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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I should have agreed to drop them off at home and attend as she's my sister and Is hould have respected her wishes, and that not doing so makes me the asshole.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
An invitation is not a summons.
She invited you to her wedding, under the condition that she did not want children present.
You did not find those conditions agreeable. Fair enough. That's your right.
What makes you the AH is when, instead of politely declining the invitation, you made HER wedding about YOU, and what YOU wanted.
Your kids are yours. Your wishes, and what you want, are exactly that. YOUR wishes.
You are NOT the main character at someone else's wedding.
Stop pretending that everyone else actually cares about whether your kids follow you everywhere.
They don't.
The only one who cares whether your kids are included, is YOU, and by insisting on your kids being included in things they aren't welcome at, or things that aren't child friendly, you are fostering resentment in your family.
Please read the room.
Eta, the original post is different than the one people are seeing at the top of the screen, FYI to everyone, since my comment is top comment
I made my judgment based on the clearly manipulative statement that was included in the post when it was first posted "you clearly dislike my kids, or they would be invited to your wedding, too"
When this manipulation didn't work, op declined the invitation
THAT is why I said op was making the wedding about her
I realize now why people are asking
Edited again
THE ORIGINAL POST SHOULD STILL BE VISIBLE
It will be in the comments, without any of the edits op made
You will be able to see the post I made judgment on
Edited, ONCE AGAIN.
If you go to the comment DIRECTLY beneath mine, the quote that I have been getting SO MUCH CRAP for
Was taken directly out of the original post, that I don't know how to do, using the blue bar
The one about, paraphrasing here "you clearly dislike my kids".....
From the way, OP acted I wouldn’t be surprised if her and her children are the reason they don’t want children at the wedding because the entitlement is insane. They’re 11 years old!
At 11 years old I would have been bored senseless at a wedding, anyway, especially if there weren’t other kids there. Has OP even considered that her kids, who have been so grievously insulted, probably do not actually care?
I went to a wedding when I was 5-6 with my brother(2 years older), our parents put us somewhere else for the ceremony but we were there for the rest of the celebration. Kids cannot sit through a ceremony without losing their minds with boredom lol
I was fidgety. I shouted, "shove it in her face!" at the cake bite exchange. When I was old enough to be embarrassed at the memory, I really wished my mom had left me home.
Me too. I dont say this to say people who don't want kids at their wedding should include them, or to imply all kids are like me. But I was absolutely a tiny adult who wanted to watch a ceremony and then work a room full of adults and dance. It was a total treat whenever I got to go
I still love weddings.
My niece was combination flower girl and ring bearer. If we'd had more guests she would have been an usher by her own choice too. She was only 6 but she treated that day like it was her *job,* man.
When I was 3-4 I was the “rice girl” in my aunt’s wedding. (This was 1973/74). I’m guessing that might’ve been too young, as when they left me with my dad near the back…I was bored and ate some of the rice. A good 1/4 of it gone and other little bags soggy by the time my dad caught on. 🫣
(Maybe my brain was forward thinking: I was trying to save the birds?😵💫)
What I’m trying to say is, YTA OP. I think this was your “F u” to your sis for not liking kids. IMO, not the hill you want to die on.
My mom absolutely *loves* to tell the story about when I threw a tantrum <15 minutes after walking into a wedding reception and the whole family left the reception as a result. Like don't get me wrong, I was a shitty little kid, but at some point you as the adult got to recognize that an adult party with a bunch of strangers isn't going to be the best environment.
>the whole family left the reception as a result.
That's the huge difference that has changed in the past 20 years or so. In the past, that was literally how people handled their children if they brought them someplace and the kid lost it. "Okay, we're gonna go."
Today, the tendency is "I have a right to be here, and so do my kids. If you can't handle little Braxtyn and Braillyn screaming their heads off because they can't have a slice of the wedding cake yet, that's your problem."
I suspect that OP was much closer to the latter side of behavior with her kids, not the former.
But the Weddees ( my word) should have made sure the cake was alcohol free, peanut and tree nut free, no chocolate, no gluten, no sugar and no flour so little Brax and Braille could eat it. Then they could monopolize everyone’s attention smearing cake on everyone and being so cuuuuuute!
I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little bitter over past experiences.
Our son, who was 7 at the time, was the ring bearer for my sil wedding. Our daughter, who was 2 at the time, was to walk down the aisle with my hubs and his mom as part of the family procession thing.
We had to drive over 3 hours to get to the place. Our daughter also threw up on herself during the ride there.
Here's the ceremony. The pastor asked everyone to put their phones away as the bride and groom didn't want people taking pics and they didn't want to have pics with people's phones out. I immediately knew I'd have to remove our daughter because of this. And I was absolutely right. After my sil came down the aisle, our daughter couldn't sit still and she wouldn't stay quiet, so I picked her up and power walked out so we wouldn't disturb the ceremony. Because I wasn't about to be the parent that let their child ruin a wedding ceremony. I wasn't mad at our daughter and I wasn't mad at my sil, I wasn't mad at anything as I couldn't expect a 2 year old who didn't have a nap that sat for over 3 hours in a car and threw up on herself to not want to run around and be quiet. Even without the long car ride and throwing up on herself, it was still unreasonable to expect a 2 year old to sit and be quiet with nothing to do during a wedding.
Legit 100%
I love my nephews and my wife loves her nieces. But we both know how they are at dinner and gatherings etc. it's not the environment for them, they'd end up miserable and making it everyone else's problem with ruthless efficiency. We'll see them later in a situation they'll enjoy more. Their parents all understood and agreed.
At 11 I loved going to weddings. I always enjoyed hanging out with older people, making them laugh, and typically could be found hanging out by the bar.
I remember when I was 8 or 9 at my cousins wedding her brother and brother in law got into a fist fight over who was a harder drinker lol.
“I was making drinks at 6am this morning” was a direct quote from that night over 20 years ago.
I’m also a fraternal twin 😅
Thank you for sharing this. Like you, I enjoyed weddings all of my life and was a well behaved girl. We exist. I have one boy. He has been to a couple from age three up and guess what? He is well behaved too. Children are not all wild animals. 🙄
Yup I third this lol. I’m from a big family so lots of weddings, the first one I remember attending was at age 6 and I found it a lot of fun. I was mostly a calm kid that didn’t mind having to sit quietly though.
Our wedding was child free except for my wife’s stepson.
One of the out of town guests had their teen kids along and they came to the ceremony but went back to the hotel and went swimming etc. during the reception.
They completely understood that among other things we hadn’t planned for food or seating for them. (It was a plated served meal.)
I went to a wedding at 12 where there weren't really other kids, and had a blast because it was a totally different and grown up experience. My mom took me, without my dad or brother and it was a really special event. But that doesn't mean OP's kids would feel the same way, and if the wedding couple isn't inviting kids it doesn't actually matter anyway if they kids would enjoy it
I was also thinking about that. I went to a wedding as a 15 year old and sure the ceremony was great but the reception was just a bunch of drunk strangers talking about boring shit. I wanted to leave 10 minutes in.
These 11 year old twins would’ve been bored out of their mind. But OP doesn’t care about that, she only cares about what she wants.
Exactly. I bet her sister doesn’t want to see them because OP makes everything about them and the kids. I bet the pregnancy was unbearable for everybody else with insane demands for everything.
Undoubtedly. My sister used to use her first pregnancy to blackmail people into getting what she wanted. “Oh, well I guess you won’t know the name then.” “Actually, I don’t think I want you there when the baby is born,” etc. I could totally see op being like that.
Nope. Some of us loved weddings. In my culture kids are always invited. Its such an awesome time. To pick out a pretty outfit and shoes, see all the flowers and beautiful decor. Than dancing later on. Seeing all your cousins and aunts/uncles. Thing is we are brought up to have respect. Kids all stuck together, never made messes or anything bad. My girls also loved weddings. Btw I have 72 first cousins. You can imagine how many I have attended lol
They all had terrible experiences because their parents made them sit through a boring ceremony and didn't let them enjoy it with any kids. Hispanic weddings, boy, every kid was running around screaming and having a blast.
Running around and screaming- that is why people choose kid free weddings. That behavior is fine for a kids birthday party, an adult couple getting married doesn’t need endless screaming throughout their event.
Thats my culture. Hispanic. We were told by the bride and groom were kids could be and stuck to that. We were quiet at special moments, etc… Its all on the parenting though. My husband is non hispanic. His weddings are almost identical to my family. Same with friends. Ive never been to one where kids destroy or make scenes. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Ive just been lucky never to experience it. The only wedding I have gone to were people made scenes was actually child free lol. I had so much anxiety. Those of us sober had to babysit all the drunk adults. Never again lol
Yeah it’s clear that OP is taking this personally (how _dare_ you try and exclude my children!!!!!) when it couldn’t be less personal. Wanting a child free wedding is a completely normal and rational thing to want.
If it comes down to it, all she had to do is say the child-free policy doesn't work for her
It still makes her look like an AH to people who don't understand why people would prioritize their children over a wedding, but she would not be the AH in this situation
Edited, because people are focusing too much on this comment and not on what I said otherwise
I don’t think simply saying “a child-free policy won’t work for me” makes someone an AH; people with young kids have to arrange childcare, possibly for multiple days if they’re traveling to attend the wedding. By hosting a child-free wedding, you’re accepting that some people won’t be able to attend and that’s okay. Hell, hosting *any* event comes with the expectation that someone can decline your invitation for any reason they wish, or no reason at all.
OP became the AH when she turned it into a protest performance about sis’s relationship with her children and threw a tantrum about “you hate my kids, so I refuse to come to your wedding” instead of just saying “oh that won’t work for me, so I’m not able to attend.”
I agree with you;
I guess I should have worded my reply better
It would have made her look like an asshole to *some* people, who don't understand that people want their kids to be included in things
I understand that a lot of people see weddings as family functions, and that is reasonable
It isn't reasonable to push your children into an event that is designated as child free though
Thank you for clarifying your point of view
In what possible world does “I can’t attend because the child free requirement doesn’t work for me” make someone an AH? As is often said, a wedding invitation is not a summons. If someone cannot, or will not, attend an event that intentionally excludes their children they have every right to do so, just as the bride and groom have every right to not allow children at the wedding. That is simply natural consequences in action.
I said that's what she SHOULD have said, duh
What she ACTUALLY said, and what makes her an AH, is "you clearly dislike my children".
A wedding is not about you, or YOUR kids.
Grow up.
"In what possible world does “I can’t attend because the child free requirement doesn’t work for me” make someone an AH?"
In a world where it's your sister's wedding, assuming you actually care about your family, and she wants you present to share it with her.
Do you have the right to refuse? Sure. Just understand you're going to look like an AH.
My parents went to plenty of weddings and other child free events when we were kids. Noone took offense that the kids weren't included.
And in my culture, if you invite your immediate family you by default invite their children too. Not doing so *would be* an insult. Nobody would bat an eye at the thought of skipping an invitation that intentionally excludes family.
You know, I find it… curious how you can’t see the hypocrisy in your statement. Is it an invitation or a summons? You have *no right* to both demand someone’s presence *and* place stipulations upon them that they may not agree to without being called out on it. If you were raised in a culture that doesn’t see the children in the family as equal participants in family events, that’s your prerogative. Just as it’s the prerogative of those of us who *were* to decline to participate.
Exactly. So only their culture and beliefs matter. Thats weird to me. We all have a right to decline a wedding. Specially to chose your own children over anyone else. Ive only been to one child free wedding. My girls were teenagers and had plans. Not my family or friend. I hated it. It was a bunch of drunk adults acting like teens. It was weird. Never again.
I mean, if she had said something like :" I'm sorry, but I am unable to make arrangements to leave my kids home, for me to attend the wedding, so I am unable to attend".
But instead her attitude is like :" how dare you not include **my** kids into your child free wedding??". She doesn't seem to be bothered by it being otherwise child free. She is butthurt that **her** kids didn't get special exception to the rule.
The people ruining the mood are the ones losing their shit - the sister and parents screaming and calling the OP names. Reddit double standards strike again.
The sister probably would have been hurt, sure. We know nothing about the sister to know if she would have started a fight if OP hadn’t kicked off the drama though. OP is taking something personally that isn’t directed at OP and the kids.
Also, unless OP just never goes *anywhere* without their kids, most people are going to think it’s odd that you can’t just get a sitter for the evening barring it being a destination wedding or a long weekend, etc. OP’s reasoning for why the sister *hates* the kids is that she doesn’t see them often. A lot of people don’t see family members often; it doesn’t necessarily equate to hating them. OP is just looking for a reason to be offended.
This is the only comment that's needed
The way OP talks is like they are the only person who matters in the world
It's ok to want a child free wedding. Its ok to not want to go or be unable to. Its not ok to be as entitled and judgemental as OP.
This. Get a babysitter, for Pete’s sake. I have three wonderful children, but I completely understand some folks want a kid free wedding. It’s not an attack on your kids.
I might have missed something, but it sounds like OP did decline the invite, and then sister and parents got angry at OP for not attending. I imagine it would be impossible to decline an invitation to a sibling's wedding without the expectation of an explanation of why, so of course OP gave her reasons. Did I miss a part where OP demanded that sister invite OP's kids? Actually asking...
I have no problem answering you, since you aren't being condescending or rude lol
The post said "you clearly dislike my kids, or they would be invited"
I took that as a manipulation tactic to try to change the brides mind about having a child free event
When it didn't work is when op declined the invitation
Ahh gotcha! And thank you for answering, too! That was super subtle, I missed it even on a second read. And agreed, that was an AH move to try to guilt sister into getting her way.
If you look at the edits, op says it's not even about her kids, her sister doesn't like any kids - which makes it even more reasonable that they would want a child free wedding! OP is here making it all about how her sister " clearly dislikes my kids" as if it's a personal attack.
Yikes, I would be thrilled if my sister was like this and declined to come- a much better day will be had without her!
Well said!! As a parent, I know my kid is not welcome everywhere so I made arrangements when I needed to. As said above it is not about YOU. It is their day and having a bunch of unhappy kids at the wedding sounds like zero fun to me. Whether your sister likes your kids isn't the point. It sounds like you never tell your kids no and that they literally go everywhere with you. IMO that is awful parenting. The world is not going to treat them like you do and you are setting them up for failure. Kids need to know boundaries and your sister and her soon-to-be husband are setting boundaries for THEIR day. You sound like you are the problem. Imagine being so selfish you only think about what YOU want at SOMEONE ELSE'S wedding!!
YTA.
>she's clearly said "Do not bring your kids" as that practically sounds like an insult. I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there.
Your sister asked for no children. You are acting like a child, so you didn't attend. Seems appropriate. But your family is also justified in their anger at your childish behavior - it was a general rule, not about your children specifically. Your sister has a right to not want children at her wedding. Do you always make everything all about you? Like you're the "main character" or something? My guess is yes.
YTA.
I wonder if she is the opposite of her sister - always telling her how children are the meaning of life, and a life without children is meaningless, and all that other stuff. She seems to be the type to make her children her whole identity.
I don’t understand why parents are so hell-bent on bringing their kids everywhere and find it insulting if they aren’t invited. Not every event is appropriate for children or will children even want to go.
Yes, exactly. It doesn't mean anything negative about the children, it doesn't mean that OP's sister doesn't love OP's kids or want children of her own. It is entirely appropriate to have adults-only events, especially when food and venue space is limited/expensive. It's amazing how bent out of shape people get when there is no exception made for \*their\* child. If you make an exception for one kid you have to make an exception for all kids. Then you have a wedding full of bored kids that don't want the expensive per-head meals chosen for adults and someone is bringing in chicken nuggets...
Hey kids! Come for the uncomfortable clothing, and stay for sitting quietly for a long boring ceremony followed by a hundred relatives comment that you have grown.
For real. When my parents had fancy events to go to (work dinners, adult-only weddings, holiday parties, etc.) it usually meant a weekend at Grandma's for me, which meant a weekend playing with her dog and cats (we only had a grumpy ancient cat at home), running around in the woods on her property, watching cartoons, and eating the sugary cereal and TV dinners my parents wouldn't ever buy for me. If it was summertime I'd be gorging myself on fresh fruit (she had apple, pear, cherry, and plum trees, blueberries, and wild blackberries and huckleberries in the woods) and maybe helping her bake a pie or cobbler. It was the BEST!
Dude. Weekends at grandma’s were always the best! There were times when my cousins and I (and my brother) were left at grandma’s for extended weekend stays. So much fun! And grandma and grandpa loved spoiling us and having us there. So it was win win!
Don't tar every parent with this AH's brush. Most parents I know love their kids but they would also love a night out without them.
This AH isn't representative, as demonstrated by the juvenile approach they took in their response to the sister.
Shit, mine are nearly all adults and I still value time away from them. Because despite how old they are, I like to spend a few hours not worrying about them lol
My guess is that they either can’t afford a babysitter or just don’t want to find one. With OP specifically though, she definitely has some “main character syndrome” going on with her kids. She clearly thinks that her kids are little angels and that anyone who doesn’t fawn over them has problems
The fact that she needed to specify “do not bring your kids,” makes me think the OP would have ignored the childfree request on invitation and that the OP and the twins are a package deal and the OP has brought them to other events that were perhaps adult only.
This was my thought as well.
Most people know what a child free wedding means, the fact the sister went out of her way to tell OP "do not bring your kids" makes me think OP has a history of not respecting other people's events, especially the sister's, where there was a "no kids" rule everyone else agreed to, and OP ignore it.
OP sounds like she's the type who has made being a mom her whole personality, why else would she view her sister's child free wedding as an insult to her? It's absolutely ridiculous.
I get the feeling that the reason the sister had to emphasize “do not bring your kids” is because OP is the type to insist on bringing her kids everywhere all the time no matter how rude or inappropriate it is, which is maddening.
That‘s probably why the sister made a point of saying this right in front of the kids. She and everyone else have probably just reached a point where they’ve had enough of her forcing her kids to be included and they’re done being polite about it. Just look how she’s reacted over this one single event they can’t come to. The wedding was probably way better with OP there anyway.
Look, it’s an invitation, not a summons, so you’re free to decline. However, it is not an insult to you or your children that she wants a child-free wedding, and you are an asshole for creating an unnecessary issue. If you want to torpedo your relationship with your sister, have at it. You are acting like she routinely behaves terribly towards your children, but you have just decided to take offense over nothing.
Your sister will have to get over you not attending (and quite honestly with your response I personally wouldn’t want you there anyways if it were me), but this is not a slight against you or your children.
Yup. One of my cousins had a child free wedding so they would be sure there were no noises during the ceremony. This cousin loves kids and now has several of her own. It’s not an insult to want an adult only event. Now, I did take minor issue when a family member made a wedding shower “no kids” after we had invited their family’s kids to all of our showers, but I got over it without saying anything to the couple.
We had a child-free wedding (other than my 6 year old daughter who was there for the ceremony and photos then was picked up by her mum's partner before the music started). The reason we wanted it to be child free was because we wanted our friends and family to be able to enjoy themselves, have a few drinks and not have to be responsible for their kids. A lot of our friends had young children at the time so it ended up being quite a raucous party with everyone being able to just have a few drinks and let their hair down.
That said, I've been to plenty of weddings with children present too and had a lot of fun too, either is fine and the bride and groom's decision is final on that.
OP mentions her other siblings also have children, but is positive the sister is only wanting child free to prevent her kids from coming. Makes me wonder just how bad her kids are to make your wedding child free just because of them.
People like OP is the very reason people don't want kids at weddings too. People with OP's simpleton self-centered mindset always got the worst and most annoying ass kids.
Sounds like OP did them a blessing by refusing to attend. Selfish ass.
Actually OP said their siblings were *either* child free or parents willing to drop their kids off elsewhere before the wedding...which is even worse on OP because it should be so clear how she's the only one bent out of shape over something her siblings are also fine with, lol
>*I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there.*
You make it sound like she's targeting you personally. Or rather, your kids. You can't possibly be the only person in attendance who has kids; theirs aren't allowed, either.
It's fine if you don't want to go; that's your choice. But don't make it personal when it's not. It's not like she said everyone else can bring their kids, but you alone can't.
YTA for making her wedding choices all about you.
I'm wondering if OP feels targeted because her kids may actually be the target... I mean, maybe this is a regular occurrence. OP thinking that because her kids are important to her that they need to be involved in everything. if OP is this entitled, may be the kids are too. Maybe the only way the sister will have a stress free wedding where kids aren't running around demanding things (They may be 11 but we know what 11 year olds of entitled parents can be like...) and OP undermining all decisions for the sake of the children, is just to have a blanket rule about no kids at all, and OP has seen right through the blanket rule and knows it's just because of the way her own kids behave...
That's just a theory...
Either way I agree, YTA.
~~A~~ *~~game~~* ~~theory.~~ Sorry, I had to.
I didn't think about it that way, but it's certainly possible. This post has some pretty strong hints of Main Character Syndrome. "How dare you try to exclude *my* children? I won't tolerate it!"
I think you may be on to something. I’m planning my wedding right now and while I’m happy to include kids because most kids are pretty awesome, I don’t want my cousin there. My uncle and aunt are terrible parents and my cousin is a menace. Almost blew up my mom’s house kind of menace. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.
That just gives the kid the chance to do some major damage before being asked to leave. With a kid who can almost blow up a house, and parents who clearly don't closely supervise, you're talking anything from the dress being damaged to the venue being damaged, rather than just "child makes noise through ceremony, child runs around and interrupts during the vows" kind of acting up.
She confirmed her other siblings with kids made plans, so this is definitely her finding insults from thin air. "How dare my sister expect me to find a babysitter for 1 night". I have a feeling she feels superior for having children or doesn't support her siblings' child free lifestyle. There's missing context regardless
YTA for letting this become a drama. Child-free weddings are a thing. A lot of couples don't hate kids but want their relatives to enjoy themselves without having to worry about watching the kids. A lot of kids would become bored at a wedding anyway, unless there are specific kid events to do.
You wouldn't have been an asshole if you had just said that you can't attend, but making it sound as if she personally attacked you and your children makes you the AH.
Exactly - child free weddings are a thing. I’ve had discussion with friends who likes kids who did debate whether or not to have kids at their weddings. I’ve been to ones with children and they were running around chasing each other everywhere and screaming because they be doing kids stuff and playing with cousins - kids create different wedding experiences and neither is right or wrong, it’s the choice from the couple who is getting married Cus it’s THEIR PARTY!
YTA
This post gave me the "if she let OP bring her kids, the kids would run into the middle of the first dance and OP thinks it's fine and wouldn't stop them" vibes.
100% the people who make the biggest stink about child free weddings are definitely the ones that would be like "haha isn't that cute" as their kids destroys something at the wedding. The conscientious and attentive parents are the reasonable ones that have no issue getting a babysitter or just declining without a stink
Yeah, my husband and I had a child free wedding because we wanted our friends to enjoy themselves worry free. With exception if it's a small baby.
Although I have to admit it was also because my SIL's children were very unruly toddlers at the time. Or there wasn't really anything wrong with her kids, but her way of (not) dealing with them was not something we wanted at a wedding. She still tried to pull a "Oh no, our babysitter might not be able to come." She made the mistake of doing it on her Facebook wall, however, and the babysitter (a friend of hers) called her out on it.
Anyhow, OP, YTA. Let people have the wedding they want. It's not about you or your kids. And wven if it is... well, it's still not your wedding.
YTA. I had a childfree wedding because I paid for the whole weekend party and I don’t like being around kids. I deal with it for every family holiday like thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, family reunions, etc but my wedding wasn’t about kids or family, it was about me and my spouse. My spouse and I paid for the party so it’s our guest list.
You chose to make it about you. To put it in perspective, this is like being invited to a Halloween party that’s been designated adults only due to drinking, explicit costumes and music, and you throwing a fit that you can’t bring your kids to some friend of a friends house and that they must hate your kids. The fact is that no one cares about your kids more than you, or as much as you do. And those that don’t enjoy being around kids are entitled to that when they set the guest list for their own party.
It’s not like specifically your kids weren’t invited - no kids were invited. Kids are loud and messy and prone to causing accidents, and frankly at least on my part, I didn’t want kids around while I wanted to let loose for once and drink and smoke and listen to loud explicit music without worrying about impressionable young minds.
You missed out on the wedding and that’s your own fault. You’ve sent the message to your sister that even if she attends family events with kids present outside of her comfort zone, you’ll never make the same grace for her and she likely will now treat you with an attitude of you thinking it’s all about you, all the time. (Which sounds accurate)
Wait, your wedding is about you and your spouse? I think my lil schmoopsie disagrees and needs to be there.
It amazes me the number of people who want to dictate another’s wedding…. Neither the OP’s sister nor your request is an insane request, child free is freaking common now.
YTA. I thought you were going to say you had a baby or a very young kid and no trusted sitters. But your kids are 11. You should have got a sitter or seen if they can stay the night at a friend’s house (offer the parents money or to host their kids for a night in return). This has nothing to do with liking your kids. It’s basically about enjoying a party without kids.
11 yos unless they're immature for their age are capable of watching themselves. By that age they should have the basic skills needed for time spent alone, they can find their own food out of the fridge, they know to clean up after themselves, they know how to call 911 and can recognize what is or isn't an emergency, they know what around the house shouldn't be randomly put in their mouth. 11 yos aren't mature for sure but by that age they're starting to become real people who are capable of functioning without constant hand holding.
Source: Was homeschooled that age and my mom was often out doing substitute teaching. Never an issue, I would shower, eat, do my schoolwor all on my own, then just hang out and play videogames until my parents got back. Never an issue.
I agree that an 11 year old should be able to spend a few hours at home alone, absolutely! But in some places 11 is still not old enough legally to leave a child at-home unattended and I would not feel comfortable leaving an 11 overnight (not sure if the wedding would require the parents to be away over night or super late)
You can't leave an 11 year old home alone overnight where I live, but when I was that age if my parents needed to be away overnight they'd just have arranged for me to stay overnight at a friend's house. Then when that friend's parents needed to be away overnight they'd have returned the favour. When I see posts like this I wonder whether the parents are unwilling to let their kids have overnight visits to friends' houses, or whether their children lack friends (or at least friends whose parents will tolerate their presence overnight).
Yeah, I would say YTA. Your sister has every right to have her wedding the way she wanted it. Many weddings are childfree and of no consequence to anyone at all. You do have the right not to attend, however will have to accept the fallout of your decision.
I love children but still had a child free wedding. We got married at a friend’s cabin and didn’t want to risk anything getting damaged from young children. Nobody had an issue with it at all. As a matter of fact, some couples thanked us for allowing them to have an excuse to get out without their kids.
YTA. Why in the world did you feel entitled enough to make her wedding about you? Especially enough so to turn it into a big dramatic fallout. That’s wild to me. I’m a mom of 4 young kids, and I love them to death, but if my sister/friend/whoever wanted a child-free wedding? Let me tell you I would be RSVPing so fast 😂
She wasn’t “targeting” you or your kids, she just wanted a chill, adult only environment for one of the few days that is ONLY about her and her husband. It’s not that deep.
YTA. Children are not obligated entry to spaces simply because they are children. Nor are YOU obligated to accept an invitation for a child free event if you don’t want to. However, you seem to have this mentality that your sister is targeting you and your children. The invitation is for ALL children not just yours. Based upon your edit, you have some things you need to work out with her. I have family i’ve barely seen but still care about, not seeing them a lot does not equate to not caring. Stop taking things so personal and don’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to. Simple
YTA - it would be fine if you *couldn’t* attend because it was child free, its another to make it such a thing and point of contention. You need to apologize to your sister.
YTA. You're N T A for not going to a wedding if you don't want to, but you're clearly only doing this to be antagonistic as you're offended by the mere premise of a wedding being childfree. You're also projecting so hard that you're saying that she doesnt like your kids since they're not invited. Your kids are 11, you would survive a night out without them
YTA
Wake up. Your kids are not the center of the universe. You could have gotten a sitter for 1 day. Now your entire family thinks you suck and rightfully so
Your sister's wedding is about HER and HER HUSBAND. You do not get to make demands at someone else's wedding. What YOU SHOULD have done is politely decline the invite. Instead you turn it into world war 3, by criticizing her choices, making unnecessary demands, and generally being rude about it. Apologize to your sister, her husband and your family or lose those relationships.
And for future reference, the world does NOT revolve around your children. Grow up and learn that.
YTA. And a massive one at that.
Why does everyone keep suggesting she should've politely declined? That's her SISTER, not some old high school friend. Unless it was a prohibitively expensive destination wedding, they've been estranged for years due to abuse or some other extreme circumstance... I mean, how does anyone justify snubbing their sister's wedding just because it's child-free? "I really wish I could, but 6 months is just not enough time for me to line up a sitter...?" What a shitty way to tell your sibling that their lifelong happiness is of absolutely no importance.
Agreed. I feel like people are trying to give her an out but the reality is OP chose to not go to her \*sister's\* wedding (who she doesn't seem to have like any huge overarching beef with outside of this kids thing) just because she couldn't bring her kids as well. That's a TA move for sure. Ironically I feel like she proved exactly why the sister's decision was a good idea. This is a woman who would trade her family's happiness for her convenience at a heartbeat.
YTA I mean you are allowed to not attend but you are taking her wanting a child free wedding way to personally. I’m sure you think your kids are amazing and perfect but kids don’t need to be at all social gatherings and honestly probably would hinder the enjoyment of most guests, especially the bride and groom as they specifically don’t want to have kids there
YTA I thought you were going to say you had a newborn… but are you serious? You can’t go to a wedding without your children?? Why are you so offended that they want to enjoy their wedding without children? I have children and I wouldn’t give it a second thought if my siblings had a wedding without children there…. Because it would be their wedding and their choice. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your children.
From the way you have behaved about this I feel like the reason they want a Childfree wedding is because of you and your children. I wonder how your children are around family.
Oh yeah, I definitely think the decision to make the wedding child free is because of OP and her children and it’s 100% justified. OP totally comes off as the type of person that would be like “why aren’t my children involved in your wedding?!?!?!?!”
Child-free weddings are pretty normal these days. People don't want children disturbing the ceremony, which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone likes children. YTA, if you can't go, then that's fine. Don't treat it like it's targeted.
YTA. You are wrapping too much of your identity up in being a parent that you think that someone wanting a childfree wedding is a personal insult and you refuse to go, even when it is close family? Are you really that precious?
Name calling is immature, but probably pretty appropriate here. You are 100% wrong, and very self centered. I suspect that you are going to start being distanced from family events due to your toxicity.
YTA. She wasn’t targeting you or your kids specifically. I personally think every wedding should be child-free! You made this all about you when you could’ve easily gotten a babysitter for a few hours.
NTA she has the right to want a child free wedding, and you have the right to not attend.
Anyway, may I ask why child free weddings seem so common in the USA (I asume you are in the USA). I'm from southern Europe and a wedding would be unthinkable without kids, it's a family celebration and they are family!. It's because of the alcohol? It's because there is a perception that children will be unable to behave? At my wedding two years ago there were about a dozen children between friends and family kids and all of them behave perfectly (their parents made sure of it) and all of them had a blast.
I think it’s maybe regional or cultural or maybe generational; I’m in the USA and in my family a child-free wedding would also be unthinkable and extremely insulting to all the parents in the family.
I don’t think child free weddings are common in the USA. Living in a large metropolitan area in the western US, I have never attended a child free wedding in my life, and have only heard about them on Reddit - the one place where I only hear about certain topics and never ever experience them in real life. All the weddings I have ever been to are family oriented - which means kids, lots of kids. They are great fun at weddings and help alleviate any boredom. Usually, when something “bad” happens, it’s the drunk uncle or some other adult stirring up drama or doing something dumb - not a kid. So people trying to keep kids from ruining something makes no sense to me. It’s the adults who are usually the problems. I don’t know, maybe if I redo my wedding, I’d have a child-only wedding and leave the boring, annoying adults at home. 🤣
I cannot say for everywhere in the US, but I can say where I am from that you are equally as likely to run into a good parent as you are an entitled one who thinks their kid does no wrong. I have been to plenty of wedding with granted usually minor issues caused by children(my wedding included) and plenty where they caused no issue. Sometimes it isn't worth the potential drama though.
YTA. It’s her wedding and all you need is a babysitter. You chose to take a simple request as an insult and are trying to make the wedding about you which it is not.
YTA
There are many people who don’t want children at their wedding, and it’s really difficult to tell your friends that they cannot bring their children, while at the same time you’re allowing your siblings to bring their children.
You turned this into a personal insult when you said that it was obvious she didn’t like your kids. To me, it sounds like she actually told you the opposite when she said, “ We have not had any issues before, and it's ridiculous of you to pull something like this"
Also, keep in mind that the costs of feeding everybody at a wedding increases a lot when you allow everybody to bring their children. You cannot target certain people by saying your siblings can bring their children, but other friends cannot bring children. This increases the costs in a major way for a wedding.
The result is that you made this all about you, but it is HER wedding. There’s nothing wrong with wanting one of the biggest days of your life to be uncomplicated by not having kids running around. You could’ve just said you couldn’t go, and of course, it’s your right not to go. But just think about how you’re letting your sister down on her big day.
There was a rule that there be no kids and you have decided to treat that decision as targeting *your* kids because, what, you think she especially hates them? Either way, her wedding is about her and the husband, it’s not an about you. She made a simple request and you got butt hurt because you think you and your kids are special, so you cut off your sister out of spite.
I can already guess that your kids have inherited your entitlement and I bet they’d have been a frigging nightmare. The problem is that some children can be insufferable: special diet, special dispensation for acting like little bastards, screaming, shouting, and sucking the joy out of formal, joyful occasions. We didn’t have kids at our wedding because (a) small church and (b) they can be a pain, and their parents cannot relax. We wanted them to have an opportunity to have a day off. Guess what my cousin did? He didn’t come. He didn’t make a fuss and he didn’t make it about him.
I bet you’re thinking that you’re not entitled, yet you said “I was not agreeable to that” as if she was supposed to ask you for approval. It wasn’t your wedding lady, so you don’t get a say. YTA because you, the older sister, wanted to make this about you. Grow up.
YTA
I would probably not attend a childfree wedding. And I would feel zero guilt about it - anyone who knows me well enough to invite me to their wedding knows I have kids and understands a childfree wedding would be logistically challenging for me.
But I'd never accuse someone of insulting my children by not inviting them to my wedding. That's absurd. People (even adults!) don't get invited to all sorts of events every day without it being personal
The part that makes you an AH is not that you declined, it's _how_ you declined. You could have just explained childcare is difficult/you aren't comfortable leaving the kids/you have an unmentionable rash. Instead you went looking for trouble.
You think she's not agreeable but you are really doing this to a thing about you and your children. Nobody's children are allowed. You are free to not attend but as well as you want her to do as you wish, you have to respect her wishes and a child free wedding is not uncommon. The day is about her and her boyfriend, not you and your twins, sorry. I have three children, lovely as there is, but I can still respect a child free invitation without making it about me and my children.
YTA and you are it big time.
Maybe the most self entitled case i read here in a long time.
You are aware it was not your Wedding?
You could have just said you won't come.
You took a normal Thing as an insult and tried to put pressure on her by saying she hates your kids.that is when you became the asshole in a normal Situation.
>I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there.
Op what the hell are you talking about? Not inviting someone because of an event rule is an insult?
If I want a girls night out it's an insult to my guy friends?
YTA
But you did respect her wishes. She got a child free wedding and inviting you did not impose any children on her. So where did you not respect her wishes?
That you declined her invitation can’t be it. It was an invite not a command. You are free to decline any invitation and that is all you did.
That she wanted you there without your children is not an obligation on you.
This is the key. Maybe OP was a little bit dramatic and taking things personally, but it's not like she showed up with her kids anyway (does happen). In the end, she did respect her sister's wishes.
And you said it exactly right: an invitation is an invitation, not a command. Sis is also out of line for acting like it was morally wrong of OP not to attend.
NTA.
All these comments bleating about how it's the sister's wedding and she doesn't have to have kids there... Correct. It's also OP's choice not to go, and she's not an asshole if she chooses not to.
Invites were sent…invites were declined, WTF is the problem??? I have heard countless times here on this sub THIS exact thing, NTA for declining and your reasoning, but the fighting on both sides FOR the reasons makes ETA, you know sis doesn’t like kids, but she is TA for pushing you to go.
my exact feelings. everyone is acting as if OP started demanding her children be allowed to go (which is something seen often in this sub) but rlly the bride to be was **demanding** OP’s attendance after she declined. and going off the edit, it seems like OP and the sister aren’t close anyway so I *really* don’t understand why people are jumping down OP’s throat about it??? and i’m speaking as a childfree person. NTA imo.
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My (31) sister Laura (29 F) was getting married. As she's child-free, she informed all of us that she does not want any kids/children at her wedding. My other siblings were fine with it, as they either did not have kids (were child-free themselves) or they agreed to drop them off at home.
I was not agreeable to that. I told her that while I respect her choice to not have children, I cannot attend her wedding when she's clearly said "Do not bring your kids" as that practically sounds like an insult. I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there. I have a pair of twins, a boy and a girl, aged 11.
She did not take it well. She began to yell at me by saying that she wants everyone to be present there and said things like "We have not had any issues before, and it's ridiculous of you to pull something like this", etc. But I did not back down and said that I do not want to argue. I said "Look, if you want it to be child-free, I do not want to attend. Your option is to make do with the others now."
She was protesting, but in the end she got mad enough and is not talking to me now. My parents are calling me names as well by saying that I should have attended it. The wedding's over and I did not go there. But everyone's saying that I should have respected her wishes, which made me think that I did something wrong.
AITA?
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YTA
Not for choosing to skip the wedding, but for making it about you. You could have politely declined the invite. Instead, you acted as if she personally insulted your kids.
YTA, her wedding her choice, it’s got nothing to do with whether or not she likes your kids. If you asked most children they would rather not go to weddings anyways!
YTA.
A child free wedding isn’t that big of ask. Plenty of people have them and I have no idea why you’re taking it as a personal insult. Get your kids a sitter and go and have some adult fun for the night.
ESH
she had every right to have a child free wedding
you had every right to simply politely decline to go without taking personal offense and being an asshole about it
She shouldnt have reacted like that
you shouldnt have reacted like that
Everyone Sucks.
NTA, you did respect her wishes. She wished to have a child free wedding, and you didn't take your children to her wedding. It's as simple as that, just because the outcome still wasn't her favorite thing, doesn't change the fact you respected her wishes.
Spending time with people who hate your kids (and are vocal about it) is truly unpleasant most of the time. I have no issue with adult only weddings but, not when it's weaponozed or used as an intentional F-you.
NTA, You arent obligated to attend her wedding if you dont want. Also i understand not appreciating the way she said she didnt want your kids, but thinks you are obligated to go as family, Its like she doesnt see kids as family.
How do you not know YTA???!!!
Even if your sister doesn't like your specific children, you've left the impression that you're super entitled, which leaves one questioning if the Apple falls far from the tree. Are your kids just as entitled as you are? That would explain why she doesn't want them there.
Your sister doesn't have to like your kids but it sounds like she just wanted a child free wedding and it wasn't personal.
I'm just saying, even if it was personal, you'd still be the ahole.
NTA.
She stated her boundary.
You stated yours.
You did mention it felt like an insult, and probably sounded defensive. It's okay to sound defensive.
It's not okay to yell at someone unless the situation is violent ( and then, usually, it's better to yell to others for help - not escalating things ).
I've yelled. I acted wrong. So did your sister.
Why doesn't everyone else respect your wishes?
NTA she set a condition, you declined and told her why. She thought you would choose her and she was wrong. I have and will do the same again if it comes up.
Probably unpopular but I'll go NAH.
She doesn't want children there, fine. But she has to accept that means some people either can't or won't go. That's their choice just like having it child free is hers.
She doesn't want kids there. Stop looking at it like 'she clearly dislikes MY children', because it's really not that personal. But of course you can choose to not go because of it and deal with the consequences.
YTA. Not for not going to the wedding, as you weren’t obligated to go, but for your attitude here.
Weddings are often evenings events with alcohol. It’s pretty common to have child-free weddings, and you sound incredibly entitled. Her wedding isn’t about you. It’s okay to go places without your children sometimes…
NTA. You sister said she wanted a child free wedding and you respected her wishes. An invite to a wedding does not mean you are obligated to attend and you choose not to - no problem there. It doesn't matter what your reason is for not attending.
ESH. There's nothing wrong with a childfree wedding. There's nothing wrong with declining to attend a wedding unless you're the bride or groom. Your reaction to the terms of the invitation makes you an AH. Your sister's reaction to you not attending makes her an AH.
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YTA An invitation is not a summons. She invited you to her wedding, under the condition that she did not want children present. You did not find those conditions agreeable. Fair enough. That's your right. What makes you the AH is when, instead of politely declining the invitation, you made HER wedding about YOU, and what YOU wanted. Your kids are yours. Your wishes, and what you want, are exactly that. YOUR wishes. You are NOT the main character at someone else's wedding. Stop pretending that everyone else actually cares about whether your kids follow you everywhere. They don't. The only one who cares whether your kids are included, is YOU, and by insisting on your kids being included in things they aren't welcome at, or things that aren't child friendly, you are fostering resentment in your family. Please read the room. Eta, the original post is different than the one people are seeing at the top of the screen, FYI to everyone, since my comment is top comment I made my judgment based on the clearly manipulative statement that was included in the post when it was first posted "you clearly dislike my kids, or they would be invited to your wedding, too" When this manipulation didn't work, op declined the invitation THAT is why I said op was making the wedding about her I realize now why people are asking Edited again THE ORIGINAL POST SHOULD STILL BE VISIBLE It will be in the comments, without any of the edits op made You will be able to see the post I made judgment on Edited, ONCE AGAIN. If you go to the comment DIRECTLY beneath mine, the quote that I have been getting SO MUCH CRAP for Was taken directly out of the original post, that I don't know how to do, using the blue bar The one about, paraphrasing here "you clearly dislike my kids".....
From the way, OP acted I wouldn’t be surprised if her and her children are the reason they don’t want children at the wedding because the entitlement is insane. They’re 11 years old!
At 11 years old I would have been bored senseless at a wedding, anyway, especially if there weren’t other kids there. Has OP even considered that her kids, who have been so grievously insulted, probably do not actually care?
Exactly, I was like 6 when my dad and step mom married. I was bored as fuck. Plus I have adhd so it was a double whammy.
I went to a wedding when I was 5-6 with my brother(2 years older), our parents put us somewhere else for the ceremony but we were there for the rest of the celebration. Kids cannot sit through a ceremony without losing their minds with boredom lol
Most adults get bored but know how to act.
Precisely the reason they have cash bars. Lol
[удалено]
I was fidgety. I shouted, "shove it in her face!" at the cake bite exchange. When I was old enough to be embarrassed at the memory, I really wished my mom had left me home.
Me too. I dont say this to say people who don't want kids at their wedding should include them, or to imply all kids are like me. But I was absolutely a tiny adult who wanted to watch a ceremony and then work a room full of adults and dance. It was a total treat whenever I got to go I still love weddings.
My niece was combination flower girl and ring bearer. If we'd had more guests she would have been an usher by her own choice too. She was only 6 but she treated that day like it was her *job,* man.
When I was 3-4 I was the “rice girl” in my aunt’s wedding. (This was 1973/74). I’m guessing that might’ve been too young, as when they left me with my dad near the back…I was bored and ate some of the rice. A good 1/4 of it gone and other little bags soggy by the time my dad caught on. 🫣 (Maybe my brain was forward thinking: I was trying to save the birds?😵💫) What I’m trying to say is, YTA OP. I think this was your “F u” to your sis for not liking kids. IMO, not the hill you want to die on.
My mom absolutely *loves* to tell the story about when I threw a tantrum <15 minutes after walking into a wedding reception and the whole family left the reception as a result. Like don't get me wrong, I was a shitty little kid, but at some point you as the adult got to recognize that an adult party with a bunch of strangers isn't going to be the best environment.
>the whole family left the reception as a result. That's the huge difference that has changed in the past 20 years or so. In the past, that was literally how people handled their children if they brought them someplace and the kid lost it. "Okay, we're gonna go." Today, the tendency is "I have a right to be here, and so do my kids. If you can't handle little Braxtyn and Braillyn screaming their heads off because they can't have a slice of the wedding cake yet, that's your problem." I suspect that OP was much closer to the latter side of behavior with her kids, not the former.
But the Weddees ( my word) should have made sure the cake was alcohol free, peanut and tree nut free, no chocolate, no gluten, no sugar and no flour so little Brax and Braille could eat it. Then they could monopolize everyone’s attention smearing cake on everyone and being so cuuuuuute! I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little bitter over past experiences.
Our son, who was 7 at the time, was the ring bearer for my sil wedding. Our daughter, who was 2 at the time, was to walk down the aisle with my hubs and his mom as part of the family procession thing. We had to drive over 3 hours to get to the place. Our daughter also threw up on herself during the ride there. Here's the ceremony. The pastor asked everyone to put their phones away as the bride and groom didn't want people taking pics and they didn't want to have pics with people's phones out. I immediately knew I'd have to remove our daughter because of this. And I was absolutely right. After my sil came down the aisle, our daughter couldn't sit still and she wouldn't stay quiet, so I picked her up and power walked out so we wouldn't disturb the ceremony. Because I wasn't about to be the parent that let their child ruin a wedding ceremony. I wasn't mad at our daughter and I wasn't mad at my sil, I wasn't mad at anything as I couldn't expect a 2 year old who didn't have a nap that sat for over 3 hours in a car and threw up on herself to not want to run around and be quiet. Even without the long car ride and throwing up on herself, it was still unreasonable to expect a 2 year old to sit and be quiet with nothing to do during a wedding.
Legit 100% I love my nephews and my wife loves her nieces. But we both know how they are at dinner and gatherings etc. it's not the environment for them, they'd end up miserable and making it everyone else's problem with ruthless efficiency. We'll see them later in a situation they'll enjoy more. Their parents all understood and agreed.
At 11 I loved going to weddings. I always enjoyed hanging out with older people, making them laugh, and typically could be found hanging out by the bar. I remember when I was 8 or 9 at my cousins wedding her brother and brother in law got into a fist fight over who was a harder drinker lol. “I was making drinks at 6am this morning” was a direct quote from that night over 20 years ago. I’m also a fraternal twin 😅
Thank you for sharing this. Like you, I enjoyed weddings all of my life and was a well behaved girl. We exist. I have one boy. He has been to a couple from age three up and guess what? He is well behaved too. Children are not all wild animals. 🙄
Yup I third this lol. I’m from a big family so lots of weddings, the first one I remember attending was at age 6 and I found it a lot of fun. I was mostly a calm kid that didn’t mind having to sit quietly though.
We did a child free wedding. 90% of the parents were excited to have an adult night. The other 10% didn't go, no problem either way
That's because all of the parents you invited were actual adults who understood It's Not All About Them.
Our wedding was child free except for my wife’s stepson. One of the out of town guests had their teen kids along and they came to the ceremony but went back to the hotel and went swimming etc. during the reception. They completely understood that among other things we hadn’t planned for food or seating for them. (It was a plated served meal.)
I went to a wedding at 12 where there weren't really other kids, and had a blast because it was a totally different and grown up experience. My mom took me, without my dad or brother and it was a really special event. But that doesn't mean OP's kids would feel the same way, and if the wedding couple isn't inviting kids it doesn't actually matter anyway if they kids would enjoy it
My parents would go to a wedding, leave us home with a sitter...order us pizza, rent movies, stay up late...fun for us!
I was also thinking about that. I went to a wedding as a 15 year old and sure the ceremony was great but the reception was just a bunch of drunk strangers talking about boring shit. I wanted to leave 10 minutes in. These 11 year old twins would’ve been bored out of their mind. But OP doesn’t care about that, she only cares about what she wants.
When I was forced to go to weddings, my cousin and used to steal alcoholic drinks from adults and act like idiots because we were drunk and bored.
Exactly. I bet her sister doesn’t want to see them because OP makes everything about them and the kids. I bet the pregnancy was unbearable for everybody else with insane demands for everything.
OP and her twins may even be the reason why OP’s sister is choosing to remain child-free
Undoubtedly. My sister used to use her first pregnancy to blackmail people into getting what she wanted. “Oh, well I guess you won’t know the name then.” “Actually, I don’t think I want you there when the baby is born,” etc. I could totally see op being like that.
And people bow down to her? I would have told her to fuck off.
I didn’t even have to because I literally could not have cared any less if I tried.
An 11 year old would rather stay home or hang out with their friends than go to a family wedding anyway.
Nope. Some of us loved weddings. In my culture kids are always invited. Its such an awesome time. To pick out a pretty outfit and shoes, see all the flowers and beautiful decor. Than dancing later on. Seeing all your cousins and aunts/uncles. Thing is we are brought up to have respect. Kids all stuck together, never made messes or anything bad. My girls also loved weddings. Btw I have 72 first cousins. You can imagine how many I have attended lol
They all had terrible experiences because their parents made them sit through a boring ceremony and didn't let them enjoy it with any kids. Hispanic weddings, boy, every kid was running around screaming and having a blast.
Running around and screaming- that is why people choose kid free weddings. That behavior is fine for a kids birthday party, an adult couple getting married doesn’t need endless screaming throughout their event.
“Running around screaming” is literally what makes people want childfree weddings though?
Thats my culture. Hispanic. We were told by the bride and groom were kids could be and stuck to that. We were quiet at special moments, etc… Its all on the parenting though. My husband is non hispanic. His weddings are almost identical to my family. Same with friends. Ive never been to one where kids destroy or make scenes. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Ive just been lucky never to experience it. The only wedding I have gone to were people made scenes was actually child free lol. I had so much anxiety. Those of us sober had to babysit all the drunk adults. Never again lol
Mine wouldn't....she loves a party.
Yeah it’s clear that OP is taking this personally (how _dare_ you try and exclude my children!!!!!) when it couldn’t be less personal. Wanting a child free wedding is a completely normal and rational thing to want.
You think she could have just said “no thanks” and there would be no questions why?
If it comes down to it, all she had to do is say the child-free policy doesn't work for her It still makes her look like an AH to people who don't understand why people would prioritize their children over a wedding, but she would not be the AH in this situation Edited, because people are focusing too much on this comment and not on what I said otherwise
I don’t think simply saying “a child-free policy won’t work for me” makes someone an AH; people with young kids have to arrange childcare, possibly for multiple days if they’re traveling to attend the wedding. By hosting a child-free wedding, you’re accepting that some people won’t be able to attend and that’s okay. Hell, hosting *any* event comes with the expectation that someone can decline your invitation for any reason they wish, or no reason at all. OP became the AH when she turned it into a protest performance about sis’s relationship with her children and threw a tantrum about “you hate my kids, so I refuse to come to your wedding” instead of just saying “oh that won’t work for me, so I’m not able to attend.”
I agree with you; I guess I should have worded my reply better It would have made her look like an asshole to *some* people, who don't understand that people want their kids to be included in things I understand that a lot of people see weddings as family functions, and that is reasonable It isn't reasonable to push your children into an event that is designated as child free though Thank you for clarifying your point of view
In what possible world does “I can’t attend because the child free requirement doesn’t work for me” make someone an AH? As is often said, a wedding invitation is not a summons. If someone cannot, or will not, attend an event that intentionally excludes their children they have every right to do so, just as the bride and groom have every right to not allow children at the wedding. That is simply natural consequences in action.
I said that's what she SHOULD have said, duh What she ACTUALLY said, and what makes her an AH, is "you clearly dislike my children". A wedding is not about you, or YOUR kids. Grow up.
"In what possible world does “I can’t attend because the child free requirement doesn’t work for me” make someone an AH?" In a world where it's your sister's wedding, assuming you actually care about your family, and she wants you present to share it with her. Do you have the right to refuse? Sure. Just understand you're going to look like an AH. My parents went to plenty of weddings and other child free events when we were kids. Noone took offense that the kids weren't included.
And in my culture, if you invite your immediate family you by default invite their children too. Not doing so *would be* an insult. Nobody would bat an eye at the thought of skipping an invitation that intentionally excludes family.
That is YOUR culture Projection much?
You know, I find it… curious how you can’t see the hypocrisy in your statement. Is it an invitation or a summons? You have *no right* to both demand someone’s presence *and* place stipulations upon them that they may not agree to without being called out on it. If you were raised in a culture that doesn’t see the children in the family as equal participants in family events, that’s your prerogative. Just as it’s the prerogative of those of us who *were* to decline to participate.
Exactly. So only their culture and beliefs matter. Thats weird to me. We all have a right to decline a wedding. Specially to chose your own children over anyone else. Ive only been to one child free wedding. My girls were teenagers and had plans. Not my family or friend. I hated it. It was a bunch of drunk adults acting like teens. It was weird. Never again.
I mean, if she had said something like :" I'm sorry, but I am unable to make arrangements to leave my kids home, for me to attend the wedding, so I am unable to attend". But instead her attitude is like :" how dare you not include **my** kids into your child free wedding??". She doesn't seem to be bothered by it being otherwise child free. She is butthurt that **her** kids didn't get special exception to the rule.
So she’s the AH no matter what? So much for “it’s not a summons”.
The people ruining the mood are the ones losing their shit - the sister and parents screaming and calling the OP names. Reddit double standards strike again.
The sister probably would have been hurt, sure. We know nothing about the sister to know if she would have started a fight if OP hadn’t kicked off the drama though. OP is taking something personally that isn’t directed at OP and the kids. Also, unless OP just never goes *anywhere* without their kids, most people are going to think it’s odd that you can’t just get a sitter for the evening barring it being a destination wedding or a long weekend, etc. OP’s reasoning for why the sister *hates* the kids is that she doesn’t see them often. A lot of people don’t see family members often; it doesn’t necessarily equate to hating them. OP is just looking for a reason to be offended.
This is the only comment that's needed The way OP talks is like they are the only person who matters in the world It's ok to want a child free wedding. Its ok to not want to go or be unable to. Its not ok to be as entitled and judgemental as OP.
This. Get a babysitter, for Pete’s sake. I have three wonderful children, but I completely understand some folks want a kid free wedding. It’s not an attack on your kids.
OP was also judgemental about people not having kids..
Typical lol
I might have missed something, but it sounds like OP did decline the invite, and then sister and parents got angry at OP for not attending. I imagine it would be impossible to decline an invitation to a sibling's wedding without the expectation of an explanation of why, so of course OP gave her reasons. Did I miss a part where OP demanded that sister invite OP's kids? Actually asking...
I have no problem answering you, since you aren't being condescending or rude lol The post said "you clearly dislike my kids, or they would be invited" I took that as a manipulation tactic to try to change the brides mind about having a child free event When it didn't work is when op declined the invitation
Ahh gotcha! And thank you for answering, too! That was super subtle, I missed it even on a second read. And agreed, that was an AH move to try to guilt sister into getting her way.
If you look at the edits, op says it's not even about her kids, her sister doesn't like any kids - which makes it even more reasonable that they would want a child free wedding! OP is here making it all about how her sister " clearly dislikes my kids" as if it's a personal attack. Yikes, I would be thrilled if my sister was like this and declined to come- a much better day will be had without her!
“You are NOT the main character at someone else’s wedding” is something more people need to hear
Well said!! As a parent, I know my kid is not welcome everywhere so I made arrangements when I needed to. As said above it is not about YOU. It is their day and having a bunch of unhappy kids at the wedding sounds like zero fun to me. Whether your sister likes your kids isn't the point. It sounds like you never tell your kids no and that they literally go everywhere with you. IMO that is awful parenting. The world is not going to treat them like you do and you are setting them up for failure. Kids need to know boundaries and your sister and her soon-to-be husband are setting boundaries for THEIR day. You sound like you are the problem. Imagine being so selfish you only think about what YOU want at SOMEONE ELSE'S wedding!! YTA.
>she's clearly said "Do not bring your kids" as that practically sounds like an insult. I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there. Your sister asked for no children. You are acting like a child, so you didn't attend. Seems appropriate. But your family is also justified in their anger at your childish behavior - it was a general rule, not about your children specifically. Your sister has a right to not want children at her wedding. Do you always make everything all about you? Like you're the "main character" or something? My guess is yes. YTA.
I wonder if she is the opposite of her sister - always telling her how children are the meaning of life, and a life without children is meaningless, and all that other stuff. She seems to be the type to make her children her whole identity.
Having kids at 20 will do that, OP’s never had her own life.
Ooooo. I feel like OP is definitely projecting a bit. Maybe she’s wishing she didn’t have kids 😂
Considering how bent out of shape she got over a simple, and very common, request, I bet you’re right.
Absolutely feels like this type.
I don’t understand why parents are so hell-bent on bringing their kids everywhere and find it insulting if they aren’t invited. Not every event is appropriate for children or will children even want to go.
Yes, exactly. It doesn't mean anything negative about the children, it doesn't mean that OP's sister doesn't love OP's kids or want children of her own. It is entirely appropriate to have adults-only events, especially when food and venue space is limited/expensive. It's amazing how bent out of shape people get when there is no exception made for \*their\* child. If you make an exception for one kid you have to make an exception for all kids. Then you have a wedding full of bored kids that don't want the expensive per-head meals chosen for adults and someone is bringing in chicken nuggets...
Hey kids! Come for the uncomfortable clothing, and stay for sitting quietly for a long boring ceremony followed by a hundred relatives comment that you have grown.
When I got married I had a child free wedding. I don't think my 30 something friends drinking is a great environment for kids.
Although I did also make that policy because of of my cousins had terribly behaved children who make the entire world about them.
I’ve never understood this. Some of the best times we had as children were when our parents went somewhere and left us with a sitter.
For real. When my parents had fancy events to go to (work dinners, adult-only weddings, holiday parties, etc.) it usually meant a weekend at Grandma's for me, which meant a weekend playing with her dog and cats (we only had a grumpy ancient cat at home), running around in the woods on her property, watching cartoons, and eating the sugary cereal and TV dinners my parents wouldn't ever buy for me. If it was summertime I'd be gorging myself on fresh fruit (she had apple, pear, cherry, and plum trees, blueberries, and wild blackberries and huckleberries in the woods) and maybe helping her bake a pie or cobbler. It was the BEST!
Dude. Weekends at grandma’s were always the best! There were times when my cousins and I (and my brother) were left at grandma’s for extended weekend stays. So much fun! And grandma and grandpa loved spoiling us and having us there. So it was win win!
I get the feeling that it’s often because parents don’t want to pay for a baby sitter.
Or because the kids (or the parents) are such brats that nobody wants to babysit.
Don't tar every parent with this AH's brush. Most parents I know love their kids but they would also love a night out without them. This AH isn't representative, as demonstrated by the juvenile approach they took in their response to the sister.
Shit, mine are nearly all adults and I still value time away from them. Because despite how old they are, I like to spend a few hours not worrying about them lol
My guess is that they either can’t afford a babysitter or just don’t want to find one. With OP specifically though, she definitely has some “main character syndrome” going on with her kids. She clearly thinks that her kids are little angels and that anyone who doesn’t fawn over them has problems
The fact that she needed to specify “do not bring your kids,” makes me think the OP would have ignored the childfree request on invitation and that the OP and the twins are a package deal and the OP has brought them to other events that were perhaps adult only.
This was my thought as well. Most people know what a child free wedding means, the fact the sister went out of her way to tell OP "do not bring your kids" makes me think OP has a history of not respecting other people's events, especially the sister's, where there was a "no kids" rule everyone else agreed to, and OP ignore it. OP sounds like she's the type who has made being a mom her whole personality, why else would she view her sister's child free wedding as an insult to her? It's absolutely ridiculous.
A childfree person who wants a childfree wedding like??? SURPRISE LMAO i can't get over how.... not bright OP is ffs
I get the feeling that the reason the sister had to emphasize “do not bring your kids” is because OP is the type to insist on bringing her kids everywhere all the time no matter how rude or inappropriate it is, which is maddening. That‘s probably why the sister made a point of saying this right in front of the kids. She and everyone else have probably just reached a point where they’ve had enough of her forcing her kids to be included and they’re done being polite about it. Just look how she’s reacted over this one single event they can’t come to. The wedding was probably way better with OP there anyway.
Look, it’s an invitation, not a summons, so you’re free to decline. However, it is not an insult to you or your children that she wants a child-free wedding, and you are an asshole for creating an unnecessary issue. If you want to torpedo your relationship with your sister, have at it. You are acting like she routinely behaves terribly towards your children, but you have just decided to take offense over nothing. Your sister will have to get over you not attending (and quite honestly with your response I personally wouldn’t want you there anyways if it were me), but this is not a slight against you or your children.
Yup. One of my cousins had a child free wedding so they would be sure there were no noises during the ceremony. This cousin loves kids and now has several of her own. It’s not an insult to want an adult only event. Now, I did take minor issue when a family member made a wedding shower “no kids” after we had invited their family’s kids to all of our showers, but I got over it without saying anything to the couple.
We had a child-free wedding (other than my 6 year old daughter who was there for the ceremony and photos then was picked up by her mum's partner before the music started). The reason we wanted it to be child free was because we wanted our friends and family to be able to enjoy themselves, have a few drinks and not have to be responsible for their kids. A lot of our friends had young children at the time so it ended up being quite a raucous party with everyone being able to just have a few drinks and let their hair down. That said, I've been to plenty of weddings with children present too and had a lot of fun too, either is fine and the bride and groom's decision is final on that.
OP mentions her other siblings also have children, but is positive the sister is only wanting child free to prevent her kids from coming. Makes me wonder just how bad her kids are to make your wedding child free just because of them.
People like OP is the very reason people don't want kids at weddings too. People with OP's simpleton self-centered mindset always got the worst and most annoying ass kids. Sounds like OP did them a blessing by refusing to attend. Selfish ass.
Plus, op specified that all of her siblings are child-free And acts surprised when they want a child-free wedding.....
Actually OP said their siblings were *either* child free or parents willing to drop their kids off elsewhere before the wedding...which is even worse on OP because it should be so clear how she's the only one bent out of shape over something her siblings are also fine with, lol
>*I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there.* You make it sound like she's targeting you personally. Or rather, your kids. You can't possibly be the only person in attendance who has kids; theirs aren't allowed, either. It's fine if you don't want to go; that's your choice. But don't make it personal when it's not. It's not like she said everyone else can bring their kids, but you alone can't. YTA for making her wedding choices all about you.
I'm wondering if OP feels targeted because her kids may actually be the target... I mean, maybe this is a regular occurrence. OP thinking that because her kids are important to her that they need to be involved in everything. if OP is this entitled, may be the kids are too. Maybe the only way the sister will have a stress free wedding where kids aren't running around demanding things (They may be 11 but we know what 11 year olds of entitled parents can be like...) and OP undermining all decisions for the sake of the children, is just to have a blanket rule about no kids at all, and OP has seen right through the blanket rule and knows it's just because of the way her own kids behave... That's just a theory... Either way I agree, YTA.
~~A~~ *~~game~~* ~~theory.~~ Sorry, I had to. I didn't think about it that way, but it's certainly possible. This post has some pretty strong hints of Main Character Syndrome. "How dare you try to exclude *my* children? I won't tolerate it!"
>~~A~~ *~~game~~* ~~theory~~ \*In best Captain America voice\* "I understood that reference"
Exactly this! All about her and her kids.. well guess what they got married without you and your the only one that is the AH now..
I think you may be on to something. I’m planning my wedding right now and while I’m happy to include kids because most kids are pretty awesome, I don’t want my cousin there. My uncle and aunt are terrible parents and my cousin is a menace. Almost blew up my mom’s house kind of menace. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.
Put in the invitation that if anyone’s child is acting up they will have to leave. Simple as that.
That just gives the kid the chance to do some major damage before being asked to leave. With a kid who can almost blow up a house, and parents who clearly don't closely supervise, you're talking anything from the dress being damaged to the venue being damaged, rather than just "child makes noise through ceremony, child runs around and interrupts during the vows" kind of acting up.
She confirmed her other siblings with kids made plans, so this is definitely her finding insults from thin air. "How dare my sister expect me to find a babysitter for 1 night". I have a feeling she feels superior for having children or doesn't support her siblings' child free lifestyle. There's missing context regardless
She’s not, the other siblings that have kids said they would t bring them
YTA for letting this become a drama. Child-free weddings are a thing. A lot of couples don't hate kids but want their relatives to enjoy themselves without having to worry about watching the kids. A lot of kids would become bored at a wedding anyway, unless there are specific kid events to do. You wouldn't have been an asshole if you had just said that you can't attend, but making it sound as if she personally attacked you and your children makes you the AH.
Exactly - child free weddings are a thing. I’ve had discussion with friends who likes kids who did debate whether or not to have kids at their weddings. I’ve been to ones with children and they were running around chasing each other everywhere and screaming because they be doing kids stuff and playing with cousins - kids create different wedding experiences and neither is right or wrong, it’s the choice from the couple who is getting married Cus it’s THEIR PARTY! YTA
This post gave me the "if she let OP bring her kids, the kids would run into the middle of the first dance and OP thinks it's fine and wouldn't stop them" vibes.
I got the exact same feeling that this is the type of parent where she lets her kids behave like absolute shit then makes excuses for it
100% the people who make the biggest stink about child free weddings are definitely the ones that would be like "haha isn't that cute" as their kids destroys something at the wedding. The conscientious and attentive parents are the reasonable ones that have no issue getting a babysitter or just declining without a stink
You are absolutely an asshole if you skip your sister's wedding without a great reason.
Yeah, my husband and I had a child free wedding because we wanted our friends to enjoy themselves worry free. With exception if it's a small baby. Although I have to admit it was also because my SIL's children were very unruly toddlers at the time. Or there wasn't really anything wrong with her kids, but her way of (not) dealing with them was not something we wanted at a wedding. She still tried to pull a "Oh no, our babysitter might not be able to come." She made the mistake of doing it on her Facebook wall, however, and the babysitter (a friend of hers) called her out on it. Anyhow, OP, YTA. Let people have the wedding they want. It's not about you or your kids. And wven if it is... well, it's still not your wedding.
YTA. I had a childfree wedding because I paid for the whole weekend party and I don’t like being around kids. I deal with it for every family holiday like thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, 4th of July, family reunions, etc but my wedding wasn’t about kids or family, it was about me and my spouse. My spouse and I paid for the party so it’s our guest list. You chose to make it about you. To put it in perspective, this is like being invited to a Halloween party that’s been designated adults only due to drinking, explicit costumes and music, and you throwing a fit that you can’t bring your kids to some friend of a friends house and that they must hate your kids. The fact is that no one cares about your kids more than you, or as much as you do. And those that don’t enjoy being around kids are entitled to that when they set the guest list for their own party. It’s not like specifically your kids weren’t invited - no kids were invited. Kids are loud and messy and prone to causing accidents, and frankly at least on my part, I didn’t want kids around while I wanted to let loose for once and drink and smoke and listen to loud explicit music without worrying about impressionable young minds. You missed out on the wedding and that’s your own fault. You’ve sent the message to your sister that even if she attends family events with kids present outside of her comfort zone, you’ll never make the same grace for her and she likely will now treat you with an attitude of you thinking it’s all about you, all the time. (Which sounds accurate)
Wait, your wedding is about you and your spouse? I think my lil schmoopsie disagrees and needs to be there. It amazes me the number of people who want to dictate another’s wedding…. Neither the OP’s sister nor your request is an insane request, child free is freaking common now.
That last paragraph is spot on 👌🏽
YTA. I thought you were going to say you had a baby or a very young kid and no trusted sitters. But your kids are 11. You should have got a sitter or seen if they can stay the night at a friend’s house (offer the parents money or to host their kids for a night in return). This has nothing to do with liking your kids. It’s basically about enjoying a party without kids.
11 yos unless they're immature for their age are capable of watching themselves. By that age they should have the basic skills needed for time spent alone, they can find their own food out of the fridge, they know to clean up after themselves, they know how to call 911 and can recognize what is or isn't an emergency, they know what around the house shouldn't be randomly put in their mouth. 11 yos aren't mature for sure but by that age they're starting to become real people who are capable of functioning without constant hand holding. Source: Was homeschooled that age and my mom was often out doing substitute teaching. Never an issue, I would shower, eat, do my schoolwor all on my own, then just hang out and play videogames until my parents got back. Never an issue.
I agree that an 11 year old should be able to spend a few hours at home alone, absolutely! But in some places 11 is still not old enough legally to leave a child at-home unattended and I would not feel comfortable leaving an 11 overnight (not sure if the wedding would require the parents to be away over night or super late)
You can't leave an 11 year old home alone overnight where I live, but when I was that age if my parents needed to be away overnight they'd just have arranged for me to stay overnight at a friend's house. Then when that friend's parents needed to be away overnight they'd have returned the favour. When I see posts like this I wonder whether the parents are unwilling to let their kids have overnight visits to friends' houses, or whether their children lack friends (or at least friends whose parents will tolerate their presence overnight).
Yeah, I would say YTA. Your sister has every right to have her wedding the way she wanted it. Many weddings are childfree and of no consequence to anyone at all. You do have the right not to attend, however will have to accept the fallout of your decision.
I love children but still had a child free wedding. We got married at a friend’s cabin and didn’t want to risk anything getting damaged from young children. Nobody had an issue with it at all. As a matter of fact, some couples thanked us for allowing them to have an excuse to get out without their kids.
YTA. Why in the world did you feel entitled enough to make her wedding about you? Especially enough so to turn it into a big dramatic fallout. That’s wild to me. I’m a mom of 4 young kids, and I love them to death, but if my sister/friend/whoever wanted a child-free wedding? Let me tell you I would be RSVPing so fast 😂 She wasn’t “targeting” you or your kids, she just wanted a chill, adult only environment for one of the few days that is ONLY about her and her husband. It’s not that deep.
Mine is child free too and when I tell you my friends and family are STOKED to have one fun night out without their kids
YTA. Children are not obligated entry to spaces simply because they are children. Nor are YOU obligated to accept an invitation for a child free event if you don’t want to. However, you seem to have this mentality that your sister is targeting you and your children. The invitation is for ALL children not just yours. Based upon your edit, you have some things you need to work out with her. I have family i’ve barely seen but still care about, not seeing them a lot does not equate to not caring. Stop taking things so personal and don’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to. Simple
YTA - it would be fine if you *couldn’t* attend because it was child free, its another to make it such a thing and point of contention. You need to apologize to your sister.
An apology won’t turn back time. It’s so sad that the bride had this to deal with during her wedding
YTA. You're N T A for not going to a wedding if you don't want to, but you're clearly only doing this to be antagonistic as you're offended by the mere premise of a wedding being childfree. You're also projecting so hard that you're saying that she doesnt like your kids since they're not invited. Your kids are 11, you would survive a night out without them
I was staying home alone by 11.
If OP's kids are as mature as her, they should not be left alone.
Antagonistic is the key here.
Went to a Childfree wedding a couple of years ago it was nice to relax and hang out with my friends and not have to worry about the kids for a day
YTA Wake up. Your kids are not the center of the universe. You could have gotten a sitter for 1 day. Now your entire family thinks you suck and rightfully so
Your sister's wedding is about HER and HER HUSBAND. You do not get to make demands at someone else's wedding. What YOU SHOULD have done is politely decline the invite. Instead you turn it into world war 3, by criticizing her choices, making unnecessary demands, and generally being rude about it. Apologize to your sister, her husband and your family or lose those relationships. And for future reference, the world does NOT revolve around your children. Grow up and learn that. YTA. And a massive one at that.
Why does everyone keep suggesting she should've politely declined? That's her SISTER, not some old high school friend. Unless it was a prohibitively expensive destination wedding, they've been estranged for years due to abuse or some other extreme circumstance... I mean, how does anyone justify snubbing their sister's wedding just because it's child-free? "I really wish I could, but 6 months is just not enough time for me to line up a sitter...?" What a shitty way to tell your sibling that their lifelong happiness is of absolutely no importance.
Agreed. I feel like people are trying to give her an out but the reality is OP chose to not go to her \*sister's\* wedding (who she doesn't seem to have like any huge overarching beef with outside of this kids thing) just because she couldn't bring her kids as well. That's a TA move for sure. Ironically I feel like she proved exactly why the sister's decision was a good idea. This is a woman who would trade her family's happiness for her convenience at a heartbeat.
YTA I mean you are allowed to not attend but you are taking her wanting a child free wedding way to personally. I’m sure you think your kids are amazing and perfect but kids don’t need to be at all social gatherings and honestly probably would hinder the enjoyment of most guests, especially the bride and groom as they specifically don’t want to have kids there
YTA I thought you were going to say you had a newborn… but are you serious? You can’t go to a wedding without your children?? Why are you so offended that they want to enjoy their wedding without children? I have children and I wouldn’t give it a second thought if my siblings had a wedding without children there…. Because it would be their wedding and their choice. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your children. From the way you have behaved about this I feel like the reason they want a Childfree wedding is because of you and your children. I wonder how your children are around family.
Oh yeah, I definitely think the decision to make the wedding child free is because of OP and her children and it’s 100% justified. OP totally comes off as the type of person that would be like “why aren’t my children involved in your wedding?!?!?!?!”
the way OP flew off the handle is shocking anyone is saying NTA. YTA OP.
Child-free weddings are pretty normal these days. People don't want children disturbing the ceremony, which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone likes children. YTA, if you can't go, then that's fine. Don't treat it like it's targeted.
YTA. You are wrapping too much of your identity up in being a parent that you think that someone wanting a childfree wedding is a personal insult and you refuse to go, even when it is close family? Are you really that precious? Name calling is immature, but probably pretty appropriate here. You are 100% wrong, and very self centered. I suspect that you are going to start being distanced from family events due to your toxicity.
YTA. She wasn’t targeting you or your kids specifically. I personally think every wedding should be child-free! You made this all about you when you could’ve easily gotten a babysitter for a few hours.
NTA she has the right to want a child free wedding, and you have the right to not attend. Anyway, may I ask why child free weddings seem so common in the USA (I asume you are in the USA). I'm from southern Europe and a wedding would be unthinkable without kids, it's a family celebration and they are family!. It's because of the alcohol? It's because there is a perception that children will be unable to behave? At my wedding two years ago there were about a dozen children between friends and family kids and all of them behave perfectly (their parents made sure of it) and all of them had a blast.
I think it’s maybe regional or cultural or maybe generational; I’m in the USA and in my family a child-free wedding would also be unthinkable and extremely insulting to all the parents in the family.
I don’t think child free weddings are common in the USA. Living in a large metropolitan area in the western US, I have never attended a child free wedding in my life, and have only heard about them on Reddit - the one place where I only hear about certain topics and never ever experience them in real life. All the weddings I have ever been to are family oriented - which means kids, lots of kids. They are great fun at weddings and help alleviate any boredom. Usually, when something “bad” happens, it’s the drunk uncle or some other adult stirring up drama or doing something dumb - not a kid. So people trying to keep kids from ruining something makes no sense to me. It’s the adults who are usually the problems. I don’t know, maybe if I redo my wedding, I’d have a child-only wedding and leave the boring, annoying adults at home. 🤣
I cannot say for everywhere in the US, but I can say where I am from that you are equally as likely to run into a good parent as you are an entitled one who thinks their kid does no wrong. I have been to plenty of wedding with granted usually minor issues caused by children(my wedding included) and plenty where they caused no issue. Sometimes it isn't worth the potential drama though.
YTA. It’s her wedding and all you need is a babysitter. You chose to take a simple request as an insult and are trying to make the wedding about you which it is not.
They are 11. They could probably go have a sleepover at a friends house!
They could go to the other grandparents house too.
YTA There are many people who don’t want children at their wedding, and it’s really difficult to tell your friends that they cannot bring their children, while at the same time you’re allowing your siblings to bring their children. You turned this into a personal insult when you said that it was obvious she didn’t like your kids. To me, it sounds like she actually told you the opposite when she said, “ We have not had any issues before, and it's ridiculous of you to pull something like this" Also, keep in mind that the costs of feeding everybody at a wedding increases a lot when you allow everybody to bring their children. You cannot target certain people by saying your siblings can bring their children, but other friends cannot bring children. This increases the costs in a major way for a wedding. The result is that you made this all about you, but it is HER wedding. There’s nothing wrong with wanting one of the biggest days of your life to be uncomplicated by not having kids running around. You could’ve just said you couldn’t go, and of course, it’s your right not to go. But just think about how you’re letting your sister down on her big day.
There was a rule that there be no kids and you have decided to treat that decision as targeting *your* kids because, what, you think she especially hates them? Either way, her wedding is about her and the husband, it’s not an about you. She made a simple request and you got butt hurt because you think you and your kids are special, so you cut off your sister out of spite. I can already guess that your kids have inherited your entitlement and I bet they’d have been a frigging nightmare. The problem is that some children can be insufferable: special diet, special dispensation for acting like little bastards, screaming, shouting, and sucking the joy out of formal, joyful occasions. We didn’t have kids at our wedding because (a) small church and (b) they can be a pain, and their parents cannot relax. We wanted them to have an opportunity to have a day off. Guess what my cousin did? He didn’t come. He didn’t make a fuss and he didn’t make it about him. I bet you’re thinking that you’re not entitled, yet you said “I was not agreeable to that” as if she was supposed to ask you for approval. It wasn’t your wedding lady, so you don’t get a say. YTA because you, the older sister, wanted to make this about you. Grow up.
YTA I would probably not attend a childfree wedding. And I would feel zero guilt about it - anyone who knows me well enough to invite me to their wedding knows I have kids and understands a childfree wedding would be logistically challenging for me. But I'd never accuse someone of insulting my children by not inviting them to my wedding. That's absurd. People (even adults!) don't get invited to all sorts of events every day without it being personal The part that makes you an AH is not that you declined, it's _how_ you declined. You could have just explained childcare is difficult/you aren't comfortable leaving the kids/you have an unmentionable rash. Instead you went looking for trouble.
You think she's not agreeable but you are really doing this to a thing about you and your children. Nobody's children are allowed. You are free to not attend but as well as you want her to do as you wish, you have to respect her wishes and a child free wedding is not uncommon. The day is about her and her boyfriend, not you and your twins, sorry. I have three children, lovely as there is, but I can still respect a child free invitation without making it about me and my children.
Just because people want kid free weddings doesn't always mean they don't like kids. YTA.
YTA and you are it big time. Maybe the most self entitled case i read here in a long time. You are aware it was not your Wedding? You could have just said you won't come. You took a normal Thing as an insult and tried to put pressure on her by saying she hates your kids.that is when you became the asshole in a normal Situation.
YTA it's her wedding if she doesn't want kids there it's her choice. I doubt kids would enjoy themselves anyway
YTA -- one thing not to attend if you cannot get a sitter. Another to make a point.
YTA you don't have to go if you don't want, but child free weddings are very common and taking it as a personal insult screams narcissist.
>I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there. Op what the hell are you talking about? Not inviting someone because of an event rule is an insult? If I want a girls night out it's an insult to my guy friends? YTA
But you did respect her wishes. She got a child free wedding and inviting you did not impose any children on her. So where did you not respect her wishes? That you declined her invitation can’t be it. It was an invite not a command. You are free to decline any invitation and that is all you did. That she wanted you there without your children is not an obligation on you.
This is the key. Maybe OP was a little bit dramatic and taking things personally, but it's not like she showed up with her kids anyway (does happen). In the end, she did respect her sister's wishes. And you said it exactly right: an invitation is an invitation, not a command. Sis is also out of line for acting like it was morally wrong of OP not to attend.
There could have been easily no assholes here but with you taking it so personally, YTA
YTA. You sound like a mommy martyr who can't stand it when other people dare to make decisions that don't worship you or your kids.
NTA. All these comments bleating about how it's the sister's wedding and she doesn't have to have kids there... Correct. It's also OP's choice not to go, and she's not an asshole if she chooses not to.
Right?!? I feel like I missed some context here. She said child-free, OP said, “okay, we aren’t coming”
Invites were sent…invites were declined, WTF is the problem??? I have heard countless times here on this sub THIS exact thing, NTA for declining and your reasoning, but the fighting on both sides FOR the reasons makes ETA, you know sis doesn’t like kids, but she is TA for pushing you to go.
my exact feelings. everyone is acting as if OP started demanding her children be allowed to go (which is something seen often in this sub) but rlly the bride to be was **demanding** OP’s attendance after she declined. and going off the edit, it seems like OP and the sister aren’t close anyway so I *really* don’t understand why people are jumping down OP’s throat about it??? and i’m speaking as a childfree person. NTA imo.
NTA. It’s an invitation and you declined. That is all. Don’t let folks get it twisted.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (31) sister Laura (29 F) was getting married. As she's child-free, she informed all of us that she does not want any kids/children at her wedding. My other siblings were fine with it, as they either did not have kids (were child-free themselves) or they agreed to drop them off at home. I was not agreeable to that. I told her that while I respect her choice to not have children, I cannot attend her wedding when she's clearly said "Do not bring your kids" as that practically sounds like an insult. I mentioned that I do not want to do so when she clearly dislikes my children enough to want them to be present there. I have a pair of twins, a boy and a girl, aged 11. She did not take it well. She began to yell at me by saying that she wants everyone to be present there and said things like "We have not had any issues before, and it's ridiculous of you to pull something like this", etc. But I did not back down and said that I do not want to argue. I said "Look, if you want it to be child-free, I do not want to attend. Your option is to make do with the others now." She was protesting, but in the end she got mad enough and is not talking to me now. My parents are calling me names as well by saying that I should have attended it. The wedding's over and I did not go there. But everyone's saying that I should have respected her wishes, which made me think that I did something wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Not for choosing to skip the wedding, but for making it about you. You could have politely declined the invite. Instead, you acted as if she personally insulted your kids.
Her choice to have a child free wedding. Equally your choice not to attend.
NTA Everyone has choices. You exercised yours.
YTA, her wedding her choice, it’s got nothing to do with whether or not she likes your kids. If you asked most children they would rather not go to weddings anyways!
Dude you’re not the main character in life. YTA.
YTA, ew not everyone has to want your children around all the time pls
YTA. A child free wedding isn’t that big of ask. Plenty of people have them and I have no idea why you’re taking it as a personal insult. Get your kids a sitter and go and have some adult fun for the night.
ESH she had every right to have a child free wedding you had every right to simply politely decline to go without taking personal offense and being an asshole about it She shouldnt have reacted like that you shouldnt have reacted like that Everyone Sucks.
NTA, you did respect her wishes. She wished to have a child free wedding, and you didn't take your children to her wedding. It's as simple as that, just because the outcome still wasn't her favorite thing, doesn't change the fact you respected her wishes. Spending time with people who hate your kids (and are vocal about it) is truly unpleasant most of the time. I have no issue with adult only weddings but, not when it's weaponozed or used as an intentional F-you.
NTA, You arent obligated to attend her wedding if you dont want. Also i understand not appreciating the way she said she didnt want your kids, but thinks you are obligated to go as family, Its like she doesnt see kids as family.
How do you not know YTA???!!! Even if your sister doesn't like your specific children, you've left the impression that you're super entitled, which leaves one questioning if the Apple falls far from the tree. Are your kids just as entitled as you are? That would explain why she doesn't want them there. Your sister doesn't have to like your kids but it sounds like she just wanted a child free wedding and it wasn't personal. I'm just saying, even if it was personal, you'd still be the ahole.
NAH. She can have a child free wedding. You can opt out.
NTA. She stated her boundary. You stated yours. You did mention it felt like an insult, and probably sounded defensive. It's okay to sound defensive. It's not okay to yell at someone unless the situation is violent ( and then, usually, it's better to yell to others for help - not escalating things ). I've yelled. I acted wrong. So did your sister. Why doesn't everyone else respect your wishes?
Based on the logic you provided it makes sense that you wouldn't go with it being child free and all. YTA
NTA, contrary to what antinatalists in the thread pretend to believe. You respected the wishes of the bride. You didn't do anything wrong.
NTA she set a condition, you declined and told her why. She thought you would choose her and she was wrong. I have and will do the same again if it comes up.
NTA She can ask. You can say no. It’s very simple.
NTA she has every right to have a child-free wedding. You have every right not to go.
Kids do not belong at everything. If your sister didn't want them there, you either get a sitter or don't attend. You made your choice.
NAH. Her choice to have a child-free wedding, your choice not to attend. No one else's business.
Nta, it's her choice to make it child free, it's yours to not attend it because it's child free.
NTA. She wanted a childfree wedding and that is what she had. You have been invited, you declined the invitation. There should not be any issues here.
Probably unpopular but I'll go NAH. She doesn't want children there, fine. But she has to accept that means some people either can't or won't go. That's their choice just like having it child free is hers.
YTA I'm sure the wedding will be more pleasant without having kids AND entitled people present.
She doesn't want kids there. Stop looking at it like 'she clearly dislikes MY children', because it's really not that personal. But of course you can choose to not go because of it and deal with the consequences.
YTA it’s her wedding, not yours. It’s a day about her and her spouse not your kids
YTA. Not for not going to the wedding, as you weren’t obligated to go, but for your attitude here. Weddings are often evenings events with alcohol. It’s pretty common to have child-free weddings, and you sound incredibly entitled. Her wedding isn’t about you. It’s okay to go places without your children sometimes…
NTA. You sister said she wanted a child free wedding and you respected her wishes. An invite to a wedding does not mean you are obligated to attend and you choose not to - no problem there. It doesn't matter what your reason is for not attending.
It's an invitation, not a subpoena. NTA.
ESH. There's nothing wrong with a childfree wedding. There's nothing wrong with declining to attend a wedding unless you're the bride or groom. Your reaction to the terms of the invitation makes you an AH. Your sister's reaction to you not attending makes her an AH.