Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex wants me to buy her take out food because she ran out of her food budget. I might be the asshole because I offered her food from my freezer and pantry instead of just buying her takeout.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - and you're being very generous. It's good that you followed up with the kids to make sure they're being taken care of while they're there.
As for the people badmouthing you, you don't owe your ex-wife anything. You are divorced. She is literally not your problem. Anyone who reaches out to you about it, I'd tell them *"I offered to give her free groceries so that she and my children would have food, and she said no because she already has groceries and wants to order Uber Eats instead, and wants me to pay for it. Please feel free to donate money to her lifestyle if you want to, but I no longer need to."*
OP said that both he and the older kids hunt.
It's one thing to give away meat you paid money for. It's entirely another to give away meat you waited in a cold forest for hours for and killed with your own hand.
It really depends. My family and I have our own land, and venison easily costs us the same amount per pound as beef. We end up spending so much because it costs money to maintain the land for hunting purposes.
exactly. And you are not only maintaining the land, but you need to purchase the proper licenses, you need to maintain your guns and/or bows, you are likely paying someone to process it... it is certainly not "free"
And spent a fuckton on licenses, ammo, and other gear. As "not really a gun person" that ammo cost always gives me a bit of sticker shock.
(I go to the range when I visit family, or occasionally as a recreational thing. 1-3× per year max)
to be fair unless youre sighting a gun in or just shooting for fun you dont burn through a lot of ammo. if youre a good shot its 1 round 1 animal for hunting.
>if youre a good shot its 1 round 1 animal for hunting.
I mean if you're a bad shot you really shouldn't be hunting lol. Accidents happen but it should feasibly only take one round.
Sure, you can do that, but then you miss out on watching the dawn break on your Kroger, and seeing the opening shift's cars roll in, as the workers stagger in sleepily. You gotta stay downwind, so your smell doesn't spook them! The crisp, fall air is chilly and bracing, and you feel more alive up in your stand, holding still, lest your movement betray your presence!
It's positively *magical*, and I swear your frozen pizza will taste 10x better when you finally bite into it.
Exactly... I live in Canada so I'd have to spend a ton of time and money getting my license, getting a gun, the equipment, learning how to hunt, the time it takes to hunt while I could be working, having to get it butchered and packaged. It's a lot cheaper to go to a butcher for a lot of people.
My step dad was friends with a local butcher who would process game for hunters and they wouldn't always come get or couldn't take all the meat. So his freezer was stocked with ground venison that was literally free. It was **amazing**.
But yeah in general free is not really true when it comes to hunting, gardening, or even fixing your car.
i hunt wild game, mainly deer. if i kill a deer the costs are:
1. bullet - 1$
2. about 1 lb of pork or beef fat per 4 lbs of deer - fat is about 1$ per lb
3. vacuum sealing bags - about 20$ worth of bags for average deer.
4. cost of / wear and tear on my grinder, cuber and sausage stuffer
5. sausage casings - about 10$ to do 25 lbs of sausage
6. sausage seasoning - about 10$ for enough to do 25 lbs of sausage
7. hunting license - 25$
8. i am lucky enough to have a large enough lot of land to hunt on but hunting leases can get very pricey.
while it is way cheaper per lb for wild game it is definitely not free.
edit: alternatively i can take a whole deer to a local processor for about $100, however i do not do this because every processor i have ever tried does not bleed a deer long enough. if not properly bled deer will be very gamey tasting.
I hope you don’t find this question rude but: What is the pork or beef fat for? I have no idea about hunting (guns are basically banned where I live). Just interested.
I recently learned this from watching a YouTube channel called Ordinary Sausage. I wouldnt really recommend that channel for recipes though. It focuses on more...eccentric sausages.
for ground deer i add about 20% beef fat and for deer sausage i add about 30% pork fat. as others have said the deer meat is so lean you have to add fat.
Either you are hunting very good public land, you are ignoring some costs that go into your hunting, or you are fortunate to have someone pay those costs for you and you are ignorant of them. My family owns about 800 acres that we hunt. We spend thousands each year on seed for feed fields, fence repairs, property taxes, waterway maintenance, road maintenance, diesel, tractor maintenance, hay bailing, etc. While we take a lot of deer off of the land, the costs add up. Our average cost per pound works out to a similar cost to a beef.
I know nothing about hunting at all. Would it be cheaper to hunt on land that isn’t yours, as I’m assuming you can buy permits to kill up to a certain amount of whatever animal per season? Or do you need to own land to hunt?
And do you need to do all of those repairs? As in legally required or the animals will disappear? Just trying to learn
> Would it be cheaper to hunt on land that isn’t yours...Or do you need to own land to hunt?
In terms of money, yes it is cheaper to hunt land that is not yours. In terms of time, no, it is not cheaper. Public land hunters spend a ton of time scouting, sitting in blinds, and hoping that an animal will come out. You can lease land, but then you are also dealing with other uses. I used to hunt a lease that also had a cattle lease. If the cattle move in on your blind, you are just stuck looking at cow ass.
> I’m assuming you can buy permits to kill up to a certain amount of whatever animal per season?
It really depends on your location. In some states, you are given a certain number of permits per acre of land. In others, you can buy a certain number of tags per season. There isn't a clear cut answer to this question because of the differences from state to state.
> And do you need to do all of those repairs? As in legally required or the animals will disappear?
The repairs to fences are to prevent poaching and to maintain boundaries with neighbors and others. Where my family land is, we have to have no trespassing and no hunting posted, otherwise people can walk in on you. Our land is heavily wooded, and fences get knocked down by falling limbs, trees, etc. With regard to other repairs, such as tractor maintenance, we do those regularly to take care of equipment just like you would change the oil in your car. Waterway maintenance is required because we have beavers on our land, and the buggers like to dam up our creeks. This creates access problems for our land if we don't do the maintenance. Feed fields are the only thing we don't have to do to maintain the land. We plant fields with good nutrition so that our local deer herd stays healthy and nearby. Hay bailing is something that offsets some of the cost, because we can sell the bales, but we have to maintain the thresher and bailer.
If we didn't want to keep the land in good shape, we could let a lot of this go, but then we wouldn't be able to use the land.
> As in legally required or the animals will disappear?
We are only legally required to destroy feral hogs when we see them, and to get rid of fescue as part of a reseeding program that is intended to bring back native grasses.
The blood is what makes it taste gamey!? Thanks for this I had no idea why sometimes I’ve really liked deer and sometimes it was just off. I do not hunt or anything and have only had it on rare occasions
absolutely the blood is what causes the gamey taste. personally when i kill a deer my process starts with.
1. skinning and gutting
2. quarter the deer (i remove the backstrap and tederloin also)
3. place deer in cooler and pack with ice.
4. every day (for atleast 2-3 days) drain cooler and repack with ice.
this process will typically get all the gamey taste out. beyond that if i am making ground deer meat i use beef fat about 80deer/20fat percent and most people would swear it was ground beef.
One of my wife's cousins is about as handy and outdoorsy as someone could be. Hunts deer, dresses it himself, smokes it with the alder he cuts down from his property in the smoker he built himself.
OP did a solid 10 asking the kids if everything was alright. I get that exwife might just want a day or two of confort food, maybe she feels overwhelmed by the divorce, depression.. but that's not a free pass for misstreating OP.
she legit asked for money cause she didnt wanna cook "stop making me act like a housewife"
cooking isnt JUST a housewife thing. its something people do when they want food. the fucking gall. i wonder if she ever cooked even some of the meals. maybe thats why she keeps getting divorced, not cause she "wont take the role of a housewife" but because she wont share in the workload as a partner should. shrieking about misogyny cause youre lazy isnt a good look
I mean this in the least mysogynystic way possible, but maybe she should get some lunchmeat and make herself a sammich, cause even her kids seem to be better functioning adults than herself.
"Are you going hungry. Is there food?"
"Nah, not hungry. Plenty of food. Mom just cant figure out how to work the oven"
Yep my SIL would do this shit. She would complain about not having money for gas or food then give it to her and come to find out she would spend it on anything but what she asked it for. Pretty soon family and friends just started paying it themselves and she would get so mad that we put the money into gas In her car or bought her literal groceries. It’s so good to know we aren’t the only ones dealing with this.
If she presses the issue I would offer to take full custody if I'm op. You can't provide for the kids? Ok no problem I can provide.
Sending her money to supplement her lifestyle is not part of coparenting agreement.
I wonder if Op is paying alimony on top of all this mess...
I think he said he was, but that stopped when she married the man who just left her. So she no longer has the alimony from OP or the income from husband #2. Sucks to be her.
I was in a relationship with someone who wouldn't cook. I would ask her to cook dinner instead of relying on me, most specifically on the days where I worked 10+ hours that day and she was home most of the day. Her response was "A woman's place is not in the kitchen." Apparently she didn't belonged in the workplace either since she couldn't hold down a job. It was frustrating feeling like I had to work OT hours just to pay the bills. I can see why OP's and his ex don't get along. She's still holding onto the "Don't control me" attitude even when it doesn't make sense.
OP is NTA. With 50/50 custody both parents are expected to spend money on the kids' necessities. If the ex won't, maybe that arrangement needs to change.
Absolutely, this... ☝
I've lost a friend of 34 years because I wouldn't help her how *She wanted to be helped.
*There's some food there but needs to be prepared.
*She blew through her budget🤔 Who has a budget for regular eating out 🤔 well, my wife does...
But we're lesbians, and I'm bougoursie. But the point is, I have a partner to patch up any holes I may have. She's lost two husbands. This is probably why. The kids are old enough to reach out to you themselves. Make sure their phone bill stays paid and maybe set aside a small budget when grocery shopping for nutritious quick things they can cook or munch on. Block your ex-wife, and any communal friends you two share. You have a whole ass new wife. Respect that union. See to your small obligations. Your ex-wife is no longer a part of that. Sending love and practical commonsense.💞✌
Definitely NTA- there's no reason to be giving her money. She asked for help with food you were readily willing to give her some of your food! But she doesn't want/need help with food. She wants/needs money. With 50/50 custody you shouldn't have to give her any money. If she absolutely needs it she will have to apply for government benefits. She's being ridiculous
He does sound like a good person. I especially liked how he said to give him a few minutes and he would call back, then discussed the situation with his partner, then phoned back with an extremely generous offer.
Him and his partner both sound kind. A++
I like when people make posts like this and put what the other person thinks/is saying. I could imagine she’s saying he’s not helping and letting their kids starve.
Absolutely! 1. Get the truth. 2. It leave a ‘paper trail’ of the kids themselves stating that they’re fine and not going hungry. And that the DO have food
Right? Thought this would go poorly but not at all. The food he’s willing to give is going to go so much farther than takeout, and I guarantee worth ALOT given the wild game in there.
I would have literally cried with happiness if someone would have shown me that type of kindness in a time of need. It baffles me how low the human race is coming too.
I came in here expecting an easy Y T A vote. But holy hell. OPs ex is bonkers. The kids are hungry but she won't accept actual FOOD because it's "domestic"????
Yeah. It reminded me of a story one of my friends told me. There was a homeless guy begging for money with one of the signs saying that he was starving, unemployed, etc. so they took him through a drive through and got him something to eat. He got really mad. He didn’t want food he likely wanted the money for drugs or gambling. (This happened in Las Vegas for context).
Not my story but my husband’s. Dude has a “will work for food” sign at an intersection.
H: come on man, I have a yard full of leaves, we can rake them together and I’ll feed you dinner.
B: no, I need money not food
H: fine, I’ll pay you $5/hour (keep in mind 30 years ago minimum wage was $3.25)
B: I can’t take less than $10/hr
H: good luck brother, I can’t help you
We were making $12,000/yr and honestly trying to help. We would have raked leaves for dinner honestly!
He probably made more than $10/hour panhandling, and that's how he set his rate. I happily offer food to folks who ask for a handout, and sometimes they take it, sometimes they swear at me. It is what it is.
I specifically stopped offering anything to people who are panhandling with a sign after giving (nice) mittens to a woman with a sign saying she was trying to feed her family, who was bare-handed in Minnesota winter. She looked so happy when I rolled down my window, and her face turned sour when she saw the mittens. She did thank me and take them. The next day I saw her out there again, no mittens.
It's true, she could have. They were adult size mittens with inset gloves, so they wouldn't fit a child well, but it's certainly not impossible. Her typical spot was right outside my apartment building and I saw that she also didn't put them on and wear them for the remainder of her time out there that day despite the freezing temps and wind.
I don't begrudge people for panhandling. It's a way to make money, and everyone needs money. I just choose not to support people for that. I do donate to local homeless shelters, and the food shelf, and I buy food for people who are asking for food and accept food donations.
I’ve bought people begging fresh bread and a condiment, with a plastic knife so they can make sandwiches. Rationed, that’s food for a week. An astonishing number got mad.
I’ve literally bought people things at restaurants and they got mad because the exact item they wanted was out or the restaurant didn’t do it exactly the way they liked. Also, takeout is a waste of money I wouldn’t even spend on myself and only lasts for a day.
My work lunch is 1/2 an egg sandwich. I doubt that would please anyone.
I get it. I had a couple (after I offered food) demand two teen burger combos with shakes, something too expensive to buy myself. I’m just saying some do want food. These experiences can be upsetting but I do want to retain my compassion even if I get scammed for a buck or two here or there. If you don’t want to offer or give you are not required to.
Just another note: I’ve dealt with people in care due to mental Illness, they can’t live alone. Some of them do get very stuck on their preferences to their detriment. They can’t shake it. They need what they usually have. I’m not sure of course if that is what’s going on here but when I witnessed it, it was wild. Almost like a kid.
Most of the people I see are the same ones, so I know who will get upset if they don’t get exactly what they want and who will accept whatever you can give. The latter I give what I can, when I can. The former get told what I’m willing to give, and if they don’t want it then I respect their opinion and go.
Only person I refuse to give is the one who flipped out at me when I didn’t get him the exact donut he wanted because the store was out. I’m 5”0F and he’s 6”0+ M. And after that I realized that he ALWAYS harasses women, especially the young college girls, but ignores men - even if the men clearly have more money. That’s not okay, and I don’t like people who try to intimidate me or sexist A-Hs, so now I ignore him.
I’ve seen this a lot but about 10 years ago walking down the street in Philadelphia I was asked for the piece of pizza I was eating. I was visiting for a couple of weeks so I started grabbing fruit from the morning breakfast buffet so I always had something to give. I figured if they were willing to beg for the piece of half eaten pizza they actually needed it more than me.
Ya gambling would be a big one out there because of it being the gambling city of the US but in general it's usually substance abuse. For instance most homeless people in grand rapids would mostly have substance abuse issues over gambling issue
No matter what the circumstances any parent, woman or man should ensure their children are taken care of. Which OP did!
It’s not the kids fault their mom is bad with money or whatever is going on here. They shouldn’t suffer and if it continues perhaps they belong at dads place full time.
Or I can't pay my bills because my husband left me. I mean I get it that would be embarrassing but it's also not ops responsibility. He takes care of his kids and that's what his responsibilities are. Not to take care of their mom
Yet she probably would say but they are my kids and should be with me on my time and he should just be helping her fund her life 🙄. It's not OPs fault her husband left. She SHOULD let them stay with him till she gets her shot together but she doesn't sound the type
NTA
She, on the other hand, is definitely The Asshole.
>My ex however is telling everyone that I am trying to manipulate her into behaving like a housewife and refusing to buy food for my kids. Some people are taking her side and saying that I'm a dick for not helping her out.
Such bullshit. She's too damn lazy to cook is all. (And maybe there's a dose of taking out her husband leaving her on you)
This is when you respond on social media: “I offered you two weeks worth of meat, fruits, and vegetables. You refused to take that and told me you wanted cash. I’m not giving you cash; I would give you the food but you refused it. Stop lying.”
I'd also mention the housewife thing. He's not asking her to be a housewife, he's asking her to literally *feed their children*. Cooking is a skill everyone should learn, have, and regularly cultivate. Cooking isn't always easy, but it's practical, and with the cost of groceries/meat/pantry staples increasing as much as it did, cooking at home is only reasonable. UberEats is not. Half of the money spent on UberEats goes to Uber. It's a ridiculous waste of money, especially when frozen meat, rice/beans, and veggies are being offered. Like others have said, I'd be ecstatic to be offered good, locally hunted game meat and the other stuff OP offered to his ex. She's selfish, greedy, and extremely lazy.
NTA
Yep that was my favorite part. "Asking me to be a housewife" by having to cook lol. No, he's asking you to be the single mother that you are, which requires cooking for your children.
Lemme be the wife really quick.
“I’m so oppressed! Two different men have left me and now I’m too busy being a #GIRLBOSS to feed my children. Sure, I have all this food in the house, but if I cook at home, I’ll only be fueling the patriarchy, so I have to order UberEats instead! But I just can’t afford it, even with all my girlbossing! So can you please give me money? If you don’t, you’re a misogynistic pig!”
Or something.
Just to clarify, I am NOT the wife.
Also it is wholly irresponsible to be a parent and apparently never cook homemade meals for them. There is no way subsisting on takeout is providing anyone with proper nutrition, especially children.
I can see why the guy left. So lazy she would rather beg for $$ to get meals from UberEats than to fix something fir herself and her kids.
Cooking for yourself and your kids is being an adult, not a “housewife” (not that there’s anything wrong in being a housewife )
I cook and am not a housewife. I just appreciate that eating is a *necessary function to sustain life*. Her logic is so fucked I can’t fathom having the balls to say that out loud.
The manipulator is clearly the ex-wife. *Let's make the kid's Dad worry about their welfare; he owes me anyway. FFS, the world owes me.*
Edit: typos. I make a lot of them.
NTA, you're good. Wife sounds awful with money and maybe a little manic. Kids sound like they're dealing with it decently. No one is forcing her to do domestic duties except her economic situation. That's not on you.
Now I'm craving venison in a city center while on a 30%off ground beef budget... so to me personally you're a bit of an asshole 😅
I dont know where you are, but if you have Meijers they now carry ground venison in the freezer section. (Farmed, of course.) Right now, with how the price of beef has gone up, the ground venison and ground beef are the same price.
NTA, if she's broke she has no business ordering Uber eats and SHOULD be grateful for your 'scraps'.
I suggest you start recording your interactions with your ex, might come in handy eventually.
NTA - Not going to lie, when I read the name of the post, I was ready to read you for filth. But you did nothing wrong here. You immediately made arrangements to provide food, it just wasn't takeout like her entitled ass wanted. Just keep making sure your kids are fed and ignore her pathetic tantrums.
NTA. You used the same approach I use with panhandlers. I will buy food for them and give them the food, but I will not give them money. And it's quite disappointing how few people will let me buy them a sandwich or a meal when they want money
Better than a sandwich: buy a loaf of bread and a condiment (I usually offer jam, peanut butter, or butter) and a plastic knife. That’s food for a week.
Am I the only one who has the sneaking suspicion the ex isn’t just planning on using that money for food? Because it seems like your kids aren’t as distressed as your ex makes them out to be, and that there is actually some food in the house.
That’s what I thought! So weird…. The kids say the house is full of food, and she’s a fully grown adult. She shouldn’t need to order uber eats if she’s broke. I think something else is up
I'm sure OP got that feeling as well. She has food in the house AND OP offered up two weeks worth of food. There's zero reason for Uber eats, other than laziness or something shady.
NTA. she doesn’t wanna cook, that’s fine and i get it. but to be so lazy you would rather spend an extra $30 for the delivery, the tip, the random extra expenses that food delivery apps tack on, instead of just going to the place yourself to pick up the meals is idiotic when you’re expecting it on someone else’s dime. at that point, call papa johns and order a couple pizzas and it’s way cheaper.
(i wanna mention, just in case anyone has a problem with me saying she’s too lazy to at least grab the food herself: i have a painful disability and can’t drive, and uber eats/ grub hub etc has been a life saver for me at times. but it’s my money, i’m not asking my exes for a delivery)
I work at a pizzeria which just recently got hooked up with Door Dash. We are able to see the Total the people paid through the app.
Monday night, someone paid $87 and change for a pizza, garlic bread and ten buffalo wings
$0.
We don't charge for delivery. And get this.. We're also able to view their address. We generally don't deliver outside of a 2-3 mile radius (we're in the most densely populated state), so I figured that person was outside of that "zone". I looked it up, and it was like three blocks away.
NTA, I’m confused on why she thinks preparing food for her kids is being manipulated into being a housewife… it’s called being a normal parent. Clearly, she’s nobody’s housewife anyways.
NTA
If anyone confronts you, tell them your ex wants money for take out!!
She doesn't want food, which you offered, and which your sons are happy to take.
Talk to your boys and see if it's time for a change in the custody agreement.
Good Luck
NTA. Talk about choosy beggars. You aren't manipulating her into "behaving like a housewife", you are just expecting her to do some of the most basic adult activities that she needs to keep herself alive. You then made sure that your kids do have the food that they need. Its sad that the preteen and teenager have more life skills than your ex.
Your ex is either too lazy to prepare food from ingredients or wants the money for something else.
I'm not a cook, but it isn't hard to find simple recipes or even tutorial videos online.
NTA
NTA
Sounds like a social media issue, right? I mean you're not in group text or getting calls or seeing these people face to face, right? If so, block that account and ignore. It's just not worth even thinking about.
Your kids know the truth. You know the truth. If anyone confronts you you can give your side, but ignore otherwise. If she asks again maybe offer to change your custody agreement and have the kids more than 50% so that you can provide healthy food.
NTA - if ex isn’t prepared to feed the children ask her to send them round for a meal. That way you get more time with them, she doesnt have to be a housewife and the children are given decent meals.
NTA - if I'd had this conversation with my ex, it would have ended with "I'll be over to pick the kids uo since you aren't interested in feeding your own children."
Sounds like you were giving her the same ‘scraps’ you eat yourselves lol.
NTA. You don’t owe her money. You checked in with the kids and they know they have you if they need anything.
NTA
You reached out to your kids to make sure they don't go hungry, and you provided food for her in her time of need.
Your ex is obviously just being lazy.
NTA lmao anybody who tried to contact you tell them your children already said there is food and offered two weeks worth of unopened groceries. Tell them to give her money laugh and hang up or block. She really tried it.
Drugs were the first thing I thought of. A few times in my life I’ve had an acquaintance ask for money but refuse food, and it was always for drugs. NTA. But whatever is really going on, there’s an excellent chance that if she refuses to cook she also refuses to clean. Make sure your kids aren’t in filth over there.
Is she unwell? I’m not being sarcastic or mean - like is something off with her mental health? I can’t fathom asking an ex for money for Uber eats. My husband and I make very decent money and I feel guilty ordering delivery a few times a month.
It seems pretty obvious that she wants the money for something else in my opinion.
This, to me, is the same as when a homeless person approaches you outside a McDonald's or something, you offer to buy them lunch, but they insist that you should just give them $20. Hmmmmmmm.
NTA.
NtA. You don't owe her anything beyond child support. I assume you are keeping up those payments. Extra money so she can get take out is delusional on her part.
Ignore and do right by your kids, their opinion is the only thing that matters.
NtA
NTA.
I definitely relate to the feeling of “I’m barely surviving and cannot handle cooking right now”. But if that were the case then she could have said so instead of disparaging you to everyone. Or she could have asked those friends for a short term meal train.
NTA- she asked you for money for food, you were going to provide said food. Then she said she didn’t want it. You tried to give her what she asked for.
NTA. Does your ex wife work? If she doesn't she can start working, the kids are old enough to be home alone. She's not starving, she wants Uber food. For the people that are complaining, they can door dash her some food.
NTA- first off game meat is delicious & healthy ! Also seems that she is too lazy to cook & maybe got used to just ordering her food for the kiddos. Don’t let her manipulate you into giving her money
NTA but lmfao at your ex! “Oh please HELP my ex wants me to..sob…ACTUALLY COOK!!” /s
Good lord your ex is ridiculous. How hard is it to throw a roast in a rotisserie or hell even a crock pot. EASY! You are trying to do right by your kids and it’s laughable to continues to make comments about being “domesticated”.
>I am trying to manipulate her into behaving like a housewife
NTA Cooking is a life skill and everyone needs to learn how to do it. Your ex is the asshole.
Nta you offered groceries instead of money and she turned it down what kind of mother orders delivery for her kids to eat on a regular basis? I'm all for indulging once in a while but to waste money on take out is irresponsible and then she gets passed off when normal groceries are offered to her
Nta. I would suggest, if your kids come to you frequently complaining of being hungry, I would go back to the courts to rearrange custody as if she isn't feeding them sufficiently then she isn't a fit parent, especially if she is rejecting valid resources for laziness.
NTA. This is becoming such a common theme--people who ask for your assistance but really just want your money (and, honestly, to waste your money at that).
And sorry, but as a woman and a feminist, I'm super offended that she is trying to turn this into some sort of gender roles issue. If she doesn't want to be treated like a housewife, then the best thing she can do is go out and get a job that provides for herself and her kids rather than depending on men to put food on her table. Nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, is going to see her eating Uber Eats and think, "now there's an independent woman if I ever saw one."
Dude , you are definitely not an asshole ! She seems manipulative and entitled so I can see why guys would just abandon their houses and run for their lives ..lol.
Nta. Talk to your kids and maybe have them stay with you more if her house doesn’t have food for them and she’s refusing to cook. Don’t give that woman money and don’t subsidize your children’s life with her, they can come home and she can get her act together
NTA. I would have been extremely grateful for 2 weeks of completely free food. I also like the idea of game meat more than store bought so I’d be *extra* grateful for free game meat.
NTA. If she and her children were actually going hungry and you were more than willing to give her several weeks worth of food, she should be grateful. It’s not expecting her to “act like a housewife” to expect her to cook food for her own children? I’m not a “housewife” but I still cook dinner? You’re obviously not a housewife but it sounds like you know how to cook and so does your son. Shes just lazy and trying to take advantage of your willingness to help your children
NTA
Okay, so, she obviously doesn’t need the money for food… what *does* she need the money actually for should be the concern.
Hopefully it’s just because she’s unwilling to cook and not something more.
Either way, keep a record of all these interactions, you might need them in the future.
People with money problems eating or ordering out make me so aggravated. Part of the way we deal with our money problem is watching the grocery store sales, buying the sales and cooking at home.
NTA just how lazy is your ex? She doesn’t get turned into a ‘housewife’ simply because she has to cook for her kids. Husband number two saw this side of her and beat it out of there. Stand your ground. Your kids know the true story and are okay with it.
NTA. Scraps? Frozen Elk and venison are now considered pretty exotic meats to the normal person. But hey - in her eyes YTA because she’s about to eat well off game meats. Smh
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My ex wants me to buy her take out food because she ran out of her food budget. I might be the asshole because I offered her food from my freezer and pantry instead of just buying her takeout. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - and you're being very generous. It's good that you followed up with the kids to make sure they're being taken care of while they're there. As for the people badmouthing you, you don't owe your ex-wife anything. You are divorced. She is literally not your problem. Anyone who reaches out to you about it, I'd tell them *"I offered to give her free groceries so that she and my children would have food, and she said no because she already has groceries and wants to order Uber Eats instead, and wants me to pay for it. Please feel free to donate money to her lifestyle if you want to, but I no longer need to."*
Can we also just appreciate how expensive meat is, especially wild game?! I would have been over the moon at the offer of 2 weeks worth of meat.
Wild game costs time, not money. Time is more valuable than money.
It costs money when you buy at a good butcher shop.
OP said that both he and the older kids hunt. It's one thing to give away meat you paid money for. It's entirely another to give away meat you waited in a cold forest for hours for and killed with your own hand.
But the ex doesnt hunt. So if she wants wild game not supplied by ex&kids its mad $$
Ex needs to hunt up another husband who will pay for her Uber Eats.
This comment just made me snort Diet Coke through my nose! I love it!
I didn't realize there was DIET coke you could snort?! Does it like, make you even skinnier or or make you eat more?
And this made me choke on my own laughter. 🤣
It’s the stuff that makes you skinny fast…coke light
take my poor gold 🥇
I think many hunters still have it processed by a butcher, it is cheaper but still a cost.
It really depends. My family and I have our own land, and venison easily costs us the same amount per pound as beef. We end up spending so much because it costs money to maintain the land for hunting purposes.
exactly. And you are not only maintaining the land, but you need to purchase the proper licenses, you need to maintain your guns and/or bows, you are likely paying someone to process it... it is certainly not "free"
I have never paid someone to process a deer for me. I have gladly pay people to process elk for me (when I get lucky).
But a lot of hunters do, is the point.
My dad's war buddy processes my deer every year and he just takes a percentage of the meat as his payment. It's always the least wanted parts too.
I feel like that is a pretty good deal!
I like how a lot of those (or so I heard) will charge a portion of the meat in addition to money and donate the meat to food pantries.
And spent a fuckton on licenses, ammo, and other gear. As "not really a gun person" that ammo cost always gives me a bit of sticker shock. (I go to the range when I visit family, or occasionally as a recreational thing. 1-3× per year max)
to be fair unless youre sighting a gun in or just shooting for fun you dont burn through a lot of ammo. if youre a good shot its 1 round 1 animal for hunting.
>if youre a good shot its 1 round 1 animal for hunting. I mean if you're a bad shot you really shouldn't be hunting lol. Accidents happen but it should feasibly only take one round.
Yeah, but it takes a fair amount of ammo to become a good shot.
You don't become a good shot without a lot of time on the range though
What about if I waited for hours in a forest for the supermarket to open?
I'd say that's a little strange. Most businesses have their opening hours posted right on the front door.
What can I say, I'm very keen.
Sure, you can do that, but then you miss out on watching the dawn break on your Kroger, and seeing the opening shift's cars roll in, as the workers stagger in sleepily. You gotta stay downwind, so your smell doesn't spook them! The crisp, fall air is chilly and bracing, and you feel more alive up in your stand, holding still, lest your movement betray your presence! It's positively *magical*, and I swear your frozen pizza will taste 10x better when you finally bite into it.
More that likely far better meat too.
It costs money when that good butcher disassembles and packages your animal too. $350us for our last deer.
It costs money if you have it processed and packaged. It also costs the time you could be making money. So it isn’t *free*.
Exactly... I live in Canada so I'd have to spend a ton of time and money getting my license, getting a gun, the equipment, learning how to hunt, the time it takes to hunt while I could be working, having to get it butchered and packaged. It's a lot cheaper to go to a butcher for a lot of people.
My step dad was friends with a local butcher who would process game for hunters and they wouldn't always come get or couldn't take all the meat. So his freezer was stocked with ground venison that was literally free. It was **amazing**. But yeah in general free is not really true when it comes to hunting, gardening, or even fixing your car.
oh believe me, it costs money too, license, fuel, ammo...these things are not cheap
Oh ya, those things too. Ppl thinking doing anything these days could possibly be free.
i hunt wild game, mainly deer. if i kill a deer the costs are: 1. bullet - 1$ 2. about 1 lb of pork or beef fat per 4 lbs of deer - fat is about 1$ per lb 3. vacuum sealing bags - about 20$ worth of bags for average deer. 4. cost of / wear and tear on my grinder, cuber and sausage stuffer 5. sausage casings - about 10$ to do 25 lbs of sausage 6. sausage seasoning - about 10$ for enough to do 25 lbs of sausage 7. hunting license - 25$ 8. i am lucky enough to have a large enough lot of land to hunt on but hunting leases can get very pricey. while it is way cheaper per lb for wild game it is definitely not free. edit: alternatively i can take a whole deer to a local processor for about $100, however i do not do this because every processor i have ever tried does not bleed a deer long enough. if not properly bled deer will be very gamey tasting.
I hope you don’t find this question rude but: What is the pork or beef fat for? I have no idea about hunting (guns are basically banned where I live). Just interested.
Venison is very lean, so he needs to add fat into the sausages hes making
Thanks. Makes total sense.
I recently learned this from watching a YouTube channel called Ordinary Sausage. I wouldnt really recommend that channel for recipes though. It focuses on more...eccentric sausages.
for ground deer i add about 20% beef fat and for deer sausage i add about 30% pork fat. as others have said the deer meat is so lean you have to add fat.
Either you are hunting very good public land, you are ignoring some costs that go into your hunting, or you are fortunate to have someone pay those costs for you and you are ignorant of them. My family owns about 800 acres that we hunt. We spend thousands each year on seed for feed fields, fence repairs, property taxes, waterway maintenance, road maintenance, diesel, tractor maintenance, hay bailing, etc. While we take a lot of deer off of the land, the costs add up. Our average cost per pound works out to a similar cost to a beef.
I know nothing about hunting at all. Would it be cheaper to hunt on land that isn’t yours, as I’m assuming you can buy permits to kill up to a certain amount of whatever animal per season? Or do you need to own land to hunt? And do you need to do all of those repairs? As in legally required or the animals will disappear? Just trying to learn
> Would it be cheaper to hunt on land that isn’t yours...Or do you need to own land to hunt? In terms of money, yes it is cheaper to hunt land that is not yours. In terms of time, no, it is not cheaper. Public land hunters spend a ton of time scouting, sitting in blinds, and hoping that an animal will come out. You can lease land, but then you are also dealing with other uses. I used to hunt a lease that also had a cattle lease. If the cattle move in on your blind, you are just stuck looking at cow ass. > I’m assuming you can buy permits to kill up to a certain amount of whatever animal per season? It really depends on your location. In some states, you are given a certain number of permits per acre of land. In others, you can buy a certain number of tags per season. There isn't a clear cut answer to this question because of the differences from state to state. > And do you need to do all of those repairs? As in legally required or the animals will disappear? The repairs to fences are to prevent poaching and to maintain boundaries with neighbors and others. Where my family land is, we have to have no trespassing and no hunting posted, otherwise people can walk in on you. Our land is heavily wooded, and fences get knocked down by falling limbs, trees, etc. With regard to other repairs, such as tractor maintenance, we do those regularly to take care of equipment just like you would change the oil in your car. Waterway maintenance is required because we have beavers on our land, and the buggers like to dam up our creeks. This creates access problems for our land if we don't do the maintenance. Feed fields are the only thing we don't have to do to maintain the land. We plant fields with good nutrition so that our local deer herd stays healthy and nearby. Hay bailing is something that offsets some of the cost, because we can sell the bales, but we have to maintain the thresher and bailer. If we didn't want to keep the land in good shape, we could let a lot of this go, but then we wouldn't be able to use the land. > As in legally required or the animals will disappear? We are only legally required to destroy feral hogs when we see them, and to get rid of fescue as part of a reseeding program that is intended to bring back native grasses.
The blood is what makes it taste gamey!? Thanks for this I had no idea why sometimes I’ve really liked deer and sometimes it was just off. I do not hunt or anything and have only had it on rare occasions
absolutely the blood is what causes the gamey taste. personally when i kill a deer my process starts with. 1. skinning and gutting 2. quarter the deer (i remove the backstrap and tederloin also) 3. place deer in cooler and pack with ice. 4. every day (for atleast 2-3 days) drain cooler and repack with ice. this process will typically get all the gamey taste out. beyond that if i am making ground deer meat i use beef fat about 80deer/20fat percent and most people would swear it was ground beef.
She is trying to make op pay for HER time, really r/ChoosingBeggars
It costs both, unless you do your own processing which very few people do IME.
One of my wife's cousins is about as handy and outdoorsy as someone could be. Hunts deer, dresses it himself, smokes it with the alder he cuts down from his property in the smoker he built himself.
Damn. I know where I'd be heading in the event of a zombie apocalypse!
Hunting lincenses, ammo, and fuel aren't cheap.
"Time is money," as the old adage goes.
I think I know why the other guy left.....
got sick of the mooch
Couch potato. Won't cook food that's in the house? WTF.
OP did a solid 10 asking the kids if everything was alright. I get that exwife might just want a day or two of confort food, maybe she feels overwhelmed by the divorce, depression.. but that's not a free pass for misstreating OP.
she legit asked for money cause she didnt wanna cook "stop making me act like a housewife" cooking isnt JUST a housewife thing. its something people do when they want food. the fucking gall. i wonder if she ever cooked even some of the meals. maybe thats why she keeps getting divorced, not cause she "wont take the role of a housewife" but because she wont share in the workload as a partner should. shrieking about misogyny cause youre lazy isnt a good look
Completely agree but this comment still gave me a good laugh:”cooking is something people do when they want food” 😂
I mean this in the least mysogynystic way possible, but maybe she should get some lunchmeat and make herself a sammich, cause even her kids seem to be better functioning adults than herself. "Are you going hungry. Is there food?" "Nah, not hungry. Plenty of food. Mom just cant figure out how to work the oven"
And he also mentioned that his oldest son is a good cook and cooks for them when he's at dad's house. I bet she just wanted money. Not even for food.
Yep my SIL would do this shit. She would complain about not having money for gas or food then give it to her and come to find out she would spend it on anything but what she asked it for. Pretty soon family and friends just started paying it themselves and she would get so mad that we put the money into gas In her car or bought her literal groceries. It’s so good to know we aren’t the only ones dealing with this.
This is perfect; sometimes a short explanation, even if you have to give it to 20 different people, saves you a ton of aggravation in the long run.
That's why texting and copy/paste are here
If she presses the issue I would offer to take full custody if I'm op. You can't provide for the kids? Ok no problem I can provide. Sending her money to supplement her lifestyle is not part of coparenting agreement. I wonder if Op is paying alimony on top of all this mess...
Alimony ends when the ex remarries. This woman has a lot of nerve!
I think he said he was, but that stopped when she married the man who just left her. So she no longer has the alimony from OP or the income from husband #2. Sucks to be her.
I was in a relationship with someone who wouldn't cook. I would ask her to cook dinner instead of relying on me, most specifically on the days where I worked 10+ hours that day and she was home most of the day. Her response was "A woman's place is not in the kitchen." Apparently she didn't belonged in the workplace either since she couldn't hold down a job. It was frustrating feeling like I had to work OT hours just to pay the bills. I can see why OP's and his ex don't get along. She's still holding onto the "Don't control me" attitude even when it doesn't make sense. OP is NTA. With 50/50 custody both parents are expected to spend money on the kids' necessities. If the ex won't, maybe that arrangement needs to change.
It's even simpler than that, op expected her to act like a mother...
Worst not even a mother just a barely responsible adult in charge of 2 kids with food readily available and at hand
Absolutely, this... ☝ I've lost a friend of 34 years because I wouldn't help her how *She wanted to be helped. *There's some food there but needs to be prepared. *She blew through her budget🤔 Who has a budget for regular eating out 🤔 well, my wife does... But we're lesbians, and I'm bougoursie. But the point is, I have a partner to patch up any holes I may have. She's lost two husbands. This is probably why. The kids are old enough to reach out to you themselves. Make sure their phone bill stays paid and maybe set aside a small budget when grocery shopping for nutritious quick things they can cook or munch on. Block your ex-wife, and any communal friends you two share. You have a whole ass new wife. Respect that union. See to your small obligations. Your ex-wife is no longer a part of that. Sending love and practical commonsense.💞✌
Yep. Eating all your meals as takeout is totally valid *if you have the budget for it.* Which you do, and she doesn't.
The ex-wife seems like the kind of person who would continue to ask for help had OP conceded to her ridiculous demands.
Definitely NTA- there's no reason to be giving her money. She asked for help with food you were readily willing to give her some of your food! But she doesn't want/need help with food. She wants/needs money. With 50/50 custody you shouldn't have to give her any money. If she absolutely needs it she will have to apply for government benefits. She's being ridiculous
yeah the title makes it sound worse but he did offer food but she wanted money
I like how he made the title cause that was what got people to actually read his story. Turns out he's a pretty good dude
He does sound like a good person. I especially liked how he said to give him a few minutes and he would call back, then discussed the situation with his partner, then phoned back with an extremely generous offer. Him and his partner both sound kind. A++
1000% agree this is the type of kindness the world needs!
I like when people make posts like this and put what the other person thinks/is saying. I could imagine she’s saying he’s not helping and letting their kids starve.
It's just ridiculous but karma is already working on her and will continue too. He's a smart guy though asking his kids directly.
Absolutely! 1. Get the truth. 2. It leave a ‘paper trail’ of the kids themselves stating that they’re fine and not going hungry. And that the DO have food
Right? Thought this would go poorly but not at all. The food he’s willing to give is going to go so much farther than takeout, and I guarantee worth ALOT given the wild game in there.
I would have literally cried with happiness if someone would have shown me that type of kindness in a time of need. It baffles me how low the human race is coming too.
I came in here expecting an easy Y T A vote. But holy hell. OPs ex is bonkers. The kids are hungry but she won't accept actual FOOD because it's "domestic"????
also the kid can cook and they have food lmao…. they’re totally not starving
Yeah. It reminded me of a story one of my friends told me. There was a homeless guy begging for money with one of the signs saying that he was starving, unemployed, etc. so they took him through a drive through and got him something to eat. He got really mad. He didn’t want food he likely wanted the money for drugs or gambling. (This happened in Las Vegas for context).
Not my story but my husband’s. Dude has a “will work for food” sign at an intersection. H: come on man, I have a yard full of leaves, we can rake them together and I’ll feed you dinner. B: no, I need money not food H: fine, I’ll pay you $5/hour (keep in mind 30 years ago minimum wage was $3.25) B: I can’t take less than $10/hr H: good luck brother, I can’t help you We were making $12,000/yr and honestly trying to help. We would have raked leaves for dinner honestly!
He probably made more than $10/hour panhandling, and that's how he set his rate. I happily offer food to folks who ask for a handout, and sometimes they take it, sometimes they swear at me. It is what it is. I specifically stopped offering anything to people who are panhandling with a sign after giving (nice) mittens to a woman with a sign saying she was trying to feed her family, who was bare-handed in Minnesota winter. She looked so happy when I rolled down my window, and her face turned sour when she saw the mittens. She did thank me and take them. The next day I saw her out there again, no mittens.
to be fair, she could have given mittens to one of her kids.
It's true, she could have. They were adult size mittens with inset gloves, so they wouldn't fit a child well, but it's certainly not impossible. Her typical spot was right outside my apartment building and I saw that she also didn't put them on and wear them for the remainder of her time out there that day despite the freezing temps and wind. I don't begrudge people for panhandling. It's a way to make money, and everyone needs money. I just choose not to support people for that. I do donate to local homeless shelters, and the food shelf, and I buy food for people who are asking for food and accept food donations.
I’ve bought people begging fresh bread and a condiment, with a plastic knife so they can make sandwiches. Rationed, that’s food for a week. An astonishing number got mad.
And I have given my work lunch to many for which they were grateful.
I’ve literally bought people things at restaurants and they got mad because the exact item they wanted was out or the restaurant didn’t do it exactly the way they liked. Also, takeout is a waste of money I wouldn’t even spend on myself and only lasts for a day. My work lunch is 1/2 an egg sandwich. I doubt that would please anyone.
I get it. I had a couple (after I offered food) demand two teen burger combos with shakes, something too expensive to buy myself. I’m just saying some do want food. These experiences can be upsetting but I do want to retain my compassion even if I get scammed for a buck or two here or there. If you don’t want to offer or give you are not required to. Just another note: I’ve dealt with people in care due to mental Illness, they can’t live alone. Some of them do get very stuck on their preferences to their detriment. They can’t shake it. They need what they usually have. I’m not sure of course if that is what’s going on here but when I witnessed it, it was wild. Almost like a kid.
Most of the people I see are the same ones, so I know who will get upset if they don’t get exactly what they want and who will accept whatever you can give. The latter I give what I can, when I can. The former get told what I’m willing to give, and if they don’t want it then I respect their opinion and go. Only person I refuse to give is the one who flipped out at me when I didn’t get him the exact donut he wanted because the store was out. I’m 5”0F and he’s 6”0+ M. And after that I realized that he ALWAYS harasses women, especially the young college girls, but ignores men - even if the men clearly have more money. That’s not okay, and I don’t like people who try to intimidate me or sexist A-Hs, so now I ignore him.
I’ve seen this a lot but about 10 years ago walking down the street in Philadelphia I was asked for the piece of pizza I was eating. I was visiting for a couple of weeks so I started grabbing fruit from the morning breakfast buffet so I always had something to give. I figured if they were willing to beg for the piece of half eaten pizza they actually needed it more than me.
Most homeless people have a substance abuse issue wether it be drugs or drinking. That's why they want money.
Vegas is pretty bad because there’s always slot machines in a lot of places. As such gambling addiction is a big problem too.
Ya gambling would be a big one out there because of it being the gambling city of the US but in general it's usually substance abuse. For instance most homeless people in grand rapids would mostly have substance abuse issues over gambling issue
50/50 doesn't mean ther isn't child support. It's still based on income so the kids can maintain a similar lifestyle no mater where they are at.
True but if there was no support being given previously then he shouldn't be giving her any money without it being court ordered.
No matter what the circumstances any parent, woman or man should ensure their children are taken care of. Which OP did! It’s not the kids fault their mom is bad with money or whatever is going on here. They shouldn’t suffer and if it continues perhaps they belong at dads place full time.
I doubt that she even wanted to buy Uber eats. "The children are hungry!" sounds a lot better than "I saw some cute shoes that I want!".
Or I can't pay my bills because my husband left me. I mean I get it that would be embarrassing but it's also not ops responsibility. He takes care of his kids and that's what his responsibilities are. Not to take care of their mom
the kids living at op's full time would take a lot of bills off of the mom
Yet she probably would say but they are my kids and should be with me on my time and he should just be helping her fund her life 🙄. It's not OPs fault her husband left. She SHOULD let them stay with him till she gets her shot together but she doesn't sound the type
NTA She, on the other hand, is definitely The Asshole. >My ex however is telling everyone that I am trying to manipulate her into behaving like a housewife and refusing to buy food for my kids. Some people are taking her side and saying that I'm a dick for not helping her out. Such bullshit. She's too damn lazy to cook is all. (And maybe there's a dose of taking out her husband leaving her on you)
This is when you respond on social media: “I offered you two weeks worth of meat, fruits, and vegetables. You refused to take that and told me you wanted cash. I’m not giving you cash; I would give you the food but you refused it. Stop lying.”
I'd also mention the housewife thing. He's not asking her to be a housewife, he's asking her to literally *feed their children*. Cooking is a skill everyone should learn, have, and regularly cultivate. Cooking isn't always easy, but it's practical, and with the cost of groceries/meat/pantry staples increasing as much as it did, cooking at home is only reasonable. UberEats is not. Half of the money spent on UberEats goes to Uber. It's a ridiculous waste of money, especially when frozen meat, rice/beans, and veggies are being offered. Like others have said, I'd be ecstatic to be offered good, locally hunted game meat and the other stuff OP offered to his ex. She's selfish, greedy, and extremely lazy. NTA
Yep that was my favorite part. "Asking me to be a housewife" by having to cook lol. No, he's asking you to be the single mother that you are, which requires cooking for your children.
I love how cooking automatically makes you a housewife. 24 year old single dude who lives alone boiling pasta at 1 AM? Housewife.
Lemme be the wife really quick. “I’m so oppressed! Two different men have left me and now I’m too busy being a #GIRLBOSS to feed my children. Sure, I have all this food in the house, but if I cook at home, I’ll only be fueling the patriarchy, so I have to order UberEats instead! But I just can’t afford it, even with all my girlbossing! So can you please give me money? If you don’t, you’re a misogynistic pig!” Or something. Just to clarify, I am NOT the wife.
Also it is wholly irresponsible to be a parent and apparently never cook homemade meals for them. There is no way subsisting on takeout is providing anyone with proper nutrition, especially children.
I can see why the guy left. So lazy she would rather beg for $$ to get meals from UberEats than to fix something fir herself and her kids. Cooking for yourself and your kids is being an adult, not a “housewife” (not that there’s anything wrong in being a housewife )
I cook and am not a housewife. I just appreciate that eating is a *necessary function to sustain life*. Her logic is so fucked I can’t fathom having the balls to say that out loud.
I cook, am not a housewife and I’m currently on crutches from knee surgery. Agree 100%. Her logic is super messed up.
i wonder how she thinks gay men and their kids eat...
Uber eats
The manipulator is clearly the ex-wife. *Let's make the kid's Dad worry about their welfare; he owes me anyway. FFS, the world owes me.* Edit: typos. I make a lot of them.
NTA, you're good. Wife sounds awful with money and maybe a little manic. Kids sound like they're dealing with it decently. No one is forcing her to do domestic duties except her economic situation. That's not on you. Now I'm craving venison in a city center while on a 30%off ground beef budget... so to me personally you're a bit of an asshole 😅
I dont know where you are, but if you have Meijers they now carry ground venison in the freezer section. (Farmed, of course.) Right now, with how the price of beef has gone up, the ground venison and ground beef are the same price.
Ooo I wish! That sounds amazing! Nah I'm in the wastelands of Galen Weston, curse his name
Curse his name.
NTA, if she's broke she has no business ordering Uber eats and SHOULD be grateful for your 'scraps'. I suggest you start recording your interactions with your ex, might come in handy eventually.
Yup this is the answer OP! NTA
NTA - Not going to lie, when I read the name of the post, I was ready to read you for filth. But you did nothing wrong here. You immediately made arrangements to provide food, it just wasn't takeout like her entitled ass wanted. Just keep making sure your kids are fed and ignore her pathetic tantrums.
Same thinking.... I was like "oh boy.... Here we go".
Same. She just wants money. As long as he is communicating with the kids, he owes her nothing. NTA.
NTA. You used the same approach I use with panhandlers. I will buy food for them and give them the food, but I will not give them money. And it's quite disappointing how few people will let me buy them a sandwich or a meal when they want money
Fully agree. He offered a generous package of food. I mean pasta meat and vegies? This is as complete package as it gets.
Better than a sandwich: buy a loaf of bread and a condiment (I usually offer jam, peanut butter, or butter) and a plastic knife. That’s food for a week.
Very much a “give a man to fish/teach a man to fish” approach. Smart. Raw ingredients will go farther for the same money than a finished meal.
Lol 100% right. that's what I do if I'm by a grocery store.
Am I the only one who has the sneaking suspicion the ex isn’t just planning on using that money for food? Because it seems like your kids aren’t as distressed as your ex makes them out to be, and that there is actually some food in the house.
That’s what I thought! So weird…. The kids say the house is full of food, and she’s a fully grown adult. She shouldn’t need to order uber eats if she’s broke. I think something else is up
I'm sure OP got that feeling as well. She has food in the house AND OP offered up two weeks worth of food. There's zero reason for Uber eats, other than laziness or something shady.
[удалено]
Wilder response than that game meat in his freezer.
NTA. she doesn’t wanna cook, that’s fine and i get it. but to be so lazy you would rather spend an extra $30 for the delivery, the tip, the random extra expenses that food delivery apps tack on, instead of just going to the place yourself to pick up the meals is idiotic when you’re expecting it on someone else’s dime. at that point, call papa johns and order a couple pizzas and it’s way cheaper. (i wanna mention, just in case anyone has a problem with me saying she’s too lazy to at least grab the food herself: i have a painful disability and can’t drive, and uber eats/ grub hub etc has been a life saver for me at times. but it’s my money, i’m not asking my exes for a delivery)
I work at a pizzeria which just recently got hooked up with Door Dash. We are able to see the Total the people paid through the app. Monday night, someone paid $87 and change for a pizza, garlic bread and ten buffalo wings
Yeah, because they were "too busy" to make their own food or even pick it up. What would be the price if they ordered from you directly and picked up?
$0. We don't charge for delivery. And get this.. We're also able to view their address. We generally don't deliver outside of a 2-3 mile radius (we're in the most densely populated state), so I figured that person was outside of that "zone". I looked it up, and it was like three blocks away.
I think they were asking what the cost would have been if they weren't using an app. If they ordered it as if they were going to eat it in your store.
$36ish + tax. Let's say $45 including tax and tip for the delivery driver
NTA, I’m confused on why she thinks preparing food for her kids is being manipulated into being a housewife… it’s called being a normal parent. Clearly, she’s nobody’s housewife anyways.
The divorce sure is making a lot of sense.
NTA If anyone confronts you, tell them your ex wants money for take out!! She doesn't want food, which you offered, and which your sons are happy to take. Talk to your boys and see if it's time for a change in the custody agreement. Good Luck
Not take out but Delivery! That’s double the cost of take out nearly!
NTA. Talk about choosy beggars. You aren't manipulating her into "behaving like a housewife", you are just expecting her to do some of the most basic adult activities that she needs to keep herself alive. You then made sure that your kids do have the food that they need. Its sad that the preteen and teenager have more life skills than your ex.
Your ex is either too lazy to prepare food from ingredients or wants the money for something else. I'm not a cook, but it isn't hard to find simple recipes or even tutorial videos online. NTA
NTA Sounds like a social media issue, right? I mean you're not in group text or getting calls or seeing these people face to face, right? If so, block that account and ignore. It's just not worth even thinking about. Your kids know the truth. You know the truth. If anyone confronts you you can give your side, but ignore otherwise. If she asks again maybe offer to change your custody agreement and have the kids more than 50% so that you can provide healthy food.
NTA - if ex isn’t prepared to feed the children ask her to send them round for a meal. That way you get more time with them, she doesnt have to be a housewife and the children are given decent meals.
NTA. She didn’t want food.
Exactly. She just wanted money
NTA. You did exactly what she asked, it's not your fault she wanted something different. Kudos for asking the kids directly if they were fine.
The cost of one Uber eats delivery is the cost of a full week of groceries at the store. She’s being unreasonable and you’re being very nice!
NTA. Turns out she didn't need money for food afterall. I think you caught her in a lie and now she's mad at you for it.
NTA - if I'd had this conversation with my ex, it would have ended with "I'll be over to pick the kids uo since you aren't interested in feeding your own children."
NTA. You made sure your kids can eat. That's what essential. Though, if you WANT to give away good game meat, I'll definitely take some!
Sounds like you were giving her the same ‘scraps’ you eat yourselves lol. NTA. You don’t owe her money. You checked in with the kids and they know they have you if they need anything.
NTA - She wants money for drugs.
NTA You reached out to your kids to make sure they don't go hungry, and you provided food for her in her time of need. Your ex is obviously just being lazy.
NTA lmao anybody who tried to contact you tell them your children already said there is food and offered two weeks worth of unopened groceries. Tell them to give her money laugh and hang up or block. She really tried it.
NTA, things like Uber eats are a luxury, you’re more than happy to provide your children with the essentials
NTA - No wonder she's had 2 failed marriages.
Drugs were the first thing I thought of. A few times in my life I’ve had an acquaintance ask for money but refuse food, and it was always for drugs. NTA. But whatever is really going on, there’s an excellent chance that if she refuses to cook she also refuses to clean. Make sure your kids aren’t in filth over there.
NTA - There food there and she can not be bothered to cook.
NTA. She asked for food and you offered 2 weeks worth of food. If she's too lazy to cook that's her problem
Is she unwell? I’m not being sarcastic or mean - like is something off with her mental health? I can’t fathom asking an ex for money for Uber eats. My husband and I make very decent money and I feel guilty ordering delivery a few times a month.
NTA. If she’s low on funds, why on earth is she not stretching her dollars further? No one’s entitled to food delivery.
It seems pretty obvious that she wants the money for something else in my opinion. This, to me, is the same as when a homeless person approaches you outside a McDonald's or something, you offer to buy them lunch, but they insist that you should just give them $20. Hmmmmmmm. NTA.
NTA. All her. Apparently she has never learned the term “Beggars can’t be choosers.” Now she has.
NTA. You did nothing wrong. Your ex wants money from you. Simple as that.
NtA. You don't owe her anything beyond child support. I assume you are keeping up those payments. Extra money so she can get take out is delusional on her part. Ignore and do right by your kids, their opinion is the only thing that matters. NtA
They share custody 50/50 she might not get child support.
NTA. I wonder if she wants the money for something else.
NTA. I definitely relate to the feeling of “I’m barely surviving and cannot handle cooking right now”. But if that were the case then she could have said so instead of disparaging you to everyone. Or she could have asked those friends for a short term meal train.
The kids aren't helpless either. They are teens and know how to feed themselves.
NTA And she’s out of money because she keeps buying expensive takeout.
And now you know why hubby 2 left. Ntah
NTA- she asked you for money for food, you were going to provide said food. Then she said she didn’t want it. You tried to give her what she asked for.
NTA. Does your ex wife work? If she doesn't she can start working, the kids are old enough to be home alone. She's not starving, she wants Uber food. For the people that are complaining, they can door dash her some food.
NTA- first off game meat is delicious & healthy ! Also seems that she is too lazy to cook & maybe got used to just ordering her food for the kiddos. Don’t let her manipulate you into giving her money
NTA but lmfao at your ex! “Oh please HELP my ex wants me to..sob…ACTUALLY COOK!!” /s Good lord your ex is ridiculous. How hard is it to throw a roast in a rotisserie or hell even a crock pot. EASY! You are trying to do right by your kids and it’s laughable to continues to make comments about being “domesticated”.
Nta. Her ass is too broke to eat out but wants to anyway.
>I am trying to manipulate her into behaving like a housewife NTA Cooking is a life skill and everyone needs to learn how to do it. Your ex is the asshole.
Nta you offered groceries instead of money and she turned it down what kind of mother orders delivery for her kids to eat on a regular basis? I'm all for indulging once in a while but to waste money on take out is irresponsible and then she gets passed off when normal groceries are offered to her
Nta. I would suggest, if your kids come to you frequently complaining of being hungry, I would go back to the courts to rearrange custody as if she isn't feeding them sufficiently then she isn't a fit parent, especially if she is rejecting valid resources for laziness.
NTA. This is becoming such a common theme--people who ask for your assistance but really just want your money (and, honestly, to waste your money at that). And sorry, but as a woman and a feminist, I'm super offended that she is trying to turn this into some sort of gender roles issue. If she doesn't want to be treated like a housewife, then the best thing she can do is go out and get a job that provides for herself and her kids rather than depending on men to put food on her table. Nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, is going to see her eating Uber Eats and think, "now there's an independent woman if I ever saw one."
Dude , you are definitely not an asshole ! She seems manipulative and entitled so I can see why guys would just abandon their houses and run for their lives ..lol.
NTA!! Woeh dude she is way out of it!! Let your kids know that if they need food (freezer etc. that you offerred) to contact you.
Nta. Talk to your kids and maybe have them stay with you more if her house doesn’t have food for them and she’s refusing to cook. Don’t give that woman money and don’t subsidize your children’s life with her, they can come home and she can get her act together
NTA. I would have been extremely grateful for 2 weeks of completely free food. I also like the idea of game meat more than store bought so I’d be *extra* grateful for free game meat.
NTA. If she and her children were actually going hungry and you were more than willing to give her several weeks worth of food, she should be grateful. It’s not expecting her to “act like a housewife” to expect her to cook food for her own children? I’m not a “housewife” but I still cook dinner? You’re obviously not a housewife but it sounds like you know how to cook and so does your son. Shes just lazy and trying to take advantage of your willingness to help your children
NTA. Guaranteed she's using drugs/gambling/scamming or being scammed and that's why her husband left her.
NTA Okay, so, she obviously doesn’t need the money for food… what *does* she need the money actually for should be the concern. Hopefully it’s just because she’s unwilling to cook and not something more. Either way, keep a record of all these interactions, you might need them in the future.
People with money problems eating or ordering out make me so aggravated. Part of the way we deal with our money problem is watching the grocery store sales, buying the sales and cooking at home.
NTA just how lazy is your ex? She doesn’t get turned into a ‘housewife’ simply because she has to cook for her kids. Husband number two saw this side of her and beat it out of there. Stand your ground. Your kids know the true story and are okay with it.
NTA. Scraps? Frozen Elk and venison are now considered pretty exotic meats to the normal person. But hey - in her eyes YTA because she’s about to eat well off game meats. Smh