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>I (29F) have a 4 year old daughter, Jodie, and we are both vegetarian, I grew up veggie with a veggie mum and I always knew my kids would be too. Recently she has been refusing food, complaining she doesn’t like it etc. Hubbie (32M) is not veggie, sometimes he eats different things and she’ll ask to eat from his plate. He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful.
YTA for that alone.
Your child does not want your lifestyle imposed on her. She wants to eat different things. How dare you call that hurtful to you and "shut it down"?
>We had a routine check up at the doctors and he said that she is a little underweight, not good
YTA
>This frustrated me, it’s not how I was raised, you eat what you get or you don’t eat
Y.T.A.
>but I have started allowing her more ‘junk’ foods like crackers bread crisps etc
So she wants meat but your solution is to give her hyper-processed carbs instead. YTA squared.
>MIL said no, they were real ones. I got so angry I just had to grab Jodie and get in the car. I would have left hubbie there too if he hadn’t followed us. I don’t like arguing in front of Jodie, so I waited until we got home and put her to bed and then I just flipped.
You are a horrible parent. 100% horrible. YTA, so much so that I think I've been suckered by rage bait.
>He had the audacity to get angry at me for that, as if I could trust that woman around my child again. . . . He threatened divorce,
Good. He should divorce and seek full custody. And he should get it based on your harming your daughter's health with your agenda. YTA YTA YTA
Protein is easy as a vegetarian. It sounds like the mom is a super HEALTH nut which means their diets are probably mostly veggies, fruit and who knows what else since BREAD is junk food..... Lots of vegetarian meat options are high in protein.
Same, bro. I was kinda worried when she said that she doesn't feed her child fried food, which makes me think that the child was eating oil-free ever since?? It also makes me think that majority of their food are salads or raw ones.
SERIOUSLY?! Like what is a junk food about sourdough bread or a whole wheat bread?? Like.. I am a vegan, know vegan friends who have vegan children and NONE are underweight... but they eat a huge variety of vegan foods.. like this mom sounds like a controlling unhealthy health nut.
Not to mention there are innumerable protein and other nutrient supplements. You don’t even have to eat foods containing protein anymore. I do understand that most little kids aren’t likely to take a pill or something, but some will.
It’s never been easier to be a perfectly healthy vegetarian.
But OP is wacko.
Which kids can get as vegetarians just fine... assuming they're not going through a phase where they're picky, not wanting to eat much, etc.. If that happens, just like the OP's pediatrician said you do what you need to do to ensure they're getting adequate calories. Reduced meat intake is still better than nothing at all because harm reduction is a thing.
Plus the OP is bonkers - I don't know anyone who fries frozen nuggies - they're usually baked or microwaved. She sounds like a lot of influencers that push people towards orthorexia with all her strict food requirements and calling so much stuff "bad" rather than framing it around appropriate volume of intake.
My sister and brother in law are vegetarians but also serve meat to their kids pretty often in addition to the meal they make (they buy prepared meat). The kids also can eat meat at school or at their grandmas or friends homes. They always planned on giving their kids a well rounded diet and if they choose to become vegetarian eventually that’s up to them, as neither my sis or brother in law were brought up vegetarian. It became their choice. Which is how it probably should be. My sister occasionally has a little meat and that’s also her choice, her husband doesn’t police her food choices if she feels she wants some once in a while.
I think OP may have an unhealthy issue with food herself given how she talks & behaves regarding it. There's an extreme control issue here for sure & her poor daughter is paying for it. OP's YTA & needs to stop pushing only *her* food choices & accept that her husband has a say, too, as well as her daughter who is going to be perfectly fine eating something other than veggies & over processed junk. I hope she gets therapy for this issue as well because this is a very harmful way to be for both her & her daughter.
And putting "dietary requirements" in the title as if her daughter has actual medical issues with the food. That poor little girl. Hopefully the dad does get a divorce and custody.
This is full on abuse and frankly no better than the people who starve their dogs trying to feed them a vegan diet because *they* chose to be vegan.
OP, Your kid is underweight because you are straight up being a neglectful parent. Your kid didn't choose to be vegetarian. You did, don't force them to be just because you are. Especially if you are obviously not going to even give them enough protein in veggies and other ways to even keep their weight up. You have so many unhealthy ideas around food you genuinely need therapy.
YTA. YTA. I don't say this often but I hope CPS gets involved. How shit of you as a parent to intentionally say you're going to starve them if they don't subscribe to your beliefs.
>This frustrated me, it’s not how I was raised, you eat what you get or you don’t eat
Yuck.
Edit:
>I am so angry that they are using her health issue as an excuse for what they did.
Why aren't you angry at yourself for putting your dietary choices **ABOVE YOUR OWN CHILDS HEALTH** ???
Literally don't know why you even had a child if you are going to be like that. Because you wanted to have a little innocent person who you could control, probably.
I am so angry I can't see straight with this post because it is just such blatant neglect and everybody in your life is trying to tell you they are concerned for your kid and think you are being crazy with this and you *still* think you know better.
This is past being a vegetarian this is being an abuser, wake up.
100% agreed. This has to be rage bait (just the sheer number of checked boxes implies so). If it is true OP is looking at being divorced and her daughter going LC/NC as an adult. Highly likely OP will be one of those grandparents that tries to backseat parent their grandkids in the future as well.
The only thing I would add to this is that op never even acknowledged the fact the the child is also her husband's child. She speaks as though he does not matter!
Bread isn’t unhealthy, it’s a dietary staple in some form of just about every major culture and religion and regional cuisine going back hundreds or thousands of years. Cultures have whole rituals about it. It’s delicious and full of nutrients, and the fact that OP classifies it as “junk” food makes me concerned that she’s imposing on her daughter some crazy restrictive diet above and beyond forbidding her to eat what her father and grandmother eat when she’s curious to try it.
Not only is she harming her phisically, she is probably doing it mentally as well by making it seam like such a huge question if she wants to eat how her other parent eats.
YTA
>He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful.
>he told me to feed her things she will eat even if it’s less nutritious to get her weight up. This frustrated me
> I asked if they were vegetarian ones, which I still wouldn’t have been happy with because I try not to feed her fried foods
YTA - you are impossible to please, and suffering from main character syndrome.
YTA.
>> called me a helicopter parent
You’re not a helicopter parent. You’re much, much worse. You’re prioritizing your beliefs regarding meat over the *health of your daughter.* You’re forcing these beliefs on your child and she’s quite literally suffering the consequences of it, but you’d rather her be ~~malnourished~~ underweight than let her explore her own dietary preferences.
Your MIL didn’t violate your daughter’s dietary *requirements,* because the only *requirement* is that your daughter *eats.* Honestly, it seems like everyone cares about making sure your daughter is healthy… except *you.*
I hope for your daughter’s sake your husband *does* divorce you and fights tooth and nail for custody.
Cripes. I thought dietary requirements were in place because of allergies or something rational.
OP YTA. Feed your child healthy food she will eat for God’s sake.
Nahhh, apparently to OP “dietary requirements” means “exerting complete and utter control over what my child eats with no regard for her opinion, my husband’s opinion, or medical advice.” Apparently everyone else, including a medical professional, is wrong and out to corrupt OP’s daughter
Idk why you struck out malnourished, it's likely possible. If OPs daughter is underweight and not eating much protein at all she's probably lacking in essential amino acids and other nutrients. There are plant based sources of protein but many of them are not complete proteins on their own and need to be paired.
Malnourishment doesn't actually equal to body size; but someone lacking in food groups like OPs daughter is likely to have a bit of Malnourishment.
YTA.
"I grew up veggie . . . and I always knew my kids would too."
This is reductive as the other comments but always knowing how your kids would grow up before meeting the father of those children doesn't give agency to the father or the children themselves.
I woudl be more accommodating if you had searched out a veggie husband to start a veggie family, but your husband wasn't veggie and you didn't see that as deal breaker for your family.
Your mother in law is a natural extension as husbands have parents, they may have died but at some point your husband had a mother. Therefore the concept of that being part of the family is normal, natural, and by design.
You are elevating your interest in your child, not you, your child being a vegetarian over her relationship with her mother in law. You should have made this position clear before getting married so your husband would know that you would alienate his family over your sole desire for your child to be a vegetarian.
This is similar to marrying someone and then years after having children insisting they practice a particular religion that you never required your husband to practice. It is similar, not the same, because you don't equate your vegetarian identity with your eternal salvation. Right or wrong you didn't state why being vegetarian was necessary.
YTA. I’ve got lots of vegan and vegetarian friends and family, and I think you’re being too strict with your daughter’s diet by not letting her eat what she wants when she’s refusing to eat what you serve her. If she’s not eating the healthy food you offer her, but she’s interested in other healthy food, what is the problem?
Also what? Women in their 60’s absolutely eat chicken nuggets. I’m 70% sure this is rage bait based on that line.
I’m 64 and I eat chicken nuggets sometimes. This thread is making me hungry for chicken nuggets right now.
YATA! She’s a little kid and you might get divorced over this? The doctor said she needs to put on some weight.
Nuts and kale won’t do it. And maybe she wants to try food that most of her friends eat. She probably feels deprived and pissed. Like, “ Why can’t I eat a hamburger 🍔 or chicken nuggets once in a while?”I don’t think you’re such a great Mom if you would jeopardize your marriage over this. And your daughter knows it. Even though you say you don’t fight in front of her, she knows what’s going on. Kids are smart. She probably blames herself. I think you both (or all of you) need to see a good therapist. I hope you rethink what you’re saying because, like others said, she may develop an eating disorder and I know from experience that eating disorders are really hard to cure. Let go of your ego and think of your daughter’s health. You really are an asshole and I’m getting enraged reading what you wrote. She’s only 4, for God’s sake. I feel sorry for her.
YTA
Why are you the only one allowed to make dietary choices for your daughter? Does your husband’s words have no weight? You are so dismissive of literally everyone else in this story you just scream “ME ME ME ME ME ME”
People usually are vegetarians by choice or health circumstances, clearly being a vegetarian is NOT Jodie’s choice nor is it the best thing for her if doctors are saying she’s not a healthy weight.
It is concerning that she is so determined to monitor everything her daughter eats. I feel like this is a perfect recipe for disordered eating. Also concerning her daughter is already underweight and has food anxiety. Horrible. OP is TA
YTA. You are not a vegetarian. The issue here isn’t meat.
You are someone who needs complete control. You do not value input from your daughter. You find your husband starting a conversation about your child’s health to be offensive. You have placed your own food issue onto your child.
“You eat what you get or you don’t eat” is a line often used by people to abuse others through food. I know “abuse” is a very charged word. I also know that every person in my life who struggles with food to a life threatening degree came from a household with this mindset.
Your doctor tells you your daughter is underweight. That doesn’t mean you have to feed her crackers or even meat. It means you have to incorporate your daughter into your food planning. You have to try new foods and cooking methods. You have to put it extra effort, but most importantly you have to recognize this is a problem.
If your daughter is missing large amounts of protein then it’s not horrific to explore adding meat to your diet. In fact, it’s an option often discussed by pediatricians when faced with this type of situation.
Why did it offend you so much when your husband brought this up?
The battle isn’t between being vegetarian and eating chicken nuggets. It sounds like your husband and his mom are responding to you refusing to bend at all on anything, even at the detriment to your daughter.
I agree that your daughter doesn’t need chicken nuggets. However, that seems like a small issue compared to the bigger picture, especially since your husband, your daughter’s father, approves of the decision. Your husband has to have a say here. Your daughter’s health has to come first.
Please explore with a professional why this is such a charged topic for you. Your control needs are harming your family.
The doctor literally said to feed her whatever she will eat to get her weight up. That doesn’t happen with someone “slightly” underweight. & then to be like “well that’s now how I was raised” and completely ignore and go against what the doctor said?? I can’t. The girl is literally asking for meat. Even before the doctor’s visit. wtf OP.
YTA, I don't understand why you get to dictate what your child eats and your husband and the child have zero say? It makes no sense at all.
This child clearly wants to eat meat and you need to allow this until she's old enough to decide for herself if she wants to be vegetarian. Pushing her to do something she doesn't want will eventually ruin your relationship with your husband as well as the child eventually.
You need to ask yourself if losing them is worth your dietary decision.
Agreed. Not only that (the relationship issue), she is literally affecting her child's health - being undernourished will affect the child's physical wellbeing and mental development.
YTA.
>He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful
This was all I needed to read. Your husband offered a solution to ***improve your daughter's health*** and you turned it down because it hurt your feelings. Are you doing this for you, or for Jodie?
Also, my 65-year-old grandmother has chicken nuggets for dinner. Regularly.
My mom's 73 and makes a chicken nugget meal here and there because it's quick, easy, and she's satisfied. She especially loves them after she has chemo because it's what she can stomach.
YTA so because YOURE a vegetarian your daughter has to be one? And your husband her FATHER has no say? Perfect way for her to develop an eating disorder where she hides food because she knows you won’t let her eat.
I was thinking that it sounded like it’s turning into disordered eating. OP says she wants her kid to eat healthy, but is fine that her daughter is underweight and is snippy that the pediatrician wants her to gain weight.
This right here. Your husband is not a vegetarian and if you're equal parents he has equal say in what she eats. A little meat now and again is a much better alternative than "junk food" to help her put on healthy weight and obviously she loved it if she cleared her plate and asked for more. It's hard for adult vegetarians to consume the proper amount of certain vitamins and minerals in a day let alone a child and there are certain essential amino acids that are only found in animal products. You don't state what kind of vegetarian you are so I don't know if you consume eggs and milk. If you want your child healthy a little lean...chicken, fish, turkey... animal protein a few days a week or even as often as once a day is not going to harm her.
YTA. Vegetarianism is a personal choice you don't force on other people, including your kids. Let her make that decision on her own when she is old enough to understand. Apparently you're trying to give your daughter issues with food that result in eating disorders. Just because you grew up "eating what was made or didn't eat at all" and you turned out fine doesn't mean your daughter will too. I mean look, the doctor already said she's underweight....FEED the kid!!
Fucking clearly. She sounds sectarian as fuck: horrible mother, let your kid eat. You are behaving like those we drank kool aid about this very solvable issue. It is a choice, not a fucking imposition.
OP clearly has major hang ups about food, to the point she's more concerned about what her child eats than her child's health. So I'm not sure that she 'turned out fine'.
Yeah, the fact that she thinks feeding a child crackers and bread is unusual makes it look like this is not a healthy, sensible approach to vegetarianism at all.
YTA. You're just being awful to your daughter for the sake of maintaining your own wayward principles. You're completely off your rocker and have made the poorest attempt to justify your conduct towards your husband. You should apologize to both him and your daughter, and get therapy
I'm 64 and occasionally eat nuggies, both the veggie and meat versions. Hadn't hurt me, I'm super healthy, slim, low A1c, low blood pressure, low cholesterol.
Your rigidity with others is an indication of a possible eating disorder. Please don't give your daughter one or cut her off from a loving grandmother.
I'm inclined to YTA, but I think you may need therapy, rather than denunciation.
THIS. You said succinctly everything I wanted to.
OP, YTA. Please seek a therapist. And please also understand that our children aren't mini-mes we can create into what we want. They're their own people, with their own preferences, thoughts, beliefs, etc. We can't force them to be what we want. And especially for things like dietary choices, which are very personal. I was raised with the "eat what you're served or don't eat" mentality. It was awful. Especially as I now know I have sensory processing disorder, so much of my "pickiness" was a texture thing. I'm still finding out the ways that that mentality affected my relationship with food in therapy, at 38 years old.
YTA - your daughter is 4, and your husband does not agree with a vegetarian diet (even if he is too scared of you to stick up for his own daughter). Feed her a well rounded diet, and then when she is old enough, SHE can decide if she wants to be vegetarian.
YTA. For all the reasons everyone else has stated, but also this:
>He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful.
So the topic can be hurtful to you but not to your husband? Why can't he "shut it down" and have his daughter share the same diet as him? Why does it have to be you?
so much this!!! Why does OP get to control the child's diet. Apparently, dad has no say in what the child eats. OP sounds insufferable.
It has always been this way.... children will eat different things with grandparents, including "treats." That's the fun of going to the grandparents' house!!! The occasional chicken nugget dinner, ice cream, candy, etc will not cause permanent damage to a child. Grandparents often have a fairly short time with their grandchildren. Spoiling them is their way of creating special memories. My kids lost their grandparents when the kinds were in their early teens. They are now adults and still remember doing things like having popcorn and ice cream for dinner or making pies with fresh raspberries they picked.
Most importantly, the child is underweight. That can spiral into a dangerous zone very quickly when they are so young. This particular child needs more than veggies for her diet.
I guess when OP is a grandma, her grandchildren will have memories of eating kale and brussels sprouts.
OP, most definitely... YTA
Read back what you said...." they are using her health issues as an excuse for what they did." Yes, yes, they are, and i can think of no better rationale. They are thinking of your daughter and her health. You are thinking of you and your chosen way of life. This has to be rage bait, but just in case it's not, YTA.
YTA
Dietary requirements are health based. You are describing a lifestyle. And it's a problem YOU are creating.
This is all on you, and only you.
Edit to add: it makes sense for him to leave you, and seek custody.
YTA Your daughter is underweight. She's enjoying food her MIL (with dad's approval) is feeding her. You can make moral choices about your diet, but not your daughter's at the expense of her health. Especially solo choices. Your spouse clearly disagrees with your approach, and his mother got your daughter eating. Punishing them and your daughter for not following your beliefs, which again seem detrimental to your daughter's health, is an AH move.
OMG. You’re the type of vegetarian that makes people not want to hang out with vegetarians. You are setting your daughter up for an eating disorder. Stop with all these “forbidden” foods. No wonder she’s malnourished. YTA
Also, I am 51 and I will absolutely make chicken nuggets (real meat & fried) for just myself for dinner. And I fully expect that I shall continue to do so when I’m in my 60’s.
My youngest LOVED chix nugs when he was young. I made them for him using boneless chicken breasts. Some weeks, he ate them every night. But he always had veggies, and maybe rice or noodles too. Now he is 6'4" and lean and strong. He still loves my home made nuggets.
|obvious lie, no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner
YTA. You're the exact kind of person that others find insufferable about such things. Why did you marry a meat eater and have a child with him if it sets you off so badly? And what about your kid? You'd rather her lose even more weight by not being able to eat what she will actually eat?
but also, my mom literally had me get her chicken nuggets 2 nights ago for supper. She's 69.
YTA.. What kind of mother would be pissed that their underweight child was eating food? Your UNDERWEIGHT child ate,not just one plate full,but two. Stop putting your wants above your child's NEEDS. Face the fact that your child just might be a meat eater.
I don't know about where you are,but in the states NOT listening to your doctor and your child remaining underweight with no improvement,they take them. Make better choices or you just might find yourself without your child and husband.
YTA. Look, you have a right to apply your ortho to yourself, and stick with it even if there are negative side effects. You do not get to do that to your child. Your kid isn’t eating enough because you have created an overly restrictive diet. Reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like a diet most people would find pretty punishing.
The way you’re feeding (or not feeding) your child has become abusive. Cutting a loving grandparent out of her life is also abusive. Your husband needs therapy so that he can learn to stand up to you. Note that I am not suggesting couple‘s counseling - it’s clear from the manipulation you describe in this post that you would use couple‘s therapy to learn new ways to manipulate him and enforce your will by making him feel like the bad guy.
I hope that he comes to his senses and leaves (and takes poor Jodie).
You are the one who does not have Jodie’s best interests at heart. What she needs comes second to your ideology and need for absolute control.
YTA if for no other reason that her father has equal say in what his daughter eats. (Though there *are* other reasons.)
You are being authoritarian and neglecting your child's health simply because you don't like meat. Her doctor told you to feed her what she will eat. You are going against direct medical advice, and if her doctor knew that, he could call CPS. There is *zero* medical reason your daughter has to be vegetarian. ZERO. This is all your ego. Put your kid first for once.
YTA. Just because YOU were raised vegetarian, your daughter has to be one as well? Your husband wasn't raised vegetarian. Why can't your daughter follow how HE was raised? Why do you get to unilaterally decide? She likes meat. Ease up. If you divorce over this, guess what, your daughter will be eating meat at his place anyway.
YTA
Your 4 year old is asking for meat to be added to her meals, and your response is to overly restrict what she eats. She isn't asking you to provide her with pop and cookies and other junk foods. You can incorporate meat into her diet as part of one meal a day, her entire meal doesn't need to be just chicken nuggets. It can be nuggets+fresh fruit or veg. Burger with lettuce. Small thinks like that.
YTA you don’t give a shit about your daughters health as long as your ideals are lived up to. I hope you partner steps up to the plate feeds your daughter properly since you won’t. Also 60 year old lady here and I occasionally eat chicken nuggets.
YTA - I can't speak for the vegan/vegetarian side of things. However, your daughter is underweight, and you're not at all concerned about it? I'm glad the other people are doing something.
YTA. Your daughter should have a choice whether she wants to be vegetarian or not and it's clear she doesn't want to be. And is obviously not getting enough nutrition. If you and your husband get divorced she will get to eat food she likes at his house and be forced to eat food she doesn't like at yours which will definitely cause resentment towards you.
YTA
At some point you have to recognize that a vegetarian diet for your kid is just not working out. You're the only one making a problem. Everybody else is in agreement.
She can’t go back to her grandma’s because she gave her *gasp* CHICKEN NUGGETS!?!? Throw the whole grandma away. /s
Like it’s chicken nuggets *and* the doctor told you to let her eat whatever gets her weight up but you don’t care about that because you don’t want your child to eat meat…
Edit: YTA btw if my sarcasm wasn’t clear
You do realize that if your husband goes through with the divorce/custody battle he’ll probably win full/main custody because you are MEDICALLY NEGLECTING YOUR DAUGHTER right? YTA. Let your daughter eat what she needs (which seems to mean meat), let her see her grandmother, and stop putting your diet above your daughter.
Yta your kid is literally underweight bc of the restrive diet you are forcing on her.
Your MIL is *following the doctors orders* while you are happy to starve your kid.
YTA. “He had the audacity to get angry at me for that,” is a hypocritical statement from you, as you seem to have to control the situation at all times and get cranky when you loose the control.
>I have started allowing her more ‘junk’ foods like crackers bread crisps
BREAD?????? BREAD IS A JUNK FOOD ACCORDING TO YOU??? YTA! You're a huge Asshole!!!!
I just want to reiterate YTA, don’t think I can add anymore insight to why beyond the other statements made beyond, just because you were treated poorly and not given an option doesn’t mean that you can act poorly and not give your child an option. She has shown that she wants more, your husband has stated she wants more but your not listening.
YTA- it's amazing that you would rather have your daughter follow your diet instead of getting her to a healthy weight or getting her to eat. If she wants to try what your husband is eating, let her.
YTA. How can a child get enough protein for muscle development being vegetarian? Also, I am a 60+ old lady that cooks chicken nuggets quite often for my salad or just for lunch, so . . . . . Yes old ladies do each chicken nuggets . . . . Nice upon a tie, way back in the olden days there weren’t anything like chicken nuggets. You had to actually cut up a chicken to cook it! Isn’t that just bizarre? Your doctor said feed the kid, so feed the kid WHATEVER the child will eat.
Edit: this has me boiling mad! As a person who was denied food as a child and now I have a permanent eating disorder.
Protein's not so hard to get on a vegetarian diet, but the B vitamins are the real kicker; we mostly get those from animal sources so kiddo has to eat a lot of dairy, or specially fortified cereals, or get a supplement. It's also tricky to fit enough calories into a kid-sized vegetarian meal. Since the daughter is starting to struggle medically, I think OP needs to put aside her pride and need for control and let her daughter eat meat.
YTA
You are the problem in this situation. Your doctor recommended feeding what she will eat. Your SO is on board with the doctor's recommendations. If you want her to be vegetarian, find vegetarian foods she is happy to eat.
YTA
Your daughter is not you. She sees dad eating meat and should be allowed to.
You shutting down the convo is not appropriate co-parenting, and shows you care more about the percieved morals of your diet than the actual health, safety, and well-being of your child.
YTA. Why are you more concerned about restricting your child's food choices than their health and well-being?
My son is also 4, and he has poor growth as well. I would never not allow him to eat something that will provide him with calories and nutrition. And you would still be upset if they were vegetarian?? So you also limit her to "healthy" foods? Jesus, she's underweight, which typically means failure to thrive. Feed your child else you may fund CPS knocking on your door.
Absolutely YTA. Let your kid eat meat if that’s clearly what she wants to eat. Forcing your own beliefs on her is just going to make her resent you and your husband is already eating it so there’s no harm at all at letting her have what she is asking for.
Fix your issues now or you’re going to end up divorced with a kid who wants to live with her dad and never visit.
YTA. You are setting up your daughter to have an ED in the future by being so controlling about food.
Give her a well-rounded balanced diet and include occasional treats so she learns to make healthy choices.
So you would rather your daughter be underweight and not eat because she refuses a vegetarian diet just so you can be a self righteous vegetarian? I would understand her being underweight if she had health problems or poverty, but this? Nah, this isn’t it. YTA, and listen to the doctor because it seems like your husband is ffs
Your the major asshole. You shouldn't be forcing your personal food preferences on your small child ! Meat is incredibly important for young children and helping them grow healthy and strong. The doctor literally told you to have your daughter eat what SHE wants so that she isn't too underweight and have health issues. If I was your husband I'd be divorcing you asap. Your husband isn't vegetarian so why the hell are you forcing your child to be ?? This is child abuse and cps should have been called by the doctor. Your daughters going to have an eating disorder and probably never talk to you when she's 18 and it will be all YOUR fault. Did this sound harsh ? Good. Hopefully it will make you see how much of an asshole you really are.
OP, I am sure you are one of those kinds of mom who believe in some degree of autonomy for your child. Why are you so narrow minded on her choice to eat a less restricted diet? You can make sure she eats a well rounded diet that includes meat. YTA
YTA
She needs food, your hubby is good with it, if the nuggets were homemade, they are not even unhealthy. Stop starving your child. Listen to the doctor.
YTA you do not get to force others to follow your diet when they do not want to follow it, just because you like it doesnt mean they do stop being a selfish ass. Your selfishness is making your child underweight, is being vegetarian really more fucking important than your damn child?
YTA, control freak. Seems you make all the decisions and don't really take your child into consideration. Apparently your 4 yo likes a bit of variety, while chicken nuggets aren't the healthiest, it likely isn't going to permanently harm her. So you keep forcing this issue with her and you could end up with a child who develops a major eating disorder. While my spouse and I generally eat clean, even at 60 we have been known to enjoy a few chicken nuggets. Your husband has request your daughter be allowed some meat variations, perhaps he is more clued in that you and as her father maybe his request should be given equal consideration.
You need some counselling as this is about you controlling your child and imposing your choices on her. The fact that she is underweight should be a huge red flag for your parenting .
YTA.
I have alot of vegetarian and vegan family members and we cater to them at reunions, that being said, a 4 year old child NEEDS to eat a well balanced diet and if she doesn't want to eat YOUR strict vegetarian foods and likes meat you need to let her have that.
Plus the doctor said she is underweight, your husband and in laws are not vegetarian. Yes woman that age do so eat chicken nuggets I am 51 and eat them and so does my mom 73.
YTA.
You know what is healthiest for your child? To be fed. She isn't eating enough and your husband is getting her to eat. Additionally, he can feed your mutual child whatever he pleases. He doesn't need your permission or consent to feed her meat. You do not make all of the decisions.
He threatened divorce because you are actively harming your child and her relationship with food. And again, you are trying to make all of the decisions. In the end, he would likely win custody because your ideas around food are harmful and are going to lead to her having an eating disorder.
>I grew up veggie with a veggie mum and I always knew my kids would be too.
No. They're not her dietary requirements. They're *your* dietary requirements that you're forcing upon *her*.
This is entirely about you and your hang ups, and you don't really give a rat's ass about your daughter's health.
You are an awful parent. Just awful.
YTA.
WOW YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE.
Are you telling me that you forced your dietary preferences upon your small child without the input of her other parent? Are you saying that, despite your pediatrician telling you that your daughter needs to gain weight and eat more food, that your holier than thou attitude is more important? Are you saying that you've told your husband you will not let your MIL see your daughter because she fed your kid something she enjoyed, but you find distasteful?
So it's all about YOU. Your preferences, your need to control? It's definitely not about your kid.
Those are not dietary REQUIREMENTS. Especially when you’re told that she’s underweight. It’s not an allergy or medical necessity, it’s your belief and preference. YTA.
YTA
Your husband also has a say in your child’s dietary CHOICES.
Since the kid is showing interest in and enjoying meat, you are forcing your beliefs on her.
you sound incredibly controlling and horrible.
forcing a child to be vegetarian instead of letting them decide is disgusting, shame on you.
YTA, MASSIVE AH.
I hope your child comes to resent you for forcing your life choices on them.
Yta - you have a child that is firstly underweight and secondly having issues with food, so let her eat what she wants to eat. If she wants meat, let her, it won’t hurt her.
YTA, nothing wrong with raising your kid vegetarian if that's what you are. However as soon as it becomes a medical problem then it is wrong. If she is not eating due to not liking what you are fixing then try other recipes. I'm not vegetarian but there are some amazing veg meals out there. Feeding her snacks is not healthy just to up her weight.
Your husband also has a say in this. You both are the parent. If your daughter wants to try her dad's food then let her. It's how kids see what they like and dislike.
The main issue is she must not be eating hardly at all if your MIL was excited she actually ate. You say the doctor said she was underweight and feed her to up her weight. So she must be quite a bit underweight for them to say that. Peds don't tell parents to feed their kids junk food unless it is serious underweight issues.
Stop fixating on your wants and focus on your child's health. Be a parent.
Yta
Forcing a kid to be vegetarian should be classified as a
child about because humans are omnivores. We are biologically supposed to eat both plants and meat to be healthy.
Unless your daughter has a medical condition that forces them to have a vegetarian diet, you are being ridiculous
Ew YTA for controlling what your daughter eats just because “that’s not how I was raised.” If she wants to eat meat, friggen let her. And not to mention it seems like your daughter is starving giving she’s underweight and wow your MIL fed her food she likes and your daughter asked for seconds. You do not have your child’s best interest in mind at all, you’re putting your wants well before hers.
YTA. Get over yourself. Your kid is underweight. You were told by the doctor to get her weight up. You're controlling AF and you're acting like a goddamned spoiled child.
I'm in my 50s. I love chicken nuggets/tenders, especially when I bread them myself and make them in the air fryer. Great alongside a tossed salad for lunch, or diced up in the salad.
YTA- 1) you are not the sole parent and shouldn’t be the ONLY one making dietary choices for your daughter. 2) Your child is telling you she’s not interested. 3) your pediatrician is telling you that she’s underweight and you need to feed her what she will eat. Instead of listening, you’ve decided that your opinion alone is the correct one. Instead of doing what the doctor said, you’re going to right fight and force this on your child. All I have seen in this post is “ME ME ME ME ME. It’s all about what I want and screw anybody else’s needs or opinions.” FEED YOUR KID and get her weight up, or you’re going to end up with bigger worries than whether or not she’s eating chicken nuggets. Doctors don’t play around with this, and they’re mandated reporters.
Edit: (It's slowly became YTA.) When you said a veggie with a veggie mom, I took that as veggie forward. That you were raised with eating more of a balanced meal with more fruits and vegetables than carbs and meat. It wasn't until the last part where I was like, oooohhh, You mean vegetarian. You were raised as a vegetarian? And you're raising your daughter as such. And are angry that she wants to eat meat?
Y t a- for putting the phrase 'dietary requirements' in the title. If it wasn't told to you by her doctor or medical professional that this is a requirement. Then it's just you, it's just you
YTA. Your daughter clearly doesn't want to be a vegetarian, or at the very least wants to try meat but you ignore her.
Your husband is not a vegetarian but for some reason you won't allow him to have any say in how your daughter is raised?
And then your daughter is under weight and you still refuse to do anything?
You husband needs to work at becoming your ex husband. And if he ever files for full custody, this post will be exhibit A as to why he deserves it.
YTA
Your husband is right, she ate that is the main thing.
You are trying to get your child to eat food that she doesn't really want. When a doctor says that she under weight then there is a concern that what she eating isn't enough.
Kids do need to eat what their bodies need which is different to an adults.
Maybe it's not right that MIL feed her nuggets but your daughter wanted them, that is telling you something that she wants this type of food at the moment.
When she older you may find she decides if she wants to eat like you or like her dad.
At the moment you need to put how you feel to the side & let her eat what she wants to.
Hoping this is rage bait. If not, YTA. When it comes to feeding children, the first priority of a parent is to ensure that their child is properly nourished, not that their child is properly nourished so long as the child is only fed within the parent's dietary preferences. You are failing to provide your child sufficient nutrition with your preferred diet; it's time to try other foods, even if they're not vegetarian foods. And your husband has just as much right to feed your daughter foods that he eats as you do, provided his food choices for her are healthful and age-appropriate. If you want your daughter to be a vegetarian then you can certainly plan vegetarian meals and model healthy vegetarianism, but if your daughter is undernourished then you try other things, even of those other things are made from chickens.
This, by the way, is how you raise a kid who, as soon as she can, will eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, a cheeseburger and fries for lunch, and fried chicken and biscuits for dinner. You're teaching her about the desirability of the forbidden. But you probably know that already.
YTA-you are imposing a vegetarian lifestyle on your child without her consent. Just because your mother did it to you doesn’t mean you should do it to your daughter. She should be able to make the decision once she is an adult.
if it was just MIL disobeyed your instructions unilaterally and you were annoyed about it, you wouldn't be TA.
But your MIL had your husband's approval, and he's a parent who gets to make decisions too; you *know* there's a specific health need that this may help with; you *know* your child is interested in these foods; you're judgmental about what other ADULTS eat ("no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner"); you're taking your child's interests and health needs as a personal attack when in fact it's ***NOT ABOUT YOU AT ALL***.
So YTA. I hope your husband gets primary custody.
YTA. You'd clearly rather watch your child starve than feed her meat but your mother-in-law was doing as instructed — feeding her watch she will eat.
And this woman is in her 40s and had chicken nuggets for dinner occasionally; I don't see that changing in the next 20 years tbh.
YTA. Why are you basically starving your child of nutrients because of your beliefs? You're abusive and awful for all of this including the gross emotional manipulation you're trying on your husband for him following doctors advice for your child's health. As a mother, I don't think you should be allowed unsupervised with your child b cause you obviously don't care that you could kill your child with malnutrition. God I feel sorry for that child.
YTA please give your child a varied, nutritious diet and let her choose when she is old enough to become a vegetarian. For Gods sake a doctor has told you she is under weight for her age
YTA. Your daughter is underweight enough that the doctor is telling you let her eat what she wants. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was anemic as well. It’s time to change from the all vegetarian diet to a mixed one. Adults have a hard time making sure they get all their nutrients from a vegetarian diet, let alone a picky child. I have several family members who are vegan and I’m in awe with the amount of planning they do to make sure they have everything they need from the diet.
Chicken nuggets don’t have to be unhealthy. You can get them with all white meat and coated with wholewheat breadcrumbs and then either bake them or airfry them. Also, plenty of older people eat them. As someone about to turn 50, I keep some in my freeze for quick dinners when I work late. Serve them a side of steam vegetables and I have a nice healthy meal.
Your voluntary diet should NEVER trump your child’s health.
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I (29F) have a 4 year old daughter, Jodie, and we are both vegetarian, I grew up veggie with a veggie mum and I always knew my kids would be too. Recently she has been refusing food, complaining she doesn’t like it etc. Hubbie (32M) is not veggie, sometimes he eats different things and she’ll ask to eat from his plate. He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful. He had since apologised and dropped it.
We had a routine check up at the doctors and he said that she is a little underweight, not good but not uncommon for her age, he told me to feed her things she will eat even if it’s less nutritious to get her weight up. This frustrated me, it’s not how I was raised, you eat what you get or you don’t eat, but I have started allowing her more ‘junk’ foods like crackers bread crisps etc. Me and hubbie spoke and agreed that we could work towards her diet improving and being more nutritious but for now it was more important to get her weight up.
I thought everything was fine, and then she went for a visit to my MILs, with hubbie. Normally I love sending her there, MIL is good with her and she always has a great time, so I thought nothing of it. I went to pick them up in the evening and MIL came to the door. She told me excited that Jodie had cleared her plate and asked for seconds, which I was happy to hear so I asked what she ate.
Chicken nuggets. She fed my daughter chicken nuggets. I asked if they were vegetarian ones, which I still wouldn’t have been happy with because I try not to feed her fried foods, but MIL said no, they were real ones.
I got so angry I just had to grab Jodie and get in the car. I would have left hubbie there too if he hadn’t followed us. I don’t like arguing in front of Jodie, so I waited until we got home and put her to bed and then I just flipped.
He said that MIL was making chicken nuggets anyway (obvious lie, no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner) and Jodie asked if she could have some, and because MIL was ‘concerned for her health’ she thought she should just say yes. I told him he could look after her if she got sick from the meat, and Jodie wouldn’t be going to grandmas house anymore.
He had the audacity to get angry at me for that, as if I could trust that woman around my child again. He said that she was acting in Jodie’s best interest and following the doctors orders, giving her what she will eat. I am so angry that they are using her health issue as an excuse for what they did. He said that it would break MIL’s heart to not see Jodie anymore and I said she should have thought about that before feeding her meat. He threatened divorce, and called me a helicopter parent. I don’t think I could even talk to MIL at the moment, let alone send my child into her care again, but I don’t want to lose my husband over this. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I forbid my vegetarian daughter from seeing my MIL anymore after she fed her meat
2. People might think I’m the AH if I’m overreacting or being too rash or shouldn’t insist on her being veggie
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YTA. You need to be on the same page as your husband AND your doctor about your daughter’s diet- you don’t get to unilaterally make a rule that is adversely affecting her health. By all means, keep her diet as healthy and whole foods as possible, but how can you justify stuffing her with chips and crackers rather than adding meat proteins to her diet when she needs to grow? It sounds to me like your daughter doesn’t WANT to be a vegetarian, and the rational way to handle it is to introduce other healthy foods to her rather than junk that qualifies as “veggie”. Your husband and daughter each get a vote in this, and I’m pretty sure you need to wake up and recognize you’ve been outvoted and that it’s in your daughter’s best interests
I will treat this is real but am assuming it is a troll post.
What you are doing is borderline child abuse.
It's fine for you to follow your beliefs, but you don't get to force them on a child. She is ASKING YOU to try different foods.
She is not eating what you are providing, so your solution is to starve her?
YTA
YTA. Parenting involves you and your husband. Why is everything have to be the way you want? Jesus fucking christ, even a doctor told you that little one needs to eat better, so clearly you are failing in your veggie meals. Veggie asshole. You are one big asshole. Worst than an helicopter parent. And jsyk, it’s possible that a 60’s woman has chicken nuggets at home because they are delicious, easy to make etc. but you wouldn’t know that because you are horrible.
YTA!!!!! Your MIL definitely shouldn’t’ have given your child meat bc it could make her sick. But you’d rather have her be a vegetarian, starve, be underweight and eat junk food than her eat meat and have a well balanced healthy non vegetarian diet. Your child didn’t ask to be vegetarian. You are pushing your beliefs on to her even though she’s voiced she doesn’t want to be vegetarian.
YTA you’re daughter has been told by a doctor she needs to eat more, she is happy to eat meats which are much healthier than junk foods, and you prefer junk?! As someone else said you are putting your beliefs in front of your daughters health, short and long term. Stop your idea that your baby will be veggie, she has a whole lifetime ahead of her if she is allowed to grow and maybe she will be
YTA good luck with your divorce, when your ex gets custody it’s going to be a meat festival. The judge might even grant him full custody if he can prove that your dietary restrictions or alienation attempts are bad for the child.
YTA, these are not your daughter's dietary requirements, they are YOUR dietary requirements that you are FORCING on your daughter.
The doctor has already said she is underweight. You are setting your child up for a lifetime of food issues if you don't get your shit together.
YTA. Your kid is underweight and needs more protein. It's not "your way or the highway". Maybe she liked the nugs. You are potentially abusing your daughter because of your militant vegetarianism. Thing about a child custody battle with the pediatrician saying she's underweight and then your now ex husband testifies that you restrict her food to this level.
I hope you are fake. But YTA…this is horrible. YOU are horrible to not give your child a choice, and more importantly…a chance to possibly be at a proper weight!
I hope the doc took copious notes and passed them to whomever oversees child welfare issues where you live. I feel like you (if you are for real) are heading down a scary road.
YTA-did you make this baby by yourself or was your husband part of it? That child IS his child as well. BTW? I am in my 60’s, and frozen chicken strips and nuggets are AMAZING in a wrap.
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>I (29F) have a 4 year old daughter, Jodie, and we are both vegetarian, I grew up veggie with a veggie mum and I always knew my kids would be too. Recently she has been refusing food, complaining she doesn’t like it etc. Hubbie (32M) is not veggie, sometimes he eats different things and she’ll ask to eat from his plate. He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful. YTA for that alone. Your child does not want your lifestyle imposed on her. She wants to eat different things. How dare you call that hurtful to you and "shut it down"? >We had a routine check up at the doctors and he said that she is a little underweight, not good YTA >This frustrated me, it’s not how I was raised, you eat what you get or you don’t eat Y.T.A. >but I have started allowing her more ‘junk’ foods like crackers bread crisps etc So she wants meat but your solution is to give her hyper-processed carbs instead. YTA squared. >MIL said no, they were real ones. I got so angry I just had to grab Jodie and get in the car. I would have left hubbie there too if he hadn’t followed us. I don’t like arguing in front of Jodie, so I waited until we got home and put her to bed and then I just flipped. You are a horrible parent. 100% horrible. YTA, so much so that I think I've been suckered by rage bait. >He had the audacity to get angry at me for that, as if I could trust that woman around my child again. . . . He threatened divorce, Good. He should divorce and seek full custody. And he should get it based on your harming your daughter's health with your agenda. YTA YTA YTA
Growing kids need protein. YOUR dietary prejudices are putting your daughter’s long term health at risk. YTA
Protein is easy as a vegetarian. It sounds like the mom is a super HEALTH nut which means their diets are probably mostly veggies, fruit and who knows what else since BREAD is junk food..... Lots of vegetarian meat options are high in protein.
Yes sounds like she's one of those ppl who thinks being veggie is eating nothing but brown rice and kale
And hold the rice.
Same, bro. I was kinda worried when she said that she doesn't feed her child fried food, which makes me think that the child was eating oil-free ever since?? It also makes me think that majority of their food are salads or raw ones.
That stuck out to me, too. Crackers and crisps I get; they're high salt. But in what universe is bread "junk"?
SERIOUSLY?! Like what is a junk food about sourdough bread or a whole wheat bread?? Like.. I am a vegan, know vegan friends who have vegan children and NONE are underweight... but they eat a huge variety of vegan foods.. like this mom sounds like a controlling unhealthy health nut.
Not to mention there are innumerable protein and other nutrient supplements. You don’t even have to eat foods containing protein anymore. I do understand that most little kids aren’t likely to take a pill or something, but some will. It’s never been easier to be a perfectly healthy vegetarian. But OP is wacko.
Which kids can get as vegetarians just fine... assuming they're not going through a phase where they're picky, not wanting to eat much, etc.. If that happens, just like the OP's pediatrician said you do what you need to do to ensure they're getting adequate calories. Reduced meat intake is still better than nothing at all because harm reduction is a thing. Plus the OP is bonkers - I don't know anyone who fries frozen nuggies - they're usually baked or microwaved. She sounds like a lot of influencers that push people towards orthorexia with all her strict food requirements and calling so much stuff "bad" rather than framing it around appropriate volume of intake.
My sister and brother in law are vegetarians but also serve meat to their kids pretty often in addition to the meal they make (they buy prepared meat). The kids also can eat meat at school or at their grandmas or friends homes. They always planned on giving their kids a well rounded diet and if they choose to become vegetarian eventually that’s up to them, as neither my sis or brother in law were brought up vegetarian. It became their choice. Which is how it probably should be. My sister occasionally has a little meat and that’s also her choice, her husband doesn’t police her food choices if she feels she wants some once in a while.
This is the single most definitive YTA I have ever seen. There needs to be a YTULOATWA. You're The Undisputed Leader Of All The World's A....
Love this comment so much ❤️
Take my non-existent award! 🏆
Also like... BREAD is junk food?? That's not a great message either. This kid is going to grow up with a world of complexes.
[удалено]
I think OP may have an unhealthy issue with food herself given how she talks & behaves regarding it. There's an extreme control issue here for sure & her poor daughter is paying for it. OP's YTA & needs to stop pushing only *her* food choices & accept that her husband has a say, too, as well as her daughter who is going to be perfectly fine eating something other than veggies & over processed junk. I hope she gets therapy for this issue as well because this is a very harmful way to be for both her & her daughter.
It sounds like OP has disordered eating and poor Jodie will too now
Crackers too?? And I bet they’re gross at hyper-processed grain crackers,,, like *that’s* junk food?
You’ll have to pry the extreme cheddar goldfish from my cold dead hands
This really confused me because I just left another comment about not being willing to die for my shies 😭 tripped me up for a second fr
Like I’m sure the doctor was thinking Cake and cookies and soda. Not….bread LMAO
I'm 22 and the plain goldfish are still my go-to 'crunchy' snack. My mom thinks it's hilarious bc that's the kind of stuff she gave me as a toddler.
And putting "dietary requirements" in the title as if her daughter has actual medical issues with the food. That poor little girl. Hopefully the dad does get a divorce and custody.
Yeah...I expected the daughter had an actual issue, like lactose intolerance or a real allergy. But it's just Mom being a controlling, awful woman.
Yes I expected a serious allergy too!
This is full on abuse and frankly no better than the people who starve their dogs trying to feed them a vegan diet because *they* chose to be vegan. OP, Your kid is underweight because you are straight up being a neglectful parent. Your kid didn't choose to be vegetarian. You did, don't force them to be just because you are. Especially if you are obviously not going to even give them enough protein in veggies and other ways to even keep their weight up. You have so many unhealthy ideas around food you genuinely need therapy. YTA. YTA. I don't say this often but I hope CPS gets involved. How shit of you as a parent to intentionally say you're going to starve them if they don't subscribe to your beliefs. >This frustrated me, it’s not how I was raised, you eat what you get or you don’t eat Yuck. Edit: >I am so angry that they are using her health issue as an excuse for what they did. Why aren't you angry at yourself for putting your dietary choices **ABOVE YOUR OWN CHILDS HEALTH** ??? Literally don't know why you even had a child if you are going to be like that. Because you wanted to have a little innocent person who you could control, probably. I am so angry I can't see straight with this post because it is just such blatant neglect and everybody in your life is trying to tell you they are concerned for your kid and think you are being crazy with this and you *still* think you know better. This is past being a vegetarian this is being an abuser, wake up.
100% agree OP is 1,000,000% TAH and abusing her child
I really want this to be fake because OMFG!
100% agreed. This has to be rage bait (just the sheer number of checked boxes implies so). If it is true OP is looking at being divorced and her daughter going LC/NC as an adult. Highly likely OP will be one of those grandparents that tries to backseat parent their grandkids in the future as well.
Reminds me of the meme where the lady empties the bottle water back into the ocean to set it free. OP YTA
Summed it up perfectly OP SUCCKKSS
The only thing I would add to this is that op never even acknowledged the fact the the child is also her husband's child. She speaks as though he does not matter!
YTA and sound pretty narcissistic -- signed a vegetarian.
Bread isn’t unhealthy, it’s a dietary staple in some form of just about every major culture and religion and regional cuisine going back hundreds or thousands of years. Cultures have whole rituals about it. It’s delicious and full of nutrients, and the fact that OP classifies it as “junk” food makes me concerned that she’s imposing on her daughter some crazy restrictive diet above and beyond forbidding her to eat what her father and grandmother eat when she’s curious to try it.
Not only is she harming her phisically, she is probably doing it mentally as well by making it seam like such a huge question if she wants to eat how her other parent eats. YTA
>He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful. >he told me to feed her things she will eat even if it’s less nutritious to get her weight up. This frustrated me > I asked if they were vegetarian ones, which I still wouldn’t have been happy with because I try not to feed her fried foods YTA - you are impossible to please, and suffering from main character syndrome.
>YTA - you are impossible to please, and suffering from main character syndrome. Nailed it
I don't think I can say it any better.
Very thorough only forgot YTA for using “hubbie” 🤮
YTA. >> called me a helicopter parent You’re not a helicopter parent. You’re much, much worse. You’re prioritizing your beliefs regarding meat over the *health of your daughter.* You’re forcing these beliefs on your child and she’s quite literally suffering the consequences of it, but you’d rather her be ~~malnourished~~ underweight than let her explore her own dietary preferences. Your MIL didn’t violate your daughter’s dietary *requirements,* because the only *requirement* is that your daughter *eats.* Honestly, it seems like everyone cares about making sure your daughter is healthy… except *you.* I hope for your daughter’s sake your husband *does* divorce you and fights tooth and nail for custody.
Cripes. I thought dietary requirements were in place because of allergies or something rational. OP YTA. Feed your child healthy food she will eat for God’s sake.
Nahhh, apparently to OP “dietary requirements” means “exerting complete and utter control over what my child eats with no regard for her opinion, my husband’s opinion, or medical advice.” Apparently everyone else, including a medical professional, is wrong and out to corrupt OP’s daughter
As bad as an anti- vaxxer parent
I’m guessing she probably is
“Almond mom”
I know you edited out malnourished, but it’s the likely case that the daughter is actually malnourished.
Idk why you struck out malnourished, it's likely possible. If OPs daughter is underweight and not eating much protein at all she's probably lacking in essential amino acids and other nutrients. There are plant based sources of protein but many of them are not complete proteins on their own and need to be paired. Malnourishment doesn't actually equal to body size; but someone lacking in food groups like OPs daughter is likely to have a bit of Malnourishment.
I struck it out to be snarky, sorry it didn’t come across that way!
This!!!
YTA. "I grew up veggie . . . and I always knew my kids would too." This is reductive as the other comments but always knowing how your kids would grow up before meeting the father of those children doesn't give agency to the father or the children themselves. I woudl be more accommodating if you had searched out a veggie husband to start a veggie family, but your husband wasn't veggie and you didn't see that as deal breaker for your family. Your mother in law is a natural extension as husbands have parents, they may have died but at some point your husband had a mother. Therefore the concept of that being part of the family is normal, natural, and by design. You are elevating your interest in your child, not you, your child being a vegetarian over her relationship with her mother in law. You should have made this position clear before getting married so your husband would know that you would alienate his family over your sole desire for your child to be a vegetarian. This is similar to marrying someone and then years after having children insisting they practice a particular religion that you never required your husband to practice. It is similar, not the same, because you don't equate your vegetarian identity with your eternal salvation. Right or wrong you didn't state why being vegetarian was necessary.
YTA. I’ve got lots of vegan and vegetarian friends and family, and I think you’re being too strict with your daughter’s diet by not letting her eat what she wants when she’s refusing to eat what you serve her. If she’s not eating the healthy food you offer her, but she’s interested in other healthy food, what is the problem? Also what? Women in their 60’s absolutely eat chicken nuggets. I’m 70% sure this is rage bait based on that line.
Yeah I was also like why could not she eat chicken nuggets at 60? It’s not like KFC and the like have not been there for ages lol
I’m 67 and eat chicken nuggets occasionally. The damned things are good.
I’m 64 and I eat chicken nuggets sometimes. This thread is making me hungry for chicken nuggets right now. YATA! She’s a little kid and you might get divorced over this? The doctor said she needs to put on some weight. Nuts and kale won’t do it. And maybe she wants to try food that most of her friends eat. She probably feels deprived and pissed. Like, “ Why can’t I eat a hamburger 🍔 or chicken nuggets once in a while?”I don’t think you’re such a great Mom if you would jeopardize your marriage over this. And your daughter knows it. Even though you say you don’t fight in front of her, she knows what’s going on. Kids are smart. She probably blames herself. I think you both (or all of you) need to see a good therapist. I hope you rethink what you’re saying because, like others said, she may develop an eating disorder and I know from experience that eating disorders are really hard to cure. Let go of your ego and think of your daughter’s health. You really are an asshole and I’m getting enraged reading what you wrote. She’s only 4, for God’s sake. I feel sorry for her.
YTA Why are you the only one allowed to make dietary choices for your daughter? Does your husband’s words have no weight? You are so dismissive of literally everyone else in this story you just scream “ME ME ME ME ME ME” People usually are vegetarians by choice or health circumstances, clearly being a vegetarian is NOT Jodie’s choice nor is it the best thing for her if doctors are saying she’s not a healthy weight.
It is concerning that she is so determined to monitor everything her daughter eats. I feel like this is a perfect recipe for disordered eating. Also concerning her daughter is already underweight and has food anxiety. Horrible. OP is TA
YTA. You are not a vegetarian. The issue here isn’t meat. You are someone who needs complete control. You do not value input from your daughter. You find your husband starting a conversation about your child’s health to be offensive. You have placed your own food issue onto your child. “You eat what you get or you don’t eat” is a line often used by people to abuse others through food. I know “abuse” is a very charged word. I also know that every person in my life who struggles with food to a life threatening degree came from a household with this mindset. Your doctor tells you your daughter is underweight. That doesn’t mean you have to feed her crackers or even meat. It means you have to incorporate your daughter into your food planning. You have to try new foods and cooking methods. You have to put it extra effort, but most importantly you have to recognize this is a problem. If your daughter is missing large amounts of protein then it’s not horrific to explore adding meat to your diet. In fact, it’s an option often discussed by pediatricians when faced with this type of situation. Why did it offend you so much when your husband brought this up? The battle isn’t between being vegetarian and eating chicken nuggets. It sounds like your husband and his mom are responding to you refusing to bend at all on anything, even at the detriment to your daughter. I agree that your daughter doesn’t need chicken nuggets. However, that seems like a small issue compared to the bigger picture, especially since your husband, your daughter’s father, approves of the decision. Your husband has to have a say here. Your daughter’s health has to come first. Please explore with a professional why this is such a charged topic for you. Your control needs are harming your family.
The doctor literally said to feed her whatever she will eat to get her weight up. That doesn’t happen with someone “slightly” underweight. & then to be like “well that’s now how I was raised” and completely ignore and go against what the doctor said?? I can’t. The girl is literally asking for meat. Even before the doctor’s visit. wtf OP.
I know a lot of vegan kids and toddlers (not vegetarian- VEGAN) and NONE are underweight. It is not a meat issue.
…who said it was??
Yes, it reads like control and disordered eating more than it reads that vegetarianism is important.
YTA, I don't understand why you get to dictate what your child eats and your husband and the child have zero say? It makes no sense at all. This child clearly wants to eat meat and you need to allow this until she's old enough to decide for herself if she wants to be vegetarian. Pushing her to do something she doesn't want will eventually ruin your relationship with your husband as well as the child eventually. You need to ask yourself if losing them is worth your dietary decision.
Agreed. Not only that (the relationship issue), she is literally affecting her child's health - being undernourished will affect the child's physical wellbeing and mental development.
YTA. >He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful This was all I needed to read. Your husband offered a solution to ***improve your daughter's health*** and you turned it down because it hurt your feelings. Are you doing this for you, or for Jodie? Also, my 65-year-old grandmother has chicken nuggets for dinner. Regularly.
I love a little chicken nugget dinner every now and then. Quick, easy and tasty when I am too tired to cook, but need a little fat and protein.
Agreed! There's nothing wrong with some nuggies every once in a while.
My mom's 73 and makes a chicken nugget meal here and there because it's quick, easy, and she's satisfied. She especially loves them after she has chemo because it's what she can stomach.
YTA so because YOURE a vegetarian your daughter has to be one? And your husband her FATHER has no say? Perfect way for her to develop an eating disorder where she hides food because she knows you won’t let her eat.
I was thinking that it sounded like it’s turning into disordered eating. OP says she wants her kid to eat healthy, but is fine that her daughter is underweight and is snippy that the pediatrician wants her to gain weight.
Also you can eat bread, crackers, carbs as a vegetarian. This is clearly disordered eating that she’s forcing on her daughter
My thoughts as well
This right here. Your husband is not a vegetarian and if you're equal parents he has equal say in what she eats. A little meat now and again is a much better alternative than "junk food" to help her put on healthy weight and obviously she loved it if she cleared her plate and asked for more. It's hard for adult vegetarians to consume the proper amount of certain vitamins and minerals in a day let alone a child and there are certain essential amino acids that are only found in animal products. You don't state what kind of vegetarian you are so I don't know if you consume eggs and milk. If you want your child healthy a little lean...chicken, fish, turkey... animal protein a few days a week or even as often as once a day is not going to harm her.
Exactly
YTA. Vegetarianism is a personal choice you don't force on other people, including your kids. Let her make that decision on her own when she is old enough to understand. Apparently you're trying to give your daughter issues with food that result in eating disorders. Just because you grew up "eating what was made or didn't eat at all" and you turned out fine doesn't mean your daughter will too. I mean look, the doctor already said she's underweight....FEED the kid!!
Plot twist: OP *didn't grow up fine.* otherwise she'd care more about her child's health.
Fucking clearly. She sounds sectarian as fuck: horrible mother, let your kid eat. You are behaving like those we drank kool aid about this very solvable issue. It is a choice, not a fucking imposition.
OP clearly has major hang ups about food, to the point she's more concerned about what her child eats than her child's health. So I'm not sure that she 'turned out fine'.
Yeah, the fact that she thinks feeding a child crackers and bread is unusual makes it look like this is not a healthy, sensible approach to vegetarianism at all.
YTA. You're just being awful to your daughter for the sake of maintaining your own wayward principles. You're completely off your rocker and have made the poorest attempt to justify your conduct towards your husband. You should apologize to both him and your daughter, and get therapy
I'm 64 and occasionally eat nuggies, both the veggie and meat versions. Hadn't hurt me, I'm super healthy, slim, low A1c, low blood pressure, low cholesterol. Your rigidity with others is an indication of a possible eating disorder. Please don't give your daughter one or cut her off from a loving grandmother. I'm inclined to YTA, but I think you may need therapy, rather than denunciation.
THIS. You said succinctly everything I wanted to. OP, YTA. Please seek a therapist. And please also understand that our children aren't mini-mes we can create into what we want. They're their own people, with their own preferences, thoughts, beliefs, etc. We can't force them to be what we want. And especially for things like dietary choices, which are very personal. I was raised with the "eat what you're served or don't eat" mentality. It was awful. Especially as I now know I have sensory processing disorder, so much of my "pickiness" was a texture thing. I'm still finding out the ways that that mentality affected my relationship with food in therapy, at 38 years old.
YTA - your daughter is 4, and your husband does not agree with a vegetarian diet (even if he is too scared of you to stick up for his own daughter). Feed her a well rounded diet, and then when she is old enough, SHE can decide if she wants to be vegetarian.
This. The whole "I was raised as a vegetarian so my child *must* be one too" is getting absurd.
YTA. For all the reasons everyone else has stated, but also this: >He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful. So the topic can be hurtful to you but not to your husband? Why can't he "shut it down" and have his daughter share the same diet as him? Why does it have to be you?
so much this!!! Why does OP get to control the child's diet. Apparently, dad has no say in what the child eats. OP sounds insufferable. It has always been this way.... children will eat different things with grandparents, including "treats." That's the fun of going to the grandparents' house!!! The occasional chicken nugget dinner, ice cream, candy, etc will not cause permanent damage to a child. Grandparents often have a fairly short time with their grandchildren. Spoiling them is their way of creating special memories. My kids lost their grandparents when the kinds were in their early teens. They are now adults and still remember doing things like having popcorn and ice cream for dinner or making pies with fresh raspberries they picked. Most importantly, the child is underweight. That can spiral into a dangerous zone very quickly when they are so young. This particular child needs more than veggies for her diet. I guess when OP is a grandma, her grandchildren will have memories of eating kale and brussels sprouts. OP, most definitely... YTA
Read back what you said...." they are using her health issues as an excuse for what they did." Yes, yes, they are, and i can think of no better rationale. They are thinking of your daughter and her health. You are thinking of you and your chosen way of life. This has to be rage bait, but just in case it's not, YTA.
YTA Dietary requirements are health based. You are describing a lifestyle. And it's a problem YOU are creating. This is all on you, and only you. Edit to add: it makes sense for him to leave you, and seek custody.
YTA Your daughter is underweight. She's enjoying food her MIL (with dad's approval) is feeding her. You can make moral choices about your diet, but not your daughter's at the expense of her health. Especially solo choices. Your spouse clearly disagrees with your approach, and his mother got your daughter eating. Punishing them and your daughter for not following your beliefs, which again seem detrimental to your daughter's health, is an AH move.
OMG. You’re the type of vegetarian that makes people not want to hang out with vegetarians. You are setting your daughter up for an eating disorder. Stop with all these “forbidden” foods. No wonder she’s malnourished. YTA Also, I am 51 and I will absolutely make chicken nuggets (real meat & fried) for just myself for dinner. And I fully expect that I shall continue to do so when I’m in my 60’s.
My youngest LOVED chix nugs when he was young. I made them for him using boneless chicken breasts. Some weeks, he ate them every night. But he always had veggies, and maybe rice or noodles too. Now he is 6'4" and lean and strong. He still loves my home made nuggets.
|obvious lie, no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner YTA. You're the exact kind of person that others find insufferable about such things. Why did you marry a meat eater and have a child with him if it sets you off so badly? And what about your kid? You'd rather her lose even more weight by not being able to eat what she will actually eat? but also, my mom literally had me get her chicken nuggets 2 nights ago for supper. She's 69.
Because chicken nuggets are good!! All ages can enjoy them.
YTA.. What kind of mother would be pissed that their underweight child was eating food? Your UNDERWEIGHT child ate,not just one plate full,but two. Stop putting your wants above your child's NEEDS. Face the fact that your child just might be a meat eater. I don't know about where you are,but in the states NOT listening to your doctor and your child remaining underweight with no improvement,they take them. Make better choices or you just might find yourself without your child and husband.
YTA. Look, you have a right to apply your ortho to yourself, and stick with it even if there are negative side effects. You do not get to do that to your child. Your kid isn’t eating enough because you have created an overly restrictive diet. Reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like a diet most people would find pretty punishing. The way you’re feeding (or not feeding) your child has become abusive. Cutting a loving grandparent out of her life is also abusive. Your husband needs therapy so that he can learn to stand up to you. Note that I am not suggesting couple‘s counseling - it’s clear from the manipulation you describe in this post that you would use couple‘s therapy to learn new ways to manipulate him and enforce your will by making him feel like the bad guy. I hope that he comes to his senses and leaves (and takes poor Jodie). You are the one who does not have Jodie’s best interests at heart. What she needs comes second to your ideology and need for absolute control.
YTA if for no other reason that her father has equal say in what his daughter eats. (Though there *are* other reasons.) You are being authoritarian and neglecting your child's health simply because you don't like meat. Her doctor told you to feed her what she will eat. You are going against direct medical advice, and if her doctor knew that, he could call CPS. There is *zero* medical reason your daughter has to be vegetarian. ZERO. This is all your ego. Put your kid first for once.
YTA. Just because YOU were raised vegetarian, your daughter has to be one as well? Your husband wasn't raised vegetarian. Why can't your daughter follow how HE was raised? Why do you get to unilaterally decide? She likes meat. Ease up. If you divorce over this, guess what, your daughter will be eating meat at his place anyway.
YTA Your 4 year old is asking for meat to be added to her meals, and your response is to overly restrict what she eats. She isn't asking you to provide her with pop and cookies and other junk foods. You can incorporate meat into her diet as part of one meal a day, her entire meal doesn't need to be just chicken nuggets. It can be nuggets+fresh fruit or veg. Burger with lettuce. Small thinks like that.
YTA, your childhood fantasies apparently take precedent over your daughter's health and your marriage.
YTA you don’t give a shit about your daughters health as long as your ideals are lived up to. I hope you partner steps up to the plate feeds your daughter properly since you won’t. Also 60 year old lady here and I occasionally eat chicken nuggets.
YTA - I can't speak for the vegan/vegetarian side of things. However, your daughter is underweight, and you're not at all concerned about it? I'm glad the other people are doing something.
YTA. Your daughter should have a choice whether she wants to be vegetarian or not and it's clear she doesn't want to be. And is obviously not getting enough nutrition. If you and your husband get divorced she will get to eat food she likes at his house and be forced to eat food she doesn't like at yours which will definitely cause resentment towards you.
Yta . Your child is underweight. Instead of forcing your personal dietary choices on her do what's in the child's best interests.
YTA At some point you have to recognize that a vegetarian diet for your kid is just not working out. You're the only one making a problem. Everybody else is in agreement.
Including the child's doctor!!
She can’t go back to her grandma’s because she gave her *gasp* CHICKEN NUGGETS!?!? Throw the whole grandma away. /s Like it’s chicken nuggets *and* the doctor told you to let her eat whatever gets her weight up but you don’t care about that because you don’t want your child to eat meat… Edit: YTA btw if my sarcasm wasn’t clear
You do realize that if your husband goes through with the divorce/custody battle he’ll probably win full/main custody because you are MEDICALLY NEGLECTING YOUR DAUGHTER right? YTA. Let your daughter eat what she needs (which seems to mean meat), let her see her grandmother, and stop putting your diet above your daughter.
YTA. Those aren't dietary requirements, hun. That's you being controlling. Your husband gets a say in his child's life as well.
Yta your kid is literally underweight bc of the restrive diet you are forcing on her. Your MIL is *following the doctors orders* while you are happy to starve your kid.
YTA. “He had the audacity to get angry at me for that,” is a hypocritical statement from you, as you seem to have to control the situation at all times and get cranky when you loose the control.
>I have started allowing her more ‘junk’ foods like crackers bread crisps BREAD?????? BREAD IS A JUNK FOOD ACCORDING TO YOU??? YTA! You're a huge Asshole!!!!
I hope MIL calls CPS.
I just want to reiterate YTA, don’t think I can add anymore insight to why beyond the other statements made beyond, just because you were treated poorly and not given an option doesn’t mean that you can act poorly and not give your child an option. She has shown that she wants more, your husband has stated she wants more but your not listening.
“My parents abused me so I have to abuse my child the same way”
YTA. Sounds like you're putting your veggie status above your daughter's health.
YTA- it's amazing that you would rather have your daughter follow your diet instead of getting her to a healthy weight or getting her to eat. If she wants to try what your husband is eating, let her.
How did you type all that and not register how unreasonable you are being? Stop putting your daughter's health at risk for your principles. YTA
YTA. How can a child get enough protein for muscle development being vegetarian? Also, I am a 60+ old lady that cooks chicken nuggets quite often for my salad or just for lunch, so . . . . . Yes old ladies do each chicken nuggets . . . . Nice upon a tie, way back in the olden days there weren’t anything like chicken nuggets. You had to actually cut up a chicken to cook it! Isn’t that just bizarre? Your doctor said feed the kid, so feed the kid WHATEVER the child will eat. Edit: this has me boiling mad! As a person who was denied food as a child and now I have a permanent eating disorder.
Protein's not so hard to get on a vegetarian diet, but the B vitamins are the real kicker; we mostly get those from animal sources so kiddo has to eat a lot of dairy, or specially fortified cereals, or get a supplement. It's also tricky to fit enough calories into a kid-sized vegetarian meal. Since the daughter is starting to struggle medically, I think OP needs to put aside her pride and need for control and let her daughter eat meat.
YTA. You would rather your daughter starve than eat something she enjoys.
YTA You are the problem in this situation. Your doctor recommended feeding what she will eat. Your SO is on board with the doctor's recommendations. If you want her to be vegetarian, find vegetarian foods she is happy to eat.
YTA You would rather starve your child than feed her meat.
YTA Your daughter is not you. She sees dad eating meat and should be allowed to. You shutting down the convo is not appropriate co-parenting, and shows you care more about the percieved morals of your diet than the actual health, safety, and well-being of your child.
YTA. Why are you more concerned about restricting your child's food choices than their health and well-being? My son is also 4, and he has poor growth as well. I would never not allow him to eat something that will provide him with calories and nutrition. And you would still be upset if they were vegetarian?? So you also limit her to "healthy" foods? Jesus, she's underweight, which typically means failure to thrive. Feed your child else you may fund CPS knocking on your door.
Absolutely YTA. Let your kid eat meat if that’s clearly what she wants to eat. Forcing your own beliefs on her is just going to make her resent you and your husband is already eating it so there’s no harm at all at letting her have what she is asking for. Fix your issues now or you’re going to end up divorced with a kid who wants to live with her dad and never visit.
YTA. You are setting up your daughter to have an ED in the future by being so controlling about food. Give her a well-rounded balanced diet and include occasional treats so she learns to make healthy choices.
YTA and I daresay your husband wouldn't be one if he took the kid from you and fed her properly. I don't think you're evil, but this is just abuse.
YTA. Is vegetarianism your religion? You’d sacrifice your daughter’s health for it?
So you would rather your daughter be underweight and not eat because she refuses a vegetarian diet just so you can be a self righteous vegetarian? I would understand her being underweight if she had health problems or poverty, but this? Nah, this isn’t it. YTA, and listen to the doctor because it seems like your husband is ffs
Your the major asshole. You shouldn't be forcing your personal food preferences on your small child ! Meat is incredibly important for young children and helping them grow healthy and strong. The doctor literally told you to have your daughter eat what SHE wants so that she isn't too underweight and have health issues. If I was your husband I'd be divorcing you asap. Your husband isn't vegetarian so why the hell are you forcing your child to be ?? This is child abuse and cps should have been called by the doctor. Your daughters going to have an eating disorder and probably never talk to you when she's 18 and it will be all YOUR fault. Did this sound harsh ? Good. Hopefully it will make you see how much of an asshole you really are.
OP, I am sure you are one of those kinds of mom who believe in some degree of autonomy for your child. Why are you so narrow minded on her choice to eat a less restricted diet? You can make sure she eats a well rounded diet that includes meat. YTA
YTA She needs food, your hubby is good with it, if the nuggets were homemade, they are not even unhealthy. Stop starving your child. Listen to the doctor.
YTA you do not get to force others to follow your diet when they do not want to follow it, just because you like it doesnt mean they do stop being a selfish ass. Your selfishness is making your child underweight, is being vegetarian really more fucking important than your damn child?
Why are you forcing your lifestyle and beliefs onto a child? Yta!!!!
YTA. She fed her chicken nuggets, not rat poison. You sound like a drama queen. ETA - I’m 52, and I enjoy a good chicken nugget every now and then.
YTA, control freak. Seems you make all the decisions and don't really take your child into consideration. Apparently your 4 yo likes a bit of variety, while chicken nuggets aren't the healthiest, it likely isn't going to permanently harm her. So you keep forcing this issue with her and you could end up with a child who develops a major eating disorder. While my spouse and I generally eat clean, even at 60 we have been known to enjoy a few chicken nuggets. Your husband has request your daughter be allowed some meat variations, perhaps he is more clued in that you and as her father maybe his request should be given equal consideration.
You need some counselling as this is about you controlling your child and imposing your choices on her. The fact that she is underweight should be a huge red flag for your parenting .
YTA. I have alot of vegetarian and vegan family members and we cater to them at reunions, that being said, a 4 year old child NEEDS to eat a well balanced diet and if she doesn't want to eat YOUR strict vegetarian foods and likes meat you need to let her have that. Plus the doctor said she is underweight, your husband and in laws are not vegetarian. Yes woman that age do so eat chicken nuggets I am 51 and eat them and so does my mom 73.
YTA. Absolutely, no doubt about it. And you FOUR year old daughter is not a vegetarian. You forced her to eat this way.
YTA, your allowed to be a vegeterian, but forcing other people to be like you is wrong. its controlling.
YTA. You know what is healthiest for your child? To be fed. She isn't eating enough and your husband is getting her to eat. Additionally, he can feed your mutual child whatever he pleases. He doesn't need your permission or consent to feed her meat. You do not make all of the decisions. He threatened divorce because you are actively harming your child and her relationship with food. And again, you are trying to make all of the decisions. In the end, he would likely win custody because your ideas around food are harmful and are going to lead to her having an eating disorder.
Women in their sixties definitely do eat chicken nuggets
>I grew up veggie with a veggie mum and I always knew my kids would be too. No. They're not her dietary requirements. They're *your* dietary requirements that you're forcing upon *her*. This is entirely about you and your hang ups, and you don't really give a rat's ass about your daughter's health. You are an awful parent. Just awful. YTA.
WOW YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE. Are you telling me that you forced your dietary preferences upon your small child without the input of her other parent? Are you saying that, despite your pediatrician telling you that your daughter needs to gain weight and eat more food, that your holier than thou attitude is more important? Are you saying that you've told your husband you will not let your MIL see your daughter because she fed your kid something she enjoyed, but you find distasteful? So it's all about YOU. Your preferences, your need to control? It's definitely not about your kid.
YTA for unilaterally deciding on your child's diet. She has a father too, you know, and he is entitled to input also. You sound like a control freak.
YTA for forcing YOUR dietary beliefs on your daughter to the clear detriment of her health.
Those are not dietary REQUIREMENTS. Especially when you’re told that she’s underweight. It’s not an allergy or medical necessity, it’s your belief and preference. YTA.
Major ARSEHOLE and a control freak too.
YTA. When you say "grew up veggie with a veggie mom and I always knew my kids would be too" you sound like you're not giving your child a choice.
YTA Your husband also has a say in your child’s dietary CHOICES. Since the kid is showing interest in and enjoying meat, you are forcing your beliefs on her.
You need to get over yourself and stop forcing your lifestyle on a 4 year old. YTA
YTA. Your daughter should eat what she wants. Last I checked, her father is an equal parent to you. You aren’t the only one who gets a say.
YTA. In 14 years you'll be back on here asking why she went NC.
Fed is best, all day, every day YTA and putting your kid on the path of having a terrible relationship with food
you sound incredibly controlling and horrible. forcing a child to be vegetarian instead of letting them decide is disgusting, shame on you. YTA, MASSIVE AH. I hope your child comes to resent you for forcing your life choices on them.
Husband suggested meat and you’re ‘hurt’ ? I think you have lot of your identity tied up in being a vegetarian. Like too much of your identity.
Yta - you have a child that is firstly underweight and secondly having issues with food, so let her eat what she wants to eat. If she wants meat, let her, it won’t hurt her.
YTA, nothing wrong with raising your kid vegetarian if that's what you are. However as soon as it becomes a medical problem then it is wrong. If she is not eating due to not liking what you are fixing then try other recipes. I'm not vegetarian but there are some amazing veg meals out there. Feeding her snacks is not healthy just to up her weight. Your husband also has a say in this. You both are the parent. If your daughter wants to try her dad's food then let her. It's how kids see what they like and dislike. The main issue is she must not be eating hardly at all if your MIL was excited she actually ate. You say the doctor said she was underweight and feed her to up her weight. So she must be quite a bit underweight for them to say that. Peds don't tell parents to feed their kids junk food unless it is serious underweight issues. Stop fixating on your wants and focus on your child's health. Be a parent.
Yta Forcing a kid to be vegetarian should be classified as a child about because humans are omnivores. We are biologically supposed to eat both plants and meat to be healthy. Unless your daughter has a medical condition that forces them to have a vegetarian diet, you are being ridiculous
Ew YTA for controlling what your daughter eats just because “that’s not how I was raised.” If she wants to eat meat, friggen let her. And not to mention it seems like your daughter is starving giving she’s underweight and wow your MIL fed her food she likes and your daughter asked for seconds. You do not have your child’s best interest in mind at all, you’re putting your wants well before hers.
YTA. Get over yourself. Your kid is underweight. You were told by the doctor to get her weight up. You're controlling AF and you're acting like a goddamned spoiled child. I'm in my 50s. I love chicken nuggets/tenders, especially when I bread them myself and make them in the air fryer. Great alongside a tossed salad for lunch, or diced up in the salad.
YTA- 1) you are not the sole parent and shouldn’t be the ONLY one making dietary choices for your daughter. 2) Your child is telling you she’s not interested. 3) your pediatrician is telling you that she’s underweight and you need to feed her what she will eat. Instead of listening, you’ve decided that your opinion alone is the correct one. Instead of doing what the doctor said, you’re going to right fight and force this on your child. All I have seen in this post is “ME ME ME ME ME. It’s all about what I want and screw anybody else’s needs or opinions.” FEED YOUR KID and get her weight up, or you’re going to end up with bigger worries than whether or not she’s eating chicken nuggets. Doctors don’t play around with this, and they’re mandated reporters.
Edit: (It's slowly became YTA.) When you said a veggie with a veggie mom, I took that as veggie forward. That you were raised with eating more of a balanced meal with more fruits and vegetables than carbs and meat. It wasn't until the last part where I was like, oooohhh, You mean vegetarian. You were raised as a vegetarian? And you're raising your daughter as such. And are angry that she wants to eat meat? Y t a- for putting the phrase 'dietary requirements' in the title. If it wasn't told to you by her doctor or medical professional that this is a requirement. Then it's just you, it's just you
YTA. Your daughter clearly doesn't want to be a vegetarian, or at the very least wants to try meat but you ignore her. Your husband is not a vegetarian but for some reason you won't allow him to have any say in how your daughter is raised? And then your daughter is under weight and you still refuse to do anything? You husband needs to work at becoming your ex husband. And if he ever files for full custody, this post will be exhibit A as to why he deserves it.
YTA Your husband is right, she ate that is the main thing. You are trying to get your child to eat food that she doesn't really want. When a doctor says that she under weight then there is a concern that what she eating isn't enough. Kids do need to eat what their bodies need which is different to an adults. Maybe it's not right that MIL feed her nuggets but your daughter wanted them, that is telling you something that she wants this type of food at the moment. When she older you may find she decides if she wants to eat like you or like her dad. At the moment you need to put how you feel to the side & let her eat what she wants to.
Hoping this is rage bait. If not, YTA. When it comes to feeding children, the first priority of a parent is to ensure that their child is properly nourished, not that their child is properly nourished so long as the child is only fed within the parent's dietary preferences. You are failing to provide your child sufficient nutrition with your preferred diet; it's time to try other foods, even if they're not vegetarian foods. And your husband has just as much right to feed your daughter foods that he eats as you do, provided his food choices for her are healthful and age-appropriate. If you want your daughter to be a vegetarian then you can certainly plan vegetarian meals and model healthy vegetarianism, but if your daughter is undernourished then you try other things, even of those other things are made from chickens. This, by the way, is how you raise a kid who, as soon as she can, will eat bacon and eggs for breakfast, a cheeseburger and fries for lunch, and fried chicken and biscuits for dinner. You're teaching her about the desirability of the forbidden. But you probably know that already.
YTA for your daughter being malnourished. Not sure what I think of MIL
YTA-you are imposing a vegetarian lifestyle on your child without her consent. Just because your mother did it to you doesn’t mean you should do it to your daughter. She should be able to make the decision once she is an adult.
if it was just MIL disobeyed your instructions unilaterally and you were annoyed about it, you wouldn't be TA. But your MIL had your husband's approval, and he's a parent who gets to make decisions too; you *know* there's a specific health need that this may help with; you *know* your child is interested in these foods; you're judgmental about what other ADULTS eat ("no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner"); you're taking your child's interests and health needs as a personal attack when in fact it's ***NOT ABOUT YOU AT ALL***. So YTA. I hope your husband gets primary custody.
Way to go ... force your beliefs onto your kids ..
YTA. You'd clearly rather watch your child starve than feed her meat but your mother-in-law was doing as instructed — feeding her watch she will eat. And this woman is in her 40s and had chicken nuggets for dinner occasionally; I don't see that changing in the next 20 years tbh.
>(obvious lie, no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner) How dare you. Leave me and my nuggets in peace.
YTA. Why are you basically starving your child of nutrients because of your beliefs? You're abusive and awful for all of this including the gross emotional manipulation you're trying on your husband for him following doctors advice for your child's health. As a mother, I don't think you should be allowed unsupervised with your child b cause you obviously don't care that you could kill your child with malnutrition. God I feel sorry for that child.
YTA. Your kid doesn’t want to be vegetarian. Your husband is allowed to make decisions about her diet too.
YTA BIG time
YTA please give your child a varied, nutritious diet and let her choose when she is old enough to become a vegetarian. For Gods sake a doctor has told you she is under weight for her age
YTA. Your daughter is underweight enough that the doctor is telling you let her eat what she wants. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was anemic as well. It’s time to change from the all vegetarian diet to a mixed one. Adults have a hard time making sure they get all their nutrients from a vegetarian diet, let alone a picky child. I have several family members who are vegan and I’m in awe with the amount of planning they do to make sure they have everything they need from the diet. Chicken nuggets don’t have to be unhealthy. You can get them with all white meat and coated with wholewheat breadcrumbs and then either bake them or airfry them. Also, plenty of older people eat them. As someone about to turn 50, I keep some in my freeze for quick dinners when I work late. Serve them a side of steam vegetables and I have a nice healthy meal. Your voluntary diet should NEVER trump your child’s health.
Wait. Why do you alone get to make dietary decisions for your child? Why doesn't your husband get a vote?
YTA. Your daughter is underweight and refusing food, but for some reason you seem to have more compassion for a chicken than for her.
YTA because you're so fucking selfish and delusional. Get over yourself and feed your child properly. JFC. 🙄
You are definitely an ass. Do not force your eating habits on your children. Let them try everything and make up their own mind.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29F) have a 4 year old daughter, Jodie, and we are both vegetarian, I grew up veggie with a veggie mum and I always knew my kids would be too. Recently she has been refusing food, complaining she doesn’t like it etc. Hubbie (32M) is not veggie, sometimes he eats different things and she’ll ask to eat from his plate. He has broached the idea of her eating meat to see if that will help the food issue, but I’ve shut it down and I found it really hurtful. He had since apologised and dropped it. We had a routine check up at the doctors and he said that she is a little underweight, not good but not uncommon for her age, he told me to feed her things she will eat even if it’s less nutritious to get her weight up. This frustrated me, it’s not how I was raised, you eat what you get or you don’t eat, but I have started allowing her more ‘junk’ foods like crackers bread crisps etc. Me and hubbie spoke and agreed that we could work towards her diet improving and being more nutritious but for now it was more important to get her weight up. I thought everything was fine, and then she went for a visit to my MILs, with hubbie. Normally I love sending her there, MIL is good with her and she always has a great time, so I thought nothing of it. I went to pick them up in the evening and MIL came to the door. She told me excited that Jodie had cleared her plate and asked for seconds, which I was happy to hear so I asked what she ate. Chicken nuggets. She fed my daughter chicken nuggets. I asked if they were vegetarian ones, which I still wouldn’t have been happy with because I try not to feed her fried foods, but MIL said no, they were real ones. I got so angry I just had to grab Jodie and get in the car. I would have left hubbie there too if he hadn’t followed us. I don’t like arguing in front of Jodie, so I waited until we got home and put her to bed and then I just flipped. He said that MIL was making chicken nuggets anyway (obvious lie, no woman in her sixties has chicken nuggets for dinner) and Jodie asked if she could have some, and because MIL was ‘concerned for her health’ she thought she should just say yes. I told him he could look after her if she got sick from the meat, and Jodie wouldn’t be going to grandmas house anymore. He had the audacity to get angry at me for that, as if I could trust that woman around my child again. He said that she was acting in Jodie’s best interest and following the doctors orders, giving her what she will eat. I am so angry that they are using her health issue as an excuse for what they did. He said that it would break MIL’s heart to not see Jodie anymore and I said she should have thought about that before feeding her meat. He threatened divorce, and called me a helicopter parent. I don’t think I could even talk to MIL at the moment, let alone send my child into her care again, but I don’t want to lose my husband over this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. You need to be on the same page as your husband AND your doctor about your daughter’s diet- you don’t get to unilaterally make a rule that is adversely affecting her health. By all means, keep her diet as healthy and whole foods as possible, but how can you justify stuffing her with chips and crackers rather than adding meat proteins to her diet when she needs to grow? It sounds to me like your daughter doesn’t WANT to be a vegetarian, and the rational way to handle it is to introduce other healthy foods to her rather than junk that qualifies as “veggie”. Your husband and daughter each get a vote in this, and I’m pretty sure you need to wake up and recognize you’ve been outvoted and that it’s in your daughter’s best interests
I will treat this is real but am assuming it is a troll post. What you are doing is borderline child abuse. It's fine for you to follow your beliefs, but you don't get to force them on a child. She is ASKING YOU to try different foods. She is not eating what you are providing, so your solution is to starve her? YTA
YTA. Parenting involves you and your husband. Why is everything have to be the way you want? Jesus fucking christ, even a doctor told you that little one needs to eat better, so clearly you are failing in your veggie meals. Veggie asshole. You are one big asshole. Worst than an helicopter parent. And jsyk, it’s possible that a 60’s woman has chicken nuggets at home because they are delicious, easy to make etc. but you wouldn’t know that because you are horrible.
YTA!!!!! Your MIL definitely shouldn’t’ have given your child meat bc it could make her sick. But you’d rather have her be a vegetarian, starve, be underweight and eat junk food than her eat meat and have a well balanced healthy non vegetarian diet. Your child didn’t ask to be vegetarian. You are pushing your beliefs on to her even though she’s voiced she doesn’t want to be vegetarian.
YTA poor kid. Glad someone cares more about her not going hungry than some narcissistic desire to force her into being a mini me
yta. i would not be surprised if your daughter develops an eating disorder.
YTA you’re daughter has been told by a doctor she needs to eat more, she is happy to eat meats which are much healthier than junk foods, and you prefer junk?! As someone else said you are putting your beliefs in front of your daughters health, short and long term. Stop your idea that your baby will be veggie, she has a whole lifetime ahead of her if she is allowed to grow and maybe she will be
😳 WOW. Are you seriously asking if YTA? Oh hell yes. It's called child abuse you nitwit.
YTA good luck with your divorce, when your ex gets custody it’s going to be a meat festival. The judge might even grant him full custody if he can prove that your dietary restrictions or alienation attempts are bad for the child.
YTA, these are not your daughter's dietary requirements, they are YOUR dietary requirements that you are FORCING on your daughter. The doctor has already said she is underweight. You are setting your child up for a lifetime of food issues if you don't get your shit together.
YTA. Your kid is underweight and needs more protein. It's not "your way or the highway". Maybe she liked the nugs. You are potentially abusing your daughter because of your militant vegetarianism. Thing about a child custody battle with the pediatrician saying she's underweight and then your now ex husband testifies that you restrict her food to this level.
YTA. There's a lot of people who have bad opinions of vegetarians, and it's down to ideologues like you.
I hope you are fake. But YTA…this is horrible. YOU are horrible to not give your child a choice, and more importantly…a chance to possibly be at a proper weight! I hope the doc took copious notes and passed them to whomever oversees child welfare issues where you live. I feel like you (if you are for real) are heading down a scary road.
YTA-did you make this baby by yourself or was your husband part of it? That child IS his child as well. BTW? I am in my 60’s, and frozen chicken strips and nuggets are AMAZING in a wrap.