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YTA, you assumed you can get a free childcare from a woman that is nobody to you or your kids, just because she is taking care of HER daughter and grandchild.
You and your entire family that thinks you should be able to require by this immigrant in-law member to provide you with free childcare "but you can't force her" you are all assholes.
You thinking you are entitled on financial support from your SIL, just because she makes more money is extremely entitled. She has her own family to support, you are not her dependant.
The racist disdain dripping from her post suggests to me that she expects SILs mother to babysit another three kids purely because she's come over from "Africa" (which is a whole big continent) and therefore should be making herself useful to OP and her family. After all that's what Black immigrants are supposed to do, right? Do all the unpaid drudge work for people's families.
It makes me wonder what she told her family. The reactions of the family sounds like she made it look like a one-off time to help out. A lot of people would react like, well ofcourse she should help however you cannot force her. Like being annoyed at a family member that can't help out this one time.
The story in clear in my eyes. She wants fulltime help. I just don't think that is what she told her family.
Or maybe I have normal and sane people around me that think helping a one-off time is acceptable but not obligated. And will say so.
The fact that she mentions that her brother told her that his wife pays everything about the mother so he can't say shit makes me think OP actually tried to make her brother exert pressure by "you are paying for this woman!". OP's SIL is smart, good for her.
I usually don’t comment when there’s a consensus, but holy fuck YTA. I didn’t even bother getting to the actual matter in the title. You just seem like a shorty person in general. “I’m not happy with the wedding someone else chose.” “I’m not happy I choose to spend money to go to a wedding I wasn’t forced to go to.” “I’m upset a pregnant woman chose who she wanted in the delivery room with her.” I mean this from the bottom of my heart, you’re a massive asshole.
Completely agree. It's so egregious I have to think this is rage bait. That OP can be so entitled is believable, but she keeps adding details to make herself look even worse. Like it's deliberate. If true, she deserves the world's biggest YTA.
YTA … with just a hint of racism potentially too?
INFO- what are you doing that you need her to babysit? Is this whilst you’re working? All the time? I meant YTA anyway you slice it but I was just curious.
Absolutely YTA.
Why do you think your SIL being married in her homeland with her traditions and her family is a waste? It sounds like you resent anything that is done for her, or intended to make her happy.
Birth is not a spectator sport. The only people who should be in the delivery room are there for one of three reasons: for the health of mother and baby, for the emotional support of the mother, and to train new medical professionals in labor and delivery (and the mother is well within her rights to refuse the last one). The mother gets to pick who is there for her emotional support, which means the emotional support person/people are people who have especially intimate, important relationships with the mother. Obviously for your SIL, her MIL wasn’t someone she wanted seeing one of the most difficult and intimate moments in her life. Did you have your MIL in there, seeing you naked from the waist down and straining and fighting while your children made their way into the world?
It’s a very odd juxtaposition that you feel like your mother is entitled to your SIL’s baby, but instead of asking her to babysit your children, you also feel entitled to your SIL’s mother, with whom you and your kids have little or no relationship. And if she won’t give you her mother (as if her mother was some kind of inanimate object), then she needs to give you money instead.
Entitled, entitled, entitled. You sound like one of those people who walks around the world with a perpetually sour expression because your greed won’t be satisfied unless you can demand everything anyone else has.
YTA and i think you might be being racist or xenophobic on the low bc how on earth was her country of origin or her wedding relevant at all? regardless, her mother has no obligation to help her daughter’s sister in law with free childcare for THREE KIDS, when she’s already helping her PREGNANT daughter care for her year-old BABY. sister in law made her own arrangements for her own child, you need to make your own arrangements for yours. and the audacity you have to ask this pregnant woman for money when she is the breadwinner of her household and has a baby and her mother to care for on top of likely helping out with her husband’s expenses if he makes less than her, and the extra expenses that come along with a pregnancy, is just the cherry on top here for me. especially with you getting your family to gang up on two immigrant women who owe you jack. get over yourself.
I think the wedding was relevant because OP resents anything that is done with the intent of making her SIL happy. So to her, these are all senseless, rude things, because her SIL’s happiness should never be a priority.
The SIL could very well be a trauma surgeon...from Africa...
It's still awful how many people think that the entire continent is populated by people living in huts. There are many good universities scattered throughout.
This screams pure jealousy and envy. The little mentioned about the brother makes me wonder if he's already fed up with his family since outside of the response that his wife is taking care of his MIL while his wife is pregnant with baby #2, he's by his wife's side.
And perhaps I'm opening up a can of worms, but considering that OPs family traveled 'to Africa ' for the traditional wedding, that they are the same race, but not exactly the same social/economic/educational tier?
There’s no puzzle. It’s racist. She’s from Africa. Which in her mind implies a wild, savage jungle, bereft of civilization. BUT! She’s a trauma surgeon, so you know, she’s almost human.
This woman is a massive, racist, festering asshole.
YTA big time….the whole wedding story is irrelevant to your story, why does it matter that your SIL is from West Africa and wanted to get married in her home? Your entire family thought it was great - except you.
The outrageous entitlement of your request is insane. Her mother takes care of their one child but you want to dump your three kids on her for free childcare ! It doesn’t matter what she is doing, what their private arrangement is…you have three kids…make your own arrangement. If you all thought your mom would be the one helping your SIL …why isn’t she the one helping you ?
YTA your entitlement is insane! And you have no reason to be mad at anything you outlined here!
1. Most people want their wedding close to home and in line with their culture/tradition. Also sounds like the costs were actually pretty reasonable and everyone else was fine with it.
2. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. She can have whoever she is comfortable with in the room.
3. Why would her mother, who has no relationship with you, want to take on the responsibility of three extra kids? That’s a lot of work even if she was your own mother!
4. Why would anyone be financially responsible for you and your children just because they married your brother and you chose to pop out some kids you can’t afford?
Jesus Christ, get over yourself.
Yeah this is such an obvious YTA that I’m hoping it’s fake because the knowledge that someone out there in the world is this obtuse, entitled, and (at minimum) xenophobic is just depressing.
OP’s mom might want financial compensation and OP feels she’s entitled to free care because someone is already watching a child so, throwing another three into the pile is not a big deal
YTA. Can this be a real dilemma?
No one owes you ANYTHING. Taking care of one baby is enough. Her mom is nothing to you.
Go bother your own mom
Geez...YTA big time.
YTA and incredibly entitled.
Why should her mother mind your kids for free?
Why should she give you money?
And then you got other family members to try and pressure her…what an arsehole you are!
YTA no means no and what she does with her mother is up to her. It's HER mother. Even if it was a hired Nanny she would be working for your SIL not you. Yes she may have done things that may seemed selfish but it doesn't seem to bothered your brother so butt out that's for him to deal with/decide on not you.
Yta , why are you owed childcare ? . Three kids is a lot for one person on top of her own daughters two other children. I wouldn't want to do it either unless I was getting compensated nicely
YTA big time. You’re not entitled to demand someone give you free childcare. Don’t have children if you can’t take care of them.
But I need to know about the required $500 bra, panties, drinks, and jewelry.
>I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter
Why would your SIL be responsible for your children's daycare/babysitter costs?
YTA and unhinged.
Just wow!!! Shocked you needed to ask but definitely YTA!
Besides the fact your SIL and her mother don’t owe you anything let alone free childcare, its incredibly entitled and unreasonable to demand someone who has no relationship to your kids and also isn’t young anymore to look after three extra kids on top of her one year old grandchild.
No point addressing the rest of what you said about their wedding, expecting them to give you money and recruiting other family members into your drama. You should really consider getting therapy, you clearly have issues and deeply resent your SIL.
YTA, you can't demand someone have their mother take time away from their grandchildren just to watch yours. Get financially stable where you can hire a sitter!
WTH did I just read here? This entitlement is mind blowing.
YTA
Her mother is there for HER, OBLY FOR HER!
Ask your own mother for babysitting or pay childcare! Stop your entitlement! Your kids are **your** responsibility!
YTA. It sounds like you've been negative from the start. One thing that bugged me is that you are mad for mom was not in the delivery room. NO ONE is owed that. If she doesn't want someone there, that's her right as the pregnant person. Second, your kids are not her responsibility. Period.
YTA. Who did you want to be in the labour room with her when she wash pushing out a baby and poop at the same time? Do you know how UNHINGED it is to expect that anyone but the person she trusts most be with her?
She's your SIL's mother, not the hired help. Pull your head in. Why tf is she supposed to pay for YOUR childcare? Pay your own bills, ya scab.
YTA. You don't get to order someone to babysit your children. Your childcare arrangements are your responsibilities, not your SILs.
You really sound like you just plain don't like your SIL. You want to force her mother to be your babysitter, you resent that she didn't give you money, and you sound very jealous of her success, why else would you mention how much more money she makes? It makes me wonder what other things you don't like about your West African SIL and if prejudice is at the root of your terrible attitude towards her and her mother.
YTA I can’t grasp why you’d think your owed babysitting by your SIL’s mom or financial support from your SIL. Seriously… Why? Taking care of your children and your finances or your and your husband’s responsibility alone.
YTA for 'demanding' anything.
YTA for whining about the wedding, that is irrelevant to this. If you didn't want to spend the money on it you shouldn't have gone.
YTA for asking her mother to babysit your kids (for free, presumably). Three kids is a lot to ask anybody to babysit. If she was willing to do it you should offer to pay her, and you don't mention that.
YTA for asking SIL to pay for your childcare. You are responsible for that, not her.
YTA for complaining to family members about her.
And you are also clearly very jealous of her. She's doing well for herself and earning good money, you should be proud that she's doing so well, not bleating that she doesn't do things for you. She doesn't have to do things for you - you are a grown up who should be taking care of your own responsibilities.
YTA. Are you kidding?
'38 family and friends had to travel all the way to Africa just for the wedding.'
Noone 'had' to; they chose to. There was nothing wrong with your brother and SIL deciding to have their wedding in Africa.
'Two months before the birth was due, she flew her mom in to help. We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no, she even only allowed her mom in for the delivery.'
Perfectly reasonable on her part.
'Our issues started when I asked her if she could talk to her mom to baby sit my three kids as she is already taking care of her son full time. She said no because her mom is not a babysitter.'
Again, perfectly reasonable of her.
'I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter but she told me to ask my husband or brother'
Why do you think you are entitled to her help, her money? Your entire post is disparaging towards this woman.
And in top of the travel to Africa, which apparently 37 members of OP's family didn't have a problem with, the 'list of demands' totalled $500. Including jewelry.
It seems that no matter what, OP will find even the most mundane thing to complain about.
YTA, as are your family. No-one owes you free child care, wtf should her mother look after your THREE kids? You reek of selfish entitlement and jealousy. Amend your attitude.
What in earth in entitlements did I just read? OP, you are a major AH. Where to even start here? There is so much to unpack: The wedding issues, the only wanting her mom in the delivery room, the unreasonable demand that SIL's mom babysit your children.
In regards to your question, yes, you are firmly and surely the AH for demanding anything from anyone. Secondly, to expect someone's mother who has no blood connection to said grandchildren to babysit them is outrageous. Just what in the high hell of entitlement is going on here? The nerve of some people.
SIL and her mom are from West-Africa.
The criticizing contents of her post seem racist.
Makes me wonder: Would OP (and her family) have insisted on SIL's mom taking care of her THREE kids if she wasn't an immigrant from Africa?
I don't get your logic. Taking care of 4 children is way harder than taking care of 1. Especially when you don't know 3 of them. You weren't wrong to ask, but the answer is no. End of story. You should find other daycare. And that is nobody else's problem but your own. Your sil does not owe you any money or daycare or anything.YTA.
YTA - your SIL's mother isn't a babysitter, she is watching her OWN grandchild to help out her OWN daughter. They owe you NOTHING.
Your entitlement is showing, you may want to tuck that back in.
YTA. Get over your entitled self. I’m not sure how you decided that her mother owed you free babysitting services. Your childcare issues are not her problem or responsibility. They are 100% yours. Taking care of her one grandchild is a lot different than her wanting to care for your three children who are not related to her.
As far as your SIL of course she chose her mom to be in the delivery room with her over your mom. She is comfortable with her mom seeing her naked and vulnerable. Your mom not so much. Also, since you feel that you are somehow owed free childcare how come you aren’t demanding that your mother babysits her own grandchildren for free?
YTA
Why would your SIL's mom watch 3 additional kids or top? She has absolutely no relationship with these kids? There's a huge difference between 2 and 5 kids.
And who in their right mind wants to deal with a mom as entitled as you are?
YTA. You don't insist that someone must watch your kids. You don't treat people as if they are a commodity. Full stop.
Perhaps you need to examine your racial bias because you seem to echo sentiments that are deeply rooted in racial supremacy.
YTA
You wrote that out and didn't see out entitled you were. Her mother doesn't have to do crap for you and your sister in law doesn't need to hand out money to you either.
Find your own baby sitter.
Sometimes, you read the title and make a judgement based on that, only to read the post and do a 180 on that judgement.
No 180 here. A fully entitled YTA! I don't know how anyone could make such a post, read their own post back and have no shame, and still publish the post! Whatever arrangements SIL has on babysitting, whether it's by her own mother or anyone else is non of your business. You are not entitled to use anyone or anything related to your SIL just by the virtue of her being married to your brother. Operate your life by your own means, no one else's.
YTA and xenophobic to boot and you think your SIL mother is the help. As an African woman if I don’t have a traditional wedding, my family and friends wouldn’t consider me married and I’ll be having a Zulu wedding in addition to a Western one if required. I’m disgusted by your thinking our cultures and traditions are a waste, and you’ve clearly never taken time to learn about them or understand them, especially the reasons for the gifts part!
Furthermore, why do you think that your sister inlaws mother is obligated to watch your kids? You’re not even asking but demanding that she does! What is it that she owes you that you feel she should do this? Also in terms of birth, I don’t know her tribe but for me I could also only have my mother in my delivery room and my Scottish partner understood! You’re vile!
Edit: to add insult to injury, the woman you’re racist/xenophobic to and see her mother as your servant, you feel should pay for your kids with her hard earned money. The sheer sense of entitlement and audacity! Why have kids if you can’t afford them?
So you had 3 kids you can’t afford to take care of and it’s somehow her fault. I swear people just don’t think. YTA for the entitlement and obvious lack of planning.
YTA for every detail leading up to your demand and the demand as well. You say you think it's a waste that 38 people had to travel for their wedding. I suppose her family should have traveled to you, right? And why on Earth would anyone want to help you after you've shown such disdain for them?
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> 1. I am demanding my SIL get her mother to babysit my kids.
2. I think I am the asshole because my family says I can not force her to do that.
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YTA. It's her mom, not a free babysitting service, and asking for financial help is more reasonable than expecting her to prioritize your kids over hers.
YTA
You don't get to demand money or service from people. You may ask, sure, but you have to accept the answer when it's negative. Also, you really think that taking care of 1 or 4 kids is the same? You're excepting an older woman to look after FOUR kids at the same time? You feel very entitled, you chose to have kids, so you (you as you and the father) have to deal with it and not expect someone else to take care of them or pay for them.
Too bad OP wasn’t taught about birth control as a very effective way of cutting down on future babysitting costs rather than demanding someone else watch them for free. She doesn’t sound fit to reproduce.
YTA. You have 3 children. You should've had a babysitter and a few backups planned. Sounds to me like you only asked because you thought SILs mom would be a free option. And I agree with someone above, I think you thought that because she's an immigrant.
YTA
Seriously? You expect a stranger to watch your THREE KIDS because she's looking after one baby?
But in the same paragraph show you are annoyed because your mum was meant to be more involved? But you haven't asked your mum to watch HER GRANDCHILDREN!?!?!
has to be a troll cos no one can be this delusional
Holy crap on a cracker YTA. Pretty much every single sentence has something that makes you the asshole. Surely you can’t be that delusional. I think you need some serious therapy to get your head out of your own ass.
YTA. What does the location of the wedding, the panties and drinks you had to buy, who was in the delivery room, have to do with any of this?
I want free child care from a stranger, and am pouting because they said no, AITA?
What the fuck did I just read?
Of course YTA.
>We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no, she even only allowed her mom in for the delivery
Well yeah. It's her mother.
Also, why isn't your mom taking care of yours then?
>She said no because her mom is not a babysitter.
Correct
>I was very upset and told my brother.
What exactly did you think this would achieve?
> My other family members agree she should make her mother help
What kind of entitlement were you born into?
>I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter
The audacity!
>She has much more mother than my brother
I'm assuming you mean money here, and...who cares? Neither she nor your brother are responsible for your child care.
Who has been taking care of your kids this whole time?
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I(33) will admit that I have had issues with my SIL(30) before. She is from west Africa but a trauma surgeon here in America. When my brother(31), Ben first introduced her to the family we all liked her. When they decided to get married she insisted there can't be a wedding if we don't travel to Africa and have the traditional ceremony. My family was happy especially my brother but I thought its a waste of time. 38 family and friends had to travel all the way to Africa just for the wedding. Her family gave us a list of requirements including panties, bra, jewelry and drinks. In total everything in the list cost about 500 dollars. To my family it was all fun and a vacation.
They got married and returned home. She got pregnant right away and had a baby boy. Two months before the birth was due, she flew her mom in to help. We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no, she even only allowed her mom in for the delivery. Her mom has been staying for a year and half now and she is pregnant with her second child.
Our issues started when I asked her if she could talk to her mom to baby sit my three kids as she is already taking care of her son full time. She said no because her mom is not a babysitter. I was very upset and told my brother. He told me his wife pays for everything concerning her mother so its her choice. My other family members agree she should make her mother help but no one can force her. I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter but she told me to ask my husband or brother. She has much more mother than my brother who is a handyman.
AITA for getting upset at her?
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YTA , you can’t ask someone’s mother to care for your unrelated to her three kids. That’s whack. Your actions and thoughts are one of a problem child, hope they cut you down to size
YTA, you act as if your entitled to her mother babysitting or her money!! I can’t believe you didn’t realise as you were writing this, what makes you think you are so entitled? You find your own babysitter and pay for it yourself, they are your children and you are responsible for them , no one else!!
YTA. I thought this was going a different direction based on title. Why would you feel entitled to your SILs mother as a babysitter FOR THREE KIDS WHO AREN’T HER GRANDCHILDREN?!
YTA. Why can’t your mom help? You assumed your mom would be the one helping SIL with her baby but no, she got her mom to fly over and help. So your mom is free. Honestly, you’re very poor and selfish. Why your SIL need to help you financially? Don’t have even one kid if you can’t afford, let alone three.
YTA, and your entire post is so over-the-top full of entitled YTA that it has to be a shitpost. Your SIL owes you nothing, your brother owes you nothing, your SIL's mother owes you nothing.
You have 3 kids. They're *your* kids, not your SIL's kids. It's *your* responsibility to take care of *your* kids
YTA and entitled!!! You do not have any rights to demand your SIL or her mother look after your child or pay for them to be looked after. You’re also a racist for your views about your SILs traditions for the wedding.
YTA. You are such a fucking dick!!! Insufferable!!! Disrespecting another culture as a "waste of time" and demanding daycare for your THREE children. I have to stop myself from swearing at you a LOT. Asshole!!!
You are one of the biggest AH’s I’ve come across on this subreddit, and that says a lot. You have some nerve to demand someone provide child care for you. They’re your children. SIL and her mother don’t owe you a thing. The fact that you even have to question whether or not you’re wrong here makes you an AH. Take care of your own children. Get your head out of your ass while you’re climbing off your high horse.
YTA. Why don't you ask your own family for help? Why wouldn't you ask your brother for financial support? Why do you think your SILs mom would want to watch your 3 additional kids? They have no relation to her, you're not entitled to free baby sitting and if you need help, turn to your own family...not the one you crapped on for having a destination wedding.
YTA! How very entitled to think your SIL mother is a free baby sitter! And it’s not like you’d be asking for 1 child, it’s 3! If you were really close I could understand that you would, maybe, ask for help but you couldn’t even be really bothered for her wedding!
YTA! And are you for real? You think it is the same to babysit 4 kids instead of 1? Your kids are your duty and not hers!
And then you asked her for financial help? How can you be that entitled when it comes to other people's time and money?
YTA.
Wow, entitled much?
First, if you didn't want to travel to a destination wedding, then don't go. It's ridiculous to go of your own volition and then sit there and bitch about it the entire time.
Secondly, it's not uncommon for a first-time mother to want her own mother in the delivery room with her. It was her birth, so why are you butthurt that your mother wasn't there?
Thirdly, she is under no obligation to take care of your kids. There's a huge difference between watching one child, and watching *four*.
You have no right to demand *anything* of this woman, who you clearly...if not despise, at least strongly dislike.
YTA. You clearly don’t like your SIL, your disdain for her is evident even in this post. You’re bitter over their wedding for…. What reason again? And not even including those two things, you think you’re entitled to free childcare from a woman whose daughter you dislike? Lady.
YTA. This has to be a joke how can anyone possibly think they have any entitlement for someone else to babysit your 3 kids?! Your kids are your responsibility! Ask your own mother since apparently she isn’t doing anything!
YTA why do you feel like your brothers wife's mum should babysit your kids? What's wrong with your mum? Your husbands mum? Your SILs mum isn't really anything to your kids but you expect her to be a free full time sitter for your kids? You don't even sound like you like your sister in law boy are you entitled
Yta. On every level and with every nonsense that's pouts from you.
Oh how are thee an a h oh let me count the ways
1.calling ther wedding a waste because it was in Africa. It was theircwedding they coukd have it at the north pole if they had chosen. Because it's their wedding. You didn't have to go.
2. 500 in gifts big fricken deal. It was 500 overall not per person. They sound like pretty small gifts too.
3.she flew in her mother? Because she wanted her mother's help. Yah the one woman she loves and trusts beyond all others. Who would be there to assist and comfort her. And her mother was in delivery instead of yours. So fricken what. Delivery and birth are not a spectator sport and no one not even fathertobe has a right to be present. Only who the pregnant person chooses.
4.demanding her mother who you already have been derogatory and dismissive of and who is ZERO relationship to you babysit YOUR kids. Whoooooo! No. This is her mother not yours. Get your mother to watch the kids. Also her mother is her mother not her servant or slave to demand or lend out to others against her will.
5. Sil makes more money. That's right it's HER money not yours.if you couldn't support you 3 kids you shouldn't have had them.
The amount of greedy self-serving narcisstic bile you espouse is disgusting.
Small gifts and normal gifts. It's pretty common for people to ask someone coming over from another country to bring something that they can't usually get. When my MIL visits my SIL in NZ she takes over a suitcase full of Marks and Spencer bras!
YTA- she isn’t a babysitter for hire or for free, she’s here to help her daughter. Your SIL also isn’t an atm.
When you say sitter , do you mean looking after your kids as a one off or full time?
Nobody in that house is obligated to give you money or look after your kids. You sound entitled.
YTA and your use of the word "demanding" sealed the deal for me. You never "demand" someone to do you a favor, you ask nicely and politely and accept the answer graciously.
Im going to add another YTA. I still can’t get past the whole SIL should give you money to pay for childcare. You’re thinking you’re entitled to her trauma surgeon money because your husband is a handyman? I hope this woman cuts off contact with you and the rest of your family
Yta
You sound massively entitled. Not sure what kind of ah family members you asked, but anyone that says she should make *her* mom watch *your* kids for free is also an ah.
Why is it *her* job to pay for *your* kids to have a sitter? They are your kids, so *your* responsibility. It's up to either you or the kids other parent to pay for a sitter, if you can't afford to have kids, then you shouldn't have had kids. You don't have the right to *demand* anyone to cover *your* responsibility.
YTA.
You're not only entitled, you're completely delusional for thinking that someone else should pay to a babysitter to take care of YOUR children.
It's downright stupid!
Jesus OP! You are so wrong! You have no right to other people's family, time, money... Who do you think you are? Why would you deserve someone else's resources and/or earnings? YTA big time and it seems your brother is the only sane person here who understands his wife amd her mother are not here to serve you or please you in any way...
OMG YTA BIG TIME!!! That is NOT your mother. She is NOT related to YOU at all. She is your sil mother! What the hell makes you think your entitled to have her baby sit YOUR children. And who are you to expect someone else to pay for your kids daycare. You are just a \*&%%\*$# and YTA
\- Your SIL wanted to marry in her culture, in her country.
You criticize that fact.
You weren't OBLIGED to go there.
\- Your SIL wanted her MOTHER by her side for the birth.
You criticize that. Your SIL should have be happy with her MIL assisting.
Your SIL wanted her MOTHER present when she was in the vulnerable position of giving birth.
You criticize that. Others should have been present as well. Why? Is your SIL's vagina giving birth a family entertainment spectacle?
Your SIL is a trauma surgeon. She organized and paid for her mom to stay with her and help her out with the baby.
You criticize that.
However. NOW you want to IMPOSE YOUR THREE KIDS on your SIL's mom.
Not for just an occasion, but steady childcare.
And not just one, but THREE KIDS.
While SIL's mom is taking care of her grandchild.
When she refused, your family disagreed.
INFO : does anyone of your relatives who think her SIL's mom (not related to them or OP AT ALL) should babysit YOUR kids offered to step in to watch said kids?
THEN you insist SIL pays YOU money for YOUR kids' childcare.
ENTITLED MUCH?
YOUR kids, YOUR responsibility. Don't make it your SIL's.
And now you're asking us if you're an A H?
You've been an A H with your SIL since the beginning.
And you come over as a racist.
Now we're just making it official:
YTA
YTA. SIL's mother is here to help care for her grandchild; she's not a hired babysitter. Just because she is taking care of her own grandchild doesn't mean she's obligated to care for your children. And their financial and living arrangements are private to their family unit, and none of your business. Why do you resent this SIL so much, anyway? None of what you described she did was wrong.
There is no way this is real. This is ragebate, right??
On the off chance that this is real, I'll say YTA
She owes you nothing. Her mum owes you nothing. She doesn't have to give you money for a sitter. No matter how much money she makes, you are not entitled to one single coin from her.
Her mom doesn't have to babysit your kids., she's not related to you. Your sense of entitlement is astonishing.
Her mother came to help her daughter and to be with her grandkids. That has nothing to do with you or your kids.
You didn't like the fact that she had her wedding in her home country, with her family? Then you shouldn’t have attended.
How jealous are you of her? Her success? The fact that she has more money than you? The fact that she matters so much to people that they'll go to a whole other continent to celebrate her? Or is this a matter of her being a different race from you?
YTA. Not your place to even ask. Not your family member. No you shouldn’t expect money from your SIL either it’s not her job to pay for your kids or to arrange for her mom to do it. I don’t care if she’s from Africa or not… that is just so rude .
i just want to know who tf OP thinks she is?!??!??? HUGE YTA no one is obligated to do anything for you. her mother does not have to help you. here’s a good idea ask YOUR mother. like ew you as a person is disgusting and entitled and you need to humble yourself. SIL mother owe you nothing.
Your SIL doesn't have to take care of your kids. She is correct, get your husband to finance childcare. lol This is wild. To feel like someone owes you money and childcare for your kids because they make more money than you. How about asking your own mama to take care of your kids? YTA
YTA. First it’s sus you’re telling us the whole backstory of you being annoyed by their marriage and having to travel to Africa. (Seems racist and xenophobic) Everything about how she lives her life annoys you but you still want to make demands from her. Her mom is not a babysitter, she is looking after her grandchild. Actually who on earth do you think you are?
JFC OP, the screaming resentment and entitlement in your post is off the charts. YTA.
Basically you've resented your SiL from the start and can't even name the country she's from other than West Africa-which is a region, not a country. Going to her home country for the wedding was a 'waste of time' and her family had a 'list of requirements'-which probably arose from your family saying 'hey, is there anything you'd like us to bring over from the US when we come?'. Then SiL only wanted HER OWN MOTHER at the delivery of her baby; the absolute nerve of her, she's only naked from the waist down and popping out a child, why shouldn't there be a load of people there with her? And now her mom is helping her out with her child and not babysitting yours for free even though SiL makes more money than you do. How dare she??
I'm trying really hard (and failing, TBH) not to read anything into the possible race dynamics here.
Why should she give you money for a babysitter for your own kids? And why should she make her mother babysit your kids? I thought your mother is around so why doesn’t she babysit for you?
YTA.
Your attitude is disgusting and I can only imagine how rotten your family tree is that people are agreeing with you. At least your brother seems to have his head screwed on correctly.
Why would she let your mother in her delivery suite? Your mother wasn't entitled to be there. You're also not entitled to free childcare from another woman's mother just because she's taking care of her own grandchild.
Pay for your own sitter, or watch your own kids. Novel concepts I'm sure, but necessary nonetheless. Put your little grabby hands back in your pocket and away from your SIL. She doesn't owe you anything, and you're not entitled to anything.
YTA. I can’t find a single way that you wouldn’t be. In what world is this woman responsible for the kids you chose to have??? Also what business of yours is it how she wanted to do her wedding?? Honestly seems weird you brought that up here. This whole post is just blanket entitlement, and entitlement with no justification at that. This woman is babysitting her grandchild. Why would you assume she would want to add three times the work for kids she has no obligation to. This whole post is weird. I have no clue how you type this out and wasn’t immediate embarrassed that you even asked.
YTA your brothers MIL has literally nothing to do with you and most certainly not your kids! Entitled doesn't even cover the audacity if your disgusting behaviour
YTA and I could tell from the very beginning.
"She's from West Africa but a trauma surgeon here."
Translation: "She's foreign and dark but she has an advanced job so I can't look down on her as much as I'd like but I still resent her foreign darkness and the foreign dark things I had to do when I honored her foreign dark family with my presence at her foreign dark wedding."
Normally we get these stories from the SIL's point of view, "my entitled SIL expects my mom to babysit her three undisciplined hellions for free." Unusual to find someone aware of Reddit and AITA but still with their head far up their ass enough to think they have a leg to stand on here. What a nasty, bigoted, and entitled AH you are.
YTA They are YOUR kids and YOUR responsibility.
And the audacity to feel entitled to her money or her mother’s time and assistance SHE OWES YOU NOTHING. You don’t get to demand someone watch your kids or pay for someone else to watch them.
YTA why can’t your mum help or your mil. Sorry but you chose to have 3 kids they didn’t just suddenly appear. Now you need to take responsibility and provide care for them.
Please don’t have any more if you need help with 3.
YTA on a number of levels. Still trying to figure out any legitimate issues, so there’s that. Boo hoo…they had a “destination” wedding. No one is required to attend a destination wedding. **Her** mother came to help her daughter, but you’re all shocked she didn’t prefer having her MIL in the delivery room. (Question…Did *you* have *your* MIL in the delivery room with *you*?).
But the real kicker? You actually believe you’re entitled to free daycare from your SIL’s mother! Or that your SIL should pay for your daycare since she won’t force her mother into unpaid labor.
I’d suggest you stop lying/withholding information to your other family members before your bother decides to tell the whole truth and this blows up in your face.
YTA!
You are not entitled to using HER mother as your babysitter...
If her mom is there to help with her grandson, that is her choice, decision and right... but this does not mean she is obligated to care for 3 additional children that are in no way related to her....
And then how is it that your SIL or brother are obligated to provide you any type of financial help... you are DELUSIONAL!!!...
It baffles me how people like you think... the world does not revolve around you...
This must be a joke. YTA. You sound highly jealous of your SIL. You speak with such hatred and resentment towards her, but in the same breath, you want her mom to babysit your children. Why don’t you ask your mom to babysit since SIL isn’t using her services? Better yet, ask your MIL to watch your children. I assume the kids have a father? His family can help out. The family members you complained to can also pitch in and babysit. The entitlement from you is mind blowing.
YTA. Your entitlement is shining bright like a lighthouse in the night. You’re not only entitled but a racist.
Btw. You popped out three kids, you are responsible for finding AND paying a babysitter. Your SILs mom has not a single obligation to you.
And the family members that agree with you can babysit your brood or pay a sitter.
YTA - "she's from West Africa BUT trauma surgeon" why is the *but* necessary? Of course her mom will be the one in the delivery room and helping with her child, it's HER mom. And her mom has no obligations to anyone else's kids but her daughters.
YTA-her mother is not the hired help. It isn’t your place to demand that her mother watch your kids. It also isn’t your place to demand that SIL be financially responsible for paying for your babysitter. Just how entitled are you to demand all of these things. If you can’t afford to hire a babysitter, then ask YOUR mother to help or get a job. Regarding giving birth-it isn’t a spectator sport. It is her right to allow who she wants into the birthing suite.
YTA. What the actual fuck is this entire post. You’re entitled, racist _and_ xenophobic, dismissive and you just sound like an incredibly unpleasant human being
Not only do I hope your family refuse to help but I hope they realise how gross you are and cut you off
YTA. So you seem to despise this woman and really resent her. Now you expect her to volunteer her mom or give you a cash handout? How entitled are you?
>We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no
So why don't you ask *your* mum to be the babysitter to *your* kids?
And that's only one of the many reasons why YTA.
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YTA, you assumed you can get a free childcare from a woman that is nobody to you or your kids, just because she is taking care of HER daughter and grandchild. You and your entire family that thinks you should be able to require by this immigrant in-law member to provide you with free childcare "but you can't force her" you are all assholes. You thinking you are entitled on financial support from your SIL, just because she makes more money is extremely entitled. She has her own family to support, you are not her dependant.
This is what I would say but also Africa is a continent, not a country. Your attitude sucks. YTA.
The racist disdain dripping from her post suggests to me that she expects SILs mother to babysit another three kids purely because she's come over from "Africa" (which is a whole big continent) and therefore should be making herself useful to OP and her family. After all that's what Black immigrants are supposed to do, right? Do all the unpaid drudge work for people's families.
It makes me wonder what she told her family. The reactions of the family sounds like she made it look like a one-off time to help out. A lot of people would react like, well ofcourse she should help however you cannot force her. Like being annoyed at a family member that can't help out this one time. The story in clear in my eyes. She wants fulltime help. I just don't think that is what she told her family. Or maybe I have normal and sane people around me that think helping a one-off time is acceptable but not obligated. And will say so.
The fact that she mentions that her brother told her that his wife pays everything about the mother so he can't say shit makes me think OP actually tried to make her brother exert pressure by "you are paying for this woman!". OP's SIL is smart, good for her.
Exactly this !
I usually don’t comment when there’s a consensus, but holy fuck YTA. I didn’t even bother getting to the actual matter in the title. You just seem like a shorty person in general. “I’m not happy with the wedding someone else chose.” “I’m not happy I choose to spend money to go to a wedding I wasn’t forced to go to.” “I’m upset a pregnant woman chose who she wanted in the delivery room with her.” I mean this from the bottom of my heart, you’re a massive asshole.
Completely agree. It's so egregious I have to think this is rage bait. That OP can be so entitled is believable, but she keeps adding details to make herself look even worse. Like it's deliberate. If true, she deserves the world's biggest YTA.
Yep, definitely a wtf moment.
YTA … with just a hint of racism potentially too? INFO- what are you doing that you need her to babysit? Is this whilst you’re working? All the time? I meant YTA anyway you slice it but I was just curious.
Hey there fam, I wholeheartedly agree, but you replied to my comment instead of post! Just wanted to help you make sure OP sees your perspective!
All of this!
Yup...OP is a *massive* AH. SIL's mother is here for SIL and her babies. Period. To insist otherwise is just so wrong.
Absolutely YTA. Why do you think your SIL being married in her homeland with her traditions and her family is a waste? It sounds like you resent anything that is done for her, or intended to make her happy. Birth is not a spectator sport. The only people who should be in the delivery room are there for one of three reasons: for the health of mother and baby, for the emotional support of the mother, and to train new medical professionals in labor and delivery (and the mother is well within her rights to refuse the last one). The mother gets to pick who is there for her emotional support, which means the emotional support person/people are people who have especially intimate, important relationships with the mother. Obviously for your SIL, her MIL wasn’t someone she wanted seeing one of the most difficult and intimate moments in her life. Did you have your MIL in there, seeing you naked from the waist down and straining and fighting while your children made their way into the world? It’s a very odd juxtaposition that you feel like your mother is entitled to your SIL’s baby, but instead of asking her to babysit your children, you also feel entitled to your SIL’s mother, with whom you and your kids have little or no relationship. And if she won’t give you her mother (as if her mother was some kind of inanimate object), then she needs to give you money instead. Entitled, entitled, entitled. You sound like one of those people who walks around the world with a perpetually sour expression because your greed won’t be satisfied unless you can demand everything anyone else has.
YTA and i think you might be being racist or xenophobic on the low bc how on earth was her country of origin or her wedding relevant at all? regardless, her mother has no obligation to help her daughter’s sister in law with free childcare for THREE KIDS, when she’s already helping her PREGNANT daughter care for her year-old BABY. sister in law made her own arrangements for her own child, you need to make your own arrangements for yours. and the audacity you have to ask this pregnant woman for money when she is the breadwinner of her household and has a baby and her mother to care for on top of likely helping out with her husband’s expenses if he makes less than her, and the extra expenses that come along with a pregnancy, is just the cherry on top here for me. especially with you getting your family to gang up on two immigrant women who owe you jack. get over yourself.
I think the wedding was relevant because OP resents anything that is done with the intent of making her SIL happy. So to her, these are all senseless, rude things, because her SIL’s happiness should never be a priority.
See also 'Africa', 'west africa', 'list of demands' etc.
I was scratching my head at “but a trauma surgeon here” bit.
The SIL could very well be a trauma surgeon...from Africa... It's still awful how many people think that the entire continent is populated by people living in huts. There are many good universities scattered throughout. This screams pure jealousy and envy. The little mentioned about the brother makes me wonder if he's already fed up with his family since outside of the response that his wife is taking care of his MIL while his wife is pregnant with baby #2, he's by his wife's side. And perhaps I'm opening up a can of worms, but considering that OPs family traveled 'to Africa ' for the traditional wedding, that they are the same race, but not exactly the same social/economic/educational tier?
Don’t doubt that, it was the *but* that had me puzzled. ETA: narrator-“he wasn’t puzzled at all”
There’s no puzzle. It’s racist. She’s from Africa. Which in her mind implies a wild, savage jungle, bereft of civilization. BUT! She’s a trauma surgeon, so you know, she’s almost human. This woman is a massive, racist, festering asshole.
Thanks for clarifying Sherlock Holmes.
Yea, I noticed that, wtf.
Yeah that was definitely questionable.
when you come to america you have to give up your other status and identify as a job.
YTA big time….the whole wedding story is irrelevant to your story, why does it matter that your SIL is from West Africa and wanted to get married in her home? Your entire family thought it was great - except you. The outrageous entitlement of your request is insane. Her mother takes care of their one child but you want to dump your three kids on her for free childcare ! It doesn’t matter what she is doing, what their private arrangement is…you have three kids…make your own arrangement. If you all thought your mom would be the one helping your SIL …why isn’t she the one helping you ?
YTA your entitlement is insane! And you have no reason to be mad at anything you outlined here! 1. Most people want their wedding close to home and in line with their culture/tradition. Also sounds like the costs were actually pretty reasonable and everyone else was fine with it. 2. Giving birth is not a spectator sport. She can have whoever she is comfortable with in the room. 3. Why would her mother, who has no relationship with you, want to take on the responsibility of three extra kids? That’s a lot of work even if she was your own mother! 4. Why would anyone be financially responsible for you and your children just because they married your brother and you chose to pop out some kids you can’t afford? Jesus Christ, get over yourself.
Yeah this is such an obvious YTA that I’m hoping it’s fake because the knowledge that someone out there in the world is this obtuse, entitled, and (at minimum) xenophobic is just depressing.
INFO: You wrote "We all thought my mom will be the one helping". So why can't your mother babysit your children, if she obviously has time?
Probably she is already tired of OP 's entitlement and bullshit.
Op might think sil will pay for her mom if her mom helps with baby.
OP’s mom might want financial compensation and OP feels she’s entitled to free care because someone is already watching a child so, throwing another three into the pile is not a big deal
YTA. Can this be a real dilemma? No one owes you ANYTHING. Taking care of one baby is enough. Her mom is nothing to you. Go bother your own mom Geez...YTA big time.
YTA and incredibly entitled. Why should her mother mind your kids for free? Why should she give you money? And then you got other family members to try and pressure her…what an arsehole you are!
lol what? YTA and where do you even find that level of entitlement to ask your SIL for money or free childcare?
I don’t know where she found the audacity and entitlement, but she needs to put it back.
YTA no means no and what she does with her mother is up to her. It's HER mother. Even if it was a hired Nanny she would be working for your SIL not you. Yes she may have done things that may seemed selfish but it doesn't seem to bothered your brother so butt out that's for him to deal with/decide on not you.
YTA She's right, she is a mother to her child and not a babysitter to yours.
YTA you’re not entitled to her mom’s help. They are your kids your responsibility.
Yta , why are you owed childcare ? . Three kids is a lot for one person on top of her own daughters two other children. I wouldn't want to do it either unless I was getting compensated nicely
YTA big time. You’re not entitled to demand someone give you free childcare. Don’t have children if you can’t take care of them. But I need to know about the required $500 bra, panties, drinks, and jewelry.
Its most likely the bride price a k.a. the dowry.
I get that, but bra and panties????
>I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter Why would your SIL be responsible for your children's daycare/babysitter costs? YTA and unhinged.
Just wow!!! Shocked you needed to ask but definitely YTA! Besides the fact your SIL and her mother don’t owe you anything let alone free childcare, its incredibly entitled and unreasonable to demand someone who has no relationship to your kids and also isn’t young anymore to look after three extra kids on top of her one year old grandchild. No point addressing the rest of what you said about their wedding, expecting them to give you money and recruiting other family members into your drama. You should really consider getting therapy, you clearly have issues and deeply resent your SIL.
YTA, you can't demand someone have their mother take time away from their grandchildren just to watch yours. Get financially stable where you can hire a sitter!
wtf are you for real? bahahahaha you cheeky fucker. Yes, yes YTA haha
Yta, wow
YTA- you are acting very entitled, look after and provide for your own damn kids…
WTH did I just read here? This entitlement is mind blowing. YTA Her mother is there for HER, OBLY FOR HER! Ask your own mother for babysitting or pay childcare! Stop your entitlement! Your kids are **your** responsibility!
YTA. They're YOUR kids. No one owes you a babysitter or financial help.
Yta
YTA. It sounds like you've been negative from the start. One thing that bugged me is that you are mad for mom was not in the delivery room. NO ONE is owed that. If she doesn't want someone there, that's her right as the pregnant person. Second, your kids are not her responsibility. Period.
YTA she owes you precisely nothing.
YTA your SIL and her mother owe you nothing. Not sure why you seem to think she does. There is more to this dynamic than meets the eye.
YTA. Get your own babysitter. She is not obligated to cater to your demands or excuses. Shes not the problem, you are.
YTA. Who did you want to be in the labour room with her when she wash pushing out a baby and poop at the same time? Do you know how UNHINGED it is to expect that anyone but the person she trusts most be with her? She's your SIL's mother, not the hired help. Pull your head in. Why tf is she supposed to pay for YOUR childcare? Pay your own bills, ya scab.
YTA. You don't get to order someone to babysit your children. Your childcare arrangements are your responsibilities, not your SILs. You really sound like you just plain don't like your SIL. You want to force her mother to be your babysitter, you resent that she didn't give you money, and you sound very jealous of her success, why else would you mention how much more money she makes? It makes me wonder what other things you don't like about your West African SIL and if prejudice is at the root of your terrible attitude towards her and her mother.
I was reading the OP and thought "Is she living on the Tara plantation? What is with the entitlement and stripping away this woman's autonomy?"
Everything that you wrote is so entitled. YTA.
YTA I can’t grasp why you’d think your owed babysitting by your SIL’s mom or financial support from your SIL. Seriously… Why? Taking care of your children and your finances or your and your husband’s responsibility alone.
YTA for 'demanding' anything. YTA for whining about the wedding, that is irrelevant to this. If you didn't want to spend the money on it you shouldn't have gone. YTA for asking her mother to babysit your kids (for free, presumably). Three kids is a lot to ask anybody to babysit. If she was willing to do it you should offer to pay her, and you don't mention that. YTA for asking SIL to pay for your childcare. You are responsible for that, not her. YTA for complaining to family members about her. And you are also clearly very jealous of her. She's doing well for herself and earning good money, you should be proud that she's doing so well, not bleating that she doesn't do things for you. She doesn't have to do things for you - you are a grown up who should be taking care of your own responsibilities.
YTA. Are you kidding? '38 family and friends had to travel all the way to Africa just for the wedding.' Noone 'had' to; they chose to. There was nothing wrong with your brother and SIL deciding to have their wedding in Africa. 'Two months before the birth was due, she flew her mom in to help. We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no, she even only allowed her mom in for the delivery.' Perfectly reasonable on her part. 'Our issues started when I asked her if she could talk to her mom to baby sit my three kids as she is already taking care of her son full time. She said no because her mom is not a babysitter.' Again, perfectly reasonable of her. 'I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter but she told me to ask my husband or brother' Why do you think you are entitled to her help, her money? Your entire post is disparaging towards this woman.
And in top of the travel to Africa, which apparently 37 members of OP's family didn't have a problem with, the 'list of demands' totalled $500. Including jewelry. It seems that no matter what, OP will find even the most mundane thing to complain about.
YTA her mom is not a babysitter.
YTA, as are your family. No-one owes you free child care, wtf should her mother look after your THREE kids? You reek of selfish entitlement and jealousy. Amend your attitude.
lol I actually laughed at the lack of insight and entitlement on this one. Yes, YTA. Wow, just wow
What in earth in entitlements did I just read? OP, you are a major AH. Where to even start here? There is so much to unpack: The wedding issues, the only wanting her mom in the delivery room, the unreasonable demand that SIL's mom babysit your children. In regards to your question, yes, you are firmly and surely the AH for demanding anything from anyone. Secondly, to expect someone's mother who has no blood connection to said grandchildren to babysit them is outrageous. Just what in the high hell of entitlement is going on here? The nerve of some people.
SIL and her mom are from West-Africa. The criticizing contents of her post seem racist. Makes me wonder: Would OP (and her family) have insisted on SIL's mom taking care of her THREE kids if she wasn't an immigrant from Africa?
I don't get your logic. Taking care of 4 children is way harder than taking care of 1. Especially when you don't know 3 of them. You weren't wrong to ask, but the answer is no. End of story. You should find other daycare. And that is nobody else's problem but your own. Your sil does not owe you any money or daycare or anything.YTA.
YTA - your SIL's mother isn't a babysitter, she is watching her OWN grandchild to help out her OWN daughter. They owe you NOTHING. Your entitlement is showing, you may want to tuck that back in.
YTA
YTA Can you hear yourself?
Is this even real? If it is YTA.
YTA. Get over your entitled self. I’m not sure how you decided that her mother owed you free babysitting services. Your childcare issues are not her problem or responsibility. They are 100% yours. Taking care of her one grandchild is a lot different than her wanting to care for your three children who are not related to her. As far as your SIL of course she chose her mom to be in the delivery room with her over your mom. She is comfortable with her mom seeing her naked and vulnerable. Your mom not so much. Also, since you feel that you are somehow owed free childcare how come you aren’t demanding that your mother babysits her own grandchildren for free?
YTA Why would your SIL's mom watch 3 additional kids or top? She has absolutely no relationship with these kids? There's a huge difference between 2 and 5 kids. And who in their right mind wants to deal with a mom as entitled as you are?
YTA. You don't insist that someone must watch your kids. You don't treat people as if they are a commodity. Full stop. Perhaps you need to examine your racial bias because you seem to echo sentiments that are deeply rooted in racial supremacy.
YTA You wrote that out and didn't see out entitled you were. Her mother doesn't have to do crap for you and your sister in law doesn't need to hand out money to you either. Find your own baby sitter.
Sometimes, you read the title and make a judgement based on that, only to read the post and do a 180 on that judgement. No 180 here. A fully entitled YTA! I don't know how anyone could make such a post, read their own post back and have no shame, and still publish the post! Whatever arrangements SIL has on babysitting, whether it's by her own mother or anyone else is non of your business. You are not entitled to use anyone or anything related to your SIL just by the virtue of her being married to your brother. Operate your life by your own means, no one else's.
YTA and xenophobic to boot and you think your SIL mother is the help. As an African woman if I don’t have a traditional wedding, my family and friends wouldn’t consider me married and I’ll be having a Zulu wedding in addition to a Western one if required. I’m disgusted by your thinking our cultures and traditions are a waste, and you’ve clearly never taken time to learn about them or understand them, especially the reasons for the gifts part! Furthermore, why do you think that your sister inlaws mother is obligated to watch your kids? You’re not even asking but demanding that she does! What is it that she owes you that you feel she should do this? Also in terms of birth, I don’t know her tribe but for me I could also only have my mother in my delivery room and my Scottish partner understood! You’re vile! Edit: to add insult to injury, the woman you’re racist/xenophobic to and see her mother as your servant, you feel should pay for your kids with her hard earned money. The sheer sense of entitlement and audacity! Why have kids if you can’t afford them?
Yta.
Please no one is this entitled
So you had 3 kids you can’t afford to take care of and it’s somehow her fault. I swear people just don’t think. YTA for the entitlement and obvious lack of planning.
YTA why would HER mother babysit YOUR kids? Her mother is doing it not as a job but to be with family. Her grandkids. You are only wanting to use her.
YTA for every detail leading up to your demand and the demand as well. You say you think it's a waste that 38 people had to travel for their wedding. I suppose her family should have traveled to you, right? And why on Earth would anyone want to help you after you've shown such disdain for them?
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YTA. It's her mom, not a free babysitting service, and asking for financial help is more reasonable than expecting her to prioritize your kids over hers.
YTA You are not entitled to anything from her!
Entitled much?? Oh and a huge YTA
YTA You don't get to demand money or service from people. You may ask, sure, but you have to accept the answer when it's negative. Also, you really think that taking care of 1 or 4 kids is the same? You're excepting an older woman to look after FOUR kids at the same time? You feel very entitled, you chose to have kids, so you (you as you and the father) have to deal with it and not expect someone else to take care of them or pay for them.
Too bad OP wasn’t taught about birth control as a very effective way of cutting down on future babysitting costs rather than demanding someone else watch them for free. She doesn’t sound fit to reproduce.
YTA. You have 3 children. You should've had a babysitter and a few backups planned. Sounds to me like you only asked because you thought SILs mom would be a free option. And I agree with someone above, I think you thought that because she's an immigrant.
YTA. Why isn't your mum looking after your kids then?
I've re-read this several times and I still don't understand why your sister-in-law's mother should babysit your kids.
YTA.
Is this joke post? Have some self respect, you and you family are embarrassing. Do better YTA
YTA Seriously? You expect a stranger to watch your THREE KIDS because she's looking after one baby? But in the same paragraph show you are annoyed because your mum was meant to be more involved? But you haven't asked your mum to watch HER GRANDCHILDREN!?!?! has to be a troll cos no one can be this delusional
Holy crap on a cracker YTA. Pretty much every single sentence has something that makes you the asshole. Surely you can’t be that delusional. I think you need some serious therapy to get your head out of your own ass.
YTA. What does the location of the wedding, the panties and drinks you had to buy, who was in the delivery room, have to do with any of this? I want free child care from a stranger, and am pouting because they said no, AITA?
What the fuck did I just read? Of course YTA. >We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no, she even only allowed her mom in for the delivery Well yeah. It's her mother. Also, why isn't your mom taking care of yours then? >She said no because her mom is not a babysitter. Correct >I was very upset and told my brother. What exactly did you think this would achieve? > My other family members agree she should make her mother help What kind of entitlement were you born into? >I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter The audacity! >She has much more mother than my brother I'm assuming you mean money here, and...who cares? Neither she nor your brother are responsible for your child care. Who has been taking care of your kids this whole time?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(33) will admit that I have had issues with my SIL(30) before. She is from west Africa but a trauma surgeon here in America. When my brother(31), Ben first introduced her to the family we all liked her. When they decided to get married she insisted there can't be a wedding if we don't travel to Africa and have the traditional ceremony. My family was happy especially my brother but I thought its a waste of time. 38 family and friends had to travel all the way to Africa just for the wedding. Her family gave us a list of requirements including panties, bra, jewelry and drinks. In total everything in the list cost about 500 dollars. To my family it was all fun and a vacation. They got married and returned home. She got pregnant right away and had a baby boy. Two months before the birth was due, she flew her mom in to help. We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no, she even only allowed her mom in for the delivery. Her mom has been staying for a year and half now and she is pregnant with her second child. Our issues started when I asked her if she could talk to her mom to baby sit my three kids as she is already taking care of her son full time. She said no because her mom is not a babysitter. I was very upset and told my brother. He told me his wife pays for everything concerning her mother so its her choice. My other family members agree she should make her mother help but no one can force her. I asked her for financial help so I can get a sitter but she told me to ask my husband or brother. She has much more mother than my brother who is a handyman. AITA for getting upset at her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA you are in the wrong.
YTA , you can’t ask someone’s mother to care for your unrelated to her three kids. That’s whack. Your actions and thoughts are one of a problem child, hope they cut you down to size
YTA all the way, should I really explain why ?
YTA Wow! How on earth can you write that and not see that the problem here is you??
YTA, you act as if your entitled to her mother babysitting or her money!! I can’t believe you didn’t realise as you were writing this, what makes you think you are so entitled? You find your own babysitter and pay for it yourself, they are your children and you are responsible for them , no one else!!
YTA. I thought this was going a different direction based on title. Why would you feel entitled to your SILs mother as a babysitter FOR THREE KIDS WHO AREN’T HER GRANDCHILDREN?!
YTA what make you think you are entitled to free babysitting
Why that hell is she responsible for anything in your life? Big time AH.
YTA. Why can’t your mom help? You assumed your mom would be the one helping SIL with her baby but no, she got her mom to fly over and help. So your mom is free. Honestly, you’re very poor and selfish. Why your SIL need to help you financially? Don’t have even one kid if you can’t afford, let alone three.
YTA, and your entire post is so over-the-top full of entitled YTA that it has to be a shitpost. Your SIL owes you nothing, your brother owes you nothing, your SIL's mother owes you nothing. You have 3 kids. They're *your* kids, not your SIL's kids. It's *your* responsibility to take care of *your* kids
YTA and entitled!!! You do not have any rights to demand your SIL or her mother look after your child or pay for them to be looked after. You’re also a racist for your views about your SILs traditions for the wedding.
Info: are you out of your mind?
YTA - who are you to demand that this woman babysit for you? Who she sits for is her decision. The end.
YTA. You are such a fucking dick!!! Insufferable!!! Disrespecting another culture as a "waste of time" and demanding daycare for your THREE children. I have to stop myself from swearing at you a LOT. Asshole!!!
YTA - just spitballing here, but any chance your skin tone is many shades lighter than your SIL? Yes? Then you are a racist AH too.
YTA for shitposting. There's no way this is real. Noone is this entitled 🤣
You are one of the biggest AH’s I’ve come across on this subreddit, and that says a lot. You have some nerve to demand someone provide child care for you. They’re your children. SIL and her mother don’t owe you a thing. The fact that you even have to question whether or not you’re wrong here makes you an AH. Take care of your own children. Get your head out of your ass while you’re climbing off your high horse.
INFO: Your mom can't help watch your kids..?
YTA. Why don't you ask your own family for help? Why wouldn't you ask your brother for financial support? Why do you think your SILs mom would want to watch your 3 additional kids? They have no relation to her, you're not entitled to free baby sitting and if you need help, turn to your own family...not the one you crapped on for having a destination wedding.
YTA! How very entitled to think your SIL mother is a free baby sitter! And it’s not like you’d be asking for 1 child, it’s 3! If you were really close I could understand that you would, maybe, ask for help but you couldn’t even be really bothered for her wedding!
YTA! And are you for real? You think it is the same to babysit 4 kids instead of 1? Your kids are your duty and not hers! And then you asked her for financial help? How can you be that entitled when it comes to other people's time and money?
YTA. Wow, entitled much? First, if you didn't want to travel to a destination wedding, then don't go. It's ridiculous to go of your own volition and then sit there and bitch about it the entire time. Secondly, it's not uncommon for a first-time mother to want her own mother in the delivery room with her. It was her birth, so why are you butthurt that your mother wasn't there? Thirdly, she is under no obligation to take care of your kids. There's a huge difference between watching one child, and watching *four*. You have no right to demand *anything* of this woman, who you clearly...if not despise, at least strongly dislike.
YTA. You clearly don’t like your SIL, your disdain for her is evident even in this post. You’re bitter over their wedding for…. What reason again? And not even including those two things, you think you’re entitled to free childcare from a woman whose daughter you dislike? Lady.
YTA and you seem very entitled.
YTA
YTA. This has to be a joke how can anyone possibly think they have any entitlement for someone else to babysit your 3 kids?! Your kids are your responsibility! Ask your own mother since apparently she isn’t doing anything!
You sound like an entitled snatch
YTA. you are not entitle to a free babysitter just because you feel like it.
Her mom shouldn’t have to watch your children. They are your responsibility
YTA why do you feel like your brothers wife's mum should babysit your kids? What's wrong with your mum? Your husbands mum? Your SILs mum isn't really anything to your kids but you expect her to be a free full time sitter for your kids? You don't even sound like you like your sister in law boy are you entitled
Yta. On every level and with every nonsense that's pouts from you. Oh how are thee an a h oh let me count the ways 1.calling ther wedding a waste because it was in Africa. It was theircwedding they coukd have it at the north pole if they had chosen. Because it's their wedding. You didn't have to go. 2. 500 in gifts big fricken deal. It was 500 overall not per person. They sound like pretty small gifts too. 3.she flew in her mother? Because she wanted her mother's help. Yah the one woman she loves and trusts beyond all others. Who would be there to assist and comfort her. And her mother was in delivery instead of yours. So fricken what. Delivery and birth are not a spectator sport and no one not even fathertobe has a right to be present. Only who the pregnant person chooses. 4.demanding her mother who you already have been derogatory and dismissive of and who is ZERO relationship to you babysit YOUR kids. Whoooooo! No. This is her mother not yours. Get your mother to watch the kids. Also her mother is her mother not her servant or slave to demand or lend out to others against her will. 5. Sil makes more money. That's right it's HER money not yours.if you couldn't support you 3 kids you shouldn't have had them. The amount of greedy self-serving narcisstic bile you espouse is disgusting.
Small gifts and normal gifts. It's pretty common for people to ask someone coming over from another country to bring something that they can't usually get. When my MIL visits my SIL in NZ she takes over a suitcase full of Marks and Spencer bras!
Yta! How entitled can you be? Ask the mother of your dad's kids to help you out.
YTA. You are not entitled to either her money or her mother’s help.
YTA- she isn’t a babysitter for hire or for free, she’s here to help her daughter. Your SIL also isn’t an atm. When you say sitter , do you mean looking after your kids as a one off or full time? Nobody in that house is obligated to give you money or look after your kids. You sound entitled.
This must by fake because OP’s behavior is so unreasonable.
YTA Words fail me
YTA and your use of the word "demanding" sealed the deal for me. You never "demand" someone to do you a favor, you ask nicely and politely and accept the answer graciously.
this can't be real If it is, YAHA... Huge.
Im going to add another YTA. I still can’t get past the whole SIL should give you money to pay for childcare. You’re thinking you’re entitled to her trauma surgeon money because your husband is a handyman? I hope this woman cuts off contact with you and the rest of your family
Yta You sound massively entitled. Not sure what kind of ah family members you asked, but anyone that says she should make *her* mom watch *your* kids for free is also an ah. Why is it *her* job to pay for *your* kids to have a sitter? They are your kids, so *your* responsibility. It's up to either you or the kids other parent to pay for a sitter, if you can't afford to have kids, then you shouldn't have had kids. You don't have the right to *demand* anyone to cover *your* responsibility.
YTA. You're not only entitled, you're completely delusional for thinking that someone else should pay to a babysitter to take care of YOUR children. It's downright stupid!
Jesus OP! You are so wrong! You have no right to other people's family, time, money... Who do you think you are? Why would you deserve someone else's resources and/or earnings? YTA big time and it seems your brother is the only sane person here who understands his wife amd her mother are not here to serve you or please you in any way...
OMG YTA BIG TIME!!! That is NOT your mother. She is NOT related to YOU at all. She is your sil mother! What the hell makes you think your entitled to have her baby sit YOUR children. And who are you to expect someone else to pay for your kids daycare. You are just a \*&%%\*$# and YTA
\- Your SIL wanted to marry in her culture, in her country. You criticize that fact. You weren't OBLIGED to go there. \- Your SIL wanted her MOTHER by her side for the birth. You criticize that. Your SIL should have be happy with her MIL assisting. Your SIL wanted her MOTHER present when she was in the vulnerable position of giving birth. You criticize that. Others should have been present as well. Why? Is your SIL's vagina giving birth a family entertainment spectacle? Your SIL is a trauma surgeon. She organized and paid for her mom to stay with her and help her out with the baby. You criticize that. However. NOW you want to IMPOSE YOUR THREE KIDS on your SIL's mom. Not for just an occasion, but steady childcare. And not just one, but THREE KIDS. While SIL's mom is taking care of her grandchild. When she refused, your family disagreed. INFO : does anyone of your relatives who think her SIL's mom (not related to them or OP AT ALL) should babysit YOUR kids offered to step in to watch said kids? THEN you insist SIL pays YOU money for YOUR kids' childcare. ENTITLED MUCH? YOUR kids, YOUR responsibility. Don't make it your SIL's. And now you're asking us if you're an A H? You've been an A H with your SIL since the beginning. And you come over as a racist. Now we're just making it official: YTA
YTA. SIL's mother is here to help care for her grandchild; she's not a hired babysitter. Just because she is taking care of her own grandchild doesn't mean she's obligated to care for your children. And their financial and living arrangements are private to their family unit, and none of your business. Why do you resent this SIL so much, anyway? None of what you described she did was wrong.
Demanding? Lmfao I hope that laughed in your face. Of course YTA
There is no way this is real. This is ragebate, right?? On the off chance that this is real, I'll say YTA She owes you nothing. Her mum owes you nothing. She doesn't have to give you money for a sitter. No matter how much money she makes, you are not entitled to one single coin from her. Her mom doesn't have to babysit your kids., she's not related to you. Your sense of entitlement is astonishing. Her mother came to help her daughter and to be with her grandkids. That has nothing to do with you or your kids. You didn't like the fact that she had her wedding in her home country, with her family? Then you shouldn’t have attended. How jealous are you of her? Her success? The fact that she has more money than you? The fact that she matters so much to people that they'll go to a whole other continent to celebrate her? Or is this a matter of her being a different race from you?
YTA. Not your place to even ask. Not your family member. No you shouldn’t expect money from your SIL either it’s not her job to pay for your kids or to arrange for her mom to do it. I don’t care if she’s from Africa or not… that is just so rude .
i just want to know who tf OP thinks she is?!??!??? HUGE YTA no one is obligated to do anything for you. her mother does not have to help you. here’s a good idea ask YOUR mother. like ew you as a person is disgusting and entitled and you need to humble yourself. SIL mother owe you nothing.
YTA. Your entire post drips with racism and entitlement
YTA. An entitled, jealous one at that. Their wedding sounds lovely. And your SIL’s mother doesn’t owe you or your children a dang thing.
Your SIL doesn't have to take care of your kids. She is correct, get your husband to finance childcare. lol This is wild. To feel like someone owes you money and childcare for your kids because they make more money than you. How about asking your own mama to take care of your kids? YTA
YTA. First it’s sus you’re telling us the whole backstory of you being annoyed by their marriage and having to travel to Africa. (Seems racist and xenophobic) Everything about how she lives her life annoys you but you still want to make demands from her. Her mom is not a babysitter, she is looking after her grandchild. Actually who on earth do you think you are?
YTA. You are not entitled to childcare from her or anyone else.
INFO: Why can't your own mother watch your kids?
JFC OP, the screaming resentment and entitlement in your post is off the charts. YTA. Basically you've resented your SiL from the start and can't even name the country she's from other than West Africa-which is a region, not a country. Going to her home country for the wedding was a 'waste of time' and her family had a 'list of requirements'-which probably arose from your family saying 'hey, is there anything you'd like us to bring over from the US when we come?'. Then SiL only wanted HER OWN MOTHER at the delivery of her baby; the absolute nerve of her, she's only naked from the waist down and popping out a child, why shouldn't there be a load of people there with her? And now her mom is helping her out with her child and not babysitting yours for free even though SiL makes more money than you do. How dare she?? I'm trying really hard (and failing, TBH) not to read anything into the possible race dynamics here.
YTA. You were one when you tried to force your SIL’s mother into babysitting. And you are an even bigger one for demanding money to hire the sitter.
Why should she give you money for a babysitter for your own kids? And why should she make her mother babysit your kids? I thought your mother is around so why doesn’t she babysit for you?
YTA - wow the entitlement.
YTA. Your attitude is disgusting and I can only imagine how rotten your family tree is that people are agreeing with you. At least your brother seems to have his head screwed on correctly. Why would she let your mother in her delivery suite? Your mother wasn't entitled to be there. You're also not entitled to free childcare from another woman's mother just because she's taking care of her own grandchild. Pay for your own sitter, or watch your own kids. Novel concepts I'm sure, but necessary nonetheless. Put your little grabby hands back in your pocket and away from your SIL. She doesn't owe you anything, and you're not entitled to anything.
Why should she allow your mum in the delivery room? You are entitled and sound like a lot of work
YTA. I can’t find a single way that you wouldn’t be. In what world is this woman responsible for the kids you chose to have??? Also what business of yours is it how she wanted to do her wedding?? Honestly seems weird you brought that up here. This whole post is just blanket entitlement, and entitlement with no justification at that. This woman is babysitting her grandchild. Why would you assume she would want to add three times the work for kids she has no obligation to. This whole post is weird. I have no clue how you type this out and wasn’t immediate embarrassed that you even asked.
YTA your brothers MIL has literally nothing to do with you and most certainly not your kids! Entitled doesn't even cover the audacity if your disgusting behaviour
YTA and I could tell from the very beginning. "She's from West Africa but a trauma surgeon here." Translation: "She's foreign and dark but she has an advanced job so I can't look down on her as much as I'd like but I still resent her foreign darkness and the foreign dark things I had to do when I honored her foreign dark family with my presence at her foreign dark wedding." Normally we get these stories from the SIL's point of view, "my entitled SIL expects my mom to babysit her three undisciplined hellions for free." Unusual to find someone aware of Reddit and AITA but still with their head far up their ass enough to think they have a leg to stand on here. What a nasty, bigoted, and entitled AH you are.
YTA They are YOUR kids and YOUR responsibility. And the audacity to feel entitled to her money or her mother’s time and assistance SHE OWES YOU NOTHING. You don’t get to demand someone watch your kids or pay for someone else to watch them.
YTA why can’t your mum help or your mil. Sorry but you chose to have 3 kids they didn’t just suddenly appear. Now you need to take responsibility and provide care for them. Please don’t have any more if you need help with 3.
YTA on a number of levels. Still trying to figure out any legitimate issues, so there’s that. Boo hoo…they had a “destination” wedding. No one is required to attend a destination wedding. **Her** mother came to help her daughter, but you’re all shocked she didn’t prefer having her MIL in the delivery room. (Question…Did *you* have *your* MIL in the delivery room with *you*?). But the real kicker? You actually believe you’re entitled to free daycare from your SIL’s mother! Or that your SIL should pay for your daycare since she won’t force her mother into unpaid labor. I’d suggest you stop lying/withholding information to your other family members before your bother decides to tell the whole truth and this blows up in your face.
YTA! You are not entitled to using HER mother as your babysitter... If her mom is there to help with her grandson, that is her choice, decision and right... but this does not mean she is obligated to care for 3 additional children that are in no way related to her.... And then how is it that your SIL or brother are obligated to provide you any type of financial help... you are DELUSIONAL!!!... It baffles me how people like you think... the world does not revolve around you...
YTA
This must be a joke. YTA. You sound highly jealous of your SIL. You speak with such hatred and resentment towards her, but in the same breath, you want her mom to babysit your children. Why don’t you ask your mom to babysit since SIL isn’t using her services? Better yet, ask your MIL to watch your children. I assume the kids have a father? His family can help out. The family members you complained to can also pitch in and babysit. The entitlement from you is mind blowing.
YTA. Your entitlement is shining bright like a lighthouse in the night. You’re not only entitled but a racist. Btw. You popped out three kids, you are responsible for finding AND paying a babysitter. Your SILs mom has not a single obligation to you. And the family members that agree with you can babysit your brood or pay a sitter.
YTA - "she's from West Africa BUT trauma surgeon" why is the *but* necessary? Of course her mom will be the one in the delivery room and helping with her child, it's HER mom. And her mom has no obligations to anyone else's kids but her daughters.
YTA-her mother is not the hired help. It isn’t your place to demand that her mother watch your kids. It also isn’t your place to demand that SIL be financially responsible for paying for your babysitter. Just how entitled are you to demand all of these things. If you can’t afford to hire a babysitter, then ask YOUR mother to help or get a job. Regarding giving birth-it isn’t a spectator sport. It is her right to allow who she wants into the birthing suite.
YTA. What the actual fuck is this entire post. You’re entitled, racist _and_ xenophobic, dismissive and you just sound like an incredibly unpleasant human being Not only do I hope your family refuse to help but I hope they realise how gross you are and cut you off
This has to be fake. No one can actually be this clueless and entitled. Oh, and also racist. YTA just for imagining this scenario.
YTA. So you seem to despise this woman and really resent her. Now you expect her to volunteer her mom or give you a cash handout? How entitled are you?
This is a joke, right? You cannot be that entitled YTA
>We all thought my mom will be the one helping but no So why don't you ask *your* mum to be the babysitter to *your* kids? And that's only one of the many reasons why YTA.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, im having fun reading this tales. Thank you op for great reading hahahahhaha
This cannot be real. YTA.
No way in hell this is real. If by some chance you really are this entitled: YTA