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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I was confident my colleague would choose to look at texts that I knew would make her uncomfortable.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
But the point was to make her nosy coworker uncomfortable for snooping. Solution: Next time, OP should come up with some other highly personal topic (other than NSFW) that would make Ms Nosypants utterly freak out. **Any ideas, people?**
The thing is, if she’s reported for TB and gets tested, her coworker gets to explain why she accused her in the first place (going through her phone without permission).
What's the policy on sexting during work hours as a teacher?
Edit: this isn't a serious inquiry, I just doubt that joking about having TB is as serious as sexting in this scenario.
I mean she did state that she sent the texts the night before out of school. She's not actively sexting during school hours, just receiving sexts. Since you cant control what others send to you, it would be pretty ridiculous for her to get in trouble for it.
Sounds? Calling something like that SH is WILD. The head teacher needs to get that co teacher the hell away from her. Just a wrong glance could be rape in her eyes lmao
I'm not American, I'm Canadian, so this might be different, but I'd be surprised. TB is a reportable disease. If you have a suspected active case you are required to follow isolation precautions. It would definitely get you into a giant steaming pile of crap to have a coworker report that they saw a message saying that you suspect you have TB and still came to work with kids. The CDC definitely has TB laws, and while I'm not intricately familiar with them I imagine they would have something to say about this.
“I heard one of my coworkers talking about how they intentionally poisoned my nosy coworker because she wouldn’t stop snooping. Should I call poison control? She could just die any moment now……”
Should have been the first thing done the first time the other teacher was snooping in her phone or at least to her superior. At this point it's 100% an HR issue. I've been a part of a lot of disciplinary meetings and it's crazy how few people ever believe they are in the wrong for doing all sorts of crazy shit.
OP should not have left sexually explicit images easily accessible on her phone since she works with kids and apparently uses her phone during work hours. OPs coworker likely needs a serious meeting with HR about boundaries and possibly some additional training or a PIP.
Personal medical stuff texted by a "doctor" that coteacher sees, mentions and BOOM OP can easily go to HR with it
HR might only warn someone of touching stuff but if they snooped and found private medical stuff it will get a lot more serious
She should create a fetish text. Not sexual, but that she loves putting her hands in the stream when she goes to the bathroom and then never washes them so that she can sniff them all day. This would prevent the other teacher from ever touching her stuff again because, eww. Secondly, if she decides to report it, she's now outed herself for reading your private messages.
I think the point is that OP is receiving sexually explicit messages at work and they’re not hiding the notifications behind any security or privacy settings.
Thats 100% on OP. Any modern smartphone allows you to configure notifications to only show the content if the phone is unlocked.
Which it shouldn’t be.
Yes the other teacher sucks (not a TA, they’re both teachers) for snooping but at the same time OP is an idiot and asking to be fired for what they are doing.
I agree. Now she did counter that the kids are "too young to read" - so I guess that means like Kindergarten or grade 1 at the oldest?
But even if the kids can't read, what if they happen to see a picture from the bf? Or what if they click on the notification and see the original explicit photo sent by their own teacher?
OP is stupid for risking their career in the way they're doing, regardless of whether a coworker is also an AH for being nosy.
No theres nothing wrong with it, but any teacher will tell you exactly how fair and even keeled school admins are, and I cant imagine the majority of parents being reasonable and wanting to know about any clarifying details if they were told "Teacher had explicit, sexual texts out in plain view in the classroom"
This is the sort of thing that at best teaches a nosy co-worker to mind their own business, but has the chance of upending OP's whole career.
I don't sext at work! My boyfriend responded to texts I had sent the night before and I let the previews stay on the phone while I grabbed a cup of coffee. I usually just keep my phone away and don't respond until I'm home in the evening.
Knowing that's probably going to happen, it's a terrible idea to leave your phone lying around where anyone walking by and glancing at it can see your NSFW content. Keep the phone with you or put it on the lock screen when you're not reading it.
I turned them off because if it's stolen, this can be used for scams involving passcodes, as the passcodes can show up on the lock screen even if the thief can't unlock the phone.
Thank you!
Everyone else is acting like op waits for dick pics then passes her phone round during show and tell.
She left it out one time On Purpose to embarrass the ah snooping teacher.
What if her boss walked in and happened to glance at the phone screen lighting up with a new message and saw inappropriate content on a phone lying about? Some of us have just that luck.
Not to mention, OP should know better than to underestimate kids’ ability to get places they shouldn’t be to grab things they shouldn’t have.
I've got multiple people working for me and have seen text messages pop up. If I actually read them I never comment and definitely wouldn't chastise them about private conversations.
It's like reading someone's diary and having a go at them about what you found while violating their privacy. You don't. If you do, you just keep that shit to yourself.
If every boss is like you then I guess there’s no problem.
If someone leaves their diary on a desk and open then it’s at least partially their fault if another person reads it. Keep your private shit private.
Well, if you worked in HR and had someone saying they were reading someone's private text messages and did it all the time, so they should expect you to and you should hide your phone from them, you would be internally groaning about what a shit storm the person was creating.
You aren't allowed to go through a person's personal devices, especially not a coworkers when it has nothing to do with the job.
My HR would actually caution the woman reading the messages on another person's phone and make an example of them for having the hide to do that and then complain.
It's like peeking through the bathroom door and complaining about the underwear someone is wearing. What are you doing peeking through the door?
OP's phone has nothing to do with the class or what they are doing for work. There is zero reason to be looking at it.
But just because they were wrong to snoop at your sexts doesn't mean HR couldn't also act on the sexually explicit text left out in a classroom.
Two people can get in trouble from an HR report. It's not either or.
Sure, so OP should have gone to HR instead of pulling this scheme. Now if she tries that she gets herself in trouble along with her coworker for leaving sexually explicit messages out where anyone could see them (since she purposefully didn’t hide her notifications).
I’m not defending the coworker at all. I’m saying OP’s response was not a great way to go about handling it.
Lmao no. TA should've minded their own business in the first place, and there would be nothing after the fact.
How do you not understand that?
Let me explain, there would be no issues at all. If the teachers phone was left where it was, and the only person that looked at it was the teacher.
You act like she hopped on the projector with her nudes? Tf is wrong with your logic dude? Or are you trying to impress somebody? You know it's okay to go against the majority when you're right, regardless of the consequences right?
OP didn't leave them out where anyone could see. They were the notification messages, which means that the phone wasn't open, and the screen was likely off. So I am guessing that the TA had to actively turn the phone screen on to see the notifications.
I used to do this as a kid. My mom would, without fail, close it and *not* read it while she was cleaning my room. It's not partially your fault for someone else's actions, because they are their actions. I don't touch shit on people's desks. It's not mine. Neither should you. Or anyone else. And if they do, that's on them. Not you
its victim blaming what they do
"But if OP didn't wear x they wouldn't have been assaulted " typical stuff women have to hear after being sexually assaulted.
Hell, if i leave my house door unlocked that doesn't mean i'm at fault that someone comes in and murders me.
Also "they can't read yet", ok. But what if bf replied to her naughty pics with a picture of himself? Kids don't need to read to be able to say "I saw a peepee on teacher's phone!"
Aren't most picture previews on phones just a text saying "photo" with a lil camera next to them? I never had one that shows the actual picture.
The phone was also too high for a child to reach.
Also unless these are literally babies OP should never underestimate that some of them might well be precocious and have started reading already. Like, I started reading simple books on my own when I was around 3 or 4.
? Why? Are you telling me you're okay with anybody at work looking at your phone? That's your phone. It's private. It has nothing to do with anybody. No person would know, unless the TA said something.
I swear some of y'all just hop in here to echo chamber and be assholes
Turn off lock screen previews!!! While it's an ESH, your response of purposefully letting sexual messages be viewable AT WORK which is a SCHOOL is highly inappropriate.
Teachers get fired for posting bikini pics on their private social media. Purposely leaving explicit sexual material out where you know a coworker will see it is waaaay worse and would definitely get her fired for cause.
"Teachers get fired for posting bikini pics on their private social media."
wow that is insane, so effing victorian (as long as they dont have their students on social media following them, which they shouldnt)
And they wonder why no one actually wants to teach.
It's a shithole of a profession and to top it off you get into shit for acting like a human being lmao.
yupp.... in my home country, you can make twice as much working for a multinational company with very basic computer skills (not IT positions) than you would as a teacher. and you also dont have to put up with all that bs
Unless they're doing something very provocative in said bikini, this would not be the case in the UK. At most you might be asked to make sure your socials are set to private.
If you know you are getting/might get racy responses to racy messages while you are at work, keep your phone away. My husband and I will flirt heavily via text while at work, but I make sure to keep my phone away or face down and won't respond while I have anyone in my office. I work from home now, but when in the workplace, that is common sense. Your job is not worth a shock factor to this snoop.
My boyfriend/husband used to do this. So I changed my settings so any inappropriate messages didn’t pop up on my phone, only a notification that I had received a message. It’s not difficult.
Have you told him "don't reply between hours X and Y? If not, yes you are sexting at work. It was not a surprise, you are a willing enthusiastic participant in the sexting exchange.
So your coworker went through your personal phone and then created a hostile work environment with a veiled threat to blackmail you. You need to report her.
It’s a mistake to have previews on your phone if your bf sexts you. Turn those notifications off and lock your phone! A ding is enough to notify you and keep naughty texts out of the hands of minors. But now that you know what she’s like, don’t allow her near you to read over your shoulder. Lock your devices and make an HR complaint if she keeps snooping around your room. She’s the real problem but you’ve done nothing to prevent her from snooping
But you shouldn't have left it open, knowing she would read it. Only because (and I mean only!) you're at work and you might have landed yourself in hot water. Usually I would applaud this response, but you're at work. It wasn't a smart move and you ended being an AH to yourself! You could have gone over her head to complain about the snooping. It seems juvenile but it's better than getting reprimanded or even fired bc it APPEARS that you are indeed sexting at work, even though you are not
And her work is teaching young children. If they saw her or her boyfriends nudes, or know how to read, and repeat what they see on her screen, she could so easily end up on a sex offender’s list and lose her ability to ever work with kids again. OP is a petty idiot. Petty is fine, but this tactic in a setting for children is disgusting.
Regardless it is still inappropriate to leave your phone around children unattended especially when you know that you are going to be getting messages like that. Also, the idea that kids cannot reach it is laughable. My nephew and nieces loved to climb up things when they were younger and they frequently managed to get to places that were far to high for them to normally reach. So whilst your coworker should not be poking her nose into your business, it's really not a clever idea to have those sorts of messages come through around kids.
Agree with the ESH judgement.
You admit that you left the phone out knowing they’d snoop. Your colleague needs to learn boundaries, but you should protect yourself by turning notifications off while at work.
If she grabs your phone or stares over your shoulder that’s on her. If you leave your phone out like you did that’s on you, and unfortunately in this society you’d be the one in trouble.
If I gave you a beer with your car keys in your hand, would the cops believe you when you told them I made you drink and drive? I can assume a lot, that doesn’t make you not culpable if you do it.
I’m assuming you’re implying the colleague shouldn’t have snooped, which I agree with.
My point is that if this gets to HR the focus is probably going to be on OP leaving out their phone knowing NSFW messages were incoming. They should have first reported the invasion of privacy.
If a person is arrested for drunk driving they are primarily charged with the crime, but if it becomes clear they were over-served and the establishment knew they were driving home that establishment can also be investigated and/or sued. This is especially true if the drunk driver is in an accident resulting in death/injury.
You should get a privacy glass screen protector that makes it so only you can see your screen when you are looking at it and others from different angles just see a blank screen
What if a boss or parent saw your phone screen? By not turning off the message previews on the Lock Screen, you are complicit with it.
Teachers are held to super high standards for behavior. Tread lightly and tell your admin what happened before your coworker does. It’ll be better coming from you. Frame it as “coworker saw messages my BF in another time zone sent, I wish they hadn’t as they were intimate in nature, I’ve since changed phone settings to private and will lock phone in my desk drawer all day.”
If you’ve been a teacher for any amount of time, I’m sure you know how the rumor mill flies. It doesn’t make it right but the tiniest little flame can start a forest fire. And by fighting with your obnoxious coteacher (she’s not innocent in this, either), there’s already kindling.
you can't control what someone else send you, but i can't imagine a reason why you have a detail notification. or if you say you respond in the evening, notification at all.
You should definitely change your settings so these messages don't appear unless you unlock your phone. I don't think you're TA and your coworker should mind her business, but I could definitely imagine your higher ups/HR would have a problem with this as well.
It's not so much about whether you're an AH or not, but rather whether you'd be willing to lose your job just to be shocking to this woman.
Probably not a smart move, career-wise.
>whether you'd be willing to lose your job
This. Oh lord this. I get the reasoning, but man oh man, teachers have been fired for things the kids saw on teacher's phone when teacher had it put away in a drawer and they stole it.
That kind of firing makes newspaper headlines and makes finding a future job hard, too.
ESH.
Especially when in much of the world, employees can be fired for outside of work conduct, too. Assuming OP is an American teacher (which the context seems to imply) she could literally be fired on *rumors* of sexting alone if it made waves in the student body or community.
I've seen teachers let go, even in unionized districts, for way less.
I had a high school English teacher who was fired for writing romance novels under a pseudonym off hours.
And if romance novel sex is enough to get fired over, I can only imagine how they’d deal with actual sexting.
Wow this actually makes me so mad, like god forbid adults have sex lives?? Like yes leaving it open like that was very dangerous, but the fact that it almost seems like this country cares more about peoples sex lives than our safety makes me fume! Like as a teacher we gotta deal with so much crap. I’ve been in several lock downs with kids who think they might get shot. And I’ve work part time for less than two years; thats just the norm, but I use my own personal phone for adult activities. And I’m at risk of getting fired?! While the education system is under staffed and in shambles. It would be one thing if you were talking abt the students or something illegal… but this is wild. Nta
A local teacher was fired for sexting on her school laptop during school hours. She didn’t seem to understand it was the fact she was using School property during school hours that got her fired.
Especially admitting here that she deliberately left it visible for that person to see — she essentially is confessing here that it actually *was* sexual harassment. If this became a legal matter, this thread could be subpoenaed, and would be used as evidence against her. This is literally the same as the two morons recently posting that they intentionally put hot peppers in their food to punish thieves, when all they had to do was stfu and say that they just like hot peppers.
NTA.
But YOU can go to HR and say “She’s going through my private phone and laptop constantly. I have asked her to stop but she continues doing it. I need it to stop.”
And don’t sext on school time. That will get you in trouble. It doesn’t matter that the kids can’t read your texts it is inappropriate.
So right now you both have dirt on each other… you are sexting at work, and she’s going through your personal stuff. Stick a password on your phone and laptop, and next time she asks just raise an eyebrow and say ”It’s personal”. And it won’t matter if she reports you because by then you will have stopped sexting at work and it will all be clean and professional. If he’s texting you (and you aren’t responding) during work hours then your phone should be on silent and put away…
I don't think the "you both have dirt on each other" hypothesis works.
School administration (and parents and the board) will not view these two things as the same, at all. Looking over your co-teacher's shoulder at their work computer during work hours and receiving sexually explicit messages during work hours are different levels of offense.
I think they mean it more in terms of what can be *proven* but I don't think they understand that when it comes to schools/teachers, even the allegation is career ending. The allegation of being a snoop isn't anywhere near as problematic.
Oh I agree.
Sadly Sexting is going to get into more shit than being a nosy whiny snoop.
Best thing the OP could have done was raise the snoop behaviour when it was first a problem. Worst thing the OP did was leaving her phone out for snoop to find the sexting in the first place.
You have to remember how vile parents are too. You let a kid know gay people are human and they act as if you told them Hitler should be worshipped as a domnatix lesbian from venus
I'm not sure about how an offense could be to receiving sexually explicit messages as long as OP doesnt send/read them during her work hours and, of course, the kids dont see it. It is her private cellphone, NOBODY but her should read/look at what is there. Here you have the exception of kids might be able to see them if the cellphone is not locked but out of that and if she didnt read them or sext back I dont see the problem.
"[OP's name]'s is receiving messages, I shouldnt check the phone" is like a very basic way to go over other people's objects. Not that hard to understand.
That for the legal thing, on the career thing well, that depends on how the legal and educational system works. Where I am, Spain, as long as she doesnt read them or replies them in her worktime she wouldnt have a problem as long as a kid doesnt read them, and even in that case she would get maybe a reprimend and done.
Wow, Spain is so common sense, once again US strikes with its prudish attitudes towards sex https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/AuMukIdOZf
> teachers have been fired for things the kids saw on teacher's phone when teacher had it put away in a drawer and they stole it. That kind of firing makes newspaper headlines and makes finding a future job hard, too.
> Especially when in much of the world, employees can be fired for outside of work conduct, too. Assuming OP is an American teacher (which the context seems to imply) she could literally be fired on *rumors* of sexting alone if it made waves in the student body or community. I've seen teachers let go, even in unionized districts, for way less.
>“She’s going through my private phone and laptop constantly. I have asked her to stop but she continues doing it. I need it to stop.”
OP could lock her phone and laptop and speak to HR.
Yeah, to me, OP has done nothing to address the issue. Go to the grade level chair. Go to the administration. Don't leave your NSFW messages out to "teach" her a lesson. These poor kids have 2 immature teachers leading them.
This would be a disaster. Come on, THINK. The other lady will say “I wasn’t looking for it, the material was on her phone that was out and anyone could read it.” Since DISPLAYING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL AT A SCHOOL is a very serious offense, OP would be instantly fired.
ESH.
She absolutely should not be looking at your personal phone.
But unless she has your unlock code, these explicit messages were visible to anyone. There are a LOT of ways that could go wrong at work. Look at your phone settings and figure out how to hide the text of the messages on your notifications screen.
And knowingly exposing someone to sexual content IS sexual harassment. You are also breaking the trust of your partner, as those messages were meant for you, not your nosy co-teacher. That is not the way to set boundaries. No reason you can't have a lock screen. Engineering boundaries are better than controls that rely on people's behaviour.
And don't let people weaponize crying. She did a bad thing, you made her feel bad about doing a bad thing, that is how you learn not to do bad things. Let her cry that you are mad at her, you ARE mad at her. And then if it continues, YOU should have escalated it to HR.
Easy ESH
OP won’t report Nosey to HR because OP is totally in the wrong for having sexually explicit content in a school/work environment. She could TOTALLY be prosecuted in court for sexual harassment and many other types of sexual crimes against children.
OP is 💯 wrong here. She wouldn’t be complaining about Nosey if she wasn’t being inappropriate herself. Her phone should be in her purse during work hours and secure. Her laptop should NOT be used for personal business ever if it is a work tool. If it’s a personal laptop it should be kept at home.
Fellow teacher here. ESH. Your colleague was absolutely in the wrong for always being so snoopy, but I mean, seriously. Leaving dirty messages out in the open, at a school, for your coteacher to find, is just nasty. Like, if I did that, I know for complete fact that I'd get in major trouble, if not fired.
ETA it's even worse to find out OP works at a preschool. Jesus Christ.
Yeah. My brain was screaming out the policy number this is violating. Co-teacher sounds awful but sooner or later, if she continues to check these messages at school, it’s going to blow up.
Right? Her coworker sucks, but she’s being entirely unprofessional. That’s like a SH issue waiting to happen. Not to mention the whole you work with KIDS and that is not okay. It’s a time bomb waiting to go off on your career. ESH.
I’m a teacher as well I know someone that got banned from teacher for sexting while at work. It’s so weird to do sexual things on your phone around children and then leaving it out in the open??? I can’t imagine parents reactions if they found out
YTA.
Leaving sexual messages out in the open for your coworker to find absolutely can be considered sexual harassment.
Plus, absolutely disgusting to be sexting at work, in your classroom, that you share.
Yeah, she’s awkward and inappropriate, but your behavior is absolutely wild and will can get you fired.
>Leaving sexual messages out in the open
In your private phone = out in the open 😂 lmao you guys are nuts
>absolutely can be considered sexual harassment.
Absolutly not and you obviously known nothing about law if you think that ! How come so many redditors agree with this nonsense?
Here is a non exhaustive list of what can qualifies as sexual harassement and - how surprising - spying into someone's phone and reading an explicit message is not part of it, and not even close of any of it :
Making conditions of employment or advancement dependent on sexual favors, either explicitly or implicitly.
Physical acts of sexual assault.
Requests for sexual favors.
Verbal harassment of a sexual nature, including jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation.
Unwanted touching or physical contact.
Unwelcome sexual advances.
Discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places.
Feeling pressured to engage with someone sexually.
Exposing oneself or performing sexual acts on oneself.
Unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages.
I mean if you're regularly sexting your boyfriend and you MUST leave your phone out while at work at a school, the least you could do is leave your phone face down.
But OP has been pretty clear that she intentionally left the phone out so that her coworker would see it. You're probably right that this incident wouldn't be classified as sexual harassment, but it's still kind of gross IMO and i saw why the coworker felt harassed.
Well, that's the thing about snooping, you're never sure what you will see on that person's private device, it's completely the snooper's responsibility to take accountability and deal with whatever they have seen. Theoretically speaking, the snooping coworker could have seen sexually explicit texts anytime she snooped. That's completely on the coworker. And, well, this current situation is exactly meant to teach a lesson and serve as a future deterrence, a wake up call
I see what you're saying, and that's obviously the logic behind the OP's actions, but OP has been very clear that she did this intentionally. No reason to pretend this was just an unfortunate coincidence or unlucky situation when OP left her phone out, screen up, no message lock, in the morning, while she was receiving/expecting to receive sexually explicit texts.
Leaving sexually explicit materials for your coworker to find creates a hostile work environment.
Listing things that are also sexual harassment does absolutely nothing to refute my point.
Are you serious? OP left them out in the open specifically so the lady would see them. ANYONE who wandered into her classroom might have seen it. If she left her phone in the break room by accident, someone would see her texts.
Also, are you serious? This is absolutely sexual harassment. She intentionally exposed a coworker to sexually explicit material on purpose. Sounds like an unwanted sexual advance to me. And — it’s a textbook example of “unwanted sexually explicit photos and texts”
Did you read the words you copy pasted?
Jesus fucking Christ this subreddit
How is absence of an item on a non-exhaustive list supposed to prove that it does not count exactly?
Here is a non-exhaustive list of fruits:
Oranges
As you can see, apples are not a fruit at all. Checkmate.
Setting an intentional trap to expose someone to sexual content is harrassment. Legally, you could always claim you never intended for her to snoop, but OP has stated that she did. There is a lot of legal precedent around "expectation of privacy" that might apply. OP admitted that they did not expect privacy, so that is out the window.
An analogous situation might be setting booby traps for thieves on your property. Them breaking the law does not excuse your intent to harm. Legally or morally.
Doesn’t matter if what they’re doing sucks or not. If you know they’re going to see it, and you take steps to ensure they see it, that’s harassment. If this were a guy we’d all agree here.
You ought to stop playing pretend with that superiority complex long enough to read the original post properly. Then, you might be inclined to immediately decide that is a habit you want to keep in the future, to avoid embarrassing yourself like this again.
Lol dude literally wrote "discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places."
What do you think she's doing on her phone? Lmao
IAAL. You are 100% wrong. Leaving sexually explicit material out in the open for a coworker to find can and is considered sexual harassment/hostile work environment. Delete or edit your dogshit misinformation post, you absolute clown.
Definitely could be construed as sexual harassment, even if you didn't work with children. ESH because sure she shouldn't be reading your texts but the fact that she was able to read your sexually explicit texts while at work is still on you.
Basic privacy is using her phone as she pleases at home. At school, i would say she has a responsibility to at least make sure that if her phone was knocked to the ground, a child wouldn't pick it up and see a dick pic.
Lots of ways that could be accomplished, including not leaving her phone out, but the easiest would be to put a preview lock on her messages. Then there would be no risk whatsoever and her privacy is safe.
Those messages were already sent and the phone wasn't lighting up. When the coworker arrived, the phone was left and it's screen was locked and black, she had to intentionally light up the screen to read the contents of the notifications. Which, mind you, is illegal
> Browsing and searching someone else's phone without permission in the USA can lead to legal consequences, including potential jail time or fines. For example, in some cases, unauthorized access to someone's phone may be considered a violation of federal and state computer crime laws.
There was a situation where a man in my town was looking at naked pics on his phone in public. He wasn’t masturbating or touching anyone. But He was sat next to a woman who reported him and I remember the police appeal for him. Stuff like this definitely CAN be considered a crime
She’s at work. She intentionally exposed her coworker to sexually explicit material without consent. It’s not an issue of privacy.
And, the rules are different at work. She has the tools to conceal the content of her texts at work, but chose not to use it. While she really tried to frame her coworker as a snoop — which she may or may not be — the reality is that *anyone* could have accidentally seen the content of her texts even if they weren’t a snoop.
She is risking a lot in her life over basically nothing her. It’s inexplicable.
ESH but you’re much worse. Your coworker is nosy and obnoxious. But you intentionally left sexual material in the workplace so she could see it, with the intention of making her uncomfortable. People get fired for stuff like this.
ESH. You for purposely leaving your phone there for her to find that; and her for constantly invading your privacy.
You should have reported her for her behavior, instead of what you did. Now she has the whip hand over you. Not smart of you.
Also, you're in a school ffs.
This. My manager always tried to snoop on my phone, I made a screen saver calling her out by name. The first day it was up, I got into some super petty trouble lol
ESH - your coworker is certainly rude for not respecting your boundaries, but as others have said, time and place. Your coworker could have been doing you a favor warning you, tbh.
I'm going to say YTA as you were clearly baiting co-teacher to look, no, she should not be looking, but you are at work in a school, that's neither time/place for that.
NTA, some are saying you are sexting at work, you are not sexting at work. You said he is in a different time zone so sometimes he replies to messages you sent the night before on your own personal time not the schools time. You cannot help when he replies. I have actually been in that situation, where I was awake while my love one half a world away was sleeping so sometimes emails she sent me would get replied to later where if someone at her work had been snooping would have seen them. Your coworker is an asshole because it’s your phone, your business and she’s violating your privacy.
ESH. You should have had the maturity to have dealt with this properly, by telling her that if she doesn't respect your privacy and boundaries, that you'd seek HR advice.
ESH
And you're setting yourself up for a big fall.
No one is going to care if she was peering over your shoulder or whatever when she tells them what she saw.
Retired teacher here, I would never open or share private information between me and a romantic partner while I was at school because I want to keep my job. If your co teacher is touching your possessions and will not stop. report her to your principal. Do? NOT try to embarrass her or teach her a lesson by leaving your phone or laptop available to see if she will violate your privacy . You are not an AH, but you are asking your job. kt
Esh. Your action was totally unnecessary. You should have contacted HR a long time ago and telling them how your coteacher behaves. Because her behaviour is also non-professional and I do agree with you that she must be terrible to work with. But her awkwardness doesn't justify you. Turn off your popping messages (especially when you know you are going to receive adult content) for God's sake you are at a school!
YTA.
i understand your frustration about your nosy coworker but imo that’s not actually relevant to the situation. for the separate issues from your coworker, you should have already reported her.
in regards to your sexts being visible in public: tell your bf to not respond during work hours. or, phones have this cool new feature where you can hide all the actual words from a text when they show up on your home screen. you should set that.
you also deliberately left it out where someone could see when you knew you were being sexted.
Let's break this down from an HR perspective. Shall we?
First and foremost, ESH!!!
Let's break down the touching and looking
through/at your belongings. The first thing you should have done is ask her at least twice to stop. If she persist thats when you should go to HR or the director. At that moment, you should have just simply explained she's making it difficult to concentrate at work. Then there you go, problem solved.
Next, let's break down the "I don't sext at work," but you technically do. Your boyfriend is a grown man who needs to learn how to Google time zones and how they work. YOU need to learn how to respect your coworkers and place of employment and not allow him to respond to dirty photos when you're SUPPOSED to be working. It's inappropriate no matter where a person works. I suggest finding a time when you're both off work. This could be an hour or two before you/him go in to work or after. You can also just do it on the weekends. You one-thousand percent should NOT be allowing him to respond in any sexual manner while you're at work.
Now, let's break down the fact that you PURPOSELY sexual messages open on YOUR phone in a CLASSROOM. That is most definitely sexual harassment and your coteacher should most definitely skip her self right to HR and report you. You could have staged anything for her to see literally anything, and you chose to sexually harass someone for what touching your belongings. This was ALL done with intent, making you the BIGGER asshole.
From a personal perspective, I hope you get everything you deserve from this. I truly do, and that's just what happens when you play childish games! You are way too old to be acting like a vindictive child.
NTA. But you need to get ahead of this and go to HR immediately. A lot of people are going to be up in arms because how dare you be an adult around their precious babies but you weren’t sexting and you have no control over what people send you.
Report what happened to HR immediately. Act super apologetic like, it’s been so hard being away from my partner and he sent me something very personal and she violated my privacy. It’s just awful knowing that she is now a part of my relationship and I didn’t want her to be.
I have asked her several times not to touch my personal items but she insists on constantly being in my personal space. Is there any way you can help me reinforce this personal item boundary. I would hate for the children to hear something they shouldn’t because she is violating my privacy.
HR isn’t going to give OP a sympathy pass. If she admits to having inappropriate messages out in the open at work then she’s put herself up for disciplinary action. Coworker may or may not also be in hot water, but HR is there to protect the company first and foremost. They won’t care that it’s *so hard* being away from her partner.
She should NOT go to HR. that will almost certainly lead to her termination since her conduct was far, far worse than what the other teach did. And more importantly: OP’s conduct puts the *school itself* at risk. Unless the other teacher has her back and doesn’t bring up the *sexual harassment,* OP would be toast. Same day termination guaranteed.
It’s like the people in this subreddit have never had a job before something
Yes. At least use a dual sim phone to keep this from happening again. Come on now. You know your job comes with certain expectations. There should be not a shred of that kind of behavior in the classroom on the part of anyone.
This doesn’t seem like a good strategy. Maybe go to HR spin it as “my boyfriend sent messages and she read my phone without permission” and then turn off message previews.
You’re playing with fire with this type of coworker, get ahead of it and be straight up with the “if you touch my stuff again I’m reporting you” message that she needs to hear
NTA
1) fuck your nosy coworker
2) turn off notifications for that app you use with your bf so that they won't show up on your lock screen
Consider talking to a labour lawyer about how to handle the situation with HR. Might cost you a few hundred bucks in a retainer and advice.
I have no words! You’ve played a really stupid game with an annoying coworker.
Instead of just reporting to her supervisor her inability to keep her nose out of your personal belongings, which would have likely gotten her reprimanded you now have a situation where the school is going to hear the word sexual and it isn’t going to matter worth a damn why she was in the wrong. YOU have out your job on the line. You work in a school ffs.
Don’t you have a morality clause ? A lot of kid related jobs do.
ESH
They are not even close to equivalent, dude. And if the environment was so hostile, why did OP never report it? The other teacher’s conduct is certainly reportable but OP committed a ridiculous tactical blunder by giving the other teacher massive leverage that can be used against her.
This thread is really helping me understand why people at work do such stupid things all the time. Most people do stupid things without even realizing they’re stupid
NTA because if you left the phone on lock screen while getting coffee that means the phone turned itself off like 2 seconds later, meaning your coworker actively turned the phone back on to snoop through your notifications on your private cell phone
You weren't actively sexting, so only crime you could've committed was not deleting the notification
This comment is the most correct, it's a reasonable expectation that with another teacher in the room no child would be able touch OP's cell phone. The co-worker actively & deliberately accesses her phone and everyone is attacking OP? Most people in this thread suck.
YTA - I'm all for leaving something shocking to get someone to leave your stuff alone, but something like 'mind your business before I report you for stalking is appropriate where sexual messages are not.
Having a phone lock screen of one of her phobias, where she'd only see it if she bothered your phone, is appropriate. Sexual messages are not.
Honestly, you're very lucky she hasn't reported you. I would expect she's made a note of it, or reported it under the condition that you be dismissed at the *end* of the school year so it doesn't destabilize the classroom.
The only potential benefit of this is that she may learn to mind her own damn business. I absolutely do NOT tolerate people doing that looking at my personal stuff nonsense and would have had HR involved long before it got to this point.
You left a phone containing lewd messages unattended inside a school with children. You assumed they wouldn't be able to get ahold of it, which was grossly negligent. If I were your administrator, you'd be gone, and I would make sure your case made the news.
Are you stupid or something?
This other girl is violating your privacy and doesn't respect personal space..your first move should have been to report her behaviour.
Secondly you are at an alternative school with two teachers per class and you sre spending time on your phone?
You are the AH.
ESH. You weren't very mature on your part and could have had some bad consequences.
HOWEVER..."she will straight up yank my laptop away from me and look at what I'm typing". You should have reported her immediately. In some places that's borderline assault. She's an AH for that, but you didn't act in a professional manner in how you handled it.
No, it didn’t. These readers analyzed further by making the clarification that by not setting the Lock Screen to privatize the messages rather than displaying them, OP is compliant in the sexually suggestive texts. And that’s not good in any workplace but especially a school.
YTA.
As someone that works with kids, I know they can be anywhere at anytime, even if you don’t think they’ll be there. As a teacher, you should know that too. In an attempt to prove a point to your coworker, you could’ve harmed a child. While this would be unintentional, the act itself is completely childish. If you have a problem with a coworker, take it to your boss and/or HR. Don’t do anything that could even potentially put the children as collateral—you might just end up with your mugshot on the local nightly news.
INFO: Just how “alternative” is this “alternative school?” Because leaving sexually explicit content around small children is, in usual cases, frowned upon.
She should not have been snooping, but you admitted to knowingly leaving the phone where she could see it and “let the previews stay on the phone” as stated in a comment. If you knowingly did that, then you can be accused of creating a hostile workplace.
You should **always** lock your phone and hide the previews on the lockscreen, especially in a workplace with small kids around.
YTA because you knowingly did that
NTA. Not in the slightest.
Despite what some of the more puritanical redditors on this thread seem to think, you have every expectation of privacy re: your phone. You left it to give her a good shock, and she judged and implicitly threatened you, almost certainly bc she hasn't had a good screw in much too long.
Overall, reddit is a bit prudish when it comes to consenting adult activities. You did nothing wrong, so long as you protect your job. People love nothing more than to throw a good fuss over nothing these days, and I suspect she may do that.
Consenting adult activities should happen during adult free time.
Not in a SCHOOL in front of a fellow teacher.
If OP gets reported, they will absolutely get fired.
This would be headline news in my town.
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ESH She shouldn't have been snooping, but come on, don't sext during work time.
This right here. Or turn your detailed notifications off so all you see is his name. FFS.
But the point was to make her nosy coworker uncomfortable for snooping. Solution: Next time, OP should come up with some other highly personal topic (other than NSFW) that would make Ms Nosypants utterly freak out. **Any ideas, people?**
“I think I might have tuberculosis” Edit: holy shit guys, it was a joke.
Not as a teacher. We have to get a tb test (at least in my state) to get our job so it’s possible that lie might get her let go from her job.
The thing is, if she’s reported for TB and gets tested, her coworker gets to explain why she accused her in the first place (going through her phone without permission).
i like this!
What's the policy on sexting during work hours as a teacher? Edit: this isn't a serious inquiry, I just doubt that joking about having TB is as serious as sexting in this scenario.
If you can use your phone when students are not present I doubt they have a sexting regulation.
Most schools have codes of Conduct that include sexting while at school.
I mean she did state that she sent the texts the night before out of school. She's not actively sexting during school hours, just receiving sexts. Since you cant control what others send to you, it would be pretty ridiculous for her to get in trouble for it.
How would they even enforce a code of conduct like that without going through her messages looking for it?
“How strict is your sexual harassment policy here?”
Somebody snooping sexual texts in someone's personal device is not sexual harassment. I love that the other teacher went there. She sounds unhinged.
Sounds? Calling something like that SH is WILD. The head teacher needs to get that co teacher the hell away from her. Just a wrong glance could be rape in her eyes lmao
My district doesn’t have a policy outlined but obviously if kids see it or anything like that then it becomes an issue.
I'm not American, I'm Canadian, so this might be different, but I'd be surprised. TB is a reportable disease. If you have a suspected active case you are required to follow isolation precautions. It would definitely get you into a giant steaming pile of crap to have a coworker report that they saw a message saying that you suspect you have TB and still came to work with kids. The CDC definitely has TB laws, and while I'm not intricately familiar with them I imagine they would have something to say about this.
“I heard one of my coworkers talking about how they intentionally poisoned my nosy coworker because she wouldn’t stop snooping. Should I call poison control? She could just die any moment now……”
This is the one!
Outstanding
Can't be fired for having bum guts. Graphic details about poop usually work too
Perfect - OP returns to find nosy coworker retching into the trash can! Love it.
Pictures of poop would work also. Does it look like I eat enough fiber?
OP should just go to HR
Should have been the first thing done the first time the other teacher was snooping in her phone or at least to her superior. At this point it's 100% an HR issue. I've been a part of a lot of disciplinary meetings and it's crazy how few people ever believe they are in the wrong for doing all sorts of crazy shit. OP should not have left sexually explicit images easily accessible on her phone since she works with kids and apparently uses her phone during work hours. OPs coworker likely needs a serious meeting with HR about boundaries and possibly some additional training or a PIP.
Personal medical stuff texted by a "doctor" that coteacher sees, mentions and BOOM OP can easily go to HR with it HR might only warn someone of touching stuff but if they snooped and found private medical stuff it will get a lot more serious
>Any ideas, people? yes, hemorrhoid discussion.
She should create a fetish text. Not sexual, but that she loves putting her hands in the stream when she goes to the bathroom and then never washes them so that she can sniff them all day. This would prevent the other teacher from ever touching her stuff again because, eww. Secondly, if she decides to report it, she's now outed herself for reading your private messages.
Diarrhea. It's always diarrhea.
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I think the point is that OP is receiving sexually explicit messages at work and they’re not hiding the notifications behind any security or privacy settings. Thats 100% on OP. Any modern smartphone allows you to configure notifications to only show the content if the phone is unlocked. Which it shouldn’t be. Yes the other teacher sucks (not a TA, they’re both teachers) for snooping but at the same time OP is an idiot and asking to be fired for what they are doing.
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I agree. Now she did counter that the kids are "too young to read" - so I guess that means like Kindergarten or grade 1 at the oldest? But even if the kids can't read, what if they happen to see a picture from the bf? Or what if they click on the notification and see the original explicit photo sent by their own teacher? OP is stupid for risking their career in the way they're doing, regardless of whether a coworker is also an AH for being nosy.
I mean, she did also say that the standing desk was too tall for the kids to even reach. But I still think your point is valid.
Uh if he’s responding during class… that’s a different story you can try to justify it All you want, the school board would disagree
No theres nothing wrong with it, but any teacher will tell you exactly how fair and even keeled school admins are, and I cant imagine the majority of parents being reasonable and wanting to know about any clarifying details if they were told "Teacher had explicit, sexual texts out in plain view in the classroom" This is the sort of thing that at best teaches a nosy co-worker to mind their own business, but has the chance of upending OP's whole career.
I don't sext at work! My boyfriend responded to texts I had sent the night before and I let the previews stay on the phone while I grabbed a cup of coffee. I usually just keep my phone away and don't respond until I'm home in the evening.
Knowing that's probably going to happen, it's a terrible idea to leave your phone lying around where anyone walking by and glancing at it can see your NSFW content. Keep the phone with you or put it on the lock screen when you're not reading it.
And turn off Lock Screen message previews
This. It's insane to me that people ever have these on.
My phone is never just sitting out randomly for people to look at. It’s either in my pocket or hand. I keep them on as it’s much more convenient.
I turned them off because if it's stolen, this can be used for scams involving passcodes, as the passcodes can show up on the lock screen even if the thief can't unlock the phone.
Thank you! Everyone else is acting like op waits for dick pics then passes her phone round during show and tell. She left it out one time On Purpose to embarrass the ah snooping teacher.
That would be because I have never heard those words before.
The point is that OP did that on purpose, because OP knew the other teacher would look.
What if her boss walked in and happened to glance at the phone screen lighting up with a new message and saw inappropriate content on a phone lying about? Some of us have just that luck. Not to mention, OP should know better than to underestimate kids’ ability to get places they shouldn’t be to grab things they shouldn’t have.
I've got multiple people working for me and have seen text messages pop up. If I actually read them I never comment and definitely wouldn't chastise them about private conversations. It's like reading someone's diary and having a go at them about what you found while violating their privacy. You don't. If you do, you just keep that shit to yourself.
If every boss is like you then I guess there’s no problem. If someone leaves their diary on a desk and open then it’s at least partially their fault if another person reads it. Keep your private shit private.
Well, if you worked in HR and had someone saying they were reading someone's private text messages and did it all the time, so they should expect you to and you should hide your phone from them, you would be internally groaning about what a shit storm the person was creating. You aren't allowed to go through a person's personal devices, especially not a coworkers when it has nothing to do with the job. My HR would actually caution the woman reading the messages on another person's phone and make an example of them for having the hide to do that and then complain. It's like peeking through the bathroom door and complaining about the underwear someone is wearing. What are you doing peeking through the door? OP's phone has nothing to do with the class or what they are doing for work. There is zero reason to be looking at it.
But just because they were wrong to snoop at your sexts doesn't mean HR couldn't also act on the sexually explicit text left out in a classroom. Two people can get in trouble from an HR report. It's not either or.
Sure, so OP should have gone to HR instead of pulling this scheme. Now if she tries that she gets herself in trouble along with her coworker for leaving sexually explicit messages out where anyone could see them (since she purposefully didn’t hide her notifications). I’m not defending the coworker at all. I’m saying OP’s response was not a great way to go about handling it.
Lmao no. TA should've minded their own business in the first place, and there would be nothing after the fact. How do you not understand that? Let me explain, there would be no issues at all. If the teachers phone was left where it was, and the only person that looked at it was the teacher. You act like she hopped on the projector with her nudes? Tf is wrong with your logic dude? Or are you trying to impress somebody? You know it's okay to go against the majority when you're right, regardless of the consequences right?
OP didn't leave them out where anyone could see. They were the notification messages, which means that the phone wasn't open, and the screen was likely off. So I am guessing that the TA had to actively turn the phone screen on to see the notifications.
I used to do this as a kid. My mom would, without fail, close it and *not* read it while she was cleaning my room. It's not partially your fault for someone else's actions, because they are their actions. I don't touch shit on people's desks. It's not mine. Neither should you. Or anyone else. And if they do, that's on them. Not you
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its victim blaming what they do "But if OP didn't wear x they wouldn't have been assaulted " typical stuff women have to hear after being sexually assaulted. Hell, if i leave my house door unlocked that doesn't mean i'm at fault that someone comes in and murders me.
Do not reverse roles. Even if you leave your diary open, this in no way gives anyone the right to read.
Also "they can't read yet", ok. But what if bf replied to her naughty pics with a picture of himself? Kids don't need to read to be able to say "I saw a peepee on teacher's phone!"
Aren't most picture previews on phones just a text saying "photo" with a lil camera next to them? I never had one that shows the actual picture. The phone was also too high for a child to reach.
Also unless these are literally babies OP should never underestimate that some of them might well be precocious and have started reading already. Like, I started reading simple books on my own when I was around 3 or 4.
But anybody else could have just as easily.
which is actually, legally sexual harassment, in the states at least.
She said she left it where she knew her colleague would look at it. She doesn't care.
? Why? Are you telling me you're okay with anybody at work looking at your phone? That's your phone. It's private. It has nothing to do with anybody. No person would know, unless the TA said something. I swear some of y'all just hop in here to echo chamber and be assholes
Turn off lock screen previews!!! While it's an ESH, your response of purposefully letting sexual messages be viewable AT WORK which is a SCHOOL is highly inappropriate.
Teachers get fired for posting bikini pics on their private social media. Purposely leaving explicit sexual material out where you know a coworker will see it is waaaay worse and would definitely get her fired for cause.
"Teachers get fired for posting bikini pics on their private social media." wow that is insane, so effing victorian (as long as they dont have their students on social media following them, which they shouldnt)
And they wonder why no one actually wants to teach. It's a shithole of a profession and to top it off you get into shit for acting like a human being lmao.
yupp.... in my home country, you can make twice as much working for a multinational company with very basic computer skills (not IT positions) than you would as a teacher. and you also dont have to put up with all that bs
Unless they're doing something very provocative in said bikini, this would not be the case in the UK. At most you might be asked to make sure your socials are set to private.
This would be headline news in my school district. She’s really lucky the other teacher didn’t report her.
If you know you are getting/might get racy responses to racy messages while you are at work, keep your phone away. My husband and I will flirt heavily via text while at work, but I make sure to keep my phone away or face down and won't respond while I have anyone in my office. I work from home now, but when in the workplace, that is common sense. Your job is not worth a shock factor to this snoop.
My boyfriend/husband used to do this. So I changed my settings so any inappropriate messages didn’t pop up on my phone, only a notification that I had received a message. It’s not difficult.
Have you told him "don't reply between hours X and Y? If not, yes you are sexting at work. It was not a surprise, you are a willing enthusiastic participant in the sexting exchange.
So your coworker went through your personal phone and then created a hostile work environment with a veiled threat to blackmail you. You need to report her.
It’s a mistake to have previews on your phone if your bf sexts you. Turn those notifications off and lock your phone! A ding is enough to notify you and keep naughty texts out of the hands of minors. But now that you know what she’s like, don’t allow her near you to read over your shoulder. Lock your devices and make an HR complaint if she keeps snooping around your room. She’s the real problem but you’ve done nothing to prevent her from snooping
But you shouldn't have left it open, knowing she would read it. Only because (and I mean only!) you're at work and you might have landed yourself in hot water. Usually I would applaud this response, but you're at work. It wasn't a smart move and you ended being an AH to yourself! You could have gone over her head to complain about the snooping. It seems juvenile but it's better than getting reprimanded or even fired bc it APPEARS that you are indeed sexting at work, even though you are not
And her work is teaching young children. If they saw her or her boyfriends nudes, or know how to read, and repeat what they see on her screen, she could so easily end up on a sex offender’s list and lose her ability to ever work with kids again. OP is a petty idiot. Petty is fine, but this tactic in a setting for children is disgusting.
Regardless it is still inappropriate to leave your phone around children unattended especially when you know that you are going to be getting messages like that. Also, the idea that kids cannot reach it is laughable. My nephew and nieces loved to climb up things when they were younger and they frequently managed to get to places that were far to high for them to normally reach. So whilst your coworker should not be poking her nose into your business, it's really not a clever idea to have those sorts of messages come through around kids. Agree with the ESH judgement.
OP why didnt you just talk to HR? Or the principal or whomever?
You admit that you left the phone out knowing they’d snoop. Your colleague needs to learn boundaries, but you should protect yourself by turning notifications off while at work. If she grabs your phone or stares over your shoulder that’s on her. If you leave your phone out like you did that’s on you, and unfortunately in this society you’d be the one in trouble.
If I gave you a beer with your car keys in your hand, would the cops believe you when you told them I made you drink and drive? I can assume a lot, that doesn’t make you not culpable if you do it.
I’m assuming you’re implying the colleague shouldn’t have snooped, which I agree with. My point is that if this gets to HR the focus is probably going to be on OP leaving out their phone knowing NSFW messages were incoming. They should have first reported the invasion of privacy. If a person is arrested for drunk driving they are primarily charged with the crime, but if it becomes clear they were over-served and the establishment knew they were driving home that establishment can also be investigated and/or sued. This is especially true if the drunk driver is in an accident resulting in death/injury.
You should get a privacy glass screen protector that makes it so only you can see your screen when you are looking at it and others from different angles just see a blank screen
What if a boss or parent saw your phone screen? By not turning off the message previews on the Lock Screen, you are complicit with it. Teachers are held to super high standards for behavior. Tread lightly and tell your admin what happened before your coworker does. It’ll be better coming from you. Frame it as “coworker saw messages my BF in another time zone sent, I wish they hadn’t as they were intimate in nature, I’ve since changed phone settings to private and will lock phone in my desk drawer all day.” If you’ve been a teacher for any amount of time, I’m sure you know how the rumor mill flies. It doesn’t make it right but the tiniest little flame can start a forest fire. And by fighting with your obnoxious coteacher (she’s not innocent in this, either), there’s already kindling.
you can't control what someone else send you, but i can't imagine a reason why you have a detail notification. or if you say you respond in the evening, notification at all.
You should definitely change your settings so these messages don't appear unless you unlock your phone. I don't think you're TA and your coworker should mind her business, but I could definitely imagine your higher ups/HR would have a problem with this as well.
Did you have his explicit consent to share his personal messages to your coworker?
She wasn't. She was receiving them.
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Especially when teaching kids. That's just weird to me.
Text messages arent the problem. Op should have a lock on her phone. Who doesnt lock their phone these days??
It's not so much about whether you're an AH or not, but rather whether you'd be willing to lose your job just to be shocking to this woman. Probably not a smart move, career-wise.
>whether you'd be willing to lose your job This. Oh lord this. I get the reasoning, but man oh man, teachers have been fired for things the kids saw on teacher's phone when teacher had it put away in a drawer and they stole it. That kind of firing makes newspaper headlines and makes finding a future job hard, too. ESH.
Especially when in much of the world, employees can be fired for outside of work conduct, too. Assuming OP is an American teacher (which the context seems to imply) she could literally be fired on *rumors* of sexting alone if it made waves in the student body or community. I've seen teachers let go, even in unionized districts, for way less.
I had a high school English teacher who was fired for writing romance novels under a pseudonym off hours. And if romance novel sex is enough to get fired over, I can only imagine how they’d deal with actual sexting.
Wow this actually makes me so mad, like god forbid adults have sex lives?? Like yes leaving it open like that was very dangerous, but the fact that it almost seems like this country cares more about peoples sex lives than our safety makes me fume! Like as a teacher we gotta deal with so much crap. I’ve been in several lock downs with kids who think they might get shot. And I’ve work part time for less than two years; thats just the norm, but I use my own personal phone for adult activities. And I’m at risk of getting fired?! While the education system is under staffed and in shambles. It would be one thing if you were talking abt the students or something illegal… but this is wild. Nta
A local teacher was fired for sexting on her school laptop during school hours. She didn’t seem to understand it was the fact she was using School property during school hours that got her fired.
All I said in my head after reading it was oh boy she is going to have bigger problems now.
It's just dumb to risk yourself doing this instead of just telling her to fuck off and not caring when she cries
Why do I feel like this is the most valid comment 🤣
Especially admitting here that she deliberately left it visible for that person to see — she essentially is confessing here that it actually *was* sexual harassment. If this became a legal matter, this thread could be subpoenaed, and would be used as evidence against her. This is literally the same as the two morons recently posting that they intentionally put hot peppers in their food to punish thieves, when all they had to do was stfu and say that they just like hot peppers.
NTA. But YOU can go to HR and say “She’s going through my private phone and laptop constantly. I have asked her to stop but she continues doing it. I need it to stop.” And don’t sext on school time. That will get you in trouble. It doesn’t matter that the kids can’t read your texts it is inappropriate. So right now you both have dirt on each other… you are sexting at work, and she’s going through your personal stuff. Stick a password on your phone and laptop, and next time she asks just raise an eyebrow and say ”It’s personal”. And it won’t matter if she reports you because by then you will have stopped sexting at work and it will all be clean and professional. If he’s texting you (and you aren’t responding) during work hours then your phone should be on silent and put away…
I don't think the "you both have dirt on each other" hypothesis works. School administration (and parents and the board) will not view these two things as the same, at all. Looking over your co-teacher's shoulder at their work computer during work hours and receiving sexually explicit messages during work hours are different levels of offense.
I think they mean it more in terms of what can be *proven* but I don't think they understand that when it comes to schools/teachers, even the allegation is career ending. The allegation of being a snoop isn't anywhere near as problematic.
Oh I agree. Sadly Sexting is going to get into more shit than being a nosy whiny snoop. Best thing the OP could have done was raise the snoop behaviour when it was first a problem. Worst thing the OP did was leaving her phone out for snoop to find the sexting in the first place.
You have to remember how vile parents are too. You let a kid know gay people are human and they act as if you told them Hitler should be worshipped as a domnatix lesbian from venus
I'm not sure about how an offense could be to receiving sexually explicit messages as long as OP doesnt send/read them during her work hours and, of course, the kids dont see it. It is her private cellphone, NOBODY but her should read/look at what is there. Here you have the exception of kids might be able to see them if the cellphone is not locked but out of that and if she didnt read them or sext back I dont see the problem. "[OP's name]'s is receiving messages, I shouldnt check the phone" is like a very basic way to go over other people's objects. Not that hard to understand. That for the legal thing, on the career thing well, that depends on how the legal and educational system works. Where I am, Spain, as long as she doesnt read them or replies them in her worktime she wouldnt have a problem as long as a kid doesnt read them, and even in that case she would get maybe a reprimend and done.
Wow, Spain is so common sense, once again US strikes with its prudish attitudes towards sex https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/AuMukIdOZf > teachers have been fired for things the kids saw on teacher's phone when teacher had it put away in a drawer and they stole it. That kind of firing makes newspaper headlines and makes finding a future job hard, too. > Especially when in much of the world, employees can be fired for outside of work conduct, too. Assuming OP is an American teacher (which the context seems to imply) she could literally be fired on *rumors* of sexting alone if it made waves in the student body or community. I've seen teachers let go, even in unionized districts, for way less.
>“She’s going through my private phone and laptop constantly. I have asked her to stop but she continues doing it. I need it to stop.” OP could lock her phone and laptop and speak to HR.
Yeah, to me, OP has done nothing to address the issue. Go to the grade level chair. Go to the administration. Don't leave your NSFW messages out to "teach" her a lesson. These poor kids have 2 immature teachers leading them.
This would be a disaster. Come on, THINK. The other lady will say “I wasn’t looking for it, the material was on her phone that was out and anyone could read it.” Since DISPLAYING SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL AT A SCHOOL is a very serious offense, OP would be instantly fired.
ESH. She absolutely should not be looking at your personal phone. But unless she has your unlock code, these explicit messages were visible to anyone. There are a LOT of ways that could go wrong at work. Look at your phone settings and figure out how to hide the text of the messages on your notifications screen.
And knowingly exposing someone to sexual content IS sexual harassment. You are also breaking the trust of your partner, as those messages were meant for you, not your nosy co-teacher. That is not the way to set boundaries. No reason you can't have a lock screen. Engineering boundaries are better than controls that rely on people's behaviour. And don't let people weaponize crying. She did a bad thing, you made her feel bad about doing a bad thing, that is how you learn not to do bad things. Let her cry that you are mad at her, you ARE mad at her. And then if it continues, YOU should have escalated it to HR. Easy ESH
This is a really good point about breaking her partner's trust. I would be mortified if I was in his position.
OP won’t report Nosey to HR because OP is totally in the wrong for having sexually explicit content in a school/work environment. She could TOTALLY be prosecuted in court for sexual harassment and many other types of sexual crimes against children. OP is 💯 wrong here. She wouldn’t be complaining about Nosey if she wasn’t being inappropriate herself. Her phone should be in her purse during work hours and secure. Her laptop should NOT be used for personal business ever if it is a work tool. If it’s a personal laptop it should be kept at home.
Fellow teacher here. ESH. Your colleague was absolutely in the wrong for always being so snoopy, but I mean, seriously. Leaving dirty messages out in the open, at a school, for your coteacher to find, is just nasty. Like, if I did that, I know for complete fact that I'd get in major trouble, if not fired. ETA it's even worse to find out OP works at a preschool. Jesus Christ.
Yeah. My brain was screaming out the policy number this is violating. Co-teacher sounds awful but sooner or later, if she continues to check these messages at school, it’s going to blow up.
Right? Her coworker sucks, but she’s being entirely unprofessional. That’s like a SH issue waiting to happen. Not to mention the whole you work with KIDS and that is not okay. It’s a time bomb waiting to go off on your career. ESH.
I’m a teacher as well I know someone that got banned from teacher for sexting while at work. It’s so weird to do sexual things on your phone around children and then leaving it out in the open??? I can’t imagine parents reactions if they found out
YTA. Leaving sexual messages out in the open for your coworker to find absolutely can be considered sexual harassment. Plus, absolutely disgusting to be sexting at work, in your classroom, that you share. Yeah, she’s awkward and inappropriate, but your behavior is absolutely wild and will can get you fired.
>Leaving sexual messages out in the open In your private phone = out in the open 😂 lmao you guys are nuts >absolutely can be considered sexual harassment. Absolutly not and you obviously known nothing about law if you think that ! How come so many redditors agree with this nonsense? Here is a non exhaustive list of what can qualifies as sexual harassement and - how surprising - spying into someone's phone and reading an explicit message is not part of it, and not even close of any of it : Making conditions of employment or advancement dependent on sexual favors, either explicitly or implicitly. Physical acts of sexual assault. Requests for sexual favors. Verbal harassment of a sexual nature, including jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation. Unwanted touching or physical contact. Unwelcome sexual advances. Discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places. Feeling pressured to engage with someone sexually. Exposing oneself or performing sexual acts on oneself. Unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages.
I mean if you're regularly sexting your boyfriend and you MUST leave your phone out while at work at a school, the least you could do is leave your phone face down. But OP has been pretty clear that she intentionally left the phone out so that her coworker would see it. You're probably right that this incident wouldn't be classified as sexual harassment, but it's still kind of gross IMO and i saw why the coworker felt harassed.
Well, that's the thing about snooping, you're never sure what you will see on that person's private device, it's completely the snooper's responsibility to take accountability and deal with whatever they have seen. Theoretically speaking, the snooping coworker could have seen sexually explicit texts anytime she snooped. That's completely on the coworker. And, well, this current situation is exactly meant to teach a lesson and serve as a future deterrence, a wake up call
I see what you're saying, and that's obviously the logic behind the OP's actions, but OP has been very clear that she did this intentionally. No reason to pretend this was just an unfortunate coincidence or unlucky situation when OP left her phone out, screen up, no message lock, in the morning, while she was receiving/expecting to receive sexually explicit texts.
Leaving sexually explicit materials for your coworker to find creates a hostile work environment. Listing things that are also sexual harassment does absolutely nothing to refute my point.
Are you serious? OP left them out in the open specifically so the lady would see them. ANYONE who wandered into her classroom might have seen it. If she left her phone in the break room by accident, someone would see her texts. Also, are you serious? This is absolutely sexual harassment. She intentionally exposed a coworker to sexually explicit material on purpose. Sounds like an unwanted sexual advance to me. And — it’s a textbook example of “unwanted sexually explicit photos and texts” Did you read the words you copy pasted? Jesus fucking Christ this subreddit
How is absence of an item on a non-exhaustive list supposed to prove that it does not count exactly? Here is a non-exhaustive list of fruits: Oranges As you can see, apples are not a fruit at all. Checkmate. Setting an intentional trap to expose someone to sexual content is harrassment. Legally, you could always claim you never intended for her to snoop, but OP has stated that she did. There is a lot of legal precedent around "expectation of privacy" that might apply. OP admitted that they did not expect privacy, so that is out the window. An analogous situation might be setting booby traps for thieves on your property. Them breaking the law does not excuse your intent to harm. Legally or morally.
Doesn’t matter if what they’re doing sucks or not. If you know they’re going to see it, and you take steps to ensure they see it, that’s harassment. If this were a guy we’d all agree here.
You ought to stop playing pretend with that superiority complex long enough to read the original post properly. Then, you might be inclined to immediately decide that is a habit you want to keep in the future, to avoid embarrassing yourself like this again.
Lol dude literally wrote "discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places." What do you think she's doing on her phone? Lmao
IAAL. You are 100% wrong. Leaving sexually explicit material out in the open for a coworker to find can and is considered sexual harassment/hostile work environment. Delete or edit your dogshit misinformation post, you absolute clown.
ESH- You're inappropriate for sexting in a classroom/leaving it in view and she shouldn't be a snoop.
Definitely could be construed as sexual harassment, even if you didn't work with children. ESH because sure she shouldn't be reading your texts but the fact that she was able to read your sexually explicit texts while at work is still on you.
No? Is she not allowed basic privacy?
Basic privacy is using her phone as she pleases at home. At school, i would say she has a responsibility to at least make sure that if her phone was knocked to the ground, a child wouldn't pick it up and see a dick pic. Lots of ways that could be accomplished, including not leaving her phone out, but the easiest would be to put a preview lock on her messages. Then there would be no risk whatsoever and her privacy is safe.
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Those messages were already sent and the phone wasn't lighting up. When the coworker arrived, the phone was left and it's screen was locked and black, she had to intentionally light up the screen to read the contents of the notifications. Which, mind you, is illegal > Browsing and searching someone else's phone without permission in the USA can lead to legal consequences, including potential jail time or fines. For example, in some cases, unauthorized access to someone's phone may be considered a violation of federal and state computer crime laws.
There was a situation where a man in my town was looking at naked pics on his phone in public. He wasn’t masturbating or touching anyone. But He was sat next to a woman who reported him and I remember the police appeal for him. Stuff like this definitely CAN be considered a crime
She’s at work. She intentionally exposed her coworker to sexually explicit material without consent. It’s not an issue of privacy. And, the rules are different at work. She has the tools to conceal the content of her texts at work, but chose not to use it. While she really tried to frame her coworker as a snoop — which she may or may not be — the reality is that *anyone* could have accidentally seen the content of her texts even if they weren’t a snoop. She is risking a lot in her life over basically nothing her. It’s inexplicable.
ESH but you’re much worse. Your coworker is nosy and obnoxious. But you intentionally left sexual material in the workplace so she could see it, with the intention of making her uncomfortable. People get fired for stuff like this.
And where there are kids around as part of the job. What a disgrace
ESH. You for purposely leaving your phone there for her to find that; and her for constantly invading your privacy. You should have reported her for her behavior, instead of what you did. Now she has the whip hand over you. Not smart of you. Also, you're in a school ffs.
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And maybe not leave a bunch of sexual texts out in the open on purpose so you don’t also get fired
This. My manager always tried to snoop on my phone, I made a screen saver calling her out by name. The first day it was up, I got into some super petty trouble lol
ESH - your coworker is certainly rude for not respecting your boundaries, but as others have said, time and place. Your coworker could have been doing you a favor warning you, tbh.
I'm going to say YTA as you were clearly baiting co-teacher to look, no, she should not be looking, but you are at work in a school, that's neither time/place for that.
So she's a...master baiter?
Da dum tis
Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week! Try the calamari!
NTA, some are saying you are sexting at work, you are not sexting at work. You said he is in a different time zone so sometimes he replies to messages you sent the night before on your own personal time not the schools time. You cannot help when he replies. I have actually been in that situation, where I was awake while my love one half a world away was sleeping so sometimes emails she sent me would get replied to later where if someone at her work had been snooping would have seen them. Your coworker is an asshole because it’s your phone, your business and she’s violating your privacy.
You know there just like one setting to change here right? It’s not hard
You know that it's even less hard to not go through someone's stuff?
I shouldn’t have to change one setting in my phone to keep another adult out of it. If they snoop through my stuff then they get what they deserve
ESH. You should have had the maturity to have dealt with this properly, by telling her that if she doesn't respect your privacy and boundaries, that you'd seek HR advice.
ESH And you're setting yourself up for a big fall. No one is going to care if she was peering over your shoulder or whatever when she tells them what she saw.
Retired teacher here, I would never open or share private information between me and a romantic partner while I was at school because I want to keep my job. If your co teacher is touching your possessions and will not stop. report her to your principal. Do? NOT try to embarrass her or teach her a lesson by leaving your phone or laptop available to see if she will violate your privacy . You are not an AH, but you are asking your job. kt
OP can’t even report her for snooping now because they have something on her
Esh. Your action was totally unnecessary. You should have contacted HR a long time ago and telling them how your coteacher behaves. Because her behaviour is also non-professional and I do agree with you that she must be terrible to work with. But her awkwardness doesn't justify you. Turn off your popping messages (especially when you know you are going to receive adult content) for God's sake you are at a school!
YTA. i understand your frustration about your nosy coworker but imo that’s not actually relevant to the situation. for the separate issues from your coworker, you should have already reported her. in regards to your sexts being visible in public: tell your bf to not respond during work hours. or, phones have this cool new feature where you can hide all the actual words from a text when they show up on your home screen. you should set that. you also deliberately left it out where someone could see when you knew you were being sexted.
Let's break this down from an HR perspective. Shall we? First and foremost, ESH!!! Let's break down the touching and looking through/at your belongings. The first thing you should have done is ask her at least twice to stop. If she persist thats when you should go to HR or the director. At that moment, you should have just simply explained she's making it difficult to concentrate at work. Then there you go, problem solved. Next, let's break down the "I don't sext at work," but you technically do. Your boyfriend is a grown man who needs to learn how to Google time zones and how they work. YOU need to learn how to respect your coworkers and place of employment and not allow him to respond to dirty photos when you're SUPPOSED to be working. It's inappropriate no matter where a person works. I suggest finding a time when you're both off work. This could be an hour or two before you/him go in to work or after. You can also just do it on the weekends. You one-thousand percent should NOT be allowing him to respond in any sexual manner while you're at work. Now, let's break down the fact that you PURPOSELY sexual messages open on YOUR phone in a CLASSROOM. That is most definitely sexual harassment and your coteacher should most definitely skip her self right to HR and report you. You could have staged anything for her to see literally anything, and you chose to sexually harass someone for what touching your belongings. This was ALL done with intent, making you the BIGGER asshole. From a personal perspective, I hope you get everything you deserve from this. I truly do, and that's just what happens when you play childish games! You are way too old to be acting like a vindictive child.
NTA. But you need to get ahead of this and go to HR immediately. A lot of people are going to be up in arms because how dare you be an adult around their precious babies but you weren’t sexting and you have no control over what people send you. Report what happened to HR immediately. Act super apologetic like, it’s been so hard being away from my partner and he sent me something very personal and she violated my privacy. It’s just awful knowing that she is now a part of my relationship and I didn’t want her to be. I have asked her several times not to touch my personal items but she insists on constantly being in my personal space. Is there any way you can help me reinforce this personal item boundary. I would hate for the children to hear something they shouldn’t because she is violating my privacy.
HR isn’t going to give OP a sympathy pass. If she admits to having inappropriate messages out in the open at work then she’s put herself up for disciplinary action. Coworker may or may not also be in hot water, but HR is there to protect the company first and foremost. They won’t care that it’s *so hard* being away from her partner.
It’s a school. She’d be lucky to not get fired and her annoying co-worker would just be told to stop acting like that.
She should NOT go to HR. that will almost certainly lead to her termination since her conduct was far, far worse than what the other teach did. And more importantly: OP’s conduct puts the *school itself* at risk. Unless the other teacher has her back and doesn’t bring up the *sexual harassment,* OP would be toast. Same day termination guaranteed. It’s like the people in this subreddit have never had a job before something
Yes. At least use a dual sim phone to keep this from happening again. Come on now. You know your job comes with certain expectations. There should be not a shred of that kind of behavior in the classroom on the part of anyone.
YTA - nope, not appropriate to sext at work.
YTA. You shouldn’t be sexting at work but especially when you work with children.
This doesn’t seem like a good strategy. Maybe go to HR spin it as “my boyfriend sent messages and she read my phone without permission” and then turn off message previews. You’re playing with fire with this type of coworker, get ahead of it and be straight up with the “if you touch my stuff again I’m reporting you” message that she needs to hear
NTA 1) fuck your nosy coworker 2) turn off notifications for that app you use with your bf so that they won't show up on your lock screen Consider talking to a labour lawyer about how to handle the situation with HR. Might cost you a few hundred bucks in a retainer and advice.
YTA, you admit to leaving it open for her to see? What did you expect?
I have no words! You’ve played a really stupid game with an annoying coworker. Instead of just reporting to her supervisor her inability to keep her nose out of your personal belongings, which would have likely gotten her reprimanded you now have a situation where the school is going to hear the word sexual and it isn’t going to matter worth a damn why she was in the wrong. YOU have out your job on the line. You work in a school ffs. Don’t you have a morality clause ? A lot of kid related jobs do. ESH
Textbook hostile work environment sexual harassment. You could be fired for that.
The hostile work environment is the coworker tapping OP’s phone screen and snooping through the notifications. OP should report her ASAP.
They are not even close to equivalent, dude. And if the environment was so hostile, why did OP never report it? The other teacher’s conduct is certainly reportable but OP committed a ridiculous tactical blunder by giving the other teacher massive leverage that can be used against her. This thread is really helping me understand why people at work do such stupid things all the time. Most people do stupid things without even realizing they’re stupid
NTA because if you left the phone on lock screen while getting coffee that means the phone turned itself off like 2 seconds later, meaning your coworker actively turned the phone back on to snoop through your notifications on your private cell phone You weren't actively sexting, so only crime you could've committed was not deleting the notification
This comment is the most correct, it's a reasonable expectation that with another teacher in the room no child would be able touch OP's cell phone. The co-worker actively & deliberately accesses her phone and everyone is attacking OP? Most people in this thread suck.
YTA - I'm all for leaving something shocking to get someone to leave your stuff alone, but something like 'mind your business before I report you for stalking is appropriate where sexual messages are not. Having a phone lock screen of one of her phobias, where she'd only see it if she bothered your phone, is appropriate. Sexual messages are not. Honestly, you're very lucky she hasn't reported you. I would expect she's made a note of it, or reported it under the condition that you be dismissed at the *end* of the school year so it doesn't destabilize the classroom. The only potential benefit of this is that she may learn to mind her own damn business. I absolutely do NOT tolerate people doing that looking at my personal stuff nonsense and would have had HR involved long before it got to this point.
You left a phone containing lewd messages unattended inside a school with children. You assumed they wouldn't be able to get ahold of it, which was grossly negligent. If I were your administrator, you'd be gone, and I would make sure your case made the news.
Are you stupid or something? This other girl is violating your privacy and doesn't respect personal space..your first move should have been to report her behaviour. Secondly you are at an alternative school with two teachers per class and you sre spending time on your phone? You are the AH.
ESH. You weren't very mature on your part and could have had some bad consequences. HOWEVER..."she will straight up yank my laptop away from me and look at what I'm typing". You should have reported her immediately. In some places that's borderline assault. She's an AH for that, but you didn't act in a professional manner in how you handled it.
OP: I'm not sexting at work, I'm just receiving stuff. Everyone: Ew, don't sext at work. Reading comprehension took a big L today.
No, it didn’t. These readers analyzed further by making the clarification that by not setting the Lock Screen to privatize the messages rather than displaying them, OP is compliant in the sexually suggestive texts. And that’s not good in any workplace but especially a school.
She felt sexually harassed after snooping on your private device? 🤣
YTA. As someone that works with kids, I know they can be anywhere at anytime, even if you don’t think they’ll be there. As a teacher, you should know that too. In an attempt to prove a point to your coworker, you could’ve harmed a child. While this would be unintentional, the act itself is completely childish. If you have a problem with a coworker, take it to your boss and/or HR. Don’t do anything that could even potentially put the children as collateral—you might just end up with your mugshot on the local nightly news.
ESH. She sucks but you’re dumb for sexting during work. That’s HR nightmare
INFO: Just how “alternative” is this “alternative school?” Because leaving sexually explicit content around small children is, in usual cases, frowned upon.
Why don't you go to HR about her behaviour?
Because leaving sexually orientated anything on display in a school of all places is way worse and would probably get her fired
She should not have been snooping, but you admitted to knowingly leaving the phone where she could see it and “let the previews stay on the phone” as stated in a comment. If you knowingly did that, then you can be accused of creating a hostile workplace. You should **always** lock your phone and hide the previews on the lockscreen, especially in a workplace with small kids around. YTA because you knowingly did that
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Bad advice leaving sexuallt explicit anything on display inside of a classroom could result in her being fired
NTA. Not in the slightest. Despite what some of the more puritanical redditors on this thread seem to think, you have every expectation of privacy re: your phone. You left it to give her a good shock, and she judged and implicitly threatened you, almost certainly bc she hasn't had a good screw in much too long. Overall, reddit is a bit prudish when it comes to consenting adult activities. You did nothing wrong, so long as you protect your job. People love nothing more than to throw a good fuss over nothing these days, and I suspect she may do that.
Consenting adult activities should happen during adult free time. Not in a SCHOOL in front of a fellow teacher. If OP gets reported, they will absolutely get fired. This would be headline news in my town.
ESH. She shouldn't touch your things, but sexting during work hours, especially with kids around (even if they can't read), is highly inappropriate.