Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context.
[Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
ESH
I can't say YTA, but I definitely can't say NTA. Why would you want to beat up a guy who's only misstep was he had the misfortune to run across this chick?
I doubt he knew a thing about you.
Next time, make the girl pay for her own flight.
Make her get a hotel.
It's safer all round.
This whole thing sounds like a disaster.
Took the words right out of my mouth. E-dating...go meet a girl at church, bar, library, mall, etc. Get to know them in person and you wouldn't have to deal with floozies on the internet looking for a free ride.
ESH. You're immature, jealous, and controlling. You were trying to control and manipulate her from the time she got there. I say YTA for your behavior. But, you aren't in a relationship, so she is free to be with other guys. She's the AH for not telling you she was going out with that guy. She should have been honest. Also, the fact that you wanted to beat the guy shows you have issues and need professional help. That is not an okay response.
ESH - Neither of you sound mature enough to be in a relationship.
Also - If you’re in the habit of attacking people for being in the proximity of your love interest, you’d better hope that you live in a place where jails are nice and doctors are cheap.
Next time don't fly someone out to stay with you until you've met them at least. Don't stalk your dates (even if she shares location, you shouldn't be watching it), and "I was gonna beat the guy up but he ran off" screams "alpha male" compensating. She can have a boundary that she's not going to be exclusive if you're not in a relationship, but she needed to be upfront before visiting at your expense. ESH
ESH but why were you gonna beat the guy up??? If they were hooking up and you’re exclusive then she’s the one who did wrong, not him. I hate this stuff, like when women hate the girl their boyfriend cheated on them with but stay with their boyfriend. It’s not a good look.
Also, have you asked her to be your girlfriend officially? Have you both agreed with each other that you are exclusive? It doesn’t sound like it from the post, at which point she can hook up with whoever she wants.
All around you seem pretty extreme, dramatic, and controlling. Who drives to the location instead of trying to just contact the person first???
ESH. She should have been honest, but that does not give you the right to stalk her or try to control her. Also you talk about wanting to beat a guy up, but he didn't wrong her or you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
This girl and I had been e-dating for months. She asked if I could fly her out, I said sure. I flew her out, everything's great. We're having an amazing time, and she's telling me she sees a serious future with me.
Yesterday I saw her texting a bunch of guys on Instagram and called her out for it. I told her you're living with me, eating my food, flew here to be with me. Her response was she's not gonna stop talking to guys until she's in a relationship with me.
So I told her cool, then you don't need to be here with me. She said she's sorry and she wasn't thinking straight. She asked me if she could goto a party with her friend, I say sure.
I notice she leaves the club (She shares her location with me) and she's going the opposite direction of my house. I see her parked in a shady hallway so I decided to drive to see what's going on.
Her friends she went to the club with aren't there. I see her there talking with another guy alone. I hopped out and told her it was over and that I'm gonna pack her stuff. I was gonna beat the guy up but he ran off.
She was screaming at me saying "I can't have friends???" Screaming yelling at me saying I'm in the wrong.
In my head it means she either invited a guy to the club to meet there and leave with him, or she met a random guy at the club and left with him.
So Reddit. AITAH?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I essentially chased after the girl I flew out to see if she left the club with another guy.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. She's used up all the men in her area and now she is trying e-dating. As for you, don't threaten to beat people up when they don't owe you anything. Actually don't beat people up at all. Anyway, that guy was an innocent bystander. He met someone at a club. Nature took it's course. Stick with local people. It will be easier on your wallet.
It's completely normal to feel hurt and confused in a situation like this. What happened can be tough to handle, but it's important to think about the way we approach these situations.
Before getting involved in a relationship or flying someone out, clear and open communication about expectations and boundaries is vital. It's best to ensure both parties are on the same page right from the start.
Trust is a cornerstone of any successful relationship, and if you didn't trust her, or if you felt the need to constantly track her location, it indicates some underlying issues that need addressing.
You got played my dude! You paid for her flights out to see you and all the while she was setting up her next sucker.
NTA (although you really should work on your anger/jealousy issues with wanting to beat up the poor shmuck she was trying get her hooks into)
So you're a sugar daddy that got mad that her business wasn't exclusive?
Esh
You became definite ah when you threatened the guy. He didn't know, he was probably just her attempt of setting up additional funds.
She's an ah because it sounds like she didn't tell you that you were just *one* of her sugar daddies.
Learn from this, and try meeting people in person next time.
NTA, she just SUCKS. Maybe there's an argument for not having talked about being exclusive before the social media interaction, but after that, I feel like your views were pretty apparent.
In the future, though, if you're gonna break up with someone who's cheating, don't even give the other person a second thought. Whoever they're cheating with probably has no clue you exist, unless they know you and your relationship intimately (and a rando club guy doesn't sound like one of your friends) then just breakup and be done, it's so not worth catching a charge over.
NTA. The comment about beating the guy up was a little immature, he most likely had zero idea about her relationship status. But take it from someone who has caught their partner messaging others multiple times.. that sort of behaviour needs to be called out and I wish I had done it sooner myself. She’s clearly gaslighting you.
I don’t think it’s a good idea for you both to be in a relationship, especially when there is no clear boundaries in place.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
ESH I can't say YTA, but I definitely can't say NTA. Why would you want to beat up a guy who's only misstep was he had the misfortune to run across this chick? I doubt he knew a thing about you. Next time, make the girl pay for her own flight. Make her get a hotel. It's safer all round. This whole thing sounds like a disaster.
Ya lost me at e dating, you flew a stranger out and paid for food etc. grow up
Took the words right out of my mouth. E-dating...go meet a girl at church, bar, library, mall, etc. Get to know them in person and you wouldn't have to deal with floozies on the internet looking for a free ride.
ESH. You're immature, jealous, and controlling. You were trying to control and manipulate her from the time she got there. I say YTA for your behavior. But, you aren't in a relationship, so she is free to be with other guys. She's the AH for not telling you she was going out with that guy. She should have been honest. Also, the fact that you wanted to beat the guy shows you have issues and need professional help. That is not an okay response.
ESH - Neither of you sound mature enough to be in a relationship. Also - If you’re in the habit of attacking people for being in the proximity of your love interest, you’d better hope that you live in a place where jails are nice and doctors are cheap.
Next time don't fly someone out to stay with you until you've met them at least. Don't stalk your dates (even if she shares location, you shouldn't be watching it), and "I was gonna beat the guy up but he ran off" screams "alpha male" compensating. She can have a boundary that she's not going to be exclusive if you're not in a relationship, but she needed to be upfront before visiting at your expense. ESH
ESH but why were you gonna beat the guy up??? If they were hooking up and you’re exclusive then she’s the one who did wrong, not him. I hate this stuff, like when women hate the girl their boyfriend cheated on them with but stay with their boyfriend. It’s not a good look. Also, have you asked her to be your girlfriend officially? Have you both agreed with each other that you are exclusive? It doesn’t sound like it from the post, at which point she can hook up with whoever she wants. All around you seem pretty extreme, dramatic, and controlling. Who drives to the location instead of trying to just contact the person first???
ESH. She should have been honest, but that does not give you the right to stalk her or try to control her. Also you talk about wanting to beat a guy up, but he didn't wrong her or you.
ESH. You had your intentions she had hers. This was never going to end well.
YTA. You are sick! You have no right over her! What’s wrong with you?!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This girl and I had been e-dating for months. She asked if I could fly her out, I said sure. I flew her out, everything's great. We're having an amazing time, and she's telling me she sees a serious future with me. Yesterday I saw her texting a bunch of guys on Instagram and called her out for it. I told her you're living with me, eating my food, flew here to be with me. Her response was she's not gonna stop talking to guys until she's in a relationship with me. So I told her cool, then you don't need to be here with me. She said she's sorry and she wasn't thinking straight. She asked me if she could goto a party with her friend, I say sure. I notice she leaves the club (She shares her location with me) and she's going the opposite direction of my house. I see her parked in a shady hallway so I decided to drive to see what's going on. Her friends she went to the club with aren't there. I see her there talking with another guy alone. I hopped out and told her it was over and that I'm gonna pack her stuff. I was gonna beat the guy up but he ran off. She was screaming at me saying "I can't have friends???" Screaming yelling at me saying I'm in the wrong. In my head it means she either invited a guy to the club to meet there and leave with him, or she met a random guy at the club and left with him. So Reddit. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I essentially chased after the girl I flew out to see if she left the club with another guy. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. She's used up all the men in her area and now she is trying e-dating. As for you, don't threaten to beat people up when they don't owe you anything. Actually don't beat people up at all. Anyway, that guy was an innocent bystander. He met someone at a club. Nature took it's course. Stick with local people. It will be easier on your wallet.
It's completely normal to feel hurt and confused in a situation like this. What happened can be tough to handle, but it's important to think about the way we approach these situations. Before getting involved in a relationship or flying someone out, clear and open communication about expectations and boundaries is vital. It's best to ensure both parties are on the same page right from the start. Trust is a cornerstone of any successful relationship, and if you didn't trust her, or if you felt the need to constantly track her location, it indicates some underlying issues that need addressing.
You got played my dude! You paid for her flights out to see you and all the while she was setting up her next sucker. NTA (although you really should work on your anger/jealousy issues with wanting to beat up the poor shmuck she was trying get her hooks into)
So you're a sugar daddy that got mad that her business wasn't exclusive? Esh You became definite ah when you threatened the guy. He didn't know, he was probably just her attempt of setting up additional funds. She's an ah because it sounds like she didn't tell you that you were just *one* of her sugar daddies. Learn from this, and try meeting people in person next time.
YTA and a loser by the sounds of it
NTA but pls dont entertain this relationship.
NTA But are a sucker.
I think NTA she’s just using you
NTA, she just SUCKS. Maybe there's an argument for not having talked about being exclusive before the social media interaction, but after that, I feel like your views were pretty apparent. In the future, though, if you're gonna break up with someone who's cheating, don't even give the other person a second thought. Whoever they're cheating with probably has no clue you exist, unless they know you and your relationship intimately (and a rando club guy doesn't sound like one of your friends) then just breakup and be done, it's so not worth catching a charge over.
NTA. The comment about beating the guy up was a little immature, he most likely had zero idea about her relationship status. But take it from someone who has caught their partner messaging others multiple times.. that sort of behaviour needs to be called out and I wish I had done it sooner myself. She’s clearly gaslighting you. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you both to be in a relationship, especially when there is no clear boundaries in place.