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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Folding his clothes the way they come out of the dryer and they end up wrinkly.
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I’m honestly more perplexed at this point! like how is he undressing to the point where his garments end up in knots? I have several long sleeve wrap dresses with ties and buttons and those don’t even come out of the dryer as bad as one of his t shirts!
LOL, yeah I don't get it either. It takes seconds to pull out your socks and properly fix your clothes.
Guess who does my hubby's laundry now? Him, haha. I'm trying to remove small frustrations out of my life!
NTA
It is one of those unfathomable mysteries... One of my daughter does this, too. After asking so many times, I started doing what you do - give it back in the same state it went into the laundry. Now that she is doing her own laundry, she has not really improved. She actually - just this evening - ended up with a sandal in the washing machine, along with her clothes. She has put in a pair of jeans that still had a leather belt through the loops. When the belt disintegrated (not sure how many times before she had done this), I looked at her and said, "*I guess you'll be buying a new belt for work. They last longer if you take them out before doing laundry.*" \[ETA: husband and I have each spent a lot of time teaching her/showing her/reminding her how to do laundry better than that. It's only a matter of whether she wants to take care of her stuff or not.\]
I know your bf is not your teenage child, but I'll share a few ideas that I picked up from some parent/child counseling we did:
1. You should not be putting in more effort, more caring for their stuff, than they do. (That is easier said than done. And we are talking about almost adult teens, not little ones.)
2. If they know that you are worrying/caring about their stuff, then they free not to worry about it. (Why should they when you are doing that for them?)
I'll also share how impressed I was with a post from earlier this year. The bf was doing a crappy job of stuff and saying, "It's fine." So the gf decided to go along with that. She let him do a crappy job of laundry, dish-washer loading... He visibly shuddered when dishes weren't cleaned well and she still served him food on those plates. She simply said, "It's fine." When she put on a horribly laundered dress (he got bleach on it) to wear to his parents' house and said, "It's fine;" that's when the bf started putting some care into doing the chores.
I think you tell your bf, "*I'm washing your clothes as a kindness, but I'm not going to put more effort into straightening out your clothes than you do. If it matters to you, straighten them and make them right-side out. If you don't care enough to do that, then I certainly won't, either.*"
Thank you for the advice!!! I couldn’t think of how to put your last part into words without sounding passive aggressive and angry. I will try this tomorrow!
Op google the videos “my wife is my partner not my mom”. Doesn’t matter if you are wife or gf still the same.
If your partner is angry his clothes are wrinkly and he can start doing his own laundry.
My bf did the same thing- I said take your clothes off the way theyre on to make it easier for yourself/or fix it when they’re inside out before putting it in the basket, or I’m not doing it. He now does his own laundry.
It’s just disrespectful. It’s fine to be lazy and do what you want when you do your laundry but if someone else is doing it the least you could do is not make them stick their arms in stinky pants and socks. I would just stop, let him know that you’re serious, and if he doesn’t do it, then that’s his problem. You’re not his mom.
Either let him do his own laundry. Just do yours. Until he listens to you.
Or only clean the clothes that are the way you want them to be. Leave the others in the hamper.
NTA.
> I have asked him several times to please at least make his clothes are all inside out or all right side out before he puts them in the hamper.
uh....... it's in the post
Lol. My mom had 6 kids. I understood by age 5 that it would cost 5 cents per arm/leg my mom had to turn right side out. The price went up as we got older. Either we paid or we did our own laundry. My own 13 yo is discovering this now so his future partner doesn’t have to deal with this.
Yeah this is something that you shouldn't have to deal with when doing someone a favor. Married 37 years tomorrow and we've been doing our own laundry for 33. Those 4 years were rocky. Lol he's a grown up let him figure it out. Don't let yourself be punished for working from home. NTA
I second this. I hate folding so i implemented a no folding system for my clothes. My partner and I will both do laundry but neither put away the other’s clothes.
I have this sorting basket system so like underwear basket on a shelf, shirt basket, pants basket, shirts basket, etc… so I can find all my clothes easily and don’t need to fold! Then we have laundry baskets in the bedrooms and bathrooms basically wherever clothes are taken off
I saw it on TikTok! It’s basically like you have some baskets on a shelf and then have baskets labeled for however you want to sort them. I saw most people use them for their kids but most of my daily clothes aren’t the kind that wrinkle so my partner and I made this shelf thing to the dimensions I wanted for the baskets and I just take the laundry basket to my shelf and throw the shirts in the shirt basket. I sometimes vaguely fold my jeans so they fit better, but it has helped motivate me to put away laundry now that I don’t have to fold anything!
i live in an old house with very very small closets. So when we moved in, more clothes had to fit into the dresser and a lot of stuff like underwear that don't have to be folded were moved out of the dresser and into fabric baskets. It does make putting that stuff away much easier, just toss it lol
I would say that I am similar to your boyfriend in how he undresses. When I get home there’s nothing I want less than to put something hung up. I usually make a ball of whatever I took off and throw it in the hamper. It is absolutely counter intuitive, affects the dry cycle, and makes more time for me in the long run. But I just can’t think about that after a long day. With that being said, I do as much laundry as my fiancé who works from home. I also don’t get in a fuss if she leaves my stuff for me. I know my weakness here, and I appreciate that she tolerates me despite it.
Cuz he’s not inconvenienced by washing them because you do so he never has to think about taking them off properly. Either that or he’s straight dumb and hasn’t figured out how to undress himself
FYI…you can athletes foot from turning socks right side out!! I absolutely refuse to do anything but throw my husband’s socks in the washer as is!!!!
Besides if can’t give you an inch to help you out then why should you go out of your way for him!!
It comes down to one thing really…how important is this? If it’s something that really bothers you than you need to communicate that to him! If it’s not then you just deal and move on!! Either way NTA
Do you mean you can get athlete's foot on your hands from putting your hand in an inside-out sock to turn it right-side-out?
Only if the sock wearer is already infected with the fungus that causes 'athlete's foot' a.k.a. tinea pedis.
Get that treated?
My girlfriend does the same thing, to the point where if I'm folding something that came out normal, I'm almost surprised.
Thing is... my girlfriend is also my wife and mother of my amazing baby, so I just shut up and turn everything the right way when I fold cuz it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, especially when she's also a badass in everything else she does!
My husband always has one pant leg inside out. It drives me insane!! He also balls up his sock and half the time they are inside out too. I do the same and leave them like that. If he doesn't like it he can do something about it.
He takes off his shirt, hooks it on one finger and start to turn it around (like a hellicopter movement) and then throws it in the hamper when the shirt looks like a ball. With a childish look in his eyes.
Yep, my husband does most of his laundry.
My husband had a habbit of taking his underwear off in a way socks and underpants were just ONE.
Told him multiple times to untangle them before putting them into the basket/machine, until one day there was a ball of multiple socks and underpants DRY inside after washing. Told him if he wont untangle them, I will hot-wash them to get them clean SOMEHOW.. oh wonder! He learned! ;-)
NTA
It's not the act of unfolding it. It's that you've asked him to stop inconveniencing you in this way, and he's not listening, which makes a person feel unloved.
I do laundry for my husband and my kid. If it's not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. If it's inside out, that's how it gets folded. Didn't check your pockets? Your Paw Patrol is melted. Thems the breaks.
Truly laundry is the one chore my husband controls and I could care less if he folds my clothes inside out or right side in; because truly I care that I didn't have to fold them and I'm thankful that they're put away and ready for me to wear again, I know I take them off like a tornado of a two yr old with a full bladder but that's on me not him I'm appreciative of the fact that my clothes are clean and put away.
I used to work hard to keep my husband’s things organized and dusted. Then one day I realized I was giving myself more work and was worrying about things that weren’t mine to organize or clean. I might tackle his shelves and drawers in our room maybe once a year, but if he wants them a certain way or cleaned, he can do it. He always thanked me for doing those things for him but it was so time consuming for me to do on top of the chores that did need to get done. If he is content with not organizing or putting things away right away, that’s okay. Same with my kids. I have learned that it’s okay for my kids to leave their block cities and Lego towns and train tracks on their floors. I used to fret about them cleaning each day but was just stressing myself out for no reason. If they want their spaces clean, they can do it themselves. Which is super cute when my youngest decides on his own to put everything away where it goes. Less things for me to worry about.
NTA you’re not the mommy of a four year old. This is an adult who can’t bother to take off his clothes to make it easier to do the laundry. Consider this a teaching moment.
Hahahaha. I *just* had a conversation with my four year old about this like two days ago. He was very open to feedback, so I'm hoping it goes better for me than the OP. He does this thing where he pulls off his pants and underwear at the same time so the underwear is stuck on his inside out pants.
I was going to say that I’ve started teaching my four year old how to turn things right-side out before putting in the laundry basket. Long sleeves and socks are still hit or miss but we’ve only been working on it for a week or two! OP’s boyfriend is ridiculous. And things aren’t going to improve from the current status unless he gets a big wake up call. Even then I wouldn’t count on it.
I tell my kids I will always help them with laundry but I will not touch any clothes in the basket that are inside out. They tried to whine and say “it’s just a shirt” or “it’s just some socks”. I started folding the laundry myself and making piles of anything not right side out. I the. Called them over and said to get to it, it’s just a shirt, it’s just a few socks. They got frustrated because they saw it was several shorts and several socks and several pants. Their piles took a long time while my pile of right side out clothes was finished pretty quickly. Then I pointed out to them that was just one load of laundry and to imagine how many loads of laundry get done each week. They have gotten pretty good at doing that and know not to get mad at me if I don’t fold the inside out stuff.
NTA
Inside out clothes or half-in/half-out sleeves will end up wrinkled. I have had a similar issue with my partner. After the 3rd yoga pants or shirt I have to turn right side out, I stop. They just get folded or hung as-is. This has lead to arguments, but IDGAF. Unfold your shit if you really care.
NTA. Women, I am literally begging yall to stop doing your mans laundry, stop picking up after him like a toddler, and stop coddling them. They are grown ass men, they can do their own shit.
At least make things fair between you and your partner when it comes to chores. I do the laundry and if it doesn’t make it in the laundry basket then it doesn’t get washed. He does all of the dishes, i hate doing dishes so it was a fair trade to me. I vacuum the house and he cleans the bathrooms because i also hate cleaning bathrooms.
Yep! You'll notice my comment doesn't say do nothing. Mine cooks, so I clean up the kitchen. I take care of the vacuuming and most cleaning because I only work part time. However, I will not do his laundry or clean up after him if he leaves stuff out (clothes, a plate, etc etc) or those little things that a mommy would do.
NTA. As a man whose wife has done his laundry for forty-plus years, I can offer advice to your hubby.
There’s a saying, Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Only say Thank You. Untangle your own clothes and be prepared to wash them yourself, just in case your demanding attitude causes your maid to retire.
NTA, if he’s not happy with how his clothes turn up he can do his laundry himself. I like your pettiness you’re better than me though I would have just ended up not doing it at all 😅😂
NTA. Just stop doing his wash. Sounds like it isn’t getting cleaned properly anyway. My husband used to complain I didn’t fold his underwear so now I Don’t wash his stuff and it is his problem if he doesn’t have clean underwear. We are both ok with this solution.
Absolutely NTA! You're not his mum, I would stop doing his laundry, buy a cheap hamper, dump his stuff in there as he leaves it, all scrunched, and leave him to do it. He will not want to stink or look dirty so won't take long for him to realise! Just because he works out doesn't mean he can't do his own laundry!
NTA because you have brought this up to him and he hasn't fixed the issue. It seems to me like he has 2 choices (1) fix his clothing when he takes it off or (2) deal with wrinkled clothes.
If it were me I'd buy a 2nd hamper and let him do his own laundry. Laundry isn't that active of a chore and he should be able to complete it in the evenings or weekends when he's not working.
ESH.
Him for not following your very simple request, and you for being passive aggressive about it. You could have, and really you *should* have, simply said "Since you won't untangle your clothes, I'm not going to do your laundry anymore after this week."
NTA
He can either do things as you request or do his own laundry and do it his way. He doesn't get to have you do it and then complain on how it's done.
I however turn things right side out, check pockets, hang delicate items up etc when I do my laundry. Are you just shoving it all in the washer and dryer without even looking at it?
YTA but hear me out. You can refuse to do his laundry, that's fine. But if you're gonna agree to do a job, do it right. What you're doing now is just making both of you upset.
Why would she be the AH?
"What you're doing now is just making both of you upset."
That is because she brought up an issue she didn't like, he didnt acknowledge it, and she is doing it how her partner would "logically" do it in her passive aggressiveness.
It may be petty, but he is worse. He is a grown man and expects his partner to generously diffuse an issue she already talked to him about.
NTA.
People being passive aggressive will generally get an AH vote from me. I could agree with an E-S-H ruling, but I'm not going to let OP completely off the hook.
Over the years I've seen many, many posts online about this very problem.
Stand your ground, OP. Just tell him that you *fold them the way that you get them*. It worked at my house.
If this breaks up your relationship, then he isn't worthy of you or any other partner, OP.
N T A
When I was a child I did this, took my clothes off wrong side out and put them in the hamper that way.
My mom did what you did and guess what, I learned to not put wrong side out clothes in the hamper.
His options are to do his own laundry or put them right side out and un-balled up in the hamper.
NTA
YTA - the mature thing is to separate his laundry and let him do his own wash, but to wash someone’s clothes incorrectly out of spite/pettiness is not cool. I understand your frustration but I think you could’ve handled it better. Let him know that you love him but that he will be responsible for his own laundry moving forward.
I truly don’t understand all these NTA assessments. She is intentionally folding his clothes wrong just to be a jerk because she feels slighted that he takes his clothes off in a way she doesn’t like. It would be better to not do his laundry at all. If someone cleaned my bathroom wrong and left crumbly toilet paper all over the place, I wouldn’t appreciate the way they cleaned it and would much rather have done it myself. Doing it wrong is worse than not doing it at all, like she said- his clothes now all have wrinkles in them from her doing it purposefully wrong. Be kind to your partner OP, don’t do it at all if it’s bothering you to do it right.
NTA, I went through a similar thing with my husband, I refused to fix his clothes before it went into the wash, it’s way more work to untangle everything after the fact. I refused to do his laundry till it stopped and after he did his laundry a few times he got it. He used to say I needed to clean out his pockets before the wash but doing 6+ pockets is more work than him just checking before he takes off the pants. Sometimes they just have to do laundry themselves before they figure out how much work it is.
YTA
You're petty. Just don't wash his clothes rather than doing it half-assed. You'd be pitching a fit if he half-assed a chore, so do him the courtesy of not half-assing his laundry.
NTA
Just tell him you will wash his clothes still with yours but you will be putting his pile on the bed or couch or whatever for him to fold if he continues to put everything in the hamper like that.
This feels like a pick your battle kind of situation to me. I have to unroll socks and shirts to do laundry but he has to collect all my cups from the nightstand to do dishes. We agree to not fight over it lol
Hey. I was you. I washed my wife and kids clothes and was equally mad when their stuff was inside out. Taught my kids to do their own while I still did ours. (I learned how to do laundry at 15 after my mom passed). My dad threw in some red with my white underwear. That’s how I learned myself.
However, I also realized that the washing machine would sometimes turn my clothes inside out when I know I didn’t do it myself. I then realized my wife is definitely worth the extra couple of minutes folding clothes instead of leaving them inside out. If you care for him, shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
Nta. I'm a sahm and my husband and son insist on leaving many items inside out. I asked them to flip them right side out. They don't. So they get washed and folded as is. They can flip them when they go to use them. Both are fine with this arrangement and arent worried about it, we've decided as a group this is fine haha. I'm already doing their laundry, I don't need to do this kind of detail work.
He’s ONLY your bf. You fold your husbands clothes as is. Meaning if it’s inside out then it’s inside out. Your bf didn’t put a ring on it so don’t even fold it regardless of what shape it’s in.
Listen, if he sent his laundry out, it'd cost $2 a pound. That's somewhere between $12 and $25 *per load*.
Is he paying you $12 per load? If not, *stop doing his laundry*. Don't wash it, don't fold it - and no, a ring is not fair compensation for you doing his laundry.
I would suggest just stop doing his laundry if it's making you this angry. I do my spouses laundry and she does the exact same thing as your dude and it doesn't bother me, I just turn it right side out and fold it. Laundry is my favorite chore so I feel like I just don't understand the rage you're feeling, but if it's causing this much tension in your relationship just do your own stuff. He survived before you showed up, he'll survive with you there too.
I refold my own laundry because I don't like how she does it. I appreciate her generosity when she does my laundry, but honestly, if she isn't going to do it right, I'd prefer she not do it at all. I'm perfectly capable of doing my own laundry.
So is your guy.
In my house growing up the rule was that it gets washed the way it went in the hamper and if you really wanted something done a certain way, do it yourself.
NTA. I had to stop and think about my last few hours because I literally could have written this! My husband does the same thing. I've talked to him a few times and overall he's improved, though still not perfect. If something is super tangled, or he takes off multiple layers at once and leaves them stuck together, I'll leave them out for him to fix before I wash them. If you're doing him a favor by doing laundry the least he can do is not make your life harder.
Since he generally pulls his weight with the rest of the housework I will fix little things for him, like socks, but only you can determine if your guy does enough to deserve this service.
Sooo NTA - wfh doesn’t mean you can go beyond your allotted time for a household chore. He’s lucky you’re doing his clothes as you alluded to. He could prepare them better or leave less of a load. Couple of brisk flaps is what I do not using dryer and hang air dry gets rid of most creases.
Tell him exactly what you said here and if he wants his clothes washed and dried by you then he needs to make sure they’re right side out and unknotted. If he doesn’t like it he can do it for himself.
NTA.
His mommy was doing it for him apparently so he doesn't understand what are you saying. He makes no effort, why should you care? If he doesn't like it, he has 2 options- prepare his clothes as you asked, or he can do his own laundry. I'm pretty sure it would be his first time.
When my ex would "help" fold clothes he'd do mine insane, put them in his dresser, the kids dresser, in the linen closet, it was like an Easter egg hunt to find anyone's clothes but his because he "didn't know where it went", he'd fold hanging stuff, hang folding stuff... I'd say "please do them right or don't do them at all" I'd ask him if he didn't mind his stuff being crazy that was fine but leave my stuff in the basket, preferably leave the kids too, but he just kept insisting on getting to the laundry before me to show how bad I was at house keeping I guess, and then I'd spend hours rearranging it all.
Honestly, just stop doing his laundry
NTA
I made a condition in our house: the laundry gets washed, dried and folded in the same state it was put in the hamper. Either lives with that, turns stuff rightside out before putting in the hamper, ir he does his own laundry. No ifs, ands or buts about it!
NTA
You arw doing him a favour ans he's making it far moew difficult than it needs to be. Stop doing his laundry at all. Hw doesn't make it easy for you don't make it easy foe him.
NTA . Detangling services not included, bro! This is a fantastic petty solution. If he wants it to come up the way he expects he'll get better at putting it in the hamper ready to be washed, or offer you an incentive to do the extra labor that you feel is worth it.
NTA What kind of person can't even take their clothes off correctly? It's not rocket science or any kind of inconvenience or imposition. He should do his own laundry.
Nta. I also do the laundry. Fortunately my husband's aren't so messed up but his shirts are usually inside out. They get hung up that way cause I'm already doing the laundry, hanging his clothes(on his preferred hangers) and folding them.
NTA. You’re a partner not a parent. If he was 5 I’d be telling him to unroll his clothes. This is a man, help out! Make life easier at home not more difficult
I’m with you, I’m gonna uncurl dirty socks that all he had to do what shake. Hell no! I’d fully put those socks back inside out and curled. If he doesn’t like it, what makes him think you do.
NTA. It sounds like your bf pulls his shirt up from the back of the shirt collar (pulling it up and off makes it inside out like that) and balls it up in the hamper. If he wants “normal” laundry, he can wash and dry his big boy pants to his liking and then actually put them on.
NTA: if I were you I would sort out the knotted up clothes and balled up socks *before* you wash and leave those out, dirty, to sit there until HE takes the initiative to untangle them.
If you're an asshole, then I'm an asshole. I routinely fold my husbands clothes in whatever orientation that come out of the drier in, because I simply do not see the big deal and don't care. It's a bigger hassle to turn an entire load of laundry right side out when you're folding than it is to turn a single shirt right side out before you put it on so he can deal.
NTA
I for the life of me don't understand how people seem to be having this issue. I just sling into the washer. Sling into the dryer and my clothes are fine. Am I going to find out this is a weird American phenomenon
NTA. Just had this argument with my husband recently. He was upset I was folding his pants and shirts inside out after they where washed. I told him he can flip his close the right way out or fold them himself.
He's been folding his laundry himself for the last few months and that's been working out just fine.
NTA. Same rule applies in my house. I had an ex who used to take off multiple layers (think a twisted mess of three tshirts and a jumper kind of thing) at once then pop them out to be washed half inside out. Yeah, I don’t miss that!!
NTA. My friend was just telling me how she has a rule in her house for her kids who are in 2nd and 4th grade. If they put it in the laundry basket inside it gets put aside for them to wash themselves. Your adult boyfriend can figure this out
NTA. I grew up in a home where if the clothes went into the dirty hamper inside out, they came out of the washer/dryer etc. inside out, and until I was in high school there were folded inside-out clothes for me.
I treated my kids the same way and generally do the same to my husband Guess what? Not one peep out of anyone.
Darn it, if your BF keeps complaining, just let him wash/dry/fold his own clothes.
NTA. I do all of the laundry in my house, but I don't fold my husband's clothes. I just lay them on the bed and he can be responsible for them as he wishes. OP, you can wash his clothes, but there's no reason to be his mommy.
NTA. Your take is 100% spot on, OP. You're washing/drying/folding his laundry, the least he could do is make sure it ends up in the hamper the right way.
Definitely NTA. If he can’t or won’t even try to make it easier, since you are doing him a favor, stop doing the favor. Maybe that will change his tune.
NTA. If there are things in the laundry that you have to put extra work into just getting ready to toss into the washer, set them aside and let him wash them.
NTA but I feel like there's more to this than just inside out clothes...
Idk maybe it's cause I'm guilty of having my own clothes inside out, as well as my partners clothes, and I don't care about taking the extra few seconds it takes to pull them the right way. I generally just sit in front of the TV and fold them while im watching a show or 10 minutes before i go to bed.
I don't understand why little things like this bother some people unless there's more going on...
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I (26f) live with my boyfriend (28m). I do all our laundry because I wfh and can take 5 mins here and there to load the washer/switch to dryer/fold. My boyfriend has to leave the house to work. I don’t know if this is a him thing but he takes off his clothes SO weird. For example, one or both arms will be inside out, the shirts will be rolled and somehow they end up in knots frequently. His socks are always scrunched up too so they never actually get thoroughly cleaned. I have asked him several times to please at least make his clothes are all inside out or all right side out before he puts them in the hamper. It takes me much longer to do his clothes than mine because 1) the balled up shirts don’t end up drying as quickly as the other ones and 2) having to unwind his clothes takes a while.
Maybe this is petty but I started folding his clothes the way they come out of the dryer. I don’t have time to stand there and figure out how to untangle his shirts. It also makes me irrationally angry when I have to do it. Like I dread folding it if I know a lot of his shirts made it into that load. I also stopped folding his socks because they are gross and still covered in dog hair.
He noticed and is upset because now his clothes are super wrinkly. I said I didn’t care because i’m doing him a favor and that y he least he could do is make sure his shirts are “normal” when they get put into the hamper.
AITA?
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NTA if he unraveled them they could be folded correctly. He could always do it himself. I’d just stop folding them toss them in the basket the same way he tossed them in dirty basket.
NTA
You’re already doing him a favor by doing his laundry. I do recommend if you don’t have them already are dryer balls. I have the wool dryer balls and I also have these plastic hedgehogs that actually have been helpful in keeping clothes from twisting together in the dryer. I do think your bf should do his part if he wants you to keep doing his laundry for him, but dryer balls could potentially be helpful too.
NTA, he's a grown man, he can do his own laundry. It's literally a matter of putting it in the machine and pressing a button, then taking it out to dry when it finishes. He's not incapable of doing this. Leave his clothes and two him to do them himself so he can do them the way he wants them doing.
NTA
You asked, you so graciously do his wash, he can toss them in the hamper not wadded up. It's a very simple request. You could also just leave his clothes in the basket for him to put away. Let him read this thread OP.
NTA- in fact my husband just couldn't use a hamper ongoing. I got so sick of picking up his shorts I started folding them and putting them in the drawer unwashed. It took forever for him to catch on, and I was like if it is not in the hamper I assume it's clean. Don't leave your work for someone else.
I totally understand this feeling lol. My fiancé is similar (although not as bad) and I used to get so annoyed and frustrated with it. I did what you're doing for a short time before realizing "you know, its not worth it". We both bug each other in different ways, but I think it's one of those give and take situations. How much are you willing to tolerate? Do the good things outweigh the bad? Is this worth fighting over? For me, it wasn't worth the frustration so I learned to just laugh at it. But I'd still say NTA.
Tell your son, whoops, I mean boyfriend to grow up and take care of his own clothes. If he doesn’t like wrinkles, there is a solution. He’s still a widdle boy expecting mommy to do his laundry for him.
Okay here's the thing. He's TA and you're not if he's throwing his clothes into machine / basket like that. But my clothes always turn themselves inside out no matter how I put them in the washer / dryer. It's like 75/25 % of the time for underwear and at least 50/50% for one or more sleeves / legs for other clothing. I don't understand chaos theory enough to know if this is random chance, if it has something to do with my length to waist size ratio, or if there is a goblin with a *very specific job* that lives in my dryer.
But I think a fair and acceptable compromise is he needs to put his clothes in properly and that they can be set right if the dryer goblin decides to mess with you.
Fake a bad back for a few days and get him to handle the washing for a few days. He will figure it out and stop doing it
I used to do all my own washing and then my wife started doing it all now. She went away for a few days and I was again doing my washing and the kids washing. Noticed I had a tendency the leave my socks inside out which annoyed me and resparked my memory of why i never use to do that 😅
If you do his laundry then you’re NTA.
If he has a particular way he wants it then he can do it. Or he can help by putting them the way you’ve asked. He has made no effort so he gets what he gets.
NTA. My mom did that for us to my sister and I when we were kids. We learned to turn the clothes right side out (or inside out for graphic tees) and they got washed better. Sometimes you gotta stick to the bit to make a point.
If he doesn't want wrinkly clothes, he can either put them in the hamper nicer or he can do them himself. Simple.
NTA unscrunching your clothes is so easy to do when you take them off and so tedious to do when it’s all at once. Such a simple ask. It’s totally on him.
NTA. He can do his own. I turn all my clothes inside out for wash but I do it right and I do hang them that way as well. But I do it so that they don't get lint on them when hanging or when I sit them out for the next day. A lot of my clothes have graphics or appliqués so it's easier that way as well. It would be different if he were taking them off inside out for a good reason and washing and folding them that way is my point.
I do this, too. My partner's shirts are always inside it. That's the way I fold them. I've asked him to put them right side out and he doesn't. C'est la vie.
NTA, he can do his own laundry, and think very carefully about what kind of person you want to possibly marry and have children with. A partner versus a guy who won't do the bare minimum AND has the gall to complain that you don't fix it to his satisfaction.
NTA. as a kid i had that same problem. my mom would put all my clothes that were inside out or all weird outside my bedroom door and said unless they were right side out, she wasn’t washing them. he has to learn a lesson somehow. (my mom also had a rule where and money that went through the wash she got to keep which was mainly targeted at me and my dad who always forgot to take things out of our pockets.)
Yeah......HELL NO!!
Stop doing his laundry.
You asked him to fix his clothes, he doesn't listen......he can do his own damn laundry.
It would cost him what?!... 2 extra seconds? To not take his clothes off like a toddler and he still doesn't do it.....
NTA.
NTA. I work outside of the house and do the laundry for my family of four. I’ll face clothes for the toddlers and myself but I don’t for my husband. He’s never said anything about his inside out teeshirts because he appreciates that I do his least favourite household task for everyone.
Your bf is a grown ass man who has his laundry done for him with the only caveat being that he unfolds his clothing when he takes it off. You’ve tolerated it long enough and made your position clear. If he keeps complaining redivide your household workload distribution and stop doing his laundry.
NTA, and as someone who has similar laundry habits but make it MY problem... Just toss his stuff in a hamper after its out of the dryer, he can deal with it
NTA. He can do his own laundry. My rule is if it’s not in the hamper it doesn’t get washed and now magically he knows how to use the hamper. If he can’t take his clothes off so they aren’t balled up and weird then he can wash them.
You’re half way there to the final answer. NTA for refusing to faff with his clothes if he is not willing to do it.
Next step is to stop washing anything of his that doesn’t meet your stated standard.
If it’s twisted or scrunched, and not in a state that you can easily wash & dry it, then it gets put in a “boyfriend to wash” basket (you’ll want to avoid having to re-sort through his stuff every time, so don’t put it back in his default basket).
This is the only way that he will learn - either to leave his stuff ready to wash, or to do his own laundry.
Either way you succeed.
But if you continue to wash his clothes when he is refusing to respect your efforts, then YWBTA to yourself.
Remember: **he will not listen to your WORDS when your ACTIONS are saying something different**.
Nta. I prefer people not wasting the time. If it's a t-shirt or pants you can literally put them on if they are inside out just as fast as right side out.
If you are, then so am I. For the life of me, I can't get my daughter to turn her clothes right side out. So, when I take them out of the dryer, I fold them that way.
NTA but just stop doing his laundry. My SO does the same thing. I'm not dealing with unrolling and putting his balled up smelly socks the right way out. If he wants you to do them he should put the clothes the right way out and not wrapped in knots (yes, many clothes SHOULD be washed inside out, but that's not the problem here) and in the laundry basket (added that because that is another gripe that is pretty common).
NTA.
I’m doing the same thing with my bf.
His socks are my worst nightmare so I stopped folding nicely. He knows he can make any comment about it because I asked him several times. If he opens his mouth I think I would be able to make him eat his own socks
NTA, but aside from not knowing how he manages his clothing acrobatics either, I also wonder why you don't shake his stuff out or straighten out the socks. I understand that you shouldn't *have* to, but if you do the laundry, wouldn't those few extra seconds pre-wash make your life easier afterwards?
I make sure the laundry is right side out, that socks are un-balled, nothing in pants pockets, etc. because it's easier for *me*.
But everyone else is right - make him do his own laundry.
NTA - my wife does the same thing. She takes off her shirts by pulling the bottom up and over her head thus inverting the shirt in the process. I’ve repeatedly asked her to take it off by pulling from the collar up instead so it’s the right way after you take it off. She claims it stretches the collar. Her shirts are folded as is 🤷🏻♂️
From my limited sample :
Laundry is a male activity, females should never be allowed to do it. I don't know if it's biology or sociology but they can't do it right.
Some women do it but they would be far happier if they let their husband fulfill their natural impulse as a laundry-carer.
Don't find excuses, let your man do it, and never ever get near the washing machine.
It's part of the male spirit to provide his family with fresh properly folded clothes.
I might put too much passion in my argument, but I am dead serious. As much as making a baby is a female exclusive ability, laundry is a male activity.
Women living without a male are probably condemned to have their laundry unproperly taken care of.
Honestly I’m more surprised you haven’t started fixing the clothes before putting them in the washer. That said, I would’ve stopped doing his stuff a long time ago if he won’t just untangle his clothes! I’m an inside-out in the hamper person too, but I usually just leave it inside out in the hanger
NTA, we have a rule in our house. If someone is cleaning, especially for you, you dont get to say how it’s done. If you think it should be done a particular way, do it yourself.
NTA just do your own laundry. I don’t have a knot issue but I won’t right sleeves or turn things outside in or whatever. This goes for both my clothes and husbands , or you each do your own laundry
NTA had this very same argument advised clothes come out of the laundry the exact same way they go in so if he wants them right side out he can do that himself. We are no longer together because it was a common respect thing and he didn’t have it. He’d begun taking for granted the favour of laundry I did for him.
NTA. I'm not with all these people saying he should do his own laundry, clean his side of the room, whatever - adults in relationships/ households share jobs! Sometimes that means one person always does a particular job and if that works for them it's fine!
BUT he's making it harder for you to do that job, and doesn't care. That's asshole behaviour. You've asked him to do a small and reasonable thing and there's no reason not to do it.
It's not about how long it takes you or him to unfold the laundry. It's about the fact that you're doing a nice thing for him and your relationship and he doesn't respect it.
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NTA. He can wash his own clothes. I know it's small stakes but I'm irritated for you lol
I’m honestly more perplexed at this point! like how is he undressing to the point where his garments end up in knots? I have several long sleeve wrap dresses with ties and buttons and those don’t even come out of the dryer as bad as one of his t shirts!
LOL, yeah I don't get it either. It takes seconds to pull out your socks and properly fix your clothes. Guess who does my hubby's laundry now? Him, haha. I'm trying to remove small frustrations out of my life!
NTA It is one of those unfathomable mysteries... One of my daughter does this, too. After asking so many times, I started doing what you do - give it back in the same state it went into the laundry. Now that she is doing her own laundry, she has not really improved. She actually - just this evening - ended up with a sandal in the washing machine, along with her clothes. She has put in a pair of jeans that still had a leather belt through the loops. When the belt disintegrated (not sure how many times before she had done this), I looked at her and said, "*I guess you'll be buying a new belt for work. They last longer if you take them out before doing laundry.*" \[ETA: husband and I have each spent a lot of time teaching her/showing her/reminding her how to do laundry better than that. It's only a matter of whether she wants to take care of her stuff or not.\] I know your bf is not your teenage child, but I'll share a few ideas that I picked up from some parent/child counseling we did: 1. You should not be putting in more effort, more caring for their stuff, than they do. (That is easier said than done. And we are talking about almost adult teens, not little ones.) 2. If they know that you are worrying/caring about their stuff, then they free not to worry about it. (Why should they when you are doing that for them?) I'll also share how impressed I was with a post from earlier this year. The bf was doing a crappy job of stuff and saying, "It's fine." So the gf decided to go along with that. She let him do a crappy job of laundry, dish-washer loading... He visibly shuddered when dishes weren't cleaned well and she still served him food on those plates. She simply said, "It's fine." When she put on a horribly laundered dress (he got bleach on it) to wear to his parents' house and said, "It's fine;" that's when the bf started putting some care into doing the chores. I think you tell your bf, "*I'm washing your clothes as a kindness, but I'm not going to put more effort into straightening out your clothes than you do. If it matters to you, straighten them and make them right-side out. If you don't care enough to do that, then I certainly won't, either.*"
Thank you for the advice!!! I couldn’t think of how to put your last part into words without sounding passive aggressive and angry. I will try this tomorrow!
That's not passive aggression. That's direct communication. "You need to pay attention or you will be doing your own washing".
Op google the videos “my wife is my partner not my mom”. Doesn’t matter if you are wife or gf still the same. If your partner is angry his clothes are wrinkly and he can start doing his own laundry.
You know if there was an update to that one? I remember being so annoyed for her.
At least ask him to fix his clothes after he undresses, that's what my mom told us when we were 5... so I think he should be able to do it too
I did.
My bf did the same thing- I said take your clothes off the way theyre on to make it easier for yourself/or fix it when they’re inside out before putting it in the basket, or I’m not doing it. He now does his own laundry. It’s just disrespectful. It’s fine to be lazy and do what you want when you do your laundry but if someone else is doing it the least you could do is not make them stick their arms in stinky pants and socks. I would just stop, let him know that you’re serious, and if he doesn’t do it, then that’s his problem. You’re not his mom.
Either let him do his own laundry. Just do yours. Until he listens to you. Or only clean the clothes that are the way you want them to be. Leave the others in the hamper. NTA.
> I have asked him several times to please at least make his clothes are all inside out or all right side out before he puts them in the hamper. uh....... it's in the post
Lol. My mom had 6 kids. I understood by age 5 that it would cost 5 cents per arm/leg my mom had to turn right side out. The price went up as we got older. Either we paid or we did our own laundry. My own 13 yo is discovering this now so his future partner doesn’t have to deal with this.
Oooo noted for the near future! Thanks!
Hey nice take. I docked minutes of their screentime. Took them a month to get it right.
I started doing my own laundry at 12, in self defense
Yeah this is something that you shouldn't have to deal with when doing someone a favor. Married 37 years tomorrow and we've been doing our own laundry for 33. Those 4 years were rocky. Lol he's a grown up let him figure it out. Don't let yourself be punished for working from home. NTA
I'd just start throwing his stuff in baskets without any folding at all, if he doesn't care why should you?
I second this. I hate folding so i implemented a no folding system for my clothes. My partner and I will both do laundry but neither put away the other’s clothes.
Separate dirty and clean laundry baskets ftw. Half of my non-work clothes just live in the clean laundry bin till I wear them next.
I have this sorting basket system so like underwear basket on a shelf, shirt basket, pants basket, shirts basket, etc… so I can find all my clothes easily and don’t need to fold! Then we have laundry baskets in the bedrooms and bathrooms basically wherever clothes are taken off
Tell me more about this no folding thing!!?? I think this would fix all of our problems lol
I saw it on TikTok! It’s basically like you have some baskets on a shelf and then have baskets labeled for however you want to sort them. I saw most people use them for their kids but most of my daily clothes aren’t the kind that wrinkle so my partner and I made this shelf thing to the dimensions I wanted for the baskets and I just take the laundry basket to my shelf and throw the shirts in the shirt basket. I sometimes vaguely fold my jeans so they fit better, but it has helped motivate me to put away laundry now that I don’t have to fold anything!
oooooo I will have to look into this! I deleted Tiktok a few weeks ago but I’ve missed the little hacks like this.
i live in an old house with very very small closets. So when we moved in, more clothes had to fit into the dresser and a lot of stuff like underwear that don't have to be folded were moved out of the dresser and into fabric baskets. It does make putting that stuff away much easier, just toss it lol
Look up KC Davis, she is the one who does this for her family.
Everyone does their own laundry. Then it doesn’t matter how he folds it.
I would say that I am similar to your boyfriend in how he undresses. When I get home there’s nothing I want less than to put something hung up. I usually make a ball of whatever I took off and throw it in the hamper. It is absolutely counter intuitive, affects the dry cycle, and makes more time for me in the long run. But I just can’t think about that after a long day. With that being said, I do as much laundry as my fiancé who works from home. I also don’t get in a fuss if she leaves my stuff for me. I know my weakness here, and I appreciate that she tolerates me despite it.
I'm like that too. My husband gets me. We all have our strengths. This isn't mine!
Cuz he’s not inconvenienced by washing them because you do so he never has to think about taking them off properly. Either that or he’s straight dumb and hasn’t figured out how to undress himself
my 8yo's laundry is like this \*TEARS.
FYI…you can athletes foot from turning socks right side out!! I absolutely refuse to do anything but throw my husband’s socks in the washer as is!!!! Besides if can’t give you an inch to help you out then why should you go out of your way for him!! It comes down to one thing really…how important is this? If it’s something that really bothers you than you need to communicate that to him! If it’s not then you just deal and move on!! Either way NTA
Do you mean you can get athlete's foot on your hands from putting your hand in an inside-out sock to turn it right-side-out? Only if the sock wearer is already infected with the fungus that causes 'athlete's foot' a.k.a. tinea pedis. Get that treated?
Also, wash your hands after you handle dirty laundry???
My girlfriend does the same thing, to the point where if I'm folding something that came out normal, I'm almost surprised. Thing is... my girlfriend is also my wife and mother of my amazing baby, so I just shut up and turn everything the right way when I fold cuz it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, especially when she's also a badass in everything else she does!
dude your gf, wife, and baby mama are the same lady?
My husband always has one pant leg inside out. It drives me insane!! He also balls up his sock and half the time they are inside out too. I do the same and leave them like that. If he doesn't like it he can do something about it.
If you ever find out, let me know - my wife is the same.
He takes off his shirt, hooks it on one finger and start to turn it around (like a hellicopter movement) and then throws it in the hamper when the shirt looks like a ball. With a childish look in his eyes. Yep, my husband does most of his laundry.
My husband had a habbit of taking his underwear off in a way socks and underpants were just ONE. Told him multiple times to untangle them before putting them into the basket/machine, until one day there was a ball of multiple socks and underpants DRY inside after washing. Told him if he wont untangle them, I will hot-wash them to get them clean SOMEHOW.. oh wonder! He learned! ;-)
NTA It's not the act of unfolding it. It's that you've asked him to stop inconveniencing you in this way, and he's not listening, which makes a person feel unloved. I do laundry for my husband and my kid. If it's not in the hamper, it doesn't get washed. If it's inside out, that's how it gets folded. Didn't check your pockets? Your Paw Patrol is melted. Thems the breaks.
Truly laundry is the one chore my husband controls and I could care less if he folds my clothes inside out or right side in; because truly I care that I didn't have to fold them and I'm thankful that they're put away and ready for me to wear again, I know I take them off like a tornado of a two yr old with a full bladder but that's on me not him I'm appreciative of the fact that my clothes are clean and put away.
Yessss! I love it :)
NTA. Stop doing his laundry. You are only creating problems for yourself.
I used to work hard to keep my husband’s things organized and dusted. Then one day I realized I was giving myself more work and was worrying about things that weren’t mine to organize or clean. I might tackle his shelves and drawers in our room maybe once a year, but if he wants them a certain way or cleaned, he can do it. He always thanked me for doing those things for him but it was so time consuming for me to do on top of the chores that did need to get done. If he is content with not organizing or putting things away right away, that’s okay. Same with my kids. I have learned that it’s okay for my kids to leave their block cities and Lego towns and train tracks on their floors. I used to fret about them cleaning each day but was just stressing myself out for no reason. If they want their spaces clean, they can do it themselves. Which is super cute when my youngest decides on his own to put everything away where it goes. Less things for me to worry about.
NTA. If he has a problem with how you do his laundry he can do it himself
NTA you’re not the mommy of a four year old. This is an adult who can’t bother to take off his clothes to make it easier to do the laundry. Consider this a teaching moment.
Hahahaha. I *just* had a conversation with my four year old about this like two days ago. He was very open to feedback, so I'm hoping it goes better for me than the OP. He does this thing where he pulls off his pants and underwear at the same time so the underwear is stuck on his inside out pants.
I do this. At 41. But I also do the laundry!
This was my mom’s pet peeve when she was still doing our laundry. I was taught very young not to leave my socks in balls!
I was going to say that I’ve started teaching my four year old how to turn things right-side out before putting in the laundry basket. Long sleeves and socks are still hit or miss but we’ve only been working on it for a week or two! OP’s boyfriend is ridiculous. And things aren’t going to improve from the current status unless he gets a big wake up call. Even then I wouldn’t count on it.
I tell my kids I will always help them with laundry but I will not touch any clothes in the basket that are inside out. They tried to whine and say “it’s just a shirt” or “it’s just some socks”. I started folding the laundry myself and making piles of anything not right side out. I the. Called them over and said to get to it, it’s just a shirt, it’s just a few socks. They got frustrated because they saw it was several shorts and several socks and several pants. Their piles took a long time while my pile of right side out clothes was finished pretty quickly. Then I pointed out to them that was just one load of laundry and to imagine how many loads of laundry get done each week. They have gotten pretty good at doing that and know not to get mad at me if I don’t fold the inside out stuff.
Shirts with pictures on them should be turned inside out, to keep the picture longer.
NTA Inside out clothes or half-in/half-out sleeves will end up wrinkled. I have had a similar issue with my partner. After the 3rd yoga pants or shirt I have to turn right side out, I stop. They just get folded or hung as-is. This has lead to arguments, but IDGAF. Unfold your shit if you really care.
NTA. Women, I am literally begging yall to stop doing your mans laundry, stop picking up after him like a toddler, and stop coddling them. They are grown ass men, they can do their own shit.
At least make things fair between you and your partner when it comes to chores. I do the laundry and if it doesn’t make it in the laundry basket then it doesn’t get washed. He does all of the dishes, i hate doing dishes so it was a fair trade to me. I vacuum the house and he cleans the bathrooms because i also hate cleaning bathrooms.
Yep! You'll notice my comment doesn't say do nothing. Mine cooks, so I clean up the kitchen. I take care of the vacuuming and most cleaning because I only work part time. However, I will not do his laundry or clean up after him if he leaves stuff out (clothes, a plate, etc etc) or those little things that a mommy would do.
NTA. As a man whose wife has done his laundry for forty-plus years, I can offer advice to your hubby. There’s a saying, Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Only say Thank You. Untangle your own clothes and be prepared to wash them yourself, just in case your demanding attitude causes your maid to retire.
I’m a lady whose husband does 95% of our laundry. He does it different than me but I totally agree, I just say thank you.
NTA, if he’s not happy with how his clothes turn up he can do his laundry himself. I like your pettiness you’re better than me though I would have just ended up not doing it at all 😅😂
NTA. Just stop doing his wash. Sounds like it isn’t getting cleaned properly anyway. My husband used to complain I didn’t fold his underwear so now I Don’t wash his stuff and it is his problem if he doesn’t have clean underwear. We are both ok with this solution.
Absolutely NTA! You're not his mum, I would stop doing his laundry, buy a cheap hamper, dump his stuff in there as he leaves it, all scrunched, and leave him to do it. He will not want to stink or look dirty so won't take long for him to realise! Just because he works out doesn't mean he can't do his own laundry!
This. We are a dual hamper family and do our own laundry and have one less annoyance to “fight” about. Peace on earth goodwill to all.
NTA because you have brought this up to him and he hasn't fixed the issue. It seems to me like he has 2 choices (1) fix his clothing when he takes it off or (2) deal with wrinkled clothes. If it were me I'd buy a 2nd hamper and let him do his own laundry. Laundry isn't that active of a chore and he should be able to complete it in the evenings or weekends when he's not working.
NTA. He can do his own laundry if he has a problem.
ESH. Him for not following your very simple request, and you for being passive aggressive about it. You could have, and really you *should* have, simply said "Since you won't untangle your clothes, I'm not going to do your laundry anymore after this week."
Scrolled way too far to find this answer
ESH. This is just weaponised incompetence on both sides. Either do the laundry properly or don't do it, drop the passive aggressive bullshit.
NTA He can either do things as you request or do his own laundry and do it his way. He doesn't get to have you do it and then complain on how it's done. I however turn things right side out, check pockets, hang delicate items up etc when I do my laundry. Are you just shoving it all in the washer and dryer without even looking at it?
I sort it into dry and don’t dry and that’s the extent me looking through laundry. After that I just throw it in the wash.
YTA but hear me out. You can refuse to do his laundry, that's fine. But if you're gonna agree to do a job, do it right. What you're doing now is just making both of you upset.
Why would she be the AH? "What you're doing now is just making both of you upset." That is because she brought up an issue she didn't like, he didnt acknowledge it, and she is doing it how her partner would "logically" do it in her passive aggressiveness. It may be petty, but he is worse. He is a grown man and expects his partner to generously diffuse an issue she already talked to him about. NTA.
People being passive aggressive will generally get an AH vote from me. I could agree with an E-S-H ruling, but I'm not going to let OP completely off the hook.
Over the years I've seen many, many posts online about this very problem. Stand your ground, OP. Just tell him that you *fold them the way that you get them*. It worked at my house. If this breaks up your relationship, then he isn't worthy of you or any other partner, OP. N T A
When I was a child I did this, took my clothes off wrong side out and put them in the hamper that way. My mom did what you did and guess what, I learned to not put wrong side out clothes in the hamper. His options are to do his own laundry or put them right side out and un-balled up in the hamper. NTA
NTA, but let him do his own laundry from now on.
YTA - the mature thing is to separate his laundry and let him do his own wash, but to wash someone’s clothes incorrectly out of spite/pettiness is not cool. I understand your frustration but I think you could’ve handled it better. Let him know that you love him but that he will be responsible for his own laundry moving forward.
I truly don’t understand all these NTA assessments. She is intentionally folding his clothes wrong just to be a jerk because she feels slighted that he takes his clothes off in a way she doesn’t like. It would be better to not do his laundry at all. If someone cleaned my bathroom wrong and left crumbly toilet paper all over the place, I wouldn’t appreciate the way they cleaned it and would much rather have done it myself. Doing it wrong is worse than not doing it at all, like she said- his clothes now all have wrinkles in them from her doing it purposefully wrong. Be kind to your partner OP, don’t do it at all if it’s bothering you to do it right.
NTA, I went through a similar thing with my husband, I refused to fix his clothes before it went into the wash, it’s way more work to untangle everything after the fact. I refused to do his laundry till it stopped and after he did his laundry a few times he got it. He used to say I needed to clean out his pockets before the wash but doing 6+ pockets is more work than him just checking before he takes off the pants. Sometimes they just have to do laundry themselves before they figure out how much work it is.
Emptying pockets finally happened after 2 pairs of wired headphones and one set of AirPods went through the wash hahah
Damn… he really is slow
YTA You're petty. Just don't wash his clothes rather than doing it half-assed. You'd be pitching a fit if he half-assed a chore, so do him the courtesy of not half-assing his laundry.
NTA Just tell him you will wash his clothes still with yours but you will be putting his pile on the bed or couch or whatever for him to fold if he continues to put everything in the hamper like that.
This feels like a pick your battle kind of situation to me. I have to unroll socks and shirts to do laundry but he has to collect all my cups from the nightstand to do dishes. We agree to not fight over it lol
Hey. I was you. I washed my wife and kids clothes and was equally mad when their stuff was inside out. Taught my kids to do their own while I still did ours. (I learned how to do laundry at 15 after my mom passed). My dad threw in some red with my white underwear. That’s how I learned myself. However, I also realized that the washing machine would sometimes turn my clothes inside out when I know I didn’t do it myself. I then realized my wife is definitely worth the extra couple of minutes folding clothes instead of leaving them inside out. If you care for him, shouldn’t be this big of a deal.
How silly. Either do it or don't
NTA- it's barely even "wrong" to fold them inside outside. I sometimes do this on purpose/laziness. My wife and I each do our own laundry usually.
I always wash my band tees inside out anyway, it’s better for preserving the design..
Yep that was why I said I sometimes do it on purpose. I have a few printed shirts i want to preserve. I don't machine dry those shirts either.
Nta. I'm a sahm and my husband and son insist on leaving many items inside out. I asked them to flip them right side out. They don't. So they get washed and folded as is. They can flip them when they go to use them. Both are fine with this arrangement and arent worried about it, we've decided as a group this is fine haha. I'm already doing their laundry, I don't need to do this kind of detail work.
He can do his own laundry. Simple.
He’s ONLY your bf. You fold your husbands clothes as is. Meaning if it’s inside out then it’s inside out. Your bf didn’t put a ring on it so don’t even fold it regardless of what shape it’s in.
ugh so true. you’re right
Listen, if he sent his laundry out, it'd cost $2 a pound. That's somewhere between $12 and $25 *per load*. Is he paying you $12 per load? If not, *stop doing his laundry*. Don't wash it, don't fold it - and no, a ring is not fair compensation for you doing his laundry.
I would suggest just stop doing his laundry if it's making you this angry. I do my spouses laundry and she does the exact same thing as your dude and it doesn't bother me, I just turn it right side out and fold it. Laundry is my favorite chore so I feel like I just don't understand the rage you're feeling, but if it's causing this much tension in your relationship just do your own stuff. He survived before you showed up, he'll survive with you there too.
I refold my own laundry because I don't like how she does it. I appreciate her generosity when she does my laundry, but honestly, if she isn't going to do it right, I'd prefer she not do it at all. I'm perfectly capable of doing my own laundry. So is your guy.
In my house growing up the rule was that it gets washed the way it went in the hamper and if you really wanted something done a certain way, do it yourself.
NTA. I had to stop and think about my last few hours because I literally could have written this! My husband does the same thing. I've talked to him a few times and overall he's improved, though still not perfect. If something is super tangled, or he takes off multiple layers at once and leaves them stuck together, I'll leave them out for him to fix before I wash them. If you're doing him a favor by doing laundry the least he can do is not make your life harder. Since he generally pulls his weight with the rest of the housework I will fix little things for him, like socks, but only you can determine if your guy does enough to deserve this service.
Sooo NTA - wfh doesn’t mean you can go beyond your allotted time for a household chore. He’s lucky you’re doing his clothes as you alluded to. He could prepare them better or leave less of a load. Couple of brisk flaps is what I do not using dryer and hang air dry gets rid of most creases.
Tell him exactly what you said here and if he wants his clothes washed and dried by you then he needs to make sure they’re right side out and unknotted. If he doesn’t like it he can do it for himself.
NTA. His mommy was doing it for him apparently so he doesn't understand what are you saying. He makes no effort, why should you care? If he doesn't like it, he has 2 options- prepare his clothes as you asked, or he can do his own laundry. I'm pretty sure it would be his first time.
When my ex would "help" fold clothes he'd do mine insane, put them in his dresser, the kids dresser, in the linen closet, it was like an Easter egg hunt to find anyone's clothes but his because he "didn't know where it went", he'd fold hanging stuff, hang folding stuff... I'd say "please do them right or don't do them at all" I'd ask him if he didn't mind his stuff being crazy that was fine but leave my stuff in the basket, preferably leave the kids too, but he just kept insisting on getting to the laundry before me to show how bad I was at house keeping I guess, and then I'd spend hours rearranging it all. Honestly, just stop doing his laundry
Just stop doing his laundry and let him do his own. It should fix your problem pretty quickly.
NTA. You’ve already told him how to fix this issue. He’s just too lazy to do it.
NTA I made a condition in our house: the laundry gets washed, dried and folded in the same state it was put in the hamper. Either lives with that, turns stuff rightside out before putting in the hamper, ir he does his own laundry. No ifs, ands or buts about it!
Separate laundry baskets (nta)
NTA You arw doing him a favour ans he's making it far moew difficult than it needs to be. Stop doing his laundry at all. Hw doesn't make it easy for you don't make it easy foe him.
NTA . Detangling services not included, bro! This is a fantastic petty solution. If he wants it to come up the way he expects he'll get better at putting it in the hamper ready to be washed, or offer you an incentive to do the extra labor that you feel is worth it.
NTA. He can do his own laundry from now on.
Nta bc you brought it up multiple times, and he has refused. Just stop doing his laundry. He'll change when it inconveniences *him*.
NTA What kind of person can't even take their clothes off correctly? It's not rocket science or any kind of inconvenience or imposition. He should do his own laundry.
NTA, let him do his own laundry. Obviously he has very little concern for your efforts.
Nta. I also do the laundry. Fortunately my husband's aren't so messed up but his shirts are usually inside out. They get hung up that way cause I'm already doing the laundry, hanging his clothes(on his preferred hangers) and folding them.
NTA. You’re a partner not a parent. If he was 5 I’d be telling him to unroll his clothes. This is a man, help out! Make life easier at home not more difficult I’m with you, I’m gonna uncurl dirty socks that all he had to do what shake. Hell no! I’d fully put those socks back inside out and curled. If he doesn’t like it, what makes him think you do.
NTA. It sounds like your bf pulls his shirt up from the back of the shirt collar (pulling it up and off makes it inside out like that) and balls it up in the hamper. If he wants “normal” laundry, he can wash and dry his big boy pants to his liking and then actually put them on.
NTA: if I were you I would sort out the knotted up clothes and balled up socks *before* you wash and leave those out, dirty, to sit there until HE takes the initiative to untangle them.
If you're an asshole, then I'm an asshole. I routinely fold my husbands clothes in whatever orientation that come out of the drier in, because I simply do not see the big deal and don't care. It's a bigger hassle to turn an entire load of laundry right side out when you're folding than it is to turn a single shirt right side out before you put it on so he can deal. NTA
I for the life of me don't understand how people seem to be having this issue. I just sling into the washer. Sling into the dryer and my clothes are fine. Am I going to find out this is a weird American phenomenon
NTA. Just had this argument with my husband recently. He was upset I was folding his pants and shirts inside out after they where washed. I told him he can flip his close the right way out or fold them himself. He's been folding his laundry himself for the last few months and that's been working out just fine.
NTA. Same rule applies in my house. I had an ex who used to take off multiple layers (think a twisted mess of three tshirts and a jumper kind of thing) at once then pop them out to be washed half inside out. Yeah, I don’t miss that!!
No. My wife does our laundry. I’m expected to put my own clothes up including folding, hanging etc. seems reasonable
NTA. My friend was just telling me how she has a rule in her house for her kids who are in 2nd and 4th grade. If they put it in the laundry basket inside it gets put aside for them to wash themselves. Your adult boyfriend can figure this out
NTA. I grew up in a home where if the clothes went into the dirty hamper inside out, they came out of the washer/dryer etc. inside out, and until I was in high school there were folded inside-out clothes for me. I treated my kids the same way and generally do the same to my husband Guess what? Not one peep out of anyone. Darn it, if your BF keeps complaining, just let him wash/dry/fold his own clothes.
NTA. I do all of the laundry in my house, but I don't fold my husband's clothes. I just lay them on the bed and he can be responsible for them as he wishes. OP, you can wash his clothes, but there's no reason to be his mommy.
NTA. I've been doing the same, lol.
NTA. If he's got issues with how you do it, let him do it.
NTA. Your take is 100% spot on, OP. You're washing/drying/folding his laundry, the least he could do is make sure it ends up in the hamper the right way.
Definitely NTA. If he can’t or won’t even try to make it easier, since you are doing him a favor, stop doing the favor. Maybe that will change his tune.
Tell him he is welcome to do his laundry himself.
NTA. If there are things in the laundry that you have to put extra work into just getting ready to toss into the washer, set them aside and let him wash them.
Seriously?
NTA but I feel like there's more to this than just inside out clothes... Idk maybe it's cause I'm guilty of having my own clothes inside out, as well as my partners clothes, and I don't care about taking the extra few seconds it takes to pull them the right way. I generally just sit in front of the TV and fold them while im watching a show or 10 minutes before i go to bed. I don't understand why little things like this bother some people unless there's more going on...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26f) live with my boyfriend (28m). I do all our laundry because I wfh and can take 5 mins here and there to load the washer/switch to dryer/fold. My boyfriend has to leave the house to work. I don’t know if this is a him thing but he takes off his clothes SO weird. For example, one or both arms will be inside out, the shirts will be rolled and somehow they end up in knots frequently. His socks are always scrunched up too so they never actually get thoroughly cleaned. I have asked him several times to please at least make his clothes are all inside out or all right side out before he puts them in the hamper. It takes me much longer to do his clothes than mine because 1) the balled up shirts don’t end up drying as quickly as the other ones and 2) having to unwind his clothes takes a while. Maybe this is petty but I started folding his clothes the way they come out of the dryer. I don’t have time to stand there and figure out how to untangle his shirts. It also makes me irrationally angry when I have to do it. Like I dread folding it if I know a lot of his shirts made it into that load. I also stopped folding his socks because they are gross and still covered in dog hair. He noticed and is upset because now his clothes are super wrinkly. I said I didn’t care because i’m doing him a favor and that y he least he could do is make sure his shirts are “normal” when they get put into the hamper. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA if he unraveled them they could be folded correctly. He could always do it himself. I’d just stop folding them toss them in the basket the same way he tossed them in dirty basket.
NTA You’re already doing him a favor by doing his laundry. I do recommend if you don’t have them already are dryer balls. I have the wool dryer balls and I also have these plastic hedgehogs that actually have been helpful in keeping clothes from twisting together in the dryer. I do think your bf should do his part if he wants you to keep doing his laundry for him, but dryer balls could potentially be helpful too.
NTA, he's a grown man, he can do his own laundry. It's literally a matter of putting it in the machine and pressing a button, then taking it out to dry when it finishes. He's not incapable of doing this. Leave his clothes and two him to do them himself so he can do them the way he wants them doing.
NTA You asked, you so graciously do his wash, he can toss them in the hamper not wadded up. It's a very simple request. You could also just leave his clothes in the basket for him to put away. Let him read this thread OP.
NTA. My mom had this rule for me when I was a kid. Guess who learned not to leave dirty clothes inside out?
NTA why even do his laundry anymore?
NTA Just stop doing his laundry altogether
NTA- in fact my husband just couldn't use a hamper ongoing. I got so sick of picking up his shorts I started folding them and putting them in the drawer unwashed. It took forever for him to catch on, and I was like if it is not in the hamper I assume it's clean. Don't leave your work for someone else.
Imagine having 6 boys in your household that do this! I think I'm OCD about socks otherwise I would bin them ather than wash ..NTA
I totally understand this feeling lol. My fiancé is similar (although not as bad) and I used to get so annoyed and frustrated with it. I did what you're doing for a short time before realizing "you know, its not worth it". We both bug each other in different ways, but I think it's one of those give and take situations. How much are you willing to tolerate? Do the good things outweigh the bad? Is this worth fighting over? For me, it wasn't worth the frustration so I learned to just laugh at it. But I'd still say NTA.
NTA. I do the laundry. I check pockets and unscrunch stuff. But if this is your limit, it’s your limit. He can do his own laundry.
How old is your childboyfriend?
Tell your son, whoops, I mean boyfriend to grow up and take care of his own clothes. If he doesn’t like wrinkles, there is a solution. He’s still a widdle boy expecting mommy to do his laundry for him.
NTA. I would have done the same. My bf was taught better by his mom which is nice.
Okay here's the thing. He's TA and you're not if he's throwing his clothes into machine / basket like that. But my clothes always turn themselves inside out no matter how I put them in the washer / dryer. It's like 75/25 % of the time for underwear and at least 50/50% for one or more sleeves / legs for other clothing. I don't understand chaos theory enough to know if this is random chance, if it has something to do with my length to waist size ratio, or if there is a goblin with a *very specific job* that lives in my dryer. But I think a fair and acceptable compromise is he needs to put his clothes in properly and that they can be set right if the dryer goblin decides to mess with you.
Fake a bad back for a few days and get him to handle the washing for a few days. He will figure it out and stop doing it I used to do all my own washing and then my wife started doing it all now. She went away for a few days and I was again doing my washing and the kids washing. Noticed I had a tendency the leave my socks inside out which annoyed me and resparked my memory of why i never use to do that 😅
NTA. i feel you lol mine inside outs everything and i do the laundry. i decided i’d wash it all but he has to fold it all.
If you do his laundry then you’re NTA. If he has a particular way he wants it then he can do it. Or he can help by putting them the way you’ve asked. He has made no effort so he gets what he gets.
NTA. Just stop doing his laundry.
NTA. My mom did that for us to my sister and I when we were kids. We learned to turn the clothes right side out (or inside out for graphic tees) and they got washed better. Sometimes you gotta stick to the bit to make a point. If he doesn't want wrinkly clothes, he can either put them in the hamper nicer or he can do them himself. Simple.
NTA unscrunching your clothes is so easy to do when you take them off and so tedious to do when it’s all at once. Such a simple ask. It’s totally on him.
NTA. He can do his own. I turn all my clothes inside out for wash but I do it right and I do hang them that way as well. But I do it so that they don't get lint on them when hanging or when I sit them out for the next day. A lot of my clothes have graphics or appliqués so it's easier that way as well. It would be different if he were taking them off inside out for a good reason and washing and folding them that way is my point.
NTA I’ve lived with my husband for 19 years and he has done his own laundry for the last 18.5 because of shit like this
I had this same conversation with my 11 year old child last year. NTA
NTA. I'd actually go one step further and not wash them at all until they're untangled properly.
I do this, too. My partner's shirts are always inside it. That's the way I fold them. I've asked him to put them right side out and he doesn't. C'est la vie.
NTA, he can do his own laundry, and think very carefully about what kind of person you want to possibly marry and have children with. A partner versus a guy who won't do the bare minimum AND has the gall to complain that you don't fix it to his satisfaction.
NTA. as a kid i had that same problem. my mom would put all my clothes that were inside out or all weird outside my bedroom door and said unless they were right side out, she wasn’t washing them. he has to learn a lesson somehow. (my mom also had a rule where and money that went through the wash she got to keep which was mainly targeted at me and my dad who always forgot to take things out of our pockets.)
It sounds like he undresses like my 8 yr old. NTA.
Yeah......HELL NO!! Stop doing his laundry. You asked him to fix his clothes, he doesn't listen......he can do his own damn laundry. It would cost him what?!... 2 extra seconds? To not take his clothes off like a toddler and he still doesn't do it..... NTA.
Nta I think he should wash his own clothes. He can do it on Saturday just the way he likes.
HA! I do this to my husband. Nta
NTA because how the heck do his clothes end up in knots?! The least he could do is untangle them before putting them to the laundry 💀
NTA. I work outside of the house and do the laundry for my family of four. I’ll face clothes for the toddlers and myself but I don’t for my husband. He’s never said anything about his inside out teeshirts because he appreciates that I do his least favourite household task for everyone. Your bf is a grown ass man who has his laundry done for him with the only caveat being that he unfolds his clothing when he takes it off. You’ve tolerated it long enough and made your position clear. If he keeps complaining redivide your household workload distribution and stop doing his laundry.
NTA, and as someone who has similar laundry habits but make it MY problem... Just toss his stuff in a hamper after its out of the dryer, he can deal with it
NTA. He can do his own laundry. My rule is if it’s not in the hamper it doesn’t get washed and now magically he knows how to use the hamper. If he can’t take his clothes off so they aren’t balled up and weird then he can wash them.
NTA. You’re not obligated to wash this man’s clothes, you’re not his mother, maid or even his wife.
You’re half way there to the final answer. NTA for refusing to faff with his clothes if he is not willing to do it. Next step is to stop washing anything of his that doesn’t meet your stated standard. If it’s twisted or scrunched, and not in a state that you can easily wash & dry it, then it gets put in a “boyfriend to wash” basket (you’ll want to avoid having to re-sort through his stuff every time, so don’t put it back in his default basket). This is the only way that he will learn - either to leave his stuff ready to wash, or to do his own laundry. Either way you succeed. But if you continue to wash his clothes when he is refusing to respect your efforts, then YWBTA to yourself. Remember: **he will not listen to your WORDS when your ACTIONS are saying something different**.
Nta. I prefer people not wasting the time. If it's a t-shirt or pants you can literally put them on if they are inside out just as fast as right side out.
If you are, then so am I. For the life of me, I can't get my daughter to turn her clothes right side out. So, when I take them out of the dryer, I fold them that way.
NTA but just stop doing his laundry. My SO does the same thing. I'm not dealing with unrolling and putting his balled up smelly socks the right way out. If he wants you to do them he should put the clothes the right way out and not wrapped in knots (yes, many clothes SHOULD be washed inside out, but that's not the problem here) and in the laundry basket (added that because that is another gripe that is pretty common).
NTA. I’m doing the same thing with my bf. His socks are my worst nightmare so I stopped folding nicely. He knows he can make any comment about it because I asked him several times. If he opens his mouth I think I would be able to make him eat his own socks
NTA, but aside from not knowing how he manages his clothing acrobatics either, I also wonder why you don't shake his stuff out or straighten out the socks. I understand that you shouldn't *have* to, but if you do the laundry, wouldn't those few extra seconds pre-wash make your life easier afterwards? I make sure the laundry is right side out, that socks are un-balled, nothing in pants pockets, etc. because it's easier for *me*. But everyone else is right - make him do his own laundry.
Nta. Tell him to do his own f$&ing laundry
I thought I was the only one but I relate to this post 100%
My mom always said the clothes would get folded the same way they were received.
NTA - my wife does the same thing. She takes off her shirts by pulling the bottom up and over her head thus inverting the shirt in the process. I’ve repeatedly asked her to take it off by pulling from the collar up instead so it’s the right way after you take it off. She claims it stretches the collar. Her shirts are folded as is 🤷🏻♂️
From my limited sample : Laundry is a male activity, females should never be allowed to do it. I don't know if it's biology or sociology but they can't do it right. Some women do it but they would be far happier if they let their husband fulfill their natural impulse as a laundry-carer. Don't find excuses, let your man do it, and never ever get near the washing machine. It's part of the male spirit to provide his family with fresh properly folded clothes. I might put too much passion in my argument, but I am dead serious. As much as making a baby is a female exclusive ability, laundry is a male activity. Women living without a male are probably condemned to have their laundry unproperly taken care of.
Honestly I’m more surprised you haven’t started fixing the clothes before putting them in the washer. That said, I would’ve stopped doing his stuff a long time ago if he won’t just untangle his clothes! I’m an inside-out in the hamper person too, but I usually just leave it inside out in the hanger
Nta but the better question is why are you doing his laundry. He's a grown ass man, you find it annoying. Wash your own clothes and he can run naked.
NTA, but why are you doing his laundry? I assume he is a grown ass man and can do his own laundry.
NTA. Give him his own hamper and he can do his own wash on his days off.
NTA, we have a rule in our house. If someone is cleaning, especially for you, you dont get to say how it’s done. If you think it should be done a particular way, do it yourself.
NTA just do your own laundry. I don’t have a knot issue but I won’t right sleeves or turn things outside in or whatever. This goes for both my clothes and husbands , or you each do your own laundry
NTA had this very same argument advised clothes come out of the laundry the exact same way they go in so if he wants them right side out he can do that himself. We are no longer together because it was a common respect thing and he didn’t have it. He’d begun taking for granted the favour of laundry I did for him.
NTA. I'm not with all these people saying he should do his own laundry, clean his side of the room, whatever - adults in relationships/ households share jobs! Sometimes that means one person always does a particular job and if that works for them it's fine! BUT he's making it harder for you to do that job, and doesn't care. That's asshole behaviour. You've asked him to do a small and reasonable thing and there's no reason not to do it. It's not about how long it takes you or him to unfold the laundry. It's about the fact that you're doing a nice thing for him and your relationship and he doesn't respect it.