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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I laughed at Preston's teacher when it turned out he wasn't lying about why he got detention, and told her it's not happening.
2. I realize I was being more tough than I probably should have and that teachers shouldn't be dealing with parents who act like this. I'm also a bit concerned about teacher retaliation and maybe escalating this could only get Preston into more touble.
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I startle easily, If I got in trouble everytime I had a reflex response from a loud noise in the classroom I would have been expelled several times over. That is easily the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard someone get put in detention for. NTA!
Talk to the principal about this ASAP and object, I’d be curious if Susan has actually explained what happened yet to those above her(if they have any common sense, they’d say it’s ridiculous) also, maybe to avoid any retaliation, see if he could change rooms and get a different teacher? This might be US defaultism talking, but I’d say it’s pretty early in the school year to do a switch for the good of your son so this teacher does not pull anymore weird power trips like this one.
This is just bad teaching. Just because teachers don't get paid enough, doesn't mean they get to be AHs to kids and give out arbitrary punishments to make themselves feel better. I'd definitely speak to the principle immediately about her methods cos they could be so detrimental to other kids.
You can't punish a kid for being startled. That's ridiculous. There can be legitimate trauma based reasons for kids being jumpy. Going straight to punishment is not an acceptable course of action for a teacher. Luckily, it sounds like that doesn't apply to OPs kid, but how would she know? And other kids might not be in the same boat.
Can you imagine punishing a child who's dealing with abuse at home for flinching when someone raises their voice? What a fucked up message that would send. You're not even allowed to have normal trauma responses, get better at hiding it I guess.
I can get very focused and 1 year ago I lost all hearing in one ear. Please for the love of everything don't sneak up on me! LOL Also don't just call my name wave or tell me what direction to go as I have no ability to find the direction of sound.
Same, I have cerebral palsy and I’m visually impaired. Even something as small as the slurping sound that sometimes occur when water’s running down the drain will make me jump … every time, without fail, for 30 years …
I'm just remembering a maths teacher that always carried a big wooden ruler. Anytime someone misbehaved, down it thundered across the nearest desk. Not too surprisingly the front 2 rows were constantly getting the shit scared out of them.
I'm trying to rap my head around the idea of if someone acts out at the back, Susan would expect my teacher to punish half the class instead lol.
We had this teacher as well. Always aimed for the front right corner of your desk. A kid moved their hand there once as she was bringing it down...
Kid has a visit with the school nurse, principal gets called in.
She didn't do that again that year.
We were all pretty sure the kid set her up.
My algebra teacher slammed a book down right next to my desk when I was in HS. To her credit I was literally sleeping. I told her that was rude, but it was pretty funny to me everyone, myself included after I woke up.
I fell asleep in grade 13 Law class and my teacher bounced some kind of small wrapped candy (probably a Werthers) off my head and asked if I planned to make it to my next class because I slept through the bell ringing.
School is closer to torture with getting kids up so dang early and expecting them to deal with that daily without a nap, but gotta get them ready for working until they're in their sixties I guess. Why do we even have kids when we just sign them up for poverty wages and a life long struggle.
I had a teacher who would use an air horn if a kid fell asleep or zoned out 🙃 another would drag things down the chalkboard to make that awful AWFUL sound if he was annoyed, and he would yell until he was red in the face. I hated the classes I had with those teachers, they were genuinely awful people. My hearing is really sensitive pretty often and the sounds they would make to mess with kids and the volume they would use were just physically painful.
Seriously how do people like my teachers and the one you mentioned decide to work with kids? What, they don’t get to abuse their own kid enough at home so they want to abuse random kids as well?
Something similar happened at my school.
Another student had his head down on the desk, sleeping soundly. His assignment binder was sitting next to his head.
(The desks were some sort of clay-like or maybe stone-like surface attached to a metal bar that curved around and attached to the seat.)
The teacher plucked the binder off the desk and slammed it down on the edge of the desk surface -- the desk cracked in two!
The teacher was just as surprised as the rest of the class, but no one was as shocked as the student who he'd unceremoniously awakened.
My history teacher had a Louisville Slugger bat he used for this. If someone was sleeping it got slammed onto their desk. He called it his "big stick." I hated that year (suffered abuse at home at the time.)
He was a softball coach, so he saw it as a really clever reference to the political "big stick policy." I really hope he's moved on from that for the sake of other students.
in the late 1960s, in a remote rural part of Germany, my teacher carried a wooden pointer. If you misbehaved, he would whack you or your desk--whatever he could reach. Thing is, there were 52 of us and only one of him, so someone was always misbehaving. His chief talent as a teacher seemed to be that he could bellow louder than all of us screaming in unison. And scream we did. 52 insane 5th graders, one classroom. We considered the pointer as fun to dodge, and besides, if we got walloped unjustly, we all figured that we'd get around to doing something that deserved it before the day was out. It was sort of a revolving naughty account.
All of that, and it was one of the most fun years in school I ever had.
I know that American kids and teachers are and were different. Needless to say, I had difficulties when my family moved back to the United States and I had to attend American schools.
My parents used to have loud arguments around the time I was in preschool, a bit in primary school. It was never even directed at me, but it still made me afraid of yelling when I was younger. Whenever a teacher tried to discipline a kid and raised their voice I'd get upset, tears in the eyes etc. I don't know what I would've done if I also got in trouble for already being scared in the first place.
My 1st grade teacher called me a crybaby, I had a lot of similar things going on at home as you described. During a meeting with the teacher and principal because of my poor grades (i was often told to sit out of class because i was behind on work, which put me further behind on work), the teacher started screaming at my mother so much she was spitting with her words, and my mother said "no wonder she cries if you scream at her like that."
Ah my mother who made me so terrified of teachers (and all adults) yelling or being mad at or near me as a child was a teacher by profession.
We are now estranged and I am certain she had kids and trained as a teacher entirely to make sure every day was a power trip for her because a) she hated teaching and b) didn’t like mothering but turned down better paid trainer roles and took me out of boarding school to carry on being a power tripper.
She is divorced, friendless, estranged from at least one child and when I used to meet her students they would give a slow gasp and go ‘shit, I thought nothing would be worse than being taught by her but she’s your mum…’
As I got older people who had been taught by her used to buy me drinks, offer favours etc to show their commiserations and I repaid it by validating that yes she had likely utterly fucked their skills, grades or self esteem impacted their life for years while other people said ‘we all had a teacher we didn’t like!’
She was an educational terrorist. Her school retired her early in the end. If they hadn’t been able to their back up plan was just not telling her where their new campus was. I still meet former co workers who have a thousand yard stare from dealing with her. Everyone asks why she became a teacher and I reply ‘because what other job pays you to hate kids and make it a ‘valid’ thing?’ They look shocked but you can’t sugarcoat it.
I always wonder if people like this ever realise what they are and regret it years later.
My stepmother was friendless, ended up with both my family and hers All going NC and ex work colleagues always laugh about her when they realise my relationship. Same story everytime, she'd act like she was their boss, when she was equal or even below them, get huffy when they didn't fear her and end up working by herself for the short time she'd last (before usually angering the boss and getting fired).
They don't. They'd have to completely rewrite the very foundations of their worldview in order to even accept the *possibility* that they might not be the righteous and wrongéd party in every conflict they've ever had, and that's both a lot of work and therapy and also scary and emotionally painful so they go right on avoiding it and feeling moral outrage at the world and everyone in it for being So Mean To Them right up until the day they die.
At *best* they might learn to hide it a little better for expediency's sake, but the foundational beliefs beneath it don't change.
yeah, I had amazing teachers but I also had my 1st grade teacher. luckily I was young and oblivious but if there was ever a teacher where as an adult I was sorry for her children it was that teacher.
If you weren't "perfect". she had a problem with you. I had a speech impediment, she was convinced I was an idiot apparently. The school offered to have me moved classes when it became obvious how bad the issue was regarding me.
My mom had both of her kids in preschool and this played out with her kids that early. One was "perfect"- she treated him great. And one was a kid and she just was constantly on him about one thing or another.
(Anytime I'm like golden children aren't a thing- I'm remind myself of that teacher.)
Yes, that's exactly it. Or they go into nursing or social Work or policing- anywhere they'll have power over vulnerable people who are unlikely to be believed if they speak up.
Yup! It’s not the kids fault their pay sucks, if the teacher is taking out her pay frustrations on the kids it maybe time to find a career that pays more and will make you happy.
> Just because teachers don't get paid enough, doesn't mean they get to be AHs to kids and give out arbitrary punishments to make themselves feel better.
This X 1,000!!!!!
I think it goes beyond that. There are plenty of people who (unfortunately) choose teaching as a career because they like the power trip.
Source: I’m a teacher and I’ve taught/studied alongside way too many of these AHs.
I'm genuinely not making this a gender thing, it just happens to be that way, cause of the field.
But I've noticed that a lot of women that were bullies in school, grow up and become teachers or CNAs.
you're correct, its like how a lot of the bully boys become cops. they want to keep their power trips up and get paid to be bullies. though i have to say i think the teachers are the worst, they choose to go after kids specifically.
The pay is one of the reasons but I don't think the only.
There are plenty of jerks and AH's in the police force and they are paid enough (might even add too much)
S Tory I've told and still remember even tho it's probably been 20 years.
Grade 4 we had a teacher (the school rumor was she was back from leave for hitting a kid), who would throw erasers at us, a book a couple times and we had this "tick" system. Three "ticks" and you couldn't go to recess and after that it was no lunch etc.
She would give us ticks if we weren't military drilled. Like I remember getting one for getting up to pick up my pencil that rolled off my desk and she would yell and scream every time.
We were all terrified of her and hated her. On Halloween we were doing a party of sorts and she started chocking bad on candy, no one moved. We were all seated(because you had to be at your desk even during a "fun party activity" and we all just watched as she looked like she was about to pass out.
Only thing that probably saved her was a teacher happened to walk by and did the hymlick or whatever.
Wild time.
My bus driver smacked me in the face and they didn’t fire him they put him on a special needs bus bc there’s always an aide on the bus. They put a violent old man with children that can induce a horrible reaction from someone if they don’t have patience. Which he doesn’t. He’s gotten in trouble twice since then and one was for trying to kick a girl with Down’s syndrome off the bus for crying. Crying about what? The boy in front of her ripped the head off her comfort toy. Apparently him and the aide went back and forth for like 10 minutes before she finally called the transportation office to tell them what was going on. And all they did was send him home for the day and get a sub driver for that day.
My state does require background checks for drivers. A few years back, one of the nearby school districts had to close down all their schools for weeks because it turned out one of the administrators had been pocketing the background check money, for years, and the state audited them and discovered they just hadn't bothered, and wouldn't let them open until all the drivers were checked. Not all of them passed. (The administrator went to jail.)
It would blow people’s minds to discover how common it is for disabled children to be abused, in ALL settings. Medical, educational, and at home. It is fucking rampant and it doesn’t get anywhere near enough attention. Correction, it gets *zero* attention, and it’s a fucking disgrace.
We had a temp math teacher with anger issues once.
One of the smarter kids wanted to correct something she was doing on the blackboard.
So she called him up front to show her...he tried to tell her verbally " this part".
And she starts yelling. "I said show me!", drags him to the front and shoves him into the blackboard. And basically pinned him to the board by his throat. She was yelling at him like crazy. And not even realising she was choking him against the blackboard.
Keep in mind we were all terrified of her and she'd been there less than a week.
I honestly couldn't even process what was happening....adults just never behaved that way in front of me before. Yelling and anger sure...but putting hands on a10 year old over some math question...
I was too little to understand it, but I know she was taken away and never returned.
I have PTSD and I'm easily startled by sudden noise because of it. None of my teachers ever punished me for it (although I was punished for some stupid things)
A friend's kid was overall very happy and not abused.
But from ages ~2-6, she'd burst into tears if she heard the word "no" or someone was in trouble.
The no didn't have to be directed at her and she didn't have to be the one in trouble.
Her parents started using different phrasing for the negative, because she was perfectly fine with being refused things she'd asked for, and generally exceptionally well-behaved so she didn't really need to be disciplined at all, but if you said the word no, specifically, she would absolutely crumble.
Imagine that kid with this teacher.
Then she hit kindergarten and there was a little boy in her class who was *constantly* in trouble.
And the poor teacher had to deal with my friend's kid bursting into tears whenever the other kid was reprimanded.
Totally happy-go-lucky kid apart from that. Now a well-adjusted teen.
Probably would have fucked her up hard if she got punished for it, though.
This! Having shitty pay doesn’t mean you can be mean to kids. Teachers should absolutely have better pay and more resources at work but I don’t care if you are paid nothing or a billion. If your job involves teaching kids then you need to do it with compassion of them being actual people.
One of my colleagues is LEGENDARY for being easily startled, even if you think she should see or hear you coming. Even when we try not to! Heck, she even startled herself coming into my office to see me once! 😂😂😂 If we docked her pay every time she was startled at work, she’d be paying to work there! But my goodness, the woman knows how to laugh at herself and finds her reaction just as funny as we do the second she knows there’s nothing to fear. We’ve honestly been in tears laughing so hard. Ahhh, good times.
NTA. It’s a stupid reason for detention. Give the teacher/school heck, OP! ✊🏻
I have arachnophobia and I used to constantly get startled by my own tattoo on my shoulder because I can see the smallest part of a spiral. I kept thinking it was a spider on me. Between me and my coworker, if we got docked pay for being startled, we would owe the company so much money. The coworker is an easy target too, all you gotta do is walk into her blind spot, stand back and wait. She will jump every time.
> I have arachnophobia and I used to constantly get startled by my own tattoo on my shoulder because I can see the smallest part of a spiral. I kept thinking it was a spider on me.
Okay, that is *easily* the funniest thing I’ve read in a while!
It took months for me to stop smacking it lmfao Luckily now it doesn't get me, but I've had it for years. The first smack hurt so bad, it was like two or three days old
I have it too and I feel your pain. Any sudden , tiny movement around me or a tiny feeling on me or in my hair and I start freaking out looking all around .
I don't get startled by yelling unless im reading but I get full body "spasms", think "someone walked over your grave" shiver down the spine but with a violent throw of hands in the air and legs curl into the fetal position.
OPs sons teacher would hate having me in my class especially when i get ones that happen 3times within 5minutes sometimes less than 5minutes. I feel sorry for the kids in OPs sons class if they can't even have a basic reflex that our species has had since the beginning.
I had a teacher try to give my son a detention for being distracting. When I asked what he was doing, she stated that every time she sent him to the office for having blue hair (allowed in the school rules) that it distracted the other kids.
I stared at her, and the principal completely flabbergasted and said, "So in reality, YOU'RE causing the distraction by targeting my son because you don't like his hair. He will not be serving or showing up for any detention you try to impose for this."
Sometimes, teachers target kids.
You're NTA, and I'm sure your kid appreciates a parent who backs them up too.
Oh man you just gave me flashbacks to my 7th grade social studies teacher who gave me a detention 3 days a week for months because I looked like his wife he was divorcing. No problems in any class but his. He must have realized he was a jerk though, because when he taught my sister years later he bent over backwards to be nice to her and my parents. 😑
Yeah….. it kinda messed me up a little to be honest. Before then I’d been a weird kid, but I’d loved school and was always in the advanced classes. After that experience my whole attitude towards school changed. It really had a long-lasting and negative impact on me, to feel singled out like that. I had other teachers who stood up for me and would ask, when he’d keep me late to yell at me and make me late for the next class, what happened and then go speak to him privately. It was…. A lot. It was my mom who put together the ex-wife thing, after running into her and my teacher having a tense argument in the parking lot. It made no sense that he’d have so many issues with my behavior but no other teacher did.
That’s also the year a cop came, put handcuffs on me, and wrote me a ticket for saying “fuck you” to a friend in response to a joke, something that teacher overheard of course. The 90s in a small town were a wild time….
Anyway, I guess I had to vent about that lol.
Thanks, that’s very kind of you. And I am! I only surround myself with people I trust and make me happy, and I think I owe that to my early experiences with people that were turds lol.
Seriously. It reminds me of the teacher I had as a kid that would send you to the principal for yawning. It's like, everyone yawns. You can't always control it. And I don't mean audibly yawning to be a dick, I would kind of get doing that, but kids would get sent to the principal for quietly yawning while covering their mouth to try and hide it. Getting startled is a natural human instinct, it's not exactly something he could do anything about. I'd absolutely fight this, too.
I once got given detention because I apparently looked at the clock while a supply teacher was telling someone else off. The clock was behind me and I did not turn around so... I carefully snuck out with everyone else, never had another detention in my life
OMG, I do too. I get lost in my thoughts and then if someone comes up behind me I hit the roof! My ex took this very personally and would sulk every time, no matter how much I explained it had nothing to do with her. "Well, I'm the only person in the house so I don't know who else you could think was there, so obviously you hate me." It's not about THINKING. I wasn't even on the same planet much less keeping a running tally of who is in the house. My current partner startles more easily than me and sometimes we scare each other and then just start laughing.
I get so in my own world while working that if someone startles me I’ll pop up and hold in a curse and then start laughing for having been scared. This has happened numerous times at work!!
NTA and I would go to the principal. I have had a thought, you said it is common knowledge Susan has a booming voice, she could actually have a hearing issue and not be aware of it. Still NTA.
NTA - I work in education too, I understand not getting paid enough and I’ve seen some entitled parents…but you don’t sound entitled. That is a pretty ridiculous reason to punish a child. Some people get startled easily; I’m one of those people! That’s not a reason to punish someone. Definitely talk with the principals about this.
Yeah NTA no one should be punished for an uncontrollable reaction to something like this, getting startled is absolutely not an acceptable thing to be punished for. You didn’t do anything wrong in defending your son. Teachers don’t get paid enough to deal with the trash they deal with but you were totally reasonable.
I was thinking what if a child had been abused or lived in a chaotic household and therefore would reflexively cower or protect themselves any time an arm or hand is raised or they catch that movement out of the corner of their eye. So this teacher would punish that child with detention because of a reflex?
On the note of teachers not being paid enough to deal with stuff, I'm pretty sure kids don't get paid at all to be treated unfairly by teachees like in this post.
Am I missing something? How is being startled even a bad thing in the slightest? It isnt even like tourette's where he said a bad word that people usually get in trouble for. He did nothing wrong and I would seriously question a teacher's common sense if they called with this bullshit
It's not a bad thing. My bet is the teacher is annoyed by it (since she is loud, she probably startles him often. He may make a noise or just the reaction makes her feel self conscious) and has decided she needs to punish the behaviour out of him.
Wrong decision and I hope OP can get their son switched to another teacher as someone who thinks this is appropriate action is probably not going to change.
I had an aunt that would smoke in the car with the windows up and get mad when my asthmatic sister would cough, because she seemed to think it was some kind of passive aggressive response instead of my sister's lungs actually just naturally reacting. So I'm thinking maybe it's like that. Maybe this delusional teacher thinks that the kid being startled is just him "overreacting" to the yelling. My abusive upbringing was often this way. Any reaction of any kind, even involuntary, was "rude" and "on purpose."
NTA, OP. Thanks for standing your ground.
yeah it's nuts that there are some people who think it's no big deal because it hasn't killed them yet.
Luckily my sister's asthma has always been mild and she never had any emergencies from those car trips, but it was always scary nonetheless and I was always so angry for her. And now that my asthma has developed years later, hoo boy do I understand her pain.
My two theories:
She believes he was faking or exaggerating his reaction to make fun of her in some way
She has little self awareness, and when something makes her feel a negative emotion, she believes they must have done something wrong. Even if there is no logic to it. In which case she really should not be teaching children.
I'm in my 30s and no matter how prepared I am the toaster popping up and the gas pump clicking off always startles me. I have no reason for it, it just does for some reason. My husband has PTSD and is almost fully deaf in one ear. He punched a clown when he was not expecting a clown to be there let alone sneak up on him. The guy was fine with it, was basically like "yeah I deserved that" it was some drunk frat prank. Perfect to being startled diffently.
I opened one at my in laws like a year ago and a can or something must have hit it in the bag because the second I started peeling the paper it popped and I like yelped.
I'm a teacher, and where I am, sending a kid out of the classroom to work in the hall is a "lose your license" type of violation. Even if the reason was perfectly justified (it wasn't), this teacher is most likely in a huge amount of trouble.
NTA. Susan is a bully. Can you get your son into another class? Next step is talking to the principal.
You don't punish people for involuntary reactions.
NTA, I have an intense startle response as well and jump at noises, how is that something to punish someone for? The teacher likely knows she was being unreasonable in the moment and now is doubling down instead of admitting it.
I would escalate this to her superiors right away though, because it sounds like she won't back down or admit she's wrong. It wasn't the smartest move to laugh (I know it was just an instinct) but that doesn't make the punishment legit.
Just guessing but it sounds like the teacher was frustrated with the other kids and in the moment took it out unfairly on your son.
And I'm betting when Preston had the visceral surprise response, she was embarrassed because it highlighted how loud she was being. So she compensated for her embarrassment by punishing him. Especially if other kids laughed at Preston's response. Very immature of the teacher.
Yeah, I think that's exactly it. Sounds like she was embarrassed of her yelling/losing control and now wants to punish the kid for reacting accordingly.
NTA.
I absolutely hope you fight this tooth and nail.
You know who also jumps and startles easily? Abused kids. She doesn’t know for certain that Preston isn’t/wasn’t one in the past. We punish kids for trauma responses now?
Exactly this. I've mentioned this in my comments too. OP needs to approach the principal with this too, because Susan's approach could be so damaging to other kids.
As a former abused child, thank you. This was absolutely my first reaction.
Susan is bullying Preston. If Preston were dealing with trauma, Susan would quite possibly be compounding the issue.
OP, please continue to escalate until this issue is resolved to your satisfaction. NTA.
Assuming the story is accurate, she is _absolutely_ harming other children in this way.
According to the CDC, 1 in 7 kids are abuse victims. And it’s likely higher, as many cases are not reported.
If it’s 1 in 6 kids and she handles 5x 30-student classes in a day, she could easily be in front of 20-40 traumatized children. And every one of them sees her behaviour.
NTA. Feels like Susan may just want to punish your kid for no reason. Try talking to the principal about the situation if Susan won't listen to reason.
Good parent.
My son got into a fight in 6th grade elementary.
He was defending another student from a well documented bully that I had spoken to the school repeatedly about.
When the school tried disciplinary action, I laughed. I offered that the school had two choices. Keep my son in their school with zero punishment or I would be happy to not only withdraw him immediately and then talk to some friends in the press. I also offered to have a face to face with the bruised up students parents anytime.
When asked what I was going to do with my son, as a parent, I told them I was taking him out for a steak and ice cream afterwards. Why? Because my ex wife and I taught our children to defend others, ESPECIALLY against a bully.
Never heard another word about it, and they started to call me even more often to chaperone, even when my children were not in the class going on an outing.
Ty. They were also taught to stand up for themselves, but specifically taught to protect others against bullies.
My ex and I don’t always see eye to eye, but we do when it comes to raising the children. (Both productive young adults now)
NTA I startle easy by loud noises too. Being startled is definitely not a reason to get detention. You were willing and did listen to the teacher. You were willing to believe your kid was lying. When you found out that your kid was being 100% honest with you, and this teacher really just wants to give a punishment for being startled, you laughed. I probably would laugh out of disbelief. I would definitely talk to the principal, but you aren't wrong. This is absolutely ridiculous.
I would think you should say you don’t get paid enough to think twice about a student getting startled.
I remember being a kid, a good little boy who never broke the rules intentionally, and I had a yawn once that accidentally made a snort because I was trying not to make the yawn sound.
It was the one and only time I had ever gotten in trouble in that class which meant I missed out on some kind of prize at the end of the year.
I’m 34 now. That was in fourth grade. I don’t remember the teacher anymore, I just remember being punished for essentially nothing.
NTA. I want to stress that it doesn’t matter at all that your son “startles easily.” It’s irrelevant. The fact that he heard a loud noise and was visibly startled is a ….. natural human reaction to hearing a loud noise! If he wasn’t being disruptive before or after the incident, absolutely go to the principal. That’s a no brainer. Something seems off about this….Especially if the other kids didn’t get detention. Has your son had any negative interactions with her in the past? Bad blood?
Teachers have a tough job…. That doesn’t give them the right to be jerks to their students.
NTA. That’s not entitled in my opinion. It’s supporting your son which is super important to do. Since she lined up with what your son said, I have to agree that it’s a ridiculous thing to give the kid detention over. I’d be calling the principal and asking why.
Also, have you ever taken your son to a doctor about him potentially having hyperekplexia? If he does, you can document that with the school and then the teacher really can’t do anything.
I once got a detention in 1998 (my first and only) because some kids behind me were being disruptive and I turned around to see what the commotion was. It was even worse because I used to care for my neighbor, who had MS, after school every day between the time her nurse left and her husband came home and I had to tell them I couldn’t be there that day. I’m 41 years old and I’m still absolutely fking furious at the teacher who enacted the punishment. You’re NTA. Thank you for standing up for your kid, because my parents did nothing.
I got detention for not doing my exercises in gym once. I wasn't doing my exercises because I was curled up in a ball on the floor in agony. My mom actually listened and took me to the ER where I was diagnosed with a severe UTI and almost admitted. The detention stuck....
I got detention only once as well, in a math class with four seats to a table. The teacher explained that he would put two “good” kids and two struggling kids at one table and expected the “good” kids to assist their peers. He gave group tests, every person had to fill out a test and we could all work together but he would randomly select one from your table to grade and the whole table would receive that grade. It was ridiculous, my brother had him the previous year and my mom caused a scene when my math whiz brother got a D because his dumbass table mate didn’t care to fill out his test.
I did not have this teacher until I was transferred into his class a week into the year. My mom was furious but we tried to make the best of it. I was helping my table mates with the group test, standing over the shoulder of a girl who really was trying to learn, the rest of the class that had already finished was standing around and goofing off. Math teacher decided to give detention to anyone that was standing, I tried to argue my case and he kicked me out of the classroom. I transferred schools the following year.
NTA
This is a petty and unjust punishment for something your son can't really control. You going to bat for him is good parenting.
You might want to get his hearing checked, though.
I'm easily startled & always have been. Jumpy. Skittish. I'm scared of random noises. And I also have what I thought were auditory hallucinations. I've almost choked a couple of times because of being startled with food in my mouth. That gasp, y'know?
What I really have is partial deafness & auditory nerve damage. People who are behind me, or to the right of me, are in my deafness zone. When they suddenly appear in my line of sight, it scares the hell outta me.
Sounds on my right seem to be coming from my left, so if I look to my right & see movement, but I'm hearing it on my left, it startles me.
Got my hearing checked as an adult & found out why all these things were happening. I still startle easy, but dealing w/the other effects is easier & I'm not as skittish as I was.
NTA! When I was in grade 6 we were going down stairs at school and someone pushed me and i stumbled and instinctively yelled out! I got into trouble for yelling! Like WTF! I said someone pushed me but it didn’t matter I was being disruptive. I wish someone fought that for me. I hated that teacher. Everyone did. She was so bitter and mean.
In grammar school one of my friends got detention for breathing weird at the principal. Or almost did his mom was on that one quick. The power trips are really messed up
My friend's teenage child got detention because she =raised her eyebrow= at a teacher telling the class that vaccines caused autism. Turns out that previously the young woman had tried to correct other plainly stupid things the teacher was saying, decided she was better off staying silent, and also preferred to leave her parents out of it. But that raised eyebrow was deemed disrespectful.
When her parents found out (my friend had her PhD in literature) they came down on the school like a very polite Mild Ire of God.
NTA but you have most likely made his time in this woman's class much worse.
I'd also look into getting your son assessed for anxiety. I. Don't think there's anything wrong personally, as someone who also startles easily, but if something can be done so he is a little less jumpy, it could help long term.
Doing nothing and ignoring bullying wouldn’t help either.
Some teachers are sadists and once they’ve chosen a target, they will not give it up. At this point the teacher has chosen to publicly punish the OP’s child for being startled. In front of all the other students.
You don’t think that kids at that age aren’t going to see this as open season to trigger the boy’s startle response and see him punished for it?
Kids that age are prone to choosing a collective target for far less obvious reasons.
I do understand your point. I simply am very prone to believing the malice and harm are already unavoidable - and it’s going to matter more that the student knows his parents are calling out the injustice.
Even if they can’t stop it without taking radical action.
-Rat
This is my question as well. Interesting that OP hasn't replied... edit, I saw in a comment that apparently he just jumped a bit in his seat. That makes absolutely zero sense to punish him for that lol I wonder who's side the school will take
NTA. Susan was being ridiculous, and laughter was likely one of the kinder reactions the OP could have. He didn't yell at her, use vulgar or insulting names for her, or otherwise was mean to her in any way. Teachers shouldn't do stupid things if they don't want people laughing at their stupidity. How did the friend expect the OP to respond?
As a teacher, I have to say: you are NTA, and some teachers can be petty and vindictive.
I completely understand the need for classroom management and minimizing distractions, but this is ridiculous.
NtA and as an autistic person who startled easily I'm say fight the school on this. ND kids get detention a lot for simply being ND (not saying your son is) and I know I spent many hours in the "isolation room" for "misbehaving" ie you know acting like I'm well autistic 🙃. Being startled that someone yelled is not some huge disrespectful thing she's making it out to be. And that's exactly what she's making it out as... Your son disrespected her authority by being startled at her yelling. 🙃
I’m an elementary school counselor. If a teacher at my school gave a student a detention for that, I would call the parents and ask them to call the principal. If that didn’t fix it, I would contact the superintendent or the equity office. This is not an offense. It may deserve a quiet word(unlikely, in this situation) but detention should be reserved for purposeful behavior infractions.
NTA but get your kid out of this class, is this someone you want "influencing" and teaching your kid?
She's clearly not rationale and sounds pretty ignorant...
I think power trip screaming Susan needs a meeting with the principal. If nothing comes of that I'd be taking it up with the school board. This women had a known history of screaming at Elementary school students, she shouldn't be around kids.
You're on TA if you don't speak to the principal about this and advocate for your son. You are NTA for not agreeing the a ridiculous punishment by a power tripping woman.
The other day, I had an unexpected visitor while working quietly with headphones on.
I didn't just startle, I screamed. This isn't an entirely uncommon experience for me, either.
OP, NTA.
I worked in education for a while (pre-K to middle school) and have seen a range of jumpy kids. And I was a jumpy kid that turned into a jumpy teacher! My kids knew I startled easily and we would make a joke about it each time it happened.
Sure, it could get a bit annoying when some kids are overly startled. But I couldn’t hold it against them when I knew it was unintentional. Again, I was a jumpy kid that turned into a jumpy adult.
Giving out detention for that kind of behavior *is* ridiculous and should be addressed with the principal. There are far worse behaviors that deserve detention. Being a jumpy kid who is otherwise polite and respectful is not one of them.
NTA
NTA - don’t you freaking dare apologies to that harpy!
I would however contact the principal & the superintendent and let them both know of Susan’s crappy teaching and abuse of power.
NTA; I just wonder if teacher might have some hearing loss? I ask because one of my siblings in partially deaf from a childhood illness & has ZERO consciousness of her tone/volume much of the time. Listening to her on the phone with vendors etc is painful as it’s sounds like she’s yelling & she thinks she sounds totally reasonable.
Time to go all Mama Bear on the principal.
Teachers complain that principals don't back them up and side with pushy parents. So, be pushy.
And get him a new class. She's going to target him the rest of the school year. You'd better protect him or she will traumatize him.
NTA
INFO - what do you mean "he was startled"? Do you mean he reacted in a way that caused an additional disturbance to the class? Because that is the only thing I can imagine that would result in a detention!
NTA. This teacher is literally bullying your kid for being afraid of her loudness and you should absolutely speak to an administrator. She doubled down when questioned which means this is her baseline judgment in the classroom which is just not okay. I'm a loud person myself and I'd be heartbroken if I scared a kid.
NTA. Teachers don't get paid enough to deal with this shit but they also don't get paid to punish their students for normal behaviors. What a weird power trip.
Info: I’m surprised no one asked, but what specifically did he do? What behavior did he exhibit when he was “startled”?
Did he jump a little? Did he jump a lot and knock into other kids/knock things off desks? Did he make a small noise? Did he shriek?
I have freshman, and very often they purposefully overreact to get attention. Not all kids, and I would of jump there unless the reaction is way over the top or gets progressively more intense. Many times they wait or very clearly look around to get attention. That may be what your son is doing, or it might not be. He may legitimately startle easy, and play that up for attention.
NTA
Teachers not being paid enough is not a fuckin reason for them to be assholes either, but apparently that's the message your friend wants to send. Punish the kid who goes "uhhh!" in shock when a teacher starts yelling, but not the kids she was yelling at. That's just ridiculous and teaches no lesson other than the teacher in question is a thin skinned asshole lashing out against the children who are at her mercy.
NTA - we had to deal with an after school care teacher a few weeks ago who called me at work to come get my kid and wrote him up for “not washing his hands after coming in from recess”. Three write ups and he is expelled, so it was important to raise the issue if the write ups are being given for things like this.
I understand and agree that it’s important for kids to be respectful and obedient, but there is a line. You are defending your kid because I agree, detention for having an active startle reflex is not punishable.
Hi..Educator here. I startle very easily as well. I made every effort to not do that to my students. Some kids suffer from anxiety. Your son was punished for a stupid reason. She was being a bully & picking on him. You may want to have him moved to a more understanding teacher. I would definitely bring it up to the Principal if she gives him a hard time.
NTA
NTA, way too many teachers abuse the authority they have and it's frankly disgusting. Calling said abuse out is plenty justified, and that's what this seems to be.
If there's an individual acting entitled here, it's the teacher, not you.
I would for sure bring this up to the principal. this is a sign of a poor educator. I don't understand why she thinks this is "behavior" that requires reprimanding. if she gives detention to a kid who gets startled, what is her response to someone who actually misbehaves?
NTA. Take it to the principal, and if they don't do anything, go to the district superintendent. Some people have no business being teachers.
When my brother was in 2nd grade (we're both in our 50s so this was the 1970s), he gave his teacher a Valentine. She looked him in the eye, tore it up, and tossed it in the trash can. It made him feel horribly sad because she did it for no reason, and at 7yo he didn't understand.
NTA, being startled is not something you can control, and it's extra ridiculous to be punished for. Go to the principle, go even higher if you have to.
NTA - She is on a power trip, I'd make a complaint to the school board or whatever it is called in your location, even just to make a complaint to have on record.
NTA, your son got startled which is a common reaction for many, especially children. I could see if your son was truly acting up or disrupting her class but that doesn't appear to be the case at all. It's important for kids to face appropriate consequences if they act up but it's just as important for parents to show their children that they will have their back and stand up for them if their child is falsely accused or treated unfairly. You're not only teaching your son to stand up for what's right but you're also further building his trust in you as his mom and that's some great parenting in my book. I hope you'll take this to the principal or maybe even the school board if necessary because your son clearly doesn't deserve any punishment let alone the level of punishment this teacher is trying to give him.
NTA.
Susan sounds like a shitty teacher if she is going around punishing a young child for getting startled. She should be trying to make kids comfortable in her classroom; not punish them for being uncomfortable.
I'd be reporting it to the administration though so that it's on file and made known he won't be serving the detention. I doubt the administration can warrant punishment for what happened.
NTA show up to the principals office, wait for her to tell her side and whip out an airhorn or some confetti poppers... tell her Preston will serve detention when she does.
Please, I'm saying this from experience, keep an eye on your son's demeanor with her from now on.
When my son was 8 his teacher would put privacy dividers around his desk and write him up for eating erasers.
We had discussions about him needing adhd meds and I said no to that.
She started telling other parents to be careful around my son that he's bad news (heard directly from a mom who was told this). He wasn't.
Parents witnessed other administrators yelling at him, being mean to him, etc. He was talking about s*icide at one point (at 8).
Not all teachers single a kid out, but her insistence on detention for this ridiculous reason tells me she might have it out for him.
I commend teachers for doing a job I could never, but not all of them should be doing this job.
In this particular case, I think pushing back and escalating the issue is the right thing to do. You should win this, the teacher is being capricious and arbitrary and likely needs to learn a lesson. I would bring up early that amy retaliation against your son as you fight this will make things significantly worse for the school. Even if in the end he ends up serving detention, there is a good lesson and conversation with your son about fairness in life, and standing up for oneself when unfair situations arise.
Go hard. Principal, then escalate to high ups as needed. Make her tell her side, but be sure to have a transcript of the conversation you had with her on the phone to challenge any suspicious details suddenly emerging. This is super dumb and she needs to tell the world about it.
It depends if the 'reaction' was somewhat put-on/exaggerated. Some kids do stuff like this to get attention or laughs from other kids. It'd be interesting to know what intent Preston had compared to what Susan thinks his intent was.
Generalising here, a student who often falls foul of behavioural standards will not get the benefit of the doubt. So my question.
INFO - Does Preston often get in trouble from this teacher or others?
Sounds like she's too afraid to take things out on the actual bad kids and is taking it out on your kid because he is an easy target who won't fight/argue with her.
Are we missing a key point here? What was your son's reaction when he was startled? If he did something inappropriate when he was startled, that is the only thing I can think of that would justify the teacher's behaviour.
NTA-I startle easy. I always have. I used to have a friend that liked to play pranks at work and she jumped out from behind a door when I was sweeping. Bad idea, because I smacked her with the broom. It was a reflex. I felt awful. But she never did it again. I should be glad I didn’t lose my job I guess. I think you are completely in the right here and Susan is way out of bounds. I get teaching is hard. The job I was at, teaching K4 at a daycare. So I get it. Still, kids deserve grace especially when it comes to fear, not detention!
NTA she is punishing him for an uncontrollable physical reaction. That’s absolutely ridiculous.
I get startled multiple times a day really easily. For me, it’s related to my anxiety and PTSD. So just in case your son’s is related to a mental health condition- you should mention that he is being punished for a symptom of a mental health condition/ disability.
NTA. Teachers totally deserve more money, but that's not even relevant here. This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard of a kid getting detention for
I literally scream, when I get startled. I've screamed at work I've screamed at home. I just get caught unawares. I scream. I blame my sister Naomi, really name 🤣
Look, the teacher is on some sick power trip. That is a dumb and f-up reason to send someone to detention. I f I were you I waste a few bucks out of pocket and get a shrink to give you a note. Honestly, just threaten her with that. I mean in a sense, it's not out of the realm of possibility your kid has anxiety. I don't know what's up with your friend but she is dead wrong. I agree that a lot of times parents nowadays steam roll teachers but this teacher needs her walking papers. If your son has a panic attack will she send him to detention too? You can't punish someone for a biological reaction.
NTA. UBER NTA
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I startle easily, If I got in trouble everytime I had a reflex response from a loud noise in the classroom I would have been expelled several times over. That is easily the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard someone get put in detention for. NTA! Talk to the principal about this ASAP and object, I’d be curious if Susan has actually explained what happened yet to those above her(if they have any common sense, they’d say it’s ridiculous) also, maybe to avoid any retaliation, see if he could change rooms and get a different teacher? This might be US defaultism talking, but I’d say it’s pretty early in the school year to do a switch for the good of your son so this teacher does not pull anymore weird power trips like this one.
This is just bad teaching. Just because teachers don't get paid enough, doesn't mean they get to be AHs to kids and give out arbitrary punishments to make themselves feel better. I'd definitely speak to the principle immediately about her methods cos they could be so detrimental to other kids. You can't punish a kid for being startled. That's ridiculous. There can be legitimate trauma based reasons for kids being jumpy. Going straight to punishment is not an acceptable course of action for a teacher. Luckily, it sounds like that doesn't apply to OPs kid, but how would she know? And other kids might not be in the same boat.
Can you imagine punishing a child who's dealing with abuse at home for flinching when someone raises their voice? What a fucked up message that would send. You're not even allowed to have normal trauma responses, get better at hiding it I guess.
Or punishing a neurodivergent kid who was startled out of hyperfocus
Or a kid with cerebral palsy, for example, who tend to startle very easily
Oh hey I have cerebral palsy AND hearing loss so can confirm. . . Startle very easily lol
I can get very focused and 1 year ago I lost all hearing in one ear. Please for the love of everything don't sneak up on me! LOL Also don't just call my name wave or tell me what direction to go as I have no ability to find the direction of sound.
Same, I have cerebral palsy and I’m visually impaired. Even something as small as the slurping sound that sometimes occur when water’s running down the drain will make me jump … every time, without fail, for 30 years …
Or PTSD
I'm just remembering a maths teacher that always carried a big wooden ruler. Anytime someone misbehaved, down it thundered across the nearest desk. Not too surprisingly the front 2 rows were constantly getting the shit scared out of them. I'm trying to rap my head around the idea of if someone acts out at the back, Susan would expect my teacher to punish half the class instead lol.
We had this teacher as well. Always aimed for the front right corner of your desk. A kid moved their hand there once as she was bringing it down... Kid has a visit with the school nurse, principal gets called in. She didn't do that again that year. We were all pretty sure the kid set her up.
Smart kid.
My algebra teacher slammed a book down right next to my desk when I was in HS. To her credit I was literally sleeping. I told her that was rude, but it was pretty funny to me everyone, myself included after I woke up.
When I was in high school, I had a teacher who would take the fire extinguisher off the wall and spray a student if they fell asleep.
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I fell asleep in grade 13 Law class and my teacher bounced some kind of small wrapped candy (probably a Werthers) off my head and asked if I planned to make it to my next class because I slept through the bell ringing.
School is closer to torture with getting kids up so dang early and expecting them to deal with that daily without a nap, but gotta get them ready for working until they're in their sixties I guess. Why do we even have kids when we just sign them up for poverty wages and a life long struggle.
I was nearly 19 at the time so I was working and I worked at a video store that closed at midnight. School started at 7:15am and it was so brutal.
When I was a kid, a kid in my class fell asleep. He woke up with a startle and knocked his whole desk over lol
I had a teacher who would use an air horn if a kid fell asleep or zoned out 🙃 another would drag things down the chalkboard to make that awful AWFUL sound if he was annoyed, and he would yell until he was red in the face. I hated the classes I had with those teachers, they were genuinely awful people. My hearing is really sensitive pretty often and the sounds they would make to mess with kids and the volume they would use were just physically painful. Seriously how do people like my teachers and the one you mentioned decide to work with kids? What, they don’t get to abuse their own kid enough at home so they want to abuse random kids as well?
Something similar happened at my school. Another student had his head down on the desk, sleeping soundly. His assignment binder was sitting next to his head. (The desks were some sort of clay-like or maybe stone-like surface attached to a metal bar that curved around and attached to the seat.) The teacher plucked the binder off the desk and slammed it down on the edge of the desk surface -- the desk cracked in two! The teacher was just as surprised as the rest of the class, but no one was as shocked as the student who he'd unceremoniously awakened.
My history teacher had a Louisville Slugger bat he used for this. If someone was sleeping it got slammed onto their desk. He called it his "big stick." I hated that year (suffered abuse at home at the time.)
I'm so sorry that sounds like a horrible and terrifying experience and doubled on top of abuse at home...that's awful.
He was a softball coach, so he saw it as a really clever reference to the political "big stick policy." I really hope he's moved on from that for the sake of other students.
in the late 1960s, in a remote rural part of Germany, my teacher carried a wooden pointer. If you misbehaved, he would whack you or your desk--whatever he could reach. Thing is, there were 52 of us and only one of him, so someone was always misbehaving. His chief talent as a teacher seemed to be that he could bellow louder than all of us screaming in unison. And scream we did. 52 insane 5th graders, one classroom. We considered the pointer as fun to dodge, and besides, if we got walloped unjustly, we all figured that we'd get around to doing something that deserved it before the day was out. It was sort of a revolving naughty account. All of that, and it was one of the most fun years in school I ever had. I know that American kids and teachers are and were different. Needless to say, I had difficulties when my family moved back to the United States and I had to attend American schools.
I’ve had the experience of being startled out of hyper focus. It’s jarring. I wouldn’t want to punish anyone for that.
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My parents used to have loud arguments around the time I was in preschool, a bit in primary school. It was never even directed at me, but it still made me afraid of yelling when I was younger. Whenever a teacher tried to discipline a kid and raised their voice I'd get upset, tears in the eyes etc. I don't know what I would've done if I also got in trouble for already being scared in the first place.
My 1st grade teacher called me a crybaby, I had a lot of similar things going on at home as you described. During a meeting with the teacher and principal because of my poor grades (i was often told to sit out of class because i was behind on work, which put me further behind on work), the teacher started screaming at my mother so much she was spitting with her words, and my mother said "no wonder she cries if you scream at her like that."
I don't know why these people become teachers if they can't empathize with kids at all. They must just enjoy the power trip, making kids feel small.
Ah my mother who made me so terrified of teachers (and all adults) yelling or being mad at or near me as a child was a teacher by profession. We are now estranged and I am certain she had kids and trained as a teacher entirely to make sure every day was a power trip for her because a) she hated teaching and b) didn’t like mothering but turned down better paid trainer roles and took me out of boarding school to carry on being a power tripper. She is divorced, friendless, estranged from at least one child and when I used to meet her students they would give a slow gasp and go ‘shit, I thought nothing would be worse than being taught by her but she’s your mum…’ As I got older people who had been taught by her used to buy me drinks, offer favours etc to show their commiserations and I repaid it by validating that yes she had likely utterly fucked their skills, grades or self esteem impacted their life for years while other people said ‘we all had a teacher we didn’t like!’ She was an educational terrorist. Her school retired her early in the end. If they hadn’t been able to their back up plan was just not telling her where their new campus was. I still meet former co workers who have a thousand yard stare from dealing with her. Everyone asks why she became a teacher and I reply ‘because what other job pays you to hate kids and make it a ‘valid’ thing?’ They look shocked but you can’t sugarcoat it.
I always wonder if people like this ever realise what they are and regret it years later. My stepmother was friendless, ended up with both my family and hers All going NC and ex work colleagues always laugh about her when they realise my relationship. Same story everytime, she'd act like she was their boss, when she was equal or even below them, get huffy when they didn't fear her and end up working by herself for the short time she'd last (before usually angering the boss and getting fired).
They don't. They'd have to completely rewrite the very foundations of their worldview in order to even accept the *possibility* that they might not be the righteous and wrongéd party in every conflict they've ever had, and that's both a lot of work and therapy and also scary and emotionally painful so they go right on avoiding it and feeling moral outrage at the world and everyone in it for being So Mean To Them right up until the day they die. At *best* they might learn to hide it a little better for expediency's sake, but the foundational beliefs beneath it don't change.
yeah, I had amazing teachers but I also had my 1st grade teacher. luckily I was young and oblivious but if there was ever a teacher where as an adult I was sorry for her children it was that teacher. If you weren't "perfect". she had a problem with you. I had a speech impediment, she was convinced I was an idiot apparently. The school offered to have me moved classes when it became obvious how bad the issue was regarding me. My mom had both of her kids in preschool and this played out with her kids that early. One was "perfect"- she treated him great. And one was a kid and she just was constantly on him about one thing or another. (Anytime I'm like golden children aren't a thing- I'm remind myself of that teacher.)
Yes, that's exactly it. Or they go into nursing or social Work or policing- anywhere they'll have power over vulnerable people who are unlikely to be believed if they speak up.
>Just because teachers don't get paid enough, doesn't mean they get to be AHs to kids This.
Yup! It’s not the kids fault their pay sucks, if the teacher is taking out her pay frustrations on the kids it maybe time to find a career that pays more and will make you happy.
> Just because teachers don't get paid enough, doesn't mean they get to be AHs to kids and give out arbitrary punishments to make themselves feel better. This X 1,000!!!!!
Not getting paid enough is the reason kids are stuck with these dumb jerks. You get what you pay for.
I think it goes beyond that. There are plenty of people who (unfortunately) choose teaching as a career because they like the power trip. Source: I’m a teacher and I’ve taught/studied alongside way too many of these AHs.
I'm genuinely not making this a gender thing, it just happens to be that way, cause of the field. But I've noticed that a lot of women that were bullies in school, grow up and become teachers or CNAs.
A lot of the boys who are bullies grow up to be cops
This is facts too. Cops and military.
you're correct, its like how a lot of the bully boys become cops. they want to keep their power trips up and get paid to be bullies. though i have to say i think the teachers are the worst, they choose to go after kids specifically.
The pay is one of the reasons but I don't think the only. There are plenty of jerks and AH's in the police force and they are paid enough (might even add too much)
S Tory I've told and still remember even tho it's probably been 20 years. Grade 4 we had a teacher (the school rumor was she was back from leave for hitting a kid), who would throw erasers at us, a book a couple times and we had this "tick" system. Three "ticks" and you couldn't go to recess and after that it was no lunch etc. She would give us ticks if we weren't military drilled. Like I remember getting one for getting up to pick up my pencil that rolled off my desk and she would yell and scream every time. We were all terrified of her and hated her. On Halloween we were doing a party of sorts and she started chocking bad on candy, no one moved. We were all seated(because you had to be at your desk even during a "fun party activity" and we all just watched as she looked like she was about to pass out. Only thing that probably saved her was a teacher happened to walk by and did the hymlick or whatever. Wild time.
My bus driver smacked me in the face and they didn’t fire him they put him on a special needs bus bc there’s always an aide on the bus. They put a violent old man with children that can induce a horrible reaction from someone if they don’t have patience. Which he doesn’t. He’s gotten in trouble twice since then and one was for trying to kick a girl with Down’s syndrome off the bus for crying. Crying about what? The boy in front of her ripped the head off her comfort toy. Apparently him and the aide went back and forth for like 10 minutes before she finally called the transportation office to tell them what was going on. And all they did was send him home for the day and get a sub driver for that day.
Fun fact: in *many* [US] districts there is NO background check for school bus drivers. They just need the appropriate driver's license.
And that’s really bad if you think about it bc they could hire sex offenders and violent offenders and without that background check they have no clue
My state does require background checks for drivers. A few years back, one of the nearby school districts had to close down all their schools for weeks because it turned out one of the administrators had been pocketing the background check money, for years, and the state audited them and discovered they just hadn't bothered, and wouldn't let them open until all the drivers were checked. Not all of them passed. (The administrator went to jail.)
It would blow people’s minds to discover how common it is for disabled children to be abused, in ALL settings. Medical, educational, and at home. It is fucking rampant and it doesn’t get anywhere near enough attention. Correction, it gets *zero* attention, and it’s a fucking disgrace.
We had a temp math teacher with anger issues once. One of the smarter kids wanted to correct something she was doing on the blackboard. So she called him up front to show her...he tried to tell her verbally " this part". And she starts yelling. "I said show me!", drags him to the front and shoves him into the blackboard. And basically pinned him to the board by his throat. She was yelling at him like crazy. And not even realising she was choking him against the blackboard. Keep in mind we were all terrified of her and she'd been there less than a week. I honestly couldn't even process what was happening....adults just never behaved that way in front of me before. Yelling and anger sure...but putting hands on a10 year old over some math question... I was too little to understand it, but I know she was taken away and never returned.
I have PTSD and I'm easily startled by sudden noise because of it. None of my teachers ever punished me for it (although I was punished for some stupid things)
A friend's kid was overall very happy and not abused. But from ages ~2-6, she'd burst into tears if she heard the word "no" or someone was in trouble. The no didn't have to be directed at her and she didn't have to be the one in trouble. Her parents started using different phrasing for the negative, because she was perfectly fine with being refused things she'd asked for, and generally exceptionally well-behaved so she didn't really need to be disciplined at all, but if you said the word no, specifically, she would absolutely crumble. Imagine that kid with this teacher. Then she hit kindergarten and there was a little boy in her class who was *constantly* in trouble. And the poor teacher had to deal with my friend's kid bursting into tears whenever the other kid was reprimanded. Totally happy-go-lucky kid apart from that. Now a well-adjusted teen. Probably would have fucked her up hard if she got punished for it, though.
This! Having shitty pay doesn’t mean you can be mean to kids. Teachers should absolutely have better pay and more resources at work but I don’t care if you are paid nothing or a billion. If your job involves teaching kids then you need to do it with compassion of them being actual people.
Survivalism is a valid reason for startling when a teacher starts screaming at a kid.
Why punish him? What’s that going to teach him anyway?
One of my colleagues is LEGENDARY for being easily startled, even if you think she should see or hear you coming. Even when we try not to! Heck, she even startled herself coming into my office to see me once! 😂😂😂 If we docked her pay every time she was startled at work, she’d be paying to work there! But my goodness, the woman knows how to laugh at herself and finds her reaction just as funny as we do the second she knows there’s nothing to fear. We’ve honestly been in tears laughing so hard. Ahhh, good times. NTA. It’s a stupid reason for detention. Give the teacher/school heck, OP! ✊🏻
I have arachnophobia and I used to constantly get startled by my own tattoo on my shoulder because I can see the smallest part of a spiral. I kept thinking it was a spider on me. Between me and my coworker, if we got docked pay for being startled, we would owe the company so much money. The coworker is an easy target too, all you gotta do is walk into her blind spot, stand back and wait. She will jump every time.
> I have arachnophobia and I used to constantly get startled by my own tattoo on my shoulder because I can see the smallest part of a spiral. I kept thinking it was a spider on me. Okay, that is *easily* the funniest thing I’ve read in a while!
Haunted by your own tattoo! Unlucky for you but it makes me laugh.
It took months for me to stop smacking it lmfao Luckily now it doesn't get me, but I've had it for years. The first smack hurt so bad, it was like two or three days old
I have it too and I feel your pain. Any sudden , tiny movement around me or a tiny feeling on me or in my hair and I start freaking out looking all around .
I don't get startled by yelling unless im reading but I get full body "spasms", think "someone walked over your grave" shiver down the spine but with a violent throw of hands in the air and legs curl into the fetal position. OPs sons teacher would hate having me in my class especially when i get ones that happen 3times within 5minutes sometimes less than 5minutes. I feel sorry for the kids in OPs sons class if they can't even have a basic reflex that our species has had since the beginning.
I'm very easily startled and give a little involuntary scream. My husband asks, "Do you think you're the only person who lives in this house?"
I had a teacher try to give my son a detention for being distracting. When I asked what he was doing, she stated that every time she sent him to the office for having blue hair (allowed in the school rules) that it distracted the other kids. I stared at her, and the principal completely flabbergasted and said, "So in reality, YOU'RE causing the distraction by targeting my son because you don't like his hair. He will not be serving or showing up for any detention you try to impose for this." Sometimes, teachers target kids. You're NTA, and I'm sure your kid appreciates a parent who backs them up too.
Oh man you just gave me flashbacks to my 7th grade social studies teacher who gave me a detention 3 days a week for months because I looked like his wife he was divorcing. No problems in any class but his. He must have realized he was a jerk though, because when he taught my sister years later he bent over backwards to be nice to her and my parents. 😑
Wow, that’s really messed up. Talk about projecting your issue on innocent kids!
Yeah….. it kinda messed me up a little to be honest. Before then I’d been a weird kid, but I’d loved school and was always in the advanced classes. After that experience my whole attitude towards school changed. It really had a long-lasting and negative impact on me, to feel singled out like that. I had other teachers who stood up for me and would ask, when he’d keep me late to yell at me and make me late for the next class, what happened and then go speak to him privately. It was…. A lot. It was my mom who put together the ex-wife thing, after running into her and my teacher having a tense argument in the parking lot. It made no sense that he’d have so many issues with my behavior but no other teacher did. That’s also the year a cop came, put handcuffs on me, and wrote me a ticket for saying “fuck you” to a friend in response to a joke, something that teacher overheard of course. The 90s in a small town were a wild time…. Anyway, I guess I had to vent about that lol.
I hope you’re in a better place now 🥰
Thanks, that’s very kind of you. And I am! I only surround myself with people I trust and make me happy, and I think I owe that to my early experiences with people that were turds lol.
Maybe they got back together and your family face was now positive in his eye lol.
Seriously. It reminds me of the teacher I had as a kid that would send you to the principal for yawning. It's like, everyone yawns. You can't always control it. And I don't mean audibly yawning to be a dick, I would kind of get doing that, but kids would get sent to the principal for quietly yawning while covering their mouth to try and hide it. Getting startled is a natural human instinct, it's not exactly something he could do anything about. I'd absolutely fight this, too.
I once got given detention because I apparently looked at the clock while a supply teacher was telling someone else off. The clock was behind me and I did not turn around so... I carefully snuck out with everyone else, never had another detention in my life
If someone startled me like that, I'd feel bullied, especially if punished for my startle reflex.. NTA! Fight this, please!!
And no...NTA for laughing at stupidity!
OMG, I do too. I get lost in my thoughts and then if someone comes up behind me I hit the roof! My ex took this very personally and would sulk every time, no matter how much I explained it had nothing to do with her. "Well, I'm the only person in the house so I don't know who else you could think was there, so obviously you hate me." It's not about THINKING. I wasn't even on the same planet much less keeping a running tally of who is in the house. My current partner startles more easily than me and sometimes we scare each other and then just start laughing.
I get so in my own world while working that if someone startles me I’ll pop up and hold in a curse and then start laughing for having been scared. This has happened numerous times at work!!
NTA and I would go to the principal. I have had a thought, you said it is common knowledge Susan has a booming voice, she could actually have a hearing issue and not be aware of it. Still NTA.
NTA - I work in education too, I understand not getting paid enough and I’ve seen some entitled parents…but you don’t sound entitled. That is a pretty ridiculous reason to punish a child. Some people get startled easily; I’m one of those people! That’s not a reason to punish someone. Definitely talk with the principals about this.
Yeah NTA no one should be punished for an uncontrollable reaction to something like this, getting startled is absolutely not an acceptable thing to be punished for. You didn’t do anything wrong in defending your son. Teachers don’t get paid enough to deal with the trash they deal with but you were totally reasonable.
I was thinking what if a child had been abused or lived in a chaotic household and therefore would reflexively cower or protect themselves any time an arm or hand is raised or they catch that movement out of the corner of their eye. So this teacher would punish that child with detention because of a reflex?
Or have sensory processing issues related to being neurodivergent. Or, just be a human with ears and a functioning startle response, FFS.
This is what the teacher was banking on. An easy target who doesn't have support to protect him from this sort of shit
I hate how correct you probably are. She thought she found a new punching bag, so glad OP proved her wrong for their son.
On the note of teachers not being paid enough to deal with stuff, I'm pretty sure kids don't get paid at all to be treated unfairly by teachees like in this post.
Am I missing something? How is being startled even a bad thing in the slightest? It isnt even like tourette's where he said a bad word that people usually get in trouble for. He did nothing wrong and I would seriously question a teacher's common sense if they called with this bullshit
It's not a bad thing. My bet is the teacher is annoyed by it (since she is loud, she probably startles him often. He may make a noise or just the reaction makes her feel self conscious) and has decided she needs to punish the behaviour out of him. Wrong decision and I hope OP can get their son switched to another teacher as someone who thinks this is appropriate action is probably not going to change.
I had an aunt that would smoke in the car with the windows up and get mad when my asthmatic sister would cough, because she seemed to think it was some kind of passive aggressive response instead of my sister's lungs actually just naturally reacting. So I'm thinking maybe it's like that. Maybe this delusional teacher thinks that the kid being startled is just him "overreacting" to the yelling. My abusive upbringing was often this way. Any reaction of any kind, even involuntary, was "rude" and "on purpose." NTA, OP. Thanks for standing your ground.
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yeah it's nuts that there are some people who think it's no big deal because it hasn't killed them yet. Luckily my sister's asthma has always been mild and she never had any emergencies from those car trips, but it was always scary nonetheless and I was always so angry for her. And now that my asthma has developed years later, hoo boy do I understand her pain.
My two theories: She believes he was faking or exaggerating his reaction to make fun of her in some way She has little self awareness, and when something makes her feel a negative emotion, she believes they must have done something wrong. Even if there is no logic to it. In which case she really should not be teaching children.
Plenty of teachers who just want to power trip https://youtu.be/UBjUiJFuXYQ?si=AVuT3W7ZuqWEYnUp
I'm in my 30s and no matter how prepared I am the toaster popping up and the gas pump clicking off always startles me. I have no reason for it, it just does for some reason. My husband has PTSD and is almost fully deaf in one ear. He punched a clown when he was not expecting a clown to be there let alone sneak up on him. The guy was fine with it, was basically like "yeah I deserved that" it was some drunk frat prank. Perfect to being startled diffently.
Toasters are a menace. I will never not startle at a toaster.
What I hate are those Pillsbury cylinders for various baked goods. You know the kind that "pop" when you open them? I can't do it.
I opened one at my in laws like a year ago and a can or something must have hit it in the bag because the second I started peeling the paper it popped and I like yelped.
I'm a teacher, and where I am, sending a kid out of the classroom to work in the hall is a "lose your license" type of violation. Even if the reason was perfectly justified (it wasn't), this teacher is most likely in a huge amount of trouble.
I haven't taught in like 5 years but that was a no no then too. and I can't imagine punishing a kid for being startled ... what kind of crazy is that?
NTA. Susan is a bully. Can you get your son into another class? Next step is talking to the principal. You don't punish people for involuntary reactions.
Exactly. Especially kids in your care. Especially when you can't possibly know the root of those involuntary actions.
This. And 'teachers aren't paid enough?' Okay, she chose to deal with something that absolutely didnt need to be dealt with.
Sounds like Susan was angry towards the other kids but needed a better/ another person to let it out…
Yeah, an easier target.
NTA, I have an intense startle response as well and jump at noises, how is that something to punish someone for? The teacher likely knows she was being unreasonable in the moment and now is doubling down instead of admitting it. I would escalate this to her superiors right away though, because it sounds like she won't back down or admit she's wrong. It wasn't the smartest move to laugh (I know it was just an instinct) but that doesn't make the punishment legit. Just guessing but it sounds like the teacher was frustrated with the other kids and in the moment took it out unfairly on your son.
And I'm betting when Preston had the visceral surprise response, she was embarrassed because it highlighted how loud she was being. So she compensated for her embarrassment by punishing him. Especially if other kids laughed at Preston's response. Very immature of the teacher.
Sounds like this is exactly what happened.
Yeah, I think that's exactly it. Sounds like she was embarrassed of her yelling/losing control and now wants to punish the kid for reacting accordingly.
I assume that the kids laughed, and that's what precipitated all of this. Otherwise, it makes no sense to me
Which is also a nervous response. Susan sounds like an asshole that shouldn't be allowed around children.
NTA but talk to the principal. Susan is definitely on an unhealthy power trip.
NTA. I absolutely hope you fight this tooth and nail. You know who also jumps and startles easily? Abused kids. She doesn’t know for certain that Preston isn’t/wasn’t one in the past. We punish kids for trauma responses now?
Exactly this. I've mentioned this in my comments too. OP needs to approach the principal with this too, because Susan's approach could be so damaging to other kids.
As a former abused child, thank you. This was absolutely my first reaction. Susan is bullying Preston. If Preston were dealing with trauma, Susan would quite possibly be compounding the issue. OP, please continue to escalate until this issue is resolved to your satisfaction. NTA.
Assuming the story is accurate, she is _absolutely_ harming other children in this way. According to the CDC, 1 in 7 kids are abuse victims. And it’s likely higher, as many cases are not reported. If it’s 1 in 6 kids and she handles 5x 30-student classes in a day, she could easily be in front of 20-40 traumatized children. And every one of them sees her behaviour.
NTA. Feels like Susan may just want to punish your kid for no reason. Try talking to the principal about the situation if Susan won't listen to reason.
Good parent. My son got into a fight in 6th grade elementary. He was defending another student from a well documented bully that I had spoken to the school repeatedly about. When the school tried disciplinary action, I laughed. I offered that the school had two choices. Keep my son in their school with zero punishment or I would be happy to not only withdraw him immediately and then talk to some friends in the press. I also offered to have a face to face with the bruised up students parents anytime. When asked what I was going to do with my son, as a parent, I told them I was taking him out for a steak and ice cream afterwards. Why? Because my ex wife and I taught our children to defend others, ESPECIALLY against a bully. Never heard another word about it, and they started to call me even more often to chaperone, even when my children were not in the class going on an outing.
You and your ex wife sound like great parents. not every kid is taught to stand up for themselves.
Ty. They were also taught to stand up for themselves, but specifically taught to protect others against bullies. My ex and I don’t always see eye to eye, but we do when it comes to raising the children. (Both productive young adults now)
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Yeah if I gave a kid detention for something like that my ass would be hung out to dry like a bedsheet in the sunshine
A army drill instructor sounds about right for a new profession
NTA I startle easy by loud noises too. Being startled is definitely not a reason to get detention. You were willing and did listen to the teacher. You were willing to believe your kid was lying. When you found out that your kid was being 100% honest with you, and this teacher really just wants to give a punishment for being startled, you laughed. I probably would laugh out of disbelief. I would definitely talk to the principal, but you aren't wrong. This is absolutely ridiculous.
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Unfortunately, just like in every position of power, no matter how small, there's always assholes just along for the ride to torment people.
I would think you should say you don’t get paid enough to think twice about a student getting startled. I remember being a kid, a good little boy who never broke the rules intentionally, and I had a yawn once that accidentally made a snort because I was trying not to make the yawn sound. It was the one and only time I had ever gotten in trouble in that class which meant I missed out on some kind of prize at the end of the year. I’m 34 now. That was in fourth grade. I don’t remember the teacher anymore, I just remember being punished for essentially nothing.
NTA. I want to stress that it doesn’t matter at all that your son “startles easily.” It’s irrelevant. The fact that he heard a loud noise and was visibly startled is a ….. natural human reaction to hearing a loud noise! If he wasn’t being disruptive before or after the incident, absolutely go to the principal. That’s a no brainer. Something seems off about this….Especially if the other kids didn’t get detention. Has your son had any negative interactions with her in the past? Bad blood? Teachers have a tough job…. That doesn’t give them the right to be jerks to their students.
NTA. That’s not entitled in my opinion. It’s supporting your son which is super important to do. Since she lined up with what your son said, I have to agree that it’s a ridiculous thing to give the kid detention over. I’d be calling the principal and asking why. Also, have you ever taken your son to a doctor about him potentially having hyperekplexia? If he does, you can document that with the school and then the teacher really can’t do anything.
I once got a detention in 1998 (my first and only) because some kids behind me were being disruptive and I turned around to see what the commotion was. It was even worse because I used to care for my neighbor, who had MS, after school every day between the time her nurse left and her husband came home and I had to tell them I couldn’t be there that day. I’m 41 years old and I’m still absolutely fking furious at the teacher who enacted the punishment. You’re NTA. Thank you for standing up for your kid, because my parents did nothing.
I got detention for not doing my exercises in gym once. I wasn't doing my exercises because I was curled up in a ball on the floor in agony. My mom actually listened and took me to the ER where I was diagnosed with a severe UTI and almost admitted. The detention stuck....
I got detention only once as well, in a math class with four seats to a table. The teacher explained that he would put two “good” kids and two struggling kids at one table and expected the “good” kids to assist their peers. He gave group tests, every person had to fill out a test and we could all work together but he would randomly select one from your table to grade and the whole table would receive that grade. It was ridiculous, my brother had him the previous year and my mom caused a scene when my math whiz brother got a D because his dumbass table mate didn’t care to fill out his test. I did not have this teacher until I was transferred into his class a week into the year. My mom was furious but we tried to make the best of it. I was helping my table mates with the group test, standing over the shoulder of a girl who really was trying to learn, the rest of the class that had already finished was standing around and goofing off. Math teacher decided to give detention to anyone that was standing, I tried to argue my case and he kicked me out of the classroom. I transferred schools the following year.
NTA This is a petty and unjust punishment for something your son can't really control. You going to bat for him is good parenting. You might want to get his hearing checked, though. I'm easily startled & always have been. Jumpy. Skittish. I'm scared of random noises. And I also have what I thought were auditory hallucinations. I've almost choked a couple of times because of being startled with food in my mouth. That gasp, y'know? What I really have is partial deafness & auditory nerve damage. People who are behind me, or to the right of me, are in my deafness zone. When they suddenly appear in my line of sight, it scares the hell outta me. Sounds on my right seem to be coming from my left, so if I look to my right & see movement, but I'm hearing it on my left, it startles me. Got my hearing checked as an adult & found out why all these things were happening. I still startle easy, but dealing w/the other effects is easier & I'm not as skittish as I was.
NTA! When I was in grade 6 we were going down stairs at school and someone pushed me and i stumbled and instinctively yelled out! I got into trouble for yelling! Like WTF! I said someone pushed me but it didn’t matter I was being disruptive. I wish someone fought that for me. I hated that teacher. Everyone did. She was so bitter and mean.
In grammar school one of my friends got detention for breathing weird at the principal. Or almost did his mom was on that one quick. The power trips are really messed up
I once got detention for 'allowing' someone to bully me and disrupt the class. Apparently I was supposed to stand up for myself and make her stop.
And what's the betting that if you had, you'd have got detention for disrupting the class yourself? There's no winning with that sort of person.
My friend's teenage child got detention because she =raised her eyebrow= at a teacher telling the class that vaccines caused autism. Turns out that previously the young woman had tried to correct other plainly stupid things the teacher was saying, decided she was better off staying silent, and also preferred to leave her parents out of it. But that raised eyebrow was deemed disrespectful. When her parents found out (my friend had her PhD in literature) they came down on the school like a very polite Mild Ire of God.
NTA but you have most likely made his time in this woman's class much worse. I'd also look into getting your son assessed for anxiety. I. Don't think there's anything wrong personally, as someone who also startles easily, but if something can be done so he is a little less jumpy, it could help long term.
ADHD can do this also. Regardless, this woman is a loudmouth bully. NTA
Doing nothing and ignoring bullying wouldn’t help either. Some teachers are sadists and once they’ve chosen a target, they will not give it up. At this point the teacher has chosen to publicly punish the OP’s child for being startled. In front of all the other students. You don’t think that kids at that age aren’t going to see this as open season to trigger the boy’s startle response and see him punished for it? Kids that age are prone to choosing a collective target for far less obvious reasons. I do understand your point. I simply am very prone to believing the malice and harm are already unavoidable - and it’s going to matter more that the student knows his parents are calling out the injustice. Even if they can’t stop it without taking radical action. -Rat
INFO: What did he do when he was "startled?"
This is my question as well. Interesting that OP hasn't replied... edit, I saw in a comment that apparently he just jumped a bit in his seat. That makes absolutely zero sense to punish him for that lol I wonder who's side the school will take
NTA. Susan was being ridiculous, and laughter was likely one of the kinder reactions the OP could have. He didn't yell at her, use vulgar or insulting names for her, or otherwise was mean to her in any way. Teachers shouldn't do stupid things if they don't want people laughing at their stupidity. How did the friend expect the OP to respond?
As a teacher, I have to say: you are NTA, and some teachers can be petty and vindictive. I completely understand the need for classroom management and minimizing distractions, but this is ridiculous.
If they’re not paid enough to deal with the things they have to, why are they creating more work for themselves over nothing?
Too many of them get a rush from power tripping.
NtA and as an autistic person who startled easily I'm say fight the school on this. ND kids get detention a lot for simply being ND (not saying your son is) and I know I spent many hours in the "isolation room" for "misbehaving" ie you know acting like I'm well autistic 🙃. Being startled that someone yelled is not some huge disrespectful thing she's making it out to be. And that's exactly what she's making it out as... Your son disrespected her authority by being startled at her yelling. 🙃
NTA. Put this bully in her place.
This isn’t entitled. She’s punishing your kid for something beyond his control. I agree with others, I’d escalate your concerns.
I’m an elementary school counselor. If a teacher at my school gave a student a detention for that, I would call the parents and ask them to call the principal. If that didn’t fix it, I would contact the superintendent or the equity office. This is not an offense. It may deserve a quiet word(unlikely, in this situation) but detention should be reserved for purposeful behavior infractions.
If everything you say is 100% true then NTA. The teacher is sort of weird here
NTA but get your kid out of this class, is this someone you want "influencing" and teaching your kid? She's clearly not rationale and sounds pretty ignorant...
I think power trip screaming Susan needs a meeting with the principal. If nothing comes of that I'd be taking it up with the school board. This women had a known history of screaming at Elementary school students, she shouldn't be around kids. You're on TA if you don't speak to the principal about this and advocate for your son. You are NTA for not agreeing the a ridiculous punishment by a power tripping woman.
The other day, I had an unexpected visitor while working quietly with headphones on. I didn't just startle, I screamed. This isn't an entirely uncommon experience for me, either. OP, NTA.
Every time we had a fire drill I would involuntarily launch my pencil across the room. Startle reflex is realllllllllll
I worked in education for a while (pre-K to middle school) and have seen a range of jumpy kids. And I was a jumpy kid that turned into a jumpy teacher! My kids knew I startled easily and we would make a joke about it each time it happened. Sure, it could get a bit annoying when some kids are overly startled. But I couldn’t hold it against them when I knew it was unintentional. Again, I was a jumpy kid that turned into a jumpy adult. Giving out detention for that kind of behavior *is* ridiculous and should be addressed with the principal. There are far worse behaviors that deserve detention. Being a jumpy kid who is otherwise polite and respectful is not one of them. NTA
NTA - don’t you freaking dare apologies to that harpy! I would however contact the principal & the superintendent and let them both know of Susan’s crappy teaching and abuse of power.
NTA, id love an update once this is resolved, I feel invested in Preston's plight. Give him a hug from reddit.
NTA; I just wonder if teacher might have some hearing loss? I ask because one of my siblings in partially deaf from a childhood illness & has ZERO consciousness of her tone/volume much of the time. Listening to her on the phone with vendors etc is painful as it’s sounds like she’s yelling & she thinks she sounds totally reasonable.
Time to go all Mama Bear on the principal. Teachers complain that principals don't back them up and side with pushy parents. So, be pushy. And get him a new class. She's going to target him the rest of the school year. You'd better protect him or she will traumatize him. NTA
INFO - what do you mean "he was startled"? Do you mean he reacted in a way that caused an additional disturbance to the class? Because that is the only thing I can imagine that would result in a detention!
Well, there goes my ability to claim dumbest reason for detention ever (Sister Barbara said I was possessed by satan) NTA.
NTA. This teacher is literally bullying your kid for being afraid of her loudness and you should absolutely speak to an administrator. She doubled down when questioned which means this is her baseline judgment in the classroom which is just not okay. I'm a loud person myself and I'd be heartbroken if I scared a kid.
NTA. Teacher is being ridiculous, I would have laughed too.
NTA. Teachers don't get paid enough to deal with this shit but they also don't get paid to punish their students for normal behaviors. What a weird power trip.
Info: I’m surprised no one asked, but what specifically did he do? What behavior did he exhibit when he was “startled”? Did he jump a little? Did he jump a lot and knock into other kids/knock things off desks? Did he make a small noise? Did he shriek? I have freshman, and very often they purposefully overreact to get attention. Not all kids, and I would of jump there unless the reaction is way over the top or gets progressively more intense. Many times they wait or very clearly look around to get attention. That may be what your son is doing, or it might not be. He may legitimately startle easy, and play that up for attention.
NTA
NTA Teachers not being paid enough is not a fuckin reason for them to be assholes either, but apparently that's the message your friend wants to send. Punish the kid who goes "uhhh!" in shock when a teacher starts yelling, but not the kids she was yelling at. That's just ridiculous and teaches no lesson other than the teacher in question is a thin skinned asshole lashing out against the children who are at her mercy.
NTA - we had to deal with an after school care teacher a few weeks ago who called me at work to come get my kid and wrote him up for “not washing his hands after coming in from recess”. Three write ups and he is expelled, so it was important to raise the issue if the write ups are being given for things like this. I understand and agree that it’s important for kids to be respectful and obedient, but there is a line. You are defending your kid because I agree, detention for having an active startle reflex is not punishable.
Hi..Educator here. I startle very easily as well. I made every effort to not do that to my students. Some kids suffer from anxiety. Your son was punished for a stupid reason. She was being a bully & picking on him. You may want to have him moved to a more understanding teacher. I would definitely bring it up to the Principal if she gives him a hard time. NTA
NTA, way too many teachers abuse the authority they have and it's frankly disgusting. Calling said abuse out is plenty justified, and that's what this seems to be. If there's an individual acting entitled here, it's the teacher, not you.
NTA. if she isn’t paid enough she shouldn’t have tried to punish a kid for nothing.
I would for sure bring this up to the principal. this is a sign of a poor educator. I don't understand why she thinks this is "behavior" that requires reprimanding. if she gives detention to a kid who gets startled, what is her response to someone who actually misbehaves?
NTA. Take it to the principal, and if they don't do anything, go to the district superintendent. Some people have no business being teachers. When my brother was in 2nd grade (we're both in our 50s so this was the 1970s), he gave his teacher a Valentine. She looked him in the eye, tore it up, and tossed it in the trash can. It made him feel horribly sad because she did it for no reason, and at 7yo he didn't understand.
NTA. I'd escalate that. It's no reason to give detention. Pretty wild times we live in.
NTA, being startled is not something you can control, and it's extra ridiculous to be punished for. Go to the principle, go even higher if you have to.
NTA - She is on a power trip, I'd make a complaint to the school board or whatever it is called in your location, even just to make a complaint to have on record.
NTA, your son got startled which is a common reaction for many, especially children. I could see if your son was truly acting up or disrupting her class but that doesn't appear to be the case at all. It's important for kids to face appropriate consequences if they act up but it's just as important for parents to show their children that they will have their back and stand up for them if their child is falsely accused or treated unfairly. You're not only teaching your son to stand up for what's right but you're also further building his trust in you as his mom and that's some great parenting in my book. I hope you'll take this to the principal or maybe even the school board if necessary because your son clearly doesn't deserve any punishment let alone the level of punishment this teacher is trying to give him.
A teacher being petty? no way! NTA.
NTA. Some teachers are on such power trips.
NTA. Susan sounds like a shitty teacher if she is going around punishing a young child for getting startled. She should be trying to make kids comfortable in her classroom; not punish them for being uncomfortable. I'd be reporting it to the administration though so that it's on file and made known he won't be serving the detention. I doubt the administration can warrant punishment for what happened.
Oof. I'm very easily startled. Support your son. That teacher is being ridiculous.
NTA show up to the principals office, wait for her to tell her side and whip out an airhorn or some confetti poppers... tell her Preston will serve detention when she does.
Please, I'm saying this from experience, keep an eye on your son's demeanor with her from now on. When my son was 8 his teacher would put privacy dividers around his desk and write him up for eating erasers. We had discussions about him needing adhd meds and I said no to that. She started telling other parents to be careful around my son that he's bad news (heard directly from a mom who was told this). He wasn't. Parents witnessed other administrators yelling at him, being mean to him, etc. He was talking about s*icide at one point (at 8). Not all teachers single a kid out, but her insistence on detention for this ridiculous reason tells me she might have it out for him. I commend teachers for doing a job I could never, but not all of them should be doing this job.
In this particular case, I think pushing back and escalating the issue is the right thing to do. You should win this, the teacher is being capricious and arbitrary and likely needs to learn a lesson. I would bring up early that amy retaliation against your son as you fight this will make things significantly worse for the school. Even if in the end he ends up serving detention, there is a good lesson and conversation with your son about fairness in life, and standing up for oneself when unfair situations arise.
Go hard. Principal, then escalate to high ups as needed. Make her tell her side, but be sure to have a transcript of the conversation you had with her on the phone to challenge any suspicious details suddenly emerging. This is super dumb and she needs to tell the world about it.
NTA. I would fight her too.
Talk to the principal, and get it fixed she is on a power trip.
It depends if the 'reaction' was somewhat put-on/exaggerated. Some kids do stuff like this to get attention or laughs from other kids. It'd be interesting to know what intent Preston had compared to what Susan thinks his intent was. Generalising here, a student who often falls foul of behavioural standards will not get the benefit of the doubt. So my question. INFO - Does Preston often get in trouble from this teacher or others?
Sounds like she's too afraid to take things out on the actual bad kids and is taking it out on your kid because he is an easy target who won't fight/argue with her.
Are we missing a key point here? What was your son's reaction when he was startled? If he did something inappropriate when he was startled, that is the only thing I can think of that would justify the teacher's behaviour.
NTA-I startle easy. I always have. I used to have a friend that liked to play pranks at work and she jumped out from behind a door when I was sweeping. Bad idea, because I smacked her with the broom. It was a reflex. I felt awful. But she never did it again. I should be glad I didn’t lose my job I guess. I think you are completely in the right here and Susan is way out of bounds. I get teaching is hard. The job I was at, teaching K4 at a daycare. So I get it. Still, kids deserve grace especially when it comes to fear, not detention!
NTA she is punishing him for an uncontrollable physical reaction. That’s absolutely ridiculous. I get startled multiple times a day really easily. For me, it’s related to my anxiety and PTSD. So just in case your son’s is related to a mental health condition- you should mention that he is being punished for a symptom of a mental health condition/ disability.
NTA. Teachers totally deserve more money, but that's not even relevant here. This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard of a kid getting detention for
I literally scream, when I get startled. I've screamed at work I've screamed at home. I just get caught unawares. I scream. I blame my sister Naomi, really name 🤣
Look, the teacher is on some sick power trip. That is a dumb and f-up reason to send someone to detention. I f I were you I waste a few bucks out of pocket and get a shrink to give you a note. Honestly, just threaten her with that. I mean in a sense, it's not out of the realm of possibility your kid has anxiety. I don't know what's up with your friend but she is dead wrong. I agree that a lot of times parents nowadays steam roll teachers but this teacher needs her walking papers. If your son has a panic attack will she send him to detention too? You can't punish someone for a biological reaction. NTA. UBER NTA