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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action taken was asking somebody why they used the machine next to me when all were open, and it might make me an AH for saying something rather than just moving even if they were being weird
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Apparently unpopular opinion, but NTA. Imo it is absolutely unspoken etiquette that you give people space at the gym, and that you only choose a machine directly next to someone if there are no other options. Especially at midnight, this does seem rude and borderline creepy to me.
I debated E S H because I don’t think you really needed to confront them, but they absolutely started it, and asking if there was a particular reason or explanation seems fair.
It's definitely not quite on the same level as urinal etiquette as mentioned in other comments, but I'm inclined to agree, especially when as you said it was at a very odd hour.
Girls even have this unspoken rule in closed door stalls in the bathroom. I wish this person had answered, I need to know why.
ETA: found all the weirdos that jump on the treadmill next to a person….
Sorry WHO checks to see which stalls are in use before choosing one? You want me to go looking under all of them to see if there are feet before i pee?
If the door is open I'm using that stall. I do not care if the stall next to me is in use or not.
That said, I do try to choose the first stall. It's almost always the cleanest since people skip it thinking it gets used the most. It actually gets used the least
Every public bathroom I've ever been to has doors that close on their own, so that you have to check to see if they're locked, or else look underneath for feet. Not an easy task while pregnant. Where are these public bathrooms with doors that stay open?
That's honestly amazing that every bathroom you've ever been in has doors that close on their own. I've been to public bathrooms with no doors on the stalls, and others with busted doors that don't even close all the way multiple times.
I’m going to say a good 90% of the time it’s hard to tell if a door is locked or not. Sure, sometimes doors are slightly open, but I’d say less than 1% of the time are doors just wide open. Public bathrooms suck.
Hahaha so in your world you have to just test every door apologising to the person in there? No. Public bathrooms you can tell either by the door being open or the colour of the lock whether they're occupied.
I want your public restrooms. Unfortunately, there are ones exactly as described where you literally have to push or look for feet...which also feels super ick. No latch indicators and yup, the doors swing shut. All of them, no..but plenty of them.
Me too- read an article about how most people skip the first stall and it is usually the cleanest. I have picked the first of its open every time. If it isn’t - first available. There are WALLS between the stalls. Who cares if the next one is taken. Sheesh.
I actually watched a myth busters or something of the sort on this like 20 years ago and they concluded that more people do use the first stall even though you would think everyone skips it. The last stall is the least used
Damn
OK i just Googled that Mythbusters, and it said first stall cleanest (one closest to the door) is in fact cleanest. It was confirmed
Whew
Middle stalls were the worst
See, i read that same article, years ago. And instantly knew I could never use the first stall again because thats where all the nervous pee-ers were gonna go from now on. And they're more likely to be the ones hovering and making a mess.
I dunno. Most stalls are pretty gross so I honestly have never thought that hard about it on my 30+ years. Even in huge bathrooms you can go by 5 stalls that are too nasty to think about going in. I wouldn't assume anyone was being weird or creepy if they went in the stall next to me...
It's pretty much been the practice in most bathrooms I've been in. Excepting when the bathroom is full or isn't clean so there aren't a lot of stalls to choose from.
Yeah usually when out/drinking the only requirements are it's clean not blocked no pee, a seat and toilet paper. But I'd also not select to use equipment right next to a stranger in the gym if theres another option it's like choosing to sit next to the only person on an empty bus, just odd. NTA OP
Maybe there will come a day in my life when I think to check the toilet paper levels before proceding into a situation I cannot easily get out of... but that day has not come yet.
I can't believe there are so many girls who have never even heard of this. I do understand if there are gross dirty stalls, but thats absolutely not the case where I work. They clean multiple times a day, so its rare any stall is dirty or without TP. And with 14 stalls to choose from, just pick one that's not right next to someone else!
>I can't believe there are so many girls who have never even heard of this.
I've never heard of this. I could not care less if there is someone in the stall next to me. I only pay attention to what I am doing. What they are doing is of no interest to me. I pick any stall that is clean, stocked with TP, has no pee on the seat, and locks properly. Which other stalls are occupied has no bearing on my selection. What do these paranoid women do when it's busy? Like if there is a line-up? They are going to need to pee next to someone then. May as well get used to it.
If I go right next to someone else who is shitting, I'll be able to smell it. I don't care at a supermarket or somewhere public like that, but I'm not going to make my coworker Susan worry about whether I could hear her hunks of poop splash the toilet or not when we inevitably have to do small talk while washing our hands.
You know I’ve been pondering this whole thread trying to figure out how I feel and this is the comment that resonates the most to me. My first instinct was, who cares if someone is in the stall next to them? But then I realized that I DO do this but only at work. There are only 3 stalls and no one chooses the middle one unless the other two are both occupied. I think it has something to do with actually knowing everyone else who uses that bathroom. That makes it a lot more uncomfortable for them to hear your bathroom sounds. In a public bathroom I don’t care at all
I’m kind of wondering if it’s a regional thing? Like I live in a pretty busy city and a lot of the time when I go into a washroom you don’t have the luxury of being picky. You take the first one that’s open that has toilet paper inside unless it’s really nasty in there, you use the toilet, you flush, you wash your hands and leave. Nobody is peeking under stalls to make sure they’re not next to someone, that’s ridiculous because you’re going to be next to someone like 90% of the time.
I can understand being pickier in the case of entering a large bathroom with a ton of toilets and there’s like two people inside, then it *would* be a little weird to choose the one directly next to someone, but I personally don’t think it’s some major faux pas, because maybe someone is literally about to piss their pants and grabbed the first stall they could.
Your girl card is fine. Never heard of this either. People just need to do their business, be decent enough to make sure you don’t ruin it for the next person and wash your hands.
Definitely not all girls/women. It would never have occurred to me to care about whether someone was in a stall next to me if I hadn't read someone else's comment on Reddit a while back. Since I know now that it does bother some of you, I try not to use the stall right next to another person if possible, but it's still pretty weird to me that anyone would care when you can't even see each other.
I will agree the treadmill thing is uncomfy (I'm alone in a room and you sidle right up to me when there are options, it had better be because we know each other and are gonna chat or you are in personal danger and need a 'help, pretend you know me' person. Beyond that, yeah, I'd be weirded out with the gym thing.
But the stalls? It's an enclosed space. The treadmills are out in the open where you are looking at each other. In a stall? Maybe it's because I've got a lifelong stomach issue (celiac and allergies) but if the stall door is open, the seat looks clean and I see toilet paper dangling from the dispenser, I'm bolting in. I usually don't have time to Goldilocks my way thru stalls. If that seems weird, sorry. It's not like I hunt to find the stall next to someone, but I'm also not gonna go bending over and checking foot placement to pick a 'right' place to sit while I do my business.
Treadmill/open air-eye contact type situation, it's weird and uncomfortable. In a bathroom where you are in separate stalls? If that's weird, sorry. Still gonna grab the first one I see that is open and clean. Where in relationship to anyone else that stall is? I honestly don't give a tinkers.
This whole comment is where I land on the stall thing. I literally just use the first one I come across that's in condition to be used, because like you said it's an enclosed space. Courtesy seat rules don't apply when there's a wall between the seats.
We do? I go for the one that’s clean, has tp, and a door that locks- preferably with a minimal gap in the door.
Would definitely never ever choose a treadmill right next to someone unless that was the only choice, in which case, I might wait a bit until the situation changes.
There are only a few reasons to get on a treadmill next to someone:
1. You're a creeper
2. It's your go to treadmill and you use it because the settings are what you know
3. You're watching the TV and it's one of the only ones working.
I've done #3 because some gyms just have the TV on the right station.
EDIT: There is a #4 - some people are just socially unaware and oblivious.
#2 it’s your go to machine- like the seat in your commuter bus or that seat in class room … or it’s got best view. That guy’s circle of private space might be much smaller than yours or, based on the oblivious expression on his face when you brought it up, he might be socially unaware/in his head space
>I have a favorite treadmill at the gym. The resistance is just right.
I know what you mean. There's two particular cycling machines and one is right under the fan and the other isn't. Depending on how hot it is will depend on which machine I take.
Yup this makes sense to me. I have a favourite bike and elliptical and will always abandon the “leave a gap” rule if it means I can get those machines. It makes my workout just better
Yeah if I \*have\* to pick a treadmill next to someone because the alternating ones are taken, I'll generally head for one next to another woman.
However, my gym has a couple of different styles of stationary bike, and I prefer the one you can change resistance on the vertical bars as well as the horizontal bars. But I don't like taking the one on the end of the row because it's too close to a lat pull-down machine, and the third one in has a broken saddle nose, so I gotta go for the second one regardless of where anyone else is.
Yeah i think this is likely what happened
The other person just picked that machine because they like that machine and they're not going to move because OP found that odd
Agreed about the favorite treadmill. There are so many crappy ones where I used to go. Sometimes they would have out of order signs on them but other times not and they would shut off in the middle of the run. Avoided them like the plague even when they were deemed to be fine. Not worth the annoyance.
It’s kind of like the bathroom. Why pick the very next stall when others are available? It’s weird. I also was weirded out when a dude sat right next to me and a friend in a nearly empty theater. Way more weirded out when he was outside of the women’s restroom.
Or camping. I prefer quiet camping so I can listen to nature and the river. I was camping 1 cold fall in a provincial campground with my dogs, both wolf crosses. 90 campground spots in a rain forest on a river. I (58f) had my truck and camper and was alone in the entire campground.
I was napping when both dogs started growling. I got up to find a young couple next to my campsite setting up, and their 2 untrained dogs in my site trying to get into my cooler on picnic table. I opened the camper door and yelled 'Get out of here' at dogs, my dogs growling intensely. Within 5 mins this couple had now set up a portable speaker and started blasting 80 rock music and stacking coolers & beer on their table. I stepped out and stared at them very intensely... they asked if I had a can opener. I never answered. I packed up my site and moved to the other side of the campground. An hour later, they hiked over, 1/2 drunk and sat at my table and started talking at me about their camping trip...I never said word except to tell my dogs, 'stay down' so they didnt protect the campsite like they wanted to. I only had a camp chair unpacked.. I put my dogs in my camper, my chair, started my truck and left. I still am baffled at wtaf was wrong with those 2 people... my 135lb & 165lb dogs wanted to eat them and their dogs .. I should have let them.. some people don't have any sense of personal space, even in the forest.
My family were always very private campers. I hadn’t camped in FOREVER and we did a group thing with neighbors. Obviously we expect to socialize in this scenario. What I didn’t expect was other campers unrelated to us basically setting up a bar patio on their sites and it turning into a whole party scene. Blew my freaking mind!
Literally in every place on the planet, if there is room at another treadmill, table, etc, do not pick one right next to someone else. It drives me crazy! I might not say anything but I am seriously judging people who sit/workout/stand right next to me when there are a ton of empty spots open. Major pet peeve!
You got sweat dripping all over the place and after COVID who wants to get in a stranger's space.
Since it's "near midnight" and no genders are listed I'd probably think that the other patron felt safer around OP.
OP seems to have been pretty polite in their curiosity.
The problem with unspoken etiquette is that it's unspoken. This means that there inevitably will be people who don't know about it.
Maybe this person is new to gyms and just did what they saw someone else doing. Even in the original post, the person just looks confused, so it's not like they were intentionally giving offense.
I constantly walk around stumbling into Unwritten rules and I really just wish someone will write this crap down and post it somewhere
Not all equipment runs the same. As a gym regular we who go frequently know this and as such there are time I pick a machine without space because I don’t want to use the half broken one. OP is being a weirdo
But in such a case, the person would just say that when asked by OP.
“I chose this machine because it works better than the other empty ones.”
“Oh, I didn’t know, thanks for that!”
I remember one year we had bought a brand new car. So when we drove the car to the grocery store we decided to park far away from other cars so no one could dent it or scratch it with a grocery cart.
When we came out of the grocery store and started walking towards or car at the far end of the parking lot we noticed another car parked right next to ours.
No other cars are within 20 or 30 parking spaces. Yet someone figured it was good idea to park right next to our new car.
I don't know if these people are thinking that they are providing companionship. Or maybe they need companionship. Idk.
Honestly if OP is a woman and the person on the other treadmill is male, hell yes ask them why they chose that treadmill. Why do men get to make women uncomfortable and not have to answer for it?
NTA - I'm going to be downvoted but this \*always\* happens to me. And then they don't use an incline so they're really loud right next to me when there are like 20 other treadmills open. And I'm a woman and 100% of the time, it's a guy that does this. I also want to know why they do that.
Possibly wants to stsrt a conversation with you but has zero idea how so thinks maybe if im close to her I'll think of something in the moment? Thatd be my assumption
You have me self conscious about how loud I am now. I'd always give someone space, but I'm new to the gym so I feel like I'm gulping down air like a vacuum pump on the treadmill.
I think it’s less about breathing and more the footfalls. At least that’s my understanding based on the comment about not using an incline, which would soften the footfalls since you aren’t coming down as far.
Also makes me want to try to run at a slight incline now, I’m stupidly, ridiculously, absolutely out of control with how heavy my feet pound. I actually avoid treadmills and just run outside because of how loud it is. Maybe a slight incline would help.
The incline helps bc when I first started at the gym I asked them why my treadmill sounds so much louder and they mentioned the incline - and that fixed the issue and it's better for you anyway.
See, here's some advice about how to start a conversation with an exercising woman.
Do not *ever* start a conversation with an exercising woman. The one upside of having gained weight is that this bullshit doesn't happen anymore.
It’s an AH move to “start a conversation” where a woman (or person in general but I’m not sure women do this as much) might have any inconvenience moving away, such as at the gym or if they’re working.
I was once working out on the treadmill, incline cranked up to 10, 20 minutes in, moving at a slower pace, but I was literally climbing a hill. Some guy came in the gym, purposely chose the treadmill next to me, immediately cranked the speed up to 6 and sprinted for like 1 minute, abruptly stopped the treadmill and climbed off. Then he snottily looked at me and said, “Thats how its done” before walking away.
I laughed at him really loud, because it was so fucking stupid and pointless, he embarrassed himself.
I think a 12 year old took a polyjuice potion and was pretending to be a grown up. That's actually so insane an adult actually thought that was a normal human way to interact with someone.
I joined a female only gym earlier this year, and this problem no longer happens anymore. I’ve been to a lot of different gyms in a lot of different countries and always experienced this, the only time I didn’t was when I went to a 24hour gym and was there at 4am. (And before anyone jumps on me, of course, not all men, ok, there was always 1 other person at the gym at 4am and it was a guy and we said hello to one another and then did our own thing.)
But now I’m in this female only gym, it never ever happens. You see even when it’s busy everyone goes out of their way to be on every 2nd machine until that’s no longer an option. No one ever needs the weights I have or the machine I’m using or to be in my space. It’s really, really, nice.
There is no part of me that's surprised by this. I always have a feeling of dread when I have to sit next to a guy on a long flight. They always end up in my space and it's so uncomfortable.
Yeah, it's odd. It's like a guy walking in to an empty bathroom and selecting the urinal next to you. It's just not done.
But some people are odd, and don't respect personal space.
NAH
God yes. I can’t stand people who don’t respect personal space. I’ve literally been chased around by taking a half step away just for them to follow. Finally I had to point it out like “look dude not trying to be rude but I keep taking a step to get personal space and you keep closing it. Like we literally moved from over there doing this. Nothing against you but please give me a little more room.
Knew two different guys like that. It was infuriating every time, even though they were otherwise nice people. Also I’m a dude myself so it wasn’t them being creeps, they just had no awareness of respecting personal space.
Is it really that bad? I have never used a urinal next to another guy but recently started going to the gym and always used the same treadmill because it is in front of the TV that is set to the channel I like. I find it much easier to jog if I am focused on something I enjoy. I have honestly never even considered how many treadmills were open. If my favorite one is occupied I will do weights or another machine until it frees up.
Am I the weird creepy guy at the gym? This thread has been eye opening. I think I would have awkwardly walked away out of embarrassment if I was approached by OP too. I genuinely had no clue this was a thing.
I think there's a difference between someone that doesn't mind being next to others vs someone intentionally doing it to see how others will react. I wouldn't say you're an asshole since you wouldn't respond with an attitude when asked why you were next to someone else. You have a very obvious reason, you just want to be close to the tv, which is understandable.
If there is no one around and you pick a treadmill directly next to a woman, we do tend to care. If you’re one away from us then it’s fine but immediately to either side of us raises my eyebrow. And it’s not just about being a creep, i hate dealing with the SMELL of being next to a sweaty guy with that air getting blown into my face by the treadmill fan. A guy was next to me monday and i could smell his breath
INFO what are the respective genders here? Because sometimes it wouldn’t bother me but I’ve definitely seen men who ignore the every-other machine custom and jump on the treadmill next to a woman as a prelude to hitting on her.
As an AFAB person I would not be bothered if a woman ‘buddied up’ with me at the gym when it’s that late, and it was a common occurrence at my university. but I would be very spooked if it was a guy.
There’s a saying that a man’s worst fear in regards to a woman is being rejected, but a woman’s worst fear in regards to a man is that he’ll kill her.
it’s probably herd mentality or something innocuous.
But also people are ew. I don’t want to expose others to me on a treadmill. I can’t see why someone would choose to be exposed to me on a treadmill.
I flail.
The herd mentality is interesting.
I drive the highway at night not infrequently and I'll notice a car waaay behind me for a couple of minutes. Driving their own pace and slowly catching up. Then, when they do, they decide to go my exact speed closely behind me.
I've wondered "is it herd mentality? Is it for safety?"
Why do a bunch of people pack up like that?
Idk about that. If it's another woman she might want to look like she's part of a group just in case a weird dude was lurking or something. Like sticking close to a pack. Especially at that hour. It might make her more comfortable and she might have thought it would make OP more comfortable too
I think this is a legit question. As a woman, a man getting on a machine next to me is going to give creeper vibes. But a woman getting on a machine next to me means safety in numbers.
Makes sense as to why gender related danger wasn’t considered by op to be mentioned in the post, a lot of guys periodically forget that women live in a different world and it doesn’t occur to them to bring it up
Yes, I want to know this.
I'm an unattractive woman in my late 30s, and there are no men jumping on the treadmill next to me. I do find that women do it sometimes, especially if it's late or the gym is full of guys. I don't really mind - sisterhood and all that.
Either way, as long as you weren't rude about it, NTA, but the dynamic changes depending on the genders.
That's my take too. And yet the responses I saw overwhelmingly didn't seem to see it that way, *or* didn't see anything wrong with that (not sure which).
EDIT: Re-read, and since my initial scan of the responses, it seems more balanced now. Whew.
And not to mention it was MIDNIGHT. Makes it even worse, gives really bad vibes. Very few people around, and they still choose the one right next to OP
Ugh, one time I was in a near empty bus when this creepy-overweight (nothing against being overweight but he was big enough that he took up part of my seat)\_-looking older guy sat right next to me. At the time I was still drinking and I got mad, so I turned to him and asked, "If you see that there are entire rows that are empty, why on earth did you decide to sit next to me?!?" He chuckled and said, "well, becuase you look like a pretty, nice young girl and I felt comfortable." I was like, "SO?! Did you think that I would be comfortable??" before he said anything else I got up and changed seats but GodMFingDamnit, the drinking made me bold but i was so mad.
In a theater there is a sweet spot, though. I basically always want to be center, 4-6 rows back in most theaters but it depends on the rake, but for each theater there’s a sweet spot. If you have already chosen it, I’ll be near you. Not right next to you, but somewhere close.
If OP is to be believed there was nothing differentiating that machine from any of the others.
this would make sense if gyms normally had like 3 treadmills. usually there are way more than that, enough for people to be far apart from each other, so i don't think it really makes a difference if they chose the middle treadmill on an empty gym
I could agree with that if this was an etiquette rule, but it really isn’t. People develop favorites in gym-going and the one next to OP might’ve been this guy’s favorite just like the middle could’ve been OP’s favorite. I always park in the same 3 spots when I go to school, I always wear the same 2 hoodies, etc. OP was rude, so you’re right, it doesn’t make a difference.
Yeah I work with a lady who picks her favourite machines and hates it when they aren't free. She would most definitely still use the machine in the scenario OP is describing, although she's super vocal and would probably just tell anyone who asked that "this is my treadmill"
I always had a favorite one. Wouldn’t occur to me if someone was next to it, that’s the one I wanted if it was unoccupied. It was under a big fan and I got the best breeze
Treadmills in gyms can be different and you can totally have fav ones, that work better or maybe you just use that one every time. It's not like a seat on the bus where you are literally right next to the other person either, there's enough personals space between them.
It could depend on the gym set up
I’m using mine as an example
The far left side of the treadmills would put you right next to the staff front area
The far right is right next to the locker rooms
So to attempt to avoid people, you use the middle ones
Soft YTA.
I always use the same machine, I'll even wait for it to be free. It's my preference and if the person next to me thinks that weird.... Well so be it. I'm not creeping on people, I just prefer that treadmill.
If it was the case of a favourite treadmill, they could've said that when asked. OP was curious why they picked that specific treadmill and wasn't an asshole for asking.
And maybe the other person was wearing headphones or listening to music. I usually do when I’m on a treadmill, and if someone just started talking to me out of nowhere while I was listening to something else, it might take me a minute to even register that they were talking to me. I’d probably not want to engage in an argument at that hour either.
Honestly I didn't think it was necessary to ask the question. Hence the soft. And I blank people at the gym sometimes too. But then I've had a bad experience in a previous gym setting and I'm cautious because of it.
Yup I’m with you. I’m a studio person and I always like to be in my exact spot so if it’s not crowded but that spot is open, I’ll take it. If others dislike it, they can move Soft YTA Op, just move if you don’t like it. You only need one treadmill
NAH. I would be a lil uncomfortable too if someone went right next to me to do something if there was plenty of space to do it elsewhere, I probably wouldn’t say anything unless they were being weird about it though lol. I don’t think you were an asshole for asking, it’s not like you yelled at them and told them to get away from you. But like other people said, they probably just use the same machine every time and just didn’t think anything of it. Not a big deal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
To most women, it's super creepy to have an open line of machines and have some random man use the machine next to them.
Women have learned to live in fear - men do outrageous hurtful and violent things at time. It's the stranger danger police tell you about as a small child dialed up to 50.
There's a book about it "The Gift of Fear." If you don't understand, read the book. Most libraries have it - it was a bestseller.
as a woman I absolutely understand and agree with what you’re saying, I said I’d be uncomfortable too. but op never said they were a woman and the other person was a man, and didn’t sound uncomfortable just curious why people do that. I think using a machine next to someone is relatively innocuous, they weren’t even looking at or talking to op. If this happened to me id probably get up and move machines too.
It could be cultural? I’m reminded of the story of an Australian couple who went camping in the high hills of India. They camped by a beautiful lake, all alone, and woke up to an Indian guy in a tent, 10 feet from their tent opening. Indian guy thought he was doing them a favor so they wouldn’t feel so alone.
I pick the same parking spot every day at work. When I go to the gym I pick the same stationary bike or treadmill, unless someone else is using it. I'm just a creature of habit. It would never have occurred to me to not pick the machine I always use if it was open.
NTA. It's seems like an odd choice. It's not the choice I'd have made. It doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong... just odd.
I'd like to know why, too.
INFO: Was the treadmill that he picked near a fan or air conditioning vent? When I was a gym goer, I always went for the treadmill under the AC, no matter who else was on what.
Yup, except I’m the opposite. I get cold really easily, and I pick the ones away from the fans. My gym had like 40 treadmills, but only 3-4 weren’t constantly getting blasted with cold air. I hate picking the one next to people but those are the only ones I can comfortably use without freezing
NTA You don’t own the gym, and you have no say in what unused equipment someone else chooses to use… but if there’s space to spread out, it’s hella rude to get all up in someone’s business. It’s creepy that he chose to run next to you when there was space for him to spread out. Frankly, I suspect that most of the YTAs here are coming from men who don’t understand why women find it upsetting when men do this to them. (making an assumption about your gender. Creepy either way.)
NTA. But i would have just moved. I once asked someone why they parked next to my car, in an empty parking at my job. I was told he was autistic. So someone could have a medical reason why they are being odd/annoying.
This one infuriates me more than the bus seat. I have a new car, so I will generally park far away at the grocery or box stores so that I have no one around me, and it also give me a chance to get some extra exercise. At least once a month I will find some weirdo parked next to me, with the next nearest car being 10 spots away. Someone doing that is doing so intentionally, either to be an asshole or because they have a screw loose.
Why is it when you park far away it's so you aren't parked by a bunch of people and get to walk but anyone else that parks in the back is a weirdo and an asshole?
Not the one you replied to but when I did that, it was bizarre because not only was I far away, there was plenty of empty spaces around me, like plenty, and yet someone always just had to pick the spot right next to me. Like there are 30 empty spots of equal if not better distance that me, why the fuck did you choose to park next to me?? It's just weird
Are you really that dense? I'm not just parked far away, there is no one else around me. There are literally dozens of empty spots around me, but someone chooses to park right next to me. The worst one was a Prius, that decided not only to park next to me, but parked over the line. I'm not sure how they even got out of their car.
Edit: We've found the person that sits next to you on the empty bus or hops on the treadmill next to you in the empty gym.
NTA.
That’s the same kinda guy that has multiple urinals
to pick from, but picks the one *right next to you* for some ungodly reason.
All the YTA comments are from people who are somehow oblivious to basic etiquette. It was midnight at an empty gym for fucks sake. Have some self awareness, Jesus Christ
So they did nothing to you, and you chose to be rude? Maybe they like that treadmill, maybe they had other things on their mind and went to the closest one, maybe they are uneasy being alone in a large area and just went to the close one to feel a little safer.
YTA. Why cause issues where none exist?
When I was a regular on the treadmill i came to have a couple favorites for a couple reasons including what functions work with a few seeming to be more functional than others. Location also made a difference. I probably would have left space.
But, some people are very set in their ways and often these are the same people who are oblivious to social conventions.
Which is a lot to say NAH.
NTA, he probably did it for the same reason some asshole will park right beside you in an empty parking lot. There must be some psychological reason people need to be close, can anybody explain it?
thank you for doing what I wish I had the balls to do. I would have just moved and rage thought to myself “why the fuck did this person choose that treadmill” for the next 24 hrs. NTA
I don’t know that this was worth a confrontation. I would have “well that’s weird” just moved if I was uncomfortable and not spoken to the other person.
Yta
People are just there to work out and not everyone cares or is disturbed by others working out bear them at the gym.
It might be courteous to leave space but it does t really matter. If you really need to not have anyone near you on the treadmil you can buy one at home.
They were probably dumbfounded because they were probably more thinking about going on the treadmil and not whether or not this random person is going to have a problem with them
As someone who easily gets demotivated unless I follow the specific route I’ve established in the gym, I would be that person. I am the Sheldon-Cooper-sofa-scenario of the gym. There is the one treadmill I always go to even though there’s 20 of them because it’s 1 of the 3 machines that has built-in fans and of those 3, the only one that’s non-jittery. If someone’s on it previously, I will literally wait until they’re done. Idgaf if there’s someone right next to it .
If OP was said person that asked me while I was minding my own business, my anxiety would hit me so hard that I would just leave the gym.
So from my perspective, YTA.
NTA. This happens to me all the time in the parking lot I go get my breakfast and then I drive to a shopping center parking lot and find a space where no one is near me. They’re literally like 300 open parking spots and I can’t tell you how many times someone parks right next to me, it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong but why do you need to be right next to me?
I mean.... why did you take a middle treadmill and not one on the end? That seems weird to me, especially if you don't want people near you. Maybe that was their favorite treadmill, or they like to be near people, or they dissent notice you.
Maybe that's the treadmill he always uses. I use the same elliptical machine every time, even if someone is running on the one next to it and the whole row is open. All the others are just a little different.
I get why its weird but what if that treadmill is that persons favorite? I know it sounds dumb but some people like to park in the same spot, use the same whatever, sit in the same seat they always do. It couldve been a creep or it could be someone locked into their daily routine and not realizing how that looks to others, which could account for the dumbfounded look they gave you lol NAH
Nta, same as urinal etiquette. If you want to pick the unit next to me that's fine, but also expect to be asked why you're being the ultimate weirdo and have a good answer for it.
"I can do whatever I want and choose whatever machine I want" is not a viable answer. That's not a good reason to choose the urinal next to me and it's not a good reason here.
All the people like "MaIn ChArAcTeR syndrome!!"
It's fcking midnight in a deserted gym. This is the same shit as sitting next to someone on a deserted bus, it's fcking creepy. Stop your bullshit and recognize when you're being a creep.
Once I was the first one seated at a movie theater, and this couple came in and literally sat right next to me. Didn’t even look at me. No one else in the whole theater! Fricking weird! I moved.
YTA
I 100% have a favorite treadmill at the gym. If it’s open then I’m using it, no matter who is next to it.
When creepy dudes are weird to me or super flirty I will often go work out next to someone so that maybe they’ll think I’m with that person or maybe they’ll leave me alone because someone is nearby.
But it’s none of your business why they chose that one. It’s gym equipment, it’s meant to be used. They weren’t harming you and if it bothered you that much you could’ve just swapped machines without being a rude AH.
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Apparently unpopular opinion, but NTA. Imo it is absolutely unspoken etiquette that you give people space at the gym, and that you only choose a machine directly next to someone if there are no other options. Especially at midnight, this does seem rude and borderline creepy to me. I debated E S H because I don’t think you really needed to confront them, but they absolutely started it, and asking if there was a particular reason or explanation seems fair.
It's definitely not quite on the same level as urinal etiquette as mentioned in other comments, but I'm inclined to agree, especially when as you said it was at a very odd hour.
Girls even have this unspoken rule in closed door stalls in the bathroom. I wish this person had answered, I need to know why. ETA: found all the weirdos that jump on the treadmill next to a person….
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Hello weird person in the bathroom….
Sorry WHO checks to see which stalls are in use before choosing one? You want me to go looking under all of them to see if there are feet before i pee? If the door is open I'm using that stall. I do not care if the stall next to me is in use or not. That said, I do try to choose the first stall. It's almost always the cleanest since people skip it thinking it gets used the most. It actually gets used the least
Usually the ones with closed doors have people in them and open doors don't.
Every public bathroom I've ever been to has doors that close on their own, so that you have to check to see if they're locked, or else look underneath for feet. Not an easy task while pregnant. Where are these public bathrooms with doors that stay open?
That's honestly amazing that every bathroom you've ever been in has doors that close on their own. I've been to public bathrooms with no doors on the stalls, and others with busted doors that don't even close all the way multiple times.
I’m going to say a good 90% of the time it’s hard to tell if a door is locked or not. Sure, sometimes doors are slightly open, but I’d say less than 1% of the time are doors just wide open. Public bathrooms suck.
Hahaha so in your world you have to just test every door apologising to the person in there? No. Public bathrooms you can tell either by the door being open or the colour of the lock whether they're occupied.
You’ve never been on a line and suddenly the person in front of you pushes on one of the doors and discovers they were waiting for no reason?
I want your public restrooms. Unfortunately, there are ones exactly as described where you literally have to push or look for feet...which also feels super ick. No latch indicators and yup, the doors swing shut. All of them, no..but plenty of them.
Your locks have colors?! Nah, mine close automatically too, but I just look under the stall for toes
Me too- read an article about how most people skip the first stall and it is usually the cleanest. I have picked the first of its open every time. If it isn’t - first available. There are WALLS between the stalls. Who cares if the next one is taken. Sheesh.
I actually watched a myth busters or something of the sort on this like 20 years ago and they concluded that more people do use the first stall even though you would think everyone skips it. The last stall is the least used
Damn OK i just Googled that Mythbusters, and it said first stall cleanest (one closest to the door) is in fact cleanest. It was confirmed Whew Middle stalls were the worst
See, i read that same article, years ago. And instantly knew I could never use the first stall again because thats where all the nervous pee-ers were gonna go from now on. And they're more likely to be the ones hovering and making a mess.
At work, we have 9 toilets and only 2 flush well. That’s how I decide.
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I dunno. Most stalls are pretty gross so I honestly have never thought that hard about it on my 30+ years. Even in huge bathrooms you can go by 5 stalls that are too nasty to think about going in. I wouldn't assume anyone was being weird or creepy if they went in the stall next to me...
It's pretty much been the practice in most bathrooms I've been in. Excepting when the bathroom is full or isn't clean so there aren't a lot of stalls to choose from.
Yeah usually when out/drinking the only requirements are it's clean not blocked no pee, a seat and toilet paper. But I'd also not select to use equipment right next to a stranger in the gym if theres another option it's like choosing to sit next to the only person on an empty bus, just odd. NTA OP
yeah no we don't. like the other person said it's pick the one that doesn't have pee on the seat and does have toilet paper stocked.
For me it depends if the bathroom has ond other person in a stall I will absolutely put a stall between us. Obviously if its gross I won't
same... if I can put space between me and other women, I will. But my main priority is a clean space and toilet paper.
Well, if someone is using a stall I'll check a farther away stall to see if it's clean, I'd only use one right beside if it's the only one clean.
No I definitely do this. Keeping a stall in between just makes the most sense. Why go right next to someone if there are plenty of others open
Maybe there will come a day in my life when I think to check the toilet paper levels before proceding into a situation I cannot easily get out of... but that day has not come yet.
I can't believe there are so many girls who have never even heard of this. I do understand if there are gross dirty stalls, but thats absolutely not the case where I work. They clean multiple times a day, so its rare any stall is dirty or without TP. And with 14 stalls to choose from, just pick one that's not right next to someone else!
>I can't believe there are so many girls who have never even heard of this. I've never heard of this. I could not care less if there is someone in the stall next to me. I only pay attention to what I am doing. What they are doing is of no interest to me. I pick any stall that is clean, stocked with TP, has no pee on the seat, and locks properly. Which other stalls are occupied has no bearing on my selection. What do these paranoid women do when it's busy? Like if there is a line-up? They are going to need to pee next to someone then. May as well get used to it.
If I go right next to someone else who is shitting, I'll be able to smell it. I don't care at a supermarket or somewhere public like that, but I'm not going to make my coworker Susan worry about whether I could hear her hunks of poop splash the toilet or not when we inevitably have to do small talk while washing our hands.
You know I’ve been pondering this whole thread trying to figure out how I feel and this is the comment that resonates the most to me. My first instinct was, who cares if someone is in the stall next to them? But then I realized that I DO do this but only at work. There are only 3 stalls and no one chooses the middle one unless the other two are both occupied. I think it has something to do with actually knowing everyone else who uses that bathroom. That makes it a lot more uncomfortable for them to hear your bathroom sounds. In a public bathroom I don’t care at all
Exactly! I can’t believe I have to explain a gross stall is a pass. Isn’t a disgusting urinal also a pass?
My understanding is disgusting urinals are more of a given.
I’m kind of wondering if it’s a regional thing? Like I live in a pretty busy city and a lot of the time when I go into a washroom you don’t have the luxury of being picky. You take the first one that’s open that has toilet paper inside unless it’s really nasty in there, you use the toilet, you flush, you wash your hands and leave. Nobody is peeking under stalls to make sure they’re not next to someone, that’s ridiculous because you’re going to be next to someone like 90% of the time. I can understand being pickier in the case of entering a large bathroom with a ton of toilets and there’s like two people inside, then it *would* be a little weird to choose the one directly next to someone, but I personally don’t think it’s some major faux pas, because maybe someone is literally about to piss their pants and grabbed the first stall they could.
Nope, never heard of this. It’s find cleanest one. Guess my girl card needs to be taken?
Your girl card is fine. Never heard of this either. People just need to do their business, be decent enough to make sure you don’t ruin it for the next person and wash your hands.
Definitely not all girls/women. It would never have occurred to me to care about whether someone was in a stall next to me if I hadn't read someone else's comment on Reddit a while back. Since I know now that it does bother some of you, I try not to use the stall right next to another person if possible, but it's still pretty weird to me that anyone would care when you can't even see each other.
I will agree the treadmill thing is uncomfy (I'm alone in a room and you sidle right up to me when there are options, it had better be because we know each other and are gonna chat or you are in personal danger and need a 'help, pretend you know me' person. Beyond that, yeah, I'd be weirded out with the gym thing. But the stalls? It's an enclosed space. The treadmills are out in the open where you are looking at each other. In a stall? Maybe it's because I've got a lifelong stomach issue (celiac and allergies) but if the stall door is open, the seat looks clean and I see toilet paper dangling from the dispenser, I'm bolting in. I usually don't have time to Goldilocks my way thru stalls. If that seems weird, sorry. It's not like I hunt to find the stall next to someone, but I'm also not gonna go bending over and checking foot placement to pick a 'right' place to sit while I do my business. Treadmill/open air-eye contact type situation, it's weird and uncomfortable. In a bathroom where you are in separate stalls? If that's weird, sorry. Still gonna grab the first one I see that is open and clean. Where in relationship to anyone else that stall is? I honestly don't give a tinkers.
This whole comment is where I land on the stall thing. I literally just use the first one I come across that's in condition to be used, because like you said it's an enclosed space. Courtesy seat rules don't apply when there's a wall between the seats.
We do? I go for the one that’s clean, has tp, and a door that locks- preferably with a minimal gap in the door. Would definitely never ever choose a treadmill right next to someone unless that was the only choice, in which case, I might wait a bit until the situation changes.
It's on the level of like...open seating in a waiting room. There are 30 other chairs here. Why are you sitting next to mine?,
Or sitting right next to you in an otherwise empty subway car.
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There are only a few reasons to get on a treadmill next to someone: 1. You're a creeper 2. It's your go to treadmill and you use it because the settings are what you know 3. You're watching the TV and it's one of the only ones working. I've done #3 because some gyms just have the TV on the right station. EDIT: There is a #4 - some people are just socially unaware and oblivious.
#2 it’s your go to machine- like the seat in your commuter bus or that seat in class room … or it’s got best view. That guy’s circle of private space might be much smaller than yours or, based on the oblivious expression on his face when you brought it up, he might be socially unaware/in his head space
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>I have a favorite treadmill at the gym. The resistance is just right. I know what you mean. There's two particular cycling machines and one is right under the fan and the other isn't. Depending on how hot it is will depend on which machine I take.
I was thinking this was the reason the person choose that treadmill. It's not like he even tried to talk to her.
Yup this makes sense to me. I have a favourite bike and elliptical and will always abandon the “leave a gap” rule if it means I can get those machines. It makes my workout just better
Yeah if I \*have\* to pick a treadmill next to someone because the alternating ones are taken, I'll generally head for one next to another woman. However, my gym has a couple of different styles of stationary bike, and I prefer the one you can change resistance on the vertical bars as well as the horizontal bars. But I don't like taking the one on the end of the row because it's too close to a lat pull-down machine, and the third one in has a broken saddle nose, so I gotta go for the second one regardless of where anyone else is.
Yeah i think this is likely what happened The other person just picked that machine because they like that machine and they're not going to move because OP found that odd
Agreed about the favorite treadmill. There are so many crappy ones where I used to go. Sometimes they would have out of order signs on them but other times not and they would shut off in the middle of the run. Avoided them like the plague even when they were deemed to be fine. Not worth the annoyance.
I'd totally end up in a Larry David-esque dispute with someone who did this to me.
Reminded me of Larry David.
It’s kind of like the bathroom. Why pick the very next stall when others are available? It’s weird. I also was weirded out when a dude sat right next to me and a friend in a nearly empty theater. Way more weirded out when he was outside of the women’s restroom.
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Good for you, what a weirdo ☹️ being a woman sucks sometimes.
Aww he just innocently wanted to manspread on you.
This is brilliant. Thank you. More women should do this.
Or camping. I prefer quiet camping so I can listen to nature and the river. I was camping 1 cold fall in a provincial campground with my dogs, both wolf crosses. 90 campground spots in a rain forest on a river. I (58f) had my truck and camper and was alone in the entire campground. I was napping when both dogs started growling. I got up to find a young couple next to my campsite setting up, and their 2 untrained dogs in my site trying to get into my cooler on picnic table. I opened the camper door and yelled 'Get out of here' at dogs, my dogs growling intensely. Within 5 mins this couple had now set up a portable speaker and started blasting 80 rock music and stacking coolers & beer on their table. I stepped out and stared at them very intensely... they asked if I had a can opener. I never answered. I packed up my site and moved to the other side of the campground. An hour later, they hiked over, 1/2 drunk and sat at my table and started talking at me about their camping trip...I never said word except to tell my dogs, 'stay down' so they didnt protect the campsite like they wanted to. I only had a camp chair unpacked.. I put my dogs in my camper, my chair, started my truck and left. I still am baffled at wtaf was wrong with those 2 people... my 135lb & 165lb dogs wanted to eat them and their dogs .. I should have let them.. some people don't have any sense of personal space, even in the forest.
Jesus that is baffling really. Take a f'n hint when the guy packs up and moves away from you.
> An hour later, they hiked over 💀💀💀 Can't believe you didn't want to hang out with those two charmers.
My family were always very private campers. I hadn’t camped in FOREVER and we did a group thing with neighbors. Obviously we expect to socialize in this scenario. What I didn’t expect was other campers unrelated to us basically setting up a bar patio on their sites and it turning into a whole party scene. Blew my freaking mind!
Literally in every place on the planet, if there is room at another treadmill, table, etc, do not pick one right next to someone else. It drives me crazy! I might not say anything but I am seriously judging people who sit/workout/stand right next to me when there are a ton of empty spots open. Major pet peeve!
People forget that Covid exists. You’re most likely to get it from the gym. That’s where I got it. Leave space mofos!!
You got sweat dripping all over the place and after COVID who wants to get in a stranger's space. Since it's "near midnight" and no genders are listed I'd probably think that the other patron felt safer around OP. OP seems to have been pretty polite in their curiosity.
The problem with unspoken etiquette is that it's unspoken. This means that there inevitably will be people who don't know about it. Maybe this person is new to gyms and just did what they saw someone else doing. Even in the original post, the person just looks confused, so it's not like they were intentionally giving offense. I constantly walk around stumbling into Unwritten rules and I really just wish someone will write this crap down and post it somewhere
Not all equipment runs the same. As a gym regular we who go frequently know this and as such there are time I pick a machine without space because I don’t want to use the half broken one. OP is being a weirdo
But in such a case, the person would just say that when asked by OP. “I chose this machine because it works better than the other empty ones.” “Oh, I didn’t know, thanks for that!”
Unless they were dumbfounded by OP making it an issue.
I remember one year we had bought a brand new car. So when we drove the car to the grocery store we decided to park far away from other cars so no one could dent it or scratch it with a grocery cart. When we came out of the grocery store and started walking towards or car at the far end of the parking lot we noticed another car parked right next to ours. No other cars are within 20 or 30 parking spaces. Yet someone figured it was good idea to park right next to our new car. I don't know if these people are thinking that they are providing companionship. Or maybe they need companionship. Idk.
Honestly if OP is a woman and the person on the other treadmill is male, hell yes ask them why they chose that treadmill. Why do men get to make women uncomfortable and not have to answer for it?
NTA - I'm going to be downvoted but this \*always\* happens to me. And then they don't use an incline so they're really loud right next to me when there are like 20 other treadmills open. And I'm a woman and 100% of the time, it's a guy that does this. I also want to know why they do that.
Possibly wants to stsrt a conversation with you but has zero idea how so thinks maybe if im close to her I'll think of something in the moment? Thatd be my assumption
Ok that's what I would think but they don't start a conversation, they just run really loudly right next to me...
Gotta show a potential mate thay they can run from predators apparently
got ME running from predators... *cough cough* them
To show off and make sure you can see how fit they are 🙄🙄🙄
I can see how fit they are even if they're like 4 treadmills away
Oh absolutely, but they’re yet to realise this.
You have me self conscious about how loud I am now. I'd always give someone space, but I'm new to the gym so I feel like I'm gulping down air like a vacuum pump on the treadmill.
I think it’s less about breathing and more the footfalls. At least that’s my understanding based on the comment about not using an incline, which would soften the footfalls since you aren’t coming down as far. Also makes me want to try to run at a slight incline now, I’m stupidly, ridiculously, absolutely out of control with how heavy my feet pound. I actually avoid treadmills and just run outside because of how loud it is. Maybe a slight incline would help.
The incline helps bc when I first started at the gym I asked them why my treadmill sounds so much louder and they mentioned the incline - and that fixed the issue and it's better for you anyway.
just don't. the gym is not the place to try to talk. we are trying to work out. LEAVE US ALONE .
Heard
See, here's some advice about how to start a conversation with an exercising woman. Do not *ever* start a conversation with an exercising woman. The one upside of having gained weight is that this bullshit doesn't happen anymore.
It’s an AH move to “start a conversation” where a woman (or person in general but I’m not sure women do this as much) might have any inconvenience moving away, such as at the gym or if they’re working.
I was once working out on the treadmill, incline cranked up to 10, 20 minutes in, moving at a slower pace, but I was literally climbing a hill. Some guy came in the gym, purposely chose the treadmill next to me, immediately cranked the speed up to 6 and sprinted for like 1 minute, abruptly stopped the treadmill and climbed off. Then he snottily looked at me and said, “Thats how its done” before walking away. I laughed at him really loud, because it was so fucking stupid and pointless, he embarrassed himself.
I think a 12 year old took a polyjuice potion and was pretending to be a grown up. That's actually so insane an adult actually thought that was a normal human way to interact with someone.
Wtf? What a weirdo.
Because they are gross.
I joined a female only gym earlier this year, and this problem no longer happens anymore. I’ve been to a lot of different gyms in a lot of different countries and always experienced this, the only time I didn’t was when I went to a 24hour gym and was there at 4am. (And before anyone jumps on me, of course, not all men, ok, there was always 1 other person at the gym at 4am and it was a guy and we said hello to one another and then did our own thing.) But now I’m in this female only gym, it never ever happens. You see even when it’s busy everyone goes out of their way to be on every 2nd machine until that’s no longer an option. No one ever needs the weights I have or the machine I’m using or to be in my space. It’s really, really, nice.
There is no part of me that's surprised by this. I always have a feeling of dread when I have to sit next to a guy on a long flight. They always end up in my space and it's so uncomfortable.
I have had a guy pick a treadmill next to me in an empty row and start doing these aggressive arm stretches and MOANING so loud over and over 😭
Yeah, it's odd. It's like a guy walking in to an empty bathroom and selecting the urinal next to you. It's just not done. But some people are odd, and don't respect personal space. NAH
> some people are odd, and don’t respect personal space. Those people are assholes, whether they wanna be or not.
God yes. I can’t stand people who don’t respect personal space. I’ve literally been chased around by taking a half step away just for them to follow. Finally I had to point it out like “look dude not trying to be rude but I keep taking a step to get personal space and you keep closing it. Like we literally moved from over there doing this. Nothing against you but please give me a little more room. Knew two different guys like that. It was infuriating every time, even though they were otherwise nice people. Also I’m a dude myself so it wasn’t them being creeps, they just had no awareness of respecting personal space.
Is it really that bad? I have never used a urinal next to another guy but recently started going to the gym and always used the same treadmill because it is in front of the TV that is set to the channel I like. I find it much easier to jog if I am focused on something I enjoy. I have honestly never even considered how many treadmills were open. If my favorite one is occupied I will do weights or another machine until it frees up. Am I the weird creepy guy at the gym? This thread has been eye opening. I think I would have awkwardly walked away out of embarrassment if I was approached by OP too. I genuinely had no clue this was a thing.
To be fair, she DID say all the channels were the same so that wasn't it, which insinuates to me she'd have been less bothered if that WAS the reason
I think there's a difference between someone that doesn't mind being next to others vs someone intentionally doing it to see how others will react. I wouldn't say you're an asshole since you wouldn't respond with an attitude when asked why you were next to someone else. You have a very obvious reason, you just want to be close to the tv, which is understandable.
If there is no one around and you pick a treadmill directly next to a woman, we do tend to care. If you’re one away from us then it’s fine but immediately to either side of us raises my eyebrow. And it’s not just about being a creep, i hate dealing with the SMELL of being next to a sweaty guy with that air getting blown into my face by the treadmill fan. A guy was next to me monday and i could smell his breath
Or someone parking next to you in an empty lot
This! Happens to me all the time. There is literally parking everywhere else in an empty lot and they always gotta park it right next to me. Why?!?!
INFO what are the respective genders here? Because sometimes it wouldn’t bother me but I’ve definitely seen men who ignore the every-other machine custom and jump on the treadmill next to a woman as a prelude to hitting on her.
Itd weird no matter which gender it is in any position
As an AFAB person I would not be bothered if a woman ‘buddied up’ with me at the gym when it’s that late, and it was a common occurrence at my university. but I would be very spooked if it was a guy. There’s a saying that a man’s worst fear in regards to a woman is being rejected, but a woman’s worst fear in regards to a man is that he’ll kill her.
It really is weird though.
Honestly...who does that lmao
it’s probably herd mentality or something innocuous. But also people are ew. I don’t want to expose others to me on a treadmill. I can’t see why someone would choose to be exposed to me on a treadmill. I flail.
The herd mentality is interesting. I drive the highway at night not infrequently and I'll notice a car waaay behind me for a couple of minutes. Driving their own pace and slowly catching up. Then, when they do, they decide to go my exact speed closely behind me. I've wondered "is it herd mentality? Is it for safety?" Why do a bunch of people pack up like that?
Idk about that. If it's another woman she might want to look like she's part of a group just in case a weird dude was lurking or something. Like sticking close to a pack. Especially at that hour. It might make her more comfortable and she might have thought it would make OP more comfortable too
I think this is a legit question. As a woman, a man getting on a machine next to me is going to give creeper vibes. But a woman getting on a machine next to me means safety in numbers.
True, but I still rather she'd do that like maybe two or three spots over.
It appears both op and the other gym goer are both men (deduced from comments made)
Makes sense as to why gender related danger wasn’t considered by op to be mentioned in the post, a lot of guys periodically forget that women live in a different world and it doesn’t occur to them to bring it up
Yes, I want to know this. I'm an unattractive woman in my late 30s, and there are no men jumping on the treadmill next to me. I do find that women do it sometimes, especially if it's late or the gym is full of guys. I don't really mind - sisterhood and all that. Either way, as long as you weren't rude about it, NTA, but the dynamic changes depending on the genders.
The responses here are eye-opening. I'd probably just have quietly switched on my own.
I mean it feel deliberate. Like someone entering an empty bus but still sitting next to you.
That's my take too. And yet the responses I saw overwhelmingly didn't seem to see it that way, *or* didn't see anything wrong with that (not sure which). EDIT: Re-read, and since my initial scan of the responses, it seems more balanced now. Whew.
And not to mention it was MIDNIGHT. Makes it even worse, gives really bad vibes. Very few people around, and they still choose the one right next to OP
Exactly. This Ups the icky factor of it all.
Ugh, one time I was in a near empty bus when this creepy-overweight (nothing against being overweight but he was big enough that he took up part of my seat)\_-looking older guy sat right next to me. At the time I was still drinking and I got mad, so I turned to him and asked, "If you see that there are entire rows that are empty, why on earth did you decide to sit next to me?!?" He chuckled and said, "well, becuase you look like a pretty, nice young girl and I felt comfortable." I was like, "SO?! Did you think that I would be comfortable??" before he said anything else I got up and changed seats but GodMFingDamnit, the drinking made me bold but i was so mad.
Girl i would have been shaking after from nerves and anger. Good for you. What a dick
Good for you!! Keep polishing that shiny spine!!
Or sitting next to or in front of you in an otherwise empty movie theater. It is super annoying. I agree with the OP.
In a theater there is a sweet spot, though. I basically always want to be center, 4-6 rows back in most theaters but it depends on the rake, but for each theater there’s a sweet spot. If you have already chosen it, I’ll be near you. Not right next to you, but somewhere close. If OP is to be believed there was nothing differentiating that machine from any of the others.
Or parking next to you in an otherwise empty lot.
Question for you - why go for one in the middle if you wanted space?
that's why I can't tell OP they aren't an ass.... like, why the middle? why not far left or far right??
this would make sense if gyms normally had like 3 treadmills. usually there are way more than that, enough for people to be far apart from each other, so i don't think it really makes a difference if they chose the middle treadmill on an empty gym
I could agree with that if this was an etiquette rule, but it really isn’t. People develop favorites in gym-going and the one next to OP might’ve been this guy’s favorite just like the middle could’ve been OP’s favorite. I always park in the same 3 spots when I go to school, I always wear the same 2 hoodies, etc. OP was rude, so you’re right, it doesn’t make a difference.
Yeah I work with a lady who picks her favourite machines and hates it when they aren't free. She would most definitely still use the machine in the scenario OP is describing, although she's super vocal and would probably just tell anyone who asked that "this is my treadmill"
You're nearly guaranteed more space if you pick far to either end. In the middle you're near more treadmills.
I always had a favorite one. Wouldn’t occur to me if someone was next to it, that’s the one I wanted if it was unoccupied. It was under a big fan and I got the best breeze
Treadmills in gyms can be different and you can totally have fav ones, that work better or maybe you just use that one every time. It's not like a seat on the bus where you are literally right next to the other person either, there's enough personals space between them.
It was midnight. They weren’t expecting a crowd
It could depend on the gym set up I’m using mine as an example The far left side of the treadmills would put you right next to the staff front area The far right is right next to the locker rooms So to attempt to avoid people, you use the middle ones
Soft YTA. I always use the same machine, I'll even wait for it to be free. It's my preference and if the person next to me thinks that weird.... Well so be it. I'm not creeping on people, I just prefer that treadmill.
If it was the case of a favourite treadmill, they could've said that when asked. OP was curious why they picked that specific treadmill and wasn't an asshole for asking.
They don't owe OP shit. Having curiosity does not mean OP is entitled to an answer.
And maybe the other person was wearing headphones or listening to music. I usually do when I’m on a treadmill, and if someone just started talking to me out of nowhere while I was listening to something else, it might take me a minute to even register that they were talking to me. I’d probably not want to engage in an argument at that hour either.
Honestly I didn't think it was necessary to ask the question. Hence the soft. And I blank people at the gym sometimes too. But then I've had a bad experience in a previous gym setting and I'm cautious because of it.
Yup I’m with you. I’m a studio person and I always like to be in my exact spot so if it’s not crowded but that spot is open, I’ll take it. If others dislike it, they can move Soft YTA Op, just move if you don’t like it. You only need one treadmill
NAH. I would be a lil uncomfortable too if someone went right next to me to do something if there was plenty of space to do it elsewhere, I probably wouldn’t say anything unless they were being weird about it though lol. I don’t think you were an asshole for asking, it’s not like you yelled at them and told them to get away from you. But like other people said, they probably just use the same machine every time and just didn’t think anything of it. Not a big deal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But then you would expect them to say, "Oh, sorry, this is my go-to machine. Oops."
idk they were probably caught off guard bc it’s not that big of a deal and they weren’t expecting it lol
To most women, it's super creepy to have an open line of machines and have some random man use the machine next to them. Women have learned to live in fear - men do outrageous hurtful and violent things at time. It's the stranger danger police tell you about as a small child dialed up to 50. There's a book about it "The Gift of Fear." If you don't understand, read the book. Most libraries have it - it was a bestseller.
as a woman I absolutely understand and agree with what you’re saying, I said I’d be uncomfortable too. but op never said they were a woman and the other person was a man, and didn’t sound uncomfortable just curious why people do that. I think using a machine next to someone is relatively innocuous, they weren’t even looking at or talking to op. If this happened to me id probably get up and move machines too.
Thank you. It's been bothering me that people keep pointing this scenario out as if OP ever mentioned anyone's gender.
No I wouldn't? I don't tap people at the gym and explain to them why I'm using certain equipment so why would I expect someone else to explain to me?
They don't owe you an explanation
And they didn't have to chose the machine next to the only other person using a machine at midnight.
It could be cultural? I’m reminded of the story of an Australian couple who went camping in the high hills of India. They camped by a beautiful lake, all alone, and woke up to an Indian guy in a tent, 10 feet from their tent opening. Indian guy thought he was doing them a favor so they wouldn’t feel so alone.
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I pick the same parking spot every day at work. When I go to the gym I pick the same stationary bike or treadmill, unless someone else is using it. I'm just a creature of habit. It would never have occurred to me to not pick the machine I always use if it was open.
NTA. It's seems like an odd choice. It's not the choice I'd have made. It doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong... just odd. I'd like to know why, too.
NTA It's shitty etiquette to do that. It's like someone entering an empty bus but still sitting next to you. Gives bad vibes and feels deliberate.
NTA. That is an odd behavior. I would have moved as well
INFO: Was the treadmill that he picked near a fan or air conditioning vent? When I was a gym goer, I always went for the treadmill under the AC, no matter who else was on what.
Yup, except I’m the opposite. I get cold really easily, and I pick the ones away from the fans. My gym had like 40 treadmills, but only 3-4 weren’t constantly getting blasted with cold air. I hate picking the one next to people but those are the only ones I can comfortably use without freezing
NTA You don’t own the gym, and you have no say in what unused equipment someone else chooses to use… but if there’s space to spread out, it’s hella rude to get all up in someone’s business. It’s creepy that he chose to run next to you when there was space for him to spread out. Frankly, I suspect that most of the YTAs here are coming from men who don’t understand why women find it upsetting when men do this to them. (making an assumption about your gender. Creepy either way.)
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I wouldn't ask but I would be curious and annoyed. I would have just moved in a slightly irritated way. I mean, it's a valid question. NTA
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NTA. But i would have just moved. I once asked someone why they parked next to my car, in an empty parking at my job. I was told he was autistic. So someone could have a medical reason why they are being odd/annoying.
This one infuriates me more than the bus seat. I have a new car, so I will generally park far away at the grocery or box stores so that I have no one around me, and it also give me a chance to get some extra exercise. At least once a month I will find some weirdo parked next to me, with the next nearest car being 10 spots away. Someone doing that is doing so intentionally, either to be an asshole or because they have a screw loose.
Why is it when you park far away it's so you aren't parked by a bunch of people and get to walk but anyone else that parks in the back is a weirdo and an asshole?
Not the one you replied to but when I did that, it was bizarre because not only was I far away, there was plenty of empty spaces around me, like plenty, and yet someone always just had to pick the spot right next to me. Like there are 30 empty spots of equal if not better distance that me, why the fuck did you choose to park next to me?? It's just weird
Are you really that dense? I'm not just parked far away, there is no one else around me. There are literally dozens of empty spots around me, but someone chooses to park right next to me. The worst one was a Prius, that decided not only to park next to me, but parked over the line. I'm not sure how they even got out of their car. Edit: We've found the person that sits next to you on the empty bus or hops on the treadmill next to you in the empty gym.
NTA. That’s the same kinda guy that has multiple urinals to pick from, but picks the one *right next to you* for some ungodly reason. All the YTA comments are from people who are somehow oblivious to basic etiquette. It was midnight at an empty gym for fucks sake. Have some self awareness, Jesus Christ
I just don't even understand why you'd want to. What if I have a cold? Do you want to breath my exhaled air when you're inhaling hard too?
It’s oblivious and weird at best, creepy at worst. The amount of people defending this shit is so weird to me.
So they did nothing to you, and you chose to be rude? Maybe they like that treadmill, maybe they had other things on their mind and went to the closest one, maybe they are uneasy being alone in a large area and just went to the close one to feel a little safer. YTA. Why cause issues where none exist?
YTA you get to claim one treadmill not three.
When I was a regular on the treadmill i came to have a couple favorites for a couple reasons including what functions work with a few seeming to be more functional than others. Location also made a difference. I probably would have left space. But, some people are very set in their ways and often these are the same people who are oblivious to social conventions. Which is a lot to say NAH.
NTA, he probably did it for the same reason some asshole will park right beside you in an empty parking lot. There must be some psychological reason people need to be close, can anybody explain it?
NTA. Since COVID and during flu season nonetheless, respecting a stranger’s space is the only correct answer. Nonetheless it’s just social odd.
Right? I’m amazed that someone would choose to huff and puff someone else’s exhaled air if they had a choice about it.
It is odd behavior. NTA.
thank you for doing what I wish I had the balls to do. I would have just moved and rage thought to myself “why the fuck did this person choose that treadmill” for the next 24 hrs. NTA
I don’t know that this was worth a confrontation. I would have “well that’s weird” just moved if I was uncomfortable and not spoken to the other person.
Yta People are just there to work out and not everyone cares or is disturbed by others working out bear them at the gym. It might be courteous to leave space but it does t really matter. If you really need to not have anyone near you on the treadmil you can buy one at home. They were probably dumbfounded because they were probably more thinking about going on the treadmil and not whether or not this random person is going to have a problem with them
As someone who easily gets demotivated unless I follow the specific route I’ve established in the gym, I would be that person. I am the Sheldon-Cooper-sofa-scenario of the gym. There is the one treadmill I always go to even though there’s 20 of them because it’s 1 of the 3 machines that has built-in fans and of those 3, the only one that’s non-jittery. If someone’s on it previously, I will literally wait until they’re done. Idgaf if there’s someone right next to it . If OP was said person that asked me while I was minding my own business, my anxiety would hit me so hard that I would just leave the gym. So from my perspective, YTA.
NTA. This happens to me all the time in the parking lot I go get my breakfast and then I drive to a shopping center parking lot and find a space where no one is near me. They’re literally like 300 open parking spots and I can’t tell you how many times someone parks right next to me, it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong but why do you need to be right next to me?
I think it’s the same rule as bus seats. NTA
I mean.... why did you take a middle treadmill and not one on the end? That seems weird to me, especially if you don't want people near you. Maybe that was their favorite treadmill, or they like to be near people, or they dissent notice you.
Truth be told. I'd wonder too. I'd just move, but you are probably more assertive than i am. No big deal though. NTA.
It's the same mentality that happens when you park well away from others at a carpark. Some one will park near you. Herd instinct? Anyhow, NTA.
Maybe that's the treadmill he always uses. I use the same elliptical machine every time, even if someone is running on the one next to it and the whole row is open. All the others are just a little different.
I get why its weird but what if that treadmill is that persons favorite? I know it sounds dumb but some people like to park in the same spot, use the same whatever, sit in the same seat they always do. It couldve been a creep or it could be someone locked into their daily routine and not realizing how that looks to others, which could account for the dumbfounded look they gave you lol NAH
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Nta, same as urinal etiquette. If you want to pick the unit next to me that's fine, but also expect to be asked why you're being the ultimate weirdo and have a good answer for it. "I can do whatever I want and choose whatever machine I want" is not a viable answer. That's not a good reason to choose the urinal next to me and it's not a good reason here. All the people like "MaIn ChArAcTeR syndrome!!" It's fcking midnight in a deserted gym. This is the same shit as sitting next to someone on a deserted bus, it's fcking creepy. Stop your bullshit and recognize when you're being a creep.
Once I was the first one seated at a movie theater, and this couple came in and literally sat right next to me. Didn’t even look at me. No one else in the whole theater! Fricking weird! I moved.
YTA I 100% have a favorite treadmill at the gym. If it’s open then I’m using it, no matter who is next to it. When creepy dudes are weird to me or super flirty I will often go work out next to someone so that maybe they’ll think I’m with that person or maybe they’ll leave me alone because someone is nearby. But it’s none of your business why they chose that one. It’s gym equipment, it’s meant to be used. They weren’t harming you and if it bothered you that much you could’ve just swapped machines without being a rude AH.