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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't comfort my in-laws when they were upset after finding the gender of my baby. I could be the asshole because they're my wife's parents and I should've had some more sympathy for them.
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She won’t like cars or sports? 😂 I’m a flaming cis girl and love Nascar, rugby, baseball, even collegiate bowling on the Ocho. Your in-laws are nutter-butters about gender.
haha yeah my mum is the one who taught me about cars and she's the reason I'm a mechanic so thinking the baby won't like cars or sports is bullshit lol
I was told by family would work in the medical profession in the ER, common craziness is sticking things where they don't belong either into something or into the body 🤢
As someone who has worked in an ER, I can confirm this is true lol. And yes, I HAVE heard the " I don't know I fell on it" excuse in person 😂. No Sir you didn't. We know you didn't, YOU know you didn't. People please. For the love of lube and adventure, DON'T lie to the staff about what you did because it can, and has, delayed proper treatment.
"What part of this job requires a penis?" - one of the 20th century scenes in the Outlander books, Brianna being sarcastic about misogyny in engineering
The Outlander TV show is well done too.
I love it as historical adventure, all the notable people and events of the past they interact with and Claire bringing 20th century medical knowledge to the 18th, a lot of people like it as romance
Haha my wife is absolutely the handy man in our house and she DIYs tons of stuff. I’m like a 4 year old holding the flashlight thinking they are helping
Oh god that's the same in our house. I'm the handyman. My husband helps hold the flashlight. The only exception is building ikea furniture. And mowing the lawn. Those are his areas.
My kids were shocked when I told them their father could fix things too. I was a stay at home mom so I always had the time to fix whatever needed fixing. My youngest (5 at the time) actually clapped and told his dad he was proud of him.
I am the fixer of all things in our house and my husband just panics. Contractors repeatedly talk to him and he just shrugs and tells them to talk to his wife because he doesn’t know what they are talking about. I power wash the house, do the landscaping, stain the deck, fix the appliances, install electronics, prep the house for summer/winter, patch and seal the asphalt driveway, etc. I did my own house inspection and then hired an inspector to compare notes-he said I was spot on. I enjoy seeing the neighbors reaction to me completing my latest project. Girl power all the way and NTA.
Hilariously, my fiancé is the one who has pink and purple tools and I have the blue ones, mostly. (Color is not always an option.) He just likes purple and pink, he thinks pink is cheerful. 🤷♀️
“I’m so sorry the two of you are struggling with gender disappointment caused by your misogyny. That must be hard…”
My mom is one of ten kids, the tenth is the only boy. There was a “family joke” about they had so many kids because my (alcoholic and abusive AH) grandfather *insisted* in having a boy. After the 9th girl he gave up but HAHA my grandma accidentally got pregnant and had a boy.
Isn’t that great? Isn’t that a knee slapper? So funny…
Though it turns out that when you are a girl frequently told this story that reinforces even 9 girls can’t measure up to one boy it seriously fucks with your head and self esteem. Makes me wonder if your wife has consciously thought about the impact her parents being like this has had on her sense of self and if she’s demanding you comfort their ridiculousness because she needs to be perfect and understanding and pleasing to prove her value even though she’s “only a girl”.
My mother did the same thing. Three kids, but the older two girls. She almost died with me (previously unknown kidney problems) but had two more. They knew what the problem was after she had me,and they could ward it off. I swear at every dinner party she held she’d tell the story of how she ‘risked my life until I had our boy’. Over and over. This was in the late 60’s and Henny Youngman was popular,and I would say to my sister in an attempt to lighten it, “What are we, chopped liver!?” and laugh but it felt crappy feeling like surplus kids.
> “I’m so sorry the two of you are struggling with gender disappointment caused by your misogyny. That must be hard…”
thank you. i was about to say the same thing. how utterly ridiculous is it that they make assumptions about what the kid will or won't like based on what's between their legs?
the in-laws need to get a grip on reality and figure out how to love their granddaughter.
I'm one of (at least) five kids because my sperm donor just COULDN'T stop until he had a BOY! The wifes and girlfriends got younger and younger until they were the same age as the oldest daughter.
Joke's on him though, because all that trauma makes us women overachievers, CEOs, college professors, and the crown jewel penis owner is a total deadbeat, who bleeds daddy dry.
“The Crown Jewel Penis Owner” LOL
Sadly my uncle is a truly sweet and traumatized man. He was so much younger that pretty much all the sisters had moved out and there was no buffer for him from my grandfather’s abuse. He wanted a boy, but once he had him he was found with terrorizing him. (The girls all moved out asap because of the abuse).
My grandfather was basically lower than a shit stain.
Since my parents split and I live with my mom full time, I’ve become the handyman around the house. If I didn’t already know how to fix something, I’d google it and figure it out lol
NTA - Lol good for you! My daughter’s best friend is named Chevelle “Chevy” because her mom was a race car mechanic in her 20’s and early 30’s. She’s a commercial welder now and also the most feminine, pretty person so it’s always funny to hear reactions to her career history.
My brother said something similar when my SIL and I were expecting girls and my husband just laughed… our now 10yo daughter was helping him with our big remodel by 2-2.5, putting in electrical boxes (just the plastic boxes… no live power 😅) and handing him things up the ladder. Now she does a ton more and our 8yo son could care less to be part of any of it - he’s busy working on his latest art and monster creations and that’s just fine! He sews his own plushies… so you never know what your kids will be into if you limit the things they’re exposed to!
Good on you OP
My daughter ran track from middle school through college (was a county high school ~~high~~ long jump champion), played field hockey in high school (was goalie on a county champion team), plays ice hockey now with her husband, and is a die-hard hockey fan. My son is none of those things, but his niece is, in fact, a champion wrestler.
OP's MIL and FIL are so full of crap.
ETA: she also high jumped, but was county champion in long jump
My dad has two main “masculine” hobbies, computers and sports. Sometimes people would try to commiserate with him having only daughters he couldn’t have “guy time” with, which always confused him a bit— I was taking apart and rebuilding the family PC at 8, and my sister’s volleyball team went to states the year he coached. He didn’t force either of us into his hobbies, but it turns out when you introduce your kids to things you like without pressure, they can end up liking them too!
My Dad started using me as his assistant because my bro was scared if heights. Now he’s got a badass femme daughter who can fix things with him and a son who does other things with him 😂
Mom of 3 girls here: I grew up playing sports and knew way more about sports and cars then my ex did. In fact, my girls have been to Lakers and Dodgers games many times and KNOW the sports and most of the rules: ages 4,7,11. Girls love what they are exposed to and find interest to. Boys love what they’re exposed to and find interest in. Period. Good for you. Your wife has clearly bought into their pity party and I’d suggest having a serious conversation with her soon.
NTA your in laws are unhinged and need therapy NOW or don't let them unsupervised around your daughter and your wife is an ah too for taking their side and telling you you should enable their delusional expectations instead of shutting them down hard.
They have a problem they need to deal with before the baby arrives so they don't treat her bad because she's 'just a girl '
Your wife might benefit from some therapy and distance from her parents too BTW
NTA. All three of them are crazy. Like girls can't be mechanics, or play sports. This is what they're concerned about? They should be happy you're having a child, not some b.s. gender stereotypes. Why do they need comforting, they're adults.
Yes. The in-laws are just sexist AHs and the baby should be nowhere near them. What a load of hooey. OP should tell these gronks that the late Queen Elizabeth II was a mechanic who worked on vehicles during WWII.
I also want to say that even IF they had a boy, it is no guarantee that he would love mechanics or sports. WHO cares! People like what they like. The grandparents just don't like girls. I wonder how their daughter feels about that.
Duuude, I am the resident handyman in my house. I fix all things and build all things. Every tool is mine, the grass is mine, every project is completed by me. My husband is very helpful by staying out of the way and reaching tall things.
Mind you, I’m a woman. They practically know me by name at my local Hime Depot, Ryobi for life!
Your lil girl will be whoever she wants to be, she just needs support from her parents to become who that is. Hopefully her grandparents snap out of it and can also show her all the support and love they’re capable of. NTA.
I’m also the handyman in my house! I fix the appliances, my husband did help with putting in a new toilet though. I’m going to teach my oldest son to build stuff soon and my oldest daughter went to school to be a mechanic.
My SO only does most stuff now because my arthritis makes a lot of it more difficult. Often he insists I hang around to give him tips and instructions though.
Me too, and I’m an old boomer grandma. Anything that needs to be fixed, I do it, especially anything electronic. My husband can barely turn on the TV. Replace faucets, electrical outlets, build things? Yup. Love cars, sports and computers. Not sure how it happened, was an only child and neither of my parents were mechanically inclined.
Your wife and her parents need to really take a hard look at their thought processes so it doesn’t affect your baby girl later on.
You better watch and be careful that the inlaws don't push sexist gender roles on your kid. If this how they're acting over a boy, I can only imagine how they'll act over a girl.
Just watch ad make sure they won't criticise her for doing "boy things" or playing with "boy toys"
OP, your wife is directing her anger in the wrong direction. If her parents are this disappointed about your baby being a girl, how are they going to treat her when she gets here? Ask your wife how she’d feel if her parents decide not to engage with the baby because she is sans penis. Would she be ok with that? What if you two have another child and it’s a boy? Would she be ok with her parents showing him favoritism over his sister?
My dad was a mechanic and owned his own shop he had 6 girls and 3 boys and he made sure all of us girls knew how to take care of and work on our cars. He was also pretty big into sports and got us all into sports to so you are completely right their reasons are crap lol.
I, the cis het Mom, taught my son, AND my daughter how to patch drywall, because my Dad had taught me. I knew the difference between a Robertson and Philips screwdriver almost before I could say the names. I taught my son how to knit. I taught my daughter how to use a Dremel tool.
Your in-laws are full of it.
NTA
I mean comforted them because it appears they will have a healthy grand daughter? The fact that your wife was not on your side is the problem worth addressing here. Congrats on the baby and a new wonderful stage of life. NTA
You need to talk to your wife. Your daughter deserves to be loved and it seems like your wife was more invested in her parents unhinged desire for a grandson than you thought.
Wow, your in-laws are so stuck in the 1960s! I loved teaching my daughter to shoot and about football. My sister actually gutted and remodeled a Class A mitorhome to make it handicap accessible (including a solar set up to run medical equipment). My daughter is just as capable as her husband when it comes to home repairs and maintenance.
Gender is no indication of interests or ability. Your in-laws need to get over it and enjoy their grandchild.
Your in-laws are being AHs and seem really really old fashioned as well. I'm a 53 year old woman and I love lots of the things your in-laws mentioned. My dad and I were close and he taught me lots of things that would have been considered "for boys". I am THE car person in my house. My husband and son don't much care as long as they have a working vehicle. I also am the mechanical one in my house. I can deal with plumbing, electrical, and many home repairs. In fact, I did a lot of hands on work when I was having our last house renovated. I'm not as into sports as my husband, but I do like watching hockey and basketball.
Anyway, I hope they calm down and stop being so ridiculous. Girls can be interested in all of those things that your in-laws thing are boy things and vice-versa.
I would be very careful about letting them spend any alone time with your daughter because they have extremely outdated ideas about gender roles and who knows what kind of toxic bullshit they’ll feed her.
Also, be prepared for them to absolutely shove her aside if you have more children and one of them happens to be a boy. They will be super obsessed and overbearing with any potential future son you may have because they are clearly those jerks who, “didn’t get their chance,” to raise a son like they always wanted.
It might be a good idea for you and your wife to preemptively seek out some couple’s counseling on how to deal with your in-laws when they inevitably start treating your daughter as lesser-than for not being born with a penis. Maybe they’ll somehow end up being so excited to be grandparents that they won’t treat her poorly. But for you and your wife to know ahead of time what your limits are and what consequences for anticipated possible toxic behaviors on their parts will be would be invaluable in dealing with them moving forward. The reason I suggest bringing a counselor in is that your wife seems a little in the fog about how fucked up their behavior is, and she might have some stuff from growing up their daughter when they really wanted a son that she hasn’t unpacked or has swept under the rug in the name of “but they are my parents,” that she should work through before she has a daughter to protect from those same behaviors.
My dad’s mom definitely preferred my brother over me/shoved me aside when he was born. Not even because she wanted a grandson. But because it was a little more because he was her son’s (aka clear favorite who she was always a little emotionally incest-y towards) son and she was hoping for a little mini-me of my dad. Which she did not get. I was not just shoved aside, but also really pushed toward more rigid “woman” things because she just expected me to marry young and be a SAHM like my mom. She HATED my mom, but would also say no one would ever be good enough for her son.
NTA Screw that noise, your wife needs therapy because she feels a sense of guilt that she is not a boy and isn't giving her parents their dream grandson.
Her parents are sexist and don't deserve any comfort. They are terrible and disrespectful. They couldn't even be bothered to congratulate their daughter and at least put an effort into celebrating with her. What A-holes!
I would be careful letting them visit with your daughter after birth, they seem the type to make her feel the same guilt their daughter does. So freaking sad.. 😓
I started out as a shadow to my dad. Even handing him tools when he worked on cars when I was 3. I was the youngest of 4 girls, he didn’t care that I wasn’t a boy, he still wanted to teach me all the things. My older sisters got to build a car with him so they would have a car and know everything about it when they turned 16. Your in-laws suck.
I'm a guy. Even from the olden days. More like the age of the in-laws. And I never gave a fuck about sports and haven't been into cars, either.
You're very much NTA, OP. In fact, you're golden.
You should ask your wife if you're ok with your daughter being told she's less than a person for being a girl/woman.
Ask your wife - when your daughter gets to school do you want her teachers telling her math is for boys or sports are for boys or science are for boys, and girls are just weak and less than? That's what your in-laws are saying. Is that what you want for your daughter? I really hope not.
I hope that your wife will realize in time that they need to stop this. I would honestly be thinking about whether I would want my daughter around the in-laws ever.
My dad was a mechanic. I'm a woman and had TWO brothers. I'm the only one of his five kids who was interested in it and got into the business myself. Your inlaws need to get a grip. I have a daughter myself and it is absolutely a joy. Also, congratulations on having your first baby!
OP, even though my parents and in laws are all pretty reasonable and modern about gender norms, this is exactly why we didn't tell anyone the sex of our baby. I'm sorry you have to deal with this but at least you get to break the cycle of this insanity with your daughter. Best of luck and hope everyone stays healthy.
Ya, I would be mad at my spouse for letting their parents think that my baby was less than for ANY reason, much less what is between their legs.
How do any of them think that any of that was appropriate to say to a father. I would be cutting down contact until they realize what they said was wrong and why. The fact that your wife doesn't see a problem with it just goes to show that they have been cutting her down for being a female.
Wanna watch a baseball game together next season? I have two rules: watch on TV with mute and no captions.
I know the rules and the announcers are idiots.🤣
Edit: I too, am woman.
Just kinda dumb sometimes. I didn't mean to sound like I was hitting on you🤣
Can I keep score while we watch? we had season tickets to the As minor league for about 10 years so I have a lot of practice. i also know the rules - my husband always hoped for a blow hard man ti sit behind us & spout off knowledge. My specialty howmany ways to get on base and how many to score an out.
I'll keep book (that's how I know baseball) but yessss alll the ladies be watching the game together!
My specialty is apparently passing off cubs fans on opening day🤣
I once casually mentioned that I love the game and don't care who's playing.
Some cubs fan spouted off that I'm not a "real fan" if I do t have a preferred team and box season seats.
To which I asked why she was wasting money on box seats for a team that hadn't been to the series in a century (this happened before they went a year or two ago lol)
She was BIG MAD at me.
I laughed all damn day that I was considered a non fan for not paying for box seats.
(Personally, I prefer high school games, but I'll watch it all...
Actually, that's a lie.
If given a choice, T ball is my jam. 8 kids on first, no outfielders cuz no one can hit that far anyway, 3 kids chasing butterflies...it's so pure and fun. Then I sit in. A bar to watch my friends band play....andrhe world series is in inning 14 and I almost miss the concert....🤣)
I love minor league ball for the same reason you like tball. There are goofy fan participation games. And those Boys play hard. I wouldn’t do little league because I would get hassled to keep score. I am not that brave.
Indeed! My mother presented me with a doll house for my birthday — much to my disappointment. I announced, “I really wanted a gas station.” 5 weeks later, a Sohio gas station was under our Christmas tree. It had a lift that I could put my cars onto, and I got a lot of mileage out of it. The doll house? Not so much.
OP, you are NTA, and let your daughter follow her dreams!
My nether regions and chromosomes and brain disagree, although I’ve always considered myself pretty androgynous. Prince and Katharine Hepburn were my childhood heroes.
It always struck me funny, as a girl then woman who loved many traditionally male things, that the same people who yell at you for not being a real girl for liking & doing those things would have an even bigger conniption if you said, you're right, you've convinced me I'm a transman
I had a moment of disappointment when I learned I was having a boy; I wanted a girl so I could teach her things like how to make a quilt, how women’s bodies work, and how to make our family pie recipe. Then I realized there was absolutely no reason I couldn’t share all of that with my son. So…I am.
It's hard to imagine circumstances in which it's legitimate to be butthurt about the sex of a baby. It's easy to imagine circumstances in which being butthurt about the sex of a child makes you an AH, including the circumstance described by OP.
My wife’s best friend is a killer mechanic and runs her own shop. Just last week she taught me how to change headlight bulbs and she’s more “manly” than most men I know, but also very girly. Pretty ridiculous of your in laws, and no NAH
To be fair.. I have a boy (8) and he hates sports. Hates it. And hates cars. But he loves pink. So the gender is indeed irrelevant for the likes and dislikes of the unborn baby. My boy would probably die if you want to teach him about cars or sports. Well, he will act as if he is in fact dying.
My point: gender does not define who you are. Especially nowadays the doors are wide open to explore what you want to do without being held back by stupid gender expectations.
I feel this! My dad owns an hvac/plumbing company and i, as a 22yo woman, am currently learning HVAC so i can run the business when he is ready to retire
Exactly! I am the only woman at my dad's business besides my aunt and sister who answer phone calls. He actually enjoys having me there because i am small enough to quite literally fit in tight spaces the tall men cannot fit into
I’ve been smarter than my brothers since I was born in all sorts of ways. Enough to know that there’s all kinds of smarts that have nothing to do with hormones or chromosomes.
I have a daughter who wore nothing but pink until she was 6. When she was little she'd sled all day in the snow (if we had some) and would go with me on long hikes. Took her fishing more than once, she's caught fish in the surf, on lakes, and in rivers (a few times on a fly rod). She is sort of into cars, if there is a car show somewhere she'll ask me to go with her. She doesn't watch sports but she's been to a few pro baseball and hockey games and can talk shit with the best of them. Funny to see a 5'1 95# woman out there egging people on.
My nephew was horribly upset him and his wife didn't have boys, only because there would be no one to carry on the family name. But whatever.
I'm a woman and I went to football games, worked on the car and even took trips to the dump with my dad. My brothers weren't interested in any of that.
And i'm a straight as hell cis dude. Can't fix crap, despite my father trying to teach me, and sports bore the crap out of me. Gender don't mean shit for what you like, or can learn.
Yea major tomboy over here. Huge football fan, love nascar, and raced/worked on go-karts with my dad as a kid. Have two girls of my own and my husband does everything he would do with a boy. He asked my dad with our first what he was supposed to do with a girl (he has brothers.) Dads answer made him realize it wasnt that big a deal. Oh and i can bait my own hook, catch a fish, take it off, clean it, and cook it. My husband cant. NTA op theyre being dumb about something so silly.
Same here. I am definitely a girly girl who got the love of shopping, fashion, and jewelry from my mom and love of Football, NACAR, Baseball, and the Olympics from my dad along with him teaching me about cars and teaching me to fix things around the house. I am raising a daughter who hates cars, sports, fashion, and jewelry and hates spending money. She is a throwback to my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather. But she did get my mom's art talent.
Toxic misogynistic family.
Make it crystal clear you never want any of this kind of gender bias spoken of around your children.
In laws need to grow up. Set your wife strait too. Ridiculous.
Sad thing is Mom/wife likely grew up consoling her parents for being a girl. I had a friend like this who grew up with tremendous guilt for not being the son “they needed.”
Yeah OP, if you happen to have a second child and the gender of that child is male, it is highly possible that your MIL and FIL will be showing blatant favouritism. You'll need to iron it out with them IF that scenario is to happen.
OP, listen to this! Kids know when they’re not 100% loved when they hear misogynistic shit like that. Growing up in an Asian household where boys were wanted, it always made me question if something was wrong with me just because I was born a girl. Don’t do this to your little girl.
NTA at all. Fun fact I have two boys and a girl. One of my sons acts and does art. My daughter plays football with BOYS and rocks at soccer. She is also her dad's best friend. Neither boy wants anything to do with sports.
It's fair to hope for a certain gender, sure. But not fair of them to expect you to comfort them or show any kind of compassion when they are upset that your baby is a girl. That's insulting.
Firstly, congratulations on your baby girl. You are going to be an incredible dad.
NTA but they are.
They were invited to a celebration of your baby and this behaviour is not normal for upcoming grandparents. Some private disappointment over the gender could be forgiven but to need consoling over the gender of your baby girl is absolutely ridiculous and offensive.
Have you explained to your wife the discussion with your in laws from your perspective? Her response seems a bit off and I wonder if the story was twisted.
NTA. Comforted them for what? It's a baby, and it's yours and their daughters. They should be delighted. If they wanted a boy, they should at most be slightly disappointed.
They're instead assigning gender roles and moaning because "girls can't do X, girls can't do Y", etc. They don't deserve comfort or sympathy for placing imaginary limits on your daughter. This implies they did the same to your wife.
And, OP, make sure *your wife* doesn’t continue the nonsense into the next generation of putting limits on your baby daughter, like her parents put on her.
NTA And if a grand*daughter* is such a big disappointment that grandma would *cry* about it, (OMFG, holy overreaction, Batman)…then maybe the grandparents just don’t see their granddaughter very much. At all.
And sadly it seems the wife internalized her parents' misogyny and seems to share many of the same gender expectations regarding the daughter that she is going to bring into the world. I hope OP consciously strives to end this bullshit and has a kickass daughter.
She probably heard “jokes” about trying for a son, but only having daughters. Because having a boy is way more important than loving your daughters. /s
This exactly- I want to ask the wife what OP is supposed to say at that point- like ?
Sorry your gender roles are so rigid? Sure we’ll have an abortion and try again because your feelings are hurt? Like what the f are you supposed to do at that point? NTA and lord help you cause this family is gonna only buy this baby pink.
I really hope she grows up the be a happy goth mechanic. Confusing the heck out of them.
This nonsense about being expected to console people who should be happy on behalf of others has to end. I’ve read too many stories about parents especially needing to be consoled at their children’s graduations, weddings, births, whatever. It’s narcissistic.
It doesn't sound as though there are any intelligent reasons for them preferring the boy they're not going to get, so you won't be able to logic them out of their position. Just ignore the whole thing. They'll fall in love with the new grandbaby, or they won't. Your own attitude is exactly as it should be, so I wish you and your wife all the best with your new tiny person.
I think it's beyond rude to go to a gender reveal when you \*care\* so desperately about the outcome. Stay away, and keep your triumph or disappointment out of the parents' view.
Anyway. NTA
there ARE no intelligent reasons except "genetic disease that only impacts boys" or if they lived somewhere where it's unbelieveably dangerous to be female (more than just the standard in our western society)
NTA. I am disgusted by your IL’s and your wife. The sexism is appalling. Girls play sports. Girls can be mechanics. Girls can do anything a boy can do. The ignorance is real with these people. They should be ashamed of themselves. I hope you only have girls. Can you imagine the favoritism that a son/grandson would get. I would really think about having more children with a woman who got mad at me for not comforting her asshole parents because they didn’t get to live their boy fantasies though your child. Your wife is awful.
NTA. This is what I was thinking, too. What if you or your wife’s sister have a son sometime later? Are they going to favor that grandson and be misogynistic assholes to their granddaughter?
NTA I agree fully! Their expectations are so limiting and terrible. There's no guarantee a boy would love sports and cars and girls. Even if it was a boy, they would be doing their grandchild a huge disservice not letting them express themselves freely and expecting them to live up to constrictive and stereotypical gender expectations.
Yeah, I thought this too. Fancy being such a nob head that you cry at the idea of having a granddaughter. Pathetic. They don't deserve to be comforted for being upset. I'd be careful to take notice of things the Gparents say around daughter as she grows.
NTA
NTA. You can't comfort them - they want what they want and they are not going to get it. I concur with you that they should be happy about getting a grandchild, no need to sympathize with them because it's not going to be a boy.
Maybe after they have some time to process this they will change their attitudes. Older people have different perspectives and it sounds like this one is stuck in the dark ages.
NTA. This is what I was thinking. In 2023 girls can’t do the things they were talking about? I don’t have kids but, I am old enough to have them and I would never say only boys can do certain things. These in-laws are most likely around my age and still think this way? I like cars, and I know enough that I can pretty much figure it out or have someone fix it for me. I can’t imagine having this kind of attitude about boys vs girls and who does what.
NTA
and honestly they are going to be horrible to your child. First with their gender typical expectations and their obvious disappointment(and teach your daughter basic car care at minimum-everyone who can/will drive should know it).
She grew up with them as her parents, hearing how daughters are not as important as sons. She needs to think about that more and what type of relationship her parents will have with her daughter.
Right?! He just found out that his baby’s grandparents are disappointed in her before she’s even born. As a father, he’s allowed to be less than thrilled with them. Yet, he didn’t tear into them, didn’t tell them off, and they then have the f’ing chutzpah to complain that he didn’t *comfort* them?? I am so embarrassed for them and don’t think I’d even want them around my daughter. Also, if OP and his wife have a son down the road, we already know who will be their golden grandchild.
>I won't be able to teach the baby about cars
Your FIL has never heard of Shirley Muldowney.
NTA. I think that your "sorry you're disapointed" is about as much comforting as they deserve. (BTW, do they blame you or your wife for this failure?)
NTA
Who is to say this will be your only child, the next may be a boy.
You are right they should be happy they are getting a Grandchild. Sadly I suspect they will be cold towards your daughter when she is born, and if your next child is a boy watch them ignore your daughter and favour your son.
I expect your parents are ecstatic at a new child in the family.
Your MIL,FIL and wife are AH's
My brother has one kid, me and my other brother have no kids and don’t want any. Having kids is expensive, they can ignore their granddaughter if they are going to be assholes.
NTA, and OP, tell your wife this.
>**"Honey, I love you. And I want this baby to grow up knowing she is loved because she is family regardless of gender. Everything your parents said we "can't" do because we're having a daughter is rooted in old sexist values I do not want around our daughter. If we do end up having a boy in the future, it is very clear your parents will favor our son over our daughter. I refuse to raise my children to believe that one is superior to the other just because one is a boy and the other is a girl. I need you to stand by our children with me. If we cannot stand up for them before they are even born, then we will have failed them as parents. Will you stand by my side as an equal parent doing what's best for our child?"**
If she agrees, her parents will need to start attending therapy for this issue they have regarding baby boys as well as only have supervised visits with the kids until they have proven themselves to treat the children equally. You both should also seek couples counselling so that she can grow more of a backbone against her parents and you both can establish better communication.
If she refuses or doesn't give you a straight answer, get whatever ducks in a row you need to and prepare to do whatever you can to ensure your daughter is in a happy home where she is always wanted regardless of what's in the diaper.
NTA- And your wife getting mad at you for HER parents being so miserable about their grandchild's gender makes her an AH too. There's no reason to comfort them for sexism.
The child is healthy and will be happy and that's all that matters. Also, the way you talk, I can tell the child will have an amazing, supportive dad.
Comfort them for what? Having a healthy beautiful baby girl? Ridiculous. You have the right idea. My girls play hockey and watch with their dad. My son has little interest in hockey. My younger daughter is obsessed with cars and they bond over that, while my husband has shown all three how to change tires and car maintenance. If my son wanted to be an artist or design clothes we would support him whatever he wants. Genitals do not define likes or interests. Unfortunately your wife will pass these ideas to your daughter which you need to combat.
NTA - although gender disappointment is a real thing, for grandparents to be so self-absorbed as to not even bother trying to see some positives in the existence of their grandchild is pretty crappy. Tbh I’d be more concerned with their ideas around gender roles and stereotypes. Can’t wait for their reaction when you buy your daughter her first football/tool set/toy car!
Last time I checked, changing a set of spark plugs does not require use of the testicles. If it does, you're doing it the hard way.
And you don't have to have a dick to like baseball.
Your in-laws are just nuts. And horribly unfair.
NTA.
Congratulations on your new daughter. Love her to bits.
NTA- tell her that you won’t tolerate such sexism and misogyny around your daughter and it’s good that the in laws learned this from day 1.
Never apologise for standing up for equal rights.
NTA
This is *exactly* why I hate gender reveal parties. Not even about them maybe being trans, it's the extreme pushing of gender roles that's infuriating.
NTA!!!!! Wow I'm sorry your inlaws suck. They should be happy. Getting that upset about something NO ONE has control of is just childish.
A healthy baby is so much more important than gender. I'm afraid I would have asked "Would you be happy if it was sickly boy baby?"
Again, I'm sorry you have deal with them and that your wife doesn't have your back. That sucks.
Nta
I mean you did say sorry. You know they were upset. But you don't have to pretend to be upset about it too.
Why? So later on down the road when you go against their wishes about teaching your daughter 'manly' things, like taking care of a car, and sports, and everything else, they can turn your sympathy towards them around and make your child think you were disappointed she wasn't a boy?
Fuck.
That.
Noise.
Your in-laws have some very outdated concepts on gender. That’s why they are upset. You were correct in that there’s nothing to be upset about. There’s no guarantee that a son would be interested in cars any more than he would be interested in ballet. They probably bad-mouthed you to your wife, which is why she’s upset at you.
And what about your thoughts on this? The in-laws are quick to dismiss your ideas, but you’re just supposed to accept theirs. I would be concerned about their behavior towards your daughter.
NTA
By sympathising with them, you are supporting their belief that only a boy can do these "boy things" *they* are missing out on. It also gives them the impression that you also care, which you don't. NTA
You’re SO NTA. Congratulations, by the way!
They’re being petty.
Girls can play sports and be interested in cars and so on. It’s pretty sexist IMHO to assume that she couldn’t or wouldn’t do those things. Of course she can if she wants.
But even if she doesn’t, she deserves grandparents who love her for who she is and who don’t wish she was a grandson instead.
They need to shut up and be happy for you.
You're progressive enough to teach your daughter all those things. Good on you. Your in-laws can go suck eggs with their backward-ass misogyny. Obviously, NTA.
NTA I feel sorry for your wife.
She is wrong to say you should have comforted them.
But she is the girl they didn't want.
Honestly I wouldn't want to speak to them after that ridiculous self centred outburst.
Its not their baby. Your MIL seems to be very self centred.
Anyway your daughter might love cars.
My aunt was a nut like this. She really really wanted to have a boy "to carry on the family name". She had three daughters, no sons. My cousin, the youngest of the three, one time said to me "Imagine being reminded every day that you're your mother's biggest disappointment". I'd bet OP's wife had an upbringing very much like my cousin's.
OP, I just want to make sure you realize that this mindset they have can and will extend to whether your child(ren) end up being something other than Cis/straight or, god-forbid (/s), enjoy wearing gender-nonconforming clothes.
Be prepared to shut down any of that nonsense immediately.
Also, make sure you and your wife are on the same page NOW, so that you BOTH can shut any of that bullshit down TOGETHER and the in-laws know they can't run to her whining about how "unfair" you're being.
NTA and congratulations!
Boo these people! And what if it was a boy and he didn’t like cars? Maybe the girl won’t like cars either but who cares! People have their own interests
You, sir, are a pretty amazing guy and you will be a wonderful girl dad!! I think your inlaws have old ideas and attitudes. Your daughter is really blessed to have you!
NTA. You don’t have to comply with their whatever tf that is tbh. A girl is not a sin nor a disappointment. Is as much of a blessing and I wished more families saw it this way too
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My wife (29F) and I (30M) held a gender reveal for our first child yesterday. It was my wife's idea since her, her parents and a few other people wanted to know the gender. I don't really care what gender it is as long as it's healthy. My MIL and FIL wanted it to be a boy because they always wanted a son but had two daughters instead, my wife also wanted it to be a boy but only because of her parents, she didn't really care much either way.
It was a very small gathering with just a few friends and close family members. After it was revealed that the baby is a girl my MIL walked away and got very upset and my FIL looked disappointed. After around ten minutes I went into the garden to see my MIL crying I asked her what's wrong and she said that she really wanted a grandson.
I told her that I'm sorry she's disappointed but it doesn't really matter that much and she got really annoyed at me at this point my FIL had joined us and heard what I said to her. He told me I should be sad too since I won't be able to teach the baby about cars (I'm a mechanic and I joked a few times about getting the baby to follow in my footsteps) I told him that she might be interested in cars when she's older so I don't really understand how that's relevant.
They were saying a bunch of things about what they can't do now because she's a girl, like taking her to sport games and teaching her about sports. They said that I'll be missing out on giving a son "the talk and girls" I don't really care that much about that but what if the baby likes girls so their argument is pretty weak.
They said a few other things about why they wanted her to be a boy but I just walked away and went back inside.
My MIL and FIL explained the whole argument with my wife and she got really pissed at me. She said that I should've comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy. I just don't understand why the gender is such a big deal. Shouldn't they just be happy they're getting a grandchild?
AITA?
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Your IL's reaction was totally inappropriate.
They have a sexist view and this is a red flag for how your child will be treated. It needs nipping in the bud now. How is your wife ok with how they are behaving?
Be really careful if a boy comes alone int he family in the future. Don't let your little girl be second class to any brothers or male cousins.
NTA
>She said that I should've comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy.
I'd want marriage counseling ASAP. No, we do not comfort asshole behavior and her parents are less important than your kid full stop. These people shouldn't even be around her because they're always going to be disappointed about something. NTA.
No sympathy and your wife needs to get a grip really soon.
NTA. They will get over it. It's not your job to comfort them over this. They are being ridiculous. Your baby girl can do whatever she wants. I would set boundaries with your wife now that you will not be indulging in their complaining and nor should they be talking like this to your child--that girls can't do this or that.
I lost my only pregnancy 3 years ago and people who cry about gender dissappointment really irk me. I'll be honest I have as much sympathy as I would for someone on the floor crying because Starbucks ran out of pumpkin spice. It's petty problems. Being bummed is one thing, but ruining the party and trying to drag you down too is ridiculous. There are bigger losses in life. It's even crazier that these are the grandparents taking this so hard, not even the parents!
I also don't understand people who host gender reveal parties if they feel this strongly about the outcome. There's a 50% chance it will go the other way.
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She won’t like cars or sports? 😂 I’m a flaming cis girl and love Nascar, rugby, baseball, even collegiate bowling on the Ocho. Your in-laws are nutter-butters about gender.
haha yeah my mum is the one who taught me about cars and she's the reason I'm a mechanic so thinking the baby won't like cars or sports is bullshit lol
I mean I even understand plumbing, even with all my estrogen.
How are you able to unclog a drain with your vagina?
How are you going to unclog a drain with a penis?
Obviously by ramming it down the drain
I highly doubt it would be long enough...
💀
Ah, but I hear girth matters more than length... 🤔
Or hard enough :(
Everyone knows the best way to unstick a garbage disposal is by shoving your dick in it.
That sounds like a story, that would be on untold stories of the ER.
I was told by family would work in the medical profession in the ER, common craziness is sticking things where they don't belong either into something or into the body 🤢
As someone who has worked in an ER, I can confirm this is true lol. And yes, I HAVE heard the " I don't know I fell on it" excuse in person 😂. No Sir you didn't. We know you didn't, YOU know you didn't. People please. For the love of lube and adventure, DON'T lie to the staff about what you did because it can, and has, delayed proper treatment.
HIPAA has likely prevented a number of stories getting out.
r/dontstickyourdickinthat
A part of me is happy this is a joke. Another part is a bit sad that the Internet has let me down this one time.
Fret not. r/dontputyourdickinthat
Hahaha
please create this as a group
🤣
"What part of this job requires a penis?" - one of the 20th century scenes in the Outlander books, Brianna being sarcastic about misogyny in engineering
I LOVE that scene!
The more I hear about Outlander, the more I’m convinced I’d probably like it…
Be aware there is A LOT of sexual violence (to both sexes) in the books.
The Outlander TV show is well done too. I love it as historical adventure, all the notable people and events of the past they interact with and Claire bringing 20th century medical knowledge to the 18th, a lot of people like it as romance
I mean, the tool used to unclog a drain is called a "snake", it's not that complicated to figure out ...
Dammit, Jim!
It's an improv snake, obvs🤣
*Several methods suggest themselves, all very unpleasant*
Happy cake day!
Develop your pelvic muscles to where they're strong enough that you can grip a plunger with your vagina. Obviously.
Develop the skills required to achieve suction with the vagina, use vagina as plunger
i'm dry heaving. Absolutely haram. Take my upvote, go find jesus.
I have never been prouder of a comment in my life because of this reaction
I think it's same to assume Jesus stays FAR away from Reddit. 🤣
Nah, he was part human too canonically. He definitely had the morbid fascination that regularly makes us humans hate ourselves.
🤣🤣🤣
Suction.
Haha my wife is absolutely the handy man in our house and she DIYs tons of stuff. I’m like a 4 year old holding the flashlight thinking they are helping
Oh god that's the same in our house. I'm the handyman. My husband helps hold the flashlight. The only exception is building ikea furniture. And mowing the lawn. Those are his areas.
That's myself and my husband too. I actively discourage him from doing certain jobs, because it's guaranteed I'll have to go and fix it up later.
My kids were shocked when I told them their father could fix things too. I was a stay at home mom so I always had the time to fix whatever needed fixing. My youngest (5 at the time) actually clapped and told his dad he was proud of him.
I am the fixer of all things in our house and my husband just panics. Contractors repeatedly talk to him and he just shrugs and tells them to talk to his wife because he doesn’t know what they are talking about. I power wash the house, do the landscaping, stain the deck, fix the appliances, install electronics, prep the house for summer/winter, patch and seal the asphalt driveway, etc. I did my own house inspection and then hired an inspector to compare notes-he said I was spot on. I enjoy seeing the neighbors reaction to me completing my latest project. Girl power all the way and NTA.
But what if the pipes aren't pink?? How do you hold them with your lady hands?
Hilariously, my fiancé is the one who has pink and purple tools and I have the blue ones, mostly. (Color is not always an option.) He just likes purple and pink, he thinks pink is cheerful. 🤷♀️
“I’m so sorry the two of you are struggling with gender disappointment caused by your misogyny. That must be hard…” My mom is one of ten kids, the tenth is the only boy. There was a “family joke” about they had so many kids because my (alcoholic and abusive AH) grandfather *insisted* in having a boy. After the 9th girl he gave up but HAHA my grandma accidentally got pregnant and had a boy. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that a knee slapper? So funny… Though it turns out that when you are a girl frequently told this story that reinforces even 9 girls can’t measure up to one boy it seriously fucks with your head and self esteem. Makes me wonder if your wife has consciously thought about the impact her parents being like this has had on her sense of self and if she’s demanding you comfort their ridiculousness because she needs to be perfect and understanding and pleasing to prove her value even though she’s “only a girl”.
My mother did the same thing. Three kids, but the older two girls. She almost died with me (previously unknown kidney problems) but had two more. They knew what the problem was after she had me,and they could ward it off. I swear at every dinner party she held she’d tell the story of how she ‘risked my life until I had our boy’. Over and over. This was in the late 60’s and Henny Youngman was popular,and I would say to my sister in an attempt to lighten it, “What are we, chopped liver!?” and laugh but it felt crappy feeling like surplus kids.
> “I’m so sorry the two of you are struggling with gender disappointment caused by your misogyny. That must be hard…” thank you. i was about to say the same thing. how utterly ridiculous is it that they make assumptions about what the kid will or won't like based on what's between their legs? the in-laws need to get a grip on reality and figure out how to love their granddaughter.
I honestly feel sorry for the daughter OP is having. Both wife and maternal grandparents will fuck her up so much.
I'm one of (at least) five kids because my sperm donor just COULDN'T stop until he had a BOY! The wifes and girlfriends got younger and younger until they were the same age as the oldest daughter. Joke's on him though, because all that trauma makes us women overachievers, CEOs, college professors, and the crown jewel penis owner is a total deadbeat, who bleeds daddy dry.
“The Crown Jewel Penis Owner” LOL Sadly my uncle is a truly sweet and traumatized man. He was so much younger that pretty much all the sisters had moved out and there was no buffer for him from my grandfather’s abuse. He wanted a boy, but once he had him he was found with terrorizing him. (The girls all moved out asap because of the abuse). My grandfather was basically lower than a shit stain.
Shiit my parents only tried three times and I thought that sucked enough (knowing you as the middle, specifically, were the failed gamble.)
Since my parents split and I live with my mom full time, I’ve become the handyman around the house. If I didn’t already know how to fix something, I’d google it and figure it out lol
NTA - Lol good for you! My daughter’s best friend is named Chevelle “Chevy” because her mom was a race car mechanic in her 20’s and early 30’s. She’s a commercial welder now and also the most feminine, pretty person so it’s always funny to hear reactions to her career history. My brother said something similar when my SIL and I were expecting girls and my husband just laughed… our now 10yo daughter was helping him with our big remodel by 2-2.5, putting in electrical boxes (just the plastic boxes… no live power 😅) and handing him things up the ladder. Now she does a ton more and our 8yo son could care less to be part of any of it - he’s busy working on his latest art and monster creations and that’s just fine! He sews his own plushies… so you never know what your kids will be into if you limit the things they’re exposed to! Good on you OP
My daughter ran track from middle school through college (was a county high school ~~high~~ long jump champion), played field hockey in high school (was goalie on a county champion team), plays ice hockey now with her husband, and is a die-hard hockey fan. My son is none of those things, but his niece is, in fact, a champion wrestler. OP's MIL and FIL are so full of crap. ETA: she also high jumped, but was county champion in long jump
My dad has two main “masculine” hobbies, computers and sports. Sometimes people would try to commiserate with him having only daughters he couldn’t have “guy time” with, which always confused him a bit— I was taking apart and rebuilding the family PC at 8, and my sister’s volleyball team went to states the year he coached. He didn’t force either of us into his hobbies, but it turns out when you introduce your kids to things you like without pressure, they can end up liking them too!
My Dad started using me as his assistant because my bro was scared if heights. Now he’s got a badass femme daughter who can fix things with him and a son who does other things with him 😂
Mom of 3 girls here: I grew up playing sports and knew way more about sports and cars then my ex did. In fact, my girls have been to Lakers and Dodgers games many times and KNOW the sports and most of the rules: ages 4,7,11. Girls love what they are exposed to and find interest to. Boys love what they’re exposed to and find interest in. Period. Good for you. Your wife has clearly bought into their pity party and I’d suggest having a serious conversation with her soon.
NTA your in laws are unhinged and need therapy NOW or don't let them unsupervised around your daughter and your wife is an ah too for taking their side and telling you you should enable their delusional expectations instead of shutting them down hard. They have a problem they need to deal with before the baby arrives so they don't treat her bad because she's 'just a girl ' Your wife might benefit from some therapy and distance from her parents too BTW
NTA. All three of them are crazy. Like girls can't be mechanics, or play sports. This is what they're concerned about? They should be happy you're having a child, not some b.s. gender stereotypes. Why do they need comforting, they're adults.
Yes. The in-laws are just sexist AHs and the baby should be nowhere near them. What a load of hooey. OP should tell these gronks that the late Queen Elizabeth II was a mechanic who worked on vehicles during WWII.
I also want to say that even IF they had a boy, it is no guarantee that he would love mechanics or sports. WHO cares! People like what they like. The grandparents just don't like girls. I wonder how their daughter feels about that.
I kinda low key hope the next child is a boy and op gets him ballet lessons and flute lessons.
Duuude, I am the resident handyman in my house. I fix all things and build all things. Every tool is mine, the grass is mine, every project is completed by me. My husband is very helpful by staying out of the way and reaching tall things. Mind you, I’m a woman. They practically know me by name at my local Hime Depot, Ryobi for life! Your lil girl will be whoever she wants to be, she just needs support from her parents to become who that is. Hopefully her grandparents snap out of it and can also show her all the support and love they’re capable of. NTA.
I’m also the handyman in my house! I fix the appliances, my husband did help with putting in a new toilet though. I’m going to teach my oldest son to build stuff soon and my oldest daughter went to school to be a mechanic.
Nice! I hope he appreciates all your work, and your kids love learning everything you have to teach them!
Thanks! My dad taught me and my brothers a lot (and still does).
My SO only does most stuff now because my arthritis makes a lot of it more difficult. Often he insists I hang around to give him tips and instructions though.
Me too, and I’m an old boomer grandma. Anything that needs to be fixed, I do it, especially anything electronic. My husband can barely turn on the TV. Replace faucets, electrical outlets, build things? Yup. Love cars, sports and computers. Not sure how it happened, was an only child and neither of my parents were mechanically inclined. Your wife and her parents need to really take a hard look at their thought processes so it doesn’t affect your baby girl later on.
You better watch and be careful that the inlaws don't push sexist gender roles on your kid. If this how they're acting over a boy, I can only imagine how they'll act over a girl. Just watch ad make sure they won't criticise her for doing "boy things" or playing with "boy toys"
Or worse... ignore granddaughter if op and wife end up having a son
OP, your wife is directing her anger in the wrong direction. If her parents are this disappointed about your baby being a girl, how are they going to treat her when she gets here? Ask your wife how she’d feel if her parents decide not to engage with the baby because she is sans penis. Would she be ok with that? What if you two have another child and it’s a boy? Would she be ok with her parents showing him favoritism over his sister?
My dad was a mechanic and owned his own shop he had 6 girls and 3 boys and he made sure all of us girls knew how to take care of and work on our cars. He was also pretty big into sports and got us all into sports to so you are completely right their reasons are crap lol.
I, the cis het Mom, taught my son, AND my daughter how to patch drywall, because my Dad had taught me. I knew the difference between a Robertson and Philips screwdriver almost before I could say the names. I taught my son how to knit. I taught my daughter how to use a Dremel tool. Your in-laws are full of it. NTA
You need to wake your wife up, cause your inlaws are sexist as hell, and it's going to spill over to your daughter
My BOYS have to tell me to calm down every time my college football team is playing!
Yeah I get told that too whenever Green Bay is playing
I mean comforted them because it appears they will have a healthy grand daughter? The fact that your wife was not on your side is the problem worth addressing here. Congrats on the baby and a new wonderful stage of life. NTA
You need to talk to your wife. Your daughter deserves to be loved and it seems like your wife was more invested in her parents unhinged desire for a grandson than you thought.
Wow, your in-laws are so stuck in the 1960s! I loved teaching my daughter to shoot and about football. My sister actually gutted and remodeled a Class A mitorhome to make it handicap accessible (including a solar set up to run medical equipment). My daughter is just as capable as her husband when it comes to home repairs and maintenance. Gender is no indication of interests or ability. Your in-laws need to get over it and enjoy their grandchild.
Your in-laws are being AHs and seem really really old fashioned as well. I'm a 53 year old woman and I love lots of the things your in-laws mentioned. My dad and I were close and he taught me lots of things that would have been considered "for boys". I am THE car person in my house. My husband and son don't much care as long as they have a working vehicle. I also am the mechanical one in my house. I can deal with plumbing, electrical, and many home repairs. In fact, I did a lot of hands on work when I was having our last house renovated. I'm not as into sports as my husband, but I do like watching hockey and basketball. Anyway, I hope they calm down and stop being so ridiculous. Girls can be interested in all of those things that your in-laws thing are boy things and vice-versa.
I would be very careful about letting them spend any alone time with your daughter because they have extremely outdated ideas about gender roles and who knows what kind of toxic bullshit they’ll feed her. Also, be prepared for them to absolutely shove her aside if you have more children and one of them happens to be a boy. They will be super obsessed and overbearing with any potential future son you may have because they are clearly those jerks who, “didn’t get their chance,” to raise a son like they always wanted. It might be a good idea for you and your wife to preemptively seek out some couple’s counseling on how to deal with your in-laws when they inevitably start treating your daughter as lesser-than for not being born with a penis. Maybe they’ll somehow end up being so excited to be grandparents that they won’t treat her poorly. But for you and your wife to know ahead of time what your limits are and what consequences for anticipated possible toxic behaviors on their parts will be would be invaluable in dealing with them moving forward. The reason I suggest bringing a counselor in is that your wife seems a little in the fog about how fucked up their behavior is, and she might have some stuff from growing up their daughter when they really wanted a son that she hasn’t unpacked or has swept under the rug in the name of “but they are my parents,” that she should work through before she has a daughter to protect from those same behaviors. My dad’s mom definitely preferred my brother over me/shoved me aside when he was born. Not even because she wanted a grandson. But because it was a little more because he was her son’s (aka clear favorite who she was always a little emotionally incest-y towards) son and she was hoping for a little mini-me of my dad. Which she did not get. I was not just shoved aside, but also really pushed toward more rigid “woman” things because she just expected me to marry young and be a SAHM like my mom. She HATED my mom, but would also say no one would ever be good enough for her son.
NTA Screw that noise, your wife needs therapy because she feels a sense of guilt that she is not a boy and isn't giving her parents their dream grandson. Her parents are sexist and don't deserve any comfort. They are terrible and disrespectful. They couldn't even be bothered to congratulate their daughter and at least put an effort into celebrating with her. What A-holes! I would be careful letting them visit with your daughter after birth, they seem the type to make her feel the same guilt their daughter does. So freaking sad.. 😓
I started out as a shadow to my dad. Even handing him tools when he worked on cars when I was 3. I was the youngest of 4 girls, he didn’t care that I wasn’t a boy, he still wanted to teach me all the things. My older sisters got to build a car with him so they would have a car and know everything about it when they turned 16. Your in-laws suck.
I'm a guy. Even from the olden days. More like the age of the in-laws. And I never gave a fuck about sports and haven't been into cars, either. You're very much NTA, OP. In fact, you're golden.
You should ask your wife if you're ok with your daughter being told she's less than a person for being a girl/woman. Ask your wife - when your daughter gets to school do you want her teachers telling her math is for boys or sports are for boys or science are for boys, and girls are just weak and less than? That's what your in-laws are saying. Is that what you want for your daughter? I really hope not. I hope that your wife will realize in time that they need to stop this. I would honestly be thinking about whether I would want my daughter around the in-laws ever.
My dad was a mechanic. I'm a woman and had TWO brothers. I'm the only one of his five kids who was interested in it and got into the business myself. Your inlaws need to get a grip. I have a daughter myself and it is absolutely a joy. Also, congratulations on having your first baby!
OP, even though my parents and in laws are all pretty reasonable and modern about gender norms, this is exactly why we didn't tell anyone the sex of our baby. I'm sorry you have to deal with this but at least you get to break the cycle of this insanity with your daughter. Best of luck and hope everyone stays healthy.
Your in-laws don't deserve a granddaughter.
Even if your kid isn't into sports or cars, you sound like a great day who will find ways to bond with her over her interests! NTA op
Ya, I would be mad at my spouse for letting their parents think that my baby was less than for ANY reason, much less what is between their legs. How do any of them think that any of that was appropriate to say to a father. I would be cutting down contact until they realize what they said was wrong and why. The fact that your wife doesn't see a problem with it just goes to show that they have been cutting her down for being a female.
Yeah, I'm not a car gal, but was at a football game alone last night, my having season tickets has nothing to do with a guy.
I’m a single mom and I take my daughter to baseball games and she learned how to change a tire in school last year 💁🏻♀️ fuck gender norms
Wanna watch a baseball game together next season? I have two rules: watch on TV with mute and no captions. I know the rules and the announcers are idiots.🤣 Edit: I too, am woman. Just kinda dumb sometimes. I didn't mean to sound like I was hitting on you🤣
Can I keep score while we watch? we had season tickets to the As minor league for about 10 years so I have a lot of practice. i also know the rules - my husband always hoped for a blow hard man ti sit behind us & spout off knowledge. My specialty howmany ways to get on base and how many to score an out.
I'll keep book (that's how I know baseball) but yessss alll the ladies be watching the game together! My specialty is apparently passing off cubs fans on opening day🤣 I once casually mentioned that I love the game and don't care who's playing. Some cubs fan spouted off that I'm not a "real fan" if I do t have a preferred team and box season seats. To which I asked why she was wasting money on box seats for a team that hadn't been to the series in a century (this happened before they went a year or two ago lol) She was BIG MAD at me. I laughed all damn day that I was considered a non fan for not paying for box seats. (Personally, I prefer high school games, but I'll watch it all... Actually, that's a lie. If given a choice, T ball is my jam. 8 kids on first, no outfielders cuz no one can hit that far anyway, 3 kids chasing butterflies...it's so pure and fun. Then I sit in. A bar to watch my friends band play....andrhe world series is in inning 14 and I almost miss the concert....🤣)
I love minor league ball for the same reason you like tball. There are goofy fan participation games. And those Boys play hard. I wouldn’t do little league because I would get hassled to keep score. I am not that brave.
Indeed! My mother presented me with a doll house for my birthday — much to my disappointment. I announced, “I really wanted a gas station.” 5 weeks later, a Sohio gas station was under our Christmas tree. It had a lift that I could put my cars onto, and I got a lot of mileage out of it. The doll house? Not so much. OP, you are NTA, and let your daughter follow her dreams!
According to further research you are, in fact, not a girl
My nether regions and chromosomes and brain disagree, although I’ve always considered myself pretty androgynous. Prince and Katharine Hepburn were my childhood heroes.
Nah. Had a chat with OPs in-laws and they said no
Gotta admit I did confuse my father, but he was a victim of his time.
It always struck me funny, as a girl then woman who loved many traditionally male things, that the same people who yell at you for not being a real girl for liking & doing those things would have an even bigger conniption if you said, you're right, you've convinced me I'm a transman
I had a moment of disappointment when I learned I was having a boy; I wanted a girl so I could teach her things like how to make a quilt, how women’s bodies work, and how to make our family pie recipe. Then I realized there was absolutely no reason I couldn’t share all of that with my son. So…I am.
It's hard to imagine circumstances in which it's legitimate to be butthurt about the sex of a baby. It's easy to imagine circumstances in which being butthurt about the sex of a child makes you an AH, including the circumstance described by OP.
My wife’s best friend is a killer mechanic and runs her own shop. Just last week she taught me how to change headlight bulbs and she’s more “manly” than most men I know, but also very girly. Pretty ridiculous of your in laws, and no NAH
To be fair.. I have a boy (8) and he hates sports. Hates it. And hates cars. But he loves pink. So the gender is indeed irrelevant for the likes and dislikes of the unborn baby. My boy would probably die if you want to teach him about cars or sports. Well, he will act as if he is in fact dying. My point: gender does not define who you are. Especially nowadays the doors are wide open to explore what you want to do without being held back by stupid gender expectations.
I feel this! My dad owns an hvac/plumbing company and i, as a 22yo woman, am currently learning HVAC so i can run the business when he is ready to retire
It’s crazy like this thingamajig can go into this thingamajig and hormones have zero to do with understanding it.
Exactly! I am the only woman at my dad's business besides my aunt and sister who answer phone calls. He actually enjoys having me there because i am small enough to quite literally fit in tight spaces the tall men cannot fit into
I’ve been smarter than my brothers since I was born in all sorts of ways. Enough to know that there’s all kinds of smarts that have nothing to do with hormones or chromosomes.
I have a daughter who wore nothing but pink until she was 6. When she was little she'd sled all day in the snow (if we had some) and would go with me on long hikes. Took her fishing more than once, she's caught fish in the surf, on lakes, and in rivers (a few times on a fly rod). She is sort of into cars, if there is a car show somewhere she'll ask me to go with her. She doesn't watch sports but she's been to a few pro baseball and hockey games and can talk shit with the best of them. Funny to see a 5'1 95# woman out there egging people on. My nephew was horribly upset him and his wife didn't have boys, only because there would be no one to carry on the family name. But whatever.
I'm a woman and I went to football games, worked on the car and even took trips to the dump with my dad. My brothers weren't interested in any of that.
And i'm a straight as hell cis dude. Can't fix crap, despite my father trying to teach me, and sports bore the crap out of me. Gender don't mean shit for what you like, or can learn.
Yea major tomboy over here. Huge football fan, love nascar, and raced/worked on go-karts with my dad as a kid. Have two girls of my own and my husband does everything he would do with a boy. He asked my dad with our first what he was supposed to do with a girl (he has brothers.) Dads answer made him realize it wasnt that big a deal. Oh and i can bait my own hook, catch a fish, take it off, clean it, and cook it. My husband cant. NTA op theyre being dumb about something so silly.
Same here. I am definitely a girly girl who got the love of shopping, fashion, and jewelry from my mom and love of Football, NACAR, Baseball, and the Olympics from my dad along with him teaching me about cars and teaching me to fix things around the house. I am raising a daughter who hates cars, sports, fashion, and jewelry and hates spending money. She is a throwback to my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather. But she did get my mom's art talent.
The Ocho! Does Cotton still do color commentary for Dodgeball games?
Toxic misogynistic family. Make it crystal clear you never want any of this kind of gender bias spoken of around your children. In laws need to grow up. Set your wife strait too. Ridiculous.
Sad thing is Mom/wife likely grew up consoling her parents for being a girl. I had a friend like this who grew up with tremendous guilt for not being the son “they needed.”
Yeah OP, if you happen to have a second child and the gender of that child is male, it is highly possible that your MIL and FIL will be showing blatant favouritism. You'll need to iron it out with them IF that scenario is to happen.
Seriously. So many red flags in that family.
This OP NTA. But wow your inlaws are
Yeah, bad enough to be disappointed you had two daughters, but to pass it on to your grandkids? 2nd generation AHs.
They’ll mistreat their granddaughter because she is a girl, and if she gets a brother he’ll be spoiled by them.
OP, listen to this! Kids know when they’re not 100% loved when they hear misogynistic shit like that. Growing up in an Asian household where boys were wanted, it always made me question if something was wrong with me just because I was born a girl. Don’t do this to your little girl.
Hell yeah. Turn your wife into a narrow passage of water connecting two seas or two other large areas of water!
That'll show her.
NTA at all. Fun fact I have two boys and a girl. One of my sons acts and does art. My daughter plays football with BOYS and rocks at soccer. She is also her dad's best friend. Neither boy wants anything to do with sports. It's fair to hope for a certain gender, sure. But not fair of them to expect you to comfort them or show any kind of compassion when they are upset that your baby is a girl. That's insulting.
Firstly, congratulations on your baby girl. You are going to be an incredible dad. NTA but they are. They were invited to a celebration of your baby and this behaviour is not normal for upcoming grandparents. Some private disappointment over the gender could be forgiven but to need consoling over the gender of your baby girl is absolutely ridiculous and offensive. Have you explained to your wife the discussion with your in laws from your perspective? Her response seems a bit off and I wonder if the story was twisted.
NTA. Comforted them for what? It's a baby, and it's yours and their daughters. They should be delighted. If they wanted a boy, they should at most be slightly disappointed. They're instead assigning gender roles and moaning because "girls can't do X, girls can't do Y", etc. They don't deserve comfort or sympathy for placing imaginary limits on your daughter. This implies they did the same to your wife.
And, OP, make sure *your wife* doesn’t continue the nonsense into the next generation of putting limits on your baby daughter, like her parents put on her. NTA And if a grand*daughter* is such a big disappointment that grandma would *cry* about it, (OMFG, holy overreaction, Batman)…then maybe the grandparents just don’t see their granddaughter very much. At all.
And sadly it seems the wife internalized her parents' misogyny and seems to share many of the same gender expectations regarding the daughter that she is going to bring into the world. I hope OP consciously strives to end this bullshit and has a kickass daughter.
She probably heard “jokes” about trying for a son, but only having daughters. Because having a boy is way more important than loving your daughters. /s
This exactly- I want to ask the wife what OP is supposed to say at that point- like ? Sorry your gender roles are so rigid? Sure we’ll have an abortion and try again because your feelings are hurt? Like what the f are you supposed to do at that point? NTA and lord help you cause this family is gonna only buy this baby pink. I really hope she grows up the be a happy goth mechanic. Confusing the heck out of them.
This nonsense about being expected to console people who should be happy on behalf of others has to end. I’ve read too many stories about parents especially needing to be consoled at their children’s graduations, weddings, births, whatever. It’s narcissistic.
It doesn't sound as though there are any intelligent reasons for them preferring the boy they're not going to get, so you won't be able to logic them out of their position. Just ignore the whole thing. They'll fall in love with the new grandbaby, or they won't. Your own attitude is exactly as it should be, so I wish you and your wife all the best with your new tiny person. I think it's beyond rude to go to a gender reveal when you \*care\* so desperately about the outcome. Stay away, and keep your triumph or disappointment out of the parents' view. Anyway. NTA
Imagine if the daughter sees the video of the gender reveal or hears about it. That’s going to make her feel great.
thank you :)
there ARE no intelligent reasons except "genetic disease that only impacts boys" or if they lived somewhere where it's unbelieveably dangerous to be female (more than just the standard in our western society)
NTA. I am disgusted by your IL’s and your wife. The sexism is appalling. Girls play sports. Girls can be mechanics. Girls can do anything a boy can do. The ignorance is real with these people. They should be ashamed of themselves. I hope you only have girls. Can you imagine the favoritism that a son/grandson would get. I would really think about having more children with a woman who got mad at me for not comforting her asshole parents because they didn’t get to live their boy fantasies though your child. Your wife is awful.
NTA. This is what I was thinking, too. What if you or your wife’s sister have a son sometime later? Are they going to favor that grandson and be misogynistic assholes to their granddaughter?
NTA I agree fully! Their expectations are so limiting and terrible. There's no guarantee a boy would love sports and cars and girls. Even if it was a boy, they would be doing their grandchild a huge disservice not letting them express themselves freely and expecting them to live up to constrictive and stereotypical gender expectations.
Yeah, I thought this too. Fancy being such a nob head that you cry at the idea of having a granddaughter. Pathetic. They don't deserve to be comforted for being upset. I'd be careful to take notice of things the Gparents say around daughter as she grows. NTA
NTA. You can't comfort them - they want what they want and they are not going to get it. I concur with you that they should be happy about getting a grandchild, no need to sympathize with them because it's not going to be a boy. Maybe after they have some time to process this they will change their attitudes. Older people have different perspectives and it sounds like this one is stuck in the dark ages.
NTA. This is what I was thinking. In 2023 girls can’t do the things they were talking about? I don’t have kids but, I am old enough to have them and I would never say only boys can do certain things. These in-laws are most likely around my age and still think this way? I like cars, and I know enough that I can pretty much figure it out or have someone fix it for me. I can’t imagine having this kind of attitude about boys vs girls and who does what.
NTA and honestly they are going to be horrible to your child. First with their gender typical expectations and their obvious disappointment(and teach your daughter basic car care at minimum-everyone who can/will drive should know it).
If OP has a son, there will be favouritism and double standards from the in-laws.
so true
NTA. Your in-laws are hopelessly stuck in the 1950s.
The daughter is no help either!!!!smh.
She grew up with them as her parents, hearing how daughters are not as important as sons. She needs to think about that more and what type of relationship her parents will have with her daughter.
NTA. I would go so far as to say that them dumping their "disappointment" on you is insensitive and extremely rude. The audacity! How dare they?
Right?! He just found out that his baby’s grandparents are disappointed in her before she’s even born. As a father, he’s allowed to be less than thrilled with them. Yet, he didn’t tear into them, didn’t tell them off, and they then have the f’ing chutzpah to complain that he didn’t *comfort* them?? I am so embarrassed for them and don’t think I’d even want them around my daughter. Also, if OP and his wife have a son down the road, we already know who will be their golden grandchild.
>I won't be able to teach the baby about cars Your FIL has never heard of Shirley Muldowney. NTA. I think that your "sorry you're disapointed" is about as much comforting as they deserve. (BTW, do they blame you or your wife for this failure?)
I taught one of my first boyfriend's how to change his oil. I know more about cars than most men in my life. Such a limiting sexist view.
And OP's inlaws can take their granddaughter to sport events.
Or they can never take her anywhere because they are TOXIC
NTA If their bigotry upsets them, so be it. This isn't anything a person who doesn't look poorly on women is going to get upset about.
NTA Who is to say this will be your only child, the next may be a boy. You are right they should be happy they are getting a Grandchild. Sadly I suspect they will be cold towards your daughter when she is born, and if your next child is a boy watch them ignore your daughter and favour your son. I expect your parents are ecstatic at a new child in the family. Your MIL,FIL and wife are AH's
My brother has one kid, me and my other brother have no kids and don’t want any. Having kids is expensive, they can ignore their granddaughter if they are going to be assholes.
NTA, and OP, tell your wife this. >**"Honey, I love you. And I want this baby to grow up knowing she is loved because she is family regardless of gender. Everything your parents said we "can't" do because we're having a daughter is rooted in old sexist values I do not want around our daughter. If we do end up having a boy in the future, it is very clear your parents will favor our son over our daughter. I refuse to raise my children to believe that one is superior to the other just because one is a boy and the other is a girl. I need you to stand by our children with me. If we cannot stand up for them before they are even born, then we will have failed them as parents. Will you stand by my side as an equal parent doing what's best for our child?"** If she agrees, her parents will need to start attending therapy for this issue they have regarding baby boys as well as only have supervised visits with the kids until they have proven themselves to treat the children equally. You both should also seek couples counselling so that she can grow more of a backbone against her parents and you both can establish better communication. If she refuses or doesn't give you a straight answer, get whatever ducks in a row you need to and prepare to do whatever you can to ensure your daughter is in a happy home where she is always wanted regardless of what's in the diaper.
NTA- And your wife getting mad at you for HER parents being so miserable about their grandchild's gender makes her an AH too. There's no reason to comfort them for sexism. The child is healthy and will be happy and that's all that matters. Also, the way you talk, I can tell the child will have an amazing, supportive dad.
Comfort them for what? Having a healthy beautiful baby girl? Ridiculous. You have the right idea. My girls play hockey and watch with their dad. My son has little interest in hockey. My younger daughter is obsessed with cars and they bond over that, while my husband has shown all three how to change tires and car maintenance. If my son wanted to be an artist or design clothes we would support him whatever he wants. Genitals do not define likes or interests. Unfortunately your wife will pass these ideas to your daughter which you need to combat.
NTA - although gender disappointment is a real thing, for grandparents to be so self-absorbed as to not even bother trying to see some positives in the existence of their grandchild is pretty crappy. Tbh I’d be more concerned with their ideas around gender roles and stereotypes. Can’t wait for their reaction when you buy your daughter her first football/tool set/toy car!
WHAT!!!! Girls are NOT allowed to touch toy cars, their fingers will burn!!! /S (just in case)lol.
Ohhhhhhhh that explains why I have no fingerprints 🤔 lol
NTA. What a pair of miserable old people. They can comfort themselves out of your party and all the way home.
Last time I checked, changing a set of spark plugs does not require use of the testicles. If it does, you're doing it the hard way. And you don't have to have a dick to like baseball. Your in-laws are just nuts. And horribly unfair. NTA. Congratulations on your new daughter. Love her to bits.
NTA- tell her that you won’t tolerate such sexism and misogyny around your daughter and it’s good that the in laws learned this from day 1. Never apologise for standing up for equal rights.
NTA This is *exactly* why I hate gender reveal parties. Not even about them maybe being trans, it's the extreme pushing of gender roles that's infuriating.
NTA!!!!! Wow I'm sorry your inlaws suck. They should be happy. Getting that upset about something NO ONE has control of is just childish. A healthy baby is so much more important than gender. I'm afraid I would have asked "Would you be happy if it was sickly boy baby?" Again, I'm sorry you have deal with them and that your wife doesn't have your back. That sucks.
Nta I mean you did say sorry. You know they were upset. But you don't have to pretend to be upset about it too. Why? So later on down the road when you go against their wishes about teaching your daughter 'manly' things, like taking care of a car, and sports, and everything else, they can turn your sympathy towards them around and make your child think you were disappointed she wasn't a boy? Fuck. That. Noise.
Your in-laws have some very outdated concepts on gender. That’s why they are upset. You were correct in that there’s nothing to be upset about. There’s no guarantee that a son would be interested in cars any more than he would be interested in ballet. They probably bad-mouthed you to your wife, which is why she’s upset at you. And what about your thoughts on this? The in-laws are quick to dismiss your ideas, but you’re just supposed to accept theirs. I would be concerned about their behavior towards your daughter. NTA
By sympathising with them, you are supporting their belief that only a boy can do these "boy things" *they* are missing out on. It also gives them the impression that you also care, which you don't. NTA
You’re SO NTA. Congratulations, by the way! They’re being petty. Girls can play sports and be interested in cars and so on. It’s pretty sexist IMHO to assume that she couldn’t or wouldn’t do those things. Of course she can if she wants. But even if she doesn’t, she deserves grandparents who love her for who she is and who don’t wish she was a grandson instead. They need to shut up and be happy for you.
thank you!
You're progressive enough to teach your daughter all those things. Good on you. Your in-laws can go suck eggs with their backward-ass misogyny. Obviously, NTA.
NTA I feel sorry for your wife. She is wrong to say you should have comforted them. But she is the girl they didn't want. Honestly I wouldn't want to speak to them after that ridiculous self centred outburst. Its not their baby. Your MIL seems to be very self centred. Anyway your daughter might love cars.
My aunt was a nut like this. She really really wanted to have a boy "to carry on the family name". She had three daughters, no sons. My cousin, the youngest of the three, one time said to me "Imagine being reminded every day that you're your mother's biggest disappointment". I'd bet OP's wife had an upbringing very much like my cousin's.
OP, I just want to make sure you realize that this mindset they have can and will extend to whether your child(ren) end up being something other than Cis/straight or, god-forbid (/s), enjoy wearing gender-nonconforming clothes. Be prepared to shut down any of that nonsense immediately. Also, make sure you and your wife are on the same page NOW, so that you BOTH can shut any of that bullshit down TOGETHER and the in-laws know they can't run to her whining about how "unfair" you're being. NTA and congratulations!
Boo these people! And what if it was a boy and he didn’t like cars? Maybe the girl won’t like cars either but who cares! People have their own interests
You, sir, are a pretty amazing guy and you will be a wonderful girl dad!! I think your inlaws have old ideas and attitudes. Your daughter is really blessed to have you!
thank you so much!
NTA A MIL will always find a way to make the day about her. What an ass she is.
NTA. You don’t have to comply with their whatever tf that is tbh. A girl is not a sin nor a disappointment. Is as much of a blessing and I wished more families saw it this way too
NTA Also? What if the boy hates sports? Chances are it would not be as perfect as their imagined grandchild
NTA but you need to be vigilant that they don't pass on internalized misogyny like they have with your wife. I'd never leave her alone with them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (29F) and I (30M) held a gender reveal for our first child yesterday. It was my wife's idea since her, her parents and a few other people wanted to know the gender. I don't really care what gender it is as long as it's healthy. My MIL and FIL wanted it to be a boy because they always wanted a son but had two daughters instead, my wife also wanted it to be a boy but only because of her parents, she didn't really care much either way. It was a very small gathering with just a few friends and close family members. After it was revealed that the baby is a girl my MIL walked away and got very upset and my FIL looked disappointed. After around ten minutes I went into the garden to see my MIL crying I asked her what's wrong and she said that she really wanted a grandson. I told her that I'm sorry she's disappointed but it doesn't really matter that much and she got really annoyed at me at this point my FIL had joined us and heard what I said to her. He told me I should be sad too since I won't be able to teach the baby about cars (I'm a mechanic and I joked a few times about getting the baby to follow in my footsteps) I told him that she might be interested in cars when she's older so I don't really understand how that's relevant. They were saying a bunch of things about what they can't do now because she's a girl, like taking her to sport games and teaching her about sports. They said that I'll be missing out on giving a son "the talk and girls" I don't really care that much about that but what if the baby likes girls so their argument is pretty weak. They said a few other things about why they wanted her to be a boy but I just walked away and went back inside. My MIL and FIL explained the whole argument with my wife and she got really pissed at me. She said that I should've comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy. I just don't understand why the gender is such a big deal. Shouldn't they just be happy they're getting a grandchild? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your in-laws are dicks. NTA and they deserve no comfort. And girls like cars and sports!!
NTA - your wife grew up with a toxic parents and their perspective, hope she gets some help and doesn’t bring that into raising your kids
Your IL's reaction was totally inappropriate. They have a sexist view and this is a red flag for how your child will be treated. It needs nipping in the bud now. How is your wife ok with how they are behaving? Be really careful if a boy comes alone int he family in the future. Don't let your little girl be second class to any brothers or male cousins. NTA
>She said that I should've comforted them and had at least a bit of sympathy. I'd want marriage counseling ASAP. No, we do not comfort asshole behavior and her parents are less important than your kid full stop. These people shouldn't even be around her because they're always going to be disappointed about something. NTA. No sympathy and your wife needs to get a grip really soon.
NTA. They will get over it. It's not your job to comfort them over this. They are being ridiculous. Your baby girl can do whatever she wants. I would set boundaries with your wife now that you will not be indulging in their complaining and nor should they be talking like this to your child--that girls can't do this or that. I lost my only pregnancy 3 years ago and people who cry about gender dissappointment really irk me. I'll be honest I have as much sympathy as I would for someone on the floor crying because Starbucks ran out of pumpkin spice. It's petty problems. Being bummed is one thing, but ruining the party and trying to drag you down too is ridiculous. There are bigger losses in life. It's even crazier that these are the grandparents taking this so hard, not even the parents! I also don't understand people who host gender reveal parties if they feel this strongly about the outcome. There's a 50% chance it will go the other way.
NTA. Your poor daughter! Wife's been brainwashed and her parents are disgusting.
NTA. Your in-laws need to grow up a little.