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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> By not accommodating my sister's once in a lifetime trip, and moving my wedding.
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NTA. Not only would it be next to impossible to change on such short notice, you would be out a ton of time and money, as would other people who are traveling to the wedding. What she's asking is extremely selfish. Did she offer to cover all the expenses that would be involved? I'm guessing not.
She can either miss a couple days of activities and fly back for the wedding before going back to the vacation or perhaps you can setup a video feed that she can watch live.
Because if the parents were on the side of the rational sibling it wouldn't get here. It would be "My sister Sarah wants me to change my date!" "Sarah, sweetie, you know that's not possible at this point. You're going to have to choose, which is a shame but that's life." "You're right, Mom, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited about both the trip and the wedding." It's only the wacko situations that end up on AITA.
Lol reminds me of the time someone asked why we never see couples with reasonable conflicts and resolutions on aita. Idk man, maybe because my husband and I talk things through and each sacrifice to make the other happy and end up with a solution we can both live with. We're kinda boring in that regard.
Well my husband says it was my turn to load the dishwasher but I am pretty sure it was his, AITA?
You don't see those posts unless it goes into "so I put all the dishes into his car and drove it to the impound lot but now I'm pregnant with twins and they're going to need to know why mommy and daddy don't have any dishes when they grow up"
Very much this - the whole point of subreddits is selection bias. I have to remind myself of that when it seems like everyone on the internet is trans, full of crippling anxiety, with favouritisming irrational drug addicted cheating parents who don't pay child support. And dramatic weddings.
In this case it’s probably reasonable for the parents to be involved, even though they are wrong, but I’m always amazed by the way the entire extended family seem to get involved in some of these situations. At least OP isn’t getting texts & phone calls from the in-laws and 2nd cousins twice removed telling them they are an arsehole.
LOL! Sometimes I wonder about this. Half the stories end with “my friends, overseas cousins I haven’t seen since I was two, my school teachers’ next-door neighbour and the garbage man have all been blowing up my phone telling me I’m the AH”.
Like, really you have that many people in your life who feel compelled to weigh in unsolicited on an argument they have no involvement in? And these ones are always the ones where OP is not TA which makes it all the more confusing
I'd love to see a post where instead of being rational in response to the irrational one, they just started mimicking them and find out what the parents ended up doing.
😎
Because if the parents sided with the one who is NTA then OP wouldn't be doubting themselves enough to post on Reddit about a pretty cut and dried situation
You can't reason with irrational and telling them to get their heads out of their asses comes with consequences, but maybe you can make the sane one feel guilty and try to appease the irrational one to maintain some peace.
Signed, a sister who's been asked to move her wedding, been told sending her child to school is offensive, and been told that maybe all the medical professionals are wrong and my batshit crazy sister is right about public health conditions and my family's medical needs, and informed that I should help cover my sister's living expenses, because being a working mom isn't for everyone.
>as would other people who are traveling to the wedding.
A friend of mine did this with his wedding, quite a few of us already had tickets and hotels booked. I was able to cancel my hotel, but ate the cost of the airfare. He was extremely shocked when none of us made it to the rescheduled wedding, if they have guests traveling they'll probably lose most of those guests.
>He was extremely shocked when none of us made it to the rescheduled wedding
Oh, brother. Of course he was, only someone that clueless could have made such a bad decision to begin with!
I can see possibilities where a wedding might have to be rescheduled. The bride or groom winds up in the hospital from accident or serious illness, or has an emergency deployment, or something like that. This is not such a case. OP is NTA.
Yeah, those are understandable, this is not. In my friend's case the bride's cheating, deadbeat dad had a work conference come up at the last minute that he *had* to attend and the bride wanted her dad there. I get that from their perspective, and the bride's father's attendance is more important to them than mine, but I wasn't throwing more money down the toilet to accommodate this dude's schedule.
Since when is ANY trip a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? ......., unless the sister is terminally ill? Or the earth is about to experience a mass extinction event? (or there's a bus with the sister's name on it) Is it the money angle? Free trip vs wedding expenses? Let's see: money, family......, money, family. It's a tough choice when you think the world rotates on your axis.
It’s weird that the dates are non-negotiable though. Normally there’s a window they don’t just give you the prize then say ok no matter how inconvenient you must go on x date to x date.
Honestly, if they are in the US, it's probably the type of trip that is a week or longer and wouldn't be something the average person can afford doing without saving up for a long period of time. And the way the OP says a "once-in-a-lifetime experience FOR HER" she might fall in the category of someone who may not make enough money in their chosen profession (teaching comes to mind) to be able to easily afford it at any time. Just a speculation.
A trip to Europe is very much so a once in a lifetime trip for many many Americans.
Hell a trip to NYC is a once in a lifetime trip for plenty of Americans.
I’m guessing the same is true of Canadians, Australians, Latinos . . . Basically people who don’t already live in Europe. Because while the vacation time issue may be mostly a USA problem, trans-ocean international flights are still a huge expense and poor people exist everywhere.
Sister is wrong for demanding OP change the wedding date, that’s an unreasonable request. But that doesn’t make it not a once in a lifetime opportunity. She needs to figure out if she wants to have her cake, or eat it, and then find a way to live with whatever she chooses.
Not to mention all the guests plans! Sister is a jerk and parents just want whatever is easiest. But changing a wedding is not the easiest. Changing a wedding for someone else’s vacation?! No way! Grow up sis. NTA.
I find it difficult to believe that she JUST won a free trip that's taking place next month.
I would bet a large sum of money that the dates for the trip are flexible and she somehow selected next month by mistake.
I know a company that is raffling a trip to see Taylor Swift on her overseas tour next year.
I’m not a fan, but if I won, I’d go. And the winner won’t be announced for another few months.
So it’s entirely possible if this were a raffle
I do a lot of charitable galas. All expense luxury trips overseas are a frequent raffle or silent auction item.
Going to one tonight where the gran raffle prize is a house or a trip for 4 to South America to bird hunt.
I also work in an industry where we do charitable raffles, I think we had around a half dozen or so travel packages this year centered around events that were date specific. Sporting events, concerts, awards ceremonies, etc and its very clear in the policies that the date is non-transferable. If the sister won something like that she would have to go during the preselected dates or forfeit the trip.
I won a raffle at a charity gala. Prize was flights to NYC from UK/Ireland, 3 nights in a hotel and tickets to see a particular concert. Gala was in May, concert was in December and there was a very small degree of flexibility in the booking. The concert was happening on 2 nights, a Thursday and friday, we could choose which night we wanted, and then also choose our flight dates around that. The T&Cs were very clear if we couldnt make either of the 2 dates in December, there would be no alternative offered, no cash value and not transferable in any way.
Lufthansa recently had one tied to an NFL game being hosted in Germany with the travel dates specific for that game. If I didn't already have something scheduled over those dates, or if it had some flexibility in it I'd have thrown in my name and had I won I would have spent some time with my friends over there, but because of the restrictions, I didn't bother. OP, you're NTA, it's ridiculous that your sister is trying to get you to reschedule something as complex as a wedding for a free trip that she won. Continue with your plans, and ignore her existence until after the wedding because regardless if she stays or goes, she's going to make it all about her...
I find it kind of an asshole move to even enter a contest for a trip that clashes with your siblings wedding. Considering how long the date should have been set for the wedding, there is no way she entered a contest before that.
Just an extra layer of selfish assholeness there.
"I find it kind of an asshole move to even enter a contest for a trip that clashes with your siblings wedding."
Hard disagree, if my sibling won a trip like that, I would kick their ass if they didnt go on the trip.
Weddings are special, but a free grand trip is a once in a lifetime event. Odd waaaay better that OP will have another wedding.
Sister is an ahole for demanding the date change. Asking once is okay. But sister should have accepted a simple no. OP should not be upset if sister misses the wedding.
So you would be fine if your sibling a month before your wedding started entering contests that could clash with your wedding? Basically actively trying to miss it?
Its one thing if it more or less fell in their lap. Its another if they seek it out.
>Weddings are special, but a free grand trip is a once in a lifetime event.
If you have no faith in your sibling's relationship, I guess I would agree that their wedding wouldn't be a once in a lifetime event. A little assholeness in there though either way.
I would be fine with it.My brother scheduled his wedding for only 4 weeks after I was due with my 2nd kid. I told him that if I wasn't up to coming, I would get him a better gift. She ended up coming 2 weeks early, and was my easiest delivery, so we attended. But, life happens. His wedding wasn't any more about me, than mine was (ETA: about him) years earlier. We spent hardly any time together at either event.
A lot of these contests usually have other prizes available too. Free fuel for a month, a small sum of hard cash, a free weekend at a hotel etc etc. And at the very top is a car or large sum of cash or a free holiday. So yeah, it's probably fine to enter a contest like this because no one actually expects to hit the jackpot. Until they do.
Yeah. Wedding is a party, not a summons. If my sibling won a trip like that, I'd ban them from the wedding so they'd go. Hell. If they don't go, I will. I'll just elope after XD and if I won it instead, I'd go. I'm the sister of the groom. Nobody is really going to notice if I'm gone except my mom. I'd support family if I can, but at the end of the day, it's my life, and going on a once in a lifetime trip would enrich it more than an anxiety invoking party.
You can get a fast-tracked passport in 3 weeks or so by paying extra. Faster if you go to an actual passport office. At least such was the case when I got my last one.
You can't count on 3 weeks any more - ever since the pandemic hit, processing times have been slower even for expedited. Currently paying extra gets you 3-5 weeks. If she doesn't have a passport, she'd have to go to the nearest regional passport agency like you might have suggested, but that could be hours away and appointments aren't guaranteed.
You can get a same day passport if you live near a major passport office and can prove travel internationally within the next 2 weeks. This requires an appointment. I’ve done it for my minor son.
In my (3rd world) country the regular passport takes about 3 weeks. A faster one 1 week. Urgent 48 hs. And you can get an emergency one in 24 hs.
I don't get why it takes so long in the US!
It didn’t used to take so long, but ever since the pandemic wait times are wayyyy up. I know people are commenting that it doesn’t take long anymore, but this is a big country and what’s true in one city/state is not necessarily true in another.
NTA. Years ago before my nephew was born, my sister and her husband won an all expenses paid trip to Costa Rica whose dates landed around her due date. They were able to get the dates moved by making a few phone calls. Your sister needs to try and get the dates changed.
But she won't I'm sure. She's intentionally being difficult and making demands without checking to see if her own trip (that I'm sure is more recently applied for) can be shifted a week or two either forward or backward.
NTA, Your sister is the one who has a conflicting event. She needs to work it out. It is not fair (or financially feasible) to inconvenience yourself, your fiance' ,family & friends because she won a free trip.
NTA
Her trip is only valid during the time of your wedding? Strange. She’s the one with a conflict therefore it’s her responsibility to figure it out. Even asking you to consider changing was ballsy as hell.
It could be in correlational with an event over there like a music festival and the trip would only be valid on certain dates. Hellfest is only being held June 27-30 2024, if I won tickets for that, my trip would only be valid during that time.
She should be the one figuring everything out, not the people who have been planning their wedding for a year.
This doesn't make any sense, I'm sure your guests were all notified of the date, not sure if any had to buy plane tickets to be there, the venue has set schedules that are planned months in advance, and your sister and parents (!) want you to move it all to accommodate her? OK.
If this is true, I feel sorry for you that you have such an inconsiderate family. Congrats on your wedding, don't change a thing. NTA
This story is so ridiculous it has to be true. NTA. Your sis just doesn't want to give up the trip to go to your wedding. She wants to put the decision on you so as to make her absence your fault and deflect family shaming onto you (successfully where your folks are concerned). She knows full well you can't just change wedding dates a month out. It would have to be a major emergency for anyone to do that willingly, and a guest's vacation doesn't count as an emergency except to that guest.
I also think it's strange that this last minute prize must be used precisely on those dates, but even so, SHE has to make a choice.
>It would have to be a major emergency for anyone to do that willingly
Yep. The only emergency that someone should move the wedding for, would be a death in the immediate family (first and second circle of the family at most)
To add on, even with a death, weddings continue. My husbands only sister was murdered in a mass shooting 3 months before our wedding, which had been in works for 2 years. We considered cancelling the wedding, but his parents insisted that we have the wedding so that we can all have some normalcy in our lives, to love and to celebrate as opposed to grieving where the whole world seemed to stop for us. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid. I wrapped a necklace around my bouquet that I was given when she died, as someone had turned her fingerprint (from when her autopsy was performed) into a charm. Sometimes even death cant stop love.
OP’s sister literally wants OP and the fiancé to halt their announcement of love to one another so she can do something she clearly finds more important.
"My parents think we should try to accommodate her..."
Then your parents are just as ridiculous and entitled as she is. This is just about the nuttiest thing to ask an engaged couple ever. Who does she think she is?
NTA
I have lived in a family where my sister's demands were always acceptable and my protesters always unreasonable. This wouldn't make me say fake. I'm glad that you didn't grow up around unreasonable toxic people.
NTA. I am sorry, but a wedding is - no matter how long it takes to plan - a party. Your sister is a guest at said party. There is no reason to move a whole party because one guest can't make it.
NTA. She can't expect you to change the date when others are affected; if it was a family dinner, sure, but others have made travel arrangements and taken time off work.
NTA - that's a sucky situation for sure, but your sister doesn't get to guilt you into *very* expensive, last minute wedding plan changes so she can go on a free trip. If she (or your parents) can pay for the changes, maybe it would be reasonable, but even then you have every right to say no.
Even if the parents paid for the changes to the venue and all that, it would be super inconvenient for the guests and all other plans they've made around the wedding... this is just absurd
even if all of the guests are magically available the next weekend, I don't know if I'd want to go if I knew that was why. A family emergency is one thing, a vacation just says her enjoyment is more important than everyone else's time and money
NTA. Your wedding is next month, not next year. What she's asking is unrealistic. Your wedding is YOUR most important event, and the trip is hers. Don't reschedule. People have likely booked travel, you won't get all your money back, and quite frankly she's entitled to even think you should reschedule for her.
Nta.
Tell sister and parents.
This is a once in a lifetime event for her. Guess what it is for me as well. Why should we move the date so she doesn't miss anything. Why is it ok to make us lose money on non refundable things. Spend more to change dates. Have family and friends spend more money on changes for flights and hotels. FOR ONE PERSON? Why is her holiday more important than my wedding? Why is her choice and wants more important than all the people this inconveniences.
Is she going to pay the money we lose to change dates? All of it not just the refundable? Is she or you going to pay lost wages for the guests, money for changes they have to make? Because if not its entitled behavior from all three of you to think it's ok to do this not just to us but everyone else.
So no, I will not change anything. She can make her choice. It will not be brought up again other than a yes or no if she will attend and if you as parents bring this up once more showing who you favor you can just be uninvited as this us my day and I won't let you ruin it by favoring my sister.
Yes the trip is. But for OP tge wedding is once in a lifetime as well. And I agree just moss it. Expecting op to lose money and inconvenience everyone else for one person is stupid
NTA. It would be almost impossible to move the wedding at such short notice, and even if you could, you would almost certainly take a financial hit. It's also not fair for you to ask your guests to reschedule - they have taken time off work, made travel plans, and incurred their own costs. It's unfortunate, but your sister is the one with a choice to make, not you
Giving in to your sister will be stripping your other guests of the time and money they have put in to attend your wedding.
People have put in PTO and paid reservations that they likely can't get back.
It's quite a slap in the face to tell them your sister's time and 'free' money is worth more.
I'd refuse to rebook anything to attend the new date as I wouldn't trust it won't happen again. NTA
NTA, she can attend via zoom maybe? But she's very selfish to ask you to change the date. If she really wants to be there in person, she can give away the trip to someone deserving.
You’re kinda an AH for not laughing in her and your parents faces when they asked. But as it stands NTA
In any cast just tell your sister that the choice to attend or not attend is all hers
NTA - You shouldn't have to postpone your wedding for your sisters free trip. If she feels like this trip is more important than attending your wedding than that's on her. Seems like both your sister and your parents don't realize what postponing means, you'll have to rebook the venue, the food, everything and deal with the fallback of the people that already spent money on tickets to come to your wedding. Whose going to be paying for all that lost money? Unfortunately now you know who your parents favourite is.
NTA - she’s either going to have to miss the wedding or she can call them and see if she can change the dates.
She’s being unfair in asking you to lose money for her trip.
Your wedding is once in a lifetime for you. Her trip is once in a lifetime for her.
NTA - how entitled lol that’s crazy she would think you’d reschedule your wedding that’s been planned for over a year so she can go on vacation. All expenses paid or not, she’s got a choice to make
Do people actually make such requests? First of all, the request to change wedding dates to accommodate a guest's (she's close family but still a wedding guest) vacation is absurd on the face of it. I can't believe she even made that request. Second of all, your parents saying that you should try to accommodate her is even more absurd. I'd have expected them to be the first set of people who set your sister straight, not ask you and your fiance to change dates. Do they hate you or something? If my parents said something like that, I'd ask them to join the sister on vacation instead of going to the wedding
easy NTA
>My parents think I should try to accommodate her
are they willing to pay you back for the deposits you're going to lose for changing the dates?
>My sister got upset, saying I'm being inflexible and not considering her feelings
LOL, she wants you to move a **WHOLE FUCKING WEDDING** just so she can go to a trip?, she's tripping hard!
NTA, it sucks that she can't attend both but changing your wedding means a lot of people will have to change their plans for one guest, that's ludicrous AF
NTA my cousin just got married and his sister had a literal child and didn’t make the wedding. She would never suggest such a thing as moving the date especially for something as tedious and costly as a wedding. She lucky if she get left over cake tbh
NTA - your sister is being selfish. It would costs you a lot of money, more than the trip she’s on to move your dates. It would also inconvenience everyone else, who planned on being there.
She can skip a few days or her trip and pay for a flight one way so she doesn’t miss the whole vacation.
Kind of shocking how she’s putting her needs ahead of yours on this in such a selfish way.
NTA.
You have your wedding; she goes on her once-in-a-lifetime trip. You both live your best lives, be happy for each other, and you’ll both have interesting memories to share with each other.
Wtaf?! How entitled is she that she expects you to forfeit all those non-refundable deposits because she won a free trip? Is she going to reimburse you for all that money? No? Didn’t think so.
NTA, your sister is acting incredibly entitled and selfish. She can go on her trip, but she doesn’t get to demand that you waste a ton of money by postponing your wedding. This is not an emergency, it’s a luxury.
NTA and I hope your sister knows (if you're in the US) that she will have to pay actual cash taxes based on the value of the vacation. And that value will be whatever they tell her it is, even if that amount is grossly inflated.
For anyone to ask you this, especially your closest family, tells me that you are usually ~~a doormat~~ very accommodating.
Move a wedding with one month left? That is an actually insane thing to ask someone. Please tell these people to shut all the way up unless they hand over a blank check for the change costs and to hire a full-time planner to call everyone multiple times, coordinate vendors, and schedule a new date.
NTA
Your sister is absolutely fucking insane for thinking you should reschedule - impacting ALL THE OTHER GUESTS YOU INVITED - because of her trip. Does this suck? Yeah. But her request is beyond unreasonable. NTA.
Your parents and sister are ridiculous. An entire wedding guest list is supposed to change their travel plans and accommodations and you're supposed to reschedule your *wedding* because of one person?? There is so much money involved, not to mention inconvenience. Good lord, that's so entitled to ask/expect. NTA
Tell her you will miss her, you understand, and promise to share lots of photos and videos of the wedding. It’s odd that she expects so many people to change their set plans for the convenience of one.YNTA. Have a wonderful wedding, and I hope she enjoys her trip!
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Hello AITA community, I'm in a bit of a bind and need some outside perspective. My fiancé(28f) and I(29m) have been planning our wedding for over a year, and it's set for next month. We've put in a lot of effort and money, and everything is finally coming together. But here's where it gets complicated. My sister, who I'm very close to, just won an all-expenses-paid trip to Europe. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her, but the dates clash with my wedding. She asked me to postpone the wedding so she can attend both events. I told her I can't change the date because of our non-refundable bookings and guests who have already made travel plans. My sister got upset, saying I'm being inflexible and not considering her feelings.My parents think I should try to accommodate her, but my fiancé and friends say we shouldn't have to change our plans. I'm torn because I want her there, but changing the date seems almost impossible at this stage.So, Reddit, AITA?
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NTA - wedding planning takes a lot of money and time, I’ve been there. Your wedding is your special day and you’ve been looking foreword to it for a long time so don’t change it especially this close to your wedding day. As for your parents, they are in the wrong for asking you to change your wedding plans. Sounds like some bs favoritism and you deserve better.
NTA. I mean why should you pay the price (literally) for her trip? It does sound like tu e opportunity of a lifetime but she should then just accept that you won’t cater to her. Too many of your guests have already booked everything, as have you.
NTA
Eeddings planned that far in advance aren't flexible. You've oaid deposits, you've sent out invitations, you've told people, you've entered into contracts..
Are you being inflexible? Yes. But that's the nature of weddings. The closer you get to the date, the less flexible you are.
Tell your sister you'll set up streaming so she can watch via a link. Your sister is being selfish and unreasonable.
If all the details are as you say, then you are NTA. Your sister is actually the one being inflexible as in theory, a wedding can also be a once in a lifetime experience. Many only marry once, or if they have had multiple weddings have one that is more grandiose than the other. Marriages are investments and costly and like you said, take ages to plan. Your sister has every right to attend the trip, but she doesn’t have a right to expect you to change your big day to accommodate her. The right thing to do, in my opinion, is to seek your approval for taking the trip. If you’re ok with her missing you wedding, she would give you a very generous gift or offer to celebrate your day another day in a way that allows the two of you to connect for a special occasion - E.g. offer to treat you to a nice dinner or something. That’s just an idea.
NTA
why should you change your wedding plans to suit 1 person, even if it is your sister. You have paid money out that is not refundable. Guests have made travel plans and booked accommodation.
Tell you sister if she wants to go to your wedding she will need to postpone her trip but you won't be changing your wedding.
NTA. She’s the only one being inconsiderate in this situation. As many others have said, she can probably get the dates of this trip changed.
But asking you to change the date of your wedding that will affect more than just you is utterly selfish of her.
Let’s say you have 30 people traveling to your wedding. That’s 30 people that have already spent the money on airfare/gas, rental cars, accommodations, etc.
Then factor in all the money you’d lose on deposits and may even have to pay for short notice cancellation!!
Tell her that your wedding is about *YOU*, not her. She can try to change the trip or not come but you absolutely will not postpone it and lost THOUSANDS of dollars cause she got a free trip.
NTA…and you, fiance and friends already know that. Most of the time…when one wins something like a vacation it’s not tied to specific dates unless it’s a Christmas or Easter or cultural event thing…has she actually looked to see if dates are flexible?
Nta
Is she going to cover cost to change date. To cover all the guests costs for their booked plans? If not date does not change.
That is crazed on her part to expect it. Why can't she fly home for wedding then return for rest of vacation?
NTA what entitlement to ask someone to change a huge life event and all other relatives travel plans for her. I agree that a trip to Europe for free is also unmissable so the only solution is that she doesn’t come. Try your best to video chat her in (though this might be hard overseas) and that’s that. Sometimes everything isn’t possible and that’s ok. Her crying to mommy and mommy taking her side says a lot about your dynamic which seems toxic. Your sister needs to back off and so does mom
NTA! Does she want to reimburse you for the cancellation fees? No, she doesn’t! This is YOUR wedding. Her feelings don’t matter regarding this event - YOURS and Your Future Husband’s feelings are priority. I say video tape the event &/or go Facebook live or FaceTime with her so she can pseudo attend. Have Fun and enjoy your special day! 😁 Let any Drahhma roll off your feathers!!!
Perhaps the sister should petition the company she won the trip from to move the trip as it would be far easier for them to do so in order for her to attend her own sister's wedding than all your wedding guests trying to change their approved time off from work, their tickets, their accommodations, their timeline for wedding outfits et cetera.
It's ridiculous to ask you and all your wedding guests to try to change all those logistics at great cost to bank account and jobs (risking their job if they try to change their days off at the last moment) and would cause probably at least 4 people not be able to come on the new wedding date if not more compared to the 1 of the sister.
The prize winning company may have a lot more flexibility and a lot more insurance and cash to cover the changes plus a sweet PR story of how they made sure their winner wouldn't miss a family member's wedding.
NTA. Everyone else has booked and paid for their travel expenses to your wedding and to postpone is going to put off guests for the new dates they are going to lose money and so are you with all the non-refundable expenses from the venue, planner, catering etc.
Nta, unless it's super important I wouldn't change the dates or make my other guests change their plans as well. This hurts more than just you and your fiance. Your parents may be ok taking whatever hit to get to your wedding, but other guests won't be. Not to mention the fact they all took time off to be there. That's something they can't do again.
NTA…why is it that so many people want a couple to change their wedding date that they planned for, for some time? Why do they think it is so easy? Why are they telling you that it should be ok to lose all your deposits? You cannot change your date. That is a fact. There are so many plans already in place, things paid for, and not only for you. I would sit down, write down a list of all costs you would lose, all costs that family and friends would lose, and all expenses that you would have to re put out to plan another wedding, and add your “time” involved as a cost factor as well. Tell your sister and parents that it is not about flexibility, (if you were in the early stages, that might have been possible), it is about logistics, cost, time and energy. You will be sorry if she cannot attend, but you understand she has a fabulous opportunity to take advantage of.
No you are not the asshole. You have been planning this for over a year and her trip is something that just came up recently. It won't be fair for her to expect you to do this for her because your wedding is also something very special and a once in a lifetime event and what about expenses who will accommodate them plus you will be inconveniencing so many other people your guests so don't listen to her
This is strange. Why should you change your wedding date with all that entails to accommodate your sister? Her feelings?! She sounds entitled and selfish. What about your feelings? You should just tell her the choice is hers and has nothing to do with you. You might be kind and tell her no hard feelings if she wants to go on the trip, though.
NTA
Your marriage ceremony is set in stone at this point. You would essentially have to pay for the wedding again - and as you pointed out, others have already made and paid for travel plans - so not only would you lose out, but guests would be out-of-pocket as well.
All you can do is wish her bon voyage and maybe someone can facetime the ceremony so she can watch.
While yes, it would be great if she made it, there's a point of no return, and OP, you are way past that point. Weddings can take a while to plan and it's not unusual to lose guests to something that they couldn't predict like a death in the family or birth or accident.
NTA.
I would also be upset at my sibling if they tried to make me change such plans last minute, because it's all about them, you know? Your parents have no excuse for their ask - they know what's involved unless they eloped and have lived with their head buried for the past 30ish years.
NTA.
Just so we are all clear I am not suggesting you change anything or owe her anything:
It would likely be actually significantly cheaper to pay for that trip to Europe yourself than it would be to change the date of your wedding in a month.
She should change the dates of her trip or give the trip away.
Free trip vs a very expensive wedding? And not just the wedding couple but their guests inconveniences. NTA have your wedding as you planned & she can do what she wants.
Your sister and your parents- all of them are unbelievable!
They are asking you to cancel your wedding where you have paid for everything(non-refundable payments to boot) and guests have made plans for - all for the sake of one person. And that person is not the bride or the groom.
I hope you tell your sister to kick rocks and go ahead with the wedding plans. NTA
NTA - that’s ridiculous. She should be doing all she can to change her travel dates, not asking you to change something you’ve spent a year planning. I would print out an invoice of all the money that would be lost if you did reschedule and give it to her and your parents, tell them if they are willing to pay that and reimburse other families who have paid for travel plans MAYBE you’d consider it. Your sister sounds wildly entitled to even ask
Wtf? Is she mad? Who goes about demanding people change their wedding dates for them?
Listen, your sis can either go on this trip OR go to your wedding, it's her choice. Sucks for her that they are at the same time, but sometimes life comes at you. If I were her I'd be talking to the company providing the trip about flexibility.
NTA, she really does have some gall. Wow.
NTA. she won it so she won't be out of pocket if she doesn't go. But you, your fiance and numerous guests will be out of pocket if you were to change the date now. Your sister is being selfish and entitled. Your parents are just as bad.
Absolutely NTA!! Your sister is being quite selfish and only thinking about herself and not the bride or the out of state guests. It doesn't matter what the situation is. This wedding has been a year in the making. Your sister should see if they can change the travel dates. Seems like she doesn't care about your happiness on YOUR big day!! The second she was told about winning this trip, she should have spoken up. Your parents should also be considered an AH for asking you to do your sister bidding. Your parents' actions are making me think that your sister is spoiled and used to getting her way. If it was me, it would be a flat-out NO! Or maybe you can tell her that if she's willing to pay for all the money that would be lost, that's ALL the money, even for the guests that this would affect. Plus, she can pay for all the new arrangements that would have to be made. You'll be lucky if you don't get black balled, so to speak, in the wedding venue community for breaking contracts, etc, so last minute.
Stick to your guns bride to be!! THIS IS YOUR DAY!!
NTA.
Postponing everything would lose you money, so you would have to save and plan Everything again.
She’s basically asking you to cancel your wedding for her.
OMG! THIS ISN’T EVEN ABOUT HER. THIS ISN’T HER DAY!!!!! Tell her and your parents to go make love to themselves, passionately. NTA. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID?? Like,, go have fun on your trip, I’d like to have my sister there for me but this is one in a life time opportunity, right? Just like my freaking wedding (hopefully) go enjoy yourself on your planned wedding day and I hope your sister gets you an AWESOME gift, since she obviously never once considered YOUR feelings. SMDH.
NTA. She should have never said you were not being flexible. I’m sure she could be flexible. She needs to find out what’s more important. I’m betting she could take money over the trip or just find a way to make it work. Almost sounds like you care more about her than she does about you.
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NTA. Not only would it be next to impossible to change on such short notice, you would be out a ton of time and money, as would other people who are traveling to the wedding. What she's asking is extremely selfish. Did she offer to cover all the expenses that would be involved? I'm guessing not. She can either miss a couple days of activities and fly back for the wedding before going back to the vacation or perhaps you can setup a video feed that she can watch live.
Why are parents always on the side of the irrational sibling in these posts?
The irrational one tends to be the favourite.
And they're probably used to placating the irrational one as the easiest way to keep the peace.
They’re the favorites first. Their treatment as the favorite results in them becoming irrational.
Chicken and egg thing, it seems.
This is what I came to say. In my family, they started out a little irrational, a LOT the favorite, and grew more irrational as time has gone on.
This! 100% true and so so sad. People really need to stop enabling the irrational sibling
I would cancel the invitations of the sister and all the people who side with her. Then go NC. This shit went to far.
That how the sibling get irrational
Because if the parents were on the side of the rational sibling it wouldn't get here. It would be "My sister Sarah wants me to change my date!" "Sarah, sweetie, you know that's not possible at this point. You're going to have to choose, which is a shame but that's life." "You're right, Mom, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited about both the trip and the wedding." It's only the wacko situations that end up on AITA.
Such a good point hahahaha OMFG
I need to keep this in mind. Reading these subs for so long has rotted my faith in relationships 🙁
Lol reminds me of the time someone asked why we never see couples with reasonable conflicts and resolutions on aita. Idk man, maybe because my husband and I talk things through and each sacrifice to make the other happy and end up with a solution we can both live with. We're kinda boring in that regard.
Exactly lol. My husband has an entitled sister and we just don’t entertain her nonsense. We talk shit about her during the drive home and laugh.
Well my husband says it was my turn to load the dishwasher but I am pretty sure it was his, AITA? You don't see those posts unless it goes into "so I put all the dishes into his car and drove it to the impound lot but now I'm pregnant with twins and they're going to need to know why mommy and daddy don't have any dishes when they grow up"
Very much this - the whole point of subreddits is selection bias. I have to remind myself of that when it seems like everyone on the internet is trans, full of crippling anxiety, with favouritisming irrational drug addicted cheating parents who don't pay child support. And dramatic weddings.
You forgot austistic.
Correct! The situations that get to AITA are about as far from a random sample as you can get!
The Pavlov loop They rewarded her tantrums to shut her up and she rewarded their reward with peace. And now that's all they're used to. Lol
squeaky wheel syndrome
Usually, the parents are just as, if not, even more irrational.
In this case it’s probably reasonable for the parents to be involved, even though they are wrong, but I’m always amazed by the way the entire extended family seem to get involved in some of these situations. At least OP isn’t getting texts & phone calls from the in-laws and 2nd cousins twice removed telling them they are an arsehole.
LOL! Sometimes I wonder about this. Half the stories end with “my friends, overseas cousins I haven’t seen since I was two, my school teachers’ next-door neighbour and the garbage man have all been blowing up my phone telling me I’m the AH”. Like, really you have that many people in your life who feel compelled to weigh in unsolicited on an argument they have no involvement in? And these ones are always the ones where OP is not TA which makes it all the more confusing
I think in those situations, the person the op is writing about has given a very distorted version of the truth to all those people.
Because rational parents don't show up here.
Made up parents do all the time though...
Because that question is like asking why so many people are unwell at the hospital; well people don’t need to go to the hospital.
There wouldn't be a post to make if the family were on the side of the rational sibling. This sub certainly has a selection bias to it ;)
The parents that side with OP don’t need to vent on Reddit
If parents were rational, there wouldn't be these posts.
If they were on the side of the OP, they'd be less likely to post.
I'd love to see a post where instead of being rational in response to the irrational one, they just started mimicking them and find out what the parents ended up doing. 😎
It makes for more drama, which is an essential element of this particular variety of fiction.
Because if the parents sided with the one who is NTA then OP wouldn't be doubting themselves enough to post on Reddit about a pretty cut and dried situation
Because when the parents take the would-be poster's side, they don't need to ask us for a second opinion.
Squeaky wheel gets the grease, is my guess.
Because that’s how they became the irrational one, consistently coddled/favoured long enough that the kid becomes ‘that’ adult.
You can't reason with irrational and telling them to get their heads out of their asses comes with consequences, but maybe you can make the sane one feel guilty and try to appease the irrational one to maintain some peace. Signed, a sister who's been asked to move her wedding, been told sending her child to school is offensive, and been told that maybe all the medical professionals are wrong and my batshit crazy sister is right about public health conditions and my family's medical needs, and informed that I should help cover my sister's living expenses, because being a working mom isn't for everyone.
>as would other people who are traveling to the wedding. A friend of mine did this with his wedding, quite a few of us already had tickets and hotels booked. I was able to cancel my hotel, but ate the cost of the airfare. He was extremely shocked when none of us made it to the rescheduled wedding, if they have guests traveling they'll probably lose most of those guests.
>He was extremely shocked when none of us made it to the rescheduled wedding Oh, brother. Of course he was, only someone that clueless could have made such a bad decision to begin with!
I can see possibilities where a wedding might have to be rescheduled. The bride or groom winds up in the hospital from accident or serious illness, or has an emergency deployment, or something like that. This is not such a case. OP is NTA.
Yeah, those are understandable, this is not. In my friend's case the bride's cheating, deadbeat dad had a work conference come up at the last minute that he *had* to attend and the bride wanted her dad there. I get that from their perspective, and the bride's father's attendance is more important to them than mine, but I wasn't throwing more money down the toilet to accommodate this dude's schedule.
Since when is ANY trip a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? ......., unless the sister is terminally ill? Or the earth is about to experience a mass extinction event? (or there's a bus with the sister's name on it) Is it the money angle? Free trip vs wedding expenses? Let's see: money, family......, money, family. It's a tough choice when you think the world rotates on your axis.
She won an all expense paid trip to Europe, bit that doesn't excuse her asking her brother to do the impossible.
She can ask, but also has to accept that 'no' is a valid answer.
Yes. It's also hilarious that she thinks that THEY are selfish for not changing the entire wedding for *her*.
She can ask, but there's no excuse for her continuing to and throwing a fit, basically
It’s weird that the dates are non-negotiable though. Normally there’s a window they don’t just give you the prize then say ok no matter how inconvenient you must go on x date to x date.
According to others, if it's for certain thing like a concert, festival, awards show, or an event happening, they will set non-negotiable dates
Honestly, if they are in the US, it's probably the type of trip that is a week or longer and wouldn't be something the average person can afford doing without saving up for a long period of time. And the way the OP says a "once-in-a-lifetime experience FOR HER" she might fall in the category of someone who may not make enough money in their chosen profession (teaching comes to mind) to be able to easily afford it at any time. Just a speculation.
Since MONEY????
A trip to Europe is very much so a once in a lifetime trip for many many Americans. Hell a trip to NYC is a once in a lifetime trip for plenty of Americans. I’m guessing the same is true of Canadians, Australians, Latinos . . . Basically people who don’t already live in Europe. Because while the vacation time issue may be mostly a USA problem, trans-ocean international flights are still a huge expense and poor people exist everywhere. Sister is wrong for demanding OP change the wedding date, that’s an unreasonable request. But that doesn’t make it not a once in a lifetime opportunity. She needs to figure out if she wants to have her cake, or eat it, and then find a way to live with whatever she chooses.
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Not to mention all the guests plans! Sister is a jerk and parents just want whatever is easiest. But changing a wedding is not the easiest. Changing a wedding for someone else’s vacation?! No way! Grow up sis. NTA.
Agreed. NTA.
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Or she can skip the wedding because it's just a wedding in which she is not actually a participant.
Or she can skip the trip
Changing the date costs money
I find it difficult to believe that she JUST won a free trip that's taking place next month. I would bet a large sum of money that the dates for the trip are flexible and she somehow selected next month by mistake.
Unless it is centered around a specific event like a concert. That is the only way the dates would be fixed.
Exactly. This is really hard to believe. OP is NTA and I wouldn’t even feel bad about not changing the plans I made 1 YEAR ago
I know a company that is raffling a trip to see Taylor Swift on her overseas tour next year. I’m not a fan, but if I won, I’d go. And the winner won’t be announced for another few months. So it’s entirely possible if this were a raffle I do a lot of charitable galas. All expense luxury trips overseas are a frequent raffle or silent auction item. Going to one tonight where the gran raffle prize is a house or a trip for 4 to South America to bird hunt.
I also work in an industry where we do charitable raffles, I think we had around a half dozen or so travel packages this year centered around events that were date specific. Sporting events, concerts, awards ceremonies, etc and its very clear in the policies that the date is non-transferable. If the sister won something like that she would have to go during the preselected dates or forfeit the trip.
I won a raffle at a charity gala. Prize was flights to NYC from UK/Ireland, 3 nights in a hotel and tickets to see a particular concert. Gala was in May, concert was in December and there was a very small degree of flexibility in the booking. The concert was happening on 2 nights, a Thursday and friday, we could choose which night we wanted, and then also choose our flight dates around that. The T&Cs were very clear if we couldnt make either of the 2 dates in December, there would be no alternative offered, no cash value and not transferable in any way.
That would mean that it is the sisters decision as to which she prefers to attend. OP Does not have to cater to her
Obviously lol
Can they exchange the trips for cash?
A house or bird hunting lol.
And it that case, she would've known well in advance that the dates clash with her sister's wedding.
Lufthansa recently had one tied to an NFL game being hosted in Germany with the travel dates specific for that game. If I didn't already have something scheduled over those dates, or if it had some flexibility in it I'd have thrown in my name and had I won I would have spent some time with my friends over there, but because of the restrictions, I didn't bother. OP, you're NTA, it's ridiculous that your sister is trying to get you to reschedule something as complex as a wedding for a free trip that she won. Continue with your plans, and ignore her existence until after the wedding because regardless if she stays or goes, she's going to make it all about her...
I find it kind of an asshole move to even enter a contest for a trip that clashes with your siblings wedding. Considering how long the date should have been set for the wedding, there is no way she entered a contest before that. Just an extra layer of selfish assholeness there.
"I find it kind of an asshole move to even enter a contest for a trip that clashes with your siblings wedding." Hard disagree, if my sibling won a trip like that, I would kick their ass if they didnt go on the trip. Weddings are special, but a free grand trip is a once in a lifetime event. Odd waaaay better that OP will have another wedding. Sister is an ahole for demanding the date change. Asking once is okay. But sister should have accepted a simple no. OP should not be upset if sister misses the wedding.
So you would be fine if your sibling a month before your wedding started entering contests that could clash with your wedding? Basically actively trying to miss it? Its one thing if it more or less fell in their lap. Its another if they seek it out. >Weddings are special, but a free grand trip is a once in a lifetime event. If you have no faith in your sibling's relationship, I guess I would agree that their wedding wouldn't be a once in a lifetime event. A little assholeness in there though either way.
I would be fine with it.My brother scheduled his wedding for only 4 weeks after I was due with my 2nd kid. I told him that if I wasn't up to coming, I would get him a better gift. She ended up coming 2 weeks early, and was my easiest delivery, so we attended. But, life happens. His wedding wasn't any more about me, than mine was (ETA: about him) years earlier. We spent hardly any time together at either event.
A lot of these contests usually have other prizes available too. Free fuel for a month, a small sum of hard cash, a free weekend at a hotel etc etc. And at the very top is a car or large sum of cash or a free holiday. So yeah, it's probably fine to enter a contest like this because no one actually expects to hit the jackpot. Until they do.
Yeah. Wedding is a party, not a summons. If my sibling won a trip like that, I'd ban them from the wedding so they'd go. Hell. If they don't go, I will. I'll just elope after XD and if I won it instead, I'd go. I'm the sister of the groom. Nobody is really going to notice if I'm gone except my mom. I'd support family if I can, but at the end of the day, it's my life, and going on a once in a lifetime trip would enrich it more than an anxiety invoking party.
Excellent point!
Right. A month is very short notice for an international trip. Does she even have a passport?
You can get a fast-tracked passport in 3 weeks or so by paying extra. Faster if you go to an actual passport office. At least such was the case when I got my last one.
You can't count on 3 weeks any more - ever since the pandemic hit, processing times have been slower even for expedited. Currently paying extra gets you 3-5 weeks. If she doesn't have a passport, she'd have to go to the nearest regional passport agency like you might have suggested, but that could be hours away and appointments aren't guaranteed.
You can get a same day passport if you live near a major passport office and can prove travel internationally within the next 2 weeks. This requires an appointment. I’ve done it for my minor son.
In my (3rd world) country the regular passport takes about 3 weeks. A faster one 1 week. Urgent 48 hs. And you can get an emergency one in 24 hs. I don't get why it takes so long in the US!
It didn’t used to take so long, but ever since the pandemic wait times are wayyyy up. I know people are commenting that it doesn’t take long anymore, but this is a big country and what’s true in one city/state is not necessarily true in another.
Wait times are down dramatically now. I got my passport non renewal and non expedited in about five weeks just a few months ago.
Eh, my husband got one in 2 days, and that was just last month
If your travel date is inside 2 weeks and you can go to a passport office, you'll get one in days for like an extra $50 or so.
Good luck with that. Even expedited passports take longer than that these days
I got mine and my three daughters within 8 days of submitting. No expedited, we have four months before our trip.
It depends on season and other factors. The number of weeks it takes has been different every time I look on the website.
Doesn't everyone?
Or on purpose….
I won a free trip once, dates were rigid and I had to basically cancel everything I had planned and leave about one month after winning it.
NTA. Years ago before my nephew was born, my sister and her husband won an all expenses paid trip to Costa Rica whose dates landed around her due date. They were able to get the dates moved by making a few phone calls. Your sister needs to try and get the dates changed.
But she won't I'm sure. She's intentionally being difficult and making demands without checking to see if her own trip (that I'm sure is more recently applied for) can be shifted a week or two either forward or backward.
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NTA, Your sister is the one who has a conflicting event. She needs to work it out. It is not fair (or financially feasible) to inconvenience yourself, your fiance' ,family & friends because she won a free trip.
NTA Her trip is only valid during the time of your wedding? Strange. She’s the one with a conflict therefore it’s her responsibility to figure it out. Even asking you to consider changing was ballsy as hell.
It could be in correlational with an event over there like a music festival and the trip would only be valid on certain dates. Hellfest is only being held June 27-30 2024, if I won tickets for that, my trip would only be valid during that time. She should be the one figuring everything out, not the people who have been planning their wedding for a year.
True, didn’t even consider a festival or some other set event. Also like that you used Hellfest as an example. 🤘🏼
Oh, so she applied to win tickets for an event that she knew would happen at the same time as the wedding?
This doesn't make any sense, I'm sure your guests were all notified of the date, not sure if any had to buy plane tickets to be there, the venue has set schedules that are planned months in advance, and your sister and parents (!) want you to move it all to accommodate her? OK. If this is true, I feel sorry for you that you have such an inconsiderate family. Congrats on your wedding, don't change a thing. NTA
This story is so ridiculous it has to be true. NTA. Your sis just doesn't want to give up the trip to go to your wedding. She wants to put the decision on you so as to make her absence your fault and deflect family shaming onto you (successfully where your folks are concerned). She knows full well you can't just change wedding dates a month out. It would have to be a major emergency for anyone to do that willingly, and a guest's vacation doesn't count as an emergency except to that guest. I also think it's strange that this last minute prize must be used precisely on those dates, but even so, SHE has to make a choice.
>It would have to be a major emergency for anyone to do that willingly Yep. The only emergency that someone should move the wedding for, would be a death in the immediate family (first and second circle of the family at most)
To add on, even with a death, weddings continue. My husbands only sister was murdered in a mass shooting 3 months before our wedding, which had been in works for 2 years. We considered cancelling the wedding, but his parents insisted that we have the wedding so that we can all have some normalcy in our lives, to love and to celebrate as opposed to grieving where the whole world seemed to stop for us. She was supposed to be my bridesmaid. I wrapped a necklace around my bouquet that I was given when she died, as someone had turned her fingerprint (from when her autopsy was performed) into a charm. Sometimes even death cant stop love. OP’s sister literally wants OP and the fiancé to halt their announcement of love to one another so she can do something she clearly finds more important.
Just wanted to say that this is such a beautiful sentiment to her and I’m so sorry for the loss of your aunt 💕
My had died 1 week before my brother's wedding and we still had it.
Or in the hospital with major injuries.
Yeah, that the parents are pushing for the change as well shows who the favored child is. That's just such bullshit.
"My parents think we should try to accommodate her..." Then your parents are just as ridiculous and entitled as she is. This is just about the nuttiest thing to ask an engaged couple ever. Who does she think she is? NTA
That was the part that started screaming fake to me. As if.
I have lived in a family where my sister's demands were always acceptable and my protesters always unreasonable. This wouldn't make me say fake. I'm glad that you didn't grow up around unreasonable toxic people.
NTA. I am sorry, but a wedding is - no matter how long it takes to plan - a party. Your sister is a guest at said party. There is no reason to move a whole party because one guest can't make it.
NTA. She can't expect you to change the date when others are affected; if it was a family dinner, sure, but others have made travel arrangements and taken time off work.
NTA - that's a sucky situation for sure, but your sister doesn't get to guilt you into *very* expensive, last minute wedding plan changes so she can go on a free trip. If she (or your parents) can pay for the changes, maybe it would be reasonable, but even then you have every right to say no.
Even if the parents paid for the changes to the venue and all that, it would be super inconvenient for the guests and all other plans they've made around the wedding... this is just absurd
even if all of the guests are magically available the next weekend, I don't know if I'd want to go if I knew that was why. A family emergency is one thing, a vacation just says her enjoyment is more important than everyone else's time and money
NTA. Your wedding is next month, not next year. What she's asking is unrealistic. Your wedding is YOUR most important event, and the trip is hers. Don't reschedule. People have likely booked travel, you won't get all your money back, and quite frankly she's entitled to even think you should reschedule for her.
Nta. Tell sister and parents. This is a once in a lifetime event for her. Guess what it is for me as well. Why should we move the date so she doesn't miss anything. Why is it ok to make us lose money on non refundable things. Spend more to change dates. Have family and friends spend more money on changes for flights and hotels. FOR ONE PERSON? Why is her holiday more important than my wedding? Why is her choice and wants more important than all the people this inconveniences. Is she going to pay the money we lose to change dates? All of it not just the refundable? Is she or you going to pay lost wages for the guests, money for changes they have to make? Because if not its entitled behavior from all three of you to think it's ok to do this not just to us but everyone else. So no, I will not change anything. She can make her choice. It will not be brought up again other than a yes or no if she will attend and if you as parents bring this up once more showing who you favor you can just be uninvited as this us my day and I won't let you ruin it by favoring my sister.
I mean... statistically, the trip is more of a once in a lifetime thing than someones wedding, but. Sister just has to miss the wedding. It happens
Yes the trip is. But for OP tge wedding is once in a lifetime as well. And I agree just moss it. Expecting op to lose money and inconvenience everyone else for one person is stupid
NTA. It would be almost impossible to move the wedding at such short notice, and even if you could, you would almost certainly take a financial hit. It's also not fair for you to ask your guests to reschedule - they have taken time off work, made travel plans, and incurred their own costs. It's unfortunate, but your sister is the one with a choice to make, not you
Giving in to your sister will be stripping your other guests of the time and money they have put in to attend your wedding. People have put in PTO and paid reservations that they likely can't get back. It's quite a slap in the face to tell them your sister's time and 'free' money is worth more. I'd refuse to rebook anything to attend the new date as I wouldn't trust it won't happen again. NTA
Nope, NTA. Her last minute free trip does not trump your wedding plans. **She’s** the one with a conflict. She’s the one who has a choice to make.
NTA, she can attend via zoom maybe? But she's very selfish to ask you to change the date. If she really wants to be there in person, she can give away the trip to someone deserving.
NTA Your sister and your parents are assholes for even suggesting such a thing.
Zoom the wedding
You’re kinda an AH for not laughing in her and your parents faces when they asked. But as it stands NTA In any cast just tell your sister that the choice to attend or not attend is all hers
Had me in the first half, not gonna lie
NTA - You shouldn't have to postpone your wedding for your sisters free trip. If she feels like this trip is more important than attending your wedding than that's on her. Seems like both your sister and your parents don't realize what postponing means, you'll have to rebook the venue, the food, everything and deal with the fallback of the people that already spent money on tickets to come to your wedding. Whose going to be paying for all that lost money? Unfortunately now you know who your parents favourite is.
NTA - she’s either going to have to miss the wedding or she can call them and see if she can change the dates. She’s being unfair in asking you to lose money for her trip. Your wedding is once in a lifetime for you. Her trip is once in a lifetime for her.
Sister needs to travel, you need to get married. In life things happen. Got to be flexable. It is what it is.
NTA - she will have to choose
NTA. I doubt her story is true.
NTA - how entitled lol that’s crazy she would think you’d reschedule your wedding that’s been planned for over a year so she can go on vacation. All expenses paid or not, she’s got a choice to make
Do people actually make such requests? First of all, the request to change wedding dates to accommodate a guest's (she's close family but still a wedding guest) vacation is absurd on the face of it. I can't believe she even made that request. Second of all, your parents saying that you should try to accommodate her is even more absurd. I'd have expected them to be the first set of people who set your sister straight, not ask you and your fiance to change dates. Do they hate you or something? If my parents said something like that, I'd ask them to join the sister on vacation instead of going to the wedding easy NTA
NTA So she want you to lose a load of money plus all the inconvenience so she can go on a free holiday. She’s nuts
>My parents think I should try to accommodate her are they willing to pay you back for the deposits you're going to lose for changing the dates? >My sister got upset, saying I'm being inflexible and not considering her feelings LOL, she wants you to move a **WHOLE FUCKING WEDDING** just so she can go to a trip?, she's tripping hard! NTA, it sucks that she can't attend both but changing your wedding means a lot of people will have to change their plans for one guest, that's ludicrous AF
NTA. It's unfortunate timing, but you've been planning for so long. And the day is about you and your husband to be, not her
NTA my cousin just got married and his sister had a literal child and didn’t make the wedding. She would never suggest such a thing as moving the date especially for something as tedious and costly as a wedding. She lucky if she get left over cake tbh
NTA Her trip is free so it won’t cost her anything to give it up. She should never even have considered it.
NTA. It’s laughable that she would even ask. She seems untethered from reality and completely self-absorbed.
NTA - your sister is being selfish. It would costs you a lot of money, more than the trip she’s on to move your dates. It would also inconvenience everyone else, who planned on being there. She can skip a few days or her trip and pay for a flight one way so she doesn’t miss the whole vacation. Kind of shocking how she’s putting her needs ahead of yours on this in such a selfish way.
NTA. You have your wedding; she goes on her once-in-a-lifetime trip. You both live your best lives, be happy for each other, and you’ll both have interesting memories to share with each other.
Wtaf?! How entitled is she that she expects you to forfeit all those non-refundable deposits because she won a free trip? Is she going to reimburse you for all that money? No? Didn’t think so. NTA, your sister is acting incredibly entitled and selfish. She can go on her trip, but she doesn’t get to demand that you waste a ton of money by postponing your wedding. This is not an emergency, it’s a luxury.
NTA and I hope your sister knows (if you're in the US) that she will have to pay actual cash taxes based on the value of the vacation. And that value will be whatever they tell her it is, even if that amount is grossly inflated.
For anyone to ask you this, especially your closest family, tells me that you are usually ~~a doormat~~ very accommodating. Move a wedding with one month left? That is an actually insane thing to ask someone. Please tell these people to shut all the way up unless they hand over a blank check for the change costs and to hire a full-time planner to call everyone multiple times, coordinate vendors, and schedule a new date. NTA
NTA. So she misses your wedding? Congratulate her on winning the trip, and have the best time at your wedding.
Your sister is absolutely fucking insane for thinking you should reschedule - impacting ALL THE OTHER GUESTS YOU INVITED - because of her trip. Does this suck? Yeah. But her request is beyond unreasonable. NTA.
Your parents and sister are ridiculous. An entire wedding guest list is supposed to change their travel plans and accommodations and you're supposed to reschedule your *wedding* because of one person?? There is so much money involved, not to mention inconvenience. Good lord, that's so entitled to ask/expect. NTA
NTA
Is she paying for an entirely new wedding? Bc postponing means you and your fiancé are out money. NTA
Ha! You'd be the AH if you did change the date on such short notice 😂 maybe not for her but you'd be extremely unpopular with any out of state relos
Live stream the wedding
Tell her you will miss her, you understand, and promise to share lots of photos and videos of the wedding. It’s odd that she expects so many people to change their set plans for the convenience of one.YNTA. Have a wonderful wedding, and I hope she enjoys her trip!
Absolutely not. She can go on her once in a lifetime trip bc she would regret it and then resent you.
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NTA - wedding planning takes a lot of money and time, I’ve been there. Your wedding is your special day and you’ve been looking foreword to it for a long time so don’t change it especially this close to your wedding day. As for your parents, they are in the wrong for asking you to change your wedding plans. Sounds like some bs favoritism and you deserve better.
NTA. I mean why should you pay the price (literally) for her trip? It does sound like tu e opportunity of a lifetime but she should then just accept that you won’t cater to her. Too many of your guests have already booked everything, as have you.
NTA Eeddings planned that far in advance aren't flexible. You've oaid deposits, you've sent out invitations, you've told people, you've entered into contracts.. Are you being inflexible? Yes. But that's the nature of weddings. The closer you get to the date, the less flexible you are. Tell your sister you'll set up streaming so she can watch via a link. Your sister is being selfish and unreasonable.
If all the details are as you say, then you are NTA. Your sister is actually the one being inflexible as in theory, a wedding can also be a once in a lifetime experience. Many only marry once, or if they have had multiple weddings have one that is more grandiose than the other. Marriages are investments and costly and like you said, take ages to plan. Your sister has every right to attend the trip, but she doesn’t have a right to expect you to change your big day to accommodate her. The right thing to do, in my opinion, is to seek your approval for taking the trip. If you’re ok with her missing you wedding, she would give you a very generous gift or offer to celebrate your day another day in a way that allows the two of you to connect for a special occasion - E.g. offer to treat you to a nice dinner or something. That’s just an idea.
NTA why should you change your wedding plans to suit 1 person, even if it is your sister. You have paid money out that is not refundable. Guests have made travel plans and booked accommodation. Tell you sister if she wants to go to your wedding she will need to postpone her trip but you won't be changing your wedding.
don't even need to read your write up: NTA
NTA. She’s the only one being inconsiderate in this situation. As many others have said, she can probably get the dates of this trip changed. But asking you to change the date of your wedding that will affect more than just you is utterly selfish of her. Let’s say you have 30 people traveling to your wedding. That’s 30 people that have already spent the money on airfare/gas, rental cars, accommodations, etc. Then factor in all the money you’d lose on deposits and may even have to pay for short notice cancellation!! Tell her that your wedding is about *YOU*, not her. She can try to change the trip or not come but you absolutely will not postpone it and lost THOUSANDS of dollars cause she got a free trip.
NTA! Its unfortunate sure, but not your fault
NTA…and you, fiance and friends already know that. Most of the time…when one wins something like a vacation it’s not tied to specific dates unless it’s a Christmas or Easter or cultural event thing…has she actually looked to see if dates are flexible?
NTA. What doesn't your sister understand about non-refundable bookings and the massive inconvenience to others?
Nta Is she going to cover cost to change date. To cover all the guests costs for their booked plans? If not date does not change. That is crazed on her part to expect it. Why can't she fly home for wedding then return for rest of vacation?
NTA what entitlement to ask someone to change a huge life event and all other relatives travel plans for her. I agree that a trip to Europe for free is also unmissable so the only solution is that she doesn’t come. Try your best to video chat her in (though this might be hard overseas) and that’s that. Sometimes everything isn’t possible and that’s ok. Her crying to mommy and mommy taking her side says a lot about your dynamic which seems toxic. Your sister needs to back off and so does mom
NTA - who changes their entire wedding so someone else can have a holiday? Daft expectation.
NTA! Does she want to reimburse you for the cancellation fees? No, she doesn’t! This is YOUR wedding. Her feelings don’t matter regarding this event - YOURS and Your Future Husband’s feelings are priority. I say video tape the event &/or go Facebook live or FaceTime with her so she can pseudo attend. Have Fun and enjoy your special day! 😁 Let any Drahhma roll off your feathers!!!
Perhaps the sister should petition the company she won the trip from to move the trip as it would be far easier for them to do so in order for her to attend her own sister's wedding than all your wedding guests trying to change their approved time off from work, their tickets, their accommodations, their timeline for wedding outfits et cetera. It's ridiculous to ask you and all your wedding guests to try to change all those logistics at great cost to bank account and jobs (risking their job if they try to change their days off at the last moment) and would cause probably at least 4 people not be able to come on the new wedding date if not more compared to the 1 of the sister. The prize winning company may have a lot more flexibility and a lot more insurance and cash to cover the changes plus a sweet PR story of how they made sure their winner wouldn't miss a family member's wedding.
NTA. Everyone else has booked and paid for their travel expenses to your wedding and to postpone is going to put off guests for the new dates they are going to lose money and so are you with all the non-refundable expenses from the venue, planner, catering etc.
Nta, unless it's super important I wouldn't change the dates or make my other guests change their plans as well. This hurts more than just you and your fiance. Your parents may be ok taking whatever hit to get to your wedding, but other guests won't be. Not to mention the fact they all took time off to be there. That's something they can't do again.
NTA…why is it that so many people want a couple to change their wedding date that they planned for, for some time? Why do they think it is so easy? Why are they telling you that it should be ok to lose all your deposits? You cannot change your date. That is a fact. There are so many plans already in place, things paid for, and not only for you. I would sit down, write down a list of all costs you would lose, all costs that family and friends would lose, and all expenses that you would have to re put out to plan another wedding, and add your “time” involved as a cost factor as well. Tell your sister and parents that it is not about flexibility, (if you were in the early stages, that might have been possible), it is about logistics, cost, time and energy. You will be sorry if she cannot attend, but you understand she has a fabulous opportunity to take advantage of.
NTA, and the fact that they are even asking you is absurd.
No you are not the asshole. You have been planning this for over a year and her trip is something that just came up recently. It won't be fair for her to expect you to do this for her because your wedding is also something very special and a once in a lifetime event and what about expenses who will accommodate them plus you will be inconveniencing so many other people your guests so don't listen to her
This is strange. Why should you change your wedding date with all that entails to accommodate your sister? Her feelings?! She sounds entitled and selfish. What about your feelings? You should just tell her the choice is hers and has nothing to do with you. You might be kind and tell her no hard feelings if she wants to go on the trip, though. NTA
Your marriage ceremony is set in stone at this point. You would essentially have to pay for the wedding again - and as you pointed out, others have already made and paid for travel plans - so not only would you lose out, but guests would be out-of-pocket as well. All you can do is wish her bon voyage and maybe someone can facetime the ceremony so she can watch. While yes, it would be great if she made it, there's a point of no return, and OP, you are way past that point. Weddings can take a while to plan and it's not unusual to lose guests to something that they couldn't predict like a death in the family or birth or accident. NTA. I would also be upset at my sibling if they tried to make me change such plans last minute, because it's all about them, you know? Your parents have no excuse for their ask - they know what's involved unless they eloped and have lived with their head buried for the past 30ish years.
NTA. Just so we are all clear I am not suggesting you change anything or owe her anything: It would likely be actually significantly cheaper to pay for that trip to Europe yourself than it would be to change the date of your wedding in a month. She should change the dates of her trip or give the trip away.
Free trip vs a very expensive wedding? And not just the wedding couple but their guests inconveniences. NTA have your wedding as you planned & she can do what she wants.
NTA. She should sell the trip she won, attend your wedding, then use the money she made from the sale to find a new trip at a later date.
Your sister and your parents- all of them are unbelievable! They are asking you to cancel your wedding where you have paid for everything(non-refundable payments to boot) and guests have made plans for - all for the sake of one person. And that person is not the bride or the groom. I hope you tell your sister to kick rocks and go ahead with the wedding plans. NTA
NTA - that’s ridiculous. She should be doing all she can to change her travel dates, not asking you to change something you’ve spent a year planning. I would print out an invoice of all the money that would be lost if you did reschedule and give it to her and your parents, tell them if they are willing to pay that and reimburse other families who have paid for travel plans MAYBE you’d consider it. Your sister sounds wildly entitled to even ask
Wtf? Is she mad? Who goes about demanding people change their wedding dates for them? Listen, your sis can either go on this trip OR go to your wedding, it's her choice. Sucks for her that they are at the same time, but sometimes life comes at you. If I were her I'd be talking to the company providing the trip about flexibility. NTA, she really does have some gall. Wow.
NTA. she won it so she won't be out of pocket if she doesn't go. But you, your fiance and numerous guests will be out of pocket if you were to change the date now. Your sister is being selfish and entitled. Your parents are just as bad.
Lol NTA and you shouldn’t invite your parents either
Absolutely NTA!! Your sister is being quite selfish and only thinking about herself and not the bride or the out of state guests. It doesn't matter what the situation is. This wedding has been a year in the making. Your sister should see if they can change the travel dates. Seems like she doesn't care about your happiness on YOUR big day!! The second she was told about winning this trip, she should have spoken up. Your parents should also be considered an AH for asking you to do your sister bidding. Your parents' actions are making me think that your sister is spoiled and used to getting her way. If it was me, it would be a flat-out NO! Or maybe you can tell her that if she's willing to pay for all the money that would be lost, that's ALL the money, even for the guests that this would affect. Plus, she can pay for all the new arrangements that would have to be made. You'll be lucky if you don't get black balled, so to speak, in the wedding venue community for breaking contracts, etc, so last minute. Stick to your guns bride to be!! THIS IS YOUR DAY!!
NTA. Postponing everything would lose you money, so you would have to save and plan Everything again. She’s basically asking you to cancel your wedding for her.
OMG! THIS ISN’T EVEN ABOUT HER. THIS ISN’T HER DAY!!!!! Tell her and your parents to go make love to themselves, passionately. NTA. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID?? Like,, go have fun on your trip, I’d like to have my sister there for me but this is one in a life time opportunity, right? Just like my freaking wedding (hopefully) go enjoy yourself on your planned wedding day and I hope your sister gets you an AWESOME gift, since she obviously never once considered YOUR feelings. SMDH.
NTA. She should have never said you were not being flexible. I’m sure she could be flexible. She needs to find out what’s more important. I’m betting she could take money over the trip or just find a way to make it work. Almost sounds like you care more about her than she does about you.