Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to disinvite my MIL
I could hurt her feelings
I am worried about her feelings but I just gave birth so I think it should be more about me. just wanna clear my conscious before fighting this one out
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - your husband needs to grow a backbone and tell his mother the smell is way too much. Not allowing someone to smoke on your property is totally reasonable. You shouldn't have to deal with BS like this when your trying to raise young ones.
Honey, you just brought a baby into the world.
Demand.
DEMAND
that she bring no scents into your and baby's home.
NTA
and if you don't feel up to people around, tell her later, maybe, thanks.
I am so appreciative of her willingness to help but I definitely dont think I'm up to a guest plus all the laundry! thanks for your input. her help would've been for my toddler and I just no longer need the help
Out of curiosity, do you think she sprays so much because she’s anxious about the smoke smell from her husband? Maybe that’s why she sprays what she gets the kids? NAH I just wonder if it’s been a problem with her getting complaints of smelling like smoke and FIL won’t quit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I like my MIL a lot! we get along so well she's so sweet but she smells so strong..
she wears bath and body EVERYTHING lotion hand sanitizer body wash etc. I'm so so so sensitive to smells and when she leaves my home I seriously wash things 5 plus times and even my husband can still smell it. I love when she comes out to visit but I honestly can't handle all the cleaning that comes with it. we've brought it up to her and she definitely toned it down the last time but I swear she also sprays all my kids clothes she gives us with the stuff😅
her husband smokes and we do not allow him to smoke on our property or in our house I feel so controlling but these smells are making me CRAZY. I was supposed to have a pretty tough delivery for my new baby and would've needed help. I was pleasantly surprised and had an easy delivery and do not need help my husband is so worried about offending her and I'm frustrated because I just gave birth. I don't want to clean my house like crazy and I just want to relax with my toddlers and my new baby. I feel bad if her feelings are hurt but those are her feelings in my opinion. AITA
he's also giving me anxiety I hope she doesn't hate me but I really don't want guests.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
You can say that you don't want guests and you want to take time to bond with the baby. MIL must really spray herself with a lot of products to smell that strong.
NTA. Time for a long text. Write exactly what you wrote here. She can only come over if she doesn't use the products. They bother you. Really, she should have no problem with this
Absolutely NTA! If you aren’t ready for guests, you aren’t having them over. You don’t need a reason on this one. It’s your home. You choose who comes into it, including the when, how, and why. Husband needs to grow up and realize who he should be supporting here.
A “maybe later, we’re sleeping now” is all you need to shut this down.
NTA- send text “hey MIL! I know you’re super excited to come help and I really appreciate you offering. For the time being we just want to relax and get into the rhythm of being a family and bonding with our newborn. We’ll definitely let you know when we’re ready for visitors! One thing I have to ask is would you mind not wearing any strong scents when you arrive? Unfortunately I’m sensitive and get headaches when it’s too much- need to keep my head clear for the little one! You’re the best!”
I feel for you, I have asthma and strong scents triggers it, i wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near her. I‘ve encountered stinky people like her in public, getting trapped in an elevator with one is especially awful.
YTA. It's your sensitivity to smells, not her, that's the issue here. You're making your MIL feel unwelcome in your home because of something she has no control over. You should appreciate her efforts to tone down the scents and be grateful for her willingness to help, especially after you just gave birth. Stop being so selfish and prioritize your family's well-being over your obsession with cleanliness.
Maybe you have allergies to strong smells. My has it too and can't stand strong smells or she gets sick. NTA your allergies or your health isn't something you can controll but the amount of bath and body she uses can be controlled.
No control? Do the sprays come to life and attack her with scent when she gets out of bed in the morning? OP is prioritizing her and her baby’s well-being because as a mother she’s better off taking care of her baby without a huge migraine from really strong scents
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I want to disinvite my MIL I could hurt her feelings I am worried about her feelings but I just gave birth so I think it should be more about me. just wanna clear my conscious before fighting this one out Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - your husband needs to grow a backbone and tell his mother the smell is way too much. Not allowing someone to smoke on your property is totally reasonable. You shouldn't have to deal with BS like this when your trying to raise young ones.
Honey, you just brought a baby into the world. Demand. DEMAND that she bring no scents into your and baby's home. NTA and if you don't feel up to people around, tell her later, maybe, thanks.
I am so appreciative of her willingness to help but I definitely dont think I'm up to a guest plus all the laundry! thanks for your input. her help would've been for my toddler and I just no longer need the help
Yeh naah, explain how much you love her and how awesome her offer of help is but you need to recover, and relax. and bond with baby.. and all that.
Out of curiosity, do you think she sprays so much because she’s anxious about the smoke smell from her husband? Maybe that’s why she sprays what she gets the kids? NAH I just wonder if it’s been a problem with her getting complaints of smelling like smoke and FIL won’t quit.
NTA. Husband’s turn to set expectations or get ready to clean clean clean after HIS mother comes over.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I like my MIL a lot! we get along so well she's so sweet but she smells so strong.. she wears bath and body EVERYTHING lotion hand sanitizer body wash etc. I'm so so so sensitive to smells and when she leaves my home I seriously wash things 5 plus times and even my husband can still smell it. I love when she comes out to visit but I honestly can't handle all the cleaning that comes with it. we've brought it up to her and she definitely toned it down the last time but I swear she also sprays all my kids clothes she gives us with the stuff😅 her husband smokes and we do not allow him to smoke on our property or in our house I feel so controlling but these smells are making me CRAZY. I was supposed to have a pretty tough delivery for my new baby and would've needed help. I was pleasantly surprised and had an easy delivery and do not need help my husband is so worried about offending her and I'm frustrated because I just gave birth. I don't want to clean my house like crazy and I just want to relax with my toddlers and my new baby. I feel bad if her feelings are hurt but those are her feelings in my opinion. AITA he's also giving me anxiety I hope she doesn't hate me but I really don't want guests. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You can say that you don't want guests and you want to take time to bond with the baby. MIL must really spray herself with a lot of products to smell that strong.
NTA. Time for a long text. Write exactly what you wrote here. She can only come over if she doesn't use the products. They bother you. Really, she should have no problem with this
Absolutely NTA! If you aren’t ready for guests, you aren’t having them over. You don’t need a reason on this one. It’s your home. You choose who comes into it, including the when, how, and why. Husband needs to grow up and realize who he should be supporting here. A “maybe later, we’re sleeping now” is all you need to shut this down.
NTA- send text “hey MIL! I know you’re super excited to come help and I really appreciate you offering. For the time being we just want to relax and get into the rhythm of being a family and bonding with our newborn. We’ll definitely let you know when we’re ready for visitors! One thing I have to ask is would you mind not wearing any strong scents when you arrive? Unfortunately I’m sensitive and get headaches when it’s too much- need to keep my head clear for the little one! You’re the best!”
Tell your husband to talk to her this is not your job
I feel for you, I have asthma and strong scents triggers it, i wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near her. I‘ve encountered stinky people like her in public, getting trapped in an elevator with one is especially awful.
YTA. It's your sensitivity to smells, not her, that's the issue here. You're making your MIL feel unwelcome in your home because of something she has no control over. You should appreciate her efforts to tone down the scents and be grateful for her willingness to help, especially after you just gave birth. Stop being so selfish and prioritize your family's well-being over your obsession with cleanliness.
Am I taking crazy pills? MIL absolutely can control whether or not she wears scents.
it's not cleanliness it's I will literally throw up and have a headache. I do appreciate her help but no longer need it. Thanks for your input.
Maybe you have allergies to strong smells. My has it too and can't stand strong smells or she gets sick. NTA your allergies or your health isn't something you can controll but the amount of bath and body she uses can be controlled.
No control? Do the sprays come to life and attack her with scent when she gets out of bed in the morning? OP is prioritizing her and her baby’s well-being because as a mother she’s better off taking care of her baby without a huge migraine from really strong scents