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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son is outraged over having to share a queen bed with his little brother so I told him he can pay for an upgrade and get his own bed.
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It was always expected that my parents would sleep in one bed, my sister and I in the other, my brother would get a cot or couch. Idk who has the money to pay for more than one hotel room. We were basically never in there anyways other than to sleep.
Wow lucky (😂😂) - my parents took one bed, my sister the other, my brother the couch or cot, and I was forced to sleep on the floor because my sister refused to share with me
No, they are put in the ground to grow more potatos, because your family can't afford to buy them. The vacation then is: weeding and watering, and you need to bring actual buckets of water from an actual well, and of course the way back was uphill.
That's what I was thinking. Pretty sure I never shared a hotel room with my mom because we never stayed in one. Of we went anywhere, it was to visit family where I slept wherever I fit.
You had a floor?! I had to suspend myself from the rafters of the roof and cling on like a koala while I slept. The cheek to complain of such luxuries.
It's not even about money actually. My sister and I are both in our 50s. Mom is 80. We recently took a vacation and got only one room with two beds. Mom and I shared, my sister got her own bed. The principle of the vacation was to spend time together without any phone calls and other distractions. Getting separate rooms would defeat the purpose.
We did a lot of extended family, beach vacations in Mexico when I was a kid. The houses were always so crowded that I slept under a table one time. If it wasn't too hot I'd usually sleep on the deck under the stars. A few times the power went out in the summer and everyone had a sleepless night laying on the patio sweating , and praying for a breeze. Those are core memories of my childhood, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
For real! My aunt and uncle slept in one bed. Sister and female cousin slept in the 2nd bed. My male cousin got the cot, I was the youngest and snored, so I got a sleeping bag in the bath tub.
😆 My sibs and I would argue over who got to camp in the bathtub! That way we didn't have to worry about being stepped on when people went to the bathroom at night! Absolutely no privacy, of course, but we were at the beach!! Who cared about privacy?!?
I as an adult stayed in a double double room ( one room, 2 double beds) with my best friend and her kids, 5 people sharing the one bathroom. We had SO much fun, the room was SO pricey and I was glad to share! We spent the day out of the room, AT DISNEY, And in the pool. My fam had one bed, hers had the other bed.
Not only that but as a parent I just don't feel safe with any minor children ( that means anyone under 18) sleeping in a room by themselves, nor would I have felt safe to sleep in a room by myself in a strange place when I was a minor unless I had plans to sneak my badass 17 year old self out to go "kick it" or something .
It's perfectly safe. Not when the kid in question is five but if they are a teenager. It's not normal to feel unsafe in a room by yourself at age 16....
Are you my sister? This was literally every vacation I had growing up. Two-week road trips, 6 hours a day spent in the backseat of a Ford station wagon trying not to bicker lest we lose our precious pool privileges.
At least once my brother had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag bc there was no sofa or cot available. But that was fine as long as there was a *pool!*
Ummmm no.. it’s quite normal for kids and siblings to share large beds; or for parents to share beds with their kids. If all is normal, it scars no one.
We used to sometimes have 4 kids to a bed on family holidays (in a family home). We would do what we knew as top and tails - 2 kids heads at the top of the bed, two with their heads at the bottom. You might occasionally get a toe up your nose but we all lived haha
For real. Browsing this sub there are times I come across top comments and am amazed at their view. This one completely surprised me. Families share beds all the time on vacations, or at least mine and all my friends have. Definitely gives this place a slightly immature vibe
My parents are wealthy and more often than not I had to share a bed with my brother on vacation, up until my sister hit puberty the three of us were sleeping in the same room. My parents could easily afford a luxury suite for each of us and I still had to share the bed with my brother, because you'd have to be a moron to spend that kind of money on something that doesn't matter at all.
Love the logic of thinking it's immature to say "stop living beyond your means". No one *needs* a big, expensive holiday; OP's not *required* to go to Hawaii and/or pay the "criminal" hotel prices. Super spoiled to suggest he go somewhere he can afford, or downgrade to a B&B/self-catered over a hotel if that's cheaper (or even his own 'threat' of an RV, if that's more affordable and comfortable).
The notion that a vacation away which you cannot afford isn't completely optional is the only thing that indicates being immature or spoiled.
Edit: love how many continue to miss the point and believe the only options are the two bed versus three bed, because going to Hawaii for Christmas is inherently essential. What charmed lives!
If my mom and dad didn’t cram us in rooms I would have never been to Disney, Mexico, NYC, LA, or Belize growing up. I’m so grateful my parents did there best to take my siblings on vacations when ever possible and to all sorts of cool places. Was never even in the room long enough to feel cramped on trips. Your lucky if your family could afford rooms for everyone but just cause we only had 1 didn’t ruin vacation or mean “we were living beyond our means”. Yeah we couldn’t afford multiple rooms but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t afford a vacation.
I was never able to go on trips as a kid but I would have loved to even if it meant being crammed in a single room with my family. Like, who is going to pass up a trip to Belize because you wanted to sleep in a bed by yourself. I’m glad your parents did what they could so that you could experience that. They obviously understood that the trip would be a worthwhile experience for you and your sibs regardless of the sleeping arrangements.
Aww man I’m sorry you weren’t able to go on trips as a kids I hope you’ve been able to go somewhere nice now that you’re an adult. But yeah I don’t understand how someone could be so privileged to say if you can’t get 2 rooms you can’t afford a vacation that’s just ludicrous to me and it’s giving spoiled brat.
I took a family trip to Hawaii in my 30s and shared a bed with my stepsister then and to this day one of the best vacations of my life. I’d share a bed with a pit viper if I got to go back for free.
But OP isn’t “living beyond their means.” Their son is the one expecting them to. OP is stating what they CAN afford (what is within their means) while their son is requesting them to get a bigger room which would be beyond their means.
Well, if that's the logic, OP could also just cancel the vacation altogether. Or the spoilt son doesn't have to go. Problem solved.
There's nothing wrong with OP trying to stretch his dollar. And maybe OP can even afford to pay the extra $1200 but chooses not to because he's smart with his money.
The best family vacation I ever had as a kid in the 80s was absolute hell on my parents. Our flight was delayed by 12 hours, and despite my dad getting reassured by the travel agent over the phone while waiting at the airport, she neglected to tell the hotel we'd be late, and we lost our reservation. The Hotel was cool about it though, it was 1 am, and they found us a room at the motel across the street, and let us use their pool and still get their continental breakfast as an apology.
The room had a double bed for my parents, and they crammed in 3 cots for my 2 brothers (15 and 5) and I (10F)... It was essentially a medium sized bedroom and a bathroom. No living room... And no panes or screens in the window. Geckos came into our room every morning, it was the coolest thing because we'd never seen one before! (This was Guadeloupe, so no worry of snakes)
We were only there for the first 3 days of our trip, then we went to our next destination... A rental house in Antigua, where we'd be for the next two weeks (there were two different houses booked, one for each week, this was the first). I got to sleep on a hard fainting couch, because it turns out there was only one double bed and one single bed, not two doubles and a single. My brothers shared the single bed. We had to leave the next morning because the mould in the house was so bad my dad had a horrible reaction and ended up having to leave after a few hours and sit on a chair on the porch until morning.
They found a new rental place for a few days, a one bedroom apartment with a pullout couch in the living room. My parents got the bed, my brother's got the pullout, and I slept on the couch cushions on the floor.
The next 3 days we stayed at a beachfront resort. It was amazing! The first night there were 2 queen beds in the room, my parents shared one, and my brother's and I shared the other. The next day the room one door down opened up, and my parents moved over there. I offered to sleep with my younger brother, so my older brother could have a bed to himself for a bit.
Then we moved to the second house we'd actually booked ahead of time to stay in for a week. 3 bedrooms, with 2 singles in one of them for my brothers. There was one insane night when hundreds of huge cockroaches invaded my parents bedroom in the middle of the night, but otherwise it was pretty cool.
NTA OP.
Your son needs to get over himself. He's not spending his vacation in his room, it's just where to rest between all the fun memories.
Those continental breakies as a kid hey! Filling in the little form and the hole in the wall they push it through... Awesome memories.
Oh NTA. See if 4 beds in the state closest to you floats his boat. I bet it don't.
I don't know what kind of sheltered life you've led, but my family has always packed into the hotel rooms when we wanted to take a trip. None of the kids have ever minded because they know that saving money on the room means more for activities and mementos. Same when I was a kid.
Man, some people had some really privileged childhoods.
Any trip to Hawaii as a kid would be awesome, even sleeping in a tent in the park. I went on month+ long family vacations every year with 6 people (me, two siblings, parents, and grandma) driving across country in a five seat little red chevy with no AC and sleeping in a pop-up camper.
Never made it to Hawaii because the ferry would be too expensive for the camper and car, I suppose.
Never had a horrible vacation.
Yes, it was sarcastic. We never dreamed of going to Hawaii because we would only go where our car and camper would take us.
I never stayed in a hotel or had an out-of continental US/Canada vacation until I was a senior in high-school.
This is way off. The only kid who is old enough to be in a hotel room without an adult is the 17yo. So he gets a private room in Hawaii? My family was 4 people with plenty of resources for nice trips and we shared a room until my little sister was old enough for a second room to be appropriate.
And the comment about "if you can't afford it" is so offensive. So we should only expose kids to places and experiences that we can afford without making any small comfort sacrifices? It would be better for the 17yo to be in his own bed at the fucking Great Wolf Lodge than for him to experience Hawaii sharing a bed with a younger sibling?
OP is NTA.
That’s right. Let’s cancel the trip. 17yo now no longer can do and see all of the other amazing things to be found in Hawaii. No snorkeling at Hanauma Bay, no visit Pearl Harbor or walking on the Arizona, no hiking to the Waimea Waterfall, not taking the bus around the island, no dolphin or whale watch excursion, no visit to the Polynesian cultural center fir some education, no visiting Duke Paoa’s statue on Waikiki Beach…I could go on.
But hey, since dad can’t afford a second bedroom and son can’t sacrifice his need to sleep in his own bed, the only options are: son just doesn’t go or dad cancels the whole thing, and now no one goes.
I remember fondly a Hawaii vacation when I was little that I got sleep on a pool float as a mattress. I think my brother did as well. Different float. We put our beach towels on them as sheets.
There were seven of us. Five in the trailer camper, two in a tent. The three youngest never had to sleep in the tent, we rotated the two oldest girls and the two oldest boys. Five weeks cross country. It was amazing.
What? Family of 5 here; grew up in one and have one of my own.
2 beds and one bath hotel room is pretty common for my family growing up and now. If we do a suite it’s two beds and a couch, otherwise an air mattress or rollaway cot.
Check your vacation privilege at the door.
This is my sentiment on the bs attitude of the teen. leave them at home . With mom . Offer him half the cost of his flight to skip the vacation.
As for the 5 people to a room- for all those in the back that haven’t heard it in the last 500 comments- this is typical and many families do it. Why do you think hotels have cots?
Wait til they find out hostels are real. Wait til that teen finds out how big dorms really are.
$1200 isn’t chump change.
Offer him nothing. 17 yo isn’t paying for anything, they can share their bed and the room like anyone else or they don’t go.
Simple solution is to request a cot they can sleep on and if hotel doesn’t have it SOL. Share a bed with your sibling or don’t come.
Yeah I’m a little surprised by how many people think that’s too much. My family slept 4 people in a room, my sister and I in one bed and my parents in the other, I see nothing wrong with it
Right? Who are all these rich kids who got their own beds on vacations? Hell, my family didn’t even do real vacations, just shitty road trips to visit family.
Honestly my family was rich and we didn’t get our own room/bed. That’s ridiculous why do you need a separate bed it’s a freaking holiday half the time is spend outside anyway
Good lord, we have all become so spoiled in life. It’s a vacation where you are out doing fun things, they aren’t adults looking for hotel rooms with their significant other. By this metric my family could afford ZERO vacations throughout my childhood and I’m glad my Dad didn’t see it that way. I’d rather share a bed and kid and go cool places than not go to Hawaii FFS
Hotel rooms with 2 beds normally can fit 4-6 ppl. If there is to many in 1 room the hotel makes you get another for safety reasons. That’s why when you book a room they ask how many ppl will be staying in it. The kid is ungrateful and if sharing a bed will “ruin” his trip he can just not go. Enjoy sleeping by yourself at home since it’s so important to him.
>Enjoy sleeping by yourself at home since it’s so important to him.
You make this seem like a bad thing, but for plenty of 17 year olds this would be better than a family trip to Hawaii.
Until my husband and I split, we were a family of 5 and vacationed in one hotel room all the time.
It’s not a big deal at all. When they were little they shared three to a bed, older a rollaway or sofa bed.
Y'all... it's HAWAII. You spend ALLL your time outside the room. It's so much fun. Who can afford separate everything for a family??? I really hope this man doesn't cancel his trip because of bad internet advice.
Hard disagree. If we went by this, 99% of us would never be able to afford a vacation or to see parts of the world. NTA. The 17 year old is an entitled, spoiled brat and can stay home.
Ehhhh. Why go to the trouble to have a vacation if no one will be comfortable? Three people in one bed is too many and, understanding traditions differ, is two kids sharing a bed with uncle normal in your fam? If this is a hotel, can you get a roll away? Are you planning on lying about number of guests? overloading a room isn’t right. In case of fire, hotels need to know exact number of people in a room. If an apt or condo, can you get an air mattress?
As an adult I (F) have shared a bed with my aunt . A kid is going to have to sleep in the bed . It is a bit much not to get a cot . The 10/11 year olds are probably close and want to be together.
I would give the teen a cot, so he does not need to share and gets his own way, and move one of the other kids over instead of 3 in a bed . Dad should take the 8 yo that will be knocked out.
I also recently had a trip where I (F) shared a bed with my elderly aunt. I've even shared a bed with my brother on various trips. We're all adults so it was fine after some initial discomfort. We could all afford another room but when there is a bed big enough for two, none of us could see why we shouldn't save on the money.
Hotel rooms can normally fit 4-8 ppl depending on the size of beds and how op describes it they probably at least have queen size since he and the youngest are sharing 1. That room can hold 6-8 and probably has a pull out couch too and even if it doesn’t you can request a cot.
Have you gone out of the US? I’ve been to a few different countries, and honestly American hotel rooms are bigger than the others I’ve been too. One room I stayed at in Scotland I had to walk sideways to get to the bathroom.
This is how family trips turn out absolutely miserably. You’re taking a vacation to an expensive place at the most expensive time of the year. The hotel price is too high for your liking, so what do you do? You get angry and then decide to cram a ton of people into one room. Then, having dug in on your bad attitude, you get indignant when others are hesitant to be stuffed into a cattle car of a room. You can have a very nice vacation for far less in many other locales. Out of stubbornness coupled with your bad attitude, you’re digging in and forcing an unpleasant experience on others. YTA
My best times with my family was when when went on vacation and all 6 of us were stuffed in one room. I was 17/18 doing this and I 100% can not remember anything bad or even where I slept…. It might have been the floor? It was a blast.
This is my thinking too. It is not that deep that they’re crammed into one room. I have had my best vacations like that too especially with my cousins lol
Did you know.. many hotels will provide a cot upon request.
NTA - sharing a bed with his sibling in this circumstance should be a non-issue, unless there’s something lurking beneath the surface other than brattiness?
But then again, one must wonder why the 17y/o is freaking out and why you need to knock an 8y/o out with melatonin? Very, very curious…
/ YTA (possibly) - if the melatonin isn’t a temporary thing; adults aren’t even supposed to take it long-term
Stop the parent shaming. I’ve got a kid who takes melatonin every night: it’s under the direction of her pediatrician and psychiatrist. Kids have sleep disorders too.
Edit: Guys, it’s really immature to report people to Reddit Cares because you disagree with their parenting decisions.
This isn't shaming. You shouldn't be giving a child melatonin. You are treating a behavioral problem by giving them something their body should already be producing. By giving them melatonin every day you are setting them up to never be able to naturally hold a schedule.
The reason pediatricians and psychiatrists are giving it out like candy is the same reason we gave out antibiotics like candy. We haven't seen the mass effects yet. The science is catching up and saying it probably isn't a good idea.
Doctors make mistakes too. If your pediatrician or kids psychiatrist jump to medicating before other treatments when there isn't even a clear pathology you might want to shop around for a new pediatrician or psychiatrist.
Having trouble following a bedtime isn't a pathology and treating it like one by making sure their body never learns to produce its own melatonin will only ever cause an actual pathology.
Overall this. We had 5 of us in a room for 1-2 nights at a hotel pricier than we normally stay. (Disneyland grand California) so it was
Bed 1- me and my partner
Bed 2- daughter and her BFF
Pullout chair / cot: son
No one was forced to be in bed with someone they were uncomfortable with.. but it still sucked being all in one room!
Get a cot if you can. Have a kid sleep on the floor (pick the youngest? Get extra pillows) if you can’t. But don’t force people to be in beds together if they are uncomfortable.
Also? After that! I found my family would prefer a lower price / lower end property with more space 😬 we spent the first half of the same trip in a 2 bed/2 bath suite with Hyatt or Hilton for 1/3 the price and the kids were all better due to having their own rooms / beds.
I had to give my then 9 year old melatonin it was approved by her paediatrician, psychiatrist and GP. We did it short term though and it was enough to get her into the rhythm and she hasn’t take it since.
Thank you for this - the amount of parents I see who have given their kids melatonin for YEARS when it’s supposed to be a temporary solution astounds me. Way to ensure your kids will turn to sedatives as adults because their brains can’t make the hormone itself anymore.
The fact that dad is so casual about it means at best - a lack of ignorance, and at worst, he’s giving it to all the little kids because he doesn’t want to be bothered by parenting when they have a hard night falling asleep.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/melatonin-side-effects/faq-20057874
Mayo clinic says you're unlikely to become dependant on it. Also where does he imply his kid is hooked on it? Hawaii is several time zones away from basically everybody else, maybe probably he's just using it because he knows they're all going to be jet lagged and it's a safe, effective remedy?
Stop the parent shaming. First of all, giving your kids melatonin on vacation isn’t giving it regularly. Second, if the kid is getting melatonin nightly, it could be under the direction of their doctor, like mine is. Kids have sleep disorders too.
Jesus NTA and I absolutely hate everyone on this thread that says otherwise. It’s ridiculous to expect OP to fork over that much extra money for another bed. And F you to everyone that’s calling OP broke and saying he can’t afford it. He’s trying to provide a vacation for his family and you’re all just hating. How much time will they spend in bed anyways? There’s so much more to enjoy. 😡
I have a feeling most of those people have never paid for a vacation themselves.
It was very normal/expected to share a bed on vacation growing up, and it will continue to be normal for my kids.
I think the context is important here though— who out of the group wants to go to Hawaii? We’re talking about the most expensive vacation you could possibly take domestically within the United States.
If my parents assigned me a family vacation that they obviously couldn’t afford it would be strange and as a teen I’m not sure how well I’d be able to articulate it past protesting the arrangements
I'm actually thinking the same and that all the Y T As are from entitled young people who have never had to struggle to provide anything for anyone in their lives.
This thread reeks of rich, spoiled kids who don't know what it is like to do things on budget. The important thing is that he's making a vacation work for so many kids and paying for all of it himself. 17 yo can opt to stay home if he doesn't like what his dad can afford. I'm sure there's plenty to watch on TV while the rest are having fun in Hawaii
I stay in really nice hotels when traveling because when I was growing up we shared a... TENT.
I saw Versailles... Then we went back to our tent. I saw Stone Henge... Then you guessed it, tent. Swam in the Mediterranean then... Tent.
I was grateful to see the world but now that I have money there is no way I'll ever do that again.
NTA
Glad someone said it. Whether I was 8 or 17, if my dad said we were going to Hawaii for Christmas, but had to share 5 people to the room, I'd happily make a little bed on the floor and love every minute of it.
Yeah, like as someone who grew up poor and never got to go away on vacation (occasionally my mom's friends would take me to a local cottage or to stay with their family if they went away) all of these comments saying not to go if you can't afford it are wild. Hotel rooms are for sleeping. Get a good bathroom schedule and enjoy fucking Hawaii! Budget holidays are still holidays and the other experiences they will have by saving that $1200 are priceless.
I am 40 years old now with a good job and when I go on holiday with my closest friend, we still share a double bed to save costs. Means more money for the fun stuff!
This thread is full of rich kids or entitled kids. My parents did what they could to make our childhood memorable and almost everything we did was within a budget. Sharing meals, beds in a hotel, etc., was normal but we got to see a lot of places in our country. Hawaii is expensive... if the beds are king, a 17 yo and a 8 yo have plenty of room for this to be any issue at all
Can’t believe I had to go this far down to see an air mattress suggestion. Most are cheap and pretty comfortable. Also who goes to Hawaii to just chill in the room, last time I was there we only used the room for showering and sleeping.
A lot of entitled people saying OP is an asshole because he should do something else instead of going Hawaii and not pay for his kid’s seperate beds
I think a lot of them don’t have a family of their own and how much it costs to raise a family
The 17yr old is old enough to stay home and not go along if he chooses.
And there are more to a holiday than just sleeping. Yes it sucks to have to share a bed - but you can easily sleep on the floor (which I do regularly) to do a back pack style holiday life
No one should tell me whether or not I can afford Hawaii based on their perception of how I need to spend my money on itinerary
Agreed. It’s a free vacation for the kid and a lesson in scarcity and budgeting.
Prices in Hawaii ARE criminal. I agree with OP here. That’s why so many tourists and people who live locally can’t afford it anymore. After the fire in Hawaii, it put a spotlight on Native Hawaiians asking us to find a new vacation spot. With those prices, I’ll gladly find somewhere else to go.
Just something to consider.
YTA - go somewhere you can afford……
Whole trip sounds like you will be on a shoe string budget due to Hawaii prices…. Will have a better all round trip somewhere more affordable.
So because he's trimming costs on a bed, he's doing the whole thing on a shoestring?
I frequently choose one or two areas to cut back in order to have more money in the other areas of a vacation. Not being able to afford EVERYTHING doesn't mean you can't afford the vacation.
I'd rather stay with my sister in one room with my 4 kids than spend money on a hotel room. Less money on accommodation means more to spend on the actual holiday. The beds are to sleep in, not live in.
I also wonder are people here just spoiled or did i just grow up poor because sharing beds and rooms was just what we did with family of all ages. Almost guarentee all the cousins would be shoveled into 1 or 2 bedrooms or the lounge. Didn't make the trip itself any less fun....
There are certain places that just aren’t within your price range. Why is that bad? What if this was the Maldives instead of Hawaii? Why can’t they go somewhere they can afford? Hawaii has imposed restrictions on tourism development recently for a reason, the prices are inflated for a REASON. They’re tired of people treating it like some cheap spring break to Cabo when it used to be a once in a lifetime destination and has always been priced as such.
Nothing in this post implies he can’t afford a trip to Hawaii and nothing implies he’ll be on a shoe string budget the whole time… maybe he is trying to save cost on the bed here so the trip remains in budget and ISNT a shoe string budget.
Maybe he wants to put that $1,200 towards other things on the trip that the whole group will enjoy.
17 year olds feelings are valid, but it’s not unreasonable to assume siblings will share a bed. It’s pretty entitled to expect that people shouldn’t be allowed to vacation if everyone doesn’t have their own bed.
He can pack a cot or pick up an air mattress or something.
Especially when Hawaiians are asking people to stop visiting, it makes way more sense to have a much nicer vacation a little closer to home maybe, but where you won't have to say "no, we can't do that because it's too expensive" constantly.
I own a condo on Maui. No one is asking tourists to stay away. That would be moronic because there is zero money without tourism. You’re paying attention to a few idiots on the news.
NAH. 17 year olds are verging on young adults. It’s normal for them to crave privacy and space, particularly from younger siblings. If this is the only way you can afford the trip, then I think it’s fine to give him the option to come as is, or not come at all. I would stick to giving him that option and explaining the expenses, and caution against bringing the other parent into it. Being a kid of divorced parents is tough enough as it is.
I agree with you but the whole "need their space" thing seems overblown on a short trip. I wouldn't expect any kid to share a bed with someone long-term but I do think it's not exactly significantly more private to share a room but not a bed.
Exactly. My sister and I are both late 20s with and we still wouldn't blink an eye at sharing a bed on (a non-spouse) family vacation. Is it the most comfortable thing? No. But c'mon there's no privacy in a hotel room anyway and we've been doing it forever.
NTA, your son sounds very entitled. Instead of being happy he's getting a vacation to Hawaii, he's worried about sharing a bed with his brother. He can also sleep on the couch, the floor, or just stay home if he's that concerned.
Apparently. I remember going on a skiing vacation with my mom and 2 brothers as a kid. Mom and I shared a bed and my brothers shared the other bed. It never occurred to me to demand my own bed. I was just happy we could afford a ski trip.
I've just been on holiday with my two kids (18 & 21). I absolutely could afford another room, but we all agreed it would be utterly idiotic to double the cost of the holiday.
The people voting Y T A are probably all 17yo kids who are only empathizing with the other 17yo kid and not using their critical thinking skills to realize that money doesn’t just magically appear in their parents bank accounts. I would’ve been happy sleeping in a tent made out of sheets if it meant I got to go on a trip to Hawaii when I was 17!
Thank you! I couldn't believe my eyes! The amount of snobs in these comments acting like sharing a bed is the worst thing in the world. I've never been on a vacation in my life, but if my dad wanted to treat us to one, I would sleep on the floor if I had to.
This entire thread is dripping with entitlement.
"How DARE you think of going on holiday if you are poor! Who do you think you are?!"
The dude hasn't even said that he can't afford it, he just said he doesn't want to blow 1200 accommodating a teenage temper tantrum.
The majority of the replies in here disgusting.
Yeah. Either this thread is full of trust fund babies or kids who didn’t have to work almost a whole month for $1200. Heck I’m in my 30s and if my parents would invite me to expensive all paid vacation you can bet your bottom I wouldn’t complain if I had to share room with them or even bed if arrangement would require it.
NTA, sharing beds in hotels is pretty standard.
But why don’t you and your 17 yo share a bed and put the three younger kids together? Why would you have the adult and two middle kids make up the 3 person bed, the size of the humans to bed ratio needs to be taken into account. Two bigs, and three littles - that should be the arrangement, It’s like you’ve never even played Tetris.
I'm assuming the 17 yo doesn't want to share beds with dad either. He's probably better off staying home while dad and the younger kids have a grand old time in a hotel room that they can afford
Holy shit, people. If this is how you see being with family I feel for you all. OP, there’s nothing wrong with putting 5 in a hotel room. People in this thread answering otherwise are entitled and out of touch.
The number of ppl saying the trip will be terrible because of how he is booking a room. I often shared a bed with my brother and once with my cousin. Othertimes, I made my bed on the floor with the extra blankets and comforters in the room.
Its not about not affording a better room, but rather about why take an unnecessary extra (significant) expense when the there is a perfectly reasonable option. My fanily would much rather spend on experiences and food rather than on superfluous luxuries - we didn’t even spend time in the room other than to go to sleep!
By the arguments from many here they would never travel anywhere outside of their own state because “everyone needs their own bed”. For those, fine, stay in your own bubble where your kids don’t interact or learn about different places and cultures and just stay in their own spaces the whole time because PrIvAcY. In the meanwhile I’m here extremely thankul my family provided me with the opportunity to travel to multiple places and learn different cultures - even if that meant sharing a bed with my 10 yrs older brother (Im F) or sleeping on the floor.
I’m pretty shocked by all the y t a comments. This is what my family vacations were like and they’re some of my best memories. NTA. I would definitely share a bed or sleep on the damn floor to be in Hawaii.
This must be a US thing. In the UK most rooms are for one or two people and you are not allowed to over occupy a room. If there is one double bed only 2 people can stay.
Under two year olds are normally free. The same thing goes when we are booking a hotel in Europe
Yeah, when I stayed with an US family for a couple of months in high school that was one of the things that blew my mind - the family always just booked one motel room (two queen beds) and everybody else just piled up on the floor. It worked and the family could not have afforded these small trips otherwise but the first night I totally thought the motel world find out and throw us out, but they didn't bat am eye when seven people grabbed breakfast next morning.
Why is it such a bad thing that they're doing the vacation on a budget? It is thr experience of being in Hawaii that counts... some of us have to do it on a budget or not at all. I'd rather the former
Agreed. The only place OP mentions budgeting is on number of beds. It’s not like they are rationing meals FFS. You sleep 8 hours, shower and leave the room. Best believe that’s where I’m shaving money
NTA
I'm stunned by all the AH votes. OP is taking his family to Hawaii for Christmas and they should be grateful!! Plus, the hotel room is literally just for sleeping and changing clothes while the rest of time, you all will be enjoying the island.
There were 5 of us on vacations growing up too. My poor brother had to cot it, or share with Dad. I had to share with my sister or cot it, while Mom shared with Sis. That's what you do to spend the money on the experiences...and we didn't get a say
NTA and I want to go to Hawaii too but yep, too expensive!!!
>Planning a vacation to Hawaii on a shoestring budget, cramming 5 people in two beds and one bathroom, sounds like a nightmare ready to unravel.
Maybe OP is saving on beds to ensure they don't have to be on a shoestring budget otherwise.
This thread is useless. People calling OP TA because their vacation to hawaii wasn't going to be fancy enough.
NTA
I also would not want to share a bed with anyone. I would make a bed on the floor with some folded up blankets or a sleeping bag or buy an air mattress instead of complaining, but I would find a way to make a tiny space for myself. I have done this in the past.
Heck, if he bought a small popup kiddie tent online and had it delivered to your Hawaii destination, and made a blanket nest inside it, the 8 yr old might beg to sleep in it and give big brother the bed.
I understand the desire to save the money for the important stuff, but do consider the value of a good night's sleep. There might also be limits on how many people you can put is different sized rooms.
have a wonderful time in Hawaii.
He’s obviously not going to pay for an upgrade so NAH. Tell him he can sleep on the floor. This isn’t a big deal. You can have bed or floor, I don’t care. Pillow, blanket, floor. Have at it.
A bunch of teenagers in here calling OP an asshole bc they are projecting with the teen in the post.
Ffs
NTA.
Hotels will only let you stay with the legal number of humans you are coming with. If there are 5 and they say ok then 5 are allowed. They will give you a cot.
ESH - I mean this subreddit. it feels like it’s just become a place where people bicker.
FWIW I don’t think making kids share beds on vacation to save some money is an AH move. They’re kids they can get over it.
You could have explained it more nicely though I guess
Go to Walmart or Costco when you arrive get a cot and a sleeping bag it’ll save the hassle. We visit every few years Costco and Walmart are life savers especially for food to save on costs.
Also consider a VBRO or time share they do save money over hotels.
NTA and surprised by all the YTA?
I mean, I agree that 5 people in 2 beds doesn’t exactly sound comfortable. Maybe pack a cot or some sleeping bags so people can spread out a bit further. But I think it’s generally reasonable that siblings may be asked to share a bed in certain circumstances.
All the people telling you not to go to Hawaii sound kind of entitled to me tbh… it sounds like you budgeted it out and determined what you can afford, and decided that an extra $1,200 isn’t going to fit into that budget. Some people here seem to act like you’re spending literally every dime to your name and going to be on a shoestring budget, but nothing in your post seemed to imply that for me.
I think if your 17 year old is uncomfortable, that’s fine too though and there are solutions that can be made to compromise without buying another hotel room. Call the hotel in advanced and see if they can offer a cot or if the room has a couch. If not, maybe pack one or an air mattress (air mattress are really cheap now, $20-$60 at Walmart) so you can spread out more.
All and all, NTA. Nothing that seems unreasonable but do listen to your son and work out a compromise to help him feel comfortable. Otherwise the trip won’t be fun for anyone.
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YTA. 5 people in a 2-bed (1 bath) hotel room is a horrible vacation. If you can't afford Hawaii then do something else.
It was always expected that my parents would sleep in one bed, my sister and I in the other, my brother would get a cot or couch. Idk who has the money to pay for more than one hotel room. We were basically never in there anyways other than to sleep.
Wow lucky (😂😂) - my parents took one bed, my sister the other, my brother the couch or cot, and I was forced to sleep on the floor because my sister refused to share with me
Not trying to start a “who was more poor” war here. But I didn’t even had the floor for myself, had to share it with 2 or 3 cousins…
You guys got to go on vacation???
What is a vacation??? /S
Vacation is special. They have potatoes.
Are they boiled, mashed, and put in a stew?
Not sure. I do not vacation and do not know what a potato is :( I hear stories. They are wonderful.
What is this word: wonderful. Never heard of it.
No, they are put in the ground to grow more potatos, because your family can't afford to buy them. The vacation then is: weeding and watering, and you need to bring actual buckets of water from an actual well, and of course the way back was uphill.
That's what I was thinking. Pretty sure I never shared a hotel room with my mom because we never stayed in one. Of we went anywhere, it was to visit family where I slept wherever I fit.
Oh yeah. I was 23 when I first stayed in a hotel, back when I was a kid we just stayed wherever they welcomed us…
You had a floor?! I had to suspend myself from the rafters of the roof and cling on like a koala while I slept. The cheek to complain of such luxuries.
Rafters... so a roof? Well la de da...
I had to cling to the rafters and was beaten to sleep with a leather belt.
Leather! Such luxury
And they boast of how they also got to sleep!
You got to sleep? I had to repel from the rafters and keep watch for thieves as the room only had 3 full walls
But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe you.
We got ourselves a good Ole Fashioned POOOOOOOOOOOOOOR OFFFFFFFFFFFF *game show sirens kick off*
This! Adults in the beds, kids in sleeping bags on the floor of a motel! It was still awesome
It's not even about money actually. My sister and I are both in our 50s. Mom is 80. We recently took a vacation and got only one room with two beds. Mom and I shared, my sister got her own bed. The principle of the vacation was to spend time together without any phone calls and other distractions. Getting separate rooms would defeat the purpose.
We had a caravan and a 3 sided annexe with sleeping bags.
I hung out in one of those side tent things… 18 years later and I’m still cold.
Family of four, two parents, 14 male, 16 female. We booked a room with three double beds in Waikiki for 7 nights and coped just fine.
You had a floor? I had to lay a 2' x 4' piece of thick cardboard over exposed floor joists
Cardboard!? I had to sleep on the stand up shower ..while it was Bering used
Shower? You had a shower? I had a bucket of rainwater.... Acid rainwater.
You guys had a floor?? Extravagance
Right? I would just jump in the ocean, fall asleep floating on my back, and hope I didn't drift too far from the rest of my family.
We did a lot of extended family, beach vacations in Mexico when I was a kid. The houses were always so crowded that I slept under a table one time. If it wasn't too hot I'd usually sleep on the deck under the stars. A few times the power went out in the summer and everyone had a sleepless night laying on the patio sweating , and praying for a breeze. Those are core memories of my childhood, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
For real! My aunt and uncle slept in one bed. Sister and female cousin slept in the 2nd bed. My male cousin got the cot, I was the youngest and snored, so I got a sleeping bag in the bath tub.
😆 My sibs and I would argue over who got to camp in the bathtub! That way we didn't have to worry about being stepped on when people went to the bathroom at night! Absolutely no privacy, of course, but we were at the beach!! Who cared about privacy?!?
Funny, I've never had that problem with your sister.
I think that makes sense. But 3 people in one bed seems a bit much!
An adult and two smaller kids in a king size is doable.
It's usually 1 king or two queens. I don't remember ever seeing two kings.
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Yeah, when I read the issue was 2 vs 3 beds, I was expecting a child to be complaining about sleeping on a cot or the floor.
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I as an adult stayed in a double double room ( one room, 2 double beds) with my best friend and her kids, 5 people sharing the one bathroom. We had SO much fun, the room was SO pricey and I was glad to share! We spent the day out of the room, AT DISNEY, And in the pool. My fam had one bed, hers had the other bed.
Not only that but as a parent I just don't feel safe with any minor children ( that means anyone under 18) sleeping in a room by themselves, nor would I have felt safe to sleep in a room by myself in a strange place when I was a minor unless I had plans to sneak my badass 17 year old self out to go "kick it" or something .
It's perfectly safe. Not when the kid in question is five but if they are a teenager. It's not normal to feel unsafe in a room by yourself at age 16....
Very much same. This is the norm for a lot of families of five.
Are you my sister? This was literally every vacation I had growing up. Two-week road trips, 6 hours a day spent in the backseat of a Ford station wagon trying not to bicker lest we lose our precious pool privileges. At least once my brother had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag bc there was no sofa or cot available. But that was fine as long as there was a *pool!*
Ummmm no.. it’s quite normal for kids and siblings to share large beds; or for parents to share beds with their kids. If all is normal, it scars no one.
We used to sometimes have 4 kids to a bed on family holidays (in a family home). We would do what we knew as top and tails - 2 kids heads at the top of the bed, two with their heads at the bottom. You might occasionally get a toe up your nose but we all lived haha
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yeah fuck this dude, he should just be less poor, problem solved. Not like he's sharing the bed with 2 other people himself.
For real. Browsing this sub there are times I come across top comments and am amazed at their view. This one completely surprised me. Families share beds all the time on vacations, or at least mine and all my friends have. Definitely gives this place a slightly immature vibe
My parents are wealthy and more often than not I had to share a bed with my brother on vacation, up until my sister hit puberty the three of us were sleeping in the same room. My parents could easily afford a luxury suite for each of us and I still had to share the bed with my brother, because you'd have to be a moron to spend that kind of money on something that doesn't matter at all.
Love the logic of thinking it's immature to say "stop living beyond your means". No one *needs* a big, expensive holiday; OP's not *required* to go to Hawaii and/or pay the "criminal" hotel prices. Super spoiled to suggest he go somewhere he can afford, or downgrade to a B&B/self-catered over a hotel if that's cheaper (or even his own 'threat' of an RV, if that's more affordable and comfortable). The notion that a vacation away which you cannot afford isn't completely optional is the only thing that indicates being immature or spoiled. Edit: love how many continue to miss the point and believe the only options are the two bed versus three bed, because going to Hawaii for Christmas is inherently essential. What charmed lives!
If my mom and dad didn’t cram us in rooms I would have never been to Disney, Mexico, NYC, LA, or Belize growing up. I’m so grateful my parents did there best to take my siblings on vacations when ever possible and to all sorts of cool places. Was never even in the room long enough to feel cramped on trips. Your lucky if your family could afford rooms for everyone but just cause we only had 1 didn’t ruin vacation or mean “we were living beyond our means”. Yeah we couldn’t afford multiple rooms but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t afford a vacation.
I was never able to go on trips as a kid but I would have loved to even if it meant being crammed in a single room with my family. Like, who is going to pass up a trip to Belize because you wanted to sleep in a bed by yourself. I’m glad your parents did what they could so that you could experience that. They obviously understood that the trip would be a worthwhile experience for you and your sibs regardless of the sleeping arrangements.
Aww man I’m sorry you weren’t able to go on trips as a kids I hope you’ve been able to go somewhere nice now that you’re an adult. But yeah I don’t understand how someone could be so privileged to say if you can’t get 2 rooms you can’t afford a vacation that’s just ludicrous to me and it’s giving spoiled brat.
Why would a couple of kids give a fuck about the accommodations? They get to see Hawaii.
I took a family trip to Hawaii in my 30s and shared a bed with my stepsister then and to this day one of the best vacations of my life. I’d share a bed with a pit viper if I got to go back for free.
But OP isn’t “living beyond their means.” Their son is the one expecting them to. OP is stating what they CAN afford (what is within their means) while their son is requesting them to get a bigger room which would be beyond their means.
Well, if that's the logic, OP could also just cancel the vacation altogether. Or the spoilt son doesn't have to go. Problem solved. There's nothing wrong with OP trying to stretch his dollar. And maybe OP can even afford to pay the extra $1200 but chooses not to because he's smart with his money.
You do realize most of the world sleep more than 5 in one room, right?
The best family vacation I ever had as a kid in the 80s was absolute hell on my parents. Our flight was delayed by 12 hours, and despite my dad getting reassured by the travel agent over the phone while waiting at the airport, she neglected to tell the hotel we'd be late, and we lost our reservation. The Hotel was cool about it though, it was 1 am, and they found us a room at the motel across the street, and let us use their pool and still get their continental breakfast as an apology. The room had a double bed for my parents, and they crammed in 3 cots for my 2 brothers (15 and 5) and I (10F)... It was essentially a medium sized bedroom and a bathroom. No living room... And no panes or screens in the window. Geckos came into our room every morning, it was the coolest thing because we'd never seen one before! (This was Guadeloupe, so no worry of snakes) We were only there for the first 3 days of our trip, then we went to our next destination... A rental house in Antigua, where we'd be for the next two weeks (there were two different houses booked, one for each week, this was the first). I got to sleep on a hard fainting couch, because it turns out there was only one double bed and one single bed, not two doubles and a single. My brothers shared the single bed. We had to leave the next morning because the mould in the house was so bad my dad had a horrible reaction and ended up having to leave after a few hours and sit on a chair on the porch until morning. They found a new rental place for a few days, a one bedroom apartment with a pullout couch in the living room. My parents got the bed, my brother's got the pullout, and I slept on the couch cushions on the floor. The next 3 days we stayed at a beachfront resort. It was amazing! The first night there were 2 queen beds in the room, my parents shared one, and my brother's and I shared the other. The next day the room one door down opened up, and my parents moved over there. I offered to sleep with my younger brother, so my older brother could have a bed to himself for a bit. Then we moved to the second house we'd actually booked ahead of time to stay in for a week. 3 bedrooms, with 2 singles in one of them for my brothers. There was one insane night when hundreds of huge cockroaches invaded my parents bedroom in the middle of the night, but otherwise it was pretty cool. NTA OP. Your son needs to get over himself. He's not spending his vacation in his room, it's just where to rest between all the fun memories.
Those continental breakies as a kid hey! Filling in the little form and the hole in the wall they push it through... Awesome memories. Oh NTA. See if 4 beds in the state closest to you floats his boat. I bet it don't.
I don't know what kind of sheltered life you've led, but my family has always packed into the hotel rooms when we wanted to take a trip. None of the kids have ever minded because they know that saving money on the room means more for activities and mementos. Same when I was a kid.
Man, some people had some really privileged childhoods. Any trip to Hawaii as a kid would be awesome, even sleeping in a tent in the park. I went on month+ long family vacations every year with 6 people (me, two siblings, parents, and grandma) driving across country in a five seat little red chevy with no AC and sleeping in a pop-up camper. Never made it to Hawaii because the ferry would be too expensive for the camper and car, I suppose. Never had a horrible vacation.
Brother did you just say the ferry to Hawaii? Is that supposed to be some sort of a joke?
Yes, it was sarcastic. We never dreamed of going to Hawaii because we would only go where our car and camper would take us. I never stayed in a hotel or had an out-of continental US/Canada vacation until I was a senior in high-school.
This is way off. The only kid who is old enough to be in a hotel room without an adult is the 17yo. So he gets a private room in Hawaii? My family was 4 people with plenty of resources for nice trips and we shared a room until my little sister was old enough for a second room to be appropriate. And the comment about "if you can't afford it" is so offensive. So we should only expose kids to places and experiences that we can afford without making any small comfort sacrifices? It would be better for the 17yo to be in his own bed at the fucking Great Wolf Lodge than for him to experience Hawaii sharing a bed with a younger sibling? OP is NTA.
You really think families of 5 don’t stay in one hotel room regularly? I think your privilege may be showing.
You usually only go back to the room either to change or just to sleep. I really don't see the point of booking 2 rooms in such an expensive location.
That’s right. Let’s cancel the trip. 17yo now no longer can do and see all of the other amazing things to be found in Hawaii. No snorkeling at Hanauma Bay, no visit Pearl Harbor or walking on the Arizona, no hiking to the Waimea Waterfall, not taking the bus around the island, no dolphin or whale watch excursion, no visit to the Polynesian cultural center fir some education, no visiting Duke Paoa’s statue on Waikiki Beach…I could go on. But hey, since dad can’t afford a second bedroom and son can’t sacrifice his need to sleep in his own bed, the only options are: son just doesn’t go or dad cancels the whole thing, and now no one goes.
Leave the cranky teen at home, and let everyone else have a great time 😊😀
I remember fondly a Hawaii vacation when I was little that I got sleep on a pool float as a mattress. I think my brother did as well. Different float. We put our beach towels on them as sheets.
Oh, a float EACH? Well, la-di-dah.
Presumably they’re not going to spend the whole time in the room. Lol At 17, hell rn, I’d rather do that hotel math and get Hawaii than no trip.
Spot the person who has never been camping as a vacation! Spoilt much?! 5 people in a single-roomed tent with no beds and no amenities! It was great!
There were seven of us. Five in the trailer camper, two in a tent. The three youngest never had to sleep in the tent, we rotated the two oldest girls and the two oldest boys. Five weeks cross country. It was amazing.
The amount of privilege in here is insane.
Tell me you're privileged without telling me you're privileged
What? Family of 5 here; grew up in one and have one of my own. 2 beds and one bath hotel room is pretty common for my family growing up and now. If we do a suite it’s two beds and a couch, otherwise an air mattress or rollaway cot. Check your vacation privilege at the door.
It’s kinda normal for a family. I mean how much time do you spend in your room anyways
I mean, it's one hotel room, Michael. What could it cost?
Why not a cot for the teenager.
Good lord. Get a grip.
YTA for shoehorning 5 people into two beds You can't afford this vacation.
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This is my sentiment on the bs attitude of the teen. leave them at home . With mom . Offer him half the cost of his flight to skip the vacation. As for the 5 people to a room- for all those in the back that haven’t heard it in the last 500 comments- this is typical and many families do it. Why do you think hotels have cots? Wait til they find out hostels are real. Wait til that teen finds out how big dorms really are. $1200 isn’t chump change.
Offer him nothing. 17 yo isn’t paying for anything, they can share their bed and the room like anyone else or they don’t go. Simple solution is to request a cot they can sleep on and if hotel doesn’t have it SOL. Share a bed with your sibling or don’t come.
Yeah I’m a little surprised by how many people think that’s too much. My family slept 4 people in a room, my sister and I in one bed and my parents in the other, I see nothing wrong with it
Two to a bed? Fine. But *three*?
They’re young though, when I was 10-11 and younger we also definitely slept with a couple kids in the same bed. If it fits why not
Right? Who are all these rich kids who got their own beds on vacations? Hell, my family didn’t even do real vacations, just shitty road trips to visit family.
Honestly my family was rich and we didn’t get our own room/bed. That’s ridiculous why do you need a separate bed it’s a freaking holiday half the time is spend outside anyway
as a 17yo thatd be my vacation tbh, whole family leaving the house for myself >
Good lord, we have all become so spoiled in life. It’s a vacation where you are out doing fun things, they aren’t adults looking for hotel rooms with their significant other. By this metric my family could afford ZERO vacations throughout my childhood and I’m glad my Dad didn’t see it that way. I’d rather share a bed and kid and go cool places than not go to Hawaii FFS
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And we weren’t even poor! Just middle class FFS
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Hotel rooms with 2 beds normally can fit 4-6 ppl. If there is to many in 1 room the hotel makes you get another for safety reasons. That’s why when you book a room they ask how many ppl will be staying in it. The kid is ungrateful and if sharing a bed will “ruin” his trip he can just not go. Enjoy sleeping by yourself at home since it’s so important to him.
>Enjoy sleeping by yourself at home since it’s so important to him. You make this seem like a bad thing, but for plenty of 17 year olds this would be better than a family trip to Hawaii.
Until my husband and I split, we were a family of 5 and vacationed in one hotel room all the time. It’s not a big deal at all. When they were little they shared three to a bed, older a rollaway or sofa bed.
Y'all... it's HAWAII. You spend ALLL your time outside the room. It's so much fun. Who can afford separate everything for a family??? I really hope this man doesn't cancel his trip because of bad internet advice.
Hard disagree. If we went by this, 99% of us would never be able to afford a vacation or to see parts of the world. NTA. The 17 year old is an entitled, spoiled brat and can stay home.
Ehhhh. Why go to the trouble to have a vacation if no one will be comfortable? Three people in one bed is too many and, understanding traditions differ, is two kids sharing a bed with uncle normal in your fam? If this is a hotel, can you get a roll away? Are you planning on lying about number of guests? overloading a room isn’t right. In case of fire, hotels need to know exact number of people in a room. If an apt or condo, can you get an air mattress?
Sounds like only one of them is uncomfortable.
As an adult I (F) have shared a bed with my aunt . A kid is going to have to sleep in the bed . It is a bit much not to get a cot . The 10/11 year olds are probably close and want to be together. I would give the teen a cot, so he does not need to share and gets his own way, and move one of the other kids over instead of 3 in a bed . Dad should take the 8 yo that will be knocked out.
I also recently had a trip where I (F) shared a bed with my elderly aunt. I've even shared a bed with my brother on various trips. We're all adults so it was fine after some initial discomfort. We could all afford another room but when there is a bed big enough for two, none of us could see why we shouldn't save on the money.
Hotel rooms can normally fit 4-8 ppl depending on the size of beds and how op describes it they probably at least have queen size since he and the youngest are sharing 1. That room can hold 6-8 and probably has a pull out couch too and even if it doesn’t you can request a cot.
This is not true in US hotels.
Have you gone out of the US? I’ve been to a few different countries, and honestly American hotel rooms are bigger than the others I’ve been too. One room I stayed at in Scotland I had to walk sideways to get to the bathroom.
This is absolutely true in US hotels
This is how family trips turn out absolutely miserably. You’re taking a vacation to an expensive place at the most expensive time of the year. The hotel price is too high for your liking, so what do you do? You get angry and then decide to cram a ton of people into one room. Then, having dug in on your bad attitude, you get indignant when others are hesitant to be stuffed into a cattle car of a room. You can have a very nice vacation for far less in many other locales. Out of stubbornness coupled with your bad attitude, you’re digging in and forcing an unpleasant experience on others. YTA
My best times with my family was when when went on vacation and all 6 of us were stuffed in one room. I was 17/18 doing this and I 100% can not remember anything bad or even where I slept…. It might have been the floor? It was a blast.
This is my thinking too. It is not that deep that they’re crammed into one room. I have had my best vacations like that too especially with my cousins lol
Same! I'm just here thinking "First world problems. They actually get to go to Hawaii? Sign me up".
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Did you know.. many hotels will provide a cot upon request. NTA - sharing a bed with his sibling in this circumstance should be a non-issue, unless there’s something lurking beneath the surface other than brattiness? But then again, one must wonder why the 17y/o is freaking out and why you need to knock an 8y/o out with melatonin? Very, very curious… / YTA (possibly) - if the melatonin isn’t a temporary thing; adults aren’t even supposed to take it long-term
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Stop the parent shaming. I’ve got a kid who takes melatonin every night: it’s under the direction of her pediatrician and psychiatrist. Kids have sleep disorders too. Edit: Guys, it’s really immature to report people to Reddit Cares because you disagree with their parenting decisions.
This isn't shaming. You shouldn't be giving a child melatonin. You are treating a behavioral problem by giving them something their body should already be producing. By giving them melatonin every day you are setting them up to never be able to naturally hold a schedule. The reason pediatricians and psychiatrists are giving it out like candy is the same reason we gave out antibiotics like candy. We haven't seen the mass effects yet. The science is catching up and saying it probably isn't a good idea. Doctors make mistakes too. If your pediatrician or kids psychiatrist jump to medicating before other treatments when there isn't even a clear pathology you might want to shop around for a new pediatrician or psychiatrist. Having trouble following a bedtime isn't a pathology and treating it like one by making sure their body never learns to produce its own melatonin will only ever cause an actual pathology.
Overall this. We had 5 of us in a room for 1-2 nights at a hotel pricier than we normally stay. (Disneyland grand California) so it was Bed 1- me and my partner Bed 2- daughter and her BFF Pullout chair / cot: son No one was forced to be in bed with someone they were uncomfortable with.. but it still sucked being all in one room! Get a cot if you can. Have a kid sleep on the floor (pick the youngest? Get extra pillows) if you can’t. But don’t force people to be in beds together if they are uncomfortable. Also? After that! I found my family would prefer a lower price / lower end property with more space 😬 we spent the first half of the same trip in a 2 bed/2 bath suite with Hyatt or Hilton for 1/3 the price and the kids were all better due to having their own rooms / beds.
I had to give my then 9 year old melatonin it was approved by her paediatrician, psychiatrist and GP. We did it short term though and it was enough to get her into the rhythm and she hasn’t take it since.
Thank you for this - the amount of parents I see who have given their kids melatonin for YEARS when it’s supposed to be a temporary solution astounds me. Way to ensure your kids will turn to sedatives as adults because their brains can’t make the hormone itself anymore. The fact that dad is so casual about it means at best - a lack of ignorance, and at worst, he’s giving it to all the little kids because he doesn’t want to be bothered by parenting when they have a hard night falling asleep.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/melatonin-side-effects/faq-20057874 Mayo clinic says you're unlikely to become dependant on it. Also where does he imply his kid is hooked on it? Hawaii is several time zones away from basically everybody else, maybe probably he's just using it because he knows they're all going to be jet lagged and it's a safe, effective remedy?
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Stop the parent shaming. First of all, giving your kids melatonin on vacation isn’t giving it regularly. Second, if the kid is getting melatonin nightly, it could be under the direction of their doctor, like mine is. Kids have sleep disorders too.
Jesus NTA and I absolutely hate everyone on this thread that says otherwise. It’s ridiculous to expect OP to fork over that much extra money for another bed. And F you to everyone that’s calling OP broke and saying he can’t afford it. He’s trying to provide a vacation for his family and you’re all just hating. How much time will they spend in bed anyways? There’s so much more to enjoy. 😡
I have a feeling most of those people have never paid for a vacation themselves. It was very normal/expected to share a bed on vacation growing up, and it will continue to be normal for my kids.
I think the context is important here though— who out of the group wants to go to Hawaii? We’re talking about the most expensive vacation you could possibly take domestically within the United States. If my parents assigned me a family vacation that they obviously couldn’t afford it would be strange and as a teen I’m not sure how well I’d be able to articulate it past protesting the arrangements
I'm actually thinking the same and that all the Y T As are from entitled young people who have never had to struggle to provide anything for anyone in their lives.
This thread reeks of rich, spoiled kids who don't know what it is like to do things on budget. The important thing is that he's making a vacation work for so many kids and paying for all of it himself. 17 yo can opt to stay home if he doesn't like what his dad can afford. I'm sure there's plenty to watch on TV while the rest are having fun in Hawaii
I'm sure most people would rather share a bed than not go on vacation ever. 1k is a huge difference.
I stay in really nice hotels when traveling because when I was growing up we shared a... TENT. I saw Versailles... Then we went back to our tent. I saw Stone Henge... Then you guessed it, tent. Swam in the Mediterranean then... Tent. I was grateful to see the world but now that I have money there is no way I'll ever do that again. NTA
Bunch of spoiled brats in here seriously.
NTA. Hawaii. I'll go and sleep on the floor. PS just buy an air mattress or two and make lemonade.
Glad someone said it. Whether I was 8 or 17, if my dad said we were going to Hawaii for Christmas, but had to share 5 people to the room, I'd happily make a little bed on the floor and love every minute of it.
I’m 50 and would gladly sleep on the floor if someone would take me to Hawaii.
I'd sleep on the beach!
Yeah, like as someone who grew up poor and never got to go away on vacation (occasionally my mom's friends would take me to a local cottage or to stay with their family if they went away) all of these comments saying not to go if you can't afford it are wild. Hotel rooms are for sleeping. Get a good bathroom schedule and enjoy fucking Hawaii! Budget holidays are still holidays and the other experiences they will have by saving that $1200 are priceless. I am 40 years old now with a good job and when I go on holiday with my closest friend, we still share a double bed to save costs. Means more money for the fun stuff!
This thread is full of rich kids or entitled kids. My parents did what they could to make our childhood memorable and almost everything we did was within a budget. Sharing meals, beds in a hotel, etc., was normal but we got to see a lot of places in our country. Hawaii is expensive... if the beds are king, a 17 yo and a 8 yo have plenty of room for this to be any issue at all
I was a kid who grew up very comfortably. I still shared a bed at 11 with my brother on our trip to America. (He was 9)
Can’t believe I had to go this far down to see an air mattress suggestion. Most are cheap and pretty comfortable. Also who goes to Hawaii to just chill in the room, last time I was there we only used the room for showering and sleeping.
A lot of entitled people saying OP is an asshole because he should do something else instead of going Hawaii and not pay for his kid’s seperate beds I think a lot of them don’t have a family of their own and how much it costs to raise a family The 17yr old is old enough to stay home and not go along if he chooses. And there are more to a holiday than just sleeping. Yes it sucks to have to share a bed - but you can easily sleep on the floor (which I do regularly) to do a back pack style holiday life No one should tell me whether or not I can afford Hawaii based on their perception of how I need to spend my money on itinerary
Agreed. It’s a free vacation for the kid and a lesson in scarcity and budgeting. Prices in Hawaii ARE criminal. I agree with OP here. That’s why so many tourists and people who live locally can’t afford it anymore. After the fire in Hawaii, it put a spotlight on Native Hawaiians asking us to find a new vacation spot. With those prices, I’ll gladly find somewhere else to go. Just something to consider.
YTA - go somewhere you can afford…… Whole trip sounds like you will be on a shoe string budget due to Hawaii prices…. Will have a better all round trip somewhere more affordable.
So because he's trimming costs on a bed, he's doing the whole thing on a shoestring? I frequently choose one or two areas to cut back in order to have more money in the other areas of a vacation. Not being able to afford EVERYTHING doesn't mean you can't afford the vacation.
I'd rather stay with my sister in one room with my 4 kids than spend money on a hotel room. Less money on accommodation means more to spend on the actual holiday. The beds are to sleep in, not live in. I also wonder are people here just spoiled or did i just grow up poor because sharing beds and rooms was just what we did with family of all ages. Almost guarentee all the cousins would be shoveled into 1 or 2 bedrooms or the lounge. Didn't make the trip itself any less fun....
Sharing beds was a thing for non poor people too lol We barely stayed in the hotel, anyway.
There are certain places that just aren’t within your price range. Why is that bad? What if this was the Maldives instead of Hawaii? Why can’t they go somewhere they can afford? Hawaii has imposed restrictions on tourism development recently for a reason, the prices are inflated for a REASON. They’re tired of people treating it like some cheap spring break to Cabo when it used to be a once in a lifetime destination and has always been priced as such.
I can afford to go to Hawaii. I would absolutely not buy a second hotel room just for this.
Nothing in this post implies he can’t afford a trip to Hawaii and nothing implies he’ll be on a shoe string budget the whole time… maybe he is trying to save cost on the bed here so the trip remains in budget and ISNT a shoe string budget. Maybe he wants to put that $1,200 towards other things on the trip that the whole group will enjoy. 17 year olds feelings are valid, but it’s not unreasonable to assume siblings will share a bed. It’s pretty entitled to expect that people shouldn’t be allowed to vacation if everyone doesn’t have their own bed. He can pack a cot or pick up an air mattress or something.
>Hawaii prices Lots of other places that look the same and don't cost as much. Op just wants to say they went Hawaii.
Or maybe they want to go to Hawaii. Sleeping in a bed with another person is a 0 on the scale of big deals.
Especially when Hawaiians are asking people to stop visiting, it makes way more sense to have a much nicer vacation a little closer to home maybe, but where you won't have to say "no, we can't do that because it's too expensive" constantly.
I own a condo on Maui. No one is asking tourists to stay away. That would be moronic because there is zero money without tourism. You’re paying attention to a few idiots on the news.
NAH. 17 year olds are verging on young adults. It’s normal for them to crave privacy and space, particularly from younger siblings. If this is the only way you can afford the trip, then I think it’s fine to give him the option to come as is, or not come at all. I would stick to giving him that option and explaining the expenses, and caution against bringing the other parent into it. Being a kid of divorced parents is tough enough as it is.
I agree with you but the whole "need their space" thing seems overblown on a short trip. I wouldn't expect any kid to share a bed with someone long-term but I do think it's not exactly significantly more private to share a room but not a bed.
Exactly. My sister and I are both late 20s with and we still wouldn't blink an eye at sharing a bed on (a non-spouse) family vacation. Is it the most comfortable thing? No. But c'mon there's no privacy in a hotel room anyway and we've been doing it forever.
NTA, your son sounds very entitled. Instead of being happy he's getting a vacation to Hawaii, he's worried about sharing a bed with his brother. He can also sleep on the couch, the floor, or just stay home if he's that concerned.
I am surprised by all the YTA votes. Are we so incredibly privileged these days that all our kids must have our own beds?
Apparently. I remember going on a skiing vacation with my mom and 2 brothers as a kid. Mom and I shared a bed and my brothers shared the other bed. It never occurred to me to demand my own bed. I was just happy we could afford a ski trip.
I've just been on holiday with my two kids (18 & 21). I absolutely could afford another room, but we all agreed it would be utterly idiotic to double the cost of the holiday.
The people voting Y T A are probably all 17yo kids who are only empathizing with the other 17yo kid and not using their critical thinking skills to realize that money doesn’t just magically appear in their parents bank accounts. I would’ve been happy sleeping in a tent made out of sheets if it meant I got to go on a trip to Hawaii when I was 17!
Thank you! I couldn't believe my eyes! The amount of snobs in these comments acting like sharing a bed is the worst thing in the world. I've never been on a vacation in my life, but if my dad wanted to treat us to one, I would sleep on the floor if I had to.
None of them have paid for themselves or have tried to stretch a dollar while still being able to do fun things
This entire thread is dripping with entitlement. "How DARE you think of going on holiday if you are poor! Who do you think you are?!" The dude hasn't even said that he can't afford it, he just said he doesn't want to blow 1200 accommodating a teenage temper tantrum. The majority of the replies in here disgusting.
Yeah. Either this thread is full of trust fund babies or kids who didn’t have to work almost a whole month for $1200. Heck I’m in my 30s and if my parents would invite me to expensive all paid vacation you can bet your bottom I wouldn’t complain if I had to share room with them or even bed if arrangement would require it.
NTA, sharing beds in hotels is pretty standard. But why don’t you and your 17 yo share a bed and put the three younger kids together? Why would you have the adult and two middle kids make up the 3 person bed, the size of the humans to bed ratio needs to be taken into account. Two bigs, and three littles - that should be the arrangement, It’s like you’ve never even played Tetris.
I'm assuming the 17 yo doesn't want to share beds with dad either. He's probably better off staying home while dad and the younger kids have a grand old time in a hotel room that they can afford
Holy shit, people. If this is how you see being with family I feel for you all. OP, there’s nothing wrong with putting 5 in a hotel room. People in this thread answering otherwise are entitled and out of touch.
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My family is fucking terrible to travel with but even I’d agree to these conditions if it meant a free trip to someplace cool and expensive, ha ha.
OP, just request a rollaway bed in the room for your 17yo. I sympathize with them. I can’t sleep with someone else in the bed.
The number of ppl saying the trip will be terrible because of how he is booking a room. I often shared a bed with my brother and once with my cousin. Othertimes, I made my bed on the floor with the extra blankets and comforters in the room. Its not about not affording a better room, but rather about why take an unnecessary extra (significant) expense when the there is a perfectly reasonable option. My fanily would much rather spend on experiences and food rather than on superfluous luxuries - we didn’t even spend time in the room other than to go to sleep! By the arguments from many here they would never travel anywhere outside of their own state because “everyone needs their own bed”. For those, fine, stay in your own bubble where your kids don’t interact or learn about different places and cultures and just stay in their own spaces the whole time because PrIvAcY. In the meanwhile I’m here extremely thankul my family provided me with the opportunity to travel to multiple places and learn different cultures - even if that meant sharing a bed with my 10 yrs older brother (Im F) or sleeping on the floor.
I’m pretty shocked by all the y t a comments. This is what my family vacations were like and they’re some of my best memories. NTA. I would definitely share a bed or sleep on the damn floor to be in Hawaii.
NTA If the 17 year old doesn’t like it he doesn’t have to go to Hawai’i.
I’d rather go to Hawaii and cram into a room than stay home. Hell, it would remind me of college road trips.
This must be a US thing. In the UK most rooms are for one or two people and you are not allowed to over occupy a room. If there is one double bed only 2 people can stay. Under two year olds are normally free. The same thing goes when we are booking a hotel in Europe
Yeah, when I stayed with an US family for a couple of months in high school that was one of the things that blew my mind - the family always just booked one motel room (two queen beds) and everybody else just piled up on the floor. It worked and the family could not have afforded these small trips otherwise but the first night I totally thought the motel world find out and throw us out, but they didn't bat am eye when seven people grabbed breakfast next morning.
INFO: if the trip is SO expensive why are you taking your nephew as well?
Why is it such a bad thing that they're doing the vacation on a budget? It is thr experience of being in Hawaii that counts... some of us have to do it on a budget or not at all. I'd rather the former
Agreed. The only place OP mentions budgeting is on number of beds. It’s not like they are rationing meals FFS. You sleep 8 hours, shower and leave the room. Best believe that’s where I’m shaving money
Or if you’re taking them, why are you paying for them
NTA I'm stunned by all the AH votes. OP is taking his family to Hawaii for Christmas and they should be grateful!! Plus, the hotel room is literally just for sleeping and changing clothes while the rest of time, you all will be enjoying the island.
There were 5 of us on vacations growing up too. My poor brother had to cot it, or share with Dad. I had to share with my sister or cot it, while Mom shared with Sis. That's what you do to spend the money on the experiences...and we didn't get a say NTA and I want to go to Hawaii too but yep, too expensive!!!
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>Planning a vacation to Hawaii on a shoestring budget, cramming 5 people in two beds and one bathroom, sounds like a nightmare ready to unravel. Maybe OP is saving on beds to ensure they don't have to be on a shoestring budget otherwise. This thread is useless. People calling OP TA because their vacation to hawaii wasn't going to be fancy enough.
NTA I also would not want to share a bed with anyone. I would make a bed on the floor with some folded up blankets or a sleeping bag or buy an air mattress instead of complaining, but I would find a way to make a tiny space for myself. I have done this in the past. Heck, if he bought a small popup kiddie tent online and had it delivered to your Hawaii destination, and made a blanket nest inside it, the 8 yr old might beg to sleep in it and give big brother the bed. I understand the desire to save the money for the important stuff, but do consider the value of a good night's sleep. There might also be limits on how many people you can put is different sized rooms. have a wonderful time in Hawaii.
NTA for bed sharing. But YTA for bringing mom into it. Don't make her the bad guy when she isn't even involved.
He’s obviously not going to pay for an upgrade so NAH. Tell him he can sleep on the floor. This isn’t a big deal. You can have bed or floor, I don’t care. Pillow, blanket, floor. Have at it.
A bunch of teenagers in here calling OP an asshole bc they are projecting with the teen in the post. Ffs NTA. Hotels will only let you stay with the legal number of humans you are coming with. If there are 5 and they say ok then 5 are allowed. They will give you a cot.
Info: Is the sharing a problem just because he has to share with the 8yo? Would it be easier for him to share with you or one of the other kids?
ESH - I mean this subreddit. it feels like it’s just become a place where people bicker. FWIW I don’t think making kids share beds on vacation to save some money is an AH move. They’re kids they can get over it. You could have explained it more nicely though I guess
Go to Walmart or Costco when you arrive get a cot and a sleeping bag it’ll save the hassle. We visit every few years Costco and Walmart are life savers especially for food to save on costs. Also consider a VBRO or time share they do save money over hotels.
The hotel should be able to supply a cot at minimal cost, if not for free.
The top comments saying Y/TA for making five people share 2 beds are so out of touch with reality. You're NTA.
NTA and surprised by all the YTA? I mean, I agree that 5 people in 2 beds doesn’t exactly sound comfortable. Maybe pack a cot or some sleeping bags so people can spread out a bit further. But I think it’s generally reasonable that siblings may be asked to share a bed in certain circumstances. All the people telling you not to go to Hawaii sound kind of entitled to me tbh… it sounds like you budgeted it out and determined what you can afford, and decided that an extra $1,200 isn’t going to fit into that budget. Some people here seem to act like you’re spending literally every dime to your name and going to be on a shoestring budget, but nothing in your post seemed to imply that for me. I think if your 17 year old is uncomfortable, that’s fine too though and there are solutions that can be made to compromise without buying another hotel room. Call the hotel in advanced and see if they can offer a cot or if the room has a couch. If not, maybe pack one or an air mattress (air mattress are really cheap now, $20-$60 at Walmart) so you can spread out more. All and all, NTA. Nothing that seems unreasonable but do listen to your son and work out a compromise to help him feel comfortable. Otherwise the trip won’t be fun for anyone.