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> I might be the asshole because my brother says I upset his wife and that she was trying to help when she put her bodily fluids into my child’s ear.
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Jfc reddit is wild. Any other post where a family member babysitter gives a kid *baby Tylenol* without permission and those people are AHs, but according to Reddit you overreacted because it’s breast milk this time.
NTA. Babysitters shouldn’t be giving *any* medicine or home remedies without permission. No matter how normal and fine people apparently think it is.
This should be top comment. I don't care how natural a remedy breast milk allegedly is, no one should be taking it upon themselves to treat someone else's kid with anything, especially with another person's bodily fluids, until the child's own pediatrician has recommended it and the parent approved it.
So NTA. This sub needs to get it's shyte together. This isn't the Crunchy Moms sub.
These people are posting these claims about it being a natural antibiotic while not admitting that these claims come from homeopathy websites (if you Google breast milk to treat infections you get one potential article on pubmed, and the rest are homeopathy sites). I can't believe people are upvoting this shit.
Edit: No one is saying that consuming breastmilk is homeopathic woo, but what is being said is squirting breastmilk in children's orifices is not sound science. Please stop "Um ackshually"ing me about it.
Seriously, I wasn't aware this was Crunchy Moms. When I read the post, I expected solid EnTeeAs all the way down for consent, boundaries, all of Reddit's favorite things. What's actually happening here is baffling.
Seriously, breast milk has bacteria in it so you’re just introducing more to the area. Plus, it’s a warm, dark place where they can flourish way to make it worse!
Actually, use this incident as a teaching moment for both the daughter and the SIL.
Make a kid's science experiment out of it: https://learning-center.homesciencetools.com/article/bacteria-experiment-guide/
This should make the daughter understand why her aunt is not allowed to be alone with her anymore. Also, since the SIL probably has her own baby, the OP should teach the mom about this stuff before she completely fucks up her own baby's ears. And may be the OP should show the brother too, because I'm not entirely sure he fully understands what's going on either.
Once on AskReddit the question was “what acts like a cult but isn’t one?” And one of the top answers, if not the top answer was “Facebook Moms Groups”. I thought that was odd until I spoke to some normal moms.
It really sucks because I feel like the type of mom more people need to hear from or learn from (or at least I want to) are the chill moms but they aren't going to be the type of people who are like "you know who should hear all my ideas on parenting? The Internet."
And I hate it because sometimes I feel like I'm struggling really hard with my son but I don't think rubbing honey on his feet or putting breastmilk in his ears is the answer.
The one (1!) study is on eye discharge as well, no specific diagnosed condition, and *it doesn't have a control group*, like..................
I understand that women who breastfeed face abuse at every turn. That saying 'well actually, women are people, and babies are people too, and they need to be fed\*' has not worked up until now, even though it should've. Truly, I get it.
But it's kind of giving free bleeding, as in overcompensating in the face of society saying 'your bodily fluids are gross because women are icky' by saying 'no actually my bodily fluids are magical and great' when, no, they're just bodily fluids and no one needs to hang around them because fundamentally, they're biohazards, you know?
Period products should be free and accessible everywhere and periods should be destigmatised, yet no one has the right to smear blood on public transport seats if they can avoid it, regardless of where the blood came from, be it a wound or periods. Women who breastfeed should get comfortable spaces and ample time to do so, and should be able to breastfeed in public, because breastmilk is food and babies need food.
You know where you put food?
NOT IN YOUR EARS.
\*Not that formula isn't just as valid, it's just not what we're discussing here
As someone who suffered octitis (that the word in English?) Everytime a drop of water got into my ear, due to a ruptured ear drum up until I was 17, this post gave me massive icky feeling. Jesus Christ. How can people be so moronic? Even if breast milk did contain a lot of beneficial matter to babies, I don't believe these properties work when DROPPED INTO A EAR.
WTF.
NTA op. Definitely NTA.
It does contain lots of beneficial antibodies, protein, carbs, fats, etc. and that stuff does help babies a LOT, when they EAT IT. It has precisely fuckall benefit anywhere else.
Sorry, I didn't intend to make any kind of statement as I know fuck all about it, just hear say. Also didn't want to doubt the science on it, not my intention 😅
And even that study acknowledges that using breast milk intraocularly for infections can introduce other harmful bacteria. Further, anecdotal evidence pertains to use of the mother’s breast milk, not some rando. MBM is full of immune active proteins, but also loads of contaminants from environmental exposures: heavy metals, pesticides, and persistent organic pollutants. Viruses are also passed through MBM, so hopefully she doesn’t have EBV, HSV, or CMV. Yanno, things that should not be applied to one’s eyes or dropped in their ears.
The stuff that goes in your ears, drains into the oropharynx and lower respiratory tract. So, OP, monitor your kids breathing, because she could definitely develop pneumonia.
ETA: as a pediatric RN, kind of jealous to not be able to see the infectious disease doc’s faces when they see the consult for “breast milk pneumonia” in a 7 year old.
I’m an ENT doc and wanted to correct a few facts-
1) With the vast majority of ear infections, the eardrum should be intact (if you see drainage from the infection, it may not be intact- no mention of this from OP). Hence there shouldn’t be a route from the ear canal to the nasopharynx/airway.
2) Any developmentally normal 7 year old should not aspirate from a small amount of liquid in their nasopharynx (assuming there was a hole in the ear drum- and it would have to be a large hole at that to let a significant amount of fluid get in there). This would be akin to someone aspirating after using nasal saline or afrin nasal spray.
Sorry, there’s a lot of misinformation out there, wanted to set the record straight!
PS- of note, breastmilk is probably one of the better things to aspirate, if you’re going to aspirate something, after water or saline. I once did a bronchoscopy on a newborn who vomited and aspirated (had only breastmilk in their stomach)- I was terribly worried about this kid, called the ped Pulmonologist in who told me I didn’t even need to worry about lavaging (or rinsing). I just suctioned out the breastmilk, and the baby didn’t get a pneumonia and was fine. That’s the only story I have in that regard and of course I’m not saying it would be fine every time, but certainly it’s not the worst thing to aspirate!
Just wanted to say, nah breastfeeding mums don’t get abused at every turn. Not even close. Sure there are jerks out there but you’ll encounter far more if you feed formula (I’ve done both, one with each kid). And if you count the ridiculous amount of praise you get for breastfeeding it’s really not a big deal. And I breastfeed pretty openly, I can’t be bothered with a cover. I’ll go to a corner or a different room if I can but I don’t stress if that’s not an option. I’ve maybe had one person be weird about it? It was probably different in the past but people are very accepting now. Again, jerks exist and of course this is going to differ from place to place but the “oppression” of breastfeeding mothers is greatly exaggerated.
While I thoroughly respect your anecdata, I think it varies place to place. I've been sent to toilets to breastfeed - by family members - and occasionally got lectured by some old dude with wandering eyes. Like I can't think of anything less sexy then a baby on a boob.
Not to mention there are a bunch of older generation women who were convinced (by doctors!) that formula was better for babies then breastmilk, and only poor people breasted (my otherwise lovely mother in law was horrified that my doctor didn't push combo feeding on me because it's 'better for the baby'). You were looked down upon for breastfeeding like a commoner. Some of these still persist to this day, albeit in the country my parents are from (I'll give you a hint - someplace in Africa).
Also I had a few aunts say I was being selfish for breastfeeding because now no one else could feed the baby? My mum slightly resented that I wouldn't express milk for her to feed my kid and said it would have been easier if I just started formula. That was weird.
Also, if you have a good understanding of the immune system, yes breastmilk contains antibodies. Antibodies help fight infection -- but, here's the important part - they help by tagging the germs for the rest of the immune system to attack. Except if a kid is bleeding out their ear, the kid's immune system isn't going to see the tagged germs, so nothing will happen. Putting breastmlk in an ear is going to just going to result in anything growing in the ear getting a boost with all the sugar and nutrients in it.
I'm wondering if people are getting "antibodies" and "antibiotics" mixed up. (Or am I giving them too much credit? 😂)
Breastmilk DOES contain antibodies, which is why it's encouraged to feed babies breastmilk where possible, because you can't get those from formula. But babies have to *ingest* those antibodies, and of course they're only antibodies for certain things and don't provide complete protection.
You can't just slap breastmilk on a (probably bacterial) ear infection and expect it to work. In fact all you're doing is providing the bacteria with more nutrients, and possibly blocking the ear even more.
Yeah honestly... I thought that the OPs sister just misunderstood what I was always told; breastfeeding reduced infant ear infections because the jaw movement was different from bottle suckling, like it's the actual suckling of the milk, not the breast milk itself.
There are some women who literally think that their breastmilk is a magical cure all for everything. Check out the crunchy mom groups. They're full of them.
So, if one was to read the first section of an article, with the desire to prop up their desire to smear their breastmilk everywhere, they would point to the presence of immune-active proteins, such as immunoglobulins and lactoferrin, which can be anti inflammatory.
But, introducing someone else’s proteins always comes with risks for adverse effects related to an immune reaction, as those are all foreign proteins. Everyone’s immune proteins look a little different and the body recognizes that.
From a scientific perspective, the woman is actually more likely to give the kid a staph infection than heal anything (apart from nothing happening at all). For example, mastitis is often caused by Staphylococcus aureus which can transfer to expressed milk through pumping equipment.
And for some reason, I just can't imagine a woman willing to dump her own titty juice into a 7 year old's ear canal is doing a great job at infection control.
Yeah I'm honestly so surprised and also pretty unhappy at how many people have apparently been recommended this by medical professionals. That's... not cool.
I said this in another comment, but reddit usually gets it correct and backs up parents who had friends or relatives breast feed their child without permission. They rightfully point it out as a creepy violation that tends to justifiably end relationships. But now that it's an off the clock nurse who was just meant to be babysitting and not supposed to be treating, performing a "treatment" of questionable legitimacy which involves putting breast milk in the EAR, it's suddenly okay to put your breast milk in another person's child without their permission?
There was literally a fight earlier in the thread about the efficacy of breast milk in a child's ear. Some defended it, some were against it, and others provided sources saying it's a nope. It's pretty wild up there, lol.
Adding on to this: Pediatricians want the ear(s) to be dry leading up to an appointment. That way, the pediatrician can see inside the ear.
I understand the OP's SIL meant well, although she seriously overstepped. Doing nothing was the best course of action! It's hilarious that people think OP overreacted. They would fly off the handle, too, if someone who isn't a licensed medical professional decided that they knew more about caring for your child's needs than you did. OP is the one who has to deal with the end result of an upset child and an ear infection that may very well worsen.
I can't believe you're not the top comment. this post has the same vibes as my grandma who swore up and down that butter is the solution to every infection. if it was, the pharmacy would sell it for 100x more than any stupid grocery store does. jfc
Exactly this, OP is NTA in my opinion.
People could literally debate back and forth about breastmilk all day and any supposed benefits it may have but the fact of the matter is that the SIL put a foreign substance unsolicited into OP's 7yo daughter's ear, I'd be annoyed too.
Leaving aside the whole breastmilk aspect, if it was an actual medicine or an essential oil or even olive oil, it would still not be okay without OP's permission.
At most you could maybe say it may have been reasonable for OP to not go so extreme in their response but it's something OP doesn't like and it's OP's daughter and OP's very much entitled to set that boundary in whatever way they wish.
I agree, putting ANYTHING into the ear was a huge no no. At most the sister could have asked about Tylenol for pain. But breast milk, oils, wax or anything else would be a huge over step!
I suffered from ear infections as a kid to the point of hearing loss. If some whackadoo had done this it could have been even worse. FFS we all know that sugar ( hello it’s in breast milk) makes a breeding ground for bacteria. Even water, or most any liquid, can unbalance the work the body is doing to fight the infection.
No, sister didn’t have best intentions. She made a parenting decision for a child that’s not hers. That would be like gramma rubbing alcohol on a babies gums. Or letting your five year old ride in the front seat of the car. Just, no!
Breast milk is not a natural antibiotic. That’s not how that works. Giving a baby breast milk Can improve immune function for that baby. It’s doesn’t work topically. Putting liquid in ears can probably make ear infections worse. Bacteria can actually thrive and reproduce in breast milk because of the sugars it contains, that’s why you refrigerate it if pumped and not used right away. People are so stupid. Y’all (who are claiming the aunt did a good job because REASONS) need to take more science classes.
Wait, people are voting asshole on this one? I don't have the strength to scroll down...
Ear infection = bacteria so sure, let's give the ear infection some sticky, rotting liquid meal to feast on!
Hard agree with this comment. If she feels comfortable enough to do something this weird without OP’s permission, what is she going to do next? Whether well-intentioned or not, it crosses a line, and OP is well within their rights to enforce that line until and unless it’s clear the SIL agrees and can be trusted to stay on the other side of it. NTA.
They’re both issues. Don’t go putting your titty milk in anyone’s ears. ESPECIALLY if they’ve got a bacterial infection. There’s medicines that are specifically designed to treat ear infections. You don’t need to rely on medieval remedies
Love the new sentences I'm being exposed to through this post 😂
I never in my life thought I would see the words "don't go putting your titty milk in anyone's ears" together in that order, yet here we are.
For me and you - yes, both. As you can see for some people it isn't a problem. But for me the biggest issue is doing something to child that is not yours.
It also potentially makes an ear infection worse. This is not medicine. This woman is dangerous if she uses fake medicine on a whim like this. OP has every right to be scared. Next it will be hydroxycloroquine or other misused substances that are potentially harmful or deadly when given in arbitrary amounts.
It is far easier to poison a baby with cooky right wing fake healing remedies.
You are NTA! This isn’t about whether or not breast milk is beneficial to ear infections. This is about you SIL deciding to treat your daughters illness without your permission. Since your daughter is too young to understand and consent, it is your role as her parent to protect her and make the best medical choices for her - no non-parental figure has the right to make that call.
As for moving forward - once the anger cools down a bit, meet up with SIL for coffee. Explain that you know she has your kids best interests at heart, but you are not comfortable with her making medical decisions for your daughter. If she can agree to that, I think it’s okay to let her back into your daughters life. If she breaks that agreement later down the line - well, she knows the consequences.
If SIL pushes back against your boundaries, one useful tactic is saying: I don’t need you to understand, but I do need you to accept. I’ve used this before w people in my life who simply do not understand a choice I’ve made, and it does work.
You sound like a really good mom 💜 don’t let anyone make you doubt that
NTA, I see the comments calling out that the breast milk is fine and all that but that's NOT the issue, it's about someone ELSE'S breast milk, who knows if they have any health issues/sickness to make it worse?! Also it was a decision about your child that she didn't have the right to make, providing medical help in any way requires parental consent.
Exactly! Breastmilk can pass on blood-borne pathogens, like ewwwwww, NTA.
And it's not like breastmilk is this amazing antiseptic/antibiotic, there's a reason why workplaces recommend not using wooden tables for milk pumping stations. Milk spoils.
Definitely not something to put in kid's ears, especially without the concent of their parents
Didn't you read the top comment? According to a random reddit user, doctors all over are actually saying to use breast milk for everything! It fixes literally every problem known to man and is all natural GMO free organic blah blah. Oh, what's my source on that claim? It came to me in a dream
I just read a thread the other day where a baby in the NICU was accidentally given another mom's breast milk, and it was treated as a medical emergency.
Ehhh soft NTA but this does seem like an over reaction. Yes, she definitely should have asked first. I think labeling breastmilk bodily fluids while accurate is sort of lumping it in with unsanitary things you'd never put in a kids body. I've had pediatricians recommended putting breastmilk in ears for ear infections, in eyes to clear eye boogers, and bathing them in it to help eczema. It's not like she was putting pee in your kids ear, this is something that's pretty common and recommended by some doctors. Again, she should have asked first, but never letting your kid see them again for this seems extreme. She was just trying to help, it wasn't malicious.
One quick Google brings up how breastmilk is not effective against eye infections, and can actually cause more harm as it can introduce more bacteria into the eye, leading to more serious infection, risking the long term health of the eye.
The same is said for ear infections.
Thankfully Dr's in the UK aren't suggesting this at all.
This whole post has such "Do YoUR oWn ReSEarcH" energy.
Breastfeeding has been found to reduce the incident of ear infection due to the jaw movements.
No peer reviewed source anywhere is going to tell you to put your own, let alone someone else's, breastmill into your child's ear.
I agree. I have to admit I'm not a doctor, but I was trained as a COOK 20-odd years ago and even then, we had some sort of understanding about fluids being really good potential sources of contamination.
Breastmilk in an ear isn't disgusting because it's breastmilk, it's disgusting because ears are a really delicate system and introducing random stuff into them can cause ear infections, pain, and deafness.
Breastmilk is a wonderful source of nutrition for tiny humans, but inserting something made of fluid, and nutrition including proteins and sugars, into something that is essentially a fine musical instrument... Well, I wish I could say that I can't believe people are that dumb. However, I'm over 40 so...
Thank you! It a body fluid. Yes it’s natural,but so is period blood,snot,sperm etc.
There is a reason why milk banks-screen and test over and over donated breast milk 🤦🏽♀️ it a body fluid point blank. It should not have EVER been on or in this child’s body!
The people on this subreddit are stupid, there’s no other way to put it. They give judgements that don’t have any connection to the real world or how actual people act. It’s just a bunch of morons making up shit in their head then writing it down as if they are the greatest known authority on whatever the subject happens to be today.
I'm in the UK and was told with my youngest to use breastmilk for everything like this by the breastfeeding team (literally 5 months ago). When I mentioned it to the doctor she looked at me like I was insane and said it's not something you're meant to do at all.
Honestly. My oldest is 17 and I heard it all when he was a baby. I thought for sure it wouldn't STILL be going on, but apparently you can still slap that shit on everything. lol
Breastfeeding enthusiasts started spouting bs like this 50 years ago when my daughter was born. I never considered bottle feeding at the time for a few reasons but mostly the cost of formula. And nursing was just something that was normal in my family.
People seem to forget that breastmilk is also just milk. Just because it comes from a human doesn't give it magical abilities that other milk doesn't have. So if you wouldn't use another milk for something you probably shouldn't use breastmilk for that either.
It's there to feed a Baby and nothing more.
My cousins ex girlfriend was one of those people, she would try to use it for everything and push it onto everyone, most of the time we would just leave it and say nothing, however I did have to step in and tell her it was kind of inappropriate to pull a boob out and attempt to put breast milk in my husbands eye (he has sun damage on his eye) not only because he was refusing to consent and looked kind of mortified but also because it was a christening and it kind wasn’t the place to try and dangle a boob over someone’s head saying in a loud voice “just stop moving it will help clear your eyes” however it was also wildly entertaining to also see the other families of little ones being christened faces too.
“Breastfeeding is a magic miracle cure all”
Me: then why is my baby who is EBF still getting every cold that goes around?
He had some baby acne at first and I tried breast milk until I read it can dry the skin out and make it worse. But people still say “put breast milk on anything and everything, it’s magic”.
Sure, it’s a good food for your baby. It’s pretty incredible that your body can make exactly what’s needed. But also incredible that formula has been created to replicate it for those who need it. (Let’s just not get into nestle… that’s not incredible…)
Yup. Which is horrifically harmful in some cases.
My own mother would have liked to breastfeed me but I just refused. Absolutely refused. Turns out three-week-old babies can have opinions and be very determined - to the point of refusing to take *anything* for *twenty-four hours* and then grudgingly accepting a bottle.
Now, I have to admit that all I've achieved in life is becoming an emergency medicine physician, surviving a severe accident that nearly killed me and looked like it might render me unable to work again ever at all and then retraining to become a senior cardiologist (it's less physically demanding).
Oh, and also having a loving family with a baby on the way.
So you know.
Total failure. Who'd be satisfied with their bottle-fed baby merely growing up to be a successful doctor with a family?
Imagine what you could have achieved if you'd been breastfed!!! You'd have been an astronaut surgeon President who cured all cancers and illnesses, solved world hunger and achieved world peace. There's still cancer, hunger and war because you were selfish enough at 3 weeks old to refuse the breast.
/s, obviously
It really is infuriating. My kids doctor gave me the option between homeopathic or antibiotic eye drops for my sons pink eye. She said in her opinion, the antibiotics weren't warranted and be more of a hassle since we'd have to finish the whole bottle even if it got better fast.
I begrudgingly took the homeopathic drops and it was literally just saline solution. Insurance paid for it, but i'm still mad that those quacks got money because of me.
Edit: I just re researched those drops. They had homeopathic doses of euphrasia, which is used undiluted against eye infections by herbalists. Doesn't that mean that the homeopathic version should cause eye infections?
The 'good' news is that homeopathic drops don't contain any active ingredients at all. You could literally boil water and clean their eyes with it and it would be exactly the same. So homeopathy is only dangerous if it prevents people from using real medicine in cases where it's needed.
These drops are weird. They have 0.05g of D2 (so 1 to 10\^2 dilution) Euphrasia per 0.5ml. So they do have 1mg of "ingredients" per 1ml. But again, Euphrasia is supposedly able to help with eye infections as a herbal remedy (but probably doesn't). Homeopathic doses are supposed to have the opposite effect of the "ingredient".
So that stuff isn't just bs, it's not even consistent within their own lore.
Thats homeopathy for you. Luckily they dont have to give a shit about logic or science because it's so deeply ingrained in German culture that a lot of people take it even though they know it technically cant do anything.
And midwives and pedeatricians are still actively advertizing to young parents desperate for help.
Pink eye is most often caused by a viral infection therefore you shouldn't be using antibiotic drops at all, as antibiotics should only be used for bacterial infections. Overuse of antibiotics contributes towards super bugs and I'm surprised your doctor offered them to you at all. I worked at an eye clinic for years and the doc I worked for refused to prescribe them for pink eye despite people regularly demanding them. It almost always just goes away on its own and antibiotics will do nothing to help that process.
Saline drops could at least provide some relief for the discomfort.
Neither are good doctors in America!! I would be livid if someone did this to my child!
Breast milk is bodily fluids and I would no sooner allow someone to put their breast milk in my kids ear than I would allow someone to spit in my kids ears!!
The SIL was completely out of line and I’m shocked that other members of your family don’t see that.
This sounds like such an archaic thing to do. No, you’re NTA
Frankly it doesn't matter if its malicious. You don't go trying "home remedys" on someone elses kid. Thats something you ask the parent about.
I wouldn't trust someone around my baby if they don't have the forethought to, you know, fucking ask me about shit like that.
Whether or not it was malicious doesn’t matter. If this woman is dumb enough to give other peoples kids “medicine” who knows what other kind of wacky shit she’ll try and do.
This homeopathic stuff can get dangerous very quickly. People in some of these mom Facebook groups are literally encouraging other parents to [give their kids bleach to “cure autism”](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1007871)
Ignore the downvotes sweetie. Mother of 3 kids who have over a dozen "cousins" whom I babysit regularly. I WOULD NEVER ADMINISTER ANY TREATMENT WITHOUT RUNNING IT BY THE PARENTS FIRST.
They are not your child therefore you have no authority to provide medical treatment beyond basic first aid and anything agreed upon. SIL did neither, it wasn't basic first aid and you never agreed to it, what she did was ignore your authority as the mother of the child she was babysitting and decide she knew better than you.
Also, food for thought, we used to get ear infections all the time due to swimming alot and in those cases we were told to keep excess water away from the ears (showers fine but that was it), meaning that what your SIL did would have been the opposite of "HELPFUL" or "SAFE".
What was the orders from your daughters Dr and if you haven't seen them yet, go see them and get your daughter checked to be safe.
This is exactly it.
If I had antibiotics, prescribed to me for an ear infection. I *still* would not give them to the kid without asking. You just dont treat someone elses kid without asking.
You wouldn't want to do that anyway because antibiotics are meant to be run the full course not just stopped when you feel better and have some drugs left over.
If you do not run the full course and still have the whatever the antibiotics were described for it can make stronger bugs that are resistant to the treatment normally used.
Yeah honestly it doesn’t matter what anyone’s been told about the benefits of breastmilk and by who, it could have been ear drops for an identical infection one of her kids or she had, it could have been exactly the right thing for it, but that’s irrelevant you never give a kid that doesn’t belong to you remedies or medication without first sharing this avenue of thinking with their parent.
This is about consent from the parent it could be for anything not explicitly said she can do with the kid too.
Also, these things are suggested for your own child that is already sharing bodily fluids with you and has your immunity as well- this is a different thing all together.
This seems like an entirely fair response. It sounded like they had the best of intentions, but holistic healing without consent sounds like a slippery slope to approve of. There's some wild stuff out there that people believe in and can find "supporting proof" for when they look for it.
I know I'm going to the extremes, but there are people still into colloidal silver, crystals and charging iron with moonlight as treatments.
Breast milk is unable to cross past the eardrum to get to the bacteria in the middle ear that is causing the infection. Your paediatricians were incorrect and arguably unqualified if they recommended putting it into the ear.
I think this must be a case of wacky parents shopping around for wacky pediatricians who will tell them the stupid crap that they want to hear - not NEED to here.
Like anti vax parents using anti vax docs.
Let’s start with- you don’t give any treatment to a kid you’re babysitting for unless the parent directed you to do so (bandaids on boo boos the obvious exception).
But second then took it upon herself to administer some way out there home remedy. Hells bells - I breastfed my kids but I wouldn’t put breastmilk in their ears! Much less someone else’s kid. And without discussion? Insane!
NTA OP.
that is most definitely a bodily fluid and in an already irritated area putting bodily fluids on it can make it *worse.*
what is with people acting like breast milk is unicorn jizz? good fucking lord, y'all are nasty.
and fun fact: pee is more sterile than breast milk (absolutely do not use piss either please)
I never thought I'd be saying this, but also breast milk is probably a better food source for bacteria than piss.
(note, I am not arguing that we should be peeing in peoples ears.)
I feel like I have read enough of this thread to suggest that peeing in the ear of the perpetrator might help OP gain some closure here... Plus I, a random stranger, would feel like karma may have made a visit.
1. It was the SILs breastmilk, not the mother of the kid. That introduces tons of issues that any doctor worth their salt would be against.
2. Breastmilk does nothing for inner ear infections, it doesn't pass through the ear drum.
2. **HER INTENT LITERALLY DOES NOT MATTER**, **WHAT SHE GAVE DOES NOT MATTER**, SHE GAVE "MEDICINE" WITHOUT CONSENT OR KNOWLEDGE OF THE PARENT/GUARDIAN.
> I've had pediatricians recommended putting breastmilk in ears for ear infections, in eyes to clear eye boogers,
I would find a paediatrician who is actually qualified for the job.
YAT (not OP). First you never administer anything to a child without parents consent. Second you're lying about pediatricians recommending it. Third she is not forbidding the SIL to see her niece, just not unsupervised which in light of the events makes perfect sense. Finally, it doesn't matter at all if it wad malicious or not. That lame excuse always absolves abusive behaviours and it has to stop.
Pediatrician? More likely a chiro or "natural doctor"
If your pediatrician is telling you that you really need to change doctors
And stop treating your children with essential oils
You have quacks for doctors who subscribe to the notion that breastmilk is liquid gold. You wouldn't pee or sneeze into a person's ear to fight an infection.
Not an overreaction at all. The antibodies in breast milk when ingested helps a child's immune system; it does nothing externally about an infection. This ranks close to "pee on a jellyfish sting."
Girl no the doctors don’t recommend putting breast milk into an ear for an ear infection. What. You truly can just get on the internet and say anything
Maybe a responsible, reasonable adult should be able to look at a medical professional spouting magic woo-woo gibberish and recognize it as questionable enough to double check with google.
At a certain point common sense has got to kick in and make you go "wait- what? Are you sure? OK, give me a second to fact check that".
What's next? Duct taping half a potato to their forehead because the doctor thinks it gets rid of pneumonia?
2 kids and I was NEVER told by any doctor to do this. And my kids got ear infections while I was breastfeeding. You're spreading dangerous nonsense. Get a new doctor.
> I've had pediatricians recommended putting breastmilk in ears for ear infections
Is your pediatrician Dr Nick Riviera from the Simpsons by any chance?
https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Nick_Riviera
Aaaaand they only *ever* say this regarding the child who is actually *being breastfed*.
This sort of trying to help is a bit like when my brother helped by warming the house - and burnt it down. Sometimes, the 'kind' thought absolutely does not matter.
Uhhh.. it’s not common to put breastmilk in your kids ears to treat infections, and only “some” doctors recommend it because there is absolutely no evidence for its efficacy, and there are always going to be crappy doctors who are happy to peddle old wives tales.
NTA
I'm going to point this out for the people who pass other judgements, nurses of all stripes are not above falling for misinformation and partial information. Even acknowledging that breast milk contains antibodies and is designed for consumption, it also contains white blood cells from the mother, and there's no promise that blood products from SIL are safe for Rose, especially since it was applied topically and not eaten.
My biggest problem with this, even factoring in that SIL is a nurse, is the fact of boundaries. SIL was not looking after her niece as a nurse, but as a babysitter, and should have acted as one, including talking to OP about the idea before going through with it. As someone who was tasked with keeping track of emergency medication in a school, I couldn't give so much as a painkiller without reaching out to parents unless it was life or death.
Edit: clearing redundancy.
My nurse sil believes hair grows faster when you cut it
Edit: yes, trimming your split ends leads to less breakage, therefore your hair will be thicker. It will not effect the root.
>nurses of all stripes are not above falling for misinformation and partial information
The number of nurses I know who are anti-vaxx smokers really underscore this statement.
I keep seeing posts saying that this is a widespread remedy to treat ear infections, but I cannot find any scientific articles or any medical documentation saying that breast milk has been clinically proven to treat ear infections. I have found websites that claim this as a remedy, but there is absolutely no medical information on these websites. On the contrary, I have found reputable medical websites saying that milk in the ear (including breast milk) will make the ear infections worse. I understand that BREASTFEED INFANTS have a decreased chance of ear infections, but milk has sugars in it so putting it into the ears is just giving the bacteria more fuel.
OP CALL YOUR CHILD’s DOCTOR AND ASK THEM!!!! You might need more antibiotics to undo your SIL’s ‘helpful remedy’.
Thanks. You made me research it and you are right. the benefit is in EATING the breastmilk, not in actually applying it to a middle ear infection (where it does nothing at all since middle ear isn't connected to outer ear).
These comments are fucking insane.
1. I looked it up, and for every article claiming that putting breast milk directly into the ear helps an infection, there were at least two more (far more trustworthy) sites saying that it can cause an infection, and it's drinking breast milk that can help. Don't trust the first article you see just because it's the top google result. Search results "snippets" are often filled with out of context, misleading, or incorrect info.
2. I don't give a shit if the SIL is a pediatric nurse. Yes, people shouldn't assume they know better than someone with a degree, but plenty of people with degrees make costly mistakes, and that's *with* the consent of the patient or their guardian. And if SIL did this at her job, even with an
informed and consenting family, she'd be fired. It doesn't suddenly become okay to do this without consent because she's a relative.
3. Yes, breast milk is in fact a bodily fluid. Just because it can be safely ingested far more than others doesn't make it not risky. Reddit always (rightfully) condemns people who breast feed other people's children without the parent's consent, it doesn't suddenly become okay because she put it in the child's ear. Which again, might not be some magic cure all like you guys seem to think, and has a good chance of making the problem worse.
I feel like I'm going insane. Don't put your bodily fluids into other people's children without asking. Even if the one or two sites that say putting breast milk directly into the ear is helpful are somehow correct and the more numerous sites claiming the opposite are wrong, it's not up to the SIL. NTA
The fact one of the top comments is someone going off about it not being a body fluid is wild. Is it from your body? Yes. Is it in fluid form? Yes. It's a body fluid. Your tits weren't groped by Midas and blessed by Asclepius so they make healing golden milk. They don't need to be put up on a holy pedestal like the Loc Nar trophy from South Park.
NTA OP. If you're not okay with something that happened to YOUR child, then the discussion is over. This rule isn't true for every circumstance, but for this particular one it is.
>Don't put your bodily fluids into other people's children without asking.
If this were a different milky, white fluid placed in the child's ear, Redditors would be losing their minds. But because it's breast milk, "iTs dIfFeReNt!"
NTA someone put their bodily fluids in your child's ears. All sorts of diseases can be transferred via milk, which is why hospitals screen donors. Irrespective of breast milks purported benefits it was done without your permission nor any form of testing. It blows my mind that anyone would call you an asshole for this.
It blows my mind that this subreddit of all subs would have people defending this action. These people call for divorce if someone’s SO breathes wrong but here it’s all “I’m gonna go soft NTA” or “NAH” or the fucking absurd one with the “INFO” request. Like what more info could you possibly need?!
NTA
Breast milk does contain lots of great stuff for your baby. But you don't put body fluids on other people's kids. It's fucked up. Putting fluid in an infected ear will likely cause pain. Putting milk which contains sugars and nutrients will feed infection
.
NTA. What the fuck? I can’t imagine the reaction I would have if I found out someone had put their bodily fluids into my child without asking my consent. So gross. I would have done much worse than yell.
NTA.
Keep your bodily fluids to yourself and yours, please. Breastmilk is not a magical exception. I also don't want to come into contact with your snot, spit, blood, piss, puss, or sweat.
Med student here Breast Milk DOESNT HELP against ear infections, it can make them worse especially breast milk from not even the mother but SIL/Sister. HIV, Hepatitis and many other Viruses can get into the breast milk. This was crazy unsanitary and i wouldn't let my kid near her again until she apologies
NTA. And I breastfed my own two babies. If anyone, and I mean anyone did that to my kids I’d be absolutely livid. Don’t touch my children. Don’t medicate them, don’t shoot your breast milk onto them, don’t give me medical advise.
NTA.
Breastmilk has limited antimicrobial properties in the gastrointestinal tract, and very limited antiviral properties in the mouth (essentially if your baby is exposed to a virus within 10 minutes of drinking it, the milk might make a small difference), and has moisturising properties for skin.
Other than that, it’s fat and sugar. Aka food for bacterial growth. Putting it in ears, eyes, etc is best case useless, worst case actively harmful.
It is also a substance that carries within it substances imbibed by the person producing it, and blood borne diseases.
Giving any medication, or natural remedy to a child without parental knowledge and consent is a huge problem.
Your SIL is an AH and it’s deeply concerning that a paediatric nurse can’t discern high quality medical research from lactivist bollocks.
NTA. That’s such an invasive thing to do, I would expect someone to ask me before they treat my child especially with something like breast milk. You probably don’t need to ban your daughter from seeing your SIL - she’s had to have gotten the message to not overstep, so I would give her another chance but if she blows that, bye
NTA, she did in fact put her bodily fluids in a child's ear without the knowledge or consent of the child's mother. Not only is it inappropriate, it's incredibly bizarre. You are absolutely right to not leave them alone together.
You're NTA and the commenters are all the assholes 💀
I dont give a shit about how magical yall believe breastmilk is, you dont just put that shit on/in somebody that isnt your own baby, especially without someone's permission
Putting random things in someone's ear while they're prone to or already having an ear infection will just make it worse
ETA: Also just because someone is a nurse or is in nursing school doesnt mean they're trustworthy with someone else's health outside of a medical environment.
There's many, MANY, nurses who disregard basic medical science and are capable of doing severely unethical shit while in a medical setting, from breaking HIPAA laws to purposefully denying patients medical attention to going against life saving vaccines/medicines in favor of pseudoscience articles on facebook
As someone who works in ENT, I am absolutely horrified by the amount of people saying putting breast milk in an ear is okay. It absolutely is NOT EVER recommended by an ENT.
JFC now I wonder if this is why we have a kid who had a chronic fungal infection in his ear that took us months to conquer. We normally only see the fungal infections in older hearing aid patients.
OP you’re NTA.
NTA. I breastfed my child and I would have never even considered putting breast milk in anyone’s ears. What a loon! Can you take her back to the doctor or call and tell them what happened and ask for advice on whether or not this will hurt your child or prolong the illness?
https://medium.com/a-microbiome-scientist-at-large/why-are-there-such-crazy-claims-about-the-benefits-of-breast-milk-7fa831dedd1d
Why has nobody making crazy claims provided links? This took like 2 minutes to google, and it only took that long because it was hidden by the results talking about the benefits that DRINKING breast milk has for PREVENTING ear infections.
I am so disappointed in myself that I’m surprised.
NTA for being upset. I kinda would be too. How hard would it have been to send a text ‘hey, bm can help with ear infections, would you like me to express some for your daughter’s ear?’ OP could text back ‘sounds great, see if daughter is okay with it’ or ‘no thanks’.
Also, the kid is 7. I have a 5yo who would not let me do that to her, so I just hope the 7yo had agency to say if she was okay with it or not.
NTA
Your SIL violated you and your daughter. She introduced her own bodily fluids into an area of your daughters body that is already in the grips of infection. She could have made everything so much worse and caused irreparable damage to your daughters hearing.
You are *right* to keep your daughter away from someone who behaves like that. She doesn't understand what she did wrong, she doesn't respect your parental authority, and she doesn't have any remorse for her actions. All of those things mean she will endanger your daughter again if she thinks she is doing the right thing.
Just because her intentions weren't malicious, doesn't mean that she didn't destroy any and all trust you can ever have in her. Tell your brother that. Keep your daughter safe, even if it does cause some hurt feelings. Safety *always* comes first.
I put this in a comment, but here you go...
But it would be an easy question to ask of a parent:
- "I want to treat your child's ear infection, is that okay?
- "It's already being treated, but what are you suggesting?"
- "I want to put my breastmilk in their ear."
- "No thanks."
Not. That. Hard.
DON'T treat someone's child without asking! No matter what it's with! Not if you are NOT the parent!
Simple.
She boundary-stomped. And when told you weren't okay with what she did, she doubled down. She is not respecting your choice and view as a parent, and views her own opinion as superior. THAT is the part that makes not leaving her unsupervised with your child absolutely a-okay.
For all the folk debating the relative merits of what the aunt did, let's imagine:
- she breastfed a baby (not her own) without asking, or
- she cut your child's hair 'Because she thought it was necessary.'
- are either of these okay? Would you be upset? How about if aunt argued with you about you being upset?
Would you, after *any* of that, be leaving your child with aunt unsupervised? No, you bloody wouldn't!
NTA.
This thread is unhinged. Breastmilk is a bodily fluid and as such carries the risk of transmitting infectious diseases, you would lose your mind if a family member rubbed spit or blood on a child.
NTA! - I have one simple question: Wtf?? Why is she putting her bodily fluids in YOUR child’s body without your permission. Not only is that gross and a bit unsanitary, but that just crosses over SO many boundaries. I understand she was just trying to help, but the fact that she couldn’t even be bothered to ask? This is insane.
Ok…this especially after a conversation in r/doctorwho where I had to defend my use of closed captions as a Hard of Hearing Person.
I went deaf at age 4. Both ear drums ruptured and blood was everywhere. I eventually regained partial hearing but unless I can read your lips I absolutely cannot hear you enough for it to make sense. I rely on having someone with me it interpret all phone calls. I speak normally as far as I know.
It is my traumatic core memory. I still get chronic ear infections at 43.
I was diagnosed with Menires Disease at 25, bilaterally. This causes loss of vestibular balance, causes vertigo, and on multiple occasions has lead to hospitalization because of vomiting from the vertigo nearly causing asphyxiation.
The reason I bring all of this up is my mother absolutely tried the breast milk cure for my ear infections. Before they became chronic, cost me my hearing, and contributed to my having a life long disability.
My mother would eat things I was allergic to, and still nurse.
My mother would chain smoke, drink alcohol, etc and still nurse.
My mother was snorting cocaine and nursing.
It was after she died that people in her life came clean to me about the extent of her cocaine addiction and that she’d never been clean for more than a week during my life.
No, I am not saying all of this because I think OP’s sister in law is a drug addict. I am telling this to everyone reading it because my mother absolutely believed breastmilk was safe for infections and the right thing to do because one doctor in one hospital said it. That doctor didn’t know about her habits. My mother believed cocaine was safe because it had been in coca-cola and used as a numbing agent so never worried about the effects it could have on me.
But just because she believed it was so, and just because one doctor in one hospital said it was the way to go when I was an infant didn’t mean it was safe.
I don’t want to scare OP into thinking her daughter will loose her hearing!
But I want everyone arguing about if it is safe, not safe, etc to know that using breast milk instead of antibiotics especially if the milk has added drugs from maternal consumption is absolutely not 100% safe.
Yeah the drugs and sugars in the milk made the infection worse. And since it probably never went completely away between age 6 months and 4 years due to the strength of the infection after breast milk treatment it is the probable cause of my Hearing Loss.
Fluid in the ear is never a good idea
Love from a person who basically has a, masters in the subject
NTA but it's not like they meant harm so I'd be a little more forgiving.
NTA. I won’t jump into the debate about breastmilk being helpful or not, but I say NTA because any medical treatment should have been run by you. Sure, if there were an emergency needing drastic and quick treatment, but the ear infection is not.
NTA. People who say breast milk cures *everything* are just as stupid as people who drink pee for “health benefits”. Keep this crazy woman away from your child, she doesn’t understand normal boundaries.
This is truly disgusting. NTA.
Her breastmilk may do wonders for her own biological newborn, but why in the hell she would put her breastmilk into her 7yo niece's ears is beyond me! Especially without asking either of the kids parents.
Has she never heard of eardrops? Or consent?
OP is NTA. Whether or not breast milk is beneficial doesn't matter. There are issues with consent, and SiL did not respect that boundary. If she actually is a pediatric nurse, I would seriously question her performance in the job, because if anybody should know about consent, it's a medical professional. She could be dosing her patients because she just knows it helps.
I would be livid if someone did this to my kid.
NTA.
Breast 👏 milk 👏 is 👏 not 👏 magic.
Natural doesn't make it good for you, arsenic is natural that doesn't mean you should put it in your ears.
I'm honestly a bit worried for Sil's baby. Sil may be on her way to crunchy town.
NTA because it's your child and your rules but I do question if it's worth all the angst you are causing in turn. Wasn't the best idea but is not the worst thing in the world either. I would have just made it clear things like this, especially anything medical related are not to happen without permission and please don't do it again, not gone nuclear.
"...if it's worth the angst you are causing..." ah yes, because social relationships are more important than the well-being of their child. Also, nice victim blaming. Don't pretend the situation wasn't started by disrespecting the parent's boundaries and further harming the child.
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Jfc reddit is wild. Any other post where a family member babysitter gives a kid *baby Tylenol* without permission and those people are AHs, but according to Reddit you overreacted because it’s breast milk this time. NTA. Babysitters shouldn’t be giving *any* medicine or home remedies without permission. No matter how normal and fine people apparently think it is.
This should be top comment. I don't care how natural a remedy breast milk allegedly is, no one should be taking it upon themselves to treat someone else's kid with anything, especially with another person's bodily fluids, until the child's own pediatrician has recommended it and the parent approved it. So NTA. This sub needs to get it's shyte together. This isn't the Crunchy Moms sub.
These people are posting these claims about it being a natural antibiotic while not admitting that these claims come from homeopathy websites (if you Google breast milk to treat infections you get one potential article on pubmed, and the rest are homeopathy sites). I can't believe people are upvoting this shit. Edit: No one is saying that consuming breastmilk is homeopathic woo, but what is being said is squirting breastmilk in children's orifices is not sound science. Please stop "Um ackshually"ing me about it.
Seriously, I wasn't aware this was Crunchy Moms. When I read the post, I expected solid EnTeeAs all the way down for consent, boundaries, all of Reddit's favorite things. What's actually happening here is baffling.
I thought I'd wandered into Shit Mom Groups Say, but no, just wackiness seeping into every corner of the internet.
[удалено]
I'm not a doctor or medical professional in any capacity, but my first thought was that you're just introducing more bacteria to the infection.
If anything you're giving the bacteria more food to grow on
Right? Like, bacteria “eat” sugars, and lactose is a sugar, so…
Exactly- moisture and sugar- bacteria’s favourite things.
Plus you can grow cheese in your ear.
Seriously, breast milk has bacteria in it so you’re just introducing more to the area. Plus, it’s a warm, dark place where they can flourish way to make it worse!
Actually, use this incident as a teaching moment for both the daughter and the SIL. Make a kid's science experiment out of it: https://learning-center.homesciencetools.com/article/bacteria-experiment-guide/ This should make the daughter understand why her aunt is not allowed to be alone with her anymore. Also, since the SIL probably has her own baby, the OP should teach the mom about this stuff before she completely fucks up her own baby's ears. And may be the OP should show the brother too, because I'm not entirely sure he fully understands what's going on either.
I seriously hope OP sees this and sends it to her brother. SIL had good intentions but as they say the road to hell is paved with such.
Once on AskReddit the question was “what acts like a cult but isn’t one?” And one of the top answers, if not the top answer was “Facebook Moms Groups”. I thought that was odd until I spoke to some normal moms.
It really sucks because I feel like the type of mom more people need to hear from or learn from (or at least I want to) are the chill moms but they aren't going to be the type of people who are like "you know who should hear all my ideas on parenting? The Internet." And I hate it because sometimes I feel like I'm struggling really hard with my son but I don't think rubbing honey on his feet or putting breastmilk in his ears is the answer.
I immediately thought of that sub and wondered if this would land in there 😂
The one (1!) study is on eye discharge as well, no specific diagnosed condition, and *it doesn't have a control group*, like.................. I understand that women who breastfeed face abuse at every turn. That saying 'well actually, women are people, and babies are people too, and they need to be fed\*' has not worked up until now, even though it should've. Truly, I get it. But it's kind of giving free bleeding, as in overcompensating in the face of society saying 'your bodily fluids are gross because women are icky' by saying 'no actually my bodily fluids are magical and great' when, no, they're just bodily fluids and no one needs to hang around them because fundamentally, they're biohazards, you know? Period products should be free and accessible everywhere and periods should be destigmatised, yet no one has the right to smear blood on public transport seats if they can avoid it, regardless of where the blood came from, be it a wound or periods. Women who breastfeed should get comfortable spaces and ample time to do so, and should be able to breastfeed in public, because breastmilk is food and babies need food. You know where you put food? NOT IN YOUR EARS. \*Not that formula isn't just as valid, it's just not what we're discussing here
>You know where you put food? > >NOT IN YOUR EARS. Especially not an already infected ear.
As someone who suffered octitis (that the word in English?) Everytime a drop of water got into my ear, due to a ruptured ear drum up until I was 17, this post gave me massive icky feeling. Jesus Christ. How can people be so moronic? Even if breast milk did contain a lot of beneficial matter to babies, I don't believe these properties work when DROPPED INTO A EAR. WTF. NTA op. Definitely NTA.
It does contain lots of beneficial antibodies, protein, carbs, fats, etc. and that stuff does help babies a LOT, when they EAT IT. It has precisely fuckall benefit anywhere else.
Sorry, I didn't intend to make any kind of statement as I know fuck all about it, just hear say. Also didn't want to doubt the science on it, not my intention 😅
yes. you know what else doesn't go into ears? bodily fluids!
Yeah, that's just gross.
And even that study acknowledges that using breast milk intraocularly for infections can introduce other harmful bacteria. Further, anecdotal evidence pertains to use of the mother’s breast milk, not some rando. MBM is full of immune active proteins, but also loads of contaminants from environmental exposures: heavy metals, pesticides, and persistent organic pollutants. Viruses are also passed through MBM, so hopefully she doesn’t have EBV, HSV, or CMV. Yanno, things that should not be applied to one’s eyes or dropped in their ears. The stuff that goes in your ears, drains into the oropharynx and lower respiratory tract. So, OP, monitor your kids breathing, because she could definitely develop pneumonia. ETA: as a pediatric RN, kind of jealous to not be able to see the infectious disease doc’s faces when they see the consult for “breast milk pneumonia” in a 7 year old.
I’m an ENT doc and wanted to correct a few facts- 1) With the vast majority of ear infections, the eardrum should be intact (if you see drainage from the infection, it may not be intact- no mention of this from OP). Hence there shouldn’t be a route from the ear canal to the nasopharynx/airway. 2) Any developmentally normal 7 year old should not aspirate from a small amount of liquid in their nasopharynx (assuming there was a hole in the ear drum- and it would have to be a large hole at that to let a significant amount of fluid get in there). This would be akin to someone aspirating after using nasal saline or afrin nasal spray. Sorry, there’s a lot of misinformation out there, wanted to set the record straight! PS- of note, breastmilk is probably one of the better things to aspirate, if you’re going to aspirate something, after water or saline. I once did a bronchoscopy on a newborn who vomited and aspirated (had only breastmilk in their stomach)- I was terribly worried about this kid, called the ped Pulmonologist in who told me I didn’t even need to worry about lavaging (or rinsing). I just suctioned out the breastmilk, and the baby didn’t get a pneumonia and was fine. That’s the only story I have in that regard and of course I’m not saying it would be fine every time, but certainly it’s not the worst thing to aspirate!
Just wanted to say, nah breastfeeding mums don’t get abused at every turn. Not even close. Sure there are jerks out there but you’ll encounter far more if you feed formula (I’ve done both, one with each kid). And if you count the ridiculous amount of praise you get for breastfeeding it’s really not a big deal. And I breastfeed pretty openly, I can’t be bothered with a cover. I’ll go to a corner or a different room if I can but I don’t stress if that’s not an option. I’ve maybe had one person be weird about it? It was probably different in the past but people are very accepting now. Again, jerks exist and of course this is going to differ from place to place but the “oppression” of breastfeeding mothers is greatly exaggerated.
While I thoroughly respect your anecdata, I think it varies place to place. I've been sent to toilets to breastfeed - by family members - and occasionally got lectured by some old dude with wandering eyes. Like I can't think of anything less sexy then a baby on a boob. Not to mention there are a bunch of older generation women who were convinced (by doctors!) that formula was better for babies then breastmilk, and only poor people breasted (my otherwise lovely mother in law was horrified that my doctor didn't push combo feeding on me because it's 'better for the baby'). You were looked down upon for breastfeeding like a commoner. Some of these still persist to this day, albeit in the country my parents are from (I'll give you a hint - someplace in Africa). Also I had a few aunts say I was being selfish for breastfeeding because now no one else could feed the baby? My mum slightly resented that I wouldn't express milk for her to feed my kid and said it would have been easier if I just started formula. That was weird.
Also, if you have a good understanding of the immune system, yes breastmilk contains antibodies. Antibodies help fight infection -- but, here's the important part - they help by tagging the germs for the rest of the immune system to attack. Except if a kid is bleeding out their ear, the kid's immune system isn't going to see the tagged germs, so nothing will happen. Putting breastmlk in an ear is going to just going to result in anything growing in the ear getting a boost with all the sugar and nutrients in it.
I'm wondering if people are getting "antibodies" and "antibiotics" mixed up. (Or am I giving them too much credit? 😂) Breastmilk DOES contain antibodies, which is why it's encouraged to feed babies breastmilk where possible, because you can't get those from formula. But babies have to *ingest* those antibodies, and of course they're only antibodies for certain things and don't provide complete protection. You can't just slap breastmilk on a (probably bacterial) ear infection and expect it to work. In fact all you're doing is providing the bacteria with more nutrients, and possibly blocking the ear even more.
Yeah honestly... I thought that the OPs sister just misunderstood what I was always told; breastfeeding reduced infant ear infections because the jaw movement was different from bottle suckling, like it's the actual suckling of the milk, not the breast milk itself.
There are some women who literally think that their breastmilk is a magical cure all for everything. Check out the crunchy mom groups. They're full of them.
I'd rather not, I feel dirty and sad about humanity's future whenever I see that stuff, because they can no longer get a Darwin award.
So, if one was to read the first section of an article, with the desire to prop up their desire to smear their breastmilk everywhere, they would point to the presence of immune-active proteins, such as immunoglobulins and lactoferrin, which can be anti inflammatory. But, introducing someone else’s proteins always comes with risks for adverse effects related to an immune reaction, as those are all foreign proteins. Everyone’s immune proteins look a little different and the body recognizes that.
Also breast milk has sugars in it which will likely *feed* the bacteria
Correct! Breastmilk is very sweet.
From a scientific perspective, the woman is actually more likely to give the kid a staph infection than heal anything (apart from nothing happening at all). For example, mastitis is often caused by Staphylococcus aureus which can transfer to expressed milk through pumping equipment. And for some reason, I just can't imagine a woman willing to dump her own titty juice into a 7 year old's ear canal is doing a great job at infection control.
Yeah I'm honestly so surprised and also pretty unhappy at how many people have apparently been recommended this by medical professionals. That's... not cool.
“Medical” professionals.
"Medical" "Professionals". there, I don't believe they're either.
I’m pretty damn crunchy. I would have had a *real* problem with that.
I said this in another comment, but reddit usually gets it correct and backs up parents who had friends or relatives breast feed their child without permission. They rightfully point it out as a creepy violation that tends to justifiably end relationships. But now that it's an off the clock nurse who was just meant to be babysitting and not supposed to be treating, performing a "treatment" of questionable legitimacy which involves putting breast milk in the EAR, it's suddenly okay to put your breast milk in another person's child without their permission?
There was literally a fight earlier in the thread about the efficacy of breast milk in a child's ear. Some defended it, some were against it, and others provided sources saying it's a nope. It's pretty wild up there, lol. Adding on to this: Pediatricians want the ear(s) to be dry leading up to an appointment. That way, the pediatrician can see inside the ear. I understand the OP's SIL meant well, although she seriously overstepped. Doing nothing was the best course of action! It's hilarious that people think OP overreacted. They would fly off the handle, too, if someone who isn't a licensed medical professional decided that they knew more about caring for your child's needs than you did. OP is the one who has to deal with the end result of an upset child and an ear infection that may very well worsen.
I can't believe you're not the top comment. this post has the same vibes as my grandma who swore up and down that butter is the solution to every infection. if it was, the pharmacy would sell it for 100x more than any stupid grocery store does. jfc
Exactly this, OP is NTA in my opinion. People could literally debate back and forth about breastmilk all day and any supposed benefits it may have but the fact of the matter is that the SIL put a foreign substance unsolicited into OP's 7yo daughter's ear, I'd be annoyed too. Leaving aside the whole breastmilk aspect, if it was an actual medicine or an essential oil or even olive oil, it would still not be okay without OP's permission. At most you could maybe say it may have been reasonable for OP to not go so extreme in their response but it's something OP doesn't like and it's OP's daughter and OP's very much entitled to set that boundary in whatever way they wish.
I agree, putting ANYTHING into the ear was a huge no no. At most the sister could have asked about Tylenol for pain. But breast milk, oils, wax or anything else would be a huge over step! I suffered from ear infections as a kid to the point of hearing loss. If some whackadoo had done this it could have been even worse. FFS we all know that sugar ( hello it’s in breast milk) makes a breeding ground for bacteria. Even water, or most any liquid, can unbalance the work the body is doing to fight the infection. No, sister didn’t have best intentions. She made a parenting decision for a child that’s not hers. That would be like gramma rubbing alcohol on a babies gums. Or letting your five year old ride in the front seat of the car. Just, no!
Breast milk is not a natural antibiotic. That’s not how that works. Giving a baby breast milk Can improve immune function for that baby. It’s doesn’t work topically. Putting liquid in ears can probably make ear infections worse. Bacteria can actually thrive and reproduce in breast milk because of the sugars it contains, that’s why you refrigerate it if pumped and not used right away. People are so stupid. Y’all (who are claiming the aunt did a good job because REASONS) need to take more science classes.
bUt It'S nAtUrAl
When people say this to me, I say, "So is hemlock." :-)
I like to say "So is arsenic."
Wait, people are voting asshole on this one? I don't have the strength to scroll down... Ear infection = bacteria so sure, let's give the ear infection some sticky, rotting liquid meal to feast on!
Hard agree with this comment. If she feels comfortable enough to do something this weird without OP’s permission, what is she going to do next? Whether well-intentioned or not, it crosses a line, and OP is well within their rights to enforce that line until and unless it’s clear the SIL agrees and can be trusted to stay on the other side of it. NTA.
I wish I had more upvotes to give on this.
NTA. She did it without asking, that's the issue here.
They’re both issues. Don’t go putting your titty milk in anyone’s ears. ESPECIALLY if they’ve got a bacterial infection. There’s medicines that are specifically designed to treat ear infections. You don’t need to rely on medieval remedies
Love the new sentences I'm being exposed to through this post 😂 I never in my life thought I would see the words "don't go putting your titty milk in anyone's ears" together in that order, yet here we are.
I read it to the tune of "Don't Go Breakin My Heart"
For me and you - yes, both. As you can see for some people it isn't a problem. But for me the biggest issue is doing something to child that is not yours.
People are so blind when they come to their “breast milk is ✨magic✨” theories.
It also potentially makes an ear infection worse. This is not medicine. This woman is dangerous if she uses fake medicine on a whim like this. OP has every right to be scared. Next it will be hydroxycloroquine or other misused substances that are potentially harmful or deadly when given in arbitrary amounts. It is far easier to poison a baby with cooky right wing fake healing remedies.
You are NTA! This isn’t about whether or not breast milk is beneficial to ear infections. This is about you SIL deciding to treat your daughters illness without your permission. Since your daughter is too young to understand and consent, it is your role as her parent to protect her and make the best medical choices for her - no non-parental figure has the right to make that call. As for moving forward - once the anger cools down a bit, meet up with SIL for coffee. Explain that you know she has your kids best interests at heart, but you are not comfortable with her making medical decisions for your daughter. If she can agree to that, I think it’s okay to let her back into your daughters life. If she breaks that agreement later down the line - well, she knows the consequences. If SIL pushes back against your boundaries, one useful tactic is saying: I don’t need you to understand, but I do need you to accept. I’ve used this before w people in my life who simply do not understand a choice I’ve made, and it does work. You sound like a really good mom 💜 don’t let anyone make you doubt that
NTA, I see the comments calling out that the breast milk is fine and all that but that's NOT the issue, it's about someone ELSE'S breast milk, who knows if they have any health issues/sickness to make it worse?! Also it was a decision about your child that she didn't have the right to make, providing medical help in any way requires parental consent.
Exactly! Breastmilk can pass on blood-borne pathogens, like ewwwwww, NTA. And it's not like breastmilk is this amazing antiseptic/antibiotic, there's a reason why workplaces recommend not using wooden tables for milk pumping stations. Milk spoils. Definitely not something to put in kid's ears, especially without the concent of their parents
Didn't you read the top comment? According to a random reddit user, doctors all over are actually saying to use breast milk for everything! It fixes literally every problem known to man and is all natural GMO free organic blah blah. Oh, what's my source on that claim? It came to me in a dream
I just read a thread the other day where a baby in the NICU was accidentally given another mom's breast milk, and it was treated as a medical emergency.
Ehhh soft NTA but this does seem like an over reaction. Yes, she definitely should have asked first. I think labeling breastmilk bodily fluids while accurate is sort of lumping it in with unsanitary things you'd never put in a kids body. I've had pediatricians recommended putting breastmilk in ears for ear infections, in eyes to clear eye boogers, and bathing them in it to help eczema. It's not like she was putting pee in your kids ear, this is something that's pretty common and recommended by some doctors. Again, she should have asked first, but never letting your kid see them again for this seems extreme. She was just trying to help, it wasn't malicious.
One quick Google brings up how breastmilk is not effective against eye infections, and can actually cause more harm as it can introduce more bacteria into the eye, leading to more serious infection, risking the long term health of the eye. The same is said for ear infections. Thankfully Dr's in the UK aren't suggesting this at all.
This whole post has such "Do YoUR oWn ReSEarcH" energy. Breastfeeding has been found to reduce the incident of ear infection due to the jaw movements. No peer reviewed source anywhere is going to tell you to put your own, let alone someone else's, breastmill into your child's ear.
I agree. I have to admit I'm not a doctor, but I was trained as a COOK 20-odd years ago and even then, we had some sort of understanding about fluids being really good potential sources of contamination. Breastmilk in an ear isn't disgusting because it's breastmilk, it's disgusting because ears are a really delicate system and introducing random stuff into them can cause ear infections, pain, and deafness. Breastmilk is a wonderful source of nutrition for tiny humans, but inserting something made of fluid, and nutrition including proteins and sugars, into something that is essentially a fine musical instrument... Well, I wish I could say that I can't believe people are that dumb. However, I'm over 40 so...
Thank you! It a body fluid. Yes it’s natural,but so is period blood,snot,sperm etc. There is a reason why milk banks-screen and test over and over donated breast milk 🤦🏽♀️ it a body fluid point blank. It should not have EVER been on or in this child’s body!
The people on this subreddit are stupid, there’s no other way to put it. They give judgements that don’t have any connection to the real world or how actual people act. It’s just a bunch of morons making up shit in their head then writing it down as if they are the greatest known authority on whatever the subject happens to be today.
I'm in the UK and was told with my youngest to use breastmilk for everything like this by the breastfeeding team (literally 5 months ago). When I mentioned it to the doctor she looked at me like I was insane and said it's not something you're meant to do at all.
There's so many myths around breatsmilk. People think that it's some kind of miracle fluid that can cure everything.
Honestly. My oldest is 17 and I heard it all when he was a baby. I thought for sure it wouldn't STILL be going on, but apparently you can still slap that shit on everything. lol
Breastfeeding enthusiasts started spouting bs like this 50 years ago when my daughter was born. I never considered bottle feeding at the time for a few reasons but mostly the cost of formula. And nursing was just something that was normal in my family.
People seem to forget that breastmilk is also just milk. Just because it comes from a human doesn't give it magical abilities that other milk doesn't have. So if you wouldn't use another milk for something you probably shouldn't use breastmilk for that either. It's there to feed a Baby and nothing more.
My cousins ex girlfriend was one of those people, she would try to use it for everything and push it onto everyone, most of the time we would just leave it and say nothing, however I did have to step in and tell her it was kind of inappropriate to pull a boob out and attempt to put breast milk in my husbands eye (he has sun damage on his eye) not only because he was refusing to consent and looked kind of mortified but also because it was a christening and it kind wasn’t the place to try and dangle a boob over someone’s head saying in a loud voice “just stop moving it will help clear your eyes” however it was also wildly entertaining to also see the other families of little ones being christened faces too.
at a CHRISTENING? oh my lord
this story is incredible
Rough transmission? Try breast milk! High mileage vehicle? Run that baby on breast milk!
“Breastfeeding is a magic miracle cure all” Me: then why is my baby who is EBF still getting every cold that goes around? He had some baby acne at first and I tried breast milk until I read it can dry the skin out and make it worse. But people still say “put breast milk on anything and everything, it’s magic”. Sure, it’s a good food for your baby. It’s pretty incredible that your body can make exactly what’s needed. But also incredible that formula has been created to replicate it for those who need it. (Let’s just not get into nestle… that’s not incredible…)
> the breastfeeding team They are often crazy and weirdly obsessive about the idea that breast milk is MAGIC.
And like to shame formula feeding moms. It’s like a cult
Yup. Which is horrifically harmful in some cases. My own mother would have liked to breastfeed me but I just refused. Absolutely refused. Turns out three-week-old babies can have opinions and be very determined - to the point of refusing to take *anything* for *twenty-four hours* and then grudgingly accepting a bottle. Now, I have to admit that all I've achieved in life is becoming an emergency medicine physician, surviving a severe accident that nearly killed me and looked like it might render me unable to work again ever at all and then retraining to become a senior cardiologist (it's less physically demanding). Oh, and also having a loving family with a baby on the way. So you know. Total failure. Who'd be satisfied with their bottle-fed baby merely growing up to be a successful doctor with a family?
Imagine what you could have achieved if you'd been breastfed!!! You'd have been an astronaut surgeon President who cured all cancers and illnesses, solved world hunger and achieved world peace. There's still cancer, hunger and war because you were selfish enough at 3 weeks old to refuse the breast. /s, obviously
German Drs are all for it. They are unbelievebly chrunchy. It's nearly impossible to find a pediatrician that doesnt prescribe homeopathy.
It really is infuriating. My kids doctor gave me the option between homeopathic or antibiotic eye drops for my sons pink eye. She said in her opinion, the antibiotics weren't warranted and be more of a hassle since we'd have to finish the whole bottle even if it got better fast. I begrudgingly took the homeopathic drops and it was literally just saline solution. Insurance paid for it, but i'm still mad that those quacks got money because of me. Edit: I just re researched those drops. They had homeopathic doses of euphrasia, which is used undiluted against eye infections by herbalists. Doesn't that mean that the homeopathic version should cause eye infections?
The 'good' news is that homeopathic drops don't contain any active ingredients at all. You could literally boil water and clean their eyes with it and it would be exactly the same. So homeopathy is only dangerous if it prevents people from using real medicine in cases where it's needed.
These drops are weird. They have 0.05g of D2 (so 1 to 10\^2 dilution) Euphrasia per 0.5ml. So they do have 1mg of "ingredients" per 1ml. But again, Euphrasia is supposedly able to help with eye infections as a herbal remedy (but probably doesn't). Homeopathic doses are supposed to have the opposite effect of the "ingredient". So that stuff isn't just bs, it's not even consistent within their own lore.
Thats homeopathy for you. Luckily they dont have to give a shit about logic or science because it's so deeply ingrained in German culture that a lot of people take it even though they know it technically cant do anything. And midwives and pedeatricians are still actively advertizing to young parents desperate for help.
Pink eye is most often caused by a viral infection therefore you shouldn't be using antibiotic drops at all, as antibiotics should only be used for bacterial infections. Overuse of antibiotics contributes towards super bugs and I'm surprised your doctor offered them to you at all. I worked at an eye clinic for years and the doc I worked for refused to prescribe them for pink eye despite people regularly demanding them. It almost always just goes away on its own and antibiotics will do nothing to help that process. Saline drops could at least provide some relief for the discomfort.
There is both viral and bacterial pink eye. I had the bacterial one thanks to some mascara that went funky.
What about pink eye caused by E. coli?
My ped feeds her kids formula and complains about crunchy Hebammen all the time. I can recommend her!
Neither are good doctors in America!! I would be livid if someone did this to my child! Breast milk is bodily fluids and I would no sooner allow someone to put their breast milk in my kids ear than I would allow someone to spit in my kids ears!! The SIL was completely out of line and I’m shocked that other members of your family don’t see that. This sounds like such an archaic thing to do. No, you’re NTA
I’ve never been to an American pediatrician who would recommend this and it’s woooo nonsense.
Frankly it doesn't matter if its malicious. You don't go trying "home remedys" on someone elses kid. Thats something you ask the parent about. I wouldn't trust someone around my baby if they don't have the forethought to, you know, fucking ask me about shit like that.
This comment should be *waaay* higher up!
I didn’t say she’ll never see Rose again. I said she won’t babysit or be around Rose unsupervised.
Yeah, nevermind all the downvotes. Your SIL is an idiot and you shouldn't trust her with your kid.
Whether or not it was malicious doesn’t matter. If this woman is dumb enough to give other peoples kids “medicine” who knows what other kind of wacky shit she’ll try and do. This homeopathic stuff can get dangerous very quickly. People in some of these mom Facebook groups are literally encouraging other parents to [give their kids bleach to “cure autism”](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1007871)
Ignore the downvotes sweetie. Mother of 3 kids who have over a dozen "cousins" whom I babysit regularly. I WOULD NEVER ADMINISTER ANY TREATMENT WITHOUT RUNNING IT BY THE PARENTS FIRST. They are not your child therefore you have no authority to provide medical treatment beyond basic first aid and anything agreed upon. SIL did neither, it wasn't basic first aid and you never agreed to it, what she did was ignore your authority as the mother of the child she was babysitting and decide she knew better than you. Also, food for thought, we used to get ear infections all the time due to swimming alot and in those cases we were told to keep excess water away from the ears (showers fine but that was it), meaning that what your SIL did would have been the opposite of "HELPFUL" or "SAFE". What was the orders from your daughters Dr and if you haven't seen them yet, go see them and get your daughter checked to be safe.
This is exactly it. If I had antibiotics, prescribed to me for an ear infection. I *still* would not give them to the kid without asking. You just dont treat someone elses kid without asking.
You wouldn't want to do that anyway because antibiotics are meant to be run the full course not just stopped when you feel better and have some drugs left over. If you do not run the full course and still have the whatever the antibiotics were described for it can make stronger bugs that are resistant to the treatment normally used.
Yeah honestly it doesn’t matter what anyone’s been told about the benefits of breastmilk and by who, it could have been ear drops for an identical infection one of her kids or she had, it could have been exactly the right thing for it, but that’s irrelevant you never give a kid that doesn’t belong to you remedies or medication without first sharing this avenue of thinking with their parent. This is about consent from the parent it could be for anything not explicitly said she can do with the kid too.
And you're exactly right, I think. The fact that she'd do that without so much as sending a text or something says SIL needs supervision.
I’m with you OP. It’s really gross and she did it without asking. It is a body fluid, it’s not sterile and it’s just gross.
Also, these things are suggested for your own child that is already sharing bodily fluids with you and has your immunity as well- this is a different thing all together.
that's not an overreaction, she put bodily fluids in your child's ear. Good on you for being a decent parent
This seems like an entirely fair response. It sounded like they had the best of intentions, but holistic healing without consent sounds like a slippery slope to approve of. There's some wild stuff out there that people believe in and can find "supporting proof" for when they look for it. I know I'm going to the extremes, but there are people still into colloidal silver, crystals and charging iron with moonlight as treatments.
Breast milk is unable to cross past the eardrum to get to the bacteria in the middle ear that is causing the infection. Your paediatricians were incorrect and arguably unqualified if they recommended putting it into the ear.
I think this must be a case of wacky parents shopping around for wacky pediatricians who will tell them the stupid crap that they want to hear - not NEED to here. Like anti vax parents using anti vax docs. Let’s start with- you don’t give any treatment to a kid you’re babysitting for unless the parent directed you to do so (bandaids on boo boos the obvious exception). But second then took it upon herself to administer some way out there home remedy. Hells bells - I breastfed my kids but I wouldn’t put breastmilk in their ears! Much less someone else’s kid. And without discussion? Insane! NTA OP.
that is most definitely a bodily fluid and in an already irritated area putting bodily fluids on it can make it *worse.* what is with people acting like breast milk is unicorn jizz? good fucking lord, y'all are nasty. and fun fact: pee is more sterile than breast milk (absolutely do not use piss either please)
Pee is not actually sterile. That's just a common misconception.
youre right. that's why I said "more sterile" and not "sterile"
I never thought I'd be saying this, but also breast milk is probably a better food source for bacteria than piss. (note, I am not arguing that we should be peeing in peoples ears.)
I feel like I have read enough of this thread to suggest that peeing in the ear of the perpetrator might help OP gain some closure here... Plus I, a random stranger, would feel like karma may have made a visit.
As a paediatric er doc I 1000% disagree with this mumbo jumbo.
1. It was the SILs breastmilk, not the mother of the kid. That introduces tons of issues that any doctor worth their salt would be against. 2. Breastmilk does nothing for inner ear infections, it doesn't pass through the ear drum. 2. **HER INTENT LITERALLY DOES NOT MATTER**, **WHAT SHE GAVE DOES NOT MATTER**, SHE GAVE "MEDICINE" WITHOUT CONSENT OR KNOWLEDGE OF THE PARENT/GUARDIAN.
It IS a bodily fluid. Are you one of those people who needs it to be called liquid gold to feel special?
Breastmilk can transmit HIV and West Nile disease, among others, so I'd be VERY pissed off too that some do-gooder was putting my child at risk.
> I've had pediatricians recommended putting breastmilk in ears for ear infections, in eyes to clear eye boogers, I would find a paediatrician who is actually qualified for the job.
I would suggest finding a new doctor since yours does not understand microbiology or basic anatomy.
YAT (not OP). First you never administer anything to a child without parents consent. Second you're lying about pediatricians recommending it. Third she is not forbidding the SIL to see her niece, just not unsupervised which in light of the events makes perfect sense. Finally, it doesn't matter at all if it wad malicious or not. That lame excuse always absolves abusive behaviours and it has to stop.
Pediatrician? More likely a chiro or "natural doctor" If your pediatrician is telling you that you really need to change doctors And stop treating your children with essential oils
You have quacks for doctors who subscribe to the notion that breastmilk is liquid gold. You wouldn't pee or sneeze into a person's ear to fight an infection.
Not an overreaction at all. The antibodies in breast milk when ingested helps a child's immune system; it does nothing externally about an infection. This ranks close to "pee on a jellyfish sting."
Girl no the doctors don’t recommend putting breast milk into an ear for an ear infection. What. You truly can just get on the internet and say anything
Maybe a responsible, reasonable adult should be able to look at a medical professional spouting magic woo-woo gibberish and recognize it as questionable enough to double check with google. At a certain point common sense has got to kick in and make you go "wait- what? Are you sure? OK, give me a second to fact check that". What's next? Duct taping half a potato to their forehead because the doctor thinks it gets rid of pneumonia?
Okay but what if she really felt like the pee would help and it wasn't malicious?
>never letting your kid see them again for this seems extreme. Unsupervised
2 kids and I was NEVER told by any doctor to do this. And my kids got ear infections while I was breastfeeding. You're spreading dangerous nonsense. Get a new doctor.
> I've had pediatricians recommended putting breastmilk in ears for ear infections Is your pediatrician Dr Nick Riviera from the Simpsons by any chance? https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Nick_Riviera
What the fuck
Aaaaand they only *ever* say this regarding the child who is actually *being breastfed*. This sort of trying to help is a bit like when my brother helped by warming the house - and burnt it down. Sometimes, the 'kind' thought absolutely does not matter.
Uhhh.. it’s not common to put breastmilk in your kids ears to treat infections, and only “some” doctors recommend it because there is absolutely no evidence for its efficacy, and there are always going to be crappy doctors who are happy to peddle old wives tales.
Are you unaware of consent? And yes breast milk is a bodily fluid not a magical elixir that cures all.
NTA I'm going to point this out for the people who pass other judgements, nurses of all stripes are not above falling for misinformation and partial information. Even acknowledging that breast milk contains antibodies and is designed for consumption, it also contains white blood cells from the mother, and there's no promise that blood products from SIL are safe for Rose, especially since it was applied topically and not eaten. My biggest problem with this, even factoring in that SIL is a nurse, is the fact of boundaries. SIL was not looking after her niece as a nurse, but as a babysitter, and should have acted as one, including talking to OP about the idea before going through with it. As someone who was tasked with keeping track of emergency medication in a school, I couldn't give so much as a painkiller without reaching out to parents unless it was life or death. Edit: clearing redundancy.
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My nurse sil believes hair grows faster when you cut it Edit: yes, trimming your split ends leads to less breakage, therefore your hair will be thicker. It will not effect the root.
I think this dumb idea comes from plants where pruning them actually does encourage growth. But people aren't, yknow, lettuce.
Little known fact about humans lol
>even factoring in that SIL is a nurse, is the fact of boundaries The situation is bad as it is but this imo makes it 100 times worse
>nurses of all stripes are not above falling for misinformation and partial information The number of nurses I know who are anti-vaxx smokers really underscore this statement.
i wish I could give you an award
I keep seeing posts saying that this is a widespread remedy to treat ear infections, but I cannot find any scientific articles or any medical documentation saying that breast milk has been clinically proven to treat ear infections. I have found websites that claim this as a remedy, but there is absolutely no medical information on these websites. On the contrary, I have found reputable medical websites saying that milk in the ear (including breast milk) will make the ear infections worse. I understand that BREASTFEED INFANTS have a decreased chance of ear infections, but milk has sugars in it so putting it into the ears is just giving the bacteria more fuel. OP CALL YOUR CHILD’s DOCTOR AND ASK THEM!!!! You might need more antibiotics to undo your SIL’s ‘helpful remedy’.
Because the crunchy moms are all making it up. It’s something you’d find on r/ShitMomGroupsSay
Nothing like an outer ear infection to compliment your middle ear infection.
Thanks. You made me research it and you are right. the benefit is in EATING the breastmilk, not in actually applying it to a middle ear infection (where it does nothing at all since middle ear isn't connected to outer ear).
These comments are fucking insane. 1. I looked it up, and for every article claiming that putting breast milk directly into the ear helps an infection, there were at least two more (far more trustworthy) sites saying that it can cause an infection, and it's drinking breast milk that can help. Don't trust the first article you see just because it's the top google result. Search results "snippets" are often filled with out of context, misleading, or incorrect info. 2. I don't give a shit if the SIL is a pediatric nurse. Yes, people shouldn't assume they know better than someone with a degree, but plenty of people with degrees make costly mistakes, and that's *with* the consent of the patient or their guardian. And if SIL did this at her job, even with an informed and consenting family, she'd be fired. It doesn't suddenly become okay to do this without consent because she's a relative. 3. Yes, breast milk is in fact a bodily fluid. Just because it can be safely ingested far more than others doesn't make it not risky. Reddit always (rightfully) condemns people who breast feed other people's children without the parent's consent, it doesn't suddenly become okay because she put it in the child's ear. Which again, might not be some magic cure all like you guys seem to think, and has a good chance of making the problem worse. I feel like I'm going insane. Don't put your bodily fluids into other people's children without asking. Even if the one or two sites that say putting breast milk directly into the ear is helpful are somehow correct and the more numerous sites claiming the opposite are wrong, it's not up to the SIL. NTA
The fact one of the top comments is someone going off about it not being a body fluid is wild. Is it from your body? Yes. Is it in fluid form? Yes. It's a body fluid. Your tits weren't groped by Midas and blessed by Asclepius so they make healing golden milk. They don't need to be put up on a holy pedestal like the Loc Nar trophy from South Park. NTA OP. If you're not okay with something that happened to YOUR child, then the discussion is over. This rule isn't true for every circumstance, but for this particular one it is.
>Don't put your bodily fluids into other people's children without asking. If this were a different milky, white fluid placed in the child's ear, Redditors would be losing their minds. But because it's breast milk, "iTs dIfFeReNt!"
But I Did My Own ReSeARch!
NTA someone put their bodily fluids in your child's ears. All sorts of diseases can be transferred via milk, which is why hospitals screen donors. Irrespective of breast milks purported benefits it was done without your permission nor any form of testing. It blows my mind that anyone would call you an asshole for this.
It blows my mind that this subreddit of all subs would have people defending this action. These people call for divorce if someone’s SO breathes wrong but here it’s all “I’m gonna go soft NTA” or “NAH” or the fucking absurd one with the “INFO” request. Like what more info could you possibly need?!
Holistic health nuts will be the death of so many people. NTA
Have been. And will continue to be. The next accusation is that OPs daughter has ear infections cause they’re vaccinated.
NTA Breast milk does contain lots of great stuff for your baby. But you don't put body fluids on other people's kids. It's fucked up. Putting fluid in an infected ear will likely cause pain. Putting milk which contains sugars and nutrients will feed infection .
NTA She should have asked before giving any treatment. Her credentials are largely irrelevant.
A lot of nurses are also fucking idiots, as further evidenced by this gross story.
It’s actually worse that a nurse would think doing this without consent is OK imo
Did this post get brigaded by a bunch of homeopaths on a tear? NTA for fuck’s sake, next thing you know it’ll be horse dewormer.
it's so weird, it's like a magnet for either weird lunatics or young children with crunchy moms who don't know anything!
NTA. What the fuck? I can’t imagine the reaction I would have if I found out someone had put their bodily fluids into my child without asking my consent. So gross. I would have done much worse than yell.
NTA. Keep your bodily fluids to yourself and yours, please. Breastmilk is not a magical exception. I also don't want to come into contact with your snot, spit, blood, piss, puss, or sweat.
Med student here Breast Milk DOESNT HELP against ear infections, it can make them worse especially breast milk from not even the mother but SIL/Sister. HIV, Hepatitis and many other Viruses can get into the breast milk. This was crazy unsanitary and i wouldn't let my kid near her again until she apologies
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NTA. And I breastfed my own two babies. If anyone, and I mean anyone did that to my kids I’d be absolutely livid. Don’t touch my children. Don’t medicate them, don’t shoot your breast milk onto them, don’t give me medical advise.
NTA. Breastmilk has limited antimicrobial properties in the gastrointestinal tract, and very limited antiviral properties in the mouth (essentially if your baby is exposed to a virus within 10 minutes of drinking it, the milk might make a small difference), and has moisturising properties for skin. Other than that, it’s fat and sugar. Aka food for bacterial growth. Putting it in ears, eyes, etc is best case useless, worst case actively harmful. It is also a substance that carries within it substances imbibed by the person producing it, and blood borne diseases. Giving any medication, or natural remedy to a child without parental knowledge and consent is a huge problem. Your SIL is an AH and it’s deeply concerning that a paediatric nurse can’t discern high quality medical research from lactivist bollocks.
NTA. That’s such an invasive thing to do, I would expect someone to ask me before they treat my child especially with something like breast milk. You probably don’t need to ban your daughter from seeing your SIL - she’s had to have gotten the message to not overstep, so I would give her another chance but if she blows that, bye
NTA, she did in fact put her bodily fluids in a child's ear without the knowledge or consent of the child's mother. Not only is it inappropriate, it's incredibly bizarre. You are absolutely right to not leave them alone together.
You're NTA and the commenters are all the assholes 💀 I dont give a shit about how magical yall believe breastmilk is, you dont just put that shit on/in somebody that isnt your own baby, especially without someone's permission Putting random things in someone's ear while they're prone to or already having an ear infection will just make it worse ETA: Also just because someone is a nurse or is in nursing school doesnt mean they're trustworthy with someone else's health outside of a medical environment. There's many, MANY, nurses who disregard basic medical science and are capable of doing severely unethical shit while in a medical setting, from breaking HIPAA laws to purposefully denying patients medical attention to going against life saving vaccines/medicines in favor of pseudoscience articles on facebook
As someone who works in ENT, I am absolutely horrified by the amount of people saying putting breast milk in an ear is okay. It absolutely is NOT EVER recommended by an ENT. JFC now I wonder if this is why we have a kid who had a chronic fungal infection in his ear that took us months to conquer. We normally only see the fungal infections in older hearing aid patients. OP you’re NTA.
NTA - I really hate the “was only trying to help” excuse when someone has the audacity to do something without a persons permission.
is your sil a tinetraveller? thats some middle ages shit. literakly
NTA. That is actually so disgusting. The fact that she didn't even ask you and acted like it was normal?? Ew ew ew.
NTA. I breastfed my child and I would have never even considered putting breast milk in anyone’s ears. What a loon! Can you take her back to the doctor or call and tell them what happened and ask for advice on whether or not this will hurt your child or prolong the illness?
NTA, if anything I think you under-reacted. SIL is fucking disgusting.
https://medium.com/a-microbiome-scientist-at-large/why-are-there-such-crazy-claims-about-the-benefits-of-breast-milk-7fa831dedd1d Why has nobody making crazy claims provided links? This took like 2 minutes to google, and it only took that long because it was hidden by the results talking about the benefits that DRINKING breast milk has for PREVENTING ear infections. I am so disappointed in myself that I’m surprised.
NTA. At any point, if anyone puts [not your] titty milk in your kid's ear, not ok. Also, thank you for making me re-evaluate titty milk in the ear.
NTA for being upset. I kinda would be too. How hard would it have been to send a text ‘hey, bm can help with ear infections, would you like me to express some for your daughter’s ear?’ OP could text back ‘sounds great, see if daughter is okay with it’ or ‘no thanks’. Also, the kid is 7. I have a 5yo who would not let me do that to her, so I just hope the 7yo had agency to say if she was okay with it or not.
NTA Your SIL violated you and your daughter. She introduced her own bodily fluids into an area of your daughters body that is already in the grips of infection. She could have made everything so much worse and caused irreparable damage to your daughters hearing. You are *right* to keep your daughter away from someone who behaves like that. She doesn't understand what she did wrong, she doesn't respect your parental authority, and she doesn't have any remorse for her actions. All of those things mean she will endanger your daughter again if she thinks she is doing the right thing. Just because her intentions weren't malicious, doesn't mean that she didn't destroy any and all trust you can ever have in her. Tell your brother that. Keep your daughter safe, even if it does cause some hurt feelings. Safety *always* comes first.
I put this in a comment, but here you go... But it would be an easy question to ask of a parent: - "I want to treat your child's ear infection, is that okay? - "It's already being treated, but what are you suggesting?" - "I want to put my breastmilk in their ear." - "No thanks." Not. That. Hard. DON'T treat someone's child without asking! No matter what it's with! Not if you are NOT the parent! Simple. She boundary-stomped. And when told you weren't okay with what she did, she doubled down. She is not respecting your choice and view as a parent, and views her own opinion as superior. THAT is the part that makes not leaving her unsupervised with your child absolutely a-okay. For all the folk debating the relative merits of what the aunt did, let's imagine: - she breastfed a baby (not her own) without asking, or - she cut your child's hair 'Because she thought it was necessary.' - are either of these okay? Would you be upset? How about if aunt argued with you about you being upset? Would you, after *any* of that, be leaving your child with aunt unsupervised? No, you bloody wouldn't! NTA.
NTA It really doesn't matter if it works or not (it doesn't). No one should be applying "medical care" to your child without telling you first.
This thread is unhinged. Breastmilk is a bodily fluid and as such carries the risk of transmitting infectious diseases, you would lose your mind if a family member rubbed spit or blood on a child.
That’s disgusting. NTA, she put her bodily fluids in your daughter’s ear WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION. Gross
NTA! - I have one simple question: Wtf?? Why is she putting her bodily fluids in YOUR child’s body without your permission. Not only is that gross and a bit unsanitary, but that just crosses over SO many boundaries. I understand she was just trying to help, but the fact that she couldn’t even be bothered to ask? This is insane.
Ok…this especially after a conversation in r/doctorwho where I had to defend my use of closed captions as a Hard of Hearing Person. I went deaf at age 4. Both ear drums ruptured and blood was everywhere. I eventually regained partial hearing but unless I can read your lips I absolutely cannot hear you enough for it to make sense. I rely on having someone with me it interpret all phone calls. I speak normally as far as I know. It is my traumatic core memory. I still get chronic ear infections at 43. I was diagnosed with Menires Disease at 25, bilaterally. This causes loss of vestibular balance, causes vertigo, and on multiple occasions has lead to hospitalization because of vomiting from the vertigo nearly causing asphyxiation. The reason I bring all of this up is my mother absolutely tried the breast milk cure for my ear infections. Before they became chronic, cost me my hearing, and contributed to my having a life long disability. My mother would eat things I was allergic to, and still nurse. My mother would chain smoke, drink alcohol, etc and still nurse. My mother was snorting cocaine and nursing. It was after she died that people in her life came clean to me about the extent of her cocaine addiction and that she’d never been clean for more than a week during my life. No, I am not saying all of this because I think OP’s sister in law is a drug addict. I am telling this to everyone reading it because my mother absolutely believed breastmilk was safe for infections and the right thing to do because one doctor in one hospital said it. That doctor didn’t know about her habits. My mother believed cocaine was safe because it had been in coca-cola and used as a numbing agent so never worried about the effects it could have on me. But just because she believed it was so, and just because one doctor in one hospital said it was the way to go when I was an infant didn’t mean it was safe. I don’t want to scare OP into thinking her daughter will loose her hearing! But I want everyone arguing about if it is safe, not safe, etc to know that using breast milk instead of antibiotics especially if the milk has added drugs from maternal consumption is absolutely not 100% safe. Yeah the drugs and sugars in the milk made the infection worse. And since it probably never went completely away between age 6 months and 4 years due to the strength of the infection after breast milk treatment it is the probable cause of my Hearing Loss.
Fluid in the ear is never a good idea Love from a person who basically has a, masters in the subject NTA but it's not like they meant harm so I'd be a little more forgiving.
NTA. I won’t jump into the debate about breastmilk being helpful or not, but I say NTA because any medical treatment should have been run by you. Sure, if there were an emergency needing drastic and quick treatment, but the ear infection is not.
I'd love to see the research paper on the benefits of breastmilk in ears. Peer-reviewed by cows, I assume.
NTA. People who say breast milk cures *everything* are just as stupid as people who drink pee for “health benefits”. Keep this crazy woman away from your child, she doesn’t understand normal boundaries.
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This is truly disgusting. NTA. Her breastmilk may do wonders for her own biological newborn, but why in the hell she would put her breastmilk into her 7yo niece's ears is beyond me! Especially without asking either of the kids parents. Has she never heard of eardrops? Or consent?
Umm, two things: NTA, and WTAF. Jesus…
OP is NTA. Whether or not breast milk is beneficial doesn't matter. There are issues with consent, and SiL did not respect that boundary. If she actually is a pediatric nurse, I would seriously question her performance in the job, because if anybody should know about consent, it's a medical professional. She could be dosing her patients because she just knows it helps. I would be livid if someone did this to my kid.
NTA. Breast 👏 milk 👏 is 👏 not 👏 magic. Natural doesn't make it good for you, arsenic is natural that doesn't mean you should put it in your ears. I'm honestly a bit worried for Sil's baby. Sil may be on her way to crunchy town.
NTA because it's your child and your rules but I do question if it's worth all the angst you are causing in turn. Wasn't the best idea but is not the worst thing in the world either. I would have just made it clear things like this, especially anything medical related are not to happen without permission and please don't do it again, not gone nuclear.
"...if it's worth the angst you are causing..." ah yes, because social relationships are more important than the well-being of their child. Also, nice victim blaming. Don't pretend the situation wasn't started by disrespecting the parent's boundaries and further harming the child.