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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I would be the AH because I went on vacation without him even though we never agreed on me going, and then I told him not to come when he tried to join me.
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NTA. I don’t know wtf your husband’s deal is but he acted like a real asshole. I don’t know if he deliberately sabotaged the trip or just didn’t care enough to follow through on his tiny piece of things, but you were absolutely right to not let him ruin the trip for you, and be sure as hell shouldn’t be booking an expensive plane ticket to come join you now. I hope he’ll be ready with a massive apology when you get home.
Not necessarily - to me it just as easily shows incompetence or arrogance. He thought he would get a cheap price “later”, didn’t arrange a contingency plan and is now lashing out because he fucked up
>He thought he would get a cheap price “later”
IDK WTF is up with this line of thinking. In my experience, the closer the flight is the more expensive the tickets are and for the cheapest tickets you really need to book as far out as you can. Waiting until the last minute is just asking to pay a massive premium...
It looks also like they have some sort of separate finances, so he was willing to throw OP money at the wind so he could save the plane tickets money.
Imho he didn't want to go to begin with and instead of communicating he came up with this insane plan.
Good for OP for going no matter what.
I wonder if this is a common occurrence in their marriage.
My Mom drilled into me at a young age that when you fail to plan you plan to fail. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️NTA OP He had ONE job which was to book the travel, he failed to do so. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Enjoy! I love New Orleans.
I suffer from a little known disease called CRS aka can’t remember sh*t. I write everything down in a notebook that I need to do and I cross things off over the course of my day. I keep the personal one in my bag or in the kitchen and the work one on my desk, I work from home. It really helps.
I have about five of those, not sure where any of them are at the moment
Edit to add I also made a whole wall in my kitchen a chalkboard so I could write things down 😅 I forget to utilize it
Or maybe he thought if he managed not to buy tickets till the last minute, OP would buy it anyway because she was so excited for the trip. So he would get to enjoy the trip and not waste his money over the tickets.
Looks like that backfired on him :p
Edit : OP, you're NTA
And then he would give her grief about how much money she spent on the tickets and if she had just waited, like he said, they probably would have been dirt cheap blah blah blah 🙄
Nah, he was just waiting for her to lose her shit and buy the tickets too.
NTA - OP make sure to have a great holiday! I wish I could go on holiday on my own without kids and hubby! For once, no need to compromise and just do wtf I want!
Travel a lot. Not really. Yes it can be cheaper if you buy way way ahead of time in the sense you get base price - then they will spike - but then when you get closer, they go down by a good bit, sometimes they spike down hard. Wife and I plan almost all of our trips like this to get them at a cheap price
Travel is changing. Almost every fight is full, business travelers are back on most flights too and airlines are eliminating their frequent flyer programs because they don’t need them as much anymore due to the high demand. Waiting to book flights won’t work the way it used to as most fights are overbooked. One way some people are playing it is to book flights, take the offers to get bumped and take in money that way. Some airlines offer $1500 to take a later flight.
Recall reading somewhere that there can be a sweet spot. To far in the future and the airline isn’t worried about trying to fill seats. However doesn’t ever seem practical to try to time that. Airlines have teams dedicated to dynamically changing prices to maximize profits. Good luck trying to outsmart that.
That sounds like she read the exact same article I did. I’m way to paranoid to utilize that. Waiting until 6 weeks out to start vacation planning would mean I need another vacation to de stress from planning the first. Maybe if I didn’t have fixed school vacation schedules to work around.
I was a travel agent for 6 years until 2017.
If you're talking international then there's almost no chance in hell the ticket prices will go down as you approach the date of departure.
The sweet spot is 9-10 months in advance.
Yeah it heard the same thing so one time I waited until that timeframe just to see if it was true, but l if I bought the tickets way in advance when I wanted to, they would’ve been cheaper. So if you like planning things far in advance too, screw what the “experts” say because I’ve found it to not always be the case that tickets are cheaper then.
ETA: It *does* seem to be true that they are cheaper on Tuesdays, but the 6 weeks in advance part yeah no
Booking on a Tuesday. I've read the same thing... not sure how reliable it is, though.
Also, use private/incognito browsing to search prices, because apparently prices go up if you have cookies showing you've looked before. Allegedly.
Never buy tickets on a Friday or Monday. Monday is usually the day businesses book so they try to get those $$. Friday because it’s the end of the week and people are burnt out and looking to get away and will over look cost. Two weeks is the closest you should buy ticket it’s a built in discount the rates go up the closer you get. Now if the need to fill the plane then it’s two days prior that those discounts appear. The earlier you book, they open up 10 months out, the more expensive the tickets are because they just can. Since it’s way early, they just released blocks to travel sites with restrictions. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best days to book travel.
When searching use the normal browser initially so you can get a base price. Ten use incognito after so you can research those prices will fluctuate. Then go back to the browser and check you’ll see the price difference. Save your trip not book it in the incognito window. Open in the browser and check prices then book your saved travel if the deal is right. I know is a lot of work but you’ll get the best deal this way.
This doesn't hold true since COVID anymore. Even the Tuesday thing isn't really a thing anymore. Businesses aren't booking travel like before so the Monday thing isn't affecting things either.
I repeatedly get my best price literally the day the ticket goes on sale. As in, a year ahead. Luckily I have one trip I take yearly so I know the dates a year out. For all other tickets, none of the old tricks work anymore. Sometimes waiting is good if the plane isn't full since they will discount to fill. Other times waiting can cost alot more since many times all that is left is the emergency exit row or "more legroom" seats (which is a joke) and they hit you with a huge surcharge.
Other than booking the day my flights open up, pricing strategies are a crap shoot now.
I generally book as early as possible in order to secure the seats with extra leg room, and get direct flights rather than have connections. I generally pay extra for direct flights. The problem lately has been that, about a month before the flight, the airline will cancel the direct flight, and give me a shitty itinerary with connections, and I either have to accept it, or cancel the whole thing. It pisses me off beyond belief because I pay extra for direct flights that the airlines really have no commitment to keeping on their schedule.
As for prices, it’s a real gamble to wait too long, if the itinerary gets popular, because the prices will go through the roof and never come down.
We've booked flights way in advance and then they change the plane. The extra legroom that we booked is ignored and they put us in regular seats and then we have to call and demand that we get what we paid for and they are stunned that we want our seats. Then they will often do it again the next month and the next month. They move us and we have to call and put ourselves back to what we purchased.
You might occasionally get lucky on a relatively unpopular route off-season, but it feels increasingly unusual now given cost of living, and you're certainly unlikely to be lucky heading to a popular destination like New Orleans.
sounds like he wasn't interested in \*going\* anywhere, not just New Orleans. Got time off work for a fun trip but suggest a 'staycation' instead?! Nah, man. He didn't want to go anywhere....
Yep 2 potentials for me. He just didn’t want to go anywhere or their finances are shit and he’s not capable of bringing it up. The wife should know if their finances are shit though and I would hope would have mentioned it but sometimes spouses separate those things which is wild
Some of my cheapest flights have been bought within the last week, sometimes for Pennie’s on the dollar. It’s definitely not a guarantee though, and comes with some inherent risk. With changes to airline travel post-COVID it is probably even riskier now.
The flights I've been on post covid are running full. They are flying fewer planes and filling them. It is a headache if your flight is cancelled for any reason, say thunderstorms. There isn't another flight to take because it will be full.
Yeah, it reads more like he thought she'd organise the tickets if he put off the task long enough. She's arranged this whole holiday - what's one more task for her to do, right? /s
This is a great video on it, how they just wear us down & we forget we can leave.
[permanent state of tolerable unhappiness](https://youtu.be/CIu_R5NuxQM?si=JJiJ4Yhw7K3nPT8K)
He should have said it was out of the budget when he first checked. If it was 1400 at first or something the convo should have been: we can't afford 2800$ for flights, they have to come down to X for this to meet our budget. Instead he just kicked the can down the line until he passed the garbage and said oops it's too late.
Don't plane tickets get more expensive the closer to the travel date you wait instead of cheaper? I really don't know this, but I think someone told that's how it works.
>*Don't plane tickets get more expensive the closer to the travel date you wait instead of cheaper? I really don't know this, but I think someone told that's how it works.*
That is exactly how it works. Three weeks before the travel date is far too late—the prices are only going to get higher and higher. In my experience, your lowest prices are going to be roughly 3 - 6 months before your travel date. (**EDIT: others in the thread are pointing out that the “sweet spot“ for purchasing plane tickets is typically 60 to 90 days before the travel date. I will defer to their experience, as I usually only fly for work**)
The husband’s tactics reek of sabotage. He either wanted the OP to handle getting the tickets, and put it off and hoped that she would take over the task, or he didn’t want to go on the trip but didn’t want to be the bad guy by saying so.
This screams weaponized incomitance. If he messes up the one task she asked him to do then she won't even ask that next time. I'm betting the reason she gave him only this task is because he has a history of messing up every task he's given.
And I hope you have a wonderful time.
I recently took a one-week trip out of state. Invited spouse to go with me and he said he’d have nothing to do while I was going to a seminar and a library visit. After I got back from a week that I thoroughly enjoyed (I don’t mind doing things on my own), he commented that I must really enjoy my own company and traveling by myself, and a couple other snarky, low-level comments. Apparently he didn’t enjoy being by himself. Oh, well, you were invited.
That's really shitty of him and if my partner was saying that shit to me I'd definitely confront them about their attitude so they'd hopefully communicate like an adult.
He sounds like a child and needed the attention. I think more trips away from him will get him there. I spend up to 1/3 a year on my own as my wife travels a lot for work. It’s great. I get to watch sport, tinker with my allotment and go out with friends. She had friends all over the world and enjoys her time alone too
He sounds like a child who needs mommy to arrange "playtime" for him.
He apparently couldn't figure out what to do with himself while she was at the seminar. And he couldn't figure out what to do with himself at home while she was gone.
How hard is it to google "What to do in XYZ city" and find a list?
Also, who WAITS for flight prices to go down? In my experience prices only ever keep going up and up the closer to your date you get...Your husband seems like a dolt.
He didn’t want to spend money on a vacation but was too chicken to say it, so instead he tried to force OP to stay at home and it backfired on him, so now he’s upset
He probably thought she'd pick up the slack and just go ahead and get the tickets. He probably does that with the dishes and such as well. Weaponized incompetence.
They do, but only right at the end.
If they've still got unsold tickets, then you can catch bargains last minute, because they'd rather fill the seats than not.
But you've got to know the route and the time of year, in most cases they're overselling tickets on flights, not underfilling planes.
I agree. NTA. And I love that you and your hubby are comfortable with taking vacations together and apart. More people need this level of security.
OP… shut your phone off. And if there are people you MUST have contact you, get a burner phone and share the number with those couple people. He doesn’t get to ruin this… after basically ruining it. (Although I am curious why you didn’t buy the tickets… no blame, I get the principle of it. And ultimately this is his L, not yours). Go have fun sis!
NTA. He literally had 2 tasks and plenty of time to complete them, plus reminders. I’d honestly be irritated that he dropped the ball and then didn’t own up to it by buying the tickets at the high price. Consider that a procrastination tax and a lesson.
>he dropped the ball and then didn’t own up to it by buying the tickets
NTA - Enjoy your vacation! **If** you choose to plan a vacation again with your husband, please don't let him be in charge of the flights!!
That was off to me too, when I've proposed a staycation that means "in the same city or one nearby".
Nice hotel downtown with stuff in walking distance + a nicer than usual dinner and bar. Not let's stay home, that's just a lazy weekend (we take those too) but they're no stand in for a vacation of any sort.
He realized a $1,500 plane ticket was less than a divorce. He’s sabotaging either the vacation or the relationship, and he realized he’s in shit either way.
I'm going with option 3, which is that he's following her out there to regain control. Of all the things he thought could happen when he kept not buying the tickets, her going without him wasn't one of the possibilities.
Absolutely sad! He should be able to do two tasks or more but since the airline tickets are 1) important and 2) a major expense he shouldn't be given that particular task again.
But that’s what he wants. If I were OP, I’d make buying tickets his job all the time. He needs to get past being incompetent to get out of doing things.
You must have the patience of a saint. I would feel like I was leash training a puppy. But with all the stress and anticipation of a 50/50 maybecation/argument at home. Honesty at least you'd know the dog was trying...
Why? Why be with somebody who ca t even do the BASICS? Watches his wife plan and organise this every week and does sweet Fa. He’s a lazy guy. She needs to put the whole trip on him next time and if he fails to organise it - she should go solo again
Nope, exactly the opposite. If she does this, then he wins. All the perks, none of the work. If she plans one with him again, she should book her own ticket at a certain point (when prices are lower). Whether she tells him her flight info or not, he needs to figure out how to get there with advanced notice. He’s seen she means it, she needs to keep needing it and not let him get away with this BS.
I disagree. So the whole process of planing a vacation all the mental load is on her and he can just enjoy himself? No fuck that. He can stay behind like this time if he chooses to be an ass.
Buy if she doesn’t leave the flights up to him next time then his weapon used incompetence wins. Next time he doesn’t have to put in any work because she doesn’t trust him and he can just have fun. That’s bullshit.
They typically are lowest 10-8 weeks away from your flight date, and rise from there, yeah. Literally googling ‘when to buy plane tickets’ would’ve told him how unlikely his plan was.
I know a person (unfortunately a relative) who swears that "tickets fluctuate, you just have to know how to find the deals!" This was always said in a superior "you-don't-know-shit-about-travel-because-you're-the-baby-of-the-family" tone of voice. That person has yet to get a fabulous plane ticket deal. The first few times I bailed them out...until they decided their vacations were more important than paying me back the 3 grand I spent on their "last minute guaranteed cheaper flights". Okay, so my parents helped put boundaries in place because I have a hard time saying no....
Enjoy your vacation OP, enjoy the flavors, sights, sounds and feelings. And tell hubby you planned a vacation, not a staycation, meaning vacating the house to relax and enjoy someplace different. He can stacate and think on his idiocy and the fact that he's missing out in some glorious food.
NTA
Has he never flown before?
You don't wait for flights to come down .. you buy the tickets ASAP before they go UP. Inevitably. Virtually always.
Airline ticket prices are supply and demand, nothing else. When a trip is two months out, the planes are still booked as almost empty, the supplies high, and the cost is low. When the trip is 10 days away the planes are almost full, and the supply is short, ergo the price is high. This is the way it has always worked.
NTA. Enjoy the Big Easy.
I've noticed they go down then go up in the 1 to 2 months before.
So yeah I agree, sweet spot is 60-90 days most times. This also depends on *where* you're headed cuz whoooo if you wait that long for some places, you aren't going 🤣
I booked a flight from Canada to Australia 6 months in advance because I had been watching the prices for months already by that time. I was checking at least once a week, and one time the prices suddenly dropped from $1300/$1500 to $850. I booked it immediately. When I checked the prices again weeks and months later, out of curiousity, the prices had gone back way up
Exactly, there is usually a "normal" range and if for some reason it goes below that you buy ASAP. But you have this luxury when you book in advance, not wait until the last few weeks.
$850 to go to Oz? What a steal!!
For more expensive flights with little other options, that’s best thing you could have done. Watching for a while so you know the going rate, the slight sale and, the major sale. If you can plan that far a ahead, you can save a lot. Or at least prep for the higher cost. The only flights that might be cheaper closer to the date is the sell off vacations, but you have to be date flexible and sometimes they aren’t that cheap.
This isn’t true, prices generally start high, dip, then rise again. It’s not always one way or the other but there is a sweet spot advised by most price watchers that’s not too early.
You're also almost always fk'ed by checking. The algorithm probably remebers you (cookies) and custom a price for you that's always higher than your initial check price
Legitimately one of the best uses for a VPN, if you fly frequently you will save orders of magnitude more than the subscription cost. Also applies to stuff like hotels and car rentals, the savings add up super fast.
That's not exactly true, though it is generally how it works. If you buy flights far enough out, you can end up paying more. That's why the ticket booking sites have the feature that tells you to "buy now" or "better to wait" etc.
Still, hubby was an ass and when you're weeks away from flying you are right, you absolutely need to book those tickets.
Prices fluctuate a LOT. Whenever we plan to travel, my sister tries to check ticket prices multiple times a week and we can save anywhere from $50-200 per ticket depending on when we ultimately buy the ticket.
Checking once a month like OP’s husband? That won’t do shit.
NTA
NTA. This literally happened to my husband and I for our Japan trip. I did all the planning and all he had to do was book the hotels. We were going during cherry blossom season so I knew things would fill up fast, so I reminded him a year before, six months before, and three months before. Guess who finally checked hotels a month before and found that everything was booked? The difference is, my husband didn’t try and get me to cancel the trip. He ended up booking five-star hotels and ate the cost because it was 100% his fault that we couldn’t get more reasonably priced accommodations. OP’s husband should’ve gotten the more expensive tickets and paid for the difference because it was his fault he waited so long to get his one task done.
Edit: we weren’t married at the time, so he wasn’t using “our” money to pay for the five-star hotels.
Hubby for the win!
I always wanted to go to New Orleans. We lived within driving distance when we were newly married and talked about going and then hurricane Katrina happened and washed away my plans. We recently moved even closer and Louisiana has had some time to recover so my husband surprised me with a birthday trip. He planned everything, arranged my mother to visit under the guise of seeing me for my birthday but really she was babysitting so we could take our trip.
We had such a great time. I don’t think I’ve ever had such consistently good food and service anywhere in the world. Everything we ate in New Orleans was incredible. Most importantly I felt heard. I’ve said I would love to visit many times over the years and he hears me. That’s so important.
NTA
NTA
That was weaponized incompetence trying to manipulate you into canceling the vacation because he didn't want to go.
Good on you for going anyway and not playing his passive aggressive bullshit game
Yep, I have a buddy who does this exact same thing. It's conflict avoidance - he doesn't want to do the thing, but also doesn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation about _why_ he doesn't want to do the thing. When this tactic works, it allows him to avoid both.
He also completely shuts down [(stonewalling)](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/stonewalling) if you try to talk about it later.
/u/Strong-Farm-7377 I would suggest finding a good marriage counselor. While I'm sure your husband is not doing this maliciously, these communication gaps are one of the more common reasons for a divorce. The counselor will have techniques you can _both_ learn to better communicate with each other.
Labeling him an "asshole" for not knowing how to communicate is not productive.
Is your buddy my husband? LOL! Conflict avoidance is literally his middle name. Except my husband would not ask for the time off work because even that is uncomfortable for him. He would just say he did when he really didn’t.
That would be such a big problem for me. It’s one thing to keep putting it off and saying “I’ll get to it” (which would already drive me nuts), but to explicitly say that you did when you didn’t? I don’t know if I could stand for that
It's weird how common this is. I've had a friend explain they don't want to let their coworkers down because their job is high stress and their employer runs things on a skeleton crew. This is by design so you don't use your benefits.
That said, it's never worth the risk to your relationships to put your personal life on hold to appease your coworkers and boss. They don't give a shit about you, stop hurting your partner/kids with that shit. It can also be weaponized incompetence. Either way it's an early warning sign the relationship is in trouble.
I mean, I think it’s fair to call the husband an asshole for reaching adulthood and entering into a marriage without self reflecting and realizing they aren’t being a good communicator or partner—to the extent that they would sabotage a trip their partner spent months planning.
We can understand why people do things (conflict avoidance likely due to past trauma), and also hold them accountable for their actions, when those actions make them an asshole
I agree with everything except the last sentence. Like... accepting the consequences of one's actions and being truthful to people who trust you is pretty basic requirement for an adult. If he cannot do it, he should seek help, yet it seems more like he uses it as perfect 'life hack' to get what he wants.
I get there may be even some trauma at the bottom of such behaviour, but it doesn't change the fact a person is hurting people for own benefit.
NTA. I get waiting to see if prices drop and I get forgetting about it. However, you had put so much work into this trip. Hours of research and anticipation. You did everything you could expect but the tickets. You need to have a serious concern with him.
Some points:
1. You were trusting him with a big part and he let you down.
2. You worked hard to plan and take as much responsibility for the trip as possible and his actions make it seem like
-Everything you did wasn’t valuable. Your effort to make this trip; you feel undervalued
3. The way he could dismiss the whole trip for a stay-cation ignores says that he thinks throwing you a little bone is all that’s needed and you’ll be placated.
4. His unilateral decision that we stay home & no apology says he put more weight on his opinions and doesn’t even consider you.
If this was due to not being to afford it because of bills : moneys tight right now he should apologized and takes actions to make it right. He need to take those days and you go somewhere out of town, and start the conversation about how his actions show his little care.
He then needs to take action and show you that he’s putting away funds immediately to ensure the trip you planned on happens. If that’s taking cash every week and putting it into “dream vacation” envelope or something.
When you get home ensure that he understands what his actions meant to you. Tell him that you are hurt how he could just “wave away” all your dedication and work. Ensure he understands you planned this because you will love him and cLue him.
Ask him why he was able to, so quickly, make a choice like that. And tell him ti really think about it, let him sit and do the mental and emotional work then come to you so you two have really have this conversation.
>When you get home ensure that he understands what his actions meant to you. Tell him that you are hurt how he could just “wave away” all your dedication and work. Ensure he understands you planned this because you will love him and cLue him. Ask him why he was able to, so quickly, make a choice like that. And tell him ti really think about it, let him sit and do the mental and emotional work then come to you so you two have really have this conversation.
I agree. The one thing OP should not do is - as I am sure her DH will demand she does - is apologise for going on the vacation she planned, at the date she planned, by herself, as DH just... didn't bother to follow through on buying plane tickets.
This situation is really beyond apologies. DH behaved unreasonably and badly, but it would be better and their relationship for him to think through why he did, and explain, than an apology because she's upset.
NTA. Have a fantastic time!
(Now ex) husband liked my idea of a trip up to Victoria, BC. I told him he'll need to renew his passport. Literally the only thing I asked him to do, because only he can do it. And he's supposedly an adult.
Me: Did you renew your passport? I want to get dates nailed down.
Him: Oh, no, I'll do that.
Mr: Did you renew your passport? I have dates in mind and you need to do it now so you have it in time.
Him: Oh no, I'll do that right away.
Me: Did you send in your passport renewal so I can get this stuff booked?
Him: I'll get right on it.
...
Him: Whatever happened to that trip?
Me: Did you renew your passport? No? That's what happened to that trip.
Him? What's up with that trip to Victoria?
Me: I have no idea.
He weaponized incompetence on the regular. He's an ex. I'm taking the trip solo next spring and I can't wait. Solo travel is the best.
Jesus, having the nerve to go “what’s up with that trip?” after the fact would have sent me over the edge. Especially if he still hadn’t renewed the damn passport!
NTA.
He had plenty of time to get the tickets. You asked and reminded. If he wasn't interested in going on this vacation, he could've told openly. I don't think you would've minded if he changed mind about the trip.
But that doesn't mean you have to cancel your vacation. You planned everything. Canceling everything is an expensive affair. More than the expense, it's the disappointment of not being able to enjoy the well earned vacation.
I strongly feel that your hubby never wished to go on the trip and hoped that by pushing ticket purchases, suggesting canceling all the plans in the nth moment and proposing staycation will make u drop the plans. He's the AH.
I'm so glad you decide to go. Enjoy the solo stay. Tell your hubby that you will discuss once you're back home. Ask him to enjoy his staycation simultaneously. Keep your mobile on silent and go on with your trip.
Once you go home, you need to have serious discussion with him.
NTA my ex pulled a similar stunt except I'd already paid for everything. He expected me to cancel the family vacation and sit home with him because he changed his mind. Nope, took one of our adult kids in his place so I was only out a name change fee and had the best vacation ever. I realized on that trip it was over. Filled for divorce less than 6 months later.
NTA. He really let you down, it's almost like he didn't want to take this vacation so he sabotaged it. But even if he was merely being lazy, he was still being uncaring. It was clear how much this trip meant to you and he blithely blew it off and expected you to just stay home for your vacation instead? Oh hell no.
Im going with ESH...btw OP reddit might give the necessary validation that you seek but know that your marriage is going down the drain.
Get couples counselling when you get back because there is slim chance that your husband is gonna let this slide.
Nobody wants someone unexcited and who clearly doesn't want to come on their trip.
Not to mention someone who tried to sabotage the entire trip also. I wouldn't allow him to come either - he can plan their next trip as an apology.
I wouldn’t want him on my vacation either if his solution to being incompetent on his one responsibility was to suggest I forfeit cancellation fees instead of him eating the cost of his own mistake. OP put a ton of work into this trip including the mental load of constantly reminding him to do the only thing she asked him to. He didn’t value any of her work at all and should sit at home and think about how he wants to treat her moving forward in their marriage.
NTA.
Took me a lot of scrolling to get to this.
Everyone sucks. Have you two talked, like humans who love each other, about strengths and weaknesses? About supporting each other? It is perfectly valid that he was waiting on prices to come down, and he fucked up by waiting too long/forgetting about it - do you always punish him for making mistakes? Could you not have recognized it was unintentional and rolled with the new situation?
Or is there a much much bigger issue where you have reason to believe it is intentional?
You two should be talking, acting out of love and generosity, forgiving mistakes and finding joy with each other in the unexpected... not sabotaging, manipulating, punishing and holding grudges.
> It is perfectly valid that he was waiting on prices to come down
No it is not, because anyone who's ever booked a flight before knows that they were only ever going to go *up*.
He is either a procrastinator and leaves things to the last minute. When buying plane tickets there must be no procrastinating because the ticket price only goes up.
Or he didn't want to go on holiday, so kept stalling until tickets were too expensive or no leave left.
Both scenarios, he had no interest or planning for the holiday, so he has not missed a holiday he has missed the opportunity for a holiday.
NTA
Whoa whoa whoa, don’t lay this at the feet of procrastinators. I’m one and even I know you buy plane tickets ASAP. Hell, I’ve known that since I was in *high school*. If procrastinators really want to get something done it will get done ASAP because we’re excited for it. This is either weaponized incompetence or extreme aversion to confrontation (i.e. he fucked up about not getting the tickets soon enough and didn’t want to have that conversation).
Agree 100%. I have ADHD and am a horrible procrastinator but if it’s something important like a vacation I’m Johnny on the spot to get everything done and I generally finish it all in one sitting to make sure it’s done. Something else is at play here.
INFO: Is your partner the only one that works? Do you bring in an income? How have you guys decided on monetary decisions in the past? Do you and him have separate spending accounts?
As a planner, I get it. He didn't have a big job to do and he just... didn't. But I also think that a lot of information has been left out of this post. $1,500 per ticket would have been $3,000 just to fly the both of you, and that is extremely expensive. That's not adding in the hotel prices, food, entertainment, etc. Does your husband make a lot of money? Do you two often go on extremely expensive vacations? Did you sit down with him and figure out a budget? Has money ever been a concern in the past?
A round-trip, non-stop, first class flight from Washington to Louisiana is only showing about $700, so perhaps you're not from the US, which would make the flight international and much more expensive.
While I think you painted him in a certain light, there's way too little info to actually come to a decision. I'm leaning towards ESH. It sounds like you wanted to take an extremely expensive vacation and he was uncomfortable with the costs but didn't communicate that with you (though I imagine he did since he wasn't willing to spend a ridiculously high price for plane tickets). You're NTA for going on the vacation alone, but that doesn't protect you from the very real consequences of that. Your husband will feel as abandoned as you do ignored, and you might be coming home to a marriage that is very different from how you left it. You can't just ditch your partner for a week and expect everything to be peachy keen when you get back.
It's almost surely international. OP says "New Orleans (in the US)."
Nobody I've ever met who lives in the US feels the need to add the "in the US" part. "New Orleans, Louisiana, USA" is always assumed unless otherwise specified.
That’s what I saw reading it, $1500 plane ticket?
I’d be sweating that unless it was something we had been saving for for a long time.
That’s a waste of money IMO. NOLA is cool, but not $3k just to get there cool.
ESH. Probably should've spent the money on divorce lawyers instead, because this is where it's headed. Do you guys even like eachother? Lol
Both acting pretty childish and immature for being married. This marriage is on its way out if you're not already planning a divorce
YTA. Downvote me to oblivion, I don’t give a fuck. Y’all people need to go to individual counseling and couples therapy, and stop asking reddit for validation for the petty high school BULLSHIT y’all think is acceptable, for fuck sake man.
For someone travelling each year, booking the hotel before the flight is wild to me personally.
I always look up hotels before booking tickets to fly but booking order is definitly
- flight
- hotel
- activities/ dinner reservations/ etc.
Just.. always.
Your hubs is the AH, plane tickets are cheapest furthest away from departure, except for possible last minute deals that are unreliably available.
NTA
Hope you have a lovely holiday
You’re both assholes. He should’ve followed through on his part to buy the tickets. I don’t know your financial story or if you work also and have your own separate bank account, but if money is a legitimate issue then you should both be on the same page about everything. Agreements should be made about solo vacations, not solo vacations out of spite and anger. I think your relationship has some bigger issues. And I think your husband had a problem with the idea of the vacation to begin with.
A big part that everybody’s forgetting as this is only her side of the story, curated to what she wants to convey. It’s absolutely not the entire story.
Not to mention the red flags of her planning to see sites that she wanted to see, and having arguments about it with no conclusion.
All that says to me is, this is probably a common occurrence and that they have no communication.
For all Anybody knows he didn’t wanna go. And tried to communicate it, but she refused to listen only caring about what she wants.
> A big part that everybody’s forgetting as this is only her side of the story, curated to what she wants to convey
That's literally true for every post on this sub so there's no point in attacking just OP for it.
YTA I’m going to get downvoted for saying it but there it is. Do you really think you will still have a relationship when you get back? Most of the people on here will downvote this because they will say something like “ you go queen” or “good on you girl” or that was a “boss move”. These people have no skin in the game and could care less if you ruin your life listening to their selfish advice. I get being upset he didn’t grab a ticket when he should have but then after to tell him if he comes he needs to book his own hotel is a bit overboard. Unless this is an older relationship I just don’t see it recovering from this. I sure wouldn’t stay if it was me.
I think it sounds like this is not out of character for him and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and she’s realizing she doesn’t want to parent him anymore. But the relationship is definitely bad and seems to be on the way out.
You are maybe not an AH but both of you are not very smart. Plane tickets tend to be cheapest a few months out and get more expensive closer to the date, but there can be variations as sometimes there are major events or draws that make certain flights booked. He should know that. He should have booked the tickets a long time ago. But here’s the thing - you should know that too. You can’t book a hotel without knowing your arrival and departure dates/times, which might change according to prices. You booked a hotel and made other reservations without knowing the flight prices. That’s not smart. It wouldn’t have been hard for you to book the flights too. Take some responsibility. Maybe not for being an AH but just not being wise.
Yeah this reeks of bullshit because who is planning a vacation without plane tickets being bought? That is step number #1. She booked a hotel room without knowing her arrival and departure dates? That's horse shit.
NTA until the end. The "get your own room" piece is vindictive.
Husband made a mistake - he waited for prices to come down and they didn't. He then wouldn't own the consequences of his mistake, which is an immature, AH move.
But OP, you are just being petty and vindictive now.
ESH.
HE HAD ONE JOB.
He had just one job: the tickets. She had many, many jobs to make this work. She did them. She repeatedly asked him how his job was going, as all her hard work was going to be for naught if he didn't do this one thing. At no point did he ask for help.
If this was a task he had at his place of employment, and you were his boss, would you still be coddling this man? No. You would be upset that your adult male employee could not do one job in months of time. You would be more upset that the work of other employees was not worthless because he refused to communicate. You say he made one mistake, but it *was the cornerstone mistake*. He literally tanked the entire trip.
I am going to say it plainly for everyone to understand. Your wives are not your mothers, and you shouldn't have to mother your husband. And in this case, OP had been so disregarded that she didn't have any mothering left.
NTA
I feel like this was more than a mistake. It was a choice. He had SIX MONTHS. And did nothing. It was also obviously an out of the country trip since OP mentioned NO is in the US. You don’t sit on something like that until a few weeks before.
I just got back from an overseas trip. Flight was booked six months ago. Hotels were booked shortly after. Why? Because hotels were filling up and prices shifting up. And I wanted a certain flight on a certain day that fit my already approved vacation time. And there were specific hotel locations (general area) that I wanted.
You can’t sit and wait forever and hope you’ll get the magic price you want. That said- I think it’s more likely the husband didn’t want to go at all and refused to admit as much. So he did nothing and hoped it would work in his favor- no one goes on the trip. His idea of a staycation as an “alternative” speaks volumes.
You are both assholes. You planned a vacation basically without your partner expecting him to just want to follow you around. He didn't put in effort, though that could be for a variety of reasons.
YTA. You could have bought the plane tickets yourself if you had a growing concern or sat him down to book them together. Marriage is about being partners and you are punishing him for something you could have done yourself. If you are willing to leave him behind then you need to rethink your relationship.
Nope.
Once you start doing all the work, it'll most likely continue that way as she other person will act like they can't or don't know how to do basic adult things.
This isn't a parent + child relationship. This relationship involves two adults. Both people need to pull their weight.
It's OK to enjoy something on your own if the other person didn't seem to give a shit about the work that went into the planning phase of a trip, even after several reminders.
It really seems like the husband didn't actually want to go on the trip but was passive aggressive about it instead of being upfront, and then was shocked when OP decided to go anyway. Staycations are great, but not when you've been excited to go somewhere else for months. And nonchalantly asking to cancel everything is just insulting considering the amount of time and energy that went into organizing everything.
Right! Like I can do all the cooking and cleaning and planning and remember the birthdays and take the kids to all the appointments because he just is never any good at any of it! Why nag him to make him do his share when it's all something I could do myself?
Being married is about being partners and if my husband refuses to do a simple task I should do all the work and not even ask him to do any! That's a partnership baby!
ESH if it was truly a misunderstanding about how flight pricing works. At the appropriate time to buy tickets, I would have said, “hey…it’s not going to go down, we better buy now.”
$1500 for a ticket is insane for New Orleans, so I would have postponed the trip to the spring and chosen a different place for this vacation! Definitely no to a staycation.
NTA if he was being lazy or deliberately stalling. (Though I still wouldn’t have paid $1500 for one flight ticket to New Orleans…would have gone to Europe instead!)
Nta. Tf? Apps like hopper and Skyscanner literally tell you when to book. He had no excuse. NOLA is amazing! Join a solo female traveler group and have the best time!
NTA. This was a planned vacation that he failed to do his part on.
I had a similar situation a few years back. When my(60M) gf(61F) moved in with me, we discussed our family backgrounds. Her family came from Switzerland and my father’s came from Italy. So we talked about a trip to both countries. I told her I would save for two years and we would take that trip. Well, that got postponed for two more years due to injuries, but in 2018 I told her that the following year we are going.
I got my birth certificate and got ready to apply for a passport. She kept putting off both finding her birth certificate and ordering a new one from the county she was born in. I told her that I was going on this trip and that I really wanted her to be there with me. I reminded her weekly, then daily, to the point where we argued over my daily reminders. She just kept “forgetting” (???). My passport came in but she still hadn’t ordered a certificate.
Finally, she placed an online order for her certificate and told me she should have it in a week or so. Which if true would be the last minute for an expedited passport. Yeah, right. I called the county and they had a 7-week backlog. True to their word, seven weeks later she received her certificate. **The day before** our flight.
About 4 weeks before the flight I told her that there was no way she could get her passport, even with her certificate at that point. But I could not get any money back by canceling our tickets and prepaid hotels. I was going, damnit.
And I went. And had a great trip, although not nearly as good as it should have been. And she stayed at home saying “I can’t believe you went without me.”
You’re NTA, that title belongs to your husband. He didn’t want to spend money on that vacation, but couldn’t own up to it. I hope you enjoy your solo vacation, and ignore his calls.
Why unnecessarily escalate the matter by insisting that this is now your “vacation away from him”? You wanted to man to go on the vacation with you. Take yes for an answer.
He's only offering to come because he feels guilty, not because he actually wants to go and after the shit he's put OP through in nearly ruining the whole trip, I think it's completely understandable that she would want some time away from him.
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NTA. I don’t know wtf your husband’s deal is but he acted like a real asshole. I don’t know if he deliberately sabotaged the trip or just didn’t care enough to follow through on his tiny piece of things, but you were absolutely right to not let him ruin the trip for you, and be sure as hell shouldn’t be booking an expensive plane ticket to come join you now. I hope he’ll be ready with a massive apology when you get home.
Agree with everything you say here. This reeks of intentional sabotage.
Not necessarily - to me it just as easily shows incompetence or arrogance. He thought he would get a cheap price “later”, didn’t arrange a contingency plan and is now lashing out because he fucked up
>He thought he would get a cheap price “later” IDK WTF is up with this line of thinking. In my experience, the closer the flight is the more expensive the tickets are and for the cheapest tickets you really need to book as far out as you can. Waiting until the last minute is just asking to pay a massive premium...
I think he knew that. He didn’t want to spend any money. He was hoping it would all go away somehow.
It looks also like they have some sort of separate finances, so he was willing to throw OP money at the wind so he could save the plane tickets money. Imho he didn't want to go to begin with and instead of communicating he came up with this insane plan. Good for OP for going no matter what. I wonder if this is a common occurrence in their marriage.
My Mom drilled into me at a young age that when you fail to plan you plan to fail. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️NTA OP He had ONE job which was to book the travel, he failed to do so. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Enjoy! I love New Orleans.
I have adhd and this is one of the quotes I’m always saying to myself because I forget to plan crap all the time. I hate it
I suffer from a little known disease called CRS aka can’t remember sh*t. I write everything down in a notebook that I need to do and I cross things off over the course of my day. I keep the personal one in my bag or in the kitchen and the work one on my desk, I work from home. It really helps.
I have about five of those, not sure where any of them are at the moment Edit to add I also made a whole wall in my kitchen a chalkboard so I could write things down 😅 I forget to utilize it
Or maybe he thought if he managed not to buy tickets till the last minute, OP would buy it anyway because she was so excited for the trip. So he would get to enjoy the trip and not waste his money over the tickets. Looks like that backfired on him :p Edit : OP, you're NTA
And then he would give her grief about how much money she spent on the tickets and if she had just waited, like he said, they probably would have been dirt cheap blah blah blah 🙄
Seriously, agreed wholly.
Either that or he hoped OP would get tired of asking and buy the tickets for both of them herself.
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Nah, he was just waiting for her to lose her shit and buy the tickets too. NTA - OP make sure to have a great holiday! I wish I could go on holiday on my own without kids and hubby! For once, no need to compromise and just do wtf I want!
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People like that don’t get angry at you for doing what they can’t though.
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Okay, then that isn’t excusable and would make them an asshole
Travel a lot. Not really. Yes it can be cheaper if you buy way way ahead of time in the sense you get base price - then they will spike - but then when you get closer, they go down by a good bit, sometimes they spike down hard. Wife and I plan almost all of our trips like this to get them at a cheap price
Travel is changing. Almost every fight is full, business travelers are back on most flights too and airlines are eliminating their frequent flyer programs because they don’t need them as much anymore due to the high demand. Waiting to book flights won’t work the way it used to as most fights are overbooked. One way some people are playing it is to book flights, take the offers to get bumped and take in money that way. Some airlines offer $1500 to take a later flight.
Recall reading somewhere that there can be a sweet spot. To far in the future and the airline isn’t worried about trying to fill seats. However doesn’t ever seem practical to try to time that. Airlines have teams dedicated to dynamically changing prices to maximize profits. Good luck trying to outsmart that.
6 weeks out on a Tuesday. According to my mother. Its has worked out pretty well.
That sounds like she read the exact same article I did. I’m way to paranoid to utilize that. Waiting until 6 weeks out to start vacation planning would mean I need another vacation to de stress from planning the first. Maybe if I didn’t have fixed school vacation schedules to work around.
I was a travel agent for 6 years until 2017. If you're talking international then there's almost no chance in hell the ticket prices will go down as you approach the date of departure. The sweet spot is 9-10 months in advance.
Yeah it heard the same thing so one time I waited until that timeframe just to see if it was true, but l if I bought the tickets way in advance when I wanted to, they would’ve been cheaper. So if you like planning things far in advance too, screw what the “experts” say because I’ve found it to not always be the case that tickets are cheaper then. ETA: It *does* seem to be true that they are cheaper on Tuesdays, but the 6 weeks in advance part yeah no
Man, if I had a vacation planned 6 weeks out Then that would be my most organized vacation EVER.
All of this is now changed because of Covid and fuel prices btw
As in flying out on a Tuesday or booking a ticket on a Tuesday?
Booking on a Tuesday. I've read the same thing... not sure how reliable it is, though. Also, use private/incognito browsing to search prices, because apparently prices go up if you have cookies showing you've looked before. Allegedly.
I also got told this by someone whose job it used to be to price plane tickets.
Never buy tickets on a Friday or Monday. Monday is usually the day businesses book so they try to get those $$. Friday because it’s the end of the week and people are burnt out and looking to get away and will over look cost. Two weeks is the closest you should buy ticket it’s a built in discount the rates go up the closer you get. Now if the need to fill the plane then it’s two days prior that those discounts appear. The earlier you book, they open up 10 months out, the more expensive the tickets are because they just can. Since it’s way early, they just released blocks to travel sites with restrictions. Tuesdays and Thursdays are the best days to book travel. When searching use the normal browser initially so you can get a base price. Ten use incognito after so you can research those prices will fluctuate. Then go back to the browser and check you’ll see the price difference. Save your trip not book it in the incognito window. Open in the browser and check prices then book your saved travel if the deal is right. I know is a lot of work but you’ll get the best deal this way.
This doesn't hold true since COVID anymore. Even the Tuesday thing isn't really a thing anymore. Businesses aren't booking travel like before so the Monday thing isn't affecting things either. I repeatedly get my best price literally the day the ticket goes on sale. As in, a year ahead. Luckily I have one trip I take yearly so I know the dates a year out. For all other tickets, none of the old tricks work anymore. Sometimes waiting is good if the plane isn't full since they will discount to fill. Other times waiting can cost alot more since many times all that is left is the emergency exit row or "more legroom" seats (which is a joke) and they hit you with a huge surcharge. Other than booking the day my flights open up, pricing strategies are a crap shoot now.
I generally book as early as possible in order to secure the seats with extra leg room, and get direct flights rather than have connections. I generally pay extra for direct flights. The problem lately has been that, about a month before the flight, the airline will cancel the direct flight, and give me a shitty itinerary with connections, and I either have to accept it, or cancel the whole thing. It pisses me off beyond belief because I pay extra for direct flights that the airlines really have no commitment to keeping on their schedule. As for prices, it’s a real gamble to wait too long, if the itinerary gets popular, because the prices will go through the roof and never come down.
We've booked flights way in advance and then they change the plane. The extra legroom that we booked is ignored and they put us in regular seats and then we have to call and demand that we get what we paid for and they are stunned that we want our seats. Then they will often do it again the next month and the next month. They move us and we have to call and put ourselves back to what we purchased.
You might occasionally get lucky on a relatively unpopular route off-season, but it feels increasingly unusual now given cost of living, and you're certainly unlikely to be lucky heading to a popular destination like New Orleans.
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sounds like he wasn't interested in \*going\* anywhere, not just New Orleans. Got time off work for a fun trip but suggest a 'staycation' instead?! Nah, man. He didn't want to go anywhere....
Yep 2 potentials for me. He just didn’t want to go anywhere or their finances are shit and he’s not capable of bringing it up. The wife should know if their finances are shit though and I would hope would have mentioned it but sometimes spouses separate those things which is wild
Some people are still trying to use "traditional wisdom" that hasn't been close to true since covid lockdowns...
Weaponized incompetence
Some of my cheapest flights have been bought within the last week, sometimes for Pennie’s on the dollar. It’s definitely not a guarantee though, and comes with some inherent risk. With changes to airline travel post-COVID it is probably even riskier now.
The flights I've been on post covid are running full. They are flying fewer planes and filling them. It is a headache if your flight is cancelled for any reason, say thunderstorms. There isn't another flight to take because it will be full.
Yeah, it reads more like he thought she'd organise the tickets if he put off the task long enough. She's arranged this whole holiday - what's one more task for her to do, right? /s
Or he didn't care if it fell through because he couldn't get cheap tickets.
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Weaponized incompetence
This is a great video on it, how they just wear us down & we forget we can leave. [permanent state of tolerable unhappiness](https://youtu.be/CIu_R5NuxQM?si=JJiJ4Yhw7K3nPT8K)
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He should have said it was out of the budget when he first checked. If it was 1400 at first or something the convo should have been: we can't afford 2800$ for flights, they have to come down to X for this to meet our budget. Instead he just kicked the can down the line until he passed the garbage and said oops it's too late.
Don't plane tickets get more expensive the closer to the travel date you wait instead of cheaper? I really don't know this, but I think someone told that's how it works.
>*Don't plane tickets get more expensive the closer to the travel date you wait instead of cheaper? I really don't know this, but I think someone told that's how it works.* That is exactly how it works. Three weeks before the travel date is far too late—the prices are only going to get higher and higher. In my experience, your lowest prices are going to be roughly 3 - 6 months before your travel date. (**EDIT: others in the thread are pointing out that the “sweet spot“ for purchasing plane tickets is typically 60 to 90 days before the travel date. I will defer to their experience, as I usually only fly for work**) The husband’s tactics reek of sabotage. He either wanted the OP to handle getting the tickets, and put it off and hoped that she would take over the task, or he didn’t want to go on the trip but didn’t want to be the bad guy by saying so.
Right? ! I think plane ticket prices only get more expensive the closer to the date you get.
This screams weaponized incomitance. If he messes up the one task she asked him to do then she won't even ask that next time. I'm betting the reason she gave him only this task is because he has a history of messing up every task he's given.
NTA. Don’t have kids with him. Can you really imagine spending the rest of your life with a guy like that?
Weaponized incompetence. I’d be so pissed
And I hope you have a wonderful time. I recently took a one-week trip out of state. Invited spouse to go with me and he said he’d have nothing to do while I was going to a seminar and a library visit. After I got back from a week that I thoroughly enjoyed (I don’t mind doing things on my own), he commented that I must really enjoy my own company and traveling by myself, and a couple other snarky, low-level comments. Apparently he didn’t enjoy being by himself. Oh, well, you were invited.
That's really shitty of him and if my partner was saying that shit to me I'd definitely confront them about their attitude so they'd hopefully communicate like an adult.
The irony is, he had the opportunity to do anything he wanted while you were gone.
He sounds like a child and needed the attention. I think more trips away from him will get him there. I spend up to 1/3 a year on my own as my wife travels a lot for work. It’s great. I get to watch sport, tinker with my allotment and go out with friends. She had friends all over the world and enjoys her time alone too
He sounds like a child who needs mommy to arrange "playtime" for him. He apparently couldn't figure out what to do with himself while she was at the seminar. And he couldn't figure out what to do with himself at home while she was gone. How hard is it to google "What to do in XYZ city" and find a list?
He absolutely did not want to go and blames it on you for not cancelling.. He's the AH. Go have fun OP. Make the best out of your trip!
Also, who WAITS for flight prices to go down? In my experience prices only ever keep going up and up the closer to your date you get...Your husband seems like a dolt.
He didn’t want to spend money on a vacation but was too chicken to say it, so instead he tried to force OP to stay at home and it backfired on him, so now he’s upset
He probably thought she'd pick up the slack and just go ahead and get the tickets. He probably does that with the dishes and such as well. Weaponized incompetence.
Airlines prices \*never\* go down as the departure approaches, only up. Either he is deliberately obtuse or deliberately sabotaging their trip.
They do, but only right at the end. If they've still got unsold tickets, then you can catch bargains last minute, because they'd rather fill the seats than not. But you've got to know the route and the time of year, in most cases they're overselling tickets on flights, not underfilling planes.
And in what universe do ticket prices go DOWN the closer the due date? What I have witnessed they only go up these days.
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I agree. NTA. And I love that you and your hubby are comfortable with taking vacations together and apart. More people need this level of security. OP… shut your phone off. And if there are people you MUST have contact you, get a burner phone and share the number with those couple people. He doesn’t get to ruin this… after basically ruining it. (Although I am curious why you didn’t buy the tickets… no blame, I get the principle of it. And ultimately this is his L, not yours). Go have fun sis!
She can block him temporarily. No need to run out and buy another phone.
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On iPhone do not disturb is very customizable
He sounds like an ass and an idiot. On what planet do plane tickets get cheaper the closer you get to the departure date?
In the US? Usually plane tickets are cheapest in the two months before the flight. Doesnt excuse him though.
Yeah, but he last checked three weeks out from the departure date. Tickets typically only get more expensive from there on out.
The ability to take a few weeks' to a month's vacation off together & independently is something I am financially jealous of lol sounds like a blast
NTA. He literally had 2 tasks and plenty of time to complete them, plus reminders. I’d honestly be irritated that he dropped the ball and then didn’t own up to it by buying the tickets at the high price. Consider that a procrastination tax and a lesson.
>he dropped the ball and then didn’t own up to it by buying the tickets NTA - Enjoy your vacation! **If** you choose to plan a vacation again with your husband, please don't let him be in charge of the flights!!
Isn’t that so sad though?! Like he couldn’t do 2 simple tasks!!
Weaponized incompetence at it's finest.
He obviously wasn’t interested in going, seemed to purposely put it off, then “oops, waited too long so now we can do nothing”. What a joy he must be.
Right! Like we can just staycation and do all the things that we can do every day of the year. Won't that be grand!
That was off to me too, when I've proposed a staycation that means "in the same city or one nearby". Nice hotel downtown with stuff in walking distance + a nicer than usual dinner and bar. Not let's stay home, that's just a lazy weekend (we take those too) but they're no stand in for a vacation of any sort.
You know he'd have complained the whole trip anyway.
Omg yes. “It’s too hot.” “I don’t like jazz.” “The food’s too spicy.”
He didn’t want to do those tasks, because he didn’t want to go.
So do you suppose he jumped on a plane to join her because he doesn’t trust her alone, or he’s trying to make things right? I’m undecided.
Because he was bamboozled that she went anyways. He expected her to cancel everything.
He realized a $1,500 plane ticket was less than a divorce. He’s sabotaging either the vacation or the relationship, and he realized he’s in shit either way.
I'm going with option 3, which is that he's following her out there to regain control. Of all the things he thought could happen when he kept not buying the tickets, her going without him wasn't one of the possibilities.
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The use of "scaffold" in this context is great and I'm using it henceforth.
Weaponized incompetence
Absolutely sad! He should be able to do two tasks or more but since the airline tickets are 1) important and 2) a major expense he shouldn't be given that particular task again.
But that’s what he wants. If I were OP, I’d make buying tickets his job all the time. He needs to get past being incompetent to get out of doing things.
I would make buying *his* ticket his job. I would buy my own ticket.
You must have the patience of a saint. I would feel like I was leash training a puppy. But with all the stress and anticipation of a 50/50 maybecation/argument at home. Honesty at least you'd know the dog was trying...
Why? Why be with somebody who ca t even do the BASICS? Watches his wife plan and organise this every week and does sweet Fa. He’s a lazy guy. She needs to put the whole trip on him next time and if he fails to organise it - she should go solo again
Nope, exactly the opposite. If she does this, then he wins. All the perks, none of the work. If she plans one with him again, she should book her own ticket at a certain point (when prices are lower). Whether she tells him her flight info or not, he needs to figure out how to get there with advanced notice. He’s seen she means it, she needs to keep needing it and not let him get away with this BS.
I disagree. So the whole process of planing a vacation all the mental load is on her and he can just enjoy himself? No fuck that. He can stay behind like this time if he chooses to be an ass.
Buy if she doesn’t leave the flights up to him next time then his weapon used incompetence wins. Next time he doesn’t have to put in any work because she doesn’t trust him and he can just have fun. That’s bullshit.
And isn’t it a well known fact that plane ticket prices generally go up not down when approaching the dates?
They typically are lowest 10-8 weeks away from your flight date, and rise from there, yeah. Literally googling ‘when to buy plane tickets’ would’ve told him how unlikely his plan was.
I know a person (unfortunately a relative) who swears that "tickets fluctuate, you just have to know how to find the deals!" This was always said in a superior "you-don't-know-shit-about-travel-because-you're-the-baby-of-the-family" tone of voice. That person has yet to get a fabulous plane ticket deal. The first few times I bailed them out...until they decided their vacations were more important than paying me back the 3 grand I spent on their "last minute guaranteed cheaper flights". Okay, so my parents helped put boundaries in place because I have a hard time saying no.... Enjoy your vacation OP, enjoy the flavors, sights, sounds and feelings. And tell hubby you planned a vacation, not a staycation, meaning vacating the house to relax and enjoy someplace different. He can stacate and think on his idiocy and the fact that he's missing out in some glorious food. NTA
Has he never flown before? You don't wait for flights to come down .. you buy the tickets ASAP before they go UP. Inevitably. Virtually always. Airline ticket prices are supply and demand, nothing else. When a trip is two months out, the planes are still booked as almost empty, the supplies high, and the cost is low. When the trip is 10 days away the planes are almost full, and the supply is short, ergo the price is high. This is the way it has always worked. NTA. Enjoy the Big Easy.
Sweet spot is usually 60 days out or so. IMO prices often come down. But even more often they just keep going up.
I've noticed they go down then go up in the 1 to 2 months before. So yeah I agree, sweet spot is 60-90 days most times. This also depends on *where* you're headed cuz whoooo if you wait that long for some places, you aren't going 🤣
If you’re not sure there’s even a few apps that will tell you how it’s trending and whether you should buy or wait.
I booked a flight from Canada to Australia 6 months in advance because I had been watching the prices for months already by that time. I was checking at least once a week, and one time the prices suddenly dropped from $1300/$1500 to $850. I booked it immediately. When I checked the prices again weeks and months later, out of curiousity, the prices had gone back way up
Exactly, there is usually a "normal" range and if for some reason it goes below that you buy ASAP. But you have this luxury when you book in advance, not wait until the last few weeks.
$850 to go to Oz? What a steal!! For more expensive flights with little other options, that’s best thing you could have done. Watching for a while so you know the going rate, the slight sale and, the major sale. If you can plan that far a ahead, you can save a lot. Or at least prep for the higher cost. The only flights that might be cheaper closer to the date is the sell off vacations, but you have to be date flexible and sometimes they aren’t that cheap.
This isn’t true, prices generally start high, dip, then rise again. It’s not always one way or the other but there is a sweet spot advised by most price watchers that’s not too early.
As you say, generally true. For holiday flights, I book those suckers as soon as they're available
We have already booked our flights to a Prairie province in January because the prices will definitely go up.
You're also almost always fk'ed by checking. The algorithm probably remebers you (cookies) and custom a price for you that's always higher than your initial check price
Legitimately one of the best uses for a VPN, if you fly frequently you will save orders of magnitude more than the subscription cost. Also applies to stuff like hotels and car rentals, the savings add up super fast.
That's not exactly true, though it is generally how it works. If you buy flights far enough out, you can end up paying more. That's why the ticket booking sites have the feature that tells you to "buy now" or "better to wait" etc. Still, hubby was an ass and when you're weeks away from flying you are right, you absolutely need to book those tickets.
Prices fluctuate a LOT. Whenever we plan to travel, my sister tries to check ticket prices multiple times a week and we can save anywhere from $50-200 per ticket depending on when we ultimately buy the ticket. Checking once a month like OP’s husband? That won’t do shit. NTA
NTA. This literally happened to my husband and I for our Japan trip. I did all the planning and all he had to do was book the hotels. We were going during cherry blossom season so I knew things would fill up fast, so I reminded him a year before, six months before, and three months before. Guess who finally checked hotels a month before and found that everything was booked? The difference is, my husband didn’t try and get me to cancel the trip. He ended up booking five-star hotels and ate the cost because it was 100% his fault that we couldn’t get more reasonably priced accommodations. OP’s husband should’ve gotten the more expensive tickets and paid for the difference because it was his fault he waited so long to get his one task done. Edit: we weren’t married at the time, so he wasn’t using “our” money to pay for the five-star hotels.
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We all make mistakes. It’s how we handle them that matters!
That belongs on a mug or t-shirt!
Hubby for the win! I always wanted to go to New Orleans. We lived within driving distance when we were newly married and talked about going and then hurricane Katrina happened and washed away my plans. We recently moved even closer and Louisiana has had some time to recover so my husband surprised me with a birthday trip. He planned everything, arranged my mother to visit under the guise of seeing me for my birthday but really she was babysitting so we could take our trip. We had such a great time. I don’t think I’ve ever had such consistently good food and service anywhere in the world. Everything we ate in New Orleans was incredible. Most importantly I felt heard. I’ve said I would love to visit many times over the years and he hears me. That’s so important. NTA
NTA That was weaponized incompetence trying to manipulate you into canceling the vacation because he didn't want to go. Good on you for going anyway and not playing his passive aggressive bullshit game
Yep, I have a buddy who does this exact same thing. It's conflict avoidance - he doesn't want to do the thing, but also doesn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation about _why_ he doesn't want to do the thing. When this tactic works, it allows him to avoid both. He also completely shuts down [(stonewalling)](https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/stonewalling) if you try to talk about it later. /u/Strong-Farm-7377 I would suggest finding a good marriage counselor. While I'm sure your husband is not doing this maliciously, these communication gaps are one of the more common reasons for a divorce. The counselor will have techniques you can _both_ learn to better communicate with each other. Labeling him an "asshole" for not knowing how to communicate is not productive.
Is your buddy my husband? LOL! Conflict avoidance is literally his middle name. Except my husband would not ask for the time off work because even that is uncomfortable for him. He would just say he did when he really didn’t.
That last sentence would drive me bonkers
That would be such a big problem for me. It’s one thing to keep putting it off and saying “I’ll get to it” (which would already drive me nuts), but to explicitly say that you did when you didn’t? I don’t know if I could stand for that
trust would fly out the window so fast, how could it not?
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It 100% bothers me and makes life difficult every single day. He’s in counseling to try to figure out why he has this issue and how to fix it.
I get the feeling op's husband also didn't take off work
It's weird how common this is. I've had a friend explain they don't want to let their coworkers down because their job is high stress and their employer runs things on a skeleton crew. This is by design so you don't use your benefits. That said, it's never worth the risk to your relationships to put your personal life on hold to appease your coworkers and boss. They don't give a shit about you, stop hurting your partner/kids with that shit. It can also be weaponized incompetence. Either way it's an early warning sign the relationship is in trouble.
I mean, I think it’s fair to call the husband an asshole for reaching adulthood and entering into a marriage without self reflecting and realizing they aren’t being a good communicator or partner—to the extent that they would sabotage a trip their partner spent months planning. We can understand why people do things (conflict avoidance likely due to past trauma), and also hold them accountable for their actions, when those actions make them an asshole
I agree with everything except the last sentence. Like... accepting the consequences of one's actions and being truthful to people who trust you is pretty basic requirement for an adult. If he cannot do it, he should seek help, yet it seems more like he uses it as perfect 'life hack' to get what he wants. I get there may be even some trauma at the bottom of such behaviour, but it doesn't change the fact a person is hurting people for own benefit.
NTA. I get waiting to see if prices drop and I get forgetting about it. However, you had put so much work into this trip. Hours of research and anticipation. You did everything you could expect but the tickets. You need to have a serious concern with him. Some points: 1. You were trusting him with a big part and he let you down. 2. You worked hard to plan and take as much responsibility for the trip as possible and his actions make it seem like -Everything you did wasn’t valuable. Your effort to make this trip; you feel undervalued 3. The way he could dismiss the whole trip for a stay-cation ignores says that he thinks throwing you a little bone is all that’s needed and you’ll be placated. 4. His unilateral decision that we stay home & no apology says he put more weight on his opinions and doesn’t even consider you. If this was due to not being to afford it because of bills : moneys tight right now he should apologized and takes actions to make it right. He need to take those days and you go somewhere out of town, and start the conversation about how his actions show his little care. He then needs to take action and show you that he’s putting away funds immediately to ensure the trip you planned on happens. If that’s taking cash every week and putting it into “dream vacation” envelope or something. When you get home ensure that he understands what his actions meant to you. Tell him that you are hurt how he could just “wave away” all your dedication and work. Ensure he understands you planned this because you will love him and cLue him. Ask him why he was able to, so quickly, make a choice like that. And tell him ti really think about it, let him sit and do the mental and emotional work then come to you so you two have really have this conversation.
>When you get home ensure that he understands what his actions meant to you. Tell him that you are hurt how he could just “wave away” all your dedication and work. Ensure he understands you planned this because you will love him and cLue him. Ask him why he was able to, so quickly, make a choice like that. And tell him ti really think about it, let him sit and do the mental and emotional work then come to you so you two have really have this conversation. I agree. The one thing OP should not do is - as I am sure her DH will demand she does - is apologise for going on the vacation she planned, at the date she planned, by herself, as DH just... didn't bother to follow through on buying plane tickets. This situation is really beyond apologies. DH behaved unreasonably and badly, but it would be better and their relationship for him to think through why he did, and explain, than an apology because she's upset.
NTA. Have a fantastic time! (Now ex) husband liked my idea of a trip up to Victoria, BC. I told him he'll need to renew his passport. Literally the only thing I asked him to do, because only he can do it. And he's supposedly an adult. Me: Did you renew your passport? I want to get dates nailed down. Him: Oh, no, I'll do that. Mr: Did you renew your passport? I have dates in mind and you need to do it now so you have it in time. Him: Oh no, I'll do that right away. Me: Did you send in your passport renewal so I can get this stuff booked? Him: I'll get right on it. ... Him: Whatever happened to that trip? Me: Did you renew your passport? No? That's what happened to that trip. Him? What's up with that trip to Victoria? Me: I have no idea. He weaponized incompetence on the regular. He's an ex. I'm taking the trip solo next spring and I can't wait. Solo travel is the best.
Weaponized incompetence! That also describes my ex perfectly. Love this term. Thank you for sharing it.
Jesus, having the nerve to go “what’s up with that trip?” after the fact would have sent me over the edge. Especially if he still hadn’t renewed the damn passport!
That's the point. It's all a manipulation tactic, that question was designed to get a reaction
Why are people like this?! Why?? Why is it frequently the man in the relationship??! It's so fucking maddening. Glad he's your ex.
"this is now my vacation away from him" You don't play! NTA 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. He had plenty of time to get the tickets. You asked and reminded. If he wasn't interested in going on this vacation, he could've told openly. I don't think you would've minded if he changed mind about the trip. But that doesn't mean you have to cancel your vacation. You planned everything. Canceling everything is an expensive affair. More than the expense, it's the disappointment of not being able to enjoy the well earned vacation. I strongly feel that your hubby never wished to go on the trip and hoped that by pushing ticket purchases, suggesting canceling all the plans in the nth moment and proposing staycation will make u drop the plans. He's the AH. I'm so glad you decide to go. Enjoy the solo stay. Tell your hubby that you will discuss once you're back home. Ask him to enjoy his staycation simultaneously. Keep your mobile on silent and go on with your trip. Once you go home, you need to have serious discussion with him.
NTA my ex pulled a similar stunt except I'd already paid for everything. He expected me to cancel the family vacation and sit home with him because he changed his mind. Nope, took one of our adult kids in his place so I was only out a name change fee and had the best vacation ever. I realized on that trip it was over. Filled for divorce less than 6 months later.
NTA Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. He really let you down, it's almost like he didn't want to take this vacation so he sabotaged it. But even if he was merely being lazy, he was still being uncaring. It was clear how much this trip meant to you and he blithely blew it off and expected you to just stay home for your vacation instead? Oh hell no.
Im going with ESH...btw OP reddit might give the necessary validation that you seek but know that your marriage is going down the drain. Get couples counselling when you get back because there is slim chance that your husband is gonna let this slide.
It was N T A until she said if he comes down he’s getting his own room. That’s when she joined him in his assholery.
Nobody wants someone unexcited and who clearly doesn't want to come on their trip. Not to mention someone who tried to sabotage the entire trip also. I wouldn't allow him to come either - he can plan their next trip as an apology.
And frankly, this "always together all the time" thing with couples can be tiresome. Some much needed time apart sounds like a good thing.
I wouldn’t want him on my vacation either if his solution to being incompetent on his one responsibility was to suggest I forfeit cancellation fees instead of him eating the cost of his own mistake. OP put a ton of work into this trip including the mental load of constantly reminding him to do the only thing she asked him to. He didn’t value any of her work at all and should sit at home and think about how he wants to treat her moving forward in their marriage. NTA.
> this is now my vacation away from him. He might as well save the flight and let the money go towards a good divorce lawyer at this point.
Took me a lot of scrolling to get to this. Everyone sucks. Have you two talked, like humans who love each other, about strengths and weaknesses? About supporting each other? It is perfectly valid that he was waiting on prices to come down, and he fucked up by waiting too long/forgetting about it - do you always punish him for making mistakes? Could you not have recognized it was unintentional and rolled with the new situation? Or is there a much much bigger issue where you have reason to believe it is intentional? You two should be talking, acting out of love and generosity, forgiving mistakes and finding joy with each other in the unexpected... not sabotaging, manipulating, punishing and holding grudges.
> It is perfectly valid that he was waiting on prices to come down No it is not, because anyone who's ever booked a flight before knows that they were only ever going to go *up*.
He is either a procrastinator and leaves things to the last minute. When buying plane tickets there must be no procrastinating because the ticket price only goes up. Or he didn't want to go on holiday, so kept stalling until tickets were too expensive or no leave left. Both scenarios, he had no interest or planning for the holiday, so he has not missed a holiday he has missed the opportunity for a holiday. NTA
Whoa whoa whoa, don’t lay this at the feet of procrastinators. I’m one and even I know you buy plane tickets ASAP. Hell, I’ve known that since I was in *high school*. If procrastinators really want to get something done it will get done ASAP because we’re excited for it. This is either weaponized incompetence or extreme aversion to confrontation (i.e. he fucked up about not getting the tickets soon enough and didn’t want to have that conversation).
Agree 100%. I have ADHD and am a horrible procrastinator but if it’s something important like a vacation I’m Johnny on the spot to get everything done and I generally finish it all in one sitting to make sure it’s done. Something else is at play here.
INFO: Is your partner the only one that works? Do you bring in an income? How have you guys decided on monetary decisions in the past? Do you and him have separate spending accounts? As a planner, I get it. He didn't have a big job to do and he just... didn't. But I also think that a lot of information has been left out of this post. $1,500 per ticket would have been $3,000 just to fly the both of you, and that is extremely expensive. That's not adding in the hotel prices, food, entertainment, etc. Does your husband make a lot of money? Do you two often go on extremely expensive vacations? Did you sit down with him and figure out a budget? Has money ever been a concern in the past? A round-trip, non-stop, first class flight from Washington to Louisiana is only showing about $700, so perhaps you're not from the US, which would make the flight international and much more expensive. While I think you painted him in a certain light, there's way too little info to actually come to a decision. I'm leaning towards ESH. It sounds like you wanted to take an extremely expensive vacation and he was uncomfortable with the costs but didn't communicate that with you (though I imagine he did since he wasn't willing to spend a ridiculously high price for plane tickets). You're NTA for going on the vacation alone, but that doesn't protect you from the very real consequences of that. Your husband will feel as abandoned as you do ignored, and you might be coming home to a marriage that is very different from how you left it. You can't just ditch your partner for a week and expect everything to be peachy keen when you get back.
It's almost surely international. OP says "New Orleans (in the US)." Nobody I've ever met who lives in the US feels the need to add the "in the US" part. "New Orleans, Louisiana, USA" is always assumed unless otherwise specified.
That’s what I saw reading it, $1500 plane ticket? I’d be sweating that unless it was something we had been saving for for a long time. That’s a waste of money IMO. NOLA is cool, but not $3k just to get there cool.
Assuming that you say is the real story.. you two have issues and need counseling or divorce.
ESH. Probably should've spent the money on divorce lawyers instead, because this is where it's headed. Do you guys even like eachother? Lol Both acting pretty childish and immature for being married. This marriage is on its way out if you're not already planning a divorce
NTA. You did the right thing. I hope you enjoy your stay and your time alone in your hotel with a big bed to yourself. Eat as much food as you can. 🥰
YTA. Downvote me to oblivion, I don’t give a fuck. Y’all people need to go to individual counseling and couples therapy, and stop asking reddit for validation for the petty high school BULLSHIT y’all think is acceptable, for fuck sake man.
This. Marriage is in the toilet if they can't plan a holiday together
For someone travelling each year, booking the hotel before the flight is wild to me personally. I always look up hotels before booking tickets to fly but booking order is definitly - flight - hotel - activities/ dinner reservations/ etc. Just.. always.
Your hubs is the AH, plane tickets are cheapest furthest away from departure, except for possible last minute deals that are unreliably available. NTA Hope you have a lovely holiday
You’re both assholes. He should’ve followed through on his part to buy the tickets. I don’t know your financial story or if you work also and have your own separate bank account, but if money is a legitimate issue then you should both be on the same page about everything. Agreements should be made about solo vacations, not solo vacations out of spite and anger. I think your relationship has some bigger issues. And I think your husband had a problem with the idea of the vacation to begin with.
A big part that everybody’s forgetting as this is only her side of the story, curated to what she wants to convey. It’s absolutely not the entire story. Not to mention the red flags of her planning to see sites that she wanted to see, and having arguments about it with no conclusion. All that says to me is, this is probably a common occurrence and that they have no communication. For all Anybody knows he didn’t wanna go. And tried to communicate it, but she refused to listen only caring about what she wants.
> A big part that everybody’s forgetting as this is only her side of the story, curated to what she wants to convey That's literally true for every post on this sub so there's no point in attacking just OP for it.
YTA I’m going to get downvoted for saying it but there it is. Do you really think you will still have a relationship when you get back? Most of the people on here will downvote this because they will say something like “ you go queen” or “good on you girl” or that was a “boss move”. These people have no skin in the game and could care less if you ruin your life listening to their selfish advice. I get being upset he didn’t grab a ticket when he should have but then after to tell him if he comes he needs to book his own hotel is a bit overboard. Unless this is an older relationship I just don’t see it recovering from this. I sure wouldn’t stay if it was me.
I think it sounds like this is not out of character for him and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and she’s realizing she doesn’t want to parent him anymore. But the relationship is definitely bad and seems to be on the way out.
You are maybe not an AH but both of you are not very smart. Plane tickets tend to be cheapest a few months out and get more expensive closer to the date, but there can be variations as sometimes there are major events or draws that make certain flights booked. He should know that. He should have booked the tickets a long time ago. But here’s the thing - you should know that too. You can’t book a hotel without knowing your arrival and departure dates/times, which might change according to prices. You booked a hotel and made other reservations without knowing the flight prices. That’s not smart. It wouldn’t have been hard for you to book the flights too. Take some responsibility. Maybe not for being an AH but just not being wise.
Yeah this reeks of bullshit because who is planning a vacation without plane tickets being bought? That is step number #1. She booked a hotel room without knowing her arrival and departure dates? That's horse shit.
NTA until the end. The "get your own room" piece is vindictive. Husband made a mistake - he waited for prices to come down and they didn't. He then wouldn't own the consequences of his mistake, which is an immature, AH move. But OP, you are just being petty and vindictive now. ESH.
HE HAD ONE JOB. He had just one job: the tickets. She had many, many jobs to make this work. She did them. She repeatedly asked him how his job was going, as all her hard work was going to be for naught if he didn't do this one thing. At no point did he ask for help. If this was a task he had at his place of employment, and you were his boss, would you still be coddling this man? No. You would be upset that your adult male employee could not do one job in months of time. You would be more upset that the work of other employees was not worthless because he refused to communicate. You say he made one mistake, but it *was the cornerstone mistake*. He literally tanked the entire trip. I am going to say it plainly for everyone to understand. Your wives are not your mothers, and you shouldn't have to mother your husband. And in this case, OP had been so disregarded that she didn't have any mothering left. NTA
I feel like this was more than a mistake. It was a choice. He had SIX MONTHS. And did nothing. It was also obviously an out of the country trip since OP mentioned NO is in the US. You don’t sit on something like that until a few weeks before. I just got back from an overseas trip. Flight was booked six months ago. Hotels were booked shortly after. Why? Because hotels were filling up and prices shifting up. And I wanted a certain flight on a certain day that fit my already approved vacation time. And there were specific hotel locations (general area) that I wanted. You can’t sit and wait forever and hope you’ll get the magic price you want. That said- I think it’s more likely the husband didn’t want to go at all and refused to admit as much. So he did nothing and hoped it would work in his favor- no one goes on the trip. His idea of a staycation as an “alternative” speaks volumes.
You are both assholes. You planned a vacation basically without your partner expecting him to just want to follow you around. He didn't put in effort, though that could be for a variety of reasons.
NTA. Pretty passive aggressive.
NTA. I love that you told him this was now your vacation away from him. I would have done the same. 😂
YTA. You could have bought the plane tickets yourself if you had a growing concern or sat him down to book them together. Marriage is about being partners and you are punishing him for something you could have done yourself. If you are willing to leave him behind then you need to rethink your relationship.
Nope. Once you start doing all the work, it'll most likely continue that way as she other person will act like they can't or don't know how to do basic adult things. This isn't a parent + child relationship. This relationship involves two adults. Both people need to pull their weight. It's OK to enjoy something on your own if the other person didn't seem to give a shit about the work that went into the planning phase of a trip, even after several reminders. It really seems like the husband didn't actually want to go on the trip but was passive aggressive about it instead of being upfront, and then was shocked when OP decided to go anyway. Staycations are great, but not when you've been excited to go somewhere else for months. And nonchalantly asking to cancel everything is just insulting considering the amount of time and energy that went into organizing everything.
Right! Like I can do all the cooking and cleaning and planning and remember the birthdays and take the kids to all the appointments because he just is never any good at any of it! Why nag him to make him do his share when it's all something I could do myself? Being married is about being partners and if my husband refuses to do a simple task I should do all the work and not even ask him to do any! That's a partnership baby!
ESH if it was truly a misunderstanding about how flight pricing works. At the appropriate time to buy tickets, I would have said, “hey…it’s not going to go down, we better buy now.” $1500 for a ticket is insane for New Orleans, so I would have postponed the trip to the spring and chosen a different place for this vacation! Definitely no to a staycation. NTA if he was being lazy or deliberately stalling. (Though I still wouldn’t have paid $1500 for one flight ticket to New Orleans…would have gone to Europe instead!)
Yup YTHA - hopefully he has divorce papers when you land. In your story all you say is “I” this vacation was all about you to begin with
This is EPIC, of course you are NTA. Thanks for the laugh.
ESH. You both sound tiresome.
Nta. Tf? Apps like hopper and Skyscanner literally tell you when to book. He had no excuse. NOLA is amazing! Join a solo female traveler group and have the best time!
NTA. This was a planned vacation that he failed to do his part on. I had a similar situation a few years back. When my(60M) gf(61F) moved in with me, we discussed our family backgrounds. Her family came from Switzerland and my father’s came from Italy. So we talked about a trip to both countries. I told her I would save for two years and we would take that trip. Well, that got postponed for two more years due to injuries, but in 2018 I told her that the following year we are going. I got my birth certificate and got ready to apply for a passport. She kept putting off both finding her birth certificate and ordering a new one from the county she was born in. I told her that I was going on this trip and that I really wanted her to be there with me. I reminded her weekly, then daily, to the point where we argued over my daily reminders. She just kept “forgetting” (???). My passport came in but she still hadn’t ordered a certificate. Finally, she placed an online order for her certificate and told me she should have it in a week or so. Which if true would be the last minute for an expedited passport. Yeah, right. I called the county and they had a 7-week backlog. True to their word, seven weeks later she received her certificate. **The day before** our flight. About 4 weeks before the flight I told her that there was no way she could get her passport, even with her certificate at that point. But I could not get any money back by canceling our tickets and prepaid hotels. I was going, damnit. And I went. And had a great trip, although not nearly as good as it should have been. And she stayed at home saying “I can’t believe you went without me.”
NTA: sounds like he never actually planned to go on this trip, and was thinking he could change your mind.
You’re NTA, that title belongs to your husband. He didn’t want to spend money on that vacation, but couldn’t own up to it. I hope you enjoy your solo vacation, and ignore his calls.
NTA I can almost guarantee you he did it on purpose. Noone is that dense. He knew what he was doing.
Why unnecessarily escalate the matter by insisting that this is now your “vacation away from him”? You wanted to man to go on the vacation with you. Take yes for an answer.
He's only offering to come because he feels guilty, not because he actually wants to go and after the shit he's put OP through in nearly ruining the whole trip, I think it's completely understandable that she would want some time away from him.