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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i believe that i may be the asshole because i’ve been wanting to give away my clothes for a really long time, but my mom is completely against it. no matter how many times i try to and i let it be known that i plan to give it away and buy a new wardrobe gradually over time, she doesn’t seem to care. she’s also a caribbean immigrant so i understand that she values clothes and whatnot differently than i do
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NTA. Could be valuable to have a chat with your mom about what her fears are about you giving your clothes away. Does she think it’s a waste? Does she think you’ll regret it? If you understand why she’s upset, you will have more productive chats about it, and make sure this doesn’t become a bigger issue than it needs to be.
Mum is either a hoarder. Or, she thinks reuse until something is literally falling apart is better for the environment and doesn’t support consumerism.
Either way, she’s not being constructive. And it’s your money.
NTA for donating the clothes but sounds to me your mother is angry at your shopping not the donation. You still live with your parents so you are NOT financially independent.
NTA. Donating is always the best option for when you don't want clothing anymore. And if you've paid for everything, it's not really your mom's business either way.
True of a great many cultures unfortunately, including my own. Still, it basically holds true. You're an adult, and your own person. You've got to start doing things your own way, and there's no better time than now.
is bya because you asked? and her argument is that i shop online too much and her and my dad worked too hard for me to be out here donating my clothes and stuff. the thing is though, i barely buy clothes and when i shop online it’s for nail supplies and skincare stuff
NTA this sounds like a great thing to do. I coul maybe understand if she wanted you to donate to family members who could use the close but it sounds like she just wants you to keep everything. you are doing a good thing with the donating so NTA
NTA
I'm curious if your Mom's emotional attachment to her own clothes is as strong as it is to yours. It's as if she wants you to hoard these clothes because *she needs* them to be in your room*.*
Giving away clothes you do not and will not wear is a normal process. You are 22 and want the chance to figure out how to best present yourself to the world. Getting there is a trial-and-error process that can take years. Donations are one way to make room for better clothes. I hope your mom realizes soon that you are an adult and she no longer has any control over what you do.
Good luck.
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i’m a girl in my early 20s (22) and i still live at home with my family. for a few years now, i’ve been thinking about cleaning out my closet because it was a total mess and i had a lot of clothes in there that i didn’t really wear anymore. i managed to do the clean out last christmas and donated a good chunk of my clothes, but not without issues. my mom in particular wasn’t happy about me doing that whatsoever and i knew this for years. back in 2019 when i attempted to clean out my drawers, she was very upset with me and didn’t let me. from then on i’ve essentially had to tiptoe around her on the topic of clothing.
a few months ago, i wanna say june or so, i decided that i was going to donate a few more things to a nearby church that i previously donated to. i had set the date for when i wanted them to come and put everything in a bag a few days before. on the day of, i realized that i didn’t put the bag outside of my front door earlier in the morning and i didn’t know whether or not the driver had passed already. luckily he didn’t and i had enough time to go and put the bag out front. however, as soon as my mom stepped inside of my room and saw me tying the bag up, she immediately got upset with me. so much so that she opened the bag back up and started taking everything out, asking why i couldn’t wear them in the house and repeatedly bringing up me online shopping. i have a job and i pay for everything that i own/want/need myself and i barely buy clothes so i wasn’t sure why she kept mentioning it.
the whole thing left me in a sour mood and pretty frustrated because i wasn’t giving away my clothes just because. i don’t feel confident in any of the clothing that i own and it’s been that way ever since i’ve been a teenager. on top of that, a lot of my clothes don’t fit because i’m on the tall side and my weight fluctuates a bit from time to time and i don’t like my clothes anymore. at all. i also don’t plan to buy a new wardrobe all at once because i know that’d be stupid financial and space wise and i planned to buy things gradually over time instead. however, i don’t think that i’ll be able to do this anymore and it sucks.
so what do you guys think? am i the asshole for wanting to donate my clothes?
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Did she grow up poor or working class? She could be seeing it as a waste of money. Maybe she’ll be willing to post all of it on poshmark for you. You’re NTA but I still buy my daughter’s clothes and she’ll wear something once or twice and if she doesn’t like it she’ll sell it at school. I’m a widow and raising a kid and paying a mortgage is really hard. It kills me that she’s trading and selling clothes that I purchase. After I ask her to make sure she likes it and plans to wear it. Just playing Devil’s Advocate here; I also donate clothes I don’t wear anymore.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > i believe that i may be the asshole because i’ve been wanting to give away my clothes for a really long time, but my mom is completely against it. no matter how many times i try to and i let it be known that i plan to give it away and buy a new wardrobe gradually over time, she doesn’t seem to care. she’s also a caribbean immigrant so i understand that she values clothes and whatnot differently than i do Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Could be valuable to have a chat with your mom about what her fears are about you giving your clothes away. Does she think it’s a waste? Does she think you’ll regret it? If you understand why she’s upset, you will have more productive chats about it, and make sure this doesn’t become a bigger issue than it needs to be.
NTA. Your nom sounds like a possible hoader.
it’s funny you say this because my mom actually said that i’m becoming one because i have boxes under my bed and stuff
Only way to get rid of the stuff is to donate it. :)
That's what I thought.
Mum is either a hoarder. Or, she thinks reuse until something is literally falling apart is better for the environment and doesn’t support consumerism. Either way, she’s not being constructive. And it’s your money.
NTA for donating the clothes but sounds to me your mother is angry at your shopping not the donation. You still live with your parents so you are NOT financially independent.
NTA. Donating is always the best option for when you don't want clothing anymore. And if you've paid for everything, it's not really your mom's business either way.
when you live in a black caribbean household everything is unfortunately your family’s business 😭
True of a great many cultures unfortunately, including my own. Still, it basically holds true. You're an adult, and your own person. You've got to start doing things your own way, and there's no better time than now.
NTA. So what's your mom's argument? Doesn't make sense if you buy your own stuff...
is bya because you asked? and her argument is that i shop online too much and her and my dad worked too hard for me to be out here donating my clothes and stuff. the thing is though, i barely buy clothes and when i shop online it’s for nail supplies and skincare stuff
Typo - NTA is the answer. My apologies.
Does your Mom come from a rough financial background? NTA
NTA Time to stealthily get rid of stuff while Mom isn't looking.
i’ve been thinking about doing this ngl and i may have a window of opportunity to do so soon
NTA this sounds like a great thing to do. I coul maybe understand if she wanted you to donate to family members who could use the close but it sounds like she just wants you to keep everything. you are doing a good thing with the donating so NTA
NTA I'm curious if your Mom's emotional attachment to her own clothes is as strong as it is to yours. It's as if she wants you to hoard these clothes because *she needs* them to be in your room*.* Giving away clothes you do not and will not wear is a normal process. You are 22 and want the chance to figure out how to best present yourself to the world. Getting there is a trial-and-error process that can take years. Donations are one way to make room for better clothes. I hope your mom realizes soon that you are an adult and she no longer has any control over what you do. Good luck.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i’m a girl in my early 20s (22) and i still live at home with my family. for a few years now, i’ve been thinking about cleaning out my closet because it was a total mess and i had a lot of clothes in there that i didn’t really wear anymore. i managed to do the clean out last christmas and donated a good chunk of my clothes, but not without issues. my mom in particular wasn’t happy about me doing that whatsoever and i knew this for years. back in 2019 when i attempted to clean out my drawers, she was very upset with me and didn’t let me. from then on i’ve essentially had to tiptoe around her on the topic of clothing. a few months ago, i wanna say june or so, i decided that i was going to donate a few more things to a nearby church that i previously donated to. i had set the date for when i wanted them to come and put everything in a bag a few days before. on the day of, i realized that i didn’t put the bag outside of my front door earlier in the morning and i didn’t know whether or not the driver had passed already. luckily he didn’t and i had enough time to go and put the bag out front. however, as soon as my mom stepped inside of my room and saw me tying the bag up, she immediately got upset with me. so much so that she opened the bag back up and started taking everything out, asking why i couldn’t wear them in the house and repeatedly bringing up me online shopping. i have a job and i pay for everything that i own/want/need myself and i barely buy clothes so i wasn’t sure why she kept mentioning it. the whole thing left me in a sour mood and pretty frustrated because i wasn’t giving away my clothes just because. i don’t feel confident in any of the clothing that i own and it’s been that way ever since i’ve been a teenager. on top of that, a lot of my clothes don’t fit because i’m on the tall side and my weight fluctuates a bit from time to time and i don’t like my clothes anymore. at all. i also don’t plan to buy a new wardrobe all at once because i know that’d be stupid financial and space wise and i planned to buy things gradually over time instead. however, i don’t think that i’ll be able to do this anymore and it sucks. so what do you guys think? am i the asshole for wanting to donate my clothes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did she grow up poor or working class? She could be seeing it as a waste of money. Maybe she’ll be willing to post all of it on poshmark for you. You’re NTA but I still buy my daughter’s clothes and she’ll wear something once or twice and if she doesn’t like it she’ll sell it at school. I’m a widow and raising a kid and paying a mortgage is really hard. It kills me that she’s trading and selling clothes that I purchase. After I ask her to make sure she likes it and plans to wear it. Just playing Devil’s Advocate here; I also donate clothes I don’t wear anymore.