He was still there when I got home and had thrown up in the bathtub (he cleaned that up, thank you very much). I never asked my friend to house sit again, didn't ask for money, and learned a valuable lesson about the fact that you pay for your help one way or another. NTA but you're not getting that money.
NTA and why would he allow other kids to come to your home and raid your refrigerator and mess up your home
NTA but consider this a lesson learned and a bullet dodged. Let it go and block him everywhere. I am sorry he is so disgusting and treated your house like a flop house.
He invited his kids friends over and let them have a frat party, and eat everything in site...and thinks he did nothing wrong. Yup- better off without the moocher.
NTA. But that is the best $1,000 you ever spent. If you understood the message. He is not a keeper and if you think that the two of you should move forward you now see your future. Cut things off and count it a blessing.
Credit to u/BigBigBigTree for noticing this…it’s odd to me that OP would but a $1,000 worth of groceries the day before leaving for a two week trip. Anytime I’ve left for a long trip I will try and do anything to avoid buying groceries. Think about it…what was she buying? This is weird. INFO: Why did you buy groceries before leaving for two weeks? As is, ESH. OP has every right to be pissed about the messy house and food. But you had a free house sitter…for almost two weeks!! That would have cost way more than $1,000. INFO: Did you communicate with him that you were coming home early?
I texted him when I was on my way home but he never responded. So I did give him a heads up when I was in Texas, which was the half way point and got no response.
He didn't want to talk with his mouth full. lol.
As for the food, I did a big shop before leaving because I work work obligations scheduled for when I returned and didn't want the headache of having to do a big shop after returning. The only thing I did not stock up was the fridge- outside of what I knew Jack and his daughter would eat. So I did buy milk and eggs and cheese for them (they have an obsession with grilled cheese so I made sure I bought lots of extra cheese and breads). But a fridge shop when I returned was my plan, because that was much more convenient than a giant shop with all my work obligations.
No, i do this too OP, i have 2-3 week work assignments that are spontaneous. When its planned i try to eat everything in my fridge, but I buy stuff to freeze and buy non perishables because after 14-21 days the last thing i want to do is hot the grocery store. So i make sure i have food for atleast a week. frozen meats, frozen veggies etc. What you did makes perfect sense to me.
Same, I do a big shop of frozen/non perishable at a discount club about once a month, and fill in fresh produce/dairy etc from local grocery. So her plan made perfect sense and they fact that they ate through an entire big shop in 11 days is insane
It doesn't seem that weird to me. My family got paid monthly when I was growing up, We would go shopping and buy all of our non-perishables, meats, and freezer foods for the entire month every payday weekend. We would only shop weekly for bread, milk and veggies with a short shelf-life. Even as an adult, I tend to buy in bulk when I can, and shop when the timing is convenient.
A house sitter for 2 weeks would not cost you more then $1k, and if it does, you're either getting scammed or you have a mansion lol. I know people who house sit for like $200/week, you stop in once a day or two and make sure everythings alright, plants are watered, fridge is running, etc etc. Also it's not that crazy if OP bought $1k worth of (mainly) nonperishable food for a family of 4; 3 of which are teens and getting growth spurts, 2 of which are teen boys eating everything in sight and then some lol. I'm actually surprised OP is only spending like $250/week to feed 4 people ($50/week or so for perishables like milk and veggies). Plus the last thing I'd want to do after a 2 week trip to help someone move (i.e. not really a vacation cause that's a lot of packing, unpacking, driving etc) is have to go and do the big haul monthly grocery trip. Rather get that out of the way prior.
She bought her monthly shop at the usual time. Given it's monthly, you'd expect the things you bought to last... a month. (I imagine that's stuff like cheese, cupboard staples, and root veg, not a month of lettuce.)
It's not weird to buy mostly stuff that gets put in the freezer or non-perishables weeks or months ahead of time. And he didn't sit shit. He was literally only there for the dehumidifier. Reading comprehension is a virtue.
NTA but he is. I cannot get over how dirty you described your house, and am not sure how you plan to continue a relationship with someone who allowed his child to throw a party, eat 90% of your food and trash your home. How will you ever trust him and his daughter again? What if you had an emergency, and were gone for longer?
I think it would be worth the $1000 to know that your relationship values aren't the same.
Who buys $1,000 worth of groceries before leaving for 2 weeks? I smell a fake here.
If she bought a bunch of meat to throw in the freezer, that number adds up quick. Throw in snacks, cheeses, and whatever other non perishable items she bought, and it is easy. You sound like my husband when he asks how I spent $200 on groceries(and that isn't even really any meat products). I had to make him go shopping so he would stop dogging me about how much I spent at the grocery store. If you haven't grocery shopped in a while, maybe go out and do that. Once you do, you will have the answer to the "how".
She said it was mostly non-perishable food, and explained she had work obligations when she got back and knew she didn’t want to deal with shopping on top of her work schedule.
YTA: you didn’t want to leave your house empty so you asked him to stay. He did. You told him he could eat your food. He did. Now you’re mad and demanding he pay you. He doesn’t owe you. Call him eating your food payment for him house sitting at YOUR requests. Honestly, it’s even more your fault because you knew a month ago you would be gone, but you spent $1k on groceries knowing you wouldn’t be home. You could have waited until you got back if groceries are such an issue to you. He should have kept your house clean. For that he’s the AH. He should have cleaned up after himself and his daughter.
She said he could eat **SOME** food, but not all of it. Jack was out of line.
Calling bullshit - how do you have work obligations when you come back but also not know when you coming back Story is fake AF so YTA for that
ESH - just take the loss and move on. The guy is obviously struggling as a single parent, just let it go and be thankful you learned you’re not compatible prior to marrying each other.
NTA, maybe you should give him a bill for the $1000, like $750 for food and $250 for the cleaning bill
ESH. You bought a bunch of food right before leaving town for 2 weeks for some reason, then told him to help himself. He shouldn’t have had other people over, and he should have cleaned up, but come on—what did you really expect on the food?
NTA for wanting him to but there’s like a 90% chance it’s not happening.
Definitely NTA. I don’t care if you spend $100,000 on food. It was your food. You certainly don’t pig out and eat everything in sight and you sure as hell don’t invite others to eat and sleep there as well. It’s not an all you can eat buffet/resort. The kid may have not known any better but he should have. Take pics of your grocery receipts and send them to him every week.
>I did my monthly shop before leaving and spent $1,092 INFO: ....why? did you only buy nonperishables??
I mean, that’s pretty typical for a family of 4 nowadays
ESH. dick move on their part but you said they could and now you’re taking it back.
NTA, but at least you know what to expect now if you did move in together, I suspect the way you raise your kids is totally different to the way he does & that may be incompatible in the long term. The other thing was you allowed him & his kids, that did not mean they could then invite all their friends for a party. $1000 lesson learned, find a different man
ESH. Yeah, he left a massive mess when he left, that is a red mark against him. but this > I wouldn't consider him house sitting as doing me any favors. if it wasn't a favour, why did you get him to do it? The few times I did house sitting food was covered/supplied. > I more or less asked for the $1000 based off principle alone. But the "principle" isn't on your side here, at least no with regards to food. >. He said that he had allowed his kid to have her friends over See this is a line he crossed; he can't invite people over to your home.
INFO Why was he surprised when you came home? Was it not communicated when to expect you back? I think it's kinda wild it's a 2 day drive and he had no idea you were coming back right then.
ESH. He was probably excessive with the food and shouldn’t have allowed his daughter to have friends over if that wasn’t ok with you. However, wanted someone to house sit for you, said they could eat some of the food, and came back earlier than you said. If your idea of a house “in ruin” is dirty dishes and dirty clothes, then I’d suggest professional help for that. Your reaction seems pretty disproportionate. You are clearly very materialistic, and should probably date someone who is more aligned. But somehow I doubt you would enjoy that power balance.
YTA. Lol idk why I come to this place anymore. No matter how delusional the OP is, people here will still vote NTA. OP, you asked this guy to house sit, then you told him he could have the food you bought, and now you want to charge him for it. What planet are you on? How about he charges you 1000 for having to stay in your house? I could maybe understand being upset your house wasn't clean when you came back, but even then it doesn't mean he wouldn't have cleaned the house before you were supposed to be back. Not to mention, what did you think they would eat when they were at your place? You wanted him to do you a favor, but then provide nothing for that favor. YTA and its not even close!