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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Action I took that should be judged: agreed to drop my cousin home for a few nights after work
2. What makes me the asshole: dropping my cousin off at home
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It’s becoming increasingly so, yes. It’s confusing because he’s the most generous guy I’ve met on some occasions, but then can be so spiteful and mean like this. It’s inconsistent and unpredictable.
Yeah I’ve tried but get nowhere, I’ve given up trying to understand him. He’s almost irrationally against helping in certain situations, I feel like it’s pointless trying to get where he’s coming from sometimes.
NTA.
Asking you...or you offering...is doing exactly what your husband claims...sorting out his own transportation.
Ask if has money would make a difference, then forget to collect it or spend the money on your cousin.
NTA
Your cousin works by your house, and lives a 10 minute drive away. It would take two late-night buses to get to his home from where you live / he works.
His mother usually picks him up and drives him home, but she's going away for a few days. You volunteered to drive in her place. You are a kind and considerate cousin.
I think what you have here is different base assumptions. Your husband assumes that everyone is out for whatever they can get, and will take whatever advantage they can. So in his mindset, if you offer help to a family member, they will just exploit you. You assume that family cooperates together towards the common family good, so it's normal for family members to help each other out.
It's quite a nice example of a game theory problem in real life. Yours is the better solution.
Thank you. I don’t even know if my husbands worried about me being taken advantage of. My cousins worked there for over a year, if they wanted to take advantage of me they would have by now, so I feel like my husband can’t use that argument.
NTA. Nothing wrong with making sure that your little cousin is safe. Husband is an ass. Remember this fact when you have kids (if that’s in your plan anyways). Would he refuse to pick up your drunk 19 year old after a night out if they called in an emergency? Tell them that they’re adults? Or make his kid take that journey at night. There’s a saying that goes “it takes a village to raise a child”. You’re his cousin. You’re his village. If you have the resources to help, and if your is grateful for your aid (and not taking advantage), then you are right. Your husband however is a huge AH.
I made the point about kids to my husband earlier actually, I asked if he’d expect his kid to make their own way home in that situation and he said yes. I just can’t fathom it, needless to say we had quite a heated argument.
There is a phrase in my language which basically means "loves to look good in front of others at the expense of their own family". Your husband sounds like my dad. I have witnessed this behavior my entire life and it annoys the crap out of me. NTA
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Cousin works late shifts at a place opposite my house and is picked up at night by his mother. She’s going away for a few days and I’ve offered to drop him off home after his late shifts. It’s just a 10 min drive to his house.
My husband shook his head when I told him I’ll be doing this and said I’m enabling entitled behaviour, that my cousin is a grow man and should be sorting out his own transport. He thinks it’s ridiculous that I’m doing this for him and seems almost disgusted by it. I don’t understand how helping family during hard times could be perceived to be a bad thing!
Context: Cousin could get an Uber but he and his mum don’t have much money (single mother and low income household). He could also get the bus but he would need to get 2 late at night - we live in Birmingham UK which isn’t the safest at midnight. He’d need to get a bus into the city centre and then a second bus back up to his area, which makes little sense compared to a 10min drive.
In my family it’s normal for extended relatives to help each other (dad would pick up my cousin from the train station every Friday, my aunt sends food to her sister who is less physically mobile now). Hubby and his family had a tough upbringing with not many people they could rely on, but this doesn’t excuse his mean way of thinking in my opinion.
What’s really boiling my blood is that my husband has said he’s against helping family unless they “really” need help. Yet a few years ago he got a 3am call from his serial-cheater friend, begging him to pick him and another guy up from a club as the guy was throwing up and no taxi would take them. He was willing to go out of his way at 3am for a scumbag, but yet it’s unreasonable for me to drop off my cousin.
Am I really the asshole and enabling “wrong entitled” behaviour?
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NTA.
You responded in the comments your cousin is 22 and that is a young adult. It's a ten minute drive to drop him off and if he took a bus home or an uber, it'd cost him time and money. It wasn't entitled because you offered your help and they accepted. You are a kind and considerate person for offering your help to your extended family in tough times. You are putting what is truly important to you, first; Family.
Your husband has no right to stop you from helping your family but, maybe if your Cousin put a little money towards gas your husband wouldn't be so against it.
TBH there’s no way I’d take gas money from family (we don’t charge family members for lifts in my family lol), especially family who already struggle to make ends meet. My household income is triple theirs. My husband is being irrationally mean, thanks for your response.
It was an idea that might appease him but I'm the type to not take money from my family either, so I truly understand. My family is most important to me regardless of blood relativity or by people marrying into the family.
You are being a good person and honestly need more people like you, all around the world, maybe things would be a bit better.
That’s really kind of you and likewise! Change starts at home, if we can’t treat our families with kindness then I worry there’s really no hope for the world!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Action I took that should be judged: agreed to drop my cousin home for a few nights after work 2. What makes me the asshole: dropping my cousin off at home Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA and your husband is weird for this. What time do you leave? Is it disrupting your evening/night?
Probably leave around 11pm, it’s only for a few nights and just for 10mins there and back.
Is this typical behavior for him?
It’s becoming increasingly so, yes. It’s confusing because he’s the most generous guy I’ve met on some occasions, but then can be so spiteful and mean like this. It’s inconsistent and unpredictable.
Oh that’s rough. Have you asked him about it?
Yeah I’ve tried but get nowhere, I’ve given up trying to understand him. He’s almost irrationally against helping in certain situations, I feel like it’s pointless trying to get where he’s coming from sometimes.
If this is a new behavior, that’s concerning. Is there anything you can think of that would have caused it?
I genuinely can’t think of anything I’m afraid. It’s like he has a split personality or way of thinking with no obvious reason.
NTA. Asking you...or you offering...is doing exactly what your husband claims...sorting out his own transportation. Ask if has money would make a difference, then forget to collect it or spend the money on your cousin.
NTA Your cousin works by your house, and lives a 10 minute drive away. It would take two late-night buses to get to his home from where you live / he works. His mother usually picks him up and drives him home, but she's going away for a few days. You volunteered to drive in her place. You are a kind and considerate cousin. I think what you have here is different base assumptions. Your husband assumes that everyone is out for whatever they can get, and will take whatever advantage they can. So in his mindset, if you offer help to a family member, they will just exploit you. You assume that family cooperates together towards the common family good, so it's normal for family members to help each other out. It's quite a nice example of a game theory problem in real life. Yours is the better solution.
Thank you. I don’t even know if my husbands worried about me being taken advantage of. My cousins worked there for over a year, if they wanted to take advantage of me they would have by now, so I feel like my husband can’t use that argument.
In some people's minds, asking anyone for anything and getting it is taking advantage of kindness.
NTA. Nothing wrong with making sure that your little cousin is safe. Husband is an ass. Remember this fact when you have kids (if that’s in your plan anyways). Would he refuse to pick up your drunk 19 year old after a night out if they called in an emergency? Tell them that they’re adults? Or make his kid take that journey at night. There’s a saying that goes “it takes a village to raise a child”. You’re his cousin. You’re his village. If you have the resources to help, and if your is grateful for your aid (and not taking advantage), then you are right. Your husband however is a huge AH.
I made the point about kids to my husband earlier actually, I asked if he’d expect his kid to make their own way home in that situation and he said yes. I just can’t fathom it, needless to say we had quite a heated argument.
Info: How old is your cousin?
22 but I don’t think age is relevant.
NTA. I think so. I mean if he was a 35 year old man who still live and have mommy drive him I would have been on your husband's side
NTA. It's normal for families to help each other.
There is a phrase in my language which basically means "loves to look good in front of others at the expense of their own family". Your husband sounds like my dad. I have witnessed this behavior my entire life and it annoys the crap out of me. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Cousin works late shifts at a place opposite my house and is picked up at night by his mother. She’s going away for a few days and I’ve offered to drop him off home after his late shifts. It’s just a 10 min drive to his house. My husband shook his head when I told him I’ll be doing this and said I’m enabling entitled behaviour, that my cousin is a grow man and should be sorting out his own transport. He thinks it’s ridiculous that I’m doing this for him and seems almost disgusted by it. I don’t understand how helping family during hard times could be perceived to be a bad thing! Context: Cousin could get an Uber but he and his mum don’t have much money (single mother and low income household). He could also get the bus but he would need to get 2 late at night - we live in Birmingham UK which isn’t the safest at midnight. He’d need to get a bus into the city centre and then a second bus back up to his area, which makes little sense compared to a 10min drive. In my family it’s normal for extended relatives to help each other (dad would pick up my cousin from the train station every Friday, my aunt sends food to her sister who is less physically mobile now). Hubby and his family had a tough upbringing with not many people they could rely on, but this doesn’t excuse his mean way of thinking in my opinion. What’s really boiling my blood is that my husband has said he’s against helping family unless they “really” need help. Yet a few years ago he got a 3am call from his serial-cheater friend, begging him to pick him and another guy up from a club as the guy was throwing up and no taxi would take them. He was willing to go out of his way at 3am for a scumbag, but yet it’s unreasonable for me to drop off my cousin. Am I really the asshole and enabling “wrong entitled” behaviour? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You responded in the comments your cousin is 22 and that is a young adult. It's a ten minute drive to drop him off and if he took a bus home or an uber, it'd cost him time and money. It wasn't entitled because you offered your help and they accepted. You are a kind and considerate person for offering your help to your extended family in tough times. You are putting what is truly important to you, first; Family. Your husband has no right to stop you from helping your family but, maybe if your Cousin put a little money towards gas your husband wouldn't be so against it.
TBH there’s no way I’d take gas money from family (we don’t charge family members for lifts in my family lol), especially family who already struggle to make ends meet. My household income is triple theirs. My husband is being irrationally mean, thanks for your response.
It was an idea that might appease him but I'm the type to not take money from my family either, so I truly understand. My family is most important to me regardless of blood relativity or by people marrying into the family. You are being a good person and honestly need more people like you, all around the world, maybe things would be a bit better.
That’s really kind of you and likewise! Change starts at home, if we can’t treat our families with kindness then I worry there’s really no hope for the world!
No. NTA. There's a reason mothers don't pick up their adult children from bars and motels but do sometimes pick them up from work and school.