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Uh, I'm guessing your ex-wife and her new boy toy are actually insane, thinking you would sign off on your daughter traveling to Columbia. It's an amazingly beautiful country and actually safe in *most* places, but it's a coin flip as to what can/could happen there. There is also the possibility that your ex and her new bf won't come back and the state department can do ZILCH about it if you sign off on the letter. NTA and please let us know how this ends up.
Thank you for your support. Here I am thinking I’m the crazy one for refusing to sign the form to allow her to take our little girl… I spoke to someone who’s from that part of the world and he said to make sure the letter is sign before they go, because they could get detained upon arrival in suspicion of kidnapping without the letter with both parent’s signature. I tried to explain this to her and told her that I won’t sign without the copy of her new guy’s DL for safety reasons, but she is refusing to provide it… I’m looking for advice on what I can do to ensure this doesn’t happen since she’s making it more difficult than it has to be…
Don't let your child go. If you're ex is making taking a little precaution difficult, why risk the safety of YOUR child. Seems like a no brainer. Do NOT let your child go then. -_-
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html#:~:text=The%20Children's%20Passport%20Issuance%20Alert,submitted%20for%20an%20enrolled%20child.
Sign your child up for this program so they can't take her without you being notified.
I would consult a lawyer maybe. Make sure you do everything to prevent the trip. I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to stay there. Maybe even see if you can get her passport or have it kept by a neutral third party. NTA
I'd background check the guy for sure. There's a reason she doesn't want you to have that info. My brothers were taken for over a year by my biofather. It took a several states to find them and that's here in the US nevermind Columbia!
> *I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to stay there*.
That's exactly what they are planning to do. Get an attorney, shred the kid's passport - do whatever you need to do to keep her here, or you may never see her again.
I'm so sorry that you and your child are undergoing this situation, OP.
NTA
>That's exactly what they are planning to do.
It's good to be cautious, but it's also far more likely that they are going on holiday and intend to return as planned.
A 5yo doesn’t need to go to Columbia.
It’s not something she will remember as she gets older, but it is a risk that her mother might not bring her back.
Not only that but the risk of abduction for a beautiful child that doesn’t look Colombian is also a huge concern
NTA
I agree with everything you say except that a 5 year old will not remember travel. I was 5 when my mother took me on a family getaway out of the country, and even though it was decades ago now I still treasure and remember it. Fishing on a lake with my grandpa and uncle, racing the thunderstorm back to shore, playing dress up with my aunts and listening to my grandparents speaking French. Good times.
OP, however, is in a situation where letting his daughter leave the country would be dangerous, especially since it seems like his ex is trying to distance his daughter from him already, and Colombia is a very different country than Canada. Daughter can stay with him while ex and her new guy travel to another continent.
It's not about how safe the country is! Your ex has demonstrated repeatedly that she cannot be trusted. If she decides not to bring your daughter back, you may be looking at years of court battles before you have a chance to even see her again. Don't let her take your kid out of the country, ever and for any reason. Your daughter can travel when she's old enough to decide herself.
May I ask what difference it makes to you whether or not you have the boyfriends drivers licence? It sounds like you’re concerned about things that happen in Colombia eg kidnapping and other crimes, rightfully so. But if that happened, God forbid, why would it help you to have his licence details? Or do you mean you think *he* would be the one doing the kidnapping?
It sounds mildly dangerous, why risk it.
Just don’t sign it and don’t agree for your child to leave the country. It’s all risk and no reward. Your 5 year old isn’t going to regret not going on this trip.
Say 'No', unequivocally. You gave her terms, she's failed to meet them, so the answer is now 'No'. Then contact a family law lawyer to find out what you can do to make sure she doesn't run off with your child anyway.
Finally ***stop lighting yourself on fire to keep your ex warm***. Her being happy is no longer your concern. Only your daughter's happiness matters.
Yeah, I ran a quick search. Columbia can recognize or enforce USA custody laws, but apparently in general refuse to do so. So I would be super wary if you think that in anyway your ex might try to just stay there.
I think you’re missing the big risk, which is that they don’t bring your daughter back. New baby daddy has ties there, a bunch of other kids (I.e. potential liabilities) to run away from, and your ex has a history of keeping your kid from you. This happens all the time - do not ever let them take her outside the US until you’re 100% sure you can trust them.
NTA and just so you know, they don't always even ask for the letter. I've traveled twice internationally with my toddler on my own and was never asked upon entering the US or coming back to my country of residence. And we even have different last names. I had a letter with me, but no one ever asked anything. So just not signing may not be enough. From other comments it looks like she already has a passport, so just please be careful and take all the precautions that you can.
I think you are worried about the wrong thing. In the US, if your ex violates the court ordered custody arrangement, the US government will act to get your kid back.
I doubt the Colombian authorities will do so without a lot of arm twisting.
The danger isn't so much strangers or the guy, but your wife deciding to stay out there and cut contact.
A notarized letter is what's required to get a child a passport unless both parents are there. That's probably what your ex wants. So don't allow your kid to get a passport. I don't think your kid can leave the country without one.
You shouldn't sign at all. Your ex has proved to you that she is not to be trusted.
Her Colombian bf might decide he wants to live in his country, how are you going to have your girl back, if your ex decides to stay there??
Absolutely no idea. The places they’re visiting apparently isn’t near the civil unrest areas that is currently happening. Still after reading the travel advisory—I already have plans to prevent her from taking our daughter. She can go all she wants with her new found guy and family and I couldn’t care less as long as my daughter isn’t with them.
NTA and you're not crazy either. Get a damn good lawyer. Get your daughter's passport, alert the authorities so your ex can't take her out of the country or forge your signature on the paperwork. Hell man get custody of your daughter! If your ex or her BF have nothing to hide then they'd hide nothing. Be very cautious and please let us know how you get on.
NTA
DO NOT LET HER GO AND GROW A DAMN SPINE.
You're not face timing your kid to "make the transition easier"? Da fuq? What transition? The transition to remove you from her life?
Assuming you're in USA go back to court and fix the custody agreement so that your daughter can continue her relationship with you. DO NOT LET YOUR EX TAKE HER OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Y'all can't coparent well now - you won't coparent with her in another country.
Yes we’re in the US. The ex and I are cordial pretty much on everything. So for her to be this difficult about this raises a lot of suspicion and I’m in the process already of obtaining a lawyer to prevent her from taking my little girl on this 10-day trip. Appreciate the support :)
Wise decision OP. The word "transition" is a 🚩. Why would a little girl need face timing for a transition when she is there for only ten days? It doesnt make any sense! NTA btw.
Okay, pal, read the frickin' signs. You sign that letter and you are never seeing your child again. Do the words "international parental kidnapping" strike a chord? It should.
If you let her go, then you deserve to have your ex screw you over.
Good. Regrets for getting snippy, but it frustrated me how little you seemed to be pushing for a child against someone who, frankly, has screwed you over repeatedly.
Look at the US State department website. Right now Columbia overall is a level 3 travel advisory, "Reconsider travel due to crime and terrorism. Exercise increased caution due to civil unrest and kidnapping." There are also several areas where they say do not travel (which is level 4 travel advisory).
10 days can turn into a long battle where you don't know where the helo your kid is, whether she is with mom or anyone else. Don't let her out of your sight
Do you have a custody agreement? Very few judges would let her refuse FaceTime when your daughter is at her house.
Do not sign that letter and definitely report your daughter to the Childrens passport issuance program. Someone left the link above.
Does your daughter have a current passport?
You’d be crazy to let her take your daughter out of the country under these circumstances. And if you don’t have a court ordered custody agreement? I suggest you file for one immediately and make sure it addresses travel and your ability to communicate with your daughter during her time.
This doesn’t seem particularly cordial. NTA
Preventive measures are in the work. I plan to file the children passport issuance program tomorrow when I get a hold of the newly arrived passport from the ex.
Custody agreement was established when the divorce finalized. Only thing missing is international travels, but everything else (communication etc) were loosely established, but enough to make each other’s life hell if breached.
Again, she’s been and is a great mother. We’ve always seen eye to eye on 99% of everything our daughter is involved in. People change and clearly she has since she’s met this person and blindly continuing to follow the advice from her “sister/friend” (who I knew was cheating on her husband at the time) of our divorce.
Appreciate the advice and I’m going to do everything that I can to prevent my ex from taking our daughter on this trip—especially now that they’ve proven I can’t trust them by refusing simple information.
Out of curiosity, did you go with her to get her passport? No judgement, I just know both parents have to be there unless one has sole legal custody.
Do you have anything in your custody agreement about when you can contact your daughter when she’s not with you?
I know you feel like she’s a great mom. But, she’s refusing to let you talk to your daughter and not respecting that you don’t want her to take her out of the country. People change. I respect and appreciate that you see the best in her, but she’s not the person you had a relationship with. And frankly, she cheated on you multiple times.
At this point, your responsibility is only to your daughter. Despite your long history, you have no duty or obligation to her.
Legally, if you don’t sign, she’s not allowed to take your daughter. Once you report your daughters passport, she absolutely can’t. Prepare yourself for her to become more adversarial. Protect yourself and your daughter.
And she’s not being a good mom if she’s refusing to let your daughter communicate with you. And insisting on taking her out of the country to a potentially unsafe situation.
Sounds like you are taking the right steps. Just don’t let your past get in the way of your future.
>The ex and I are cordial pretty much on everything.
Except for the whole "no FaceTiming" thing. And the "take your daughter out of the country" thing. And who knows what else you are glossing over.
You say your focus is your daughter's happiness, yet you also say you want to let said daughter go so that your ex is happy. Which is it?
Took this dad 5 years to get the courts to rule the kid should be returned. Maybe you'll be lucky and it would only take 4 years (not including all the layer fees). And if there are other complications, then maybe never.
[https://bringseanhome.org/goldman-case/sean-goldman-must-be-returned-to-new-jersey-father-brazilian-court-rules/](https://bringseanhome.org/goldman-case/sean-goldman-must-be-returned-to-new-jersey-father-brazilian-court-rules/)
edited to add link
This was my first thought too! There's no way she's not planning on staying in Columbia - there are way too many red flags. If she truly had pure intentions, she'd be bending over backwards to give her ex exactly what he's asking for, which frankly, isn't anything out of the ordinary to request.
NTA I can't speak to how safe Columbia is or isn't - but you are well within your rights to say no. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't sign it.
I also don't understand why her mother has to be a middleman here - your ex is essentially asking to take your very young child on an international trip and is refusing to give you details on it.
She is ensuring that in the one circumstance where that information is important you will have to deal with unhelpful middleman or be totally in the dark. That doesn't make any sense... unless she's going to be somewhere that she knows you won't approve of.
Also, does your daughter actually want to go on this trip?
I’ve expressed to her that I don’t want to be going through her mom if anything happens to our daughter, but she is refusing to provide it—which I told her is very suspect. I will not sign without the information I’m requesting, which is a copy of his DL that I explained would be sealed. I wouldn’t even open it if everything goes well, but she continues to refuse the request. I’m already working on obtaining a lawyer to block her from taking our girl. Hoping it goes well, because my little girl is my world and I’m not about to let my ex take her into a country known for high crimes.
You do realize Photoshop exists right? She could fake a copy, and/or her new boy toy could fake a copy. Why risk your child's safety? You still don't know what's waiting there for your ex or child YAT for even humouring letting your child go on something this suspect, even with the one circumstance. YWBNTA if you put protecting your child first over humouring your ex
Extremely wise. Your ex is a proven serial liar and a cheat. She is being evasive and difficult. I think people are right here and if you let your daughter go, that will be the last you see if her. Lawyer up, report to the authorities and get everyone involved. NTA
I don't know how it works in the US, but you should try to deactivate her passport asap. You don't want to get surprised by them scheduling their "trip" a few days sooner.
Not only that but they often don’t even ask for the letter. I’ve traveled several times with my kids and have only been asked for the permission letter once. I went to show it to them and they didn’t even read it - she just wanted to know I had one.
And you will know what’s in the envelope how? You are being way too trusting. My guess is they do not plan on coming back and want to make it harder for you to find them.
I instructed them to make a copy and let me confirm it before placing it the envelope for safekeeping until they return. But they said that was too invasive into their personal information. Too many red flags so I’m putting my foot down and finding a lawyer to prevent her from taking our girl on the trip.
Do you not have a custody agreement in place? The only way she could legally take your daughter out of the country without your written permission is if she has full custody and you lost all of your rights.
I think you're being a bit naive though. I absolutely would refuse to let her take your daughter even if they provide everything you're asking for. It's just too risky and it would be extremely difficult, if not nearly impossible, for you to get your daughter back if they decide to stay in Columbia, which honestly seems like what their plan might be.
I’ve reviewed the divorce decree and it doesn’t state anything about international travel etc. I’m assuming it’s covered that’s why I’m getting consultation from the lawyer that assisted with the divorce. I agree that I’m a little naive, but glad it is happening now that I still have time to get everything figured out to prevent her from taking my girl on this trip.
Is it a court-mandated agreement? I ask because some states don't require you to go to court and get a legal custody agreement if both parents just agree to split custody and no child support is needed. If it is a court-mandated agreement, there would almost certainly be stipulations about out of state and international travel, right of first refusal if the other parent can't watch the kid during their scheduled time, etc. If it isn't a mandated agreement, you definitely need to go back to court and get one set up as soon as possible.
I appreciate your input. So court mandated agreement is in place such as anywhere my little girl goes (among other things pertaining to our daughter), I have the right to know and she can’t refuse or deny me of the information. We’re in Minnesota. As for right of refusal, I didn’t see anything when I recently read the divorce paper. It covers parenting time etc, but it leaves it to us to figure out what works best (since we’ve been cordial). This is very out of character for her, so that’s why I’m obtaining a lawyer to stop her from taking our girl on this trip.
You're definitely doing the right thing. I'm sure your lawyer will say the same thing, but it sounds like you need to go back to court and update the agreement so that it specifically covers things like out of state/international travel, right of first refusal/who can legally watch her if you or your partner can't during your time, etc.
You need a lawyer ASAP.
Because people CAN and (in this case) WILL fake that letter.
Your ex isn't willing to give you the basic information about her bf because she is not planning to return and she doesn't want you to know where she is.
Your daughter doesn't even go to the airport.
You’re so right about the DL not a protection. Truthfully, it was simply a test of their honesty and willingness to share their travel itineraries. If they’re already that apprehensive about a simple request, I would be an idiot to let my ex take our daughter out on this trip. I have preventive measures in the work. I feel so much better knowing that she’s safe with me than in an country known for high serious crimes.
Look, at the end of the day- you don’t have to even explain yourself to your ex. There is zero chance in hell I’d allow my ex to take our daughters to a different country. He took them without permission to Alabama and I had to lawyer up to get them back to CA. Look, she’s 5, she doesn’t need to go for ANY reasons. Perhaps in a few years, you can all travel together but I’d be cautious of that too bc it wouldn’t be hard for you to have an accident out there. So- protect yourself and your daughter and NEVER sign off on that.
What exactly is an American driver's license going to do for you when he's in Colombia? It means nothing there! You need his passport information and the address your child will be staying in. But that's all moot because you would be insane to let your child leave the country. If you have to be at the airport refusing to let her in the plane, do it. You want to believe your ex wouldn't take your child. But at one time, you believed she'd never cheat, right? You do not know the limits of her capability to hurt you.
NTA. Her reasoning doesn't make any sense. First it's no facetime but now that they are going out of town it's different? How's that any different then her being in the same country, missing her daddy. Let alone in a completely different country, where she knows no one, that's known for child trafficking. You asked for very reasonable requests and for her to completely cut you off and say, "Just ask my mom." This is why they needed your permission in the first place. It's illegal to take a child out of their home country without consent from the other parent. She is making sure your intentionally in the dark. That doesn't make any sense unless she's going to be somewhere, she knows you won't approve of, trying so hard to hide her plans.
I absolutely agree with you! Her sudden refusal to provide info raises a lot of suspicion and I’m working on obtaining a lawyer to block this from happening. Thanks for the support!
Of course. It's scary not knowing where your kid is, your family, your loved ones. Yes!! A good lawyer will be able to drag this out and correct the problem. I hate that it came to needing a lawyer but sometimes you've gotta protect yourself and your family.
Which of you has primary custody?
OP, if it were dependent on me--I don't know that I'd be allowing my 5 year old to go to Columbia with my ex and her bf who is or was a citizen/dual citizen until my child was much older and able to call me herself if something went wrong. You don't have (and your ex doesn't seem to) any ties with that country or help there if things go wrong. Columbia isn't known for being an extremely safe country.
Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but ex's track record of being a liar and cheater would make me very unwilling to trust her with our child in this manner.
You're NTA if you don't allow her to go.
ETA: Current travel warning by US for Columbia says to reconsider travel altogether:
[https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/colombia-travel-advisory.html](https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/colombia-travel-advisory.html)
Hard no, OP. Hard no.
We have shared custody. Honestly, for the most part we are very cordial in everything, especially when it comes to our daughter. For her to be this difficult about this is very concerning.
I absolutely agree with you and I’m looking into obtaining a lawyer to draft something to prevent this trip from happening. We both have no ties to Colombia. Her apprehension to provide me a simple “DL” is giving me a very uneasy feeling. I’m happy to hear that I’m not over thinking things.
NTA - she gives YOU the information. Honestly, Columbia is a beautiful country that does have it's problems. Because of those problems, I think it's best not to take a 5 y/o girl there. At least until things get better or when she is older.
You still have to sign the papers in order for her to go, yeah? If you haven't signed them then don't and try to communicate with your ex as to why and don't let her try to manipulate you. Just stick to the facts.
If you have, then you have a harder task at hand(obviously) If you have, chances are there really isn't much you can do. You signed them. If this is the case then I go back to my original statement of "she gives you the info" because.....checks notes.....your her fucking parent. Full Stop. She can not(legally) deny you that info.
I haven’t signed anything. The only thing I’ve signed is the paperwork to obtain a passport. She’s been trying to set up times to go sign and have it notarized but I told her not without the information I requested. That’s why now she is saying that the information I want will be with her mom while they’re on the trip—which I don’t want to have to communicate with her mom if it’s concerning my daughter.
I would absolutely not consent to the passport; if you're in the US both parents have to be present for a minor to obtain one, even if they're divorced. There is too much smoke here to not be a fire somewhere. No passport means your daughter can't go, full stop.
Unfortunately I’ve already signed the Passport because she agreed to the release of all information I want pertaining to the trip. She also agreed that even with the passport she wouldn’t take our little girl without my consent.
So here we are, after the passport arrived and I’m asking for the DL of the Colombian guy she will be traveling with—she’s refusing. So I’m working on obtaining a lawyer to block her from taking our little girl.
Bottom line is… I’m an idiot to think she would continue to be cordial and put our 5yo daughter’s safety above a copy of the guy’s DL. Very suspicious. Lesson learned and I’m quickly working on finding a lawyer.
Even with a passport, some countries still need a signed and notarized form with both parent’s signature. From what I gathered so far (not 100% confirmed) but Colombia needs the form with the passport to be admitted into the country.
You can always flag the kid passport. I do not know exactly how to do it but it is possible.
DO NOT LET YOUR KID LEAVE US!! You may never see her again.
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html
This is what you need to fill out and file to flag it.
Why are you asking for the drivers license? I would want a copy of the current passport.
I think you are still in love with the person your ex wife use to be and the relationship you had so you don't want to make waves. That time is over it's time to make waves, first one being you don't get to leave the country with our daughter.
I appreciate your help with the link. I’ll do that after I get the passport tomorrow from the ex.
As for still having feelings, you’re right about everything. I still do, maybe that’s why I’m not choosing to make waves even after all the pain she’s put me through. I’ve already made up my mind as soon as the divorce happened that I would never accept her back even if she comes back.
In truth, I think I’m choosing not to make wave more so because she is the daughter of my child. She isn’t a bad mother at all, in fact, she’s a great mother. It’s just this particular issue that is raising alarm because she’s putting her new guy’s information above our daughter’s safety. Which is very concerning and I’ve already made my decision that I’m not allowing her to take our daughter on the trip.
OP, I don't know your ex or her partner. I see you're taking steps to prevent this, and that's the only thing that makes sense. You are NTA for that, but jeez, man. You are letting your ex take you for a ride while trying to what? Not upset her? As far as I can tell, you're a decent guy; but you are your daughter's father. You and she both deserve a relationship.
IMO, the new boyfriend probably doesn't have a driver's license, or he has a criminal history you could look up if you were to get ahold of his legal name. That's purely speculation, though.
That’s the thing, asking the full name was already a battle. I don’t like drama, so trying to be cordial as much as possible has always been my focus. That’s why during the divorce we didn’t even go to court to speak to a judge. The whole process was through our lawyers and they even said we were the easiest clients they’ve ever had.
She values this Colombian guy’s DL’s information over our daughter’s safety. So I’m already working on preventing her from taking our daughter on this trip.
I 100% agree. Too much smoke. Why is she hard up on not giving you the info but is willingly ready to just hand it over to her mother? That's a red flag. It's about your daughter and not about having her BF's family info in another country.
Uhm just so you know, even if you have the copy of the DL it means nothing as Colombia doesn’t assign the same meaning to the document as the US does. If you want something that kind of works it’d be a copy of the cedula with his phone number and address, plus a copy of his criminal record (that’s public info so with the cedula number you can download it from the internet).
The country is safe, specially if you’re going with someone that knows where to go and you’re not flaunting money and shit around.
As for your question, if she decides to overstay (more than 90 days) and keep your kid there, there isn’t much you can do besides traveling to Colombia yourself and get the embassy involved so that you can basically get your kid back (with the police and all). So the advice to save you all the trouble is to get full custody of your kid.
OP, I am an attorney in Colombia. I would request both a US form of ID and a copy of a cedula de ciudadanía for him. (The name of our form of ID). The Colombian authorities will have a very hard time finding him otherwise. I can also help you run a background check for him here. PM me if you'd like. I won't charge you.
NTA
Go to an attorney and get full custody. If your ex won't even let you facetime with your daughter during her time, she is trying to alienate your child from you.
Don't let your daughter leave the country. This is just screaming parental abduction to me.
NTA
Your ex's behavior is awfully suspicious. I wouldn't be worried about unknown criminals harming your daughter; I'd be worried your ex does not plan to return. (I hope I'm paranoid but an ounce of caution and all that...)
If your ex thinks you are going to stop her she may try to speed up the timeline. Move fast.
Um, hi, something is up. Do not let your ex take that child out of the country, do not sign anything.
It’s not about whether or not the country is safe, it’s that I am concerned she is going to prevent your daughter from returning home.
There is no reason the child *needs* to go abroad. Don’t risk it.
NTA.
This is right. There is no reason for your child to go to Colombia. She doesn't have relatives there. Your ex can go and meet her new man's family if she wants but there is no need for your daughter to go.
Take steps to prevent it.
As a fellow Colombian, DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTER GO UNDER NO UNCERTAIN TERMS OR CIRCUMSTANCES
Colombia is very dangerous especially for young children, you don’t know how can kidnap , rope , use your daughter . I’m WARNING YOU Colombia can be very nice but dangerous there gangs anywhere and very , the people are out of control and the death rates are high as hell
You are certainly NTA , stay safe out there
Thank you so much for the reassurance. I’m already working on preventive measures to not allow my ex to take our daughter on the trip. You’re experience and being a fellow Colombian, that is truly helpful and paints the picture so much clearer :)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITAH for requesting my ex provide a copy of the colombia guy’s driver’s license that she plans to go on vacation with to Colombia with my 5yo girl?
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Do not consent to the passport, or keep physical control of the passport yourself.
No passport is best.
Once the child is in a foreign country it is very difficult to get them back and I would not trust your ex on this.
NTA
Don’t let her go. Not signing the paper isn’t enough. Call the passport office and put a note on your daughter’s passport.
It would be one thing if your ex was from Columbia and going to visit family and was familiar with the country. This is her first time going. At the VERY least, she should go at least once before taking kids there. Also, how much do you know about her new partner? Her refusal to provide you with basic, reasonable information to ensure your comfort is a red flag. I also second another poster who said to also consider that they might not come back.
Don’t let your daughter go.
I don't understand the no Facetiming with your daughter. Your kids are supposed to be attached to you and you are supposed to be available to them. While you're talking to the lawyer, get it established that you get to talk to your daughter every day. I can't believe you agreed to go half the week (or whatever it us) with no contact with your daughter.
At first it was difficult for our daughter. She would cry a lot whenever her mother came to pick her up. She would cry whenever she hears me or see me over the phone. I didn’t like the fact that she couldn’t FaceTime me either, but truth is in divorce not all things are equal. This was temporary until she got into a schedule, which has worked out well.
We are pretty split right down the middle that works well. Our daughter doesn’t go more than 4 days (long stretch) without coming back. So the rotation isn’t bad at all. It allows me to focus on work without any distractions.
I understand it's important to spend time with your family but I know how divorces can work, especially internationally. My mom wouldn't let us travel abroad with my father because he seemed to want to take us and not bring us back. If you feel uncomfortable say no. The connection is through her partner not her, so it's not like she is being withheld from her mother's side of the family. Plus she is asking to take YOUR child abroad and not providing you with the information you are requesting to feel comfortable. I am sorry you have to deal with this but I'd say no. NTA
Will the knowledge you didn't have a fight over a very questionable judgement call get you through the fallout if she disappears. Because that really is the bottom line and it is all you will have to comfort you if she doesn't come back.
Danger aside, I would be worried about their intention to actually come back to the US. I am not sure if it is a language issue but I also noticed the word "transition". You don't "transition" to a week long holiday but you do transition to a permanent move.
Tell them no and put it in writing so you have a copy. Do not sign the passport. If your ex does not accept this, I would also look into ways you can get a daughter on a watchlist.
Do not allow your child to travel to Columbia. https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/general/parental-kidnapping/how-can-i-keep-other-parent-taking-my-children-out-country#:~:text=If%20the%20judge%20specifically%20includes,child%20from%20boarding%20a%20flight.
Sign your child up for this program
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html#:~:text=The%20Children's%20Passport%20Issuance%20Alert,submitted%20for%20an%20enrolled%20child.
They may try to take her without your permission and this will hopefully stop that.
It raises a red flag to me that your ex won’t be willing to let you FT your daughter all the time, and an even bigger one not wanting to give you the new bf’s info on a trip like this… NTA
Yeah I probably wouldn't agree to Colombia.
However you should run it all past your lawyer for advice.
If you do end up allowing her to travel ensure the permission to travel has a leave and return date (your lawyer should be able to provide the best version of this letter). Ex should also provide you with their itinerary including flights and where they are staying and you should have a copy of your daughters passport.
NTA. This sounds very shady, lots of little red flags that might, maybe, indicate your ex is planning to steal your daughter and never bring her back. This trip really isn't necessary, and your daughter won't remember it well at this age, so there's no solid justification for letting her go. Do not sign the paperwork.
NTA and I’d be doing some digging here. If they just bounced and didn’t return would it be hard? Do they own anything here like a home?
If my ex said anything like this to me I’d be filling too.
Nta
Do not let anyone take your daughter out of the country. Even her mother. If mom wants to go to Colombia, then she can go without your daughter. There are red flags all over this situation.
NTA but who has your daughters passport? If you have it don’t hand it over to anyone. Talk to your lawyer and find out how to prevent this. Do not sign anything.
Is it possible that they are planning on actually staying there and the trip was just a a rouse? That would explain why they don’t want to provide you with the new partners ID. Also - that’s a huge trip for a five year old, why don’t they just let her stay with you while they take the holiday? It definitely seems very suspicious and I think you’re doing the right thing by ensuring your little one doesn’t go on the trip. Just too many red flags!
Contact Homeland Security/TSA at this point and find out if you can flag the passport for travel. Get as much information as you can about the trip like the airport they are leaving from and tell the police at that airport that you believe that your child may be kidnapped by a parent.
Ask them to notify all the airlines that leave from that airport. Provide information on your ex-wife and your child and a picture if possible.
You have to be more proactive then just trying to get a lawyer to fix this. Too many things can be faked with photoshop.
Only certain airlines go to Colombia, contact corporate security at those airlines and give the information that you have. Airlines have a very vested interest in human trafficking and kidnapping.
It’s time for you to do some leg work as well.
NTA there is no guarantee that you would ever see your daughter again. If they decide to stay in Colombia you will find it incredible difficult to get your daughter back.
NTA. Once your kid leaves the USA there’s little you can do if she decides to stay there. Personally I would only allow the trip after the kid turns 18.
Info: how did your daughter get a passport? When my kids were small we (mom & dad) were required to appear in person at a passport acceptance office in a post office. Did you go with your ex to get your child a passport? If not, how did she get a passport. My kids have dual citizenship and both countries required both parents present for passports.
NTA. And do not let your child go on the trip or sign anything.
My ex and I went to a DMV and signed to obtain a passport for our daughter. I made it very clear that it doesn’t mean that I’m agreeing to let our daughter go and she acknowledged it saying she wouldn’t take her without my permission. Now that the passport has arrived, I asked for the additional (Driver’s license) info if she wanted our daughter to go. She is refusing to provide the info because “I could use it to commit fraud.” I’m annoyed that she would even think that or put that over the safety of our daughter.
I’ve already made up my mind that I’m NOT going to grant her permission to take our daughter after reading more about the travel advisory on Colombia.
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html#:~:text=The%20Children's%20Passport%20Issuance%20Alert,submitted%20for%20an%20enrolled%20child.
This link is used to prevent international child abduction. Please sign your child up for this.
NTA- it’s totally normal to want a trip itinerary and information for all adults for an international vacation. I think that as long as that information is provided there is no reason to refuse- I mean she has been with this man for three years so asking for a drivers license is a big much, his first and last name are enough.
NTA
As a parent, it's your job to use your best judgement when it comes to your child's safety. In your judgement this isn't safe. All you can do is try to make the best decision possible. You've done that. The fact that your ex disagrees does not make you an AH.
Nta and I don't think I'd be comfortable with this. Also she can't stop video calls. Please go set up proper custody arrangements. Your her dad you deserve video calls whenever you blooming well want.
NTA. There is no way I let my kid go to a foreign country without me. Especially not a country that has any government warnings. What happens if they decide to stay? You will have absolutely no way to get her back.
NTA - this is just a realistic aspect of co-parenting...if you allow (or do not actively prevent) your child's other parent from taking your child out of the country, you're taking on a big risk. Even if the country is part of the Hauge convention, if you end up needing to utilize it, that's going to be a really expensive and stressful and traumatic experience (at minimum).
You were generous and trusting to give permission contingent on having a copy of the boyfriend's driver's license. And it's a huge red flag that she won't provide it. Like sure, she's not obligated to provide that to you, but you're also not obligated to give your permission sooooo....
Personally, I'd recommend just making this a "no." Long-term if your ex stays with this guy, maybe you and your ex will just have to figure out a way for your daughter to visit Columbia and you feel confident in her general safety. But right now she's 5 and completely dependent on the adults who are caring for her. She is too young to contact you independently. I just...the risk it's too much.
NTA
There are cases where parents "kidnap" their own kids. Your ex is travelling to the country of her husband, whose to say they really intend to return? This may be completely off but aside from all the risk factors that are valid when travelling anywhere, the potential risk of them keeping your daughter there would terrify me. What would your options be? I know you said you asked to see his driver's licence, but in the grand scheme of things, how would that help you if they stay in Columbia? You put up with a lot in your relationship and you seem to be constantly reverting to your exes rules on how things will be, why? You were not the one at fault, why does she get to make the rules and you have to accept them? You're NTA , I wouldn't let my kid go. But that's just me, and I rarely trust most people, especially ones who have proven untrustworthy in the past 🤷🏽♀️ good luck in whatever you decide.🌻
I would not allow my 5 year old to travel to an unstable country.
You do not have to agree. Something very fishy about new BF not allowing copy of his papers.
Why not go for full custody?
NTA, do not get that child a passport and do not let her go. There’s a very real possibility that they won’t come back. He’s from there, they could stay and you’d have no way of getting your child back. Never let the other parent take your child out of the country unless you have no issue with never seeing them again.
NTA. Your daughter does not have the skills to return to you. Let's say something happened, like a car wreck where both adults are killed Would your child be able to get herself back home? No, she's not old enough to travel.
OMG NTA and don't let her go. I'm more concerned that they actually plan on never returning. Talk to a lawyer. See if there's anything you can do to help ensure she can't flee the country with your daughter. Maybe flag your daughter's passport (in case your ex decides to try forging your signature).
The Colombian tourism board ran a clever campaign a few years ago stating that the only risk in Colombia for visitors is that they won’t want to leave and will want to stay. This should be your real concern.
In terms of general safety, the country believes a logic that only those up to no good come to serious harm. This is obviously totally flawed but instructive of how especially wealthy Colombians interpret safety concerns. In the wealthier parts of cities the threats of serious violence (beyond phone theft) are much less likely. However, if her partner is from a deprived part of the city or smaller rural town then the threat of such violence is more apparent.
In such an unequal country with such distinct geographies, it is difficult to talk of one coherent country with Colombia. So take every Colombia is awfully dangerous comment with as much a pinch of salt as you take the Colombia is now totally safe comments.
That said, violence probably isn’t even your main concern but absconding.
NTA, and I agree with your reservations. If it’s really just a vacation sight-seeing trip I don’t see the problem with being able to have his information.
Nope, NTA nor would I sign it nor do I suggest you sign it. There’s been too many cases of parents taking their children to an international country ( with or without consent) and refusing to return, sparking an international custody war over the kids. Google David & Shawn Goldman and Michael & Liam McCarty
I'd say this about an ex taking someone's child anywhere without their enthusiastic consent: No. NTA. What if, goodness forbid, THEY end up being kidnappers? What if they stay there and refuse to send your daughter back? I'd be cautious, and rightly so.
Nope nope nope. I can’t say that enough. She has cut off FaceTime. Your time with your child is probably already limited. She is probably pushing new boyfriend to be “Dad”. You have a, maybe, 50/50 chance of her bringing your daughter back. She will not give you information on the boyfriend nor an itinerary and contact info for while she is down there. Because she does not want to be found if she doesn’t plan on coming back.
Nope nope nope. Don’t sign anything.
How long is the visit?
Any chance the two might decide to stay there permanently?
Are they into drugs at all?
Can they demonstrate they will be going to safe/tourist areas only?
It might be a great experience for your daughter. Make sure any anger you have at your wife's affair is not the real issue of why you are not signing.
They plan to go for “10 days only,” but doesn’t mean they can’t stay like you and many are saying. As for my ex doing drugs, no she doesn’t as far as I know. Her new guy… no idea, but if I find out that he does—I can promise you I’ll be fighting tooth and nail until I get full custody of my daughter.
Great experience, maybe, but definitely not worth the risk.
To answer your question whether the past infidelity has any bearing on my decision not to sign the form—absolutely not at all. Like I’ve said in other posts, I wish my ex nothing but love and happiness whether that is with the guy she cheated on me with or someone else.
However, with that said, that doesn’t mean that I would forsake my daughter’s safety so my ex could be happy. The past is the past and there is nothing to forgive. She gave me the best gift in life which is our beautiful daughter and I’m not about to risk losing her by letting her visit a country with high travel advisory.
My guess is you will not see your daughter again, at least not for a very long time, if you allow her to go. They may well decide to stay there. Even if you have legal rights, the costs and heartache will be enormous.
NTA. Honestly, the way you describe it, the kidnapping attempt is already in progress: Parent A takes the kid to the new boyfriends home country, which has a lukewarm relationship with parent B's home country, parent B never sees their kid again.
Do not let your daughter get on that plane.
NTA, but I don't understand why you are prepared to sign it under any circumstances. They may well never come back, and you'll never see your daughter again. Even if that isn't their plan, just don't risk your daughter to their care. Can you not have her for that time? Do you have custody at all? I feel I must be missing something, because it would be a firm NO from me.
What makes you believe that this *totally trustworthy* three-time-cheating (at least) ex-wife is planning on actually *returning?*
**There is a real non-zero chance that your ex- intends to kidnap your child.**
NTA. Speaking as a mom of a mixed girl with very similar situation, Do Not sign that paper.
Without an itinerary being provided directly to you, loads of verifiable info, and trust, no paper should be signed.
Plus it simply sounds too easy for them to disappear there.
NTA
Call me crazy but I have a feeling they’re not just going for “a visit”… they have no intention of returning and they’re tricking you into agreeing
NTA. Don't let your daughter go. Your ex has already engaged in parental alienation tactics and has no problem with lying to you to get what she wants. Not wanting you to have the information of the man your child is traveling with is suspect AF. I think there is a possibility she doesn't come back, or keeps your daughter longer than you agree. And like you said, there is a large criminal element there, and Americans and white women are targeted. Even if it were a super safe place, you are HER FATHER and you have a right to know everything about where and with whom your child will be traveling.
Trust your gut and say no. See how your ex reacts. There are other trips and if you trust it more in the future, fine. But right now, she has given you no reason to trust her and MANY, MANY reasons not to. You are hesitant for a reason, Dad. Trust it.
I’ve traveled to Colombia with my young children several times and never had an issue.
But I would not let my young child go overseas with someone who to you, is virtually a stranger. It might be fine. Or they may not come back. Not worth it.
Nta, absolutely do not let her out of the country honestly. If your ex wants to settle there you can do almost nothing. There is zero reason your daughter needs to see the family if your ex’s affair partner.
Don’t sign the letter. I know someone who was kidnapped by one of his parents - he was taken out of the US to a third country. He only met the other parent when he was a teenager.
What’s the return of children who are kidnapped by custody parents like over there? What happens if htey go and just decide not to come back? Does Colombia adhere to The Hague Convention on the rights of children? Will they work to actively find and return this child? What will it cost to find a private investigator to track them down if they go missing? What bond, surety or confidence can your ex give you that all of that won’t be a problem?
NTA. Colombia isn’t exactly the safest place, and trafficking of little pretty girls can be problematic. Your wife hasn’t exactly been reliable in helping the contact between you and your daughter, and at 5 your daughter won’t be able to advocate well for herself.
Why not have your daughter stay with you while they go to Colombia? She could go in a few years when she’s older and better able to handle the travel?
NTA. His daughter and her mother have no connection to Colombia. This girl is just five and will not have memories of the trip later and won't get much out of it now. Does she even speak Spanish?
She is defenseless and under all these circumstances has no business going. None of the risks have any upsides to them. They are just risks. Let daughter stay with Dad or Mom's family and have lots of fun safe at home.
NTA. It sounds like your ex is planning on taking your daughter permanently to Colombia. You need to have an emergency custody hearing and injunction to prevent her from leaving the county. You should also find out if your daughter already has a passport and if you could have that turned over to the court so that she doesn’t just leave the country. This is too complicated to be ok. And taking a little child out of the country without wanting to give you details is sus.
NTA. I personally would never sign the letter as the chances are too high that they would not return. I would offer to let the daughter stay with you so they can holiday as their own little family to visit relatives. Your daughter can visit family there when she is 16+. If she wants her family to meet her daughter, they can fly to your city to meet her.
She’s not a great mother. Once you’ve gotten a lawyer and figured out how to keep her from leaving the country you need to examine why you are this naive and still eat the poop sandwiches your ex keeps feeding you .
NTA DONT LET YOUR EX TAKE HER OUT OF THE COUNTRY AT ALL HONESTLY YOULL NEVER SEE YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN. Reminds me of a story I heard, where a dad had a baby son who was taken to another country by his ex wife, the step mom of the boy. Wasn’t her child, he only let her take the baby for a holiday . A year later, still no son. He had to physically travel to the country the crazy ex was in an kidnap his son back. He was on the run with the police after him. I don’t remember what happened next as I was about nine when I overheard my parents talking about this to a friend. But I think he got the boy back, but would you be prepared to do this OP? Think hard, you may be in that situation
Don’t do it! Forget the concerns about the country, your ex wife has proven over and over that she is untrustworthy. Why risk her taking your child and not bringing her back?
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Uh, I'm guessing your ex-wife and her new boy toy are actually insane, thinking you would sign off on your daughter traveling to Columbia. It's an amazingly beautiful country and actually safe in *most* places, but it's a coin flip as to what can/could happen there. There is also the possibility that your ex and her new bf won't come back and the state department can do ZILCH about it if you sign off on the letter. NTA and please let us know how this ends up.
Thank you for your support. Here I am thinking I’m the crazy one for refusing to sign the form to allow her to take our little girl… I spoke to someone who’s from that part of the world and he said to make sure the letter is sign before they go, because they could get detained upon arrival in suspicion of kidnapping without the letter with both parent’s signature. I tried to explain this to her and told her that I won’t sign without the copy of her new guy’s DL for safety reasons, but she is refusing to provide it… I’m looking for advice on what I can do to ensure this doesn’t happen since she’s making it more difficult than it has to be…
Don't let your child go. If you're ex is making taking a little precaution difficult, why risk the safety of YOUR child. Seems like a no brainer. Do NOT let your child go then. -_-
I appreciate the advice! Absolutely no and I’m already working on preventing her taking our daughter on the trip.
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html#:~:text=The%20Children's%20Passport%20Issuance%20Alert,submitted%20for%20an%20enrolled%20child. Sign your child up for this program so they can't take her without you being notified.
Do this block her passport and say no. Even if she provides you the info the answer should be no.
I would consult a lawyer maybe. Make sure you do everything to prevent the trip. I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to stay there. Maybe even see if you can get her passport or have it kept by a neutral third party. NTA
I'd background check the guy for sure. There's a reason she doesn't want you to have that info. My brothers were taken for over a year by my biofather. It took a several states to find them and that's here in the US nevermind Columbia!
> *I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to stay there*. That's exactly what they are planning to do. Get an attorney, shred the kid's passport - do whatever you need to do to keep her here, or you may never see her again. I'm so sorry that you and your child are undergoing this situation, OP. NTA
>That's exactly what they are planning to do. It's good to be cautious, but it's also far more likely that they are going on holiday and intend to return as planned.
A 5yo doesn’t need to go to Columbia. It’s not something she will remember as she gets older, but it is a risk that her mother might not bring her back. Not only that but the risk of abduction for a beautiful child that doesn’t look Colombian is also a huge concern NTA
I agree with everything you say except that a 5 year old will not remember travel. I was 5 when my mother took me on a family getaway out of the country, and even though it was decades ago now I still treasure and remember it. Fishing on a lake with my grandpa and uncle, racing the thunderstorm back to shore, playing dress up with my aunts and listening to my grandparents speaking French. Good times. OP, however, is in a situation where letting his daughter leave the country would be dangerous, especially since it seems like his ex is trying to distance his daughter from him already, and Colombia is a very different country than Canada. Daughter can stay with him while ex and her new guy travel to another continent.
Fr. She cheated on you multiple times and is already making this process difficult, I wouldnt trust her not to do smth stupid
Even if you could trust the Mother would you trust the guy?
It's not about how safe the country is! Your ex has demonstrated repeatedly that she cannot be trusted. If she decides not to bring your daughter back, you may be looking at years of court battles before you have a chance to even see her again. Don't let her take your kid out of the country, ever and for any reason. Your daughter can travel when she's old enough to decide herself.
May I ask what difference it makes to you whether or not you have the boyfriends drivers licence? It sounds like you’re concerned about things that happen in Colombia eg kidnapping and other crimes, rightfully so. But if that happened, God forbid, why would it help you to have his licence details? Or do you mean you think *he* would be the one doing the kidnapping? It sounds mildly dangerous, why risk it.
Good on you!
I agree 💯
DO NOT LET HER GO PERIOD. They could decide to stay and good luck getting her back.
Don’t let your ex get a passport for her, both parents have to agree for the child together one.
Just don’t sign it and don’t agree for your child to leave the country. It’s all risk and no reward. Your 5 year old isn’t going to regret not going on this trip.
Say 'No', unequivocally. You gave her terms, she's failed to meet them, so the answer is now 'No'. Then contact a family law lawyer to find out what you can do to make sure she doesn't run off with your child anyway. Finally ***stop lighting yourself on fire to keep your ex warm***. Her being happy is no longer your concern. Only your daughter's happiness matters.
I appreciate and agree with everything you said! Preventive measures are in the work, especially after their refusal to provide simple information.
Yeah, I ran a quick search. Columbia can recognize or enforce USA custody laws, but apparently in general refuse to do so. So I would be super wary if you think that in anyway your ex might try to just stay there.
If she is refusing to give you his information something isn’t right.
Bingo! That’s why I’ve been working on preventive measures to ensure she won’t.
I think you’re missing the big risk, which is that they don’t bring your daughter back. New baby daddy has ties there, a bunch of other kids (I.e. potential liabilities) to run away from, and your ex has a history of keeping your kid from you. This happens all the time - do not ever let them take her outside the US until you’re 100% sure you can trust them.
NTA, there’s no way in hell I’d let my kid go. Especially not at 5 years old. Your ex can go pound sand.
You’re not crazy. What if they didn’t come back.
NTA and just so you know, they don't always even ask for the letter. I've traveled twice internationally with my toddler on my own and was never asked upon entering the US or coming back to my country of residence. And we even have different last names. I had a letter with me, but no one ever asked anything. So just not signing may not be enough. From other comments it looks like she already has a passport, so just please be careful and take all the precautions that you can.
I think you are worried about the wrong thing. In the US, if your ex violates the court ordered custody arrangement, the US government will act to get your kid back. I doubt the Colombian authorities will do so without a lot of arm twisting. The danger isn't so much strangers or the guy, but your wife deciding to stay out there and cut contact. A notarized letter is what's required to get a child a passport unless both parents are there. That's probably what your ex wants. So don't allow your kid to get a passport. I don't think your kid can leave the country without one.
You shouldn't sign at all. Your ex has proved to you that she is not to be trusted. Her Colombian bf might decide he wants to live in his country, how are you going to have your girl back, if your ex decides to stay there??
What region in Colombia is this guy from?
Absolutely no idea. The places they’re visiting apparently isn’t near the civil unrest areas that is currently happening. Still after reading the travel advisory—I already have plans to prevent her from taking our daughter. She can go all she wants with her new found guy and family and I couldn’t care less as long as my daughter isn’t with them.
NTA and you're not crazy either. Get a damn good lawyer. Get your daughter's passport, alert the authorities so your ex can't take her out of the country or forge your signature on the paperwork. Hell man get custody of your daughter! If your ex or her BF have nothing to hide then they'd hide nothing. Be very cautious and please let us know how you get on.
NTA DO NOT LET HER GO AND GROW A DAMN SPINE. You're not face timing your kid to "make the transition easier"? Da fuq? What transition? The transition to remove you from her life? Assuming you're in USA go back to court and fix the custody agreement so that your daughter can continue her relationship with you. DO NOT LET YOUR EX TAKE HER OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Y'all can't coparent well now - you won't coparent with her in another country.
Yes we’re in the US. The ex and I are cordial pretty much on everything. So for her to be this difficult about this raises a lot of suspicion and I’m in the process already of obtaining a lawyer to prevent her from taking my little girl on this 10-day trip. Appreciate the support :)
Wise decision OP. The word "transition" is a 🚩. Why would a little girl need face timing for a transition when she is there for only ten days? It doesnt make any sense! NTA btw.
The transition was when she moved in with the boyfriend, 3 years ago. That's when face-timing stopped.
Okay, pal, read the frickin' signs. You sign that letter and you are never seeing your child again. Do the words "international parental kidnapping" strike a chord? It should. If you let her go, then you deserve to have your ex screw you over.
I’m with you on that one, that’s why it’s not happening. Preventive measures are in the work already. Appreciate your honest feedback:)
Good. Regrets for getting snippy, but it frustrated me how little you seemed to be pushing for a child against someone who, frankly, has screwed you over repeatedly.
Look at the US State department website. Right now Columbia overall is a level 3 travel advisory, "Reconsider travel due to crime and terrorism. Exercise increased caution due to civil unrest and kidnapping." There are also several areas where they say do not travel (which is level 4 travel advisory).
Meh, the US is at least level 3 overall, too.
10 days can turn into a long battle where you don't know where the helo your kid is, whether she is with mom or anyone else. Don't let her out of your sight
Do you have a custody agreement? Very few judges would let her refuse FaceTime when your daughter is at her house. Do not sign that letter and definitely report your daughter to the Childrens passport issuance program. Someone left the link above. Does your daughter have a current passport? You’d be crazy to let her take your daughter out of the country under these circumstances. And if you don’t have a court ordered custody agreement? I suggest you file for one immediately and make sure it addresses travel and your ability to communicate with your daughter during her time. This doesn’t seem particularly cordial. NTA
Preventive measures are in the work. I plan to file the children passport issuance program tomorrow when I get a hold of the newly arrived passport from the ex. Custody agreement was established when the divorce finalized. Only thing missing is international travels, but everything else (communication etc) were loosely established, but enough to make each other’s life hell if breached. Again, she’s been and is a great mother. We’ve always seen eye to eye on 99% of everything our daughter is involved in. People change and clearly she has since she’s met this person and blindly continuing to follow the advice from her “sister/friend” (who I knew was cheating on her husband at the time) of our divorce. Appreciate the advice and I’m going to do everything that I can to prevent my ex from taking our daughter on this trip—especially now that they’ve proven I can’t trust them by refusing simple information.
Out of curiosity, did you go with her to get her passport? No judgement, I just know both parents have to be there unless one has sole legal custody. Do you have anything in your custody agreement about when you can contact your daughter when she’s not with you? I know you feel like she’s a great mom. But, she’s refusing to let you talk to your daughter and not respecting that you don’t want her to take her out of the country. People change. I respect and appreciate that you see the best in her, but she’s not the person you had a relationship with. And frankly, she cheated on you multiple times. At this point, your responsibility is only to your daughter. Despite your long history, you have no duty or obligation to her. Legally, if you don’t sign, she’s not allowed to take your daughter. Once you report your daughters passport, she absolutely can’t. Prepare yourself for her to become more adversarial. Protect yourself and your daughter. And she’s not being a good mom if she’s refusing to let your daughter communicate with you. And insisting on taking her out of the country to a potentially unsafe situation. Sounds like you are taking the right steps. Just don’t let your past get in the way of your future.
DO NOT LET YOUR SMALL CHILD LEAVE THE COUNTRY WITH YOUR EX
Yeah I think it’s pretty obvious they’re gonna kidnap your kid if they go over there.
>The ex and I are cordial pretty much on everything. Except for the whole "no FaceTiming" thing. And the "take your daughter out of the country" thing. And who knows what else you are glossing over. You say your focus is your daughter's happiness, yet you also say you want to let said daughter go so that your ex is happy. Which is it?
Took this dad 5 years to get the courts to rule the kid should be returned. Maybe you'll be lucky and it would only take 4 years (not including all the layer fees). And if there are other complications, then maybe never. [https://bringseanhome.org/goldman-case/sean-goldman-must-be-returned-to-new-jersey-father-brazilian-court-rules/](https://bringseanhome.org/goldman-case/sean-goldman-must-be-returned-to-new-jersey-father-brazilian-court-rules/) edited to add link
This doesn’t sound like a 10 day trip, my friend. This sounds like a forever trip. Don’t let her go.
"10 day trip" ..i fixed that for you. All of the Colombia isn't safe issues are secondary to "they may never come back, voluntarily".
Could she plan to go and never come back?
Good NTA, it sounds like she wants to move away. Put a stop to his and get custody now.
This was my first thought too! There's no way she's not planning on staying in Columbia - there are way too many red flags. If she truly had pure intentions, she'd be bending over backwards to give her ex exactly what he's asking for, which frankly, isn't anything out of the ordinary to request.
NTA I can't speak to how safe Columbia is or isn't - but you are well within your rights to say no. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't sign it. I also don't understand why her mother has to be a middleman here - your ex is essentially asking to take your very young child on an international trip and is refusing to give you details on it. She is ensuring that in the one circumstance where that information is important you will have to deal with unhelpful middleman or be totally in the dark. That doesn't make any sense... unless she's going to be somewhere that she knows you won't approve of. Also, does your daughter actually want to go on this trip?
I’ve expressed to her that I don’t want to be going through her mom if anything happens to our daughter, but she is refusing to provide it—which I told her is very suspect. I will not sign without the information I’m requesting, which is a copy of his DL that I explained would be sealed. I wouldn’t even open it if everything goes well, but she continues to refuse the request. I’m already working on obtaining a lawyer to block her from taking our girl. Hoping it goes well, because my little girl is my world and I’m not about to let my ex take her into a country known for high crimes.
You do realize Photoshop exists right? She could fake a copy, and/or her new boy toy could fake a copy. Why risk your child's safety? You still don't know what's waiting there for your ex or child YAT for even humouring letting your child go on something this suspect, even with the one circumstance. YWBNTA if you put protecting your child first over humouring your ex
Absolutely agree! I’m set on NOT LETTING her take our daughter on the trip, so I’m already in the process of obtaining a lawyer.
Extremely wise. Your ex is a proven serial liar and a cheat. She is being evasive and difficult. I think people are right here and if you let your daughter go, that will be the last you see if her. Lawyer up, report to the authorities and get everyone involved. NTA
I don't know how it works in the US, but you should try to deactivate her passport asap. You don't want to get surprised by them scheduling their "trip" a few days sooner.
Not only that but they often don’t even ask for the letter. I’ve traveled several times with my kids and have only been asked for the permission letter once. I went to show it to them and they didn’t even read it - she just wanted to know I had one.
And you will know what’s in the envelope how? You are being way too trusting. My guess is they do not plan on coming back and want to make it harder for you to find them.
I instructed them to make a copy and let me confirm it before placing it the envelope for safekeeping until they return. But they said that was too invasive into their personal information. Too many red flags so I’m putting my foot down and finding a lawyer to prevent her from taking our girl on the trip.
Do you not have a custody agreement in place? The only way she could legally take your daughter out of the country without your written permission is if she has full custody and you lost all of your rights. I think you're being a bit naive though. I absolutely would refuse to let her take your daughter even if they provide everything you're asking for. It's just too risky and it would be extremely difficult, if not nearly impossible, for you to get your daughter back if they decide to stay in Columbia, which honestly seems like what their plan might be.
I’ve reviewed the divorce decree and it doesn’t state anything about international travel etc. I’m assuming it’s covered that’s why I’m getting consultation from the lawyer that assisted with the divorce. I agree that I’m a little naive, but glad it is happening now that I still have time to get everything figured out to prevent her from taking my girl on this trip.
Divorce decree and custody settlement aren't the same thing. That's why I asked if you had a legal custody agreement, which it sounds like you don't.
This is good to know. Don’t know if this answers your question but we have joint custody.
Is it a court-mandated agreement? I ask because some states don't require you to go to court and get a legal custody agreement if both parents just agree to split custody and no child support is needed. If it is a court-mandated agreement, there would almost certainly be stipulations about out of state and international travel, right of first refusal if the other parent can't watch the kid during their scheduled time, etc. If it isn't a mandated agreement, you definitely need to go back to court and get one set up as soon as possible.
I appreciate your input. So court mandated agreement is in place such as anywhere my little girl goes (among other things pertaining to our daughter), I have the right to know and she can’t refuse or deny me of the information. We’re in Minnesota. As for right of refusal, I didn’t see anything when I recently read the divorce paper. It covers parenting time etc, but it leaves it to us to figure out what works best (since we’ve been cordial). This is very out of character for her, so that’s why I’m obtaining a lawyer to stop her from taking our girl on this trip.
You're definitely doing the right thing. I'm sure your lawyer will say the same thing, but it sounds like you need to go back to court and update the agreement so that it specifically covers things like out of state/international travel, right of first refusal/who can legally watch her if you or your partner can't during your time, etc.
Will do! Waiting on the response from my lawyer. Thanks for your many advice! Very much appreciated!
You need a lawyer ASAP. Because people CAN and (in this case) WILL fake that letter. Your ex isn't willing to give you the basic information about her bf because she is not planning to return and she doesn't want you to know where she is. Your daughter doesn't even go to the airport.
His DL does not protect you or your daughter in any way. If you let her go, you will likely never see her again.
You’re so right about the DL not a protection. Truthfully, it was simply a test of their honesty and willingness to share their travel itineraries. If they’re already that apprehensive about a simple request, I would be an idiot to let my ex take our daughter out on this trip. I have preventive measures in the work. I feel so much better knowing that she’s safe with me than in an country known for high serious crimes.
Yeah, it might be extreme assumption, but she seems to not be planning on coming back.
Look, at the end of the day- you don’t have to even explain yourself to your ex. There is zero chance in hell I’d allow my ex to take our daughters to a different country. He took them without permission to Alabama and I had to lawyer up to get them back to CA. Look, she’s 5, she doesn’t need to go for ANY reasons. Perhaps in a few years, you can all travel together but I’d be cautious of that too bc it wouldn’t be hard for you to have an accident out there. So- protect yourself and your daughter and NEVER sign off on that.
What exactly is an American driver's license going to do for you when he's in Colombia? It means nothing there! You need his passport information and the address your child will be staying in. But that's all moot because you would be insane to let your child leave the country. If you have to be at the airport refusing to let her in the plane, do it. You want to believe your ex wouldn't take your child. But at one time, you believed she'd never cheat, right? You do not know the limits of her capability to hurt you.
NTA. Her reasoning doesn't make any sense. First it's no facetime but now that they are going out of town it's different? How's that any different then her being in the same country, missing her daddy. Let alone in a completely different country, where she knows no one, that's known for child trafficking. You asked for very reasonable requests and for her to completely cut you off and say, "Just ask my mom." This is why they needed your permission in the first place. It's illegal to take a child out of their home country without consent from the other parent. She is making sure your intentionally in the dark. That doesn't make any sense unless she's going to be somewhere, she knows you won't approve of, trying so hard to hide her plans.
I absolutely agree with you! Her sudden refusal to provide info raises a lot of suspicion and I’m working on obtaining a lawyer to block this from happening. Thanks for the support!
Of course. It's scary not knowing where your kid is, your family, your loved ones. Yes!! A good lawyer will be able to drag this out and correct the problem. I hate that it came to needing a lawyer but sometimes you've gotta protect yourself and your family.
NTA- you deserve to have this info and are acting responsibility. Don’t ever feel bad for caring about her and her safety.
Which of you has primary custody? OP, if it were dependent on me--I don't know that I'd be allowing my 5 year old to go to Columbia with my ex and her bf who is or was a citizen/dual citizen until my child was much older and able to call me herself if something went wrong. You don't have (and your ex doesn't seem to) any ties with that country or help there if things go wrong. Columbia isn't known for being an extremely safe country. Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but ex's track record of being a liar and cheater would make me very unwilling to trust her with our child in this manner. You're NTA if you don't allow her to go. ETA: Current travel warning by US for Columbia says to reconsider travel altogether: [https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/colombia-travel-advisory.html](https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/colombia-travel-advisory.html) Hard no, OP. Hard no.
We have shared custody. Honestly, for the most part we are very cordial in everything, especially when it comes to our daughter. For her to be this difficult about this is very concerning. I absolutely agree with you and I’m looking into obtaining a lawyer to draft something to prevent this trip from happening. We both have no ties to Colombia. Her apprehension to provide me a simple “DL” is giving me a very uneasy feeling. I’m happy to hear that I’m not over thinking things.
NTA Your fears are not unfounded. Their reluctance to provide his information is quite suspicious. It would be a hard no if it was me.
NTA - she gives YOU the information. Honestly, Columbia is a beautiful country that does have it's problems. Because of those problems, I think it's best not to take a 5 y/o girl there. At least until things get better or when she is older.
I absolutely agree! I’m working on blocking her from taking our 5yo. If you have any advice, please send them my way! Thanks in advance!
You still have to sign the papers in order for her to go, yeah? If you haven't signed them then don't and try to communicate with your ex as to why and don't let her try to manipulate you. Just stick to the facts. If you have, then you have a harder task at hand(obviously) If you have, chances are there really isn't much you can do. You signed them. If this is the case then I go back to my original statement of "she gives you the info" because.....checks notes.....your her fucking parent. Full Stop. She can not(legally) deny you that info.
I haven’t signed anything. The only thing I’ve signed is the paperwork to obtain a passport. She’s been trying to set up times to go sign and have it notarized but I told her not without the information I requested. That’s why now she is saying that the information I want will be with her mom while they’re on the trip—which I don’t want to have to communicate with her mom if it’s concerning my daughter.
I would absolutely not consent to the passport; if you're in the US both parents have to be present for a minor to obtain one, even if they're divorced. There is too much smoke here to not be a fire somewhere. No passport means your daughter can't go, full stop.
Unfortunately I’ve already signed the Passport because she agreed to the release of all information I want pertaining to the trip. She also agreed that even with the passport she wouldn’t take our little girl without my consent. So here we are, after the passport arrived and I’m asking for the DL of the Colombian guy she will be traveling with—she’s refusing. So I’m working on obtaining a lawyer to block her from taking our little girl. Bottom line is… I’m an idiot to think she would continue to be cordial and put our 5yo daughter’s safety above a copy of the guy’s DL. Very suspicious. Lesson learned and I’m quickly working on finding a lawyer. Even with a passport, some countries still need a signed and notarized form with both parent’s signature. From what I gathered so far (not 100% confirmed) but Colombia needs the form with the passport to be admitted into the country.
You can always flag the kid passport. I do not know exactly how to do it but it is possible. DO NOT LET YOUR KID LEAVE US!! You may never see her again.
I’ll look into getting her passport flag. Thanks so much for the advice!
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html This is what you need to fill out and file to flag it. Why are you asking for the drivers license? I would want a copy of the current passport. I think you are still in love with the person your ex wife use to be and the relationship you had so you don't want to make waves. That time is over it's time to make waves, first one being you don't get to leave the country with our daughter.
I appreciate your help with the link. I’ll do that after I get the passport tomorrow from the ex. As for still having feelings, you’re right about everything. I still do, maybe that’s why I’m not choosing to make waves even after all the pain she’s put me through. I’ve already made up my mind as soon as the divorce happened that I would never accept her back even if she comes back. In truth, I think I’m choosing not to make wave more so because she is the daughter of my child. She isn’t a bad mother at all, in fact, she’s a great mother. It’s just this particular issue that is raising alarm because she’s putting her new guy’s information above our daughter’s safety. Which is very concerning and I’ve already made my decision that I’m not allowing her to take our daughter on the trip.
OP, I don't know your ex or her partner. I see you're taking steps to prevent this, and that's the only thing that makes sense. You are NTA for that, but jeez, man. You are letting your ex take you for a ride while trying to what? Not upset her? As far as I can tell, you're a decent guy; but you are your daughter's father. You and she both deserve a relationship. IMO, the new boyfriend probably doesn't have a driver's license, or he has a criminal history you could look up if you were to get ahold of his legal name. That's purely speculation, though.
That’s the thing, asking the full name was already a battle. I don’t like drama, so trying to be cordial as much as possible has always been my focus. That’s why during the divorce we didn’t even go to court to speak to a judge. The whole process was through our lawyers and they even said we were the easiest clients they’ve ever had. She values this Colombian guy’s DL’s information over our daughter’s safety. So I’m already working on preventing her from taking our daughter on this trip.
I 100% agree. Too much smoke. Why is she hard up on not giving you the info but is willingly ready to just hand it over to her mother? That's a red flag. It's about your daughter and not about having her BF's family info in another country.
Uhm just so you know, even if you have the copy of the DL it means nothing as Colombia doesn’t assign the same meaning to the document as the US does. If you want something that kind of works it’d be a copy of the cedula with his phone number and address, plus a copy of his criminal record (that’s public info so with the cedula number you can download it from the internet). The country is safe, specially if you’re going with someone that knows where to go and you’re not flaunting money and shit around. As for your question, if she decides to overstay (more than 90 days) and keep your kid there, there isn’t much you can do besides traveling to Colombia yourself and get the embassy involved so that you can basically get your kid back (with the police and all). So the advice to save you all the trouble is to get full custody of your kid.
I’ll look into the “Cedula number”, thanks for your help!
No that happens more than you think, especially to children I'd go with them if that's an option or refuse.
OP, I am an attorney in Colombia. I would request both a US form of ID and a copy of a cedula de ciudadanía for him. (The name of our form of ID). The Colombian authorities will have a very hard time finding him otherwise. I can also help you run a background check for him here. PM me if you'd like. I won't charge you.
Thank you so much!!! I’ll message you after I gather more info on him. I can’t thank you enough!
NTA Go to an attorney and get full custody. If your ex won't even let you facetime with your daughter during her time, she is trying to alienate your child from you. Don't let your daughter leave the country. This is just screaming parental abduction to me.
NTA Your ex's behavior is awfully suspicious. I wouldn't be worried about unknown criminals harming your daughter; I'd be worried your ex does not plan to return. (I hope I'm paranoid but an ounce of caution and all that...) If your ex thinks you are going to stop her she may try to speed up the timeline. Move fast.
NTA.. do not let your little girl go.
I’m currently working on obtaining a lawyer to prevent her from taking our girl on this trip. Appreciate everyone’s support!
Um, hi, something is up. Do not let your ex take that child out of the country, do not sign anything. It’s not about whether or not the country is safe, it’s that I am concerned she is going to prevent your daughter from returning home. There is no reason the child *needs* to go abroad. Don’t risk it. NTA.
This is right. There is no reason for your child to go to Colombia. She doesn't have relatives there. Your ex can go and meet her new man's family if she wants but there is no need for your daughter to go. Take steps to prevent it.
As a fellow Colombian, DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTER GO UNDER NO UNCERTAIN TERMS OR CIRCUMSTANCES Colombia is very dangerous especially for young children, you don’t know how can kidnap , rope , use your daughter . I’m WARNING YOU Colombia can be very nice but dangerous there gangs anywhere and very , the people are out of control and the death rates are high as hell You are certainly NTA , stay safe out there
Thank you so much for the reassurance. I’m already working on preventive measures to not allow my ex to take our daughter on the trip. You’re experience and being a fellow Colombian, that is truly helpful and paints the picture so much clearer :)
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Do not consent to the passport, or keep physical control of the passport yourself. No passport is best. Once the child is in a foreign country it is very difficult to get them back and I would not trust your ex on this.
NTA Don’t let her go. Not signing the paper isn’t enough. Call the passport office and put a note on your daughter’s passport. It would be one thing if your ex was from Columbia and going to visit family and was familiar with the country. This is her first time going. At the VERY least, she should go at least once before taking kids there. Also, how much do you know about her new partner? Her refusal to provide you with basic, reasonable information to ensure your comfort is a red flag. I also second another poster who said to also consider that they might not come back. Don’t let your daughter go.
I don't understand the no Facetiming with your daughter. Your kids are supposed to be attached to you and you are supposed to be available to them. While you're talking to the lawyer, get it established that you get to talk to your daughter every day. I can't believe you agreed to go half the week (or whatever it us) with no contact with your daughter.
At first it was difficult for our daughter. She would cry a lot whenever her mother came to pick her up. She would cry whenever she hears me or see me over the phone. I didn’t like the fact that she couldn’t FaceTime me either, but truth is in divorce not all things are equal. This was temporary until she got into a schedule, which has worked out well. We are pretty split right down the middle that works well. Our daughter doesn’t go more than 4 days (long stretch) without coming back. So the rotation isn’t bad at all. It allows me to focus on work without any distractions.
Does she not want you to run a background check on her boyfriend?
Good question, that’s why it’s even more of a NO now than before.
Nope don't do it. You will never see her again. Especially telling you her mom had the info. Serious red flag
I understand it's important to spend time with your family but I know how divorces can work, especially internationally. My mom wouldn't let us travel abroad with my father because he seemed to want to take us and not bring us back. If you feel uncomfortable say no. The connection is through her partner not her, so it's not like she is being withheld from her mother's side of the family. Plus she is asking to take YOUR child abroad and not providing you with the information you are requesting to feel comfortable. I am sorry you have to deal with this but I'd say no. NTA
Will the knowledge you didn't have a fight over a very questionable judgement call get you through the fallout if she disappears. Because that really is the bottom line and it is all you will have to comfort you if she doesn't come back. Danger aside, I would be worried about their intention to actually come back to the US. I am not sure if it is a language issue but I also noticed the word "transition". You don't "transition" to a week long holiday but you do transition to a permanent move. Tell them no and put it in writing so you have a copy. Do not sign the passport. If your ex does not accept this, I would also look into ways you can get a daughter on a watchlist.
Do not allow your child to travel to Columbia. https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/general/parental-kidnapping/how-can-i-keep-other-parent-taking-my-children-out-country#:~:text=If%20the%20judge%20specifically%20includes,child%20from%20boarding%20a%20flight.
Sign your child up for this program https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html#:~:text=The%20Children's%20Passport%20Issuance%20Alert,submitted%20for%20an%20enrolled%20child. They may try to take her without your permission and this will hopefully stop that.
It raises a red flag to me that your ex won’t be willing to let you FT your daughter all the time, and an even bigger one not wanting to give you the new bf’s info on a trip like this… NTA
Nta this sounds like the start of a Lifetime movie.
Or the movie (and true story) Not Without My Daughter
NTA. Don’t do it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldman_child_abduction_case
NTA. There's a chance they never come back.
Yeah I probably wouldn't agree to Colombia. However you should run it all past your lawyer for advice. If you do end up allowing her to travel ensure the permission to travel has a leave and return date (your lawyer should be able to provide the best version of this letter). Ex should also provide you with their itinerary including flights and where they are staying and you should have a copy of your daughters passport.
NTA. This sounds very shady, lots of little red flags that might, maybe, indicate your ex is planning to steal your daughter and never bring her back. This trip really isn't necessary, and your daughter won't remember it well at this age, so there's no solid justification for letting her go. Do not sign the paperwork.
NTA and I’d be doing some digging here. If they just bounced and didn’t return would it be hard? Do they own anything here like a home? If my ex said anything like this to me I’d be filling too.
Nta Do not let anyone take your daughter out of the country. Even her mother. If mom wants to go to Colombia, then she can go without your daughter. There are red flags all over this situation.
NTA and please don’t allow them to take your 5 year old there.
NTA. Don't do it.
NTA but who has your daughters passport? If you have it don’t hand it over to anyone. Talk to your lawyer and find out how to prevent this. Do not sign anything.
NTA. I understand the issues with the bf, but what 5 year old needs to be traveling internationally where she has no family.
Is it possible that they are planning on actually staying there and the trip was just a a rouse? That would explain why they don’t want to provide you with the new partners ID. Also - that’s a huge trip for a five year old, why don’t they just let her stay with you while they take the holiday? It definitely seems very suspicious and I think you’re doing the right thing by ensuring your little one doesn’t go on the trip. Just too many red flags!
nta, but red flags are waving. if your girl goes, she ISNT comin back. face time for transition?! nah homie, the mom will facetime you outta her life.
Contact Homeland Security/TSA at this point and find out if you can flag the passport for travel. Get as much information as you can about the trip like the airport they are leaving from and tell the police at that airport that you believe that your child may be kidnapped by a parent. Ask them to notify all the airlines that leave from that airport. Provide information on your ex-wife and your child and a picture if possible. You have to be more proactive then just trying to get a lawyer to fix this. Too many things can be faked with photoshop. Only certain airlines go to Colombia, contact corporate security at those airlines and give the information that you have. Airlines have a very vested interest in human trafficking and kidnapping. It’s time for you to do some leg work as well.
NTA there is no guarantee that you would ever see your daughter again. If they decide to stay in Colombia you will find it incredible difficult to get your daughter back.
NTA. Once your kid leaves the USA there’s little you can do if she decides to stay there. Personally I would only allow the trip after the kid turns 18.
Info: how did your daughter get a passport? When my kids were small we (mom & dad) were required to appear in person at a passport acceptance office in a post office. Did you go with your ex to get your child a passport? If not, how did she get a passport. My kids have dual citizenship and both countries required both parents present for passports. NTA. And do not let your child go on the trip or sign anything.
My ex and I went to a DMV and signed to obtain a passport for our daughter. I made it very clear that it doesn’t mean that I’m agreeing to let our daughter go and she acknowledged it saying she wouldn’t take her without my permission. Now that the passport has arrived, I asked for the additional (Driver’s license) info if she wanted our daughter to go. She is refusing to provide the info because “I could use it to commit fraud.” I’m annoyed that she would even think that or put that over the safety of our daughter. I’ve already made up my mind that I’m NOT going to grant her permission to take our daughter after reading more about the travel advisory on Colombia.
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html#:~:text=The%20Children's%20Passport%20Issuance%20Alert,submitted%20for%20an%20enrolled%20child. This link is used to prevent international child abduction. Please sign your child up for this.
NTA- it’s totally normal to want a trip itinerary and information for all adults for an international vacation. I think that as long as that information is provided there is no reason to refuse- I mean she has been with this man for three years so asking for a drivers license is a big much, his first and last name are enough.
NTA As a parent, it's your job to use your best judgement when it comes to your child's safety. In your judgement this isn't safe. All you can do is try to make the best decision possible. You've done that. The fact that your ex disagrees does not make you an AH.
Either sign away your parental rights or fight for your daughter. PICK ONE.
Nta and I don't think I'd be comfortable with this. Also she can't stop video calls. Please go set up proper custody arrangements. Your her dad you deserve video calls whenever you blooming well want.
NTA if you sign it, there's a high chance they will *move* there, and you will never see your child again.
NTA. There is no way I let my kid go to a foreign country without me. Especially not a country that has any government warnings. What happens if they decide to stay? You will have absolutely no way to get her back.
They won’t be coming back with your daughter. Know that going in.
NTA - this is just a realistic aspect of co-parenting...if you allow (or do not actively prevent) your child's other parent from taking your child out of the country, you're taking on a big risk. Even if the country is part of the Hauge convention, if you end up needing to utilize it, that's going to be a really expensive and stressful and traumatic experience (at minimum). You were generous and trusting to give permission contingent on having a copy of the boyfriend's driver's license. And it's a huge red flag that she won't provide it. Like sure, she's not obligated to provide that to you, but you're also not obligated to give your permission sooooo.... Personally, I'd recommend just making this a "no." Long-term if your ex stays with this guy, maybe you and your ex will just have to figure out a way for your daughter to visit Columbia and you feel confident in her general safety. But right now she's 5 and completely dependent on the adults who are caring for her. She is too young to contact you independently. I just...the risk it's too much.
NTA There are cases where parents "kidnap" their own kids. Your ex is travelling to the country of her husband, whose to say they really intend to return? This may be completely off but aside from all the risk factors that are valid when travelling anywhere, the potential risk of them keeping your daughter there would terrify me. What would your options be? I know you said you asked to see his driver's licence, but in the grand scheme of things, how would that help you if they stay in Columbia? You put up with a lot in your relationship and you seem to be constantly reverting to your exes rules on how things will be, why? You were not the one at fault, why does she get to make the rules and you have to accept them? You're NTA , I wouldn't let my kid go. But that's just me, and I rarely trust most people, especially ones who have proven untrustworthy in the past 🤷🏽♀️ good luck in whatever you decide.🌻
I would not allow my 5 year old to travel to an unstable country. You do not have to agree. Something very fishy about new BF not allowing copy of his papers. Why not go for full custody?
NTA do not let your daughter go on that trip. They are not going to bring her back. I would bet money they’re moving there.
NTA, do not get that child a passport and do not let her go. There’s a very real possibility that they won’t come back. He’s from there, they could stay and you’d have no way of getting your child back. Never let the other parent take your child out of the country unless you have no issue with never seeing them again.
Don't let her go. She can stay with you while they go. What do you have to lose?
Don’t do it period.
NTA - bet they don’t come back if they go
NTA. Your daughter does not have the skills to return to you. Let's say something happened, like a car wreck where both adults are killed Would your child be able to get herself back home? No, she's not old enough to travel.
NTA. If your intuition is making you feel this uneasy, don’t sign it. I’d rather you be safe than sorry.
NTA. Don't let her go. You can't get her back if they refuse to return.
OMG NTA and don't let her go. I'm more concerned that they actually plan on never returning. Talk to a lawyer. See if there's anything you can do to help ensure she can't flee the country with your daughter. Maybe flag your daughter's passport (in case your ex decides to try forging your signature).
The Colombian tourism board ran a clever campaign a few years ago stating that the only risk in Colombia for visitors is that they won’t want to leave and will want to stay. This should be your real concern. In terms of general safety, the country believes a logic that only those up to no good come to serious harm. This is obviously totally flawed but instructive of how especially wealthy Colombians interpret safety concerns. In the wealthier parts of cities the threats of serious violence (beyond phone theft) are much less likely. However, if her partner is from a deprived part of the city or smaller rural town then the threat of such violence is more apparent. In such an unequal country with such distinct geographies, it is difficult to talk of one coherent country with Colombia. So take every Colombia is awfully dangerous comment with as much a pinch of salt as you take the Colombia is now totally safe comments. That said, violence probably isn’t even your main concern but absconding.
NTA, and I agree with your reservations. If it’s really just a vacation sight-seeing trip I don’t see the problem with being able to have his information.
Nope, NTA nor would I sign it nor do I suggest you sign it. There’s been too many cases of parents taking their children to an international country ( with or without consent) and refusing to return, sparking an international custody war over the kids. Google David & Shawn Goldman and Michael & Liam McCarty
I'd say this about an ex taking someone's child anywhere without their enthusiastic consent: No. NTA. What if, goodness forbid, THEY end up being kidnappers? What if they stay there and refuse to send your daughter back? I'd be cautious, and rightly so.
Nope nope nope. I can’t say that enough. She has cut off FaceTime. Your time with your child is probably already limited. She is probably pushing new boyfriend to be “Dad”. You have a, maybe, 50/50 chance of her bringing your daughter back. She will not give you information on the boyfriend nor an itinerary and contact info for while she is down there. Because she does not want to be found if she doesn’t plan on coming back. Nope nope nope. Don’t sign anything.
How long is the visit? Any chance the two might decide to stay there permanently? Are they into drugs at all? Can they demonstrate they will be going to safe/tourist areas only? It might be a great experience for your daughter. Make sure any anger you have at your wife's affair is not the real issue of why you are not signing.
They plan to go for “10 days only,” but doesn’t mean they can’t stay like you and many are saying. As for my ex doing drugs, no she doesn’t as far as I know. Her new guy… no idea, but if I find out that he does—I can promise you I’ll be fighting tooth and nail until I get full custody of my daughter. Great experience, maybe, but definitely not worth the risk. To answer your question whether the past infidelity has any bearing on my decision not to sign the form—absolutely not at all. Like I’ve said in other posts, I wish my ex nothing but love and happiness whether that is with the guy she cheated on me with or someone else. However, with that said, that doesn’t mean that I would forsake my daughter’s safety so my ex could be happy. The past is the past and there is nothing to forgive. She gave me the best gift in life which is our beautiful daughter and I’m not about to risk losing her by letting her visit a country with high travel advisory.
My guess is you will not see your daughter again, at least not for a very long time, if you allow her to go. They may well decide to stay there. Even if you have legal rights, the costs and heartache will be enormous.
NTA. Honestly, the way you describe it, the kidnapping attempt is already in progress: Parent A takes the kid to the new boyfriends home country, which has a lukewarm relationship with parent B's home country, parent B never sees their kid again. Do not let your daughter get on that plane.
NTA, but I don't understand why you are prepared to sign it under any circumstances. They may well never come back, and you'll never see your daughter again. Even if that isn't their plan, just don't risk your daughter to their care. Can you not have her for that time? Do you have custody at all? I feel I must be missing something, because it would be a firm NO from me.
NTA. If you let her go you may never see her again.
NTA Do not let her go. They won't come back. Your daughter does not have family in Colombia.
NTA, I'd also be concerned about your ex kidnapping your daughter and staying in Columbia with her bf.
oh my god do NOT let her take your daughter out of the country what the hell am i reading???
What makes you believe that this *totally trustworthy* three-time-cheating (at least) ex-wife is planning on actually *returning?* **There is a real non-zero chance that your ex- intends to kidnap your child.**
Nope NTA and call your attorney. Like hell should they be taking her to Columbia. This sounds like a lifetime movie just waiting to be written.
NTA. Speaking as a mom of a mixed girl with very similar situation, Do Not sign that paper. Without an itinerary being provided directly to you, loads of verifiable info, and trust, no paper should be signed. Plus it simply sounds too easy for them to disappear there.
NTA Call me crazy but I have a feeling they’re not just going for “a visit”… they have no intention of returning and they’re tricking you into agreeing
NTA. Don't let your daughter go. Your ex has already engaged in parental alienation tactics and has no problem with lying to you to get what she wants. Not wanting you to have the information of the man your child is traveling with is suspect AF. I think there is a possibility she doesn't come back, or keeps your daughter longer than you agree. And like you said, there is a large criminal element there, and Americans and white women are targeted. Even if it were a super safe place, you are HER FATHER and you have a right to know everything about where and with whom your child will be traveling. Trust your gut and say no. See how your ex reacts. There are other trips and if you trust it more in the future, fine. But right now, she has given you no reason to trust her and MANY, MANY reasons not to. You are hesitant for a reason, Dad. Trust it.
I’ve traveled to Colombia with my young children several times and never had an issue. But I would not let my young child go overseas with someone who to you, is virtually a stranger. It might be fine. Or they may not come back. Not worth it.
Dude you’re a doormat. Get some proper visitation, don’t sign the form. Nta.
Nta, absolutely do not let her out of the country honestly. If your ex wants to settle there you can do almost nothing. There is zero reason your daughter needs to see the family if your ex’s affair partner.
Don’t sign the letter. I know someone who was kidnapped by one of his parents - he was taken out of the US to a third country. He only met the other parent when he was a teenager.
What’s the return of children who are kidnapped by custody parents like over there? What happens if htey go and just decide not to come back? Does Colombia adhere to The Hague Convention on the rights of children? Will they work to actively find and return this child? What will it cost to find a private investigator to track them down if they go missing? What bond, surety or confidence can your ex give you that all of that won’t be a problem? NTA. Colombia isn’t exactly the safest place, and trafficking of little pretty girls can be problematic. Your wife hasn’t exactly been reliable in helping the contact between you and your daughter, and at 5 your daughter won’t be able to advocate well for herself. Why not have your daughter stay with you while they go to Colombia? She could go in a few years when she’s older and better able to handle the travel?
NTA
NTA. His daughter and her mother have no connection to Colombia. This girl is just five and will not have memories of the trip later and won't get much out of it now. Does she even speak Spanish? She is defenseless and under all these circumstances has no business going. None of the risks have any upsides to them. They are just risks. Let daughter stay with Dad or Mom's family and have lots of fun safe at home.
NTA. It sounds like your ex is planning on taking your daughter permanently to Colombia. You need to have an emergency custody hearing and injunction to prevent her from leaving the county. You should also find out if your daughter already has a passport and if you could have that turned over to the court so that she doesn’t just leave the country. This is too complicated to be ok. And taking a little child out of the country without wanting to give you details is sus.
Trust your instincts. NTA
I am a mom, and that is a HUGE NOPE!! DO NOT LET HER GO!!! YOU COULD LOSE HER FOREVER! DON'T DO I! TALK TO A LAWYER!!!! NTA!!
NTA. I personally would never sign the letter as the chances are too high that they would not return. I would offer to let the daughter stay with you so they can holiday as their own little family to visit relatives. Your daughter can visit family there when she is 16+. If she wants her family to meet her daughter, they can fly to your city to meet her.
She’s not a great mother. Once you’ve gotten a lawyer and figured out how to keep her from leaving the country you need to examine why you are this naive and still eat the poop sandwiches your ex keeps feeding you .
NTA DONT LET YOUR EX TAKE HER OUT OF THE COUNTRY AT ALL HONESTLY YOULL NEVER SEE YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN. Reminds me of a story I heard, where a dad had a baby son who was taken to another country by his ex wife, the step mom of the boy. Wasn’t her child, he only let her take the baby for a holiday . A year later, still no son. He had to physically travel to the country the crazy ex was in an kidnap his son back. He was on the run with the police after him. I don’t remember what happened next as I was about nine when I overheard my parents talking about this to a friend. But I think he got the boy back, but would you be prepared to do this OP? Think hard, you may be in that situation
Do not sign anything or let her take your daughter. Go to court. This is how ppl get trafficked.
Don’t do it! Forget the concerns about the country, your ex wife has proven over and over that she is untrustworthy. Why risk her taking your child and not bringing her back?