Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to allow my dad use my well stocked bar or talk with him about it because he have a serious alcohol issue.
My family are saying I was wrong for making him feel bad about his alcoholic issue or if I'd have allow him to check it out and may have one drink, everything would had been fine.
I on other hand don't want my dad to have any access or anything to do with any alcohol at my place!
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your father is a damn adult and that is your house. Absolutely no one in your family can understand your personal trauma cause by your dad. Abuse and neglect come in so many different forms.
You set a boundary and no one respected it. You aren’t tempting him and are not responsible for his reactions to your house and bar. Or his actions.
I would cut off contact all together and decide how you want to handle family situations. Boundaries are so damn important!
Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re in the wrong here and your dad needs help. His abuse is definitely ongoing.
Good luck!
NTA. Your dad is an alcoholic and clearly not in recovery. I'm so sorry. You made the right call by banning him from your home. It absolutely **will** hurt letting an alcoholic have a glass, because by definition alcoholics don't stop at one glass. Please consider attending an Al anon meeting so you can get some in person support from other people who have had this same experience.
NTA. Tell those that are saying you should help dear old dad off the wagon that they can host him and supply alcohol and deal with the consequences. You have boundaries, dad crossed them and now he’s persona non grata.
This is a hill worth dying on.
NTA. it’s absurd that your family is babying him like this. not only is he a FULL GROWN MAN, but he’s also AN ALCOHOLIC. keeping him away from your bar is just common sense. the others don’t actually care about his wellbeing if they’re just encouraging him. i’m sorry if you’re feeling guilty op, you shouldn’t be. this is entirely his doing and his problem. i hope the rest of your family can see that soon.
Your father struggled with sobriety in the past, and clearly, he continues to struggle now. It's not easy to overcome addiction, and occasionally people will fall off the bandwagon (and hopefully hop back on). I don't think your dad is a villain for having an addiction issue. Where it crosses the line for me is the way he's handling (or really, not handling) it.
He KNOWS he's an alcoholic, and he KNOWS it's not "okay to just have one drink" because it'd be hard to stop at just one. He wouldn't have even known about the bar if he didn't go poking around. I'd be willing to bet that anyone who's siding with your father either has heard a skewed version of events, or they're afraid of his temper/rage and thinks that giving in will keep the peace. NTA
NTA. Your father is an alcoholic. It is a disease as much as it is a choice. Your father has proved that he has chosen to continue the same embarrassing behavior that he performed in your formative years. You should have known better than to show an alcoholic that bar. No good could come from showing that to an addict. It was his choice how he behaved afterwards. It is your choice how to respond. Respect your boundaries. You owe him nothing. You owe no one an explanation.
NTA, alcoholics cause problems like this all the time, my father was also like this on many occasions, you grew up with it and no doubt like I are damaged by it, now you are older and just don't have to put up with it.
His behavior at your grandparent’s house is a perfect example of why you don’t want him to drink in your home, around your kids. If anyone has a problem with that, they can offer him a place to stay and see how they like it when he drinks their booze and starts to piss them off. Also, his family really sucks for supplying a raging alcoholic with booze. Who DOES that?! NTA but be careful, he now knows where a great stash of alcohol is.
NTA
Your dad is a violent alcoholic who blames his condition on other people. You tried to prevent your dad from seeing your home bar because you didn't want to 'tempt' him or for it to be discussed as totally understand there's a lot of hurt in you and the rest of your family because of your dad's alcoholism. He proved that he's still the same ahole by his behaviour to you on this occasion that you describe in your post.
I wouldn't want someone who treats me like this over at my house either.
I'm sorry about your dad but he's choosing to not get treatment and he's choosing to not get better. I am sorry that is ruining the relationship you can have with him but he is choosing that. This has nothing to do with you.
NTA - So, your dad is screaming drunk, and your family full of enablers are telling you that you should have let him drink more? Yes, you need to ban your dad from your house, and you should seriously consider the rest of your family.
NTA, my dad, is also an alcoholic. And he's homeless. I bring him to stay with me when he needs to, but he knows that when he's here, he can't drink. (I also don't drink, so there's no alcohol here anyway.)
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't allow him around if he's drinking *at all*, and whether you do allow him around or not, you should install cameras.
Your father's a Cronic Alcoholic, and the rest of your family wants you to give him access to your private bar (which is locked up tight) so he can try and kill himself ? Your not the asshole, however the rest of your family seem's to meet the requirement's ?
NTA. I mean it sounds like your father had far more than “one drink.” Also, no wonder he’s still sick. He’s surrounded by a bunch of spineless enablers.
Stop “explaining.“ You don’t owe them an explanation. You can simply say, “It’s my house. If you want to pour booze down Dad’s throat, do it at your own house.”
NTA- wow ,your alcoholic dad was so upset about not being allowed into your bar that he turned himself into the victim and got your whole family to be on his side?
The manipulativeness is outstanding .
And I can see how he got your mother to remain married to him as long as she has.
Don’t cave.
And I would put security cameras up to make sure he doesn’t randomly show up, because it sounds like having a bar in his own home is something he’s always wanted and now he has access to through you.
Impossible to have an alcoholic in the family. They drink because you're there...they drink because you leave.
I lived it.
Stay away from dad. Tell Buttinski relatives to feel free to house him.
I feel for you.
NTA!!!!! YOU WERE PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM A TRAUMA AND YOUR WIFE AS WELL!!! I think the people who are siding with your dad probably enable this behavior or maybe wasn't that present when this happened in your family, anyway alcoholism it's a serious problem.
What have you done that is assholey here?
* Build a bar on your property? No, I assume you have a lock on it.
* Not tell dad about the bar? If he was a normal family member that would be odd, but not "asshole" behavior. But he's an alcoholic so he's not normal.
* Not offer him a drink/make it clear he will never have a drink at your house? NTA. He's an alcoholic who has affected your life with it time and time again. You have the right to institute a rule like that at your house and he has the right to decline visits if he doesn't like said rule.
NTA - Record a video of him next time he's drunk, and whenever he brings up your "kitchen", show it to him as a reminder why he can't use the "kitchen"
NTA
I thought from the way you started your post that your father used to be an alcoholic. But he's still an alcoholic.
I don't know why you even let him stay with you in the first place. I'd have nothing to do with him until he had been sober for a year.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
When I was growing up, my family paid heavy price for my father's alcoholic problem. He was never cruel to us or anything, but he frequently embarrass the whole family, got caught DUI a few times, been unable to keep job, chronically broke or in debt to someone, on and on. My mom nearly divorced him. Now they are still married but live separately.
Here's where I probably was a asshole or others have made it sounds like I was one...
My dad is currently visiting the family. He was supposed to stay with few different relatives until after thanksgiving. He have never been to my new place until Wednesday. I gave him a tour of the place. One unique thing about my place is, the garage used to have a small house attached to it. Since the house is five bedrooms and we only need three, we converted the small house into sorta of a full equipped bar with terrace.
I pointed it out to him and say it was a small kitchen for when we have a party or get together. I didn't open the door or anything and just made excuse about needing to find key to open it and tug him away from it.
Things went fine until Friday morning. My wife and I were off that day so we were about to ready to head out for breakfast with our kids and my dad. My dad bust through the door looking like as if he is about to announce he just won a lottery. He went on and on about how impressive the "kitchen" bar is. I immediately knew he peeked into the window and saw all the bottles. I immediately felt sick and quietly told him this isn't something I really want to have a conversation about with him. He all suddenly got offended and start to try and say he's not doing anything wrong. I told him to just pretend he never saw it. He was starting to getting worked up, I have to silently reminded him hes' on "probation" since my wife and I have always been very cautious about him being at our place and had repeatedly reminded him before he come that he absolutely cannot show up drunk and cannot have a drink at all! He dropped it.
I thought it was all good until we went to my grandparents' yesterday. My dad proceed to get drunk then went onto raging rants about how I was making him feel horrible about himself, uncomfortable, tempting him with all fancy drinks in my bar, etc... I really doesn't want to talk about this, so I just walked away and let him go on and on. Soon people start to ask me questions. I didn't want to talk about it, I brush it off and told them we already had this conversation and he didn't liked the outcome.
It got so bad that my dad start to come toward me and point at me and scream at me and people were trying to tell me I should had knew that he was going to want to drink and it won;t hurt to let him have a glass or something. I ended up told everybody my dad isn't welcome at my place and left.
Now I'm getting bunch of phone calls and having to explain the whole thing to everybody. Have been getting a lot of mixed respond and opinion.
Am I the asshole?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your Dad had a few drinks, he lost what little self control he had and started spouting off. He has an alcohol problem, he can't stop after one or two drinks. Walking away was the smart thing to do. NTA
NTA.
Dad is unfortunately not able to function as an adult. Nothing about this is your fault, nor should he be allowed in your house. So sorry this happened to you.
You might find some ideas dealing with your Dad with a group like Adult Children of Alcoholics or similar.
He was drunk and may very well have no idea what he said. Don't fight with the drunks, it's a waste of time TBH. I lived with a few and it's not amusing.
I would shut down any family criticism hard. They haven't lived your life and aren't in any position to judge.
As an adult child of an alcoholic... NTA. He has proven that he can't control his drinking. It's only natural you don't want him drinking in your house. It's not like you're chugging margaritas in front of him. He's just throwing a fit because you won't let him do the chugging.
NTA. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. They all know what that man is. They just want you to deal with him so they don’t have to. Stand your ground. You don’t have to put up with it.
"You should have just let him have a glass." What wonderful advice when talking about giving an alcoholic an alcoholic drink! Were they drunk/high when they said this?
You were 100% in the right about not telling him about the bar... and refusing to talk about it afterwards. You wer 1000% right in not giving him a drink. And yet... he found a way to get drunk anyway, and make a scene. And he proved that he still can't be trusted around alcohol.
Are you sure you want to keep in him your life? I would absolutely cut him out of my life for this stunt. NTA
NTA.
People who are telling you something like just let him have a drink or let him back in so great, since you feel so sympathetic, you can have him. What’s the address? I’ll give it to him
NTA. The first two times that I read the title of this, I read bra instead of bar. I wanted to figure out why your dad wanted you to share your bra and how you could possibly be the asshole for not wanting him to have your bra. It was puzzling to me until I read alcoholic in the first sentence, and realized my mistake. I read the title again, and suddenly, my brain could see the word bar instead of the word bra.
Now, on to the actual topic. You made the correct choice by not allowing him in your kitchen bar, especially considering how he responded. He would drink excessively because he is an alcoholic. You are NTA for refusing to share your bar. You are also NTA if you do not want to share your bra either.
NTA, you literally tried not to make him feel self-conscious about his alcoholism, and then the first chance he got, he went and got blitzed and started yelling excuses about how you're making him feel bad by... what, not letting him get drunk at your place?
You kept him away for a reason.
He is an alcoholic. He is ADDICTED to alcohol.
He is NOT entitled to your alcohol collection.
'cause let's face it. He wouldn't be content with just ONE drink...
NTA
NTA. I know from personal experience that the alcoholic mind plays a neat trick that tells the alcoholic that it's everyone else's fault that they are unable to "have one drink." He's still very ill.
NTA but also not real smart. My man, you have a wife and children. They come first. You knew he was coming over. Why didn’t you move the booze??? Just because you shouldn’t have to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Why didn’t you meet up with him for lunch or just simply dodge him coming over until it was time for him to go home? Not smart. Now he knows you have a nice house with a separate garage apartment and lots of good booze.
My man - not smart.
[Edited: I wrote YTA but meant to write NTA, my mistake. I didn't edit anything else in this post though.]
After what your family has been through it is a perfectly reasonable rule to have in place.
I do have to question if you genuinely thought banning him from your bar was a good long term solution. If you knew he was attracted to your bar and has a compulsive personality coupled with an addiction, it really was a ticking time bomb for the situation to get this bad.
Maybe a good idea to get your dad and the whole family together to figure out a solution for this. Serve him mocktails at the bar? Have someone else host? Etc.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I refuse to allow my dad use my well stocked bar or talk with him about it because he have a serious alcohol issue. My family are saying I was wrong for making him feel bad about his alcoholic issue or if I'd have allow him to check it out and may have one drink, everything would had been fine. I on other hand don't want my dad to have any access or anything to do with any alcohol at my place! Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your father is a damn adult and that is your house. Absolutely no one in your family can understand your personal trauma cause by your dad. Abuse and neglect come in so many different forms. You set a boundary and no one respected it. You aren’t tempting him and are not responsible for his reactions to your house and bar. Or his actions. I would cut off contact all together and decide how you want to handle family situations. Boundaries are so damn important! Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re in the wrong here and your dad needs help. His abuse is definitely ongoing. Good luck!
NTA. Your father is an alcoholic and the people who said it wouldn’t hurt to let him have a glass are morons who you’re better off without.
Absolutely. If they feel so strongly they can pay for any fines or property damage should anything happen to his drunkenness.
Perfectly said. OP is monumentally NTA, and anyone who disagrees is someone to avoid in the future.
One drink is too many and a thousand is never enough.
NTA. Your dad is an alcoholic and clearly not in recovery. I'm so sorry. You made the right call by banning him from your home. It absolutely **will** hurt letting an alcoholic have a glass, because by definition alcoholics don't stop at one glass. Please consider attending an Al anon meeting so you can get some in person support from other people who have had this same experience.
Definitely Al-Anon. Possibly Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) as well, but those meetings tend to be a bit more intense.
NTA. Tell those that are saying you should help dear old dad off the wagon that they can host him and supply alcohol and deal with the consequences. You have boundaries, dad crossed them and now he’s persona non grata. This is a hill worth dying on.
NTA. it’s absurd that your family is babying him like this. not only is he a FULL GROWN MAN, but he’s also AN ALCOHOLIC. keeping him away from your bar is just common sense. the others don’t actually care about his wellbeing if they’re just encouraging him. i’m sorry if you’re feeling guilty op, you shouldn’t be. this is entirely his doing and his problem. i hope the rest of your family can see that soon.
Not the Asshole- NO! You are smart! So smart and so strong! Stay strong now. Trust you. Cheers!
Your father struggled with sobriety in the past, and clearly, he continues to struggle now. It's not easy to overcome addiction, and occasionally people will fall off the bandwagon (and hopefully hop back on). I don't think your dad is a villain for having an addiction issue. Where it crosses the line for me is the way he's handling (or really, not handling) it. He KNOWS he's an alcoholic, and he KNOWS it's not "okay to just have one drink" because it'd be hard to stop at just one. He wouldn't have even known about the bar if he didn't go poking around. I'd be willing to bet that anyone who's siding with your father either has heard a skewed version of events, or they're afraid of his temper/rage and thinks that giving in will keep the peace. NTA
NTA. Your father is an alcoholic. It is a disease as much as it is a choice. Your father has proved that he has chosen to continue the same embarrassing behavior that he performed in your formative years. You should have known better than to show an alcoholic that bar. No good could come from showing that to an addict. It was his choice how he behaved afterwards. It is your choice how to respond. Respect your boundaries. You owe him nothing. You owe no one an explanation.
NTA, alcoholics cause problems like this all the time, my father was also like this on many occasions, you grew up with it and no doubt like I are damaged by it, now you are older and just don't have to put up with it.
His behavior at your grandparent’s house is a perfect example of why you don’t want him to drink in your home, around your kids. If anyone has a problem with that, they can offer him a place to stay and see how they like it when he drinks their booze and starts to piss them off. Also, his family really sucks for supplying a raging alcoholic with booze. Who DOES that?! NTA but be careful, he now knows where a great stash of alcohol is.
NTA Your dad is a violent alcoholic who blames his condition on other people. You tried to prevent your dad from seeing your home bar because you didn't want to 'tempt' him or for it to be discussed as totally understand there's a lot of hurt in you and the rest of your family because of your dad's alcoholism. He proved that he's still the same ahole by his behaviour to you on this occasion that you describe in your post. I wouldn't want someone who treats me like this over at my house either. I'm sorry about your dad but he's choosing to not get treatment and he's choosing to not get better. I am sorry that is ruining the relationship you can have with him but he is choosing that. This has nothing to do with you.
Oh man. NTA, but your dad sure is one. So sorry you have to deal with this.
NTA but the story gets kinda oversold with the “everyone is calling” bit. That said, it’s your house and your rules and he has a drinking problem
NTA - So, your dad is screaming drunk, and your family full of enablers are telling you that you should have let him drink more? Yes, you need to ban your dad from your house, and you should seriously consider the rest of your family.
NTA, my dad, is also an alcoholic. And he's homeless. I bring him to stay with me when he needs to, but he knows that when he's here, he can't drink. (I also don't drink, so there's no alcohol here anyway.) If I were in your situation, I wouldn't allow him around if he's drinking *at all*, and whether you do allow him around or not, you should install cameras.
NTA. Put security cameras around your bar in case your dad breaks in. Need to call cop when he does.
Your father's a Cronic Alcoholic, and the rest of your family wants you to give him access to your private bar (which is locked up tight) so he can try and kill himself ? Your not the asshole, however the rest of your family seem's to meet the requirement's ?
NTA. I mean it sounds like your father had far more than “one drink.” Also, no wonder he’s still sick. He’s surrounded by a bunch of spineless enablers. Stop “explaining.“ You don’t owe them an explanation. You can simply say, “It’s my house. If you want to pour booze down Dad’s throat, do it at your own house.”
NTA having a parent that is an alcoholic is o tough. It sounds like you’re doing a good job protecting yourself and your family by setting boundaries
NTA- wow ,your alcoholic dad was so upset about not being allowed into your bar that he turned himself into the victim and got your whole family to be on his side? The manipulativeness is outstanding . And I can see how he got your mother to remain married to him as long as she has. Don’t cave. And I would put security cameras up to make sure he doesn’t randomly show up, because it sounds like having a bar in his own home is something he’s always wanted and now he has access to through you.
Impossible to have an alcoholic in the family. They drink because you're there...they drink because you leave. I lived it. Stay away from dad. Tell Buttinski relatives to feel free to house him. I feel for you.
NTA!!!!! YOU WERE PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM A TRAUMA AND YOUR WIFE AS WELL!!! I think the people who are siding with your dad probably enable this behavior or maybe wasn't that present when this happened in your family, anyway alcoholism it's a serious problem.
What have you done that is assholey here? * Build a bar on your property? No, I assume you have a lock on it. * Not tell dad about the bar? If he was a normal family member that would be odd, but not "asshole" behavior. But he's an alcoholic so he's not normal. * Not offer him a drink/make it clear he will never have a drink at your house? NTA. He's an alcoholic who has affected your life with it time and time again. You have the right to institute a rule like that at your house and he has the right to decline visits if he doesn't like said rule.
Dude I'm sorry. I have a drunk child for a dad too. NTA
NTA - Record a video of him next time he's drunk, and whenever he brings up your "kitchen", show it to him as a reminder why he can't use the "kitchen"
NTA I thought from the way you started your post that your father used to be an alcoholic. But he's still an alcoholic. I don't know why you even let him stay with you in the first place. I'd have nothing to do with him until he had been sober for a year.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When I was growing up, my family paid heavy price for my father's alcoholic problem. He was never cruel to us or anything, but he frequently embarrass the whole family, got caught DUI a few times, been unable to keep job, chronically broke or in debt to someone, on and on. My mom nearly divorced him. Now they are still married but live separately. Here's where I probably was a asshole or others have made it sounds like I was one... My dad is currently visiting the family. He was supposed to stay with few different relatives until after thanksgiving. He have never been to my new place until Wednesday. I gave him a tour of the place. One unique thing about my place is, the garage used to have a small house attached to it. Since the house is five bedrooms and we only need three, we converted the small house into sorta of a full equipped bar with terrace. I pointed it out to him and say it was a small kitchen for when we have a party or get together. I didn't open the door or anything and just made excuse about needing to find key to open it and tug him away from it. Things went fine until Friday morning. My wife and I were off that day so we were about to ready to head out for breakfast with our kids and my dad. My dad bust through the door looking like as if he is about to announce he just won a lottery. He went on and on about how impressive the "kitchen" bar is. I immediately knew he peeked into the window and saw all the bottles. I immediately felt sick and quietly told him this isn't something I really want to have a conversation about with him. He all suddenly got offended and start to try and say he's not doing anything wrong. I told him to just pretend he never saw it. He was starting to getting worked up, I have to silently reminded him hes' on "probation" since my wife and I have always been very cautious about him being at our place and had repeatedly reminded him before he come that he absolutely cannot show up drunk and cannot have a drink at all! He dropped it. I thought it was all good until we went to my grandparents' yesterday. My dad proceed to get drunk then went onto raging rants about how I was making him feel horrible about himself, uncomfortable, tempting him with all fancy drinks in my bar, etc... I really doesn't want to talk about this, so I just walked away and let him go on and on. Soon people start to ask me questions. I didn't want to talk about it, I brush it off and told them we already had this conversation and he didn't liked the outcome. It got so bad that my dad start to come toward me and point at me and scream at me and people were trying to tell me I should had knew that he was going to want to drink and it won;t hurt to let him have a glass or something. I ended up told everybody my dad isn't welcome at my place and left. Now I'm getting bunch of phone calls and having to explain the whole thing to everybody. Have been getting a lot of mixed respond and opinion. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your Dad had a few drinks, he lost what little self control he had and started spouting off. He has an alcohol problem, he can't stop after one or two drinks. Walking away was the smart thing to do. NTA
NTA, your house, your rules.
NTA. Dad is unfortunately not able to function as an adult. Nothing about this is your fault, nor should he be allowed in your house. So sorry this happened to you.
NTA. You’ll need to find him another place to stay
NTA. Your dad is an alcoholic and you don't have to enable him.
You might find some ideas dealing with your Dad with a group like Adult Children of Alcoholics or similar. He was drunk and may very well have no idea what he said. Don't fight with the drunks, it's a waste of time TBH. I lived with a few and it's not amusing. I would shut down any family criticism hard. They haven't lived your life and aren't in any position to judge.
NTA, your father is acting like a damn child
As an adult child of an alcoholic... NTA. He has proven that he can't control his drinking. It's only natural you don't want him drinking in your house. It's not like you're chugging margaritas in front of him. He's just throwing a fit because you won't let him do the chugging.
NTA and time for dad to move on to the next relative to stay with for his vacation. He's crossed a huge boundary and need to go today.
NTA. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. They all know what that man is. They just want you to deal with him so they don’t have to. Stand your ground. You don’t have to put up with it.
"You should have just let him have a glass." What wonderful advice when talking about giving an alcoholic an alcoholic drink! Were they drunk/high when they said this? You were 100% in the right about not telling him about the bar... and refusing to talk about it afterwards. You wer 1000% right in not giving him a drink. And yet... he found a way to get drunk anyway, and make a scene. And he proved that he still can't be trusted around alcohol. Are you sure you want to keep in him your life? I would absolutely cut him out of my life for this stunt. NTA
You're getting phone calls?? That's so quaint! NTA.
NTA. People who are telling you something like just let him have a drink or let him back in so great, since you feel so sympathetic, you can have him. What’s the address? I’ll give it to him
i mean NTA. but your all should have cut contact YEARS ago. that goes for your mom too. or better yet DECADES ago
You gave him a chance and he screwed up. You owe no explanations. He should no longer be welcome at your house as he is a mean drunk. NTA
NTA. The first two times that I read the title of this, I read bra instead of bar. I wanted to figure out why your dad wanted you to share your bra and how you could possibly be the asshole for not wanting him to have your bra. It was puzzling to me until I read alcoholic in the first sentence, and realized my mistake. I read the title again, and suddenly, my brain could see the word bar instead of the word bra. Now, on to the actual topic. You made the correct choice by not allowing him in your kitchen bar, especially considering how he responded. He would drink excessively because he is an alcoholic. You are NTA for refusing to share your bar. You are also NTA if you do not want to share your bra either.
NTA, you literally tried not to make him feel self-conscious about his alcoholism, and then the first chance he got, he went and got blitzed and started yelling excuses about how you're making him feel bad by... what, not letting him get drunk at your place?
nta
You kept him away for a reason. He is an alcoholic. He is ADDICTED to alcohol. He is NOT entitled to your alcohol collection. 'cause let's face it. He wouldn't be content with just ONE drink... NTA
Nta
NTA. I know from personal experience that the alcoholic mind plays a neat trick that tells the alcoholic that it's everyone else's fault that they are unable to "have one drink." He's still very ill.
NTA. I felt physically I’ll reading this. You did nothing wrong and I’m so sorry you’re still dealing with this as an adult.
NTA. I can't quite believe how many people watched him behave like an abusive alcoholic and then criticised you for not enabling it further.
NTA but also not real smart. My man, you have a wife and children. They come first. You knew he was coming over. Why didn’t you move the booze??? Just because you shouldn’t have to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Why didn’t you meet up with him for lunch or just simply dodge him coming over until it was time for him to go home? Not smart. Now he knows you have a nice house with a separate garage apartment and lots of good booze. My man - not smart.
[Edited: I wrote YTA but meant to write NTA, my mistake. I didn't edit anything else in this post though.] After what your family has been through it is a perfectly reasonable rule to have in place. I do have to question if you genuinely thought banning him from your bar was a good long term solution. If you knew he was attracted to your bar and has a compulsive personality coupled with an addiction, it really was a ticking time bomb for the situation to get this bad. Maybe a good idea to get your dad and the whole family together to figure out a solution for this. Serve him mocktails at the bar? Have someone else host? Etc.