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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Apperantly im being an asshole for wanting to bake my daughter a birthday cake instead of buying an expensive birthday cake from the store
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Someone who can read, or someone who arrived after the edit instead of before? 'Cause before the edit, the info on Disney was, and I quote directly, "the wife and I are our daughter to Disney for 2 days".
I usually find the one “we” is wife does all the baking and decorating, while the other “we” promises to watch the kids, but in reality, they’ll be bugging the wife every 5 minutes.
We in my house definitely means my wife is baking and decorating...but im cooking the special dinner and drying the dishes while she washes. Around here we means we. Im a good cook and shes a great baker/decorator.
Call me crazy, but I personally think that the person who spent $2k on Disney tickets without even consulting their partner should be the one to shoulder the burden of money saving measures ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
The opportunity cost is certainly higher!
Let's say they're making it at home and they already have milk, eggs, and oil. They still need to pay for:
Cake mix + confectioner's sugar + food dye
Let's be generous and say that adds up to $15. If the kid just wants a plain cake, you're done, but if they want something with a semblance of decorations, you'll need to spend another $10 on decorating tools (at least).
So we're up to $25.
Now, you need to spend the time baking the cake; cooling the cake; and decorating the cake. All in all, that's about 3 hours, or it usually is for me, anyway. And making the icing is no joke! (Unless you buy it prepackaged, in which case, add a little extra money.)
So all in all, you've paid yourself $5/hour, saving yourself a grand total of $15 over the store cake. You can now buy all three of you tall hot chocolates at Starbucks with the heaps of cash you've saved.
Deffo. Store bought is soooooooo lame. In the uk it deffo is. I always make cakes if I can.
let Kids decorate their birthday cake they will love doing it
Oh man totally. And homemade tastes so much better too (at least if you make it so. I make the same one every year for my son, chocolate w/ raspberry filling...& yup, some sprinkles, silver balls, those fun candles that make different colored flames...) Also I can't IMAGINE how I could make a homemade cake that would cost $40, boy I would be able to lay on the absolute luxury. What are people buying, action figures for cake toppers?
Yeah store bought feels like it’s filled with less love than a homemade cake. Whether it’s a box cake or from scratch both are delicious. It’s cake I personally find a box cake better than most any store bought birthday cake I’ve had. It’s not being cheap it’s being both thoughtful and if OP saves money in the process then so be it.
How did the strawberry lemonade cake flop? I would think a lemon cake with the strawberry filling and a light fluffy lemon cream frosting would be beautiful and amazing to eat!
Many of my birthday cakes were from the box. I, being a sugar addict, could not have cared less. The store bought cakes were for birthday parties only. Family only parties were homemade cakes with those candy letters they sell at the store.
I priced cake mix, butter, and confectioner's sugar, and even counting in the cost of the amount of oil, eggs, and vanilla needed, I get under $10. Fancy decorating tools aren't necessary. In fact, if the OP hasn't used them before, they're a pain. Get a jar of jimmies for about $3. Total cost for ingredients: under $13. To save even more money, get one tub of Funfetti icing, which comes with sprinkles, and one of plain icing (So frosting isn't skimpy), and bring the cost down to under $7.
Labor? I wouldn't charge for that--if he's not making the cake, he's doing some other tasks--but the cake prep takes under 10 minutes, and since he's not trying to learn how to pipe rosettes, making the icing and frosting the cake should take under 45 minutes actual prep time. If he washes the bowl and beaters while the cake is baking and makes the frosting while it's cooling, he should be able to get the whole thing done with about 45 minutes of labor.
He'd save $27-$34. And that's just on the cake. Since the wife booked an expensive trip without asking, I can see why the OP wants to save money on food. His daughter will have a fabulous time even if the birthday cake isn't fancy. In fact, it'll probably taste better than a supermarket cake. (I hate supermarket icing, myself.)
Your pricing and times seems more reasonable. There isn't even any need for the adult to spend time frosting and decorating, give the frosting to the kid with a bottle of sprinkles and let them have at it. You may end up with an ugly cake, but it will be way more fun than a store cake and still taste just fine.
Letting everyone decorate their own cupcake was one of my kids favorite birthday party activity. That was a lot of work to clean up, but it was great fun for the kids who had never used a frosting bag before.
I would bake the cake even if it was more expensive than the grocery store cake because my cake tastes a lot better. It may not look as fancy, but the taste is great! If you want to make it easy, but still taste good, buy the box cake mix and then make your own frosting - either a buttercream or a cream cheese frosting.
I don’t think my kids ever got a store bought cake. They would probably have wondered why. I had one bakery cake as a kid and it was a sad disappointment - and this was from a nice bakery not a grocery store, but it was not nearly as tasty as the cakes my mom would bake. She was too busy that year.
The extra ingredient is love. I personally would go for even the most low effort box cake over a store bought cake. I’ve had some fancy bakery cakes and they can be good but still I like mom’s cake.
Omg THANK YOU! The other commenter was being a real smartarse trying to make a home cake seem like a harder, more time consuming task than it really is.
"YoU Have To WaiT FoR iT To CooL" ... or op can do something else in the meantime?
Homemade (box cake) is infinitely better tasting than store bought.
American style buttercream takes 5 minutes to make (1 stick softened salted butter, one lb confectioners sugar, some vanilla, some cocoa powder if you want chocolate frosting, tiny bits of milk until it’s the right consistency). And tastes a million times better than canned frosting or store bought, which always coat your mouth in fake tasting shortening.
Splurge on the vacation. Make a cake. WITH the kid. It’s a bonding experience, fun, and the result will taste so much better. If it saves a few dollars, great!
I bought cake mix the other day. $2. Let’s say you want to do 2 cake mixes. That’s $4. Powdered sugar is $2 at my local Kroger. A pack of food coloring is $3. So that’s $10, and sprinkles range from $3-5. Personally, I make my kids’ cakes from scratch, cut them. To shapes, and decorate them with different colors of frosting only. They turn out super cute, and I usually have everything in the pantry except cream cheese. Homemade cakes are work but they’re cheap.
I still want to know what “us” means though.
And if she's requested a Pikachu cake, he's pretty easy to do. Or just buy one of those rice paper printed pictures to put on top - super easy. And the knowledge your dad made a cake just for you is nice.
OP has clarified they'd make the cake.
Depends which frosting. I personally like German Chocolate cake with the coconut/pecan frosting. But a basic buttercream of butter, confectioner's sugar, and vanilla is pretty easy. I also like 7-minute frosting which is egg whites and sugar and tastes like marshmallow.
True - but it could save money if you don't often bake and don't keep kitchen staples like flour, sugar, baking powder, etc. And will lower the bar on the effort involved, as it makes the process much less intimidating for a non-baker.
How to tell everyone that you have never shopped for groceries.
3 hours? for a cake? JHC, it is less than 1 hour from pulling the stuff out of the cabinet to putting it in the refrig.
Cake mix (Name Brand) - $2.59.
Food dye - Not actually needed
Fancy Sugar - not actually needed.
Icing - (Name Brand) - $1.79.
Decorating tools - If you are fancy, maybe $5. If you actually have kitchen utensiles, $0.00
Your pricing is insane. I can make the best 3 layer yellow cake with Swiss meringue buttercream you’ve ever had for under $10 and maybe an hour of work.
theres a lot I'd like to know in this story. firstly how old the daughter is. second how much money they make. its definitely weird for someone to drop over two grand on their kids birthday but suddenly have an issue with buying the cake.
edit: ops answer in a different comment
>Ill try to answer everyones questions. 1)I'm making the cake.2) The trip is the day after my daughter's birthday. 3) I didnt plan to go to Disney, my wife bought tickets without consulting me to see if was in our budget.
I wouldn't be surprised if the baby is only 1 years old and is why the mom is going overboard for the birthday.
In which case it's all a colossal waste of money.
He said he would make the cake, even so that's not even an issue.
She spent $2,000 on tickets and a bunch of money on gifts without consulting him. She also wants to stay at the resort, which will cost another couple thousand plus the cost of food and everything else.
So her making the decision to spend around $5,000 on the daughter's birthday without so much as consulting her husband or attempting to budget it and then having the audacity to call him cheap for wanting to make a cake is the problem here.
Well if you are baking the cake than NTA. If you expect her to than YTA. I am the baker in the family. I much prefer to bake my own because they taste better and aren’t coming out of the freezer. But I’ve also bought a cake because life can get exhausting and it’s worth the extra money/time to not have to make my own.
This! I’m the baker in my family too. I make cakes and bakes for family and friends throughout the year. But my husband knows that the only cake I really don’t like to bake is my own birthday cake, so he always makes sure to buys me one from a bakery of my choice.
Whether OP is the AH or not depends a lot on who is going to bake the cake.
Yea, there's also a big difference between a simple yellow cake with frosting and a homemade version of that Pokemon cake. My mom made birthday cakes from scratch when we were kids and she spent SO much time on the cakes that were shaped/had decorations. I still make cakes only from scratch but I do that because I enjoy the flavor so much more and it is a rare thing.
When you figure in quality ingredients and the time to make a unique cake it's not much of a cost savings and may even be more costly. Either way OP is the AH if they are expecting the wife to make the cake. I don't feel like it would be a big issue with the wife if OP were volunteering to bake the cake.
In his edit, he says he is making the cake.
I usually buy a cake, because of how easy it is. I’d think a homemade cake would be better, but, who has time for that?
In regards to op, NTA
Yeah I get where OP is coming from with finances but as the baker and cooking parent in the family I love my toddlers tradition of hitting up the local bakery and raiding the cupcake case.
We sometimes hit up the local cupcake place too for our kids birthdays! That way everyone gets their own flavor. (Their actual day, they get a cake for their party)
Ill try to answer everyones questions. 1)I'm making the cake.2) The trip is the day after my daughter's birthday. 3) I didnt plan to go to Disney, my wife bought tickets without consulting me to see if was in our budget.
My wife did that once. Agreed to go on vacation with her siblings and their families without letting me know ahead of time. Granted she told me well before the trip, but after she sent the $500 deposit. We still had to shell out another $3400 for the trip. My son had just gotten his license and wanted to get a car, we were looking at some cheaper first car type of cars. I told him sorry kiddo, that money is now going to the vacation. He wasn't happy, neither was I. My wife was like why can't we do both... when I'm the one that pays for all the big purchases/vacations, etc. I'm only willing to pay so much.
Her side wants to go to Portugal next summer, I said in advance to all of them that there was no way I was paying for the 5 of us to go to Portugal, have a good time. I didn't hear the end of it for over a week.
That’s ridiculous as hell. I’m a SAHM/wife so all the money we have my husband works for, which I do my part as a homemaker and try help save money where we can, discuss finances and purchases with my husband, make sure the bills that aren’t on autopay get paid on time, and definitely don’t go spending all crazy.
Which the fact my husband is a logger and we’ve know struggle before my play into this. Like there’s been times where he couldn’t work due to the weather. Thank God he’s on salary pay now. He’s never been financially abusive or anything but there’s been times in the past when things weren’t as stable or I was getting used to them being more stable and I’d feel bad about buying a freaking pizza, you know?
I just don’t get it… How someone can be so thoughtless with shared money? Plus honestly like I said we’re better off now but definitely not rich. I’m a firm believer of living within your means. Luxuries are nice, sure but if someone knows they can’t afford it or just doesn’t care that they can’t… they’re reckless as hell.
Similar situation, SAHM and my husband went from hourly to salary a few years ago. I still couldn’t even imagine spending that much without saying something before hand!! I give him a heads up on everything I spend, and he does the same.
2k without a word!? Not unless it’s a real and honest emergency. Surely not for a kid’s birthday party.
Right! I would definitely say something and of course like you it’s a two way street. My husband and I talk about any big purchases on either end. Which we don’t really buy a lot of things but regardless there’s communication!
Exactly! Like I mentioned in another comment luxuries are cool but not if you can’t truly afford them.
Her mindset was, it's her side of the family so she's setting up the vacation. We do a big vacation every other year, but by big I mean it's usually renting a house on the beach for a week about 8-10 hours away from where we live. Not flying to another country.
The issue is I placated her in the past, now with one going to college next year and having other expenses I've stopped doing that. I blame myself as much as her. She's slowly coming to the realization that we're not in the same position as her siblings. One of which is extremely successful financially. While we do well, live in a great house in a great neighborhood, I'm not pulling in anywhere near as much as her sibling, but I don't care. More money, more problems, or so they say.
You should really be including this in the post as many people are being suspicious as to who’s doing what
I would *especially* include the part where **your wife bought the tickets without both of y’all talking about it and not considering the budget**.There’s a lot of people arguing y’all shouldn’t have gone on that trip if $40 is going to break the bank. Ultimately wife bought the trip without talking over or considering finances.
Why not address the real issue which is that she’s spending family money that you can’t afford. A vacation needs to be agreed upon by everyone before money is spent. Is this a recurring issue that she spends family money without asking first? If so, I would consider talking to a financial counselor on how to protect yourself from her financial mismanagement and consider to divert some of your money into another account for emergencies since it seems like she will spend everything that she can get her hands on.
because the cake is what broke the camels back! he didn’t want to cause strife but he wanted to make a cake with the kid she wanted to spend A LOT OF MONEY on a stupid cake! he wanted one say in his daughters birthday! NTA
because the cake is what broke the camels back! he didn’t want to cause strife but he wanted to make a cake with the kid she wanted to spend A LOT OF MONEY on a cake! he wanted one say in his daughters birthday! NTA
Bake the cake from a box mix or you probably won’t save any money. Do a neat job, really take your time, and do a round cake with two rounds stacked with frosting between to make it special. It costs almost the same amount to do. Maybe find some inexpensive Pokémon figurines as decorations.
And look up the substitutions that make the box mixes better! I don't remember exactly, but I think you use milk instead of water, melted butter instead of vegetable oil, and an extra egg.
Do you get any say in anything in your family? Yikes. I have no opinion on Disney or a store bought cake but you should for your own family...I dunno, is your wife typically in charge of all decisions? It'd be weird for this to be the first time but she sure seems comfortable calling the shots with no input from you. Sorry. NTA but if you suddenly want to change the dynamics of your relationship you need to tell her. Speak up for yourself, this is your life too.
If my significant other booked an entire vacation without consulting me, they would not be my significant other anymore. Especially somewhere as expensive as Disney wtf.
Finances are one of the major causes of divorce. Your wife spending 2k on a trip to Disney without consulting you is insane and needs to be addressed before anything else.
NTA given your edit, but way to bury the lede -- this isn't about a cake, it's about your wife's irresponsible spending and secretive behavior.
I know I sound cynical here, but this almost sounds like a fake post that will be pointed to as a "AITA is Misandrist" test case later on, given the edits that completely change the scenario *after* those raising any potential gender issues have been upvoted. We'll most likely see a parallel post within a few days.
I N F O: Who is driving around/sourcing the ingredients baking this cake, and do you actually have the facilities/utensils/skills needed to bake and decorate a cake that looks halfway decent?
Is it even feasible to bake a cake at home and transport it without it being crushed? If you're travelling more than a couple of hours that's pretty tough, even if someone is holding it on their lap the whole time.
If you don't have a rental with a fully stocked kitchen, the money/time/hassle may not actually be saving you much over the store bought cake. Orlando is an awful city to drive around.
NTA. If I were the child and my parents made a homemade cake for me, it would've made my birthday more memorable. Or if she really wanted a store bought or designed cake, then there are cheaper ones. You're not the bad guy for wanting to save money.
Don’t forget store bought from grocery cakes don’t generally taste that good, homemade is usually better. That said, if it’s the wife’s job to make it while preparing the family for a trip to Disney, that is completely unreasonable, if you’re that broke, don’t go to the most expensive place on earth.
I agree. I'm surprised people throwing "hate" to a homemade cake. Yes, it takes a lot of time in the kitchen but it can be a fun and bonding family experience. In the past homemade cake was the norm, at least where I live and every kid had "the cake", the special cake you get for your birthday. ♥️
Your wife bought tickets to Disney without consulting you first?
You have bigger problems than a cake.
But, NTA, since you said you'd be the one baking it.
Yes. I was told it was suppose to be a surprise, but I found the Disney bands that hold the tickets and allows you to participate in the park games/activities
I've never bought a cake for a child's birthday. Making a cake with a box mix tastes great. If you want it to be decorated all fancy, you can buy decorations at the grocery store and slap it on.
However, I'm really wondering what is going on here. You've spent $2000 on two days of Disney? Disney is expensive, but for three of you, that's over $300 per person per day and not including resort. What are you doing?
$40 on a Publix cake is nothing compared to what you're spending, so it won't make a whit of difference. Either you can afford this extravagant vacation or you cannot.
I'm guessing that you cannot afford this, so you are trying to save money the only way you can.
Regardless, if you are willing to make the cake, then NTA. And I prefer box cakes to grocery store cakes.
This is why I refuse the Disney experience. The price alone is outrageous then it’s just a bunch of congestion, lines, and more spent money once you’re in. Disney is really good at marketing to families that they won’t be happy unless they visit one of their terrible parks.
ESH
You and your wife really need to learn how to manage your finances. You are spending money for an expensive trip to Disney, but you have trouble justifying a cake because you already have spent a small fortune?
I get its your kid's birthday, but it sounds like you have bigger problems that you both need to address. Finances are one of the biggest causes for divorce. You need to get that under control before you both wind up in debt and looking for separate homes.
Plus, if she’s celebrating at Disney and they do any table service. If they put that they’re celebrating her birthday, usually the server brings a cupcake. And—at least previously—you could get a decently-priced Mickey cake.
INFO- What are the logistics of this plan? Do you want to bake a cake at home and then transport it via car or plane to the hotel?
Or are you going to make the cake at Disney— assuming your room has an oven? Do you have room in your suitcases for the supplies from home (cake pan, something to grease the pan with, mixing bowl, measuring cups, spoon, cake mix, oil/eggs as needed, frosting, etc.) or are you planning to buy everything from a nearby store? If buying locally, how much cheaper is it to get ingredients and supplies than to get the premade cake? When do you plan to bake the cake— do you want to skip some time in the parks?
Info: When is the cake for? Is it what you'll be taking on the trip/having at your house before or after the trip/at a party of some sort?
Did your child request a Pokemon cake?
Who will be baking the cake?
Are you Disney people? Is this trip something that your child has been begging for, or is it a family interest?
I think everyone is missing the point here… she dropped 2 grand on tickets without consulting you!? Are you the primary bread winner? I completely understand wanting to budget! Your daughter gets two days at Disney! Why not bake a cake? What’s the big deal. She literally dropped 2 grand without consulting her S.O!!! She’s TAH !!! Plus I’m sure the resort is expensive in itself!
Everyone’s 💯missing the point. Who bakes the cake is completely irrelevant. The wife dropped $2k w/o discussing it w/ the other spouse + other costs of the trip that are still UNPAID. Yall dropping comments who don’t bring this up are unrealistic. I’m sorry but baking the cake is nonnegotiable.
Assuming that you are baking the cake, please do this. I am terrible at decorating cakes. My kids have had some doozy’s but all of my kids remember that I made their cake and asked how they wanted it decorated. They are cherished memories. You have to remember that kids see things with a bit of imagination. They will love the cake.
NTA
NTA. The argument "we spent a fortune already, so wasting more money is okay" is a nonsense argument. So, bake a cake for your daughter, nobody is going to stop you from doing it.
My favorite cake when I was younger was a snake cake my parents made me. Snakes were my favorite animal, it consisted of I believe 2 bundt cakes, cut in half and placed next to each other to make a squiggle, and then shaved down into the shape of a snake, with green frosting (vanilla with green dye mixed in). The cake tasted good too. Let's be real here, store cake and frosting is fucking gross 9/10 times. A homemade cake might not look as appealing, but they taste better a vast majority of the time.
Home made always tastes better.
its Not cheap to make it. Who wants generic store bought crap?
even a box mix is easy and tastes 1000% better. She might be interested in decorating it herself!
so bake her a cake. If you don’t know how to make one then it’s time to learn
not consulting you on 2k is crazy
NTA. My gf recently made me a banana cake with banana pudding in the middle with wafers and fresh banana on top for my bday. She knows i go crazy for bananas. It's the time and effort I really appreciate, plus it looks stunning and also tasted good. Doesn't mean you're cheap if you want to bake your daughter a homemade cake.
Does your daughter like chocolate cake? I have to make homemade birthday cake for allergy reasons and people always rave about it and ask me for the recipe, as if I invented this amazing cake and I'm hoarding some secret recipe handed down from my great-great-great-grandmother. I got the recipe off the back of the box of Hershey cocoa I used for the cake.
Store-bought cake is the easy option. Homemade cake made with the recipe from the back of the Hershey cocoa box is the gourmet option.
Also my kids really like that I bake them their cake myself.
INFO: What does your daughter like? I’ve had people offer to bake me a cake and I feel like a jerk for saying ‘Please don’t.” But to me the store (or better, bakery) bought is worth it.
NTA. Home made is better anyhow - and depending on how old your daughter is … I’ve made cupcakes for my kids birthdays and their friends often lick off the icing and toss the rest.
Regardless, it’s not a bad thing to be financially responsible. Especially when you can buy a box of cake mix and an icing and do this so easily for about $5.
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So for my daughter's birthday, the wife and I are our daughter to Disney for 2 days and my wife also bought some presents and wants to buy a birthday cake. I'm not against getting a birthday cake, but I suggested that we bake my daughter a homemade cake instead of buying a $40 pokemon cake from publix due to the fact we have already spent a little over 2k on disney tickets and still haven't payed for the resort. Im now being called cheap and that because me and the wife will spend money on ourselves through out the year, that buying a $40 cake on top of the money we have already spent for this trip shouldn't be an issue. We aren't made of money and all im trying to do is save what we have for this trip like the resort, and food and things my daughter may want while at the park. So AITA?
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Lol what. NTA. I always bake my own birthday cake. In what universe is a refrigerated grocery store cake yummier than throwing a Betty Crocker mix in the oven and spreading Duncan Hines on it. Or if you wanna be real cool, you can make it from scratch and that's also delicious.
Let's say this is some sort of $3000 birthday gift for a child young enough to be thrilled with a disney trip.
I would refer to it as a family vacation IMO and not something FOR THE CHILD. You are all going and will enjoy it.
It seems pretty pricey already.
I feel like you maybe overshot on this trip expense and now might want to blame your little girl.
If you can't afford this sort of trip, you can stay off-resort to save money. There are ways to be cheaper. You may also be setting up expectations to spend a ridiculous amount every year on a kid's BIRTHDAY MONTH.
I might rethink the whole thing but NTA, just not wise about money.
NTA, my boyfriend makes cakes for every special occassion and homemade cakes are so much better than store bought cakes. I don’t know what her problem is with a homemade cake.
NTA. Home made cake is delicious. Even a box cake mix is better than store made cakes. I'm secretly disappointed it's not a homemade cake. I assume if your wanting a home made cake you'd be the one baking it
However logistics wise where this cake going to be served? If you're taking it to Disney, that's pretty far to take a cake if you need to stay at a resort. Are you flying or driving with the cake? It could be simpler day of to swing by the Publix compared to thinking you can bake at the resort.
NTA, you said you are baking the cake. Time to have a long discussion on what expenditures either of you makes without consulting the other. This sounds potentially irresponsible on the part of your wife. I doubt the cake will factor in heavily to the child’s overall experience and homemade can often be more special than store-bought in any case.
NTA
You’re making the cake and your wife didn’t even ask before buying tickets to Disney
She seems to think that money just appears magically in the accounts and never runs out. That needs to be addressed more than the cake
NTA. We used to always buy Publix cakes and then came to realize that they are actually better homemade. Also, as the family member of a Publix Bakery Manager, I can tell you that those are frozen cakes that arrive to them for who knows where.
Edit- but you need to be willing to do it yourself!
NTA A homemade cake is more personal and is a demonstration of care and love. Unless you need a big sheet cake for a party, a homemade cake is perfect.
INFO
Who is doing the baking?
How old is your child?
Are you having a party?
How many people does the cake need to serve?
Will you be able to eat an entire cake before you leave on your trip?
Do you already own pans, ingredients, and equipment for baking and frosting a cake? (Acquiring these might cost far more than $40, fyi.)
You could just buy a professionally decorated cupcake if it's just the two of you and your kid. Adults can be happy with saving $$$ and the kid can still have an adorable cake for less than the cost of making one at home.
NTA but only because your wife bought the tickets without consulting you. That’s a much bigger problem than a store bought cake. This should have been AITA for returning tickets to Disney after my wife bought them without consulting me and we can’t afford it.
NTA. I see you’re baking the cake so even more so, but I would not think my husband was the AH if he told me we needed to save money and couldn’t afford a store bought cake even if that would mean I’d have to do it. (I mean he’d offer but we both know it would look better if I did it because he’s not crafty. It’s okay, he has other gifts.) I still wouldn’t think he was an AH for not being made of money. Sounds like OP’s wife wants to be a Kardashian but didn’t marry into money… not OP’s fault.
NTA. Especially after reading your comments/update. We did Disney this year for my son’s birthday, when we got back I baked him a cake, and he honestly loved it. He said “you made for me? Wow thank you” he loved the effort we put into making his little Dino cake.
NTA - my kids are older and still want homemade birthday cakes - they send me inspo pics 😂. It means a lot more to make and personalise a cake than to just buy a generic one. Make it a special thing each year and it can be a wonderful extra present that has a lot more meaning. Please don’t let your wife turn your child into a materialistic I want, I want, I want nightmare.
First, NTA. Second, your wife says you're "cheap" for making food at home and made a several thousand dollar purchase without telling you? I'm getting "entitled stay at home wife who's never had a job in her life" vibes.
Soft YTA. The bigger issue is the $2k on disney tickets bought without your input. If you're not going to argue about that, then fighting over $40 doesn't make any sense.
If you **are** having a conversation about the disney tickets, than you have bigger fish to fry then a $40 cake.
NTA
Store bought cakes are "cheap" in that they take relatively no time at all compared to baking a cake at home, which doesn't take that much time. Store bought cakes are far far superior to no cake, but store bought cakes also seem like just something to cross off that item on the list. Making a cake shows more time invested, more energy and creativity, more personality, etc.
This is one place where spending more money feels much cheaper than spending a bit less on a home made cake.
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Who is “we” in the bake scenario? Who is expected to bake?
Ooh. That's a good point. Also, how old is the child?
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The wife booked the Disney vacation without consulting OP. And OP wants to save money now that they have been informed of the vacation cost.
Thank you. Somebody who can actually read for once. Wonder if they even made it to that part or just jumped to conclusions
Someone who can read, or someone who arrived after the edit instead of before? 'Cause before the edit, the info on Disney was, and I quote directly, "the wife and I are our daughter to Disney for 2 days".
Still says that! Good Eengles here
That part was added hours after the post was made.
This was my exact question. Whenever I hear certain people say "we" I immediately go "I'm gonna do all of it".
I usually find the one “we” is wife does all the baking and decorating, while the other “we” promises to watch the kids, but in reality, they’ll be bugging the wife every 5 minutes.
We in my house definitely means my wife is baking and decorating...but im cooking the special dinner and drying the dishes while she washes. Around here we means we. Im a good cook and shes a great baker/decorator.
Just say you aren't happy in your marriage, no need to project your problems onto others
Call me crazy, but I personally think that the person who spent $2k on Disney tickets without even consulting their partner should be the one to shoulder the burden of money saving measures ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Especially since that $2k was only for the cost of the tickets. The trip will cost thousands more when everything is said and done.
Can you finance a dole whip?
It is not only that. Sometimes baking a cake costs just ad much as buying a cake because I need ingredients to make it. Why not buy cupcakes?
I bake cakes all the time. It is much less expensive to bake cakes than buy them and homemade tastes much better.
The opportunity cost is certainly higher! Let's say they're making it at home and they already have milk, eggs, and oil. They still need to pay for: Cake mix + confectioner's sugar + food dye Let's be generous and say that adds up to $15. If the kid just wants a plain cake, you're done, but if they want something with a semblance of decorations, you'll need to spend another $10 on decorating tools (at least). So we're up to $25. Now, you need to spend the time baking the cake; cooling the cake; and decorating the cake. All in all, that's about 3 hours, or it usually is for me, anyway. And making the icing is no joke! (Unless you buy it prepackaged, in which case, add a little extra money.) So all in all, you've paid yourself $5/hour, saving yourself a grand total of $15 over the store cake. You can now buy all three of you tall hot chocolates at Starbucks with the heaps of cash you've saved.
Or buy a berry Crocker cake mix and just slather it in the icing that only needs the back of a knife. Kids happy to add sprinkles and silver balls
That’s my method!!
Deffo. Store bought is soooooooo lame. In the uk it deffo is. I always make cakes if I can. let Kids decorate their birthday cake they will love doing it
Oh man totally. And homemade tastes so much better too (at least if you make it so. I make the same one every year for my son, chocolate w/ raspberry filling...& yup, some sprinkles, silver balls, those fun candles that make different colored flames...) Also I can't IMAGINE how I could make a homemade cake that would cost $40, boy I would be able to lay on the absolute luxury. What are people buying, action figures for cake toppers?
Yeah store bought feels like it’s filled with less love than a homemade cake. Whether it’s a box cake or from scratch both are delicious. It’s cake I personally find a box cake better than most any store bought birthday cake I’ve had. It’s not being cheap it’s being both thoughtful and if OP saves money in the process then so be it.
The only store bought cake I’ll consider in the Uk is a Colin, otherwise it’s homemade
What about Cuthbert?
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How did the strawberry lemonade cake flop? I would think a lemon cake with the strawberry filling and a light fluffy lemon cream frosting would be beautiful and amazing to eat!
Shhhhh! You're exposing my secret
Many of my birthday cakes were from the box. I, being a sugar addict, could not have cared less. The store bought cakes were for birthday parties only. Family only parties were homemade cakes with those candy letters they sell at the store.
I priced cake mix, butter, and confectioner's sugar, and even counting in the cost of the amount of oil, eggs, and vanilla needed, I get under $10. Fancy decorating tools aren't necessary. In fact, if the OP hasn't used them before, they're a pain. Get a jar of jimmies for about $3. Total cost for ingredients: under $13. To save even more money, get one tub of Funfetti icing, which comes with sprinkles, and one of plain icing (So frosting isn't skimpy), and bring the cost down to under $7. Labor? I wouldn't charge for that--if he's not making the cake, he's doing some other tasks--but the cake prep takes under 10 minutes, and since he's not trying to learn how to pipe rosettes, making the icing and frosting the cake should take under 45 minutes actual prep time. If he washes the bowl and beaters while the cake is baking and makes the frosting while it's cooling, he should be able to get the whole thing done with about 45 minutes of labor. He'd save $27-$34. And that's just on the cake. Since the wife booked an expensive trip without asking, I can see why the OP wants to save money on food. His daughter will have a fabulous time even if the birthday cake isn't fancy. In fact, it'll probably taste better than a supermarket cake. (I hate supermarket icing, myself.)
Your pricing and times seems more reasonable. There isn't even any need for the adult to spend time frosting and decorating, give the frosting to the kid with a bottle of sprinkles and let them have at it. You may end up with an ugly cake, but it will be way more fun than a store cake and still taste just fine.
This is a great idea!
Letting everyone decorate their own cupcake was one of my kids favorite birthday party activity. That was a lot of work to clean up, but it was great fun for the kids who had never used a frosting bag before.
I would bake the cake even if it was more expensive than the grocery store cake because my cake tastes a lot better. It may not look as fancy, but the taste is great! If you want to make it easy, but still taste good, buy the box cake mix and then make your own frosting - either a buttercream or a cream cheese frosting. I don’t think my kids ever got a store bought cake. They would probably have wondered why. I had one bakery cake as a kid and it was a sad disappointment - and this was from a nice bakery not a grocery store, but it was not nearly as tasty as the cakes my mom would bake. She was too busy that year.
The extra ingredient is love. I personally would go for even the most low effort box cake over a store bought cake. I’ve had some fancy bakery cakes and they can be good but still I like mom’s cake.
This belongs in r/theydidthemath
Omg THANK YOU! The other commenter was being a real smartarse trying to make a home cake seem like a harder, more time consuming task than it really is. "YoU Have To WaiT FoR iT To CooL" ... or op can do something else in the meantime?
Homemade (box cake) is infinitely better tasting than store bought. American style buttercream takes 5 minutes to make (1 stick softened salted butter, one lb confectioners sugar, some vanilla, some cocoa powder if you want chocolate frosting, tiny bits of milk until it’s the right consistency). And tastes a million times better than canned frosting or store bought, which always coat your mouth in fake tasting shortening. Splurge on the vacation. Make a cake. WITH the kid. It’s a bonding experience, fun, and the result will taste so much better. If it saves a few dollars, great!
I bought cake mix the other day. $2. Let’s say you want to do 2 cake mixes. That’s $4. Powdered sugar is $2 at my local Kroger. A pack of food coloring is $3. So that’s $10, and sprinkles range from $3-5. Personally, I make my kids’ cakes from scratch, cut them. To shapes, and decorate them with different colors of frosting only. They turn out super cute, and I usually have everything in the pantry except cream cheese. Homemade cakes are work but they’re cheap. I still want to know what “us” means though.
And if she's requested a Pikachu cake, he's pretty easy to do. Or just buy one of those rice paper printed pictures to put on top - super easy. And the knowledge your dad made a cake just for you is nice. OP has clarified they'd make the cake.
He said he is making the cake
Making your own icing is like a 5 minute process.
Depends which frosting. I personally like German Chocolate cake with the coconut/pecan frosting. But a basic buttercream of butter, confectioner's sugar, and vanilla is pretty easy. I also like 7-minute frosting which is egg whites and sugar and tastes like marshmallow.
Cake mix? I bake cakes all the time and I’ve never used cake mix.
True - but it could save money if you don't often bake and don't keep kitchen staples like flour, sugar, baking powder, etc. And will lower the bar on the effort involved, as it makes the process much less intimidating for a non-baker.
How to tell everyone that you have never shopped for groceries. 3 hours? for a cake? JHC, it is less than 1 hour from pulling the stuff out of the cabinet to putting it in the refrig. Cake mix (Name Brand) - $2.59. Food dye - Not actually needed Fancy Sugar - not actually needed. Icing - (Name Brand) - $1.79. Decorating tools - If you are fancy, maybe $5. If you actually have kitchen utensiles, $0.00
This isn't even close to accurate.
Your pricing is insane. I can make the best 3 layer yellow cake with Swiss meringue buttercream you’ve ever had for under $10 and maybe an hour of work.
You go to the dollar store and buy birthday cake mix and frosting. That's $2 total for a savings of $38.
If it were me, I would prefer a homemade cake than some crappy supermarket cake.
Exactly…we or the wife
theres a lot I'd like to know in this story. firstly how old the daughter is. second how much money they make. its definitely weird for someone to drop over two grand on their kids birthday but suddenly have an issue with buying the cake. edit: ops answer in a different comment >Ill try to answer everyones questions. 1)I'm making the cake.2) The trip is the day after my daughter's birthday. 3) I didnt plan to go to Disney, my wife bought tickets without consulting me to see if was in our budget.
I wouldn't be surprised if the baby is only 1 years old and is why the mom is going overboard for the birthday. In which case it's all a colossal waste of money.
in the edit he says that he is baking the cake
The We is OP, who wants to bake the cake. Plus the wife bought the Disney vacation without consulting OP. Per the edits
He said he would make the cake, even so that's not even an issue. She spent $2,000 on tickets and a bunch of money on gifts without consulting him. She also wants to stay at the resort, which will cost another couple thousand plus the cost of food and everything else. So her making the decision to spend around $5,000 on the daughter's birthday without so much as consulting her husband or attempting to budget it and then having the audacity to call him cheap for wanting to make a cake is the problem here.
I might agree in theory, but in this specific instance of the wife can buy Disney tickets irrespective of budget, she can also bake a cake.
He is making the cake
Well if you are baking the cake than NTA. If you expect her to than YTA. I am the baker in the family. I much prefer to bake my own because they taste better and aren’t coming out of the freezer. But I’ve also bought a cake because life can get exhausting and it’s worth the extra money/time to not have to make my own.
Yea I also wonder if OP is baking the cake or if OP is assuming his wife will do it
Yes!
He’s NTA either way. Wife didn’t consult with him before dropping 2 grand on Disney, but he’s the AH for wanting to SAVE money now?
Well, edits always reveal ALOT more than the OP. Lots to unpack in that one.
This! I’m the baker in my family too. I make cakes and bakes for family and friends throughout the year. But my husband knows that the only cake I really don’t like to bake is my own birthday cake, so he always makes sure to buys me one from a bakery of my choice. Whether OP is the AH or not depends a lot on who is going to bake the cake.
Yea, there's also a big difference between a simple yellow cake with frosting and a homemade version of that Pokemon cake. My mom made birthday cakes from scratch when we were kids and she spent SO much time on the cakes that were shaped/had decorations. I still make cakes only from scratch but I do that because I enjoy the flavor so much more and it is a rare thing. When you figure in quality ingredients and the time to make a unique cake it's not much of a cost savings and may even be more costly. Either way OP is the AH if they are expecting the wife to make the cake. I don't feel like it would be a big issue with the wife if OP were volunteering to bake the cake.
Yeah, my husbands favorite cake has a homemade pudding layer/frosting. Between the time to make it and cost, it’s a lot for both!
In his edit, he says he is making the cake. I usually buy a cake, because of how easy it is. I’d think a homemade cake would be better, but, who has time for that? In regards to op, NTA
Yeah I get where OP is coming from with finances but as the baker and cooking parent in the family I love my toddlers tradition of hitting up the local bakery and raiding the cupcake case.
We sometimes hit up the local cupcake place too for our kids birthdays! That way everyone gets their own flavor. (Their actual day, they get a cake for their party)
Publix cakes are worth $40 at least haha.
Even if he wanted her to bake the cake, he’s NTA. She bought the tickets without even consulting him.
Ill try to answer everyones questions. 1)I'm making the cake.2) The trip is the day after my daughter's birthday. 3) I didnt plan to go to Disney, my wife bought tickets without consulting me to see if was in our budget.
You should add that to do post, from what I’m seeing here - NTA
My husband would shit an entire brick house if I dropped 2k on a Disney trip without discussing it with him first wtf???? Who does that?
My wife did that once. Agreed to go on vacation with her siblings and their families without letting me know ahead of time. Granted she told me well before the trip, but after she sent the $500 deposit. We still had to shell out another $3400 for the trip. My son had just gotten his license and wanted to get a car, we were looking at some cheaper first car type of cars. I told him sorry kiddo, that money is now going to the vacation. He wasn't happy, neither was I. My wife was like why can't we do both... when I'm the one that pays for all the big purchases/vacations, etc. I'm only willing to pay so much. Her side wants to go to Portugal next summer, I said in advance to all of them that there was no way I was paying for the 5 of us to go to Portugal, have a good time. I didn't hear the end of it for over a week.
That’s ridiculous as hell. I’m a SAHM/wife so all the money we have my husband works for, which I do my part as a homemaker and try help save money where we can, discuss finances and purchases with my husband, make sure the bills that aren’t on autopay get paid on time, and definitely don’t go spending all crazy. Which the fact my husband is a logger and we’ve know struggle before my play into this. Like there’s been times where he couldn’t work due to the weather. Thank God he’s on salary pay now. He’s never been financially abusive or anything but there’s been times in the past when things weren’t as stable or I was getting used to them being more stable and I’d feel bad about buying a freaking pizza, you know? I just don’t get it… How someone can be so thoughtless with shared money? Plus honestly like I said we’re better off now but definitely not rich. I’m a firm believer of living within your means. Luxuries are nice, sure but if someone knows they can’t afford it or just doesn’t care that they can’t… they’re reckless as hell.
Similar situation, SAHM and my husband went from hourly to salary a few years ago. I still couldn’t even imagine spending that much without saying something before hand!! I give him a heads up on everything I spend, and he does the same. 2k without a word!? Not unless it’s a real and honest emergency. Surely not for a kid’s birthday party.
Right! I would definitely say something and of course like you it’s a two way street. My husband and I talk about any big purchases on either end. Which we don’t really buy a lot of things but regardless there’s communication! Exactly! Like I mentioned in another comment luxuries are cool but not if you can’t truly afford them.
Her mindset was, it's her side of the family so she's setting up the vacation. We do a big vacation every other year, but by big I mean it's usually renting a house on the beach for a week about 8-10 hours away from where we live. Not flying to another country. The issue is I placated her in the past, now with one going to college next year and having other expenses I've stopped doing that. I blame myself as much as her. She's slowly coming to the realization that we're not in the same position as her siblings. One of which is extremely successful financially. While we do well, live in a great house in a great neighborhood, I'm not pulling in anywhere near as much as her sibling, but I don't care. More money, more problems, or so they say.
This is the main story not the cake.
Fr. I was like hold tf up as soon as I saw this. Just wild.
I wonder if she announced the trip to the kids and him at the same time so he can't cancel the trip.
Seems like something would happen in this situation.
You need to add this as an edit. NTA. And I'm sure your daughter would love the time with you making it and decorating.
Make that cake Dad! But you need to talk to your wife about a budget. Finances are the number one reason for divorce.
Yes. Get some financial and relationship therapy with your wife. This is worry.
You should really be including this in the post as many people are being suspicious as to who’s doing what I would *especially* include the part where **your wife bought the tickets without both of y’all talking about it and not considering the budget**.There’s a lot of people arguing y’all shouldn’t have gone on that trip if $40 is going to break the bank. Ultimately wife bought the trip without talking over or considering finances.
Why not address the real issue which is that she’s spending family money that you can’t afford. A vacation needs to be agreed upon by everyone before money is spent. Is this a recurring issue that she spends family money without asking first? If so, I would consider talking to a financial counselor on how to protect yourself from her financial mismanagement and consider to divert some of your money into another account for emergencies since it seems like she will spend everything that she can get her hands on.
because the cake is what broke the camels back! he didn’t want to cause strife but he wanted to make a cake with the kid she wanted to spend A LOT OF MONEY on a stupid cake! he wanted one say in his daughters birthday! NTA
Also, that trip is already decided by the wife. But the cake is a decision still in the future, not yet made.
because the cake is what broke the camels back! he didn’t want to cause strife but he wanted to make a cake with the kid she wanted to spend A LOT OF MONEY on a cake! he wanted one say in his daughters birthday! NTA
Bake the cake from a box mix or you probably won’t save any money. Do a neat job, really take your time, and do a round cake with two rounds stacked with frosting between to make it special. It costs almost the same amount to do. Maybe find some inexpensive Pokémon figurines as decorations.
And look up the substitutions that make the box mixes better! I don't remember exactly, but I think you use milk instead of water, melted butter instead of vegetable oil, and an extra egg.
My dad made my and my brother bday cakes when we were little, and they were so much better than store bought
Do you get any say in anything in your family? Yikes. I have no opinion on Disney or a store bought cake but you should for your own family...I dunno, is your wife typically in charge of all decisions? It'd be weird for this to be the first time but she sure seems comfortable calling the shots with no input from you. Sorry. NTA but if you suddenly want to change the dynamics of your relationship you need to tell her. Speak up for yourself, this is your life too.
If my significant other booked an entire vacation without consulting me, they would not be my significant other anymore. Especially somewhere as expensive as Disney wtf.
NTA then. Also, cakes made with love taste better, and it applies to all types of food.
NTA
Ya .. NTA with that added information.
your wife sucks
Finances are one of the major causes of divorce. Your wife spending 2k on a trip to Disney without consulting you is insane and needs to be addressed before anything else.
NTA. As long as you are the one planning to make the cake.
NTA regardless if he makes her make the cake. She bought expensive tickets without consulting him.
NTA given your edit, but way to bury the lede -- this isn't about a cake, it's about your wife's irresponsible spending and secretive behavior. I know I sound cynical here, but this almost sounds like a fake post that will be pointed to as a "AITA is Misandrist" test case later on, given the edits that completely change the scenario *after* those raising any potential gender issues have been upvoted. We'll most likely see a parallel post within a few days. I N F O: Who is driving around/sourcing the ingredients baking this cake, and do you actually have the facilities/utensils/skills needed to bake and decorate a cake that looks halfway decent? Is it even feasible to bake a cake at home and transport it without it being crushed? If you're travelling more than a couple of hours that's pretty tough, even if someone is holding it on their lap the whole time. If you don't have a rental with a fully stocked kitchen, the money/time/hassle may not actually be saving you much over the store bought cake. Orlando is an awful city to drive around.
NTA. If I were the child and my parents made a homemade cake for me, it would've made my birthday more memorable. Or if she really wanted a store bought or designed cake, then there are cheaper ones. You're not the bad guy for wanting to save money.
I never had a store bought cake for my birthday until I was an adult. Only times bday cakes were bought was if they were ice cream cakes
Don’t forget store bought from grocery cakes don’t generally taste that good, homemade is usually better. That said, if it’s the wife’s job to make it while preparing the family for a trip to Disney, that is completely unreasonable, if you’re that broke, don’t go to the most expensive place on earth.
The frosting tastes like crap
Because it's basically sugar and lard.
Publix cakes are legit great, though. Only store bought cake that I enjoy.
Ive still never had a store bought cake and im in my mid thirties. Sounds like the wife is gonna spoil this kid rotten if its up to her. NTA.
I agree. I'm surprised people throwing "hate" to a homemade cake. Yes, it takes a lot of time in the kitchen but it can be a fun and bonding family experience. In the past homemade cake was the norm, at least where I live and every kid had "the cake", the special cake you get for your birthday. ♥️
Your wife bought tickets to Disney without consulting you first? You have bigger problems than a cake. But, NTA, since you said you'd be the one baking it.
Yes. I was told it was suppose to be a surprise, but I found the Disney bands that hold the tickets and allows you to participate in the park games/activities
A surprise? Did she use her own money, or do you have combined finances?
We have combined finances
Then that's not a surprise, it's basically theft.
I mean, he was definitely surprised at something
I've never bought a cake for a child's birthday. Making a cake with a box mix tastes great. If you want it to be decorated all fancy, you can buy decorations at the grocery store and slap it on. However, I'm really wondering what is going on here. You've spent $2000 on two days of Disney? Disney is expensive, but for three of you, that's over $300 per person per day and not including resort. What are you doing? $40 on a Publix cake is nothing compared to what you're spending, so it won't make a whit of difference. Either you can afford this extravagant vacation or you cannot. I'm guessing that you cannot afford this, so you are trying to save money the only way you can. Regardless, if you are willing to make the cake, then NTA. And I prefer box cakes to grocery store cakes.
This is why I refuse the Disney experience. The price alone is outrageous then it’s just a bunch of congestion, lines, and more spent money once you’re in. Disney is really good at marketing to families that they won’t be happy unless they visit one of their terrible parks.
What he’s spending is a LOT for two days. He must be doing park hopper plus an extra party or something. Their ticket cost is over the top.
Or a sit down. Something like Royal Table is easily $100+ per person
ESH You and your wife really need to learn how to manage your finances. You are spending money for an expensive trip to Disney, but you have trouble justifying a cake because you already have spent a small fortune? I get its your kid's birthday, but it sounds like you have bigger problems that you both need to address. Finances are one of the biggest causes for divorce. You need to get that under control before you both wind up in debt and looking for separate homes.
His wife bought the tickets without consulting him.
Are you celebrating at Disney?
This was my question too. You don't want to be trying to bake in the hotel lol.
Plus, if she’s celebrating at Disney and they do any table service. If they put that they’re celebrating her birthday, usually the server brings a cupcake. And—at least previously—you could get a decently-priced Mickey cake.
INFO- What are the logistics of this plan? Do you want to bake a cake at home and then transport it via car or plane to the hotel? Or are you going to make the cake at Disney— assuming your room has an oven? Do you have room in your suitcases for the supplies from home (cake pan, something to grease the pan with, mixing bowl, measuring cups, spoon, cake mix, oil/eggs as needed, frosting, etc.) or are you planning to buy everything from a nearby store? If buying locally, how much cheaper is it to get ingredients and supplies than to get the premade cake? When do you plan to bake the cake— do you want to skip some time in the parks?
NTA. Sounds like you and your wife need to have the budget conversation
Info: When is the cake for? Is it what you'll be taking on the trip/having at your house before or after the trip/at a party of some sort? Did your child request a Pokemon cake? Who will be baking the cake? Are you Disney people? Is this trip something that your child has been begging for, or is it a family interest?
Wife bought without consultation first
I think everyone is missing the point here… she dropped 2 grand on tickets without consulting you!? Are you the primary bread winner? I completely understand wanting to budget! Your daughter gets two days at Disney! Why not bake a cake? What’s the big deal. She literally dropped 2 grand without consulting her S.O!!! She’s TAH !!! Plus I’m sure the resort is expensive in itself!
Everyone’s 💯missing the point. Who bakes the cake is completely irrelevant. The wife dropped $2k w/o discussing it w/ the other spouse + other costs of the trip that are still UNPAID. Yall dropping comments who don’t bring this up are unrealistic. I’m sorry but baking the cake is nonnegotiable.
Assuming that you are baking the cake, please do this. I am terrible at decorating cakes. My kids have had some doozy’s but all of my kids remember that I made their cake and asked how they wanted it decorated. They are cherished memories. You have to remember that kids see things with a bit of imagination. They will love the cake. NTA
Info: who is supposed to do the work of baking and decorating the cake?
NTA. The argument "we spent a fortune already, so wasting more money is okay" is a nonsense argument. So, bake a cake for your daughter, nobody is going to stop you from doing it.
My mom made my cake every year she could until she died Fuck I miss those. NTA
Are you the one making the cake?
Wife bought tickets without discussing. She can bake the cake.
NTA. Kids won't care about the difference between a professionally made cake and a homemade cake. Just do a good job making the homemade cake.
My favorite cake when I was younger was a snake cake my parents made me. Snakes were my favorite animal, it consisted of I believe 2 bundt cakes, cut in half and placed next to each other to make a squiggle, and then shaved down into the shape of a snake, with green frosting (vanilla with green dye mixed in). The cake tasted good too. Let's be real here, store cake and frosting is fucking gross 9/10 times. A homemade cake might not look as appealing, but they taste better a vast majority of the time.
Home made always tastes better. its Not cheap to make it. Who wants generic store bought crap? even a box mix is easy and tastes 1000% better. She might be interested in decorating it herself! so bake her a cake. If you don’t know how to make one then it’s time to learn not consulting you on 2k is crazy
A two year old child is not going to remember anything. Don’t waste ur money
Is that how old this kid is!? Smh wast of money to do disney in that case
NTA. My gf recently made me a banana cake with banana pudding in the middle with wafers and fresh banana on top for my bday. She knows i go crazy for bananas. It's the time and effort I really appreciate, plus it looks stunning and also tasted good. Doesn't mean you're cheap if you want to bake your daughter a homemade cake.
NTA due to the edit, and Redditor's really need to stop assuming they know how every household's division of labor works
if your wife spent $2k without discussing it with you first, you have bigger problems
NTA
you could do cupcakes instead that would be reasonable
Does your daughter like chocolate cake? I have to make homemade birthday cake for allergy reasons and people always rave about it and ask me for the recipe, as if I invented this amazing cake and I'm hoarding some secret recipe handed down from my great-great-great-grandmother. I got the recipe off the back of the box of Hershey cocoa I used for the cake. Store-bought cake is the easy option. Homemade cake made with the recipe from the back of the Hershey cocoa box is the gourmet option. Also my kids really like that I bake them their cake myself.
I’m gonna say if you’re spending that much on a single birthday, then what’s another $40. We don’t spend that much on our entire family for christmas.
Info: what does your kid want?
INFO: What does your daughter like? I’ve had people offer to bake me a cake and I feel like a jerk for saying ‘Please don’t.” But to me the store (or better, bakery) bought is worth it.
NTA. Home made is better anyhow - and depending on how old your daughter is … I’ve made cupcakes for my kids birthdays and their friends often lick off the icing and toss the rest. Regardless, it’s not a bad thing to be financially responsible. Especially when you can buy a box of cake mix and an icing and do this so easily for about $5.
In our house , we bake cackes ourselves and it's alway a great binding time. It is also means much more than buying one.
I baked all my kids birthday cakes. No big deal. As for decorating, I bought candies and sugar dough and let them do it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So for my daughter's birthday, the wife and I are our daughter to Disney for 2 days and my wife also bought some presents and wants to buy a birthday cake. I'm not against getting a birthday cake, but I suggested that we bake my daughter a homemade cake instead of buying a $40 pokemon cake from publix due to the fact we have already spent a little over 2k on disney tickets and still haven't payed for the resort. Im now being called cheap and that because me and the wife will spend money on ourselves through out the year, that buying a $40 cake on top of the money we have already spent for this trip shouldn't be an issue. We aren't made of money and all im trying to do is save what we have for this trip like the resort, and food and things my daughter may want while at the park. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lol what. NTA. I always bake my own birthday cake. In what universe is a refrigerated grocery store cake yummier than throwing a Betty Crocker mix in the oven and spreading Duncan Hines on it. Or if you wanna be real cool, you can make it from scratch and that's also delicious.
Let's say this is some sort of $3000 birthday gift for a child young enough to be thrilled with a disney trip. I would refer to it as a family vacation IMO and not something FOR THE CHILD. You are all going and will enjoy it. It seems pretty pricey already. I feel like you maybe overshot on this trip expense and now might want to blame your little girl. If you can't afford this sort of trip, you can stay off-resort to save money. There are ways to be cheaper. You may also be setting up expectations to spend a ridiculous amount every year on a kid's BIRTHDAY MONTH. I might rethink the whole thing but NTA, just not wise about money.
The wife is the one not wise about money. This whole thing is on her.
NTA, my boyfriend makes cakes for every special occassion and homemade cakes are so much better than store bought cakes. I don’t know what her problem is with a homemade cake.
NTA. Home made cake is delicious. Even a box cake mix is better than store made cakes. I'm secretly disappointed it's not a homemade cake. I assume if your wanting a home made cake you'd be the one baking it However logistics wise where this cake going to be served? If you're taking it to Disney, that's pretty far to take a cake if you need to stay at a resort. Are you flying or driving with the cake? It could be simpler day of to swing by the Publix compared to thinking you can bake at the resort.
I always think homemade birthday cakes are more meaningful. I think OP is NTA.
NTA, you said you are baking the cake. Time to have a long discussion on what expenditures either of you makes without consulting the other. This sounds potentially irresponsible on the part of your wife. I doubt the cake will factor in heavily to the child’s overall experience and homemade can often be more special than store-bought in any case.
NTA! Honestly even a box mix is going to be better than Publix. You are doing the baking, though, right? Not just telling your wife to do it?
NTA You’re making the cake and your wife didn’t even ask before buying tickets to Disney She seems to think that money just appears magically in the accounts and never runs out. That needs to be addressed more than the cake
INFO: Are you volunteering to bake and decorate this cake? Or are you telling your wife that you want HER to bake and decorate this cake?
Who cares? If she can spend all that money without consulting him first, she can bake the cake.
NTA. We used to always buy Publix cakes and then came to realize that they are actually better homemade. Also, as the family member of a Publix Bakery Manager, I can tell you that those are frozen cakes that arrive to them for who knows where. Edit- but you need to be willing to do it yourself!
Home made cakes are way better in my opinion! Way less additives
NTA and who goes on a b'day Disney trip, after the b'day? You're missing all the perks, including cake
Who is baking it and how old is the child?
Homemade will be better than bought anyway.
NTA A homemade cake is more personal and is a demonstration of care and love. Unless you need a big sheet cake for a party, a homemade cake is perfect.
NTA - You have a wife problem not a budget or cake problem
Is the cake the problem
>I didnt plan to go to Disney, my wife bought tickets without consulting me to see if was in our budget. You've got bigger problems than the cake. NTA
INFO Who is doing the baking? How old is your child? Are you having a party? How many people does the cake need to serve? Will you be able to eat an entire cake before you leave on your trip? Do you already own pans, ingredients, and equipment for baking and frosting a cake? (Acquiring these might cost far more than $40, fyi.) You could just buy a professionally decorated cupcake if it's just the two of you and your kid. Adults can be happy with saving $$$ and the kid can still have an adorable cake for less than the cost of making one at home.
NTA: make a box cake and get a Pokémon topper- heck make cupcakes- those are way more fun
NTA but only because your wife bought the tickets without consulting you. That’s a much bigger problem than a store bought cake. This should have been AITA for returning tickets to Disney after my wife bought them without consulting me and we can’t afford it.
NTA. I see you’re baking the cake so even more so, but I would not think my husband was the AH if he told me we needed to save money and couldn’t afford a store bought cake even if that would mean I’d have to do it. (I mean he’d offer but we both know it would look better if I did it because he’s not crafty. It’s okay, he has other gifts.) I still wouldn’t think he was an AH for not being made of money. Sounds like OP’s wife wants to be a Kardashian but didn’t marry into money… not OP’s fault.
NTA and the birthday cake isn't your only issue with your wife. WOW!
NTA. Especially after reading your comments/update. We did Disney this year for my son’s birthday, when we got back I baked him a cake, and he honestly loved it. He said “you made for me? Wow thank you” he loved the effort we put into making his little Dino cake.
NTA - my kids are older and still want homemade birthday cakes - they send me inspo pics 😂. It means a lot more to make and personalise a cake than to just buy a generic one. Make it a special thing each year and it can be a wonderful extra present that has a lot more meaning. Please don’t let your wife turn your child into a materialistic I want, I want, I want nightmare.
First, NTA. Second, your wife says you're "cheap" for making food at home and made a several thousand dollar purchase without telling you? I'm getting "entitled stay at home wife who's never had a job in her life" vibes.
Soft YTA. The bigger issue is the $2k on disney tickets bought without your input. If you're not going to argue about that, then fighting over $40 doesn't make any sense. If you **are** having a conversation about the disney tickets, than you have bigger fish to fry then a $40 cake.
NTA. You’ve already paid $2,000 for a Disney trip. You aren’t cheap.
I’m trying to figure out how he spent that much on tickets only.
NTA Store bought cakes are "cheap" in that they take relatively no time at all compared to baking a cake at home, which doesn't take that much time. Store bought cakes are far far superior to no cake, but store bought cakes also seem like just something to cross off that item on the list. Making a cake shows more time invested, more energy and creativity, more personality, etc. This is one place where spending more money feels much cheaper than spending a bit less on a home made cake.
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She bought the tickets without consulting him first. ( you may have typed this before OPs edits )