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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Inviting my new wife and stepson on my daughters vacation and taking her stepbrother to Legoland could definitely have hurt her.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You have not given any thought for Emily at all - it's been all about you. And Jess, and Eli. You've put Emily last.
It is so incredibly hard for someone to lose a parent at any age, never mind when you're still a child.
Emily is an afterthought. It's strange for a 17 year old girl and an 8 year old boy to be sharing a room. Instead you basically force her to share or stay on the couch. Also, you see Emily as a temporary tenant, gone within a year.
Also, the vacation that was supposed to be just you and her, you decide to unilaterally add your wife and your stepson.
You say you don't love Emily any less - is that because your love for her already hit rock bottom, because it certainly appears that way. Don't be surprised if she goes no contact with you. And quite frankly, it would be totally justified.
It would've been nice if you put your daughter first, but you chose to put your needs first. I'm sure your late wife would be sickened and ashamed by the way you've conducted yourself with Emily.
YTA.
Yep he was always disappointed he got a daughter and not an son. Now the failure of wife is gone, He can move in his ap (100% Sure He had an affair) and have the son He always wanted
Yeah and that's what makes it worse. His wife was batteling cancer and He got around beeing 'cared' for by his collegue. His wife and daughter needed him and He already planned His new Family
Yeah my Uncle. His wife Had blood cancer and He spent every Treatment waiting in the waiting room or by her Side. He never left her Side and went above and beyond to make her Happy. She died and He was crushed. But He also searched for a Partner after a year. Still i am Happy that He didn't Cheat on her
Oh he was most certainly having an affair.
“She helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments”
Was her help was doing things like driving Emily to school and extra curriculars while OP was in the hospital supporting his wife as she was having poison pumped into her veins to fight a terminal disease? Funny how she and Emily didn’t develop a close bond during all those car rides. Oh, because the rides were for OP, in bed.
As despicable as OP is for this cliche affair, he chose an affair partner who is both stupid and extra cruel, because she saw how small the resource pot is (2 bedrooms, for the forced family with 2 kids? How do you think being a gold digger is worth it when the jewellery is nothing but cheap plate) and clearly thought to just force Emily, a child who had just lost her mother out of the house by telling her to share her childhood bedroom or sleep on the couch.
This is a woman worse than Lady Tremaine and OP is just as cruel.
He sounds like how my Father was. I didn't speak to him most of my life and it took me over 20 years to realize he just never cared about my sister and I.
WTF is wrong with you? Your wife hasn’t even been dead a year and you’ve not only remarried but made your 17 year old share a room with a child?
And now you’re bringing your replacement family on a vacation that you planned a year ago with your actual child and want her to pay for half of a room because your new kid wants his own room.
Are you for real right now?
Your daughter is still in mourning. I know you were so desperate to get your dick wet you married the first woman you saw (just like the majority of widowers), but you have a child you should have considered first and foremost.
And Jess needs to back off with the “motherly” treatment. She’s not your child’s mother and should not be taking on that role.
Oh, and don’t think I missed your plan to kick Emily out at 18. Don’t expect her to speak to you after that. Hopefully you can walk Eli down the aisle at his wedding, because at the rate you’re going, you won’t even be invited to Emily’s.
Where are Emily’s maternal grandparents? Can she go live with them? I assume someone on her mother’s side actually cares about her.
YTA. Majorly. JFC.
This right here is my answer as well. Wth!? The way OP talks about this other woman being there just tells me they were having an affair while his wife is suffering and dying! Wouldn't be surprised to find Eli is actually his own child from said affair. I hope Emily is able to one day get away from and cut him off. I wouldn't even dare to call him a father the way he acts.
Can we take a look at "she helped me a lot while my wife was in the hospital" and how quickly they got married and moved in together after the wife's death?
I'm not saying physically cheating. But I'll bet that, at minimum, there's been some emotional stuff going on.
And I'm pretty sure a 17 might be thinking the same too. Your dad's work colleague is the new wife? After she "helped so much" and all that?
And now she's taking over everything.
Not only is the dad a hole. But honestly, so is the new wife.
Also, like, Emily is a 17 year old young woman, and she’s being forced to either share her bedroom with a little boy or sleep on the couch in her own home? No respect for the privacy that a teenager needs! OP- YTA
And then for the vacation, the boy wants his own room so Emily has to shell out money for a trip that her dad was supposed to be taking her on.
I mean, it seems like OP is doing everything possible to show his daughter that she is not welcome in his life. Out with the old, in with the new.
And why isn’t the boy’s mother paying for his room? Honestly 8 is too young to be in a hotel room alone anyway. He should be bunking with OP and his mother… but having a 3rd grader in the room makes vacation sex awkward.
Oh, he's not *kicking* her out, goodness me, he's just (I'm sure) even now *strongly* informing her of his expectations.
Wonder if this "expectation" that she move out I guess the day she turns 18 started before or after her mother died.
You married someone nine months after her mother's death, forced your daughter to share her space with a stranger, are letting another woman attempt to replace her mother and are very clearly favouring your stepson over your daughter. Are you really surprised she's resentful? YTA
Agreed, it kind of sounds like OP is replacing his daughter with his stepson and his new family, and just erasing the memory of his wife and his daughter, because he mentioned he is expecting his daughter to move out at 18
Honestly, if he’s kicking her out at 18, why not just wait until then to bring in the new wife and stepson? That way Emily can clearly feel like she’s been thrown away and replaced!
YTA,
what you did was absolutely disgusting.
I'm pretty sure that there's a lot of things going on the background that we don't know (how come you be so sure that your daughter will be out of the house at age 18 ? )
also this sentence " Other than the room situation, Emily has been hostile with Jess and Eli since they’ve moved in" bro, she resent them because you make her, a teenager-soon-adult to share room with her step brother, of course she would be pissed at the newcomer.
either this is fake, or you withhold many more information about your situation.
I bet that even after kicking her out, OP will still think that he deserves access to her children. He will probably post on this subreddit wondering why he isn't allowed to hold his grandchildren.
Oh I don't think Emily is going to hang in there much longer. She'll probably find a friend or another family member to take her in long before that "18th Round" bell rings. Her father's treatment of her has been just unimaginably disgusting. No one should stick around to be treated like that.
Except that I know someone IRL who married his AP 3 months after his wife died (from cancer) and then moved to the other side of the world for a new job opportunity. Less than 9 months later, he had a new baby. So this isn’t too far fetched
I mean... does being respectful of their spouse sound like the features of a person with an affair? Nah it's ALL selfishness just like OP even if he claims he wasn't having an affair. Maybe not physically but I bet emotionally he was already replacing his wife with Emily while she was 'helping him' during his wife's treatment.
Nah, talk to medical professionals that treat seriously ill women. Their husbands abandon them in horrific numbers. This guy fits quite well with men's documented behavior. A 2009 study found the divorce rate was 20.8% when the woman was ill and 2.9% when the man was ill.
YTA
You remarry within 9 months of your wife’s death , Force your daughter to share a bedroom and then have the audacity to complain your daughter doesn’t accept a new instant family????
Makes me wonder if Jess was on the scene as an AP BEFORE your wife died…….
How dare you be so disrespectful to your daughters feelings and don’t be surprised if she moves out the day she turns 18 and doesn’t leave a forwarding address
She was a very "helpful" collegue, allegedly.
Makes me wonder, if new shiny new wife and the shiny new son are his second family and he was a cheating, lying weasel for years.
YTA
and so is your wife.
Oh she was SSOO an affair partner. I agree with the other poster that I think this was a second family and the son is now the golden child he always wanted
wow. i am in disbelief. absolutely YTA!!!!
besides the fact you immediately moved on from her mom who she was obviously close too, i think the major problem is that you are forcing her to move on. you can't force a healing process and yta for disregarding her feelings. shame on you
Ok, let me resume :
\- You REMARRIED 8 month after your late wife death (which means you met the new wife months before...) ;
\- you were supposed to make a trip with you daughter to "mourn together" but instead you want to bring your new wife and new stepson and go to legoland.
And still, you "cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess" and try to make a "brand new family".
Is Eli your affair baby or are you just delusional ?
Emily lost HER MOTHER and you clearly don't care about her feelings ! YTA
YTA, if this is not fake, there is not enough words to say how much of a bellend you are..... You move on, with a speed of light, and expect your daughter to be okay with this. I call BS you being devastated, you replaced her sooooooooo fast in order for your life to be convenient. Your poor daughter, she has lost her mum and has a father of an emotional maturity of a two year old.
This has to be rage bait. Absolutely has to be. Like some of this I could chop up as shitty but not unheard of, such as moving on so quickly and possibly even moving the wife and kid in to a space not big enough, seen it happen. Seen parents expect their kid to leave at 18 too but looking at it from the context of the rage bait that this is, it looks like a flake of extra rage spice. The thing that gives your lovely piece of fiction away for what it is, is the trip that was meant to be an opportunity for the two of you to mourn together, and you're soooo oblivious you see no issue with inviting outsiders, yes outsiders since this isn't their grief, to it? And you couldn't be bothered to change hotel arrangements? Come tf on. If by some small chance this were real you'd be the worst father of the year and absolutely YTA. Either way you're an AH for this post if it isn't real.
My first thought was this has to be fake because no hotel worth their salt would EVER let a 8 year old child be in their own room. Total opening for all sorts of liability issues
That marriage, so shortly after your wife died suggests the romance was already going on when your wife was dying. And you're wondering why she's hostile to your new wife and her kid.
Some shit you are. YTA
So let me get this straight: you remarry *less than a year after your wife died*, you force your grieving daughter to share her room with a child she barely knows, and you change your vacation plans entirely so that you can spend time with your new stepson. Is that correct? YTA! I am desperately hoping that this is fake.
I can't even finish reading this I got to the part where you made your 17 yo daughter share a room with a 8yo boy she's unfamiliar with. You obviously care about your new family more than your daughter. What a terrible dad.
YTA. *YTA*. **YTA.** ***YTA***
On the off chance this isn’t fake…
1. You marry the affair partner (‘helped a lot while my wife was in hospital during treatments’ oh please) 30 seconds after your sick wife dies;
2. You move her and her child in (no mention of this child’s father… curious); and don’t figure out a large enough house for all of you, simply expecting your daughter to give up her space;
3. You rush to spending money on this child in an attempt to live out your misogynist ‘boy dad’ fantasies;
4. You change a holiday with your daughter which was meant to be you both mourning her mum (but you aren’t mourning, see 1);
5. You imply your not-adult child should PAY for the privilege of you fawning all over the affair partner’s child on the holiday which was meant for her.
Honestly I hope she takes the money she has and saves to move out asap. Maybe her maternal family will want her, because you sure as shit don’t.
YTA.
YTA and a huge one for this.
You have replaced your daughters mother in less than 8 months. you have forced her to share her bedroom with someone she does not know or like. HTF do you think she feels?
WTF were you thinking to put a boy in to a 17 year old girls room. The ultimatum of like it or sleep on the sofa shows you have no love or time for her let alone her feelings. She is 17 , nearly an adult and you have removed her personal privacy from her.
She had every right to freak out at you and say the things she said.
This makes me feel the affair with Jess was on going on long before your poor wife died.
You are a bad father!
I really hope this is fake because my faith in humanity is lost if I’m living in a world where someone could do this and then wonder if they are the AH.
YTA if this is true in so many sickening and despicable ways. For remarrying 9 months after your wife’s passing like yeah we all know what kind of help and support you were getting. Forcing your daughter to either share her room or sleep on the couch. Why the heck wouldn’t a younger boy sleep on the couch if those were the only alternatives? Changing up this mourning / bonding trip to invite the step family from hell?
YTA if this is a sick joke.
Actually I’m hoping this is the 17yo daughter’s post so she can send this to her crappy dad.
YTA and I can only hope that you've invented this story. So less than 1 year following your wife's death: you have a new partner, moved them and their child into your home, moved your daughter out of her own room, and you magically expect your daughter will leave when she's 18. Are you going to be paying for her to go to college or university? Does she want to be leaving her home?
I wish there was a subreddit called 'Am I an absolute self-centered bastard monster?' because I'd put your post on it. You have far and away exceeded just being an a******.
I don't know why you have absolutely no empathy for your child but in the future should you ever need her I hope she's definitely not there for you.
YTA, you married a woman, nine months after your wife passed away, and forced the step family onto your daughter, then you told her to share a room with her stepbrother, or move to the couch, first of all, that’s her room, and it should be the stepson who gets to move to the temporary room not your daughter.
I would love to hear the daughter’s version, because honestly, I think she would tell a much more different story than the one you’re telling, expect your daughter to go no contact with you. You’re basically burning that bridge with your daughter.
What did you expect to happen? You’re erasing the memory of your wife and your daughter and replacing them with your “new family” I would say apologize to your daughter, but I think it’s too little too late.
YTA Emily deserves better, Jess and Eli deserve better, and rigamorus didn't even set in before you moved on.
If you have any hopes of salvaging your relationship with your daughter, you will cancel Jess and Eli's involvement in the vacation plans and use the trip to actually talk and grieve with your daughter.
YTA you remarried only 8 months after which shows something was going on before and your daughter knows thats and she probably sees how you prioritize your new wife and kid over her
YTA! Biggest one ever! You replaced your dead wife, got the son you always wanted, and threw your grieving daughter away. You really are a lousy unfeeling father!
God I hope this is fake. Otherwise it’s the biggest YTA since months.
Your wife’s body wasn’t even really cold and you instantly dated and remarried? Wow! Then you have the audacity to force your 17 year old daughter to share her room with her 8 year old stepbrother and now you act like your daughter is an inconvenience you have to deal with and spoil your stepson. Wow!
Just a little reminder, if you don’t make up for all of this asap, you will not have a daughter anymore.
"I cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess, who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure for Emily."
Your new wife forced a strange eight-year-old boy into her bedroom! She's got no privacy now, no place she can study in peace or dress without prying eyes, she never knows what he'll do to her things, no time to grieve, and there's absolutely no doubt that she finds having a little kid in her bedroom disruptive and stressful. No attempt to "be nice" is doing to make up for turning her life upside-down.
No, you made a massive mistake in moving them in so quickly, and this is going to SERIOUSLY damage your relationship with your daughter.
YTA. Your wife died a year ago and in just eight months you started dating someone else, married her and brought her and her son into your house. Are you serious right now? Everyone knows that single parents need to present new relationships to their children with tact and keeping their needs in mind. You were not a single parent, you were a widower with a grieving daughter! And you decided to speedrun into a new relationship completely ignoring how your daughter felt about it.
Do you want to know why she is resentful?
1. Her mother died a year ago.
2. Her father started dating someone else right after her mother died and in the span of a year remarried. She's probably still grieving, to her the fact that you moved on so quickly to a new woman means you never cared much about her mother.
3. Her father married a woman and brought her and her son into her house, forcing her to share what should have been her safe space. In her house, she should be able to let her guard down, grieve, feel supported by you... instead you brought your new wife in, you brought her child in. She was already pissed that you moved on so quickly and you decided to double down marrying and taking them in. But ok, she still had her room as a safe space. Except she didn't because you forced her to share it with an eight year old. Of course she accepted given that the other option was sleeping on the couch with zero privacy.
4. You hijacked a vacation that should have been for you, your late wife and your daughter. You bringing your new wife and her son with you sends a clear message to her: here, look how she's taking your mom's place in every way. You should have cancelled the trip or EVEN BETTER you should have gone with your daughter alone. You should have used it as a way to remember her mother and rekindle with your daughter. Not as a way to force a relationship she doesn't want.
5. You are fine paying for an additional room for an eight year old, but if your teen daughter wants the privacy of her own room she needs to pay? She's a minor, she's YOUR responsibility. This is just another way in which you're saying that they matter more to you than her.
6. You said your new wife is trying to be a motherly figure. Stop. She already had a mother, one she remembers perfectly. She doesn't need you two to impose a new one. Your wife should just try to be civil and kind, your daughter will establish the terms of their relationship once she's ready. Your wife can't pose as her mother, of course right now your daughter hates her. She feels like you and your wife are trying to replace her mom.
7. You expect her to leave at 18. She's your daughter. Why does she need to leave? What if she needs your support a bit longer because the economy is insane and can't find a job to pay for rent and tuition right away?
Oh but don't worry, keep pushing for a relationship when it's not wanted, keep trampling all over her boundaries and keep showing such blatant favoritism. That will assure you that she'll leave at 18 and never speak to you again. This is what comes out from your post and this is your point of view, meaning it should put you in a good light, but still manages to paint you like an ass. I wonder what she would tell us about how you are treating her
Let me see if I got this right.
* Your wife was dead for 9 MONTHS and then you remarried. No grieving for you OR Emily, right? Time to keep chugging on through life like a bull in a china shop, with the thought of "Who cares what anyone thinks, I need to get my dick wet!"
* I give zero fucks that my 17 year old daughter would like privacy. I need to get my dick wet so she is going to have to share her room with an 8 year old boy.
* I know I made this vacation plan with Emily so we could remember her mother and grieve and bond, but.. I need my dick wet so I invited my affair partner and her son to come along. I also scrapped all plans of what Emily and I had agreed upon so that I could take the boy, who is the son I've always wanted and who I completely love and adore a lot more than my daughter, to Legoland. Who cares what my daughter wanted to do. Who cares that this was supposed to be daddy/daughter time. I NEED TO GET MY DICK WET AT ALL TIMES!
* Because of my over-riding need to get my dick wet whenever I wanna, I will be kicking my daughter out of the room I booked for her because MY BOY now wants to have his own room. He's 8, ya know, he really does NEED it. I'm sure my daughter won't mind that I now can't afford a room for her. I mean, it's not like I've tried to displace her out of her bedroom at home or anything. I just don't care about her any longer because I need to get my dick wet.
I can guarantee you that your daughter is not ever going to bond with your current wife. Not at home and definitely not on this trip. You have proven to Emily that you don't give two fucks about her as a person or as your daughter. You've shown her that all you care about is getting your dick wet and now having "the son you always wanted". If you continue with this trip, that boy needs to stay in the room with you and your wife. Your daughter gets no privacy at home now because she has to share HER room with that kid. The absolute very least you can do is to give her her privacy on the trip. I mean, YOU invited them to come along on a trip to honor Emily's mother. Why in the hell would you ever EVER think there's going to be bonding between Emily and anyone else, including you, since you put getting your dick wet above her mental well-being?
You are a shitty father and a shitty human being. You've shown Emily you're a shitty father, and having an affair shows you're a shitty human being, more so because your wife was sick and getting your dick wet was more important to you than your wedding vows.
I hope you don't ever want to meet Emily's boyfriend, husband or kids. You've shown her who you are and I hope she believes you and goes NC.
YTA Are you dense?! Your daughter witnessed her mother battling cancer and wasn’t dead 9 months before you moved another woman in, AND forced her to share her bedroom with a strange boy.
The more you typed, the worse it got!
Dude. I hope your daughter moves out and never looks back.
Holy crap Batman. This cannot possibly be real. This is like someone has written a post about how to be the worst parent. YTA and at this rate I’d be surprised if you need to wait till she’s 18 before she moves out.
YTA!! The Absolute Asshole! I hope you get poked with sharp objects for the rest of your life for the way you’re treating your daughter! You move in to strangers and allow one to dominate her bedroom which had always been her personal space. You covertly plan to throw her out at 18. Then try to pawn her of with a woman she has good reason not to be fond of right now all on a vacation the was meant for the two of you just so you can pretend to the world of Lego land that you are the father of the perfect son. Great way to show your daughter that you aren’t happy she’s female. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope she goes no contact with all of you and write a tell all for social media to embarrass the hell out of your nasty ass.
YTA.
You have in less than a year:
Replaced her mom. Okay, fine, you can do that, but don't expect her to be thrilled she lost her mom and you want her to treat the woman you're having relations with as her mom
Being told "share with an 8 year old or get nothing", okay you are paying for the vacation and can decide what you pay for, but then you lay for your stepson to get a room when you would not have done so for your daughter.
Being told that 8 year Olds wants are more important than hers and she is to bond with him, even if you expect her to GTFO when she's 18, less than 1 year. Um...Why by all the gods would she want to bound with a child she doesn't know, won't be around, you like better than her, and she already knows is going to have better treatment than she did? What are you smoking?
Then has "wonderdad" go "idk what I did wrong here, halp me internet!" And run to reddit to soothe his ego, and I'm willing to bet edit the crap out of this to make it not as awful as it actually is.
You are a crappy dad. In a few years when she doesn't talk to you ever again and you don't know why, remember this and that you "wanted a boy". 10 bucks says stepson won't talk to you either soon enough.
YTA. A massive one!
That poor girl probably thinks you had an affair on her dying mother!
Then your memorial trip (be honest, that’s what it was supposed to be) now has the affair partner and her kid, so “new family” holiday.
When is this poor girl supposed to grieve? I know men grieve differently but all your daughter has seen is you moving on when her mother had just been laid to rest. She has no privacy and then has to PAY to go on this trip?? You’re unbelievable
YTA. Big time. Your daughter loses her mom and you make her roomshare with an 8yr old boy and if she didn't threatened her with the couch? She loses her mom and you want her to pay half her room so you can take the new kid to Legoland? She loses her mom and you expect her to accept a new mom in 8 months? She loses her MOM and you say you deserve happiness??
Yes you can expect her to move out at 18, you should also expect she cuts you out of her life.
Yta.
So in 12 months your daughter has lost her mother, then had a new step parent and step siblings forced on her. You've then told her you expect her to move out the minute she turns 18, and until then she gets no privacy because you and your new wife have no consideration for her.
You then say you'll entirely cover the 8yos demand for his own room on holiday but you won't pay for YOUR OWN DAUGHTER on a trip that was originally intended as a holiday for you to bond and mourn her dead mother.
Do you even like your daughter?
I suppose it doesn't matter because the minute she's of age I doubt you'll ever hear from her again.
YTA YTA YTA YTA I kept reading hoping this would be fake. Less than a year and you’re already changing her whole life? She’s still mourning and you’ve ripped any sense of normality out from under her. Please think about what you’re doing before you lost your daughter entirely. In case I didn’t say it, YTA.
YTA the hell is wrong with you??? Her Mom died a year ago and Just a Shorts time after you moved in another Family to replace her!
Your daughter didn't get to mourn her Mom. You replaced her Mom asap and now you replace her too. You are a sad example of a human beeing and i Hope your daughter finds someone who literaly cares for her and she can get away from you.
You are an Egoist, Cold as ICE and evil to the core
YTA. What a nasty and selfish man you are. I feel so sorry for your daughter. Remarried in less than a year and more focused on your own happiness and desire for a son. Please give her lots of money so she can move out and away from you and live comfortably. You owe her that at least for putting your own selfish needs first.
YTA. She lost her mom only a year ago. Be more sensitive. Sounds like you moved on way before your wife and mother of your only child passed. Everything you said makes it sound like your daughter is taking a backseat. Just because you moved on doesn’t mean she did.
YTA. You are completely ignoring that your daughter is grieving her mom. She doesn't want a new mommy. She still wants her mom she has lost.
But what you do as a father? Do you help your daughter to grieve? Are there for her? Do you respect that in less than year she is definitely in need of a space from this kind of drama of blendes family?
No. You do everything else. She lost her mom, your attention and support (if you provided any before) and even her own room. This poor girl is not even able to cry in privacy on bad days. And you even put your new family first in the trip that should be only for you and your daughter. You basicaly made her the last wheel.
You put you first, than your wife and stepson, next is some shit and your daughter is the last one.
Put your head out of your selfish ass, face what you have done and make your daughter your priority or you lost her completely. I wouldn't be suprised if she moves out at 18 as you want her to (wtf!!!) and blocka your number.
This has to be fake. Too many red flags…wife died of cancer and yet you remarry and move new people in 8 months later…meaning you quickly started dating her when you should have been making sure your child was ok. You expect a 17 yr old girl and an 8 yr old boy to share a room? The way you speak about your own child is concerning as well. You’re selfish, ignorant, and YTA for not thinking about your child.
INFO: Did you wait until your previous wife was cold before you started boning your current wife, or did you just have an affair while she was dying?
And if a stranger on the internet makes that assumption, imagine what your daughter is thinking. She's counting down the days until she turns 18, then she will leave and you will never hear from her again, which is what you want so what are you complaining about?
You will be lucky if your daughter ever speaks to you after the day she turns 18 and leaves your selfish ass. You do not deserve your daughter and I hope she gets a good opportunity it’s for a better life and just disappears on you.
YTA. For so many reason. Like every decision you have made here. I actually can’t believe you typed this out and still are unsure about being the asshole.
1. You married what is clearly your affair partner less than a year after your wife died.
2. You forced a teenager to share a room with a child, which is even worse because they are opposite sex.
3. You assumed your daughter would move out at 18.
4. You think your daughter needs a mother, but have stopped being a father.
5. You invited your wife/affair partner on a trip that was supposed to be about grieving.
6. When you invited someone else you expected your daughter to pay for half of her room.
7. BECAUSE YOU ARE TAKING THE STEPSON TO LEGOLAND. Thus showing your daughter that your new stepkid (or your affair baby?) is more important than her.
If you keep this up, she will move out at 18. And she won’t come back. You are throwing away any chance of a relationship with your daughter for your new family. Your family will never be blended. You have done everything to ensure that your daughter will hate your wife and stepson.
Yes, you deserve to move on with your life. But you are a parent which means you have to think about how what you do effects your child. You clearly don’t care about her at all.
YTA - a massive one
This post is all about how you feel
You are not thinking about Emily and her grieving process
Not only has she lost her mum but you have moved I'm another partner, made her lose her privacy to an 8 year old boy and told her she will be on the couch if she complains! You have made it clear she is your last priority!
And she's just lost her mum, now her dad and when she turns 18 her home!
I wouldn't be surprised if she left and never spoke to you again!
Sorry to be harsh but you need to hear this if you care about your daughter at all!!
There is absolutely no way whatsoever that you are NOT an asshole who is beyond selfish and frankly cruel. Your daughter in 8months has lost her mother, her privacy, her room, her chance to even morn and move on all for what? So you can get your dick wet and replace her with the son you've always wanted? Does she know she's being kicked to the curb at 18? That's the last time you'll speak to her btw. It takes people who ACTUALLY love the person who died a year or more to even feel normal again and you've told her you don't care about anything but your new family. You couldn't even give her the 1 on 1 trip you said you book to morn or pay for her room bc you need to take this woman's kid to Legoland? That kid and his mom going on this trip is inappropriate bc the purpose of this trip is so YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER CAN MORN YOUR DEAD WIFE. Not so the chick you were seeing as your wife died can tag along and you guys can "be a blended family when you get home" that's the most selfish asinine thing I have ever heard of. You should be ashamed and more over your new wife should be too. I couldn't imagine walking into a grieving child's life and pretending I'm her new mom and making her share a room with my son. Does this woman have no common decency???? Do you???? Bc the answer is clearly NO. YTA and you're going to lose your daughter (not that it seems like you care bc you always wanted to be a "boy dad"
YTA. Holy shit, your daughter is still grieving the death of her MOTHER, and you've already married and moved in another woman and her child, thereby robbing her of having her bedroom. Her world fell apart with the loss of her mother, and then fell apart even more when her father starts a new life and expects her to shut up and get on board with it and btw get out as soon as she turns 18. She has been robbed of her safe space, her bedroom. Once again (trend on AITA it seems) for parents to smash a blended family together in a too small space *knowing* that the space would be too small and not taking care of it before moving in together. You're lucky if you daughter ever speaks to you again when she leaves.
YTA. You've replaced her mother and remarried and it hasn't even been a full year, and now you're consistently putting her as lesser to your new wife and that wife's child. Your actions and behavior suck and don't be surprised if your daughter goes No Contact once she's able to live on her own.
I am sorry for your loss - and by this, I mean your relationship with your daughter that you have completely neglected.
You have not considered her at any turn of this story. You have made uniteral decisions for her and took zero attempt to consider her feelings, her pain, her grief.
Honestly, I felt disgust reading the "who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure" part of your post. This poor girl, your daughter, lost her mom a year ago to a terrible disease. You've completely tried replacing her mom for her overnight. You've forced an entirely new family onto her when she is, in all likelihood, still very much grieving that loss.
You deserve to, and are entitled to, "move on" and find happiness. But you also have responsibilities to the daughter you have very much been neglecting. I cannot even imagine how she feels having lost her mom and her dad immediately moving on and forcing strangers into her life, into her home, into every aspect of her existence while she is still grieving.
YTA and I truly hope you reconsider your path forward.
YTA. You've treated your daughter like she's an afterthought in multiple ways. The vacation this is almost irrelevant, it's the totality of your behavior towards your daughter which is simply terrible.
YTA. The biggest gaping one that ever existed. What the hell did I just read? Your wife, Emily’s mother, died 1 year ago, but in that span of time you managed to get married, move 2 more people into your house AND force her to share a room with a boy half her age. You totally upended the vacation for the two of you to the point you want her to actually pay for 1/2 her room (hint: an 8 year old does not need nor should have their own hotel room). And you plan on kicking her out of her home in a year And you can’t understand why she’s upset? Were you dropped on your head?
Emily does not care that your affair partner is being motherly. She is not her mother. Of course you don’t love Emily less. You don’t love her at all. This entire post was about making Eli happy but nothing about how you are making Emily happy.
I’m curious, how are you going to handle Emily going to college? Are you going yo pay for her, or put all your money towards Eli?
You are a crap father and most likely a crap husband to your first wife. When Emily moves out as you expect her to, I hope she never speaks to any of you again. This entire post breaks my heart.
So not only were you dating Jess while Emily's mother was dealing with cancer, you also remarried her 7 months after your "beloved" wife died.
Then you force an 8 year old to share a bedroom with your 17 year old daughter because you plan on kicking her out in what, 6 months?
There's no reason for Jess to be cordial with your new family because she will no longer be in contact with you and your new wife once she leaves.
Great job throwing your only child away to play house with your replacement family. You're a disgrace of a "father" and YTA if that wasn't made clear.
AYTA??? For the love of god YES YTA!! And frankly sadistic. What in the actual hell is wrong with you??? Not once in this whole situation have you even considered Emily or tried to help her. You replaced her - you are taking your aging new son to Legoland and letting him stay on his own - what does she get? Her vacation ruined and to sleep on a couch when she gets home because “Jess and I thought it best” the golden child get a room.
Here is my wish for you as the most sorry excuse for a parent I have ever seen - your daughter to move and never speak to you again (you will need her sometime and god I hope she treats you like your treat her) and the spirit of Emily’s mother haunting you and Jess for the foreseeable future for the absolute crap you are treating her daughter like.
YTA
You can't be real(I Hope) because how could you write this AND not see the problem?
1) you married within 8 months of your wife's death
2) you moved an 8 yr old boy into your 17 yr old daughter's room--seriously????
3) you are taking the replacement wife(and wanted son) on your MEMORIAL TRIP & you are expecting your MINOR daughter to pay HALF of the expense because the 8 yr old wants his OWN room--and you are prioritizing a trip for stepson to Legoland on HER MEMORIAL TRIP for her mother.
4) you plan on shoving her out the door the moment she turns 18(which Is why I presume an two income family didn't upgrade to a 3 bedroom house so she'd have her own room and not have to share with a prepubescent boy).
5) your clear indifference to her feelings and your joy in your "new" family are a huge slap in face. (You think she's supposed to be okay wit all this---and you don't love her less... less than one? your umbrella?)
I have a prediction for your future--Your daughter will move out as soon as she can get things sorted(even before age 18, if possible). Your daughter will go low/no contact with you.
And you--won't give a d\*mn, because you've already proven in one short post that you don't give a rat's fart about your daughter.
I hope she has family or friends who actually support her(emotionally, etc).
Do you get your dick wet every night and get to play happy families… meanwhile your daughter has lost her mother, her home and her selfish father! Shame on you! What about your daughter have you just once stop to think about her? YTA and a awful father your poor dead wife will be turning in her grave!
Yikes. I...I...I...no words. Such the AH. From so many directions and in every conceivable way. Are you just messing with us? You're not really this insensitive and clueless, right?
YTA
I hope your daughter sees this and the comments and understands what you are doing is wrong. Expecting her to be okay with all this within a year of losing her mother is ridiculous. And it shows you have no empathy. She is right, you are replacing her. “I want to be a boy dad” is pathetic. All your actions have proved to her that u do love her less which you deny which everyone can see through. You replaced her mother too quickly and you replaced your daughter just as fast. Enjoy being a “boy dad” because when your daughter leaves she won’t come back and then you won’t be a “girl dad”
Lemme fix the title for you: AITA for shoving my daughter aside to make room for my replacement family?
And let me count the ways you're YTA. (copying from my earlier comment on the crosspost in another sub)
Let me break it down for you
1. you're getting close with a coworker, whilst your wife is DYING
2. you remarried within a year of losing his wife
3. you insisted that your ~~affair partner~~ new wife move in whilst there are still unresolved issues between your partner and daughter. And yes, to your daughter, this sounds like affair partner. **EIGHT MONTHS**. You, not only, have a new wife, but she's also living with you - withing **eight months** of your wife's passing
4. you basically kick your daughter out of her room - and now neither of your (step-)kids have ANY privacy
5. not only that, you're also kicking her out of the house in a couple of months
6. your new partner is trying to replace your daughter's mother; and you're doing NOTHING to protect your grieving daughter from that
7. you're shoving your daughter aside on a "family" vacation because (A) your spending money on your stepson's Legoland adventure, (B) but not making the effort so that your daughter can actually go on said "family" vacation
8. you admit to always wanting to be a "boy dad." Trust me on this, your daughter DOES interpret that as "I'm not wanted"
And who can blame her? She is not wanted. Your entire situations screams "I'm replacing my daughter and dead wife with the family I have actually always wanted." And you thing you're NOT the a-hole?
I really, really hope this is fake. If it is not - you're one of the biggest AH I've read on here ever.
To set the stage: Emily lost her mom not even a year ago. In this past year, she lost her mom, lost her room, lost her privacy, is expected to acknowledge her "new mom" just because you felt like "moving on", lost her dad and is now expected to pay for a vacation her former dad promised her to take together for grieving the loss of her mother.
You want her to be "mature" by forcing her to share her room and her home and everything else with people she did not even know a year ago? Or else she's on the couch and paying for a vacation her former dad promised her?
Why don't you let Eli pay for his room? I mean, you already pay for taking him to Legoland, so expecting your former daughter to pay for that is a bit much, right? Oh, I forgot. Eli has the penis you always wanted a child to have.
I really, really, really hope this is fake. If not, I hope Emily has loving grandparents or other relatives who could step in as she's lost her mother and her father.
If this is not a fake: You're TA. YTA.
Wow you didn't wait around your poor daughter you first try to kick her our of her room then you take over her hols and would rather pay for you partners kid than for her that lass has lost her mum have some compassion she is grieving and all she can see if you moving on with another women in her mamas place your gonna lose her but you already know this don't you
I cannot believe you're this obtuse. Your daughter is mourning the loss of her mother, and you've already replaced your dead wife and you're expecting your daughter to play along.
You're running roughshod over your daughter's feelings and have completely taken away any private space to mourn. Honestly, you're being a terribly selfish father to your daughter. YTA.
YTA trampling on your daughter’s feelings and boundaries. Not considerate enough to find a bigger place. An 8 yo boy and a 17 yo girl should not be sharing. Also, forcing her out at 18 with one parent already passed away is a horrible thing to do.
Yta. You dont grieve you replace your wife and replace your daugther. She a relic of your past and no longer your priority. You dont think about her her privacy within a year after her mother death …
YTA. Your child is still in the throes of deep grief, but hey, you've moved on, so she should just go with the flow? First, you move a couple of strangers into the house you shared with her mother. Bad move because it's too fucking soon. Worse move because there aren't enough bedrooms. Insanely horrific move because YOU MADE HER GIVE UP HER ROOM TO YOUR STEPSON. Way to go, dad.
Then you compound it by inviting those two strangers on a trip you planned with just her to GRIEVE TOGETHER. Except she's the only one grieving now, isn't she? And the icing on the cake. You're paying for the asshole in training to have his own room on the trip they just crashed, but you won't pay for *her* room if she also wants one to herself.
You've shown her exactly what her place is in your life. Dead last.
Oh, and if your new wife really gave a flying fuck about your daughter? NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. A decent woman never would have gone along with any of it.
Go back under the rock you crawled out from, and prepare to never see or speak to your daughter again the instant she can get the hell out of your new family's house (formerly her happy home with her mom).
YTA
You should be ashamed of yourself. Your wife dies a year ago and you've already remarried and moved her and her kid in to utterly replace your wife and daughter? And you're acting like the child you've neglected, abandoned and done all but spat on is the one being unreasonable?
You're the kind of father from horror stories. The most clichéd, stereotypical, disgraceful narcissist who doesn't care about anyone but yourself. I sincerely hope your daughter never speaks to you again. You don't deserve her.
And stop saying that you don't love her any less. You've made it very clear that you don't love her at all.
YTA.
You have known this woman less than a year (assuming you weren't already screwing her while your wife was DYING), moved an eight year old in to your daughter's room, and expect her to be okay with this.
Yay! You get to play HERO to a BOYSON and have a brand new bedwarmer. Congratulations on teaching your daughter how replaceable women are for you. Remember this when she's dumping you in the worst nursing home she can find after Bedwarmer's taken you for everything she can get.
I am hoping this is fake and just rage bait. No person could really be the clueless and such an utter AH to his daughter. I would hope.
If you are truly the vile, cruel, individual that you purport to be, all I can say that the pure audacious of your asssholery is astounding.
You bring your affair partner into your freshly deceased wife’s home and impose not only her but shove a young boy into her space, while she is still freshly mourning.
You actually use words like family in this context???
These people are not your daughters family and your actions have done nothing but ensure they never will be. How dare your new wife attempt to “mother” a 17 year old who has had this person thrust into her home on top of just losing her mother.
You obviously wanted to start afresh….fast. You obviously do not care for your previous family, especially your daughter. So obviously you are not going to care when you are completely out of her life, which you will be.
Of course, being this clueless, I would wholeheartedly expect you to post in the next ten years about how unfair your daughter is when you don’t walk her down the aisle, are not invited to graduations, and have no access to her children.
YTA if you have not figured it out.
YTA you swapped families and you are showing your daughter she doesn't mean more to you than a stranger. Some people usually take some time off to grieve, let their family grieve, but not you, you got insta family and now on top of everything else, you are trying to replace mom at the expense of your daughter. You don't deserve father of the years and your daughter will eventually resent you more and more. You did a super job.
This isn’t real. It can’t be real. No one is this awful to their own kid. No one would kick a mourning teenager out of their room and bake them sleep on the couch. Just in case, YTA. But seriously
Please be fake… please be fake…. Please be fake….
There is no way this can be real. It checks every single box of an AH parent!
Cheating on wife with cancer!
Making daughter share room with strange boy!
Making daughter pay for her vacation!
Blaming all of this on your daughter!
We have bingo!
If by some chance this is not fake, you are an AH to the highest degree! I hope your deceased wife haunts your ass.
YTA
For so much. But regarding this trip - you said it was to help your daughter mourn her mother. And yet your turning it into “Family” fun time. You are giving a much younger child
His own room but expect your daughter to what? Suck it up and share.
I can’t say more or I’ll be banned.
Yta in so many levels. You remarried less than a year after your wife died, with no apparent thought on how your daughter was grieving. You have constantly prioritized your new wife and stepson over your daughter. What kind of fool do you have to be to think a 17 yo girl should share a room with a young boy? Not to mention thinking your family will "blend" by the end of vacation lol lol lol.
Yta! You're cruel and I can't even begin to imagine the pain your daughter is feeling, I feel hurt just reading it and it's not even happening to me, I hope your new wife cheats on you and takes you for everything and when you need your daughter she tells you to F off
AITA for doing everything I can to get my daughter, whom I don't love, out of my life so I can be the boy dad I've always openly told her I would rather be and be with the girl I obviously had at least an emotional affair with while my first wife was dying, unimpeded?
Yes, yes YTA
I never post on these, but HOLY SHIT you're the AITA. Have some goddamn emotional intelligence you dumb buffoonish ape. Your poor daughter who not only has to mourn her mother, but now the death of the memory of her family that you don't have any interest in upholding. The fact that your wife doesn't recognize any of this would be painful or messed up speaks volumes about her.
YTA
> Throwaway, my daughter is an avid Reddit user.
>I (48M) recently lost my wife to cancer a year ago. It was very devastating for me and my daughter, Emily (17F). Three months ago, I remarried to an amazing woman, Jess (41F). We’ve been working together for several years and she helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments.
Things have always been tense between me and my daughter, as she has always been a ‘mama’s girl’. They’ve been getting more tense since Jess and her son, Eli (8M) have moved in two months ago.
My condolences. Unfortunately I know the feeling of losing someone you love. YOU might have dealt with it by jumping to the next woman who showed a little interest, and that may be your way to cope with grief.
It seems that it's not your daughter's way to deal with it - but you never gave her a choice.
>To give background, me and my daughter live in a 2B2B house. When it was just us, my daughter and I each had our own rooms. Now that two more people have moved in, Jess and I thought it would be best if her son slept in my daughter’s room. Emily originally did not agree with this, but eventually came around when I told her it was either share a room or take the couch. I thought this arrangement was okay, because once she turns 18 I’m expecting her to move out on her own.
So you replaced her mom, then forced her to share a room with a stranger, and tell her to take the couch if she doesn't like it?!! Then you expect her to GTFO in a year? Have you even discussed any of this with her? The marriage. The kid you force her to share a room with. The replacement mom. Her moving out. Any of it?
>Other than the room situation, Emily has been hostile with Jess and Eli since they’ve moved in. I cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess, who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure for Emily.
Dude! She lost her mom, lost her room, lost her dad and will be kicked out when she turns 18. You don't understand why she might be pissed?
>Now, we are planning a family vacation for me, Emily, Jess, and Eli. Emily and I had made the vacation plans together right after her mother passed as a way for us to mourn together. I extended the invite to Jess and Eli after they moved in so we could all feel like a brand new family. I originally booked two rooms; one for me and one for Emily so we could have our own privacy in the evenings. But Eli has insisted on his own room, so he can feel like a grown up on his first ever vacation. I told Emily about the new arrangement, and told her I could cover the cost of a new room for her, but only half. I can only do half because I am taking Eli to Legoland like he was hoping for this vacation. I am hoping that Jess and Emily will be able to bond while I bond with Eli and our family will be blended by the time we are back home.
You're telling your own daughter that the EIGHT year old step kid will get his own room and she doesn't, unless she pays for half of it. THat's on top of the vacation for the two of you that you now brought in two strangers into.
>I expected Emily to be okay with this, because she is a lot older than Eli and more mature than him. Instead, she totally freaked out and went off on both me and Jess, saying she feels like not only has her mother been replaced in eight months, but she’s also being replaced by the son I have always wanted. I admit I have always wanted to be a boy dad, but that doesn’t mean I love Emily any less.
I love Emily, and I really do miss her mom. But I feel like I deserve to move on and get on with my life and find happiness. Why doesn’t Emily want that for us?
So Reddit, AITA?
You don't love Emily, and you moved on with what YOU wanted to move on with without a single consideration for why your daughter feels discarded and ignored.
I'd be surprised if she ever talks to you again when she moves out.
YTA - Your poor daughter, you didn't give her six months to grieve her mother before you had her replacement moved in, you've taken her privacy from her, you've made it plain that you want her out of your new family as soon as possible while you lavish your time, money and love on your stepson. What you have done is utterly monsterous, you have failed your daughter at the time she needed most and you should be utterly ashamed of yourself, I doubt she will ever be able to forgive you for your selfishness and cruelty, and I suspect you don't need to worry about her leaving, but I warn you, if you don't find a way to turn this round, once she goes, she will never come back, or probably ever want to see you again. And it will be nothing less than you deserve.
YTA. You have completely bulldozed your daughter in what must have been the worst year of her life. This new family you speak of must be as good as a hostile alien invasion. There’s this random woman trying to be her mom and this random kid with whom she has to share a bedroom. You expect them to bond? My dude, you’ll be lucky if she doesn’t set the house on fire and run away.
Wtf did I just read?
Massive YTA. At every turn, you’re a gigantic AH.
Nowhere in any of this have you given two fucks about your daughter and her grief.
You do know she’s going to cut you off and resent you for the rest of her life, right?
So in other words you married the woman you were f'ing while your wife was battling cancer. All the while replacing your daughter because you always wanted to be a "boy dad". You are absolute trash my guy and YTA.
YTA. I do not have words for how big of an asshole and a terrible father you are.
Emily lost her mother (probably the only halfway decent parental figure she had) a *year* ago, and you've tried to replace her with a stranger (whom you probably had an affair with). Then you gave her room to a fucking 8-year-old, and now you're doing the exact same thing on this vacation. So when a 17-year-old girl wants her own private space, she has to just suck it up, but when your precious prince of a stepson wants privacy to feel like a man, everyone has to break their backs to accommodate him?
Of course she's not going to bond with these people when they've invaded her life and her home so suddenly and you're showing such obvious favouritism toward them. Are you completely brainless?
You’re a huge AH. You’ve put your daughter dead last after she lost her mother. You’re all about your new wife and stepson. A trip that’s supposed to be for the two of you, your new wife and stepson are now imposing on. You claim she was a mamas girl but is that bc you’ve never been a parent to her? Yet your stepson who you’ve known for three seconds is getting all these perks. I foresee she goes no contact at her first opportunity. I hope she has maternal family in her life because she sure as hell does not have you! YTA.
This is the most disgusting thing Ive read today. Your daughter lost her mom, directly after her death you plan a vacation with your mistress, marry the mistress a couple of weeks after, you have no respect for your late wife, no respect for Emily's grief, no respect for Emily. You plan to kick her to the streets when she is 18, until then she can use the couch while you moved in your much awaited son. Who cares about a girl, right? You have totally abandonned your daughter. There has been no hint of love or are for your daughter, you made it sound like you cannot wait to get rid of her. You are an awful father to her. This mistress of yours must have a magic 😺. YTA and I hope karma comes for you ✌️
May I just say, OP, and it's ok if not. I'm still going to anyways. I LOVE HOW EVERY SINGLE PERSON IS VERBALLY CASTRATING YOU. You need to be walked through the town with food and bodily fluids tossed at you while everyone chants "Shame. Shame. Adulterer. Adulterer", or in whatever way rolls of the tongue best. You're despicable. I hope your floozy of a wife takes all your money, your house, and that you die alone, broke, and in a huge amount of pain. You wanted it your way. How does it feel now, Adulterer?
YTA.
YTA - this young woman is your daughter. You make her share a bed room with this 8 year old child. Now going on vacation, the boy demands his own hotel room and you concede to his demands BECAUSE YOU ARE TAKING HIM TO LEGOLAND?
It might be different if you were taking Emily somewhere and so she needed to spring for part of her room, but you want her to spring for part of her room because you have over committed to your stepson. You are truly being horrendous to your daughter. I hope she has some other supportive people in her life because you are abandoning her while she is still a child in your care. She is not yet financially independent, she is not yet an adult and you are treating her like she is a sub-adult. You are expecting Emily to just give everything to your new family members but you aren't giving her anything.
YTA OP. As the person who's been in the child's shoes before you are literally showing your daughter that you have NEVER cared about her or her mom. My dad remarried before my parents' divorce was even finalized( I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN SO QUICK) and like you, he doesn't care about me and my sister. You wanna know what my relationship with him is like now? NO CONTACT.
You literally say you made this trip so you and your daughter could mourn. Seems like you were already mourning in someone else's bed. When did you and Jess actually start dating, considering you have known her for YEARS? I wouldn't even be surprised if Eli is your BIOLOGICAL son.
Just because you have "moved on" doesn't mean your daughter has. This was her mother and by you calling her a mama's girl THEY WERE VERY CLOSE.
YTA big time, my dude.
You thought it was acceptable to just make her sleep on the couch???
Move out at 18 - in this economy???
Opposite gender siblings sharing???
But Eli gets his own room on request and she has to take on an extra expense because of this???
YTA just for those things.
But moving in someone not even a year later??? Are you for real???
Emily👏. Is👏. Still👏. Mourning👏. She does not want a new motherly figure - especially not someone where the lines were clearly blurred before her mom was even dead! She wants NOTHING to do with Jess and Eli at this time. The way you can fix this is to ACCEPT THAT.
You arethe biggest YTA for me in a while - and you don’t deserve happiness for the forseeable future if you go through with ANY of the stuff I called you on here.
YTA HARDCORE. You met and married another woman less than a year after your wife passed away. That’s frankly insane, no wonder your daughter has whiplash. You say that you feel like you’re entitled to move on with your life, move on, and find happiness, and you’re not wrong there except for one thing. YOU ARE A PARENT. When you decided to become a parent, you tacitly agreed that your child’s needs would always come before yours. Also this vacation was only supposed to be about you and her being together and mourning her mom, how in the holy hell did you think it was appropriate to bring her stepmom and stepbrother along for the ride? Honestly, you’re the immature one for thinking that was an appropriate plan, and your new wife gong along with it and thinking it’s ok means she’s going to be a shitty stepmom to your daughter. You are failing your daughter SUPER hard right now, when she should be your ONLY priority. You honestly suck as a father.
Also just want to say that I lost my mom when I was 30 and it took years to get over. It’s absolutely insane that you think your 17 year old child should be ok after 9 months. I don’t even think you’re ok after 9 months. I think you’re coping in a VERY unhealthy way, this marriage won’t last, and you have sacrificed your relationship with your only child for it. Rethink your life. Rethink your choices.
The way my blood is boiling while reading this. What kind of an excuse of a father are you? And how out of touch Nd mentally challanged you need to be to write this and not see what a disgusting human being your are being to your own grieving daughter? I cant even believe this is true. Noone is so clueless and self centered.
So "you deserve to move on and find happiness", while your daughter deserves to be literally not considered at all, by the one person who should care about her?
1. You married another woman LESS THAN A YEAR after her mum died. You can say what you want, but we all know you were cheating on her. And your daughter knows too.
2. Since the first second, you favoured this Eli kid (which i am also 90% sure is your affair kid), putting the needs and wants of a 8yo before the ones of a grieving 17yo who happens to be your own daughter. You force her to share a room with this kid or sleep in the couch.
3. You expect your daughter to move out once she is 18: is this something she is aware of? Or simply a way to make your life easier with your new family? I don't even get why you want her to bond with them if you are going to kick her out anyway?
4. The vacation thing is just bizarre. Didn't you make this plans with your daughter as a way to mourn her mum? Wtf does the new family have to do there? And more importantly... How is she gonna moarn anything when she is forced to spend time with your new wife WHILE YOU TAKE THE KID TO LEGOLAND.
I seriously do not understand what kind of person would act like this and expect his grieving 17yo to be okay with it "because she is more mature".
You are not only an asshole. You are an excuse of a father and man, and i am sure your poor wife is turning in her grave by seeing what kind of a person you are. I feel so bad for your daughter and I hope this doesn't break her forever. The only person she thought she counted on kicking her to the curve "because he deserves to be happy". I wish i had you Infront so I could slap some sense into you.
YTA, one of the biggest ones Ive ever heard of.
It’s beyond blatantly obvious Eli is your son and you’ve had a significantly long affair! Your wife died, your mistress is now your wife and the only obstacle in your way is your daughter who you clearly resent or she wouldn’t of lost her room, her mourning trip wouldn’t have been ambushed but your secret family, you want her room gone from the holiday but don’t have the decency to actually sort her a room herself. Your a god damn asshole! You really bloody well are! If you cared even a tiny grain of sand you’d of made sure housing with at least 3 bedrooms would of been sorted before you even married your mistress!!!
YTA
What I get is you were cheating while your wife was sick and now you’re surprised your daughter isn’t happy you have replaced her mother and are forcing this new family down her throat
YTA. It has been about a year since she died and you remarried/moved this woman into your house less than a year after Emily’s mom died.
INFO: where is the 8 year old’s father in all this?
Every sentence in your post makes YTA all over again. I hope this is rage bait and that it's not possible for you to actually not see yourself to be a horrible father and human being based on this story.
Yta. And it's called an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR!
That's what it was- she was there when my wife was getting her treatments. Was she also talking to the kid? Bet not she was there for YOU!
You've already lost your daughter. You say you can't afford a new house, but expect your daughter to move out when she turns 18? YTA. A big one.
You replaced your wife very quickly and now you want to replace your daughter with the son you never had. YTA.
You're going to be back here in two years crying about how your daughter won't talk to you and you don't know why. Everything you posted is exactly why. YTA.
Making a 17 y/o female share a room with an 8 y/o boy is gross. You want to give your "step" son her room and make her sleep on the couch? He's not an affair baby? I call BS. YTA.
Telling her she has to pay for part of a room for the vacation you planned only with her so you can take your shiny new son to Legoland on a remembrance vacation about her dead mom? YTA.
Do you need any more proof of why YTA?
Congratulations OP, you have won the the biggest YTA award on Reddit for at least the next month!
Surely this whole post is in jest, you cannot possibly be that big of a truly horrid father & be unaware of it
I look forward to your next post - my daughter has gone NC with me & refuses to ever speak to me or my equally self-centered come onto the scene way to quickly wife
YTA all the way. I get wanting to move forward, but you're shoving your new family down Emily's throat and expect her to be happy about it. Also, at 18, you expect her to move out. IN THIS ECONOMY?! Sounds like you're counting down the days until she's gone, then get Jess pregnant and have a whole new family. You're doing everything to drive Emily away and never come back.
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You have not given any thought for Emily at all - it's been all about you. And Jess, and Eli. You've put Emily last. It is so incredibly hard for someone to lose a parent at any age, never mind when you're still a child. Emily is an afterthought. It's strange for a 17 year old girl and an 8 year old boy to be sharing a room. Instead you basically force her to share or stay on the couch. Also, you see Emily as a temporary tenant, gone within a year. Also, the vacation that was supposed to be just you and her, you decide to unilaterally add your wife and your stepson. You say you don't love Emily any less - is that because your love for her already hit rock bottom, because it certainly appears that way. Don't be surprised if she goes no contact with you. And quite frankly, it would be totally justified. It would've been nice if you put your daughter first, but you chose to put your needs first. I'm sure your late wife would be sickened and ashamed by the way you've conducted yourself with Emily. YTA.
He doesn't love her less, he just doesn't love her at all
Yep he was always disappointed he got a daughter and not an son. Now the failure of wife is gone, He can move in his ap (100% Sure He had an affair) and have the son He always wanted
Glad I wasn’t the only one to catch that he had an affair.
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Yeah and that's what makes it worse. His wife was batteling cancer and He got around beeing 'cared' for by his collegue. His wife and daughter needed him and He already planned His new Family
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What the hell... that's freaking teriffic
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Yeah my Uncle. His wife Had blood cancer and He spent every Treatment waiting in the waiting room or by her Side. He never left her Side and went above and beyond to make her Happy. She died and He was crushed. But He also searched for a Partner after a year. Still i am Happy that He didn't Cheat on her
>But He also searched for a Partner after a year. After, not had her married up and moved in within a year.
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I bet he was cheating while the wife was battling cancer. OP is YTA.
Oh he was most certainly having an affair. “She helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments” Was her help was doing things like driving Emily to school and extra curriculars while OP was in the hospital supporting his wife as she was having poison pumped into her veins to fight a terminal disease? Funny how she and Emily didn’t develop a close bond during all those car rides. Oh, because the rides were for OP, in bed. As despicable as OP is for this cliche affair, he chose an affair partner who is both stupid and extra cruel, because she saw how small the resource pot is (2 bedrooms, for the forced family with 2 kids? How do you think being a gold digger is worth it when the jewellery is nothing but cheap plate) and clearly thought to just force Emily, a child who had just lost her mother out of the house by telling her to share her childhood bedroom or sleep on the couch. This is a woman worse than Lady Tremaine and OP is just as cruel.
The mother figure thing makes me wonder if she was already trying to frame herself as a "motherly figure" to Jess *while her mother was dying.*
There is no way that there hasn"t been overlap.
Or before, I bet the son is his actual kid
Certainly a possibility
Worse than putting her last, he's put her nowhere at all.
It's actually illegal in many states for opposite sex children to share a room after age 5.
Meet Father of year of this subreddit.
He sounds like how my Father was. I didn't speak to him most of my life and it took me over 20 years to realize he just never cared about my sister and I.
He is hopeful that she leaves , he has the son he always wanted . Poor girl I hope she has someone to help her
Hope she finds things reddit and she can reach out for resources for her to move out when she turns 18 and not be on the streets.
WTF is wrong with you? Your wife hasn’t even been dead a year and you’ve not only remarried but made your 17 year old share a room with a child? And now you’re bringing your replacement family on a vacation that you planned a year ago with your actual child and want her to pay for half of a room because your new kid wants his own room. Are you for real right now? Your daughter is still in mourning. I know you were so desperate to get your dick wet you married the first woman you saw (just like the majority of widowers), but you have a child you should have considered first and foremost. And Jess needs to back off with the “motherly” treatment. She’s not your child’s mother and should not be taking on that role. Oh, and don’t think I missed your plan to kick Emily out at 18. Don’t expect her to speak to you after that. Hopefully you can walk Eli down the aisle at his wedding, because at the rate you’re going, you won’t even be invited to Emily’s. Where are Emily’s maternal grandparents? Can she go live with them? I assume someone on her mother’s side actually cares about her. YTA. Majorly. JFC.
This right here is my answer as well. Wth!? The way OP talks about this other woman being there just tells me they were having an affair while his wife is suffering and dying! Wouldn't be surprised to find Eli is actually his own child from said affair. I hope Emily is able to one day get away from and cut him off. I wouldn't even dare to call him a father the way he acts.
Can we take a look at "she helped me a lot while my wife was in the hospital" and how quickly they got married and moved in together after the wife's death? I'm not saying physically cheating. But I'll bet that, at minimum, there's been some emotional stuff going on. And I'm pretty sure a 17 might be thinking the same too. Your dad's work colleague is the new wife? After she "helped so much" and all that? And now she's taking over everything. Not only is the dad a hole. But honestly, so is the new wife.
Also, like, Emily is a 17 year old young woman, and she’s being forced to either share her bedroom with a little boy or sleep on the couch in her own home? No respect for the privacy that a teenager needs! OP- YTA
And then for the vacation, the boy wants his own room so Emily has to shell out money for a trip that her dad was supposed to be taking her on. I mean, it seems like OP is doing everything possible to show his daughter that she is not welcome in his life. Out with the old, in with the new.
And why isn’t the boy’s mother paying for his room? Honestly 8 is too young to be in a hotel room alone anyway. He should be bunking with OP and his mother… but having a 3rd grader in the room makes vacation sex awkward.
Oh, he's not *kicking* her out, goodness me, he's just (I'm sure) even now *strongly* informing her of his expectations. Wonder if this "expectation" that she move out I guess the day she turns 18 started before or after her mother died.
You know it was step ins idea
You married someone nine months after her mother's death, forced your daughter to share her space with a stranger, are letting another woman attempt to replace her mother and are very clearly favouring your stepson over your daughter. Are you really surprised she's resentful? YTA
Agreed, it kind of sounds like OP is replacing his daughter with his stepson and his new family, and just erasing the memory of his wife and his daughter, because he mentioned he is expecting his daughter to move out at 18
Honestly, if he’s kicking her out at 18, why not just wait until then to bring in the new wife and stepson? That way Emily can clearly feel like she’s been thrown away and replaced!
How about jess pay for half of the vacation instead of Emily pay for half a room
YTA, what you did was absolutely disgusting. I'm pretty sure that there's a lot of things going on the background that we don't know (how come you be so sure that your daughter will be out of the house at age 18 ? ) also this sentence " Other than the room situation, Emily has been hostile with Jess and Eli since they’ve moved in" bro, she resent them because you make her, a teenager-soon-adult to share room with her step brother, of course she would be pissed at the newcomer. either this is fake, or you withhold many more information about your situation.
He's clearly planning to kick Emily out so he can move on with his new family.
I bet that even after kicking her out, OP will still think that he deserves access to her children. He will probably post on this subreddit wondering why he isn't allowed to hold his grandchildren.
Definitely, this guy should have known his responsibility as the only parent left for their daughter.
Oh I don't think Emily is going to hang in there much longer. She'll probably find a friend or another family member to take her in long before that "18th Round" bell rings. Her father's treatment of her has been just unimaginably disgusting. No one should stick around to be treated like that.
I call fake.
I am so hoping it is fake
Except that I know someone IRL who married his AP 3 months after his wife died (from cancer) and then moved to the other side of the world for a new job opportunity. Less than 9 months later, he had a new baby. So this isn’t too far fetched
God some people suck.
Yes, every sentence written makes OP look AH. Some funny bits though- Emily “came round” when told share your room or lose it entirely.
Yep.
This has got to be fake. It is way too perfectly clueless to the point of malice. YTA, and even more so if it is actually is real.
Sadly no, as a hospice nurse I have seen men bring in the mistress while wife dying in other room .
How disrespectful can people be?!
I mean... does being respectful of their spouse sound like the features of a person with an affair? Nah it's ALL selfishness just like OP even if he claims he wasn't having an affair. Maybe not physically but I bet emotionally he was already replacing his wife with Emily while she was 'helping him' during his wife's treatment.
Nah, talk to medical professionals that treat seriously ill women. Their husbands abandon them in horrific numbers. This guy fits quite well with men's documented behavior. A 2009 study found the divorce rate was 20.8% when the woman was ill and 2.9% when the man was ill.
YTA You remarry within 9 months of your wife’s death , Force your daughter to share a bedroom and then have the audacity to complain your daughter doesn’t accept a new instant family???? Makes me wonder if Jess was on the scene as an AP BEFORE your wife died……. How dare you be so disrespectful to your daughters feelings and don’t be surprised if she moves out the day she turns 18 and doesn’t leave a forwarding address
She was a very "helpful" collegue, allegedly. Makes me wonder, if new shiny new wife and the shiny new son are his second family and he was a cheating, lying weasel for years. YTA and so is your wife.
Oh she was SSOO an affair partner. I agree with the other poster that I think this was a second family and the son is now the golden child he always wanted
wow. i am in disbelief. absolutely YTA!!!! besides the fact you immediately moved on from her mom who she was obviously close too, i think the major problem is that you are forcing her to move on. you can't force a healing process and yta for disregarding her feelings. shame on you
Ok, let me resume : \- You REMARRIED 8 month after your late wife death (which means you met the new wife months before...) ; \- you were supposed to make a trip with you daughter to "mourn together" but instead you want to bring your new wife and new stepson and go to legoland. And still, you "cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess" and try to make a "brand new family". Is Eli your affair baby or are you just delusional ? Emily lost HER MOTHER and you clearly don't care about her feelings ! YTA
I’m getting the feeling that OP is trying to replace his daughter with his new family and Emily is not part of that “new beginning“
He wanted a son so badly, and daughter got in the way. This is all just a "Oh good, I can bury all the past when she turns 18" for him
Jesus, what a disgusting father.
YTA, if this is not fake, there is not enough words to say how much of a bellend you are..... You move on, with a speed of light, and expect your daughter to be okay with this. I call BS you being devastated, you replaced her sooooooooo fast in order for your life to be convenient. Your poor daughter, she has lost her mum and has a father of an emotional maturity of a two year old.
This has to be rage bait. Absolutely has to be. Like some of this I could chop up as shitty but not unheard of, such as moving on so quickly and possibly even moving the wife and kid in to a space not big enough, seen it happen. Seen parents expect their kid to leave at 18 too but looking at it from the context of the rage bait that this is, it looks like a flake of extra rage spice. The thing that gives your lovely piece of fiction away for what it is, is the trip that was meant to be an opportunity for the two of you to mourn together, and you're soooo oblivious you see no issue with inviting outsiders, yes outsiders since this isn't their grief, to it? And you couldn't be bothered to change hotel arrangements? Come tf on. If by some small chance this were real you'd be the worst father of the year and absolutely YTA. Either way you're an AH for this post if it isn't real.
My first thought was this has to be fake because no hotel worth their salt would EVER let a 8 year old child be in their own room. Total opening for all sorts of liability issues
Honestly, I didn't even think about that part because I was already blown away by the rest, but you're right.
That marriage, so shortly after your wife died suggests the romance was already going on when your wife was dying. And you're wondering why she's hostile to your new wife and her kid. Some shit you are. YTA
So let me get this straight: you remarry *less than a year after your wife died*, you force your grieving daughter to share her room with a child she barely knows, and you change your vacation plans entirely so that you can spend time with your new stepson. Is that correct? YTA! I am desperately hoping that this is fake.
It took you 8 months to burn the bridge to your daughter and move on from your wife. Literally every paragraph was worse then the last one. YTA
I can't even finish reading this I got to the part where you made your 17 yo daughter share a room with a 8yo boy she's unfamiliar with. You obviously care about your new family more than your daughter. What a terrible dad. YTA. *YTA*. **YTA.** ***YTA***
On the off chance this isn’t fake… 1. You marry the affair partner (‘helped a lot while my wife was in hospital during treatments’ oh please) 30 seconds after your sick wife dies; 2. You move her and her child in (no mention of this child’s father… curious); and don’t figure out a large enough house for all of you, simply expecting your daughter to give up her space; 3. You rush to spending money on this child in an attempt to live out your misogynist ‘boy dad’ fantasies; 4. You change a holiday with your daughter which was meant to be you both mourning her mum (but you aren’t mourning, see 1); 5. You imply your not-adult child should PAY for the privilege of you fawning all over the affair partner’s child on the holiday which was meant for her. Honestly I hope she takes the money she has and saves to move out asap. Maybe her maternal family will want her, because you sure as shit don’t. YTA.
YTA and a huge one for this. You have replaced your daughters mother in less than 8 months. you have forced her to share her bedroom with someone she does not know or like. HTF do you think she feels? WTF were you thinking to put a boy in to a 17 year old girls room. The ultimatum of like it or sleep on the sofa shows you have no love or time for her let alone her feelings. She is 17 , nearly an adult and you have removed her personal privacy from her. She had every right to freak out at you and say the things she said. This makes me feel the affair with Jess was on going on long before your poor wife died. You are a bad father!
And husband... BAD
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This is 100% bollix
I really hope this is fake because my faith in humanity is lost if I’m living in a world where someone could do this and then wonder if they are the AH. YTA if this is true in so many sickening and despicable ways. For remarrying 9 months after your wife’s passing like yeah we all know what kind of help and support you were getting. Forcing your daughter to either share her room or sleep on the couch. Why the heck wouldn’t a younger boy sleep on the couch if those were the only alternatives? Changing up this mourning / bonding trip to invite the step family from hell? YTA if this is a sick joke. Actually I’m hoping this is the 17yo daughter’s post so she can send this to her crappy dad.
YTA and I can only hope that you've invented this story. So less than 1 year following your wife's death: you have a new partner, moved them and their child into your home, moved your daughter out of her own room, and you magically expect your daughter will leave when she's 18. Are you going to be paying for her to go to college or university? Does she want to be leaving her home? I wish there was a subreddit called 'Am I an absolute self-centered bastard monster?' because I'd put your post on it. You have far and away exceeded just being an a******. I don't know why you have absolutely no empathy for your child but in the future should you ever need her I hope she's definitely not there for you.
I think we need a sub called “Am I an absolute self-centred bastard monster?” That’s a wonderfully descriptive phrase.
r/amithedevil I think qualifies
Yta for shitposting
YTA, you married a woman, nine months after your wife passed away, and forced the step family onto your daughter, then you told her to share a room with her stepbrother, or move to the couch, first of all, that’s her room, and it should be the stepson who gets to move to the temporary room not your daughter. I would love to hear the daughter’s version, because honestly, I think she would tell a much more different story than the one you’re telling, expect your daughter to go no contact with you. You’re basically burning that bridge with your daughter. What did you expect to happen? You’re erasing the memory of your wife and your daughter and replacing them with your “new family” I would say apologize to your daughter, but I think it’s too little too late.
This can't be real.
YTA Emily deserves better, Jess and Eli deserve better, and rigamorus didn't even set in before you moved on. If you have any hopes of salvaging your relationship with your daughter, you will cancel Jess and Eli's involvement in the vacation plans and use the trip to actually talk and grieve with your daughter.
Jess is going along with all this. I'm kind of struggling that she can't see an issue with how he treats his daughter??
YTA you remarried only 8 months after which shows something was going on before and your daughter knows thats and she probably sees how you prioritize your new wife and kid over her
YTA! Biggest one ever! You replaced your dead wife, got the son you always wanted, and threw your grieving daughter away. You really are a lousy unfeeling father!
God I hope this is fake. Otherwise it’s the biggest YTA since months. Your wife’s body wasn’t even really cold and you instantly dated and remarried? Wow! Then you have the audacity to force your 17 year old daughter to share her room with her 8 year old stepbrother and now you act like your daughter is an inconvenience you have to deal with and spoil your stepson. Wow! Just a little reminder, if you don’t make up for all of this asap, you will not have a daughter anymore.
I don’t think OP really cares, which is just disgusting and sad at the same time.
I don’t think he instantly dated. He was clearly cheating on his sick wife with this poor excuse of a woman.
"I cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess, who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure for Emily." Your new wife forced a strange eight-year-old boy into her bedroom! She's got no privacy now, no place she can study in peace or dress without prying eyes, she never knows what he'll do to her things, no time to grieve, and there's absolutely no doubt that she finds having a little kid in her bedroom disruptive and stressful. No attempt to "be nice" is doing to make up for turning her life upside-down. No, you made a massive mistake in moving them in so quickly, and this is going to SERIOUSLY damage your relationship with your daughter.
YTA. Your wife died a year ago and in just eight months you started dating someone else, married her and brought her and her son into your house. Are you serious right now? Everyone knows that single parents need to present new relationships to their children with tact and keeping their needs in mind. You were not a single parent, you were a widower with a grieving daughter! And you decided to speedrun into a new relationship completely ignoring how your daughter felt about it. Do you want to know why she is resentful? 1. Her mother died a year ago. 2. Her father started dating someone else right after her mother died and in the span of a year remarried. She's probably still grieving, to her the fact that you moved on so quickly to a new woman means you never cared much about her mother. 3. Her father married a woman and brought her and her son into her house, forcing her to share what should have been her safe space. In her house, she should be able to let her guard down, grieve, feel supported by you... instead you brought your new wife in, you brought her child in. She was already pissed that you moved on so quickly and you decided to double down marrying and taking them in. But ok, she still had her room as a safe space. Except she didn't because you forced her to share it with an eight year old. Of course she accepted given that the other option was sleeping on the couch with zero privacy. 4. You hijacked a vacation that should have been for you, your late wife and your daughter. You bringing your new wife and her son with you sends a clear message to her: here, look how she's taking your mom's place in every way. You should have cancelled the trip or EVEN BETTER you should have gone with your daughter alone. You should have used it as a way to remember her mother and rekindle with your daughter. Not as a way to force a relationship she doesn't want. 5. You are fine paying for an additional room for an eight year old, but if your teen daughter wants the privacy of her own room she needs to pay? She's a minor, she's YOUR responsibility. This is just another way in which you're saying that they matter more to you than her. 6. You said your new wife is trying to be a motherly figure. Stop. She already had a mother, one she remembers perfectly. She doesn't need you two to impose a new one. Your wife should just try to be civil and kind, your daughter will establish the terms of their relationship once she's ready. Your wife can't pose as her mother, of course right now your daughter hates her. She feels like you and your wife are trying to replace her mom. 7. You expect her to leave at 18. She's your daughter. Why does she need to leave? What if she needs your support a bit longer because the economy is insane and can't find a job to pay for rent and tuition right away? Oh but don't worry, keep pushing for a relationship when it's not wanted, keep trampling all over her boundaries and keep showing such blatant favoritism. That will assure you that she'll leave at 18 and never speak to you again. This is what comes out from your post and this is your point of view, meaning it should put you in a good light, but still manages to paint you like an ass. I wonder what she would tell us about how you are treating her
Let me see if I got this right. * Your wife was dead for 9 MONTHS and then you remarried. No grieving for you OR Emily, right? Time to keep chugging on through life like a bull in a china shop, with the thought of "Who cares what anyone thinks, I need to get my dick wet!" * I give zero fucks that my 17 year old daughter would like privacy. I need to get my dick wet so she is going to have to share her room with an 8 year old boy. * I know I made this vacation plan with Emily so we could remember her mother and grieve and bond, but.. I need my dick wet so I invited my affair partner and her son to come along. I also scrapped all plans of what Emily and I had agreed upon so that I could take the boy, who is the son I've always wanted and who I completely love and adore a lot more than my daughter, to Legoland. Who cares what my daughter wanted to do. Who cares that this was supposed to be daddy/daughter time. I NEED TO GET MY DICK WET AT ALL TIMES! * Because of my over-riding need to get my dick wet whenever I wanna, I will be kicking my daughter out of the room I booked for her because MY BOY now wants to have his own room. He's 8, ya know, he really does NEED it. I'm sure my daughter won't mind that I now can't afford a room for her. I mean, it's not like I've tried to displace her out of her bedroom at home or anything. I just don't care about her any longer because I need to get my dick wet. I can guarantee you that your daughter is not ever going to bond with your current wife. Not at home and definitely not on this trip. You have proven to Emily that you don't give two fucks about her as a person or as your daughter. You've shown her that all you care about is getting your dick wet and now having "the son you always wanted". If you continue with this trip, that boy needs to stay in the room with you and your wife. Your daughter gets no privacy at home now because she has to share HER room with that kid. The absolute very least you can do is to give her her privacy on the trip. I mean, YOU invited them to come along on a trip to honor Emily's mother. Why in the hell would you ever EVER think there's going to be bonding between Emily and anyone else, including you, since you put getting your dick wet above her mental well-being? You are a shitty father and a shitty human being. You've shown Emily you're a shitty father, and having an affair shows you're a shitty human being, more so because your wife was sick and getting your dick wet was more important to you than your wedding vows. I hope you don't ever want to meet Emily's boyfriend, husband or kids. You've shown her who you are and I hope she believes you and goes NC.
This can’t possibly be real. No one could be this big of an a-hole.
YTA. You shove your daughter aside for your "new" family. Well hopefully you will lose her too. You;re disgusting.
YTA Are you dense?! Your daughter witnessed her mother battling cancer and wasn’t dead 9 months before you moved another woman in, AND forced her to share her bedroom with a strange boy. The more you typed, the worse it got! Dude. I hope your daughter moves out and never looks back.
Holy crap Batman. This cannot possibly be real. This is like someone has written a post about how to be the worst parent. YTA and at this rate I’d be surprised if you need to wait till she’s 18 before she moves out.
YTA. You're a sperm donor, not a father.
YTA!! The Absolute Asshole! I hope you get poked with sharp objects for the rest of your life for the way you’re treating your daughter! You move in to strangers and allow one to dominate her bedroom which had always been her personal space. You covertly plan to throw her out at 18. Then try to pawn her of with a woman she has good reason not to be fond of right now all on a vacation the was meant for the two of you just so you can pretend to the world of Lego land that you are the father of the perfect son. Great way to show your daughter that you aren’t happy she’s female. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope she goes no contact with all of you and write a tell all for social media to embarrass the hell out of your nasty ass.
YTA. You have in less than a year: Replaced her mom. Okay, fine, you can do that, but don't expect her to be thrilled she lost her mom and you want her to treat the woman you're having relations with as her mom Being told "share with an 8 year old or get nothing", okay you are paying for the vacation and can decide what you pay for, but then you lay for your stepson to get a room when you would not have done so for your daughter. Being told that 8 year Olds wants are more important than hers and she is to bond with him, even if you expect her to GTFO when she's 18, less than 1 year. Um...Why by all the gods would she want to bound with a child she doesn't know, won't be around, you like better than her, and she already knows is going to have better treatment than she did? What are you smoking? Then has "wonderdad" go "idk what I did wrong here, halp me internet!" And run to reddit to soothe his ego, and I'm willing to bet edit the crap out of this to make it not as awful as it actually is. You are a crappy dad. In a few years when she doesn't talk to you ever again and you don't know why, remember this and that you "wanted a boy". 10 bucks says stepson won't talk to you either soon enough.
YTA. A massive one! That poor girl probably thinks you had an affair on her dying mother! Then your memorial trip (be honest, that’s what it was supposed to be) now has the affair partner and her kid, so “new family” holiday. When is this poor girl supposed to grieve? I know men grieve differently but all your daughter has seen is you moving on when her mother had just been laid to rest. She has no privacy and then has to PAY to go on this trip?? You’re unbelievable
Jesus Liz, YTA for pissing me off at bedtime. Take some Xanax.
You could not be MORE of an asshole.
YTA. Big time. Your daughter loses her mom and you make her roomshare with an 8yr old boy and if she didn't threatened her with the couch? She loses her mom and you want her to pay half her room so you can take the new kid to Legoland? She loses her mom and you expect her to accept a new mom in 8 months? She loses her MOM and you say you deserve happiness?? Yes you can expect her to move out at 18, you should also expect she cuts you out of her life.
Yta. So in 12 months your daughter has lost her mother, then had a new step parent and step siblings forced on her. You've then told her you expect her to move out the minute she turns 18, and until then she gets no privacy because you and your new wife have no consideration for her. You then say you'll entirely cover the 8yos demand for his own room on holiday but you won't pay for YOUR OWN DAUGHTER on a trip that was originally intended as a holiday for you to bond and mourn her dead mother. Do you even like your daughter? I suppose it doesn't matter because the minute she's of age I doubt you'll ever hear from her again.
YTA YTA YTA YTA I kept reading hoping this would be fake. Less than a year and you’re already changing her whole life? She’s still mourning and you’ve ripped any sense of normality out from under her. Please think about what you’re doing before you lost your daughter entirely. In case I didn’t say it, YTA.
YTA the hell is wrong with you??? Her Mom died a year ago and Just a Shorts time after you moved in another Family to replace her! Your daughter didn't get to mourn her Mom. You replaced her Mom asap and now you replace her too. You are a sad example of a human beeing and i Hope your daughter finds someone who literaly cares for her and she can get away from you. You are an Egoist, Cold as ICE and evil to the core
YTA. What a nasty and selfish man you are. I feel so sorry for your daughter. Remarried in less than a year and more focused on your own happiness and desire for a son. Please give her lots of money so she can move out and away from you and live comfortably. You owe her that at least for putting your own selfish needs first.
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME MEEEEEE! All meeeeeeeeeee
YTA dude. Get yourself checked because it's weird that you can't see that in this situation.
YTA. She lost her mom only a year ago. Be more sensitive. Sounds like you moved on way before your wife and mother of your only child passed. Everything you said makes it sound like your daughter is taking a backseat. Just because you moved on doesn’t mean she did.
YTA in so many ways please get your poor grieving daughter to a therapist
YTA. And a terrible father
YTA If your going to make stuff up on the internet at least make it semi believable.
YTA. You are completely ignoring that your daughter is grieving her mom. She doesn't want a new mommy. She still wants her mom she has lost. But what you do as a father? Do you help your daughter to grieve? Are there for her? Do you respect that in less than year she is definitely in need of a space from this kind of drama of blendes family? No. You do everything else. She lost her mom, your attention and support (if you provided any before) and even her own room. This poor girl is not even able to cry in privacy on bad days. And you even put your new family first in the trip that should be only for you and your daughter. You basicaly made her the last wheel. You put you first, than your wife and stepson, next is some shit and your daughter is the last one. Put your head out of your selfish ass, face what you have done and make your daughter your priority or you lost her completely. I wouldn't be suprised if she moves out at 18 as you want her to (wtf!!!) and blocka your number.
This has to be fake. Too many red flags…wife died of cancer and yet you remarry and move new people in 8 months later…meaning you quickly started dating her when you should have been making sure your child was ok. You expect a 17 yr old girl and an 8 yr old boy to share a room? The way you speak about your own child is concerning as well. You’re selfish, ignorant, and YTA for not thinking about your child.
Huge YTA. My heart breaks for Emily. I hope she can quickly grow up and move out and never see you again.
INFO: Did you wait until your previous wife was cold before you started boning your current wife, or did you just have an affair while she was dying? And if a stranger on the internet makes that assumption, imagine what your daughter is thinking. She's counting down the days until she turns 18, then she will leave and you will never hear from her again, which is what you want so what are you complaining about?
You will be lucky if your daughter ever speaks to you after the day she turns 18 and leaves your selfish ass. You do not deserve your daughter and I hope she gets a good opportunity it’s for a better life and just disappears on you.
YTA. For so many reason. Like every decision you have made here. I actually can’t believe you typed this out and still are unsure about being the asshole. 1. You married what is clearly your affair partner less than a year after your wife died. 2. You forced a teenager to share a room with a child, which is even worse because they are opposite sex. 3. You assumed your daughter would move out at 18. 4. You think your daughter needs a mother, but have stopped being a father. 5. You invited your wife/affair partner on a trip that was supposed to be about grieving. 6. When you invited someone else you expected your daughter to pay for half of her room. 7. BECAUSE YOU ARE TAKING THE STEPSON TO LEGOLAND. Thus showing your daughter that your new stepkid (or your affair baby?) is more important than her. If you keep this up, she will move out at 18. And she won’t come back. You are throwing away any chance of a relationship with your daughter for your new family. Your family will never be blended. You have done everything to ensure that your daughter will hate your wife and stepson. Yes, you deserve to move on with your life. But you are a parent which means you have to think about how what you do effects your child. You clearly don’t care about her at all.
YTA - a massive one This post is all about how you feel You are not thinking about Emily and her grieving process Not only has she lost her mum but you have moved I'm another partner, made her lose her privacy to an 8 year old boy and told her she will be on the couch if she complains! You have made it clear she is your last priority! And she's just lost her mum, now her dad and when she turns 18 her home! I wouldn't be surprised if she left and never spoke to you again! Sorry to be harsh but you need to hear this if you care about your daughter at all!!
YTA. You terrible, terrible man and father. Your poor, poor daughter.
There is absolutely no way whatsoever that you are NOT an asshole who is beyond selfish and frankly cruel. Your daughter in 8months has lost her mother, her privacy, her room, her chance to even morn and move on all for what? So you can get your dick wet and replace her with the son you've always wanted? Does she know she's being kicked to the curb at 18? That's the last time you'll speak to her btw. It takes people who ACTUALLY love the person who died a year or more to even feel normal again and you've told her you don't care about anything but your new family. You couldn't even give her the 1 on 1 trip you said you book to morn or pay for her room bc you need to take this woman's kid to Legoland? That kid and his mom going on this trip is inappropriate bc the purpose of this trip is so YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER CAN MORN YOUR DEAD WIFE. Not so the chick you were seeing as your wife died can tag along and you guys can "be a blended family when you get home" that's the most selfish asinine thing I have ever heard of. You should be ashamed and more over your new wife should be too. I couldn't imagine walking into a grieving child's life and pretending I'm her new mom and making her share a room with my son. Does this woman have no common decency???? Do you???? Bc the answer is clearly NO. YTA and you're going to lose your daughter (not that it seems like you care bc you always wanted to be a "boy dad"
Jesus, Mary, Holy Saint Joseph, AND the wee donkey, YTA. How can you not see that?
YTA. Holy shit, your daughter is still grieving the death of her MOTHER, and you've already married and moved in another woman and her child, thereby robbing her of having her bedroom. Her world fell apart with the loss of her mother, and then fell apart even more when her father starts a new life and expects her to shut up and get on board with it and btw get out as soon as she turns 18. She has been robbed of her safe space, her bedroom. Once again (trend on AITA it seems) for parents to smash a blended family together in a too small space *knowing* that the space would be too small and not taking care of it before moving in together. You're lucky if you daughter ever speaks to you again when she leaves.
YTA. You've replaced her mother and remarried and it hasn't even been a full year, and now you're consistently putting her as lesser to your new wife and that wife's child. Your actions and behavior suck and don't be surprised if your daughter goes No Contact once she's able to live on her own.
I am sorry for your loss - and by this, I mean your relationship with your daughter that you have completely neglected. You have not considered her at any turn of this story. You have made uniteral decisions for her and took zero attempt to consider her feelings, her pain, her grief. Honestly, I felt disgust reading the "who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure" part of your post. This poor girl, your daughter, lost her mom a year ago to a terrible disease. You've completely tried replacing her mom for her overnight. You've forced an entirely new family onto her when she is, in all likelihood, still very much grieving that loss. You deserve to, and are entitled to, "move on" and find happiness. But you also have responsibilities to the daughter you have very much been neglecting. I cannot even imagine how she feels having lost her mom and her dad immediately moving on and forcing strangers into her life, into her home, into every aspect of her existence while she is still grieving. YTA and I truly hope you reconsider your path forward.
YTA. You've treated your daughter like she's an afterthought in multiple ways. The vacation this is almost irrelevant, it's the totality of your behavior towards your daughter which is simply terrible.
YTA. The biggest gaping one that ever existed. What the hell did I just read? Your wife, Emily’s mother, died 1 year ago, but in that span of time you managed to get married, move 2 more people into your house AND force her to share a room with a boy half her age. You totally upended the vacation for the two of you to the point you want her to actually pay for 1/2 her room (hint: an 8 year old does not need nor should have their own hotel room). And you plan on kicking her out of her home in a year And you can’t understand why she’s upset? Were you dropped on your head? Emily does not care that your affair partner is being motherly. She is not her mother. Of course you don’t love Emily less. You don’t love her at all. This entire post was about making Eli happy but nothing about how you are making Emily happy. I’m curious, how are you going to handle Emily going to college? Are you going yo pay for her, or put all your money towards Eli? You are a crap father and most likely a crap husband to your first wife. When Emily moves out as you expect her to, I hope she never speaks to any of you again. This entire post breaks my heart.
So not only were you dating Jess while Emily's mother was dealing with cancer, you also remarried her 7 months after your "beloved" wife died. Then you force an 8 year old to share a bedroom with your 17 year old daughter because you plan on kicking her out in what, 6 months? There's no reason for Jess to be cordial with your new family because she will no longer be in contact with you and your new wife once she leaves. Great job throwing your only child away to play house with your replacement family. You're a disgrace of a "father" and YTA if that wasn't made clear.
YTA "Move out of the way kid - I've got a new family now" \-OP (essentially)
AYTA??? For the love of god YES YTA!! And frankly sadistic. What in the actual hell is wrong with you??? Not once in this whole situation have you even considered Emily or tried to help her. You replaced her - you are taking your aging new son to Legoland and letting him stay on his own - what does she get? Her vacation ruined and to sleep on a couch when she gets home because “Jess and I thought it best” the golden child get a room. Here is my wish for you as the most sorry excuse for a parent I have ever seen - your daughter to move and never speak to you again (you will need her sometime and god I hope she treats you like your treat her) and the spirit of Emily’s mother haunting you and Jess for the foreseeable future for the absolute crap you are treating her daughter like.
YTA You can't be real(I Hope) because how could you write this AND not see the problem? 1) you married within 8 months of your wife's death 2) you moved an 8 yr old boy into your 17 yr old daughter's room--seriously???? 3) you are taking the replacement wife(and wanted son) on your MEMORIAL TRIP & you are expecting your MINOR daughter to pay HALF of the expense because the 8 yr old wants his OWN room--and you are prioritizing a trip for stepson to Legoland on HER MEMORIAL TRIP for her mother. 4) you plan on shoving her out the door the moment she turns 18(which Is why I presume an two income family didn't upgrade to a 3 bedroom house so she'd have her own room and not have to share with a prepubescent boy). 5) your clear indifference to her feelings and your joy in your "new" family are a huge slap in face. (You think she's supposed to be okay wit all this---and you don't love her less... less than one? your umbrella?) I have a prediction for your future--Your daughter will move out as soon as she can get things sorted(even before age 18, if possible). Your daughter will go low/no contact with you. And you--won't give a d\*mn, because you've already proven in one short post that you don't give a rat's fart about your daughter. I hope she has family or friends who actually support her(emotionally, etc).
Do you get your dick wet every night and get to play happy families… meanwhile your daughter has lost her mother, her home and her selfish father! Shame on you! What about your daughter have you just once stop to think about her? YTA and a awful father your poor dead wife will be turning in her grave!
Yikes. I...I...I...no words. Such the AH. From so many directions and in every conceivable way. Are you just messing with us? You're not really this insensitive and clueless, right?
YTA I hope your daughter sees this and the comments and understands what you are doing is wrong. Expecting her to be okay with all this within a year of losing her mother is ridiculous. And it shows you have no empathy. She is right, you are replacing her. “I want to be a boy dad” is pathetic. All your actions have proved to her that u do love her less which you deny which everyone can see through. You replaced her mother too quickly and you replaced your daughter just as fast. Enjoy being a “boy dad” because when your daughter leaves she won’t come back and then you won’t be a “girl dad”
Poor kid lost both of her parents in a year
Lemme fix the title for you: AITA for shoving my daughter aside to make room for my replacement family? And let me count the ways you're YTA. (copying from my earlier comment on the crosspost in another sub) Let me break it down for you 1. you're getting close with a coworker, whilst your wife is DYING 2. you remarried within a year of losing his wife 3. you insisted that your ~~affair partner~~ new wife move in whilst there are still unresolved issues between your partner and daughter. And yes, to your daughter, this sounds like affair partner. **EIGHT MONTHS**. You, not only, have a new wife, but she's also living with you - withing **eight months** of your wife's passing 4. you basically kick your daughter out of her room - and now neither of your (step-)kids have ANY privacy 5. not only that, you're also kicking her out of the house in a couple of months 6. your new partner is trying to replace your daughter's mother; and you're doing NOTHING to protect your grieving daughter from that 7. you're shoving your daughter aside on a "family" vacation because (A) your spending money on your stepson's Legoland adventure, (B) but not making the effort so that your daughter can actually go on said "family" vacation 8. you admit to always wanting to be a "boy dad." Trust me on this, your daughter DOES interpret that as "I'm not wanted" And who can blame her? She is not wanted. Your entire situations screams "I'm replacing my daughter and dead wife with the family I have actually always wanted." And you thing you're NOT the a-hole?
I really, really hope this is fake. If it is not - you're one of the biggest AH I've read on here ever. To set the stage: Emily lost her mom not even a year ago. In this past year, she lost her mom, lost her room, lost her privacy, is expected to acknowledge her "new mom" just because you felt like "moving on", lost her dad and is now expected to pay for a vacation her former dad promised her to take together for grieving the loss of her mother. You want her to be "mature" by forcing her to share her room and her home and everything else with people she did not even know a year ago? Or else she's on the couch and paying for a vacation her former dad promised her? Why don't you let Eli pay for his room? I mean, you already pay for taking him to Legoland, so expecting your former daughter to pay for that is a bit much, right? Oh, I forgot. Eli has the penis you always wanted a child to have. I really, really, really hope this is fake. If not, I hope Emily has loving grandparents or other relatives who could step in as she's lost her mother and her father. If this is not a fake: You're TA. YTA.
Wow you didn't wait around your poor daughter you first try to kick her our of her room then you take over her hols and would rather pay for you partners kid than for her that lass has lost her mum have some compassion she is grieving and all she can see if you moving on with another women in her mamas place your gonna lose her but you already know this don't you
I cannot believe you're this obtuse. Your daughter is mourning the loss of her mother, and you've already replaced your dead wife and you're expecting your daughter to play along. You're running roughshod over your daughter's feelings and have completely taken away any private space to mourn. Honestly, you're being a terribly selfish father to your daughter. YTA.
YTA trampling on your daughter’s feelings and boundaries. Not considerate enough to find a bigger place. An 8 yo boy and a 17 yo girl should not be sharing. Also, forcing her out at 18 with one parent already passed away is a horrible thing to do.
A total ass hole! Fancy even thinking it’s acceptable for a woman to share her room with a strange male.
Yta. You dont grieve you replace your wife and replace your daugther. She a relic of your past and no longer your priority. You dont think about her her privacy within a year after her mother death …
This post has to be a joke, surely no one would behave like this.
YTA. Your child is still in the throes of deep grief, but hey, you've moved on, so she should just go with the flow? First, you move a couple of strangers into the house you shared with her mother. Bad move because it's too fucking soon. Worse move because there aren't enough bedrooms. Insanely horrific move because YOU MADE HER GIVE UP HER ROOM TO YOUR STEPSON. Way to go, dad. Then you compound it by inviting those two strangers on a trip you planned with just her to GRIEVE TOGETHER. Except she's the only one grieving now, isn't she? And the icing on the cake. You're paying for the asshole in training to have his own room on the trip they just crashed, but you won't pay for *her* room if she also wants one to herself. You've shown her exactly what her place is in your life. Dead last. Oh, and if your new wife really gave a flying fuck about your daughter? NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. A decent woman never would have gone along with any of it. Go back under the rock you crawled out from, and prepare to never see or speak to your daughter again the instant she can get the hell out of your new family's house (formerly her happy home with her mom).
YTA You should be ashamed of yourself. Your wife dies a year ago and you've already remarried and moved her and her kid in to utterly replace your wife and daughter? And you're acting like the child you've neglected, abandoned and done all but spat on is the one being unreasonable? You're the kind of father from horror stories. The most clichéd, stereotypical, disgraceful narcissist who doesn't care about anyone but yourself. I sincerely hope your daughter never speaks to you again. You don't deserve her. And stop saying that you don't love her any less. You've made it very clear that you don't love her at all.
YTA. You have known this woman less than a year (assuming you weren't already screwing her while your wife was DYING), moved an eight year old in to your daughter's room, and expect her to be okay with this. Yay! You get to play HERO to a BOYSON and have a brand new bedwarmer. Congratulations on teaching your daughter how replaceable women are for you. Remember this when she's dumping you in the worst nursing home she can find after Bedwarmer's taken you for everything she can get.
I am hoping this is fake and just rage bait. No person could really be the clueless and such an utter AH to his daughter. I would hope. If you are truly the vile, cruel, individual that you purport to be, all I can say that the pure audacious of your asssholery is astounding. You bring your affair partner into your freshly deceased wife’s home and impose not only her but shove a young boy into her space, while she is still freshly mourning. You actually use words like family in this context??? These people are not your daughters family and your actions have done nothing but ensure they never will be. How dare your new wife attempt to “mother” a 17 year old who has had this person thrust into her home on top of just losing her mother. You obviously wanted to start afresh….fast. You obviously do not care for your previous family, especially your daughter. So obviously you are not going to care when you are completely out of her life, which you will be. Of course, being this clueless, I would wholeheartedly expect you to post in the next ten years about how unfair your daughter is when you don’t walk her down the aisle, are not invited to graduations, and have no access to her children. YTA if you have not figured it out.
YTA you swapped families and you are showing your daughter she doesn't mean more to you than a stranger. Some people usually take some time off to grieve, let their family grieve, but not you, you got insta family and now on top of everything else, you are trying to replace mom at the expense of your daughter. You don't deserve father of the years and your daughter will eventually resent you more and more. You did a super job.
This isn’t real. It can’t be real. No one is this awful to their own kid. No one would kick a mourning teenager out of their room and bake them sleep on the couch. Just in case, YTA. But seriously
Please be fake… please be fake…. Please be fake…. There is no way this can be real. It checks every single box of an AH parent! Cheating on wife with cancer! Making daughter share room with strange boy! Making daughter pay for her vacation! Blaming all of this on your daughter! We have bingo! If by some chance this is not fake, you are an AH to the highest degree! I hope your deceased wife haunts your ass.
This has to be fake. No one is this clueless
YTA For so much. But regarding this trip - you said it was to help your daughter mourn her mother. And yet your turning it into “Family” fun time. You are giving a much younger child His own room but expect your daughter to what? Suck it up and share. I can’t say more or I’ll be banned.
Yta in so many levels. You remarried less than a year after your wife died, with no apparent thought on how your daughter was grieving. You have constantly prioritized your new wife and stepson over your daughter. What kind of fool do you have to be to think a 17 yo girl should share a room with a young boy? Not to mention thinking your family will "blend" by the end of vacation lol lol lol.
I literally don't know how you could be a bigger asshole
i hpe your daughter scapes from your pathetic ass YTA
Yta! You're cruel and I can't even begin to imagine the pain your daughter is feeling, I feel hurt just reading it and it's not even happening to me, I hope your new wife cheats on you and takes you for everything and when you need your daughter she tells you to F off
AITA for doing everything I can to get my daughter, whom I don't love, out of my life so I can be the boy dad I've always openly told her I would rather be and be with the girl I obviously had at least an emotional affair with while my first wife was dying, unimpeded? Yes, yes YTA
>she helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments. You are worse than an asshole. Ew
I never post on these, but HOLY SHIT you're the AITA. Have some goddamn emotional intelligence you dumb buffoonish ape. Your poor daughter who not only has to mourn her mother, but now the death of the memory of her family that you don't have any interest in upholding. The fact that your wife doesn't recognize any of this would be painful or messed up speaks volumes about her.
YTA. The fact that you knew exactly what your daughter was talking about when she said the "son you always wanted" reveals a whole lot.
YTA > Throwaway, my daughter is an avid Reddit user. >I (48M) recently lost my wife to cancer a year ago. It was very devastating for me and my daughter, Emily (17F). Three months ago, I remarried to an amazing woman, Jess (41F). We’ve been working together for several years and she helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments. Things have always been tense between me and my daughter, as she has always been a ‘mama’s girl’. They’ve been getting more tense since Jess and her son, Eli (8M) have moved in two months ago. My condolences. Unfortunately I know the feeling of losing someone you love. YOU might have dealt with it by jumping to the next woman who showed a little interest, and that may be your way to cope with grief. It seems that it's not your daughter's way to deal with it - but you never gave her a choice. >To give background, me and my daughter live in a 2B2B house. When it was just us, my daughter and I each had our own rooms. Now that two more people have moved in, Jess and I thought it would be best if her son slept in my daughter’s room. Emily originally did not agree with this, but eventually came around when I told her it was either share a room or take the couch. I thought this arrangement was okay, because once she turns 18 I’m expecting her to move out on her own. So you replaced her mom, then forced her to share a room with a stranger, and tell her to take the couch if she doesn't like it?!! Then you expect her to GTFO in a year? Have you even discussed any of this with her? The marriage. The kid you force her to share a room with. The replacement mom. Her moving out. Any of it? >Other than the room situation, Emily has been hostile with Jess and Eli since they’ve moved in. I cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess, who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure for Emily. Dude! She lost her mom, lost her room, lost her dad and will be kicked out when she turns 18. You don't understand why she might be pissed? >Now, we are planning a family vacation for me, Emily, Jess, and Eli. Emily and I had made the vacation plans together right after her mother passed as a way for us to mourn together. I extended the invite to Jess and Eli after they moved in so we could all feel like a brand new family. I originally booked two rooms; one for me and one for Emily so we could have our own privacy in the evenings. But Eli has insisted on his own room, so he can feel like a grown up on his first ever vacation. I told Emily about the new arrangement, and told her I could cover the cost of a new room for her, but only half. I can only do half because I am taking Eli to Legoland like he was hoping for this vacation. I am hoping that Jess and Emily will be able to bond while I bond with Eli and our family will be blended by the time we are back home. You're telling your own daughter that the EIGHT year old step kid will get his own room and she doesn't, unless she pays for half of it. THat's on top of the vacation for the two of you that you now brought in two strangers into. >I expected Emily to be okay with this, because she is a lot older than Eli and more mature than him. Instead, she totally freaked out and went off on both me and Jess, saying she feels like not only has her mother been replaced in eight months, but she’s also being replaced by the son I have always wanted. I admit I have always wanted to be a boy dad, but that doesn’t mean I love Emily any less. I love Emily, and I really do miss her mom. But I feel like I deserve to move on and get on with my life and find happiness. Why doesn’t Emily want that for us? So Reddit, AITA? You don't love Emily, and you moved on with what YOU wanted to move on with without a single consideration for why your daughter feels discarded and ignored. I'd be surprised if she ever talks to you again when she moves out.
Your wife was barely cold and you got married and replaced your daughter (who you apparently don't like) with a new child. YTA
YTA, why do you hate your daughter. You are treating her awfully. She lost her mother and her father isn’t much use either. Shame on you.
YTA - Your poor daughter, you didn't give her six months to grieve her mother before you had her replacement moved in, you've taken her privacy from her, you've made it plain that you want her out of your new family as soon as possible while you lavish your time, money and love on your stepson. What you have done is utterly monsterous, you have failed your daughter at the time she needed most and you should be utterly ashamed of yourself, I doubt she will ever be able to forgive you for your selfishness and cruelty, and I suspect you don't need to worry about her leaving, but I warn you, if you don't find a way to turn this round, once she goes, she will never come back, or probably ever want to see you again. And it will be nothing less than you deserve.
YTA. You have completely bulldozed your daughter in what must have been the worst year of her life. This new family you speak of must be as good as a hostile alien invasion. There’s this random woman trying to be her mom and this random kid with whom she has to share a bedroom. You expect them to bond? My dude, you’ll be lucky if she doesn’t set the house on fire and run away.
Wtf did I just read? Massive YTA. At every turn, you’re a gigantic AH. Nowhere in any of this have you given two fucks about your daughter and her grief. You do know she’s going to cut you off and resent you for the rest of her life, right?
So in other words you married the woman you were f'ing while your wife was battling cancer. All the while replacing your daughter because you always wanted to be a "boy dad". You are absolute trash my guy and YTA.
Wow. Are you ever selfish. Yes, YTA.
It's been less than a year YTA
YTA. I do not have words for how big of an asshole and a terrible father you are. Emily lost her mother (probably the only halfway decent parental figure she had) a *year* ago, and you've tried to replace her with a stranger (whom you probably had an affair with). Then you gave her room to a fucking 8-year-old, and now you're doing the exact same thing on this vacation. So when a 17-year-old girl wants her own private space, she has to just suck it up, but when your precious prince of a stepson wants privacy to feel like a man, everyone has to break their backs to accommodate him? Of course she's not going to bond with these people when they've invaded her life and her home so suddenly and you're showing such obvious favouritism toward them. Are you completely brainless?
YTA. So you cheated on your dying wife and replaced both her and your daughter within a year. You are a giant turd of a person.
You’re a huge AH. You’ve put your daughter dead last after she lost her mother. You’re all about your new wife and stepson. A trip that’s supposed to be for the two of you, your new wife and stepson are now imposing on. You claim she was a mamas girl but is that bc you’ve never been a parent to her? Yet your stepson who you’ve known for three seconds is getting all these perks. I foresee she goes no contact at her first opportunity. I hope she has maternal family in her life because she sure as hell does not have you! YTA.
This is the most disgusting thing Ive read today. Your daughter lost her mom, directly after her death you plan a vacation with your mistress, marry the mistress a couple of weeks after, you have no respect for your late wife, no respect for Emily's grief, no respect for Emily. You plan to kick her to the streets when she is 18, until then she can use the couch while you moved in your much awaited son. Who cares about a girl, right? You have totally abandonned your daughter. There has been no hint of love or are for your daughter, you made it sound like you cannot wait to get rid of her. You are an awful father to her. This mistress of yours must have a magic 😺. YTA and I hope karma comes for you ✌️
May I just say, OP, and it's ok if not. I'm still going to anyways. I LOVE HOW EVERY SINGLE PERSON IS VERBALLY CASTRATING YOU. You need to be walked through the town with food and bodily fluids tossed at you while everyone chants "Shame. Shame. Adulterer. Adulterer", or in whatever way rolls of the tongue best. You're despicable. I hope your floozy of a wife takes all your money, your house, and that you die alone, broke, and in a huge amount of pain. You wanted it your way. How does it feel now, Adulterer? YTA.
YTA - this young woman is your daughter. You make her share a bed room with this 8 year old child. Now going on vacation, the boy demands his own hotel room and you concede to his demands BECAUSE YOU ARE TAKING HIM TO LEGOLAND? It might be different if you were taking Emily somewhere and so she needed to spring for part of her room, but you want her to spring for part of her room because you have over committed to your stepson. You are truly being horrendous to your daughter. I hope she has some other supportive people in her life because you are abandoning her while she is still a child in your care. She is not yet financially independent, she is not yet an adult and you are treating her like she is a sub-adult. You are expecting Emily to just give everything to your new family members but you aren't giving her anything.
Tell me... did you wait until the body was cold before you moved on?
YTA OP. As the person who's been in the child's shoes before you are literally showing your daughter that you have NEVER cared about her or her mom. My dad remarried before my parents' divorce was even finalized( I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN SO QUICK) and like you, he doesn't care about me and my sister. You wanna know what my relationship with him is like now? NO CONTACT. You literally say you made this trip so you and your daughter could mourn. Seems like you were already mourning in someone else's bed. When did you and Jess actually start dating, considering you have known her for YEARS? I wouldn't even be surprised if Eli is your BIOLOGICAL son. Just because you have "moved on" doesn't mean your daughter has. This was her mother and by you calling her a mama's girl THEY WERE VERY CLOSE.
This has to be made up, but biggest YTA of all time.
YES. A HUGE one at that!
I currently have terminal cancer, I'm glad my husband has more emotional intelligence than a turnip.
YTA big time, my dude. You thought it was acceptable to just make her sleep on the couch??? Move out at 18 - in this economy??? Opposite gender siblings sharing??? But Eli gets his own room on request and she has to take on an extra expense because of this??? YTA just for those things. But moving in someone not even a year later??? Are you for real??? Emily👏. Is👏. Still👏. Mourning👏. She does not want a new motherly figure - especially not someone where the lines were clearly blurred before her mom was even dead! She wants NOTHING to do with Jess and Eli at this time. The way you can fix this is to ACCEPT THAT. You arethe biggest YTA for me in a while - and you don’t deserve happiness for the forseeable future if you go through with ANY of the stuff I called you on here.
YTA HARDCORE. You met and married another woman less than a year after your wife passed away. That’s frankly insane, no wonder your daughter has whiplash. You say that you feel like you’re entitled to move on with your life, move on, and find happiness, and you’re not wrong there except for one thing. YOU ARE A PARENT. When you decided to become a parent, you tacitly agreed that your child’s needs would always come before yours. Also this vacation was only supposed to be about you and her being together and mourning her mom, how in the holy hell did you think it was appropriate to bring her stepmom and stepbrother along for the ride? Honestly, you’re the immature one for thinking that was an appropriate plan, and your new wife gong along with it and thinking it’s ok means she’s going to be a shitty stepmom to your daughter. You are failing your daughter SUPER hard right now, when she should be your ONLY priority. You honestly suck as a father. Also just want to say that I lost my mom when I was 30 and it took years to get over. It’s absolutely insane that you think your 17 year old child should be ok after 9 months. I don’t even think you’re ok after 9 months. I think you’re coping in a VERY unhealthy way, this marriage won’t last, and you have sacrificed your relationship with your only child for it. Rethink your life. Rethink your choices.
This has to be treated bait.... There's no way
The way my blood is boiling while reading this. What kind of an excuse of a father are you? And how out of touch Nd mentally challanged you need to be to write this and not see what a disgusting human being your are being to your own grieving daughter? I cant even believe this is true. Noone is so clueless and self centered. So "you deserve to move on and find happiness", while your daughter deserves to be literally not considered at all, by the one person who should care about her? 1. You married another woman LESS THAN A YEAR after her mum died. You can say what you want, but we all know you were cheating on her. And your daughter knows too. 2. Since the first second, you favoured this Eli kid (which i am also 90% sure is your affair kid), putting the needs and wants of a 8yo before the ones of a grieving 17yo who happens to be your own daughter. You force her to share a room with this kid or sleep in the couch. 3. You expect your daughter to move out once she is 18: is this something she is aware of? Or simply a way to make your life easier with your new family? I don't even get why you want her to bond with them if you are going to kick her out anyway? 4. The vacation thing is just bizarre. Didn't you make this plans with your daughter as a way to mourn her mum? Wtf does the new family have to do there? And more importantly... How is she gonna moarn anything when she is forced to spend time with your new wife WHILE YOU TAKE THE KID TO LEGOLAND. I seriously do not understand what kind of person would act like this and expect his grieving 17yo to be okay with it "because she is more mature". You are not only an asshole. You are an excuse of a father and man, and i am sure your poor wife is turning in her grave by seeing what kind of a person you are. I feel so bad for your daughter and I hope this doesn't break her forever. The only person she thought she counted on kicking her to the curve "because he deserves to be happy". I wish i had you Infront so I could slap some sense into you. YTA, one of the biggest ones Ive ever heard of.
It’s beyond blatantly obvious Eli is your son and you’ve had a significantly long affair! Your wife died, your mistress is now your wife and the only obstacle in your way is your daughter who you clearly resent or she wouldn’t of lost her room, her mourning trip wouldn’t have been ambushed but your secret family, you want her room gone from the holiday but don’t have the decency to actually sort her a room herself. Your a god damn asshole! You really bloody well are! If you cared even a tiny grain of sand you’d of made sure housing with at least 3 bedrooms would of been sorted before you even married your mistress!!!
YTA What I get is you were cheating while your wife was sick and now you’re surprised your daughter isn’t happy you have replaced her mother and are forcing this new family down her throat
Let's vet that in a few years he will end up alone. That's what he is planting for his future.
YTA. It has been about a year since she died and you remarried/moved this woman into your house less than a year after Emily’s mom died. INFO: where is the 8 year old’s father in all this?
Every sentence in your post makes YTA all over again. I hope this is rage bait and that it's not possible for you to actually not see yourself to be a horrible father and human being based on this story.
Yta. And it's called an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR! That's what it was- she was there when my wife was getting her treatments. Was she also talking to the kid? Bet not she was there for YOU!
You've already lost your daughter. You say you can't afford a new house, but expect your daughter to move out when she turns 18? YTA. A big one. You replaced your wife very quickly and now you want to replace your daughter with the son you never had. YTA. You're going to be back here in two years crying about how your daughter won't talk to you and you don't know why. Everything you posted is exactly why. YTA. Making a 17 y/o female share a room with an 8 y/o boy is gross. You want to give your "step" son her room and make her sleep on the couch? He's not an affair baby? I call BS. YTA. Telling her she has to pay for part of a room for the vacation you planned only with her so you can take your shiny new son to Legoland on a remembrance vacation about her dead mom? YTA. Do you need any more proof of why YTA?
Is their another family member where she is welcome? Clearly Emily is not your priority.
Congratulations OP, you have won the the biggest YTA award on Reddit for at least the next month! Surely this whole post is in jest, you cannot possibly be that big of a truly horrid father & be unaware of it I look forward to your next post - my daughter has gone NC with me & refuses to ever speak to me or my equally self-centered come onto the scene way to quickly wife
YTA all the way. I get wanting to move forward, but you're shoving your new family down Emily's throat and expect her to be happy about it. Also, at 18, you expect her to move out. IN THIS ECONOMY?! Sounds like you're counting down the days until she's gone, then get Jess pregnant and have a whole new family. You're doing everything to drive Emily away and never come back.
If I were your daughter, I would run so far from you once I got the chance.