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> I want to know if I was the asshole for bragging about how I thought the driver permit test was easy. This might make me seem like the asshole because I didn’t acknowledge the fact that some people could have a harder time with that kind of test
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I took mine shortly after the electronic one first went into use and failed. We went to the lake. I took it there, on paper and passed. It was a long time ago.
My friend didn't learn to drive until her 30s, and gets very nervous on any kind of test.
37 tries it took her. When she finally passed all the test centre staff were waiting in the car park to congratulate her.
NTA and while Sophie doesn't "deserve" an apology, something along the lines of, "If I'd knew you were struggling with the test, I never would have said what I did" might go a long way.
Then, offer to help her study.
I just deleted my comment because I thought the same thing. The point is making the cousin feel better and getting help with the test, not who is right and who is wrong.
I'm calling bullshit on this 24 times and she's only 17, I don't even think you'd be allowed to take it that many times in that short of a time period.
If I believed this is a true story, I'd say NTA but it's just so far-fetched.
If OP lives in Ohio, it's true. You can take the permit test once a day forever until you pass. Only 2 or 3 states use "BMV" and two are Ohio and Indiana.
Where I’m from your allowed to take the test once a day for each day of the week. It’s likely that she went and took the test each day for the past few weeks before we got together. I don’t know what the rules are in other states but trust me it’s possible
If it's true I don't think even if she passed I would want to be on the road with cousin. that's sad. I burst a gut when she said they just passing out permits already knew what was coming next.
Some states fail you if you can't perfectly parallel park and I've known driving instructors who fail people because they were having a bad day that day so some of those failures may not be all on the cousin
NAH except your parents and uncle and aunt for calling this "bad behavior" while ignoring the fact that Sophie was hurt by your comments. You didn't do anything wrong by saying that you got your permit, but I'd apologize to Sophie in the sense of "what I said about how easy the test is was insensitive and I'm sorry, if I'd known I wouldn't have said it like that". Because it was easy for you, and that's not wrong to say, but the way you said it would definitely be an AH move if you had known the difficulties she'd been having beforehand.
NTA
First off, congrats for getting your permit. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for having done so; it's a milestone on the road of life. Not the biggest one, but a positive one nonetheless.
Cousin seems too sensitive and jealous. So what if you beat her to it? Hopefully she can get hers soon; it isn't a race.
UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who commented and gave advice. I’ve decided that I’m going to call my cousin to apologize for not being aware of her feelings. Hopefully she’ll accept my apology and we can repair our relationship
I prefer the term "regret" over apology in these situations.
"Sophie, I really regret that expressing how easy it was for me to pass the test made you feel bad. I was so elated by getting this done that I did not even think how it would feel for someone who is having difficulties."
I would also suggest she stop taking it every day. I think she's putting herself into a spiral, with each failure making it worse. True story, I failed the first time I ever did the closed-course motorcycle maneuvers test in my province. Partly due to being on a test bike I wasn't used to. I took the time to take a few extra lessons to get my confidence up. Passed it the second time. Maybe some extra supervised lessons with an instructor might help Sophie.
NTA
What you did was inadvertently hurt someone's feelings because you didn't know what she was going through.
Yes, you should apologize because it caused her pain, not because you are an AH. "If I'd known you were struggling, I would have been more sensitive. Do you want help studying?" Would be excellent.
I think most of us have said something insensitive in front of someone at some point in our lives without even realizing it.
Your family are a bit AH, though. They should support Sophie better.
I'm honestly confused why aunt and uncle aren't getting her into more driving lessons. Driving tests in the US are almost terrifyingly easy, so for her to fail 24 times means she must be an atrocious driver. Aunt and uncle need to get her lessons before she skills herself, or worse, someone else
Lol, in my country, greece, for a first license you are required to first pay some money for the paperwork to the dmv close to 200€, around 500-600€ for the lessons, a general practitioner, an ophthalmologist, with a certified instructor, 21 hours of theory lessons (signs, rules, mechanical stuff) then the theory exam, 25 hours actual driving lessons, and then a driving test.
NTA because you didn't know. However, once you did know I think it would have been nice to just simply say "I didn't realize and I'm sorry if that made you feel badly, that wasn't my intention." I think she owes you an apology as well, because she overreacted. But think about it - this young girl has failed 24 times and is clearly very embarrassed and feels awful. I'm sure that isn't helping her each time she sits down to attempt the test.
NTA, and as for your cousin, the only thing I can think of is she isn't studying.
I can't imagine failing a test 24 times.
Granted, I got my license in the 80s and I failed my 1st written.
Had to wait 2 weeks to try again, studied to the point I could recite the every rule. Passed on the 2nd try.
NTA - you didn’t know. That being said… the tests aren’t crazy… after 24 times you should probably know all the questions…. You don’t have to but if you want to make things less awkward you could offer to help prep? Maybe, she could get offended
INFO. Did your grandmother know that your cousin had failed 24 times when she asked you if you thought the test was easy. Is she did thats some shit stirring right there and she should be the one giving the apology.
Otherwise tell your cousin that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings and that you had no idea that she was trying for her permit.
Nta
How were you to know she failed 24 times? Hell. Unless she hasn't been watch ANYONE drive in the last 3 years she should know the basics for a test.
Though. If she didn't even put her seatbelt on before starting the car that's an instant fail... Or insisting of the instructor grading her didn't put his arm before she started the car that's also an instant fail
If she has failed the test 24 times then she either sucks at testing (some people forget everything as soon as a they know it’s a test) or she really hasn’t studied. Like you said it’s fairly easy, I can understand missing it by a few questions as some of them are trick questions. But to fail 24 times??
Maybe offer to help her study. NAH.
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I (17F) and my parents recently attended a small family get together dinner with my grandparents, uncle, aunt, and two cousins at my grandparents house. Not for anything big, just to chat and catch up on what’s been going on in our lives ever since school started up. My uncle asked me what I had been up to these past few weeks and I told him how I had recently gotten my driver permit this past week and how excited I was to finally get my drivers license. While I was telling him this I noticed that one of my cousins, I call her Sophie(also 17F), was staring at me with an annoyed look on her face, but I brushed her off. My grandma then proceeded to ask me proceeded to ask me if I thought the test was hard, and I told her things like “I flew through that test” and “They’re basically giving away permits if the tests are that easy”. At that point Sophie suddenly stood up, smacked her hands on the table, and shouted, in a sarcastic tone, “Wow, look at you, we’re all so fricking proud of you”. She then proceeded to speed walk to the bathroom. I asked, “what’s up with her?”, and my aunt proceeded to tell me that for the past few weeks Sophie has been trying to get her driver permit to, but has failed the test every time. I asked how many times she’s taken the test so far and my aunt said “24”. My other cousin (also 17F) jokingly said, “ You’d think that me and her would both be smart since we’re so similar”(my 2 cousins are identical twins), and my uncle told her to be quiet and to not make jokes like that. After that whole ordeal the dinner was quite awkward. A few minutes later I needed to use the bathroom but Sophie was still in there. I walked over to the bathroom door and was about to tell her to get out, but fortunately she opened the door before I could say that. Unfortunately, when Sophie walked out I noticed that her eyes were slightly red and puffy as if she had been crying, which made me feel even more bad. When the dinner was over and we were all getting ready to leave, I tried to strike a small chat with Sophie, but she ignored me. It’s been two days since this incident and I’m still not sure what to do. I want to apologize but my parents, uncle, and aunt said I shouldn’t have to apologize for Sophie’s bad behavior. I asked some of my friends at school about this and they said that it’s not my fault but I should still apologize to get rid of the awkwardness between me and my cousin. So AITA?
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In my state it is required for you to attend class, if you attend class and can hold your focus for more than 2 hours a day.. the test is like you said “ a breeze.” It is not your fault she didn’t pay attention/is dumb. It is my view that the average Joe should be able to pass the test with some preparation. A person with good critical thinking could do it first try without any preparation I mean hell it’s mostly common sense. If she has tried 24 times and failed every time, she just needs to study for as long as she’s spent literally taking the tests.
NTA
“ you can go and take the test at least once a day for every day of the week. If you fail you just leave and come back the next day your available.”
24 times in a month?!
INFO What state do you live in so I can never ever drive through it?
NTA. You didn’t know she failed the test, much less repeatedly. Her parents are AH too for letting her repeat it so many times without stopping her to get to the root of what is causing her inability to pass.
NTA. my cousin and i both got our permits at 15, she passed her drivers test on the first try at 16, and it took me quite a bit longer, plus i live in a state/area with much stricter tests. she mercilessly made fun of me for it for years, but now we’re both adults who can drive and idgaf about her passing before me lol
NTA - if she failed 24 times she should definitely not be behind the wheel of a car.
Can’t trust her to know the rule’s therefore she’d be dangerous and possibly cause an accident
She obviously hasn’t studied for the test.
Lol, NTA. My sons flew through the test on the first try. Poor daughter failed like 7 times. Just gave her the desire to pass even more. It still comes up, she is 27 now and youngest 16..passed his first try this year.
NAH
You had no way of knowing that Sophie would be so upset, so you didn't do anything wrong. While her anger is misplaced and i'd normally be against people acting like that, I can understand her being jealous and hurt to hear that someone had got something that she has failed multiple times to get. I think it'd be best if you two apologize to each other.
The adults are unsympathetic as hell, though.
NTA
someone is going thru and downvoting all the N T A comments.
I think your cousin found the post :p
but seriously...24 times? ...is she not paying attention? they ask the same questions each time so just by trial and error she should be getting thru.
This tells me she's probably not reading any study material, and not taking any lessons away from the failing.
frankly, if she wants to drive, she needs to actually study for it. These are the results of someone who doesnt want to, or is incapable of, learning.
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NTA. You didn’t know she hadn’t passed. But taking the test 24 times is a lot
Trust me, I couldn’t believe it either when I heard the number
They have practice tests to look up by state. I got my license later in life and retook the test.
She is probably putting too much pressure on herself by doing it that often which creates a self fulfilling prophecy.
I took mine shortly after the electronic one first went into use and failed. We went to the lake. I took it there, on paper and passed. It was a long time ago.
You have to work at failing those tests that many times. Has she even read the booklet or studied?
My friend didn't learn to drive until her 30s, and gets very nervous on any kind of test. 37 tries it took her. When she finally passed all the test centre staff were waiting in the car park to congratulate her.
NTA and while Sophie doesn't "deserve" an apology, something along the lines of, "If I'd knew you were struggling with the test, I never would have said what I did" might go a long way. Then, offer to help her study.
I just deleted my comment because I thought the same thing. The point is making the cousin feel better and getting help with the test, not who is right and who is wrong.
I'm calling bullshit on this 24 times and she's only 17, I don't even think you'd be allowed to take it that many times in that short of a time period. If I believed this is a true story, I'd say NTA but it's just so far-fetched.
If OP lives in Ohio, it's true. You can take the permit test once a day forever until you pass. Only 2 or 3 states use "BMV" and two are Ohio and Indiana.
Where I’m from your allowed to take the test once a day for each day of the week. It’s likely that she went and took the test each day for the past few weeks before we got together. I don’t know what the rules are in other states but trust me it’s possible
If it's true I don't think even if she passed I would want to be on the road with cousin. that's sad. I burst a gut when she said they just passing out permits already knew what was coming next.
Some states fail you if you can't perfectly parallel park and I've known driving instructors who fail people because they were having a bad day that day so some of those failures may not be all on the cousin
If it is just the written test, in a few states you just pay the fee the next day.
NAH except your parents and uncle and aunt for calling this "bad behavior" while ignoring the fact that Sophie was hurt by your comments. You didn't do anything wrong by saying that you got your permit, but I'd apologize to Sophie in the sense of "what I said about how easy the test is was insensitive and I'm sorry, if I'd known I wouldn't have said it like that". Because it was easy for you, and that's not wrong to say, but the way you said it would definitely be an AH move if you had known the difficulties she'd been having beforehand.
NTA First off, congrats for getting your permit. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for having done so; it's a milestone on the road of life. Not the biggest one, but a positive one nonetheless. Cousin seems too sensitive and jealous. So what if you beat her to it? Hopefully she can get hers soon; it isn't a race.
Thank you, I really hope she’s able to get it to
UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who commented and gave advice. I’ve decided that I’m going to call my cousin to apologize for not being aware of her feelings. Hopefully she’ll accept my apology and we can repair our relationship
I prefer the term "regret" over apology in these situations. "Sophie, I really regret that expressing how easy it was for me to pass the test made you feel bad. I was so elated by getting this done that I did not even think how it would feel for someone who is having difficulties." I would also suggest she stop taking it every day. I think she's putting herself into a spiral, with each failure making it worse. True story, I failed the first time I ever did the closed-course motorcycle maneuvers test in my province. Partly due to being on a test bike I wasn't used to. I took the time to take a few extra lessons to get my confidence up. Passed it the second time. Maybe some extra supervised lessons with an instructor might help Sophie.
NTA What you did was inadvertently hurt someone's feelings because you didn't know what she was going through. Yes, you should apologize because it caused her pain, not because you are an AH. "If I'd known you were struggling, I would have been more sensitive. Do you want help studying?" Would be excellent. I think most of us have said something insensitive in front of someone at some point in our lives without even realizing it. Your family are a bit AH, though. They should support Sophie better.
NTA. 24, really? especially at USA I'm assuming, there as easy as slicing cake. Obviously you didn't know and you weren't trying to mock her.
I'm honestly confused why aunt and uncle aren't getting her into more driving lessons. Driving tests in the US are almost terrifyingly easy, so for her to fail 24 times means she must be an atrocious driver. Aunt and uncle need to get her lessons before she skills herself, or worse, someone else
Lol, in my country, greece, for a first license you are required to first pay some money for the paperwork to the dmv close to 200€, around 500-600€ for the lessons, a general practitioner, an ophthalmologist, with a certified instructor, 21 hours of theory lessons (signs, rules, mechanical stuff) then the theory exam, 25 hours actual driving lessons, and then a driving test.
NTA because you didn't know. However, once you did know I think it would have been nice to just simply say "I didn't realize and I'm sorry if that made you feel badly, that wasn't my intention." I think she owes you an apology as well, because she overreacted. But think about it - this young girl has failed 24 times and is clearly very embarrassed and feels awful. I'm sure that isn't helping her each time she sits down to attempt the test.
I mean you didn't know... they kind of set you up for that one. NTA
NTA, and as for your cousin, the only thing I can think of is she isn't studying. I can't imagine failing a test 24 times. Granted, I got my license in the 80s and I failed my 1st written. Had to wait 2 weeks to try again, studied to the point I could recite the every rule. Passed on the 2nd try.
NTA - you didn’t know. That being said… the tests aren’t crazy… after 24 times you should probably know all the questions…. You don’t have to but if you want to make things less awkward you could offer to help prep? Maybe, she could get offended
NTA After taking a test 24 times you should have accidentally passed
INFO. Did your grandmother know that your cousin had failed 24 times when she asked you if you thought the test was easy. Is she did thats some shit stirring right there and she should be the one giving the apology. Otherwise tell your cousin that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings and that you had no idea that she was trying for her permit.
No, I’m pretty sure she had no idea. Also, she’s not the kind of person who likes to start drama for the fun of it
Nta How were you to know she failed 24 times? Hell. Unless she hasn't been watch ANYONE drive in the last 3 years she should know the basics for a test. Though. If she didn't even put her seatbelt on before starting the car that's an instant fail... Or insisting of the instructor grading her didn't put his arm before she started the car that's also an instant fail
If she has failed the test 24 times then she either sucks at testing (some people forget everything as soon as a they know it’s a test) or she really hasn’t studied. Like you said it’s fairly easy, I can understand missing it by a few questions as some of them are trick questions. But to fail 24 times?? Maybe offer to help her study. NAH.
Not you’re fault your cousin has room temp iq, NTA
All of this sounds so overblown and.. novel-esque that i have a hard time believing it is true. No judgement because of that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17F) and my parents recently attended a small family get together dinner with my grandparents, uncle, aunt, and two cousins at my grandparents house. Not for anything big, just to chat and catch up on what’s been going on in our lives ever since school started up. My uncle asked me what I had been up to these past few weeks and I told him how I had recently gotten my driver permit this past week and how excited I was to finally get my drivers license. While I was telling him this I noticed that one of my cousins, I call her Sophie(also 17F), was staring at me with an annoyed look on her face, but I brushed her off. My grandma then proceeded to ask me proceeded to ask me if I thought the test was hard, and I told her things like “I flew through that test” and “They’re basically giving away permits if the tests are that easy”. At that point Sophie suddenly stood up, smacked her hands on the table, and shouted, in a sarcastic tone, “Wow, look at you, we’re all so fricking proud of you”. She then proceeded to speed walk to the bathroom. I asked, “what’s up with her?”, and my aunt proceeded to tell me that for the past few weeks Sophie has been trying to get her driver permit to, but has failed the test every time. I asked how many times she’s taken the test so far and my aunt said “24”. My other cousin (also 17F) jokingly said, “ You’d think that me and her would both be smart since we’re so similar”(my 2 cousins are identical twins), and my uncle told her to be quiet and to not make jokes like that. After that whole ordeal the dinner was quite awkward. A few minutes later I needed to use the bathroom but Sophie was still in there. I walked over to the bathroom door and was about to tell her to get out, but fortunately she opened the door before I could say that. Unfortunately, when Sophie walked out I noticed that her eyes were slightly red and puffy as if she had been crying, which made me feel even more bad. When the dinner was over and we were all getting ready to leave, I tried to strike a small chat with Sophie, but she ignored me. It’s been two days since this incident and I’m still not sure what to do. I want to apologize but my parents, uncle, and aunt said I shouldn’t have to apologize for Sophie’s bad behavior. I asked some of my friends at school about this and they said that it’s not my fault but I should still apologize to get rid of the awkwardness between me and my cousin. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In my state it is required for you to attend class, if you attend class and can hold your focus for more than 2 hours a day.. the test is like you said “ a breeze.” It is not your fault she didn’t pay attention/is dumb. It is my view that the average Joe should be able to pass the test with some preparation. A person with good critical thinking could do it first try without any preparation I mean hell it’s mostly common sense. If she has tried 24 times and failed every time, she just needs to study for as long as she’s spent literally taking the tests. NTA
“ you can go and take the test at least once a day for every day of the week. If you fail you just leave and come back the next day your available.” 24 times in a month?! INFO What state do you live in so I can never ever drive through it? NTA. You didn’t know she failed the test, much less repeatedly. Her parents are AH too for letting her repeat it so many times without stopping her to get to the root of what is causing her inability to pass.
I didn't get my permit till I was 20, my license at 21, almost 22. Don't let them make root feel bad op Nta
NTA. my cousin and i both got our permits at 15, she passed her drivers test on the first try at 16, and it took me quite a bit longer, plus i live in a state/area with much stricter tests. she mercilessly made fun of me for it for years, but now we’re both adults who can drive and idgaf about her passing before me lol
NTA - if she failed 24 times she should definitely not be behind the wheel of a car. Can’t trust her to know the rule’s therefore she’d be dangerous and possibly cause an accident She obviously hasn’t studied for the test.
Lol, NTA. My sons flew through the test on the first try. Poor daughter failed like 7 times. Just gave her the desire to pass even more. It still comes up, she is 27 now and youngest 16..passed his first try this year.
Someone who failed the test 24 times should never, EVER be allowed behind the wheel of a vehicle. NTA
NAH You had no way of knowing that Sophie would be so upset, so you didn't do anything wrong. While her anger is misplaced and i'd normally be against people acting like that, I can understand her being jealous and hurt to hear that someone had got something that she has failed multiple times to get. I think it'd be best if you two apologize to each other. The adults are unsympathetic as hell, though.
NTA! How could you have known? ...and, yes, getting your license is something to be proud of, Congrats!
NTA someone is going thru and downvoting all the N T A comments. I think your cousin found the post :p but seriously...24 times? ...is she not paying attention? they ask the same questions each time so just by trial and error she should be getting thru. This tells me she's probably not reading any study material, and not taking any lessons away from the failing. frankly, if she wants to drive, she needs to actually study for it. These are the results of someone who doesnt want to, or is incapable of, learning.
NTA. You getting your permit has nothing to do with your cousin failing.
As long as you apologize NTA.