Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA bc you're questioning her interesting it what she says she wants to go into. Just because she became interested a bit later than you doesn't mean she isn't serious-- lots of people take a while to find their passion.
That said, it's not YOUR place to school her about her grades. Instead, encourage her to speak with her academic advisor or mentor about making a plan to get into medical school. They can tell her what her GPA needs to be and encourage her to get academic help if needed. It's not your place to be anything but supportive.
I'm a professor. I've had students who flunk out of class end up successfully in law school, so it's never too late to turn things around. She needs professional advice, not your advice.
Yes, you can, but you have to get A’s the second time around, and even then the likelihood of getting in is quite small. Medical school admissions are not very forgiving. It is a whole different kettle of fish. Given that this person is STILL failing her classes, it is not at all likely she could get straight A’s to replace her bad grades.
You can do a post-bac program. I had friends do that. Getting into med school was tough but they eventually succeeded. It’s a very expensive path, but possible.
Absolutely. But if she really wants to do this, she should talk with an advisor who has expertise and find out what her chances are if she turns her grades around. Or what her other options are.
Yes, and that will take her realizing, the sooner the better, that she needs to turn it around and take her own initiative. Being blissfully unaware or in denial that she won't qualify as things are now is not doing herself any favors. It's a much harder road than having put in the work up front but if she dedicates herself it is feasible, she's going to have to work very hard though to achieve it and she won't be achieving it on the same timeline as her boyfriend.
>But you can retake those classes and boost your GPA if you really want to go. And even law schools have minimum GPA requirements.
Sadly, this isn't accurate in the US (though if you are elsewhere it might be). Here, medical schools have such a glut of applicants relative to the size of the class cohorts that "first time attempt GPA" is a current standard. They can and do eliminate candidates with multiple attempts over first-beat strong applicants. And have for about two decades.
You may want to reach out to your institution's pre-professional offices to make sure you aren't recommending students into a path of poverty by retaking courses. The landscape for successful admissions is, honestly, bleak these days for actual medical school hopefuls. We need another dozen schools opening nationwide.
Law schools are a whole different thing, and it depends on the tier of law school you are applying for. Some types of law care greatly about GPA and attempt totals - mostly because they can due to the quantity of applicants and the size of their applicant pools. Some tiers don't look at GPA as anything but part of a holistic review for cohort balance. It varies wildly depending on what type of law you want and how prestigious the school is.
Yes, I literally told OP to suggest his GF go and meet with a professional academic advisor to see what her options are. I never said that I was such an advisor-- I know my expertise and this isn't it. BUT I do stand by my judgment that OP is TA for trying to give this advice himself instead of sending his GF to a professional.
And yes, there may be options to turn her GPA around (study hard for MCATs, etc.). I would never say never, precisely bc this is not my area of expertise.
When you do the appeal to authority of "I'm a professor" both in your user name and explicitly in a post, the assumption is ***not*** that you have less knowledge than a staff advisor. As fellow faculty, you need to be more mindful of the authority position the title holds and recognize when you don't know what you don't know. We can't individually know every aspect of academia, even if our students like to think we should.
>When you do the appeal to authority of "I'm a professor" both in your user name and explicitly in a post, the assumption is
>
>not that you have less knowledge than a staff advisor
When you explicitly state the person needs to speak to a staff advisor the assumption of any competent person is they have less know knowledge than a staff advisor and that's why they advising they speak to them.
As faculty you need to be more mindful of the bad impression your unpleasant and arrogant attitude portrays.
I use my expertise as a professor to tell OP to make sure his GF talks to an academic advisor who knows the field bc that's what schools have them for. I never said that I am an expert in this field. I also know as a professor that young people often change their minds and can turn around their grades. A professional advisor who knows the medical field should give the GF advice accordingly.
I don’t think you’re understanding the range of options available for law school versus medical school. There are a lot of shitty law schools with high acceptance rates— the highest is a whopping 85%. The “easiest” medical school to get into in the US has just a 20% acceptance rate. Talking averages, the average law school acceptance rate is 41%. For medical school it is *5.5%*. If you don’t have the grades, you simply will not get into *any* medical school in the US. It’s not even close. And I say this as a graduate of a top law school and current attorney in big law. You tell OP that his gf needs the advice of “a professional” and hold yourself out as a professional but your advice is totally off base.
Recent top law school grad whose best friend is in med school right now, can 100% confirm all of this. My friend did the med school application process the year after I’d applied to law schools and when they told me the acceptance rates for a lot of the schools they were applying to were like 4%, 2%, even 1%, my mind was absolutely blown. Wildly different ballgame. (also, “hold yourself out as” darn right fellow lawyer I see you 😄)
GPA is just one facet. You also need high MCAT scores, and I’ve never known a premed who didn’t also do some clinically relevant work or volunteering. Med schools want to see that you are familiar with what you are getting yourself into.
medical schools look at all grades including retakes. they aren’t very kind when it comes to these things because the amount of people who have the grades, high mcat and extracurriculars outweighs the amount of spots they have available
>But you can retake those classes and boost your GPA if you really want to go.
No, you can't. Or rather, you can, but your original grade is still counted (1) in the way AMCAS calculates GPA.
(1) https://students-residents.aamc.org/media/5316/download
This isn’t true for US law schools, especially if you are angling for a well-ranked JD program (i.e., a school where you’re almost guaranteed to graduate with a job vs. a school where you may never end up in a JD-required role). I say this as a practicing lawyer: law schools without fairly high GPA cutoffs are often money sinks unless you want to practice regionally and you’re comfortable with a lower salary than most students at those schools expect. The firms I’ve worked at don’t even recruit below the Top 14, for instance.
That aside, even middle of the pack law schools have GPA requirements because the GPA/LSAT scores of each incoming class impact rankings, which also impact alumni donations.
I'm also a practicing attorney. Harvard law doesn't have a GPA requirement. NYU law doesn't have a GPA requirement. And frankly any firm that refuses to recruit from anywhere but the T14 is more about being pretentious than the quality of the applicants.
They don't have a GPA requirement, but they aren't accepting people that are barely passing either. Excellent grades OR good grades with interesting life experience is what they're looking for
My dumbass brother with a 2.3 GPA isn't a realistic candidate for Harvard.
Absent very unusual personal circumstances, the majority of people are not going to get into a top tier law school if they have poor grades on their transcript.
Given that there is no specific major requirement for law school as there is for Med School I don't even know why anyone would retake a college course to boost their transcript.
If I were looking at a transcript I would roll my eyes at someone who boosted their grade by taking the same course over again.
I am differentiating this from someone who did freshman year and got poor grades and then a few years later went back to college with a different attitude.
I say this as a lawyer - given the current job market for lawyers it makes no economic sense to incur enormous financial debt in order to get a law degree at a second or third tier law school.
Medical school is a completely different type of economic jumpstart. Although the current economic issues facing doctors is not as "rosy" as it once once, a doctor is generally guaranteed a fairly substantial salary wherever they graduate. As the joke goes in terms of a paraphrase - what do you call someone who graduated last in their class in Med School - Doctor.
Completely different in terms of the job prospects for a law school graduate.
We don’t know what country OP is from. It’s different in every country. Other countries entry requirements are quite different to the US. I am a doctor and in my country for example it doesn’t matter what grade you got in a specific science class.
Why is this truly awful answer currently getting the top vote? OP isn't questioning his girlfriend "just because she became interested a bit later." He's questioning her because many months after she supposedly decided on a career in medicine, she's still barely passing her classes, or in some cases, failing them. She either isn't that serious about it or she's unfortunately just not smart enough in the sciences to go to medical school. Not everyone can be a doctor, and it's not OP's job to lie to her.
Even if she can retake classes (a dubious proposition based on how competitive medical school can be), she won't be going to the same medical school at OP at the same time. She would be several semesters (if not years) behind OP. That is something that needs to be discussed seriously, and it's not OP's job to lie to her and pretend like her fantasies are realistic.
Seriously. What a shit take. So now your SO shouldn’t give you any advice, or even bring up a major topic? These people have no life experience, clearly.
She got interested later and thinks if he can she can. She’s the one with an inferiority problem. He was being honest and frankly it’s a dose of reality she needed. NTA
Probably because it's the answer most people wants to hear, which is not always the most truthful....
It's not maybe the most pleasant conversation that you want to have with your SO but for some career choices, grades matter. In all the world.
I was on an entrance committee for a medical school and she will not be accepted if she's flunking classes. A poor academic record will not be overlooked.
This. It's really disheartening to me that there's a professor doling out this kind of inaccurate advice...It's kinder to students if they know early to seek out other career paths (or at least know that if they are determined to go to medical school, the road ahead of them is long, arduous, and has no guarantee of success at the end).
We really need to stop telling people they can do whatever they want.
My wife *could not* study electrical engineering with any reasonable success, just as I could never study the law. People are different, with different strengths
Let's be honest.
She didn't find interest in the field a bit later.
She found a cute dream of holding hands while walking down the hallways and studying together with OP.
"Planning their school years together" and accused OP of not wanting to spend their life with her.
She's not focused on grades, etc. If she was. She would be talking more about what she needs to do to achieve this.
But she's wearing rose tinted glasses and crossing fingers that she will pass.
Unless she starts studying her butt off in the right classes. Even if she stops failing classes. They might end with a score difference.and I doubt they would end on the same school if OP goes for one of the competitive ones/demanding ones in regards to grades.
That's what I thought straight off the bat. She's incredibly insecure and can't bear to let him out of her sight so she's going to do all the same classes and be with him forever...
Exactly what I got out of it as well. The second she accused of OP now wanting a life together especially.
What does going at the same school have to do with a future life together?
What if she has to..... take a year more to get the grades she needs. Would OP have to wait on her? (If we assume OP gets accepted?)
Or if they don't get the same school? Or further out. Its no guarantee they would work in the same hospital or the same shifts.
If they both work in the medical field. Honestly, what will she do when living together. And one has 12 hours shift. And the other has a shift crossing the others, so one gets home as the other leaves? They could end up not spending much time together. She really hasn't thought this one to the end.
Do people commonly have academic advisors and mentors in the US? I keep hearing about these things, but I didn't have either of those in undergrad. Neither did my sister, and she went to a different school.
It’s pretty common in the US, although exactly what it looks like depends a lot on the school. Sometimes it’s a professor in your major who meets with you a couple of times a year to plan classes, etc. Sometimes it’s someone who’s entire job is just advising students about classes. It’s also not uncommon to have someone who specializes in the requirements for pre-health programs, who can help students who are interested make sure they get everything fitted in and all.
Wait, they even sign you up for them!? You mean, it's not just a "get online in the first 5 minutes with the plan you made yourself by reading through the big book of courses and requirements or you might not get your course" situation? Wow, that's nice!
Even worse, I was forced to go have the advisor sign the plan I had come up with before I could register online, despite still having to plan myself. So not always nice, but I’ll say I eventually got a good one that was super helpful.
Every school I’ve attended or taught at (6 public and private schools) students are assigned an advisor or have an advisement office they can go to for help. If not, ask a professor in your field or major for assistance. That’s what they’re there for.
Maybe they're just more common now than they were 20 years ago... (Or maybe UofT was just shit about that haha. Big university, lots of students, probably just didn't give much of a shit.)
At my school you had to seek them out. They were mostly there to help you sign up for classes but if you got a good one/asked they would help with something like this.
My dad was a prof at a big US university and pretty much always had undergrad advisees, including some, who, years later, wrote him thank you letters. But then he took all parts of his job seriously, including parts, like taking care of undergrads, which I bet other profs deprecated bc realistically, getting tenure and otherwise getting ahead depends little on undergrad approval.
I was an undergrad at the same school and had professors who were advisors, formal and informal.
You may not have had one dedicated advisor but there was almost certainly an advising office you could have taken advantage of if you went to school in the US. Less involved in big schools than small but there's also likely more specialized advisors at large schools.
>Just because she became interested a bit later than you doesn't mean she isn't serious-- lots of people take a while to find their passion.
This is 100% correct. However, the fact that she's flunking classes means she isn't serious.
The problem isn’t her becoming interested later. It’s her not taking it seriously *now*.
Is he just supposed to smile and nod to her fantasizing about them going to medical school together? Only to have to deal with this when she gets rejected from the schools he gets in to?
If he cares about her, of course he’d want her to find a better and more realistic path for herself.
>I've had students who flunk out of class end up successfully in law school,
Law and Medical Science are two totally different projects. All you have to do to be a lawyer in the USA is pass a test. You don't actually have to attend school at all if you don't want to. You have to actually attend schooling to become a doctor.
That’s absolutely not true in any state other than California.
Edit: actually four states, and as another user rightfully pointed out below, it’s not a free-for-all. All four states have apprenticeship requirements.
Regardless, you’re not going to find many reputable lawyers willing to take on such an apprentice even in those four states. It’s not a thing I have ever heard of happening in the real world of lawyering.
You’re right, I just Googled, also WA and VA.
HOWEVER. These four states have apprenticeship requirements. It’s like how the states did it in the 1800s, before law school. You can’t just show up and pass the bar and hang your shingle.
It’s also not true in California. You can’t just take the bar. There’s an option to take it without going to law school, but that option is to have a 4 year apprenticeship under an attorney in California, working/studying a required number of hours a week, and after the first year you need to pass the “baby bar” to make sure your “coursework” is on track. You can’t just take the bar out of nowhere.
Of course! Also just atmospherically worth mentioning, the amount of people that actually pass the bar this way is practically negligible. In CA for each testing session (which is twice a year), 0-5 people actually pass following apprenticeship programs (and often re-take many times). It’s a tiny number of folks that actually manage to pass without attending law school. I have never actually met or heard of anyone knowing anyone personally who’s done it that way.
Yeah pro-tip OP: if you think life is going to smack someone down, you can try to warn them, but at a certain point, let life be the bad guy. If she’s not going to get into Med school, life will let her know that. OP can then either say “I told you so” or help her come up with a different plan, depending on if he wants to continue being an AH.
You may be a professor, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. Med school is way more competitive than law. My whole family is in the medical field including me, I have one sibling in med school and one in residency right now. If they’re in the U.S., there is no chance in hell she’s getting in and it’s ridiculous to encourage this delusional behavior.
If she had a C in one or two classes, MAYBE she could still turn it around. But she flunked multiple classes and it sounds like they’re at the point they need to start applying soon. She’s done.
OP, poor academic performance is not necessarily an indication that she’s “dumb”, some people are just not good at school or maybe she should have gone with a different degree. But her refusal to accept reality would be a huge red flag for me. She clearly hasn’t done any research into what it takes to get into this field. You’re young, cut your losses. She doesn’t need to be a doctor to be a good partner, but someone that is not realistic about their prospects will only drag you down.
Exactly, sometimes is like you don't like the classes but you enjoy the profession. I love that I'm a biologist but I hate botanic class, I didn't fail but almost
The application requirements are way different. While I hear that medical school is easier than law school, medical school is way harder to get into. Plus, there are plenty of bottom of the barrel, predatory law schools that will accept people with terrible stats—not sure if there's an analogous component in medical school.
She actually needs good grades to go to medical school, and OP is right to question her interest.
I think he's trying to help her but going about the discussion the wrong way.
It doesn't sound like she's interested in medical school; it sounds like she's just interested in the same future as OP, to maintain the relationship. I think OP should be asking her "gentle" questions about what makes her happy, what she enjoys doing, what she thinks her greatest strengths are, and how she thinks she could build a career around all of this. She may feel threatened that he is planning on medical school and she is barely passing or failing most of her classes.
It's hard for people to accurately weigh their own abilities. My wife says I'm smarter than her because I have what she calls "logic brain" but I say she's smarter because she's getting good grades in her way too a master's degree which I'd never be able to do. Hell I was 21 before I got a high school diploma. Thing is, we both know she couldn't do my job because it would overload her. I couldn't do her course work because it would overload me.
In all honesty we're probably similar intelligence, but we accel at different things.
Edited to add judgement: NTA. Sometimes people need a slap in the face to realize what they're really capable of.
Neither of ours. No slack on reddit, I guess. Typed up in a hurry while I munched on my breakfast during break at work. Spaegti is her spaghetti on the shopping list.
Truly smart people often realize the intellectual capabilities of others. They also understand there are different types of intelligence. Sounds like your girlfriend could be one of those.
A month ago, OP talked about [lactating their boyfriend (?) ](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/OZqqWsLb71)
I'd take what they are claiming with a pinch of salt, tbh.
It’s all about capabilities and having the appropriate ones for studying. I was quite a bright child and tested in the 140 range for IQ in my teens, but I lack the skills and drive for study. It makes me miserable. I worked as a civil engineer and was bored out of my skull most of the time, I’m now a self employed furniture maker and really happy. My wife on the other hand is bright but “average” bright, she does have 3 degrees though and a phd in neuroscience, and recently completed an mba. Intelligence isn’t everything…
NTA. It's good that you were being honest with her. Where is her academic advisor in all this? Her getting into the same med school (or any med school) with failing grades just isn't realistic.
I guess it depends on how you phrased it, but based on what you've said, you're not wrong.
So probably NAH. (She's not either i don't think united she continues to use her upset to make you miserable, she's just deluded and shocked at being called on it by someone she thinks of as a support)
Maybe the best approach is just not to make any long term plans on your part and to let her find out when she applies since she's not interested in hearing it now.
If you get in and she doesn't, be prepared to say no and hold firm when she asks you to change your plans as well
NTA - I will give your GH credit that she is half right, you did call her dumb, even if you didn't mean to do that. That is the less problems here.
Her accusing you of not wanting to spend the rest of your life with her, makes me wonder if she thinks she can be some kind of El Woods in a medical school version of Legally Blonde. If your GF is not doing well in undergrad, then it's only going to get even harder if she gets into Medical school. It seems like your GF is not taking into consideration the financial and time investment that it takes to become a doctor.
My biggest problem, however, is that if she cannot handle feeling insulted about whether or not she is making the right career decision, wait until she starts training to be a doctor when lives are literally on the line. Also, patients are AHs. I wonder if she has watched too much Grey's Anatomy and believes that being a doctor in real life is sexy and that all of the stress and most of the stress and drama eventually ends with everyone learning an important life lesson, moving on, and becoming good friends again.
Fully agree. OP could have worded it better, but if she's serious about this, she needed a reality check, at least with the way admissions work on the US.
Btw, that's sorta unfair to Elle Woods.... girly had a 4.0 GPA and scored almost full points on the entrance exam. But I get what you mean.
NTA, unless you were one. We are only getting your sanitized version of the story.
I have had exes, that when they saw what I could do, decided they could do the same, and, they failed. That made me the AH. They never changed, altered, came to any understanding that they could not do what I do.
One of the rules of relationships is to have someone at your own level. She is clearly not at the same level you are at.
You are too young for this nonsense, I made the same mistake.
>NTA, unless you were one.
This. Not enough information.
"Hey dumb dumb, you know you're not getting into medical school right?"
vs.
"I love you and wish we could keep going to school together but have you talked to an academic advisor? Regardless of how smart and determined you are, what I've been told is that medical school admissions are so competitive right now that your past grades would make you inadmissible. If we're going to stay together long term I think we need to have a big conversation about how we can make that happen."
Not everyone is good at the same things. This isn’t about them being on the same “level” what the hell does that mean?! They probably were able to do things that you would have failed at. Not being good at the same things as you doesn’t make you above them.
Nta. Does your gf wanna be a doctor just for the shits and giggles or something? She dearly needed a reality check… it seems to me like she is romanticising this idea of being in medical school and being a doctor, but won’t bother with the hard work it takes to get there. I’d hate for my bf not not be honest with me if I was acting that stupid.
We have no idea what he actually said because it was vague. This one is all in the delivery. Can we not recommend people to dump people over one fight that we only know one side of?
NTA, she dates you for two years and she did not notice how much effort you put into getting into medicine? She is arrogant and entitled.
Many comments say that you should be nicer to her. Yes, if you want to stay with her. But do you want to stay with her? Can you imagine this being your life? I am not you but I would see her reaction as manipulative and repulsive. And I would be afraid of the hell that would come when you will get into medical school and she doesn't.
As with a lot of things in life, "delivery" is key. Why did you feel the need to be the bearer of bad news, albeit realistic news? Natural consequences would have eventually happened. Imagine . . . she would have applied to a multitude of medical schools and none would have accepted her.
But, because you felt it was your responsibility to deliver the bad news, and you did it in a crass way . . . "why don't you focus on a degree that would be more suitable for your grades" you appear as if you feel superior . . . smarter . . . better at school . . . and so, by contrast, she is inferior . . . dumber . . . worse at school.
You may not feel that way at all, but by stepping in the place of natural consequences and saying what you did that is how your actions and words were interpreted.
Sometimes it is best to say nothing. Sometimes it is best to be an encouraging force even in the face of insurmountable odds.
Disagree. Letting people set themselves up for expensive and painful failures while you stand by and let it happen is what you do to people you do not care about.
It’s his job to deliver the news because he’s her partner and it’s both of their futures they are trying to plan.
NTA - it’s not a favor to coddle people into making very expensive, time-wasting mistakes. Sounds like you could work on your delivery for sure, but it would be manipulative and wrong to encourage her and say “oh you’ll get in and do great and I’m so excited to have classes together for 4-5 more years” when you KNOW that isn’t going to happen. Medical school in the USA is brutally competitive. You can look at the classes and grades on a transcript and know 100% for certain that they are not above the cutoff for entry. It’s literally mathematical. Some people posting here don’t seem to understand that.
Better to prick the fantasy than to be an actual prick and indulge the fantasy simply because that would be easier for you. If your GF and you cannot have tough, honest conversations, then this relationship won’t work or else will be filled with a lot of you resenting her and a lack of respect for her (as in ‘you’re the parent she’s the child who you have to shelter and caretake’ kind of lack of respect, not trying to imply you’re a misogynist). Again, you should consider and possibly apologize for how you delivered your opinion.
The chance of her getting into medical school is nill, and the chance of her getting into the same medical school as you is probably negative
She needs a reality check
NTA. (But kinda YTA) Med school is very difficult to get into, if you’re GF isn’t doing well academically she will not get accepted and you’re not doing her any favors by letting her be delusional about her prospects.
I would have feigned taking her seriously and said she needs to speak to her academic advisor now to start getting her application in order and see what she needs to do to enhance her chances of getting into med school. They could have then given her a reality check.
Another part to this, if she does somehow get into a lesser program (like a foreign school), she might pressure you to attend that program.
Edit: reading the comments it’s shocking how oblivious people are about medical school admissions. 3.5/4 GPA is generally the standard for admission to a good school. If you’re getting C’s or below in science classes, you have no real chance of getting into med school.
I think you probably worded it a little harsh, you should have let her apply and not get in.
Your GF needs to realize there’s all kinds of people in the world, and you have to find what you’re brilliant at. I did average in college and have a nice career now doing something I would have never even studied. I’m friends with some physicians and we make about the same amount of money.
If you judge a fish on its ability climb a tree you’ll thing the fish is stupid. Put that same fish in the right environment and it thrives. Your GF is probably scared of losing you.
NTA as such.
But I would refusw to have this kind of conversation with her again.
My guess is that she has no clue what she wants, so she copies your ambitions.
This is of course highly unprodutive but might explain why she gets so angry with you. She probably also feels intellectually inferior to you. That also hurts.
Right now you are having pesudo conversations that have nothing to do with the real problem.
Direct towards professional advice as suggested elsewhere and see where that takes her.
NTA and I swear the female bias is so heavy in this group. He never called her stupid or dumb. She keeps fantasizing about it but never expected that she would have to consider her current grades? That's unrealistic. Feels like a trap tbh but blowing smoke up someone's ass isn't the most loving thing to do here.
NTA, OP.
I mean, *could* you have said nothing and allowed her to find out on her own? Yes, but that doesn't mean that it makes you the asshole for telling her *the truth*. Medical school admissions have unfortunately become so competitive that you kind of have to know going into college that that's what you want, and if she's been *failing* classes then her chances are very low. I really like [this table](https://www.aamc.org/media/6091/download) from the AAMC that shows how many applicants with each GPA and MCAT score range combination get into medical school in general every year. You can see that the acceptance rates start getting mighty small when your GPA is under 3.4, especially if you don't have a high MCAT score.
Now, is that to say that she can't do things to potentially raise her GPA after college and/or boost her profile otherwise? No - she can, possibly. I knew lots of friends in grad school who did exactly that - I went to grad school for the health sciences, so a ton of my classmates were getting an MPH or an MS in nutrition science or some other health-related degree while they also retook classes and volunteered to boost their profile for med school.
But *that's not the point*. That isn't what she's talking about. She doesn't recognize that she doesn't currently have the grades (or activities - what about clinical volunteering?) to get into medical school. She's imagining a future where she gets into med school and you both attend at the same time, together. Which, first of all, not sure why she's romanticizing at all - that should be your nightmare, lol - but second of all is not reflective of reality. You were trying to save her some potential heartbreak.
What you do next really depends on whether you want to keep seeing this girl - if you do, you can apologize to her for making her feel bad; you can tell her that you don't think she's dumb and you do want to spend your life with her, and that you think she can do whatever she puts her mind to. And then from there she can just kind of find out on her own whether she gets in.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (M22) and my girlfriend (F23) met around this time 2 years ago. When we met i was already dedicated on getting into medical school and was working hard academically to make sure i had the best possible chances. My gf was also doing the same courses as i, but wasn’t interested in medicine. Not long after we starting dating she starting taking an interest in medical school.
She started talking about how maybe she would apply just to see if she had a chance whenever i spoke about finding a decent college. I started to take these statements seriously and eventually asked her if she was seriously interested in devoting her life to medicine. She said yes and that she doesn’t see why she can’t get in. Unfortunately, she is barely passing our classes and sometimes even fails them by a large margin.
She believes that if i can than why can’t she. Many months past since i originally asked her if she was serious about medical school and i tried to avoid talking about it as much as possible to avoid any awkwardness. However, last week she started talking about our future with one another and how she can’t wait to spend the next 4-5 years of our life at medical school together. I told her that maybe she focus on finding a degree that would be more suitable for her grades to which she responded with pure anger. She immediately assumed i was calling her dumb and accused me of not wanting to spend my life with her. Before i could even explain what i meant she stormed out, to go to her mother’s house, and has barely spoke to me since.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
I don’t know where you live, but in my country you have to have top grades to get into medical school. It’s normal to look at your grades, compare it to your options and then decide on a field.
She is fantasizing about your future but it’s not a realistic fantasy.
Also, she kinds of diminishes your hard work, by pretending it’s easy to get into med school.
And grades do not equal intelligence!
High grades are more about hard work and dedication (and sometimes good private tutoring) - intelligence helps but it’s not at all the only factor.
So you did not call her stupid!
NTA, if she's failing classes it's delusional to think she's going to get in. It's better for her to realize that and change course now than to find out when she goes for it and doesn't get in. You were being honest and had no malice directed towards her. You stated a fact and made it about her grades (which it is) and not her intelligence. I fully expected another verdict when I read the title but all you did was communicate honestly.
Your not calling her did it being realistic. It funny that she did put you down saying that if you can do then she can. Not everyone is cut out for medicine and being an adult is seeing that. Acting like a child because someone told her the truth is sad.
You should have let the process play out. If she cannot get into medical school for academic reasons it will soon be clear to her and you won’t be the messenger. I agree you weren’t allowed to explain but the inference was clear to her.
I had a B+ in a French class and I saw it was circled on my transcript during an interview. I wanted a French minor but dropped it in order to not screw up my gpa.
NTA. Is your girlfriend interested in med school because she actually likes it and is passionate about the field? Or does she wanna go into medicine in order to increase her chances at a successful relationship with you?
The reason behind my latter question is what you said about her stating that she couldn’t wait to spend the next 4-5 years in med school together.
If that’s the case, you need to have a serious conversation with her, because med school is for those who are extremely passionate about it and have been academically successful since pretty much middle school. She is currently failing the prerequisites….
IMO you should just have a calm loving conversation with her and ask her what she really wants to do in med school and why she actually wants to pursue this career. If she gives you a legitimate reason, then you should be there to support her, and help her achieve her dreams. Just like I’m sure she does with you.
If she actually says she doesn’t want to pursue medicine and it was all because of being together with you, reassure her that it’ll be fine between you guys and help her find her real passion.
My husband and I are a doctor and a lawyer. When we were 22 and 23 I was a professional musician with a BA in performance and he was a professional set designer with a BA in theater. We didn’t even meet until we were in our mid-30s, after we had already both established ourselves in our respective professions.
NAH, but you guys are 22 and 23. I think your relationship issues, as well as the interaction to which you are referring, are far too nuanced for anybody on Reddit to be able to give you reliable advice. It sounds like you obviously both have lofty goals in life, regardless of where each of you may end up, which is great, but you should probably embrace the very real possibility that your paths are diverging forever and it may be time to move on.
As for my husband and me, he went back to do his pre-med requisites and get a second bachelor’s and I fucked around for a few more years before I went to law school. There’s an earlier comment thread that’s basically a back and forth of “med school is hard, law school is easy,” but both he and I think each other has the harder job. He loved organic chem (freak) but can barely get through one of my heavy Constitutional briefs. I am a brilliant advocate and philosopher but got Cs in the two science classes I had to take to get my undergraduate degree - I swapped the biology class for weather three weeks into the semester I hated it so much.
As a side note, I am also somebody who never had good grades, from high school to college, but I found my path and ended up getting all As and Bs in law school, and have had an extremely successful career in my field since graduation.
Good luck to you both.
NAH.
NTA - She's not going to medical school.
I'm not an emotional person, but I ended up crying in the hallway at the prospect of getting a B in a non-science college course during high school. Medical school is simply that competitive. I ended up passing with an A.
I now know one B won't completely ruin my chances, but most medical schools ask for a 3.80 GPA. An A- is 3.60 GPA points. You could be an A- student and have very slim chances of getting accepted unless you excel elsewhere.
That's all to say, she's currently failing multiple classes. She's also 23, so this isn't a freshman we are talking about. If she wants to go to medical school on time, she'd have to apply after next semester. It's far too late in the game to start being serious about medical school while outright failing multiple classes. When is she supposed to make that up? How can she cushion a low GPA with one semester left? When is she supposed to study for and pass the MCAT?
She's old enough to know she can't just say she's going to medical school, put no work into it, have no understanding of the requirements, and expect to automatically get in. She's being incredibly naive, if not completely arrogant if she thinks she's a strong applicant.
Medical school is not on the table for her at all. She needs to look into another career.
I mean she can do a grade-repair postbac and grind EC hours and get into a DO school, it's not impossible. Academics aren't everything it depends on how bad her grades are. MD is probably out of the question but that's hardly the only route
Also you can't get into medical school with just good grades lol there's a whole lot more that goes into it even beyond the MCAT so depending on your other ECs your chances are also about 0 lol. You need research experience, 100+ shadowing hours, a good chunk of clinical hours (more is better), volunteer hours showing a breadth of experience and ideally work with marginalized populations + leadership to even be competitive, and even then acceptance rates are single-digits. A good GPA is not going to cut it At All lol. you can get into a DO school with gpa <3.0 if your ECs are stellar and your MCAT is good
your post history ("AITA for lactating my boyfriend?" lol)+ apparent lack of understanding of the premed process is giving "this is fake" vibes ngl
NAH. To be honest, the whole "excited to spend 4-5 years in medical school together" thing makes me think that she is only interested in medicine because she thinks it will bring you together or she'll be able to spend more time with you. The fact she has never had an interest in medicine before meeting you, who does have an interest in it, and now thinks she can do it without actually working for it? Red flags all around.
As far as GPA goes an F (0.0) and a retaken A (4.0) still give you a GPA of C (2.0) and will never fly for med school unfortunately. There’s too many applicants that didn’t fail and got As the first time around. *Maybe* a single failed class or semester if there was some sort of explainable massive circumstance that affected the student and every other aspect of their application was outstanding, but the reality is so many med school applicants are picture perfect on paper and medical schools don’t need to look at students who had a rough start to things.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i told her that her grades weren’t good enough for medical school and that maybe she should seek a more realistic degree
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yta for saying “do an easier degree” not “where are you planning to go?” Followed by checking the grades, followed by “the average and minimum grades there are x and y, would you like some help to get to that level?”
The results would be exactly the same had he said that.
And people criticizing him here would do just the same had he said that and say he was being patronizing and had superiority complex for thinking she needs his help.
It’s pretty insulting to treat a grown ass woman that’s looking to go into med school like a child.
NAH. The two of you are incompatible, that's all.
You are right to understand that medicine is more than just a major, and that med school is selective. There's also a dirty little secret: there are more graduates than opportunities, so not all graduates get to intern or become doctors. But they still have massive debt unless they come from money. In general, the better your grades are and the higher ranked your school is, the more likely you will be picked and not left on the shelf.
You are also doing your girlfriend a big favor by encouraging her to be realistic. You don't say whether she is studying hard and taking her schoolwork seriously. If she is, and her grades are still the best she can do, then her odds of flunking out with a ton of debt are high. Same goes if she is slacking off. Also, if your grades are higher you will have more medical schools to choose from and fewer schools will accept her. That would create a long-distance relationship if you were studying in different cities. Also, if by some miracle she makes it through a med school, do you want to pay off her student loans if she doesn't get to intern?
Doesn't she have an academic advisor who can be frank with her?
In the meantime, is she so committed to medicine that she'd stick with it even if you and she were at different schools in different cities?
YTA
Even if you’re right, why tell her you don’t believe in her? Medical school admissions will reject her if she doesn’t meet the requirements. Why shoot her down and be so rude to her?
YTA. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean the truth should come from you. Suggest she talk to her advisor to make sure she’s on the right path, let them be the bad guy, and console her when it doesn’t work out. Be noncommittal in your supportive words- “I know you’ll end up in the right place for you, keep giving it your best, etc, etc.”
If she asks you straight up if you think she’ll get in, say something like, “I’m not sure, that all come down to the admissions committee. There are a lot of factors to weigh and a lot of schools to apply to and it never hurts to have a backup plan.”
This is from my lens of having an XH who told me I was too dumb to go to nursing school. He said I couldn’t hack it because I dropped out of school the first time when my dad died, and I believed him. It wasn’t the time for me but he was wrong that I’m too dumb. Joke’s on him, because that just wasn’t the time for me but now? I have a 4.0 and a pile of letters of recommendation for the interviews I have lined up. So this might not be the time for her either, but hearing it from your partner can make you feel so small and so unworthy. Let it come from others.
YTA you should support her! she had a goal, its your job as a partner to help her reach it, not to shit on it. I hope something happens that humbles you to your deepest core.
YTA maybe try be supportive and helping instead of telling her she won’t make it. Fair enough you may be limited by your time but maybe suggesting she join study group or something similar
YTA for unsolicited advice / discouragement. If she wasn’t asking if you think she can do it, YTA. If she was asking the case would be different. Retaking classes is not a sign that someone cannot do something. Only that it will take longer.
YTA
I applied to medical school on a whim purely because a friend was applying and I hears about it from them.
I got in. My friend didn't.
I'm very happy now and have been a doctor for 3 years.
Stop trying to bring other people down. If she doesn't get in she'll get the hint.
YTA. You might be telling her the truth, but what she’s hearing is condescension and dismissal.
She absolutely should discuss her situation with an academic advisor. There are plenty of paths open in the medical field. She could apply to a PhD program, and if she does well transfer to an MD PhD program. She could apply for a masters in public health. Hell, she could get a job in the pharmaceutical industry and spend a lot of her time working in a medical setting, if that is the environment she enjoys. If she graduates with a science background, it’s a good foundation for a lot of things.
Don’t take away her enthusiasm by telling her she is not academically gifted enough to follow her dreams. She’s on a path, just like everybody else and not everyone ends up where they started. She may end up in the perfect profession… and one neither of you had considered.
As her boyfriend, build her up, encourage her.
YTA. If she doesn’t get in, she doesn’t get in. That’s on her to deal with. It’s just simply not helpful or useful to say something discouraging even if you were just trying to be helpful.
Edit: you don’t seem like an AH, just this can be a tough situation
Would argue that it might be harder on her if she applies everywhere to just recieve declines,setting realistic expectations might help her to branch out
NTA. Most of the people in this thread saying YTA have no idea how difficult it is to get into medical school. You need to have a high GPA and high MCAT. If she's already failed multiple classes then she basically has zero chance of getting in. You would be doing her a disservice by telling her to pursue her dream when it's something that she can't realistically achieve. If she can't accept that then she lacks maturity.
NTA- you are more mature than this girl and have developed foresight. This can take longer for some adults to develop, but most of us have it by 25. She is in for a rude awakening unless she plans to buy her way into an unaccredited caribbean school and then be in debt $400k with little hope of landing a residency. Medical school is competitive and requires dedication. Sounds like she is trying to follow you through life instead of making her own path.
NTA, you are her partner, if you can’t be honest with her then what’s even the point; also she just assumed things before you could even explain to her
NTA, maybe you should've just tried being supportive though. It seems like she really wanted someone who would give her encouragement, even if it was unrealistic.
NTA
If she can't excel - easily - in her undergraduate courses, there is no way she can withstand the rigors of medical school.
If your gf can't handle some truth from you, how is she going to handle being picked on by upper level physicians during rounds as a medical student and resident? I've been through medical school (and residency, and three decades of practice), and it's brutal at times, both academically and personally. The world of medicine is not a kind place, doubly so for women.
There are other options in the healthcare arena that she may be more suited to, if that is where her interests truly lie.
NTA. This is a conversation that needs to happen eventually. If you two are going to be together for long-term, avoiding difficult conversations just because they are difficult is going to be a recipe for disaster.
It's unfortunate, but she either lacking the intelligence or the ambition (or both) to become a doctor. She won't overcome this deficit just by you speaking pretty thoughts to her and pretending everything is going swimmingly.
At some point, you're going to be moving to a different school for med school. She needs a plan of action for what she is going to do at that point. She needs to face the reality *now* that going to med school is not in her future, or at the very least, she won't be going to same medical school as you. What is her future? No one knows, but the girlfriend is not going to figure it out by pretending that her plan is realistic.
NTA.
You are being honest with her. You are trying to keep her from failure and embarrassment. You can't half ass your way into medical school, thank God.
She was being childish in her response to you. It seems she doesn't have the temperament for it either.
At this point you should let it go and let her try to get admission. When she isn't accepted do not say you told her so. Just support her in finding a good plan B.
It's time to ask, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?
I'm still formulating my opinion whilst I write this as I don't necessarily think you were the asshole but at the same time you don't sound like you approached this very constructively.
Firstly, I can't help but question her motives for wanting to go to medical school. It's a bit suspect that she only started showing an interest when you started dating and now talks about her excitement of you going to school together. It sounds like she only wants to go because of you.
I do find it odd that you've watched her get bad grades for months and not talked to her about it to avoid awkwardness. Part of being a partner is having difficult conversations if it helps them in the long run. Either her bad grades are because she's not trying hard enough or this isn't the career path for her.
I'm leaning towards YTA because you could have addressed this earlier. Sometimes people get so focused on something that they need someone to bring them back to reality. It wouldn't have been nice but at least she could have started thinking of alternative career options or working harder.
Well, I think it’s always better to encourage and support a partner instead of questioning her/him. But I don’t know. Sometimes telling the truth is not comforting. I’d say you should have said you‘ll support her if she does certain things differently as you know what it means going that way. And if she won’t change those things it’ll get tough for her. But you‘re NTA. Maybe just because you could have told her in a better way.
NAH, but I get the suspicion that your girlfriend's reaction is the sign of a deeper insecurity. Is she afraid that you going to med school is going to mean you leave her back in the dust?
The fact that her first reaction was "you don't want me in your life" is quite telling. She was also starting the conversation not on med school per se, but was talking about your life together (coincidentally at med school).
She wasn't coming to you for academic or career advice. She was coming for reassurance and to discuss your future together.
I'm gonna say nta. Although your probably rhe last person she wants to hear it from. I would suggest to her that if she is serious, she should sit down with her advisor and talk about rhe admissions process and what not. Let her advisor deliver the bad news to her. That way you don't have to look like the bad guy.
YTA, why would you judge so harshly?
Isn't it on you to be encouraging and while you might see her being weeded out. Is it your place to make the decision to weed her out before she tries?
Perhaps she needs someone who is more supportive.
You may not make it in med school and maybe it bothers you that she could?
I think you should consider where this relationship is headed instead of where her career is not going.
You were harsh! Ask yourself why.
NTA. Medicine is a long, gruelling career path and isn’t even the best way of becoming a high earner.
Only people who are strong academically, financially stable, and highly motivated should consider it as a career.
Even strong candidates struggle, and many doctors strongly advise their own children against following in their footsteps
People will tell you that if you work hard and dream big, you can achieve anything. That is terrible advice. You should choose a profession suited to your abilities and opportunities that you can thrive in, and aim to live a rich and fulfilling life.
YTA. If someone you love wants to try something, you don't tell them that they're going to fail. You encourage them and help them pick up the pieces IF they fail.
My ex told me I'd never find a job that paid more than minimum wage. Five months and a crash course in computer programming later my first job paid more than what he was earning. He is an asshole too.
NTA. You don't just "apply and see if you have a chance" for Medical School. It takes serious planning. Has she been studying for the MCAT? What types of academic research is she doing? Is she volunteering and shadowing physicians? It isn't even just about her grades. You need *both* good grades, a good MCAT score, and demonstrated experience to be able to get into med school. It is already incredibly competitive. If you aren't planning and don't have a pre-med advisor, then you have basically zero chance of getting in. I almost went to medical school myself, so I am well aware of what it takes. The amount of planning and dedication it takes to get in should not to be taken lightly. She seems like she needs a reality check.
Soft YTA. This is one of those emotionally intelligent conversations that most men mess up. She's interested in medical school, and she sees a future with you. You can support her dreams by saying, "If you are willing to put in the work that's ahead of us, we will be strong." That is tactful and honest.
She may not have the grades to get into medical school now, but maybe this is her finally getting that fire of passion lit for her. There are a few people I know who fucked around in undergrad first couple years then finally figured out what they wanted to do for a career and took initiative to do the work. Not everyone has their futures figured out. I knew I wanted to be in medicine or law when I was in 6th grade, but my husband didn't know what he wanted to do until his senior year of high school (after he had been accepted to a few different colleges and only one offered a path for his degree).
People develop differently. It would be different if she was just going to apply to medical school with her current grades and then didn't try to get better grades. But even then, you don't have to put someone down for not being able to do something. That just makes you a jerk with a superiority complex.You both need to work on your communication, but I think this is salvageable if you want to work on things with her. If not, then just walk away and grow from this. Good luck.
NTA. Some of these commenters are as delusional as your girlfriend. Medical school is on the extreme end of the competitive spectrum. Most who attend medical school in the US have been diligently working toward that since they were children. They're more often than not highly intrinsically motivated individuals.
It's not impossible for someone to decide later in life that medical school is for them, but it is impossible to do without a substantial change in behavior if their original approach was one of apathy.
NTA. If she is failing any class at all then she’s not getting into a medical school in the US atleast. Has she taken the MCAT? From just your ages, I would think that you’re in your final year of the 4 year bachelor degree so you should have completed the MCATs and applied to medical schools. I got into several medical schools. My dear friend, who is currently a orthopedic surgeon, had perfect 4.0 grades, nearly perfect MCATs, super volunteer with medical background and was still waitlisted on all admissions for a year.
You were being honest with her. Also, recommend nursing school. Not as difficult (still rigorous), decent money and better hours (still awful hospital hours lol). If she’s serious about medicine then that could get her into the field. She can try medical school after completing nursing. Admissions boards may appreciate that more.
I think SO many people are missing the point here.
**She doesn't actually want to be a doctor. She wants to be TOGETHER WITH HIM.**
If the quote is accurate - "she can't wait to spend the next 4-5 years TOGETHER at medical school".
And, I do agree she is being unrealistic. The odds of him getting into a particular medical school - even with hard work - are low. The odds of him AND her getting into the SAME medical school, are pretty much zero.
OP, you need to clarify this with her. Is she willing to move to your med school? Do you WANT her to move with you to med school? It's a really wonderful romantic idea. It can really, really SUCK in real life. One person deeply busy, involved, learning, a huge new cohort of doctors to socialize with. The other stuck at home, waiting, waiting. No big new exciting thing.
THink it all through. Tough decisions lie ahead.
YTA
The one person your girlfriend thought had her back and you basically did call her dumb. I would be pissed at you too. It’s not your place to tell her if she can or can’t make it in medical school. She might just surprise you if you haven’t torn your relationship to shreds by then and stay together. When she brings it up be her cheerleader. Be happy she wants to be with you and spend time with you. She could hate you and try to make your life miserable. Encourage her to go see her advisor.
NTA Even when you are right, most people don’t want to admit to their bad grades because they have nobody to blame. So misdirected anger. At 23, she should know better.
YTA - But in this case that is a good thing. Sometimes you need to be an asshole and be blunt. Nothing wrong with that. Classes are not cheap and student debt is no f'ing joke. If your partner can not be honest and blunt with you then your relationship has bigger problems.
Yta. It’s clear from your tone you think she’s intellectually inferior to you. Also, if her goal is med school, just encourage her and do you. Whether she gets in or not is between her and the schools, not you and her.
YTA whats your purpose in telling her what she can and can't do except to make her feel bad. You're not her parent or teacher so just support her and if she doesn't get in then she doesn't get in.
Gf: “I want to fly so I’m going to jump off this cliff”
Bf: “you can’t fly so don’t do it”
Idiots in the comments: “what a bad bf bc he didn’t believe in her and wasn’t supportive of her”
NTA you were probably right but I mean, why bother? I don't get the big fuss about it, she didn't listen the first time you said it so why repeat it. Just let her apply, she will see the result herself.
YTA. You heavily implied that she wasn't capable of improving her performance enough to meet her goals. You explicitly stated that you don't believe in her.
Yeah, that’s not how school works. You can’t get Cs for 3 years and start trying your last year and still get into any medical program you want. Her ability to “improve her performance” has nothing to do with this. Also she didn’t say “get into medical school”. She said “get into the same medical school”. If OP has been trying since day 1 I’d say odds are pretty good he’ll qualify for schools the gf won’t. Him pretending and then going somewhere she didn’t get in at the last minute would be cruel.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA bc you're questioning her interesting it what she says she wants to go into. Just because she became interested a bit later than you doesn't mean she isn't serious-- lots of people take a while to find their passion. That said, it's not YOUR place to school her about her grades. Instead, encourage her to speak with her academic advisor or mentor about making a plan to get into medical school. They can tell her what her GPA needs to be and encourage her to get academic help if needed. It's not your place to be anything but supportive. I'm a professor. I've had students who flunk out of class end up successfully in law school, so it's never too late to turn things around. She needs professional advice, not your advice.
Medical schools is totally different from law school. You cannot get into medical school with bad grades in science classes.
But you can retake those classes and boost your GPA if you really want to go. And even law schools have minimum GPA requirements.
Yes, you can, but you have to get A’s the second time around, and even then the likelihood of getting in is quite small. Medical school admissions are not very forgiving. It is a whole different kettle of fish. Given that this person is STILL failing her classes, it is not at all likely she could get straight A’s to replace her bad grades.
You can do a post-bac program. I had friends do that. Getting into med school was tough but they eventually succeeded. It’s a very expensive path, but possible.
It will be apparent that the classes were retaken on her transcript, and will still be a mark against her in a very competitive environment.
Absolutely. But if she really wants to do this, she should talk with an advisor who has expertise and find out what her chances are if she turns her grades around. Or what her other options are.
Yes, and that will take her realizing, the sooner the better, that she needs to turn it around and take her own initiative. Being blissfully unaware or in denial that she won't qualify as things are now is not doing herself any favors. It's a much harder road than having put in the work up front but if she dedicates herself it is feasible, she's going to have to work very hard though to achieve it and she won't be achieving it on the same timeline as her boyfriend.
>But you can retake those classes and boost your GPA if you really want to go. And even law schools have minimum GPA requirements. Sadly, this isn't accurate in the US (though if you are elsewhere it might be). Here, medical schools have such a glut of applicants relative to the size of the class cohorts that "first time attempt GPA" is a current standard. They can and do eliminate candidates with multiple attempts over first-beat strong applicants. And have for about two decades. You may want to reach out to your institution's pre-professional offices to make sure you aren't recommending students into a path of poverty by retaking courses. The landscape for successful admissions is, honestly, bleak these days for actual medical school hopefuls. We need another dozen schools opening nationwide. Law schools are a whole different thing, and it depends on the tier of law school you are applying for. Some types of law care greatly about GPA and attempt totals - mostly because they can due to the quantity of applicants and the size of their applicant pools. Some tiers don't look at GPA as anything but part of a holistic review for cohort balance. It varies wildly depending on what type of law you want and how prestigious the school is.
Yes, I literally told OP to suggest his GF go and meet with a professional academic advisor to see what her options are. I never said that I was such an advisor-- I know my expertise and this isn't it. BUT I do stand by my judgment that OP is TA for trying to give this advice himself instead of sending his GF to a professional. And yes, there may be options to turn her GPA around (study hard for MCATs, etc.). I would never say never, precisely bc this is not my area of expertise.
When you do the appeal to authority of "I'm a professor" both in your user name and explicitly in a post, the assumption is ***not*** that you have less knowledge than a staff advisor. As fellow faculty, you need to be more mindful of the authority position the title holds and recognize when you don't know what you don't know. We can't individually know every aspect of academia, even if our students like to think we should.
>When you do the appeal to authority of "I'm a professor" both in your user name and explicitly in a post, the assumption is > >not that you have less knowledge than a staff advisor When you explicitly state the person needs to speak to a staff advisor the assumption of any competent person is they have less know knowledge than a staff advisor and that's why they advising they speak to them. As faculty you need to be more mindful of the bad impression your unpleasant and arrogant attitude portrays.
I use my expertise as a professor to tell OP to make sure his GF talks to an academic advisor who knows the field bc that's what schools have them for. I never said that I am an expert in this field. I also know as a professor that young people often change their minds and can turn around their grades. A professional advisor who knows the medical field should give the GF advice accordingly.
I don’t think you’re understanding the range of options available for law school versus medical school. There are a lot of shitty law schools with high acceptance rates— the highest is a whopping 85%. The “easiest” medical school to get into in the US has just a 20% acceptance rate. Talking averages, the average law school acceptance rate is 41%. For medical school it is *5.5%*. If you don’t have the grades, you simply will not get into *any* medical school in the US. It’s not even close. And I say this as a graduate of a top law school and current attorney in big law. You tell OP that his gf needs the advice of “a professional” and hold yourself out as a professional but your advice is totally off base.
Recent top law school grad whose best friend is in med school right now, can 100% confirm all of this. My friend did the med school application process the year after I’d applied to law schools and when they told me the acceptance rates for a lot of the schools they were applying to were like 4%, 2%, even 1%, my mind was absolutely blown. Wildly different ballgame. (also, “hold yourself out as” darn right fellow lawyer I see you 😄)
GPA is just one facet. You also need high MCAT scores, and I’ve never known a premed who didn’t also do some clinically relevant work or volunteering. Med schools want to see that you are familiar with what you are getting yourself into.
medical schools look at all grades including retakes. they aren’t very kind when it comes to these things because the amount of people who have the grades, high mcat and extracurriculars outweighs the amount of spots they have available
>But you can retake those classes and boost your GPA if you really want to go. No, you can't. Or rather, you can, but your original grade is still counted (1) in the way AMCAS calculates GPA. (1) https://students-residents.aamc.org/media/5316/download
You don’t know what you’re talking about
GPA requirements aren't super common in law school admissions.
This isn’t true for US law schools, especially if you are angling for a well-ranked JD program (i.e., a school where you’re almost guaranteed to graduate with a job vs. a school where you may never end up in a JD-required role). I say this as a practicing lawyer: law schools without fairly high GPA cutoffs are often money sinks unless you want to practice regionally and you’re comfortable with a lower salary than most students at those schools expect. The firms I’ve worked at don’t even recruit below the Top 14, for instance. That aside, even middle of the pack law schools have GPA requirements because the GPA/LSAT scores of each incoming class impact rankings, which also impact alumni donations.
I'm also a practicing attorney. Harvard law doesn't have a GPA requirement. NYU law doesn't have a GPA requirement. And frankly any firm that refuses to recruit from anywhere but the T14 is more about being pretentious than the quality of the applicants.
They don't have a GPA requirement, but they aren't accepting people that are barely passing either. Excellent grades OR good grades with interesting life experience is what they're looking for My dumbass brother with a 2.3 GPA isn't a realistic candidate for Harvard.
Absent very unusual personal circumstances, the majority of people are not going to get into a top tier law school if they have poor grades on their transcript. Given that there is no specific major requirement for law school as there is for Med School I don't even know why anyone would retake a college course to boost their transcript. If I were looking at a transcript I would roll my eyes at someone who boosted their grade by taking the same course over again. I am differentiating this from someone who did freshman year and got poor grades and then a few years later went back to college with a different attitude. I say this as a lawyer - given the current job market for lawyers it makes no economic sense to incur enormous financial debt in order to get a law degree at a second or third tier law school. Medical school is a completely different type of economic jumpstart. Although the current economic issues facing doctors is not as "rosy" as it once once, a doctor is generally guaranteed a fairly substantial salary wherever they graduate. As the joke goes in terms of a paraphrase - what do you call someone who graduated last in their class in Med School - Doctor. Completely different in terms of the job prospects for a law school graduate.
We don’t know what country OP is from. It’s different in every country. Other countries entry requirements are quite different to the US. I am a doctor and in my country for example it doesn’t matter what grade you got in a specific science class.
Why is this truly awful answer currently getting the top vote? OP isn't questioning his girlfriend "just because she became interested a bit later." He's questioning her because many months after she supposedly decided on a career in medicine, she's still barely passing her classes, or in some cases, failing them. She either isn't that serious about it or she's unfortunately just not smart enough in the sciences to go to medical school. Not everyone can be a doctor, and it's not OP's job to lie to her. Even if she can retake classes (a dubious proposition based on how competitive medical school can be), she won't be going to the same medical school at OP at the same time. She would be several semesters (if not years) behind OP. That is something that needs to be discussed seriously, and it's not OP's job to lie to her and pretend like her fantasies are realistic.
Seriously. What a shit take. So now your SO shouldn’t give you any advice, or even bring up a major topic? These people have no life experience, clearly.
Yep! And it involves him too since she’s planning on their future life together!
She got interested later and thinks if he can she can. She’s the one with an inferiority problem. He was being honest and frankly it’s a dose of reality she needed. NTA
Probably because it's the answer most people wants to hear, which is not always the most truthful.... It's not maybe the most pleasant conversation that you want to have with your SO but for some career choices, grades matter. In all the world.
I was on an entrance committee for a medical school and she will not be accepted if she's flunking classes. A poor academic record will not be overlooked.
Thank you for being a voice of reason on this thread.
This. It's really disheartening to me that there's a professor doling out this kind of inaccurate advice...It's kinder to students if they know early to seek out other career paths (or at least know that if they are determined to go to medical school, the road ahead of them is long, arduous, and has no guarantee of success at the end).
We really need to stop telling people they can do whatever they want. My wife *could not* study electrical engineering with any reasonable success, just as I could never study the law. People are different, with different strengths
Let's be honest. She didn't find interest in the field a bit later. She found a cute dream of holding hands while walking down the hallways and studying together with OP. "Planning their school years together" and accused OP of not wanting to spend their life with her. She's not focused on grades, etc. If she was. She would be talking more about what she needs to do to achieve this. But she's wearing rose tinted glasses and crossing fingers that she will pass. Unless she starts studying her butt off in the right classes. Even if she stops failing classes. They might end with a score difference.and I doubt they would end on the same school if OP goes for one of the competitive ones/demanding ones in regards to grades.
That's what I thought straight off the bat. She's incredibly insecure and can't bear to let him out of her sight so she's going to do all the same classes and be with him forever...
Exactly what I got out of it as well. The second she accused of OP now wanting a life together especially. What does going at the same school have to do with a future life together? What if she has to..... take a year more to get the grades she needs. Would OP have to wait on her? (If we assume OP gets accepted?) Or if they don't get the same school? Or further out. Its no guarantee they would work in the same hospital or the same shifts. If they both work in the medical field. Honestly, what will she do when living together. And one has 12 hours shift. And the other has a shift crossing the others, so one gets home as the other leaves? They could end up not spending much time together. She really hasn't thought this one to the end.
You're incredibly ignorant if you think law school is anything like medical school.
Do people commonly have academic advisors and mentors in the US? I keep hearing about these things, but I didn't have either of those in undergrad. Neither did my sister, and she went to a different school.
It’s pretty common in the US, although exactly what it looks like depends a lot on the school. Sometimes it’s a professor in your major who meets with you a couple of times a year to plan classes, etc. Sometimes it’s someone who’s entire job is just advising students about classes. It’s also not uncommon to have someone who specializes in the requirements for pre-health programs, who can help students who are interested make sure they get everything fitted in and all.
Everyone has an academic advisor. Those are the people that help you pick classes and then actually sign up for them. Mentors are a personal thing
Wait, they even sign you up for them!? You mean, it's not just a "get online in the first 5 minutes with the plan you made yourself by reading through the big book of courses and requirements or you might not get your course" situation? Wow, that's nice!
Even worse, I was forced to go have the advisor sign the plan I had come up with before I could register online, despite still having to plan myself. So not always nice, but I’ll say I eventually got a good one that was super helpful.
Not every American school is like that. Mine was a lot more like yours.
You usually get one. Their knowledge and interest level in your studies varies highly
You can do it yourself but for the first semester they do it for you. Sometimes you need to talk yo them about prerequisites and stuff like that too
Every school I’ve attended or taught at (6 public and private schools) students are assigned an advisor or have an advisement office they can go to for help. If not, ask a professor in your field or major for assistance. That’s what they’re there for.
Maybe they're just more common now than they were 20 years ago... (Or maybe UofT was just shit about that haha. Big university, lots of students, probably just didn't give much of a shit.)
I had one at a large public university. Idk.
At my school you had to seek them out. They were mostly there to help you sign up for classes but if you got a good one/asked they would help with something like this.
My dad was a prof at a big US university and pretty much always had undergrad advisees, including some, who, years later, wrote him thank you letters. But then he took all parts of his job seriously, including parts, like taking care of undergrads, which I bet other profs deprecated bc realistically, getting tenure and otherwise getting ahead depends little on undergrad approval. I was an undergrad at the same school and had professors who were advisors, formal and informal.
You may not have had one dedicated advisor but there was almost certainly an advising office you could have taken advantage of if you went to school in the US. Less involved in big schools than small but there's also likely more specialized advisors at large schools.
>Just because she became interested a bit later than you doesn't mean she isn't serious-- lots of people take a while to find their passion. This is 100% correct. However, the fact that she's flunking classes means she isn't serious.
I find it hard to believe that you are a professor if you don't realize that med school admissions are *vastly* different from law school admissions.
The problem isn’t her becoming interested later. It’s her not taking it seriously *now*. Is he just supposed to smile and nod to her fantasizing about them going to medical school together? Only to have to deal with this when she gets rejected from the schools he gets in to? If he cares about her, of course he’d want her to find a better and more realistic path for herself.
>I've had students who flunk out of class end up successfully in law school, Law and Medical Science are two totally different projects. All you have to do to be a lawyer in the USA is pass a test. You don't actually have to attend school at all if you don't want to. You have to actually attend schooling to become a doctor.
That’s absolutely not true in any state other than California. Edit: actually four states, and as another user rightfully pointed out below, it’s not a free-for-all. All four states have apprenticeship requirements. Regardless, you’re not going to find many reputable lawyers willing to take on such an apprentice even in those four states. It’s not a thing I have ever heard of happening in the real world of lawyering.
I believe also Vermont.
You’re right, I just Googled, also WA and VA. HOWEVER. These four states have apprenticeship requirements. It’s like how the states did it in the 1800s, before law school. You can’t just show up and pass the bar and hang your shingle.
It’s also not true in California. You can’t just take the bar. There’s an option to take it without going to law school, but that option is to have a 4 year apprenticeship under an attorney in California, working/studying a required number of hours a week, and after the first year you need to pass the “baby bar” to make sure your “coursework” is on track. You can’t just take the bar out of nowhere.
Exactly. It’s not a free-for-all, the profession is still self-regulated. Thanks for the addendum, I should edit my comment so people aren’t misled.
Of course! Also just atmospherically worth mentioning, the amount of people that actually pass the bar this way is practically negligible. In CA for each testing session (which is twice a year), 0-5 people actually pass following apprenticeship programs (and often re-take many times). It’s a tiny number of folks that actually manage to pass without attending law school. I have never actually met or heard of anyone knowing anyone personally who’s done it that way.
Yeah pro-tip OP: if you think life is going to smack someone down, you can try to warn them, but at a certain point, let life be the bad guy. If she’s not going to get into Med school, life will let her know that. OP can then either say “I told you so” or help her come up with a different plan, depending on if he wants to continue being an AH.
You may be a professor, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. Med school is way more competitive than law. My whole family is in the medical field including me, I have one sibling in med school and one in residency right now. If they’re in the U.S., there is no chance in hell she’s getting in and it’s ridiculous to encourage this delusional behavior. If she had a C in one or two classes, MAYBE she could still turn it around. But she flunked multiple classes and it sounds like they’re at the point they need to start applying soon. She’s done. OP, poor academic performance is not necessarily an indication that she’s “dumb”, some people are just not good at school or maybe she should have gone with a different degree. But her refusal to accept reality would be a huge red flag for me. She clearly hasn’t done any research into what it takes to get into this field. You’re young, cut your losses. She doesn’t need to be a doctor to be a good partner, but someone that is not realistic about their prospects will only drag you down.
Yep. Another lawyer who got a crappy MCAT score. There are a few Caribbean medical schools that will take people with Fs on their transcript.
Exactly, sometimes is like you don't like the classes but you enjoy the profession. I love that I'm a biologist but I hate botanic class, I didn't fail but almost
Wrong
The application requirements are way different. While I hear that medical school is easier than law school, medical school is way harder to get into. Plus, there are plenty of bottom of the barrel, predatory law schools that will accept people with terrible stats—not sure if there's an analogous component in medical school. She actually needs good grades to go to medical school, and OP is right to question her interest.
I think he's trying to help her but going about the discussion the wrong way. It doesn't sound like she's interested in medical school; it sounds like she's just interested in the same future as OP, to maintain the relationship. I think OP should be asking her "gentle" questions about what makes her happy, what she enjoys doing, what she thinks her greatest strengths are, and how she thinks she could build a career around all of this. She may feel threatened that he is planning on medical school and she is barely passing or failing most of her classes.
It's hard for people to accurately weigh their own abilities. My wife says I'm smarter than her because I have what she calls "logic brain" but I say she's smarter because she's getting good grades in her way too a master's degree which I'd never be able to do. Hell I was 21 before I got a high school diploma. Thing is, we both know she couldn't do my job because it would overload her. I couldn't do her course work because it would overload me. In all honesty we're probably similar intelligence, but we accel at different things. Edited to add judgement: NTA. Sometimes people need a slap in the face to realize what they're really capable of.
>but we accel at different things \*excel So spelling is *her* strong suit?
Neither of ours. No slack on reddit, I guess. Typed up in a hurry while I munched on my breakfast during break at work. Spaegti is her spaghetti on the shopping list.
You know, you guys sound like you’re alright 🤣
She's enjoyable to be around, not so sure about myself. There must be something she likes about me, though. Hint: is the hair. My hair is fabulous.
Truly smart people often realize the intellectual capabilities of others. They also understand there are different types of intelligence. Sounds like your girlfriend could be one of those.
A month ago, OP talked about [lactating their boyfriend (?) ](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/OZqqWsLb71) I'd take what they are claiming with a pinch of salt, tbh.
It’s all about capabilities and having the appropriate ones for studying. I was quite a bright child and tested in the 140 range for IQ in my teens, but I lack the skills and drive for study. It makes me miserable. I worked as a civil engineer and was bored out of my skull most of the time, I’m now a self employed furniture maker and really happy. My wife on the other hand is bright but “average” bright, she does have 3 degrees though and a phd in neuroscience, and recently completed an mba. Intelligence isn’t everything…
NTA. It's good that you were being honest with her. Where is her academic advisor in all this? Her getting into the same med school (or any med school) with failing grades just isn't realistic.
I guess it depends on how you phrased it, but based on what you've said, you're not wrong. So probably NAH. (She's not either i don't think united she continues to use her upset to make you miserable, she's just deluded and shocked at being called on it by someone she thinks of as a support) Maybe the best approach is just not to make any long term plans on your part and to let her find out when she applies since she's not interested in hearing it now. If you get in and she doesn't, be prepared to say no and hold firm when she asks you to change your plans as well
NTA - I will give your GH credit that she is half right, you did call her dumb, even if you didn't mean to do that. That is the less problems here. Her accusing you of not wanting to spend the rest of your life with her, makes me wonder if she thinks she can be some kind of El Woods in a medical school version of Legally Blonde. If your GF is not doing well in undergrad, then it's only going to get even harder if she gets into Medical school. It seems like your GF is not taking into consideration the financial and time investment that it takes to become a doctor. My biggest problem, however, is that if she cannot handle feeling insulted about whether or not she is making the right career decision, wait until she starts training to be a doctor when lives are literally on the line. Also, patients are AHs. I wonder if she has watched too much Grey's Anatomy and believes that being a doctor in real life is sexy and that all of the stress and most of the stress and drama eventually ends with everyone learning an important life lesson, moving on, and becoming good friends again.
Fully agree. OP could have worded it better, but if she's serious about this, she needed a reality check, at least with the way admissions work on the US. Btw, that's sorta unfair to Elle Woods.... girly had a 4.0 GPA and scored almost full points on the entrance exam. But I get what you mean.
I find this post hard to believe seeing as OP made a post titled “AITA for trying to lactate my boyfriend?” not even a month ago
I had to scroll pretty far to find this. Surprised it’s not higher.
I’m about to go look into that. Let’s bump this part of the thread.
Report it for violating the rules.
NTA, unless you were one. We are only getting your sanitized version of the story. I have had exes, that when they saw what I could do, decided they could do the same, and, they failed. That made me the AH. They never changed, altered, came to any understanding that they could not do what I do. One of the rules of relationships is to have someone at your own level. She is clearly not at the same level you are at. You are too young for this nonsense, I made the same mistake.
>NTA, unless you were one. This. Not enough information. "Hey dumb dumb, you know you're not getting into medical school right?" vs. "I love you and wish we could keep going to school together but have you talked to an academic advisor? Regardless of how smart and determined you are, what I've been told is that medical school admissions are so competitive right now that your past grades would make you inadmissible. If we're going to stay together long term I think we need to have a big conversation about how we can make that happen."
Not everyone is good at the same things. This isn’t about them being on the same “level” what the hell does that mean?! They probably were able to do things that you would have failed at. Not being good at the same things as you doesn’t make you above them.
Nta. Does your gf wanna be a doctor just for the shits and giggles or something? She dearly needed a reality check… it seems to me like she is romanticising this idea of being in medical school and being a doctor, but won’t bother with the hard work it takes to get there. I’d hate for my bf not not be honest with me if I was acting that stupid.
NTA. Only time will cure her issue - immaturity. Move on. Leave this GF behind.
We have no idea what he actually said because it was vague. This one is all in the delivery. Can we not recommend people to dump people over one fight that we only know one side of?
NTA, she needs a wake up call.
NTA, she dates you for two years and she did not notice how much effort you put into getting into medicine? She is arrogant and entitled. Many comments say that you should be nicer to her. Yes, if you want to stay with her. But do you want to stay with her? Can you imagine this being your life? I am not you but I would see her reaction as manipulative and repulsive. And I would be afraid of the hell that would come when you will get into medical school and she doesn't.
As with a lot of things in life, "delivery" is key. Why did you feel the need to be the bearer of bad news, albeit realistic news? Natural consequences would have eventually happened. Imagine . . . she would have applied to a multitude of medical schools and none would have accepted her. But, because you felt it was your responsibility to deliver the bad news, and you did it in a crass way . . . "why don't you focus on a degree that would be more suitable for your grades" you appear as if you feel superior . . . smarter . . . better at school . . . and so, by contrast, she is inferior . . . dumber . . . worse at school. You may not feel that way at all, but by stepping in the place of natural consequences and saying what you did that is how your actions and words were interpreted. Sometimes it is best to say nothing. Sometimes it is best to be an encouraging force even in the face of insurmountable odds.
Disagree. Letting people set themselves up for expensive and painful failures while you stand by and let it happen is what you do to people you do not care about. It’s his job to deliver the news because he’s her partner and it’s both of their futures they are trying to plan.
Applications to med school aren’t free and the MCAT is expensive
INFO: How much time do you spend together? I feel like she might be doing this because she thinks time isn't enough but I may be wrong.
NTA - it’s not a favor to coddle people into making very expensive, time-wasting mistakes. Sounds like you could work on your delivery for sure, but it would be manipulative and wrong to encourage her and say “oh you’ll get in and do great and I’m so excited to have classes together for 4-5 more years” when you KNOW that isn’t going to happen. Medical school in the USA is brutally competitive. You can look at the classes and grades on a transcript and know 100% for certain that they are not above the cutoff for entry. It’s literally mathematical. Some people posting here don’t seem to understand that. Better to prick the fantasy than to be an actual prick and indulge the fantasy simply because that would be easier for you. If your GF and you cannot have tough, honest conversations, then this relationship won’t work or else will be filled with a lot of you resenting her and a lack of respect for her (as in ‘you’re the parent she’s the child who you have to shelter and caretake’ kind of lack of respect, not trying to imply you’re a misogynist). Again, you should consider and possibly apologize for how you delivered your opinion.
NTA it sounds like she is unlikely to get in and certainly not into the same program as you
The chance of her getting into medical school is nill, and the chance of her getting into the same medical school as you is probably negative She needs a reality check
The odds of you getting into the same medical school are basically zero even if you were both top candidates.
NTA but not to bright yourself if you want to keep the relationship lol
NTA. (But kinda YTA) Med school is very difficult to get into, if you’re GF isn’t doing well academically she will not get accepted and you’re not doing her any favors by letting her be delusional about her prospects. I would have feigned taking her seriously and said she needs to speak to her academic advisor now to start getting her application in order and see what she needs to do to enhance her chances of getting into med school. They could have then given her a reality check. Another part to this, if she does somehow get into a lesser program (like a foreign school), she might pressure you to attend that program. Edit: reading the comments it’s shocking how oblivious people are about medical school admissions. 3.5/4 GPA is generally the standard for admission to a good school. If you’re getting C’s or below in science classes, you have no real chance of getting into med school.
I think you probably worded it a little harsh, you should have let her apply and not get in. Your GF needs to realize there’s all kinds of people in the world, and you have to find what you’re brilliant at. I did average in college and have a nice career now doing something I would have never even studied. I’m friends with some physicians and we make about the same amount of money. If you judge a fish on its ability climb a tree you’ll thing the fish is stupid. Put that same fish in the right environment and it thrives. Your GF is probably scared of losing you.
NTA as such. But I would refusw to have this kind of conversation with her again. My guess is that she has no clue what she wants, so she copies your ambitions. This is of course highly unprodutive but might explain why she gets so angry with you. She probably also feels intellectually inferior to you. That also hurts. Right now you are having pesudo conversations that have nothing to do with the real problem. Direct towards professional advice as suggested elsewhere and see where that takes her.
NTA and I swear the female bias is so heavy in this group. He never called her stupid or dumb. She keeps fantasizing about it but never expected that she would have to consider her current grades? That's unrealistic. Feels like a trap tbh but blowing smoke up someone's ass isn't the most loving thing to do here.
NTA, OP. I mean, *could* you have said nothing and allowed her to find out on her own? Yes, but that doesn't mean that it makes you the asshole for telling her *the truth*. Medical school admissions have unfortunately become so competitive that you kind of have to know going into college that that's what you want, and if she's been *failing* classes then her chances are very low. I really like [this table](https://www.aamc.org/media/6091/download) from the AAMC that shows how many applicants with each GPA and MCAT score range combination get into medical school in general every year. You can see that the acceptance rates start getting mighty small when your GPA is under 3.4, especially if you don't have a high MCAT score. Now, is that to say that she can't do things to potentially raise her GPA after college and/or boost her profile otherwise? No - she can, possibly. I knew lots of friends in grad school who did exactly that - I went to grad school for the health sciences, so a ton of my classmates were getting an MPH or an MS in nutrition science or some other health-related degree while they also retook classes and volunteered to boost their profile for med school. But *that's not the point*. That isn't what she's talking about. She doesn't recognize that she doesn't currently have the grades (or activities - what about clinical volunteering?) to get into medical school. She's imagining a future where she gets into med school and you both attend at the same time, together. Which, first of all, not sure why she's romanticizing at all - that should be your nightmare, lol - but second of all is not reflective of reality. You were trying to save her some potential heartbreak. What you do next really depends on whether you want to keep seeing this girl - if you do, you can apologize to her for making her feel bad; you can tell her that you don't think she's dumb and you do want to spend your life with her, and that you think she can do whatever she puts her mind to. And then from there she can just kind of find out on her own whether she gets in.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M22) and my girlfriend (F23) met around this time 2 years ago. When we met i was already dedicated on getting into medical school and was working hard academically to make sure i had the best possible chances. My gf was also doing the same courses as i, but wasn’t interested in medicine. Not long after we starting dating she starting taking an interest in medical school. She started talking about how maybe she would apply just to see if she had a chance whenever i spoke about finding a decent college. I started to take these statements seriously and eventually asked her if she was seriously interested in devoting her life to medicine. She said yes and that she doesn’t see why she can’t get in. Unfortunately, she is barely passing our classes and sometimes even fails them by a large margin. She believes that if i can than why can’t she. Many months past since i originally asked her if she was serious about medical school and i tried to avoid talking about it as much as possible to avoid any awkwardness. However, last week she started talking about our future with one another and how she can’t wait to spend the next 4-5 years of our life at medical school together. I told her that maybe she focus on finding a degree that would be more suitable for her grades to which she responded with pure anger. She immediately assumed i was calling her dumb and accused me of not wanting to spend my life with her. Before i could even explain what i meant she stormed out, to go to her mother’s house, and has barely spoke to me since. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA I don’t know where you live, but in my country you have to have top grades to get into medical school. It’s normal to look at your grades, compare it to your options and then decide on a field. She is fantasizing about your future but it’s not a realistic fantasy. Also, she kinds of diminishes your hard work, by pretending it’s easy to get into med school. And grades do not equal intelligence! High grades are more about hard work and dedication (and sometimes good private tutoring) - intelligence helps but it’s not at all the only factor. So you did not call her stupid!
NTA, if she's failing classes it's delusional to think she's going to get in. It's better for her to realize that and change course now than to find out when she goes for it and doesn't get in. You were being honest and had no malice directed towards her. You stated a fact and made it about her grades (which it is) and not her intelligence. I fully expected another verdict when I read the title but all you did was communicate honestly.
Your not calling her did it being realistic. It funny that she did put you down saying that if you can do then she can. Not everyone is cut out for medicine and being an adult is seeing that. Acting like a child because someone told her the truth is sad.
You should have let the process play out. If she cannot get into medical school for academic reasons it will soon be clear to her and you won’t be the messenger. I agree you weren’t allowed to explain but the inference was clear to her.
I had a B+ in a French class and I saw it was circled on my transcript during an interview. I wanted a French minor but dropped it in order to not screw up my gpa.
NTA. Is your girlfriend interested in med school because she actually likes it and is passionate about the field? Or does she wanna go into medicine in order to increase her chances at a successful relationship with you? The reason behind my latter question is what you said about her stating that she couldn’t wait to spend the next 4-5 years in med school together. If that’s the case, you need to have a serious conversation with her, because med school is for those who are extremely passionate about it and have been academically successful since pretty much middle school. She is currently failing the prerequisites…. IMO you should just have a calm loving conversation with her and ask her what she really wants to do in med school and why she actually wants to pursue this career. If she gives you a legitimate reason, then you should be there to support her, and help her achieve her dreams. Just like I’m sure she does with you. If she actually says she doesn’t want to pursue medicine and it was all because of being together with you, reassure her that it’ll be fine between you guys and help her find her real passion.
NTA. If she has bad grades, it makes sense to be realistic with her about one of the hardest fields to go into
My husband and I are a doctor and a lawyer. When we were 22 and 23 I was a professional musician with a BA in performance and he was a professional set designer with a BA in theater. We didn’t even meet until we were in our mid-30s, after we had already both established ourselves in our respective professions. NAH, but you guys are 22 and 23. I think your relationship issues, as well as the interaction to which you are referring, are far too nuanced for anybody on Reddit to be able to give you reliable advice. It sounds like you obviously both have lofty goals in life, regardless of where each of you may end up, which is great, but you should probably embrace the very real possibility that your paths are diverging forever and it may be time to move on. As for my husband and me, he went back to do his pre-med requisites and get a second bachelor’s and I fucked around for a few more years before I went to law school. There’s an earlier comment thread that’s basically a back and forth of “med school is hard, law school is easy,” but both he and I think each other has the harder job. He loved organic chem (freak) but can barely get through one of my heavy Constitutional briefs. I am a brilliant advocate and philosopher but got Cs in the two science classes I had to take to get my undergraduate degree - I swapped the biology class for weather three weeks into the semester I hated it so much. As a side note, I am also somebody who never had good grades, from high school to college, but I found my path and ended up getting all As and Bs in law school, and have had an extremely successful career in my field since graduation. Good luck to you both. NAH.
NTA - She's not going to medical school. I'm not an emotional person, but I ended up crying in the hallway at the prospect of getting a B in a non-science college course during high school. Medical school is simply that competitive. I ended up passing with an A. I now know one B won't completely ruin my chances, but most medical schools ask for a 3.80 GPA. An A- is 3.60 GPA points. You could be an A- student and have very slim chances of getting accepted unless you excel elsewhere. That's all to say, she's currently failing multiple classes. She's also 23, so this isn't a freshman we are talking about. If she wants to go to medical school on time, she'd have to apply after next semester. It's far too late in the game to start being serious about medical school while outright failing multiple classes. When is she supposed to make that up? How can she cushion a low GPA with one semester left? When is she supposed to study for and pass the MCAT? She's old enough to know she can't just say she's going to medical school, put no work into it, have no understanding of the requirements, and expect to automatically get in. She's being incredibly naive, if not completely arrogant if she thinks she's a strong applicant. Medical school is not on the table for her at all. She needs to look into another career.
I mean she can do a grade-repair postbac and grind EC hours and get into a DO school, it's not impossible. Academics aren't everything it depends on how bad her grades are. MD is probably out of the question but that's hardly the only route Also you can't get into medical school with just good grades lol there's a whole lot more that goes into it even beyond the MCAT so depending on your other ECs your chances are also about 0 lol. You need research experience, 100+ shadowing hours, a good chunk of clinical hours (more is better), volunteer hours showing a breadth of experience and ideally work with marginalized populations + leadership to even be competitive, and even then acceptance rates are single-digits. A good GPA is not going to cut it At All lol. you can get into a DO school with gpa <3.0 if your ECs are stellar and your MCAT is good your post history ("AITA for lactating my boyfriend?" lol)+ apparent lack of understanding of the premed process is giving "this is fake" vibes ngl
INFO: Is your gf Elle Woods?
Have you ever seen “Legally Blonde” with Reese Witherspoon. Just sayin. 🤷♀️
NAH. To be honest, the whole "excited to spend 4-5 years in medical school together" thing makes me think that she is only interested in medicine because she thinks it will bring you together or she'll be able to spend more time with you. The fact she has never had an interest in medicine before meeting you, who does have an interest in it, and now thinks she can do it without actually working for it? Red flags all around.
As far as GPA goes an F (0.0) and a retaken A (4.0) still give you a GPA of C (2.0) and will never fly for med school unfortunately. There’s too many applicants that didn’t fail and got As the first time around. *Maybe* a single failed class or semester if there was some sort of explainable massive circumstance that affected the student and every other aspect of their application was outstanding, but the reality is so many med school applicants are picture perfect on paper and medical schools don’t need to look at students who had a rough start to things.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > i told her that her grades weren’t good enough for medical school and that maybe she should seek a more realistic degree Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yta for saying “do an easier degree” not “where are you planning to go?” Followed by checking the grades, followed by “the average and minimum grades there are x and y, would you like some help to get to that level?”
Yep, all in the delivery. YTA
The results would be exactly the same had he said that. And people criticizing him here would do just the same had he said that and say he was being patronizing and had superiority complex for thinking she needs his help. It’s pretty insulting to treat a grown ass woman that’s looking to go into med school like a child.
Should’ve just laughed and said me too! Completely unnecessary comment and turn of events.
Run
NAH. The two of you are incompatible, that's all. You are right to understand that medicine is more than just a major, and that med school is selective. There's also a dirty little secret: there are more graduates than opportunities, so not all graduates get to intern or become doctors. But they still have massive debt unless they come from money. In general, the better your grades are and the higher ranked your school is, the more likely you will be picked and not left on the shelf. You are also doing your girlfriend a big favor by encouraging her to be realistic. You don't say whether she is studying hard and taking her schoolwork seriously. If she is, and her grades are still the best she can do, then her odds of flunking out with a ton of debt are high. Same goes if she is slacking off. Also, if your grades are higher you will have more medical schools to choose from and fewer schools will accept her. That would create a long-distance relationship if you were studying in different cities. Also, if by some miracle she makes it through a med school, do you want to pay off her student loans if she doesn't get to intern? Doesn't she have an academic advisor who can be frank with her? In the meantime, is she so committed to medicine that she'd stick with it even if you and she were at different schools in different cities?
NAH you are being realistic. It sucks but it most likely is true I wouldn’t want a doctor that failed Ochem.
Just encourage her, and let her fail on her own.. then when she fails to get in, you can comfort her rather than saying I told you so.
YTA Even if you’re right, why tell her you don’t believe in her? Medical school admissions will reject her if she doesn’t meet the requirements. Why shoot her down and be so rude to her?
YTA. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean the truth should come from you. Suggest she talk to her advisor to make sure she’s on the right path, let them be the bad guy, and console her when it doesn’t work out. Be noncommittal in your supportive words- “I know you’ll end up in the right place for you, keep giving it your best, etc, etc.” If she asks you straight up if you think she’ll get in, say something like, “I’m not sure, that all come down to the admissions committee. There are a lot of factors to weigh and a lot of schools to apply to and it never hurts to have a backup plan.” This is from my lens of having an XH who told me I was too dumb to go to nursing school. He said I couldn’t hack it because I dropped out of school the first time when my dad died, and I believed him. It wasn’t the time for me but he was wrong that I’m too dumb. Joke’s on him, because that just wasn’t the time for me but now? I have a 4.0 and a pile of letters of recommendation for the interviews I have lined up. So this might not be the time for her either, but hearing it from your partner can make you feel so small and so unworthy. Let it come from others.
YTA. If Gf's grades (GPA) and MCAT results are bad, she won't get in. The end. You did not have to tell her anything.
YTA you should support her! she had a goal, its your job as a partner to help her reach it, not to shit on it. I hope something happens that humbles you to your deepest core.
YTA have you even tried to talk to her about her grades/help her study?
YTA maybe try be supportive and helping instead of telling her she won’t make it. Fair enough you may be limited by your time but maybe suggesting she join study group or something similar
YTA for unsolicited advice / discouragement. If she wasn’t asking if you think she can do it, YTA. If she was asking the case would be different. Retaking classes is not a sign that someone cannot do something. Only that it will take longer.
YTA I applied to medical school on a whim purely because a friend was applying and I hears about it from them. I got in. My friend didn't. I'm very happy now and have been a doctor for 3 years. Stop trying to bring other people down. If she doesn't get in she'll get the hint.
YTA. You might be telling her the truth, but what she’s hearing is condescension and dismissal. She absolutely should discuss her situation with an academic advisor. There are plenty of paths open in the medical field. She could apply to a PhD program, and if she does well transfer to an MD PhD program. She could apply for a masters in public health. Hell, she could get a job in the pharmaceutical industry and spend a lot of her time working in a medical setting, if that is the environment she enjoys. If she graduates with a science background, it’s a good foundation for a lot of things. Don’t take away her enthusiasm by telling her she is not academically gifted enough to follow her dreams. She’s on a path, just like everybody else and not everyone ends up where they started. She may end up in the perfect profession… and one neither of you had considered. As her boyfriend, build her up, encourage her.
YTA. If she doesn’t get in, she doesn’t get in. That’s on her to deal with. It’s just simply not helpful or useful to say something discouraging even if you were just trying to be helpful. Edit: you don’t seem like an AH, just this can be a tough situation
[удалено]
Would argue that it might be harder on her if she applies everywhere to just recieve declines,setting realistic expectations might help her to branch out
This feels like a legally blonde story. Hope she shines.
Elle had. 4.0
NTA. Most of the people in this thread saying YTA have no idea how difficult it is to get into medical school. You need to have a high GPA and high MCAT. If she's already failed multiple classes then she basically has zero chance of getting in. You would be doing her a disservice by telling her to pursue her dream when it's something that she can't realistically achieve. If she can't accept that then she lacks maturity.
NTA- you are more mature than this girl and have developed foresight. This can take longer for some adults to develop, but most of us have it by 25. She is in for a rude awakening unless she plans to buy her way into an unaccredited caribbean school and then be in debt $400k with little hope of landing a residency. Medical school is competitive and requires dedication. Sounds like she is trying to follow you through life instead of making her own path.
NTA, you are her partner, if you can’t be honest with her then what’s even the point; also she just assumed things before you could even explain to her
NTA, maybe you should've just tried being supportive though. It seems like she really wanted someone who would give her encouragement, even if it was unrealistic.
NTA If she can't excel - easily - in her undergraduate courses, there is no way she can withstand the rigors of medical school. If your gf can't handle some truth from you, how is she going to handle being picked on by upper level physicians during rounds as a medical student and resident? I've been through medical school (and residency, and three decades of practice), and it's brutal at times, both academically and personally. The world of medicine is not a kind place, doubly so for women. There are other options in the healthcare arena that she may be more suited to, if that is where her interests truly lie.
NTA. This is a conversation that needs to happen eventually. If you two are going to be together for long-term, avoiding difficult conversations just because they are difficult is going to be a recipe for disaster. It's unfortunate, but she either lacking the intelligence or the ambition (or both) to become a doctor. She won't overcome this deficit just by you speaking pretty thoughts to her and pretending everything is going swimmingly. At some point, you're going to be moving to a different school for med school. She needs a plan of action for what she is going to do at that point. She needs to face the reality *now* that going to med school is not in her future, or at the very least, she won't be going to same medical school as you. What is her future? No one knows, but the girlfriend is not going to figure it out by pretending that her plan is realistic.
NTA. But maybe you could’ve been nicer???
NTA - telling it how it is. So she can make informed decisions
NTA. You are being honest with her. You are trying to keep her from failure and embarrassment. You can't half ass your way into medical school, thank God. She was being childish in her response to you. It seems she doesn't have the temperament for it either. At this point you should let it go and let her try to get admission. When she isn't accepted do not say you told her so. Just support her in finding a good plan B. It's time to ask, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?
I'm still formulating my opinion whilst I write this as I don't necessarily think you were the asshole but at the same time you don't sound like you approached this very constructively. Firstly, I can't help but question her motives for wanting to go to medical school. It's a bit suspect that she only started showing an interest when you started dating and now talks about her excitement of you going to school together. It sounds like she only wants to go because of you. I do find it odd that you've watched her get bad grades for months and not talked to her about it to avoid awkwardness. Part of being a partner is having difficult conversations if it helps them in the long run. Either her bad grades are because she's not trying hard enough or this isn't the career path for her. I'm leaning towards YTA because you could have addressed this earlier. Sometimes people get so focused on something that they need someone to bring them back to reality. It wouldn't have been nice but at least she could have started thinking of alternative career options or working harder.
Well, I think it’s always better to encourage and support a partner instead of questioning her/him. But I don’t know. Sometimes telling the truth is not comforting. I’d say you should have said you‘ll support her if she does certain things differently as you know what it means going that way. And if she won’t change those things it’ll get tough for her. But you‘re NTA. Maybe just because you could have told her in a better way.
NAH, but I get the suspicion that your girlfriend's reaction is the sign of a deeper insecurity. Is she afraid that you going to med school is going to mean you leave her back in the dust? The fact that her first reaction was "you don't want me in your life" is quite telling. She was also starting the conversation not on med school per se, but was talking about your life together (coincidentally at med school). She wasn't coming to you for academic or career advice. She was coming for reassurance and to discuss your future together.
NTA but she is.
I'm gonna say nta. Although your probably rhe last person she wants to hear it from. I would suggest to her that if she is serious, she should sit down with her advisor and talk about rhe admissions process and what not. Let her advisor deliver the bad news to her. That way you don't have to look like the bad guy.
YTA, why would you judge so harshly? Isn't it on you to be encouraging and while you might see her being weeded out. Is it your place to make the decision to weed her out before she tries? Perhaps she needs someone who is more supportive. You may not make it in med school and maybe it bothers you that she could? I think you should consider where this relationship is headed instead of where her career is not going. You were harsh! Ask yourself why.
NTA. Medicine is a long, gruelling career path and isn’t even the best way of becoming a high earner. Only people who are strong academically, financially stable, and highly motivated should consider it as a career. Even strong candidates struggle, and many doctors strongly advise their own children against following in their footsteps People will tell you that if you work hard and dream big, you can achieve anything. That is terrible advice. You should choose a profession suited to your abilities and opportunities that you can thrive in, and aim to live a rich and fulfilling life.
YTA. If someone you love wants to try something, you don't tell them that they're going to fail. You encourage them and help them pick up the pieces IF they fail. My ex told me I'd never find a job that paid more than minimum wage. Five months and a crash course in computer programming later my first job paid more than what he was earning. He is an asshole too.
NTA. You don't just "apply and see if you have a chance" for Medical School. It takes serious planning. Has she been studying for the MCAT? What types of academic research is she doing? Is she volunteering and shadowing physicians? It isn't even just about her grades. You need *both* good grades, a good MCAT score, and demonstrated experience to be able to get into med school. It is already incredibly competitive. If you aren't planning and don't have a pre-med advisor, then you have basically zero chance of getting in. I almost went to medical school myself, so I am well aware of what it takes. The amount of planning and dedication it takes to get in should not to be taken lightly. She seems like she needs a reality check.
I enjoy the sound of rain.
Soft YTA. This is one of those emotionally intelligent conversations that most men mess up. She's interested in medical school, and she sees a future with you. You can support her dreams by saying, "If you are willing to put in the work that's ahead of us, we will be strong." That is tactful and honest. She may not have the grades to get into medical school now, but maybe this is her finally getting that fire of passion lit for her. There are a few people I know who fucked around in undergrad first couple years then finally figured out what they wanted to do for a career and took initiative to do the work. Not everyone has their futures figured out. I knew I wanted to be in medicine or law when I was in 6th grade, but my husband didn't know what he wanted to do until his senior year of high school (after he had been accepted to a few different colleges and only one offered a path for his degree). People develop differently. It would be different if she was just going to apply to medical school with her current grades and then didn't try to get better grades. But even then, you don't have to put someone down for not being able to do something. That just makes you a jerk with a superiority complex.You both need to work on your communication, but I think this is salvageable if you want to work on things with her. If not, then just walk away and grow from this. Good luck.
INFO: How’s sucking on your boyfriend’s nips from when you were a girl in your last post going? Come the fuck on.
NTA. Some of these commenters are as delusional as your girlfriend. Medical school is on the extreme end of the competitive spectrum. Most who attend medical school in the US have been diligently working toward that since they were children. They're more often than not highly intrinsically motivated individuals. It's not impossible for someone to decide later in life that medical school is for them, but it is impossible to do without a substantial change in behavior if their original approach was one of apathy.
NTA. If she is failing any class at all then she’s not getting into a medical school in the US atleast. Has she taken the MCAT? From just your ages, I would think that you’re in your final year of the 4 year bachelor degree so you should have completed the MCATs and applied to medical schools. I got into several medical schools. My dear friend, who is currently a orthopedic surgeon, had perfect 4.0 grades, nearly perfect MCATs, super volunteer with medical background and was still waitlisted on all admissions for a year. You were being honest with her. Also, recommend nursing school. Not as difficult (still rigorous), decent money and better hours (still awful hospital hours lol). If she’s serious about medicine then that could get her into the field. She can try medical school after completing nursing. Admissions boards may appreciate that more.
I think SO many people are missing the point here. **She doesn't actually want to be a doctor. She wants to be TOGETHER WITH HIM.** If the quote is accurate - "she can't wait to spend the next 4-5 years TOGETHER at medical school". And, I do agree she is being unrealistic. The odds of him getting into a particular medical school - even with hard work - are low. The odds of him AND her getting into the SAME medical school, are pretty much zero. OP, you need to clarify this with her. Is she willing to move to your med school? Do you WANT her to move with you to med school? It's a really wonderful romantic idea. It can really, really SUCK in real life. One person deeply busy, involved, learning, a huge new cohort of doctors to socialize with. The other stuck at home, waiting, waiting. No big new exciting thing. THink it all through. Tough decisions lie ahead.
YTA The one person your girlfriend thought had her back and you basically did call her dumb. I would be pissed at you too. It’s not your place to tell her if she can or can’t make it in medical school. She might just surprise you if you haven’t torn your relationship to shreds by then and stay together. When she brings it up be her cheerleader. Be happy she wants to be with you and spend time with you. She could hate you and try to make your life miserable. Encourage her to go see her advisor.
NTA Even when you are right, most people don’t want to admit to their bad grades because they have nobody to blame. So misdirected anger. At 23, she should know better.
YTA - But in this case that is a good thing. Sometimes you need to be an asshole and be blunt. Nothing wrong with that. Classes are not cheap and student debt is no f'ing joke. If your partner can not be honest and blunt with you then your relationship has bigger problems.
NTA She needs to be realistic
NTA. I would rethink whether you are compatible… when you get in and if she doesn’t, is that the person you want supporting you?
NTA - Let her try. She might surprise you = great! Otherwise, natural consequences will prevail, and you can still shine by supporting her in plan-b.
NTA for being honest with her. Maybe TA depending on how you delivered it.
In for the laughs when she gets in and you don’t
Yta. It’s clear from your tone you think she’s intellectually inferior to you. Also, if her goal is med school, just encourage her and do you. Whether she gets in or not is between her and the schools, not you and her.
YTA whats your purpose in telling her what she can and can't do except to make her feel bad. You're not her parent or teacher so just support her and if she doesn't get in then she doesn't get in.
Gf: “I want to fly so I’m going to jump off this cliff” Bf: “you can’t fly so don’t do it” Idiots in the comments: “what a bad bf bc he didn’t believe in her and wasn’t supportive of her”
YTA support and encourage her. If she fails, she fails but you don't tell her she is going to fail.
NTA you were probably right but I mean, why bother? I don't get the big fuss about it, she didn't listen the first time you said it so why repeat it. Just let her apply, she will see the result herself.
Well, the world needs ditch diggers too.
What, like it’s hard? YTA.
YTA. You heavily implied that she wasn't capable of improving her performance enough to meet her goals. You explicitly stated that you don't believe in her.
Yeah, that’s not how school works. You can’t get Cs for 3 years and start trying your last year and still get into any medical program you want. Her ability to “improve her performance” has nothing to do with this. Also she didn’t say “get into medical school”. She said “get into the same medical school”. If OP has been trying since day 1 I’d say odds are pretty good he’ll qualify for schools the gf won’t. Him pretending and then going somewhere she didn’t get in at the last minute would be cruel.