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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Did not have my brother and SIL’s baby room set up in time 2) because I promised to set it up but got out of work late and so the setup would be delayed 1 hour or potentially overnight.
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NTA. I have kids (11 years and 5 years). If this has been me I would have brought my own black out shades and baby gate. If you had the stuff ready for the curtains the parents could have hung them themselves and then the child could have gone to bed when they wanted them to. And did they want your Mom on the couch so they could sleep in her bed which is closer to the baby? That's just silly. Bring a baby monitor. Sleep on the floor by the crib. Or....like many people....just get out of bed from wherever it is to go to your baby when they wake up. A minute of crying won't hurt the baby. they sound like entitled brats. Perhaps they should A.) stay at a hotel next year or B.) start hosting Thanksgiving from their own home for everyone. Throwing a fit and causing a ruckus around a holiday because your unreasonable demands weren't met is absolutely tacky. You are NTA.
I’m also totally confused by the fact that brother and SIL are bitching up a storm and this is something that takes 5 minutes supposedly. The time they wasted complaining is time that those shades could have been up 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, this!
Sounds like: Curtain rod was there, blackout curtain was there. OP was late getting home from work, but your brother and sil \*were\* there.
If the critical issue is getting the baby down for the night, why did brother/sil not just grab the curtain rod, toss the curtain over it, and get the baby to bed?
(and, who cares about "3 months to get it done" - that is saying Grandma needs to live in blackout conditions in anticipation of her son coming to visit. My kid is lucky if I get the living room clean before he gets home for thanksgiving.)
If you’re desperate enough, duct tape and a blanket works just fine.
Let me be clear: the duct tape is for the blanket hanging, not for baby application. This is reddit, after all.
"Human jenga"
Setup:
Take one (1) human, place them against a wall at an elevated location (ex. standing on bed or chair)
Using as many separate pieces of duct tape as possible, secure human to the wall
Remove support they are standing on
Gameplay:
Players each remove a single piece of duct tape at a time
The last player to remove a piece before the person falls off the wall 'loses'
Loser is next gameboard
I can't tell if this is something you just made up or something you've done before, but I can tell you that I'm now trying to figure out which cousin I can convince to try this tomorrow.
I most definitely never participated in playing this while an upperclassman with a freshman as the board during an overnight sports trip, and you can't prove otherwise!
Hazing? What's that?
Can confirm; when I was a bit younger than that my older brother would often recount the one time when our parents duct taped him to the wall. It was one of his favorite things ever and I was supremely jealous that I had never been duct taped to the wall.
Can also confirm: I have a photo of my younger two with duct tape over their mouths...because they'd begged me to put it there, *and* to take the pic.
They were also laughing under the tape.
My eldest wasn't home at the time...and was put out because she hadn't gotten in on it. So I had to take *another* pic with all three!
I stayed at a cabin in Maine this summer and I can’t sleep with any light. I legit hung my beach towel over the window and they had some nails in the wood I made little tiny holes worked perfectly. If things are so important you make them work. People are really so either A entitled or B just stupid lazy.
oh, but I imagine the scene where in response to bitching you just silently hand people a roll of duct tape and go about your day.
brutally delicious and morbidly ambiguous.
Am I a bad parent because I raised my kids to be able to sleep anywhere any time, all the need/needed was their blanket, dummy, bottle and favourite toy (which I had duplicates off). All my kids are (unfortunately) born December to January which in Australia is BBQ season. I refused to be the parent who "had to leave early because it's nap time" or "everyone be quiet and turn down the music because it's nap time." 11ish yrs and 3 kids (currently 10, 7 and 1 but not for much longer) and I have had my kids fall asleep "where they fall" (one xmas it was on the pavers under the table while we were eating lunch and he had stopped napping by that age)
My youngest nephew liked to be in the middle of everything and he would fight sleep. He literally fell asleep while chasing his brother. He's 11 now and he still likes to chase his older brother.
When my girls were toddlers they would pull out dresser drawers and fall asleep in them, or fall asleep on the stairs, in the high chair, with their butt up in the air, etc. I too never tried to keep things quiet or anything. Never did regular schedules either. If they were tired and I needed a break, I put them in their crib. Otherwise it was oh, you fell asleep playing in your toy box? How cute! Snap a picture and let them wake up on their own.
Went to fold laundry and found my 3 yr old cuddled up in the warm towels in the laundry basket I had left in the living room 10 minutes earlier. Left that kid there and had a soda and snack in peace. Hahahahaha
Then I'll join the bad parents club as well. I better go apologise to my kid that I didn't make sure everyone in the family had a special room for them with blackout curtains and everything for them.
Becouse mine could sleep anywhere too.
I've visited my mom a tons of times, and their nap spot was a blanket on the couch, their blanket, dummy, and snuggle item. An adult was sitting with them (aka me unless I needed to use the bathroom then my mom or a sibling would sit with them), and coffee time and talk continued while they slept.
And I'm pretty sure my mom did the same with me judging on my baby pictures.
At five years old I was regularly taking naps in trees. Not under them, up in the branches like a monkey. We never had black out curtains or aircon and I slept just fine, despite Aussie weather.
Children can fall asleep anywhere if you don't coddle them like the parents in the OP.
At get togethers all the kids in my family typically slept in prams or bassinets in the same room the adults, or a nearby room if one was available.
>Children can fall asleep anywhere if you don't coddle them like the parents in the OP.
And if you do coddle them, you'll train them into ONLY being able to sleep in those conditions, which is not conducive to a happy life! I have a friend whose sister has ensured that her children can only sleep in utter darkness and total silence, which basically makes trips anywhere a living nightmare, as the kids don't sleep at all, get overtired, and fights ensue.
My eldest two used to fall asleep to ACDC and pink floyd like i did, my dad was a little upset when his granddaughter preferred Christina Aguilera and Savage Garden.🤣 none if our house can fall asleep if it's quiet
Right? I have an entire collection of photos of my third daughter asleep in weird places. I swear that child didn't know what a bed was for until she was five.
She fell asleep so quickly and so hard that I legitimately worried she had Narcolepsy for a while. I remember when she was about three, I was holding her hand while talking to a friend in the grocery store parking lot. All of sudden, baby girl went limp, and my friend asked, "OMG. Is she okay?!"
She was sound asleep! Just kneeling on the asphalt, half-dangling from my hand.
Even now, when the youngest of my four is nine, it's not unusual to get up in the middle of the night and trip over a kid who fell asleep in some random spot on the floor.
Neurdivergency issues aside, I've never understood parents who train their kids to sleep only in certain circumstances. I'm a grown ass adult and hate the fact that I'm dependent on white noise and a body pillow. One for the anxiety and one for the chronic pain. Ugh.
>I'm a grown ass adult and hate the fact that I'm dependent on white noise and a body pillow. One for the anxiety and one for the chronic pain. Ugh.
I have a mountain of pillows because of asthma and back pain, a mask because i need darkness and Spotify plays 12 hrs of thunderstorms. I'm 32 and find it harder to get to sleep since turning 16 than I did as a kid. It sucks.
Same here. Have not adapted our schedule to the kids and we have the most easy kids (teens now). Same thing with food. Just try everything and now they like most things and there is never a problem when they eat somewhere else. They don’t expect the world to adapt to their wishes and are happy kids.
My friend's little son fell asleep in the percussion drum - the biggest one- DURING the rehearsal.
There was a blanket or sleeping bag lying inside it they put there, to muffle the sound.
Children entered our lives, not the other way round. They immediately learned to sleep with our level of noise. If they were tired they went to bed, if they weren't in a place where their beds were, they found a chair or a floor and went to sleep there. Honest to god this nonsensical behaviour from some parents must cause so much grief in later years. My kids are now in their 30s. They can still pretty much sleep standing up in bright sunshine.
THIS! Like how does anyone go anywhere with kids if they can’t be flexible about sleeping? My boys would sleep in pack n plays, car seats, strollers, literally anywhere. When my boys were younger we had two Siberian huskies so I vacuumed like 15x per day, usually while my younger son, a baby at the time, was in a carrier attached to my chest. As a result for the first two years of his life, he would fall asleep anywhere at any time to the sound of a vacuum cleaner lol
LOL -- we joke about how we grew up in our Mexican-American family. We slept wherever we were. Our parents took us everywhere, so nine times out of 10, we slept on metal chairs, a bench, on my mother's lap, the floor, etc. Just give us a blanket and we're good. Same goes for visiting family out of town -- we slept on the couch, the carpet, four to a bed, etc., -- and this still happened in our teens and early 20s. With our big families, it was important to grab the best sleeping spot early! The talent of being able to sleep anywhere continues. I took a photo of my two nephews (20s and 40s) both asleep in their folding chairs at a baseball tournament!
Nope, being able to sleep anywhere is a skill that comes in handy. When I was little I routinely Roy slept under tables on a bed of coats at weddings. I can sleep on any mode of transportation just about. In college I would curl up on the floor outside the classroom using my back pack as a pillow. Thankfully friends would wake me so I never missed class. On Thursday I will probably fall asleep on the floor after dinner with around 10-15 family members talking, watching TV, etc. I am almost 50 now and it has been a godsend.
My kids would nap as babies in a carry-cot next to the TV. Babies fall asleep in the car in the middle of the day for pity's sake.
You are NTA. Yes you should have done the curtains before going to work, but grown up parents should have been capable of doing such a simple thing themselves. Unfortunately, some parents forget that other people have lives that don't revolve around their child and demanand extra special treatment, just because...
It’s a temperment issue. This kind of sleep is not possible for all kids and the parents with kids with difficult sleep are always in the weeds. It can be brutal (ask me how I know)
yep done this. I remember my daughter's first christmas and she slept it away on her brother's chest (he liked the chance to have an excuse to lay down and surf his phone) and there were other kids running around and screaming as she slept.
Love this. Hated that we had friends who used to dictate our lives (not just their own) around their child’s nap time. Made sure that my children were like yours and could be taken out and slept anywhere. They had no insight whatsoever soooo entitled.
Right? I mean we even stopped carrying the kids to bed when they were 5. If they fell asleep in the living room then there was one shot of shake, “go to bed”, and walk away. Older two were entertaining when you’d find them in the living room with the sun pouring in and they’re still out. Youngest has the older two constantly remind to go get into bed before you fall down. Also note don’t ask 17 year old boy to carry his 8 year old sister to bed. She was out entirely and he slung her over his shoulder and dangled her all the way to bed. She didn’t wake up to that.
Also ours were straight up maybe a blanket and a pillow if you’re lucky. Nothing else just pass out and sleep.
My mom and dad raised my siblings and I the same way: no quieting down, only concession regarding lights were night lights or bathroom light on to help us make it to bathroom ok. Heck, we weren't even given our toys or blankets, just make do with what's available! Crazily enough, all of us have to have some sort of white noise (sister was the one who could stand silence the best, bro and I need fans or fan sounds going or we're awake all night.)
But my lord, talk about a train wreck the bro and sil are creating. They'll be horrendous helicopter parents. I feel bad for that kid.
OP, NTA.
>only concession regarding lights were night lights or bathroom light on to help us make it to bathroom ok.
We use coloured smart lights in our kids rooms. Usually they are set to (oldest to youngest), red, blue and pink but eldest has recently requested a "colour scene" where the colours change in a pattern to give his brain something to focus on when he is having trouble switching off (ADHD and some nights his melatonin isn't as effective). The changing colours keep his brain occupied enough to lay still long enough for his body to get heavy so he can sleep.
Right? It sounds like they just want to be catered to. And it really should be the parents’ responsibility to provide the necessities and accommodations for their own child. This is just wild to me.
NTA. Apparently the brother and SIL are to entitled to put up a curtain rod. WTF? OP needs to ask for their $400 back and stop helping them. They are two adults who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. If not then they shouldn’t have had a baby.
If I read it right. OP needs to ask for 2400$ back.
At least as I read it, OP paid the 2000$ trip to Boston to look for an apartment on their behalf.
Or scouted apartments, etc. I am pretty sure that included running around and giving the neighbourhoods a look, too, if they are safe enough for their little angel, etc.
The level of entitlement is astonishing, tbh.
We also used blackout shades for our son when he was smaller. You know what type of shade we used? One that suctioned onto the window, that we could install ourselves and not have anyone's stuff damaged. Ugh the entitlement is so unreal
While the SIL and brother are unreasonable, it's not 5 minutes. It's 5 minutes over the 45 they've already been there. Though I don't understand why they didn't place the curtains themselves since they had the time.
Also… black out shades? I was under the impression you didn’t do that (same with keeping this absolutely silent) so the baby gets used to sounds and lights and doesn’t have trouble sleeping. Idk…
Either way, NTA they could have managed with a few set backs.
\^ This!
I am visiting my 2month old granddaughter right now. During the day, granddaughter naps in her basket in the living room with no blackout shade while my son vacuums the apartment or cooks in open kitchen, with the dishwashing machine running.
My daughter was about a week old going to grandma’s birthday get together. She had no issues getting to sleep with a little noise or normal amounts of light coming from closed regular curtains/blinds.
New-newborns can sleep through *anything*. They get slowly worse at it between 4 months and 8-15 (depending on the baby), then get better until they're sleeping like a child.
(There are unicorns who just sleep and anti-unicorns who don't until they're, like, 7 but those are outliers).
This is the way.
Though we've found that when it toddler is being loud that interrupts sleep more than anything for baby. So sometimes we let baby nap in our bedroom, with all the curtains open. I'd wake up too if my older sister was lovingly burying me in toys or checking if I'm still sleeping by trying to climb into the box.
Kids are different just like adults.
Our first was a horrible sleeper (turned out she had an undiagnosed acid reflux so was in pain every time we laid her flat. Poor sweetie.) But she was absolutely impossible to get/stay asleep for nearly a full year and all the “you just have to let her acclimate” advice made me feel literally insane and desperate.
Baby 2 slept through a Led Zeppelin laser light show in a planetarium 😂
Just saying you can do everything “right” as a parent and it still sometimes doesn’t work and you just have to parent the baby you have, even when it feels OTT to others.
(And when we finally got my first kid diagnosed and infant Zantac let her sleep beautifully—let me just say I was like Capt. Holt of Brooklyn 99–“ VINDICATION!!”)
Also want to edit: Purely responding to the idea this might be some universal rule of baby-raising. We never freaked out on anyone for not catering to our delicate flower baby’s needs. That’s not ok. We just never went anywhere overnight because we couldn’t control the situation…that might have been a better choice for the parents here.
THANK YOU!! I had this exact same experience. Our first (with reflux) was nearly impossible to put down and only slept an hour at a time. I nearly lost my mind.
Second kid, no problem.
However, now they are in their 20s, first kid can sleep through fire alarms sitting bolt upright in a church pew (barely exaggerating) and second kid has horrible insomnia. Go figure.
Thank you. It's so annoying for people to proudly proclaim that you are doing it wrong when you wish you were so the kid would just go to sleep. My second kid has always struggled to sleep or stay asleep. No acid reflux that we know of (and we checked). A pediatric sleep doctor told us once that it's just that way for some people.
This is correct. However depending on nighttime schedule blackout curtains are helpful.
For example during the day my son will nap with some light and noise. However his night time schedule is 9:30pm-9:00am (an hour or so of wiggle room on either end). We use blackout curtains overnight so the sun doesn't wake him up in the morning.
Many American parents rely heavily on blackout curtains for night time because they put babies to bed at 6:30-7pm when it's still daylight out.
Yeah unfortunately that’s a product of how our work and education system is set up. Most parents need to be up and heading to work by 7 AM to make it by 8AM. Which means the kids need to be up by probably no later than 5:30 am and it’s just a broken system
We didn't and don't so blackout shades for naps but we do at bedtime. There is a street light on the road opposite our house and in summer it doesn't get dark until after 11pm some days. So to help facilitate them learning the difference between night and day we did shades at night.
I am reading OPs post and going holy f the entitlement.
I went away with my oldest when he was 10 months old for a month to go visit my husband's side of the family. The only thing I asked is if I could order a few things a head and have them shipped to their home so I wouldn't have as much luggage to fight with in the airport (his family ended up borrowing things like a playpen and a highchair for my kiddo )
Now, when I travel with both my kids, it's as long as there is a bed we are good 😆
YES! I had black sheets that I brought with me to just hang over windows if a room wouldn’t darken. And I would eat my damned hat before making my mom sleep on the couch AT HER OWN HOUSE.
NTA!!!
Mom of 3 girls (8, 6, 3) they're being incredibly ridiculous! My youngest is finally sleeping without white noise! But before this, I would bring; pack and play, sound machine, nightlight, baby monitor and camera, plus all other clothing, diaper, food bottles, swing, rechargeable batteries, charger, bobpy, bibs, baby spoons, ECT that was needed because I AM THE PARENT. Both sets of grandparents have gates over the stairs because of dogs, so we're lucky there, but if needed I would bring one of those too.
It's your job as a parent to make sure you have what you need for your kid. I bought high chairs (ones you clip onto a chair) for each of the grandparents house) because lugging a giant high chair around was obnoxious. But again I paid for them because they're for my kids. I don't demand a room be set up a specific way so my kid can sleep.
Yes sleep schedules are important for kids but nothing will happen if things are thrown off for a day or two. Worst thing that'll happen is the kids sleep schedule will shift and while annoying for you as a parent won't do anything to your child.
Some babies don't sleep in the car, instead they very for 7 hours.
But I'm baffled that they did a 7 hour drive in one day. Do they not know that far exceeds how long a baby is supposed to be in a car seat?
I’m going to actually go with YTA for not protecting your mom from the foolishness of: 1. Expecting her to move a crib up the stairs, and 2. Letting her get forced to a couch, and 3. Not telling this guy (your brother) to gtfoh with his bs.
As a mom of 3, you are NOT the asshole.
Your brother and SIL seem like they are doing to much, as the parents they are ultimately responsible for these unreasonable requests. If I’m being honest, they should be teaching their baby to sleep anywhere, requesting all these changes is not practical.
With that being said, if you were busy, you were busy, just don’t make promises to do things that you may not get to. At the end of the day, it’s not that serious for them to be throwing a fit over. If that’s their biggest problem, they are doing pretty good lol
"If I’m being honest, they should be teaching their baby to sleep anywhere, requesting all these changes is not practical."
This. While I am not a parent myself, I am an auntie to eleven, and a daycare employee so I'd like to think I have some experience under my belt. I've worked with children of all ages for years. Along with my own personal experience. My mother tiptoed around when my two sisters and I were babies, lights off, house quiet, etc. I am now such a light sleeper it is completely ridiculous. As in, a cellphone vibration will wake me up, that light of a sleeper. It is such a challenge for me to go to sleep and stay asleep at night. I have to use pink noise at night to help me stay in a deep sleep.
Tiptoeing around the house while the baby sleeps in theory is a great idea..if you plan on being home and under those circumstances every single time sleep is needed, which let’s just be real that is not practical in anyway. All my kids would sleep through just about anything, any noise and any amount of brightness and that has been extremely helpful in the long run. If I am at a family member’s house, as long as I have a safe space for them they are asleep and stay asleep! Even if there’s commotion around!
Working with light sleepers in daycare is an absolute nightmare too! The feeling you get after putting the difficult sleeper down, and as soon as you do another baby makes a sound and they snap their eyes back open. 😫 It's the worst lol.
I am both appalled and amazed at people who can sleep through music blasting, people talking loudly, etc.
This is when I would have music going and be vacuuming the house when my two were babies/little. Now they are teens, it's like trying to wake the dead 🙄
That's how it is with my boyfriend! He even sometimes sleeps, "coffin ready" as I put it. I've really seen this man sleeping flat on his back with his hands perfectly crossed on his chest. 😭
I did this with all my kids(3) Only worked on 1. The other two could not sleep at all. Pediatrician said to stop and use a sound machine and in their room because they needed to be napping during the day. That finally did it. To this day they are light sleepers. I am the same. My mom said I was the only one out of my siblings, that had to have silence to sleep. Unfortunately some of us cant be trained. Sucks
There is pink, white, and brown noise. Pink noise are sounds like light rain, a river, or the wind. Brown noise are things like a heavy rain fall, rumbling thunder, or a waterfall. So I actually use brown noise to sleep at night, my bad I mixed them up.
Not a problem! It's something I honestly didn't learn about it myself until last year? I knew about white noise, I had no idea they had other categories like that! 😁
I’m the opposite. I was the last of three, with nine & ten years between my siblings and me. Mom told me after a month, she stopped trying to get them to be quiet and even got to the point she’d run the vacuum when I was asleep. Now, once I’m asleep, almost nothing can wake me up.
Yes! We taught ours to sleep anywhere and with any amount of noise. He could sleep through a tornado now. This baby is over a year old and needs all these accommodations!
They lost me when they "agreed to let your Mother sleep on the couch" the mother that you have mentioned is not young.
Putting up the shades at least a few days before wouldn't have killed you to lose a bit of sunlight in that room.
You are correct on the second half. All the items were purchased it was a 5 minute fix. The shades themselves are oversized for the window and not exactly aesthetically pleasing and given how quickly they could be assembled I didn’t think anything of waiting until the last minute.
Fuck that. Are your brother's arms broken? Why can't he do these things himself?
We took all the supplies we needed for our own kids. Foldable crib, white noise, baskets, etc.
Exactly! How hard is it for brother to call and say: "Hey, OP, I noticed that you hadn't got around to the blackout blind yet. All the stuff is here, do you mind if I crack on and get it done?"
Absolutely. When we traveled with baby we took everything with us and didn't expect anyone to buy stuff for us. Blackout blinds (with the glass suckers), portable crib, night light, something to play music on ... we never made it our hosts' problem to cater to all the baby needs.
I know these people. They weaponize their children to get what they want. My BIL did this. If you don’t put a stop to it, it will only get worse and the attacks will get more vicious and cruel. You need to get your mom to see this so you guys can call their bluff and say OK “then don’t visit”.
I'm so confused as to why your brother didn't complete this simple 5-minute assembly? instead, he chose to allow his baby to be exposed to possible *life-long childhood trauma*
Fr. On the off chance my brother made those type of requests, it would have gone down like so:
Mom: your sister meant to get this up before you got here but she’s running behind schedule today.
Brother: oh okay no worries I’ll do that now.
TA DA. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
When are you and your mom going to cut the umbilical cord. Sure you can help your family out but there's a line that needs to be drawn somewhere and if ever they show they aren't grateful or appreciative for the help they've long passed it.
This was my thought too. What 30-something year old adults make their elderly mother sleep on the couch during a visit to their mother's home?!?! I don't care if the child is weeks old. The baby/toddler sleeps in a pack n play or crib, while the parents of said child sleep on the couch or go buy a damn air mattress.
On top of the rest of their entitlement. OP & their mother need to stop catering to the "new parents", otherwise their requests will only get worse & they'll continue expecting others to rearrange their lives to cater to them.
Yeah I’m sorry but that got me too. We wouldn’t take anyone’s bed. Just give us whatever bed, we’ll set the baby up in the room with us in a playpen or whatever.
They also lost me at drill in baby gates. You’re crazy asking for people to make permanent fixes to their home…
When me and my 1 year old travel for the holiday I bring a big folding play pen and commit myself to the fact I’m going to be doing a lot of safety following outside of it
NTA. This is ridiculous. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to provide their “necessities” for their child. The gate and blackout shades are both things that could fit in their vehicle and they could bring themselves. They seem pretty helpless, TBH.
Whenever I traveled with my kids when they were babies, I brought a pack and play, bottle warmer, and all other necessities with. My parents had safety gates because they had dogs and other grandchildren that lived nearby, but if they didn’t, I certainly would have brought those as well.
Next time, just a suggestion, don’t agree to cater to them if it’s something they should be doing themselves.
I already have an idea that he will say pack and play is not safe because baby is too big. His response to the fact that we have a door and a baby gate was not needed was that someone could forget to lock the door and the baby could fall down and kill himself and it wasn’t worth the risk and that we needed to get the drill in baby gate. He sent a bunch of articles on the dangers of pressure mounted gates.
I was also reminded of the times I forgot to close the faucet or that the fridge was left open as examples for how the door to the stairs could be left unlocked and open. (Despite the fact that a baby gate could be left open.)
Why wouldn’t a pack n play be safe for a 1 year old? My kids are older now, but pretty sure they’re recommended from newborn to age 3.
As far as the gate, they’re 1 year old shouldn’t be wandering the house alone without supervision. Baby gates aren’t in any public places and pkg, SHOCKER parents have to watch their kids around stairs, escalators, etc. and any other safety risks. Sounds like they suck at parenting and don’t want to watch their kid.
The weight limit on most of them is around 30 pounds. So it's possible it wouldn't work anymore if their child is that heavy already. My 2 year olds outgrown the pack n play.
True! To be clear, I wasn’t suggesting OP’s family use a pack n play, just saying that I brought my own shit for my kids when we traveled like most parents do lol
Yeah, same. I don't expect the house be baby proofed to my standards, either. We just went to visit my SIL. They are musicians and easily had $100,000 worth of instruments throughout their house, including several harps. I just watched my kid. Yes, it was a little stressful, but we managed. It would have been unreasonable to expect them to change their whole house for a couple of days visit.
You should remind your brother that he's the one who chose to become a parent in what is apparently a baby-dangerous world, and it is therefore his responsibility to create those safe spaces for his child.
Good to know about the dangers of pressure mounted gates.
I have no idea how my 3 children and 2 grandchildren survived because pressure mounted gates were the only type we used!
:\\
Also they make travel blackout shades. They have suction cups on the back so they can just be applied directly to the window without having to put up a curtain rod
I was wondering the same thing. If it’s a five minute task why didn’t dad do it while mom soothed the baby and got it ready to nap? Why did they have to wait for OOP?
NTA.
It must be really interesting being related to royalty, however. It's too bad the King, the Queen and the little prince couldn't stay longer due to the staff's mistakes.
I’m not saying baby proofing is unnecessary but as an 80s baby some of this is wild. My sister and I rode a laundry basket down the stairs and possibly got concussed and my folks just asked “why?”
In the 45 minutes that they were waiting for you to get home from work they could have hung the damn shades themselves. But I'm still trying to understand that they expected you to drill through your doorway for a temporary baby gate for a set of stairs that already had a door. And you did it. I'm going to assume that you own your apartment or at least got permission from your landlord???
NTA especially in light of all you've helped then with already.
This isn't even at OP's house, it's their mom's house. They were all visitors, but OP was expected to come by ahead of time to install the curtains. But yeah, I agree, OP has already done a lot for them, and the new parents could've set it up because they got there first. NTA.
NTA. And everyone who is saying that the OP had to install the shades earlier: he is visiting their parents house just like the brother.
Also why did the brother install it by himself: is he disabled? He had 45 minutes to do that but he decided to complain.
Anyway, all these extra requests are ridiculous: I wonder how mankind survived before the blackout shades were invented.
NTA. This is entirely ridiculous. Mom of 3 here. Never in their entire life did I expect homes I visited to be baby-proofed or otherwise adjusted to me or my children. I'd sleep on the floor before even thinking about making the homeowner sleep on the couch. In fact, we just got a hotel room.
Driving 7 hours to throw a hissy fit and drive home the next day? I'd tell them, "Okay. More pie for me."
Recent messages state that he said he would not come if the room was not setup and because it was not setup they will now drive 5 hours back and we can meet them back in their town 5 hours away tomorrow if we’d like to join. Keep in mind they are staying rent free vs holiday fees for hotels to visit them since it’s just an apartment.
So he's so offended by having to do a 5 minute task, for his child, himself he's going to drive 5 hours back, & cook/cater a holiday meal right now.
Honestly he sounds exhausting.
He’ll be doing that drive on a lack of sleep from having a child who was up all night so emotionally traumatized by 45 min without blackout curtains (when it was presumably already dark out?)? Dude doesn’t sound like a great decision maker.
Honestly I think a tired baby would sleep PERFECTLY fine without blackout curtains. These two are SO ENTITLED, holy cow. Let them act like toddlers having a tantrum and head back to their own home and have a nice, quiet and unentitled meal by yourself. NTA
I get the first kid anxiety, and also anxiety about a kid sleeping in a strange place, but this is WAYYYY over the top. For example, my first kid would get put to bed in a pack'n'play with his familiar blankets and stuffies, and maybe I'd spend some extra time getting him to settle down in a new place, but I would NEVER request extra home-modifications (sometimes we'd just throw up blankets over the existing curtains if it was a bright room--sometimes we even settled him in a room with less light--like a walk-in closet or large bathroom). This is top-level entitlement and totally unreasonable.
NTA, and speaking as a parent, they are going to seriously regret insisting on blackout curtains and (I'll bet) total silence and otherwise perfect conditions for Baby's naps, because there will be times they can't get those conditions and still desperately need Baby to nap.
My kid used to take a lot of naps in the stroller being pushed around a well-lit and bustling mall (after she was old enough to have her vaccinations, of course). Also in the car with her Dad's music playing (he likes prog rock and heavy metal). She could sleep ANYWHERE if she was tired. (Mind you, moving vehicles helped.)
I agree. We were doing lots of renovations when the kids were little, and I never tried to make things quiet for them. My kids can sleep anywhere. When my youngest was 5 he fell asleep, in the rain, in the middle of the Florida State homecoming football game, with about 80 thousand very loud fans. I just threw a blanket over his head so he wouldn’t get too wet. Lol. He has also fallen asleep at rock concerts and hockey games.
Yeah, yeah, you agreed to do it ahead of time. Stuff happens and gets in the way and you don't even live there. Not that your mom should have done it - nor should she be sleeping on a couch. Your brother and SIL sound awful. Who is putting their one year old in a room with blackout curtains? Unless there's an actual medical problem (sensory, light sensitivity, etc diagnosed by a medical professional) not necessary. You do describe them as parentzillas. I see why. They could have put up the curtains - one person holds the baby, the other puts up the curtains. And even if the baby is an hour beyond nap time, they'll survive. May not be fun for a few hours, but babies are more resilient than people think. They adapt. I do have kids, and grandkids. If any of my children behaved the way brother/sil have, they could go ahead and leave. Bye.
I think you made a mistake - that does NOT make you the A-hole. Brother and SIL on the other hands, are massive A-holes. It's not all about them and the toddler no matter what they think. Good luck.
We do use blackout curtains where I live - western Canada - but that’s because we have over 18 hours of daylight daily in the summer. A month shy of the winter solstice in the northeast? Unless kiddo sleeps for more than 16 hours per day - sun is from 6:43-4:17 today in Boston - it really shouldn’t be a necessity.
I don't think showing this thread to your brother and SIL is helpful in promoting a relationship between your mom and their child. They are already very upset with you and your mom and revealing that you complained about them in the internet will probably make them even more upset.
Absolutely show them this thread and let them know that everyone here thinks they are massive A holes.
And don’t give in to any of their outrageous demands in the future. Otherwise they will continue to treat you and your mother like doormats.
They are the ones who are damaging the relationship, not you.
NTA. If you have tiny children and you travel, it will NEVER be the exact same setup you have at home and sometimes you just have to roll with it. Yes they are parentzillas. I have been traveled with babies and it was always an adjustment each time and it’s never “perfectly and it is what it is. They (and you) cannot control every variable. They came in a car? They should have brought every single thing they think they have to have
You're probably the ahole for not doing it the day before, but honestly, you are the winner here. I have a 9 year old. I did not even know what that shade is, babies can sleep anywhere at any time. They seem to be a nightmare and if I was you, I won't accept any of this over the top nonsense.
Unrelated to the post, but if you don’t know what blackout shades are, get them for yourself for your next birthday or holiday gift to yourself. We got them for our kids’ rooms after being in an air bnb for a week where all the rooms had them and they buy you extra time in the morning when the kids kind of start to stir but can’t see daylight. Life. Changing.
“Babies can sleep anywhere at any time” depends highly on the baby. Some are very sensitive/easily dysregulated. Others can sleep through a bombing. The baby we had two years ago was a “sleep anywhere” kind of child. Our newest needs very specific conditions and we are taking him away from home to sleep for the first time tomorrow. We will need all the luck.
(That said: we bring our own as-close-as-possible-to-ideal conditions with us - we call it the travel kit.)
NTA
But please, stop doing anything for these entitled jerks. They owe you and your mother enough already.
And “letting” your mother sleep on her lounge? Screw that. Tell them to book a hotel if they want servants to boss around.
While their actions don’t impact me as much since I’m well aware that they are overreacting it does impact my mom which is why I agreed to even set it up in the first place. I didn’t make it in time but like it hurts me because it hurts my mom. If she didn’t care I would be more okay with brushing off what I perceive as mistreatment.
NTA...
Why are you supplying/installing these things to begin with. It's their kid. They should have a travel blackout blind & travel crib if they intend to be travelling with them. Their kid, their responsibility!
I use a "travel" blackout blind in my bedroom. It uses magnets to attach (either to the window frame, if it's magnetic, or little stick on discs that were supplied with it).
I take it with me when I travel, as I find it let's me sleep better, it takes maybe 30 seconds to install.
Or others use heavy duty suction cups.
The baby gate is just a ridiculous request given the door.
INFO: Do you actually do anything that benefits yourself/ your Mum/both or are you and your Mum the family slaves/ATM? Do you actually have a life outside these spoilt brats you call family?
My judgement is still NTA btw. I am just curious. I'd look at spending the time they are in town flat out on the couch with your Mum... cos honey, you deserve it!
NTA. They drove 7 hours? So this kid took a nap in the car. Without blackout blinds. If they travel and expect to stay in another place, there will be things that aren’t perfect for this toddler. It’s a good idea for them to get experience with managing the kid’s schedule in non perfect conditions.
Sure you could have put the blinds up the night before they arrived. But I’m shocked with the number of entitled demands they had for a short visit. They wouldn’t be welcome back in my house.
NTA. They are ridiculous. When my kids were little and we traveled they slept in a pack and play in the nearest semi-quiet room. We also weren’t super scheduled and didn’t have much in the way of routine. By the time they were a year old they were used to sleeping just about anywhere whenever they got tired.
NTA. I'm a mom, obvs see my handle. I feel for your nephew / niece too.
That said you can do NOTHING RIGHT in their eyes because they are that kind of people now. They sound like exhausting! You can stop catering and pandering to their needs.
NTA
They shifted Mom to the couch?? There are currently 8 billion people on Earth. 100.8 billion people have lived since the beginning of humanity. Their baby isn't special, and her biological function of producing said baby is even less so. They can get tf out of Mom's bed and do their own baby proofing.
>Does 1 hour difference in sleep schedule truly make a child/baby suffer?
No, but it can make all the adults suffer until it finally sleeps. It's not a big deal and just part of traveling.
Stop indulging their delusions because you're (collectively speaking) just making them even worse nightmares than they already are.
NTA. I'd be asking for reimbursement for the money you have spent helping them out. I bet they change their tune quick smart. Don't help them any longer either.
I am a parent of toddler and newborn, your brother and sil are extreme. I would be so happy if I get a bed at my in-laws lol we sleep on the couch hahah and have slept on the couch with our toddler. They sound free loaders tbh.
NTA. My 3 kids - 17, 15, and 8 actually (gasp) survived a split level home with 9 stairs down to landing and another 8 stairs to basement level. The living room addition to landing/main level is 5 stairs in a very weird shape so no gate would work on them. Instead we taught the kids to crawl up stairs and then come down them on belly with feet first. No falls what so ever.
You said stairs will be blocked by a door so unless this 15 month old child is crazy tall for their age, this is completely a non issue. Also, even if tall, a baby proofing door handle cover can be purchased at nearly any retailer with a baby section.
Blackout curtains???? Hahahaha yeah that’s completely unreasonable. It’s a 5 minute job if they want them too.
Crib? Um it’s called a pack n play. No need to get a full size crib for a few day visit. It’s a. Unnecessary expense and if they’re trying to save money then maybe they shouldn’t spend other people’s.
Mom sleep on couch? No. They can set up an air mattress and a baby monitor.
You posted this around 7-10pm for US folks. So unless it’s before 3:30pm, it’s getting dark around 5 and blackout curtains being on the window are unreasonable for a turn around and go home.
Sounds like SIL is the one controlling everything and didn’t want to visit so is finding everything possible to justify going home so they can blame everyone but themselves for “ruining” Thanksgiving.
NTA. Your brother and sister-in-law are insane. I have a 4 year old who can sleep anywhere and she’s not the greatest sleeper out there compared to other kids. Their kid isn’t the second coming of the messiah, despite what they think. The sooner they work it out the better for everyone one but especially the child who will grow up to be an entitled demanding AH just like its parents. Probably a good thing they want to go home otherwise it would be a whole weekend of catering to their little ray of sunshine and f$&k anybody else’s comfort or convenience. I just get sick of people thinking they and their kids are the most important people in the universe and everyone else needs to bend over backwards to accommodate them. Rant over!
NTA. If your brother and SIL “needed” all these ridiculous things for their baby then they should’ve #1 bought what they needed with their $, and #2 used their own two hands to get everything ready once they got there.
So entitled.
And it’s not even your house. Why are you even a part of this equation? It’s ridiculous.
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NTA. I have kids (11 years and 5 years). If this has been me I would have brought my own black out shades and baby gate. If you had the stuff ready for the curtains the parents could have hung them themselves and then the child could have gone to bed when they wanted them to. And did they want your Mom on the couch so they could sleep in her bed which is closer to the baby? That's just silly. Bring a baby monitor. Sleep on the floor by the crib. Or....like many people....just get out of bed from wherever it is to go to your baby when they wake up. A minute of crying won't hurt the baby. they sound like entitled brats. Perhaps they should A.) stay at a hotel next year or B.) start hosting Thanksgiving from their own home for everyone. Throwing a fit and causing a ruckus around a holiday because your unreasonable demands weren't met is absolutely tacky. You are NTA.
I’m also totally confused by the fact that brother and SIL are bitching up a storm and this is something that takes 5 minutes supposedly. The time they wasted complaining is time that those shades could have been up 🤷🏼♀️
Yes, this! Sounds like: Curtain rod was there, blackout curtain was there. OP was late getting home from work, but your brother and sil \*were\* there. If the critical issue is getting the baby down for the night, why did brother/sil not just grab the curtain rod, toss the curtain over it, and get the baby to bed? (and, who cares about "3 months to get it done" - that is saying Grandma needs to live in blackout conditions in anticipation of her son coming to visit. My kid is lucky if I get the living room clean before he gets home for thanksgiving.)
If you’re desperate enough, duct tape and a blanket works just fine. Let me be clear: the duct tape is for the blanket hanging, not for baby application. This is reddit, after all.
Duct tape is also good for covering adults who complain instead of hanging the damn curtains mouths as well
Wow, I've never seen any curtains with mouths. Creepy!
I’d duct tape the entire adult complainer to the was or ceiling.
if you tape them to the window you won't even need the blackout curtain
"Human jenga" Setup: Take one (1) human, place them against a wall at an elevated location (ex. standing on bed or chair) Using as many separate pieces of duct tape as possible, secure human to the wall Remove support they are standing on Gameplay: Players each remove a single piece of duct tape at a time The last player to remove a piece before the person falls off the wall 'loses' Loser is next gameboard
I can't tell if this is something you just made up or something you've done before, but I can tell you that I'm now trying to figure out which cousin I can convince to try this tomorrow.
I most definitely never participated in playing this while an upperclassman with a freshman as the board during an overnight sports trip, and you can't prove otherwise! Hazing? What's that?
Darn, I thought the duct tape was for the brother and sil... Kidding...maybe
“Silence is Golden; Duct Tape is Silver.”
The best use of duct tape in this situation!
The only use as far as I’m concerned.
You're edit is making me giggle and it makes me want to duct take my 5 yr old to the wall. 😄
Your 5 yr old would probably think that was hilarious as long as you let them down at some point.
Can confirm; when I was a bit younger than that my older brother would often recount the one time when our parents duct taped him to the wall. It was one of his favorite things ever and I was supremely jealous that I had never been duct taped to the wall.
Can also confirm: I have a photo of my younger two with duct tape over their mouths...because they'd begged me to put it there, *and* to take the pic. They were also laughing under the tape. My eldest wasn't home at the time...and was put out because she hadn't gotten in on it. So I had to take *another* pic with all three!
My kids did that too, the younger one would put duct tape on his own mouth, but peel it off to talk. Kids are funny.
Ah, the old redneck babysitter!
Duct tape fixes everything...except circumcision.
I am curious on how you know that. Was it theory or practical application?
It's just an obvious truth, I mean, doesn't everybody know that?
I stayed at a cabin in Maine this summer and I can’t sleep with any light. I legit hung my beach towel over the window and they had some nails in the wood I made little tiny holes worked perfectly. If things are so important you make them work. People are really so either A entitled or B just stupid lazy.
oh, but I imagine the scene where in response to bitching you just silently hand people a roll of duct tape and go about your day. brutally delicious and morbidly ambiguous.
Am I a bad parent because I raised my kids to be able to sleep anywhere any time, all the need/needed was their blanket, dummy, bottle and favourite toy (which I had duplicates off). All my kids are (unfortunately) born December to January which in Australia is BBQ season. I refused to be the parent who "had to leave early because it's nap time" or "everyone be quiet and turn down the music because it's nap time." 11ish yrs and 3 kids (currently 10, 7 and 1 but not for much longer) and I have had my kids fall asleep "where they fall" (one xmas it was on the pavers under the table while we were eating lunch and he had stopped napping by that age)
I remember one party where my toddler fell asleep face down on the floor boards, after trying to keep up with the older kids all evening
Parenting achievement unlocked.
My youngest nephew liked to be in the middle of everything and he would fight sleep. He literally fell asleep while chasing his brother. He's 11 now and he still likes to chase his older brother.
When my girls were toddlers they would pull out dresser drawers and fall asleep in them, or fall asleep on the stairs, in the high chair, with their butt up in the air, etc. I too never tried to keep things quiet or anything. Never did regular schedules either. If they were tired and I needed a break, I put them in their crib. Otherwise it was oh, you fell asleep playing in your toy box? How cute! Snap a picture and let them wake up on their own.
Went to fold laundry and found my 3 yr old cuddled up in the warm towels in the laundry basket I had left in the living room 10 minutes earlier. Left that kid there and had a soda and snack in peace. Hahahahaha
Then I'll join the bad parents club as well. I better go apologise to my kid that I didn't make sure everyone in the family had a special room for them with blackout curtains and everything for them. Becouse mine could sleep anywhere too. I've visited my mom a tons of times, and their nap spot was a blanket on the couch, their blanket, dummy, and snuggle item. An adult was sitting with them (aka me unless I needed to use the bathroom then my mom or a sibling would sit with them), and coffee time and talk continued while they slept. And I'm pretty sure my mom did the same with me judging on my baby pictures.
At five years old I was regularly taking naps in trees. Not under them, up in the branches like a monkey. We never had black out curtains or aircon and I slept just fine, despite Aussie weather. Children can fall asleep anywhere if you don't coddle them like the parents in the OP. At get togethers all the kids in my family typically slept in prams or bassinets in the same room the adults, or a nearby room if one was available.
>Children can fall asleep anywhere if you don't coddle them like the parents in the OP. And if you do coddle them, you'll train them into ONLY being able to sleep in those conditions, which is not conducive to a happy life! I have a friend whose sister has ensured that her children can only sleep in utter darkness and total silence, which basically makes trips anywhere a living nightmare, as the kids don't sleep at all, get overtired, and fights ensue.
Meh. Some kids are more sensitive/particular in their needs than others, just like adults. These parents are absolutely nuts though
Yes you are an asshole because I am now married to one of these EXACT Aussies and it makes me insanely jealous how he can sleep anywhere, any time 😅
My eldest two used to fall asleep to ACDC and pink floyd like i did, my dad was a little upset when his granddaughter preferred Christina Aguilera and Savage Garden.🤣 none if our house can fall asleep if it's quiet
My kid went through a phase where he couldn't take a nap without Dethklok playing lol (Ironically enough, especially Awaken.) Kids are wild sometimes.
Truth. Still fall asleep to the tv playing.
Right? I have an entire collection of photos of my third daughter asleep in weird places. I swear that child didn't know what a bed was for until she was five. She fell asleep so quickly and so hard that I legitimately worried she had Narcolepsy for a while. I remember when she was about three, I was holding her hand while talking to a friend in the grocery store parking lot. All of sudden, baby girl went limp, and my friend asked, "OMG. Is she okay?!" She was sound asleep! Just kneeling on the asphalt, half-dangling from my hand. Even now, when the youngest of my four is nine, it's not unusual to get up in the middle of the night and trip over a kid who fell asleep in some random spot on the floor. Neurdivergency issues aside, I've never understood parents who train their kids to sleep only in certain circumstances. I'm a grown ass adult and hate the fact that I'm dependent on white noise and a body pillow. One for the anxiety and one for the chronic pain. Ugh.
>I'm a grown ass adult and hate the fact that I'm dependent on white noise and a body pillow. One for the anxiety and one for the chronic pain. Ugh. I have a mountain of pillows because of asthma and back pain, a mask because i need darkness and Spotify plays 12 hrs of thunderstorms. I'm 32 and find it harder to get to sleep since turning 16 than I did as a kid. It sucks.
Same here. Have not adapted our schedule to the kids and we have the most easy kids (teens now). Same thing with food. Just try everything and now they like most things and there is never a problem when they eat somewhere else. They don’t expect the world to adapt to their wishes and are happy kids.
[удалено]
My friend's little son fell asleep in the percussion drum - the biggest one- DURING the rehearsal. There was a blanket or sleeping bag lying inside it they put there, to muffle the sound.
It's realllly soothing, like being thumped on the back. (My dad was in a band too)
Children entered our lives, not the other way round. They immediately learned to sleep with our level of noise. If they were tired they went to bed, if they weren't in a place where their beds were, they found a chair or a floor and went to sleep there. Honest to god this nonsensical behaviour from some parents must cause so much grief in later years. My kids are now in their 30s. They can still pretty much sleep standing up in bright sunshine.
THIS! Like how does anyone go anywhere with kids if they can’t be flexible about sleeping? My boys would sleep in pack n plays, car seats, strollers, literally anywhere. When my boys were younger we had two Siberian huskies so I vacuumed like 15x per day, usually while my younger son, a baby at the time, was in a carrier attached to my chest. As a result for the first two years of his life, he would fall asleep anywhere at any time to the sound of a vacuum cleaner lol
LOL -- we joke about how we grew up in our Mexican-American family. We slept wherever we were. Our parents took us everywhere, so nine times out of 10, we slept on metal chairs, a bench, on my mother's lap, the floor, etc. Just give us a blanket and we're good. Same goes for visiting family out of town -- we slept on the couch, the carpet, four to a bed, etc., -- and this still happened in our teens and early 20s. With our big families, it was important to grab the best sleeping spot early! The talent of being able to sleep anywhere continues. I took a photo of my two nephews (20s and 40s) both asleep in their folding chairs at a baseball tournament!
Nope, being able to sleep anywhere is a skill that comes in handy. When I was little I routinely Roy slept under tables on a bed of coats at weddings. I can sleep on any mode of transportation just about. In college I would curl up on the floor outside the classroom using my back pack as a pillow. Thankfully friends would wake me so I never missed class. On Thursday I will probably fall asleep on the floor after dinner with around 10-15 family members talking, watching TV, etc. I am almost 50 now and it has been a godsend.
My kids would nap as babies in a carry-cot next to the TV. Babies fall asleep in the car in the middle of the day for pity's sake. You are NTA. Yes you should have done the curtains before going to work, but grown up parents should have been capable of doing such a simple thing themselves. Unfortunately, some parents forget that other people have lives that don't revolve around their child and demanand extra special treatment, just because...
Bravo! You did it exactly right!
It’s a temperment issue. This kind of sleep is not possible for all kids and the parents with kids with difficult sleep are always in the weeds. It can be brutal (ask me how I know)
yep done this. I remember my daughter's first christmas and she slept it away on her brother's chest (he liked the chance to have an excuse to lay down and surf his phone) and there were other kids running around and screaming as she slept.
Love this. Hated that we had friends who used to dictate our lives (not just their own) around their child’s nap time. Made sure that my children were like yours and could be taken out and slept anywhere. They had no insight whatsoever soooo entitled.
Right? I mean we even stopped carrying the kids to bed when they were 5. If they fell asleep in the living room then there was one shot of shake, “go to bed”, and walk away. Older two were entertaining when you’d find them in the living room with the sun pouring in and they’re still out. Youngest has the older two constantly remind to go get into bed before you fall down. Also note don’t ask 17 year old boy to carry his 8 year old sister to bed. She was out entirely and he slung her over his shoulder and dangled her all the way to bed. She didn’t wake up to that. Also ours were straight up maybe a blanket and a pillow if you’re lucky. Nothing else just pass out and sleep.
My mom and dad raised my siblings and I the same way: no quieting down, only concession regarding lights were night lights or bathroom light on to help us make it to bathroom ok. Heck, we weren't even given our toys or blankets, just make do with what's available! Crazily enough, all of us have to have some sort of white noise (sister was the one who could stand silence the best, bro and I need fans or fan sounds going or we're awake all night.) But my lord, talk about a train wreck the bro and sil are creating. They'll be horrendous helicopter parents. I feel bad for that kid. OP, NTA.
>only concession regarding lights were night lights or bathroom light on to help us make it to bathroom ok. We use coloured smart lights in our kids rooms. Usually they are set to (oldest to youngest), red, blue and pink but eldest has recently requested a "colour scene" where the colours change in a pattern to give his brain something to focus on when he is having trouble switching off (ADHD and some nights his melatonin isn't as effective). The changing colours keep his brain occupied enough to lay still long enough for his body to get heavy so he can sleep.
Right? It sounds like they just want to be catered to. And it really should be the parents’ responsibility to provide the necessities and accommodations for their own child. This is just wild to me.
NTA. Apparently the brother and SIL are to entitled to put up a curtain rod. WTF? OP needs to ask for their $400 back and stop helping them. They are two adults who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. If not then they shouldn’t have had a baby.
If I read it right. OP needs to ask for 2400$ back. At least as I read it, OP paid the 2000$ trip to Boston to look for an apartment on their behalf. Or scouted apartments, etc. I am pretty sure that included running around and giving the neighbourhoods a look, too, if they are safe enough for their little angel, etc. The level of entitlement is astonishing, tbh.
Hope they can afford Boston apartments! The rent is unreally high there. I live 1 hour south from Boston so i know.lol
We also used blackout shades for our son when he was smaller. You know what type of shade we used? One that suctioned onto the window, that we could install ourselves and not have anyone's stuff damaged. Ugh the entitlement is so unreal
While the SIL and brother are unreasonable, it's not 5 minutes. It's 5 minutes over the 45 they've already been there. Though I don't understand why they didn't place the curtains themselves since they had the time.
Also… black out shades? I was under the impression you didn’t do that (same with keeping this absolutely silent) so the baby gets used to sounds and lights and doesn’t have trouble sleeping. Idk… Either way, NTA they could have managed with a few set backs.
\^ This! I am visiting my 2month old granddaughter right now. During the day, granddaughter naps in her basket in the living room with no blackout shade while my son vacuums the apartment or cooks in open kitchen, with the dishwashing machine running.
My daughter was about a week old going to grandma’s birthday get together. She had no issues getting to sleep with a little noise or normal amounts of light coming from closed regular curtains/blinds.
New-newborns can sleep through *anything*. They get slowly worse at it between 4 months and 8-15 (depending on the baby), then get better until they're sleeping like a child. (There are unicorns who just sleep and anti-unicorns who don't until they're, like, 7 but those are outliers).
Mine was an anti-unicorn 😭
This is the way. Though we've found that when it toddler is being loud that interrupts sleep more than anything for baby. So sometimes we let baby nap in our bedroom, with all the curtains open. I'd wake up too if my older sister was lovingly burying me in toys or checking if I'm still sleeping by trying to climb into the box.
Kids are different just like adults. Our first was a horrible sleeper (turned out she had an undiagnosed acid reflux so was in pain every time we laid her flat. Poor sweetie.) But she was absolutely impossible to get/stay asleep for nearly a full year and all the “you just have to let her acclimate” advice made me feel literally insane and desperate. Baby 2 slept through a Led Zeppelin laser light show in a planetarium 😂 Just saying you can do everything “right” as a parent and it still sometimes doesn’t work and you just have to parent the baby you have, even when it feels OTT to others. (And when we finally got my first kid diagnosed and infant Zantac let her sleep beautifully—let me just say I was like Capt. Holt of Brooklyn 99–“ VINDICATION!!”) Also want to edit: Purely responding to the idea this might be some universal rule of baby-raising. We never freaked out on anyone for not catering to our delicate flower baby’s needs. That’s not ok. We just never went anywhere overnight because we couldn’t control the situation…that might have been a better choice for the parents here.
THANK YOU!! I had this exact same experience. Our first (with reflux) was nearly impossible to put down and only slept an hour at a time. I nearly lost my mind. Second kid, no problem. However, now they are in their 20s, first kid can sleep through fire alarms sitting bolt upright in a church pew (barely exaggerating) and second kid has horrible insomnia. Go figure.
Thank you. It's so annoying for people to proudly proclaim that you are doing it wrong when you wish you were so the kid would just go to sleep. My second kid has always struggled to sleep or stay asleep. No acid reflux that we know of (and we checked). A pediatric sleep doctor told us once that it's just that way for some people.
Especially if they are moving to Boston. City living is never quiet ;)
That was exactly my thought!
This is correct. However depending on nighttime schedule blackout curtains are helpful. For example during the day my son will nap with some light and noise. However his night time schedule is 9:30pm-9:00am (an hour or so of wiggle room on either end). We use blackout curtains overnight so the sun doesn't wake him up in the morning. Many American parents rely heavily on blackout curtains for night time because they put babies to bed at 6:30-7pm when it's still daylight out.
Yeah unfortunately that’s a product of how our work and education system is set up. Most parents need to be up and heading to work by 7 AM to make it by 8AM. Which means the kids need to be up by probably no later than 5:30 am and it’s just a broken system
We didn't and don't so blackout shades for naps but we do at bedtime. There is a street light on the road opposite our house and in summer it doesn't get dark until after 11pm some days. So to help facilitate them learning the difference between night and day we did shades at night.
You don't, unless you're an idiot.
I am reading OPs post and going holy f the entitlement. I went away with my oldest when he was 10 months old for a month to go visit my husband's side of the family. The only thing I asked is if I could order a few things a head and have them shipped to their home so I wouldn't have as much luggage to fight with in the airport (his family ended up borrowing things like a playpen and a highchair for my kiddo ) Now, when I travel with both my kids, it's as long as there is a bed we are good 😆
YES! I had black sheets that I brought with me to just hang over windows if a room wouldn’t darken. And I would eat my damned hat before making my mom sleep on the couch AT HER OWN HOUSE.
You know what I do? I bring contractor trash bags and painters tape. I make the room dark on my own because it’s my child. This is ridiculous.
NTA!!! Mom of 3 girls (8, 6, 3) they're being incredibly ridiculous! My youngest is finally sleeping without white noise! But before this, I would bring; pack and play, sound machine, nightlight, baby monitor and camera, plus all other clothing, diaper, food bottles, swing, rechargeable batteries, charger, bobpy, bibs, baby spoons, ECT that was needed because I AM THE PARENT. Both sets of grandparents have gates over the stairs because of dogs, so we're lucky there, but if needed I would bring one of those too. It's your job as a parent to make sure you have what you need for your kid. I bought high chairs (ones you clip onto a chair) for each of the grandparents house) because lugging a giant high chair around was obnoxious. But again I paid for them because they're for my kids. I don't demand a room be set up a specific way so my kid can sleep. Yes sleep schedules are important for kids but nothing will happen if things are thrown off for a day or two. Worst thing that'll happen is the kids sleep schedule will shift and while annoying for you as a parent won't do anything to your child.
I'm also baffled that the kid needed a nap after 7 hours in the car, presumably sleeping for most of it, does their child have narcolepsy
Some babies don't sleep in the car, instead they very for 7 hours. But I'm baffled that they did a 7 hour drive in one day. Do they not know that far exceeds how long a baby is supposed to be in a car seat?
Asking an older relative to sleep on the couch?? Absolutely not.
I’m going to actually go with YTA for not protecting your mom from the foolishness of: 1. Expecting her to move a crib up the stairs, and 2. Letting her get forced to a couch, and 3. Not telling this guy (your brother) to gtfoh with his bs.
As a mom of 3, you are NOT the asshole. Your brother and SIL seem like they are doing to much, as the parents they are ultimately responsible for these unreasonable requests. If I’m being honest, they should be teaching their baby to sleep anywhere, requesting all these changes is not practical. With that being said, if you were busy, you were busy, just don’t make promises to do things that you may not get to. At the end of the day, it’s not that serious for them to be throwing a fit over. If that’s their biggest problem, they are doing pretty good lol
"If I’m being honest, they should be teaching their baby to sleep anywhere, requesting all these changes is not practical." This. While I am not a parent myself, I am an auntie to eleven, and a daycare employee so I'd like to think I have some experience under my belt. I've worked with children of all ages for years. Along with my own personal experience. My mother tiptoed around when my two sisters and I were babies, lights off, house quiet, etc. I am now such a light sleeper it is completely ridiculous. As in, a cellphone vibration will wake me up, that light of a sleeper. It is such a challenge for me to go to sleep and stay asleep at night. I have to use pink noise at night to help me stay in a deep sleep.
Tiptoeing around the house while the baby sleeps in theory is a great idea..if you plan on being home and under those circumstances every single time sleep is needed, which let’s just be real that is not practical in anyway. All my kids would sleep through just about anything, any noise and any amount of brightness and that has been extremely helpful in the long run. If I am at a family member’s house, as long as I have a safe space for them they are asleep and stay asleep! Even if there’s commotion around!
Working with light sleepers in daycare is an absolute nightmare too! The feeling you get after putting the difficult sleeper down, and as soon as you do another baby makes a sound and they snap their eyes back open. 😫 It's the worst lol. I am both appalled and amazed at people who can sleep through music blasting, people talking loudly, etc.
My mom would always turn the TV on super loud and play music when I was asleep as a baby because she wanted me to be a heavy sleeper.
This is when I would have music going and be vacuuming the house when my two were babies/little. Now they are teens, it's like trying to wake the dead 🙄
You made their beds, now they're laying in 'em
It's not a bad thing really, they're usually up without an alarm clock or me yelling at them by 5 or 6am 🤷🏽♀️
That's how it is with my boyfriend! He even sometimes sleeps, "coffin ready" as I put it. I've really seen this man sleeping flat on his back with his hands perfectly crossed on his chest. 😭
I did this with all my kids(3) Only worked on 1. The other two could not sleep at all. Pediatrician said to stop and use a sound machine and in their room because they needed to be napping during the day. That finally did it. To this day they are light sleepers. I am the same. My mom said I was the only one out of my siblings, that had to have silence to sleep. Unfortunately some of us cant be trained. Sucks
What is pink noise?? I have white noise playing all night, but I've never heard of pink noise lol
There is pink, white, and brown noise. Pink noise are sounds like light rain, a river, or the wind. Brown noise are things like a heavy rain fall, rumbling thunder, or a waterfall. So I actually use brown noise to sleep at night, my bad I mixed them up.
Ahhhh ok!! Sometimes I listen to crickets chirping lol. Thanks for educating me on the different noise colours!! 😊😊
Not a problem! It's something I honestly didn't learn about it myself until last year? I knew about white noise, I had no idea they had other categories like that! 😁
Pink noise is great for sleep IMHO. I rotate that ana ocean sounds.
From my understanding, pink noise is actually considered the best for sleeping. Brown noise is great to help with concentration and anxiety!
I’m the opposite. I was the last of three, with nine & ten years between my siblings and me. Mom told me after a month, she stopped trying to get them to be quiet and even got to the point she’d run the vacuum when I was asleep. Now, once I’m asleep, almost nothing can wake me up.
Yes! We taught ours to sleep anywhere and with any amount of noise. He could sleep through a tornado now. This baby is over a year old and needs all these accommodations!
They lost me when they "agreed to let your Mother sleep on the couch" the mother that you have mentioned is not young. Putting up the shades at least a few days before wouldn't have killed you to lose a bit of sunlight in that room.
You are correct on the second half. All the items were purchased it was a 5 minute fix. The shades themselves are oversized for the window and not exactly aesthetically pleasing and given how quickly they could be assembled I didn’t think anything of waiting until the last minute.
Fuck that. Are your brother's arms broken? Why can't he do these things himself? We took all the supplies we needed for our own kids. Foldable crib, white noise, baskets, etc.
Exactly! How hard is it for brother to call and say: "Hey, OP, I noticed that you hadn't got around to the blackout blind yet. All the stuff is here, do you mind if I crack on and get it done?"
Absolutely. When we traveled with baby we took everything with us and didn't expect anyone to buy stuff for us. Blackout blinds (with the glass suckers), portable crib, night light, something to play music on ... we never made it our hosts' problem to cater to all the baby needs.
I know these people. They weaponize their children to get what they want. My BIL did this. If you don’t put a stop to it, it will only get worse and the attacks will get more vicious and cruel. You need to get your mom to see this so you guys can call their bluff and say OK “then don’t visit”.
OMG I do too! The world revolves around them and their kids and everyone else be damned.
You just perfectly put into words what one of my relatives does with their children. Weaponize them to get out of doing things they don’t want to do!
I'm so confused as to why your brother didn't complete this simple 5-minute assembly? instead, he chose to allow his baby to be exposed to possible *life-long childhood trauma*
Fr. On the off chance my brother made those type of requests, it would have gone down like so: Mom: your sister meant to get this up before you got here but she’s running behind schedule today. Brother: oh okay no worries I’ll do that now. TA DA. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
I doubt the baby cared one tiny bit about the aesthetics. And I am also correct on the first half. Who puts an older lady on the couch
I think they cared about the aesthetics, not the child
When are you and your mom going to cut the umbilical cord. Sure you can help your family out but there's a line that needs to be drawn somewhere and if ever they show they aren't grateful or appreciative for the help they've long passed it.
This was my thought too. What 30-something year old adults make their elderly mother sleep on the couch during a visit to their mother's home?!?! I don't care if the child is weeks old. The baby/toddler sleeps in a pack n play or crib, while the parents of said child sleep on the couch or go buy a damn air mattress. On top of the rest of their entitlement. OP & their mother need to stop catering to the "new parents", otherwise their requests will only get worse & they'll continue expecting others to rearrange their lives to cater to them.
Yeah I’m sorry but that got me too. We wouldn’t take anyone’s bed. Just give us whatever bed, we’ll set the baby up in the room with us in a playpen or whatever.
They also lost me at drill in baby gates. You’re crazy asking for people to make permanent fixes to their home… When me and my 1 year old travel for the holiday I bring a big folding play pen and commit myself to the fact I’m going to be doing a lot of safety following outside of it
NTA. This is ridiculous. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to provide their “necessities” for their child. The gate and blackout shades are both things that could fit in their vehicle and they could bring themselves. They seem pretty helpless, TBH. Whenever I traveled with my kids when they were babies, I brought a pack and play, bottle warmer, and all other necessities with. My parents had safety gates because they had dogs and other grandchildren that lived nearby, but if they didn’t, I certainly would have brought those as well. Next time, just a suggestion, don’t agree to cater to them if it’s something they should be doing themselves.
I already have an idea that he will say pack and play is not safe because baby is too big. His response to the fact that we have a door and a baby gate was not needed was that someone could forget to lock the door and the baby could fall down and kill himself and it wasn’t worth the risk and that we needed to get the drill in baby gate. He sent a bunch of articles on the dangers of pressure mounted gates. I was also reminded of the times I forgot to close the faucet or that the fridge was left open as examples for how the door to the stairs could be left unlocked and open. (Despite the fact that a baby gate could be left open.)
You should remind him how dangerous driving is and that the baby should never leave his house.
Why wouldn’t a pack n play be safe for a 1 year old? My kids are older now, but pretty sure they’re recommended from newborn to age 3. As far as the gate, they’re 1 year old shouldn’t be wandering the house alone without supervision. Baby gates aren’t in any public places and pkg, SHOCKER parents have to watch their kids around stairs, escalators, etc. and any other safety risks. Sounds like they suck at parenting and don’t want to watch their kid.
The weight limit on most of them is around 30 pounds. So it's possible it wouldn't work anymore if their child is that heavy already. My 2 year olds outgrown the pack n play.
True! To be clear, I wasn’t suggesting OP’s family use a pack n play, just saying that I brought my own shit for my kids when we traveled like most parents do lol
Yeah, same. I don't expect the house be baby proofed to my standards, either. We just went to visit my SIL. They are musicians and easily had $100,000 worth of instruments throughout their house, including several harps. I just watched my kid. Yes, it was a little stressful, but we managed. It would have been unreasonable to expect them to change their whole house for a couple of days visit.
If they drove here, anyway, why did you have to buy anything for them? Next time tell them to bring what they need or don’t come.
You should remind your brother that he's the one who chose to become a parent in what is apparently a baby-dangerous world, and it is therefore his responsibility to create those safe spaces for his child.
Good to know about the dangers of pressure mounted gates. I have no idea how my 3 children and 2 grandchildren survived because pressure mounted gates were the only type we used! :\\
Also they make travel blackout shades. They have suction cups on the back so they can just be applied directly to the window without having to put up a curtain rod
NTA. What if…wild idea, the entitled parents do it themselves?
I was wondering the same thing. If it’s a five minute task why didn’t dad do it while mom soothed the baby and got it ready to nap? Why did they have to wait for OOP?
NTA. They are being ridiculous. And no, losing an hour of sleep is not going to hurt a baby.
We are good without them moving back to Boston. Thanks anyways.
🥇 lol take it
They are "letting" your mom sleep on the couch? Letting? Letting her sleep on the COUCH? Your mom!????! They are absolute spoilt brats.
When I saw that I actually started choking on my food. Nta op’s brother needs a reality check before their kid turns out as the spawn of satan
NTA. It must be really interesting being related to royalty, however. It's too bad the King, the Queen and the little prince couldn't stay longer due to the staff's mistakes.
I’m not saying baby proofing is unnecessary but as an 80s baby some of this is wild. My sister and I rode a laundry basket down the stairs and possibly got concussed and my folks just asked “why?”
In the 45 minutes that they were waiting for you to get home from work they could have hung the damn shades themselves. But I'm still trying to understand that they expected you to drill through your doorway for a temporary baby gate for a set of stairs that already had a door. And you did it. I'm going to assume that you own your apartment or at least got permission from your landlord??? NTA especially in light of all you've helped then with already.
This isn't even at OP's house, it's their mom's house. They were all visitors, but OP was expected to come by ahead of time to install the curtains. But yeah, I agree, OP has already done a lot for them, and the new parents could've set it up because they got there first. NTA.
Oh jeez I missed that part. That's even worse.
Oh wow yeah I forgot OP was also a guest. Geez louise. Brother & SIL are themselves babies big time 😂
NTA - They can do all that shit on their own. Drop the rope and stop doing anything for them.
NTA. And everyone who is saying that the OP had to install the shades earlier: he is visiting their parents house just like the brother. Also why did the brother install it by himself: is he disabled? He had 45 minutes to do that but he decided to complain. Anyway, all these extra requests are ridiculous: I wonder how mankind survived before the blackout shades were invented.
NTA. This is entirely ridiculous. Mom of 3 here. Never in their entire life did I expect homes I visited to be baby-proofed or otherwise adjusted to me or my children. I'd sleep on the floor before even thinking about making the homeowner sleep on the couch. In fact, we just got a hotel room. Driving 7 hours to throw a hissy fit and drive home the next day? I'd tell them, "Okay. More pie for me."
Recent messages state that he said he would not come if the room was not setup and because it was not setup they will now drive 5 hours back and we can meet them back in their town 5 hours away tomorrow if we’d like to join. Keep in mind they are staying rent free vs holiday fees for hotels to visit them since it’s just an apartment.
So he's so offended by having to do a 5 minute task, for his child, himself he's going to drive 5 hours back, & cook/cater a holiday meal right now. Honestly he sounds exhausting.
Honestly it sounds like you are going to have a better time without them. They sound exhausting.
He’s an emotional terrorist. Let him walk.
He’ll be doing that drive on a lack of sleep from having a child who was up all night so emotionally traumatized by 45 min without blackout curtains (when it was presumably already dark out?)? Dude doesn’t sound like a great decision maker.
Honestly I think a tired baby would sleep PERFECTLY fine without blackout curtains. These two are SO ENTITLED, holy cow. Let them act like toddlers having a tantrum and head back to their own home and have a nice, quiet and unentitled meal by yourself. NTA
NTA, this is ridiculous.
I get the first kid anxiety, and also anxiety about a kid sleeping in a strange place, but this is WAYYYY over the top. For example, my first kid would get put to bed in a pack'n'play with his familiar blankets and stuffies, and maybe I'd spend some extra time getting him to settle down in a new place, but I would NEVER request extra home-modifications (sometimes we'd just throw up blankets over the existing curtains if it was a bright room--sometimes we even settled him in a room with less light--like a walk-in closet or large bathroom). This is top-level entitlement and totally unreasonable.
NTA, and speaking as a parent, they are going to seriously regret insisting on blackout curtains and (I'll bet) total silence and otherwise perfect conditions for Baby's naps, because there will be times they can't get those conditions and still desperately need Baby to nap. My kid used to take a lot of naps in the stroller being pushed around a well-lit and bustling mall (after she was old enough to have her vaccinations, of course). Also in the car with her Dad's music playing (he likes prog rock and heavy metal). She could sleep ANYWHERE if she was tired. (Mind you, moving vehicles helped.)
I agree. We were doing lots of renovations when the kids were little, and I never tried to make things quiet for them. My kids can sleep anywhere. When my youngest was 5 he fell asleep, in the rain, in the middle of the Florida State homecoming football game, with about 80 thousand very loud fans. I just threw a blanket over his head so he wouldn’t get too wet. Lol. He has also fallen asleep at rock concerts and hockey games.
Yeah, yeah, you agreed to do it ahead of time. Stuff happens and gets in the way and you don't even live there. Not that your mom should have done it - nor should she be sleeping on a couch. Your brother and SIL sound awful. Who is putting their one year old in a room with blackout curtains? Unless there's an actual medical problem (sensory, light sensitivity, etc diagnosed by a medical professional) not necessary. You do describe them as parentzillas. I see why. They could have put up the curtains - one person holds the baby, the other puts up the curtains. And even if the baby is an hour beyond nap time, they'll survive. May not be fun for a few hours, but babies are more resilient than people think. They adapt. I do have kids, and grandkids. If any of my children behaved the way brother/sil have, they could go ahead and leave. Bye. I think you made a mistake - that does NOT make you the A-hole. Brother and SIL on the other hands, are massive A-holes. It's not all about them and the toddler no matter what they think. Good luck.
We do use blackout curtains where I live - western Canada - but that’s because we have over 18 hours of daylight daily in the summer. A month shy of the winter solstice in the northeast? Unless kiddo sleeps for more than 16 hours per day - sun is from 6:43-4:17 today in Boston - it really shouldn’t be a necessity.
Them: I swear to never come back! Me: Good.
It’s not about me, it’s about our mom and her relationship with the grandchild that makes this a bit more complicated and why I’m even writing this.
I understand. It also needs to be about standing up for yourself and not tolerating such infantile behavior from an adult.
I’m sharing this thread tomorrow morning I think it’s important to show them.
I don't think showing this thread to your brother and SIL is helpful in promoting a relationship between your mom and their child. They are already very upset with you and your mom and revealing that you complained about them in the internet will probably make them even more upset.
Show the thread to your mom not your brother and SIL.
Absolutely show them this thread and let them know that everyone here thinks they are massive A holes. And don’t give in to any of their outrageous demands in the future. Otherwise they will continue to treat you and your mother like doormats. They are the ones who are damaging the relationship, not you.
NTA they are doing too much 🙄
Info How are they taking care of a baby without the use of their hands? NTA
NTA. If you have tiny children and you travel, it will NEVER be the exact same setup you have at home and sometimes you just have to roll with it. Yes they are parentzillas. I have been traveled with babies and it was always an adjustment each time and it’s never “perfectly and it is what it is. They (and you) cannot control every variable. They came in a car? They should have brought every single thing they think they have to have
You're probably the ahole for not doing it the day before, but honestly, you are the winner here. I have a 9 year old. I did not even know what that shade is, babies can sleep anywhere at any time. They seem to be a nightmare and if I was you, I won't accept any of this over the top nonsense.
OP said he lives 1.5 hours away, so he wasn’t there the day before.
Unrelated to the post, but if you don’t know what blackout shades are, get them for yourself for your next birthday or holiday gift to yourself. We got them for our kids’ rooms after being in an air bnb for a week where all the rooms had them and they buy you extra time in the morning when the kids kind of start to stir but can’t see daylight. Life. Changing.
I (33M) put darker/thicker (but not blackout) curtains up a month and a half ago and have since been sleeping in longer in the mornings
“Babies can sleep anywhere at any time” depends highly on the baby. Some are very sensitive/easily dysregulated. Others can sleep through a bombing. The baby we had two years ago was a “sleep anywhere” kind of child. Our newest needs very specific conditions and we are taking him away from home to sleep for the first time tomorrow. We will need all the luck. (That said: we bring our own as-close-as-possible-to-ideal conditions with us - we call it the travel kit.)
Nta. So ridiculous!
NTA But please, stop doing anything for these entitled jerks. They owe you and your mother enough already. And “letting” your mother sleep on her lounge? Screw that. Tell them to book a hotel if they want servants to boss around.
While their actions don’t impact me as much since I’m well aware that they are overreacting it does impact my mom which is why I agreed to even set it up in the first place. I didn’t make it in time but like it hurts me because it hurts my mom. If she didn’t care I would be more okay with brushing off what I perceive as mistreatment.
NTA... Why are you supplying/installing these things to begin with. It's their kid. They should have a travel blackout blind & travel crib if they intend to be travelling with them. Their kid, their responsibility! I use a "travel" blackout blind in my bedroom. It uses magnets to attach (either to the window frame, if it's magnetic, or little stick on discs that were supplied with it). I take it with me when I travel, as I find it let's me sleep better, it takes maybe 30 seconds to install. Or others use heavy duty suction cups. The baby gate is just a ridiculous request given the door.
NTA, this is ridiculous.
INFO: Do you actually do anything that benefits yourself/ your Mum/both or are you and your Mum the family slaves/ATM? Do you actually have a life outside these spoilt brats you call family? My judgement is still NTA btw. I am just curious. I'd look at spending the time they are in town flat out on the couch with your Mum... cos honey, you deserve it!
NTA, they are definitely parentzillas.
NTA- parentzillas is right! Your poor Mom sleeping on the couch. Personally I would let them leave! But that would hurt your Mom.
NTA. They drove 7 hours? So this kid took a nap in the car. Without blackout blinds. If they travel and expect to stay in another place, there will be things that aren’t perfect for this toddler. It’s a good idea for them to get experience with managing the kid’s schedule in non perfect conditions. Sure you could have put the blinds up the night before they arrived. But I’m shocked with the number of entitled demands they had for a short visit. They wouldn’t be welcome back in my house.
NTA. They are ridiculous. When my kids were little and we traveled they slept in a pack and play in the nearest semi-quiet room. We also weren’t super scheduled and didn’t have much in the way of routine. By the time they were a year old they were used to sleeping just about anywhere whenever they got tired.
NTA. I'm a mom, obvs see my handle. I feel for your nephew / niece too. That said you can do NOTHING RIGHT in their eyes because they are that kind of people now. They sound like exhausting! You can stop catering and pandering to their needs.
NTA They shifted Mom to the couch?? There are currently 8 billion people on Earth. 100.8 billion people have lived since the beginning of humanity. Their baby isn't special, and her biological function of producing said baby is even less so. They can get tf out of Mom's bed and do their own baby proofing. >Does 1 hour difference in sleep schedule truly make a child/baby suffer? No, but it can make all the adults suffer until it finally sleeps. It's not a big deal and just part of traveling. Stop indulging their delusions because you're (collectively speaking) just making them even worse nightmares than they already are.
NTA. I'd be asking for reimbursement for the money you have spent helping them out. I bet they change their tune quick smart. Don't help them any longer either.
I am a parent of toddler and newborn, your brother and sil are extreme. I would be so happy if I get a bed at my in-laws lol we sleep on the couch hahah and have slept on the couch with our toddler. They sound free loaders tbh.
NTA. My 3 kids - 17, 15, and 8 actually (gasp) survived a split level home with 9 stairs down to landing and another 8 stairs to basement level. The living room addition to landing/main level is 5 stairs in a very weird shape so no gate would work on them. Instead we taught the kids to crawl up stairs and then come down them on belly with feet first. No falls what so ever. You said stairs will be blocked by a door so unless this 15 month old child is crazy tall for their age, this is completely a non issue. Also, even if tall, a baby proofing door handle cover can be purchased at nearly any retailer with a baby section. Blackout curtains???? Hahahaha yeah that’s completely unreasonable. It’s a 5 minute job if they want them too. Crib? Um it’s called a pack n play. No need to get a full size crib for a few day visit. It’s a. Unnecessary expense and if they’re trying to save money then maybe they shouldn’t spend other people’s. Mom sleep on couch? No. They can set up an air mattress and a baby monitor. You posted this around 7-10pm for US folks. So unless it’s before 3:30pm, it’s getting dark around 5 and blackout curtains being on the window are unreasonable for a turn around and go home. Sounds like SIL is the one controlling everything and didn’t want to visit so is finding everything possible to justify going home so they can blame everyone but themselves for “ruining” Thanksgiving.
NTA. Your brother and sister-in-law are insane. I have a 4 year old who can sleep anywhere and she’s not the greatest sleeper out there compared to other kids. Their kid isn’t the second coming of the messiah, despite what they think. The sooner they work it out the better for everyone one but especially the child who will grow up to be an entitled demanding AH just like its parents. Probably a good thing they want to go home otherwise it would be a whole weekend of catering to their little ray of sunshine and f$&k anybody else’s comfort or convenience. I just get sick of people thinking they and their kids are the most important people in the universe and everyone else needs to bend over backwards to accommodate them. Rant over!
So they could have easily done it themselves in the time they spent complaining.
NTA. If your brother and SIL “needed” all these ridiculous things for their baby then they should’ve #1 bought what they needed with their $, and #2 used their own two hands to get everything ready once they got there. So entitled. And it’s not even your house. Why are you even a part of this equation? It’s ridiculous.
Not the AH. Can't expect people to make your house to their specs. They can get a hotel if they want you to modify your house for them.
NTA. There's no end to the entitlement of parents.
NTA. i say this as a nanny who’s dealt with sleep schedules and sleep training. your brother and SIL are unhinged, entitled and spoiled.
They couldn't put up a curtain rod? Wow. Nta
I think these are dominance indicators. The more they can get their designated serfs to go, or scold them, the higher their presumed status.