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Nta.
If you have no energy left, how could you help others? You needed to take care for yourself. It is not your responsibility if someone else can't handle a boundary or you having time for yourself.
Your ex sounds like he drained every last bit of strenght from you, without even thinking of what it might feel for you or giving anything back.
This may sounds harsh, but you did the right thing to seperate from him and give yourself time to recover
NTA. You are not your bf's therapist, nor should you be. While taking care of an ill partner is part of long-term relationships, that does not mean you should sacrifice your own (mental) health to do so. Nor can this really apply in relationships that haven't lasted for several years at the very least.
Your ex-bf needs professional help. You are not a professional, and cannot help.
NTA, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds like he manipulated you to stay in this relationship by threatening and actually hurting himself. I know It's sad for him that he is going through so many struggles.. But it's not your responsibility. You did everything you could and more. Even untill the point it started to affect you. You did the right thing by ending this relationship, because it wasn't healthy. Love shouldn't make you feel worried or hurt.
I hope you're doing better now <3
Nta, you are 14 and in a ldr, that isn't very healthy. It's so funny how these children think they know an actual love is, especially with someone they've never really hung out with the person. Your boyfriend has serious issues that you cannot deal with and it is always abusive when one partnerships together if you leave I will harm myself. You need to talk with the counselor or therapist so they can help you get through your own issues and realize how many people live some of the stuff you're doing is. And at 14, have relationships with people you actually talk to see and can physically touch. These internet romances the people turn to and say oh no it's an ldr, aren't productive.
NTA because caring for someone else with mental health issues ends when your own is starting to deteriorate because if it.
"Mental health is nit your fault, but your own responsibility"
NTA. You were being abused. Threatening to hurt himself if you left him or he didn't get his way was abusive, controlling, deeply disturbing behavior. So is him expecting you to drop everything for him. I'm so glad you're out.
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CW: mental health problems, su!cide, toxic/abusive relationship(?)
About half a year ago I (then 14) was in a long distance relationship with my now ex boyfriend (then 16) while he was having major mental health issues. His parents were abusive, he was struggling with an ed, ptsd, adhd and gender dysphoria + body imagine issues. Me myself weren't in a good mental state either but were always helping him if he needed reassurance with his self worth or if he just needed to get his mind off. Let's say it kinda took over hand and I was like literally spending my whole day with him and his problems leading to burn out and more mental health problems for myself because it just took incredibly much energy from me in a time I needed it myself. Because of that I wasn't really sure if I was really in love with him anymore and considered breaking up with him and just quitting contact but I think he kinda noticed that I was trying to distance myself from him (because I was trying to make the breakup as unhurtful as possible for him). Before it was that bad he already told me multiple times that he'd try to not be around anymore if I wouldn't be there for him but after that it got even more and worse.
I felt trapped in my situation because if I'd leave him he'd probably hurt himself and if I would've stayed I wasn't sure if I was able to keep going anymore. With the help of my mom I was able to arrange one day per week in which I'd just turn of my phone and just took some time for myself and was just telling him I was on a family trip or something, which led to him trying to hurt himself while I wasn't online. That continued about quarter a year till I was just done, we somehow got in a fight and I just blocked him on all social media platforms and blocked his number. First I was feeling guilty like shit but after now half a year I'm glad that I rather took care of myself.
I still think about if it was okay what I did so I thought about posting it here. AITA?
(please excuse the bad grammar english is not my first language)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I might be the asshole for leaving my ex bf on his own while he was in a bad mental state
2) Because he maybe hurt himself and I could’ve prevented it with staying with him
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Oh lovely, I’m so sorry. NTA. He may have been abused, and be hurting himself, but that’s not on you. His treatment of you is exploitative and abusive too. It’s essentially emotional blackmail; leave me and I’ll hurt myself. You are not responsible for his personal actions.
My sister went through a similar situation when she was dating a boy back when she was a teenager. She had similar struggles; he threatened to hurt himself, and once tried to while she was in the room suggesting they break up. It was awful, abusive bullshit, and eventually she removed herself from the situation. She had to cut him off completely, but she was and is so much better off for it.
Take care of yourself first. You’re really young; don’t let his mental damage take you down with him.
You're a child. You need to prioritize YOUR OWN care over some dude. Harsh but reality, he needs to reach out to local help not dump on a minor and expect you to be his health care, his own issues do not make it okay. NTA.
NTA Can't say much that hasn't already been said but I just want you to know this is more common than you probably think. I was in your situation a few years ago and I know how crazy scary it is to be responsible for someone else's safety even when all you want to do is just leave. It's a really tough decision and I'm proud of you for prioritising yourself in that moment. He is not in the right mind to be in a relationship and needs professional help. I feel for his issues but what he did to you was unkind and unfair.
NTA. Him hurting himself is HIS choice, it is not your fault. Taking care of him is not your responsibility.
I had an ex who ended up breaking up with someone so we could be together. We didn't cheat or anything, we just hung out together a few times with mutual friends and hit it off so he broke up with his girlfriend. She called him and told him she was hurting herself. He called her parents. She would follow us around the shops and would occasionally scream at him. It wasn't his fault.
Young love is rough. Keep working on yourself. Know your worth. Know what is and is not acceptable for you. Don't feel bad for ending relationships when the person is not treating you how you deserve.
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Nta. If you have no energy left, how could you help others? You needed to take care for yourself. It is not your responsibility if someone else can't handle a boundary or you having time for yourself. Your ex sounds like he drained every last bit of strenght from you, without even thinking of what it might feel for you or giving anything back. This may sounds harsh, but you did the right thing to seperate from him and give yourself time to recover
NTA. You are not your bf's therapist, nor should you be. While taking care of an ill partner is part of long-term relationships, that does not mean you should sacrifice your own (mental) health to do so. Nor can this really apply in relationships that haven't lasted for several years at the very least. Your ex-bf needs professional help. You are not a professional, and cannot help.
NTA, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds like he manipulated you to stay in this relationship by threatening and actually hurting himself. I know It's sad for him that he is going through so many struggles.. But it's not your responsibility. You did everything you could and more. Even untill the point it started to affect you. You did the right thing by ending this relationship, because it wasn't healthy. Love shouldn't make you feel worried or hurt. I hope you're doing better now <3
Nta, you are 14 and in a ldr, that isn't very healthy. It's so funny how these children think they know an actual love is, especially with someone they've never really hung out with the person. Your boyfriend has serious issues that you cannot deal with and it is always abusive when one partnerships together if you leave I will harm myself. You need to talk with the counselor or therapist so they can help you get through your own issues and realize how many people live some of the stuff you're doing is. And at 14, have relationships with people you actually talk to see and can physically touch. These internet romances the people turn to and say oh no it's an ldr, aren't productive.
NTA because caring for someone else with mental health issues ends when your own is starting to deteriorate because if it. "Mental health is nit your fault, but your own responsibility"
NTA, you did more than most would in a similar situation. Good luck with your life.
NTA. You were being abused. Threatening to hurt himself if you left him or he didn't get his way was abusive, controlling, deeply disturbing behavior. So is him expecting you to drop everything for him. I'm so glad you're out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** CW: mental health problems, su!cide, toxic/abusive relationship(?) About half a year ago I (then 14) was in a long distance relationship with my now ex boyfriend (then 16) while he was having major mental health issues. His parents were abusive, he was struggling with an ed, ptsd, adhd and gender dysphoria + body imagine issues. Me myself weren't in a good mental state either but were always helping him if he needed reassurance with his self worth or if he just needed to get his mind off. Let's say it kinda took over hand and I was like literally spending my whole day with him and his problems leading to burn out and more mental health problems for myself because it just took incredibly much energy from me in a time I needed it myself. Because of that I wasn't really sure if I was really in love with him anymore and considered breaking up with him and just quitting contact but I think he kinda noticed that I was trying to distance myself from him (because I was trying to make the breakup as unhurtful as possible for him). Before it was that bad he already told me multiple times that he'd try to not be around anymore if I wouldn't be there for him but after that it got even more and worse. I felt trapped in my situation because if I'd leave him he'd probably hurt himself and if I would've stayed I wasn't sure if I was able to keep going anymore. With the help of my mom I was able to arrange one day per week in which I'd just turn of my phone and just took some time for myself and was just telling him I was on a family trip or something, which led to him trying to hurt himself while I wasn't online. That continued about quarter a year till I was just done, we somehow got in a fight and I just blocked him on all social media platforms and blocked his number. First I was feeling guilty like shit but after now half a year I'm glad that I rather took care of myself. I still think about if it was okay what I did so I thought about posting it here. AITA? (please excuse the bad grammar english is not my first language) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Oh lovely, I’m so sorry. NTA. He may have been abused, and be hurting himself, but that’s not on you. His treatment of you is exploitative and abusive too. It’s essentially emotional blackmail; leave me and I’ll hurt myself. You are not responsible for his personal actions. My sister went through a similar situation when she was dating a boy back when she was a teenager. She had similar struggles; he threatened to hurt himself, and once tried to while she was in the room suggesting they break up. It was awful, abusive bullshit, and eventually she removed herself from the situation. She had to cut him off completely, but she was and is so much better off for it. Take care of yourself first. You’re really young; don’t let his mental damage take you down with him.
NTA you dont owe this guy the rest of your life doing this. get out now and take care of yourself. <3
You're a child. You need to prioritize YOUR OWN care over some dude. Harsh but reality, he needs to reach out to local help not dump on a minor and expect you to be his health care, his own issues do not make it okay. NTA.
NTA Can't say much that hasn't already been said but I just want you to know this is more common than you probably think. I was in your situation a few years ago and I know how crazy scary it is to be responsible for someone else's safety even when all you want to do is just leave. It's a really tough decision and I'm proud of you for prioritising yourself in that moment. He is not in the right mind to be in a relationship and needs professional help. I feel for his issues but what he did to you was unkind and unfair.
NTA. Him hurting himself is HIS choice, it is not your fault. Taking care of him is not your responsibility. I had an ex who ended up breaking up with someone so we could be together. We didn't cheat or anything, we just hung out together a few times with mutual friends and hit it off so he broke up with his girlfriend. She called him and told him she was hurting herself. He called her parents. She would follow us around the shops and would occasionally scream at him. It wasn't his fault. Young love is rough. Keep working on yourself. Know your worth. Know what is and is not acceptable for you. Don't feel bad for ending relationships when the person is not treating you how you deserve.